The Defense

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

1

2

The Defense

WARNING This e-Book contains sexually graphic scenes and adult language and situations. Store your e-Books carefully where they cannot be accessed by underage readers.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

The Defense

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

Aspen Mountain Press

3

The Defense

4

The Defense Copyright © 2007 Stacey Lynn Schlegl This e-Book is a work of fiction. While references may be made to actual places or events, the names, characters, incidents, and locations within are from the author’s imagination and are not a resemblance to actual living or dead persons, businesses, or events. Any similarity is coincidental. Aspen Mountain Press PO Box 473543 Aurora CO 80047-3543 www.AspenMountainPress.com First published by Aspen Mountain Press, February 2007 This e-Book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction fines and/or imprisonment. The e-Book cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this e-Book can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the publisher.

ISBN: 978-1-60168-031-0 Printed in the United States of America Editor: Cindy Gregory / Sandra Hicks Cover artist: Paul Schlegl

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

5

Dedication This book is dedicated to all my friends and family who have supported me and my dreams of becoming a writer. “The Defense” is also a tribute to everyone out there who has a little bit of ‘hopeless romantic’ in them despite the trials and hardships of life; those who have held on to the hope that there is a soul mate for everyone regardless of their shape, size, color or age…that somewhere out there is true love waiting.

6

The Defense

The Defense

A woman with brown hair, the color of rich chocolate, laughed provocatively as the man who sat across from her leaned in to whisper something into her ear. He smiled showing perfect white teeth. His jaw was strong like the rest of his body. He could have been mistaken for a well-dressed Hercules, the Greek God, and she his Goddess. They seemed perfect together. She wore a black spaghetti strapped dress, the little black dress that most women wished hung in their closet. It fit perfectly on her. The dress clung to every faultless curve. She stood out. All the other diners wore casual or business attire. The woman picked at her salad, the salad dressing on the side. Samantha looked down at her own plate holding hot apple pie smothered in rich vanilla ice cream. She sighed and looked at the lady again, then glanced at her own body and before gazing again at the chocolate haired woman and the man. All of a sudden, Samantha heard her yell, “I thought you loved me!” He just sat there, smiled and replied, “I did, but I found someone else.” The next thing Samantha saw was the woman throwing the contents of her glass and him sitting, dripping with red wine. Samantha frowned. If someone that gorgeous couldn’t find love…she was definitely sure it wasn’t out there for her.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

7

Samantha laid some money down on the table to cover the cost of her coffee and apple pie, and then headed out the door. She didn’t want to be late for her dinner date at her parents’ house. **** “Your dad has gone on a diet…maybe you two can have a contest to see who can lose the most weight?” her mother said as she grabbed a drumstick out of the pan with a fork. The chicken had been swimming in a skillet of oil. “I haven’t gone on a diet…you put me on one!” Her dad interjected with frustration. “Now Louis, you know that heavy genes run in your family, and you also know that Sam takes after you and your side. A diet is the only way for you two to look normal,” her mother said condescendingly. “A diet? Do you think I need to go on a diet, Mom?” Samantha asked trying to hide the mixture of anger and humor she felt. Strange how much of a fine line it was between the two. She was angry her mother was insulting her with the ‘diet’ thing, but it was humorous to watch her work her manipulative ideas. “Well, you do have a very pretty face, dear, but it would probably do you some good to lose a few pounds…maybe fifty or so. It would help you find a husband easier. Men don’t look at your face…if you know what I mean.” “No…enlighten me, Mom.” “Men, well…men look at your body. The face really isn’t high on their list of things to look for in a woman, and if you want to catch a rich man…you’ll need to look your best. You’ll need to look like you did in high school…boy you were sure beautiful back then. Everyone thought you were a model!” Samantha watched as her mother stabbed another piece of fried chicken with the pronged instrument she held. Tonight her mother was making fried chicken, fried

The Defense

8

potatoes, asparagus blanketed with white cream sauce, and French bread dripping with butter. She almost laughed out loud at the irony. “Now that you’ve taught me what a man is looking for…I’m curious as to why you would think I would want a man or a husband for that matter? I’m perfectly happy in my life without a man.” Samantha reached into the maple cabinet and pulled out a black plate. “Are you a lesbian?” Her mother’s hand covered her heart. “No, Mom, I’m not a lesbian. I don’t want a man or even a rich man for that matter. I’m going to make my own way in the world. I’m going to make a difference!” “In psychology? No one makes any money in psychology!” “It’s not about money…it’s about helping people,” Samantha said with pride. “Like you do at that silly clinic? All you are doing there is helping people that should be locked up in jail or who need to get off their butts and work and not take handouts!” her mother said with her nose in the air. Maybe a tiny bit of grease would splash up her nose. Samantha giggled inwardly at the thought, and then felt bad because she didn’t want her mother to get hurt. She just wanted her mother to not be so judgmental. Her mother thought anyone not like her was bad…fat people…poor people…heaven forbid somebody dug a ditch or picked up trash for a living. Then, of course, there was the color of skin and religious issue. Her mother cheered for the whites and the Catholics. If the world were a baseball team, her mother would call the team the Caucasian Saints and St. Jude would be their mascot. Samantha just cheered for the human race. Samantha put two pieces of chicken and a scoopful of potatoes on her plate. “We help lots of people, Mom. Everyone needs help sometime.” Her mother rolled her eyes, “Whatever,” and then motioned toward Samantha’s plate, “There are lots of delicious salad fixings in the refrigerator.” “Great, I’ll make a salad to go along with dinner.” Samantha walked to the fridge and found the lettuce. She knew what her mother was hinting toward, and purposely played dumb. Her mother wanted her to eat salad and nothing else.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

9

“Since you are now watching your weight, I’m sure a salad will be plenty.” Her mother made her own plate, and then glanced over at Samantha’s plate and shook her finger. “That fried chicken and mashed potatoes on your plate is about a million calories or more.” Samantha looked down. She took her fork and removed a teeny tiny scoop of potatoes. “Now I guess I have nine hundred.” “You can joke, but joking isn’t going to help get you out of the size eighteen clothes you are now in. What were you six years ago…let me think…size six?” “Fine, Mom, I’ll eat just a salad. I’d hate to embarrass you by gaining any more weight,” Samantha said with a touch of sarcasm and lots of truth. She walked over to the sink and rinsed off her plate into the garbage disposal. “Well, people do look at your differently now. When you were thin, you had guys lined up at the door to date you. I don’t see any line since you put on…well…you know…a few pounds,” Her mother said as she took a bite of fried potatoes smothered in butter and onions. Samantha frowned at her salad, and then looked at her mother’s plate heaped with everything yummy. She sighed and remembered a time when she didn’t have to pay attention to what or how much she ate. Her entire life she had been thin and athletic. A bowl of ice cream smothered in chocolate fudge was nothing to worry about. A big plate of fettuccini dripping with white sauce was not a concern. Eating a big piece of coconut cream pie her grandmother baked didn’t matter. Life was different now. Ever since her freshman year at college, her body just wasn’t the same. It was a downward slide of overeating and an upward slide on the scale. “Did you ever think I might not want men lined up at my door?” Samantha challenged taking a bite of spinach greens. “Nonsense! Of course, you want guys lined up! It’s stupid to think otherwise! You aren’t getting any younger. I’m sure you want to start a family and settle down

The Defense

10

soon. Your biological clock is ticking. Besides, I would like to be a grandmother before I die!” “I’m only twenty-five. I hardly think I’m an old spinster.” It was strange. She never really thought about age. She volunteered at the retirement center down the street. Age just didn’t seem to matter. What seemed to matter was what people did with their lives. “You’re twenty-five and not getting any younger. If you keep getting heavier you are going to have a hard time finding a guy to like you. I don’t think weight matters, but unfortunately the majority of men do,” her dad said as he took a bite of fried chicken. “Speaking of getting heavier…Louis! You shouldn’t be eating fried chicken! I thought I put you on a diet!” Her dad scowled. “Why in the Hell did you make all of this food if Samantha and I aren’t supposed to eat it?” “You can have one drumstick and a little asparagus, but no potatoes…starch is bad for you!” Her mother reached her spoon over to his plate and took off the potatoes. Samantha looked at her dad’s plate. It had one drumstick bone, from the chicken he’d already eaten and four stalks of asparagus. It wouldn’t be enough to feed a child, let alone a two hundred and sixty pound grown man. Her dad wasn’t thin, but he wasn’t really fat either. He was just a big man. Some men came small and some men came big…her dad came big. He was built strong and tough, and stood about six-foot two inches in his bare feet. Small he would never be. Her mother was trying to make him into something that God never intended. “Mary, I’ll never understand you. Why in God’s name did you cook this meal? Do you have a boyfriend you’re feeding on the side?” Her dad stabbed one piece of asparagus with his fork. “Of course not! I made it for you, sweetie!” “For me? If it’s for me why can’t I eat it then?” Her dad demanded.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

11

“Because you really should lose weight. Am I the only one who sees you and Samantha as being too heavy?” Her mother put her hand to her chest in fake dismay and continued, “Am I to be faulted for wanting my family to be healthy and live a long life?” “There are many things you can be faulted for, Mary, I just don’t feel like going into it right now,” Her dad pushed his plate away and snarled, “I’m full.” “Mom, stop being so hard on Dad.” She turned to her Dad. “I think you look great, Dad.” Her dad nodded his thanks and she watched him get up and go sit on the deck, his usual place of retreat. He would sit out there and watch the river flow by and the trains barreling down the tracks. Her father used to be a happy man, now he just seemed beaten down and tired. Her mother seemed to be seeing to that. Samantha hoped one day, if she ever married, she’d find unconditional love, however, she wasn’t sure it even existed. Taking the last bite of her salad, Samantha picked up her dish and bought it over to the sink. “I’m going to head out now, Mom. Thanks for dinner.” Her mother was a wonderful cook and made these huge meals, but she rarely got to eat them. Her mother gave her carrots, celery, or salad instead. She supposed that was probably why she loved to cook so much herself-she could actually eat the food! Why did she bother to visit? It was always like this. Her mother would criticize until her dad ended up on the deck and Samantha ended up leaving hungry and emotionally drained. Thank God she had an apartment to go back to. Her dad only had a deck. She wished she had more backbone to stand up for herself. Her mother made her feel like she was two years old and without a choice, but she wasn’t two anymore. She was an adult. Samantha just wished she felt more like one around her mother. Her mother stopped her. “Wait, Samantha! I cut out something for you in the newspaper I thought you might like to read it.”

The Defense

12

Her mother ran over to the desk and picked up a piece of paper and gave it to her. Samantha looked down and read it quickly. It was an article about losing weight. The article talked about how obesity was becoming a trend, and people needed to stop eating so much. There was a picture of a severely overweight woman on the front bent over. It showed how big her bottom was. Samantha was disgusted at the article and her mother. This was a person. Here this article was using this woman’s butt as nothing more than a marketing tool to catch reader’s attention. Poor woman. Didn’t newspapers have any morals? Didn’t journalist have any empathy or feelings? This was somebody’s daughter…somebody’s friend…maybe even somebody’s wife or mother. She managed to smile through her clenched teeth and respond, “Thanks for yet another clipping, Mom. I think this is the tenth one this month about losing weight.” “Well, I just worry about you. I hate seeing you this way.” “What way is that, Mom?” Her mother took the bait and said, “You know…fat.” “I see. Is that all you see when you look at me?” Samantha grabbed her coat. “It’s what everyone sees when they look at you, honey.” “Bye, Mom.” As if nothing happened, her mother continued, “I’ll see you next Sunday, dear! I look forward to our weekly Sunday visits!” Samantha went home to her apartment. She must be crazy to keep going into the viper’s den. It held to reason that if it’s in the snake’s nature to bite…eventually it would bite. Sadly, the snake always did. She was always bitten by her mother’s nasty venom. Thankfully, recovery was possible once she retreated. She walked into the bathroom to take a shower. Samantha removed her black dress pants and then her black shirt with white beads around the collar. Standing in her plain white bra and white underwear in front of the mirror, she winced. It was hard to look at the reflection staring back.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

13

The person in the mirror wasn’t what she used to look like. A part of her was sad and disgusted. People probably wouldn’t call her obese, but they would call her overweight. Her face was still pretty, but it would be prettier if it weren’t so ‘full,’ which is what her mother often told her. Her bra and undies fell on the floor on top of the clothing heap. Now she was completely naked in the mirror. Samantha’s eyes filled with tears, and she quickly turned away and jumped into the shower. She could never bring herself to see her body completely naked. It was hard enough with undergarments. The tears that ran down her cheeks mixed with the water of the shower. She lathered vanilla and honey smelling shampoo through her long blonde hair and rinsed it out. She barely remembered the time when she was thin. It wasn’t that long ago…maybe six years. A lot could change in six years, and sadly a lot did. **** Samantha’s alarm clock rang early the next morning. She rolled out of bed and turned it off, then took off her holey black with a dark gray pinstripe flannel pajamas and threw them into the laundry basket. The pajamas belong in the dumpster, but they were comfortable and loose…a size too big. It wasn’t long before she was dressed in a pair of old black sweats and a black t-shirt. Her mother once told her black was slimming, and that someone ‘her size needed all the help they could get.’ Ever since that comment, Samantha very rarely wore anything but baggy black clothes. Well, except for her baggy, white boring undergarments. She was the Forest Gump of black! She had black with white stripes, black with gray pinstripes, black with beads, black sweats, black dress pants, black shirts, black…black…black…or as Bubba on Forest Gump would say…fried shrimp and gumbo shrimp…. She grabbed a banana and her backpack and ran out the door. It wouldn’t be long before she was late, and being late wasn’t her thing. She jumped into her Jeep and

The Defense

14

sped down the road. Her hair circled her head and blew into her face. Samantha brushed it aside. Appearance wasn’t important to her now. It used to be. In another lifetime, her hair was always neatly tied back, and her clothes were always immaculate. Things were different now, this was a different lifetime. The Jeep came to a halt in front of the tall school building. She swung her backpack over her shoulder, ran down the sidewalk, and into the brick three-story. The corridor echoed with her footsteps as she speed-walked the rest of the way. Samantha entered a door with the numbers 102 on a rectangular plate nailed next to the opening. “Good morning, Professor!” Samantha smiled. “Good morning, Samantha! You are early as usual! Did you have a good weekend?” “The usual weekend…I worked at the clinic twelve hours on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I also made the mistake of eating over at my parent’s house for dinner yet again!” Samantha laughed. “Ahh, yes, parents can be quite complex. I’d say most child-parent relationships are based on some type of psychosis!” Professor Garb said as he put his fingers up to his white-beard and tugged. He looked like the typical scientist that poured fizzing solutions into funnels on those ‘B’ type movies. “I will have to agree. I hope it isn’t contagious. I don’t want to end up like them when I’m their age!” “I sure you won’t…and if you do…at least with my class you can diagnosis yourself!” the professor said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. A man’s voice from behind Samantha agreed. “Yes, I’m sure we all have some type of mental disease…mine is studentitis.” Samantha jumped and turned around startled. Her heart beat a mile a minute as she said irritatedly, “You know, Bruce, for a six-foot Asian man…you’re a very quiet walker. I don’t like when people sneak up behind me!”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

15

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He paused and looked at her closely. “Are you alright? You look like you are about to pass out; your face is as white as a ghost!” Samantha recovered and tried to lighten things up. “What is studentitis? It sounds like a terrible disease!” The professor raised a snowy-caterpillar of an eyebrow. “Funny, I don’t remember that being in the book. I like to know what it is as well!” “It is when a student is overworked and under-rested. The symptoms are pretty horrible. Your eyelids have to be held open by pencils and your brain fries from an overload of information. The end result is complete shut down of the entire body,” Bruce seriously explained. “I see. Well, I’d hate for any of my students to get studentitis. It would be a shame. So, Bruce, are you trying to tell me I’m giving you all too much homework?” The professor chuckled and wrote notes on the board. “Sadly, it’s not just the homework. A lot of us work outside of school.” Bruce shrugged as he got out his Abnormal Psychology book. “Besides, you’re such an awesome and understanding professor, I’m sure you’ll give us a break on our next research paper.” “I’ll keep that in mind…maybe the next assignment will be only fifty-nine pages instead of sixty,” the professor said with a twinkle in his kind blue eyes. Bruce groaned. “Thanks, Professor Garb.” Samantha found herself laughing, “I think you should make Bruce do only fiftyeight pages for his next assignment. He needs extra time to work on his buttering-up skills!” Bruce gave Samantha a fake scowl. “So, you think you could do better?” “I’ll give it the old college try.” Samantha smiled at the professor and said, “Professor, I think writing papers can be very helpful, however, in place of our next paper…maybe we could do some volunteer work. Nothing helps to reinforce what we are learning better than good old-fashioned hands-on learning. Besides, if each of us writes sixty pages…that’s sixty times thirty students plus the rewrites. In the process of

The Defense

16

helping people through one day of volunteering, we could save several trees. And an extra bonus is that you don’t have to take your valuable time to grade all of those papers. So, what do you think?” The professor’s mustache twitched as he pondered her suggestion. Bruce stood there stunned, speechless for once. The professor nodded. “I think you’re on to something, Samantha. You are far wiser than your twenty-five years. I think it is an excellent idea. What about the clinic that you work at, Sam?” “They can always use the extra hands. There are so many people that need help who come in there. Sadly, more people than the general public realizes. I work full time and when I leave, there are lots of things that I didn’t get time to do.” Bruce raised his eyebrows, “You work full time and attend graduate school? Do you need the money for school?” “If you’re asking if I work to pay for school…absolutely. Working at the clinic might not pay a lot, but it’s enough to pay the bills and food. Making money really isn’t that important to me, what’s important is making a difference.” The professor patted her shoulder. “Sam here is an angel. You have no idea all the things she does. She’s like a younger version of Mother Theresa…and far prettier. Plus she’s a fabulous cook. She used to bake cookies and all kinds of goodies and bring them into my Human Behavior class last year. Heat rose to her cheeks. She knew they were probably red, “I just see a need and try to fill it…or in the case of your class…a hunger!” Samantha busied herself, getting out her book and paper for notes. “How come you never brought in food for the classes that I had with you, Sam?” Bruce asked. “Umm…I…I don’t know.” “I would love to taste your cooking sometime…maybe I can come over-” Bruce was about to saying something else when a bunch more students came in and Professor Garb cleared his throat signaling for silence.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

17

Professor Garb addressed the group, “Ok class, Samantha had a fabulous idea. Her great idea was to wave the next sixty-page paper and instead do a day of volunteering. Do a few hours of your time sound like a good idea, or would you rather do the huge time consuming paper?” The entire class voted unanimously for volunteering. “Then it’s settled. We will go downtown to the clinic and spend a day helping others. We all can’t go down to the clinic at once. I’m trusting you will call the director and set up a time to do your hours. For safety purposes, I am making it mandatory that you pair up with a fellow classmate. You must drive together and work the same shift and leave together. Volunteering is great…but it is also important to be smart about safety. Is that clear?” Everyone nodded. The professor continued, “Okay, you must also give a small summary of your experience together in front of class after you finish your hours. Now, I’d like you to find your partner for the volunteer assignment, and together discuss last night’s reading assignment on obsessive compulsive behavior and the question I just wrote on the board…. how does obsessive compulsive behavior tie in with victims of a crime? Go to it class!” Samantha looked around. She was about ready to ask her friend Rachel, when Bruce leaned over her shoulder and asked, “So, do you want to pair up for this assignment?” “Wwh…at?” “I asked if you want to pair up for this assignment?” Bruce repeated with a lopsided grin. He always seemed to be smiling and glance at Rachel who was looking at her with questioning eyes. Rachel glanced from Bruce to Samantha and back again and then gave her thumbs up behind Bruce’s back. Samantha shook her head She knew exactly what Rachel was thinking- that something might be between Bruce and her. “No? You don’t want to be with me?” Bruce asked. “What?” Samantha was confused.

The Defense

18

“You shook your head ‘no’ just a second ago…are you now telling me that you’d rather partner with somebody else?” Bruce looked like a sad puppy. “I was…never mind…it’s not important. Yes, I would love to be your partner,” Samantha replied and then added, “Did you read last night’s assignment on compulsive behavior?” “Of course…you might be the one who sets the curves in this class, but I’m not far behind, missy. I’ll show you what this boy knows! Compulsive Behavior is defined as recurrent and repetitive thoughts or behaviors that are unreasonable and unnecessary yet cannot be resisted. These obsessions or compulsions interfere with day-to-day activities and relationships with others. Compulsions are ritualistic and repetitive and temporarily relieve the tension and discomfort brought on by the obsessive thinking. Some common compulsions are rechecking doors to make sure they are locked, checking to make sure things are unplugged, excessive neatness and repetitive hand washing in fear of germs or dirt.” “I’m impressed, Professor Bruce! You sound like a book. Since you know so much, what do you think of the question on the board?” Bruce was silent for a moment. He was obviously giving it some thought, “I don’t know. I never really considered a link between crime and Compulsive Disorder before or that a person could start with Obsessive Compulsiveness after they were a victim of a crime. I wonder why a victim of a crime would all of a sudden start alphabetizing his or her can goods or lining up socks in a dresser?” Samantha got really quiet. She didn’t know what to say. Bruce noticed her frown and said gently, “Did I say something wrong? Is one of your family members or someone you know OCD?” “I guess you could say that.” Samantha paused and then said, “I believe the link between victims of crime and OCD is that the crime victim is searching to take back their control. A crime can leave a victim feeling out of control and helpless…and I would imagine it would give him or her a feeling of power to line up their socks as you said or alphabetize their cans. They would control their environment with a sense of

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

19

order or routine. I would think it could also be other things like keeping the house spotless all the time. I guess it’s all about taking back their power and control… and sadly that can lead to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.” “Wow. I think you’re on to something. You’re even smarter than I thought, Samantha,” Bruce bragged. Samantha blushed and put her head down in embarrassment. “I’m just guessing. That’s all.” “It sounds like a pretty good guess to me…is that what your family member or someone you know acted like?” “I think the Professor is motioning for us to wrap up our discussion. He wants to lecture,” Samantha turned back around to face the front. She could feel Bruce’s eyes burning into her back. She knew him, but she really didn’t know him. Over the years, he seemed like a very nice guy, but she wasn’t about to let him in that much…not yet, maybe not ever. **** After class was over, Bruce leaned over her shoulder again, “Why don’t you give me your number and we’ll coordinate getting together?” Samantha got up nervously from her desk. She wanted to get out of the assignment with Bruce, but didn’t know how. She tried the working card; “You know…I work there all the time. I really don’t need you to come with me for safety. I go every day by myself. You can just go when you want and we can meet up briefly to discuss it before class sometime.” Samantha gathered her things, and then headed out the door. Bruce followed her and calmly stated, “The Professor wanted us to go together and work together. It’s the assignment. You don’t have a choice…so you can’t squirm out of it. I know you want the grade. So, Samantha, what is your number?”

The Defense

20

Reluctantly, she gave in. She stopped in the hallway and pulled out a pen and a piece of notebook paper. She scribbled her number on it. She might not want to spend time alone with him, but she wanted the ‘A’. Samantha handed him the paper and sighed, “Here’s my number.” “Good. I’ll call you to go over a time that works for both of us. So, what’s the clinic like anyway?” Bruce walked beside her down the rest of the hallway and out the main doors. “Well…it helps women and their children get a fresh start from dangerous boyfriends or husbands. It’s also a place for people to come get food and shelter. There is a medical facility attached that’s equipped to treat all kinds of emergencies twentyfour hours a day. The people that work and volunteer there lovingly call the clinic the ‘Jack-of-all-help.’ The clinic helps lots of people, but there’s so much more that the people who invest and run the place want to do. Everything costs money.” “Wow! It sounds like a pretty impressive place. What do you do there?” Bruce continued to walk beside her as they entered the quad area. Students surrounded them, sitting on benches and blankets talking, eating and studying. A couple played Frisbee. “I do a little bit of everything. I play with the kids, wash laundry, cook, clean, help the doctor, and just listen. I do whatever I can to make those who come in comfortable and at home.” “At home? That is a strange phrase to use,” Bruce commented with one black eyebrow raised. “A home is a haven or safe place, and we try to make the clinic a safe place… therefore…it becomes a home of sorts for lots of people. Sadly, a better home then the real home they came from.” “I’m sure it isn’t that safe a place. You probably get ex-boyfriends or husbands looking for trouble…or druggies…or guns…” Bruce countered. Samantha stopped walking and faced Bruce. “You shouldn’t judge a place without seeing it first. Yes, there’re probably druggies and alcoholics and lots of

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

21

problem people…but they need help too. Those people still belong to somebody. If we don’t help them, who will?” “I never thought of it that way. You are an amazing person, Samantha.” She felt her cheeks flame from the praise. She didn’t know what to say. Just then the Frisbee came at her head. Without even thinking, she reached up and grabbed it with ease. Samantha turned to the girl that threw it and perfectly sent it back to her. The girl caught the Frisbee. “Hey! You’re good! Do you want to play?” Samantha smiled, and then said, “No thanks! I have to study at the library.” Bruce stood their watching the exchange quietly. He finally commented, “You’re full of surprises. You have a lot of natural athletic ability. You must play softball?” They resumed walking. “You can tell that by one catch and one throw?” Samantha teased, trying to lighten the compliment. “Yes, I can tell that by one catch and one throw. You caught that Frisbee without evening blinking an eye. That takes great hand-to-eye coordination. You threw it like a pro. Trust me…I know a lot about reflexes and ability. So, you played ball?” “Well all knowing sensei, I did play softball, basketball, and volleyball…but that was another lifetime.” She stopped and looked to the left. “This is my stop. I have to go to the library. Bye, Bruce.” Bruce called after her, “I’ll call you!” Samantha nodded and entered the university library. She didn’t know what just happened. Bruce almost sounded interested in her, but that was crazy. What guy would be? Her mother often made that clear enough. No guy would want her this way, and she didn’t blame them. **** It was six o’clock when she walked back into her apartment. She put her book bag neatly in the closet, and then took off her shoes and placed them in the shoe organizer at the bottom. It had been a long day. All the studying made her starved.

