The Legacy of Biblical Womanhood

T HE L EGACY OF B IBLICAL W OMANHOOD O THER C ROSSWAY BOOKS BY S USAN H UNT By Design* My ABC Bible Verses Spiritual ...

Author: Susan Hunt | Barbara Thompson

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T HE L EGACY OF B IBLICAL W OMANHOOD

O THER C ROSSWAY BOOKS BY S USAN H UNT By Design* My ABC Bible Verses Spiritual Mothering* The True Woman* Heirs of the Covenant* Your Home—a Place of Grace*

C ROSSWAY

S USAN H UNT AND R ICHIE H UNT Big Truths for Little Kids Discovering Jesus in Genesis

BOOKS BY

*For leaders guide to these titles call 1-800-283-1357

THE LEGACY of

BIBLICAL

WOMANHOOD Susan Hunt Barbara Thompson C R O S S W AY B O O K S A DIVISION OF GOOD NEWS PUBLISHERS WHEATON, ILLINOIS

The Legacy of Biblical Womanhood Copyright © 2003 by Susan Hunt and Barbara Thompson Published by Crossway Books a division of Good News Publishers 1300 Crescent Street Wheaton, Illinois 60187 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided by USA copyright law. Cover design: David LaPlaca Cover painting: Brenda Messinger-Voll First printing 2003 Printed in the United States of America Unless otherwise designated, Scripture is taken from the Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Copyright © 2001 by Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture references marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. The “NIV” and “New International Version” trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society. Scripture references marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission.

T O G EORGIA S ETTLE A splendid spiritual mother who lives the legacy. And to the next generation of women. May our generation pass the legacy to you.

Our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. PSALM 144:12

NIV

Contents ACKNOWLEDGMENTS FOREWORD

8 9

Part One THE LEGACY 1 2 3 4

THE CALL—LEGACY OF GRACE THE COVENANT—LEGACY OF THE PROMISE THE CONTINUITY—LEGACY OF HOPE THE COMMISSION—LEGACY OF FRUITFULNESS

LIVING 5 6 7 8 9 10

13 29 49 65

Part Two A N D L E AV I N G T H E L E G A C Y

DAUGHTER—LEGACY OF GRATITUDE SISTER—LEGACY OF UNITY NEIGHBOR—LEGACY OF MERCY WIFE—LEGACY OF INTIMACY MOTHER—LEGACY OF LIFE PILGRIM—LEGACY OF FRUITFULNESS

EQUIPPING WOMEN

Part Three TO L I V E A N D L E AV E

87 107 121 137 157 173

THE

LEGACY

11 A COVENANTAL PHILOSOPHY OF WOMEN’S MINISTRY 12 DESIGNING AND IMPLEMENTING A SPIRITUALMOTHERING MINISTRY

193 209

CONCLUSION NOTES

218 220

Acknowledgments This book was written out of the context of very full lives. The influence of our families, churches, and friends around the world permeates who we are. Every relationship has left its imprint and thus is a part of this book. We thank them all. Above all we thank our sovereign God for entrusting the message of this book to us. Paul wrote, “we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. . . . I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability” (2 Corinthians 8:1, 3 NIV). God’s grace enables us to serve Him beyond our own abilities. He delights in filling us with His grace, and we delight in the sufficiency of His abounding grace.

Foreword Centered around the motif of the covenant, Susan Hunt and Barbara Thompson have written a book for women and about women. This book underscores and personalizes a scheme set forth a number of years ago by the New Testament scholar William Hendriksen in his book entitled The Covenant of Grace. Hendriksen wrote, “The doctrine of the covenant of grace is of great practical significance. If we rightly grasp it, it will influence all of thought, word, and deed.” You will not miss the book’s intention to say clearly and practically that the idea of the covenant is not just a part of biblical theology to be believed. As with all doctrine, it is to be lived. The authors have been involved in women’s ministry for a number of years. They have attempted to understand how the covenantal framework not only applies vertically in our relationship to God, but also how it offers a key to understanding the development of a biblically based foundation for our relationships within the family of God. They have echoed that message in this book. Being compelled and empowered by the gospel of Jesus Christ, they set forth a Christian woman’s legacy in a way that challenges the reader to understand that heritage for herself and to pass it on to the next generation. This book will be a helpful tool in the process of making disciples. It will serve as a constant reminder of God’s instruction and challenge to pass on the faith to the next generation. It will remind us that we cannot walk alone with God because our Christian life must be lived in relationship with His people. Dr. Charles Dunahoo, Coordinator, Christian Education and Publications of the Presbyterian Church in America

Part One

THE LEGACY In him we have obtained an inheritance. . . . E

P H E S I A N S

1:11

September 11, 2001, changed the way many people think about our world, but it did not change our world. The battle between good and evil has raged since the first terrorist attack when Satan entered the Garden and asked Eve, “Did God actually say . . . ?” (Genesis 3:1). When Eve flinched, the war began. In this conflict there are endless fronts on which the battle must be fought, but the ultimate issue is always the same: “Did God say . . . ?” Womanhood is certainly not the only battle zone, but in the last century it has become a hot spot. The faceless enemy has waged an evil war to rob us of our legacy as Christian women. Genesis 2:18 proclaims the legacy: “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.’” Genesis 3:20 predicts the redeemed woman’s mission to leave the legacy by being a life-giver: “The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.” Titus 2:1-5 gives the strategy for living and leaving the legacy: But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. . . . Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be selfcontrolled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

This book is a call to arms. We must recapture the legacy of biblical womanhood and carefully and intentionally pass it to the next generation. If one generation is careless, the next generation suffers. Relinquishing God’s design for womanhood has devastating effects on the home, church, and culture. This battle for biblical womanhood is nothing new. It is simply the reclaiming of what always has been and always will be. But reclaim we must—for the glory of our sovereign King and the advancement of His kingdom. Part One is the apologetic for the legacy. Part Two is the application of the legacy. Part Three is an appeal for the church to equip women to live and leave the legacy.

1 The Call—Legacy of Grace . . . we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling. . . . 2 T

H E S S A L O N I A N S

1:11

Barbara and Susan We have been friends for a long time. It’s a good thing. It seemed obvious that we would write a book together. We spend countless hours talking about biblical womanhood. Our hearts beat as one on this topic. We can finish each other’s sentences. After several stimulating times of sharing what each other was learning and teaching in women’s conferences, it clicked—why not put our material together and—voila!—a book. We had a great plan. Susan would write Part One, Barbara would write Part Two, and whoever finished first would write Part Three. This would be easy. We could turn this baby out in record time and move on to other projects. We were so wrong, and that’s an understatement. This book taxed our brains and our spirits, and there was an undercurrent of fear that it would tax our friendship. The book simply did not come together, but somehow we knew that we were supposed to persevere, and we suspected it would be quite an adventure. Susan: Barbara has been involved in most of my writing projects. She reads and reacts. Her insights are invaluable. We often laugh that she understands what I have written about womanhood better than I do. Her life experiences and professional background as a counselor give

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her an edge on knowing the culture and understanding why we need to articulate a biblical philosophy of womanhood. Barbara: I was a liberal feminist social worker before becoming a biblical counselor. I know the world’s paradigm for womanhood firsthand. Susan: I love to hear Barbara teach. I’m amazed when I watch her facilitate group discussions. Her thoughts and words come fast. She can synthesize people’s ideas and list them on a flipchart almost before they speak. Her knowledge of God’s Word and ways is matched by her love for Him and His people. Her counseling skills are wrapped in wisdom. I knew that if this book was going to explore how biblical womanhood is lived out in various relationships, I needed Barbara’s expertise. I also knew that it is difficult for her to harness her thoughts and put them on paper, but I assumed it was simply a matter of slowing down and taking the time to do it. Barbara: When Susan asked me to coauthor this book, I rather glibly agreed. I assumed that putting ideas I had taught into written form would be difficult but not impossible. Wrong! I hit the wall of God’s severe mercy and realized that I cannot put ideas on paper. I write in a stream of consciousness, and one needs a Faulknerian dictionary to interpret. I struggled. My inability to write my chapters was pricey. It cost my notion that I should always carry my own weight and that I can do anything I set my mind to. It made me dependent on my sister in Christ in a way that is uncomfortable. It cost me ownership of this book. I cannot say to my parents or others, “I wrote that chapter.” Susan: My struggle was guilt. I felt that Barbara’s struggle was my fault. I felt that I should be able to help her, and I didn’t know how. I was fearful that if I took her thoughts and put them into my words, I would cheat her. I did not want to rob her of her voice. Plus it seemed the epitome of arrogance even to consider taking her fertile thoughts and putting them into my feeble words. Barbara is the quick, articulate one. I am the slow plodder. I was baffled. Barbara: I kept thinking, Let’s go back to the old way—Susan writes, and I speak! Susan: We both knew theologically that we needed each other, but this book took us to the outer limits of that reality. We realized that Plan A was not going to work, but we were both convinced that our passion

The Call—Legacy of Grace

15

was right. We wanted to explore the height and depth and width and length of biblical womanhood, and we wanted to take other women on the quest. We were willing to find a new way to do it. Barbara: I realized that I had to stop putting a higher value on Susan’s giftedness. We both have strengths and weaknesses, and we needed to figure out how to blend them to accomplish this particular task. Susan and I realized in a fresh way the wonder of Christ glorifying Himself through an unlikely relationship between two sisters united by Him, in Him, and for Him. I began wondering: Is this the covenantal way? Susan: We were convinced that the concept of covenant is the key to discovering new dimensions of biblical womanhood. Finally the “aha!” moment came. The problem was not with the concept; it was with the plan. We were taking a noncovenantal approach to teach a covenantal concept. We were writing individualistically, and our gracious Father had something far better for us and for this book. Barbara: We could not believe it took such struggling to see what should have been obvious. We were stopped in our tracks. Even when we know the theological concept of covenant, we are easily ensnared in the trap of individualism. God simply would not allow us to function that way. Barbara and Susan: This is a relational book, and it had to be written out of the context of a relationship. It took about twice as long, but we’re not complaining. It truly became a seamless, collaborative effort. We are not even sure which thoughts came from whom. This book is not two voices. It is one voice. To personalize Romans 15:5-6: The God of endurance and encouragement granted us to live and write in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together with one voice we glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. And the relationship? A little taxed but a lot tighter—the covenant way.

A

s eyesight dims, perspective clears. Part of the joy of growing older is that the mingling of the bigness of life and the dailiness of life is more comprehensible and comfortable than it was thirty years ago when I (Susan) was in the midst of mothering three little children. My perspective peaked when our family gathered in a

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Presbyterian Church in Decatur, Alabama, to participate in a glorious event. Our granddaughter Mary Kate made her public profession of faith and was received as a full communing member of the church. Our family has decided that this is perhaps the most momentous event in the lives of our grandchildren. It is the event that should determine every other decision that child will make—from how she will spend the Sabbath to how she spends her money, from her choice of clothes to her choice of a husband. This milestone calls for a pull-outall-the-stops celebration, and we had that for Mary Kate. As we sat together on the front two pews of the church, I experienced a multitude of emotions and thoughts. My mother was with us, and there was a moment when I realized that three generations of women were watching the fourth generation do what each of us had done. There was a rush of gratitude for the legacy of grace that God has given to another generation. There was also an overwhelming desire to tell Mary Kate everything we had learned about being a redeemed woman. I longed to hand her a recipe and say, “Mary Kate, follow this, and life will turn out delicious.” But I know better. I know that life is not always delicious because these same women stood at a grave when we buried Mary Kate’s baby sister Annie Grace. However, I am convinced that everything Mary Kate needs to know in life and in death was encapsulated in seed form in those few moments when she took her covenant vows and pledged herself to Jesus and to His people. That event is an object lesson that we can use to teach Mary Kate the grand themes of Scripture. And it is those overarching themes that she needs to know and to bring to bear on every decision, circumstance, relationship, and role she will face. Much of the confusion about womanhood comes because we isolate the discussion from the major themes of Scripture, and then we reduce the discussion to roles and behaviors. This approach fails to recognize the unity of God’s Word and usually results in distortions. It fails to give the rich legacy of biblical womanhood to the next generation. The themes that I want to teach and pass on to Mary Kate and her generation are applicable regardless of the life-journey God has prepared for them.


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Big Theme #1—God created woman to be a helper. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth” (Genesis 1:1 NIV). These opening words of Scripture teach us that God is the reference point for all of life. The power of His Word brought creation into existence. His Word is the authority for all of life. At the end of each creation day God said, “It is good.” Creation was good because the Creator is good. On the sixth day God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness . . .” (Genesis 1:26 NIV). Being created in God’s image gives identity and purpose. Mary Kate stood before her family and church as an image-bearer of the sovereign Creator (her identity) with the capacity to reflect His glory (her purpose). So did our grandson when he made his public profession of faith, but Mary Kate stood there as a female imagebearer. “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27 NIV). The apostle Paul tells us, “There is neither . . . male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28 NIV). There are no distinctions or preferential treatment in our union with Christ, but this does not negate God’s creation design and order. “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18 NIV). Why was it not good for the man to be alone? This question pushes us back to the relational, covenantal character of God. The unity and diversity of the Trinity are reflected in God’s image-bearers. The man and woman were equal but different. Gender distinctiveness flowed out of their equality in such a perfectly complementary way that it blended into a mysterious oneness. In marriage this oneness is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. This does not mean that a person has to be married to reflect fully the glory of God. But it does mean that gender distinctiveness was essential before God gave His stamp of approval: “It is very good.” And yet we live in a culture where hostility against this design and order has raged for several decades. The feminist philosophy says that equality means sameness, but that absurdity has created chaos and confusion. In her book What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us, Danielle Crittenden writes:

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For in all the ripping down of barriers that has taken place over a generation, we may have inadvertently also smashed the foundations necessary for our happiness. Pretending that we are the same as men—with similar needs and desires—has only led many of us to find out, brutally, how different we really are. In demanding radical independence—from men, from our families—we may have also abandoned certain bargains and institutions that didn’t always work perfectly but until very recently were civilization’s best ways of taming the feckless human heart.1

Mrs. Crittenden’s research and analysis are helpful, but her solutions are flawed because they make woman the reference point. I pray that Mary Kate and her generation will write books entitled What Our Mothers Told Us. These books will gratefully declare: Our mothers boldly told us that our reference point is God; we are His image-bearers; His Word is our authority; our purpose is His glory. They told us about our helper design, which is never outdated because it transcends time and place. It is larger than any role in life, but it impacts every role. It is the design stamped upon us at creation. It is intrinsic to who we are as women. It is good because God is good. They unwaveringly told us about our mission to be life-givers in every relationship and every circumstance. The Hebrew word that is translated helper in Genesis 2:18 is ezer. In the Old Testament this word is used primarily to refer to God as our helper. When we consider how God is our helper, we begin to see the richness and the strength of this word. Moses spoke of God as his helper who saved him from the sword of Pharaoh (Exodus 18:4). In Psalms we read that God is the helper of the victim, the fatherless, the needy, and the afflicted (10:14; 72:12; 86:17). God is referred to as a helper who is our support, strength, and shield (Psalm 20:2; 28:7; 33:20). Helper is not a fragile word, and we are not called to a mission of fluff. This is a life-giving ministry of nurture, defense, comfort, and caring. Adam celebrated the purpose and privilege of this design when he “called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living” (Genesis 3:20 NKJV). Two words summarize the helper ministry: community and compassion. But sin marred woman’s design, and now she thinks about her


19

womanhood in terms of her own self-fulfillment. She seeks her own completeness. She is her own reference point. She is her own authority. She abandons her design and mission for a never-ending quest for her own happiness. Woman became a life-taker rather than a life-giver. Big Theme #2: The Gospel empowers and compels us to exercise our design. Mary Kate’s church graciously invited my husband to officiate as she took her vows. Gene’s eyes glistened, and his voice trembled as he asked his granddaughter: Do you acknowledge yourself to be a sinner in the sight of God, justly deserving His displeasure, and without hope, except through His sovereign mercy? Do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as the Son of God, and Saviour of sinners, and do you receive and trust Him alone for salvation as He is offered in the Gospel?2

As Mary Kate answered in the affirmative, I thrilled at the knowledge that God is the initiator in her relationship with Him. He chose her before the foundation of the world, set His affection on her, claimed her as His own, and pledged Himself to her in covenant faithfulness (Ephesians 1). I was struck with the thought that no matter how long I live, I can never exhaust the wonder of redemption. I will always have something fresh and sweet to tell Mary Kate about our Redeemer. Then Gene asked: Do you now resolve and promise, in humble reliance upon the grace of the Holy Spirit, that you endeavor to live as becometh the followers of Christ?3

It is because of our redemption that we can live out our helper design. Redeeming love breaks the reign of sin in our lives and empowers us to fulfill our creation mission. And it is our knowledge of our Redeemer’s love that compels us to do so. We are products of our theology. What Mary Kate believes about God will show up every minute of every day. I want her to understand grace so well that she never becomes entangled in “works righteousness.” I want her to know that

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she is justified by grace and that she is sanctified by grace. I want her to know the expanse of God’s love for her. I want her to know that His love is not conditioned on her performance. The redeemed woman who has a biblical apologetic of womanhood has a focus and clarity of purpose that enables her to be a true helper and to fulfill her life-giving mission. Her “teaching . . . is a fountain of life” (Proverbs 13:14 NIV), her “tranquil heart gives life to the flesh” (Proverbs 14:30), and her “gentle tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). She is so grateful for God’s mercy in her life that she is a stream of mercy and forgiveness to others. She is so captivated by the reality that she is clothed in the righteousness of Christ that she joyfully extends this love and acceptance to others. Her sights are on her heavenly home. This pilgrim mentality helps to protect her from being trapped by the materialism of the world. She values the calling of wife and mother, but this is not what defines her. She does not make an idol of her family. She fiercely guards her family, but she holds them loosely before God because she trusts His sovereignty and His love. Her theology produces a maturity that enables her to move with grace through different seasons and circumstances of life. The redeemed helper is not inward focused. You will find her visiting the sick and elderly, crossing social and cultural barriers to extend the boundaries of the covenant to the oppressed and needy and afflicted, often taking her children or a younger woman with her so that she trains another generation to live covenantally. The redeemed helper who is not married understands that she is a mother in Israel, and she joins with other women to be corporate helpers in God’s covenant community. The redeemed helper who is married knows that her marriage is to be a gospel picture to her children, to the covenant community, and to the world. In order for it to be so, she knows that her husband must be the first beneficiary of her capacity to bring community and compassion into a relationship and that he must see the brightest reflection of her redemption.


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She also knows that an individualistic approach to marriage and motherhood levels those high and holy callings to the trivial and the temporary, whereas a covenantal perspective elevates them to the authentic and the eternal. She understands that her children are not just her own. They are gifts to the covenant community. She values the interdependence of her family and the family of families—the church of the Lord Jesus. She wants her children to grow up as a part of this larger family. She teaches them about their covenant privilege to live and move among the company of the redeemed and to assume their responsibilities to this community. But the helper design is alien and offensive to a fallen world. It doesn’t fit; so the world tells women that there is a better way. Nothing has changed. The enemy still asks, “Did God say . . . ?” He still tries to convince women to try the way of independence and autonomy. The gospel empowers and compels us to live out our design, and the gospel provides the context in which the helper design makes sense. Big Theme #3: The covenant community is the culture in which we are equipped to live out the implications of our design. Gene asked Mary Kate the next question: Do you promise to support the Church in its worship and work to the best of your ability?4

This was a wonderful moment for our family, but we knew that it was not just about our nuclear family. Mary Kate was affirming her faith in Jesus and identifying herself with the people of God. She was promising to live covenantally before God and with His people. The words that Ruth said to Naomi are often read at weddings, and that is certainly appropriate. But they were equally appropriate for Mary Kate as she presented herself for full communicant privileges and responsibilities in the church of Jesus Christ. In a very real sense, though she probably did not understand the full implications, she was saying to the church: Where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will

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die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you. (Ruth 1:16-17)

When Ruth acknowledged Jehovah as God and made this radical pledge of commitment, she understood that this meant changing her citizenship to the covenant community. This view of church life is echoed in the Westminster Confession of Faith: All saints, that are united to Jesus Christ their Head, by his Spirit, and by faith, have fellowship with Him in His grace, sufferings, death, resurrection, and glory: and, being united to one another in love, they have communion in each other’s gifts and graces, and are obliged to the performance of such duties, public and private, as do conduce to their mutual good, both in the inward and outward man.5

The helper design is a covenantal concept. It makes sense only in a covenantal context. The helper proclivity of women is crushed in a culture of individualism and independence. Women are encouraged to pursue self-fulfillment and self-actualization. Countless mothers have told their daughters, “Learn to be independent. Self-sufficiency is power.” In this postmodern age of relativism and autonomy, the helper design is useless and senseless. It does not fit. But in the covenant community, the church of the Lord Jesus, the helper design is essential. I pray that Mary Kate will never take a consumer approach to church life. I do not want her to selfishly ask, “How can this church serve me?” or to whine, “This church has wounded me.” I want her to know that the church is the place where she is to share her gifts and graces with God’s people. It is in the church that believers are to be equipped “for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God” (Ephesians 4:12-13). The women who went to the tomb to anoint the body of Jesus present a tender picture of woman’s helper ministry: “When the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James and Salome bought spices, so that they might go and anoint him. And very early on


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the first day of the week, when the sun had risen, they went to the tomb” (Mark 16:1-2). Anointing the body was a way of showing affection. These women were driven to care for the body of Christ because of their love for Him. This little society of women functioned well together. Even in their distress over the crucifixion of their Lord, they did what needed to be done. They made decisions and plans. How many spices to buy? Did they have enough money? When and where would they meet on Sunday morning? As the women walked to the tomb, they asked, “Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance of the tomb?” (v. 3). Even though these women knew that the task was too big for them, they still went. I pray that Mary Kate will do the same. Redeemed women are to join together as corporate helpers in God’s church and care for the body of Christ. This is the essence of community and compassion. It is the helper design in action. Caring for the body of Christ still takes planning and implementing, and our daughters learn how to carry out this ministry as they watch other women do it. A life-giving culture of caring is not learned from books. It is imprinted on the soul as we live among caring women. When we live out our helper design in the context of our local church, there will be stones to be rolled away that are much too big for us. I pray that Mary Kate will always know that caring for the body of Christ will require massive doses of grace. I pray that she will know the remarkable reality of the risen Savior shining the light of His grace upon her labors and enabling her to do far more than she could ever ask or imagine. Someone is teaching our daughters what it means to be a woman. Is it the culture or the church? I am grateful that Mary Kate lives and moves among redeemed women who show and tell her the wonders of biblical womanhood, and among redeemed men who value her design and calling. Big Theme #4: Male headship provides the authority structure that releases women to fulfill their creation design. As the service continued, Gene asked Mary Kate:

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Do you submit yourself to the government and discipline of the Church, and promise to strive for its purity and peace?6

He explained to her that just as God has said that her mom and dad are the authority in their home, He has said that the elders are the authority in her church. In voluntarily placing herself in submission to those elders, Mary Kate positioned herself to receive the blessings, benefits, and protection of the church. She became a partaker of a rich inheritance as a member of God’s household. If God’s plan for her is marriage, this ecclesiastical submission prepares Mary Kate to understand marital submission. The redeemed helper is not threatened by male headship. She values male and female distinctiveness because she knows that they are God’s design and order. She knows that submission has nothing to do with status. Submission has to do with function and is a reflection of the ontological equality and yet the functional difference in the Trinity. Submission is built into the way God has ordered life in the kingdom, and it is good because He is good. Headship and submission are God’s ordained order for achieving oneness in marriage and unity in the church. The redeemed helper knows that submission does not restrict her; it actually frees her to fulfill her life-giving mission. The redeemed helper who is married wants her husband to be a leader who cherishes her, but she does not want him to coddle her. She knows that coddling will cause her to be immature and weak. After missionary Hugh Linton was killed in an automobile accident, his widow Betty remained in Korea until her retirement. While speaking at a women’s conference, she told about their early years on the mission field when they had six young children, and Hugh was frequently away from home. She said that she was not always sweet about it. Then she surprised us all when she said, “I’m glad that he did not give in to my whining and complaining, but he did what was right. I think I am more secure because of it.” Indeed there is a beautiful security and maturity about Betty that I fear many women will never experience because they have not learned the goodness of God’s order.


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Big Theme #5: We are called to pass this legacy to the next generation. Following the church service, Mary Kate’s parents hosted a luncheon in her honor. It was not just for our nuclear family—though that is quite a crowd. The pastor and his family and other members of the church were there. We gave her a Bible, and everyone signed it. We wanted to etch upon her memory a picture of a covenant family. At some level, all of the people who were there have assumed a responsibility to show and tell her about God and His kingdom. Some are Sunday school teachers, and some are parents of her friends, but she is learning from all of them. From the women, she will learn what it means to be a Christian woman. Throughout the Old Testament God tells us that one generation is to tell the next generation about Him. “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done” (Psalm 78:4). This instruction is not just principle. It is practical. We are to “talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Deuteronomy 6:7). In Titus this command is made gender-specific: Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled (Titus 2:3-5).

Biblical womanhood is part of Mary Kate’s legacy, and it is an inheritance that she is to steward well and then pass on to the next generation.

GENE’S LEGACY Perhaps you are thinking, But I do not have a legacy like Mary Kate’s. I did not grow up in a Christian home. Please listen with your heart to my husband Gene’s testimony: My life is a picture of God’s sovereign grace. I was born into a nonChristian family where there was never the slightest effort to even

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appear religious. I don’t recall my parents ever taking me to church. The only time God was mentioned in our home was when my mother and dad argued. I was an unlikely candidate to become a Christian. Yet God in His mercy reached into this situation and found me. The doctrine of God’s sovereign election has never been a problem for me. I am a living illustration of this wonder. When my dad died, we moved back to my mother’s hometown. I look back and see clearly that it was God’s providence that put us in a neighborhood where there was a little Presbyterian church willing to reach out to a young boy whose life could have gone in any direction. Sonny was my boyhood friend. His mother was the organist and choir director, and so when the church doors opened, she was there. Sonny had no evangelistic fervor, and I had no consuming desire to know about God. Sonny just didn’t want to go to church alone, and so he would drag me along. I spent a lot of time at the church and was exposed to a lot of preaching and teaching. It’s interesting to me that I do not remember specific sermons or Sunday school lessons. I remember the warmth and love of a church family. I remember picnics and rousing singing. The church kids were my best friends. Many of their parents were our youth leaders. They opened their hearts and homes to me and accepted me as a part of their covenant family. I was in and out of their homes regularly. Families like the Harrisons and the Fullers and the Holts showed me what Christian families look like. I was enfolded into this community of believers and moved among them as if I belonged. It never occurred to me that I was an outsider. It all seemed perfectly natural and normal. Now I see that it was supernatural. It was the gospel of grace being lived out in daily life. Gradually I came to see my need for a Savior and committed my life to Jesus. I was a teenager when I began to feel that I was being called into the gospel ministry. My church family rejoiced with me, but they did not seem surprised. They acted as if they had expected it all along. When I look back, I’m amazed that they never resented the little boy who tagged along with one of their own and who had no resources to contribute to the church. Now I understand that they invested in me because that’s the covenant way. I’m thankful that our children have very different childhood memories and that our grandchildren are growing up in Christian homes, but I do not regret my past. “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me. . . . I have set the LORD always before me.


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Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices. . . . You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (Psalm 16:6-9, 11).

I am grateful for those young mothers like Mrs. Harrison, Mrs. Fuller, and Mrs. Holt. Our children and grandchildren are part of their legacy. Our home is a pleasant place because they extended the boundaries of the covenant to a little boy whose family was very different from theirs. These redeemed helpers fulfilled their life-giving mission. This, too, is part of Mary Kate’s legacy. I pray that she will emulate their ministry.

THE CALL In summary, God’s world was not complete without man and woman. The woman was not a clone of the man. God made one who was equal but different from the man. The God of glory created woman as a helper. Our redemption frees us and compels us to glorify God by fulfilling this helper design in all seasons and circumstances of life. This is our calling as redeemed women. To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12)

Living and Leaving the Legacy

1. What is your legacy? Read Ephesians 1 and then write your story about how God gave you this inheritance of grace. 2. Who are some of the women who have shown you the helper design? What have you learned from them? 3. Reflect on the women who went to the tomb to care for the body of Christ. How are women in your church carrying on this legacy?

2 The Covenant—Legacy of the Promise The L ORD is gracious and merciful. . . . he remembers his covenant forever. P

S A L M

111:4-5

Jane Williams Jane Austen’s delightful novels capture the social interaction of wellbred men and women who knew how to communicate graciously and expressively. She pictures the civility, gentleness, dignity, and decorum of polite middle-class English life. The astonishing thing is that men and women brought up in this society were willing to travel to places like the Bay of Islands, New Zealand, and live in the most appalling of primitive conditions, among violent, pagan, even cannibalistic people. By the time of Jane Austen’s death, the English had been active in missionary work for two decades. Evangelicals in the Church of England founded the Church Missionary Society in 1800. By the mid1820s the society realized the need for well-educated ordained men who could preach well, organize churches, and translate the Scriptures into the Maori language. William Williams, a gentle and scholarly young man who had been trained as a doctor, sensed a call to missionary service and began classics studies at Oxford. He married Jane Nelson, and four weeks later they left for New Zealand on a ship carrying stud sheep. Jane adapted to the rigors of missionary life, teaching Maori women and children to read and write and teaching the girls domestic skills. She

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had nine children. Sometimes William was away for months at a time. She wrote to a relative, “These continual separations form my greatest trial, but I try to remember that I am a soldier’s wife and that when he is away, he is on his Master’s service. Still I cannot but feel it.” Jane Williams experienced many changes. From girlhood in polite society to mission work in its pioneer and rougher days, to war and its dangers, and finally to life as a bishop’s wife, she truly lived “for richer and for poorer.” Despite the brutality among which she and William frequently lived, they maintained their sense of dignity and decency. It was a remarkable feature of their lives and a witness to both Maori and settler alike that they were able to maintain their standards of godly, wellmannered behavior. They made serious efforts to ensure that their children were not brought up as unruly “savages in the wilderness.” Their daughters were brought up as young ladies—practical, resourceful, and unpretentiously hospitable—but ladies. The key to Jane’s ability to adapt to changing circumstances was her discerning preservation of what really counted from their former life in England. She believed that tidiness of person and place, careful use of time, good manners and quiet, courteous speech were just as important in Hongi’s New Zealand as they were in Jane Austen’s England. These habits were part of living the gospel life. And despite the sheer physical demands of her household, she continued to read good literature and to spend time in reflection and prayer. Around Jane there was a serenity that civilized the roughest circumstances. Visiting them in 1844, after their new mission house burnt to the ground and they were living in hastily thrown-up accommodations, a relative named Henry Williams wrote: Had the pleasure of finding the family quite well and much more comfortable than I had expected. But what place would not be comfortable where such a family resides? I could not but compare our good sister to Christiana [wife of Pilgrim in The Pilgrim’s Progress] surrounded as she is by her children all walking the same heavenly road. There are no superfluous noises here or anything out of place or time.

Our own times are often depicted as turbulent, restless, and characterized by busyness, pressure, and constant change. We Christians

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need the inner serenity that enables us to live faithfully and to shine as lights in a generation that so needs our testimony. For example, in an age that devalues manners to mere aids in “networking,” it behooves us to consider what place polite behavior might have in our Christian witness. Gentle, gracious behavior that stems from the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5) or from the essence of Christian love (1 Corinthians 13) is no false veneer. We need, like Jane and William, to ask: What things are essential to a thoroughly Christian home life? Then we need to preserve these things through thick and thin so that we might honor our Lord and draw others to His haven of love. (This is an abridged version of an article written by Sally Davey, Rakaia, New Zealand, and originally published in Faith in Focus, the magazine of the Reformed Churches of New Zealand.)

W

e’re not sure which came first, our love for covenant or our desire to understand biblical womanhood. But after fifteen years of studying and writing about both, we have reached at least one conclusion: The helper design is a covenantal concept. This was not a sudden epiphany. It was an evolving conviction that has become a fire in our bones. To isolate womanhood from the remarkable reality of covenant diminishes God’s design and calling for women. Failure to fulfill our design and calling diminishes the culture of covenant among God’s people. In an address to Christian educators, the eminent twentieth-century theologian Louis Berkhof made a statement that is applicable to every area of faith and life: Advocates of Christian education have always maintained that the Christian school is an outgrowth of the covenant idea and is absolutely necessary in order to enable the child to appreciate his covenant privileges and to understand the solemn significance of his baptism in the name of the triune God. . . . In the American ecclesiastical world the doctrine of the covenant is almost entirely unknown. . . . Moreover, it is quite evident that in most of the churches of our land . . . this doc-

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trine has no grasp on the life and the conscience of the people in general, and fails utterly to have a determining influence on the education of their children.1

We will take the liberty of adapting Dr. Berkhof’s declaration and make it our manifesto: “We maintain that biblical womanhood is an outgrowth of the covenant idea and is absolutely necessary in order to enable a woman to appreciate her creation design and to understand the significance of her calling.” Dr. Berkhof’s conclusion is also applicable: “The doctrine of the covenant has no grasp on the life and the conscience of people in general, and fails utterly to have a determining influence on our understanding of womanhood.” For the record, we also contend that this declaration and conclusion apply to every area of life and ministry. A biblical approach to marriage, work, government, as well as other areas of discipleship such as children’s ministry and youth ministry, should be outgrowths of the covenant idea. In this book we are making application to womanhood. We submit that it was the loss of a covenantal perspective of faith and life that paved the way for feminism to infiltrate the church. So reclaiming biblical womanhood begins with reclaiming covenant. We do not mean simply giving a definition to covenant. We mean becoming so indoctrinated with and passionate about this truth that it permeates how we think and live. The theology of covenant must undergird the definition of womanhood. Womanhood must be defined theologically, or it will be defined culturally.

BEYOND DEFINITION The biblical concept of covenant is so far-reaching that it defies definition. We think that if we can define it, we will understand it. But that idea is as futile as thinking that looking up the definition of motherhood will give us an experiential knowledge of that concept. When a woman becomes a mother, that reality changes everything about who she is, how she thinks, and what she does. Motherhood permeates all of life, and yet a dictionary will define this ubiquitous word as “the state of being a mother; the qualities of a mother.”


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Any definition given to covenant is even more understated and inadequate. Covenant encompasses who we are, what we think, how we live now, and where we will live eternally. Perhaps this is why definitions become doxologies. Dr. O. Palmer Robertson writes: A covenant may be defined as a bond in blood sovereignly administered. Life and death are at stake in the divine covenants. God has bound himself to humans and them to himself. Life in your soul, blessing in your family, prosperity in your work and the course of the world—all these matters hinge on the provisions of God’s covenants. Your personal peace (in the Hebrews’ sense of “total blessedness”) will derive only from your walking and believing in the ways of his covenants.2

Dr. Gerard Van Groningen writes: It could and should be said, with emphasis, that the Bible is the permanent record of God’s covenantal relationships with mankind throughout the ages . . . the very core of the covenantal relationship is the God-established, -maintained, and -implemented life-love bond. To be in a covenantal relationship with God is to be bound to him by a living and loving bond.3

BEFORE

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BEGINNING

To understand covenant, we must begin before the beginning. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. (Ephesians 1:3-4)

Ephesians 1 provides the schematic to understand the covenantal framework of Scripture. Without this diagram, we approach Scripture in bits and pieces rather than as the grand unfolding of God’s plan and purpose for creation. The covenant structure is a progressive revelation of a graciously correlated system of faith and life. This schema is essential for a cohesive, comprehensive biblical world- and life-view. Ephesians 1 is a doxology praising the triune God’s plan and purpose. The Father chose a people whom He would adopt as His children:

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“In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved” (vv. 4-6). The Son is “the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world” (Revelation 13:8 NIV). In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose. . . . In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. (Ephesians 1:7-9, 11-12)

The Holy Spirit applies what the Father purposed and the Son accomplished. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. (vv. 13-14 NIV)

The covenant of redemption was designed to praise the glorious grace of God. Nothing could display the brilliance of His grace as lavishly as the redemption of fallen sinners who deserved His wrath. This agreement among the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit teaches us that the triune God is a covenant being. There was perfect agreement of plan and purpose among the members of the Godhead.

