The Wood Trap

Author’s Note These tales have metamorphosed between stage play and short story over the last decade or so. The short story is the most obvious medium through which to communicate the experiences of Daniel Levin, but his streams of consciousness, when faced with the inexplicable, are an irritating distraction from the far more interesting ghostly manifestations he often encounters. Hence the choice of single-set play, with narrative flashbacks where necessary. Tax Fries 2005

By Tax Fries:

A Spider Ballet The Wulfmarsh Weekend Ragnarok

LEVIN PLAYS: The The The The

Ghost Moon Ghost Wood

Tax Fries

of Sarah Stable Trap of Gideon Mayer Trap

© Tax Fries 2005 ISBN 0 9533333 6 1 www.dancefell.com ________________

Printed and bound by Lulu

The Wood Trap The set is a chamber of horrors with waxworks figures and exhibits - rack, guillotine, pendulum, iron maiden, etc. - and synthetic stone walls like a mock-up of a castle dungeon for a Cormanesque B-movie. Guide ropes form a circuitous route for guests to follow which passes each exhibit and returns them to an entrance at the rear. A suit of armour clutches a battleaxe and a nobleman in an eighteenth century costume, with rapier strapped to his side, clutches a bullwhip and stands before a figure tied to a post with back exposed and lacerated. Centre-stage is dominated by an old wooden gibbet from which hang three waxworks figures, dressed in rags, representing three seventeenth century ’witches’. An executioner’s ladder leans against the cross-beam.

I Evening. The set is well-lit for maintenance. A fair-haired woman, aged about thirty-five and dressed in a power suit, walks along the guide-rope studying each of the exhibits. She occasionally frowns, parts the rope, makes an adjustment to the position of a caption or some aspect of an exhibit, then re-fixes the rope and moves onto the next. A sinister looking man, of similar age and dressed in a dark suit, appears at the entrance and walks silently towards her. He stands a few feet behind her so that when she turns and sees him she is startled and steps back in alarm. She recognises him and sighs with relief. 5

JANE

You gave me a fright! He frowns and glances around.

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

You’re easily frightened for someone who works in a place like this. I may have good reason to be. How did you get in? You left the door unlocked. No, I didn’t. We’re closed. You called me for a consultation. Jane glances at her wrist-watch.

JANE

I wasn’t expecting you for another hour. Jane surveys the site.

DAN JANE DAN

We’re making alterations to turn the business around. Did you give up on hedge funds to manage a freak show? It’s a long story - you wouldn’t believe the half of it. I didn’t believe you when you said your house was haunted. Now I’m inclined to believe almost anything. Jane smiles dubiously.

JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

I won it in a poker game. Except that. I grew tired of keeping up with the financial news every minute of the day and needed a new challenge. So now you’re a showman. We’re all showmen at heart. I could take this act on the road. But do you actually make any money out of it? We get subsidised by the County Council and the Arts Council - so yes, for the moment. But I’d really like to 6

turn this building into a night spot or city apartments. Dan raises his eyebrows in surprise. DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

Are you saying you own the building? I have an option to buy, which I’ll exercise when I get planning permission. That must have been a hell of a card game. It certainly was. But you didn’t call just to tell me all about it. I’ve got a staffing problem. How can anyone have a staffing problem in South Devon? I get plenty of applications - from the wrong sort. What sort do you need? The sort I can trust and rely on. It takes a lot of time and effort to vet people these days. That’s what human resources departments are for. Yes, but the office in the foyer is barely big enough for me, never mind a Bridget Jones type with a spreading bum. I hope you’re not offering me a job as a ticket vendor. You could do worse. I gave up doing that sort of thing when I was offered tenure. I have three part-timers at the moment, students from the university, and I don’t want them all to quit. Maybe they have final year commitments. That’s not the reason. So why would they all leave? This feels like deja vu. I remember once trying to convince you that I had the ghost of a dead nun in my kitchen. She wasn’t a nun. Whatever she was, that sort of experience makes you a little bit less sceptical about certain things. Do you still own that house in Cornwall? 7

JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

Yes, but I don’t live there anymore. I rent it out to a picturesque family with a pony and a sheep-dog. Have they had any problems? No, I think you did a good job - which is why I called you again. So what is it this time? Have you heard of the Bideford Witches? Susanna Edwards, Temperance Lloyd, Mary Trembles - hanged for Witchcraft in Heavitree, Exeter, 25th August, 1682. I’m impressed. Dan steps past her and stares at the caption in front of the gallows.

DAN

I was reading from your caption. He walks behind the wax figures and gives each an irreverent shove, causing them to swing gently in parallel planes perpendicular to the cross beam, like a schoolboy conducting an experiment in mechanics with a life-sized form of Newton’s cradle. Jane objects with a sigh and a frown.