The Defense

22

Samantha walked across the carpet and into the small but cozy kitchen. She washed her hands in the sink. She loved to cook. It wasn’t long before there were delicious smells coming out of the oven. Samantha was pulling out a pan of lasagna, when the phone rang. She picked it up forgetting the oven mitt was still on her hand. The phone fell out of the mitt with a thunk to the floor. She quickly picked it back up and answered. “Hello? Hello?” “Do you answer every phone call by dropping the phone, or just mine?” Bruce’s voice asked over the phone. “Just yours, Bruce.” Somehow she just recognized his voice. She had several classes with him in undergrad and graduate school, and he had the type of voice you just recognized. “I’m flattered that you knew it was me. I thought you might name your current boyfriend instead.” “I don’t have a current boyfriend if you must know. I don’t have time or the desire for that type of thing,” Samantha chipped. For some reason she felt a tad defensive. “I see. Well, do you have time to talk about our assignment? I promised I would call tonight and I did.” “Actually, I just got my dinner out of the oven,” Samantha said without thinking. “Dinner? I’m starved…would you like some company? I could come over and we could discuss the assignment in person…” “You probably hate lasagna…” Samantha tried to wiggle out of the offer. “I love lasagna. Are you kidding? My dinner usually consists of a frozen dinner…if I’m lucky. Is there enough for me?” Samantha looked down at the huge rectangular pan filled with pasta. There was more than enough. Usually, she walked the leftovers to the neighbors. There was a divorced lady that had a ten-year old girl. The mother didn’t have much time to cook working two jobs. Samantha usually brought over two plates for them, and if there

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

23

were more leftovers…she could give them to an older gentleman two doors down whose wife died last year. He didn’t know how to cook; his wife did all the cooking. “There is plenty. I guess, if you want, you could join me.” “So, how do I get to Sam’s restaurant?” “I live three blocks east of the university…on Tiger Boulevard. There’s an old apartment complex on that street. I live in apartment 15.” “Can I bring anything? A bottle of wine?” “No, just come on over.” “I actually just live a couple of blocks from you. I’ll be there in two minutes,” Bruce said and hung up the phone. Samantha looked down at her old sweats she put on early this morning. They now had pasta sauce splashed on them, and her hands smelled like onion and garlic. She glanced at the clock. She didn’t even have time to change. She grabbed a brush from the bathroom and ran it through her waist-long hair. Samantha glanced in the mirror. A touch of the old Sam came back and she quickly found a ponytail clip and tied it back. She looked back again at her reflection. It was how she styled it a long time ago. She was about to pull it back out when the doorbell rang. She went to go answer it. “Hi, I like your hair like that,” Bruce said when she opened the door. He stood there in faded blue jeans and a black t-shirt. Even though she hadn’t had a man in her life in over six years and didn’t want one, she couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was. He wasn’t model handsome, but there was something about him that made him stand out. Samantha thought it was his bronze skin and almond-shaped eyes. His eyes were almost as black as his hair. She touched the ponytail self-consciously and managed to say, “Thanks…come on in.”

The Defense

24

Samantha stepped aside. Bruce glanced around the spotless room, “I know you didn’t have time to clean before I came…are you telling me your place is always this spotless?” “I try to keep it picked up,” she bristled. He was right, the place was spotless. There wasn’t a thing out of place or dirty. She might not have the most expensive apartment, but it was immaculately kept. “This is a nice place. How can you afford this from working at the clinic?” Bruce asked casually. “The rent is dirt cheap since it’s downtown…which I’m sure you know from living only a few blocks away. And, I’m lucky to have gotten a few scholarships from the university. Not as many as undergrad, but a few. I manage to pay my bills and have a little left over to save for emergencies or spend on my passion for cooking,” Samantha confessed as she led the way to the kitchen. “It smells wonderful! Thanks for letting me invite myself over.” Samantha set the table with the plates her mother gave her when she moved into the apartment after she graduated with her undergraduate degree. She was too old to stay in the dorms, and with her parent’s help, she was able to move here. Her mom gave her dishes, cooking things, and most of the furniture. They might have been the things in the basement of her parent’s home, but they were still nicer than most. “So, how is school going? It’s hard to believe that we’re getting close to being done. This is our last semester of classes. Soon you can call me ‘Dr. Bruce.’ Although, I can’t say that my parents will be thrilled,” Bruce said as he sat down at the small glass table. “Why wouldn’t they be thrilled? Getting a Ph.D. is quite an accomplishment,” Samantha asked as she washed her hands again and then dished out the lasagna. “They wanted me to go into international business and take over the family’s companies. I never understood what benefit my dad’s business has to the community or others. So, I went against their wishes and went for my doctorate in psychology. You would think I was going to school for sewing. They told me there was no money in

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

25

psychology, and that only woman do that type of work.” Bruce then said in his best woman’s voice, “Just call me Brucette! I believe they think I’m gay or something.” Samantha raised her eyebrow. That might explain why he was here with her, instead of out with some hot girl. It could explain a lot. Bruce saw her raised eyebrow and laughed. “No, I’m not gay! I just broke up with my girlfriend of six years.” “Why did you two break up, if you don’t mind me asking? Six years is a long time,” Samantha said as she took a bite of her food. Six years didn’t mean he wasn’t gay. Gabby, a friend of her mother’s, found out her husband of fifteen years was hiding a secret affair with a man. They had two girls. Gabby’s husband left her with a house mortgage, raising their children, and a disease-while he ran off with the gardener to the big city to live ‘out of the closet.’ Samantha didn’t care he was gay, but she did care that Gabby was lied to for years and years, and got sick because of his infidelity. “She’s a friend of the family, and we’ve known each other all of our lives. I grew up with her in Korea. Our families both moved to the United States when we were ten. We kept in touch and she followed me to college here. We started to date my freshman year. It made sense. Our families were friends, we knew each other, and it made being in college a little less overwhelming, having each other. She thought I would change my mind about psychology and take over the family businesses. When I went on to graduate school, she still held out hope that she could change my mind. But, I finally think she realized that this was my passion. She didn’t want to be a psychologist’s wife. She wanted to keep our Korean roots. She didn’t want anything to do with becoming more American. I, on the other hand, wanted to keep the roots, but venture out and become a part of this wonderful culture. I believe you can do both. She didn’t. We broke up. End of story. I found out she just went back to Korea and is dating a guy from back home.” “Does that upset you?” “No. I’m glad she’s happy, and I’m happy just to be who I am-not who she wanted me to be. Her love was conditional. If I wasn’t a pure Korean, she didn’t want

The Defense

26

me.” Bruce took another bite of the lasagna and groaned, “This is delicious. You’re a wonderful cook. I love pasta. It’s my one of my favorites.” “In my lasagna I use ricotta cheese rather than the usual cottage cheese over the noodles. I layer noodles, then ricotta, mozzarella cheese, parmesan cheese, and then tomato sauce and start all back over with noodles and do it again. I’ve got to admit, though, I would’ve thought you’d like only Korean foods.” “I enjoy other cultures and other their foods. I find it exciting to taste different things. I still love Korean food, but I believe a person can still respect where they came from and enjoy and even love Italian, American, or any other variety. “I love to cook,” Samantha patted her plump tummy, “as you can see.” Bruce put down his fork and looked right into her eyes, “If you’re trying to say that you’re overweight, you are not. You’re perfect, exactly the way you are.” “You don’t even know me. How do you know I’m perfect?” “I’ve known you for over six years. We’ve been in the same program together that entire time. I’ve even had several classes with you…” “But you’ve never really talked to me on a personal level until now,” Samantha pointed out. “Trust me, I wanted to. I noticed you the first class I had with you-six years ago.” “Then why didn’t you?” Samantha asked as she wiped her mouth with her napkin. “I just started dating Sue, and I didn’t feel right about getting personal with other girls—especially you.” “What do you mean by that?” “I mean that I liked you. I felt something for you, but I was dating her and I couldn’t put myself in the situation of knowing you better.” “If you ‘liked me,’ wasn’t it unfair to your girlfriend to have interest in someone else?” Samantha pointed out.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

27

“Maybe, but I was young. I was already going against my family by studying psychology and it gave them comfort seeing me with someone from my own race. I didn’t have the strength and guts to go against them with what I wanted to be and date someone non Korean,” Bruce explained. “So, they frown on dating a white chick? How sad.” “I know it sounds biased, but a lot of parents are that way. How would your family feel if you bought home a Muslim, an African American, or a Korean--like me?” Samantha thought about her dad and mom for a second. “I don’t think they would be happy or supportive. They like things that fit the perfect mold. I think they want me to marry a white, Catholic doctor and have one boy and one girl. My mother is already pressing me about getting married and giving her grandchildren!” “Speaking of which, why aren’t you dating someone?” “I didn’t say I wasn’t.” She had an edge to her voice, thinking he was implying that she wasn’t capable of dating someone since she was large–that he assumed a ‘big’ girl didn’t date. “You’re sitting here with me. I doubt if you were dating somebody you’d feel comfortable eating a meal with another man. You would feel like you were cheating on him so I just guessed that you weren’t.” Samantha looked into his eyes. He seemed sincere. “You’re right. I wouldn’t have agreed to you coming over if I was dating somebody. It’s not my style. I’m too faithful. I’m probably equivalent to the Golden Retriever.” She paused and then finally answered his question. “I don’t want to date anyone. I want to focus on helping people. I don’t have time or the energy to worry about men. Besides, who would date me?” Bruce reached over and took her hand and said softly, “Who wouldn’t date you? You’re smart, beautiful, kind, and have the most amazing eyes.” Samantha quickly pulled her hand away. She stood up, grabbed her plate and took it to the sink. “I think I better do these dishes so we can get to discussing our assignment.”

The Defense

28

“Why don’t you leave the dishes and we’ll do them later?” “What? Heavens no! I need to do them now.” Her voice seemed a little edgy even to her ears. “I like to keep things organized. It’s my German nature!” “What?” “It’s been said that Germans are hard workers and keep their house scrubbed clean,” Samantha explained. “Fine, then I’ll help you.” Bruce picked up his plate and rinsed it in the sink and put it in the dishwasher. He seemed comfortable being here. She watched as he found a washcloth in the kitchen drawer and washed the table off. Seeing a man helping with chores wasn’t something she was used to. Her mother would cook and clean up the kitchen while her dad would go sit on the deck or the couch. “Thanks for helping.” “It’s the least I can do for inviting myself over to this wonderful meal and talking you into being my partner.” “You didn’t really have to talk me into it. I don’t mind.” “Oh, I might not have twisted your arm, but I know you were planning on being Rachel’s partner. You two are always partners. I just beat her to the asking.” Bruce added with a sheepish look, “To be honest, I’ve been sitting behind you lately with the hopes that on the next partnered assignment, I could ask you before Rachel or somebody else. Everyone wants to be your partner because you work so hard and you get the best grades.” Samantha put the last pan into the dishwasher and said quietly, “Not everyone, just girls.” “I don’t know if I should be insulted that you’re insinuating that I’m in the ‘girl’ grouping.” Bruce put the Parmesan cheese away. “I…I…that’s not what I was insinuating. No guy has ever asked me to be his partner, until you. Which brings up the question as to why you and why now?”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

29

Samantha asked before she had a chance to think. After it came out of her mouth, she could have almost kicked herself. Bruce walked over to the sink and stood next to her. Samantha thought he was a little too close. Her heart beat fast, and her palms started to perspire. He leaned closer. “It would’ve been six years ago if I had the guts to break up with my girlfriend then. It would’ve been two months ago when we had our last group assignment, but I still couldn’t get up the nerve. So, I guess the only explanation I have is that I finally got up enough courage to ask you today. I apologize for that.” She watched as Bruce leaned down toward her more. She knew he was about to kiss her. She froze. She wanted to bolt, but her feet were stuck to the cheap-checkered linoleum. Samantha looked at Bruce. Her eyes were fixed on his black ones. His lips softly touched hers, like a butterfly dancing on her lips. Samantha gasped and stumbled backward. She bumped a dish from the counter and it crashed to the floor. She bent down to try to quickly pick up the pieces and a sharp edge slashed her finger. Blood trickled down her left hand and dripped onto the floor. She just watched it, not knowing what to do or say. Bruce quickly grabbed the dishtowel and took her hand in his. He wrapped the cloth around the injured finger. Blood quickly colored the towel. He led her to the couch in the other room and sat her down. Samantha was thankful. She felt a little faint. She wasn’t sure if it was from the cut or the kiss. She tried to pull her hand away from his. “Hold still. You’re going to make it worse. The more you move, the more it’s going to bleed. Let me help you.” Bruce put pressure on the cut. Her hand was still trapped in his. Strangely, she didn’t feel pain. All she felt was her heart beating. She couldn’t catch her breath. The closer he was, the faster her heart raced. She managed to find her voice. “I–I think I’m fine now. You can give me back my hand.”

The Defense

30

Bruce smiled. “To be honest, I kind of like holding it.” “Well, the bleeding seems to be getting better. I’m fine now.” Bruce opened up the cloth and examined the injury. It was a pretty good gash. He shook his head. “I think you need to go to the hospital for stitches. You might need three or so.” “Were you a doctor in a previous life?” Samantha tried to lighten the tension she felt. “Let’s just say I’m familiar with injuries. Why don’t I drive you to the hospital?” “I’m not going to the hospital. I am not paying the outrageous emergency room co-pay. If you insist on taking me to see a doctor, then take me down to the clinic. I know all the doctor’s on staff. Whoever is there tonight will do it for me at no charge. It’s one of the perks of working there as much as I do.” Samantha finally removed her hand from his. “Fine. I’ll take you there. We can have you stitched up, and I’ll take you out for dessert and coffee afterwards.” Bruce got up and took her by the elbow and helped usher her out of the apartment. “I can walk on my own.” “I know, but you don’t have to.” **** They soon arrived at the clinic. The doctor on call was a friend of Samantha’s. When he saw her, he rushed over, “Samantha! What did you go and do to yourself?” “Hi, Dr. George. You know me–I’m a klutz. I knocked a dish off of the sink and the rest is history.” Dr. George opened up the bloody cloth, “It’s going to take three stitches.” Samantha glanced at Bruce. He was right. Bruce just smiled.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

31

Dr. George led Samantha to a room. Suddenly she was nervous and scared. “I think I’m fine. I changed my mind. I don’t need stitches. It’ll heal just fine without them!” Samantha tucked her hand behind her back, panicked. She remembered the last time she needed stitches, and being here brought back lots of bad memories. Dr. George grinned. “Samantha, you do need stitches. Why don’t you just hold your boyfriend’s hand…since I’m guessing he was part of the reason for this accident?” He wiggled his eyebrows up and then down. Samantha forgot her panic for a second and blushed. How did he know? Bruce laughed a deep, sexy laugh. “You caught us, Doctor. I shouldn’t have kissed her in the kitchen. It’s too dangerous!” Dr. George laughed. He took Samantha’s hand to stitch it up. Her panic returned. She almost started to hyperventilate. Without thinking, she grabbed Bruce’s hand with her good one and squeezed tight. Bruce rubbed his thumb back and forth over her non-injured hand. It wasn’t long before it was all over. Samantha let out the breath she was holding. “Well, Sam, you did good. Three stitches. Now, go home and get some rest… and try to use the kitchen for cooking only!” Dr. George shook his finger at her. “Um…yes, Doctor. Thank you for taking care of me. I’ll see you tomorrow at work. Has it been a crazy night?” Samantha asked in a still shaky voice as he bandaged up her cut. “Two knife wounds, a case of gonorrhea, a battered woman with three broken ribs and cigarette burns to her face, and an angry husband looking for his wife. The police were here a lot tonight. The angry husband ended up in jail. The usual day at the clinic.” Bruce shook the doctor’s hand. “Thank you for taking good care of Samantha. It must make you both proud to make such a difference in people’s lives by working here.”

The Defense

32

Dr. George nodded. “It does, but sadly…it makes for long days and nights. Well, I better get back to work. I need to check on my patients. See you tomorrow, Sam. It was nice meeting you…Bruce. I’m glad Sam finally let down her guard to find a nice man.” “But….” Samantha tried to explain that he wasn’t her boyfriend. She wanted to explain that she didn’t let down her guard. “Come on, Samantha, I promised you coffee and dessert…. and coffee and dessert you shall have!” Bruce put his hand back under her elbow. It reminded her of the olden days. **** Samantha got back into Bruce’s car. She took out her hand sanitizer and squirted some on to clean her hands, looking around his car. She didn’t really notice it earlier. She supposed she was still a little bit out of it. His car was a corvette convertible. She had thought he was a struggling college student like herself, but she was obviously wrong. “I guess working your part-time job wherever you work…pays really good… good enough for a convertible…did you forget to tell me you’re a striper on the Eastside?” Bruce laughed. “There is a lot you don’t know about me, Samantha. Hopefully you’ll get the chance, but I can promise you I’m not a striper!” “You never answered where this sport’s car came from…Daddy Warbucks? Is Richey Rich your brother?” “Very funny. I told you my family owns some businesses that they want me to run. I help them on the side. They would like me to take over, but this is a happy medium for right now. I go to school for what I want to be when I grow up, and they get to have me help run the business part-time. It’s half-win; half-win situation.” He pulled the hot tamale colored car into the local coffee shop’s parking lot. It was where all the college kids hung out–especially to sober up.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

33

Bruce quickly hopped out and came around to open her door. Samantha got out and gave the roof a pat, “You’re lucky it didn’t get stolen or vandalized while I got stitched up. I’m amazed!” “I was more worried about you than my car. So, what will it be?” Bruce asked as they made their way toward the door. “I think I’ll take anything that doesn’t taste like coffee…maybe a caramel and chocolate frozen coffee with whip cream and sprinkles,” Samantha said with a grin. It was her favorite. “A girl after my own heart. I like a girl who is not afraid of whip cream and sprinkles!” “Well, then you’ll love me!” Samantha said before thinking. Bruce’s voice turned serious. “I can see that happening.” Samantha didn’t know what to say. She knew him for six years, but only through classes and school. This was the first time she had a chance to really talk to him. Things seemed so surreal. A man like this wasn’t supposed to like or even fall in love with a ‘fat girl’ like her. She had noticed him over the years, but she didn’t think he had noticed her. Her heart would skip a beat every time she saw him. It was a beat that she never would’ve thought would be felt by anyone toward her. Samantha just buried her attraction to Bruce, for many reasons, the biggest one of all her being hurt. “I…I don’t know what to say. I’m not really sure what you’re looking for, Bruce. I really don’t know you very well. How do I know you aren’t just here on some bet from your friends to take me out? Or maybe you’re using me to help you with school. Or maybe I’m misreading you and you’re just being flirtatious and mean nothing by it.” “There is no bet. I’m an ‘A’ student myself, and you are not misreading me,” Bruce said firmly, sounding slightly offended. She was embarrassed by what she accused him of. Thankfully the waitress walked up and drawled in a country accent, “What’ll be kiddos?”

The Defense

34

Bruce gave the waitress their order. He added two pieces of key lime pie for dessert. After the waitress left, he asked with a smile, “I hope that you like key lime pie?” The words came out before she could shut her mouth and trap them inside. “What do you think?” Samantha made a gesture over her plump body. “What I think is that you need to stop thinking and referring to yourself as fat. You are not fat. You’re beautiful. I like that you love to eat. There is nothing worse then taking a girl on a date and having her order a salad with dressing on the side, and then just taking two bites and putting her napkin on top. It’s frustrating having a woman constantly worrying about what she’s wearing, or how her hair looks. To be honest, I really don’t care.” Bruce paused to take a breath and then added, “And to be even more honest, you asked what I am looking for? I’m looking for a girl to have fun with. A girl to go out and eat with me. To talk to. Someone that I’m attracted to inside and out.” “And you see those things in me?” Samantha asked softly. “I see all those things in you. I know you’re athletic. I saw you catch that Frisbee like nothing, and you told me you used to play sports. I always see you smiling. Everybody loves you. No one says a bad thing about you. You mention your name and the first thing out of someone’s mouth is ‘she is so nice.’ I like that. I like you,” Bruce declared, maybe a touch too loud. “You don’t think I am fat?” Samantha asked with her head down. Bruce reached over and tilted her head back up. “I don’t think you are fat. I knew you six years ago when you looked different than you do now. I liked you then and I like you now. Maybe you’ve changed some on the outside, but you are still the same wonderful person on the inside.” “Should I be upset that you noticed how different I look now compared to back then?”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

35

“I’m not blind, Samantha. I’ve noticed you’ve changed. There’s nothing wrong with change–if you’re happy with it. I get the impression though, that you aren’t happy with it. Am I right?” “I guess you are right. There are times when I’m fine with it, and then there are times when I’m not.” The waitress brought their coffees and their key lime pies. Both stopped talking until she was gone again. When she left Bruce asked, “Did something happen?” Samantha just sat there with her coffee cup in one hand and a piece of key lime pie on her fork. She didn’t know what to say. This conversation was getting way too personal. She set down her fork and coffee cup and stood up. She looked Bruce directly in the eyes. “I’d like to go home now.” “Sam?” “It’s late. You can have the waitress box up the pie and get the coffee to go. My hand is starting to hurt.” “Okay. Whatever you want. I’ll take you home.,” Bruce got up. “On second thought, why don’t you just stay here and enjoy your dessert? I’ll walk home. It isn’t but two more blocks,” Samantha said as she headed towards the door. Bruce called after her, “Wait! I’ll walk with you after I pay the bill.” Samantha smiled. “Thanks for everything. I think I’ll be just fine by myself. I could use the fresh air and the alone time,” she added, “Don’t worry about the assignment. I think I’ll risk my grade by doing my twelve hours on my own. We can meet before class and compare. Bye, Bruce.” She walked out the door without looking back. She felt bad for leaving him there, but this was the last thing she needed to complicate her life right now. Samantha needed to focus on finishing college and finding a job when she got out. She didn’t need this type of complication. She would just call the director or Dr. George and schedule her volunteer shift on her own.

The Defense

36

**** The next morning she called the clinic and asked for the director. Unfortunately, the director wasn’t in yet, but she was able to schedule a volunteer shift with Dr. George for Wednesday from seven to seven. She would help him a lot in the medical side, help prepare meals and do some laundry. He said that things were crazy and he could use the extra assistance. Samantha went to her Abnormal Psychology class after she got off the phone. Professor Garb greeted her with a cheerful smile. “Hello, Samantha!” “Hi, Professor!” Samantha grinned back. “You are always full of smiles. It is nice to see that around this place.” Professor Garb patted her arm and then clucked his tongue, “Oh, dear, what happened to your hand?” “It was just a silly accident. I cut it on a broken plate.” “Is that going to hinder your work at the clinic or the volunteer assignment I gave?” “No, it’s my left hand and I’m right handed. I should be fine. It’s just three stitches. Besides, I already called the clinic this morning before I came here. I’m working my shift from seven to seven tomorrow.” “Now, I hope you are going with your partner? You will not get full credit unless you follow my instructions to the letter. You know I am a stickler about directions!” Professor looked down his long crooked nose at her. “Well…I…” Samantha stuttered. Just then a voice from behind her chimed in, “Of course she is going with her partner.” “Are you her partner, Bruce?” “Yes, Professor. Samantha and I met last night to discuss or assignment.” Bruce walked next to Samantha and said, “I’m so glad you were able to get Wednesday for our volunteer time. Thanks for calling.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

37

Samantha was a little embarrassed, but managed to reply, “You’re welcome.” Professor Garb nodded appreciatively, “I’m glad to see you two working together. Usually Sam partners up with Rachel, which is fine, but it is nice to see how the dynamics work with somebody else.” The professor looked directly at Samantha and added, “Maybe Bruce will challenge you in a new and exciting way.” She almost choked. Thankfully she recovered enough to respond, “I’m sure I’ll be challenged by Bruce. He’s a very scholarly person.” Bruce flexed his muscles playfully. “And cute too, don’t forget about being intelligent and cute!” Professor Garb rolled his eyes. “I’ll let you two deal with your assignment. Class will be starting soon and I need to write more notes on the board.” Bruce gave Samantha a winning smile. “So, when do I pick you up?” “Pick me up?” “Yes, pick you up. We have to go together. Remember?” Samantha groaned. “I remember, but why don’t I drive. I’ll pick you up.” It would seem a little less date like if she drove. It would seem more like friends or classmates—not boyfriend and girlfriend. “I insist. I’ll drive. I’m old-fashioned that way. It is one of my many quirks.” Bruce sat down behind her yet again. “There is a seat over there, maybe it will be easier for you to see and take notes,” Samantha tried to persuade him. “I would rather sit right here.” “Okay, fine. Have it your way. Stay sitting there and you can pick me up at quarter till seven in the morning tomorrow. We’ll work from seven until seven. I have to say that you’re a very determined man, Bruce.” “See you tomorrow, Samantha.”

The Defense

38

Samantha drove to the clinic after class to work her job. She spent the time washing sheets from the cots, scrubbing toilets, and cooking lunch. Today, she made spaghetti, green beans, and pudding for dessert. A little girl named Joy pulled on Samantha’s black corduroy pants, “Miss Sam, you are the best cook ever!” Samantha knelt down next to the little girl and gave her a big warm hug, “Well thank you, Miss Joy. I love to cook, and I’m glad you love to eat my cooking!” “My mom and I look forward to the days you’re here. The place seems happier and definitely smells better! Do you think tomorrow you could make some of your famous chocolate chip cookies?” Joy asked with the biggest blue eyes Sam had ever seen. Samantha always wanted to hold her. This little angel had been through so much, and yet she still smiled. Her father molested her from the time she was six months old until just a few weeks ago. Her mother caught her father in the act. The father was upset that he was interrupted and beat both of them. He then headed down to the local bar to get drunk. Joy’s mother grabbed what she could and fled to the clinic. “I think I could make a couple of batches tomorrow. I’ll be here all day working for Dr. George, but I’ll make sure to sneak away just to bake some cookies!” “You’re the best!” Joy hugged Samantha in the tightest bear hug, and then ran back to her mother who was sitting a couple of cots down reading some pamphlets on abuse and recovery. Samantha wondered how people could hurt children. She was proud of Joy’s mother. She left. It took a lot of strength and bravery to leave. Dr. George came after Samantha to help him again. She had to organize some medical supplies and help him take vitals on an elderly, homeless woman named Ruth. She had come in feeling dizzy. Samantha held her hand and listened to her talk about her husband who was killed in World War II, and about the farmhouse she lost when she could no longer pay the bills after his death. The farmhouse had been in her family for three generations. They never had any children; her husband had died before they

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

39

could start a family. He was the love of her life, and she never remarried. And here she was in a clinic, homeless, without any friends or family. Samantha sat with her for the rest of her shift, and then she clocked out and went back again to sit with Ruth some more. Every so often she would take her pulse and respirations. It seemed she got weaker as the night went on. When she asked Dr. George what was wrong with Ruth, he told Sam that the elderly lady had congestive heart failure and he didn’t believe she would make it through the night. At ten o’clock Dr. George told her, “Samantha, go home. You have school tomorrow. It is late. Your shift ended an hour ago.” “No, I’m not going to leave Ruth. She has no one. I can’t leave her to die alone.” “I’ll be here,” Dr. George pointed out. “That’s not enough. You’ll be doing your work and treating other people. She needs me.” “Fine. You can stay. Just promise me you’ll take part of my sandwich and drink some coffee.” “Deal,” Samantha agreed. She went to the lounge and got a cup of black coffee and dumped as much sugar and creamer into it as possible. It didn’t have caramel, chocolate, or sprinkles but it would keep her awake. She sat there for four more hours drinking her coffee, just holding Ruth’s hand. Samantha put a wet washcloth to Ruth’s head and every so often went to refresh it. She moistened her lips with an ice cube and just kept talking to her. Ruth died around five in the morning with Samantha holding her hand and a cool washcloth on her brow. Samantha had tears running down her face when Dr. George came in to pronounce her dead and to cover her up with a sheet. There was nothing more to do for her. She was with her God now. “Go home, Sam. You have class in a couple of hours. You need to get a shower and some food. You did a good thing tonight. You did a very good thing,” Dr. George said as he wiped a tear from her face and handed her a tissue.