THE BEGINNING The first three chapters of Genesis are loaded. God magnificently created everything from nothing and then surpassed that magnificence by creating man in His own image—male and female He created them. The infinite, eternal, unchangeable God fashioned a creature that had the capacity to reflect something of Himself. God’s image-bearers had the covenantal imprint stamped upon their very being. This is why alone-


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ness was not good for Adam. So God created a helper. Now there was one whom Adam could love. Now the Garden was good. It was complete. And then Adam and Eve rejected the authority of the Holy One, and instantly everything changed. This cataclysmic event did not catch God by surprise. His plan had been in place before the creation of the world.

THE PROMISE The pre-creation covenant among the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit bound God to an act of unswerving covenant loyalty. His predetermined response to Adam’s and Eve’s disloyalty was the promise: “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel” (Genesis 3:15). This is a covenant of grace because Adam deserved death but received life. This is day one of the revelation of redemption history. We must never lose sight of the great significance of the covenant. Without covenant, there is no religion, no conscious fellowship between man and God, no exchange of love and faithfulness. Without the covenant, man would be just an instrument in God’s hand. When God created man, He had more than an instrument in mind: He made a creature that could respond to Him. Only if man was capable of responding would he be able to assume his position as partner in a covenant. Without a covenant, God would have only claims and man only obligations. But as soon as God gave man a promise, man also had a claim on God, namely, to hold God to that promise. And God then had an obligation toward man, namely, to fulfill that promise. Once the promise is given, we can speak of a covenant, for a covenant, after all, is an agreement between two parties in which the claims and obligations are spelled out. Of course we must never forget that the covenant was initiated by God and that God’s promise elevated man to the rank of covenant partner.4

Thus began God’s relentless commitment to keep His promise.

T H E R E L AT I O N S H I P A covenant is a relationship. The relational nature of the Trinity is evident in all of creation. It is most profoundly expressed in God’s imagebearer. God lived in relationship with the first man and woman. This

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was a relationship of grace because Adam and Eve did nothing to earn this privileged position. God gave them a home, and it was a place of grace because He was there. Then God told them what they must do to remain in their Garden home. They must obey His Word. Obedience to this covenant stipulation meant that they would continue to live in His presence. Disobedience meant death, both physical and spiritual. They disobeyed, but God acted according to His nature and plan. He is a covenant-keeper. He did not turn away. He turned His face toward His chosen ones in all ages and declared emphatically, “I will be your God.” This declaration runs all through Scripture (emphasized in the verses below) and all through history: And I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant to be God to you and to your offspring after you. (Genesis 17:7) I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God. . . . (Exodus 6:7) I will make my dwelling among you. . . . And I will walk among you and will be your God, and you shall be my people. (Leviticus 26:11-12) You are standing today all of you before the LORD your God. . . . so that you may enter into the sworn covenant of the LORD your God, which the LORD your God is making with you today, that he may establish you today as his people, and that he may be your God, as he promised you. . . . (Deuteronomy 29:10, 12-13) I will give them a heart to know that I am the LORD, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart. (Jeremiah 24:7) But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. (Jeremiah 31:33; cf. Hebrews 8:10) I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I


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will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God. (Ezekiel 36:25-28) Thus says the LORD of hosts: behold, I will save my people. . . . they shall be my people, and I will be their God, in faithfulness and in righteousness. (Zechariah 8:7-8) And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.” (2 Corinthians 6:16) Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.” (Revelation 21:1-3)

Sometimes when I teach about covenant, I put these verses on slips of paper and attach them to a red thread. Then I ask different people to read each verse. The red thread reminds us of the “blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins” (Matthew 26:28). The covenant thread is historical. It runs from eternity past when God “chose us in him . . . that we should be holy and blameless before him,” and it goes to eternity future when all of His children will be gathered to Himself. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do

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my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. (John 6:37-39)

The covenant thread is personal. At a time and place in history it penetrates the heart of each of God’s chosen ones when His Holy Spirit rips out the heart of stone and replaces it with a heart of flesh that responds to Jesus in repentance and faith. The covenant thread is global. At a women’s conference in Odessa, Ukraine, Ukrainian women and American women held the thread and read the verses. It was a glorious reminder that the church of Jesus Christ is made up of people from every tribe, tongue, and nation. The covenant thread is local. My local church is a covenant circle. It is the place where I have pledged myself to love and serve God’s people. It is the place where I join with other women to be corporate helpers in the covenant family. Covenant is not just a theological concept. It is thoroughly practical. The covenant of grace is the arrangement whereby God attaches Himself to us, and by virtue of that bond, we are attached to one another. So it is a social structure. The covenant is a way of life that flows out of a promise of life. I think this is why God tells us about the covenant through stories. It is not just cerebral. It is so earthy. And the stories are so real.

T H E WAY

OF

LIFE

Immediately after the Fall and the revelation of the covenant of grace, God gives a startling picture of the opposite of the covenant way of life. In Genesis 4, when Cain killed his brother, God asked, “Where is Abel your brother?” Cain answered, “I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper?” Cain did not know that the answer is yes. Individualism is not the covenant way. “Then Cain went away from the presence of the LORD. . . . When he built a city, he called the name of the city after the name of his son, Enoch” (vv. 16-17). Cain separated from the presence and authority of God. But self-rule is not the covenant way. Selfism, separation, and autonomy are the way of Cain. In this sys-


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tem the helper design is an anomaly. It has no place. Our fallenness has so distorted our thinking that we believe self-sufficiency and individualism are virtues. The way of Cain “seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death” (Proverbs 14:12). Woman’s helper design is indispensable in the realm of the covenant. The redeemed helper is to give expression to this mission outside the covenant circle, but it will often seem strange and be misunderstood. However, it may provide an open door to share the gospel. The way of the covenant means that we live in God’s presence, and we submit to His authority. When God adopts us as His children, we become a part of His family. We are our brothers’ and sisters’ keepers. Independence and isolation go against the grain of our creation in the image of a personal God of covenant faithfulness. The cadence of the covenant is a steady rhythm of love. I . . . urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3)

In the way of the covenant, the helper design is essential to provide a practical dimension of community and compassion. Our nurturing and relational strengths equip us for this life-giving mission.

T H E FA M I LY The story that began in eternity past begins to unfold in Genesis. It is the story of a family. In Genesis 12, the story focuses on a man named Abram. Abram did not seek God. No one ever does. God initiated the relationship with Abram, and God promised that the Savior would come from his family. Abram and his wife were childless, and they were too old to have children. How would God keep the promise? Years passed . . . many years passed. Then one day God spoke to Abram again: “Fear not, Abram. I am your shield; your reward shall be very great” (Genesis 15:1). Abram responded, “O Lord GOD, what will you give me, for I continue childless. . . . you have given me no offspring, and a member of my household will be my heir” (vv. 2-3).

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God took Abram outside and told him to look at the heavens and count the stars. Then God said, “So shall your offspring be” (v. 5). The drama of this moment is heightened by the simplicity of the next line: “And he believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness” (v. 6). Then Abram, later changed to Abraham, asked the question that we all ask at some point. “O Lord GOD, how am I to know that I shall possess it?” (v. 8). The promise of God is so big that we cannot wrap our finite minds around the enormity of it. We, like Abraham, must bow in belief. But also like Abraham, there are times when we ask how we can know for sure. We cannot comprehend the glories of heaven, and we stand at a grave and ask, “How can I know that the promise is real?” God graciously answered Abraham with another vivid illustration. God told him to bring a heifer, a goat, a ram, a dove, and a young pigeon. Then God told him to cut them in half and arrange the halves opposite each other. When I teach this to children, I ask two of them to stand back to back and pretend they are a heifer. The next two are a goat. Then I “cut” them in half. They lie on the floor with a path between them. Then I tell them what happened. As the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell on Abram. And behold, dreadful and great darkness fell upon him. Then the LORD said to Abram, “Know for certain that your offspring will be sojourners in a land that is not theirs and will be servants there, and they will be afflicted for four hundred years. But I will bring judgment on the nation that they serve, and afterward they shall come out with great possessions.” . . . When the sun had gone down and it was dark, behold, a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch passed between these pieces. On that day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, “To your offspring I give this land. . . .” (15:12-14, 17-18)

In the culture of Abraham’s day, when two people made a covenant, they cut animals in half, and both parties in the covenant walked between the pieces. This signified that they promised to keep the terms of the covenant. Failure to keep covenant meant death. But Abraham was asleep. God passed through the pieces alone. Even children understand.


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God’s declaration to Abraham, and to us, is that we can know that we will gain possession of the promise because it does not depend on us. It all depends on Him. He kept the terms of the agreement. Jesus did everything necessary to make us holy and blameless so that we can live in His presence. This is a covenant of grace. God’s promise to Abraham is His promise to us. We are part of the promise, for “if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise” (Galatians 3:29). But look again at the dark side of the story. When the dreadful darkness came over Abraham, God told him what was to come. His family would be enslaved in a foreign land for four hundred years, but then God would deliver them out of slavery. That is exactly what happened.

THE COMMUNITY Abraham’s family grew and multiplied during their years of slavery. God delivered them out of bondage, and at Mt. Sinai He adopted them as a holy nation. He told Moses to tell the people: You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself. Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. (Exodus 19:4-6)

Here we see the picture of the church emerging. Peter echoed this language when he wrote: But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1 Peter 2:9-10)

Then God gave them the Ten Commandments, His rules for His kingdom. The covenant code taught them how to love God and how to love each other. Years later when someone asked Jesus to identify the greatest commandment, He responded:

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You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-39)

God gave Moses specific instructions for building the tabernacle. This structure would teach them how sinful people can approach God. It would be a visible reminder that He lived among them. When the tabernacle was completed, “the cloud covered the tent of meeting, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle” (Exodus 40:34). Then we see a breathtaking picture of the church. God told Moses where the tabernacle should be located: “The people of Israel shall camp each by his own standard, with the banners of their fathers’ houses. They shall camp facing the tent of meeting on every side” (Numbers 2:2). This arrangement is charged with meaning: The presence of God was the central and defining characteristic of this community. Each family maintained its identity, but families were connected to one another. Each family faced the visible manifestation of God’s presence. If any family had pulled away from the community, it would have pulled away from the glory. The New Testament intensifies these implications: Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? (1 Corinthians 3:16) The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. (John 17:22-23)

Our hearts are God’s tabernacle. We are to live face to face with God and then reflect His glory to one another. Individuals and families are to live in community with those in their local church in such a way that our unity shouts to the world that God sent Jesus and that God loves us. In his Institutes of the Christian Religion, John Calvin speaks of the


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church as “the Mother of all the godly . . . into whose bosom God is pleased to gather His sons, not only that they may be nourished by her help and ministry as long as they are infants and children, but also that they may be guided by her motherly care until they mature and at last reach the goal of faith.”5 The redeemed helper whose covenant sensibilities have been honed knows that the church is to be a nurturing place, and that women can make or break community life. She understands that the stakes are high. The world is watching. Community life will validate or negate the claims of the gospel. A theology of community, or of place, requires the ministry of helpers. It has always been so. The Garden was a place that was not complete until God created a helper. Cassie and Mackenzie have a theology of community. Cassie is our (Gene and Susan’s) four-year-old granddaughter. Mackenzie is her very special friend. Both girls participate in our church’s basketball program for children, but on opposite teams. They were euphoric the first time their teams played each other. When the referees gathered the girls on the court to explain the rules, Cassie and Mackenzie had difficulty concentrating. They waved and blew kisses to each other. When the game began, they frequently joined hands and skipped up and down the court, concerned much more about their hair bows than they were about the basketball. However, a defining moment came when somehow Mackenzie caught the ball. Her teammates screamed wildly for her to throw it to them, but Cassie stood in front of Mackenzie smiling at her. The moment froze. Everyone on the sidelines became quiet because we all knew that Mackenzie faced a major dilemma. She was motionless for several seconds. Then she took a deep breath, raised her head with great resolve, and handed the ball to Cassie. Later Mackenzie told her mom, “I knew I wasn’t supposed to give the ball to Cassie, but she’s my best friend, and I love my Cassie.” It is countercultural to love each other in such a profound way that the world is confronted with the fact that God sent Jesus and that He loves us. Cultivating this kind of community life will take courageous women like Mackenzie—women who are willing to stand against the screams of culture and to embrace their helper design. It will take selfless women like Mackenzie—women who understand that the rela-

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tionship is more important than the score, and so they become lifegivers rather than life-takers in their relationships.

A CROSS

AND A

CROWN

The word covenant is mentioned almost three hundred times in the Bible; obviously it is a major theme. The various covenants with Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David did not replace the previous one. Each is a progressive revelation of the covenant of redemption. Each revealed another truth while history steadily moved toward that grand and glorious time when “the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons” (Galatians 4:4-5). Jesus fulfilled every Old Testament type and image. All of those visible illustrations are consummated in Him. When He shouted from the cross, “It is finished!” it was a cry of victory. Every covenant requirement had been met, not by the covenant-breakers but by the spotless Lamb who was their substitute. Then the Lamb willingly walked to the altar and gave Himself as the perfect sacrifice. He paid the redemption price for those the Father chose before the creation of the world, and on the basis of His righteousness, they are declared holy and blameless. Hallelujah, what a Savior! When we look at the cross, we see the Seed who was promised, the Ark who saves from judgment, the Lamb who took Isaac’s place, the Law that was kept, and the King who rules and reigns in the hearts of His people because He did not remain in the tomb. He rose in victory from the grave and ascended in triumph to the throne. “. . . Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world” (Galatians 6:14). It is no wonder that this is called a new covenant. It is not new because it is different. It is new because it is the full, complete, effectual expression of all that was whispered in the old covenant. The more we understand Christ’s covenant, cradle, cross, and crown, the louder our life should proclaim: “ I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).


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But there is a problem. Paul understood it well. I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. . . . Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Roman 7:18, 24)

Like Paul I cry out, “Wretched woman that I am, I do not have a helper’s heart. I want to be a helper, but my flesh is selfishly addicted to myself.” And the gracious words of my Savior King come to me from the pages of His Word: I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. . . . The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. (John 14:16, 26)

The ascended Savior sent His Spirit to live in me and to transform me into the likeness of my Father.

A C O V E N A N TA L M I N I S T R Y Dorcas had a helper’s heart. She is one of my all-time favorite women in the church. She epitomizes the conclusion that the helper design is a covenantal concept. Her story is told in Acts 9: Now there was in Joppa a disciple named Tabitha, which, translated, means Dorcas. She was full of good works and acts of charity. In those days she became ill and died, and when they had washed her, they laid her in an upper room. Since Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples, hearing that Peter was there, sent two men to him, urging him, “Please come to us without delay.” So Peter rose and went with them. And when he arrived, they took him to the upper room. All the widows stood beside him weeping and showing tunics and other garments that Dorcas made while she was with them. But Peter put them all outside, and knelt down and prayed; and turning to the body he said, “Tabitha, arise.” And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter

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she sat up. And he gave her his hand and raised her up. Then calling the saints and widows, he presented her alive. And it became known throughout all Joppa, and many believed in the Lord. (Acts 9:36-42)

Let’s recap: The first thing we learn about Dorcas is that she was a disciple. The covenant thread ran through her heart. Her relationship with Jesus overflowed in a life of love. She lived the covenant way. She did not have a high-profile ministry. She simply lived covenantally, doing good and showing compassion. She cared for those in her covenant family, especially those who had few resources to care for themselves. Community life was better because Dorcas was there. Her death was such a crisis point for this covenant community that two men were dispatched to ask Peter to “come without delay.” God raised Dorcas to life and gave her back to the Joppa church. The boundaries of the covenant were extended because many people believed in the Lord. When the Lord God breathes new life into our dead souls and makes us disciples of Jesus, our helper heart will overflow in life-giving covenantal ministries. We will be gifts to our churches. Community life will be richer. Compassion will flourish. The kingdom will be extended. And the legacy of Dorcas will continue.

THE COVENANT In summary, the covenant is really quite simple. The King says, “Obey me, and you will be blessed. Disobey me, and you will be cursed.” This is exactly what happened, except not in the expected way. We disobeyed, and Jesus was cursed. He obeyed, and we are blessed. Such grace compels us to obey from a heart of gratitude and love. God’s covenant of grace establishes our relationship with Him and puts us in relationship with His other adopted children. This doctrine should permeate all of life. Woman’s helper design is a covenantal concept. Some knowledge of covenant is necessary in order to understand the scope and sequence of our helper design.


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For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the LORD loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments. . . . (Deuteronomy 7:6-9, emphasis mine)


1. What is your reaction to the conclusion that the helper design is a covenantal concept? 2. Read Numbers 2:2 again. What implications does this verse have for you? What is your relationship to a local church? 3. Do you know women who have a Dorcas ministry in your church? Maybe she’s a woman who cares for a home-bound family member or who visits the elderly. Thank these women and let them know that your covenant family is richer because of them. 4. How is your church family stronger because you are there?

3 The Continuity—Legacy of Hope I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good. . . . J

E R E M I A H

32:40-41

Ursula Cotta When Martin Luther nailed his ninety-five theses to the church door in Wittenberg, Germany, on October 31, 1517, he started a theological firestorm that swept through Europe and through history. There is a charming and convicting story of Luther’s student days found in Merle D’Aubigne’s book on the Reformation. Luther was a teenager when his parents sent him to a celebrated school in Eisenach, but they were not able to provide support for him. They hoped he would find a livelihood and that relatives in the town would help him. Neither happened. Young Martin had to join other students in the traditional “sing for your supper” ritual. The boys walked the streets singing in the hopes that someone would give them food, but often they only received harsh words. One day Martin was particularly discouraged. He was fearful that he would not be able to pursue an education. Would his hunger force

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him to return home and work in the mines with his father? The story continues: Suddenly a door opens, and a female is seen on the threshold,—it was the wife of Conrad Cotta, the daughter of the burgomaster of Ilefeld. Her name was Ursula. The chronicles of Eisenach call her “the pious Shunammite,” in allusion to her who so earnestly pressed the prophet Elisha to eat bread with her. Previous to this, the Christian Shunammite had more than once observed young Martin in the assemblies of the faithful, and been touched by the sweetness of his voice, and his devout behaviour. She had just heard the harsh language addressed to the poor scholar, and seeing him in sadness before her door, she came to his assistance, beckoned him to enter, and set food before him to appease his hunger. Conrad approved of the benevolence of his wife, and was even so much pleased with the society of young Luther, that some days after he took him home to his house. From this moment his studies were secure. He will not be obliged to return to the mines of Mansfeld, and bury the talent with which God has entrusted him. When he no longer knew what was to become of him, God opened to him the heart and the home of a Christian family. This event helped to give him that confidence in God which in after life the strongest tempests could not shake. In the house of Cotta, Luther was introduced to a mode of life very different from that which he had hitherto known. He there led an easy existence, exempt from want and care. His mind became more serene, his disposition more lively, and his heart more open. His whole being expanded to the mild rays of charity, and began to beat with life, joy, and happiness. His prayers were more ardent, and his thirst for knowledge more intense. He made rapid progress. To literature and science he added the charms of art. Those who are designed by God to act upon their contemporaries are themselves, in the first instance, seized and carried along by all the tendencies of their age. Luther learned to play on the flute and the lute. The latter instrument he often accompanied with his fine counter voice, thus enlivening his heart in moments of sadness. He took pleasure also in employing his notes to testify his gratitude to his adopted mother, who was very fond of music. His own love of it continued to old age; and both the words and the music of some of the finest anthems which Germany possesses are his composition. . . .

The Continuity—Legacy of Hope

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Many years later Martin Luther remembered these days with great emotion. As he thought about Ursula Cotta’s kindness he said, “Earth has nothing gentler than the female heart in which piety dwells.”1 Ursula Cotta had no way of knowing that by feeding a hungry boy, she would become an axis for global good. She simply exercised her helper design. She did what her compassionate heart prompted her to do. And as she unknowingly nurtured the Father of the Reformation, she became a link in covenant continuity.

S

cripture gives women unparalleled beauty advice:

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (1 Peter 3:3-6)

Our tendency is to turn this into a formula. We all have our stereotype of a “gentle and quiet spirit,” and most of us conclude pretty quickly that we don’t fit the mold. I suspect we have similar checklists: soft-spoken, not opinionated, syrupy sweet, never ruffled. I think we’re missing the point. The reference is to spirit. Quiet and gentle behavior may be nothing more than shyness and may be a façade for a raging and boiling spirit. When the spirit is quiet and gentle, the behavior will reflect that reality, but it will not be fearful suppression nor grit-your-teeth self-effort. That person’s actions will be a convincing evidence of grace. To understand the scope of the words gentle and quiet, we must consider them in the original language. In the Greek, the word translated “quiet” “indicates tranquillity arising from within.”2 A tranquil heart is essential to fulfill our life-giving mission. “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot” (Proverbs 14:30).

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The word translated “gentle” is rich with meaning: [It] denotes gentle, mild, meek . . . of a soothing disposition. . . . it consists not in a person’s outward behaviour only; nor . . . in his relations to his fellow-men; [nor] in his mere natural disposition. Rather it is an inwrought grace of the soul; and the exercises of it are first and chiefly towards God. It is that temper of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting; it is closely linked with the word tapeinophrosune [humility]. . . . it is only the humble heart which is also the meek, and which, as such, does not fight against God and more or less struggle and contend with Him. This meekness, however, being first of all a meekness before God, is also such in the face of men, even of evil men, out of a sense that these, with the insults and injuries which they may inflict, are permitted and employed by Him for the chastening and purifying of His elect. . . . It must be clearly understood . . . that the meekness manifested by the Lord and commended to the believer is the fruit of power. The common assumption is that when a man is meek it is because he cannot help himself; but the Lord was “meek” because he had the infinite resources of God at his command. Described negatively, meekness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest; it is equanimity of spirit that is neither elated nor cast down, simply because it is not occupied with self at all.3

It is no wonder a gentle spirit is precious in God’s sight. Let’s dissect this definition. A gentle spirit: • Has a soothing disposition. • Is an inwrought grace of the soul. • Accepts God’s dealings as good and therefore does not dispute or resist. • Does not fight against God. • Recognizes insults and injuries as permitted and employed by God for her chastening and purifying. • Is the fruit of power. • Is the opposite of self-assertiveness and self-interest. • Possesses composure even under stress because she is not occupied with self. The imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit may now seem even more elusive than the fountain of youth, but look at the passage


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again. It is quite simple and straightforward. This attitude is a result of a confident hope in God; this spirit is the adornment of the gospel. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (1 Peter 3:5-6)

The principle of submission in marriage is an acceptance of God’s created order of male headship. Rebellion against this order is rejection of the biblical legacy of womanhood. Viewing this legacy as a treasure requires trust in God. Hope precedes submission. Without an eternal perspective, submission is frightening, and the legacy of biblical womanhood is burdensome. If we trust self rather than God, our spirits will be volatile and anxious. A gentle and quiet spirit is directly linked to our comprehension of covenant continuity, for this knowledge will deepen our hope in God.

EVE’S PERSPECTIVE We traced the redemption story in the last chapter. Now let’s look at it through female eyes. I want to think and feel what Mother Eve thought and felt. By creating Adam first, God gave him the place of leadership in his Garden home. Then in Genesis 2:18 the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Thus the legacy of womanhood began. Satan undermined God’s creation order and went to Eve. She was deceived, and she was disobedient. Her husband followed her lead. God said to Satan, “I will put enmity between you and the woman” (3:15). Eve could not disentangle herself from the enemy of her soul, and so God promised to put this animosity between them. This is grace. God did for her what she was powerless to do for herself. But there is more. God took this promise to a different level when He added, “and between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise His heel” (3:15 NKJV). Amazingly, the legacy would continue. Adam affirmed his belief in the promise by naming his

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wife Eve, which means life. As a woman, this leaves me breathless. God spoke of her children. Even though her mission would be painful, she would be privileged to carry in her womb the ancestors of the promised Redeemer. Her design suited her for this mission. Can you imagine how Eve felt as she stood there and heard those words? It was woman who was deceived and who first rejected God’s authority. This has caused endless theological debates, but frankly I think the discussions can cause us to miss the pledge and hope that were given to Eve in that moment of her deepest despair. Against this backdrop, the grace and mercy of God are dazzling. When a woman’s heart and head comprehend that this unbroken thread of grace runs from eternity past to eternity future, hope fortifies her to fulfill her creation design and mission. Gentleness and quietness reign in her heart, and doxological obedience erupts from her soul into her life.

COVENANT CONTINUITY The continuity of the covenant is certain because of the covenant within the Trinity in eternity past. This covenant promise was kept “when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons” (Galatians 4:4-5). The final consummation will take place when He comes back just as He promised. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. (John 14:1-3 NIV)

The perpetuity of the covenant does not rest on our performance but on the promise of God. This concept is not just a theological fact. When it is actualized, or lived out, women become vital links in covenant continuity. Could this concept be what the psalmist had in mind when he said, “. . . our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace” (Psalm


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144:12 NIV)? The setting of this psalm is a time of conflict, and yet David is confident of victory because the Lord is his shield and the one in whom he takes refuge. David prayed: Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters, from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful. I will sing a new song to you, O God; on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you, to the One who gives victory to kings, who delivers his servant David from the deadly sword. Deliver me and rescue me from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful. Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. (Psalm 144:7-12 NIV)

A PILLAR

OF

S A LT

The Hebrew word that is translated “pillar” in Psalm 144 is not the word that is used in reference to Lot’s wife. In Genesis 19 we read that two angels went to Sodom to warn Lot that God was going to destroy that wicked city. But he lingered. So the men seized him and his wife and his two daughters by the hand, the LORD being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city. And as they brought them out, one said, “Escape for your life. Do not look back.” . . . Then the LORD rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the LORD out of heaven. And he overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground. But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. (Genesis 19:16-17, 24-26)

The word translated “pillar” in this verse is the Hebrew word nesib. According to the Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, “The obvious intent here is to depict her as stopped, trapped, transformed as and where she was, in a still upright posture. . . .”4 Apparently Lot’s wife did not have a gentle and quiet spirit. Whether she looked back with horror or hankering, she was trapped by her hopelessness. Admittedly her circumstances were frightening, but her hope was not strong enough to trust God to preserve her life.

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Jesus gives a sobering warning: Just as it was in the days of Lot—they were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building, but on the day when Lot went out from Sodom, fire and sulfur rained from heaven and destroyed them all—so will it be on the day when the Son of Man is revealed. . . . Remember Lot’s wife. Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it. (Luke 17:28-33)

A PILLAR

OF

SUPPORT

The word that is translated “pillar” in Psalm 144 is ammud. It is “used of pillars supporting buildings (e.g., Jud 16:25), the bronze pillars of the temple (1 Kgs 7:15), and the pillar of cloud and fire in Yahweh’s theophany (e.g., Ex 14:24). . . . [It] is used of structural, supporting pillars. . . . The word . . . is also noteworthy in the phrases . . . ‘the pillar of smoke’ and ‘the pillar of fire’ (Ex 13:21; cf. 14:24 . . . ). These visual tokens of the presence of Yahweh in leading, directing, and protecting his people were designed for the comfort of Israel and the consternation of her enemies (see Num 14:13-14).”5 This kind of pillar is not free-standing or ornamental. It is a functional, supportive pillar. Just as with the Hebrew word ezer (helper), we see an emphasis on comfort and protection. The Hebrew word translated “palace” is hekal, referring to a palace or temple (home and church). This imagery bursts with application. Here we see the essence of woman’s helper design. It is the sum and substance of femininity. The woman with a quiet and gentle spirit is free from the need to protect or promote herself. She is able to be a pillar of comfort and support in the home and church. She is free to attach herself unselfishly to people, and she is often a connector across generations as she fulfills her life-giving mission.

SHIPHRAH

AND

PUAH

In Genesis 15 God told Abraham, “Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and they will be enslaved and mistreated four hundred years. But I will punish the nation


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they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions” (Genesis 15:13-15 NIV). Abraham’s great-grandson Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers and eventually became “prime minister” in Egypt. He invited his father and brothers to join him there. Four hundred years passed. Now Joseph and all his brothers and all that generation died, but the Israelites were fruitful and multiplied greatly and became exceedingly numerous, so that the land was filled with them. Then a new king, who did not know about Joseph, came to power in Egypt. (Exodus 1:6-8 NIV)

The king was worried about this population explosion and devised a wicked plan: The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, whose names were Shiphrah and Puah, “When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live.” (Exodus 1:15-16 NIV)

The Israelites faced annihilation. If there were no boy babies, the race would not survive. The thread would be broken. This was a point of covenant crisis. Four hundred years is a long time. Could the obscure promise to Abraham possibly have been passed down from generation to generation? Could hope in this promise have been kept alive for four centuries? “The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do; they let the boys live” (Exodus 1:17 NIV). Hope was alive and well in the hearts of these Hebrew midwives. How else can we explain such audacity? There is so much going on in the opening chapters of Exodus that it is easy to miss the daring bravery of these women who were pillars exquisitely carved and positioned for this moment in redemptive history. But I think this is as it should be. A gentle and quiet spirit does not need to be center stage. Her desire is to support the drama being enacted. The Hebrew midwives had been taught covenant continuity. Why else would they recklessly defy Pharaoh’s command? They probably

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put themselves and their families in harm’s way. Yet they took an intelligent risk. They knew and believed the promise given to Abraham, and they trusted the God who promised. It is doubtful that any baby they rescued would ever be of help to them personally. By the time those babies were grown and ready to lead the people out of bondage, the midwives would probably be dead. These women thought and acted covenantally. They were willing to sacrifice for the corporate good and for future generations. These were women of imperishable beauty of character who put their hope in God. There was an inwrought grace of the soul that dissolved their fears and self-interest. Surely these women were precious in God’s sight. They were not hamstrung by circumstances. They apparently knew that they “had the infinite resources of God at [their] command.” This knowledge empowered them to fulfill their helper design by bringing a life-giving ministry of community and compassion to God’s people. I imagine their obedience was like a breath of fresh energy to Israelite women. A culture of true womanhood emerged and flourished. Jochebed was unshackled from fear and devised a bold plan to save her baby. Her young daughter Miriam followed the lead of these heroines. When the pagan princess found Miriam’s baby brother floating in the basket, Miriam courageously appeared from her hiding place to suggest a trend-defying idea to the princess. At times of covenant crisis, a quiet and gentle-spirited woman has the resources to be a link in the continuous story of redemption. Her helper design equips her to serve and support God’s people and purposes. Consider the outcome: “God was kind to the midwives and the people increased and became even more numerous. And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own” (Exodus 1:20-21 NIV). The princess agreed with Miriam’s plan. Miriam summoned her mother, and Jochebed was hired on the spot when the princess said, “Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you” (Exodus 2:9 NIV). Years later Miriam carried on the legacy. When baby Moses grew up and returned to Egypt to deliver the people out of bondage, Miriam was there as a supporting pillar. After God parted the Red Sea and the Israelites walked across on dry land, the walls of water collapsed and


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destroyed Pharaoh’s army. Then Moses sang a song of praise. The song began, “I will sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea” (Exodus 15:1 NIV). After the song ended, another stunning event took place—one that easily slips under our radar screen: Then Miriam the prophetess, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women followed her, with tambourines and dancing. Miriam sang to them: “Sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea.” (Exodus 15:20-21 NIV)

Miriam was more than the big sister of the deliverer. She was the deliverer’s deliverer. Her opportunity for position and power loomed before her. Yet there was no self-assertiveness. She did not lead the women in a new direction. She did not seize the moment to find her own voice. She echoed Moses’ song. Her voice connected the women to Moses’ voice. She led them in supporting his song. This act is spectacular. This is female leadership in God’s church at its best. These pillars of grace did not look back. They were not trapped by fear. Their hope was in God, and they served His purposes.

PHOEBE

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Doctrine divides is the squishy mantra of much of today’s eclectic approach to Christianity. If doctrine divides, what unites? We are left with preferences and personalities. And when preferences change and personalities annoy, unity disintegrates. The final chapter of Paul’s letter to the Romans is fascinating. After what has been described as Paul’s “fullest, grandest, most comprehensive statement of the gospel,”6 he concludes with what may be the most personal chapter of the Bible. It is a list of people who are clearly very dear to him. The nineteenth-century pastor J. C. Ryle wrote: The last chapter of Romans is singularly full of names. The first fifteen verses are almost entirely taken up with greetings to persons of whom we know little or nothing. . . . I am one of those old-fashioned people who firmly hold that everything in the Bible is inspired. . . . Believing this, I feel no doubt that there is a great lesson in Romans 16. . . .

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[It] appears to me to contain a special lesson for women. The important position that women occupy in the Church of Christ—the wide field of real, though unobtrusive, usefulness that lies before them, if they will enter on it—the good service that they can do for Christ, if they have a mind—all these things seem, to my eyes, to stand out in the chapter, as if written with a sunbeam. . . . Observe, for one thing, that out of twenty-eight persons whom St. Paul names in concluding this precious epistle, no less than eleven, if not twelve, are women.7

What intrigues me is that tucked right in this list of his beloved friends, Paul reminds them that it is doctrine that unites. I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. (Romans 16:17-18)

This listing is a window into the life of the early church. Phoebe is particularly germane to our topic of covenant continuity. I commend to you Phoebe our sister, who is a servant of the church in Cenchrea, that you may receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints, and assist her in whatever business she has need of you; for indeed she has been a helper of many and of myself also. (Romans 16:1-2 NKJV)

Many commentators agree that it is likely that Phoebe carried Paul’s letter to Rome. James Montgomery Boice wrote: What a wonderful treasure Phoebe carried in her hands. She had been a servant to the church in Cenchrea, the eastern port of the city of Corinth. In this service she became an even greater servant to the church at all times and in all places. Donald Grey Barnhouse wrote, “Never was there a greater burden carried by such tender hands. The theological history of the church through the centuries was in the manuscript which she brought with her. The Reformation was in that baggage. The blessing of multitudes in our day was carried in those parchments.”8


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PLEASANT PLACES A quiet and gentle spirit is the result of the knowledge that covenant continuity is certain because of the sovereign plan and love of God. LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:5-8 NIV)

The woman who knows that God has assigned her time and place on the planet and ordained her portion and cup has an equanimity of spirit that overflows in equilibrium in behavior. Her lot is secure, her place is pleasant, her inheritance is delightful—not because of her circumstances but regardless of her circumstances. Her circumstances are simply the platform upon which she glorifies God and accomplishes His purposes. Her place is pleasant and secure because she is a supporting pillar of imperishable beauty. Her hope is in God. But how do we deepen our hope? Again it is quite simple and straightforward. The gospel is so uncomplicated. In Romans 15 we read: “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope” (v. 4). “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (v. 13). God deepens our hope through His Word and by His Spirit. The Hebrew midwives and the women listed in Romans 16 were products of their theology. So was Lot’s wife. What they believed about God determined how they lived. Lot’s wife had a divided heart, and so she gave no support to her husband, children, or community. The midwives and the women in Romans 16 hoped in God. They were lifegivers. Their hearts were undivided. They had an internal unity of spirit that moved them beyond preferences, personalities, and personal pleasure to a mature unity with God’s people. The beauty of their legacy continues to encourage and equip us to live for God’s glory.

