The Other Side of Sadness
ALSO
BY
GEORGE A. BONANNO
Emotions
The Other Side of Sadness What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss
GEORGE A. BONANNO
B lllX)KS
A Mernher of the Perseus Books Group New York
Copyright © 2009 by George A. Bonanno Published by Basic Books, A Member of the Perseus Books Group All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, address the Perseus Books Group, 387 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016-8810. Books published by Basic Books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases in the United States by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For more information, please contact the Special Markets Department at the Perseus Books Group, 2300 Chestnut Street, Suite 200, Philadelphia, PA 19103, or call (800) 810-4145, ext. 5000, or e-mail
[email protected]. Designed by Trish Wilkinson Set in 11.5-point Granjon Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Bonanno, George A. The other side of sadness: what the new science of bereavement tells us about life after loss I George A. Bonanno p.
em.
ISBN 978-0-465-01360-9 (alk. paper)
I. Loss (Psychology) 2. Bereavement-Psychological aspects. I. Title. BF575.D35B66 2009 2009019165
155.9'37-dc22 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
For Maria Bonanno, my mothe1; my friend, and my hero.
Contents
Author's Note
vm
CHAPTER 1
The Worst Thing That Could Ever H a ppen
CHAPTER 2
A B i t of H i story
11
CHAPTER 3
Sadness and Laughter
25
Resil ience
45
CHAPTER 5
Whatever Gets You Th rough the Night
67
CHAPTER 6
Relief
83
CHAPTER 7
When Grief Ta kes Over
95
CHAPTER 8
Terror and C uriosity
113
CHAPTER 9
Between Was and I s and Will Be
131
CHAPTER 10
I magining the Afterl i fe
145
CHAPTER 11
C h inese Be reavement R i tual
169
CHAPTER 12
T h r i v i ng in the Face of Adversity
195
CHAPTER
4
Acknowledgments
205
Notes Index
207 229
VII
Author's Note
W ith the exception of Sondra Si nger Beaulieu, the names and personal details of the people described in this book h ave been changed to pro tect confi dentiality.
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