The Defense

40

“I don’t have class today but I do have to volunteer back here at seven o’clock with my Abnormal Psychology partner,” Samantha said with a tired sigh. “I forgot about that. Do you want to cancel? It is quarter after five already.” “No, Bruce is counting on it. I can’t just cancel last minute. It wouldn’t be right. I guess I’ll see you again in a few hours.” **** Samantha went home. She put her shoes neatly in the closet, washed her hands and stripped out of her dirty clothes. She quickly took a shower and wrapped a towel around her body. She wanted to get dressed, but her body was just too tired. Samantha lay down on the bed. The clock said twenty-five minutes after five. It felt so good just to close her eyes. She had enough time for a half hour nap. It didn’t seem much later when she woke up with a start. The clock now was ringing and flashing sixforty-five a.m. in bright red numbers. She overslept! She heard a ringing noise. It was the doorbell! She got up and tightened the towel around her. The doorbell rang again. She glanced over at her bedroom closet wondering if she should quickly get dressed before answering the door. The doorbell rang yet again. She decided it was probably best to answer now otherwise Bruce might leave and think she stood him up. She already felt bad about walking out of the café the other night. Samantha ran to the door and opened it up. Tussled from sleeping, her long blonde hair had tangled all around her shoulders and in her face. The towel she had around her was none to big. It barely covered the important things. She wished she’d thought ahead to pick a beach towel! Bruce looked at her, and then said shuffled his feet nervously, “I see I caught you not ready.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

41

“Umm… I overslept. I am so sorry. I’ll hurry. I just throw some clothes on and brush my hair and I’ll be ready. Give me two minutes!” Samantha said quickly, her voice breathless even to her ears. “Take your time,” Bruce answered looking down and then back up. Samantha noticed an odd reaction. He swallowed hard. She looked down at herself to see what was wrong and gasped. The towel had slipped and the tops of her breasts were bare. She even saw a little bit of pink nipple on her right breast. She yanked the towel up hard. “I—umm…” Samantha stuttered with the heat rising to her cheeks. She looked up shyly into Bruce’s face. He was looking down again. Samantha was almost afraid to look back down, but she couldn’t help herself. It was like one of those accidents you pass on the highway. She knew the outcome would be bad but she had to look anyway. She followed his eyes and yelped out loud. When she pulled on the top of the towel to cover her chest, it caused the bottom to gape open. Her pubic mound was exposed! “Oh my God!” she said in horror as she closed it with her hand. Bruce gazed at her. Samantha looked into his eyes. She swore she saw desire burning in those black pools. She turned to run, when a hand caught her wrist. She found herself turning back to face him. He stared into her face with such an intense searching look. “It’s alright, Sam, don’t be upset.” Then all of a sudden he pulled her toward him and her body was pressed against his. His lips claimed her open ones. Samantha felt his tongue gently teasing the inside of her mouth and his right hand on her lower back. He pressed her more firmly against his muscular body. She could feel the hardness of his groin against her. Somewhere between the pull and the pressing, her hand had fallen away from holding the towel closed at the bottom. His erection through his shorts rubbed against her clitoris like a cotton condom. She groaned. He groaned back, “Oh, Sam! I’ve wanted you for so long!”

The Defense

42

His hips were moving up and down against her. It wasn’t enough. She wanted his shorts gone. She wanted to feel him inside of her. Her hands fumbled between their bodies and found his button and zipper. She undid the button and unzipped his shorts. Samantha started to slip them down when a cold breeze came across her. It was then that she realized in her haste to undress him, she had dropped her towel completely! She was standing in the front of him in all her huge glory! She choked back a sob. She quickly bent down and grabbed the towel and wrapped it back around her body. She ran for the bedroom. How could she let this happen? How could she let him see her naked? He probably hated her now. He probably was revolted by her! Bruce called after her, “Sam! Sam, wait!” Samantha closed the bedroom door behind her with a slam and a click. She quickly dropped the towel and reached in the drawer for her white underwear and bra. She couldn’t help noticing her reflection yet again in the mirror. Her hair had tangles and her cheeks were flushed. She glanced down at her body and then turned away again. It was just too hard to look at and if she couldn’t look at her body, how could Bruce? She quickly finished getting dressed in the usual black long sleeved shirt and black-striped knickers that came down to her knees. Samantha grabbed a brush and ran it through her hair. She then took a deep breath and opened the door. As if nothing just happened, she said, “We’d better get going. We only have a couple of minutes before our volunteer shift starts.” Bruce walked up to her and took her hand, “Sam?” “No, Bruce. Leave it. We should go.” “Fine. We’ll go, but this isn’t completely dropped. It isn’t completely over. I can promise you that.” Samantha pulled her hand away and walked through the door to her car. Bruce stopped her. “Why don’t I drive?” She looked over at his corvette and said, “I think I should drive. Your car isn’t safe downtown.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

43

“It’ll be fine. It was fine last time. I insist on driving. Remember? It’s the oldfashioned man in me.” “It’s the foolish man in you if you ask me. But if you insist…go right ahead. Far be it from me to stop chivalry!” Samantha curtsied like the ladies of the South long ago. Bruce opened the car door for her and they sped away in his sport’s car. It was exactly seven o’clock when they arrived at the clinic. Samantha introduced him to a few of her co-worker friends and of course Dr. George remembered him from the other night. Dr. George grinned and slapped Bruce on the back, “Good to see you back, man! I thought Samantha might’ve scared you away! It’s good to see you’ve got determination!” “Doctor!” Samantha scolded. “Sorry. Well, since you two are here to work, I’ll take you. Why don’t you go put on some scrubs and get your hands washed up? I just had a fifteen-year-old girl come in twenty minutes ago in labor. She looks like she’ll deliver any minute and I could use your help. She’s pretty scared,” Dr. George said as he walked off. Samantha motioned for Bruce to follow her, “I’ll show you the way.” It wasn’t long before Bruce and Samantha stood there in full scrubs. Samantha had on dark navy and Bruce wore green. Dr. George found them scrubbing their hands, “Good. Now, follow me. I just checked on her and the baby is coming.” Bruce and Samantha ran after Dr. George. Loud screams echoed through the hallway. They went into exam room number three and the girl was lying on the exam table. Her curly red hair was drenched in sweat, and she was screaming at the top of her lungs. “It looks like she’s kicked her legs out of the stirrups. We need to get her calmed down,” Dr. George said over the screams. Samantha quickly forgot about what happened with Bruce and feeling uncomfortable. She found a towel and ran it under cool water. She placed the cloth on

The Defense

44

the girl’s mouth and freckled face. The girl grabbed her free hand and squeezed as another labor pain came over her. She grabbed Samantha’s bandaged hand and it hurt like Hell, but all she said was, “It’s going to be alright. I’m here for you.” Dr. George said in a very doctor like voice, “Ok, Anna, I’m going to put your legs back into these stirrups and we are going to deliver this baby together.” Anna just screamed again and thrashed her feet back and forth, tantrum style. Dr. George looked over at Samantha and then at Bruce, “I need you each to hold one leg and foot. Give her support to push as well as try to control the thrashing before she hurts me or the baby.” Samantha took one leg and foot and held on with all her might. Bruce took the other leg and foot and hung on. Samantha looked over at Bruce and found him starring at her. They both heard Anna scream again and looked down. The baby’s head was crowning. Bruce gasped. “Oh, my God…I see the baby’s head!” It was hard not to watch such a miracle. Anna screamed and they held her the best that they could as Dr. George delivered the baby into this world. “It’s a beautiful baby girl!” Dr. George declared as he cut the umbilical cord. Anna collapsed against the table and her legs grew shaky but no longer kicked about. She looked over at her baby and then turned her head. “I don’t want it.” Samantha was shocked. How could you not want a baby? How could any mother not want her baby? Dr. George calmly tried to place the baby in the mother’s arms, but she swung a fist at the baby, “Take it away!” Dr. George quickly moved the baby and Sam was thankful Anna’s fist missed. “Why, Anna? Why don’t you want your baby?” Bruce said sadly with tears in his eyes. Samantha noticed that he didn’t even try to hide the tears like most men would have. “The father of this thing raped me. I want nothing to do with this cursed thing!”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

45

Samantha said in a soft voice, “Anna, I understand what you’re going through and you are going to be fine. You’re going to survive this and go on to do wonderful things.” Anna turned her head back and looked at Samantha for a minute. She searched Samantha’s face for something, and then said, “I am not a bad person. How can I look after this thing when I’m only a kid myself? How can I love a baby when part of it belongs to the monster that raped me? Every time I look at her she’ll remind me of that night. I just can’t. Find her a good home,” Anna said and covered her face with both of her hands. “I do understand what you are going through. I really do. Maybe one day you’ll be here helping someone like yourself by holding their hand,” Samantha said as she gently brushed back Anna’s sweaty hair from her forehead. Dr. George held the baby firmly cradled in one arm and reached down and patted Anna with his free hand, “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure this little bundle goes to a good home.” Samantha looked over and saw Bruce watching them. He had lots of questions in his eyes but said nothing. He just reached over and handed Dr. George a clean blanket. Dr. George quickly wrapped the baby in the blanket and took her out of the room. Samantha followed him. “What are you going to do now?” “I’m going to call Social Services and they’ll take care of her. There are lots of families waiting for adoption. Hopefully, this pretty little girl can go to a good home.” “Can I hold her?” Samantha said softly as she held out her arms. “Sure. That would be wonderful. This little baby is probably scared and wants some cuddling. Some nice warm arms would be just the right medicine,” Dr. George said as he placed the crying baby into her arm. The baby immediately stopped crying. Samantha slowly swayed back and forth to some internal female rhythm she didn’t even know she had. It was like instinct, back and forth, back and forth.

The Defense

46

Samantha looked up to see Bruce staring at her. He had blood on his scrubs and looked like he walked off a battlefield. She couldn’t read the expression on his face. It was one she never seen before on a man. She whispered, “Are you alright? Was this too much for your first hour here?” “It was a lot for my first hour, but it was a miracle seeing this little girl born. It was truly a miracle,” Bruce paused and then said, “You look just perfect holding her. You’ll be a great mother one day, Sam.” “I’m sure my own mother is praying her rosary for that as we speak!” Samantha walked over to a rocker in the corner. She sat down and rocked the baby in her arms. “I remember there was a Saint for hopeless cases she used to pray to. I also remember her praying to him a lot regarding me. I guess she always considered me a hopeless case!” “I believe the Saint you are referring to is St. Jude.” Bruce smiled. “How did you know that?” “I’m Catholic like you and your mother,” Bruce said as he reached into his shirt collar and pulled out a necklace with a cross.” “How did you know we were Catholic?” “St. Jude. Catholicism is the only religion that has St. Jude. I also had my fair share of religious classes in my life. My dad displays a huge cross in every one of the buildings he owns.” “I thought Koreans were Buddhist?” Samantha asked as cuddled the baby closer. “Not my parents. I think somewhere down the family tree we were Buddhist. I guess something changed.” “I see.” Samantha kissed the top of the baby’s head. She took her cross necklace out of her collar. “I have one too. I never take it off. My grandmother gave it to me. God rest her soul.” “You are such a natural with children. The man that is your husband would be so lucky to have you as the mother of his children.” Bruce stood behind her with his hand on her shoulder.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

47

Dr. George walked over and saved Samantha from answering. “I called, and they will be out soon to get the baby. Would you mind feeding her, and then putting her in the bassinet when she falls asleep?” He handed her a bottle, and then added, “I have an emergency that just came in. A twelve year old boy ran into his father’s hammer. It seems that he walked in on his dear old dad with a woman and threatened to tell his mother.” “Go ahead. I’ll keep an eye on this precious little girl while I’m on duty. I’ll keep checking on her.” “Thanks, Sam. You’re an angel!” Dr. George headed toward exam room one and turned around to ask, “How’s the hand that Anna squeezed so hard? Do I need to repair any stitches?” “I don’t think so. It hurts, but I’ll be fine.” Dr. George disappeared into the exam room and Bruce handed her a glass of water with two Tylenol. “I thought you might need these for your hand. It seems like a lot of people think you’re an angel.” “Thanks for the water and the Tylenol,” Samantha said without looking up. She was concentrating on feeding the bottle. Dr. George showed her several years ago how to take care of babies when a baby boy was abandoned on the clinic’s doorstep. It had been snowing and social services couldn’t make it out for a few days because of the roads. They spent the next several days working together to take care of that little darling. They both slept and ate at the clinic. Babies needed twenty-four hour care, and both of them wanted to make sure the baby got it. Samantha was surprised to see Dr. George with tears in his eyes when social services finally showed up and took the baby away. Bruce said softly, “Here, let me help.” He put the Tylenol up to her lips and she opened her mouth to accept them. He gently pushed the pills inside and held the glass of water up to her lips. She drank and swallowed. “Thank you.” “Can I get you anything else?”

The Defense

48

“No, I’m fine. Why don’t you get out of those dirty scrubs, and we’ll go over to the other side. Just go through the big red door and you’ll see lots of tables. I have a promise I need to keep. I’m about done feeding, and this cutie pie is almost asleep. I’ll put her in the bassinet and meet you over there.” “Sounds fine.” Bruce headed toward where they got their scrubs earlier. He already had his shirt off. Samantha couldn’t help but notice how defined he was. He had to work out. She couldn’t help but think again how strange it was for someone as good looking as Bruce to be interested in someone like her. Hell must’ve frozen over–or the cosmic universe must’ve shifted. Sure, her face was pretty, even her mother admitted to that, but the rest of her…well that was an entirely different story. Samantha finished feeding the baby and placed her gently in the bed. She covered her up, then leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She felt sorry for this little miracle, but also felt sorry for the baby’s mother. How terrible it must be to get raped and then get pregnant when you’re only a teenager. She didn’t excuse the initial violent reaction Anna had toward her baby, but she did understand, all to well. She went to the changing area and removed her stained scrubs, throwing them into the container marked ‘contaminated linens.’ Bruce’s green scrubs were on top. The image of him taking the scrubs off popped into her head. Then she envisioned him taking all of his clothes off. Samantha shook her head to clear those types of thoughts. She washed her hands in the sink to wash away any germs. She just wished it was easier to wash away her feelings. She thought back over the past hour and smiled. He was truly an amazing guy, even under pressure. Samantha made her way towards the area she told Bruce she would meet him. Bruce looked up when she entered and smiled. He was wiping down tables. Breakfast was over and every table needed to be wiped with bleach water. “A domestic guy…wow…I’m impressed. The other night you helped do dishes and wash my table and now here you are scrubbing tables yet again. What else can you do?” Samantha teased.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

49

Bruce winked. “All kinds of things.” Samantha got his underlined meaning and said nervously, “I meant…other chores. Do you iron or cook?” “I can do both,” he said as he cleaned the last table and triumphantly said, “I’m all done!” “Good, then you can help me with some baking in the kitchen. I have a girl waiting eagerly for something.” Bruce raised his eyebrows. Samantha just laughed, took his hand and pulled him toward the kitchen. She washed her hands again and it wasn’t long before they were both mixing and baking. Good smells circled the clinic, and every worker and person staying there was migrating toward the kitchen and the sweet scent. Samantha turned on the radio to some lively music and started to sing as she took hot cookies off cookie sheets. Bruce joined in with the singing. He scooped the dough on and she took off the hot goodies. They made a good team. “I’m amazed how you can clean as you cook! The kitchen is spotless and the cookies are perfect,” Bruce commented, “I’m a messy cook. The pots and pans are all over the place.” “I…” she was saved from replying by Joy’s squeals. Joy giggled. “You didn’t forget! You remembered!” Samantha put down her spatula and swung Joy up into her arms, “Of course I didn’t forget my promise! I told you I would make my famous chocolate cookies, and I did. There are enough for everyone. We’ll have a cookie party!” “Can there be dancing?” Joy asked with pleading eyes. “Sure there can be dancing! I have one more tray to take out of the oven and we’ll start the party!” The workers and people staying at the clinic ate cookies and drank milk. Samantha looked around and for a moment everyone looked happy. For a moment,

The Defense

50

cookies managed to take away the pain of bruises, cuts, and misery. For a moment, the past was forgotten and the future wasn’t a concern…just warm cookies and milk. Joy tugged at Samantha’s knickers. “Dance with me! Dance with me! Please!” Samantha picked up Joy and twirled her around in circles to the music. Bruce walked over and bowed, “May I join you two beautiful ladies?” Joy squealed in delight. “Sure!” Bruce, Samantha and Joy now twirled around the floor. Soon others started dancing. The smells of chocolate and the sounds of Elvis permeated the room. After about ten dances, Joy kissed Samantha on the cheek and said, “I want another cookie!” Samantha put Joy down and she ran in the direction of the cookie plate. Bruce still had his arms around Samantha and they swayed to the music. He looked at her and said, “It was very nice of you to make cookies for Joy and the rest of the gang. It was also very nice of you to take such good care of that little baby. They’re lucky to have you working here.” Dr. George just happened to walk up and agreed. “You got that right! We are very lucky to have Sam here. We’re hoping when she’s done with her Ph.D. she will come back to work here as our head psychologist. I am working on trying to get more funding to allow such a position. The position won’t pay as much as she could get elsewhere, but she would be helping so many people and we need her. This place needs her bright smile and her caring heart.” Samantha stopped dancing. She moved out of Bruce’s embrace and said, “I would love to Dr. George but I’ll be fresh out of school. I won’t have much experience for such a position.” “What? Of course you have experience! You’ve been working here for almost six years. You’ve done most of the jobs here! You would be the perfect person for this job and you have such a gift of helping everyone. Just look how you helped Ruth last night.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

51

Dr. George turned to Bruce. “This angel worked her entire shift and then stayed all night holding a dying woman’s hand so she wouldn’t be scared or alone. She held a cloth to her forehead and talked to her until she passed away this morning around five.” Bruce looked at Samantha and said, “No wonder you overslept. You probably only got an hour or so of sleep.” She didn’t know what to say. How do you not help a dying woman? Is sleep that important? She was about to answer when Dr. George sniffed the air and said; “I just finished treating that boy I told you about earlier. He’s in recovery. In the meantime, I’m going to get me some of those famous cookies this clinic is known for. I think people come off the streets just to eat Samantha’s good cooking!” “Dr. George!” Samantha said with embarrassment. “Well, I hope when you get a chance you’ll make your way back over to my side.” “I’m heading there now. I need to check on Anna and her baby.” Samantha gathered a huge plateful of cookies, then headed toward Anna’s room. Bruce followed quietly. Samantha walked into Anna’s room and handed her three cookies, “I thought you might like some cookies. I just made them.” Anna looked at Samantha and gave her a half smile. “Thank you. I’m so sorry for my behavior earlier. I think it was the pain and exhaustion talking. I can’t believe I swung my hand at my baby. She’s the innocent one in all of this. It’s not her fault.” “It’s not your fault either. I’m going to check on your little girl now. Would you like to hold her?” Samantha asked. “I don’t think that is such a good idea. Social Services just came and I signed all the paperwork. I think they went to take her away,” Anna said with tears in her eyes. Samantha was surprised to see her changed attitude. She seemed remorseful and genuinely sad. Samantha propped up Anna’s pillows so she could eat easier, and

The Defense

52

then poured her a fresh glass of water. “I think I’m going to go say goodbye. If you need anything, just ring your bell.” Samantha headed in the direction of the bassinet. There was a middle-aged woman writing on a tablet nearby. Bruce asked Sam, “Do you think she is making a good decision giving her baby away?” “I do. It is obvious Anna has no support system in place to help her raise her baby. No one came with her for the birth. Plus it would be hard for her to get past the rape, especially with no one helping her, and, she is just a kid herself. This little baby will find a good home with some couple waiting by the phone for this type of call. Some couple with a crib all ready and baby clothes in a drawer waiting for such news.” She walked over to the bassinet. She undid the blanket and did a quick change of diaper and then wrapped her in a fresh warm blanket. The Social Service worker looked over and smiled at Sam, “You’ll make a great mother one day.” “Thank you. Just promise me you’ll find a good home for this pretty little girl,” Samantha said as she held her in her arms and rocked her again in a soothing rhythm. Bruce handed Samantha a bottle. “I thought she might be hungry.” “How did you know how to make a bottle?” Samantha asked surprised. “I have nieces and nephews,” Bruce replied. The Social Service lady said, “I just finished up with the paperwork. I’ll take her as soon as she’s fed–and don’t worry, I have a couple waiting. The mom is an elementary teacher and the dad is a doctor. They’ve been waiting for two years on our list.” Samantha smiled. “I’m glad. She deserves the best.” Dr. George walked into the room with the biggest grin and the happiest look. Bruce asked, “Why the smiles, Doctor?” Dr. George’s smile grew bigger, “Because you’re looking at a proud papa!” “What?” Bruce and Samantha said in unison.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

53

The Social Service lady smiled warmly. “The doctor I told you about is right here.” The lady took the baby gently out of Samantha’s hands and put her into Dr. George’s arms. “Dr. George! I didn’t know you wanted a baby! Congratulations!” Samantha squealed with delight. “My wife and I have been wanting children for years. We both dreamed of having an entire house filled. We tried everything possible to conceive our own but nothing worked. We’ve been waiting for adoption for quite some time now. It just so happened that a divine presence was working tonight. Anna told the social worker that she wished the baby could go to someone like me or like you and with luck I was next on the list. I didn’t even know. I was busy treating that twelve-year-old boy when I was told. I didn’t want to get my hopes up until everything was finalized. My wife is on the way and my shift just ended. I get to go home with my new baby girl!” Dr. George kissed the baby’s forehead. “I get to go home with Anna Faith. I talked to my wife and we wanted to give the baby her mother’s name and my wife’s name is Faith.” “I’m so happy for you, doctor,” Bruce leaned over and kissed Anna Faith on the cheek and patted the doctor on the shoulder in congratulations. “Thank you! Thank you all! The crib has been ready for almost two years and the dresser is overflowing with yellow and green outfits of all sizes, just in case. I even have a car seat in my trunk in hopes of this call,” Dr. George said, tears flowing down his cheeks. He left holding his new baby girl, Anna Faith. Bruce looked over at Samantha with tears in his eyes, “I guess it was the best decision.” The Social Worker smiled. “It was. The mother is going to get counseling at a clinic nearby. I do wish you all would get a counseling service established here. I know Dr. George and the director of the clinic are trying to get the funding in place and the people of this area really could benefit. I can tell you it’s definitely needed.”

The Defense

54

“I agree,” Samantha said. She took out the sheets and the blankets from the bassinet and carried them to the laundry to be washed just in case they were needed again, which she hoped they weren’t. Little babies didn’t belong here; most didn’t have a happy ending like Anna Faith. Who would’ve thought…? Not her. She knew the good doctor was married but never had an idea that he couldn’t have kids. “What are you thinking? You seem deep in thought,” Bruce said. “I was just thinking that today was proof that you don’t know what people deal with and you shouldn’t judge. I saw Anna try to hit away her baby, but I realized later after talking to her that she was just in a lot of pain. That doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it’s hard to really know unless you walk in her shoes, like the old saying goes. I can’t imagine being fifteen and raped and then all alone and pregnant. I just can’t imagine not having family support. I get upset with my mom a lot because of what she says to me but my family is still in my life. Maybe I’m luckier then I realize.” “I would never have guessed by Dr. George’s expression when baby Anna Faith was born that he wanted her. I could see that he cared about her, but did you see his face filled with joy when he carried her out of here? I’ve never seen anyone happier. Who would’ve thought…?” “Well, I guess we better get back to work. I think Dr. Lisa is replacing Dr. George and she’ll need our help. I also have to get back and make lunch. Everyone gets cranky if they’re hungry!” “I’ll help. What’s for lunch today?” Bruce asked. “I’m making a big pot of vegetable beef soup and biscuits.” “No wonder you’re such a good cook, you’re practicing here all the time!” Bruce followed her back to the kitchen. “I love to cook. I’ve always loved to cook, but now it gives me an outlet for…” Samantha cut off her words. She almost said too much. “For what?” “Nothing. I just like to eat. Can’t you tell?”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

55

“Obviously it isn’t nothing and no, I can’t tell. I get the distinct impression that you’re hiding some secret,” Bruce frowned as he grabbed the big kettle she pointed for him to grab. He continued, “I just wish you would let me in. Stop being so defensive and take down those silly walls. I also wish you’d stop using your weight as a way to push me away and put yourself down.” Samantha tried to lighten things up. “Yes, didn’t you know, it’s my fat defense. I built up a cellulose wall around myself so no one can get in–especially men! It’s in the new psychology handbook, The Fat Defense; a method of keeping out the opposite sex and not drawing sexual attention to yourself.” She gulped at the end. It was strange; she had started by making a joke, but ended up telling the truth. She finally stated the real reason she was overweight. Samantha hoped that Bruce didn’t analyze what she said too much, however, she doubted she would be so lucky. Bruce almost had his Ph.D. in psychology and sadly psychologists were known for overanalyzing everything. Damn! Bruce looked at her with those piercing black eyes, “I see. A fat defense…a very interesting approach…very unique and creative. A lot of women get hurt and turn to drugs and alcohol for outlets or ways to deal. Other women turn to sex as a defense to push men away.” “Yeah, I’ve never understood having lots of sex to push men away. It makes no sense.” “Well, what better way to be in control or to distance men then to have meaningless sex. Women are known for putting feelings with sex, and if a woman doesn’t put feelings with sex, it becomes a type of defense.” “I see. So what you are saying is that there are many ways women push men away to protect themselves from getting hurt…having meaningless sex, getting drunk to not remember the hurt, and getting high to not remember the pain.” “And don’t forget your self-admitted “fat defense”. A woman eating to make herself less attractive or vulnerable to a man’s advances. Funny, I don’t think I am the type of man to fall for that tactic since I’m not that shallow. I guess though, a lot men

The Defense

56

are that shallow, sadly. I am not most men,” Bruce said as he filled the pot with water. It looked like a witches’ cauldron. “Here, sprinkle in some salt and these spices. It will give the broth a nice flavor,” Samantha said, as she handed him the jars. She dumped in lots of frozen vegetables and frowned. “It sure would be nice to have fresh vegetables once in awhile but that would be a miracle on the clinic’s budget. I guess we should be thankful for what we have.” “It doesn’t hurt to wish for more or try to get more,” Bruce said. He closed the lids on the spices. Samantha added chunks of beef and stirred. “Thankfully, I was able to talk the director into splurging for more meat, chicken and fish. I believe it’s important to add protein to meals as often as possible…there are lots of children and elderly that need and lack those fortifying foods in their diets. When you’re poor it is almost impossible to afford things like chicken, beef, and fish. What is cheapest to buy are starches like potatoes and noodles.” Samantha and Bruce worked side-by-side mixing ingredients and rolling biscuits. The air started to smell good again throughout the clinic. It wasn’t chocolate chip cookies, but it was still tantalizing. Lunch was served at one. Bruce dished out the soup and Samantha gave each person a biscuit. So many of them would be hungry if it wasn’t for the clinic. They had a tight budget, but tried not to turn anyone in need away. After the last bowl was filled, Bruce sighed. “I’m starved. Do you think we could get a bowl and take a break?” “Sure. We’ve been working hard since seven. A break sounds good.” “Why don’t we sit over there by Joy and her mom? She seems like such a nice little girl.” Bruce motioned to the right by a window. “Sounds great.” Bruce walked over and introduced himself to Joy’s mother, “I’m Bruce, a friend of Samantha’s.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