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T W E N T Y- F I R S T- C E N T U R Y P I L L A R S What does a twenty-first-century pillar look like? She looks like my eighty-three-year-old neighbor who is going blind but who calmly says, “The Lord knows what is best for me.” She looks like the woman who married her sweetheart from the church youth group, saw him walk out on her after several years of marriage, and yet she tenaciously clings to her belief that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV). Then she teaches her children unspoken lessons on forgiveness. A modern pillar looks like the young woman who longs for a baby, but who yields to God’s sovereign plan for her life and then becomes involved in the children’s ministry of her church so that she can love and nurture those covenant children. She looks like the woman whose adult daughter has rejected the faith, but rather than being immobilized by feelings of failure, the woman spiritually mothers young women in her church. She looks like the single women who embrace God’s standard of purity. She looks like the wife who continues to sow seeds of love in a difficult marriage. She looks like the women’s leadership team that lovingly serves and supports other ministries in the church. And in so doing these women pass the legacy of biblical womanhood to another generation. These women’s presence is often unnoticed, but their absence would be conspicuous. They make their homes and churches pleasant places. Their hope remains steady even as God carves and stabilizes them to serve His purposes. They are precious in His sight. They are links in covenant continuity. Their beauty never fades.

COVENANT CONTINUITY The continuity of the covenant is sure because of the promise and character of God. As our hope in God’s sovereign love grows, we will become beautiful pillars of grace. We will carry on the legacy of daughters of the covenant who have given support and comfort to God’s people.


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“And as for me, this is my covenant with them,” says the LORD: “My Spirit that is upon you, and my words that I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth, or out of the mouth of your offspring, or out of the mouth of your children’s offspring,” says the LORD, “from this time forth and forevermore.” (Isaiah 59:21)


1. What are some covenant responsibilities we learn from the Hebrew midwives, Jochebed, Miriam, and the women of Romans 16? 2. How did they fulfill their mission as life-givers? 3. What do you think they knew and believed about God? 4. What legacy of womanhood did they leave? 5. Pray that God will shape and position you to be a pillar of grace for His glory.

4 The Commission—Legacy of Fruitfulness But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. . . . Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. T

I T U S

2:1, 3-5

Annie Dowd Annie Dowd was born in 1861 in Aberdeen, Mississippi. She had a precious legacy. Her Grandmother Dowd had given all her jewelry for missions and prayed daily that her son William might become a missionary. William preferred law, but in the next generation his daughter Annie heard the call. She was twenty-six years old when she went to Japan as a Presbyterian missionary. Annie had been in Japan several years when some Japanese friends, knowing of her love for the unfortunate, told her of two desperate little girls. She took these girls in but would not tell their stories to anyone else. She said, “If it were I, I should not want anyone in the world to know. They had to tell me, but I cannot tell others. I accepted their confidence. What I can say is this—that no Christian woman, hearing of their trouble, could have refused to take them in.”

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Annie continued to take in destitute girls, and eventually she started a school that continues to give a Christian education to Japanese girls. She served in Japan for forty-nine years. After her return to the United States, she lived at the Old Ladies Home in Jackson, Mississippi, until her death at age ninety-eight. When she became blind, she said, “The result is that I spend most of my time talking to the Lord. I am no longer occupied or distracted by worldly things. I can remember when I used to read the papers and busy myself with trivial things, but now I am alive to righteousness.” In 1959 she wrote her last letter to her girls in Japan: My Precious Girls: I want to thank you for that wonderful box. . . . So many lovely things, and all from my dearest girls. Things from you mean more than from other people. I prize them more than I can express . . . your love fills me with joy. The candy is delicious, and you were so generous to send so much. I will enjoy it a long time. These undies and bed socks will keep me nice and warm. The lovely housecoat and stockings will be enjoyed every day. Some of your dear fingers must have knitted the dress. . . . I especially prize these because it is your work. . . . And last but not least is the beautiful necklace of corals which will be enjoyed. We do not see any corals in America. I wish that you could realize how much pleasure you have given me. I love you as much as ever, but am so situated I cannot express it as I used to. I am blind, hard of hearing, and was ninety-seven last fall. I am living in an Old Ladies Home, and there are about ninetyfour of us. We have devotionals every day. Our heavenly Father lets me lead sometimes; to get His message and give it to the ladies here is a great joy and keeps me very busy. Being blind, the only time I can read and write is when others come in to help me; so I cannot always write when I want to. Every day I praise my Father that He gave you to me and He let me see Him save you. I am confident of this very thing, that He began a good work and will perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ, and someday we will be together at Jesus’ feet. I pray for you every day. Please pray for me that He will keep me from sinning so that He can send His message to others through me. Love to each one and to all friends. Your devoted mother and teacher, Annie Dowd

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Annie’s designation of herself as mother and teacher is so appropriate. She never married, but this mother in Israel was a spiritual mother to hundreds. As a true mother, she was a teacher. As a good teacher, she was a mother. The synergy between the two appellations gives beauty and wholeness that neither has apart from the other.

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t has been ten years since I (Susan) wrote Spiritual Mothering, which is based on Titus 2:3-5. I am more passionate about the concept now than I was when I wrote that book. Just when I think I understand this gospel imperative, I see another dimension, and then I pray even more fervently: O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come. (Psalm 71:17-18)

The Titus mandate is remarkable! Titus was pastoring a church on the island of Crete. It was a pluralistic, decadent culture. Of all the things Paul could have had Titus tell the women to do to combat that decadence, he bore down on the need for older women to encourage and equip younger women to live godly lives. Some things never change. That need is as intense in the church today as it was in the church in Crete. Everywhere we go, we meet women who long for spiritual mothers. This longing is global. We have seen it in Tampa and in Tokyo and in Toronto. Many women do not even realize that the disconnection and loneliness they feel is due to the lack of nurturing relationships with older women. Many are first-generation Christians with only a feminist paradigm for womanhood. These women are a sacred trust to the church. We must be good stewards of this gift. The time is ripe to step into this vacuum and show and tell the truth about womanhood. The implications of the legacy we leave will reverberate through several generations. We plead with the church to call and equip women for this ministry.

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But where are the older women? In recent years we have observed a troubling phenomenon. Many women of our generation have relinquished this high and holy calling of nurturing younger women. Some are intimidated by the intelligence and giftedness of the younger women and think they have nothing to offer them. Some conclude that they are unqualified because of their own failures. Some have decided that this is the season to indulge themselves. Some want to share their life experiences, but they feel isolated from the younger women and don’t know how to bridge that gap. But it seems to us that the primary reason we have not stayed on message is that we have forgotten the message. It has been decades since the church sounded the call. A seeming contradiction to what we have just said is the emphasis on mentoring programs in women’s ministries. Our initial excitement about this flurry of matching older and younger women was dampened when we began asking questions. Usually there were no answers. What is the purpose of your program? What is the content of your program? How are mentors selected and trained? To whom are mentors accountable? If these questions are not addressed, we risk reducing the Titus mandate to moralistic fluff. Mentoring may be form without substance and little more than a buddy system. This approach may pass on sentimental memories, or it may be one more disappointment for women to add to their list of failed relationships, but it will not pass on a lively legacy of grace. Modern-day mentoring rarely fulfills the biblical admonition to show and tell the next generation in a covenantal fashion. Your mind may be buzzing with questions: What constitutes a Titus relationship? Who is qualified for such a calling? Am I an older woman or a younger woman? What do biblical nurturing relationships look like? How do I form covenant relationships? Why do I need an older woman in my life? Why should I make this kind of investment in the life of a younger woman?


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These questions deserve more than superficial answers. Substantive answers begin to emerge as we see the landscape on which this command is given and then as we unpack the passage.

THE LANDSCAPE Titus 2 does not exist in a vacuum. It is a covenantal concept. Throughout the Old Testament we are told that one generation is to tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord. Paul’s directive to Titus simply makes that commission gender-specific. The commission began in the Garden: And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:28)

This cultural mandate was never just biological and geographical. The command has to do with kingdom expansion, and it would first have a familial implication: The LORD said, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do . . . ? For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice. . . .” (Genesis 18:17-19)

When Abraham’s family expanded, the commission took on a community dimension that is summed up in the Shema, from the Hebrew imperative verb that means “to hear.” Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:4-7)

This great confession of Israel’s monotheistic faith is foundational to biblical discipleship. It is the basis of Moses’ call to total devotion and

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obedience to God and his command to pass on biblical faith and spiritual life to the next generation. It is a footing for the Titus command. Unless we see this connection, we will not have the substance or the stamina to invest in nurturing other women. We may go through some motions, but we will never love nurturing the next generation until we know the triune God and begin to comprehend the oneness of the One in whom “we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). Then we see the interrelatedness of all of life and of all relationships. We begin to love the privileges and responsibilities of community. Before Jesus ascended to heaven, He flung the doors of the kingdom open and expanded the commission to include the world: And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)

By His word and life Jesus made it crystal clear that biblical discipleship is evangelistic, educational, and relational. And he went up on the mountain and called to him those whom he desired, and they came to him. And he appointed twelve (whom he also named apostles) so that they might be with him and he might send them out to preach. . . . (Mark 3:13-14)

Jesus did not remain at a distance. He called them to be with him. The relationship preceded the assignment. That’s the covenant way. Biblical discipleship is incarnational ministry. It involves content, context, and commitment. We are to teach the content of God’s Word in the context of relationships that validate God’s truth. If the content is not tethered to a relationship, it will be academic. If the relationship is not governed by the content, it will be anemic. Paul gives a jaw-dropping description of this balance between content and context: But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready


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to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8)

Biblical discipleship means that we instruct and we illustrate. We are to be educators and exemplars. We tell the next generation, and we tell the world as we sit in our house and as we walk along the way. The Great Commission that runs all through Scripture should galvanize us to pass the legacy of biblical womanhood to the next generation, and Titus 2 gives the strategy for the task.

T H E PA S S A G E Before looking at the passage, we need a panoramic view of the book of Titus. Paul had been involved in missionary work on the island of Crete, and he left Titus to continue the work. Paul wrote this letter to instruct Titus about the organization and life of the church. Titus is noteworthy for its information on church organization. . . . [It] contains two marvelous theological meditations on the grace that God has extended in Jesus Christ (2:11-14; 3:4-7). . . . Paul’s concern in this letter for sound doctrine is balanced by an emphasis on proper Christian conduct. For Paul, the two clearly go hand in hand.1

The instructions regarding women are not simply a list of behaviors or an injunction for older women to develop relationships with younger women. The ministry of older women to younger women is part and parcel of covenant life and is one aspect of a healthy church. Paul’s tutorial is one way the church teaches the female followers of Jesus to obey everything He commanded. This ministry is a result of grace running rampant among the community of the redeemed. Let’s unpack some of the principles in this passage in Titus 2. Verse 1: But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. This instruction was given to Titus, the pastor of the church. The ministry of older women to younger women is to take place within the context of the sound preaching of God’s Word. The relationships are to grow in the soil of sound doctrine and under the oversight of ecclesiastical authority. Sound doctrine puts parameters around a relationship.

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Sound doctrine identifies the source of the relationship: This relationship is not self-determined. It is a covenant relationship established by God. Our adoption as God’s children means that we are related to His other adopted children. Sound doctrine determines the authority for the relationship: God’s Word. Sound doctrine defines the purpose of the relationship: God’s glory. Female relationships are tricky. They can sour quickly. The glue of sound doctrine will hold spiritual mothering relationships together. Our common identity, purpose, and authority unite us. I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:1-6)

Spiritual mothering is not a cloning ministry. It is not about remaking another woman into our image. If relationships are predicated on preference rather than principle, they can easily become one-dimensional and judgmental. They often lack the depth and breadth of grace. They seldom endure. We need some women who have made similar life choices and who can teach us how to glorify God in that journey, but we also need to be challenged and stretched by women who have made other choices. Obviously we do not mean sinful choices, but preferences such as educational choice, on-demand or scheduled feeding of infants, and working outside the home. When enduring relationships based on sound doctrine are forged among women, God will be glorified and community life in the church will be stronger. Verse 3: Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good . . . Reverent behavior, including self-control in speech and conduct, begins in the heart. This is the fruit of the Holy Spirit. “Older women” obviously refers to chronological age. Living through several decades does give a mature perspective that younger women need. However, no


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specific age is given. Spiritual maturity and life experiences are also part of the mix. All redeemed women, including teens, should assume responsibility for those who are younger in age and in faith. This is what it means to live covenantally. The Greek word that is translated “teach” is kalodidaskalos. It refers to a teacher of what is good. The Greek word kalos “denotes that which is intrinsically good . . . that which is well adapted to its circumstances or ends . . . that which is ethically good, right, noble, honourable. . . .”2 The Greek word translated “doctrine” in verse 1 is didaskalia. The relationship between this word and kalodidaskalos is obvious. Spiritually mature women are to help younger women apply the sound doctrine taught by the pastor within the context of their particular circumstances. This teaching is not just formal instruction. It is Deuteronomy 6 talking-as-you-sit-in-your-house and walk-along-theway kind of teaching. Many women immediately think, But I cannot possibly teach what is good because I am not good. You don’t know my resumé. There are too many failures. In the last chapter we saw Miriam’s stunning example of supporting her brother’s ministry, but there is another event in Miriam’s life where her tutelage is equally striking. Actually, this other event in Miriam’s life may be more potent because it is closer to our daily experience. Like Miriam, we are tempted by pride and selfish ambition. Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married. . . . And they said, “Has the LORD indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also?” And the LORD heard it. . . . And suddenly the LORD said to Moses and to Aaron and Miriam, “Come out, you three, to the tent of meeting.” . . . And the LORD came down in a pillar of cloud . . . and called Aaron and Miriam, and they both came forward. And he said, “. . . Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?” And the anger of the LORD was kindled against them, and he departed. When the cloud removed from over the tent, behold, Miriam was leprous, like snow. . . . And Aaron said to Moses, “Oh, my lord, do not

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punish us because we have done foolishly and have sinned. Let her not be as one dead, whose flesh is half eaten away. . . .” And Moses cried to the LORD, “O God, please heal her—please.” But the LORD said to Moses, “If her father had but spit in her face, should she not be shamed seven days? Let her be shut outside the camp seven days, and after that she may be brought in again.” So Miriam was shut outside the camp seven days, and the people did not set out on the march till Miriam was brought in again. (Numbers 12:1-15)

Miriam’s failure is not the crux of this story. God’s grace and her response to His grace are the engine-revving realities that grip our hearts. When Miriam sinned, her mediator prayed for her. She apparently accepted the consequences of her sin without whining. The community waited, and she returned as a cleansed woman. Scripture does not tell us what happened after that, but our hunch is that Miriam’s ministry among women expanded. Any hint of a pedestal persona was gone. Women who have tasted such extravagant forgiveness are awash with grace. They are approachable. They know they are not good; so they are credible. Their story to other women is not about the splendor of their successes; it is about the glorious goodness of God. They are qualified to help women live a life of repentance and to daily proclaim the gospel. They know that we are saved and sanctified by grace. Verse 4: . . . and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands . . . The Titus 2 curriculum includes character and tasks—the characteristic Pauline balance between faith and works. The components of this curriculum will be considered more in Part Two when we examine the various relationships of women. The Greek word translated “train” is sophronizo. It “denotes to cause to be of sound mind, to recall to one’s senses . . . the training would involve the cultivation of sound judgment and prudence . . . it suggests the exercise of that self-restraint that governs all passions and desires, enabling the believer to be conformed to the mind of Christ.”3 This is the kind of nurturing that helps a child to mature. It is a


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mothering ministry. Women are wired for this ministry regardless of whether we have given biological birth. Our helper design equips us to nurture. Every redeemed woman has the Holy Spirit to guide and empower her to fulfill her creation design and to train other women for this nurturing mission. There is a double-sided trap that women must avoid. Young women can have the unrealistic expectation that if they have a spiritual mother, she will help them resolve all problems. This is a formula for disappointment. Some older women are reluctant because they fear they will not have answers to the questions of younger women. There is good news. You do not need to have every answer. When King Jehoshaphat faced an insurmountable problem, he made no pretense to know the solution. A vast army marched against him, and “he was afraid and set his face to seek the LORD. . . .” He assembled the people together, and he prayed: O LORD, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might. . . . For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. (2 Chronicles 20:6, 12)

Like Jehoshaphat, we can unapologetically say to a woman facing a vast army, “Our God rules heaven and earth. I don’t know the answer to your problem, but I will help you fix your eyes on Him. I will remind you of His sovereign love and power. I will pray for you, and I will encourage you to search out His Word to know Him more intimately.” Verse 4: . . . that the word of God may not be reviled. This is electrifying! The word translated “reviled” means to blaspheme or defame. Titus 2 relationships are part of the culture of covenant life, and they will validate the gospel before the world. But we must not romanticize these relationships. Community life is often messy. Living covenantally will push us to the cross to plead for grace. Paul knew this, and so after giving instructions for young men and slaves, he launched into another of his seamless expositions on grace and works.

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For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. . . . Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures. . . . But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy . . . so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. The saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. (Titus 2:11—3:8)

The revolutionary power of the gospel should be dramatized in men and women who live according to God’s creation design and order and who raise up the next generation to do likewise.

SHAPES

AND

SIZES

Spiritual mothering relationships comes in all shapes and sizes. There is no formula. This ministry is not a program; it is a lifestyle. However, in our culture of mobility, it sometimes takes equipping and programming to jumpstart these relationships. We will discuss some ideas for this in Part Three, but for now let’s consider some general implications. Spiritual mothering relationships may be regular or intermittent, ongoing or involving only an isolated conversation, consisting of two people or a group. But a Titus 2 relationship will be purposeful. It will be a covenant relationship. The purpose will be God’s glory, and the authority will be God’s Word. This kind of relationship is marginalized by the world but should be mainstreamed by the church. When, where, and how does it happen? Spiritual mothering happens when a retired schoolteacher spends a morning a week with a homeschooling mom. As the retiree helps teach


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the children, she encourages and equips the young mom to look beyond the tediousness of the task and to remember that she is building God’s kingdom as she teaches her children from a biblical perspective. Titus 2 relationships happen when a committee chairwoman in the women’s ministry intentionally asks some young, inexperienced women to be on her committee. She encourages them to pray about every aspect of their assigned task. She wisely determines how much responsibility they can sustain at this point in their development. She patiently and lovingly comes alongside when they falter. She helps them learn how to work with others to accomplish God’s purposes. In the end, they are more mature because they served under her leadership. Spiritual mothering happens when a woman who has been through a crisis willingly opens those wounds and walks through that valley with another woman. Even though it is costly, her presence gives hope to the hurting woman and helps her to glorify God in the darkness. Nurturing happens in a Bible study when the leader knows that she must do more than download information. She is a catalyst to help women form relationships. She knows her own limitations. She does not feel that she has to be the only older woman in every woman’s life. She delights in connecting women and asking someone else to help a young woman bridge the gap between knowledge and application of truth into life. She also knows her church. She is able to encourage women to support the vision and ministry of the church. A Titus 2 relationship happens when a widow teaches a young wife how to plan and prepare meals or decorate her home, and in the process helps her learn how to love and appreciate her husband. It happens when a college student meets with some high school girls for Bible study and prayer. She encourages them to pursue godliness in every area of life. It happens when a young mom befriends a teenage girl. The relationship may begin with brief conversations at church. Then the teen begins visiting in the woman’s home. They laugh a lot, and sometimes they cry. They talk and pray while the kids play. Interwoven into the conversations are discussions about biblical femininity, friendships, purity, and a range of topics. And a teen is snatched from the clutches of the world.

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Spiritual mothering happens when a woman invites a group of single women to her home for dinner one night a month. She regularly prays for them, and she uses the table conversation to gently help them learn how to integrate their faith into their life and work. And her attitudes about and actions toward her husband and children teach the women about a Christian marriage. A nurturing relationship happens when an empty-nester offers to help a first-time mom who is estranged from her biological mother. As the older woman teaches the younger how to care for her baby, she lovingly helps her know how to love her husband during this transitional time in their marriage. And she encourages the young woman to honor her mother. Titus 2 relationships are never random. They are always intentional. They are always life-giving. The purpose is God’s glory, and the authority is God’s Word.

A COVENANT STORY When the Israelites conquered the Promised Land, every family was given a parcel of land. This land was part of the covenant promise. The hope of the Israelites was that their offspring would live on the land until Messiah came. The land was their guarantee of sharing in the glory of the Messiah. When a famine swept through Israel, Elimelech temporarily relinquished his land and moved his family to Moab. His sons married Moabite women. After Elimelech and his sons died, his wife, Naomi, decided to return to her hometown of Bethlehem. Her daughter-in-law Ruth made the radical decision to accompany her. Apparently Naomi had a Titus 2 ministry to Ruth. First, there was an evangelistic outreach. Ruth embraced the God of Israel: “Your people shall be my people, and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16). Then the nurturing ministry began. When they arrived in Bethlehem, Naomi taught Ruth the ways of the covenant. She told her about the law that provided for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow: When you reap your harvest in your field and forget a sheaf in the field, you shall not go back to get it. . . . When you beat your olive


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trees, you shall not go over them again. . . . When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, you shall not strip it afterward. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt; therefore I command you to do this. (Deuteronomy 24:19-22)

This news must have been invigorating to a new believer. The mercy Ruth had received from God was actually reflected in the life of His redeemed community. So she went to a field to glean. God sovereignly directed her to one owned by Boaz. Then Boaz said to his young man who was in charge of the reapers, “Whose young woman is this?” And the servant . . . answered, “She is the young Moabite woman, who came back with Naomi from the country of Moab.” . . . Then Boaz said to Ruth, “Now, listen, my daughter, do not go to glean in another field or leave this one, but keep close to my young women. . . . Have I not charged the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink what the young men have drawn.” Then she fell on her face, bowing to the ground, and said to him, “Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?” But Boaz answered her, “All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people that you did not know before. The LORD repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!” Then she said, “I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, for you have comforted me and spoken kindly to your servant, though I am not one of your servants.” (Ruth 2:5-13)

When Ruth returned home, Naomi asked where she had gleaned. Perhaps Ruth was surprised at Naomi’s outburst of joy. And then Naomi explained about the provisions for regaining lost land and caring for widows in the land of the covenant: If brothers dwell together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the dead man shall not be married outside the family to a stranger. Her husband’s brother shall go in to her and take her as his wife and perform the duty of a husband’s brother to her. (Deuteronomy 25:5)

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And in all the country you possess, you shall allow a redemption of the land. If your brother becomes poor and sells part of his property, then his nearest redeemer shall come and redeem what his brother has sold. (Leviticus 25:24-25)

Naomi explained to Ruth that Boaz qualified as a kinsmanredeemer. What she told Ruth next surely must have sounded bizarre to the young woman. But Ruth’s response is extraordinary: “All that you say I will do” (Ruth 3:5). In obedience to Naomi, Ruth went to the threshing floor. When Boaz lay down to sleep, she uncovered his feet and lay down. The outcome was that Boaz redeemed the land and married Ruth. They were King David’s great-grandparents and are listed in the genealogy of Jesus. This story has all the right ingredients: • A young woman who professed faith in the living God and made radical adjustments to identify with His people. • An older woman who understood her covenant calling to spiritually mother a younger woman. • A younger woman with a teachable spirit. • A compassionate man who was a covenant-keeper. • A covenant marriage that brought blessing to the community and to the world, for it was in Bethlehem that their descendant, our Kinsman-Redeemer, was born. There is another remarkable element to this story. Where had Boaz learned such obedience to the covenant stipulations? Where had he learned such compassion? Where had he learned to have such love for outsiders? Here is the unexpected twist to this wonderful story. Boaz’s mother was Rahab, the harlot from Jericho who hid the Israelite spies. Can you imagine what it was like for her when she moved into the Israelite community? It is likely that there were some women who rolled their selfrighteous eyes at her rough language, her inappropriate stories, and her scandalous clothes. But surely there were some women who loved her. There were some women who opened the doors of their tents and extended the boundaries of the covenant to welcome her. They taught her the ways of the covenant. They taught her how to be self-controlled, pure,


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industrious, kind, and submissive. And when she married, they taught her how to love her husband and children. These unnamed spiritual mothers had a profound influence on Rahab, and her son never forgot. These unnamed spiritual mothers were links in covenant continuity, for Ruth and Rahab are listed in the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew 1. These unnamed spiritual mothers left us a legacy of grace. Titus 2 calls us to pass it to the next generation.

THE COMMISSION The Titus 2 mandate is simply one aspect of our great and glorious commission. It is one way that we can be fruitful and multiply. It is the way daughters of the covenant are to pass on the legacy of biblical womanhood. We will . . . tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. . . . that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments. (Psalm 78:4, 6-7)


1. 2. 3. 4.

List some things you learned about the Titus 2 mandate. How have women helped you to live for God’s glory? Thank them. How are you helping other women live for God’s glory? In what ways is spiritual mothering happening in your church? Part Three gives ideas for incorporating this concept into the life of a church.

Part Two

LIVING AND LEAVING THE LEGACY In him we have obtained an inheritance. . . . E

P H E S I A N S

1:11

We live out the legacy of biblical womanhood in the context of relationships. The kind of legacy we leave depends on our paradigm for relationships. There are two paradigms: God’s way and man’s way, the way of the covenant and the way of Cain. The world spends billions of dollars and countless hours devising rules for relationships that reinforce our selfish quest for personal happiness. Too often the church reacts to this psychological renaissance by sprinkling Bible verses on the world’s product, but the model is still the same—me, myself, and I. Counseling and discipleship philosophies that emerge are shortterm, task-focused, content-based, and behavioristic. They are not covenantal. God governs relationships by covenantal principles and promises. It’s really not complicated. Jesus succinctly summarized the principles and promises: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27); “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). In this section we will examine the kingdom ethic of biblical womanhood as we consider some primary female relationships. We will use the extraordinary book of Ruth, which is illustrative of the covenantal matrix for relationships. This section rests upon the foundational principles in Part One. Our prayer is that we can begin to construct a covenantal paradigm for you to use to bring your relationships under the authority of God’s Word and to leave a life-giving legacy that will encourage and equip others to live for God’s glory. Our approach will be personal. It will be “Titus Twoish.” First, we’ll teach the biblical paradigm. Then there is a “Mothering Moment” section where we ask you to join us at our kitchen table. Have a cup of tea and some of Susan’s shortbread or Barbara’s sugar cookies, and let’s talk. We will try to help you apply biblical truth in real life. However, the reality is that you’re not at our kitchen table. We pray that God will give you someone whose words you can hear and whose arms you can feel, and that this book will equip you to be that woman for someone else.

Susan’s Shortbread

1 1 4 2

pound of butter or margarine cup sugar cups all-purpose flour teaspoons almond flavoring

Mix all ingredients with a mixer. Form dough into a roll. Wrap it in wax paper and chill it in the refrigerator. Slice roll into cookies and place them on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 350o for 20 to 30 minutes until lightly browned on the bottom. Do not overbake. Barbara’s Sugar Cookies

2 eggs I cup sugar N cup vegetable oil 2 teaspoons vanilla 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 cups sifted flour H teaspoon salt Beat eggs and add sugar, oil, and vanilla. Sift flour, salt, and baking powder together. Stir dry mixture into the other ingredients. Drop spoonfuls of dough in the desired size on an ungreased baking sheet. (I often make them teacake size.) Sprinkle cookies with sugar, using holiday colors or sprinkles. Bake at 400o for 10 to 12 minutes until lightly browned on the bottom.

5 Daughter—Legacy of Gratitude But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. . . . Older women . . . teach what is good . . . that the word of God may not be reviled. T

I T U S

2:1, 3-5

Martha Lovelady L

O O K O U T

W

R I T T E N

M B Y

O U N T A I N H E R

, T

E N N E S S E E

P A S T O R

, J

O S E P H

V. N

O V E N S O N

Martha Lovelady has given herself to spiritual mentoring within the fellowship of Lookout Mountain Presbyterian Church, both before and after the passing of her beloved husband, Bobby. In a life-on-life, soulon-soul, mind-on-mind, and heart-on-heart ministry, Martha has given large amounts of time to younger women and to women who are her peers in age but perhaps not her peers in spiritual maturity. Martha encourages their walk with Christ and seeks to gain from their insights as well as share her experience with them. It has been clear to me that Martha’s ministry has never been a oneway proposition for her. She has always expected, in God’s providence, that He will use the lives of the women with whom she relates to be instruments of grace in her own life. As a result, it is not my sense that the women who are helped by her have felt as if they are demeaned or looked down upon. Rather, they consider themselves friends of a sister who has Christ at the center of her concern for them. It is atmo-

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spheric to the way she lives her life in their presence. In other words, her ministry does not have the feel of formality; it has the feel of family. The Lord leads her one step at a time to women with whom to spend time. It has been my custom as pastor to call her now and then and ask her to pray about taking a woman under her wing and walking by that woman’s side. Often I have asked that she do this with those who are among the most broken in our fellowship. When this fallen world brings its ravages upon the lives of younger women, the need for Christian consistency, a biblical anchor, and modeled faith is so important. It is difficult to put a value on the quality of impact that comes in the life of a new believer who has experienced some of the worst that our fallen world brings into a life. I have seen poise and spiritual equilibrium settle into the lives of women as Martha simply points them toward the Savior through His Word. Martha has a seasoned faith in the power of the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. Her extended time by the side of her husband, who was critically ill and under her care for so long, tempered her much in her walk with Christ. Now the young women who meet with her are the beneficiaries of the blessings poured into Martha’s life during that season. She is now able to do the very things that the apostle Paul said would happen: She comforts others with the same comfort with which she herself has been comforted. Thus, God strikes a straight blow with her husband’s cancer as a crooked stick. All of the lessons He taught His beloved daughter Martha are now passed on to young women who really cannot turn to Martha and say, “You have no idea the kind of trials I’ve been through.” Martha can say, without disclosing all the details, that she truly has known incredibly profound trials and has found the Savior to be more than enough. The Savior used this same method of nurturing others, and it will always be His method: one person who knows the Savior pouring her life into another person and inviting reliance upon Christ and His Word. Martha continues the discipleship process with delight and diligence. I am her debtor.

Daughter—Legacy of Gratitude

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E

very woman is a daughter, but every woman does not have the same emotional response to this title. For some women, the response is positive. They have loving relationships with their parents and their daughters. For many women, the title elicits negative reactions that defy explanation. They are not even sure what causes their outbursts of anger and fear. Some women weep over this word. Perhaps their sadness is because they never had a daughter, or they grieve because of the death of their own father, mother, or daughter. Perhaps daughter is a painful word because of a strained relationship with a daughter or a parent. For most women, the reaction to the word is a combination of the above. For me (Barbara) it is a reminder of who I was and who I am. Everyone knew I was a good girl and thought I was an ideal daughter. I sang in the church choir, made good grades, didn’t break the cardinal rules against smoking or carousing, smiled at adults, and knew all the answers about Jesus. I was an approval-seeking addict with an insatiable need to perform perfectly. I had worn out the carpet rededicating my life to Jesus. It still puzzles me that my parents were fooled, especially since the real Barbara showed up at home. Self-righteousness covered a desperately angry and wicked heart and unfortunately was rewarded and thus reinforced at church. I graduated from high school and dropped out of church. I still made appearances, but I had no connections. At college, my imagination and thoughts were captivated by worldly philosophies. “I’m ok—You’re ok”: Transactional Analysis, “the Transparent Self,” “Free to Be You and Me,” secularism, feminism, and a host of other isms became tools to help me be all I could be. I quickly became a product of these lies. But God . . . Twenty-three years later those words still leave me breathless. He had chosen me before the foundation of the world, and by His goodness He rescued and redeemed me. He loved me when I was taken to church by my parents and when I lived riotously and rebelliously as a young wife and mother. And the day came when He revealed

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Himself to this good girl/bad girl. He revealed Himself as Father, who took me as His daughter even though He knew the real me. I was known, and He was making Himself known. I realized that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, not just for cosmic or universal sin. I nailed Him there. God gave me a new heart and opened my spiritual eyes. I repented and believed. From that moment He began transforming a liberal feminist social worker into the image of Christ, and He began redeeming a marriage gone awry into a reflection of the gospel. I admit that I still sometimes roll my world-weary eyes at covenantal concepts. Aren’t these ideas and applications too good to be true? In my sinfulness, I envy the heritage of sisters like Susan and wonder what this heritage has to do with a woman like me. But God replaces regrets and envy with eagerness to learn from these sisters. His Word reminds me that I am an heir of the covenant. I am a daughter in God’s family. I am a daughter of godly spiritual mothers. And amazingly I am a spiritual mother.

A GIRL

AND A

WOMAN

A man named Jairus had a daughter. She was twelve years old, and she was dying. Jairus found Jesus and begged him to come and heal her. As they made their way to Jarius’s home, the crowd of people thronged around them. Suddenly Jesus stopped and said, “Who was it that touched me?” As you read the account of the woman who longed to remain anonymous but was suddenly center stage, try to imagine how she felt. As Jesus went, the people pressed around him. And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone. She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased. (Luke 8:42-45)

This terrified woman was poor. According to the Levitical law, she was ceremonially unclean. If a woman has a discharge of blood for many days, not at the time of her menstrual impurity, or if she has a discharge beyond the time of


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her impurity, all the days of the discharge she shall continue in uncleanness. (Leviticus 15:25)

In order to understand the redemptive message of this encounter, we must understand the purpose of the Old Testament stipulations regarding uncleanness. . . . the loss of bodily fluids (blood or semen) and any loss of a “life fluid” suggested death and was incompatible with the presence of God, who is perfect life. The New Testament shows God, the giver of perfect life, incarnate in Jesus Christ, healing those who suffered exclusion from His presence under these Old Testament rules. . . . The divine program of redemption was historically progressive. The old covenant arrangements that seem so strange to us were early object lessons, a “tutor” pointing forward to the full redemption accomplished in Jesus Christ (Gal. 3:24, 25). 1

The woman’s uncleanness made her unfit for worship and detached her from many relationships. Apparently no family or friends tried to get Jesus to come and heal her. I wonder how she felt when she saw Jairus pleading with Jesus to come heal his daughter. How long had it been since anyone cared for her? Was she enveloped in aloneness? Her surreptitious approach to Jesus is no surprise. Emotional pain often isolates us. But Jesus would not allow her anonymity. He pursued her. And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” (Luke 8:45-46)

Jesus knew who had touched Him. He also knew that it was a touch of faith. And the power that went from Him was not indiscriminate. It hit the intended target. And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. (v. 47)

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She was forced to declare herself, her condition, and her healing before the crowd. Jesus was not humiliating her. He was elevating her. He was orchestrating the entire episode so that her cure would be public and she would be received back into the community. Then the woman, and the crowd, heard Jesus declare His relationship with her: “And he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace’” (v. 48). When this desperate woman heard the word daughter come from the lips of Jesus, what emotions surged through her? In that instant, her world changed. She was no longer an outcast. She was a daughter. She was no longer unclean. She was cleansed. She was no longer poor. She was a child of the King of kings. She was no longer terrified. The climatic benediction, “Go in peace,” poured the full measure of the Hebrew concept of Shalom upon this woman. Shalom, and its related words . . . are among the most important theological words in the OT. . . . [It] means much more than mere absence of war. . . . Completeness, wholeness, harmony, fulfillment are closer to the meaning. Implicit in shalom is the idea of unimpaired relationships with others and fulfillment in one’s undertakings. . . . Shalom is the result of God’s activity in covenant . . . shalom describes the state of fulfillment which is the result of God’s presence. . . .2

In this brief address to an unnamed woman, Jesus shouts the gospel. He ushered a stranger into a familial relationship with God the Father and with His other adopted children. He renamed her, healed her, and commissioned her to go in peace. Meanwhile, Jairus was jittery. This incident must have been a painful interruption for him. But Jairus needed to understand that it was not an interruption. It was a sovereignly ordained intervention of grace. Jairus needed to battle fear with faith in God’s sovereign providence. While [Jesus] was still speaking, someone from the ruler’s house came and said, “Your daughter is dead; do not trouble the Teacher any more.” But Jesus on hearing this answered him, “Do not fear; only believe, and she will be well.” And when he came to the house, he allowed no one to enter with him, except Peter and John and James,


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and the father and mother of the child. And all were weeping and mourning for her, but he said, “Do not weep, for she is not dead but sleeping.” And they laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. But taking her by the hand he called, saying, “Child, arise.” And her spirit returned, and she got up at once. And he directed that something should be given her to eat. (Luke 8:49-55)

Here is the epicenter of the gospel. Dead people are given new life. “I will give them a heart to know that I am the LORD, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart” (Jeremiah 24:7). In the midst of such an epic event, when the voice of Jesus shattered death, His voice to that little girl was so tender: “Child, arise.” When she heard His voice and opened her eyes, she did not hear or see a stranger. She heard and saw her Savior.