JANE DAN

So you don’t know anything about them? I didn’t say that. Dan steps forward and turns to face the figures from the front. The Bideford witches were probably the last people to be executed for witchcraft in England, which makes their case particularly tragic. In real life, they were decrepit old hags, the detritus of society, nothing like the beauty queen mannequins you’re using here. Dan puts out a more respectful hand to stop each one from swinging.

8

JANE

DAN JANE

I know, but I’ve got a show to sell, and photogenic witches are a much bigger draw. Hollywood doesn’t let historical accuracy get in the way of making a fast buck, so why should I. How do you explain it to the school parties? I let my fast thinking assistants deal with the awkward squads, which is why I don’t want them fleeing in terror. Dan steps away from the gallows, as if suddenly warned.

DAN JANE DAN JANE

Deja vu. Precisely. When did the problem start? A few weeks ago. Dan takes a diary from his pocket.

DAN JANE

July or August? July - last week in July. Soon after I added this exhibit to the collection. Jane gestures to the gallows.

DAN JANE

DAN JANE

We open 9am - 5pm, seven days a week, but as you can see, there are no windows, and so there’s no way of telling whether it’s night or day outside ... Except with a wrist watch. We turn off the floodlights and use low intensity stage lighting to create a spooky atmosphere for the punters. You could say the place comes to life when the lights go down. Some people would find it disturbing, especially if they were here on their own and had to lock up before going home, but I thought I had a solid crew made of sterner stuff. Are they all female, by any chance? This is a customer service environment. 9

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

So? It’s a woman’s world, Dan, we’re taking all the jobs so you better get used to it. Not many women could do my job. Female academics are ten-a-penny. Academics - but not investigators. It’s an unsuitable job for a woman. It took nearly a year to recover from the encounter with Sarah Stable. Jane studies him thoughtfully.

JANE DAN

So why are you still in the game? Looking for answers, I suppose. Jane pauses to look at the exhibit.

JANE

DAN JANE

I have two undergraduates and a postgrad. They work weekends when we’re busiest, and various half-days throughout the week. They’re very articulate and great with tour parties, but they also have to do all the mundane jobs around here - like cleaning toilets, vacuuming the floors, selling tickets and guide books, setting things up and moving things around. I have an assistant director, and there’s always one of us on duty as a supervisor, but the girls started complaining about scary things occurring when they were working out here on their own with no one else about. What sort of scary things? Sensing a presence, thinking they were being watched, claiming to see things move, or voices whispering to them from the shadows. Dan glances around at a few of the grinning waxworks figures.

DAN JANE

By things, do you mean the waxworks? Imagine yourself standing here alone with the lights down. It’s easy to see how it can happen. 10

DAN JANE DAN

JANE

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

To all of them? All three. Could it be hysteria? One mischievous or unstable character winding up the other two with wild stories? There are many historical precedents for such group behaviour. That was my first thought. I employ students because they’re part-time and not likely to get pregnant any time soon. But there’s always the fear of the bogey man playing on young and imaginative minds. I stressed this at the interviews and selected those who seemed the most level-headed. The U.S. army tried predictive psychology for a while in World War Two, but it’s difficult to assess moral fibre without actually putting someone to the test. I thought I’d made the right choice. They were all diligent and conscientious, and even stayed in Exeter to work over the summer. Have you, or your assistant director, experienced anything similar to what they described? Not at first. The phenomenon seemed confined to the senses of the younger people, as if they were more sensitive or receptive to it. Receptive to what? Whatever’s here. What sort of students are they? Jane frowns as if slightly confused by the question.

JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

The sort who go to Exeter University. As opposed to Cambridge University? You did ask. I meant what subjects are they studying? History. All of them? I selected people with some background knowledge of the exhibits. They all have an academic interest in early 11

DAN JANE

DAN JANE

DAN JANE

modern Europe. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing - especially for hysterical young women. I don’t think they are hysterical. They’re diligent and conscientious in their work, and I value their intelligence and creativity. Something is frightening the wits out of them, and I want to know what it is. So what exactly has happened? They started mentioning the strange things they were experiencing, and eventually refused to work out here alone. Nothing seemed to happen when they were together. That’s suspicious in itself. Could one or more of them be staging a hoax? Again, that’s what I thought, although I could not have picked out any one individual as a suspect. They all seemed so genuine and plausible when expressing their concerns. It took some courage, since, if only one had spoken up I’d have just assumed that she was unsuitable to work here and replaced her. I was considering replacing all three of them, but then things suddenly came to a head last Sunday evening after we had closed. I told the girls to make some changes to the witches costumes and left them to it. With three of them out here on the floor they should have been fine. I went to work in the office, though kept one eye on them with the security camera monitor. Jane gestures to a camera on the wall, pointing down at them. The girls wanted the floods on, but they’re expensive to run and it was a straightforward job without the need for extra lighting. Things seemed to go without a hitch, I was working at the desk, and glanced up every few minutes to monitor their progress. They used the ladder to take the witches down, make the costume changes, and put them back up again. 12

DAN JANE

Just like the executioners. Yes, I suppose so. It’s a delicate procedure - if you’re not careful, you can pull their heads off. I looked to the monitor again, just as I thought they’d be finishing - and I swear, I saw the three of them hanging here in place of the waxworks. Dan is naturally sceptical.