57

“My name is Janet. I’m Joy’s mother.” “It’s nice to meet you, Janet. Do you mind if we sit with you?” Bruce asked politely. “No, not at all. I saw you dancing with Joy and Samantha earlier. Joy adores Sam. Everyone adores Sam,” Janet said. Sam blushed and sat down next to Joy. They visited with Joy and her mom and chatted about all kinds of things. Janet told them that she used to be an assistant cook in a restaurant before she married Joy’s father. He made her quit her job, and wouldn’t let her out of the house unless he was with her. He was very controlling. “Why don’t you find a job working in a restaurant again?” Bruce asked, and then he took a bite of the delicious soup. “No one would hire me. I haven’t worked in over a decade. I don’t know how to do all the ‘in’ things anymore. Preparation methods and equipment for cooking have changed. Everybody seems to be eating so differently now with all these diet fads and health foods. It would be hard to find a job where I just could cook a regular good meal.” “Mom, I know you could find a good job. I know you could!” Joy clapped her hands. “We’ll see. Maybe miracles happen,” Janet said. Bruce and Samantha finished their meal and then excused themselves. They had to help do the laundry next. All the sheets and blankets had to be washed. Samantha even went around and asked if any of the people staying there needed anything washed. She marked their names on their clothes with a black permanent marker and then took them away in the laundry basket. “Do you have to wash all their clothes?” Bruce asked. He took the basket from her. “No, I just do. There is nothing worse then being homeless and dirty. Having clean clothes makes our guests feel better about themselves and it gives them a chance out there in the world. Some of them go on interviews looking for a job, and how can

The Defense

58

they get a job if they’re dirty? They can’t afford a Laundromat or soap. It’s the least I can do. I talked to the director and she thought it was a good idea.” “It sounds like you have lots of good ideas for this place. They could really use you as a counselor here.” Bruce a load out of the dryer and began folding it. “So you do laundry as well? Wow! You’ll make some girl happy one day. You cook, clean and wash. I’m pretty impressed.” “Thanks. I believe in doing my share.” “So, you never told me where you work part-time? What kind of company do your parents own anyway?” Samantha asked, as she started a load of whites. “You’ll have to come by and see it sometime. We’re on the corner of Fifth and Oak. There are several locations but that’s the one that I work at.” “You’re being really secretive. What do you do there? Mop floors? Do accounting? What?” Samantha stopped and looked at him. Bruce changed the subject with his answer. “The laundry is started, why don’t we see if we can help back in the medical side of the clinic?” “Okay, you’re off the hook. Let’s go.” They went over to the medical side and helped Dr. Lisa with some minor injuries. Bruce was a natural at first aide. Bruce nudged Samantha, “Remind you of your stitches?” “It’s always easier to help with stitches then to get them yourself.” Samantha didn’t have a problem with stitches. What she had a problem with was the memory of getting stitches on a particular night… Dr. Lisa’s voice interrupted Samantha’s thoughts, “Sam! I need your help!” Samantha finished putting the gauze over the stitches of a sixty-year-old homeless man who drank too much and fell down some steps at a park. After she put the last piece of tape on, she ran in the direction of Dr. Lisa’s voice. The doctor was in exam room two.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

59

“Sam! Help me hold down this woman! She’s in shock and doesn’t know what she’s doing. Her friend just brought her in and said she found her naked lying in some trees.” Samantha just stood there. The woman lying on the table had long blonde hair and was covered with scratches and bruises. The blonde hair in the front was no longer blonde but red. It was covered with fresh and dried blood. Samantha couldn’t move. Her feet seemed as if they were stuck to the floor. Bruce entered behind Samantha. “Sam? Are you ok? You look pale?” Dr. Lisa urged loudly, “Sam? Sam? I need your help. Sam!” Bruce stepped forward. “I can help. What can I do?” The woman kept struggling and yelling, “Don’t hurt me! Please don’t hurt me! No!” “Calm her down.” Bruce said in a soothing voice, “It’s alright. You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you here. You’re in good hands.” The woman calmed down some. Samantha didn’t know if it was from Bruce’s efforts or if the woman was just exhausted from fighting. Dr. Lisa was able to complete the exam. “Samantha?” Bruce touched her shoulder. Samantha still stood in the same spot. She shook her head and then ran to the trashcan. The entire meal of vegetable soup came up. She turned and looked at Bruce, then put her hands over her face and darted into the changing room. Samantha sat down on the bench and wiped away the tears that flowed down her cheeks unchecked. It was all just too much. Bruce knocked softly on the door and slowly walked in. He knelt down in front of her and took her face in his hands, “Sam, talk to me. What just happened in there? I’ve seen you help deliver a baby; I’ve seen you deal with bloody stitches and all kinds of other things today. I’m also sure you’ve seen just about everything here. What was different about this time?”

The Defense

60

Samantha took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself and then said quietly, “I just felt for the woman.” “I know you have a kind heart. Dr. George said you stayed with that lady last night until she died holding your hand. Sam, I know it’s more than that. I’m here. I won’t judge you. I’m here to listen.” Bruce’s thumb stroked her cheek. She turned her head away from him, and he turned it back gently but firmly, “Sam?” “It’s something that happened a long time ago, six years to be exact.” “What happened six years ago?” “I just arrived on campus…a ditzy little freshman. Lots of guys asked me out. As my mother said, ‘I had guys lined up at my door.’ I had a softball game that night. I got off of the bus and then chatted with a few of my friends for a while. I was tired after the double-header. The rest of the girls stayed talking and I headed to my dorm. “I was walking, when an arm went around my neck and choked me. I didn’t even hear him come up behind me. He used his other hand to cover my mouth so I couldn’t breathe or yell. I was dragged toward the forest. It’s strange but what made me pick this university was that it was so pretty, surrounded by woods and lots of trees. How ironic the same thing that I loved would be part of my nightmare. I kicked and struggled, but I was no match for him. Once he had me in the forest, he threw me against a tree. The wind was knocked out of me, but I somehow got to my feet. I tried to run back toward the lights of campus, but he caught me again. This time by my hair. He threw me against a different tree. That was the last thing I remembered. I woke up lying on the cold ground naked under some trees. I was covered in blood, scratches and bruises. I managed to get up and stumble through the woods and up a big hill toward the campus lights. A security guard found me sometime later unconscious on the side of the road. He called an ambulance and I was taken to the hospital. I had three broken ribs, my collar bone was dislocated, a punctured lung, a concussion, and I needed lots of stitches,” Samantha put her hands over her face.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

61

Bruce gently pried her hands away from her face, “That explains a lot of things. How fearful you looked getting stitches, throwing up in the trash can just a few minutes ago, and how you jumped when I came up behind you at school. Was he arrested?” “No. The police never found him. He had a black ski mask, black gloves and a black shirt and pants. The only thing I could tell the police was that he was tall and had the bluest eyes,” Samantha started to cry again. “This is a big university and lots of guys match that description. Besides, I’m sure he’s graduated by now, if he even was a student. He could be in a different state, far away from you. “Is that the reason you quit playing softball for the university? Because it happened at the night after you played a game? Did you blame getting home late and walking back to your dorm as the reason you were attacked?” Bruce asked sounding very much like a psychologist. “I…I suppose that could be the reason. I just stopped playing. I didn’t feel like it anymore. After I quit playing softball, all the other sports kind of dwindled as well and soon I played nothing. I used to love playing sports. I lost my desire to play.” Samantha sat with her head in her hands for a minute and said, “I guess I did quit softball and the rest because of that night. If it wasn’t for that stupid late game, it never would’ve happened!” “You might be right, but you might also be wrong. He might have attacked you on a different night–maybe a night when you were walking home from the library or leaving study session. I don’t know that answer, but what I do know is that the blame belongs to the guy and nobody else. Not sports, not you, nobody.” “I can see you leading a department someday. You are truly understanding. I have to say, though, just seeing that woman…I had the worst feeling that it was happening all over again. She looked like me six years ago. What if he did this?” “There is a chance that it wasn’t him. It might have been just another random act of senseless violence like Anna. Rape and violence happen every day. Sadly, this one

The Defense

62

just brought back terrible memories for you because she looked like you and described a similar situation.” “Do you think that Dr. Lisa would let me ask her some questions to see if it could be the same guy?” Samantha asked, with watery eyes. “I think that woman is in too much shock to think clearly, and when she comes out of it, the police will be the first ones to ask her questions. Besides, even if the woman confirmed a matching description, doesn’t mean they are a match. You don’t remember anything else about your attacker?” “It was dark and he was covered in black. The only thing I would remember is his voice if I heard it. He kept saying over and over again that I was a ‘beautiful bitch’ and that ‘anything that fine needed to be tasted.’ Now you understand why I froze when Dr. Lisa wanted me to help with that woman–she was me, six years ago! I swore I would never be a victim ever again! Ever!” “I do understand. I understand a lot of things now.” Bruce picked up her hand and kissed it softly. “I think we need to go. I have to make dinner for everyone and then our shift is over.” Samantha stood up and Bruce dropped her hand. “Do you want me to cook and you just lie down and take a break?” Bruce offered. “No, I came here to help today and help I am going to do. I feel bad enough not helping Dr. Lisa when she needed me. The least I can do is cook dinner; besides, helping others distracts me from my own problems.” Samantha and Bruce worked together again in the kitchen. Somehow she managed to whip up enough food for all the people in line waiting. Bruce scooped a spoonful of corn onto a man’s plate. “It astounds me how you can pull together enough food for everyone all on your own.” “I’m not on my own. I have you helping.” Samantha put her hand on his shoulder. He had such strong shoulders.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

63

“Yeah, but I’m guessing that when you work here, you don’t have anyone helping you cook or run this place?” “No, I don’t. I was offered some help but I turned it down. No use wasting money on another salary when I can do it. The money can be used for chocolate chip cookies, fresh meat, and medical supplies.” She took some pumpkin pies out of the oven. A slight cinnamon mixed with pumpkin aroma circulated throughout the kitchen, making it feel like Thanksgiving. “I know you can do it, but you’re doing the work of five people–a cook, a housekeeper, a counselor, a nurse; and a laundry person. I’m guessing you only get paid enough for half a person.” “I don’t need a lot of money. It was just enough to pay the bills and allow me to practice my cooking skills at home. Well, partner, I think our shift is over.” Samantha pointed to the clock on the wall. It said seven. “Right you are. Shall I take you home?” Bruce waved toward the door. “Please. I’ve gotten only a little over an hour of sleep in two days. I think I’m going to go home and go to bed.” “Want company?” Bruce teased. “No. I’m fine, but thank you,” Samantha laughed at his persistence. They said goodbye to Dr. Lisa and the other staff, then headed out the doors to the parking lot. Samantha gasped and pointed. “Bruce!” Bruce looked in the direction that Samantha was pointing. From her viewpoint she saw his corvette was completely stripped down. There were no wheels and all the windows were busted out. The inside of the car was stripped as well. The radio, the speakers, and even the seats were all gone. All that sat in the parking lot was a frame of what used to be his car. “I guess I should’ve listened. You were right. My driving wasn’t a very good idea. I guess my old-fashioned ways aren’t always a good thing,” Bruce said. He didn’t sound too upset.

The Defense

64

“Aren’t you mad? Aren’t you going to cuss and yell?” Samantha asked surprised. “No, it’s just a car. I have insurance. The only problem is getting home.” “I guess we can walk,” Samantha offered. “Are you alright with walking in this part of town at night, especially after what you told?” “I doubt if anyone will attack me now! An overweight girl isn’t as much of a prize as a thin girl. I feel safer now than I’ve ever felt. Walking at night or in this area doesn’t bother me.” “Stop calling yourself overweight. You know just like I do that sexual attraction has nothing to do with rape. Old women get raped, children, and all types of women. You’re in denial if you think because you are shielding yourself by this ‘weight’ or ‘fat’ defense that you won’t get attacked. Why don’t I call a cab? I think it would be best, especially with that lady getting attacked tonight,” Bruce reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He dialed before she had a chance to protest. When Bruce got off the phone, Samantha said, “You didn’t have to call a cab. It’s only a couple of blocks.” “It’s a couple of blocks through a bad area. A cab will be here in two minutes. It’s not a problem.” “It’s going to cost money. Too much money for such a short trip.” Samantha jammed her hands on her hips. “Sam, money is not an issue for me. I’m lucky. Let me get us a cab. Why don’t we wait inside?” The cab came five minutes later. The minute the cab stopped in front of her apartment, Sam quickly jumped out and said, “Thanks for being my partner today. I’ll see you in class Friday!” She ran towards the door of her apartment and unlocked it quickly and darted inside. She waved and closed the door. Safe at last.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

65

**** Samantha worked at the clinic on Thursday. She found out from Dr. Lisa that the woman who was raped was questioned by the police. A man all in black attacked her. The woman couldn’t remember anything else. She was thrown against a tree and was unconscious before she could see his eye color or anything else. The woman’s friend took her home to rest. Samantha was upset that she didn’t get a chance to talk to her. She was even more upset that these monsters seemed to always get away. Why didn’t justice prevail? She asked Dr. Lisa, “So, where is Dr. George today?” “He has a couple of weeks off to enjoy Anna Faith,” Dr. Lisa said as she scrubbed her hands in the sink. “How are they doing?” “Great. He sounded so happy over the phone. I guess sometimes something good can come out of something bad. That poor teenage girl was raped, yet because of her pregnancy Dr. George and his wife are able to have the family that they’ve always dreamed about.” Dr. Lisa headed in the direction of room four. “I guess that’s one way to look at it. Do you need help?” “That would be great. I have a sick four year old in there with a bad case of pneumonia. He should’ve had medical care weeks ago but his parents couldn’t afford it. They thankfully heard about our clinic and brought him in. I could use some help keeping him calm since you’re so great with kids.” “I’m on my way. Let me wash my hands and grab my bag of tricks,” Samantha reached behind a desk and pulled out a box of toys. She’d bought the toys with her own money. The kids loved them and it always had a calming effect. It was money well spent! Elmo to the rescue! ****

The Defense

66

She managed to avoid Bruce on Friday. He tried to catch her after class, but she was able to sneak out without talking to him. She didn’t have to work at the clinic after class since she worked Thursday, but she wanted to stop by the nursing home. However, there was an errand she had to do before visiting. When she completed the errand, she pulled her Jeep up to the nursing home. The nurse at the nurses’ station greeted her. “Hi, Sam! Good to see you again! Mrs. Violet will be so excited to see you! She is sitting in the lounge by the fish tank. You know how she loves fish!” “I do. Here I bought you and the rest of the nursing staff some donuts from WalMart.” Samantha sat down a big box of donuts. “Thanks! You didn’t have to do that. That was very thoughtful.” “You’re welcome. It’s the least I can do. You guys work hard all day long doing a difficult job. Well, I’m off to find Emily Violet.” She waved goodbye and trotted down the old red-carpeted hallway leading to the fish tank. She found Emily reading a large print Readers Digest by the tank. Goldfish circled next to her in a Plexiglas aquarium. Samantha gave her a big hug. “How are you today, Emily?” “I’m fine. It’s good to see you, Sam.” She looked at Samantha and then raised her eyebrow. “What do you have hiding behind your back? Did you sneak me in some sweets?” “Wishful thinking! You know I couldn’t do that! The nurse would have my hide. You’re diabetic and can’t have all those sugary things. But I did bring you something.” “Don’t keep an old lady waiting. You never know how long I might have!” Emily laughed and Sam laughed as well. She adored Emily and her sense of humor. “Very funny. I brought you a pet.” Samantha brought her hands from behind her back and showed Emily the small bowl with a goldfish swimming around. “I love it!”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

67

“I know how you love coming down to this fish tank, so I thought I would get you a fish for your room. I also brought some fish food and a few things you will need to take care of it. Now you can watch the fish swim around in circles until you get dizzy!” Samantha teased. Emily grinned. “It wouldn’t take an old fart like me too long before I get dizzy and fall over. I have trouble just getting to the bathroom! Thank you so much. You are so sweet to me and all the people here.” Samantha leaned down and placed the bowl in her hands and then gave her a kiss on the cheek. Emily frowned. “You smell like donuts! I think glazed to be exact!” “You have a nose just like my mother! Well, you caught me! I brought some donuts in to the nurses and staff and I snuck one for myself. I really didn’t need it but it smelled too good to pass up!” She patted her belly for effect. “I think you are very pretty, Sam, but I hate for you to one day be where I am. Diabetes can be rough.” Emily struggled to stand up on her one leg. Somehow she managed even holding the fish bowl “I know, Emily. I keep trying not to eat so much, but I just can’t control my appetite. I love food and I love to cook.” “Yes, honey, but you also need to find the love of exercise and everything in moderation,” Emily said gently. “I don’t want you to go through the pain of what I went through. You told me before diabetes runs in your family and sadly, being heavier than the weight your doctor recommends for your body can be dangerous.” Emily sat back down with a plop and a little fish water splashed on her flowered covered dress. “I know, Emily. I think part of the problem is that I’m having trouble dealing with something bad that happened in my past. I’m smart enough to realize that my weight gain happened at the exact same time. I just don’t know how to put it behind me.”

The Defense

68

“The past is the past, sugar. And, the best way to get over something is to find something new to focus on. Maybe a hobby or maybe even a man?” Emily winked. “Come now, what man would want me? You and I both know that men like a thin and shapely woman. You said yourself that I should lose weight.” “Sam, I said you should be careful because of your health, not because losing weight will make you more attractive. That’s foolish! How pretty you are comes from the inside. Just look at me. I’m old and wrinkly! My husband of fifty years always thought I was beautiful to the day he died. His eyes always lit up when I entered the room from the time I met him when I was eighteen, thin and wrinkle free, to the time I stood before him wrinkled, sixty-eight and balancing on one leg. It didn’t matter to him what I looked like. He loved my heart and soul. A wise person knows to love the inside of a person, because eventually, the outside goes to pot! Your blonde hair turns white. Your tight skin gets lose. And your boobs and butt sag to the ground. It’s life. So, don’t lose weight to attract a guy. Lose weight to live a healthier life.” Emily pushed her eyeglasses back up on her nose as if for emphasis. “I don’t think there are many guys out there that look at the inside,” Samantha said, and then paused. Bruce’s face jumped into her head. “And even if there was someone out there that would like or love me for who I am on the inside, it doesn’t mean that I want a man in my life. I’m done with men!” What happened in that forest convinced her of that. She wanted nothing to do with a man ever again. She should never have let Bruce in as far as she did. She made a promise to herself when she was getting examined by the nurse with the infamous ‘rape kit,’ never to let another man near her again. “Listen to this wise old lady, and listen well. You don’t want to go through life alone. Take a chance. You might actually find yourself happy.” Emily smiled and then added, “and if you aren’t ready for a man…take up some hobby to keep your hands and mind busy and off of food.” “That’s it! I’ll take up the good game of bridge!” Samantha laughed.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

69

“Hey, don’t knock Bridge! I play it every Monday with a group of ladies down the hall!” Emily shook a wrinkly finger at her. Samantha laughed and said, “Well enough talk about my weight. Why don’t I take you outside to enjoy this beautiful day on the patio?” Samantha patted Emily on the shoulder and pushed her wheelchair in the direction of the door. She spent a couple of hours chatting with Emily. Thankfully, the topic of her weight didn’t come up again. Everyone always had her best interests at heart regarding losing the pounds, but no matter how someone approached it, it still hurt her feelings. Yes, she knew that being overweight could lead to health problems, like diabetes. And yes, she knew most men didn’t like heavier women. But knowing didn’t change the fact that what everyone said made her sad. Her mother, Emily, Rachel, and lots of her other friends had made nice and not so nice comments about how she looked. What made her weight gain worse were those who knew her when she was thin. It must have been hard for them to see her look differently. The comment that hurt the most was when she ran into Jenny, an old friend from high school. She stared at Samantha for a minute or two and said, “It is you, Samantha…I hardly recognized you. If it wasn’t for your eyes, I would never have known for sure it was you!” The only person she’d ever met that hadn’t made an issue of her weight was Bruce, which was strange considering he was a guy. After hearing all her mother’s comments about what guys looked at, he seemed the least judgmental. Bruce even knew her when she was thin and it didn’t seem to bother him. Her doubts about him were staring to fade. It was hard to hold on to her promise to avoid men, when Bruce was seemed so sincere and kind. ****

The Defense

70

After she dropped Emily back off at the fish tank area, Sam went home. She still had studying to do for a test and a research paper in Advanced Child Psychology. Graduate school was difficult, but it was always interesting to learn. Samantha walked into her apartment and put her shoes neatly on the shoe rack like always. It was almost dinnertime. She opened the refrigerator when the phone rang. “Hello?” “Hi, Sam. It’s me, Bruce.” “Hi, Bruce. Have you recovered from the clinic yet?” Samantha teased. “It was hard work, but I actually loved it. I wish I could work there. You get a chance to help so many people. Thanks for letting me be your partner.” “It was nice having you there with me.” “Are you heading to work now?” “No, my hours are crazy. I work longer shifts and then I’m off. Today I’m off. I just came from the nursing home. I spent a few hours there.” Samantha took a jug of milk out of the fridge and poured herself a glass. “You do a lot of nice things for others. How about you let me do a nice thing for you?” “I’m fine. I was just getting ready to make dinner and settle in for the night.” “How about I make you dinner?” “I don’t know…” Samantha hesitated. “I kind of planned on staying in tonight. I have a twelve hour shift starting tomorrow at five in the morning.” “I’d come to you, but I can’t for two reasons. The first reason is that you cooked for me last time and it wouldn’t be fair, and the second reason is, I don’t have a car. Remember, my car was stripped and picked clean.” “I distinctly remember telling you that your car wouldn’t be safe there, and somebody’s old fashioned stubborn ways got in the way of reason. Besides, if you really want to get here, you could walk you know.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

71

“I could, but as we speak I am starting my famous spaghetti and meatballs. I can’t imagine you would hurt my feelings by not coming now that I’m slaving away over a hot stove?” Bruce’s voice sounded so pitiful. She was sure he was pouting into the phone. “Well, maybe…” “It’s settled. I’ll cook you up a big pot of my famous spaghetti and meatballs. I think I can have it ready in an hour. Is an hour fine?” “I guess. Can I bring anything?” “No, just bring yourself.” “I’ll bring myself and a dessert. How does that sound?” Samantha asked, with a smile. “Perfect. Just perfect.” Bruce gave her exact directions to get to his place. Samantha was able to whip up a raspberry cheesecake in fifty-five minutes. It gave her five minutes to spare. She ran a comb through her hair, grabbed the cheesecake and ran out the door. She pulled up to his apartment and shook her head. She assumed because he was only a couple of blocks from her that it was a similar neighborhood. She assumed wrong. His apartment looked like it was built for kings. She pulled up to the gated entrance and a guard came out of his little booth. “Good day, Miss.” “I am here to see Bruce Yung. He is expecting me.” Samantha tapped the steering wheel. The guard looked over his papers. “Ah yes, Master Yung called down and said you were coming. Leave your car here and I will park it for you.” “Leave my car here?” “Yes, we have a secure parking garage. It’s important with all the vandalism around this area. I’ll park it for you. When you’re ready to leave just have Master Yung ring down and I’ll have it ready and waiting for you. Just go down the sidewalk and through the big double doors. The apartment you’re looking for is up the elevator to the penthouse. Number fifteen,” the guard said, tipping his hat.

The Defense

72

“Um…thanks.” Samantha climbed out of the Jeep and left it running. The guard pushed a button and the gates opened. She walked down the sidewalk a few feet and heard another buzzing noise. She tried the handle to the main door and it opened. She walked into the building. This place had better security than a bank! She wondered what the guard meant by ‘Master Yung.’ Was Bruce some sort of royalty? It was an odd title. Then of course there was the ‘penthouse.’ Bruce never said the penthouse. He just told her the top floor. She supposed in his defense, the top floor usually was the penthouse. Samantha rode the elevator to the top floor. She got off and spotted a big oak door with the number 15 on it. Strange, they had the same apartment number. She picked up the gold knocker and banged it twice. Bruce opened the door. He was wearing a black and white checked cook’s apron and held a wooden spoon covered in red sauce. “Hey! You found the place! Come on in. I’m just finishing up!” “I like the apron,” Samantha teased. “Yes, well, I didn’t want to get sauce all over myself. I’m a messy cook!” She laughed. “I’m a messy cook too! I should’ve had an apron on the night I cooked lasagna!” “You looked cute with red splashed all over you. It looked good on you. Not so cute on me!” “I was hoping you didn’t notice. I was hoping my black clothes hid the spots!” Samantha smoothed her hair with her hand. She tried to look nonchalant by walking casually around the apartment and hoped he couldn’t see her heart beating through her shirt. The apartment had high archways and wood floors. The place was beautiful. Much too beautiful for a college student. “You’re sure luckier than most college students. You drive a corvette and live in this place. Wow!”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

73

“I used to drive a corvette! Let’s just say working for my dad pays very well. They pay for my tuition and my rent and general bills, so, the money I make working for them is my fun money.” Bruce waved for her to follow him into the kitchen. She did and almost laughed. Her apartment was small. Bruce actually had a separate kitchen, dining, and living room, not to mention the rest of the place. Her parent’s house wasn’t much bigger than this. It dawned on her that maybe he had roommates and they split the rent. “Do you live alone?” “Yes. Just me. It’s gets lonely just cooking for myself all the time.” He put a dash of oregano into the pot bubbling with sauce. “I know how you feel. It’s hard to just cook for one. I usually just make a big pot of whatever I’m making and give the rest away. It’s a lot easier.” “I should try that sometime.” Bruce smiled as he walked over to the center island and started chopping vegetables. She assumed they were for the salad. Samantha marveled at how he moved around the kitchen with such ease, like he knew what he was doing. He slid over to the stainless steel spice rack and grabbed several more spices and added them to the saucepot. Bruce cooked with such ease. She couldn’t help noticing that the kitchen had top of the line Viking appliances. She practically drooled over the stainless steel double ovens. This was a cook’s dream kitchen. She itched to whip something up and take his kitchen for a test cooking ride. She now realized how racecar junkies felt seeing a Ferrari. Samantha wondered how it felt to cook with a Viking gas grill. It even had a warmer built in! “You can sit your cheesecake on the counter. I can’t wait to try it!” Bruce drained the noodles into a strainer and then tossed the ingredients he’d just chopped into a bowl of lettuce. Samantha glanced down at her hands. She forgot that she still held the cheesecake. She’d turned from admiring the kitchen to admiring Bruce. He had such a nice, firm butt. It made her want to squeeze it like she did the grapefruit at the store.