HEIRS

OF THE

COVENANT

Now reflect on the story from the perspective of Peter, John, and James. This was a surround-sound kind of day. It was a full-scale lesson on the application of the covenant of redemption to fallen sinners. Jesus gave them a sweeping course on soteriology (“the communication of the blessings of salvation to the sinner and his restoration to divine favor and to a life in intimate communion with God”3). The stage for the tutorial was set earlier when Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see Him: Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. And he was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you.” But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.” (Luke 8:19-21)

At first glance this passage may seem troubling, but in fact Jesus reveals to the disciples, and to us, the sweetness of the gospel. John Calvin, the theologian of the Reformation, explained this revelation of grace: . . . by disparaging the relationship of flesh and blood, our Lord teaches a very useful doctrine; for he admits all his disciples and all believers to the same honourable rank, as if they were his nearest rel-

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atives . . . there is no tie of relationship more sacred than spiritual relationship, because we ought not to think of him according to the flesh, but according to the power of his Spirit which he has received from the Father to renew men, so that those who are by nature the polluted and accursed seed of Abraham begin to be by grace the holy and heavenly sons of God. . . . To sum up the whole, this passage first teaches us to behold Christ with the eyes of faith; and secondly, it informs us that everyone who is regenerated by the Spirit, and gives himself up entirely to God for true justification, is thus admitted to the closest union with Christ, and becomes one with him. . . . When he says that they do the will of his Father, he does not mean that they fulfil in a perfect manner, the whole righteousness of the law; for in that sense the name brother, which is here given by him to his disciples, would not apply to any man. But his design is, to bestow the highest commendation on faith, which is the source and origin of holy obedience. . . . Although these words seem to imply that Christ has no regard to the ties of blood, yet we know that in reality he paid the strictest attention to human order, and discharged his lawful duties towards relatives. . . .4

The disciples needed to understand the full scope of salvation because everything hinges on our covenant relationship with Jesus. So the Master Teacher illustrated and underscored His point by healing a woman and a girl and by using the familial terms “daughter” and “child.” To look at either episode apart from the other will diminish our understanding of salvation. If the lesson had ended with the healing of the woman, the disciples may have walked away with the distorted notion that her faith was the cause of her cure. To emphasize that faith is the result of the cure, they go to Jairus’s home. Jairus was a leader in the synagogue. His daughter was a covenant child. But she was dead. She was in as much need of the Savior as the unclean woman. And we are all dead in trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1). Dead people are incapable of any response. Life precedes faith. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:4-5)


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Salvation begins with the sovereign initiative of God. When the Holy Spirit removes the heart of stone and gives a heart of flesh, the sinner is enabled by sovereign grace to respond in faith. Jesus healed the woman and the girl for the same reason—the covenant of redemption. The Father chose the woman and the girl in Christ before the foundation of the world, that they should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined them for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of his glorious grace (Ephesians 1:4-6). Jesus told the woman to go in peace. He told the girls’ parents to give her something to eat. Now that they were healed, these two were to go about the business of life. The ground at the cross is level, but as people walk away from the cross to live out the implications of their salvation, their paths will be different. But both women needed to be taught sound doctrine, and they needed spiritual mothers to help them apply that doctrine to life. The girl needed to be fed. She had the holy habits that come with being a child of the church, but she needed to be nurtured. She needed to learn to ask God to search her heart to be sure her motive was His glory. She needed to learn a biblical perspective of womanhood. She needed to begin to learn how to love a husband and how to nurture children in what is good. She needed women who would pray that she would incline her heart to God’s Word and not to selfish gain, and that she would turn her eyes from looking at worthless things and walk in God’s ways (Psalm 119:36-37). The woman probably had to learn, or relearn, the holy habits of Bible study, prayer, and Sabbath observance. Twelve years of ostracism would have left emotional scars. She needed women who would help her deal with anger, resentment, insecurity, and fear. She needed to learn to trust, and hope, and love. She needed to learn how to relate to people again. She needed to learn to be self-controlled and steadfast. Perhaps she needed to learn to love and submit to a husband who had rejected her. She needed to regain a sense of the purpose of being industrious. But on this side of the cross there are more similarities than dissimilarities between the woman and the girl. In our compartmentalized, specialized culture, we forget the splendor of the similarities. We are

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prone to huddle with those whose situations and season of life resembles our own. This is not the covenant way. The unity and communion of the redeemed single business executive and the homeschooling mom is established in Christ, not in choices and situations. These women have more in common with one another than with unsaved peers: They have been set apart by the Lord God. They have been purchased by the blood of Christ. They have been adopted into God’s family. They are daughters of the King. They are sisters. They will spend eternity together. They have the same authority and purpose. They are to become in practice what they are in position: holy and blameless. They have access to the same graces: God’s Word, His Spirit, worship, and His people. They are both daughters of the covenant, and they both need to be shaped and carved to be supporting pillars in their homes and churches (Psalm 144:12). The kind of shaping and carving will depend on the “good works, which God prepared beforehand” for each of them to do (Ephesians 2:10). They both have privileges and responsibilities in the realm of the covenant. Every redeemed woman is a daughter of the King. If the title of daughter arouses negative emotions, the knowledge that Jesus has called her daughter should replace those emotions with praise and wonder at her new identity. This change may not be instantaneous or immediately pervasive, but a growing understanding of the gospel will gradually put those memories into a gospel perspective.

COVENANT RESPONSIBILITIES Our primary focus in this part of the book is on our covenant responsibility to reclaim every relationship for the glory of our Father. Our relationship with Jesus defines and governs every other relationship. A fallen culture has influenced the practice of Christian relationships. We extend the doctrine of fierce individualism into them. In contrast to the Israelites, who lived in a circle of tents facing the tabernacle,


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modern families live in isolation and competition. Anonymity is sustained even in churches by size, programming, and celebrity-focused events. Culture harangues us with self-esteem messages. “You are what you earn. You are what you possess. Your identity is based on how you look.” Our sin nature is tempted by these messages. Learning and living a covenantal approach to relationships is countercultural, a different paradigm. Rather than loving self, we are called to love God and one another. How can we do such a thing? How can we live covenantally? Moses faced this conundrum when he realized his calling to lead thousands of stiff-necked people through the wilderness.

THE PRAYER

OF

MOSES

The story is familiar, but the climax is often overlooked. While Moses was on the mountain receiving the Ten Commandments, the Israelites grew restless. They made and worshiped a golden calf. The Lord struck them with a plague, and then He said to Moses: Depart; go up from here, you and the people whom you have brought up out of the land of Egypt. . . . I will send an angel before you, and I will drive out the Canaanites, the Amorites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. . . . but I will not go up among you, lest I consume you on the way, for you are a stiff-necked people. (Exodus 33:1-3)

The people were stiff-necked, but at least they understood that the withdrawal of God’s presence obliterated any benefits of angelic assistance or acquisition of valuable real estate. “When the people heard this disastrous word, they mourned . . .” (Exodus 33:4). Moses, the mediator of the old covenant whose ministry foreshadows that of the Mediator of the new covenant, stood between God and the people. He did what the “greater Moses” would do in a greater way. Moses knew he could not ask God to go with them on the basis of the people’s performance. Their hope was in God’s promise to be their God and to live among them. Their salvation was in God’s grace and mercy. Moses said to the Lord, “ . . . this nation is your people” (v. 13). Surely Moses was weary of these cantankerous people. They had complained about the food and the water and everything else that

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inconvenienced them. But they were God’s people, and so Moses prayed for them. They were God’s people; so Moses wanted what was good for them. “For my brothers and companions’ sake I will say, ‘Peace be within you!’ For the sake of the house of the LORD our God, I will seek your good” (Psalm 122:8-9). God’s reply to Moses reveals the essence of the covenant promise: “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest” (Exodus 33:14). God’s presence brings rest to our souls and to our relationships. Moses knew that Israel was a redeemed community whose defining characteristic was the presence of God among them, but he also knew the reality of the Fall. It was not just the land that would have thorns and thistles (Genesis 3:18). Relationships would be thorny. So Moses prayed, “Please show me your glory” (Exodus 33:18). We are called to glorify God in every situation and relationship. This is our chief end. What does this mean? What does God’s glory look like? What did God show Moses? The magnificent climax reveals the biblical paradigm for relationships: And he said, “I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name. . . .” The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin. . . .” And Moses quickly bowed his head toward the earth and worshiped. (33:19; 34:6-8)

T H E PA R A D I G M : H E S E D God’s glory is the goodness of His character. The word translated “goodness” in Exodus 33 is the Hebrew word hesed. God’s goodness is displayed in His mercy, grace, slowness to anger, steadfast love, faithfulness, and forgiveness. It is His multifaceted and unfathomable love. To glorify God means that we reflect His goodness, His hesed. But this is not grit-your-teeth self-effort. It is the fruit of dwelling in the Father’s presence. The first thing God revealed to Moses was His Name, and He repeated it. This repetition is a sign of intimacy. The name LORD is the Hebrew word Yahweh, which is His personal name


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of covenant faithfulness. This is the name whereby He shows hesed to His people. When Moses came down from the mountain, he “did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God” (v. 29). This is incredible! Moses visibly radiated the glory of God. What is equally astonishing is that he was not even aware of it. But it has to be that way. The more I am aware of myself, the less I radiate God’s character. My selfism dims the reflection of His glory. As we live in intimate relationship with God, we are transformed into His likeness. We radiate His goodness. We do not just act merciful, gracious, loving, and forgiving. We become increasingly merciful, gracious, slow to anger, loving, faithful, and forgiving. We seek our brothers’ and sisters’ good even when they are stiff-necked. We ask God to show us His glory in His Word. The more we know Him, the more we begin to reflect His hesed into every relationship, and the fruit of grace gradually replaces the thorns of the curse. Hesed describes the covenant way of life. This theologically rich word resonates with relational implications. It is translated with strong words such as kindness, lovingkindness, mercy, loyalty, devotion, and unfailing love. Hesed . . . is freely given. . . . The help is vital, someone is in a position to help . . . hesed is unexpected. . . . Hesed is one of the words descriptive of the love of God. . . . God was in covenant relation with Israel . . . he expressed this relation in hesed . . . it refers to an attitude as well as to actions. This attitude is parallel to love, goodness. It is a kind of love, including mercy, when the object is in a pitiful state. . . . The word lovingkindness . . . is . . . not far from the fullness of meaning of the word.5

Hesed is like refracted light. God’s goodness will look different as we reflect it in various relationships. Obviously men and women are to live a life of hesed, but our objective is to consider how this covenantal concept helps women to fulfill their creation design and mission. When older women know sound doctrine and then “teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submis-

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sive to their own husbands” (Titus 2:3-5), we train women for the alternative lifestyle of hesed, the uncommon reflection of God’s glorious goodness. And it begins with hearing the Savior say, “Child, arise,” or “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”

T H E PAT T E R N Ultimately the pattern is Jesus. He is the full revelation of a life of hesed, and Scripture is a revelation of Him. The book of Ruth brilliantly shows what hesed looks like in a variety of human relationships. But the book of Ruth does not just show us hesed. This book, as well as all of Scripture, shows us Jesus. In the remaining chapters we will explore this compelling little book. The New International Commentary explains: The book of Ruth holds out the practice of hesed as the ideal lifestyle for Israel. Though duty to family survival is the specific arena of hesed in Ruth, Israel understood the practice as applicable to all areas of life (cf. Mic. 6:8). In any case, all the blessing enjoyed by Ruth and Boaz at the story’s end derives from their firm loyalty. The narrator holds them up as role models of living by hesed. Through them, the reader learns the heavy demands of hesed. The lifestyle of hesed requires extraordinary commitment. . . . Though rare, risky, and restrictive, the practice of loyal, compassionate devotion—in a word, hesed—pleases God so much that one may reasonably expect repayment in kind from him. Such reward is the generous gift of a sovereign Lord who graciously chooses to honor human hesed. Only those who do it may receive it.6

Part of the appeal of this charming story is that the people are so ordinary. We can identify with them. There is no sordidness to the story. We see common people living right. It is a good read. But it is so much more. This book presents a holistic worldview. In an understated and powerful way, the narrator shows us the sovereign, continuous providence of God. In the book of Ruth, Yahweh moves through human actions which please him because he is sovereignly immanent in them. The book’s teaching is simple and straightforward: whenever people of faith practice God-like hesed toward each other, God himself acts in them. In such conduct, his will is “done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10).7


R U T H WA S

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In the opening chapter Naomi said to her widowed daughters-in-law, “Go, return each of you to her mother’s house. May the LORD deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me” (Ruth 1:8). Surely Ruth’s decision not to return to her mother’s house was costly. She had to choose between her biological mother and all she represented, and her spiritual mother and the God she represented. Going with one meant leaving the other. As long as Naomi lived in Moab, perhaps Ruth had been able to straddle the fence between the two homes. Maybe deep down she knew that the day would come when some issue would force her to declare herself. And she was ready. The fortitude and emotion in her profession of faith indicates that this was not an impulsive decision. But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” (1:16-17)

My mind goes wild thinking about the implications of Ruth’s decision. Perhaps she had to finally tell her mother of her faith in Yahweh, which meant a rejection of her mother’s gods. Perhaps she pleaded with her mother to go with her and then had to lovingly explain to her mother the consequences of her decision to remain an idol-worshiper. Maybe she had to respectfully say, “I want you to come visit me, but you cannot bring your idols into my home. If I should ever have children, I will teach them to love and respect you, but they cannot go with you to your temple.” Perhaps her mother rejected her and refused to ever see her again if she went with Naomi. Perhaps Ruth heard a barrage of hateful words that would have to be forgiven. What happened to Ruth is speculation, but what happens to countless young women who choose to worship the God of glory is not. Even if biological mothers outwardly accept a daughter’s decision to become a Christian, a separation can occur that is painful. Jesus told us it would be this way:

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Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:37-39)

And Jesus showed us the way. As we continue to consider what it means to live the life of hesed, we will find out what it means to be women worthy of Jesus and to lose our lives for His sake.

DAUGHTER George MacDonald was a nineteenth-century Scottish author. In his novel Mary Marston (reissued under the title A Daughter’s Devotion), there is a line that leaps off the page. Mary, a simple shopkeeper’s daughter, is engaged in a conversation with her friend Letty about the snobbery of those who were above them on the social scale of that era. “I cannot trouble my mind about it as you do, Letty,” Mary said. “Society is neither my master nor my servant, and so long as she does not bar my way to the kingdom of heaven, which is the only society worth getting into, I feel no right to complain of how she treats me. I do not acknowledge her laws—hardly her existence, and she has no authority over me. What can it matter to me, Letty, whether they call me a lady or not, so long as Jesus says daughter to me?”8

P R I N C I P L E : G R AT I T U D E The Father-daughter relationship is two-sided, but both sides are characterized by grace. The Greek word charis, translated grace, is multifaceted. It means divine favor unearned by the recipient. God’s sovereign grace procures and preserves His daughter. The inheritance of a daughter is summed up in Paul’s repetitive salutation and prayer, “Grace, mercy, and peace to you from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ.” By grace God saves the woman in the crowd and the daughter of the synagogue ruler, the Islamic woman wearing a burkah and the child of the evangelical church member, the liberal feminist and the traditionally religious woman. God prevails over dead hearts by and


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through His amazing grace. God does not save His daughters for some celestial trophy case but for relationship with Himself. On the side of the receiver, charis means a sense of gratitude. Deeds of grace are proof of grace. Charis also refers to the power to do those deeds. The grace of gratitude is the right and reasonable response to sovereign grace. The heavenly Father-daughter relationship starts out one-sided, just as our earthly parent-child relationship does. Children have no part in their conception and birth. Newborns do not reciprocate, but infants grow up. Gospel gratitude is an evidence of maturity. It invigorates obedience. It is a fruit of grace and will be manifested in a life of hesed. A grateful heart is essential for a redeemed daughter to fulfill her creation design and her life-giving mission. . . . give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 THESSALONIANS 5:18

Promise I am with you always, to the end of the age. MATTHEW 28:20

Power Prayer is the glorious privilege and power of God’s children. We actually have access to the King of glory. “Therefore [sisters], since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us . . . let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith . . . for he who promised is faithful” (Hebrews 10:19-23). “Come into his presence with singing! . . . Enter his gates with thanksgiving. . . . For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations” (Psalm 100:2, 4-5). Never, never neglect this high and holy privilege. Mothering Moment

Have a cup of tea and some shortbread or sugar cookies. Let’s talk.

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Q. I long for the intimacy with God that I hear other women discuss. But most of the time I feel as though God is far away from my real life. A. It is important to distinguish between warm, fuzzy feelings and the intimacy of holy habits. In our culture many women are “experience junkies” and depend on new levels of excitement as substitutes for intimacy. The intimacy of the Father-daughter relationship is nurtured by the holy habits of prayer, Bible study, private and corporate worship, obedience, communion with the saints, and thanking Him in all things. These habits are not superficial seven-minute moments with God on our timetable. They are life-dominating, mind-renewing, transforming disciplines of God’s grace. God uses the fruit of these habits to sustain us through emotional upheaval and circumstantial chaos. The testimony of an eighty-seven-year-old saint yields these maxims for intimacy: • God is using the bewildering season of old age to daily draw me closer to Himself. (Trials increase intimacy.) • God is teaching me stewardship of all He providentially permits, including the death of my husband. I am learning of the kindness of others, and I’m relating to others’ sorrows. (Intimacy with God has a price.) • The Holy Spirit is teaching me never to pray for what is not promised; so it is imperative to know His promises. (Intimacy requires knowing God.) Q. I am troubled by past sins—my own and others. How do I forgive and forget? A. Consider the biblical difference between remembering and forgetting. Sometimes it is difficult to forget when we daily live with the consequences. Scripture does not say that God forgets our sin in the way that we use the phrase to “forgive and forget.” Forgetting sin, meaning that God has no recall of it or overlooks it, would undermine the grace of the gospel. When God graciously promises, “I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more” (Hebrews 10:16-17), He speaks in a judicial sense. He charged our sin to the Son’s account rather than to our account. Our confidence is that our sin will not be brought before us in a judicial sense. We will not have to make payment for our sin. Jesus made the full and complete payment. Our debt has been forgiven. To remember means to “recall,” “relive,” and “remind.” We are not to


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do this with forgiven sin. Not remembering our own sin or the sin of others is a discipline of grace. The best way to not remember sin is to remember God’s goodness. • Remember the gospel (John 3:16). • Remember your identity as a daughter. Reflect on Ephesians 1. • Remember that your redemption is designed to praise God’s glorious grace. It does not necessarily mean your healing and wholeness this side of heaven. But remember that His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:8-10). • Remember that God is sovereign and that He uses all things for His glory and our good (Genesis 50:20-21; Romans 8:26-39). Living and Leaving the Legacy

1. 2. 3. 4.

Read Ruth 1 and Luke 8. How do you feel when you hear yourself referred to as a daughter? Have you turned to Jesus in repentance and faith? What are your thoughts about your identity and inheritance as a daughter of the King? 5. Are your human relationships governed by this defining relationship with Jesus? 6. Do you have some relationships that are filled with the thorns of the curse rather than the fruit of grace? Begin to pray that you will live in such intimacy with God that you will reflect His goodness in those relationships.

6 Sister—Legacy of Unity . . . teach what is good . . . train the young women to be kind . . . T

I T U S

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Lyuda Betina B

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K R A I N E

I was born and raised in an atheistic society where parents were forbidden to teach children about God, and so it is thrilling for me to know that God chose and loved me before I was born. I didn’t believe in God. I didn’t even think about His existence. My life was rather successful. After school I entered the university, graduated in five years, and got married. My husband, Sergey, was in his last year at the medical university. Soon our daughter was born. We were happy. In 1991 the Soviet Union splintered into many parts. Severe economic crisis followed. Inflation brought a devaluation of money, and we lost all of our savings. The stores became almost empty. It was hard to buy clothes. There were always lines of people in the food stores. The electricity was frequently cut off, and in winter we did not have heat in our homes. I began to have problems in my relationship with my husband and with my colleagues at work. I was angry and depressed because of the hard conditions. It was the first time I began to think about God. A man at work who was a Christian gave me a New Testament. I tried to read it but did not understand many things.

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In January 1994 eight missionaries came to our town. They worked at schools and taught Christian ethics and morality. I began to work for them as an interpreter. An elderly couple, Fred and Emma Peace, organized a Bible study for the interpreters. Soon our spouses and friends joined us. My husband and I received Christ into our hearts, and He changed our lives. It was as if a bright light began to shine in our lives, and it is still shining. Fred and Emma radiated love to each other and to everyone else. Emma was like a mother to us. When anyone needed advice or just wanted to talk, she was there for us. Their home was attractive and showed Emma’s good taste and love. Even the way she served tea when the Bible study was over was special. We loved being there and stayed for hours. Emma often told us stories about her children, her work, and their church. She was a living example of Proverbs 31. Fred and Emma lived in Ukraine for eight years. Many people came to the Lord through their ministry. Our Bible study group became a church, and the men became church leaders. My husband is an elder in our church and director of a Christian medical clinic. Another man from our group is now the pastor of a large Presbyterian church in Kiev, and another is an elder there. Their wives are active helpers who were also encouraged and inspired by Emma Peace. Cindy Manning, a physical therapist, was also part of the mission team. We spent a lot of time together, and she used that time to disciple me. We became good friends. We studied Scripture, and she answered my questions. She began our time with “hard questions” when she asked me things such as: How is your relationship with the Lord? How is your relationship with your husband? How is your work? This helped me to organize my life according to biblical priorities. I never met Mary Brooks, but my memories of her are dear to me. A missionary who visited our town asked us to pray for his aunt Mary, whose husband had recently died. Sergey and I prayed and decided to write her a letter. She answered, and for five years we corresponded. She is in heaven now. Mary lived in Baltimore in a home for elderly people. She wrote to us about her life there, God’s faithfulness to her, and how much she loved Him. Her letters encouraged us. Her last letter reached us after she died. She knew she was dying, and she was so devoted to the Lord. I am thankful for Mary and for our correspondence. Books on biblical womanhood helped me understand more about

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my role as a mother, wife, and sister in Christ. They have helped me minister to women and start a women’s ministry in our church. Our church has a sister church in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. The pastor and his wife, Art and Sharon Scott, visit us almost every year. Art has classes with our church leaders and with the men. Sharon meets with our women’s ministry leaders, elders’ wives, and all the women. Sharon and I spend time together. We pray and talk about personal issues and about problems in the church. She encouraged me to keep a journal. When Sergey and I go through difficult times at church, when Satan is attacking the church, I e-mail Sharon, and she prays for me. She helps me to know how to respond to situations. Galina is an elderly lady in our church. She loves the Lord and is devoted to prayer. She prays for all of our members personally and for everything going on in the church. I often talk and pray with her and ask her opinion about different things. Her wise advice helps me. When Galina fell and broke her hip, the doctors said she would never walk again and would be confined to bed the rest of her life, but in a year Galina began to walk. She uses a walker and comes to church every Sunday. She has taught us to trust the Lord in all situations. God sent me the gift of a new friendship when Adeline Wallace, a medical missionary, came to work as a nurse and medical supervisor at our Christian clinic. She is quiet and shy but zealous about studying the Scripture. We study the Bible and pray together. When we make home visits to the patients who can’t come to the clinic, I learn many things from Adeline. I have learned that a shy smile and a simple kind word can give a patient hope and show the love of Jesus. These women are my sisters in Christ. God has used and continues to use them to help me grow in Him, and I pray that He will use me to help others grow.

n 1968 a group called the New York Radical Women distributed a handbill with the slogan “Sisterhood is Powerful.” Gloria Steinem took up this call and insisted that “women are a sisterhood.” In the 1970s this concept took root in our collective

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thinking. Feminists began to view women as a distinct and separate class with specific concerns such as abortion, wife abuse, and labor issues. Soon feminist ideology identified sisterhood with lesbianism. A leaflet distributed at a women’s march in New York stated, “It is not one woman’s sexual experience that is under attack. It is the freedom of all women to openly state values that fundamentally challenge the basic structure of patriarchy. . . . They can call us all lesbians until such time as there is no stigma attached to women loving women. SISTERHOOD IS POWERFUL!”1 According to this paradigm, every female is a sister. Women are called upon to identify with feminist agendas simply because we are female and we must stick together. The notion of universal sisterhood is antithetical to Scripture, and yet it has seeped into the thinking of Christian women and caused confusion. Do I allow my sister to bring her female “partner” to our home? Do I have to be friends with a sister in Christ whose personality grates on my nerves? How do I relate to my unbelieving mother? There are no formulaic answers. There is no prescription that works for every relationship. But Scripture does give clear principles for us to follow. In this chapter we will consider our covenant privileges and responsibilities as sisters in Christ.

BIBLICAL SISTERHOOD God’s covenant promise is, “ . . . you shall be my people, and I will be your God” (Ezekiel 36:28). Jesus said, “Whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:35). I am a sister to all who have been adopted by God into His family. God is the universal Judge of all mankind. He is the Father to those whom He “chose . . . before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will . . .” (Ephesians 1:4-5). These truths have many implications. First, our adoption determines our eternal family. We do not choose our biological family. Neither do we vote on our spiritual family. God


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sovereignly elects His children from every tribe, tongue, nation, and socioeconomic group. He gifts and groups His children for their good and His glory. Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit . . . it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. . . . God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. . . . there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you.” . . . On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable. . . . God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. . . . And I will show you a still more excellent way. (1 Corinthians 12:4-7, 18-31)

Second, our adoption separates us. My mother may or may not be my sister in Christ. A biological brother or sister may not be a theological brother or sister. This distinction may be painful, but it helps us to know which principles apply in a relationship. Without this distinction, evangelism will be thwarted. Our presumption that the women with whom we play tennis, carpool, or volunteer are sisters in the Lord precludes our telling them the truth of God’s mercy. We accept the tenet of liberalism that God is the Father of all good women. Based on this error, we do not obey Jesus’ instructions to give the bread of life to the hungry and living water to the thirsty. We are related to all humans as neighbors, and so we live in universal neighborhood but not universal sisterhood. We will discuss neighbors in the next chapter. Third, the more excellent way of lovingkindness, hesed, is to govern our relationships in the Christian community. This is not sappy sentimentalism. Biblical love is a reflection of the character of Jesus. It is a fruit of grace. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the

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truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

This is the kind of love that empowers us to be our brothers’ and sisters’ keepers. It is the kind of love that will cause us to “become perfectly one, so that the world may know that [the Father] sent [Jesus]” and that He loves us (John 17:23). It is the kind of love that motivates us to “through love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13) and to “encourage one another and build one another up . . .” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). It is the kind of love that is life-giving in a relationship. There is ample biblical instruction for a lifetime of sisterly hesed.

COVENANT SISTERS Ruth and Naomi were unlikely sisters. In fact, their relationship was one of the most maligned among womanhood—mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This makes their story even more compelling. Naomi had two daughters-in-law, both of whom were Moabite women. When all three women were widowed, Naomi decided to return to her homeland. The two young widows began the journey with her, but Naomi confronted them with the reality that she could never provide husbands for them and urged them to return to their homes. Naomi dealt with them in good-neighbor fashion: Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go, return each of you to her mother’s house. May the LORD deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. The LORD grant that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband!” (Ruth 1:8-9)

Naomi did not expect Ruth and Orpah to live in the land of the covenant or by the rules of the covenant, but she did pray that the Lord of the covenant would deal kindly with them and give them rest. The literal translation is, “May Yahweh do with you hesed.” This has reference to God’s mercy, His unfailing love, His loyalty to His covenant. “Rest” has reference to the eternal rest and the resting place of salvation. Naomi clearly recognized their need for salvation and prayed for God’s mercy toward them. Orpah did the expected. She kissed her mother-in-law good-by.


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Orpah remained a spiritual orphan. She turned back. Her decision separated her from Naomi. They were neighbors, but not sisters. We will return to Naomi’s relationship with Orpah in the next chapter. Ruth did the unexpected. She did hesed. She clung to Naomi in loving devotion. Naomi said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law” (1:15). With extraordinary commitment, Ruth declared her new identity as a daughter of the covenant and her new relationship to Naomi: “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” (Ruth 1:16-17)

Ruth and Naomi were racially, generationally, and culturally different, but they were spiritual sisters. They were homeless widows, but they had a place in God’s family. The covenant society was structured to provide for and protect widows. Naomi, as the older, more experienced sister, took on the role of spiritual mother. She taught Ruth the ways of the covenant. Ruth not only learned from Naomi, but she also assumed her responsibility to the older woman. It was a mutual relationship. It was hesed. Ruth went to a field to glean so that she could care for Naomi. Such devotion requires the taking of extraordinary risks. . . . What courage Ruth showed in venturing out to glean in Bethlehem’s fields! She risked ostracism—perhaps even physical abuse—on account of her gender, social status, or race.2

Each woman shared the gifts and graces of her abilities and experiences. Ruth modeled the compassion of her helper design. She loved a sister who was miserable. Naomi was a self-described bitter woman. When they arrived in Bethlehem, the people asked, “‘Is this Naomi?’ She said to them, ‘Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the LORD has brought me back empty’” (1:19-21).

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Many daughters-in-law would have bolted at that point, but this was a covenant relationship. Ruth was there for keeps. She did not take Naomi’s comment personally. She was not fragile. She had not taken refuge under Naomi’s wings; she had taken refuge under the wings of the Lord, the God of Israel. Later Boaz said to her, “The LORD repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!” (2:12). Ruth’s identity was not in Naomi. Her relationship with the Lord gave her the security to think beyond herself and to consider Naomi’s interests. So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:1-4)

Their sisterhood was a testimony to the community of faith. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. (Ruth 1:19) [Boaz said to Ruth,] “All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people that you did not know before.” (2:11) [Again Boaz affirmed Ruth:] “And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.” (3:11)

Ruth reflected her redemption not only to Naomi but also in her encounters with the townspeople who were now her brothers and sisters. Foreshadowing Jesus’ ministry of redemption, Boaz acted as the kinsman-redeemer for Ruth. He married her and redeemed the land forfeited by Naomi’s husband, Elimelech. S. G. DeGraff explains the effects of their marriage:


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The line of Elimelech was in danger of dying out in Israel. If it did, his name would be wiped out from among his people. Furthermore, his inheritance in Israel was lost. . . . Thus Boaz was the redeemer in two senses. By way of the levirate marriage with Ruth, the name of Elimelech’s line was preserved in Israel. The first-born son of Boaz and Ruth was counted as a son of Elimelech’s line. In addition, Boaz redeemed the parcel of land . . . and restored it to Elimelech’s line. In this twofold sense, Boaz was a type of the Christ. Because of our sin, our name perishes with us. For Christ’s sake, however, the Lord in His covenant preserved our name and the name of our family. Neither do we have any claim to a place on the earth. But the Christ gives us an inheritance among the saints on the new earth.3

The relationship between Ruth and Naomi is covenant sisterhood at its finest. It is a stellar example of sisterly hesed. Ruth did not seek a husband for her own advantage. She considered Naomi’s good, the survival of Naomi’s family. When Boaz and Ruth had their first child, Naomi was the privileged grandmother though she was unrelated by blood. The child’s name was Obed. He was the grandfather of King David. God used Ruth’s covenant loyalty to take Naomi from the misery of widowhood to participation in the legacy of grace. Naomi accepted Ruth, and God used that acceptance to train and position His daughter to be a link in covenant continuity. Ruth, the outsider, was the great-grandmother of King David. She is one of the five women listed in Matthew’s genealogy of Jesus.

THE SPLENDOR

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GRACE

A brief look at the women who are listed in Matthew 1 is a shocking and splendid lesson. Tamar’s story makes us blush. Her husband died before they had children. According to levirate law, the brother of a deceased man with no heir was to marry the widow and thus preserve the line. Tamar’s father-in-law, Judah, told his next son to marry her. But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother’s wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. And what he did was wicked in the sight of the LORD, and he put him to death also. (Genesis 38:9-10)

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Judah sent Tamar back to her father’s house and told her to wait until his next son grew up. Judah was afraid that son would die too, and Tamar eventually realized that he had no intention of sending for her. She was desperate. She dressed as a prostitute and tricked Judah. In payment, he promised to send her a goat from his flock. She insisted that he leave his signet and cord and staff as a pledge. When he sent his friend with the goat, the friend could not find the prostitute. Three months later, when Judah heard that Tamar was pregnant, he said, “Bring her out, and let her be burned” (Genesis 38:24). Tamar produced the signet, cord, and staff and said they belonged to the father of the child. Judah realized the child was his and responded, “She is more righteous than I, since I did not give her to my son Shelah” (v. 26). John Calvin wrote: The Son of God might have kept his descent unspotted and pure from every reproach or mark of infamy. But he came into the world to “empty himself, and take upon him the form of a servant,” (Phil. 2:7) to be “a worm, and no man; a reproach of men, and despised of the people,” (Ps. 22:6) and at length to undergo the accursed death of the cross. He therefore did not refuse to admit a stain into his genealogy, arising from incestuous intercourse which took place among his ancestors . . . the astonishing goodness of God strove with the sin of [Tamar and Judah]; so that, nevertheless, this adulterous seed came to possess the sceptre.4

Rahab, another name in Matthew’s genealogy, was the harlot from Jericho who sought refuge with the people of God. Ruth, the daughter-in-law of Rahab, was also an outsider. Bathsheba is identified but not named: “David was the father of Solomon by the wife of Uriah . . .” (Matthew 1:6). John Calvin explains, “This taint, at the commencement of the kingdom, ought to have taught the Jews not to glory in the flesh. It was the design of God to show that, in establishing this kingdom, nothing depended on human merits.”5 Mary fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah 7:14: “Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.” Mary carried in her virgin womb the promised Seed who would crush the head of Satan. This genealogy’s unlikely sisterhood is a picture of God’s daughters. Wayward women became daughters and were guardians of the covenant


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lineage of King Jesus. We are His by grace. He loves us. He accepts us. We are to extend that grace to one another. We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. . . . For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.” . . . May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God. (Romans 15:1, 3, 5-7)

S A I N T LY

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STIFF-NECKED SISTERS

Sisterhood is sometimes stressful. We are intimidated by saintly sisters and irritated by stiff-necked ones. Dr. Allen Curry, Vice-President for Academic Affairs of Reformed Theological Seminary, says, “A covenant describes a relationship defined and governed by rule or law. God establishes relationships with His people and among His people. He establishes the rules of the relationships.”6 Therein lies the stress. Ultimately it is not the sisters who stress us. It’s the rules that tell us to love and serve the sisters and to live in community with them. The rules confront us with our sin, but the blessedness of the gospel is that the rules also push us to Jesus. They compel us to pray with Moses, “Please show me your glory” (Exodus 33:18), and with David, “Create in me a clean heart, O God” (Psalm 51:10), and to say with John the Baptist, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30). Obedience to the rules is a fruit of grace. Obedience is more about what we become than what we do. We become more like Jesus. His Spirit produces in us the fruit of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:2223). Rather than stress us, the rules begin to stretch our hearts as God fills us with more of Himself.

SISTERHOOD IS POWERFUL! Gloria Steinem was so wrong but so right. Universal sisterhood is a sham, but spiritual sisterhood is powerful. When women are so har-

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monious in their desire to serve and glorify God that they become one heart beating and one voice speaking, families and churches will be stronger, and the world will know that the Father sent the Son, that He loves us, and that He lives among us.