DAN JANE DAN JANE

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

Are you sure? Absolutely sure, as God is my witness. But you don’t believe in God. There was a time when I didn’t believe in ghostly nuns either. I don’t know how, but somehow my assistants were swinging from the gibbet instead of the waxworks figures. Where they in seventeenth century costume? No, they were in their museum assistant work clothes dark skirt, white blouse. Alive or dead? Alive and kicking. So where were the waxworks figures? At that precise moment in time, I don’t know. I only glanced at the screen for a second, then ran from the office, through the foyer, to where we’re standing now, and found the three of them standing here as if nothing had happened. They seemed very pleased with the job they’d just done. They could see that I was shaken and asked me what was wrong. I thought I was going mad, and sent them home as quickly as possible. One of them was perceptive enough to realise that I’d seen something, but eventually I persuaded her to go. Then I went back to the office and rewound the tape. They had just finished hanging up the last witch when snowy noise began spreading across the the screen making it impossible to make-out the image. By the time it cleared, I was in the frame speaking to them. 13

Whatever happened in the meantime was lost. After viewing the tape, I came out and stood here by myself trying to make sense of what I had seen when suddenly there was a rush of sound in my ear, like a roaring crowd. I spun round, thinking there must be people behind me, but there was silence. Dan glances around deductively. DAN

When you heard this sound, where were you standing? Jane moves to within about a foot of the ladder.

JANE DAN JANE

About here. Are you sure? Yes, well, actually I was leaning like this. Jane puts an elbow on the rung of the ladder and props her cheek on her palm wearily. Dan reaches out a hand and grips the rung as if to sense anything emanating from it. An eye twitches and he draws the hand away quickly.

JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE

DAN

What is it? Nothing. It’s very warm. The wood retains the heat from the day. Is it remotely possible that you’re the victim of an elaborate student prank? They could have staged the hangings with harnesses and had an accomplice tamper with the tape in the office. I suppose it is remotely possible, but extremely unlikely. It takes about ten seconds to sprint from the office to here - not enough time to drop out of a harness and get three waxworks back up in their places. There’s always a way to make cider pour out of your ear. What if the image you saw on the screen wasn’t live, but a recording, perhaps fed into the circuit with a 14

JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN

portable DVD player. You’re talking Mission Impossible stuff now. Any half-witted engineering student boyfriend, or girlfriend, could do it - given the right sort of access and insider help. But why would they go to all that trouble? Maybe they’re conducting some research of their own using you as a test subject. You said they were creative and intelligent - don’t underestimate them just because they’re young. There’s more to it than that. What else? Jane looks away, as if reluctant to divulge anything else.

JANE DAN JANE

DAN

Jane, what else happened? I didn’t go home that night - I stayed here. Why? Because I wanted an answer. I took a swivel chair from the office and sat in it, facing the witches. It was a warm summer night and so I was quite comfortable just waiting for something else to happen. But I must have fallen asleep. When I woke it was completely dark and I couldn’t breathe properly. The reason, I think, was that my face was covered by a hood. I could hear shouts and cheers again, only much louder this time, and felt an arm around my waste lift me off the ground. I tried to escape but my wrists were tied behind my back. I felt a noose pulled tight around my neck, then a brief sense of falling, which was arrested by a taut rope. I remember kicking and struggling, then fading from consciousness and coming-to lying on the ground right under the gibbet. Everything was just as it had been before I fell asleep, but according to my watch it was morning. Nightmare. You know how strong the power of suggestion can be. 15

JANE DAN JANE

You said that before - last year. You obviously got up in your sleep and walked over to the gibbet where you collapsed. I wouldn’t have called you if I thought there was a simple, rational explanation. Dan sighs.