The Defense

74

She also couldn’t help appreciating his cooking skills. Boy, he sure could make a beautiful salad. “Sam? You can sit the cheesecake down over there,” Bruce gently said again. “Sorry.” She sat it on the counter. “You never cease to surprise me; you sure know how to do a lot of things. I’ve known some rich guys and girls, but they didn’t know how to cook, clean or iron. I guess you weren’t too spoiled.” “I do like nice things. I won’t lie to you. But seeing the clinic today made me realize that maybe I don’t need a corvette or name brand clothes. I guess I grew up a little sheltered. Maybe I still am a little bit,” he admitted. He wiped his hands on the apron, then took it off and threw it on the counter. “I can’t imagine how you would feel sheltered here in this apartment---with gates, guards and plenty of locked doors. You must feel free as a bird in a cage. “I sense a touch of sarcasm in your voice.” Bruce looked around and then laughed. “I guess it is kind of a little closed off and a little secure.” “You think? I had to leave my car with a security guard who parked it in a secure parking area, and then I had to go through a gate and then be buzzed into a huge thick door. After that I had to go up the elevator to the top floor and then knock on your huge thick door. I’d say it’s a little secure. I don’t think the Hope Diamond is thist secure!” “Okay…okay! I get the picture. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll open a bottle of wine. I picked out a red wine, on the sweet side. I hope that was alright?” Bruce popped the cork. “Perfect. I love anything sweet.” “Then you should love me!” Bruce smiled winningly. He had Tiger Wood’s smile. He scooped some spaghetti onto her plate and then his own. They both sat down. She took a sip of the wine and tasted the spaghetti. It was excellent. It was even better than hers! She rolled her eyes. “Wow! If you cook like this all the time, I could see myself loving you!”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

75

“I can cook like this all the time--so I may take you up on that! We have more in common then you think, dear Sam. I love to cook. You love to cook. I love to eat. You love to eat. We’re both going to be PhD’s in psychology. It’s obvious that we both love to help people. I think it is destiny!” “I think the two sips of wine you had is going to your head! I don’t believe in destiny. Sure, we have a lot in common, but we’re also very different. I live in a small apartment. You live in a penthouse. My dream job would be to work at the clinic and your dream job is probably having your own practice. We are different.” She took another bite of delicious food. “Yes, but some differences aren’t bad.” Bruce leaned over the table and kissed her firmly, on the mouth. She was shocked and excited all at the same time. Her heart raced and she felt her body respond. Samantha felt moisture gathering in her vagina and dampen her underwear. It was a feeling she hadn’t had in a long time. A feeling of passion and desire and lust mingling with something she had never felt—something in her heart. He broke the kiss, sat back in his seat and grinned. “Different is good, sometimes!” She was speechless. She needed to calm herself. Samantha picked up her wine glass to take another sip with a trembling hand. The wine rocked against the sides of the glass. She tried to sit the glass down quickly to hide the shaking, but in her haste the glass slipped and it hit the edge of her plate and broke. Not again! “I see that my kiss still has an affect on you…the first time you dropped a plate, the second time it was your towel and now it’s your glass. When I kiss you again I’ll make sure you aren’t holding anything heavy, otherwise I might be going to the hospital for a broken toe!” She stammered, “Vvery funny!” “I’m just teasing you, beautiful. I like that my kiss makes you flustered. Kissing you has an affect on me, but you can’t see it. Although if you were to sit on my lap, you might be able to feel it,” he said his voice huskier.

The Defense

76

Samantha’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. She remembered feeling it the time she dropped her towel. She felt it all right. She recalled how his erection made her feel —desirable. The mere thought of his arousal made her want to take him up on his offer. Samantha mentally scolded herself. She couldn’t let him see her naked again. She just couldn’t. Sex just wasn’t an option. “I…I…um…why don’t I go get the cheesecake.” She hoped he didn’t notice her legs shaking as she made her way to the counter. She managed to somehow steady her hand enough to use the knife. Her left hand still had a bandage on it and she didn’t feel like going back for more stitches. Thankfully, the glass she dropped didn’t cut her. Oh, dear. The glass! She forgot about the broken glass! Samantha turned around to see Bruce had already taken care of it. He was putting the last of the broken pieces into the trashcan. “I’m so sorry! I’m such a klutz!” “You aren’t a klutz and it’s only a glass. No big deal. I’m just glad you weren’t cut. I’ll pour you another glass.” “Are you trying to get me drunk, Mr. Yung?” “It did cross my mind.” Bruce laughed a rich deep laugh as he sat back down. “At least you’re honest!” She found herself laughing as well. The tension she felt started to dissipate. She carried over his cheesecake and sat it down in front of him. “I hope you like it.” “I have no doubt I will.” He took a bite of the smooth dessert. “Wow! This is great!” “Thanks. I was pressed for time. I didn’t get to do any fancy garnishing besides some raspberries on top. I usually like to shave some chocolate and drizzle some special raspberry sauce on top. I’ll have to do that next time I make it for you,” Samantha said, without thinking. “I’ll hold you to that.” She smiled. There was going to be a next time. Her heart jumped in her throat. For some reason those words made her very happy.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

77

They sat in contented silence as they finished their desserts. She knew him for years, yet really knew him for less than a week. She felt like he was what was missing in her life and she didn’t know she was missing anything, until now. Samantha always thought her life was fine the way it was, but she was wrong. It wasn’t fine. It was strangely lonely. She could fill her hours with school, working at the clinic, volunteering at the nursing home, but nothing filled her heart until now. She smiled. “Why are you smiling?” “I just realized that my life was empty until this week.” Bruce smiled back. “I realized the same thing. What are you doing tomorrow?” “Working at the clinic.” “I meant after the clinic?” “Probably visiting the nursing home and then studying.” Samantha put down her fork. Bruce moved his plate aside and leaned forward. “Is there time for me in that busy day? You have to eat don’t you?” “I usually eat dinner with Emily on Saturday evening. I work my five to five shift and then head on over to the nursing home to have dinner with her.” “Well, I’d hate to bump an elderly woman out of the way to have time with you, so can I invite myself to eat with you both?” “Would you want to?” Samantha asked, surprised. “I’d be honored to have a date with two beautiful ladies.” A date? A date? She hadn’t heard that word for six years. A long six years. She had convinced herself and tried to convince her mother that she wasn’t interested in men, but she was wrong. She wasn’t interested in men, but she was interested in one man--Bruce. “I’d like that, and I’m sure Emily would too.” Samantha helped Bruce clean up the kitchen and then they played a game of scrabble, a game she loved. Bruce surprised her by winning with the word ‘baro.’ She

The Defense

78

challenged him and when she looked it up in the dictionary it said ‘baro’ was a Korean word meaning ‘back to ready stance’ and was used in Tae Kwan Do. She laughed and said, “I honestly didn’t believe that was a word. I guess you win. You are out of tiles and won by twelve points. I can’t believe I just lost! I usually win!” “Well, we’ll have to play again soon, and you can have a rematch!” “I should get going. I have to get up early for work. Thanks so much for dinner and the game of scrabble, and I’m still wondering about the word Baro. How did you know that?” “I know lots of things!” “You’re definitely not humble are you?” Samantha teased. “I’m humble when it comes to caring about you. I’m humbled that I’m so lucky.” He stopped by the door, took her face in his hands and captured her lips in a soft kiss. A kiss that wasn’t pressured, but still communicated his underlying passion. Samantha said in a breathless voice. “You are sure smooth.” Bruce laughed. “I just can’t help myself around you. Your lips are so soft and tantalizing.” “I’d better go. Bye, Bruce.” Samantha slipped quickly through the door. “Bye, Sam. I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner with Emily,” Bruce paused and then yelled, “Wait!” Sam turned around when she heard his voice. She was standing next to the elevator with the elevator door open, “What?” Bruce jogged to her side, “You didn’t tell me what nursing home and what time exactly!” “It’s the only nursing home in town, on Hickory Street. Dinner at the nursing home is served at 5:30.” “I won’t be late! Don’t forget we also have to meet before class on Monday to discuss the volunteer work we did.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

79

Samantha stepped into the elevator. “I’ll see you at the nursing home. Emily will be excited to meet you. And no, I won’t forget about the before class thing.” She waved and pushed the elevator button to go down to main level, back to the real world. The security guard saw Sam coming., “Hi, Miss Samantha. How was your visit?” “Fine, thank you. Can I get my Jeep please?” she asked. “It’s right here. Master Yung called down a few minutes ago and told me you just got into the elevator and that I should have your car waiting. ” “Why do you call him Master Yung?” The security guard smiled and his brown eyes twinkled. “It’s his title, Miss Samantha. Thanks for coming and have a nice night.” He went back into this booth and shut the door. It was obvious he didn’t want to tell why he referred to Bruce that way. Samantha got into her Jeep and drove away. She kicked herself for forgetting to ask Bruce about it. She would see him tomorrow. Maybe it had something to do with that Tae Kwan Do stuff that he did. She wasn’t sure what belt ranks meant what, but it probably had something to do with it. Maybe the security guard gave him that nickname because he did that type of thing. She didn’t know. **** Samantha worked all day at the clinic. A day off never seemed to work out lately. Someone always seemed to call in sick. Saturday was cleaning day. She mopped floors, scrubbed toilets and washed windows. She liked a clean place. It bothered her when things were a mess. After she was done cleaning, she changed her clothes and took a shower in the staff area and then went to work cooking. Weekends were the busiest at the clinic. It seemed people needed more help on weekends. One lady came in with a tampon stuck way up her vagina. It seemed that she forgot to take it out before she had sex with her girlfriend who was wearing a strap on

The Defense

80

penis. And a man came in for a dog bite to his penis. He was having sex with his Doberman Pincher when the dog got upset and bit him. She would never understand people. It would soon be her job to try to do just that, but she had to admit with cases like those it was hard to know what to say. After making hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for two hundred people, Samantha set off for the nursing home. Emily was waiting in the dining hall as usual. She smiled when she saw Samantha. “You look beat. Did you have a rough day at the clinic?” “Every Saturday is rough, but today was more odd than most.” Samantha sat down at the table with Emily. “We’re having roast beef and gravy and corn bread!” Emily said with delight. Bruce walked up at that moment. “Sounds great! I love corn bread!” “Why, who is this handsome fellow?” Emily asked, glancing at Samantha. “This is Bruce. He wanted to have dinner with us. I hope you don’t mind?” Samantha leaned over and kissed Emily on the cheek. “Mind? Heavens no! Who would mind a good-looking man sitting with them? I haven’t had a date in so long.” Emily looked at Bruce and grinned. “Do you mind if I pretend this is a date?” “I don’t mind at all. I am the luckiest man alive. I have a date with two beautiful women tonight. Look out Hugh Hefner!” Bruce laughed and sat down next to Emily. “Sam was just about to tell me about her day at the clinic. So Sam, what happened that was so ‘odd’ as you put it?” Emily asked as she spread her napkin over her lap. “Well…I can’t give out any names for confidentiality purposes and most of it isn’t appropriate before dinner…but there was this one child who came in without any adult. He was only five. He said his mother was high on cocaine and her boyfriend was passed out from alcohol. This little boy knew to come to the clinic for his dinner. He was hungry.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

81

“Isn’t that sad and amazing at the same time? From what he said…he walked two miles and managed to find the place. He sure has some street smarts. I get lost in a box…and I’m an adult. I just wished his mother had half of his brain.” Samantha took a sip of lemon tea that the staff had poured. “I’d say all those people the clinic helps are sure lucky the clinic is there.” Emily said as she put two substitute sugars into her tea. Her hands shook a little. Samantha knew she had the beginning stages of Parkinson’s as well as her diabetes. Bruce nodded. “The more I listen to you about the clinic, the more impressed I am by it—and by you.” Emily smiled. “You two love birds need to be at a romantic restaurant holding hands. Not here with this old bird!” Samantha wagged a finger at Emily. “Now stop that! I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here.” “I second that. Besides, I’m looking forward to that cornbread smothered in syrup!” Bruce rubbed his stomach for effect. They all ate and chatted easily. Emily told Bruce stories about her younger days, and Samantha told stories about her life with her parents and about school. After their dishes were picked up, Emily smiled. “Now you two go on your way and enjoy the rest of the night! I remember what it’s like to be young and in love!” Samantha almost choked. “Umm…Emily, we aren’t even dating!” Emily gave a pish-posh sound. “You might not be dating but you are in love!” Bruce just sat there quietly. Samantha tried to recover the conversation. “I brought along cards like usual. I thought we all could play a game of ‘Kings on the Corner.’ It’s one of your favorites!” Emily consented reluctantly. “That sounds great. I still think you two should bolt but if you insist. Deal the cards!” Bruce asked, “How do you play?” Samantha dealt the cards. “Well, you put the deck of cards in the middle and put one card up on each side so that will be four cards facing up to play with, and then

The Defense

82

you take turns drawing or playing and try to build off the cards showing. Kind of like solitaire, but when a king comes up you can move it to the corner and play off that as well. So eventually, you’ll be playing on four cards and four kings until all the cards are in order.” “I think I understand. Prepare to lose, ladies!” Bruce clapped his hands. Four games later, Bruce put his head in his hands, “I admit defeat! You ladies sure can kick butt in ‘Kings on the Corner!’ Remind me not to play for money with you two card sharks!” Emily put her hand to her head and groaned. “My head is starting to ache. Bruce, why don’t you and Sam go out to the show? I think there’s probably a late show playing at the cinema.” Samantha scrutinized Emily. “Are you sure you’re just not faking?” Emily gasped. “You don’t believe an elderly lady? That’s appalling! Now go you two, so I can rest!” Bruce and Samantha stood up and gave Emily hugs. Bruce said, “It sure was nice to meet you. I can see why Sam likes to hang out here!” “Sam shouldn’t be hanging out here! She should have a life!” Emily scolded and blew them kisses. They watched Emily wheel herself down the hallway towards her room. Samantha asked, “So, do you think she really had a headache?” “Absolutely not! She’s a tricky little devil. I guess I should take you out to a movie like she suggested. I’d hate for the next time you visit Emily for her to give you grief. What do you want to see?” “X-Men III. I love action-adventure movies.” “Me too! It’s one of my favorites, next to Spiderman, of course!” Bruce grinned. “See, we have lots in common, my sweet Sam.” “To be honest, I like our differences.” Samantha skipped off ahead of Bruce. ****

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

83

The following Sunday, Sam found it hard to stop thinking about Bruce while she worked. Her twelve-hour shift seemed longer than twelve hours because she couldn’t wait to see Bruce again. After the hours finally ticked away, she drove over to her parent’s house for the ‘Sunday meal.’ “Something smells good. What are you making?” Samantha asked her mother when she walked in the door. “I’m making pasta with shrimp and scallops with a white sauce and I baked a Cherry pie. Your father made some homemade ice cream earlier to put on the pie.” “Sounds delicious. I’m starving!” Samantha walked into the kitchen and grabbed a plate. There was a big bowl of pasta in the middle of the table. She used the scoop and filled her plate. Her mother gasped, “Oh dear! Oh dear! You aren’t really going to eat all that are you?” “Yes, I was.” “Well, I put shrimp and scallops into the pasta just for you.” Samantha looked down at her plate. “Thanks, I got quite a few of them.” “No…Well, I meant I made them just for you so you wouldn’t eat the noodles. You know how pasta goes straight to your hips and you really don’t need anymore hips!” “I see. I’m supposed to just eat the shrimp and scallops?” “Yes.” Samantha picked the shrimp and scallops out of the pasta and dumped the noodles back into the bowl. Her mother said, “Are you going to eat all the shrimp and scallops up and leave none for us?” She took her fork and then dumped most of the shrimp and scallops that were on her plate back into the bowl. “Is this fine, Mother?” “I guess, dear. You can have whatever you want.” Samantha wanted to scream. If she could have whatever she wanted, then why in the Hell couldn’t she have noodles and more shrimp and scallops? Her mother

The Defense

84

drove her crazy. She looked down at her plate. It was once filled with good food, now it had only six shrimp and two small scallops. Her mind drifted off to Bruce for a second. She smiled. He loved when she ate. Her dad’s plate wasn’t much different once her mother intervened. His plate was once full too, but now it had a few shrimp and about fifteen noodles…at least he got noodles! After dinner, her mother brought out the pie, made from scratch. Samantha’s mouth was watered. It was her favorite pie and she loved homemade ice cream. She reached for a plate with a piece on it. “Here, honey, I’ll cut you a different piece,” her mother said as she moved the piece that Samantha was going to take. Her mother cut a tiny little sliver and said, “Here’s your piece. Just a small taste is all you need.” Samantha supposed she should be thankful she actually got a piece. It was probably a rare moment. Her mind wondered again to Bruce. She smiled. She remembered the cheesecake they enjoyed and, of course, that kiss. She reached for the ice cream and her mother gasped. “That is made out of cream! Do you know how many minutes on the tread mill you would have to walk to burn that ice cream off?” “No, but I’m sure you will tell me.” “You would have to walk sixty minutes on the tread mill just for a small scoop or two!” Her mother scooted the ice cream out of her Sam’s reach. “Sixty minutes is a long time. Almost an eternity,” Samantha looked up at the clock on the wall above the kitchen table. “So, when did I arrive here for dinner, Mom?” Her mom looked at the clock and shrugged. “About an hour ago I guess.” Her father smiled. He knew exactly what she was saying, but her mother was clueless. “Time sure flies doesn’t it, kiddo?” Samantha grinned back. “Yep, it sure does.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

85

She finished her small piece of pie quickly—two bites to be exact and then she helped clean up dishes. After dishes were put away, she looked for her dad. She didn’t have to look far; he was on the deck as usual. Samantha hung up the dish towel and went outside onto the huge cedar deck overlooking the train tracks and the river. “Hey Dad, how are you doing?” Her dad looked up. “The usual. Overworked at work and underfed at home.” She nodded. “Are your secretary and co-workers still sneaking you food?” Her dad looked toward the house to make sure her mother wasn’t in earshot and smiled. “All the time. They feel sorry for me when I bring in an apple, a yogurt, and one piece of chicken. Nikki bakes me something every week, Barbara brings in donuts every other day, and usually someone is ordering in and has extras. Thankfully, I don’t go hungry there!” “Doesn’t Mom ever figure out why you aren’t losing weight as fast as she would like?” “She just thinks I have ‘slow metabolism’ or something to do with my thyroid. It’s been working for me now for ten years. I chew gum on the way home so she doesn’t smell anything on my breath. She’s got a good nose you know!” “I know. She could always smell smoke on me and know I was at a party in high school…now I’m afraid she will smell cookies on me! It’s funny how things change. Well, I should get going. I’ve got class tomorrow morning and my partner and I need to meet before class to discuss our assignment.” Samantha turned to open the screen door. “Partner…a guy perhaps?” “What makes you say that?” “You just seem happier this time…at least as happy as you can be considering where you are. Your mother makes it difficult to be happy, but I thought I saw you smile a few times when you were thinking about something.” “It is a guy. Nothing serious. I must go. Tell Mom goodbye for me. Where is she anyway?”

The Defense

86

“I think she went to the neighbor’s house to take them the food that she would feed to us. They always get the food.” “Bye, Dad.” “Bye, Sam.” **** Samantha got to class an hour early. She forgot to agree to a time to meet before class with Bruce, but she figured she would show up an hour early just in case. She walked into the empty classroom and didn’t see Bruce. She plopped her bag down and took out her notebook. Professor Garb said they needed to discuss their assignment and do a small summary of their experience in front of the class. She jotted down a few notes. She was busy writing when she felt a soft brush against her cheek. Startled, she quickly spun around. “Damn it! Do you always have to sneak up like that?” she snapped. “Oh, Sam, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I forgot…I…” Samantha felt bad for her tone and tried to lighten the mood. “I swear I’m going to put a bell around your neck, like they do with cats to warn the birds!” Samantha shook her finger at him. Bruce smiled tentatively. “Sorry. I really didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you knew I was here, already.” He pointed to his book bag sitting on the floor by the chair right behind her. “I didn’t even see it. I thought I beat you here.” “No, I got here about a half-hour ago, but then I had to use the restroom so I left for a few minutes. That’s where I was when you showed up.” “Oops, sorry. I guess I would make a terrible detective. I stink at noticing details. So, what do you want to say to the class regarding our clinic experience?” Samantha held her pencil ready to write.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

87

“I think we should just talk about how much the clinic helps the community and how much more is needed. You never know who’s sitting in this class. Someone’s parents could own a grocery store, a clothing place, or be willing to donate. You can talk about the desire to get a counselor/psychiatrist on staff. You can also mention the need for fresh vegetables. What do you think? Is that a good plan of action?” “I think that’s great. We can tell them about how we cooked soup and about needing vegetables. We can also explain how important a counselor on staff would be to the clinic and how any extra funds would help that goal.” Samantha said with enthusiasm. They worked for a half hour on the details of the speech. When they had everything figured out Samantha leaned back and yawned. “My neck and back are killing me.” “Did you work a long shift at the clinic on Sunday?” “I worked a twelve hour day as usual, but what wears me out more is the hour I spend at my parent’s house!” “That bad?” Samantha nodded. “That bad.” “What you need is some stress relief. Why don’t you come to my workplace after class and I’ll help you with that stress and tension.” Bruce leaned over and rubbed her shoulders. “You are tense.” “And just how is your work going to help my stress levels? Do you work at a spa? Maybe a massage parlor?” Samantha groaned as he worked a knot out of her back. “Just show up on the corner of Fifth and Oak and find out!” “I think my curiosity might get the best of me. I don’t have to work today and you have me intrigued. The corner of Fifth and Oak? Umm.” Samantha groaned again from the pleasure of his massage. She heard his chair move a little and felt his hot breath against her neck. His light feathery kisses along the nape of her neck and then around toward her throat

The Defense

88

made her hair rise. Samantha turned into the kisses as if by instinct. Bruce continued to kiss her neck and then his lips claimed hers in a passionate kiss. Shivers went down her back and she felt them all the way to her toes. The effect he had on her was mindboggling. Samantha heard a noise and part of her mind registered it. Another part of her only felt. She heard another sound. Like somebody clearing their throat. She quickly pulled away and tried to focus. She turned her head toward the noise and saw Professor Garb standing by his desk with his briefcase in his hand and a smile on his lips. She gulped. “Professor! I’m…we….I don’t know quite what to say but that I’m sorry. We’re sorry.” Professor Garb nodded. “It’s good to see you happy, Sam. It’s also nice to see that a change in partners did you some good!” Samantha ran a trembling hand over her long hair to smooth it out even though it wasn’t messy. “I…we were just going over our presentation about our volunteer assignment, and…” “I might be old and married, Sam, but I still remember what it is like to be young and in love.” “We…we’re not in love!” Samantha cried. Professor raised his bushy eyebrows. “I think we’re covering ‘denial as a defensive tactic’ as a topic in class today. Such an interesting subject…” She quickly opened her Abnormal Psychology book to the chapter that was assigned. Sure enough ‘denial’ was covered in the reading. She thought he was just making a point. Well, he was making a point but at least his words were true. Bruce turned to that page in the book and read out loud, “Denial is defined as the suppression of reality.” He paused from reading and added, “Although, if I was Sigmund Freud I would say denial was a defense mechanism.” “Well, you’re not the dear old Sigmund, thank God!”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

89

“Well, if it were me, I’d say you’re in denial of the fact that you’re falling in love with me,” Bruce whispered. “We’ve only been getting to know each other for about a week. I don’t think you can ‘fall in love’ in less that fast!” Samantha answered, “I would say someone who did would be considered ‘crazy,’ has a few screws loose, or one card short of a whole deck of cards!” “Then call me ‘crazy’ and get out the screwdriver!” Bruce laughed. The professor cleared his throat usual signaling that class was about to begin. “Now class, Bruce and Samantha are going to tell about their experience at the clinic. Each one will state a few words describing their own feelings and then they will give a few words what they thought of the clinic as a team.” “I think we’re about to give our presentation.” Her stomach felt funny. “Lead the way, my lady!” Bruce stood up and motioned for Samantha to go in front. Samantha smiled and stood in front of class. She talked about the how the clinic helped pregnant teenagers, young girls and women who were abused, raped, and molested. She also talked about cooking the meals. She concluded her portion by saying, “I love working at the clinic and I had a great time volunteering there for this assignment as well. The clinic needs so many things, so if any of you know of a grocery store that could donate vegetables or meat, a second hand store that has extra clothes to donate or even a bedding or furniture place that could donate damaged inventory. Everything is needed and anything is appreciated. Thank you.” Bruce nodded and took the podium. “Well, Samantha told you most of what we did as a team. I can add how volunteering at the clinic changed my life. It really opened my eyes to another world right inside of my own. I live a sheltered life. Someone pointed that out to me recently, and well, that person was right. I’m in this program to help people, all people, yet I really had no idea about people in such dire circumstances outside of my closed-in world. I realized in twelve hours working at the

The Defense

90

clinic, that there is so much that I can do to help others who are less fortunate if I just try. “I lulled myself into believing that giving a few dollars here and there was enough. Well, I tricked myself. It’s not enough. There are children needing help and if we don’t help, then who will? And it’s not just about money. It’s about time and understanding. I’ve walked past a homeless person on the street and thought he should get a job. I was being judgmental. Maybe he was trying, but didn’t have clean clothes for an interview. Maybe he had children who were sick and had to resort to begging out of desperation. Maybe he was a lazy man by choice or a drug addict, but does that make him any less in need of our help? He is still a person. Anyway, I think I’ve decided instead of going into private practice as I had been planning to do when I get out,” Bruce turned to Samantha, “I’m planning to find a job working at someplace like the clinic. This past week has changed my life, in more than a few ways.” Samantha stood there with her mouth open. She didn’t know what to say. Somehow she managed, “So, if anyone out there has time to volunteer more than just for this assignment, knows someone to donate food or supplies, or just knows someone to donate money, get in touch with me or Bruce, or tell the clinic when you do your volunteer hours there. Everyone can help make a difference.” The entire class clapped. Professor Garb said, “Very good you two. You make a great team. I hope you’ll be partners again!” Bruce smiled at Samantha and she smiled back. They were good partners. No one else had done their volunteer work yet. Professor Garb started in on his lecture about denial. As he talked she couldn’t help think maybe Bruce could be right. Maybe. **** After class Samantha and Bruce walked together toward the library. He asked, “Do you mind if I study with you?”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

91

“Sure. I plan on studying for an hour and then I’m off to my next class. I don’t mind the company, if you won’t be too bored.” “Being with you is never boring. I’d say far from it. Delivering babies, feeding the homeless, eating with interesting people like Emily, and of course just seeing your pretty face is always enough.” “I am not for sure whether to say ‘thank you’ or if you’re just flattering me for something,” Samantha teased. “Saying ‘thank you’ would be fine. I think I’m starting to take offense to your constant suspicion of me. I’m a good guy. If it takes forever, I will earn your complete trust and break through your defenses.” They headed toward the back of the library. A group of baseball players were studying in the corner. She recognized a few of them. She nodded and smiled a hello. One of them whispered loud enough for her to hear, “That girl used to be gorgeous! She could’ve been a model. I heard every guy wanted to get her into bed. Now just look at her. What a waste.” Samantha looked over at Bruce. His eyes were filled with fury. He stopped in his tracks and spun around, “What did you just say?” A guy with bleached blonde hair stood up. “I said that your girlfriend used to be gorgeous. I guess you don’t mind screwing a fat chick. Hey, maybe they’re better in bed because they’re so grateful!” Bruce walked right up to the guy who was probably six foot five. Bruce looked up at him and stated in a calm but firm voice, “I think you owe the lady an apology.” “I’ll apologize if she will let me feel that big butt of hers. You know, she still is good looking in the face. I guess if it was dark enough I could pretend her body looked like it used to!” “I said apologize.” The guy reached over and put a hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “I don’t have to apologize. Are you going to make me little Oriental man? Are you going to make me? Over her?” He pointed with his other hand at Samantha.