PRINCIPLE: UNITY The rule of sisterhood is unity because the constituency of sisterhood is God-chosen, and the communion is God-made. To break unity is to break covenant. Dr. Jack Scott comments: The doctrine of unity is not just a doctrine to be believed in but a doctrine to be worked out in our lives, by our diligent effort. God has given to us this unity (oneness) which we have in the Spirit, for the same Spirit dwells in all of us, individually, and in the whole church as the body of Christ. . . . our task is to keep that unity of the Spirit.7

How is unity worked out in our lives? How is unity protected, preserved, and matured? Through a life of hesed. And as we live in the circle of the covenant by the rules of the covenant, we receive God’s blessing. Redeemed sisters are life-givers when they nurture unity among God’s people. Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! PSALM 133:1


Power There is no deeper expression of our intimacy with God and with one another than when we pray for and with one another. God’s Word tells us that one way we stand against the schemes of the devil is by keeping “alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints . . .” (Ephesians 6:18). Pray Paul’s prayer for the Colossians for your brothers and sisters


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in Christ: “that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Colossians 2:2-3). Mothering Moment

Come to our table and let’s visit. Q. There is a woman in our Bible study who irritates everybody. We avoid her. How can I be a good sister to her? A. Loving our sisters requires celebrating differences and showing compassion for weaknesses. Remind yourself and others that God designed the covenant circle, and He assigned this sister to the place He ordained for her. A biblical response to difficult sisters starts and ends with prayer: • Prayer of confession—“Lord, I don’t love this sister and have broken Your royal law” (John 15:12). • Prayer of profession—“Lord, You have revealed yourself to me— who at times can also be an irritating sister—as merciful and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love” (Exodus 34:6). • Prayer of petition—“Lord, glorify Yourself by making me my sister’s keeper. Give me practical ways to show this sister Your goodness.” • Prayer of praise—“Lord Jesus, thank You for demolishing the dividing wall of hostility and indifference between my sister and me” (Ephesians 2:14-22). Q. How do my close friendships fit in with sisterhood? Is it biblical to have some friendships that are closer? A. Much could and should be said about friendships, but the short answer is that God sovereignly creates friendships among sisters. C. S. Lewis writes that this deeper, tighter bond of fellowship among particular believers occurs because of “shared vision,” meaning that these closer relationships can only occur within the family of God. A sweet friendship between sisters often germinates and grows because of a common calling to a particular ministry passion. Friendships with nonbelievers, no matter how rooted in shared history, always lack the element of eternity. Friendships are the fruit of grace rather than, as Lewis says, “our good taste

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in friends.” Jesus said, “You are my friends if you do what I command you” (John 15:14). Friends in Jesus strengthen one another in their obedience to Him. Friendships in Jesus are inclusive rather than exclusive. There is security in the relationship regardless of time, distance, and conflict. Friends are willing to inflict faithful wounds (Proverbs 27:6). Friendships are God’s gracious gift to His children and should be celebrated. Q. I now have more in common with my church friends than I do with my mother and sister who are unbelievers. My family is jealous of my sisters in Christ. What should I do? A. This is tough because we love fellowship with God’s family and increasingly find it difficult to leave the cozy comfort of this sisterhood. Ask at least two Christian friends to pray with you for your physical family and to hold you accountable in these relationships. Pray that God will give you His creativity to extend mercy to your family. He will answer that prayer. It may be by enabling you to enjoy a family reunion. It may be by giving you eyes to see the marvelous gifts your family members have. It may be by your incomprehensible compassion in extending forgiveness. It may be by planning nonthreatening ways for your mother and sister to meet your Christian friends. Whatever His answers, they will be beyond your capacities and will increase your gratitude for His grace. Q. So what about my sister and her female partner? Do I allow them to come to my home? A. We cannot give a blanket answer to this very sensitive question, but we do pray that the principles in the next chapter will help you as you seek God’s will. Living and Leaving the Legacy

1. Read Ruth 2. 2. How has individualism diluted your participation and experience as a sister in the covenant community? 3. List some things you learn about the character of God from the book of Ruth. In what ways do you see yourself as a Ruth or a Naomi or both? 4. How will your church be altered as women embrace the privileges and responsibilities of sisterhood? 5. Why is unity such a prevailing principle for sisterhood?

7 Neighbor—Legacy of Mercy Older women . . . train the young women . . . that the word of God may not be reviled. T

I T U S

2:3-5

Evelyn Roberts T

O R O N T O

, C

A N A D A

I was thirty-eight, single, and looking for love in all the wrong places when God opened my heart to the truth of the gospel. As a professional woman, I was disappointed in most of my female friendships. I had little interest or time for their trivial conversations. I was pursuing my career with every ounce of energy and independence I could muster. When God gave me a new heart and I yielded to Jesus as my Savior and Lord, He had a lot of work to do in me. He had changed my heart forever; now He began rearranging my thinking. God directed me to a church, and immediately two women invited me into their lives. One was Susan Beck, the pastor’s wife. I attended a Bible study in their home and usually stayed after others left. Susan and I talked for hours. She nurtured me and became my friend. When I married a wonderful Christian man, Susan was my matron of honor. The other woman was Beth Hinks, the wife of an elder and a stayat-home mom who homeschooled her children. We were polar opposites in practically every way except our faith in Jesus. Yet her faith was different. God seemed to be in every aspect of her daily life. This was

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something I was struggling to work out in the realities of my world. She invested time in me. She encouraged me to visit her anytime I was working nearby. Sometimes we enjoyed a lovely, quiet cup of tea together. Other times I helped homeschool her children or peel potatoes for their dinner. But always she turned our focus to Christ. She listened to the stories of my day with great interest and reminded me that God was at work in every detail. Sandy was another woman God brought into my life. She was in charge of our denomination’s women’s ministries for eastern Canada. Sandy faithfully planned and organized meetings and retreats for women. She understood that God establishes our relationships but that we must cultivate and celebrate them in order to grow from them. At her encouragement, I attended my first women’s conference and left knowing that I needed to learn more about being a woman in God’s kingdom. My perspective on womanhood was miles apart from God’s Word. I was a three-year-old Christian who had spent thirty-eight years perfecting the world’s walk. I knew that women had a lot to teach me and that I had to be teachable. At another women’s conference I was assigned to room with Gracie. We were so different. She was about twenty years older than I. But I prayed, “Lord, I came to learn. You made us roomies. Now what? Is there anything I can learn from her?” Gracie broke the ice by asking me questions as we unpacked. When and how did I become a Christian? How long had I been involved in women’s ministries? She asked enough questions to know that I was pretty green and needed a friend. When she asked how long I had been married, and I replied, “Eleven months—just long enough to know that he’s my opposite,” she chuckled and began telling me about her courtship and marriage. She opened her heart to me about her personal life, which made it easy for me to share my life with her. We talked until the wee hours of the morning. I went to sleep knowing that I had found a woman who could understand me. After all, she had been just like me. Gracie stuck close to me that weekend. She made sure I got to the seminars on time. When my eyes started to glaze over from all the information, she made sure I was still breathing. She introduced me to other women as her roomie. I felt accepted, loved, and safe. During a break

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we shopped together in a mall adjacent to the hotel. She helped me find a dress that was appropriate for a Christian woman. When the conference was over, I knew that God had gifted me with Gracie and that we were just beginning our journey of friendship. I was so new at being part of a church and involved with a women’s ministry. The e-mails flew between us. When I struggled with the issue of male headship, Gracie was there. When I’m asked to do something that I don’t think I’m ready for, Gracie is in my corner. She breaks it down piece by piece and helps me see how and why God could use me. She reminds me of the lessons and blessings that have come from the struggles. She keeps me focused on God’s glory. We don’t have large quantities of time together, but God uses our moments to encourage me in His ways. And now I find myself opening my home and being vulnerable with younger women and those new in the faith. I remember that so many women unselfishly poured love into my life, and I am privileged to pour my life into others. Am I always the one mentoring? No, sometimes my spiritual daughters mentor me. Sometimes I have bad days and feel dashed by the weight of the world. Sometimes I am miserable and dying inside. Then, out of the blue, for no reason at all, I receive a voice message or a cheery e-mail like this one from a teenager in our church: Dearest Auntie Ev, Just wondering how your day went. I hope it was good. I am so excited about the women’s retreat. How’s Uncle Dave? Today I went to work, and every little detail was filled with the grace and mercy of God. I am so thankful for the love He pours down on us so unconditionally. I like what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:29: “we are therefore Christ’s ambassadors.” Going to retreats such as the one we’ll be attending this weekend teaches us as women to be good ambassadors. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow, and may the glory of God always shine on your face. Blessings and love always, Avy

Why am I convinced of the wisdom in God’s plan of older women teaching younger women? Because I was a younger woman who needed older women to model Christianity to me. I needed women to help me work out faith issues and behavioral patterns. I needed women to pass

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the legacy of biblical womanhood to me. I am grateful for those faithful daughters of the covenant who did just that. (Authors’ note: This story is connected to the next two stories. The story did not begin when Susan and Beth nurtured Evelyn, and it does not end with Shizuka’s story in chapter 9. These stories illustrate the continuing ripples of a spiritual mothering legacy. The depth and breadth of these relationships cannot be measured in time and space. It will be a joy of eternity to see how God threaded our lives together.)

T

oday’s lifestyle behind locked doors, barred windows, and alarm systems has significantly altered our concept of neighborhood. There are oxymoronic attempts at reestablishing neighborhoods in gated communities. The advertising media titillates us with wide sidewalks there and well-dressed children riding their bikes. Add to this skewed model our tendency as Christians to become ingrown in our church relationships, and it is not surprising that we have strayed from the biblical paradigm of being a neighbor. God assigns neighbors to individual believers and to churches. No close or casual encounter is wasted. Every relationship was ordained by God and counts for eternity. The tenderness of the familial terms of the covenant reveals the intimacy of covenant relationships. But our adoption privileges carry evangelistic responsibilities. Because we live in the covenant circle, we can and should be good neighbors to those outside the circle. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16)

Our (Mark and Barbara) son and his wife own a seventy-five-yearold home with a wonderful front porch. Neighbors and passersby seem puzzled and curious as Greg and Judith live much of life on the front porch. They often eat on the porch and frequently invite a passing


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neighbor or the letter carrier to join them. In a culture of suspicion, fear, and individualism, this intentional neighborliness is an anomaly. But in God’s kingdom “front porch” neighborliness should be the rule, not the exception. Front porch living sounds nostalgic, but the reality is, it can also be noxious. For several months, our home was the target of late-night disturbances by preteens. Then while I was walking in the neighborhood, a dog bit me. Driving home from the emergency room, I tearfully asked Mark, “How does God want us to glorify Him in all of this?” As we prayed, we began to understand our position and place in this neighborhood. We are one of the few Christian families. If the kids had terrorized other neighbors, or if the dog had bitten someone else, the neighborhood would be in a turmoil of litigation (don’t assume that we are so spiritual we didn’t think about it!). Others experiencing these kinds of trials are mocking neighbors on websites and testifying on network news programs. Our prayer is that the Holy Spirit will cause our unbelieving neighbors to ask, “What makes the Thompsons different?” But how do we know when to keep silent and when to speak? What about boundaries? What about the neighbor who consistently asks you to watch her children for an hour, and she returns five hours later? What about the neighbor whose language is blasphemous? What about my sister and her female “partner”? What does it mean to be a good neighbor?

THE RULE When Jesus was asked, “Which commandment is the most important?” he answered: The most important is, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:29-31)

Jesus quoted the Shema and Leviticus 19:18.

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Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:4-5) . . . you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:18)

James referred to this command as the royal law: “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing well” (2:8). Neighbor love has always been the covenant way. The character of God demands this of His image-bearers. But our bent to self-love tries to find some way to circumvent this rule. In our day certain theological twists have polluted the rule by saying that we must first love self before we can love others. Not surprisingly, this self-absorption does not move beyond its starting point. This man-centered view of the royal law is popular but erroneous. God’s Word tells us that “love is not self-seeking” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Loving self will not convince us to love others. “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). No amount of self-love will motivate us to love others. “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again” (2 Corinthians 5:14-15 NIV).

WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR? In Jesus’ day, an attorney tried to squirm out of the rule of law by changing the debate. It all started with a good question but a bad motive: “And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, ‘Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?’” (Luke 10:25). Jesus responded with a question: “What is written in the Law?” (v. 26). The lawyer didn’t miss a beat. You can almost see his prideful smirk as he shot back the correct answer: “You shall love the Lord your God


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with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (v. 27). Jesus replied, “You have answered correctly; do this and you will live” (v. 28). The lawyer must have thought he had moved the debate exactly where he wanted it, and he went for the win: “And who is my neighbor?” The lawyer was trying to justify himself and win a debate. Jesus was going for the heart, and so He told a story that would expose the depths of the man’s spiritual need. “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.” (vv. 30-37)

Jesus reframed the lawyer’s question and turned the spotlight on him. In essence Jesus said, “The question is not, ‘Who is my neighbor?’ The question is, ‘Are you a neighbor?’” The New International Commentary on Luke explains: Jesus’ answer was so clear and challenging that the lawyer was compelled to acknowledge the deep truth conveyed by it. No doubt it inclined him to a deep conviction of guilt. Whether he reacted to this conviction in the right way we are not told. Luke . . . describes such episodes not in order to satisfy the curiosity of his readers but to let us hear the authoritative word of Christ in our own hearts. . . . “Go, and do thou likewise.”. . .

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The irrevocable word of God still remains valid, that he who observes the law perfectly will live. . . . But alas, no man has ever been able to observe this law perfectly, nor can anyone do so . . . no man can ever inherit eternal life on the grounds of his own merit. But God be praised that Christ Jesus as Man lived a life of complete love towards God and men and, as the entirely Innocent One, endured death for us on the cross, forsaken by God, so that by faith we are absolved from the death we deserve, and inherit eternal life. This, however, does not remove the obligation to obey Jesus’ words: “Go, and do thou likewise.” But the difference is as follows: the Law has said, “Do this and thou shalt live,” while Christ says: “I have given you eternal life through grace, and this new life in you will enable you to have real love towards God and your fellow-men and to carry it out in practice; so go forth and live a life of true love to God and to your fellow-men, through the power I give you.”1

Jesus rips down all barriers and tells us that all our fellowmen are our neighbors. God created them; so we should value and love them because they bear His image. The late Dr. James Montgomery Boice wrote: We do have a first and special obligation to our own family: “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8). There is an additional, special obligation to Christians: “As we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Gal. 6:10). But that does not eliminate our obligation to care for needy ones in general. At the point of need we must be moved by the fact that the one involved is a creature made in the image of God, regardless of his or her profession. . . .2

There is no wiggle room. The rule is clear. We are to treat others with the love and compassion God has extended to us. The parable of the Good Samaritan is an illustration of the rule, but it is more. It is the gospel. Jesus is the Neighbor who showed mercy to us. This is why we are to obey the neighbor rule. Consider three principles we glean from the story: • The Samaritan cared for a Jew, his bitter racial enemy. A good neighbor leaves her haven of homogeneity because Jesus left heaven.


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• The Samaritan was inconvenienced by sacrificing time and money. We live sacrificially because Jesus was our sacrifice. • The Samaritan saw and had compassion. Godly neighbors see the opportunities in the middle of the road of life because they were seen by Jesus. They act because they see Jesus. In speaking of His second coming, Jesus said: The King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.” Then the righteous will answer him, saying, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?” And the King will answer them, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:34-40)

Now we come to the primary question.

HOW DO I LOVE MY NEIGHBOR? The command to love our neighbor is a quote from Leviticus 19. One of the themes of Leviticus is holiness. In chapter 19, God teaches the people what holiness means in daily life by giving principles of good neighborliness. And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy. Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father. . . . I am the LORD your God.” (vv. 1-3) “When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap your field right up to its edge, neither shall you gather the gleanings after your harvest. And you shall not strip your vineyard bare, neither shall you gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard. You shall leave them for the poor and for the sojourner: I am the LORD your God.” (vv. 9-10)

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“You shall not oppress your neighbor or rob him. The wages of a hired servant shall not remain with you all night until the morning. You shall not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear your God: I am the LORD.” (vv. 13-14) “You shall do no injustice in court. You shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor. You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD.” (vv. 15-16) “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.” (vv. 17-18) “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.” (vv. 33-34) “You shall do no wrong in judgment, in measures of length or weight or quantity. You shall have just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin: I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt. And you shall observe all my statutes and all my rules, and do them: I am the LORD.” (vv. 35-37)

This passage contains sanctified common sense for neighborly living. These actions show hesed to those outside the covenant community.

I FEEL OVERWHELMED Neighborliness is overwhelming if we think individualistically. The needs are endless. But we are a community. The splendor of the covenant way is that we are not all called to do everything. Individually, we are to pray that God will open our eyes to those specific opportunities He puts in our paths. The neighbor may be next door, a schoolmate, a participant in the carpool, a family member, or a


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store clerk. Your neighbor may be a child you befriend and offer to take to church or vacation Bible school. Corporately, churches are to have open eyes to see ministry opportunities. Often women are the first to see. Our helper design draws us to the oppressed, the afflicted, the needy, and the fatherless. Women can be the catalysts to suggest ESL (English as a second language) classes, tutoring programs, visitation to nursing homes, or assisting at a homeless shelter. Even busy women can often volunteer once a month. Mothers can take their children to visit the elderly. (See the Leader’s Guide for this book for resources on mercy ministries.) The Samaritan did not start out on a journey to find someone who needed his help. He simply responded to the person in front of him. That is the place we are to begin. Often we are like the expert in the law. Our response to the rule is: Who is my neighbor? Tell me her name and address, and I will add her to my list and begin to love her. Jesus constantly explodes our penchant for getting everything placed in tidy categories with defined formulas. Our categories and formulas make us feel safe and spiritual. We can check items off our list. The covenant way is not formulaic. Jesus evaluates our motives. He pierces our hearts rather than adding to our address book. There are no categories. There are no formulas. The more excellent way is the way of love.

NEIGHBOR NAOMI Naomi in the book of Ruth was a good neighbor. Her light shone brightly to the two young women who came to live in her home. Surely her heart cracked when her sons married Moabite women, but apparently she never flinched. Their love for her tells the story of her love and acceptance of them. When she told them she was returning to Israel and kissed them good-by, “they lifted up their voices and wept” (Ruth 1:10). They insisted on returning with her. Naomi understood the distinction between sister and neighbor. Ruth and Orpah may have been kind and virtuous women, but unless they had a personal relationship with God, they were not daughters of the covenant. To encourage them to live in the kingdom apart from this relationship would be deceptive. Church membership does not equal salvation. Naomi did not water down the gospel by eliminating repen-

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tance and faith. “Turn back, my daughters; go your way . . .” (1:12), and Orpah did. But not without more tears. Naomi did not burn her bridges. She spoke truth, but in the context of a loving relationship. She showed hesed to Orpah. There was no estrangement. The relationship was defined, but it remained intact. Every neighbor will not be as easy to love as Orpah. Some neighbors are needy. Some are mean. But our calling is the same. Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. . . . and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:27-28, 35-36)

Loving our neighbor means that we do them good. The purpose of every relationship is God’s glory. This aim determines the boundary. The current discussion of boundaries emphasizes self-protection, but God’s Word sets forth His boundaries. Anything that disobeys God’s Word and diminishes His glory crosses a boundary and does not do our neighbor good.

A GOOD NEIGHBOR In one of George MacDonald’s novels two young people, Kirsty and Francie, grow up together. Kirsty tries for years to lead Francie to Jesus. Francie loves her and wants to marry her but for selfish reasons. She refuses his proposal but speaks truth to him. He complains: “For the life of me, Kirsty, I don’t know what you’re driving at, or what you would have me do!” “Man, did ye never once in yer life think what ye ought to do— what ye had to do—what was given ye to do—what it was yer duty to do? Do ye think only o’ appearances and never o’ what’s the right and honorable thing?” “Not so often, I’m sure, as I should. But I’m ready to hear you tell me my duty. I’m not past reasoning with!” “Did ye never hear that ye’re to love yer neighbor as yersel’?” “I’m doing that with all my heart, Kirsty—and that you know as well as I do myself.”


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“You mean me. . . . But it’s not me that’s yer neighbor, Francie!” “Who is my neighbor, Kirsty?” “The question’s been asked afore—and answered.” “And what’s the answer to it?” “That yer neighbor’s jist whoever lies next to ye in need o’ yer help. If ye read the tale o’ the good Samaritan wi’ any sort o’ gumption, that’s what ye’ll read in it, and naethin’ else. The man or woman ye can help, ye hae to be neighbor to.” “I want to help you.” “Ye canna help me. I’m no’ in need o’ yer help. And the question’s no’ whaur’s the man I might help, but whaur’s the man I must help. . . .” “Kirsty, in the name of God, who is my neighbor?” “Yer ain mither.”

Francie was shocked. His mother was a completely unreasonable alcoholic who had made his life miserable. When he protested that helping such a woman was impossible, Kirsty responded: “Francie . . . ye’re yer mither’s keeper. Ye’re her nearest neighbor. Are ye gaeing to do yer duty by her or are ye not? . . . Ye asked me who was yer neighbor, and I telled ye as best as I understood it. Lovin’ the one closest by ye’s the only way into the life ye’re still wantin’. There’s naethin’ else to say till ye want that life yersel’. But I canna make ye want it, Francie.” She looked deep into his eyes, then turned and walked on. . . .3

The conversation struck Francie to the heart. In desperation the young man called out to God, and then he began to try to be a good neighbor to his ungrateful mother. But now that Francis was awake to his duty, the best of his nature awoke to meet its calls, and he drew upon a growing store of love for strength. He learned not to mind looking tyrannical, selfish, and heartless in the endeavor to be truly loving and lovingly true. He did not have Kirsty to support him, but he went to the same fountain from which Kirsty herself drew strength.4

It’s a good story with a happy ending. Anytime we are a good neigh-

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bor there is a happy ending. Whether or not the person we are neighboring responds, when we go to the fountain, we are refreshed. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light. PSALM 36:9

PRINCIPLE: MERCY Mercy is one facet of God’s goodness (hesed) to us. Because we are recipients of mercy, we are to be streams of mercy to a dying world. Too often Christians default by shifting responsibility to governmental and philanthropic entities. Christians substitute writing a check for the messiness of personal, gloves-off ministry. But daughters of the covenant are commanded and empowered to impact personal and corporate neighborhoods with life-giving mercy, and our helper design suits us for the task. George Grant reminds us that during every revival in church history, the hungry were fed, the naked clothed, and the unwanted rescued. Word was wed to deeds. This fact has always proven to be the bane of the church’s enemies. Unbelievers can argue theology. They can dispute philosophy. They can subvert history. And they can undermine character. But they are helpless in the face of extraordinary feats of selfless compassion.5 He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, to love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? MICAH 6:8


Power Never underestimate the power of prayer. Prayer is a means God has given us to reclaim relationships for His glory. When Paul was in


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prison, he asked the Ephesians to pray “also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel . . .” (Ephesians 6:19). Pray this for yourself and other believers as we relate to our neighbors. And pray for your neighbors. Ask God to “open [their] eyes, that [they] may behold wondrous things out of your law” (Psalm 119:18). Mothering Moment

We’re glad you’re here. Have a cup of tea. Let’s talk. Q. I understand that God’s Word determines boundaries, but sometimes it is hard to know if a boundary has been crossed. And how do I put the boundary into effect? A. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, but some principles can help. However, before we consider those principles, here is a word of caution. Often the first question about neighborliness has to do with boundaries. This emphasis may deflect us from being a good neighbor. Our lives are daily intertwined with neighbors, and our first concern should be how to reflect Jesus to them. Pray for eyes to see and a heart to serve them. Ask the Holy Spirit to probe your heart and expose your motives for setting boundaries. Is there resentment because you have loved this neighbor and she has not reciprocated? Is there pride? This examination of motives is often the messiest part of mercy. When boundaries are appropriate, consider these principles. • If you are married, seek your husband’s wisdom. His perspective is vital. • Ask one or two older godly women whose wisdom you trust to help you to see sin in your own heart, to know when biblical boundaries have been crossed, and to pray with you about putting the boundaries into effect. Ask them to hold you accountable. • Consider your circumstances. Some boundaries may be necessary because of the age of your children, your health, or the health of a family member. • When you do have to enforce a boundary, spend much time in prayer. Pray that the Holy Spirit will go before you and prepare your neighbor’s heart. Pray for grace to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Pray for wisdom to communicate clearly. Define the biblical rea-

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son for the boundary. This may be done more effectively in writing than in person. Explain that the reason is twofold—your commitment to God’s glory and your desire for her to be brought to a relationship with Him. • Count the costs in advance. Think about all the consequences so that you are not thrown off-balance emotionally. Remember that when there is hostility and resistance to a biblical boundary, the resistance is not to you. The person is resisting the gospel. This is a spiritual battle. • Pray that you will never forget that you once resisted the gospel. It is only because of God’s mercy that He gave you a heart to believe. Pray that God will do a work of grace in your neighbor’s heart. Living and Leaving the Legacy

1. Read Ruth 3. 2. What neighbors are in your life? Ask God to make you a good neighbor. 3. How are you teaching children in your home and church to be merciful? 4. What mercy ministries does your church have? Are you or your family involved in any of these ministries? 5. If you are involved in a mercy ministry, are you taking a younger woman with you so that she will learn to be merciful?

8 Wife—Legacy of Intimacy Older women . . . train the young women to love their husbands . . . T

I T U S

2:3-4

David Roberts T

O R O N T O

, C

A N A D A

As a new Christian, my wife, Evelyn, sought the counsel of a few women who had a marked effect on her life. These women spiritually mothered her. Sometimes they impacted Evelyn by they way they dealt with family issues and work. Evelyn observed their lifestyles. On other occasions there were e-mails and one-on-one discussions that covered topics such as dealing with hurts, guilt, forgiveness, and biblical womanhood. As my wife assumed a leadership role in the church, new friends she met at women’s conferences added a whole new dimension to her life. She met women she admired, and they became friends and confidants. I do not think she could have stepped into her position of leadership without the support of the Christian women that she draws on for encouragement and insights. I grew up as a missionary kid. Over the years I have attended many churches in several denominations. Evelyn and I are now part of a denomination with a strong women’s ministry. This is the first time I have encountered a women’s group that has such a wealth of literature and practical support for women. Every time the women of our church

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return from a conference, they are elated and energized. The value of a biblically sound women’s ministry is probably not truly understood by the male church-going population. When Evelyn and I married five years ago, I wondered how our different backgrounds would meld. I have been a Christian since childhood, and Evelyn was a new Christian. Add in the fact that we were both divorced, and our marriage could have had many difficult moments. We met in a rather odd way. I visited Grace Toronto Church, and during a prayer time I heard Evelyn pray. I was impressed with her sincerity, and I also noticed that she was sitting alone. After the service I went up to her and said, “Nice prayer” (not a great pick-up line). We talked, and I finally mustered the courage to ask her out for lunch. Our romance started, and a year later we were married. People in our church still laugh about my “nice prayer” introduction. Once when two teenage girls were asked to pray publicly on Mother’s Day, they worked hard on their prayers because they understood that nice prayers could attract eligible guys. When we were first married, both of us tried to change the “annoying” habits of the other. What surprised me was that she gradually stopped trying to change me. When I asked why, she explained that through reading books on biblical womanhood and through the support of her mentoring women friends, she decided to pray and ask God to make me the husband He wanted me to be. She believes that changes have occurred. My guess is that the changes are slow! When we irk each other, Evelyn is often the first to seek forgiveness. I am the older Christian, and I am learning from her. When I “add up” the many e-mails (I call them fe-mails) from her friends, I am beginning to appreciate how important other supportive Christian females are to our marriage. I am thankful for the women who have invested in Evelyn. I am the beneficiary. I am grateful that Evelyn is now investing in others. This may sound schmaltzy, but my goal in our marriage is to have my wife say that my love helped her with her intimacy with God. I believe that love is the total commitment to the full development of the other. I am blessed to have a wife who earnestly wants God to work in and through her life, and as a consequence, my love and admiration for her continue to grow.

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W

eddings are big business. The chief criteria for many church weddings are the beauty and seating capacity of the sanctuary. The emphasis is on the event rather than the marriage. Most Christian couples enter marriage with the world’s paradigm—this relationship exists to make me happy. Even when they affirm their desire for Christ to be the center of their marriage, the underlying purpose is usually the same—personal happiness. The prevailing view of marriage glorifies self-fulfillment, physical attraction, and individual preference, resulting in sinful shallowness. God created and ordained marriage for His glory. Marriage was the first human relationship established and is foundational in the covenantal matrix. God uses marital language to proclaim His covenant love for His people: “And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD” (Hosea 2:19-20). This may be the most definitive expression of God’s hesed to us, and nowhere should His lovingkindness be more fully reflected than in marriage. Marriage is the most intimate and intense of human relationships. If the enemy hijacks this relationship, all others are weakened. Whether or not a woman is married, understanding the biblical paradigm is essential for growth in grace. A distorted view of marriage dwarfs our perception of salvation. Isaiah’s glorious prophecy of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church, out-dazzles any wedding planner’s grandest feat. I will make an everlasting covenant with them. . . . I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. . . . The nations shall see your righteousness, and all the kings your glory, and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will give. You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal

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diadem in the hand of your God . . . as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you. (Isaiah 61:8, 10; 62:2-5)

M A R R I A G E M AT T E R S Metaphorically, marriage is the illustration God uses to reveal His faithfulness and love for His people and our union with Christ, the Bridegroom. In The Mystery of Marriage, Mike Mason wrote, . . . throughout the Bible marriage is employed as the most sublime metaphor for the relationship between man and God. Paul . . . resorted to this picture to describe the loving union between Christ and His Church, but the Old Testament prophets also used marriage as the plainest and most transparent example of the type of covenant love the Lord has for His people, and Jesus told parables in which a wedding feast became the symbolic setting for the coming of the Kingdom. A good Christian marriage, indeed, is more than a religious metaphor: it is a first tangible and visible and most glorious fruit of the Kingdom of God.1

David White, Harvest USA, describes marriage as “a covenant in which absolute devotion is sworn to another. This is the type of relationship God expects from His people. When He called Israel to be His chosen people and brought them up out of Egypt, He established an exclusive, covenantal relationship with them. The language He used in the giving of the Law is illustrative of the commitment between a husband and wife. The first commandment demands absolute faithfulness (You shall have no other gods before me) to the Lord, and the second (You shall not make for yourselves idols) affirms that He is a jealous God.”2 The covenant of marriage, like that between Christ and His church, is an “indissoluble, sacred bond, one legal person.”3 Two become one. This truth gives new insight to God’s hatred of divorce. Not only does divorce wreak havoc for His image-bearers, but it attacks God’s character because marriage reflects the eternal nature of His relationship with His people. Divorce is devastating, but disharmony in marriage also violates the one-flesh concept. This is why Paul urged Titus to equip older women with sound doctrine so that they could train young women to love their husbands (Titus 2:4).


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Even if your marriage is a shambles, God can transform it to reflect the reality of Christ and His bride. But this process means reclaiming this relationship from self-centeredness and bringing it under the authority of God’s Word. Ideally a husband and wife will do this reclaiming work together, but even if one refuses, the other is not excused. Christ does not recuse Himself because of our failures. God is the faithful husband in pursuit of His fickle and feckless bride. His relationship with His people is based on a covenant initiated and sustained by Him. When a marriage relationship is one-sided—and there are times when every relationship is uneven—it can reflect the one-sidedness of God’s grace to undeserving sinners. This book is for women, so the responsibilities of the husband are not addressed. This is not a how-to chapter on marriage. The scope of this chapter is very limited. It seeks to help women think about marriage in the grandest of ways, as a covenant relationship that illustrates the gospel. We attempt here to obey the Titus mandate by giving some basic principles that can help women love their husbands.

TRAINING

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LOVE

Weddings are a foretaste of the eternal celebration between our heavenly Bridegroom and His bride. A favorite wedding moment is witnessing the bridegroom’s expression when he has the first glimpse of his bride. His look of adoration anticipates Jesus’ consecration of His bride. Paul captures that moment and masterfully weaves in the salient elements of what it means for a bride to love her husband: Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and

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cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33)

The biblical imperative for loving a husband is summarized in two words: submission and respect. The domestic circle will never illustrate the union between Christ and His church without wifely submission and respect. It is through the learning and living out of these virtues that wives become in practice what they are in position before God—holy and blemish-free. The spots and wrinkles of sin slowly dissolve as a woman learns to submit to and respect her husband. Submit and respect—lightning-rod words. Our attention immediately goes to the person we are to submit to and respect, and for many women this presents a huge problem. In addition to our internal resistance, there is enormous external opposition. Wife is a role denigrated by feminism. Most women assume that the philosophy of reciprocity— marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition—is fair and balanced. To suggest that women are called to submit and respect conjures up stereotypes of befuddled and unenlightened women. With great theological exactitude, Scripture counters this fallacy by showing that these virtues have a kingdom purpose. They are a means to glorify God and extend His kingdom. Scripture does not call women to this kind of behavior apart from a clear exposition of the purpose and power of the gospel. The biblical paradigm always begins with and emanates from God. Submission and respect are not a response to a husband’s character; they are a response to God’s love and a reflection of God’s character. Peter precedes his call for wives to submit and respect with gratitude for our gospel inheritance: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for


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you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (1 Peter 1:3-5)

Then Peter gives a call to obedience: Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct. . . . (1:13-15)

Peter gives another reminder of the gospel reason for obedience: . . . knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. . . . (1:18-19)

Peter points us to our destiny: . . . you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. . . . But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (2:5, 9-10)

Even a miniscule understanding of this glorious destiny blasts our self-serving resistance and readies us for obedience: Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation. Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution. . . . (2:11-13)

As Peter unfolds the principle of submission to those in authority, he warns us that passions of the flesh will war against our soul. Our sub-

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mission is for the Lord’s glory, and we do it for His sake. It is a service to Him. Peter then addresses various relationships, including the submission of a wife to her husband: Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives—when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, of the putting on of clothing—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (1 Peter 3:1-6)

Submission and respect are not conditional on the spiritual state of the husband. Your husband may be a brother or a neighbor, and those governing principles apply. The boundary principle discussed in chapter 7 also applies, and I repeat it here: Loving our neighbors means that we do them good. The purpose of every relationship is God’s glory. This determines the boundary, as set forth in God’s Word. Anything that disobeys His Word and diminishes His glory crosses a boundary and does not do our neighbor good. Submission has nothing to do with status. Peter tells husbands to honor their wives “since they are heirs with you of the grace of life . . .” (3:7). Then Peter continues the call to obedience: “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing” (3:8-9). And then he gives the promise: “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil” (3:12). Seen in this context, submission and respect are not to be resisted or feared. They are evidence that we are royal daughters, and they are means to proclaim the excellencies of Him who called us out of darkness into His marvelous light; they verify that we are recipients of mercy.


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Obedience to this call brings the blessing of God’s presence, His eyes upon us, and His ears opened to us. Submission and respect are volitional expressions of the helper design. This fruit of grace gives life to a marriage. Submission and respect are two sides of one coin. You cannot have one without the other. They are not simply external behavior, but they are attitudes of the heart. Learning to submit and respect is not a one-time event; it is a daily confrontation with the reality of sin—our own and our husbands’. And it is a daily opportunity to grow in holiness as we submit to the Holy Spirit empowered cycle of forgiveness: confession, repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. A wife recently moaned about the impossibility of forgiving her husband. She was surprised when I agreed. Forgiveness is irrational. The grace of God cannot be computed or neatly ordered but must be appropriated with our cry of weakness. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Biblical forgiveness should not be confused with resignation, bargaining, manipulation, or capitulation. True forgiveness is not motivated by self, the sake of the children, the good of others, or personal reputation. Repentance and forgiveness drive us to the cross, the only place where we can receive power to live out the implications of the gospel. We can never submit to and respect another fallen sinner apart from daily trips to the cross where we plead for forgiveness and pray the prayer of Moses: “Please show me your glory” (Exodus 33:18). When God floods us with His goodness, we can then turn and reflect that goodness by submitting to and respecting our husbands. Forgiveness and repentance are hard, ongoing work. Forgiveness does not mean instant forgetting. Forgiveness means that we want to show God’s goodness to the person who has sinned against us even though his or her actions have left us scarred. Jesus still bears the nail prints in His hands, but His heart is ever toward us, and He intercedes for our good. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. Forgiveness is one-sided. It is an unconditional response to the one who has sinned against us. Reconciliation is two-sided. There must be repentance on the

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part of the offender and forgiveness on the part of the offended for reconciliation to occur. But forgiveness should be granted even when there is no reconciliation. Forgiveness in marriage counts for eternity. Contrast the bitter legacy of divorce with the legacy of forgiveness in marriage. Both legacies reverberate for generations. Marriage is the field for the daily practice of forgiveness. Marriage is the relationship for daily destroying records of wrong (1 Corinthians 13). A woman serves Christ and His purposes when she prepares her mind for action, is sober-minded, sets her hope fully on the grace that will be brought to her at the revelation of Jesus Christ, and as an obedient daughter does not conform to the passions of her former ignorance but pursues holiness in her conduct as a wife (1 Peter 1:13-15). Perseverance in marriage honors God’s command: “what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9).