DAN JANE DAN JANE

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

Alright then, let’s delve into the macabre. Where did you get the waxworks figures from? Madame Tussauds. I told them what I wanted, and they made them up and shipped them out to me. So they’re no older than modern wax and wire used in the manufacturing process. What about the gallows? Did it come in a flat pack like a kitchen unit? No, there’s more of a story to that. I met a man in an Exeter wine bar who turned out to be an assistant governor at H.M. Prison Dartmoor - and we had what you might call a casual affair ... When you are going to let someone make an honest woman out of you? I’ve been an honest woman. I don’t believe in making the same mistake twice. Elizabeth Taylor tried it six times. Zsa Zsa Gabor managed seven. Do you honestly think marriage is going to last long into the twenty-first century? I don’t know, I’m an expert on the past, not the future. Anyway, in the course of my liberated fling with this married man, he revealed that they were clearing some junk out of the prison to make space, including some very old timbers which were reputed to be the remains of the Heavitree gallows from the early eighteenth century. I assumed all he had was some old wood, but it was enough to set up this exhibit and, like a good BBC journalist, I could attribute an extraordinary story to it without actually worrying too much about the facts. 16

Dan approached the gallows and warily put a hand against the upright. DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

Could this be the actual gallows from which the Bideford witches were hanged? I’d say it’s unlikely. You could always take it out and burn it. And lose my prize exhibit? Get some new wood and apply plenty of creosote. No one will ever know the difference. It’s an archaeological artifact. How can you even think about destroying it? Dan is puzzled and steps back.

DAN

I’m looking at something which isn’t quite right, but I can’t see why. Jane approaches the ladder again.

JANE

Do you think this could be the original ladder used by the executioner? Dan pauses in contemplation.

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

The ladder shouldn’t be here. Why not? What’s wrong with it? It looks old enough, doesn’t it? When they had no use for the gallows, they packed it away in storage. But a good ladder would have been sold off to a tradesman. Maybe no one wanted it. People are funny about owning macabre things like executioner’s ladders. Don’t you think there are plenty of people who would regard it as a collector’s piece - museum directors, pub 17

JANE

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

landlords, and such like? Maybe today, but two hundred years ago people were a lot more superstitious. Can we find out how old the wood is? If it only dates to the eighteenth century we’ll know it’s not the genuine article. I can arrange for a sample to be tested, but I’ll have to take a chunk, and you won’t get it back, the testing destroys the sample. That’s alright, so long as it stays standing. And I want to set up some equipment in here. When? August 24th. That’s the weekend. I know, but I want to be here at dawn on the 25th. Aren’t you afraid to spend the night in a waxworks museum. Aren’t you? I think you know the answer to that. Exit Jane and Dan. Lights down.

18

II Night. Low intensity wall lamps cast sombre shadows and gauzed footlights eerily illuminate the ghastly exhibits. A table and two chairs stand in the centre of the pedestrian thoroughfare, in front of the gallows. A laptop computer, a notepad, a voice recorder, a thermometer, a plate of sandwiches, a bottle of water, and two plastic cups are visible on the table. A video camera has been set up on a tripod and is pointing towards the gallows. Dan is sitting at the table, with a rucksack at his feet, typing notes into his laptop. He is wearing slacks and a t-shirt. Enter Jane, dressed in a t-shirt and denim jeans. JANE DAN

When are the ghosts likely to appear. What’s the time now? Jane glances at her wrist watch.

JANE DAN

Nearly midnight. Well, if they’re true to form, they should arrive at the witching hour. Jane yawns.

JANE DAN JANE DAN

I hope so. I’m tired. I want to go home and get some sleep. Why don’t you? I’ll let you know what happened in the morning. And leave you here by yourself? I’ll be alright. 19

Jane stands behind him and massages his shoulders as he types. JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN

That’s very chivalrous of you, but I don’t want this place trashed like my kitchen. Collateral damage. If it must happen, I want to see the cause for myself. Most people would be afraid to spend the night here by themselves. People are conditioned to be afraid. Imagine an old cemetery at night in a thick fog. A terrifying scene from a Gothic novel, and yet the perfect sanctuary for nocturnal animals such as foxes, owls, and deer. They don’t fear the night, or the jagged outlines of crumbling tombstones. What they fear most are the people who emerge in daylight - Eloi with the nature of Morlocks. What do you fear, Dan? If not the bogey men lurking in the shadows? Ignorance, I suppose. And religion. I don’t know which frightens me more. Jane sits in the chair facing him.

JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN

Did you find out anything else about the Bideford Witches? Nothing that sheds any light on our problem. Our problem? Your problem. In the summer of 1682, three wretched old women were accused of having carnal knowledge of the Devil, and causing sickness and death by witchcraft. I’m not sure which sin was considered the worst crime by the good people of the time. It’s easy to be judgmental now, we’ve had the benefit of the Enlightenment. You can’t excuse what happened, anymore than you can blame the pogroms of the twentieth century on a 20

JANE

DAN JANE DAN

few fanatical Nazis. I don’t try to. But in the seventeenth century, people where still living on the edge, cheek by jowl with nature. A poor harvest could mean death by starvation, and old hags without means were seen as a burden on the community. In paleolithic times, they’d have been left out for the sabre-toothed tigers. Civilised Homo sapiens are the only animals which are allowed to grow old. What a ruthless bitch you are. I didn’t say I liked the idea. I was just putting the case for the prosecution. Throughout history, there have been instances of people turning on life-long neighbours and burning them out, or killing them, or both. The imperative towards homogeneity is occasionally given its head. But an inter -esting feature of almost every witchcraft trial in early modern England is that the accuser was a married woman and the accused was an old widow or spinster. How does that fit into your model of social-Darwinism? Jane smiles wryly.