The Defense

92

She still stood in the spot where she heard his whisper. He was right. She did look like a model before. Now just look at her. Tears welled in her eyes. She tried hard to hold them back. Samantha said in a broken voice, “Bruce, let’s go.” Bruce turned to Samantha and then said with gentleness, “I’ll do whatever you want, Sam.” “I want to leave,” she said and held out her hand to him. Bruce tried to walk toward Samantha, but the tall guy still had a grip on Bruce’s shoulder. The guy squeezed his hand so Bruce couldn’t move and grinned. “You aren’t going until I say you can leave!” “I’m going. I’m leaving with the beautiful lady and this is your last chance to let me go.” “Did you hear that boys? He thinks he’s a tough guy. I’m shaking in twohundred dollar loafers.” All the guys laughed. Bruce said calmly, “I’m Korean and for the record I really don’t want to hurt you, but you give me no choice.” The laughter from the group grew louder. Bruce grabbed the guy’s hand, turned it quickly and before you could blink, he had the guy kneeling on the ground with his face wrinkled in pain and his hand pinned behind his back. “Man…my arm…my hand…man!” The guy gasped through grunts of pain. “Apologize,” Bruce said as he moved closer and the guy groaned louder. “I’m…I’m sorry.” “Samantha is a person. A very beautiful person, inside and out. Next time you think about shooting your mouth off, it might be wise to remember this and think twice.” Just as quickly as he twisted the man’s arm and hand, he let go. The guy stayed on the ground. “You could’ve broke my pitching arm, man!” the guy wailed.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

93

“I could’ve, but I didn’t. If there’s a next time, I will.” Bruce walked over to Samantha and put his arm around her and led her away. “Let’s go.” Her shoulders and legs shook. It was strange. She figured people probably thought she was fat and she told herself she didn’t care, but when she heard that guy talking like that about her, it hurt. It hurt a lot more than she wanted to admit. Tears ran down Samantha’s face and when she looked up at Bruce, she said, “Why are you with me? Why are you with a fat girl?” He stopped walking and took her in his arms and just held her. After a few minutes he said softly against her hair, “I’m with you because I think you are the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen. You are pretty not just for you perfect button nose or your gorgeous flowing hair, but for your heart and your mind. And for the record, you are not fat.” She hesitantly raised her eyes up to meet his eyes and he met her look. He seemed sincere. She didn’t know how that was possible, but he did. She smiled through her tears. “How about we just take a walk around campus and forget about studying. I don’t think I could concentrate even if I wanted to.” “A walk sounds great, and if you are really lucky, I’ll buy you some delicious cafeteria food!” Bruce put an arm around her shoulders and they headed toward the door. The baseball players were still sitting there. The tall guy was back in his chair and he didn’t say a word. Apparently, this time he knew better. When they got out of the library, Samantha said, “You’ll have to teach me a few of your Tae Kwan Do moves. You were pretty impressive in there. I’d say you were like watching a Bruce Lee movie.” “They shouldn’t talk like that. I’m guessing their momma didn’t teach them proper respect!” Bruce squeezed her shoulder with the arm that was around her in a mini hug. “So, do you have any plans tonight pretty lady?” “I have class then I was planning to drop by your work to see you. That is if you still want me too?”

The Defense

94

“Of course! Why don’t you come by around four and see the place, and then I’ll do a quick shower and change in the back if you don’t mind waiting. Then, I’ll take you to a fancy-smancy restaurant and someplace special afterward.” “Some place special?” Samantha couldn’t stand surprises. They drove her crazy! “You have to wear a gown. Is that a problem on such short notice?” Bruce asked. “Umm…I guess not.” “Good. It’s settled. I’ll take you on a proper date. The other times were wonderful, but you deserve better than a last minute movie or my cooking.” Samantha smiled bravely. “I kind of like your cooking and those types of things, but isn’t a ‘proper’ date supposed to be with the man picking the woman up?” Bruce frowned. “You’re right. I just got so caught up with you coming to my work that I forgot that part. Do you want me to pick you up and we can do the work thing another time?” Samantha laughed. “I was just teasing you. I don’t care about ‘proper.’ Besides, I’m so curious about that infamous place where you work that I couldn’t wait until another time. It’s settled. We’ll have a half-proper date!” Actually it was far from ‘settled.’ She had nothing to wear that would be appropriate. Sure, she had an entire closet full of gowns and dresses that would be perfect—for a size six! Samantha hadn’t gone shopping since the trendy store that she loved to shop at stopped carrying her size. Most cute clothes didn’t go past a size fourteen. “You’re an amazing person. I can’t wait to see you all dolled up!” Bruce kissed her cheek quickly and they kept walking. Samantha was deep in thought. How in the heck was she going to find a dress that fit her in just a few hours? She had class until one o’clock. That left three hours to find a dress, go home, take a shower, and get cleaned up. She fretted about wearing a dress. She felt more comfortable in pants. Her mother always told her that dresses were for thin people. A dress…What was she going to do?

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

95

Bruce interrupted her thoughts. “Are you about ready to head back to the cafeteria and let me buy you some wonderful university food?” She focused and looked around. Samantha gasped. They had walked farther than she thought. She hadn’t been paying attention and now, oh God! She started to feel dizzy and then sick. She squirmed out of Bruce’s arm, ran a few feet away and threw up on the grass. “Samantha? Are you alright?” She couldn’t answer. She just kept throwing up. Samantha felt Bruce lift the hair back from her face and hold it ponytail fashion. Another wave of nausea overwhelmed her. She threw up again. Bruce just held her hair and rubbed her back gently. Finally, after everything in her stomach covered the grass she managed to stumble backwards a few steps and lay flat on the ground. Her eyes were closed and the world was still spinning. Samantha felt a wet cloth on her forehead. She opened her eyes in confusion and managed to ask weakly, “What? How did you get that?” “I had a bottle of water in my backpack and I used my shirt.” She looked down and saw that his chest was bare. She felt terrible. Here she was puking her guts out and this man took the shirt off his back for her. Samantha managed to say, “Thank you.” “Why don’t you tell me what happened just now. What made you get so sick all of a sudden? Do you have the flu?” Bruce asked as he rewet the shirt and put it back on her forehead. “No.” “Are you pregnant?” Bruce asked softly. “No! Heavens no!” Samantha tried to sit up but everything spun again. “Then what is it, Samantha?” “It’s…It’s this place. I wasn’t paying attention to where we were walking and it’s this place,” She looked around. She hated this place.

The Defense

96

Bruce gently helped her sit up and he scooted behind her so that all her weight was leaning against him. “Is this where…” “It is. This is where I was raped. Well, actually, right down there in the woods. I managed to crawl up here. I remember it way too well. It’s in my nightmares.” She just stared toward the trees. She took a few deep breaths and struggled to stand. Bruce helped her with his arm around her waist. She took a few more breaths, removed his arm and slowly walked toward the trees. “What are you doing? Why are you going down there?” Bruce demanded. “I haven’t been down there since that night. I think it’s time I did. I think it’s time I faced my demons.” She stumbled down the embankment. Bruce caught her in his strong arms before she fell. “Thank you.” “Do you think going down there is a good idea?” “I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, but it’s something I need to do. Something I think I can do with you here.” Samantha brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I’m coming with you. I’m not about to let you do this alone,” Bruce said firmly. Samantha could tell by his set jaw that he wasn’t about to change his mind. “Fine.” She made her way best she could to where she remembered being tossed against the trees and waking up at. She knelt down. The place was covered in weeds. Tears streamed down her face. Her life changed here. This was the spot where everything changed. She was no longer a virgin. He took her innocence. He took her trust. He took her body. Samantha looked down at her shape. He took everything she used to be--everything. “Sam?” Bruce touched her shoulder. “I… I just wish I could turn back time. I just wish I’d been stronger to defend myself. I wish I could’ve fought him off. Done something. Done anything. I felt so weak and helpless…”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

97

Bruce sat down in the long grass by her, quietly. After about five minutes of sobbing, he gently took her into his arms. “You really need to let this pain go. I won’t say I know what you went through, but what I do understand is that you can’t carry this on your shoulders forever.” He pulled her more firmly onto his lap and into his strong embrace. Samantha bristled. “I’m… I’m too heavy for you to hold.” “Sam, are you telling me that I’m not strong enough to hold you? Because I am. And again, for the record you are not too heavy. Stop pushing me away with comments about your weight. Every time I get close to you, a wall goes up. You are very pretty on the outside as well as on the inside.” Samantha struggled to her feet and ran up the hill. Bruce ran after her. Both of them were breathless when she finally stopped running. She put a hand over her stomach. It started to churn again. Bruce looked down at her hand over her stomach. “How about I get you that cafeteria food now…maybe some soup to settle your stomach?” “I can’t. I need to go to class.” Samantha panted, still out of breath. She looked at her watch and then before she had a chance to think or change her mind, she gave his cheek a quick kiss. “Thank you. I have to go!” She ran off in the direction of campus. “You’re welcome,” Bruce shouted. “I’m starting to get a complex. I’m always yelling at your back as you run away!” Samantha yelled over her shoulder, “I’ve can’t be late for class! I’ll see you tonight at your work!” “Until then!” Bruce answered. Samantha went to Advanced Abnormal Psychology class and then grabbed a diet soda out of the vending machine. She didn’t have time for lunch. She had to go dress shopping at the only store nearby that carried ‘plus sizes.’ She hated that term. She wasn’t ‘petite,’ ‘juniors,’ or ‘misses.’ She was ‘plus size.’ Whoever came up with that title should have been put in jail and made to wear the crappy things that they made in that size.

The Defense

98

It wasn’t that she was ashamed to wear bigger sizes herself; it bothered her more that there wasn’t anything hip and flattering in those sizes. It also bothered her how people treated her differently, including her own mother. Being big was hard because a lot of people treated overweight woman differently. They weren’t considered sexy or stylish, but were thought of as lazy and dumpy. The store, in the mall, wasn’t too far away from campus thankfully. Samantha hurried through the mall entrance and made her way to her destination, walking by the hot pretzel store. It was right next to where she was going. She almost laughed and then cried. She once heard a comedian tell a joke about all the fattening food being next to the store for ‘big women.’ Samantha glanced around. Sure enough there was the pretzel store, an ice cream store, and a cookie factory all within three stores either way. The sad part was that she was hungry from missing lunch and had to fight the urge to grab a hot raisin pretzel smothered in glaze. She didn’t want that pompous comedian to be proven right—the jerk! She darted into the store before her hunger overruled and a sales lady was quick to ask, “How can I help you?” Samantha scanned the store quickly. “I need a fancy dress. Black if you have it.” The saleslady asked, “What size? Sixteen?” “Eighteen,” Samantha corrected. The saleslady put her hand up to her mouth in surprise, “Wow…I wouldn’t have guessed you that big of a size. A size eighteen would mean your hip size is…” Samantha looked at the saleslady. She was probably a size eight or ten. She sighed, “I know what my hip size is. I am tall and I like to wear black, which helps. So, do you have any dresses in size eighteen that would work for me?” She wanted to scream. Even at the store made for bigger women she was getting grief. If anything, they should be more understanding and sensitive. All she wanted was a dress for tonight. She would rather be anywhere but here, buying clothes. She hated buying clothes now, but she knew it meant a lot to Bruce to take her out someplace nice. So if a dress was what she had to get, a dress she was going to get!

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

99

“Certainly. I have one dress in black in your size. Follow me.” Samantha groaned. One dress wasn’t much to choose from. It didn’t even give her an option. She followed the lady hoping that the dress would be flattering and that they had pantyhose in her size as well. It wasn’t easy finding clothes when you were bigger. **** After buying the dress, Samantha sped home to take a quick shower. Her hair hung over her shoulders. She decided to brush it and style her hair in a twist on top of her head. She left a few tendrils hanging down, framing her face. With a little mascara to frame her big round eyes and some lipstick to make her lips look even fuller than normal, she slipped on her black dress and stood in front of the full-length mirror. Her face was striking. Those guys at the library were right—she did have a beautiful face still. Sure, she could stand to lose a little fullness, but it wasn’t half bad. The dress she found at the store wasn’t half-bad either. It had a plunging neckline that drew attention to her full D-cup size chest. It used to be a ‘C’ before she gained the weight. One perk to adding a few pounds! The dress was very slimming, but she still couldn’t help wishing her hips, butt and stomach were smaller. No one whistled at her now, or even glanced over their shoulders for a second look like they used to. But wasn’t that what she wanted? Didn’t she want to avoid attention? She wasn’t so sure anymore. She really wanted to make Bruce whistle or take a second look. Samantha turned on her black heels and grabbed her little black purse. It was quarter to four and she didn’t want to be late. It didn’t take her long to reach the corner of Fifth and Oak. A huge building made of almost all glass stood at that address. She drove by it many times, but never really paid much attention to it. She assumed it was an office building. Samantha read the sign on the door ‘Tae Kwan Do Martial Arts. You too can be a black belt.’

The Defense

100

She laughed. She had as much of a chance at being a black belt as she did at falling in love or being happy. Samantha pushed open the door with the sign. A huge cross greeted her on the wall. Bruce said his dad liked to display a cross at every building he owned, and he wasn’t kidding. The cross was about four feet tall. It was huge. Next to the cross were the words, ‘Enter this building in peace.’ Soft mats covered the floors everywhere. Various men and women walked around barefoot and in some type of uniform outside in the waiting area. The uniforms consisted of white pants and a white long-sleeved shirt that had some Korean letters on them. It also had a huge ying/yang on the back. Each person wore various colored belts tied around their waist. Some were yellow, others had blue and still others had red. She reached down and took off her heels, to avoid poking holes in the mats. She whispered to an older man wearing a white Tae Kwan Do uniform and a yellow belt. “Excuse me sir, do you know where I can find Bruce Yung?” The man looked up and said with surprise, “You mean…Master Bruce Yung?” “Um…I guess so. Yes.” The man pointed to the inside area. “He’s leading class.” Samantha looked to where he pointed and sure enough Bruce was in the front wearing a similar outfit to the rest, but with different markings. Instead of white it was black. He also had on a black belt with five bars on the side. She asked quietly, “Why does he have five bars?” “That means he has a fifth degree black belt,” he pointed to his own yellow belt. “I’m just a yellow belt. First you get a white belt, then a yellow, then a yellow with a green stripe, then a green belt, a green with blue, blue, blue with red, red, red first, red second, and then recommendation, and then a black belt. Master Bruce did that white to black belt process five times. Each belt he had to learn different moves and each time he got another bar on his belt. Then he starts back to white and goes up again. He’s been taking Tae Kwan Do since he was two!” “Why do you have to go back down to white?” Samantha asked confused.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

101

“You still keep your black belt, but you get tape around the end of the belt. If you past the test then the instructor wraps yellow tape and so on.” “I knew he had a few moves, but I didn’t know he was this good.” She watched as Bruce did a small demonstration. He had three men hold three boards in three different places, then he jumped in the air and broke all three before his feet touched the ground again. After that, he had one man stand on a ladder and hold a balloon. He proceeded to scale the wall—literally run up the wall about six feet and then spin in the air and pop the balloon with his foot. He then landed quietly on the mat. No wonder he was quiet as a mouse and always sneaking up behind her. He was part panther! She watched as he taught some simpler kicks and jumps. He called one a ‘snap kick’ and another a ‘rising kick.’ It was like watching a graceful dancer. Bruce was fluid and graceful, but strong. Now she knew why that big boy at the library was kneeling. Martial arts might look like moves and dancing, but it was obvious it could be a weapon. Class was soon over and the entire class bowed to him. A parent walked over to Bruce and said, “An young ha shim neeka.” Bruce smiled. “Fine, thank you.” When she walked away, Samantha whispered to Bruce, “What did she just say?” “She said, ‘Hi, how are you?’ I’m fine. The question is how are you doing, Sam?” He tightened his belt. She grinned. “I’m confused…I’m not sure if I should bow to you and call you Master Bruce or what!” “You can call me just Bruce. You look quite stunning in that dress—quite stunning indeed.” He wiped the sweat off of his brow with his hand. “I need to close up shop and get a quick shower so I can take you on the awesome date I promised you.” She swung her black heel shoes nervously in her hands and she looked down, “I’m…I hope what I’m wearing is okay.” “It is more then okay…it is perfect.”

The Defense

102

“You were amazing out there. I just thought you took a few classes or dabbled in Tae Kwan Do. I didn’t realize you were the teacher!” A student with a blue belt walked by, bowed to Bruce and said, “An young e k ship sheeo.” Bruce nodded to him Samantha asked, “What did he just say? His ship something?” “He said goodbye. I’m not the main teacher. My father is the ‘Grand Master.’ I’m just the instructor occasionally. It’s what I get paid to do when I work.” He undid his belt and pulled it off. “I’d better hurry or we’ll miss our reservations.” She nodded and watched him walk off into a back room marked ‘men.’ She sat down on the bench to wait, still holding her shoes in her hands. An older man walked up to her. He had dark black hair, surprising for his age. Samantha guessed him to be in his fifties. He had a black belt on just like Bruce, but it had nine bars. He asked, “Can I help you, Miss? Would you like information about classes?” “Umm… I don’t know. I’m waiting for Bruce, but what kind of information do you have?” She couldn’t believe those words came out of her mouth. “It costs ninety dollars a month. Classes are twice a week. You can go more often if you would like, but twice is recommended to learn and progress in belts,” he said with a kind smile. “It is great for self-defense. Women today definitely could use the extra protection, especially someone as beautiful as you.” Samantha didn’t know what to say. Tears came to her eyes. She fought for control. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Bruce. He said, “Father, Sir, I’d like you to meet Samantha. Samantha this is my father, Grand Master Yung.” Grand Master Yung smiled. “It is nice to meet you, Samantha. So, you are my son’s date for tonight.” She managed to get control back and say, “Yes, Sir, I am.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

103

Bruce bowed to his father, then took Samantha by the elbow. “Our reservations are in ten minutes. We need to get going.” He turned to his father and asked, “Do you still want me to stick around and close up?” Grand Master Yung replied with a shake of his head, “No, I’ve got it tonight. Thanks for teaching class.” “Thanks, Sir,” Bruce replied. Samantha got up and they both left the building. When they got outside, Samantha took a deep breath of air. Master Yung touched on something. A part of her wanted to know more about Tae Kwan Do, to learn to defend herself. Yet, a part of her was scared and nervous about taking such a step. “Are you alright? I saw tears in your eyes. I overheard what my father said.” “Maybe I should check into learning Tae Kwan Do. Maybe if…” “Sam, don’t even think that way. You can’t think that way. What happened that night is the past. You can’t change the past. You have to live in the present. If you want to learn Tae Kwan Do, you must do it for you. For the here and now, not to change the past.” Samantha shrugged. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t afford it. Maybe it’s something I could look into after graduation.” Bruce stopped walking and took Samantha’s hand, “I could teach you if you would like—on the side.” “I couldn’t ask that of you. I wouldn’t ask that. You’re too busy the way it is with work and school.” “I’m never too busy for you. Actually, it would give me an excuse to spend more time with you.” “I…that…I would like that.” “Then it’s settled. I’ll give you lessons.” “I can’t pay you much.” “You don’t have to pay me anything.” He paused and then smiled his smile. “Well, maybe you can pay me in meals. One home cooked meal for each lesson. Deal?”

The Defense

104

Samantha smiled back. “Deal. But it isn’t enough.” “It’s enough. You’re cooking is worth its weight in gold.” “Speaking of food, don’t we have reservations?” “We do. I made reservations at the restaurant that spins. I hope you don’t get motion sick!” “I’m not sure, but I guess we will soon find out!” Bruce pulled her down the sidewalk and she added, “I guess we’re taking my Jeep since you don’t have a car yet.” “Don’t be so sure, my dear Sam, that I don’t have a car. Close your eyes.” “What?” “Close your eyes. Trust me,” Bruce placed his hand gently over her eyes. “I trust you,” she closed her eyes, and then opened one to peek. “Close them.” She closed her eyes again and Bruce pulled her along. After about thirty steps he said, “Open them.” She opened her eyes and laughed. In front of her was an old red truck. “Is this yours? No more corvettes? No more sports cars?” “Let’s just say a pretty girl taught me that there are people out there that need help and that I really don’t need a corvette or a sports car. I think an old truck is more practical. Don’t you?” “I do. I definitely do,” Samantha chuckled. “It might not be as fancy as my old car, but I hope you don’t mind.” Bruce opened up the truck door to let her in. “I don’t mind at all. So, what are you going to do with the money you saved?” Samantha climbed in. “It’s a surprise.” “When do I get to know? I hate waiting for surprises?” “Soon. Right now, I’m going to take you on a half-proper date!” Bruce laughed.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

105

He hopped in the driver’s side. She took a moment to examine him. He wore a black suit with a crisp white shirt and a stripped tie. He looked like he stepped out of a fashion magazine. Seeing him like this reminded her of how handsome he was and made her feel insecure. Here she sat in a size eighteen dress. Sure it was black, which made it look a little better, but all the black in the world couldn’t hide her curves. Samantha tugged on her dress self-consciously. Bruce looked down and frowned. “You look awesome.” “I… I had to go out and buy a dress. They only had one black dress in my size. I…I just wish….” A tear rolled down her cheek. He reached over and caught the tear with his finger. “You wish what? That you were a size six or a size two? Is that really how you feel? Do you think that only a small size girl is beautiful? Do you think any girl bigger than a size eight is ugly and unworthy of love or desire?” “No, not at all! I know lots of girls who are bigger then a size eight that are beautiful!” “Then why don’t you think you’re worthy of desire—of love?” She paused and thought about what he said. He was right. She was being a hypocrite. She treated herself exactly how her mother treated bigger people—badly. Her mother was wrong, and she was wrong. She shouldn’t treat herself like that. It wasn’t right. Being big didn’t mean she was ugly. Bruce was right. It was okay to be a size six, two or eight. Everyone was beautiful in their own way. “I guess I wasn’t fair to myself. You’re right. I’ll work on that. I can’t promise that I’ll change overnight how I feel about the way I look, but I can promise you that I will work on it. You’ll have to be patient with me. I’ve heard for a long time how fat people aren’t attractive. It’s going to take me a while to reprogram myself. I don’t feel that way about others, but I do feel that way about myself.” She sobbed. “Do you know that I can’t even look at myself in the mirror?”

The Defense

106

Bruce reached over and took her hand, “The mirror would say that you’re the most beautiful princess in the land. Now what do you say to that meal we’re now officially late for?” “I’d say I’m starving.” She wiped the tears away. “Good. Because they have the best food in town!” Bruce took her to a romantic Italian place and ordered the special; pasta with clams and muscles for both of them. It was delicious. For dessert, they had cheesecake with raspberry sauce. “I do believe that I’ve had better cheesecake before.” Bruce smiled after he tried a bite and then took another piece, leaned over the table and fed it to her. She ate the piece he offered her. Her stomach jumped, but it wasn’t from the delicious taste. It was from him feeding her. There was something romantic and passionate about being nurtured. Samantha managed to say, “If you are referring to mine, I have to say this is probably better. You said it yourself that this is the best food in town.” “I was wrong. You make the best food in town,” Bruce looked into her eyes. She blushed. “Thank you, even if you are fibbing!” “I’m not fibbing! I bet all the people at the clinic would say the same thing, and you don’t have much to work with down there. Frozen and processed foods mainly.” He picked up the last bite and offered it to her. “No, you go ahead. It’s the last bite.” “I’d rather watch you eat it. Your mouth is so sensual and sexy.” He watched her hesitate and then take part of the bite into her mouth. “Half for you and half for me.” She took the fork out of his hand and turned it around, offering what was left to him. Bruce opened his mouth. The entire time his eyes never left hers. He ate the cheesecake off the spoon. Samantha thought she noticed his tongue going sensually around the morsel, but wasn’t sure if was her imagination. Her pulse quickened. She couldn’t help but think

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

107

of where she would like to feel that same tongue and wishing she was the bite of cheesecake. She shuddered. “Are you cold?” Bruce asked with one eyebrow raised. ”No.” She shuddered again. The feelings that were going through her, she couldn’t contain. Somehow food always had an affect on her. She liked to eat when she was sad or upset, even bored. This was the first time she wanted to eat out of desire and passion. Samantha was sad that the cheesecake was gone. She wanted to keep feeding him and have him keep feeding her. “Sam?” “Umm…I…” she licked her lips. Bruce nodded. He threw a wad of money onto the table and stood up. He quickly took her by the arm and ushered her toward the door. Neither one of them said a word. They climbed into his truck and drove fast to his place. The guard came out of his post and took the truck. Bruce ushered her down the path, through the thick doors and up the elevator. He took out his key and unlocked the penthouse. Samantha followed, silently. He shut the door behind them. Samantha just stood staring at him. Bruce crossed the distance that separated them, grabbed her firmly and pulled her into his embrace. It wasn’t rough, but it was strong. She met his passion. They stood there for what seemed like forever tongues intertwined. His lips trailed to her neck and over by her ear. He inhaled deeply. “Your hair. It always smells like vanilla and honey. It’s overwhelmingly delicious.” Her fingers found his buttons and zipper. Soon, Bruce stood in front of her naked. It was obvious that he wanted her. His erection stood out bold and without embarrassment. She gasped. Bruce groaned. He found the clasp holding her black dress together and she felt the dress fall and land on top of her shoes.