ONENESS Oneness in marriage is the fruit of intimacy with Christ. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). “Hold fast” is covenant language, and “one flesh” emphasizes the profound solidarity of this union. “Humans are never more like the covenant-keeping God than when they pledge themselves in covenant to one another. Marriage pictures God’s relationship to His people.”4 The Hebrew word translated “one” “stresses unity while recognizing diversity within that oneness. . . . The concept of unity is related to the tabernacle, whose curtains are fastened together to form one unit. . . . Adam and Eve are described as ‘one flesh,’ which includes more than sexual unity.”5 Submission and respect nourish oneness. These attitudes and actions do not oppress a woman but are restorative. They help to restore the intimacy and harmonious complementarity of the pre-Fall marriage relationship. Submission and respect are life-giving. They breathe hesed into a marriage relationship.


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SUBMISSION

We must go to the depths of the gospel before we can joyfully embrace the concept of submission. When Paul wrote to the Corinthians about the Resurrection, he concluded with this sweeping statement: For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ. Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. . . . When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all. (1 Corinthians 15:22-25, 28)

The fact that the Son submits to the Father “does not mean that the Son is inferior in dignity and being. Rather, in His messianic work the Son subjects Himself to the will of the Father. . . . The climax of Christ’s submissive, messianic work is this total conquest over His enemies, ‘that God may be all in all,’ when His absolute rule is universally acknowledged.”6 Until God is our all in all, submission will seem severe. When we have a kingdom perspective, submission will be splendid. The biblical pattern is indeed countercultural, and women need older women to train them for this calling.

TITUS 2 TRAINING Preparation for marriage should not begin when a woman is given an engagement ring. It should begin generations in advance as we pray that those yet unborn daughters of the covenant will be “like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace . . .” (Psalm 144:12). At a daughter’s birth, the training should intensify. Preparation for marriage begins by teaching our daughters biblical femininity. Our culture defines femininity by physical appearance and sexuality and measures preparedness for marriage by career preparation, financial security, and status. Biblical femininity is defined by godly character: “a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). The spiritually mature woman embraces God’s creation design. Her purpose is God’s glory, and her authority is His Word.

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Decades of passivity have allowed the priority of godly character to be pushed beneath the goals of personal fulfillment, romanticism, and appearances. Women committed to a legacy of biblical womanhood will have to enter the fray to reclaim the goal of godly character in preparing for marriage. Proverbs 31 is a fascinating fusion of the philosophical and the practical, of character and conduct. This chapter is a form of wisdom writing that was taught to the youth by an older person whose life illustrated the lesson. Proverbs 31 is Titus 2 training for our covenant daughters. In Proverbs 31, King Lemuel’s mother instructs him. She reminds him of his kingly calling: “Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy” (vv. 8-9). She warns him that an unwise choice of a wife will rob him of his strength (v. 3). Before describing the wife he needs in order to fulfill his calling, she acknowledges that this kind of woman is rare, but she is worth the wait: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (v. 10). We must train our daughters to aspire to this model of womanhood. In the family of God this model should not be a rarity. We should train our daughters to be excellent wives. Even if they are called to singleness, this training will mature them spiritually and prepare them to be corporate helpers in God’s church. “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (vv. 1112). These two sentences penetrate the depths of a woman’s character. A man’s heart is vulnerable. He needs to know that his heart is safe with his wife. Submission and respect build this trust. Sexual purity and passion are also essential. He needs a wife who desires him sexually and whose purity he trusts. This kind of wife will require radical preparation of our daughters. They live in a sexual culture where fantasy and reality are inseparably tangled. Even little children are aggressively courted by a worldview of sordid and profane sexuality. God’s plan includes honoring Him with physical union in marriage. Christian women must recapture sexuality from the powers and principalities of this world. We must teach our daughters that the world’s sexual masquerades for intimacy are a lie and that manipulative sexu-


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ality is sin. Godly preparation for marriage includes a biblical understanding of sexuality and a commitment to purity. The man who finds an excellent wife knows that he can trust her to do him good and not harm. She respects and protects her husband’s reputation. We must train our covenant daughters that a wise wife does not criticize her husband to others. She submits to her husband’s leadership, not just outwardly and grudgingly, but in her heart. She does not nag about his lack of leadership. Her very presence is a safe place of grace for him. When we teach our daughters to gaze at the goodness of God and then to drape that mercy, graciousness, slowness to anger, steadfast love, faithfulness, and forgiveness (Exodus 34:6-7) over others, they are prepared to take that hesed into marriage. Our daughters are to be trained in life skills. We teach them to be wise, prudent, and industrious by assigning responsibilities and teaching them that whether they “eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. (Proverbs 31:13-19)

Women of excellence who are outward-focused are to show our daughters how to express their helper design in acts of compassion. Our daughters are to become women who serve beyond their own family circle.

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She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. (v. 20)

Our daughters should be taught that it is a high privilege to help a husband to be a servant in God’s church. They are to delight in caring for domestic duties so that he, too, can serve beyond hearth and home. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. (v. 23)

Godly priorities and propriety characterize mature femininity. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. (v. 25)

When our daughters hear wise women speak life-giving truth with a Spirit-controlled tongue, they learn the language of hesed. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (v. 26).

We can instill a love for the legacy of biblical womanhood by living the legacy. Daughters who call their mothers blessed will likely want to perpetuate the legacy. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” (vv. 27-29)

Ultimately, our daughters need to know that mature femininity is expressed by a reverent fear of the Lord rather than by appearances and performance.


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Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (v. 30)

This Proverbs passage is laced with community and compassion. It portrays the ideal of hesed. This worthy woman is the essence of the helper design. But Proverbs 31 is not a moralistic primer for teaching our daughters to love their husbands and children. It is a grace primer for that task. It pushes us to Jesus to seek His grace to reflect His character.

THE LOVE STORY The marriage of Ruth and Boaz illustrates the covenant paradigm. This union has all the right stuff. The bride had an older woman who trained her in the ways of the covenant. Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not seek rest for you, that it may be well with you? Is not Boaz our relative . . . ? Wash therefore and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do.” (3:1-4)

The bride’s purpose in marriage was not self-serving. Ruth learned about submission well before the marriage ceremony as she yielded youthful amusement to serve Naomi’s needs. When Ruth said to Boaz, “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer” (v. 9 NIV), he responded, “May you be blessed by the LORD, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich” (v. 10). The groom was a covenant-keeper. Boaz was willing to assume his responsibility and redeem the land. He responded to Ruth’s request: “And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman” (v. 11).

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This was a covenantal courtship. Such devotion . . . requires the taking of extraordinary risks. . . . Ruth and Boaz exemplify this dimension of the hesed ideal. . . . The ultimate risk . . . shadowed her nighttime visit to the threshing floor. She could not foresee Boaz’s reaction to such feminine forwardness. . . . Nor could she calculate the lost reputation and new accusations to result were she and Boaz discovered. Nevertheless, much was to be gained—the survival of Naomi’s family—so she took the risk. Along similar lines, Boaz took some risks in bringing her case before the public assembly (ch. 4). He could not anticipate how the proceedings at the gate would go. Nor could he determine how the town would interpret his taking the initiative in the matter. Again, the gain was worth the risk. Both did what hesed demanded. . . . Hesed requires that things be done in the proper way. . . . Hesed required self-denial and proper procedure for marriage.7

This covenant marriage was celebrated by the community. Boaz announced to the elders and the people gathered at the gate that he had redeemed Naomi’s land and taken Ruth as his wife. Then all the people who were at the gate and the elders said, “We are witnesses. May the LORD make the woman, who is coming into your house, like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. . . . So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. (4:11, 13)

This covenant marriage brought blessing to the community. Ruth and Boaz were the great-grandparents of David, and they are listed in the genealogy of Jesus. This marriage exemplifies God’s purpose for marriage as summarized in The Westminster Confession of Faith: “Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and of the church with an holy seed; and for preventing of uncleanness.”8 This covenant marriage is a picture of the gospel. Boaz was Ruth’s kinsman-redeemer. The Lord Jesus became man in order to be our kinsman. Boaz was willing and able to redeem the land. The Lord Jesus was willing to pay the redemption price for us. He was able


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to make this payment because He is the God-Man. He had the necessary resources—His sinless life was given as the sacrifice for our sins, and He took us as His own. “I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord GOD, and you became mine” (Ezekiel 16:8).

PRINCIPLE: INTIMACY Perhaps you expected the primary relational principle for the wife to be submission, but this chapter is about the beauty of marital intimacy. Submission and respect are an overflow of intimacy. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:23-25)

This is the covenant language of intimacy. Every wife is familiar with the effect of sin on marital intimacy. But God in His grace replaced the foolish fig leaves with the bridal gown of Christ’s righteousness. When wives embrace the principle of restored intimacy, nakedness once again becomes the holy privilege that sustains marriage. Redeemed intimacy—physical, spiritual, and emotional—is a picture of God’s original design for nakedness. The life-giving ministry of intimacy in marriage is a high and holy privilege of redeemed women. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. GENESIS 1:31


Power Often a wife’s prayers for her husband are a list of things she wants God to change about him. Instead, pray God’s Word for your husband. For

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example, pray Ephesians 4:14-19. Personalize it and insert your husband’s name. I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith— that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Mothering Moment

We’re glad you’re here. Have a cup of tea. Let’s talk. Q. My husband and I have long been emotionally divorced. Is there hope for our marriage? A. Is there hope for God to be glorified? A thousand times, yes. Is there hope for your temporal happiness? No guarantees. Your purpose must be God’s glory. You cannot make your husband love you. You cannot force him to be open and intimate. You can ask God how to reattach to your husband. You do not know what your husband needs, but God does. Ask Him to show you how to live a life of hesed in your marriage and to give you grace to do so. Enlist a godly older woman to guide you and pray for you. Give her permission to speak truth to you and to help you do what is good and right. Share your burden with her, and it will become lighter. That’s the covenant way. Often one of the highest hurdles for restoring a marriage is the question of who goes first. Don’t let the sin of pride keep you from saying the six most powerful words for healing: “I am wrong. Please forgive me.” Q. How do I nourish intimacy in our marriage? A. Marital intimacy begins with heavenly Father-daughter intimacy. Ask the Lord to show you your fig leaves of sin. It may be emotional expectations you have of your husband. It may be sexual sin habits. It may be resentment because of disappointments. Put off those sins by soaking in God’s Word and praying for His power to embrace your husband as God has embraced you. God’s Word celebrates marital love. So should a wife.


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Q. I am in my early thirties and long to be married. As I consider the pool of candidates, I am disappointed by their lack of spiritual leadership. I have my list of requirements, and there are no men who measure up. A. This is a frequent complaint. Perhaps men are maturing later, but perhaps women are expecting them to act like husbands before they are husbands. It is not good for the man to be alone. He needs a helper. The godly marriages you see did not get that way overnight. Those husbands have had the benefit of godly helpers. Perhaps the question is not which man will make a good husband, but what am I doing to become a candidate for an excellent wife? Consider talking to the wives of godly men and learning from them. Living and Leaving the Legacy

1. Read Ruth 4. 2. Think about your own marriage. List some things you learned in this chapter that can help you strengthen your marriage. 3. If you are not married, list some things that can help to strengthen your ministry as a corporate helper in the church. 4. Pray that your marriage will be an illustration of the gospel. 5. How are you preparing covenant daughters for marriage? 6. How could you join with other women in your church to prepare girls for marriage?

9 Mother—Legacy of Life Older women . . . train the young women to love their . . . children. . . . T

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I am a twenty-year-old college student. I am blessed to have Christian parents. My dad is pastor of the Japanese-speaking congregation of our church, Grace Toronto. My mum is great. I dearly love and respect her. She and my father always directed me to God. In our English-speaking congregation, we have a women’s ministry executive team. When I was asked to serve on this team, I was excited about the opportunity to connect with other women, especially the young single women. Little did I know the blessings God had in store for me. Through this team I met five older women. They “took me under their wings” and blessed me with godly guidance and love. Once when I was struggling with a relationship, I confided in one of these women, Evelyn Roberts. She listened to me and asked me key questions that helped me sort things out. Through prayer and taking her advice, the issues were resolved, and the process drew me closer to the Lord. My friendship with Evelyn blossomed, and soon I began arriving early for our meetings so that I could chat with her before everyone else came. I am thankful that my mum was not threatened by my relationship with

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Evelyn. She graciously allowed Evelyn to draw close to me and nurture me in my spiritual walk. Margaret Osborne drove me home after every meeting, and one night she stepped out of her comfort zone and took a risk to be vulnerable with me. Her life testimony has been an incredible encouragement, and God has used her as an example to persevere and live a godly life even in the midst of hard times. Now I have the honor of mentoring two younger girls. One is my fourteen-year-old sister, and the other is an eleven-year-old girl from the Sunday school class I teach in our Japanese congregation. We have many meaningful conversations. It is exciting to realize that God uses even me to extend His love and grace to others, especially to these younger women. When I heard about a mission trip to Japan, I wanted my mum to be able to go. And then Mum and I were both invited to be a part of this team of women who would speak at women’s conferences in several cities. Evelyn was part of the group, and so I had the wonderful experience of being with my mum and my spiritual mother, the two women who gently guide me in the way everlasting. The other women on the team were from all over the United States. We all met in Nagoya. I was nervous because I was the youngest member of the team. I reminded myself that we were all there because of God’s sovereign hand and that we shared a common love for Christ. This helped me overcome the shyness barrier, and I learned so much from these women. First, I learned the importance of prayer. I watched these women continually take advantage of this gift. They stopped in the middle of a hotel lobby or while we waited for a train and prayed. They prayed specifically about every detail. On one occasion I actually cried as I watched these godly women yield their hearts to the Savior in prayer. Another thing I learned was the sweetness of the fellowship of women. Everyone got along so well even though most of us met for the first time in Japan. It seemed as if we were best friends. The words of Jesus in John 13:34 came alive for me: “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” There was a mutual building up of one another as we united around our common purpose of spreading the good news of the gospel. Finally, I learned that age does not matter when it comes to allowing

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ourselves to be used by God to spread His love and His gospel message. Because I was the youngest on the team, I thought I would be a bystander, but God used me in unexpected ways. I helped translate, and I shared my testimony and myself. I was reminded of Paul’s words to Timothy: “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (4:12). I still have a lot of growing to do, but God showed me that He will use anyone who is willing to be poured out as an offering to Him. Praise His name!

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otherhood is marginalized, romanticized, and scandalized by a culture gone amuck. We hear of homosexual couples adopting babies and of mothers hailed as heroines because their sons strapped a bomb to themselves and blew up innocent civilians. And then there is the myth that women can have it all and postpone having children until they have achieved personal goals. Sylvia Ann Hewlett discusses this idea in her book Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children. There is a secret out there, a painful, well-kept secret: At mid-life, between a third and a half of all high-achieving women in America do not have children. A nationwide survey of high-earning career women conducted in January 2001 shows that 33 percent of them are childless at ages 40-55, a figure that rises to 42 percent in corporate America. By and large, these high-achieving women have not chosen to be childless. The vast majority yearn for children. Indeed, many have gone to the ends of the earth to find a baby, expending huge amounts of time, energy, and money. They subject themselves to humiliating medical procedures, shell out tens of thousands of dollars, and derail their careers. Mostly to no avail. After age 40 only 3 to 5 percent of those who use the new assisted reproductive technologies (IVF and the like) actually succeed in having a child—no matter how much they spend, no matter how hard they try. Why has the age-old business of having babies become so very difficult for today’s high-achieving women? They are better educated, command higher salaries, and enjoy greater access to careers than any generation of women before them. In addition they have

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longer life spans and many more reproductive options. Yet all of this new status and power has not translated into better choices on the family front—indeed, when it comes to children, their options seem to be a good deal worse than before. Women can be playwrights, presidential candidates, and CEOs, but increasingly, they cannot be mothers.

Hewlett then explains that the women in the breakthrough generation “grew to maturity on the crest of the women’s movement, fought hard to succeed in careers their mothers could only have dreamt of, and realized—in many cases too late—that among the sacrifices they were expected to make were . . . children.” She continues: My concern is that many of today’s young women seem convinced that their circumstances—and choices—are vastly improved. They believe that employers these days are more accommodating, that men are more supportive, and that women can rely on getting pregnant deep into their forties. As one 29-year-old woman lawyer told me, “the pioneer women of the ’70s and ’80s paid some kind of special price for their careers. For us, things are different. We plan on having it all.” But is such easy confidence warranted? I think not.1

Mothering separated from the covenant matrix becomes selfserving even when it looks sacrificial. We can’t help ourselves. We are wretched, self-focused sinners apart from God’s redemptive grace. We even use the privilege of motherhood for self-fulfillment. Many women consider it a right of passage rather than a privilege and responsibility of our creation design. “So God created man in his own image . . . male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth . . .’” (Genesis 1:27-28). Against the backdrop of cultural confusion and corruption, the biblical model of motherhood is strikingly simple and sane. The gentleness and warmth of true motherhood reaches out and enfolds us while the courage and commitment challenges us. This chapter is not about mothering skills. It is an attempt to wash our minds and hearts with God’s truth about motherhood so that we can train young women to love their children.


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A biblical paradigm of motherhood begins with God. He uses mother imagery to reveal His nurturing care of His children: Rejoice with Jerusalem, and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice with her in joy, all you who mourn over her; that you may nurse and be satisfied from her consoling breast; that you may drink deeply with delight from her glorious abundance. . . . Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem. You shall see, and your heart shall rejoice; your bones shall flourish like the grass. . . . (Isaiah 66:10-14)

MOTHER EVE “The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living” (Genesis 3:20). This verse seems to be out of place. It does not come until Genesis 3. A lot has happened. Did God and Adam forget about naming the woman? In fact, God did name her. This is the book of the generations of Adam. When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man when they were created. (Genesis 5:1-2)

There are multiple implications of this verse, but one is that woman’s role as a helper-wife precedes her calling as mother, not just in time but in practice. Biblical mothering flows out of the marriage. Another implication is that woman’s helper design fits her for both callings. Eve is more of a title than a name. It means life, life-giver—in other words, mother. And yet at this point Eve had not birthed a child. Consider the context. They had just heard God’s judgment against Satan: Because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and above all beasts of the field; on your belly you shall go. . . . I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and

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her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel. (3:14-15)

Dr. James Montgomery Boice wrote: Satan had appeared to them in the guise of the serpent . . . which . . . probably meant “a shining one” . . . perhaps the most glorious of all God’s creatures. Suddenly, however, Adam and Eve heard God’s judgment on Satan and saw this beautiful animal turn into a snake and slide away into the bushes. They must have been paralyzed with fear. They had seen the serpent’s judgment, and they were next. . . . Would they become snakes also?2

God said that the woman would have children. She would not be turned into a reptile. She was not pregnant, and so it didn’t take Adam long to connect the dots. Obviously God would not kill him. We can only imagine Adam’s glee when he bestowed the title Eve on his wife. In calling her life-giver, or mother, he affirmed his hope in the promised Deliverer. They were restored, and their calling to be fruitful and multiply was restored. Eve’s name is a celebration of her calling and capacity to be a life-giver.

BIGGER THAN BIRTHING We tend to have a myopic view of mothering. We limit it to women who have birthed biologically. The covenant way is bigger and bolder. Every redeemed woman is a life-giver. Failure to understand this biblical perspective diminishes motherhood. The results: We will be shortsighted and fail to extend our life-giving capacity into every relationship and ministry. Single and barren women are deprived of the joy of fulfilling their creational life-giving design, and the covenant community is denied their mothering ministry. Covenantal motherhood is inherent in God’s plans for his people: “He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!” (Psalm 113:9). This psalm was used to celebrate the annual festivals in Israel. It was a community song. The childless woman was recognized as a mother in Israel. This was a title of


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honor and respect. There are two places in Scripture where the phrase “mother in Israel” is used. Both are intriguing stories with cogent covenant lessons. In Judges 4 and 5 we read that Deborah, a prophetess, was judging Israel. The nation was under the oppression of Jabin, the Canaanite king. At God’s command, Deborah summoned Barak to go to war. After a stunning victory, Deborah sang a song of praise in which she contrasted community life before and after the victory: . . . the roads were abandoned; travelers took to winding paths. Village life in Israel ceased, ceased until I, Deborah, arose, arose a mother in Israel. When they chose new gods, war came to the city gates, and not a shield or spear was seen among forty thousand in Israel. (Judges 5:6-8 NIV)

There was fear, isolation, and idolatry in the land. There was no village life until God raised up a mother in Israel. Then Deborah describes the restoration of community life: My heart goes out to the commanders of Israel who offered themselves willingly among the people. Bless the LORD. Tell of it, you who ride on white donkeys, you who sit on rich carpets and you who walk by the way. To the sound of musicians at the watering places, there they repeat the righteous triumphs of the LORD, the righteous triumphs of his villagers in Israel. (vv. 9-11)

There were willing volunteers. White donkeys symbolized the restoration of civil order. There was prosperity. People gathered together and rejoiced in God’s goodness to them. Community life was restored because of a mothering ministry. Deborah could have identified herself in a number of ways, but she chose the designation of “mother in Israel.” Daughters of the covenant must reclaim the privileges and responsibilities of our mothering capacity and utilize this ability to nourish village life in our homes, churches, and world. The second reference is to a city. A man named Sheba led a revolt against David and then fled to the city of Abel. Joab and his army went to capture the fugitive. Joab, a master at destroying cities, had no con-

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cern for the citizenry. He wanted Sheba, and so his army began battering the wall. Then a wise woman called from the city, “Listen! Listen! Tell Joab, ‘Come here, that I may speak to you.’” And he came near her, and the woman said, “Are you Joab?” He answered, “I am.” Then she said to him, “Listen to the words of your servant.” And he answered, “I am listening.” Then she said, “They used to say in former times, ‘Let them but ask counsel at Abel,’ and so they settled a matter. I am one of those who are peaceable and faithful in Israel. You seek to destroy a city that is a mother in Israel. Why will you swallow up the heritage of the LORD?” Joab answered, “Far be it from me, far be it, that I should swallow up or destroy! That is not true. But . . . Sheba . . . has lifted up his hand against King David. Give up him alone, and I will withdraw from the city.” And the woman said to Joab, “Behold, his head shall be thrown to you over the wall.” Then the woman went to all the people in her wisdom. And they cut off the head of Sheba . . . and threw it out to Joab. (2 Samuel 20:16-22)

Joab blew the trumpet, the army dispersed, and he returned to Jerusalem. We do not know whether this woman was a biological mother, but she teaches us much about mothering. Walter Brueggemann shares some lively insights in his commentary on 1 and 2 Samuel: The wise are those not trapped in conventional perceptions. They are those who can think of an alternative way around the present set of circumstances. In this case the only option seems to be Joab versus Sheba to the death. The city is sure to be destroyed in the process of the armed confrontation. The woman wants to save the city, so she negotiates with Joab. She reminds him that Abel is an old and venerated city . . . a “mother in Israel,” a place to which people have looked for guidance, wellbeing, and life (vv. 18-19). The compelling words of the wise woman provide a poignant contrast to the ruthless intent of Joab. The woman speaks powerful words out of the tradition, about the “heritage of the LORD” which cannot be abused, even by royal power, as Joab proposes to do (v. 19). Indeed, the contrast between the city (whose voice is the woman) and David (whose agent is Joab) is striking. This challenge


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to Joab is a voice that is “peaceable and faithful” in Israel, a mothering voice that speaks for this mothering city. Joab and the might of the monarchy have come with arms to destroy. The peaceable woman and the peaceable city stand against the warring, destructive intention of the king. The king would destroy a peaceable city to advance his own interests. The raging intent of Joab is broken by the compelling voice of this woman. . . . A woman speaks the word that breaks the threat of the king, a woman who stands outside the seduction of politics and militarism and can imagine another way. She prevails even against arms and anger. The peaceable city is rescued, the heritage of the Lord is saved. The wisdom of the woman and the well-being of the city stand together. Wise words override ruthless policy. At the end, not only the woman and the city are saved, something of David’s dignity and self-respect are also rescued from Joab’s mad . . . intent.3

Women are not called to be warriors, but our helper design equips us to be defenders, protectors, and restorers. It is part of our life-giving, nurturing capacity, regardless of whether we have birthed biologically.

M O T H E R M AT T E R S A woman will not mother well without honoring her own mother. Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12) Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. (Ephesians 6:2-3)

Adulthood ushers us into a new relationship with our parents. We are no longer under their authority. But the command to honor remains, even when they die. Failure to honor our parents will infect our own mothering. It will not go well with us or our biological or spiritual children. Whether your mother is a sister or a neighbor, the governing principles of covenantal relationships apply. Failure to honor our mothers diminishes our life-giving capacity.

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MOTHERING

[Jesus said:] “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not!” (Matthew 23:37)

This poignant picture of our Savior brooding over Jerusalem reminds us of the anguish of mothering. It also proclaims the refuge for mothers. Boaz said to Ruth, “The LORD repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!” (Ruth 2:12). From that sanctuary Ruth received strength for the suffering, and she became God’s instrument to change Naomi’s emptiness to fullness. When Naomi and Ruth had returned to Naomi’s home, “the women said, ‘Is this Naomi?’ She said to them, ‘Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the LORD has brought me back empty’” (1:19-21). Naomi means “pleasant,” and indeed her full life was pleasant when she left Israel with a husband and two sons. When she returned, four had become one. She had buried her husband and sons and had gained a daughter-in-law. The plummet from full to empty mocks her name, and so she tells the women to call her Mara, which means “bitter.” Mothering is painful. This relationship can take us to the pinnacle of euphoria and to the pit of despair. In rejoicing and in sorrow, mothers need to know what Naomi knew: “. . . the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. . . . the LORD has brought me back empty.” It is theologically significant . . . that Naomi attributed nothing to chance but everything to Yahweh. In her view, there was no other force in the universe . . . she stood open and honest before God in her suffering. . . . But one must avoid attributing Naomi’s suffering to some heretofore unmentioned sin. . . . The narrator gives no grounds for doing so. Rather, Naomi’s words point to the mysterious . . . workings of God. Finally, one must realize that her outburst in fact assumes a positive view of God, namely, that he controls the universe. . . .4

For some women the emptiness of mothering is due to infertility.


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For some it is a sense of inadequacy or fear of failure. For some it is the illness or death of a child. For others it is a rebellious child. For Mary it was the destiny of her Child. When Mary and Joseph took the infant Jesus to the temple, she was confronted with the mourning of mothering. Simeon took the baby in his arms and blessed God that he had seen the Christ. Then he said to Mary, “Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also) . . .” (Luke 2:34-35). What happened next is riveting: And there was a prophetess, Anna. . . . She was advanced in years, having lived . . . as a widow until she was eighty-four. She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day. And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem. (Luke 2:36-38)

Mothering is hard. Mothers need older women who will speak to them of the sovereign love of God even when they have a sword in their soul. They need women who will remind them that God’s redemptive plan is being implemented even in our times of emptiness. They also need women to encourage them that God fills our emptiness with His grace. God provided Anna to speak truth to Mary. He provided Ruth to accompany Naomi and the women to welcome her. In sum, when God is at work, bitter hopelessness can be the beginning of some surprising good. In similar desperate straits, one might glimpse in simple food at table and loyal friends nearby the very work of God sustaining and guiding his child until God himself dispels the darkness.5

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Hesed startles us. We never anticipate it. It is so unselfish. It is so uncommon. It is so like Christ. The amazing conclusion of the story of Naomi, Ruth, and Boaz does not disappoint us. So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the LORD gave her conception, and she bore a son. Then the

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women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse. And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David. (Ruth 4:13-17)

In the beginning of the story, the women welcomed Naomi and listened to her misery. Here they welcome her grandson. In the marriage arrangement, Boaz had redeemed the land and agreed that the first son would be Elimelech’s legal heir (4:5, 10). But there is more in this narrative than law. There is love. . . . the women bore the newborn from Ruth’s home to Naomi’s, joyfully announced his birth (vv. 14-15), and handed him to her (v. 16a). One might simply regard this scene as a brief celebratory visit by the child, the first of many to her house, were it not for two other statements within the context. In the first, the women affirm that the child will be Naomi’s go’el—and here is the key—because (ki) Ruth . . . who deeply loves Naomi, is his mother. It states that Ruth’s affection, not law, custom, or family loyalty would guarantee the child’s future care of Naomi. That seems to assume that Ruth’s action was something unusual, that other daughters-in-law might not volunteer their child for such service even if legally such a child were the older woman’s heir. . . . In this scene, the narrator reports that Naomi was to raise the child as if it were her own son. He was to be her son in the daily, ordinary sense requiring her care, affection, discipline, and guidance. . . . Thus, Ruth’s unusual action was one last gift to Naomi, the gift of a son to care for as her own—a son to replace the deceased ones, a son who would later reciprocate her care as she grew old (v. 15). Ruth performs this act voluntarily and out of deep affection for Naomi. . . . One recalls Ruth’s costly commitment to Naomi (1:16-17; 2:11), her initiative on the field (2:7), her courage at the threshing floor (3:5-6), and her dedication to preserve Naomi’s family (3:9-10). . . . In a climatic closing, the women heaped one last accolade on Ruth. They compared her to seven sons, the Israelite ideal number of sons.


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Such a male host would certainly have guaranteed both the continuation of a family line and a widow’s care in old age. . . . On the surface, Ruth had done nothing that one of Naomi’s two sons could not have accomplished had he survived. Shortly, the author will spring his surprise ending . . . because of Ruth, Naomi had become more than just a “mother”; she was to be the honored ancestress of Israel’s future leading family.6

The narrator and the women are careful to acknowledge the Source of this blessedness: “. . . the LORD gave her conception, and she bore a son. Then the women said to Naomi, ‘Blessed be the LORD who has not left you this day without a redeemer . . .’” Ruth was a life-giver before she gave birth. Her beautiful expressions of hesed are a reflection of the life of the Redeemer under whose wings she took refuge. It is from that refuge that we, too, find grace for a mothering ministry.

PRINCIPLE: LIFE Mothers give life, not just birth. Every woman is called to be a life-giver in every relationship and ministry God entrusts to our care. All redeemed women are mothers in Israel. Words of encouragement give life to the discouraged. Ministries of compassion infuse life into the weary and worn. Ministries of availability and hospitality beyond kith and kin model the covenant way of life. Ministries to unsaved neighbors give glimpses of life. When we live the life of hesed, we impart life in myriad mothering roles. But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. 1 THESSALONIANS 2:7-8


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Power We cannot change the hearts of our covenant children. But we can pray, and we must pray. Pray that God “will give them a heart to know that [He is] the LORD” (Jeremiah 24:7). Pray that God will teach them His righteous rules, keep their way pure, teach them His statutes, give them understanding, lead them in the path of His commandments, incline their hearts to His testimonies and not to selfish gain, and turn their eyes from looking at worthless things (Psalm 119:7, 9, 33-37). And pray that you and your covenant sisters will have mothering hearts. Mothering Moment

Welcome to our table. Please have some shortbread and sugar cookies. Let’s talk. Q. Theoretically I understand that motherhood goes beyond biology, but will you give me an example? A. Gladly. Mrs. Strother never had biological children, but when my (Barbara) husband was a little boy, he was one of many whom the Strothers spiritually parented. Mrs. Strother taught Mark fishing and good manners, and most importantly, she memorized Scripture with him. He never called her mother, but God significantly used her brand of mothering, and I am grateful. Q. We are expecting our first child in a few months. There seem to be extreme philosophies of parenting in the Christian community, and most parents are passionate about their philosophy. We are feeling pressured. How do my husband and I develop a biblical philosophy of parenting? A. I (Barbara) remember asking an older woman this question. She told me not to worry—that my child would come with an instruction guide. In a way she was right, but her answer did not point me to The Guide. Biblical parenting starts with the Bible. Scripture sets forth your marriage as the metaphor for the truth of the gospel. What will your children know of Jesus through the way you and your husband love each other? Your most important mothering technique is being a godly wife. Remember, too, that God sets forth the primary purpose for your children—to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever. This life goal informs


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all parenting practices. Beyond these principles, our answer is a word of caution. Beware of parenting recipes and formulas with anticipated outcomes. Our collective experience with four children has taught us this: Mothers are not in charge, and God will surprise you! Be encouraged, wherever you are in your parenting journey, that God has not finished writing your child’s story. Q. How can a women’s ministry be life-giving? A. Life-giving should be a core value of any women’s ministry. The leadership of the ministry should be intentional in teaching this value and implementing it into all aspects of the ministry. Here are a few questions that can help keep this focus: • Will this decision breathe life into the church or suck life out of it? • How are we feeding and nurturing women? • How can we work in tandem with other ministries to help them grow? Can we decorate for a youth event, provide cookies for a children’s event, or assist the deacons in their ministry to widows? • How are we caring for the covenant family? Living and Leaving the Legacy

1. Read Ruth. 2. Make a list of ways women have been life-givers to you. Thank them for their ministry. 3. What are some practical ways to honor parents? Do you honor your mother? If not, pray about this and ask the Lord for grace and wisdom to do so. 4. What is your personal philosophy of motherhood? How has this chapter challenged that philosophy? 5. How has a woman been an Anna in your life? Honor her, and go and do likewise. 6. Ask the Lord to show you how to be a life-giver to someone else. Perhaps you can take a younger woman or your children to visit a shut-in, prepare a meal for a young mom, or write a note of encouragement to your pastor.