JANE DAN JANE DAN

I think the word you used was ’bitch’. But let’s not forget who presided over the trials and carried out the executions. The judge involved in this case knew perfectly well that he was dealing with three mad old women, and wrote as much to the government after the trial. Like Pontius Pilate. Not quite. He advised against a reprieve, fearing civil disorder and riots as a result. To reprieve them would have been tantamount to denying the existence of witches. The learned men in government also knew that there was no such thing as witches with supernatural power, but they were too concerned about 21

JANE

public opinion to intervene, and yet, in 1735, the entire law prescribing the practice of actual witchcraft was abolished. Not just down graded from a capital offence, but wiped clean from the statute book and replaced with an offence of fraudulent practice. A triumph for rational thought. But it took half a century after the last execution for them to bite the bullet. Dan gets up and wanders around.

DAN

JANE

DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN

But very little else had changed in that time except in mathematics and philosophy, which most people had no knowledge of. There were no great political reforms after the Glorious Revolution. No significant technological advances of the sort later generations came to expect through applications of steam power and electricity, so what happened to society in the interim fifty years? Why do people still worship gods in the twenty-first century? Blasphemy is still on the statute book, only the European Court, and the de facto power it would bestow on Islamic clerics, prevents it from being used by Christian zealots. Superstition is still a powerful force in our society even today. But these were the last executions for witchcraft that we know of for certain. Which makes you wonder why they took place. But if they hadn’t taken place, we would simply be talking about the ones before that, wouldn’t we? Several previous cases in Exeter resulted in acquittal, or the charges were dropped. Despite all the reliance on hearsay and belief in fairies, it was quite difficult to secure a witchcraft conviction at this time. So why were the Bideford witches so unfortunate? They were undoubtedly delusional, or senile, or some combination of the two; and they confessed to virtually 22

JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN

everything, making even more outrageous claims than the prosecution. Perhaps that was their defence. Well, it didn’t work on this occasion. Observers at the time commented that they were committing judicial suicide. An early form of ‘death by cop.’ If they wanted to kill themselves, why not just do it quietly without putting themselves through the ordeal of arrest and trial? I can think of several reasons. Firstly, most people at the time were Christians who believed that suicide was a mortal sin. If you kill yourself, you don’t go to heaven, you go to eternal damnation in the fires of hell. Public information messages from the seventeenth century were quite clear about this. Don’t you think the Lord God Almighty, creator of heaven and earth, can can spot a judicial suicide when he sees one? A bit like a snooker referee spotting ‘a miss’. The logic of mad peasants in the seventeenth century probably didn’t extend that far. So why else do you think they did it? Have you ever tried jumping out of an aeroplane? No. Neither have I. But it’s probably easier to jump - with a parachute - if someone who knows what they’re doing gives you a shove at just the right moment. Imagine a person diagnosed with a terminal illness taking out a contract on themselves - with the instruction that it must be quick and painless. I’d hardly call swinging from a gibbet quick and painless. Medical studies suggest that unconsciousness occurs in a few seconds due to the constriction of blood to the brain. The popular literary description of someone kick -ing wildly and gasping for breath with a protruding tongue just doesn’t happen. But there’s no spiritual 23

JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN

cleansing or release, as for example, associated with the medieval practice of burning at the stake. Even so, no one is going to choose to die that way - as a public spectacle. It’s thought that some bog-bodies chose to die that way - for religious reasons. In the Dark Ages perhaps. By the seventeenth century, people were too cynical to sacrifice themselves for the good of the community. Why do some young women flaunt their bodies on stage in provocative, sexualised forms of dance? For money. And? Approval. And? Maybe it turns them on. I can’t say it has ever appealed to me. You said we’re all showmen at heart - maybe we’re all stage actors too. Public executions were theatre. Notorious highwaymen were expected to entertain the crowd with a speech before the main event. You’re talking about a few charismatic characters from history. Not these poor wretches. Imagine living a totally worthless, hand-to-mouth existence and knowing that your life is drawing to a close. You’re always cold, hungry, and sleeping rough - so what is there to live for? Then, suddenly, you’re thrust into the limelight when wagging tongues begin making accusations which you know to be utterly ridiculous, but which are entirely plausible and seemingly correct when matched against the perceptions of the common people of the time. What they actually believe, or are conditioned to believe, or wish, or even desire to believe, are frequently far removed from objective reality. This is why some nineteenth century writers and philosophers greatly feared democracy, which they equated with the rule of the mob, and one reason why 24