The Defense

108

Samantha now stood in just her underwear and high black heels. She gulped. She should’ve worn her nice underwear, but she didn’t. It never occurred to her that she would need them. She grabbed the usual pair thinking it was better to be comfortable then miserable for no reason. Well, now there was a reason! “I…um…I think we’re going to be late for the show,” Samantha stuttered. Bruce’s eyes looked heavy. “The show?” “Yes. Phantom of the Opera. The show. Those tickets are expensive.” “Sam….” Bruce looked deep into her eyes and pulled her firmly against his hard body. “Bruce, the—” her words were lost as his lips reclaimed hers. She was going to protest, but her mind went foggy with desire. She wanted him. She wanted him so much. However, her insecurities kept her from letting go. “I…” She pushed him back, and bent down in search of her fallen dress. She forgot it was lying on top of her shoes and she tripped. Bruce grabbed her before she hit the ground. “Why do you keep pushing me away, Sam?” His voice was husky with desire and emotion. “I…I don’t want you to see me this way.” She finally admitted and put her hands over her face in embarrassment. “What way?” Bruce asked confused. “Fat. In my oversized granny underwear and bra. Big. Unattractive.” “How many times do I have to tell you how gorgeous you are for you to believe it?” Bruce set her back on her feet and then gently pulled her through the apartment into the master suite. He didn’t stop at the bed, but took her into the huge bathroom. He stopped and made her face the mirror. “What are you doing?” Samantha asked in horror. “I’m showing you how beautiful you are.” She tried to hide behind him. He wouldn’t let her.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

109

She tried to cover her body with a towel that she grabbed off the rack. He gently pulled the towel away. “You need to look at yourself. Really look at yourself. You are attractive. Can’t you see what I see? Can’t you look into this mirror and see all the beautiful curves and the wonderful way your body flows.” She tucked her jaw into her chest, her head down. Bruce put his hand under it and lifted it back up. She closed her eyes. “Open your eyes, Samantha. Open your eyes—please. For me?” There was such sorrow and pain in his voice. He sounded wounded and so sad. She opened one eye slowly and then the other. She forced herself to look in the mirror. It was the first time she saw something other than ugliness. Her eyes scanned from the top of the mirror to the bottom and what she saw this time wasn’t what she usually saw. This time she saw a woman who wasn’t fat, but curvaceous. “Can’t you see how your skin looks like satin? Can’t you see how long and sexy your legs are, especially in those heels? Can’t you see what looking at you and feeling you does to me?” He moved aside slightly to reveal his nakedness. Samantha felt like something changed in her. She felt totally different. Uninhibited. She didn’t feel like her normal reserved self. She ran a hand over her high cheekbones and around her thick red lips. She trailed her hand down her long neck over the cross necklace and then down to her full breasts. Her hand ran a fingertip around the huge nipple and then followed the valley between her milky white breasts to her stomach. She used to see how it wasn’t flat, but now she saw instead how womanly it was. Her finger slid down over her navel and into the curls over her pubic mound. The damp curls were blond like her hair. They were soft and velvety. “Oh, Sam. You are so exquisite,” Bruce rasped. He hadn’t moved an inch. His voice broke her out of her trance. This was the first time her eyes saw someone pretty starring back. Someone worthy of desire and love. It was the first time she didn’t run from the mirror or hide from her reflection. She openly stared at it.

The Defense

110

Bruce took her chin in his hand and turned her head slightly. His lips found hers again. His tongue rediscovered the inside of her mouth and lips. He moved slightly and she could feel his hard manhood against her outer thigh. It too was moist with desire. She groaned. “I want you, but I haven’t…” she stopped. He waited. She took a deep breath and continued. “I haven’t been with anyone before—ever —except that night. That awful night I was raped. I was a virgin. I haven’t made love.” “I love you, Sam. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you so long ago.… I’m just sorry I wasted so much time.” Bruce had tears in his eyes. He picked her up into his arms. She gasped, “I’m too heavy!” “Sam, you are not too heavy” he gently corrected. She smiled, shyly. He smiled down at her and lovingly said, “The only thing heavy is the wall around your heart. Please, let me through your defense. Let me in. I won’t hurt you.” He laid her gently on the satin sheets of his bed. She felt herself sink into the softness. Her tear filled eyes met his tear filled eyes. Bruce slowly lowered his head to her breast and gave it a feathery kiss. His tongue followed with circular motions around the pink areola. Sam shuddered and arched her back. He took her nipple into his mouth and sucked on it and continued to run his tongue over it in flickering movements. It was exhilarating, like hummingbird wings. The apprehension she felt slowly evaporated and her body tingled with desire. She opened her legs slowly and her heart. Bruce groaned. His tongue left the left breast and headed down the smooth valley to the right. He nursed that breast until the nipple was pointed and she was withering on the white sheets. The satin felt cool against her burning skin.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

111

His lips ventured down her stomach to the creamy wetness between her now legs, parted in invitation. He slowly licked her opening like a sweet cherry lollipop. Fire grew in her core. A fire that made her entire womanhood feel like it was going to burst into flames. She needed Bruce to out it out. She moved more against the bed. “I can’t take it anymore!” Samantha called out with her eyes closed. She was seeing lights behind her eyelids. She heard girls talk about fireworks, it wasn’t fireworks but lightening. Her heartbeat was the thunder. Samantha reached the same hand that had explored her own body out toward his. She took him into her hand and pulled at his shoulders trying to get him to come to her. Bruce said with a hoarse voice, “Open your eyes.” Samantha struggled to open her heavy eyelids. She did. He was poised above her. She noticed his penis had liquid pooled in the tiny opening at the top. “Bruce…” Samantha’s eyes started to close again. “I want you to see me. I want you to see all of me and to know all of me,” Bruce said as he rubbed one of his hands from her cheek down between her legs all the way to her toes. He sat back on his haunches. His erection pointed at her with pride. Samantha pushed herself to a sitting position and then got on her knees. She leaned over and slowly and tentatively took him into her mouth. Her tongue revolved around the shaft like water slowly circulating down a funnel. Round and round. Her sensitive tongue felt the veins that were bulging out and the smooth mushroom like tip at the top. Samantha’s hand followed a mind of its own. Her hand cupped his testicles and massaged them gently. The course hair around it tickled her fingers. Every part of her was awake and sensitive. She now realized how a blind person must feel having their senses heightened to accommodate their lack of vision. Her senses were heightened not for lack of vision but for lack of a brain. Her brain wasn’t thinking for once. Samantha was responding just with her heart and her womanly desires. She wanted him. She wanted all of him. She no longer feared having a man

The Defense

112

see her or feared the act of sex. She welcomed it openly. A man’s penis held knew meaning to her. It wasn’t linked to a bad memory, but to a new memory—a good memory. Samantha gave Bruce an easy push and he fell to his back. She straddled his manhood and slowly, like watching the sands fall through an hourglass, she lowered her body until her wet engorged folds engulfed him. Bruce moaned in pleasure and griped her buttocks with both of his hands. He started to move her in a counterclockwise motion and then he switched to a clockwise motion. Each way was different and she felt him touch and rub different parts of her insides. Their bodies moved faster and faster and she let herself get carried away by the oceanic waves of passion. High tide was coming in to sweep her away. The pleasure was so intense. She heard herself moaning, but didn’t care. She heard her voice become a higher and higher pitch, but she didn’t care. “Sam…” Bruce said as he arched his butt of the bed to thrust deeper into her. “Bruce…” Sam answered back as she grounded her hips harder against his erection. She felt herself explode into a million happy pieces. She contracted around him in a rhythmic pulse. He moved even faster inside her swollen and squeezing womanhood. Seconds later she felt him release. Bruce sighed and Samantha collapsed onto his chest in peaceful exhaustion. He softly rubbed his hand over her hair. She purred, like the cat that just discovered the dish of cream and drank its full. “That was wonderful. I didn’t know an orgasm could be that amazing. Words can’t describe the feeling.” Sam snuggled more against his chest. Bruce put his hand under her chin and tilted it so he could see her face, “Was that your first orgasm?” “Yes. I tried to touch myself a few times, but guilt overwhelmed me. I…I…think I would’ve tried harder if I knew it was this great.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

113

Bruce laughed. “I’m glad you feel that way, because I think its time I studied your body closer.” He rolled her onto her back and turned himself around. His face was now buried again in the saturated curls between her thighs. She shook as his tongue again found her clitoris. This time it was entirely a different sensation. It was more intense because she was already sensitive from having an orgasm minutes before. Bruce kept up his manipulations until she had her hips off of the bed trying to gain more pleasure. Samantha couldn’t take it. She gasped. She grabbed at Bruce’s hips and turned him until his penis was in her mouth. She could taste a mixture of juices on him—her fluid mixed with his. She welcomed the flavor and sucked greedily. Bruce’s passion fueled hers. He moved up and down in her mouth and she moved up and down against his mouth. Tongue against flesh. Passion against passion. She screamed and he groaned. Her body spasmed and his penis jerked. She licked her lips and swallowed the salty liquid. Bruce turned around, licked his lips, and then kissed her. The two flavors mingled again. “You’re amazing,” Bruce said in awe. “I think you’re pretty amazing yourself. I feel so relaxed and free.” “I feel tired. How about giving this man a little down time before we go again?” Bruce grinned sheepishly. Samantha arched her hips against him. “I’ll give you a cat nap and then you’re mine again.” “Deal.” They both slept until Samantha felt a hardening against her thigh. He was ready and this time when he took her…she was on bottom with her legs parted and in the air ready for him. She wasn’t about to let him stop until she felt that wonderful tingly feeling for a third time. ****

The Defense

114

“Wow…that was amazing. I never thought it could be that way,” Samantha panted after his body shook with the latest spasms. Bruce smiled down at her. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starved. How about I go to the kitchen and find something for us to eat. You stay just as you are. I’ll be right back!” It was only three minutes later when Bruce came padding bare feet back into the room carrying a container of vanilla ice cream, caramel sauce, chocolate sauce, a bottle of whip cream, and a shaker of sprinkles. He grinned. “I remember how much you like sweets. Close your eyes.” Samantha closed her eyes and opened her mouth expecting be fed like he had fed her in the restaurant. She screamed as a cold scoop of ice cream was placed not in her mouth put between her breasts. “What are you doing?” she yelped. “I’m having my dessert and eating it too!” Bruce laughed and then his laugh turned husky as he took the chocolate syrup and drizzled it over the ice cream… missing and covering her nipples and breasts. “Your breasts remind me of vanilla ice cream. They’re so milky white and creamy, so I brought ice cream. However, I then remembered how much you liked chocolate and caramel in your coffee with whip cream and sprinkles, so I brought that too.” He then proceeded to pour caramel sauce with the chocolate and squirt whip cream on top of all that. Samantha giggled. “Stop! The whip cream’s cold!” “I’ll warm you up soon enough!” Bruce wiggled his eyebrows as he shook rainbow candy sprinkles all over everything. Somehow the ‘dessert’ that Bruce made was now finding its way down between her breast and onto her stomach and even into the curly hair between her thighs. “I’m glad you used ice cream instead of coffee, otherwise all my sensitive areas would be scalded!” Samantha giggled and then her giggles turned to groans of delight

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

115

as Bruce licked one breasts clean and then the valley between. He soon crossed over to the other breast. He treated each nipple like it was the cherry on top. His tongue kept going around and around. Her spine tingled. The licking of her breasts was almost pushing her over the edge yet again—for the forth time. “I…Oh God… I’m….” She bit her lip. Bruce seemed to sense her passion rising instinctively. His tongue left her breast and followed the trail down her stomach to the curly hair and then proceeded to find her clitoris with ease. The same circular movements he used on her nipples, he used between her thighs. The heat kept rising and rising in her core. Once again, she felt as if she was on fire. She moved her hips to the same beat. Tension and desire made her hips lift off of the bed to meet his tongue. She screamed with the final release and raked her nails over his shoulders. The muscles in her vagina contracted around his tongue. He slowly moved it in and out as if savoring the taste and the spasms. After a few minutes, when the contractions stopped, Bruce lifted his head and made his way back up to her. His lips reclaimed hers. At first, she didn’t know what to do. He just had his mouth inside of her, and now he was kissing her. She tried to push him away. Bruce shook his head, “Taste the sweetness I taste. Don’t pull away.” Samantha let herself be kissed. It was sweet. She continued to kiss him as his erection found her yet again. She groaned with need. “Are you able to go for round four?” “I know you just finished round four,” he said. “But I was hoping to give you a bonus round.” She grinned and laughed, but her laughter soon turned to moans and then to screams as passion overtook her yet again. Bruce thrust deep into her core and with each pumping motion it sent him further into her fiery center. She was like a volcano ready to explode. They both climaxed at the same time. Her body squeezing around his and not letting go.

The Defense

116

Bruce chuckled as they lay peacefully in each other’s arms. “I think now I have sexitis.” “Sexitis? What is that?” Samantha asked with a yawn. “It is like studentitis but with sex. I’ve had too much sex and I’m under rested. My body is fried from overload of passion and is shutting down.” “Yep. I think I have that too.” Samantha yawned and then fell fast asleep curled up, naked, in Bruce’s strong embrace. **** The next morning she was awakened by the smell of bacon. She yawned and stretched. Sitting beside her was tray with a plate, and on it were four strips of bacon and two eggs sunny side up. Samantha smiled. She sat up in bed and took a bite of the eggs. Bruce walked in humming and carrying coffee. “I took the liberty of making you breakfast in bed. Hope you like it.” “I love it!” Samantha said as she nibbled the bacon and took the coffee cup he handed to her. She noticed he had the same expression on his face as he did when he came to pick her up that day for their volunteer work at the clinic. She looked down, and sure enough the sheet was half covering her breasts. She was sitting in front of him almost naked eating bacon! She reached down to grab the sheet and before she could cover herself back up, Bruce’s grabbed her hand. “Don’t. I love looking at your naked body.” She found herself letting the sheet drop completely down. An old part of her was still self-conscious, but the new part of her felt freedom sitting in front of Bruce eating her breakfast. She gave in to the new feelings. “I’ll eat naked, only if you eat naked.” Samantha smiled up at Bruce. He had on a pair of black silk pajama bottoms.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

117

Bruce smiled back and reached for the tie at the waistband and gave it a tug. They were soon at his feet. He stepped out and eased himself into bed next to her. He was careful not to knock over the tray or spill his coffee. “Naked is fine with me.” Bruce laughed. “As long as I don’t spill hot coffee anywhere important!” “If you do, I promise to nurse you back to health!” Samantha laughed. “Well then, spilling it doesn’t sound so bad if I get to see you in a nurse’s outfit taking care of my…” Samantha interrupted him. “I think you best be careful! So, I’ve never had a slumber party with a man before, what do we do after breakfast?” “Well, I think we’re supposed to make love again and again and again. How does that schedule sound?” Bruce raised one eyebrow. She giggled as she noticed another part of him rising. “I think I’m done eating breakfast.” Bruce looked at her plate and commented, “But there’s still food left!” “I can think of better things I’d like to eat, if given the chance.” She put the tray on the floor and found what she was looking for. Bruce groaned as she took all of him into her mouth. It was many hours later when they both fell back to sleep. **** Bruce asked her as they lay in bed looking out the window at the setting sun, “When can I start teaching you Tae Kwan Do?” “How about now?” Samantha laughed and added, “Naked.” Bruce surprised her by leaping to his feet in all his glory and taking what looked like some type of stance. “What are you doing?” she asked shocked.

The Defense

118

“I’m teaching you Tae Kwan Do naked like you asked! Come on. Get out of bed and I’ll give you your first lesson.” She slowly got out of bed, walked over to him. “Ok, Master Bruce Yung, teach me.” They spent the next hour working on different defensive and offensive moves. Samantha learned what to do if someone came at her with a knife and what to do when someone grabbed her from behind. She was breathless when she commented, “It sure is a workout. I never thought Tae Kwan Do could be this fun or this hard!” “If you want to lose weight, it’s the way to go.” Bruce went down into the splits. Samantha frowned. Did he think she needed to lose weight? What did he mean by that type of comment? Was that the reason he wanted to teach her? So he could make her look like she used to? She thought he liked her for who she was; maybe she was wrong. “Why the frown, dear Samantha?” Bruce popped easily back to his feet from the splits. “Is that why you want to help me? To make me thin again; to lose weight?” Bruce’s face conveyed shock. “No! What would make you think such a thing?” “Because you seem so eager to train me. I just thought maybe it was your way of ‘helping’ me lose weight—like my mother ‘helps’ me by telling me what to eat.” “That’s not what I was doing! I was just trying to teach you some defensive moves to give you more confidence in yourself.” “I guess working out and weight loss is just an added perk?” She picked up her clothes off of the floor and made her way toward the bathroom. “There is no added perk. I just made love to you more times than I can count. You don’t need to lose weight for my sake. I just hear you all the time wanting to look different. Is it wrong to want to help you so you’ll be happy?” Bruce picked up his silk pants and slipped back into them. “What makes you think you know what will make me happy?”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

119

“I…I guess it’s not my place. I’m sorry, Sam. Forgive me. I think you’re beautiful. I just wanted to see you happy with yourself,” Bruce said sadly. “I thought that was what I was working on when I looked at myself in front of the mirror and what I was working on when I made love to you, and what I was working on being naked in front of you eating and exercising. I thought I made great strides in loving my body more. What makes you think that losing weight was something I wanted or needed?” Samantha argued. “Sam, I saw your face when those baseball players said those mean things in the library. I saw your face when you talked about how your parents treat you. Even if you learn to love your body, a part of you will always be sensitive to comments like those.” She lowered her head. He was right. What others said bothered her and probably always would. She slipped her granny underwear on and then her bra. She put her size eighteen dress back on and ran a hand through her hair. She made a decision. “I would like for you to keep teaching me Tae Kwan Do, however, maybe it isn’t wise that we…that we make love again for awhile.” “Sam, I’ll be happy to teach you as often as you like, but why are you pushing me away from being with you and loving you?” Bruce walked over to her and helped her zip her dress up. “I just think it’s best for right now. I need time to figure my life out and to learn to love myself better.” “I love you just the way you are.” Bruce took her into his arms. “I know you do. At least I think you do, but how can you love me when I don’t love myself? I know I’ve made some good strides in the past twenty-four hours, but I can’t give you what you’re looking for quite yet. I can’t give you all of my heart until it’s healed. You don’t want broken pieces. You deserve better than that.” “I don’t agree with you. I think we can continue to love each other, but if you want me to give you some distance in that area, your wish is my command. I’ll be your

120

The Defense

friend and your Tae Kwan Do teacher and nothing else for right now, but I warn you, I’m not going away. I’m not going to let you put up your defenses again,” Bruce stated firmly. “My ‘fat defense’ is pretty good.” Samantha turned her lips up a little at the edges. “No defense is going to keep me from taking all of your heart one day and loving you completely and forever!” Bruce kissed her firmly on the lips one last time. **** The weeks flew by. She finished her Abnormal Psychology class with the highest grade. Bruce was right behind her by one point. Two students from the class had approached her since Bruce and her speech on their volunteer project. One girl said her father owned a grocery store and said he would delivery older produce to the clinic. It was still good food, just not perfect to sell in the store. The other said his uncle owned a clothing store at the mall and any slightly damaged clothing he would donate to the clinic. Samantha was excited. The clinic could really use the help. On the last day of class, Samantha brought in six-dozen chocolate chip cookies that she baked. Bruce smiled and said, “It’s about time I tasted your famous cookies!” She also got an ‘A’ in her Advanced Child Psychology class. The semester had finally ended, and they were finished with school except for summer internships. Bruce surprised her by requesting to do his internship at the clinic. Samantha was also able to talk her advisor into letting her intern at the clinic. She spent almost every day now at the clinic. Forty hours of work and twenty hours of internship. Bruce interned his twenty hours at the clinic and somehow they were always in the same place at the same time doing the same things. If she didn’t know better the staff seemed to have a matchmaking conspiracy going on. When Dr. Lisa wanted her help, she also seemed to want Bruce’s help. When

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

121

a staff member needed assistance, Bruce seemed to be right there also. It was like everyone was working to get them together. Bruce stuck to his promise. He taught her Tae Kwan Do every day for an hour. Sometimes it was at midnight when her shift was over and Bruce was waiting to follow her home. He said he didn’t want her driving alone that late at night in that part of town. Samantha always argued that it was fine, but he insisted on picking her up, following her or driving her. Then they would practice no matter how late it was. She had to admit that she didn’t mind practicing. It was actually helpful. It helped her release some of her anger she felt toward her mother and some of the pent up feelings about her past. She wanted to get her life in order so she could move on for good. She had to find peace with her rape and a way to confront her mother. She made a lot of progress in accepting herself when she made love to Bruce that night—all night. However, she wasn’t quite ready to have sex again, despite how much she wanted to. Kicking the padded target or doing push ups didn’t seem like bad things now. Every time she felt the need to jump his bones…she kicked the target harder. Every time she felt like she wanted to kiss him…she did ten push-ups. The desire didn’t totally go away, but it didn’t burn at her quite as bad. She wanted to give in, but she wanted to be fair to Bruce. He didn’t deserve a girlfriend that was broke and confused. One day Bruce asked, “You seem as if you can’t get enough of practicing? Do I sense some type of sexual and emotional outlet?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Samantha did a flying sidekick at the big bag filled with water Bruce had bought for her a month ago to practice on when he wasn’t around. He laughed. “I think you do know what I am talking about. I have to say your skills have greatly improved, but I’d rather you take your sexual frustrations out on me instead!” “I already explained…” “I know. I know. You explained how you weren’t ready to give your heart to me and you didn’t love yourself yet. So has anything changed? Can I take you in my

The Defense

122

arms yet and make hot passionate love to you?” Bruce came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. Samantha used one of the moves he taught her and soon he was lying on the ground with his hand behind his back groaning in pain. “I said I wasn’t ready yet!” Samantha tried to contain her laughter. Bruce did a reverse move and got out of her hold. He stood before her free and grinning. “You’re getting good, but you haven’t surpassed the Master yet!” She smiled and said, “Give me time and practice and you’ll be begging for mercy!” “I’ll be begging all right, but I doubt for mercy!” Bruce looked down and Samantha gasped. His desire was evident through his pants. “Bruce!” Samantha blushed and hit the bag again this time harder than before. “Just as I was saying—it’s an outlet!” “It’s not just an outlet—it’s also a hobby.” A wise elderly woman told me to find myself a hobby and that is exactly what I did. She said I should get some exercise and get a hobby. Tae Kwan Do is both!” Whack went her foot against the bag again. “For just a ‘hobby,’ you’re doing quite well. I think you’ve got the roundhouse kick down. Why don’t we give the poor bag a break and go over what you need to know for your green belt. I think you’re about ready to test,” Bruce said, and motioned her away from the bag. “Yes, Sir!” She knew it was what she was supposed to say, but she couldn’t help the corners of her mouth going up. “I know it’s hard for you to call me ‘Sir,’ but it is a sign of respect to a higher belt, and in this case I am the higher belt.” “Anything you say, Sir!” Samantha giggled a tad. “If I keep giving you private lessons as often as I have been doing, you’ll be a black belt in a little over a year. You’re better than most red belts I have in my class. You know all your moves and you practice every day. I’m impressed.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

123

Samantha’s became serious and blushed. “I like Tae Kwan Do. It gives me confidence and a skill to protect myself. I hope I never have to use what you’re teaching me, but if I have to, I think I could. I wish we could offer something like this at the clinic. So many women and children come in beaten down and abused. Something like this could help their self-esteem and give them a chance to protect themselves.” “That’s a good idea. The motto of Tae Kwan Do is honesty, determination, indomitable spirit, self control, and courtesy.” “Maybe it’s a good idea, but it’s not practical. Tae Kwan Do is just too expensive. I couldn’t do it if it wasn’t for you giving me free lessons in your spare time. Besides, the clinic has lots of other things they need to spend their money on first like a psychologist actually on staff at the clinic and fresh vegetables.” Samantha flexed her muscles. “Are you ready to rumble?” “Ready!” Bruce replied. After almost two hours of practicing, Samantha collapsed on the couch, “I’m starved. Do you want some dinner?” “Sounds great. I’ll help,” Bruce headed toward the kitchen. Samantha got off the couch and followed him. “Do you like manicotti?” “Love it!” “Ok, it’s settled then. We’re making manicotti!” She got out the noodles, the ingredients for the red sauce, and the cheeses to stuff the shells. They worked together in the kitchen nicely, and the manicotti went together great. It wasn’t long before it was bubbling in the oven. Samantha took it out and then got out a container and put four pieces into it. Then she got out another container and put two pieces into it. “What are those for?” Bruce asked. “My neighbors. I try to cook extras for them when I can. There’s a single mom who has a ten year old who doesn’t have time to cook because she works two jobs. And there’s a widowed man who I bring things to once in awhile. I was planning on walking these down before we sit and eat. Is that alright?”

The Defense

124

“Perfectly alright. You’re really an angel, Sam.” “I am just a person trying to make a difference and doing little acts of kindness makes a difference.” Samantha picked up the containers. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to them. I’m sure they’ll love you.” “I just want you to love me, Sam,” Bruce said with an expression that looked like longing. Samantha didn’t know what to say. She just walked out, quietly, and Bruce followed. **** The next day she had to work a double shift. One of the other workers was sick and they needed Samantha to fill in for her. Bruce wasn’t very happy about her working until four in the morning. “I’ll pick you up,” he offered. “I’m fine. It will be four in the morning. You don’t need to get up and get dressed and drive down just to pick me up. I only live a few minutes away from the clinic anyway. I’ll be fine.” “I would feel better picking you up,” Bruce argued. “I’ll be fine. End of discussion. No one will want to attack me anyway,” she held up her hands in a fighting stance. “I’m a lethal weapon!” “Sam, I know you’re doing great in Tae Kwan Do, but knowing a few moves and being a green belt doesn’t make you automatically able to beat a criminal. He could have a gun or a knife. Martial Arts does give you an advantage, but you have to be wise. Going to your car at that hour isn’t good.” “I’m not bothering you at such an hour. I’ll be fine. End of discussion,” Samantha said firmly. Bruce finally backed down and agreed he wouldn’t come out at four in the morning just to get her to her car.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

125

She went to work as planned and did her scheduled shift and the other shift for her sick co-worker. It was four-thirty by the time she took off her scrubs and threw them into the soiled bin. She walked out to her Jeep. The parking lot was almost empty. There were only two cars in the staff parking lot. One belonged to Dr. Lisa and the other one was her old Jeep. Samantha took out her key and put it in the lock. She was about to turn it when an arm went around her throat. Panic and fear coursed through her veins. All the memories of what happened to her when she was eighteen washed over her. It was the same thing her attacker did back then. The arm around her neck tightened and a black-gloved hand covered her mouth just stopping the scream that was about to come out. “You are such a beautiful bitch! Anything as fine as you needs to be tasted!” her attacker said as he dragged her away. The blood in her veins turned to ice. It was the same guy who attacked her before! She remembered his voice. She tried to dig her feet into the ground, however, all she did was making a rut. It wasn’t slowing him down. She clawed at the arm around her neck. It didn’t seem to matter. She looked around frantically. Trees loomed above her now. He threw her against a tree and her back hit the bark with a loud thud. She wanted to yell, but she couldn’t catch her breath. “What no screams? I so love hearing screams. I’ve had thirteen years olds put up a better fight. Hell, I had a beautiful blond university girl who looked a little like you years ago that at least tried. She was thinner though. But you’re in luck that I like all kinds,” her attacker taunted through his black mask. Those same piercing blue eyes that had haunted her were now laughed at her. He grabbed her by her long blond hair just like her did on that night so long ago. She knew if she didn’t try to fight now she was going to be thrown against tree after tree until she lost consciousness. Samantha moved without thinking. She back kicked and hit his knee with all her strength. She heard a cracking sound.