10 Pilgrim—Legacy of Fruitfulness Teach what accords with sound doctrine . . . Older women likewise are to be reverent. . . . They are to teach what is good . . . T

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Mark Thompson Z

A C H A R Y

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O U I S I A N A

My parents divorced when I was five years old. The year was 1950. My peers had never heard of divorce. I knew no one whose parents were divorced. I remember seeing my father four times after that, including at his funeral. Although I did not know him, I experienced both loss and love—because he was my father. My single mother raised four children, giving her best effort for physical, emotional, and spiritual provision. Physical provision consumed most of our family’s energies. We were entrepreneurial before the term became popular. We worked the hours needed to satisfy laundry customers. As a second grader, I worked before and after school until released to go upstairs for homework. Sunday was a special day. The Thompsons were at every church activity. Church is where I first realized that my family was divorced, although the word normally used was “different.” We had no extended family, and the church was the setting in which

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I observed husbands and wives together. My observations, and later books and movies, contributed to my view of marriage. Most of all, fantasy and fiction informed my view. I had participated in Scripture memory competitions that provided me with biblical facts, but I had no knowledge of how to apply biblical truth to relationships. My childhood was different, but I had no understanding of what I was missing. I have fond memories. We were a family. But during my youth, I decided I did not want a family like mine, and I developed a self-centered plan. Attending my church with her family was a girl named Barbara. We dated in high school and college and married at age twenty-one. Neither Barbara nor I had a clue concerning marriage, but we were married. We had a child. We were a 1970s professional couple working on financial success, with little time for emotional health and totally rejecting anything spiritual. I recognized the pattern from my childhood. Barbara describes this season as the time when we did everything possible to murder our marriage. We attended church intermittently and legally separated once. We focused on our son, ourselves, and our careers. We both knew something was missing. That something proved to be Someone. Our marriage limped along through decades of decay. But God’s plan was always at work. Within a few weeks in the early 1980s, Barbara and I both were saved. Surrender to Christ’s adoption is not a cliché. We had tried the world’s options. Flooded by His tender mercy, we gave up. Scripture memory, church choir, and sermons were God’s lovingkindness to us and quickly began to bear fruit. My heavenly Father gave me the desire of my youthful heart, not in the manner I imagined, but in a much better way. As my sweetheart and I grew in the grace and knowledge of our Savior, we discovered that we were not just legally married—we had a marriage. And our oneness continues to grow. Sure, we have issues; every marriage does. But our marital context is not my childhood, our early history, or current issues. Our context is the grace of the gospel. Jesus loves us, and He uses our marriage for His glory and our good. My Barbara is a blessing from our heavenly Father. Our daily prayer time together has produced a level of intimacy that I did not know could

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exist. And I almost missed this blessing. For years I was a church officer who did not want to pray with his wife. Barbara rarely nagged me about this, but about once a year she shared with me her desire for us to pray together. For over a decade she prayed that I would pray daily with her. My bride can be quite focused when convinced she is right. I am thankful for her perseverance. I am the recipient of her prayers and patience. I give all the honor, glory, and praise to God for blessing me with my best friend, lover, and companion. He knew us before we were knit together in our mothers’ wombs or joined in marriage. I tell all who will listen: The delight of my life here on this earth is my bride, Barbara. Barbara and I are approaching our sixth decade of life. It would be great to testify that everything is wonderful. That would be dishonest. The death of a sister, divorce in our family, the bitter pain of our sin struggle, unfulfilled dreams, and the aging of our bodies continue daily. However, my daily time with my sweetheart is the highlight of my day. My chief need is Barbara’s emotional availability and presence. Talking, a ball game, even riding together in the car now have significance. Our marital oneness is a blessing and responsibility that requires daily nurturing. Our life goal is to “finish well unto the Lord.” He has provided every tool and opportunity we need for the journey. May we serve Him well.

L

iving and leaving the legacy of biblical womanhood demands a pilgrim perspective. Pilgrims live well and finish well. In the finishing season, a woman’s legacy of relationships is intensified, and her doctrine is tested. How we finish is determined by our theology. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

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A settler takes up residence. A pilgrim is on a sacred journey. A settler hopes in circumstances and opportunities. She sets her sights on retirement funds and financial security. She despairs the deterioration of the body and obsesses over health and appearance. A pilgrim hopes in Jesus. Her sights are set on eternity in His presence. She does not deny the wasting away of the outer but rejoices in the renewal of the inner. A settler believes that suffering is random and pointless. She avoids encounters with her mortality. A pilgrim understands the economy of suffering. She knows that she is made strong by it and that a season of suffering is infinitesimal in the light of eternity. A settler is terrified of death. A pilgrim anticipates it. Settlers are earthbound. Lot’s wife was a settler, and she became a pillar of salt, “stopped, trapped, transformed as and where she was, in a still upright posture.”1 Pilgrim daughters continue to be shaped, carved, and positioned to be pillars of support even in the finishing season.

A POLISHED PILLAR The modifier finishing has several definitions. It means concluding, ending, and terminating. It also means to polish, refine, and purify. The finishing season of the pilgrim daughter’s life has the brilliant luster of the “imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4). This spirit is also precious to those who live in her wake. Contrast the lonely legacy of the settler, whose resistance to change and fear of the future leaves a path of anger and destruction, with the legacy of the pilgrim, whose children, grandchildren, and church family are eager to be in her presence. The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him. (Psalm 92:12-15)

Abraham’s wife, Sarah, was a pilgrim filled with the grace to believe the unbelievable and to do the unthinkable.


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By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised. Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born descendants as many as the stars of heaven and as many as the innumerable grains of sand by the seashore. These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles [pilgrims] on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city. (Hebrews 11:11-16)

Sarah’s name was originally Sarai. And God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name. I will bless her, and moreover, I will give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she shall become nations; kings of peoples shall come from her.” (Genesis 17:15-16)

Both names are variants of a word meaning “princess.” “Her birth name probably looked back on her noble descent, whereas her covenant name looks ahead to her noble descendants.”2 Pilgrims are forward-looking and forward-moving. When God changes our earthbound name to “daughter,” the sacred journey begins. If a woman journeys well, the natural order is reversed. She flourishes more at the end than at the beginning. She continues to be a life-giver. Her “gentle tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Her bones may be brittle, but her life is full of sap. Sarah’s pilgrim perspective may have been most dramatically demonstrated in her nomadic life. She and Abraham moved at least seven times, and she was no spring chicken! Part of our temporal confusion is in the idea that we need and deserve a settled, safe place for the last chapters of life. Sarah’s legacy confronts us with a biblical definition of place. Home is not just bricks and mortar. My (Barbara) grandmother’s pilgrim perspective prompted her choice to move to a

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long-term care facility so that her family relationships would not be cluttered by her daily needs. My (Susan) pilgrim mother left the familiarity of her home of forty years to move close to us so that she could be a part of her great-grandchildren’s lives. We know women in their sixties and seventies who have gone to the mission field. Women like this begin divesting themselves of priceless collections because they know that pilgrims travel light. Carol Arnold is such a pilgrim. Carol’s husband served as a pastor for thirty-four years. However, the Arnolds did not retire; they retooled for the next phase of ministry. The story is best told in Carol’s own words. My journey is a testimony to an all-powerful, wonderful God! I was a pastor’s wife, working hard in the church and content in my own little world. I never would have thought that my straight-laced husband—a German, choleric, type-A personality, who hates to fly, doesn’t like surprises, and doesn’t have an adventurous bone in his body—at the age of sixty-two would become a globe-trotting professor and teacher. But here we are, training pastors and wives all over the world, meeting extraordinary people, sleeping in odd places, traveling on all kinds of transportation, eating strange and suspicious food, and spending weeks in the bush where there is no electricity or running water. You can teach an old dog new tricks— when God is the Teacher! I had taught women all across the United States, but when God called us to this new ministry, I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to relate to women in foreign lands. I’ve discovered that God’s Word is true for women from every tribe, tongue, people, and nation. African women spend most of their time just trying to live through the day—carrying water, working in the garden, cooking meals over charcoal fires, sweeping the dirt around their huts, washing clothes by hand and spreading them on the bushes to dry, picking the stones out of the rice so it can be eaten. I’ve found that these women live without complaint. They are learning to be content, knowing that God loves them and will take care of them even in their dire circumstances. They have told me, “We are trying to survive in a difficult and often hostile environment. We don’t have the luxury of disagreeing over the kind of music we sing in church!”


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I have also learned that women around the world have many of the same questions, and so I am comfortable spiritually mothering them. However, some of their questions are tragically different: • Do I submit to a husband who might be HIV positive? • My husband has two other wives, but now as a new Christian, he wants to do the right thing. What should we do? • Our community is filled with young girls whose parents have died of AIDS, and they have no one to instruct them. How can we teach them when we don’t know biblical principles ourselves? These women cannot change their past or, often, even their present circumstances, but they can teach the next generation a better way. They can tell their daughters the truths of biblical womanhood; but first they must know these truths. The need for spiritual mothering is worldwide. Women need other women to show them how to apply the truth of God’s Word and how to pass the legacy to the next generation. God will prepare women who are willing to be spiritual mothers to whomever He brings into their lives. We look out over the world and see such great needs. But we must remember that God calls us to live day by day, not doing what feels good or what makes us happy, but doing what is right, what is wise, what God would have us do. We are to accept whatever a sovereign God brings into our lives and anticipate the opportunities He gives us each day. Be a spiritual mother where you are, and one day you might be sharing your experiences with women in Singapore, Sudan, or Somalia.

THE PILGRIMAGE Psalm 84 expresses the heart of a pilgrim: How lovely is Your tabernacle, O LORD of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the LORD; My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. . . . Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; They will still be praising You. Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, Whose heart is set on pilgrimage. (vv. 1-5 NKJV)

The tabernacle represents God’s presence. Blessedness is the enjoyment of God’s favor and grace. The woman who dwells in relationship

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with Jesus finds her strength in Him, longs for more of Him, and has a heart that is set on pilgrimage. Her theology produces a perspective of aging and dying that is doctrinally sound. She is freed to love with wild abandon until the last breath. The love of an almost-finished grandparent may be the most divine of human loves. This pilgrim’s heart is a praising heart, and her joy is contagious. People age differently and experience different physical and mental infirmities, but the praising pilgrim continues to serve. She simply adjusts to her new realities. My (Susan) mother often laughs that every day is an adventure. “I wake up each morning and wonder which body part has stopped working.” As mobility decreases, these pilgrims pick up speed in their prayer ministries. From their armchairs and beds they praise and pray. In our church we enlist and mobilize them to be prayer partners for those doing the tasks of ministry. Their experiences make them effective armchair quarterbacks. A woman who served as a Sunday school teacher for forty years can pray with fervency and discernment for someone currently in that ministry. And as prayer requests and answers are shared, a relationship grows, and community life is sweetened. On a visit with a vibrant pilgrim confined to a bed in a nursing home, we talked about television preachers she enjoyed, and she quickly added: “But I never watch a television preacher at 11:00 on Sunday morning when my church is worshiping. I join them by spending that time praying for them.” This pilgrim understood community life. I wondered how often we forget these faithful ones, but their strong hearts do not forget us. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, They make it a spring; The rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; Each one appears before God in Zion. (vv. 6-7 NKJV)

The meaning of Baca is uncertain, but it probably refers to a place of weeping or a dry valley. A pilgrim is not exempt from these valleys; however, when she passes through, she creates life-giving springs. This is a deliberate choice of trust and obedience in times of suffering. It is


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an intentionality driven by her life purpose, God’s glory, and determined by her authority, God’s Word. When this choice is made, God showers this pilgrim with more grace. She is a good steward of her valley, and it becomes an oasis for other weary pilgrims. She becomes a stream of mercy to fearful settlers. She and those she ministers to go from strength to strength. In his devotional book Near Unto God, Abraham Kuyper comments on Psalm 84: What’s amazing is this—only in our moral lives can we continue to grow. Love and devotion can increase in us to the very brink of the grave. Our arms may give out, but our characters can be made Samson-like. But simply by growing old, we don’t grow stronger in character. . . . For most of us a certain level of faith becomes more or less fixed. We don’t grow. We feed on what happened earlier . . . we don’t come to a higher strength in our walk with God. Not everyone, however. Some saints act like a giant floodlight, showering everyone around them with grace. Some older folks never cease taking full draughts of God’s love from the cup of grace. Some grow from strength to strength.3

Spiritually strong pilgrims are not weighed down with regrets and fear. They enrich the community of faith as they show that the finishing season is a good season. Not to minimize the suffering, loss, and struggle of aging, but the pilgrim has an eternal perspective. At a women’s event at First Presbyterian Church in Jackson, Mississippi, eighty-sevenyear-old Erin Lail shared her memories. She vividly remembered her aged grandmother writing to her: “Though there be but few strings left on the harp of life, God can still play upon it a ‘Hallelujah Chorus.’” Mrs. Lail said, “I hear the music, never silence. I want to be an Exhibit A of the faithfulness of God. I’m not at all accustomed to old age, though I’m making friends with it. Isn’t God merciful that old age is a gradual process? I promise if it happened overnight, it would be fatal.” O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer; Give ear, O God of Jacob! O God, behold our shield, and look upon the face of Your anointed. For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God

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Than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold From those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in You! (vv. 8-12 NKJV)

FROM EMPTY

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Naomi, Ruth, and Boaz walked uprightly, and God did not withhold any good thing. There are some aspects of pilgrimage that are solitary, but generally pilgrims do not travel alone. When Naomi returned to Bethlehem, the women surrounded her. At the conclusion of the story they reappear. Women were there to weep with Naomi and to rejoice with her. When the child was born, “the women said to Naomi, ‘Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a redeemer . . .’” (Ruth 4:14). These wise encouragers acknowledged that Yahweh had provided this gift. The Hebrew phrase is interesting. It indicated that Yahweh’s action was something He did not do. The phrase underscored that his intervention was preventative, heading off the tragedy of bitter old age and familial annihilation that looms so large in the book. . . . Yahweh’s instrument of prevention . . . was the kinsman-redeemer (go’el) . . . the newborn child . . . he was Naomi’s deliverer.4

“Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse” (Ruth 4:16). The language of this verse “suggests that Naomi did so as a warm, tender mother.”5 The child was named Obed. In all probability, Obed originally meant “servant” of Naomi; as her go’el, he “served” her by assuring her family’s survival and providing her food. . . . In sum, Naomi’s needs had been marvelously met.6

And then the climax. “[Obed] was the father of Jesse, the father of David” (Ruth 4:23).


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Suddenly, the simple, clever human story of two struggling widows takes on a startling new dimension. It becomes a bright, radiant thread woven into the fabric of Israel’s larger national history. Obed’s name perhaps added the nuance “servant of Yahweh,” for in the end his service of Naomi served Yahweh’s larger purpose as well. Earlier story items also suddenly acquire new meaning . . . earlier pain, agony, and uncertainty gave way to joy, triumph, and certainty. . . . Naomi would be remembered as ancestress of a royal family. . . . Ruth . . . finally had her . . . “place of settled security” (1:9), in Boaz’s home. . . . She was now a full-fledged Israelite wife and the proud mother of a son. . . . she exemplified the truth that Yahweh accepts those whose conduct demonstrates “Israeliteness.” . . . as “founding mother” of David’s dynasty, she brought about the great destiny hinted at . . . the divinely given continuation of the patriarchs, David. Yahweh also received his due. . . . he was praised for providing the needed son (vv. 14-15). He had, indeed, shown hesed (“loyalty, kindness”) to the living and the dead (1:8; 2:20)! More importantly, he had shown hesed to all Israel. His provision of the widows’ needs was but the firstfruit of a greater harvest, the provision of King David for Israel (4:17b). Working through human loyalty, he sowed a harvest of blessing for his people—David and (eventually) David’s later, greater son. That he used clever, courageous people to accomplish these things, however, suggests an important theme for today: God uses the faithfulness of ordinary people to do great things.7

Naomi’s emptiness was made full. Because of God’s hesed, this pilgrim finished well. Some things never change. Our earthbound emptiness is transformed by a Child, our Kinsman-Redeemer. His hesed fills us with “sap” so that we still bear the fruit of grace in old age.

THE PILGRIM’S PROGRESS In The Pilgrim’s Progress John Bunyan tells the timeless story of Christian’s pilgrimage from the City of Destruction to the Celestial City. After an arduous journey Christian and his fellow traveler Hopeful reach Beulah land, the closing days of the life of a pilgrim.

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Now I saw in my dream, that by this time the Pilgrims were got over the Enchanted ground, and entering into the Country of Beulah, whose air was very sweet and pleasant, the Way lying directly through it, they solaced themselves there for a season. Yea, here they heard continually the singing of birds, and saw every day the flowers appear in the earth, and heard the voice of the turtle in the land. In this country the Sun shineth night and day; wherefore this was beyond the valley of the Shadow of Death, and also out of the reach of Giant Despair; neither could they from this place so much as see Doubting-Castle. Here they were within sight of the City they were going to; also here met them some of the inhabitants thereof: For in this land the Shining Ones commonly walked, because it was upon the borders of Heaven. In this land also the contract between the Bride and the Bridegroom was renewed: Yea, here, as the Bridegroom rejoyceth over the Bride, so did their God rejoyce over them. Here they had no want of corn and wine; for in this place they met with abundance of what they had sought in all their Pilgrimage. Here they heard voices from out of the City, loud voices, saying, Say ye to the Daughter of Zion, Behold thy Salvation cometh! Behold his Reward is with him! Here all the inhabitants of the Country called them, The holy People, the Redeemed of the Lord, Sought out. Now, as they walked in this land, they had more Rejoycing than in parts more remote from the Kingdom to which they were bound; and drawing near to the City, they had yet a more perfect View thereof: It was builded of Pearls and precious Stones; also the streets thereof were paved with Gold. . . .

After the Pilgrims go through the river of death, Bunyan describes their entrance into the Celestial City: Now I saw in my dream, that these two men went in at the Gate; and lo, as they entered, they were transfigured: and they had raiment put on that shone like Gold. . . . Then I heard in my dream, that all the bells in the City rang again for joy; and that it was said unto them, Enter ye into the Joy of our Lord. Now, just as the Gates were opened to let in the men, I looked in after them; and behold the City shone like the Sun, the streets also were paved with Gold, and in them walked many men with Crowns on their heads, Palms in their hands, and Golden Harps to sing praises withal.


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There were also of them that had wings, and they answered one another without intermission, saying, Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord: and after that, they shut up the Gates: which when I had seen, I wished myself among them.8

I N H E R I TA N C E Inheritance is a big issue for the finishing season. We begin to scramble to be sure the will is in order. Scripture has a lot to say about inheritance. The wise woman from Abel asked, “Why will you swallow up the heritage of the LORD?” (2 Samuel 20:19). Moses prayed, “. . . pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us for your inheritance” (Exodus 34:9). The psalmist said, “Remember your congregation, which you have purchased of old, which you have redeemed to be the tribe of your heritage!” (Psalm 74:2). This last verse is puzzling. I can understand that “In him we have obtained an inheritance” (Ephesians 1:11), but why would the Creator and Owner of the universe want us as His inheritance? My (Susan) question was answered when we celebrated my mother’s eighty-fifth birthday. Her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren gathered for an eventful weekend. On Friday night the adults, Mama’s children and grandchildren, gathered at her home for dinner. Our daughter-in-law prepared a gourmet meal. I helped Mama set her table with her finest linens, silver, china, and crystal. Once again we all enjoyed her gracious hospitality. We made a video of Mama telling about family pictures and heirlooms. On Saturday we gathered at our home for a picnic with ten great-grandchildren ages fourteen days to thirteen years (and another in the womb). They prepared a “production” in her honor, which was also videotaped. Their script follows: Hunter: We are gathered on this day to celebrate the eighty-fifth birthday of the matriarch of our clan, Mary Kathryn Barnes McLaurin. I am Hunter Barriault, and it is my distinction to be her oldest great-grandchild. Mary Kate: I am Mary Kate Barriault. It is my privilege to bear her name. Daniel: I am Daniel Barriault, and I am named for her husband.

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Mac: I am James McLaurin Hunt. Everyone calls me Mac, which is what her husband was called. Susie: I am Susan McLaurin Barriault. I am named for her daughter. Cassie: I am Cassie McLaurin Coley, and I am named for her grandmother. And this is my new baby sister Maggie Grace. She is named for our cousin who is in heaven, Annie Grace. Hunter: These are the three-year-old cousins—Angus, Scotty, and Sam. Angus, Scotty, and Sam: Happy birthday, Grandma Mac! Hunter: And now we are going to interview Grandmama so that future generations—our children and grandchildren—can know about the rich legacy that we have because of her.

The children asked her questions about her childhood, the depression, and World War II. Daddy died before any of these children were born, and so they asked about him. The girls modeled dresses Mama had made for the occasion, and they asked when she had started sewing. They asked about her family and her faith and about people who had helped her to become a godly woman. Then they all stood and recited: “Her children rise up and call her blessed. . . . Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:28-30). One of our objectives in planning the event was to impress upon these children the richness of their heritage because Mama and Daddy persevered and lived faithful lives. But as I watched, I suddenly realized that those children are Mama’s inheritance. They are the most valuable treasure that she can pass on to the next generation. Then I understood. We are the inheritance that our heavenly Father gives to His world. We are the vessels that contain the priceless treasure of His gospel.

ME TOO! I (Barbara) admit that my first reaction to this family celebration was to wonder if it is a covenantal fairy tale, but I quickly regrouped and remembered Psalm 61:5: “For you, O God, have heard my vows; you


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have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.” God has given me an inheritance, and He has made me His inheritance. Then I can joyfully emulate every aspect of the covenantal ways of my sister and celebrate my spiritual mothers and my spiritual grandchildren. And I can pray that I will bear fruit as a mother in Israel so that my eighty-fifth birthday will be a celebration of God’s goodness.

PRINCIPLE: FRUITFULNESS By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised. (Hebrews 11:11)

The woman who considers God faithful will continue to conceive and bear the fruit of righteousness. She will be a life-giver in every relationship entrusted to her care. Her fruitfulness will be, as Mrs. Lail prayed, “Exhibit A of God’s faithfulness.” She will “walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God” (Colossians 1:10). But we must become empty before we can be fruitful. We must die before we bear fruit. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. (John 12:24-26)

Until we deny self, there will be no fruit. The life of hesed is a life of dying to self, and it ends where it begins: Its Source and Object is God. The hesed life is from Him and unto Him. His glory is radiated in a fruitful life that glorifies Him. Whoever is wise will observe these things, And they will understand the lovingkindness [hesed] of the LORD. PSALM 107:43

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Power Pilgrims pray. Prayer keeps pilgrims moving forward. Psalms 120 through 134 are known as the Songs of Ascents. They were sung by pilgrims as they traveled to the temple to worship. These psalms express the heart of a pilgrim. Pray these psalms and ask God to make them the songs of your heart. Pray these psalms for your fellow travelers. Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their masters, As the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress, So our eyes look to the LORD our God, Until He has mercy on us. PSALM 123:2

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Mothering Moment

Come to our table one last time. Have shortbread and sugar cookies and let’s talk. Q. As I age, how should I live so that others will want to be in my presence? A. God’s goodness in His daughter, regardless of her age, draws others into her circle of love. There are some practical things that make her presence more inviting. • She rarely focuses on herself or her aches and complaints. When Mrs. Lail is asked, “How are you?” her answer is always the same: “Never better.” • She is faithful in her holy habits of Bible study, prayer, and corporate worship. At church she speaks words of encouragement, appreciation, and affirmation to others. • She continues to be a lifelong learner with wide interests. My (Barbara) seventy-plus mother recently learned to use a computer so she can expand her cyberspace relationship with family members. • She has a sense of humor and laughs at the time to come and at herself. I still remember my mother-in-law’s hoot at herself in a swimsuit.


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• She has a biblical view of suffering and of death. • She does not live in the past but remembers the past with delight in God’s faithfulness even in times of horrific losses, pain, and failure. These gifts and graces don’t begin with some arbitrary entrance into old age. They begin when Jesus calls us “daughter,” puts us on the path of pilgrimage, and graces us to become fruit-bearers. Living and Leaving the Legacy

1. Read Ruth. 2. What is your goal for old age? What fruit do you want to bear? Start planting now. 3. Consider visiting a settler and sharing your pilgrim perspective—the gospel. 4. How are you the inheritance of an older woman? Write her a note, or take her to lunch, and tell her what she means in your life. 5. One final assignment. Invite someone to your table for a mothering moment. Our prayer is that this book has helped to encourage and equip you to do so.

Part Three

EQUIPPING WOMEN TO LIVE AND LEAVE THE LEGACY In him we have obtained an inheritance. . . . E

P H E S I A N S

1:11

In Part One we declared our premise: The helper design is a covenantal concept. We adapted Dr. Berkhof’s declaration and made it our manifesto: We maintain that biblical womanhood is an outgrowth of the covenant idea and is absolutely necessary in order to enable a woman to appreciate her creation design and to understand the significance of her calling.

What is true for one woman is true corporately for women in the church. A women’s ministry in the local church should be an outgrowth of the covenant idea. This section builds upon everything in Parts One and Two and presents a covenantal approach to women’s ministry in the local church. For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. . . . For the body does not consist of one member but of many. . . . God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. . . . God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. . . . (1 Corinthians 12:12-27)

Our prayer is that this section will help local churches equip women to live out and leave the legacy of biblical womanhood. We will refer here to Biblical Foundations for Womanhood, the Women in the Church discipleship training course developed by the Presbyterian Church in America’s Christian Education Committee. The books that comprise Biblical Foundations for Womanhood are Leadership for Women in the Church, Spiritual Mothering, By Design, Treasures of Encouragement, and The True Woman. Each book has a leader’s guide. There is also a corresponding Bible study series that uses the objectives and concepts of Biblical Foundations for Womanhood to help women apply Scripture to life. For more information, contact the Christian Education Committee: 678825-1146 or www.pcanet.org/cep. To order books, leader’s guides, or Bible study materials, call 1-800-283-1357; www.cepbookstore.com.

11 A Covenantal Philosophy of Women’s Ministry Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 1 C

O R I N T H I A N S

12:27

Sharon Betters B

E A R

, D

E L A W A R E

My granddaughters love sweets, and given the opportunity, they will scrape the gooey layer of frosting off a piece of cake and leave the bottom layer. They absolutely refuse to eat both layers together proclaiming, “It tastes better this way!” The way these little girls view eating sweets is not unlike the way many churches view women’s ministry. They see it as a program that is one layer of the church, rather than a vital ingredient that is marbleized into the whole community and is critical to the peace and prosperity of a local church and denomination. Several years ago I attended a women’s leadership conference and heard about a covenantal approach to women’s ministry. I was intrigued. As a pastor’s wife, I was delighted with a theological basis for women’s ministry that was consistent with everything my husband teaches our congregation. Suddenly I realized that our women’s ministry was not just one layer in our local church. We could actually have an impact on

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other ministries by seeing ourselves as a partner rather than as a separate entity. This philosophy grabbed the hearts of the women in our church. We methodically studied the Biblical Foundations for Womanhood materials. We continue to recycle these materials so that women are saturated with the truths about biblical womanhood. One anecdote illustrates the depth and breadth of the results. It all revolved around resolving the “great tea debate.” After carefully considering the planned church events in December, the women’s ministry placed the annual Christmas Tea on the church-wide calendar one year in advance. We expected more than five hundred church and community women to attend. As the date for the tea approached, the committee learned that the music ministry had re-scheduled their Christmas dramatic musical. In addition, the senior pastor (my husband) had scheduled a Pastors for Revival luncheon for the very day of the tea without realizing the date conflict. All three events had been publicized and could not be changed. Although the tea committee had reserved the whole church for their event, they now had to share the facility with two other groups. I described this scenario at a seminar and asked for a gut response. One attendee exclaimed, “I’m a pastor’s wife, and I say, ‘Shoot the pastor!’” Everyone laughed, but her words reflected how difficult it is to respond biblically to conflict. My initial response reflected a layered ministry perspective. We had the date first. The building should have been ours. But the chairman of our women’s ministry reminded me that women are partners in ministry and that we should seek ways to help other ministries rather than claim our rights. Threaded throughout the women’s ministry of our church are the biblical values of a covenantal approach to women’s ministry. These values were now in our hands and hearts. These are the specific values that helped navigate us through potential rough waters to a safe harbor of peace and harmony for our church family: God’s glory is the overarching purpose of everything we do. The women’s ministry is not one layer of the ministry cake. It is part of the whole.

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The women’s ministry is a helper ministry. It is designed to serve not only the women of the church but the whole church. The women are daughters of the King; therefore, they have a connection to the other sons and daughters of the King. Conflict is an opportunity to act as responsible family members who believe the best about spiritual brothers and sisters. The women are spiritual mothers and should use conflict as an opportunity to teach other women how to act as mothers rather than as wounded women who feel betrayed by church leadership. In light of these core beliefs, the women’s ministry chairwoman challenged the tea committee chairwoman to understand the grave responsibility of presenting the situation to her committee in the best possible light. She needed to see herself as a helper and find ways to enable all of the ministries to achieve their particular goals. Through honest communication, she learned that rumors that the senior pastor and music minister were unwilling to cooperate were false. Because everyone involved was focused on glorifying God, all three events took place within the context of love and unity. Women have been taught to think and act covenantally, and the women’s ministry in our local church has become a sweet swirl in a marble cake rather than gooey frosting on a layer cake. (Adapted from an article in the Women in the Church “Resource Letter” of the Christian Education and Publications Committee, Presbyterian Church in America. Sharon Betters is the author of Treasures of Encouragement, one of the books in the Biblical Foundations for Womanhood series.)

I

n 1987 the Christian Education Committee of our denomination, the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), decided to give increased focus and direction to the ministry of women in the church. We were both privileged to be a part of this endeavor. Susan was asked to serve on staff as the Director of the Women in the Church (WIC) ministry. Barbara was one of the women who served on an advisory committee and later as a consultant.

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The PCA holds to the position of male headship, and the women in leadership were committed to this position. We understood which roles women are not to fill in the church, but our questions revolved around what women are to do. How could the whole range of women’s gifts be utilized in the church without compromising male headship? How could we communicate to women that woman’s helper design and male headship are part of God’s wonderful covenantal structure and not anachronistic throwbacks? From the beginning of our pilgrimage to understand biblical womanhood, there were some nonnegotiables: • The authority of God’s Word. • The theological standards of our denomination. • The ecclesiastical structure of our denomination. We thought these principles would help rather than hinder us. We believed this framework would provide the freedom of a biblical foundation and context in which to explore the substance of biblical womanhood and woman’s role in the church. As we began to survey the church, culture, and available resources, several things emerged: • The resources were sparse. There were books that explained the theology of male headship, but we could not find books that set forth the practical theology of women’s roles in the church. There were also books that discussed a woman’s relationship with Christ, but none that helped women understand our relationships in God’s family. • The majority of models for women’s ministry were parachurch entities (a separate organization from the church) that ministered to individual women or auxiliary groups (a separate organization for special projects). We could not find women’s ministry models that were church-integrated. • We were smack-dab in the middle of a feminist culture. Exploring a biblical philosophy of womanhood would put us on a collision course with the prevailing ideas on this subject. We gradually came to the realization that we could not turn back. Like Ezekiel, we felt the “hand of the LORD being strong upon” us (Ezekiel 3:14). We soon realized that we should not assume that redeemed women will have a biblical apologetic for womanhood. This


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understanding is part of their education in the ways of the kingdom— part of the Christian education program of a local church. In our particular time this apologetic is essential since the cultural notions about womanhood are antithetical to biblical truth. So we realized the need to develop training materials to assist local churches. We studied, talked, prayed, and wrote. The result is a biblical apologetic for womanhood, a covenantal approach to women’s ministry in the local church, and discipleship materials that equip women to think and live covenantally. These materials are called Biblical Foundations for Womanhood.

A C O V E N A N TA L A P P R O A C H C H R I S T I A N E D U C AT I O N

TO

A women’s ministry is not an entity unto itself. A covenantal approach to women’s ministry recognizes that it is a part of the whole. It should be a helping, life-giving ministry that is like a supporting pillar for the church family. It should be viewed as one component of the Christian education, or discipleship, ministry of the church. A covenantal approach to a discipleship ministry is theologydriven. What we do, why we do it, and how we do it flows out of a systematic understanding of God’s Word. And yet in today’s specialized, individualized church culture, too often ministries are personality-, program-, or market-driven. A personality-driven ministry revolves around the strength of a leader. The focus is on that person, and the outcome is often akin to hero worship rather than relationships that are covenantal in nature. This model is not transferable. It will not work unless that particular personality is driving it. In a women’s ministry this model can easily become divisive if the leader disagrees with church leadership and women must choose sides. A program-driven ministry revolves around events. The focus is on the program. The positive results usually flow to the event planners. Success is determined by how many attend and whether it was bigger and better than the last event. In a women’s ministry this model can quickly become performance-driven rather than gospel-driven. Often

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women begin to feel territorial about their programs. A we-they attitude sets in. Competition, rather than complementarity, is divisive. A market-driven ministry revolves around the demands of the prospective consumer. The focus is on the participants. Requests for ministry are usually based on felt needs. The outcome results in meeting the needs of individuals and special-interest groups. In a women’s ministry this model often defines women by their needs and divides them into categories rather than teaching them the splendor of a community united around the common purpose of God’s glory. It is easy for models to become philosophies. It is not that anything is wrong with the personality, the program, or meeting needs, but if there is no overarching purpose, the ministry lacks theological integrity. A covenantal ministry involves an intentional decision to make consistent application of God’s covenant of grace to what we do and how we do it. The focus is on God. Because it is not personality-, program-, or participant-driven, it will outlive any specific personality, program, project, or need. A covenantal ministry is not a structural model. It is a theology of ministry from which various structures may be built. A covenantal approach to discipleship is a relational model that flows out of the realities of God’s covenant of grace. This approach seeks to integrate the educational and relational components of ministry. Biblical discipleship melds the content of the gospel of grace with covenant relationships that communicate the gospel. A high view of the church is fundamental to this philosophy. This view recognizes the authority of the church, including male headship. It acknowledges the unity of the body of Christ and recognizes that the various parts do not exist in isolation. Each member and each ministry is a part of the whole. The church is to equip each member to use his/her gifts for the common good. Grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift . . . and he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no


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longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:7, 11-16)

Christian education must be intentionally covenantal, or it will simply be a feeble attempt to sanctify the world’s philosophies and methods by scattering some Bible verses through them. Christian education must be integratively covenantal, or it will degenerate into insipid moralism that aims for behavioral change apart from grace. Christian education must be inclusively covenantal, or it will fragment the people of God into artificial seasonal and situational divisions that rob them of the depth and beauty of covenant family life. Vision and passion alone will never empower us to go the distance in ministry. We will fizzle out along the way. Neither can we entice others to fully embrace our personal vision and passion and pass it on to the next generation. Vision and passion must have theological roots that unite and ignite hearts to go and make disciples of all nations, teaching them to obey everything Jesus has commanded us (Matthew 28:18-20). (For a more thorough discussion of this topic, see Heirs of the Covenant by Susan Hunt.)

C O O R D I N AT I O N

OR

D U P L I C AT I O N

In consulting with churches about their women’s ministry, we usually begin by trying to gather the facts. We ask them to tell us everything they are doing. In most cases, there is a wide array of in-depth Bible study opportunities, perhaps an annual retreat with an outside speaker, and one or two special events. When we have everything listed, we ask these questions: How do women’s activities differ from all of the other educational opportunities women have in your church? Where are women taught what God says about being a woman?

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How is your women’s ministry enabling your church to obey Titus 2:3-5? What opportunities are women provided to develop nurturing relationships with one another? What opportunities does the women’s ministry provide for women to serve as corporate helpers in your church? In what settings are girls and teens being taught the principles of biblical womanhood? In one case, after an impressive list of Bible study opportunities had been compiled and the above questions had been asked, a very astute pastor said, “We don’t really have a women’s ministry. The Bible studies for women are no different from other studies offered through the church. The Bible studies and activities for women are not connected to the total ministry of the church.” Bingo! He nailed the problem. Then he could understand the tension and frustration among the women in the church. Women were not being taught the beauty and significance of who they are as women. They were not being equipped and mobilized to fulfill their design and calling for the common good. They did not even know how to define their restlessness. A church should carefully consider every aspect of its educational ministry and then fill in the gaps by assigning specific areas of discipleship to various ministries. Men, women, boys, and girls should be taught the whole counsel of God through the pulpit ministry, the Sunday school, and other learning opportunities. Then various age-specific or gender-specific ministries should build upon those foundational ministries with fellowship and training for that age or group. This procedure will require coordination. One approach is to have a Christian education committee comprised of representatives from every educational ministry in the church. Such a committee will enable a church to create a comprehensive Christian education ministry.