JANE

DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN JANE

DAN JANE

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

universal male suffrage was not granted to British subjects until 1918. Blame the Russian Revolution. We could still be tipping our hats to the country squire and watching plays set in drawing-rooms. Is that an ’ape’ny? Gor-blimey, lor’ luv ya, guvna! That’s counter-factual - but probably true. How can anything counter-factual be true? Without the social upheaval of the First World War, and the shock of the Russian Revolution, it is unlikely that universal male suffrage would have been achieved by 1918. How about by 1968? That’s more likely. You can’t deny hippies the vote. Fifty years was a long time in the twentieth century. The same amount of time which passed between the execution of the Bideford witches and the abolition of the law which was used to kill them. Or used by them to kill themselves. I doubt whether they had the wits to consciously aim and conspire for such an outcome. They were probably just weary of their miserable lives and beyond caring, so they treated the whole thing as a joke until it was too late. Andy Warhol once said everyone is famous for fifteen minutes. Three hundred years ago, he would have been a prime suspect for witchery. What if our three witches latched onto their moment in history? All three at the same time? If they were a coven, then they may have formed a common purpose. What if they thought they were going to heaven, courtesy of the Exeter Assizes, and instead they found themselves in a freakshow three centuries later, being tended by three very strange looking young women in modern dress and speaking in 25

JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

a vulgar vernacular? The vernacular back then was far more vulgar than it is today. But how would such a thing be possible? I don’t know - yet. Did you find out the age of the gallows. Yes. Well? The timber was felled in 1806. The same year they began building Dartmoor Prison to house French and American prisoners of war. That’s not much help. It’s a hundred and twenty years too young. Dan gets up and stands under the ladder.

DAN JANE

It’s bad luck to walk under a ladder. Where do you think that superstition came from? The first person to get hit on the head by a falling bucket? Dan instinctively looks up.

DAN

JANE DAN

The origin goes back to middle-eastern antiquity. A leaning ladder forms a triangle with the ground, and anyone entering the space disturbs the perfection of the shape. Triangle shapes were later associated with the Trinity of the Catholic Church. I didn’t think early modern peasants had much appreciation of geometry. Perhaps not, but the significance of a Trinity would not have been lost on anyone present at the time. The image of three crosses on a hill must have gone thro’ many minds, including the witches themselves. In the gospels of Matthew, Mark, and John, Christ is executed between two unrepentant thieves, who revile him, at Golgotha, the place of a skull. John wrote an X-rated version in which the thieves have their legs 26

JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN

JANE DAN

broken to hasten their deaths so that the bodies can be taken down before a sabbath day. Jesus was already dead by this time, but John added a line about a Roman soldier stabbing Jesus with a spear - and blood and water flowing from the wound. The Longinus spear. A good story, but spears weren’t part of a Roman soldier’s kit in 4BC. In Quo Vadis they were. Hollywood history. The Henryk Sienkiewicz novel was published in 1896. And set in the reign of Nero - 63 to 64 AD. There are no spears in the novel - except one carried by a Nubian guard. But why would Longinus, if that was his name, stab Jesus if he was already dead? He could have been checking for signs of life. Modern Christians prefer the gentler version in the gospel according to St Luke. Christ is crucified between two criminals at a place called Calvary. Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. ... And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. But the other answering rebuked him, saying, Dost thou not fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, This day thou shalt be with me in paradise. An exemplar of Catholic redemption - a confession of sin and an affirmation of faith. But one in which even the English Protestants saw virtue and were moved by. I was quoting from the King James Bible. Seventeenth century English peasants were not just pagan at heart, they were also essentially Catholic - what they objected to were the 27

JANE DAN JANE DAN

JANE DAN JANE DAN

corrupt excesses of the clergy and the authority of foreign bishops. The Bible informed every aspect of their lives. The last thoughts of Temperance Lloyd, the middle witch, must have been of Jesus Christ, flanked by two others on the hill at Golgotha. How do you know Temperance Lloyd was the middle witch. From the order of execution. First Edwards was taken up the ladder, then Lloyd, and finally Trembles. In that case, Lloyd would have been dead before Trembles was hanged. Doesn’t it spoil the spiritual symmetry a bit. Dead, perhaps, but not completely gone. Standing under the hangman’s ladder during an execution would put you in dangerous proximity to a criminal at the moment of death. The belief was that the spirit would linger in the space beneath the body of the victim. But that was three hundred years ago. The spirits can’t still be ’hanging’ around. We still have the ladder. How old is the ladder? About three hundred and fifty. Jane gets up and touches the ladder.

JANE

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

Could this be the genuine article? But why would it have been stowed away in the vault of a Georgian prison? Ladders are useful items, as you said. It would have been sold off or taken by a tradesman. Perhaps no one wanted it. I find that hard to believe. People in the building trade grab anything that’s going begging. Maybe it’s cursed. Cursed by what? Although the common people of the seventeenth century were predominantly Christian, they believed in things with pagan origins which, with convenient theo28

JANE DAN

JANE

logical sophistry, became associated with the Devil. Earth spirits, nature spirits, things which dwelt in trees; and such-like. Carvings of The Green Man, usually a face surrounded by leaves, can be found in old churches up and down the country, probably inspired by facelike patterns of knots and bark on tree-trunks, suggesting that a spirit dwelt within. If nature spirits were associated with the Devil, why would so many churches have Green Man carvings inside? There has always been a trade-off between missionary zeal and the incorporation of local superstitions into the big picture. The Green Man was seen as a symbol of rebirth and fertility at a time when people were dependent on the benevolence of nature for their survival. And even the medieval pastors must have been a bit susceptible to folklore and harvest festivals. Are you thinking there’s a Green Man inside this gallows ladder? Dan grins and looks up at the ladder.

DAN JANE DAN

Touching wood is suppose to bring good luck - or avert misfortune. Any thoughts on that? No, but I expect you’re going to tell me all about it. One suggestion is that it comes from Celtic tree-worship. Touching a tree conducts evil spirits away from you down into the earth, like a lightning rod. Dan raises a hand and rests it against the wood of the ladder.

JANE DAN

Might it not just as easily conduct a spirit up from the earth and into you? I suppose so, unless the tree is a form of diode which only conducts one way. Another suggestion has been an association with the wood of the holy cross, a bit like the practice of kissing a rosary. People were much 29

closer to trees in the past than we are today in an age of synthetic materials. Not just the magnificent old oak trees worshipped by druids, but the timbers cut from them to build the old tithe cottages in which so many dwelt. Jane goes to the table and helps herself to a sandwich. Dan puts an ear to the ladder, as if listening for a sound emanating from within.

JANE DAN

What if there’s something in this timber, some dark secret or malevolent force trapped for centuries, and just waiting to get out. That’s a scary thought. Wood survives much longer after death than flesh or bone. What better repository for the human soul? Jane stops eating and puts the sandwich down.

JANE DAN

You’re frightening me - and spoiling this sandwich. I’m frightening myself. Dan looks around in anticipation. The lights slowly go down.

JANE DAN

It’s started. What has? Whatever is going to happen this night. Dan switches on a flashlight and takes a box of candles from his rucksack. He lights a candle and stands it on the table to give some meagre light.

JANE

There’s a control box for the lights in the office. Dan passes the flashlight to Jane.

30

DAN

Take this - and be careful. Jane vanishes into the darkness with Dan’s flashlight. Dan lights half a dozen more candles and places them on convenient platforms at intervals in the direction in which Jane has vanished. Jane suddenly appears out of the gloom.

JANE DAN JANE

The exit door is locked. Haven’t you got a key? Yes, but it won’t turn. Jane holds up a key ring.

DAN JANE DAN

Is it a new lock? It was new, when I took over, but it usually works fine. Until now. Jane takes out her mobile phone.

JANE DAN

Damn! I can’t even get a signal. Try mine. Dan hands her a mobile phone, then holding a lighted candle, he walks towards the gallows and stands before it, so that the pale flickering flame bounces light off the dark structure.

JANE

Yours doesn’t work either. Jane looks up and frowns. She joins him and glances upwards. The waxworks figures have vanished. The vacant nooses sway slightly as if recently disturbed.

DAN JANE

Oh shit! Did you just take them down? No. Dan, what’s going on?

31

Dan bends down and fixes the candle to the ground, then stands up and glances around. DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

I don’t know, but we’re about to find out soon enough. We’ve got to get out of here. I don’t think it’s going to let us go just like that. It? Whatever it is you’ve got in your collection. Dan goes to his rucksack and takes out a large aerosol can which he shakes. The sound of the ball-bearings rattling inside seem to give him some reassurance.

JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

What’s that? Wood varnish. How’s that going to help? You’ll see. You can do a lot with a tin of wood varnish in a waxworks museum. Weren’t you on the fencing team at Cambridge? A long time ago. It might be a good idea if you get yourself a weapon. Something sharp and pointed, but not too heavy. Dan vanishes into the shadow.

JANE

Dan? Jane goes to a nearby exhibit of the Marquis de Sade and relieves him of the rapier in his sheaf. She swipes the air with a few strokes and indulges in a few fencing poses. Dan reappears carrying a hefty axe.

JANE DAN JANE DAN

I thought you said not too heavy? For you, not me. This way, in a medieval war, we’re a more balanced force to contend with. I reckon I could beat you in an arm wrestle. Maybe you could, but you’re better with a rapier, so 32

JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

leave the chopping to me. What are you going to do? Break down the door? Would you like me to try? It’s made of steel, in case anyone tries to ram their way in. When are we likely to be discovered? The cleaners turn up in the morning - with their keys. That’s not much good if the lock is jammed. They’ll know I’m in here from my car in the car park. Dan lights two more candles and hands them to Jane.