A C O V E N A N TA L A P P R O A C H WOMEN’S MINISTRY

TO

Woman was created to be a helper (Genesis 2:18). Women are called to be life-givers (Genesis 3:20) and supporting pillars (Psalm 144:12). In


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the covenant community, one generation of women is to tell the next generation about biblical womanhood (Titus 2:3-5). These are covenantal concepts that have pervasive and practical implications for the women’s ministry in a local church. Community and compassion characterize our helper design and are characteristic of the covenant of grace. Community and compassion can give focus and definition to women’s corporate ministry as helpers in God’s church. A women’s ministry should have the effect of bringing a deeper sense of community and compassion to the church family. A women’s ministry should be a life-giving, supportive ministry. A women’s ministry that flows out of Genesis 2:18, 3:20, and Titus 2:3-5 will have core covenantal values such as the following: • Biblical purpose: This ministry will challenge women to glorify God in all areas of life and to recognize God’s Word as the authority for faith and life. • Biblical perspective: It will view the church as God’s covenant family. • Submissive: It will be under the authority of the elders. • Integrated: It will be consistent with and supportive of the doctrine and ministry of the church. • Corporate helpers: It will support and enhance other ministries in the church rather than duplicate or compete. • Spiritual mothering: Women will teach women about biblical womanhood. • Community: It will provide opportunities for women to cultivate relationships with one another. • Equipping: It will equip women to serve as helpers and life-givers in the home, church, and community. • Compassion: It will provide opportunities for women to extend practical compassion. • Welcoming: It will be outward-focused, always seeking to extend the boundaries of the covenant to enfold women within and outside the church. This ministry will be life-giving and supportive. A church will rise up and call these women blessed. Their works will praise them in the gates (Proverbs 31:28, 31).

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W H AT D I F F E R E N C E D O E S I T M A K E ? In The True Woman I (Susan) refer to a penetrating question asked by a woman at a women’s leadership training seminar: “As we pursue our desire to train women for kingdom work through the women’s ministry of our churches, what is to keep us from spinning out of control and going the way of so many other women’s movements? Is it wise for us to organize and mobilize women?” That is, indeed, our vulnerability. A covenantal philosophy of ministry is our defense against this tendency. A lack of theological focus results in lives that are performance-oriented and ministries that become program-driven. When the primary focus is on personalities, performance, or results rather than on biblical foundations, we forget why we are doing what we are doing. Programs dissolve and energy is depleted. Theological ignorance leads to individualism and autonomy, which are rebellion against God’s authority. Through the covenant of grace God redeems, defines, and unites us as His people. So the nature of the covenant should determine what we do, why we do it, and how we do it. One way to think covenantally about ministry is to consider some of the characteristics of the covenant and the implications of these characteristics for life and ministry.

CHARACTERISTICS

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COVENANT

Obviously there are many characteristics of the covenant, but we will look at some that are particularly pertinent to this topic and give examples of some practical implications for a women’s ministry. • The covenant is sovereignly initiated and sustained and thus eternally secure. The more we understand this divine initiative and assurance, the more we realize that we deserve nothing but have been given everything. We live under a covenant of grace. Our confidence is not in self but in God. Implications for life and ministry: Knowledge of God’s sovereign initiative in the covenant generates a gratitude that desires God’s glory above all else and a humility that frees us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others”


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(Philippians 2:3-4 NIV). It produces a sense of security to cast our cares on the Lord knowing that He will sustain us (Psalm 55:22). The overarching principle of ministry is God’s glory. The leaders of the ministry will be characterized by gratitude, humility, and assurance of the sovereignty of God. • The covenant is relational. The God of heaven and earth is a personal God who enters into an intimate relationship with us. Implications for life and ministry: Our relationships with each other are to mirror God’s relationship with us. This relational model is not built on sentimentalism and feltneeds theology. It is built on the character of God as He shows Himself to us in His Word. A women’s ministry should intentionally teach the biblical purpose and paradigm for relationships and should offer opportunities for women to cultivate covenant relationships. • The covenant is familial. From the beginning, God has worked through families. The covenant promise was given to Abraham and his seed. Implications for life and ministry: A women’s ministry should prepare girls and women for their familial privileges and responsibilities. All women should be taught that they are helpers and life-givers in the family of God. If a woman is married, a requirement for leadership in the ministry should be the approval and support of her husband. • The covenant is corporate. Salvation is personal but not private. God relates to us collectively. He deals with us as His children. The church is His holy nation, His royal priesthood, His bride, His body. Implications for life and ministry: A women’s ministry should teach women to love the church. Even when people in the church fail us, our Savior calls us to love His bride and to pursue her peace and purity. Women should be taught to submit to the authority of the church, to rest in the protection of the church, to serve in the ministry of the church, and to cultivate community in the church. • The covenant is generational. Each generation is to show and tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord and the wonders He has done.

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Implications for life and ministry: A women’s ministry should equip women to spiritually mother other women. Inter-generational relationships should characterize the women’s ministry, which may mean developing programs to partner women (see the next chapter for suggestions). A women’s ministry should connect with the children’s and youth ministries to enfold the girls in the church and train them in the ways of biblical womanhood. • The covenant is compassionate. God is a God of compassion, and we are to be a people of compassion. Implications for life and ministry: A women’s ministry should care for women and teach them to love and care for others. It should be a safe place in the church for wounded women. A women’s ministry should work in tandem with existing mercy ministries in the church to assist widows and single moms, women enslaved to sinful lifestyles, women in prison, or whatever opportunities your church has to extend mercy. Practical ministries such as meals to the sick and bereaved will minister to the hurting and will enrich community life in the church. • The covenant is integrative. The covenant is God’s thread that holds Scripture together. The covenantal framework of Scripture shows the purpose, harmony, and connections of Scripture. It is all about Jesus. The ultimate question of life is how we relate to Him, for it is “in Him [that] we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28 NKJV). “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen” (Romans 11:36 NIV). Implications for life and ministry: This integrated framework of Scripture gives an all-encompassing worldview so that we can think about God’s truth and apply that truth to all of life. Titus 2 calls us to train women to integrate God’s Word into all of life. A women’s ministry should continually evaluate to determine whether women are being trained to think and live in obedience to God’s Word. • The covenant is exclusive. We are to have no other gods before us. Implications for life and ministry: Women should be taught to recognize and demolish all idols.


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• The covenant is inclusive. We are to go into all the world and proclaim the gospel. Implications for life and ministry: A women’s ministry should be evangelistic. It should be a welcoming ministry where unbelievers hear the gospel in a loving environment. It should equip women to share their faith with unbelievers.

WOMEN’S BIBLE STUDIES Everything in this book should be brought to bear on discussions about women’s Bible studies in the local church. In this space, we will only suggest a few principles to help a church think intentionally and strategically about this important part of church life. Community life is nourished when women’s Bible studies are a part of the total discipleship ministry of the church. Thus materials to be studied should be approved by church leadership and coordinated with what is being taught throughout the Christian education ministry. Coordination will also help to avoid personality-driven Bible studies that revolve around one woman. Women’s Bible studies are usually the focal point of the women’s ministry, but they should not be the totality of the ministry. Women who are not able to attend these studies should be ministered to through the women’s ministry. Special events and ministry opportunities should enfold these women. Community and compassion, which give life to relationships, should flow out of women’s Bible studies. Some ways to accomplish this goal: • Do interactive studies that provide times for sharing and prayer. • Have “Titus 2 Times” after the study when various women share life-skills, or hold panel discussions on how to love husbands or children. • Use some Bible study days for ministry projects such as visiting elderly members of the church, working in a homeless shelter, or packing boxes to send to college students.

F R E Q U E N T LY A S K E D Q U E S T I O N S Q. How do we start a women’s ministry? A. Pray. And then pray some more. Then gather a few women to

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pray with you. Approach your church leadership and ask for direction. Explain why you would like to begin a women’s ministry that will support the vision and ministry of the church. The elders may want to appoint a committee to study the needs and opportunities and to present a proposal. (For a more thorough discussion, see Leadership for Women in the Church. The Leader’s Guide gives processes to guide a group in developing a women’s ministry.) Q. How do we apply the principles of biblical womanhood and a covenantal approach to ministry to our women’s ministry? A. Pray for wisdom. Be intentional in planning every study, event, project, and activity. The following questions will help your leadership team to be self-consciously covenantal as you plan and implement your ministries: • Why are we doing this? • How will this glorify God by reflecting His character? • What is this teaching women about the biblical perspective of womanhood? • What is this teaching women about living covenantally and reflecting grace to one another? • Do our activities or tasks flow from Scripture? • How will this build community among the women? • How will it build community with other members, age groups, and ministries of the church? • How does this extend the boundaries of the community to enfold those outside the church? • How does this demonstrate the compassion of Jesus? • What characteristic of the covenant does this express? • Will what we do and how we do it give life to our church or suck life from it? • How are we communicating our answers to the above questions to participants in the ministry so that they understand why we do what we do? Every activity or ministry will not accomplish all of the above, but each activity should accomplish some of the above. Q. Is all of this really important? Is it worth the effort?


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A. Not surprisingly, our answer is yes! But we do admit to moments of fatigue and discouragement when we ask the same question. At just the right time, our loving heavenly Father sends a tender encouragement. Sometimes He encourages us by giving us a peek at results in someone’s life. We hear stories, and we are encouraged to persevere. One week we heard from several women in the following situations: • A woman called and said her husband had left her. • Another woman wept as she told about the turmoil in her church. • A woman e-mailed that her son is on drugs. • A young woman wrote about an unusual choice between a life filled with possessions and luxury and a life of obedience to God’s calling. • A grieving widow shared about her husband’s homegoing. These were different women in different situations and from different places, but there was a transcendent commonality. With extraordinary steadfastness each woman told how God was empowering her to glorify Him in her situation. Then they told the rest of the story. And here, the commonality left us breathless. They all wanted us to know that they were in churches where they were taught biblical womanhood. Repeatedly we heard the refrain, “A few months ago, I would have reacted differently, but the truth about my creation design and mission prepared me for this time.” May God give us grace and wisdom to develop women’s ministries in local churches that teach His daughters the truth about womanhood and that equip them to be life-giving, supporting pillars for the glory of God and the advancement of His kingdom.

12 Designing and Implementing a Spiritual-Mothering Ministry Older women . . . train the young women. T

I T U S

2:3-4

Vicki Gillespie A

T L A N T A

, G

E O R G I A

In the early years of Church of the Apostles, the dynamite teaching from the pulpit was enough to help our members, who were so starved for the Word of God, to grow spiritually. The growth in fellowship happened naturally. We did not begin with a formal women’s ministry; so as we increased in numbers, it was difficult for women to connect. A couple of women-led Bible studies focused heavily on teaching sound doctrine with an emphasis on life application, but there was little emphasis on helping women build relationships so that they would see truth modeled in the lives of other women. Eventually women began to hunger for relationships with other women. A few women began some informal mentoring on their own. More women wanted to be included, and so we matched a few women into pairs, and a pilot year was launched. Before the end of that year, one of the Bible study leaders heard a radio discussion of a women’s mentoring program that emphasized friendships built around their place of worship. The leaders appointed a chairwoman to contact the organization, research mentoring, and put a program in place.

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The program was carefully crafted. It was prayed over and nurtured by loving, caring women. They based the program on their understanding of Titus 2:3-5. They prayed over all the pairs of women. There were not enough mentors, and so they asked their friends to assume that role. Matches were determined by common hobbies and interests, or proximity of neighborhoods. Every effort was made to accommodate specific requests such as a desire for a mentor familiar with specialneeds children or a “mentoree” who struggled with being single. We had unknowingly stumbled into a felt-needs approach rather than a Christexalting approach to ministering to these women, and as a result their demands for the ideal match increased. The church continued to grow, fueled by the strong preaching of the Word and the evangelistic outreach. As new women heard how women loved and valued the friendships made in the program, there were more requests to participate. After ten years the numbers had grown, and the women who led the program could no longer personally oversee all those involved. The leaders were unaware that some women who had volunteered to be mentors came from churches whose doctrines were not consistent with our church’s doctrinal teachings. When these facts surfaced, there was confusion and pain in some of the relationships. While some pairs had very satisfying experiences, others asked, “Is this all there is to a spiritual mentoring relationship?” All of the mentors were caring and willing to share their lives with one another, but many did not know what and how to do this. The program for women’s friendships had grown, but it had been driven by personalities and preferences and not the Word of life. So women were still hungry spiritually. They had been eating spiritual sugar-coated cereal and not meat and drink. The heart of the endeavor failed to pass on an understanding of biblical womanhood and to equip women for covenant relationships that glorify God. We came to realize that we had not really established a ministry that flowed out of Titus 2. The emphasis had been on friendship rather than on passing the gospel soul to soul. We began to ask questions. How do you bottle the lifestyle of an older woman who is sold out to God and pour it into the life of a younger woman? How do relationships grow deeper? These questions drove us to search for answers, and we concluded

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that Jesus Himself is the answer. He is the perfect example of the spiritual mentor. He taught verbally, and His life demonstrated the gospel to His disciples. Jesus’ life was His curriculum and His classroom. Our program had led women to seek satisfaction in relationships with women rather than pointing them to relationships for God’s glory. It has been a long journey. It is hard to turn such a huge ship around, but our church is committed to obedience to Titus 2. Under the oversight of our pastoral staff, the women’s ministry adopted several guiding principles for future formal mentoring relationships. First, mentors should be committed to know the Word and to live in obedience to it. Second, mentors must be recruited, interviewed using questions designed by the male church leadership, and trained and nurtured by the church so that they can in turn train, nurture, and love their mentorees as living examples of faithful biblical womanhood. Third, spiritual mentoring is not about simply fostering friendships with women of similar mind-sets who happen to live close to each other. The overarching principle is that an older woman, in gratitude for what Jesus has done in her life, willingly pours herself into the life of a younger woman. The world is hungry. It needs to see women who know Christ, who trust Him for their every need, who serve Him through all their relationships, and who are dedicated to passing on His praiseworthy deeds to the next generation of women. The world does not need more empty women or more shallow relationships. It needs to see women whose hunger and thirst is satisfied in Jesus. Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” (John 6:35)

T

he scriptural mandate for older women mentoring younger women is not a program—it’s a lifestyle. However, it often takes some programming to jumpstart spiritual mothering relationships. This chapter gives some principles to help a women’s ministry leadership team design a mentoring ministry, but these principles and suggestions should not be separated from the biblical foun-

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dations in Part One, the covenantal matrix for relationships in Part Two, or the covenantal approach to women’s ministry in the previous chapter. A spiritual-mothering ministry is not simply a friendship campaign. A spiritual-mothering program that is sponsored by the women’s ministry of a church should reflect the truths taught in Scripture and should produce a legacy of biblical womanhood.

G E N E R A L O B S E RVAT I O N S Church leadership and the women’s leadership must have a theological and long-term commitment to this scriptural mandate. It is not simply a matter of matching older women and younger women for a time-limited program. Spiritual mothering is a part of covenant life. Paul says that this mentoring is essential “that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:5). The Titus mandate was given to the pastor of the church. Paul instructed young Titus to equip older women in the congregation for this ministry, which was to take place within the context of sound doctrine. Spiritual mothering is a part of healthy church life—not just a “women’s thing.” The commitment, oversight, and protection by church leadership is biblical and essential. Without leadership involvement, consider a possible scenario: The women’s ministry announces a Titus 2 program and asks for volunteers to be spiritual mothers. A woman who has recently joined the church and appears to have great experience and maturity enthusiastically volunteers. No one is aware that she holds some theological positions and some views about women and marriage that are not consistent with the standards of the church. She is assigned to a young woman having difficulties in her marriage because she resists the idea of headship and submission. We see disaster waiting to happen since women who volunteer to be spiritual mothers have no accountability and have received no training, guidelines, or approved curriculum. A spiritual-mothering program should not stand alone. It should be one component of the women’s ministry. Our observation is that there should be a level of maturity in the women’s ministry before a spiritualmothering program is added. Is the leadership team unified in its philosophy and purpose of ministry? Is it integrated into the total ministry of the church? A spiritual-mothering program should not be added until the women’s ministry can oversee and sustain it.


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It is important for the women’s ministry leadership team to know the women. If spiritual mothering is happening spontaneously and informally, there may not be a need for a formal program. Perhaps the need is to simply celebrate and expand what is happening by periodically asking women to share testimonies of how other women in the covenant community nurture them in the faith. Or if there are women on the fringe of church life or new believers who did not grow up in Christian homes, perhaps a spiritual-mothering program is a way to enfold and nurture them. Careful and prayerful thought should be given to implications of a spiritual-mothering program. • How will spiritual mothers be selected? • What accountability will spiritual mothers have and to whom? • How will spiritual mothers and daughters be prepared for disappointments in the relationships? • Who will monitor the program to see that it maintains its purpose and integrity? • How will this program fit into the existing studies and programs of the women’s ministry? • How will this program interface with the entire Christian education program of the church? • What is the timeframe for the program? • What is the plan for encouraging women in lifestyle Titus 2 ministry? Women should be taught that this is to be a way of life and that the Lord will guide many women into nurturing relationships without the aid of a program. The legitimacy of “unprogrammed” relationships should be highlighted and celebrated. Spiritual mothering is not just a matter of chronological age. Even if all of the women in the church are the same age, there will be various levels of spiritual maturity and life experiences that equip them to nurture one another. The Titus 2 mandate is not limited to married women. Women should have a generational vision that includes singles, teens, and little girls in the church. These covenant daughters should be taught biblical womanhood by the women in the covenant community.

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If the elders and the women’s leadership team determine that there is a need for a formal Titus 2 ministry, a subcommittee should be appointed and given a clear assignment. These people should be given already established guidelines and parameters. The subcommittee should bring all proposals to the leadership team and then to the elders for approval. When the committee is appointed, prayer support should be enlisted for them.

SPIRITUAL-MOTHERING SUBCOMMITTEE Here are some suggestions for this committee’s operation: 1. Determine the purpose of the ministry. For example: The purpose of the women’s ministry spiritual-mothering program is to help younger women establish covenant relationships with godly older women who will encourage and equip them to live for God’s glory. 2. Select a curriculum to recommend. Every discipleship program in a church should have a clear focus and an approved curriculum. This protects theological consistency and promotes unity. The Biblical Foundations for Womanhood series was designed as a Titus 2 discipleship course. Specifically, Spiritual Mothering—The Titus 2 Mandate for Women Mentoring Women is a resource for spiritual mothers to use in a discipleship relationship. There is also a manual, Ministering to Teens, that gives ideas for creating a Titus 2 ministry with teen women. Curriculum selection should not happen in a vacuum. The materials should be consistent with the doctrinal standards of the church and should be a part of the total curricula of the women’s ministry and of the educational ministry of the church. 3. Develop a plan to enlist and train spiritual mothers. A recruitment plan should clearly state the methods for recruitment, qualifications, how women will be reviewed by the elders, and the system for accountability. Training for mentors should include: • An opportunity for the pastor or an elder to share the vision and goals of the church and how this program can help to accomplish those goals. It may also be helpful to have other staff or ministries share their goals and how mentors can encourage spiritual daughters to be involved in the work and worship of the church.


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• A presentation of all policies, procedures, guidelines, and accountability structures and an opportunity for women to submit to these. • Teaching the curriculum so that women are equipped to use it with an individual woman or with a small group. • An explanation of how mentors will be encouraged. This could be a scheduled midterm conversation with a member of the subcommittee. Mentors may be trained through the women’s ministry Bible study program. After the curriculum has been studied in a women’s Bible study, identify women who meet the qualifications. This long-term approach means that you take several months for the training phase before moving to the next level of actually beginning the Titus 2 program. Another option is to identify spiritual mothers and study the curriculum in an accelerated format. Women can read a book on their own, come together to discuss it, and then move to the next book. This could also be done in a training retreat. There should be a plan to continually train and enlist additional spiritual mothers. Spiritual mothers should be trained to reproduce by encouraging their spiritual daughters to have the goal of becoming spiritual mothers. The training should help mentors determine whether they prefer one spiritual daughter or a small group of women. 4. Determine the target daughters. The number of spiritual mothers will determine the scope of the program. It is likely that the desire for spiritual mothers will exceed the number of spiritual mothers. The purpose of the program should help determine which women will have priority. For example, you may begin by viewing Bible studies as spiritual-mothering opportunities for those women who can attend, and use the Titus 2 program to enfold women who cannot attend a women’s Bible study. 5. Develop guidelines such as: • How spiritual mothers and daughters will be matched. This can be as simple as drawing names or as involved as finding common interests and experiences. Whatever method is used, the most important thing is to spend much time praying for the Lord to bring the women together according to His purposes for them. • The duration of the formal relationship. Usually it is recom-

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mended that a spiritual-mothering program run a year at a time. There should be definite beginning and ending dates. • How to determine the shape of the relationship. Spiritual mothers should be encouraged to have conversations with their spiritual daughters to ascertain needs, expectations, and realistic goals. Will they meet at a regular time, or will it be more informal? Will they cover the entire curriculum in a year or just one book? Are there specific areas in which the spiritual daughter would like the spiritual mother to hold her accountable? What time constraints does the spiritual mother have that the spiritual daughter should respect? • How and where to refer women who need pastoral or professional help. These instructions should include cautions and clear parameters about dealing with crisis situations. This is not a counseling ministry, and mentors should be given clear guidelines. • How the program will be publicized. Publicity should be a tool to educate the entire congregation about the purpose of the program and to enlist their prayer support. 6. Outline a plan to maintain the vision and heart of the program. For example: • Two or three gatherings a year for program participants. Plan a sharing time so that they can learn from and encourage one another. • Promote the program by having spiritual mothers/daughters give brief testimonies in church or at other events. Have a testimony for three or four Sundays before sign-up for a new term. • Use every women’s ministry gathering as an opportunity to highlight spiritual-mothering relationships. 7. Develop a plan to implement the program. There should be a Titus 2 coordinator or committee. Determine how this person/committee will be appointed, length of term, and how she/they relate to the women’s ministry leadership team. A spiritual-mothering program is one way a women’s ministry can encourage and equip women to nurture other women, but Titus 2 relationships should permeate the entire women’s ministry. Bible study leaders should understand that spiritual mothering is one aspect of teaching women God’s Word. Committee chairwomen should have a passion to spiritually mother the women on their committees. This covenantal


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principle should be threaded through every phase of a women’s ministry and should result in “soul on soul, life on life, mind on mind, heart on heart”* relationships for women. We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. 1 THESSALONIANS 2:7-8

*Joseph Novenson’s description of the ministry of Martha Lovelady in chapter 5.

A Leader’s Guide for this book is available. 1-800-283-1357

Conclusion

Georgia Settle is not a settler. We dedicate this book to her because she is a pilgrim whose progress has encouraged and inspired countless daughters of the covenant. She embodies the helper design. She is a life-giver. She represents the scores of women who have given the legacy to us. Susan: Georgia’s influence in my life is deep and wide. Her sweet love for Jesus has reached the perimeters of my life. As a young pastor’s wife, I watched her from a distance and saw her love for her husband. I once heard her describe herself as the happy wife of a happy pastor. This joyful statement lodged in my heart and often kept me from falling into the “poor me” trap. Her constant passion for God’s glory and love for His church often steadied me, though she was unaware that I was watching. And then I became Director of the Women in the Church ministry for our denomination. Georgia had served in this position several years previously and was on the women’s advisory committee when I became a staff member. She was so wise, and I was such a novice. But she did not flinch. She found that wonderful balance of being available but not crowding me. She was never territorial. She became my cheerleader and my friend. I have watched her move from life season to life season with grace and dignity. She journeys from strength to strength. Her gentle presence comforts troubled hearts and encourages weary warriors. And her laughter makes me smile. She is so empty of self and so filled with Jesus. Barbara: The threads of Georgia’s life are woven throughout my life and are part and parcel of who I am in Christ. I remember my first impression: Oh dear Lord, this sweet woman is sure to be repulsed by me, this very rough-around-the-edges new believer. But Georgia’s gentle spirit and love for God’s people rests on the sure hope of Jesus Christ, and so

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she has shown me, from the beginning, His steadfast love. I think of her as a sort of spiritual renaissance woman—ageless, multitalented (she makes her own clothes!), benevolent—in whose presence is rest. She strongly took me under her wing and celebrated me. She treated me as though I knew something! She showed me how to love my husband, love my child, love God’s Word, and love His people. Georgia has invited me into her heart to watch her live amidst the joys and sorrows. It is my great privilege to be her spiritual daughter and friend!

OUR PRAYER Georgia’s eyes twinkled, and she could not stifle her grin. Her whole face betrayed her excitement. She was leading a devotion for the women on our committee. “Girls,” she announced with glee, “we are frapping cables!” We did not share her excitement. She let the thought sit for a while before she explained that while her husband was preparing to preach on Acts 27, he made a discovery. She read Acts 27:14-17: A tempestuous wind, called the northeaster, struck down from the land. And when the ship was caught and could not face the wind, we gave way to it and were driven along . . . we managed with difficulty to secure the ship’s boat. After hoisting it up, they used supports to undergird the ship. . . .

The word translated “supports” is the Greek word boethia. It is sometimes translated “help,” “rope,” or “supporting cables.” The nautical term for these ropes is “frapping cables.” They were used on the old wooden ships in rough waters. It is the same as the Hebrew word translated “helper” in Genesis 2:18. Suddenly we all wanted to be a frapping cable, and we wanted the women’s ministries in our churches to be frapping cables. And now it is our prayer that you and the women in your church will be the same— for the glory of King Jesus and the advancement of Christendom.

Notes

C HAPTER 1: T HE C ALL —L EGACY 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

C HAPTER 2: T HE C OVENANT —L EGACY 1.

2. 3. 4. 5.

OF

G RACE

Danielle Crittenden, What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1999), p. 25. Application for Membership (Norcross, Ga.: Presbyterian Church in America, Committee for Christian Education and Publications). Ibid. Ibid. Westminster Confession of Faith, Ch. XXVI (Norcross, Ga.: Committee for Christian Education and Publications), p. 85. Application for Membership, Presbyterian Church in America. OF THE

C HAPTER 3: T HE C ONTINUITY —L EGACY 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

P ROMISE

Louis Berkhof and Cornelius Van Til, Foundations for Christian Education, ed. Dennis E. Johnson (Phillipsburg, N.J.: Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Co., originally part of a larger volume, Fundamentals in Christian Education: Theory and Practice, 1953, reprinted in 1990), p. 65 (italics added). O. Palmer Robertson, Covenants (Norcross, Ga.: Great Commission Publications, 1993), p. 11. Gerard Van Groningen, Messianic Revelation in the Old Testament (Grand Rapids: Baker,1990), p. 59. S. G. DeGraff, Promise and Deliverance, trans. H. Evan Runner and Elisabeth Wichers Runner, Vol. 1 (St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada: Paideia Press, 1979), p. 36. John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, ed. John T. McNeill, translated and indexed by Ford Lewis Battles (Philadelphia: The Westminster Press), pp. 1011-1012. OF

H OPE

J. H. Merle D’Aubigne, History of the Reformation of the Sixteenth Century, trans. H. White (London, 1846; repr. Rapidan, Va.: Hartland Publications), pp. 4-5. W. E. Vine, An Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words, Vol. 3 (Old Tappan, N.J.: Fleming Revell, 1966), p. 242. Ibid, pp. 55-56. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer, Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, Vol. 2 (Chicago: Moody Press, 1980), p. 592. Ibid, pp. 674-675. “Characteristics and Themes of Romans,” in The Reformation Study Bible (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), p. 1764.

Notes

7. 8.

1. 2. 3.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

7. 8.

1.

2.

3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

1.

2. 3.

221

John Charles Ryle, Shall We Know One Another? & Other Papers (Moscow, Ida.: Charles Nolan Publishers, repr. 2001), pp. 30-31. James Montgomery Boice, Romans, Vol. 4 (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1995), p. 1931.

C HAPTER 4: T HE C OMMISSION —L EGACY OF F RUITFULNESS The Reformation Study Bible (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), p. 1925. W. E. Vine, An Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words, Vol. 2 (Old Tappan, N.J.: Fleming Revell, 1966), p. 164. Ibid, Vol. 4, p. 44. C HAPTER 5: D AUGHTER —L EGACY OF G RATITUDE The Reformation Study Bible (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), p. 172. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer, Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, Vol. 2 (Chicago: Moody Press, 1980), p. 931. Louis Berkhof, Systematic Theology (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1939), p. 415. John Calvin, Commentary on a Harmony of the Evangelists, Vol. 1, trans. William Pringle (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1981), p. 90-92. Harris et al., Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, Vol. 5, p. 306. Robert L. Hubbard, Jr., The New International Commentary on the Old Testament, The Book of Ruth, R. K. Harrison, ed. (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1991), pp. 72-74. Ibid, p. 72. George MacDonald, A Daughter’s Devotion, Michael R. Phillips, ed. (Minneapolis: Bethany House Publishers, repr. 1994), p. 34-35 (italics mine). C HAPTER 6: S ISTER —L EGACY OF U NITY This material is taken from Mary A. Kassian, The Feminist Gospel: The Movement to Unite Feminism with the Church (Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway, 1992), pp. 66-67. This is an excellent resource to understand the feminist philosophy. Robert L. Hubbard, Jr., The New International Commentary on the Old Testament, The Book of Ruth, R. K. Harrison, ed. (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1991), pp. 73. S. G. DeGraff, Promise and Deliverance, Vol. 2, trans. H. Evan Runner and Elisabeth Wichers Runner (St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada: Paideia Press, 1978), p. 57. John Calvin, Commentary on a Harmony of the Evangelists: Matthew, Mark, Luke, Vol. 16, trans. William Pringle (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1981), p. 89. Ibid, p. 91. Dr. Allen Curry, a presentation at the PCA Christian Education and Publications Committee Children’s Ministry Conference, April 2002. Jack B. Scott, Adult Biblical Education Series, Vol. 3, Book 8 (Lawrenceville, Ga.: The PCA Committee for Christian Education and Publications, 1983), p. 24. C HAPTER 7: N EIGHBOR —L EGACY OF M ERCY Norval Geldenhuys, The New International Commentary on the New Testament, Commentary on the Gospel of Luke (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1960), p. 312. James Montgomery Boice, The Parables of Jesus (Chicago: Moody Press, 1983), p. 153. George MacDonald, The Peasant Girl’s Dream, ed. Michael R. Phillips (Minneapolis:

222

4. 5.

1. 2.

3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

8.

1. 2. 3. 4.

5. 6.

1. 2. 3. 4.

5. 6. 7. 8.

THE LEGACY

OF

BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD

Bethany House Publishers, repr. 1988, originally published in 1893 as Heather and Snow), pp. 190-193. Ibid., p. 197. George Grant, The Micah Mandate (Chicago: Moody Press, 1995), p. 118.

C HAPTER 8: W IFE —L EGACY OF I NTIMACY Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage: As Iron Sharpens Iron (Portland, Ore.: Multnomah Press, 1985), p. 24. David White, “From Faithless Harlot to Spotless Bride: Hope for the Struggler from the Marriage Metaphor in Scripture,” Harvest News (Philadelphia, Pa.: Harvest USA Newsletter, 2001). Ibid. The Reformation Study Bible (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), p. 12. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer, Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, Vol. 1 (Chicago: Moody Press, 1980), p. 30. The Reformation Study Bible, p. 1821. Robert L. Hubbard, Jr., The New International Commentary on the Old Testament, The Book of Ruth, R. K. Harrison, ed. (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1991), p. 73. Westminster Confession of Faith, Ch. XXVI (Norcross, Ga.: Committee for Christian Education and Publications), p. 80. C HAPTER 9: M OTHER —L EGACY OF L IFE Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children, quoted on Amazon.com, Miramax, 2002. James Montgomery Boice, Genesis, Vol. 1 (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1998), p. 230. Walter Brueggemann, Interpretation, A Bible-Commentary for Teaching and Preaching, First and Second Samuel (Louisville: John Knox Press, 1990), p. 331-332. Robert L. Hubbard, Jr., The New International Commentary on the Old Testament, The Book of Ruth, R. K. Harrison, ed. (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1991), p. 126. Ibid., p. 131. Ibid., pp. 266-274. C HAPTER 10: P ILGRIM —L EGACY OF F RUITFULNESS R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer, Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, Vol. 2 (Chicago: Moody Press, 1980), p. 592. The Reformation Study Bible (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), p. 37. Abraham Kuyper, Near Unto God (Grand Rapids: CRC Publications, William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1997), p. 165. Robert L. Hubbard, Jr., The New International Commentary on the Old Testament, The Book of Ruth, R. K. Harrison, ed. (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1991), p. 270. Ibid., p. 274. Ibid., p. 277. Ibid., p. 278-279. John Bunyan, The Pilgrim’s Progress (Carlisle, Pa.: Banner of Truth, repr. of 1895 edition, 1997), 178-188.

Parts of the Whole Just as we are each part of the whole family of Christ worldwide and throughout generations, so these books support and complement one another. Throughout each runs a theme of living covenantally—of seeing the wide expanse of God’s mercy and grace to us intricately woven into every relationship and detail of life—and passing the legacy on to others.

L E AV I N G

A

LEGACY

Heirs of the Covenant—While today’s broken culture grasps for direction, you can discover what happens when the church offers true Christian education and you fulfill your calling to leave a legacy of faith for the next generation. TPB, ISBN 1-58134-011-7, $13.99

FA S H I O N A L I F E W H E R E G O D WELCOME

IS

Your Home: A Place of Grace—Explore how covenant values help you fashion a life where God is welcome, a heart where He freely lives and a spiritual home that realizes the joy of His presence every day. TPB, ISBN 1-58134-185-7, $12.99

FOR YOU

AS A

WOMAN

By Design—A joyous celebration of God’s “helper” design for women that will challenge you to explore the significance of your biblical calling and rally the church to equip one of its greatest resources: you. TPB, ISBN 0-89107-976-9, $12.99

FOR WOMEN MENTORING WOMEN Spiritual Mothering—This dynamic resource helps you find out why Paul’s message in Titus 2 of older women “caring for” younger women is so important for you and how you can begin nurturing these important relationships. TPB, ISBN 0-89107-719-7, $13.99

THE BEAUTY AND STRENGTH G O D LY W O M E N

OF

The True Woman—Set your heart on fire and get excited about the unique opportunity you have as a godly woman to make a difference for eternity as you discover how to reflect Christ in all areas of life. TPB, ISBN 0-89107-927-0, $12.99

TELLING

THE

N E X T G E N E R AT I O N

Big Truths—Teach your kids the basics of the Christian faith with this fun, illustrated book. Its stories of everyday situations will help them integrate those truths in a way that finds expression at home, at school, and with friends. Ages 3 to 8. HC, ISBN 1-58134-106-7, $15.99

A F UN WAY

TO

L EARN B IBLICAL VALUE

My ABC Bible Verses—A colorful, story-filled way for even your youngest child to take God’s Word to heart—and learn the alphabet too! It’s a great resource for teaching biblical values to your kids at home, school, or church. Ages 3-7. HC, ISBN 1-58134-005-2, $14.99

The Legacy of Biblical Womanhood

Biblical Womanhood in the Home

Biblical Foundations for Manhood and Womanhood

Representation and Black Womanhood: The Legacy of Sarah Baartman

Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood

Elsie's Womanhood,

Reconstructing Womanhood: The Emergence of the Afro-American Woman Novelist

Legacy of the Dead

The Legacy of Supranationalism

Legacy Of The Dead

Legacy of the Darksword

Legacy Of The Darksword

Legacy of the Sword

The Legacy of Eden

Legacy of the Dead

Legacy of the Dead

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Legacy of the Jedi

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Legacy of the Jedi

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Legacy of the Darksword

The Legacy of Eden

Legacy Of The Jedi

The Legacy of Biblical Womanhood

Biblical Womanhood in the Home

Biblical Foundations for Manhood and Womanhood

Representation and Black Womanhood: The Legacy of Sarah Baartman

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Elsie's Womanhood,

Reconstructing Womanhood: The Emergence of the Afro-American Woman Novelist

Legacy of the Dead

The Legacy of Supranationalism

Legacy Of The Dead

Legacy of the Darksword

Legacy Of The Darksword

Legacy of the Sword

The Legacy of Eden

Legacy of the Dead

Legacy of the Dead

The Legacy of Heorot

Legacy of the Darksword

Legacy of the Jedi

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Legacy of the Darksword

Legacy of the Jedi

The Legacy Of Heorot

The Legacy of Positivism

Legacy of the Jedi

Legacy of the Jedi

Legacy of the Darksword

Legacy of the Darksword

The Legacy of Eden

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