DAN

Set these on the plinth over there. We need as much light as possible. Dan lights two more candles and moves off in the opposite direction. He hears a scream from Jane and turns around. Jane has vanished, but two of the waxworks witches are approaching him in slow, staggering steps, as if possessed by an internal force. They slowly raise their arms and reach out in a move to seize him. Their faces are old, craggy, and ravished with age. Dan lifts a candle and the can of varnish, and projects the spray through the flame. The improvised flame thrower ignites the wax figure, which utters an unearthly shriek and becomes an animated torch. The flaming figure runs toward the gallows upright and embraces it so that the flames slowly spread upwards. The light from the flames reveal Jane standing on a stool, hands bound, with the centre noose around her neck. Dan turns the flame onto the second figure which suffers a similar fate and runs to embrace the second upright. Jane now stands between two flaming uprights. The third witch appears in the shadows behind her and puts a menacing hand on her behind.

WITCH What now, Master Levin? DAN What is it you want? 33

WITCH Release from the agonies of purgatory - to receive the promise of our Lord - this day ye shalt be with me in paradise. This is not the paradise of the Lord, and I am old, wizened, and tired as before. Witch holds up a wrinkled hand. Tis this purgatory from which I seek to flee. The gallows will soon be destroyed by the flames, will that release you? WITCH Tis not just the gallows which must burn, but the ladder. Tis the timber of the Trinity which contains us. DAN I give you my word, if you do not harm Jane, I will destroy the ladder. DAN

Fire spreads along the upright. The witch cackles maniacally. WITCH Tis not enough assurance, Master Levin. It must be by my hand, not thine. The witch cackles maniacally and pushes Jane off the stool. Dan lifts the axe in a two handed grip and advances to rescue Jane who is struggling at the end of a noose. The witch steps in front of Jane to confront him. Dan desperately swings the axe overhead, but the witch grips the shaft as it comes down and throws him back against the table with supernatural strength. The table is overturned, scattering the objects on the floor, and Dan scrambles around for the tin of wood varnish. He picks it up and sprays it into the witch through his disposable lighter, setting her ablaze. The witch screams and stretches out her arms momentarily to form a blazing cross, then turns and embraces the ladder, setting it alight. Dan drops the tin of varnish and lifts the axe. He hacks away at the upright until it gives way under Jane’s weight with a loud, 34

thunderous crack, lowering her limp body to the ground. Dan cradles her body away from the flames and slackens the noose. Lights down.

35

III Daytime. The chamber is atmospherically lit, with visitors in the background, perusing the exhibits. Enter Dan, dressed in a suit. He stands in front of the ash piles which are all that remain of the wooden structures. Enter Jane. Jane is standing in front of blackened remains of the gallows, dressed in a skirt and matching jacket. DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN JANE

DAN JANE DAN JANE

How are you feeling? Fine, now that we’ve finally reopened and taking money again. Your story has attracted a lot of attention - and publicity. Every little helps - though I’m not sure anyone believes me. What about your staff? Are they any happier now? They said they’ll stick around for a while longer and see how things go. If they don’t like it, I’ll just have to get someone else. I’m surprised you’re still here, considering what happened. I don’t remember very much. I was setting the candles on the plinth over there and someone grabbed me from behind. After that everything went black and I woke up in your arms with a sore neck and feeling slightly singed. You mean you don’t remember the flames? No. Or the dramatic rescue? Sorry. 36

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

Did you look at the video from your security camera? Yes, but it was snowy again. They used you as a hostage until all the wood had been engulfed by flames. It’s a shame you had to destroy my best exhibit. Build a replica. Like I said, creosote is great for making new wood look old. Dan frowns, staring down at the ashes. That’s odd. He bends down to pick something out of the ashes, which he holds up for Jane to see.

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

A piece of wood from the ladder. How can you tell it’s from the ladder? Smoother grain. So what are you going to do - keep it as a souvenir? The old witch claimed that all the wood had to be consumed or they’d remained trapped in their purgatory. Jane takes the piece of wood and examines it.

JANE

You think this might contain some remnant of her spirit, just waiting for another chance to spring out and play havoc with the world. Jane holds it to her ear like a sea shell.

DAN JANE DAN JANE DAN

Has anyone ever called you irrepressible? No. Me neither. I’m having a barbecue this weekend. I thought you were a vegetarian. A vegetarian barbecue. This should add some historical flavour to the soya steaks.

37

Dan takes the fragment, wraps it in a handkerchief, and puts it in his jacket pocket. Curtain.

38