The Defense

126

The guy screamed in pain and let her go. Samantha spun around and took both of her hands and swung them and hit each one of his ears with her open palms. He yelled, “My ears!” Then she made a fist with her middle knuckle up slightly like Bruce had taught her and did an undercut swing. She came up under his jaw right in the neck. He fell backwards. Samantha remembered what Bruce told her about being smart and wise. She was only a green belt. She just needed to hurt him enough to get lose and get away. She turned to run and ran smack into a hard body. She looked up with fear in her eyes. Maybe the guy who raped her years ago had an accomplice! However, when she looked up she was staring into familiar black eyes. It was Bruce. He caught her and spun her around and put her behind him. Her attacker somehow managed to get up and limp towards them. The attacker had his black gloves up in a Tae Kwan Do stance. The same stance that Bruce taught her in training. His arms up didn’t even phase Bruce. He charged at him with a flying sidekick to his chest. The guy stumbled backwards and fell down again. Bruce waited for him to get up and then he gave him a roundhouse kick to his injured knee, another one to his ribs, and a third one to the head. The guy lay on the ground, immobilized. Bruce walked over to the guy. He stood over him, grabbed the guy’s neck and was about to continue punishing him. Samantha didn’t know what he was going to do, but was afraid he was going to do something foolish like snap the bastard’s neck. She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t let him. She managed to whisper, “No.” Bruce heard it and looked up. His eyes blazed. She shook her head, her eyes pleading with him. “He does not deserve to live.” Bruce said softly.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

127

“It’s not for us to decide,” she said weakly, and then everything started to spin. She felt herself falling towards the ground. **** Samantha woke up on the ground with Dr. Lisa leaning over her. “You’re going to be just fine, Sam. Your ribs are bruised and you’re probably going to be sore for awhile, but you were lucky.” “The…the guy?” she said, and winced. It hurt to talk and breathe. “The police arrested him. He’s in the squad car over there.” Dr. Lisa pointed to the parking lot by the clinic. It was now filled with police cars. She took Samantha’s pulse. Bruce came over and took Samantha’s hand. “Why…?” “Why was I there?” Bruce asked and she nodded. “I was there because I love you. I didn’t like you leaving at such an hour. I know I promised I wouldn’t come and get you, but I was lying in bed and I couldn’t shake this horrible feeling. I got dressed and drove to the clinic. I intended just to watch you to make sure you got to your car safely and then leave, but then I heard you scream. I searched the area and I found deep marks in the dirt leading toward the woods. “I also found this,” Bruce held up her cross, the one her grandmother had given her. “I ran as fast as I could, searching for you. That’s how I found you. And from the looks of it, you were pretty amazing.” Samantha’s lips turned up slightly with the memory of hitting her attacker. “I— did it. I defended myself.” “Yes, you did. The guy’s going to jail and from the evidence they found when they searched the backpack nearby, he’s going away for a very long time. It contained a Polaroid camera and an album full of pictures. After each attack, he’d take a snap shot of his victim while they were naked for keepsakes. The album was filled with girls and

The Defense

128

women of all ages, including that woman Dr. Lisa treated at the clinic that night we volunteered. That bastard won’t see daylight ever again,” Bruce said. Samantha saw his teeth gritting in anger. “I—I know he—will,” Sam stuttered from exhaustion. “He’ll get what he deserves—and I’ll get you. I love you, Sam.” Bruce kissed her forehead. “I…love…you…too.” “Does that mean I can be your boyfriend again?” Bruce kissed her cheek softly. He held up a bottle of water to her dry lips and she drank a couple of sips. Her voice came back a little. “Yes…and thank you.” Bruce looked confused. “For what? You were the brave one. I just got the final hit. That was all.” “Thank you for teaching me how to defend myself. You took a lot of your time and energy—to teach me, so thank you. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be a victim a second time.” “You’re welcome. Tonight made me realize that what my father does is very important to lots of people. He owns many dojos to teach Tae Kwan Do. He has instructors teaching after school programs on site in schools; videos on Martial Arts and proper techniques; he even used to work for the government secret service. His entire life has been dedicated to teaching people to protect themselves as well as protecting others. I never really understood why he was so passionate about Tae Kwan Do and instructing people. I understand now. What he does is a great thing and is sadly needed in this world.” “It is needed,” Samantha said as her body started quivering. With a worried expression in his eyes Bruce said, “You’re trembling.” “I think my mind finally realized what could’ve happened and told my body. For a while I was just reacting on pure reflexes and adrenaline. I’m pretty shaken up now. Do you think you could stay with me tonight?”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

129

“I was planning on taking you home and running you a warm bath, then making you some hot tea with honey. We’ll come back tomorrow and get your car. I don’t think you should drive.” “I don’t think so either,” Samantha agreed, and when she was able to sit up and then stand, he helped her walk with his arm supporting her. They walked by the police car and she peered inside. The guy now had his mask off and she gasped. “I know him. He was the girl’s softball assistant coach when I used to play!” Bruce looked in the car and took a deep breath, “He also was a student of my father’s years ago. My father taught him Tae Kwan Do, but my father kicked him out when he broke one lady’s nose sparing and another lady’s jaw. He said they were just accidents, but he looked like he enjoyed inflicting pain and hurting people—especially women. Sparing is about control and practicing, not hurting someone. He was a black belt, but my father removed it and threw it away when he left.” “How come I was able to defend myself? I’m shorter than him, weaker then him, and he’s a higher belt rank then me. I should never have…” “Sam, you should know by now, it is about the spirit and the heart as well as the skill. Your spirit was strong and your heart was pure. You were able to triumph because of that.” “Now I know why he was always able to sneak up on people from behind quietly like you. I never understood why I didn’t hear him coming the first time he attacked me or this time. But I never hear you come up behind me either. I guess it’s a skill you learned in your training.” “Unfortunately, you’re probably right. Controlling one’s body is a part of training and that includes walking softly and controlled breathing. I’m sorry he learned that skill from my father. I feel partly responsible,” Bruce said with sadness in his eyes. “You’re far from responsible. You didn’t make him a criminal. He was just a troubled man who is a product of circumstance. You never know what he had to deal

The Defense

130

with at home growing up or even through his adult life. If he had professional help when he needed it, maybe his life would’ve been different. “That is why I went into psychology, to help people and steer their life in the right direction before it goes terribly wrong. Your father didn’t know, and when he found out he wasn’t a good person to teach, he expelled him.” “I love you, Samantha.” “I love you too, Bruce.” Bruce’s face beamed and Samantha leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. It didn’t take them long to get to her apartment. He made her a hot bath as he’d promised. She undressed in front of him without feeling shy or embarrassed. She lowered herself into the tub full of bubbles with a sigh. Bruce brought her a cup of hot tea with a honey stick and sat it on the tub next to her. “Can I get your anything else?” “No, you’ve given me plenty. You’ve helped me get my life back. I feel like tonight helped to put my demons behind me. I stood up to evil and I feel proud and empowered. I used to want to get my old self back, but now I realize I can’t. People change and change is good. I like the new me.” “I liked the old you and love the new you. I guess you can say I’m crazy about all of you!” Bruce walked out of the room giving her some privacy. Samantha soaked in the tub for a while. Her body hurt from being dragged and slammed into a tree. Doctor Lisa said she would be okay, and how right she was. She was lucky. After soaking a long time, Samantha got out of the tub and threw on a thick comfortable robe. She walked over to her closet and one by one took out everything that was black and threw it in the trashcan. She no longer wanted to wear black. Black was a depressing color. A color meant for mourning, sadness and death. She wasn’t dead inside anymore. She was alive!

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

131

She’d go shopping! She had a little money saved up for emergencies and this was an emergency—an emergency to get on with life! Bruce walked in. “What on Earth are you doing?” “I’m making room for the new me!” “I see. Well, do you need some help?” Bruce asked, as he watched her shove her black sweats and black shirts into the trash. “Nope. This is something I have to do alone.” She jammed her holey black and gray pinstripe flannel pajamas into the trash. “I guess you know you haven’t even been to sleep yet?” Bruce pointed out. “I don’t need sleep right now. I need to clean!” Samantha smiled and got back to work. Her black corduroy pants, black striped knickers and black long sleeved shirt soon followed the other black things into the bag. “Why don’t I go make us some breakfast? I make great omelets and bacon.” “That sounds wonderful.” “How about I meet you in bed in twenty minutes with that breakfast?” “Deal.” When everything was clean and done to her liking, she smiled. Samantha looked at the clock. She had better jump into bed before Bruce got there. She hopped into the warm sheets and Bruce arrived a few minutes later with a tray of food. “Breakfast in bed, my fair lady.” “Thank you, Master Bruce,” Samantha giggled. Bruce chuckled as well. “I’m master at many things. After you eat, I’ll show you my master technique of massage.” “I remember you were pretty good at rubbing necks,” Samantha grinned as she recalled the day in the classroom. After Samantha finished her food, she laid on the bed and let Bruce’s fingers and hands erase all the tension and tight muscles. It wasn’t long before peaceful sleep overcame her.

The Defense

132

When they woke up, he took her to work since her Jeep was still at the clinic. It felt like any other day. It was hard to believe only a few hours ago she kicked her attacker’s butt, that though was a huge part of her healing process. “Maybe you should think about getting a different job in a safer place?” Bruce suggested with a touch of worry in his voice. “I’m not living in fear. I need to keep my head up and get past this.” “You don’t have to work here, Sam. There are other jobs that you can be proud of and still feel like you are keeping your head up.” She smiled. “If I don’t help at the clinic, then who will? Besides, I like helping here. I want to help here. Crime happens everywhere sadly. I remember thinking how safe I was at college and that’s where I was attacked first. Something bad can happen anywhere. I can’t quit my job over it.” “You’re right. Well then, have a great day at work.” Bruce tapped her on the nose. Samantha gave him a kiss on the lips. “We’re having dinner with my parents tonight.” “Why tonight?” “I called them a half hour ago and asked if I could bring someone over to dinner. I need to tell them what happened, in person. I also want to tell them they finally caught the guy who raped me years ago. It’s something that’s hard to do over the phone. I need to tell them before they hear it from someone or see it on the ten o’clock news tonight.” “You’re right. “I’m always right!” Samantha said with bravo, and then started to laugh. “Go to work! I’ll be waiting here for you when you get back.” Bruce laughed and waved goodbye. She worked and Joy and her mother, Janet. They were both helping out by washing dishes in the kitchen. Samantha asked, “What are you doing?

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

133

Janet wiped a dish. “We’re working for our keep. I don’t like taking handouts and we’ve been here awhile. The clinic is nice enough to not kick us out until we get back on our feet. Since Bruce is volunteering here for his internship, I’ve been talking to him and getting some counseling. I wish the clinic could offer this service all the time. I know soon his internship will end and I’ll be trying to find a counselor somewhere else, and sadly I don’t have a car to drive to somewhere else or money for the bus. I’ll have to walk. I feel so much better talking to someone. It’s amazing how much talking helps heal.” Samantha nodded. “It can help a lot. I’m so happy that you seem to be doing better. Have you found a job yet?” “No, but I’m still searching.” “I’m sure you will find a job soon.” Samantha gave her a hug. “I need to help out on the medical side. I’ll be back later to chat or play checkers with Joy.” She thought being at the clinic would remind her of the attack last night, but it wasn’t so bad. Her body was still pretty sore and she had a nasty bruise around her neck and on her back from hitting the tree, but she was able to move slowly and get her work done. After playing checkers with Joy, she got into her Jeep and went back to her apartment to pick up Bruce for their dinner with her parents. Bruce was waiting like he promised. He looked sharp in tan dress pants and a nice green knit shirt. “Are you ready to meet the folks? I’m warning you, if you’re not careful, my mother will eat you alive!” Samantha took a deep breath. “Your mother can’t be as bad as you’re making her sound,” Bruce said “Why don’t I drive so at least I can make a good impression being the gentleman and all?” “She can be as bad as I’m making her sound—and sure, you can drive. Just remember to grin and bare it and we’ll make it through in one piece.” Samantha gave him a quick kiss. Then they took off in the direction of her parent’s house.

The Defense

134

When they arrived, her mother greeted them at the door. “Hi, Sam, and Sam’s… umm, friend.” Her mother looked over their shoulders to the curb and gasped. “I see you got a new used vehicle. It’s not much better!” “This used vehicle belongs to my ‘boyfriend.’” Samantha smiled and as they both walked into the house she made the introductions, “Mom, this is Bruce.” Bruce smiled. “I learned when you can’t take a good car down to the clinic to volunteer, used is a good thing. It doesn’t even have a radio, so there’s nothing for anyone to steal. It’s so bad no one wants it.” Bruce laughed. Her mother turned up her nose. “I can see why! So, Bruce, what are you? Chinese?” Samantha choked. Bruce handled it nicely. “I’m Korean.” “Oh, I can never tell you all apart. Chinese, Korean, Japanese. You all look alike.” Samantha’s mother waved her hand haphazardly in the air. Bruce just smiled and said, “It was nice of you to cook dinner for us tonight. It smells good. Do I smell roast?” “Oh dear! I forgot. Does your kind eat meat? Or do you think it’s a relative reincarnated? Oh, maybe you even worship or pray to cows!” Bruce tried to hide a smile as he replied, “I’m actually Catholic like you. I pray to God, not cows. And, yes. I do eat meat.” “Why don’t we find Dad and I’ll introduce you to him,” Samantha offered, pulling him along. “Dad? Dad?” “I’m out on the deck!” They went out onto the deck. “Dad, this is Bruce.” “Hi, Bruce. You must be the young man who’s been causing my Samantha to smile all the time.” Samantha blushed. “Dad!” “I hope I make her smile. She makes me smile all the time.” “Has your mother given him trouble yet about being a different nationality?”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

135

“The minute we got here. I don’t understand her, Dad.” Sam sighed. “I don’t either. I just hope she changes one day.” Her dad sighed as well. “Do you think it is possible?” Sam asked. “I think miracles do happen, however, that would have to be a huge miracle!” Her dad laughed. “Did she also question him about his money and social status?” “Well, she saw his beat up old truck and probably thinks she’s already figured that one out for herself.” “Dinner is ready!” Her mother called from the kitchen. They walked inside and sat down at the table. There was a big roast in the middle of the table with potatoes and carrots and lots of gravy. Samantha filled her plate and her mother cleared her throat. Samantha ignored the sound. Her mother cleared her throat again. She ignored it. Her mother did it again and this time added, “Sam, you really shouldn’t!” “I’m hungry, Mom. It’s been a long day,” Samantha said sleepily. “If you want to find someone good to marry, you really shouldn’t! Otherwise, all you find to marry you is a foreigner!” Her mother reached over to try to spoon some of the food off of Samantha’s plate. Bruce spoke up. “This sure looks great.” “Thanks, but Samantha is on a diet. As you can see, she needs it,” her mother pointed at Samantha’s stomach. “Although, I’ll have to admit she lost some weight, but it’s not quite like it used to be. She used to be really tiny you know.” “I think your daughter is beautiful. The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” Bruce said quietly. Samantha looked up and smiled. Her dad said, “I’m glad you’re here, Bruce.” Her mother rolled her eyes. “So, Bruce what do you do that allows you to afford such a fine piece of junk?” “I work part time teaching Tae Kwan Do.” “I bet you make lots of money doing that,” her mother said sarcastically.

The Defense

136

“I make enough to get by,” Bruce said. “Bruce is teaching me Tae Kwan Do, Mom,” Samantha cut in, trying to redirect her mother off of Bruce and onto herself. “You take Tae Kwan Do? Whatever for? How is that useful, and how are you affording it?” “Bruce has been teaching me for a while free,” Sam answered. “I see. I can see how that helps him pay for his bills—giving things away free!” her mother sniped. “Your daughter is doing great! She was able to defend herself the other night when…” Bruce stopped what he was about to say. “When what?” her mother asked getting to her feet. “When I was attacked,” Samantha said quietly. “What?” her mother yelled. “Where did this happen?” “At the clinic. I was getting off of work and someone came up behind me. I was dragged into the forest. It turned out it was the same guy who attacked me years ago. This time I was able to defend myself because of Bruce.” “If you weren’t at that damn clinic it would never had happened! I told you not to work there! I told you only rapists, murderers and losers come to the clinic and live nearby!” Her mother’s voice grew even louder. Her dad stood up and reached out his hand to Bruce, “Thank you for teaching my daughter a skill that saved her life.” Bruce shook it. “Your daughter was very brave.” “She would never have had to use it if it wasn’t for that stupid place!” her mother screamed. “I think I’m done eating,” Samantha said. “You didn’t even eat, dear,” her dad replied looking at her plate. “I never eat when I come here anyway, Dad. I think we should be going now. I just wanted to tell you and Mom before you saw it on the news or heard it from somebody. I’m alright.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

137

“Thank God. I’m glad you’re all right.” Her dad gave her a hug. “I am too,” Bruce said. “I …” Her mother said, and then left the room and went upstairs. Back in the truck Samantha said to Bruce, “I warned you.” Bruce smiled, “I survived. We survived. Your dad seems very nice.” “He is a great guy. Mom on the other hand… Well…” “Your mom is fine, too. She just wants what she thinks is best for you,” Bruce said, surprising her. “I know…sadly…what she thinks is best for me—isn’t what is best for me. What is best for me is you. And what is best for me is having a mother that loves me unconditionally, but that will never happen.” “You never know, Sam. You never know.” Bruce kissed her on the cheek, then drove away. It wasn’t long before they were at her apartment again. Samantha walked in the door and took her shoes off. She picked them up and was heading for the closet when she stopped. Bruce asked, “What’s wrong?” “I just realized something. Well, actually, I knew it all along, but I didn’t feel like I could change it.” “What’s that?” “I’ve been dealing with mild Obsessive Compulsive impulses. Washing my hands all the time, keeping everything neat, everything in order. I just couldn’t help myself. It made me feel better. More in control.” Samantha said, shoes still in her hands. “I know.” “What do you mean you know?” she asked, perplexed. “I’ve known since that time in class when you were talking about crime going hand in hand with compulsions. I wanted to help you, but I thought you needed to realize it and admit to it on your own.”

The Defense

138

“It’s strange. I’m sure I’m not cured completely, but I feel like standing up to my attacker helped me start to conquer this. I don’t feel the overwhelming need to keep things straight and clean.” Samantha dropped her shoes onto the floor instead of putting them away. Her pants and shirt soon joined her shoes. “Are you now turning into a slob, my dear Sam?” Bruce teased. “Would that be so terrible?” “Nothing is terrible when it comes to you.” Bruce smiled lovingly. Samantha then removed Bruce’s clothing and threw it next to hers. “I think I like having things a little messy. Why don’t we see what kind of mess we can make on the carpet in front of the fire with honey and sugar?” Samantha giggled as she pulled him behind her. “Let’s see if I can re-channel this compulsive thing into sexual energy!” Bruce laughed. “I think it is worth a try. It sure worked for you in regards to Tae Kwan Do!” **** It wasn’t long and they were graduating. Her parents and his parents were there. Although, Samantha had to admit, his parents didn’t look very happy about the event, nor did hers. Both sets of parents looked like they were going to a funeral rather than seeing their children graduate with honors from the Ph.D. program. At the end of the ceremony, Bruce gave her a hug and spun her around. Samantha laughed. “We did it! We finally did it!” “Yes, you can call me Dr. Bruce rather than ‘Master Bruce’ now!” he teased. “Very funny! Why don’t I just call you--” Samantha didn’t get a chance to finish. Bruce covered her lips with his. She found herself responding. It always felt so good to kiss him. She loved his kisses. “Excuse me, do you think you should be doing this here? Right now?” her mother’s voice intruded. She reminded Samantha of the nuns she had in primary

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

139

school. They always had that reproachable tone. She didn’t even have to look at her mother to know she was peering down her nose in detest. Samantha pushed Bruce gently but firmly away. “Why mother, how did you like the ceremony?” “Well, I would’ve been a lot happier if you had just graduated as a medical doctor or even a lawyer. Everyone I ever know who was a psychologist was crazy themselves.” “I see. So you think I’m crazy?” “I think you are crazy to graduate in a field that only deals with wackos and nut cases. I think you’re crazy to go into a field that pays squat.” Her mother smoothed her navy suit pants and jacket. “Now, a medical doctor—they make money.” Bruce said in a kind but defending tone, “I think Samantha is going to do lots of wonderful things. She was just hired on at the clinic as the Psychology Director, and she has a kind and caring heart. I am very proud of her. I don’t know anyone like her. She spends what little spare time she has visiting the elderly. She works for peanuts at the clinic for the past how many years just so she could make a difference, and she graduated with honors from the doctorial program.” Her mother had the decency to look slightly flustered. “We’re very proud of Sam. It’s just not the direction we wanted her to go. She could’ve used her smarts for better things!” “Better than helping little girls who’ve been abused? Better then helping innocent children and battered women? Better then giving someone guidance to turn their lives around?” Bruce asked. His one eyebrow rose again and the muscle in his cheek twitched. Samantha just stood there. She hated seeing Bruce fight her battle. She shifted her feet nervously. The old Samantha wouldn’t have said anything, but the new Samantha said, “It really hurts my feelings that you don’t support my choices. I’m a grown woman now. I don’t need your approval, but I would like it. Nothing would make me happier than if

The Defense

140

you would just say you’re happy for the decisions I have made and that as long as I am happy, you’re happy. I’m tired of you not loving me for who I am.” Her mother just stared at her, speechless for once. Her dad nodded with tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know sometimes we’re hard on you.” He looked at his wife and continued, “Especially your mother. We just want what’s best for you. However, I’m beginning to realize that it’s not for us to decide, but for you to decide. We might be your parents, but we don’t know everything, and sometime we’re even wrong. I’m sorry. We are sorry. We do love you just the way you are—don’t we, Mary?” Her mother didn’t say a word. She just played with the rosary that she always wore around her neck. Her dad asked again, “Don’t we, Mary?” Her mother finally answered, “But, she could be a doctor like Carol’s daughter, or a lawyer like Karen’s son…” “There are not butts, Mary. You can’t compare our daughter to them, and if you did she would win hands down.” Her dad smiled fondly. “Alright, fine. I accept that she wants to be a psychologist, but does she have to work at the clinic? Maybe she could go into private practice. It’s much more reputable and safe. By heavens she almost got raped again working there!” “Mary!” Her dad scolded. “Fine. Fine. The clinic is fine. I’ll learn to accept it. Can I still hold out for her marrying a fine young doctor?” Her mother put her hand over her heart, acting as if she was having pain there. Samantha smiled warmly and looked at Bruce. “I think that wish is going to come true, Mom.” Her mother beamed. “Really? Is it someone I know? Someone from school?” “Oh, you could say that. I think you’ve met him and we did go to school together.” Samantha grinned.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

141

“Well, who is it? Who wants to marry my daughter? I guess I should feel relieved that you lost a few pounds and were able to catch someone, especially a doctor.” Bruce put his arm around Samantha. “She was able to catch me before she ‘lost a few pounds.’ She had my heart long ago. I thought she was beautiful minutes, days, months, and years after I first met her. It’s just hard trying to convince her of that!” “You?” her mother gasped. “Yes, me. I’m a doctor. A doctor of psychology. I might not be a medical doctor, but she did ‘catch’ me. I love your daughter and I promise to take good care of her.” He kissed Samantha lovingly on the cheek. Her dad nodded. “I couldn’t be happier.” “I could! I wanted her to marry someone with—well, with money! Not someone who drives an old beat up truck and can’t provide for my daughter!” Her mother clutched her three hundred dollar blue purse like she was afraid Bruce might steal it. “I can provide for her. I can provide love and respect and a lifetime of commitment.” Bruce somehow still managed to stay calm despite her mother’s outbursts. “But can you provide money and a good standard of living?” Bruce’s dad walked up. He was with a beautiful Korean lady who was smiling as she approached. It was obvious that it was Bruce’s mother. She had the same eyes and smile. Bruce’s dad shook his hand firmly, nodded at Samantha, and then addressed her mother. “I overheard your discussion about my son’s financial status. I assure you that my son is very wealthy. He received his grandfather’s trust upon his twenty-fifth birthday, and one day he will inherit and take over all of my companies and investment properties. However, without appearing rude, I don’t understand how that concerns you or anyone else for that matter.”

The Defense

142

Her mother’s feathers rumpled. “It concerns me very much! Your son is going to marry my daughter. They’re in love. I’d rather not see my daughter marry outside of our—well, out of our culture. Especially if he was poor. I’m glad to hear he isn’t.” Samantha almost choked when she heard her mother say ‘culture.’ What she meant was someone not white, German, and Catholic. However, it should appease her mother that Bruce’s dad just stated he was wealthy. She, for one, didn’t really care but was surprised her mother didn’t jump on the money train. Her mother must be more prejudiced than she thought. Bruce’s dad nodded and smiled. “I couldn’t agree with you more! We’d prefer Bruce to marry someone in our culture as well. Someone Korean. I’ve met your daughter and she seems very nice and intelligent, but we want Bruce to take over the family business of martial arts and have someone more suitable by his side. I mean no disrespect to your family, but it’s obvious your daughter is American, and probably would have no interest in supporting such a discipline as Tae Kwan Do.” Samantha’s dad waved his hands in the air. “Wait just one minute now! My daughter is very spirited and supportive! She’s an amazing girl! I think my wife and you are very wrong about everything! It shouldn’t be about money or weight or race. It should be about love. “I have never seen Samantha happier. I’ve caught her smiling even around her mother, which is quite a feat of accomplishment! I support their future marriage, and unless you want me to give you a bigger piece of my mind, I don’t want to hear another bad word against my daughter!” Her dad looked at Bruce’s father and then turned to look at his wife, “and that includes you, dear! I’m tired of hearing you always put Samantha down about her weight and her choice of being a psychologist. We’re supposed to love her unconditionally and it is high time both of us did!” Her mother put her hand to her heart. “Are you trying to put me in an early grave? I am your wife! You should be supporting and backing me!”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

143

“Samantha is my daughter, and for the record, I support what I think is right. So, enough, Mary! If I ever hear one more negative word about Samantha or anybody else out of your mouth, I’m going to divorce you. I love you but I am tired of your judgmental and pompous attitudes. You decide right this minute. Do you want a divorce or do you want to change?” Her dad put his hands on his hips. It was obvious by his tone that he meant business. Samantha had never seen him this way. He had never ever stood up to her mother. Her mother was obviously shocked at his declaration as well. Her mouth hung open and she turned as pale as the diploma’s paper Samantha held in her hands. “Louis! How dare you talk to me that way? Especially in front of people!” “I dare. You should’ve been talked to that way twenty-five years ago. You’ve done nothing but criticize and pick apart our daughter and anyone else who displeased you. If it doesn’t stop, so help me Mary… so help me!” Her father’s eyes narrowed, glittering. Bruce’s father interrupted. “I think this is a personal argument and we’re not part of your family. My family will be on our way. Come on Bruce.” “Dad, I’m not leaving Samantha. She is soon to be part of this family and I am soon to be part of her family.” “Bruce, I raised you to respect and obey. You will leave and you will leave now.” “I am not leaving. I’m tired of you telling me how to live my life. Korean way is not the only way. We live here in America and here we should accept this culture, just as this culture should accept us. We are all the same inside. Our skin color and social status shouldn’t matter.” “Bruce, if you don’t come, you will not be part of this family. I’ve had enough of your impudence.” Bruce’s mother stepped forward and put her hand on her husband’s shoulder. “I am your wife, but I am also Bruce’s mother. He will always be part of this family no

The Defense

144

matter what his choices are. If he wants to run the business or be a psychologist at a clinic, I support him. I think we should support him.” It was Bruce’s father’s turn to become pale. Samantha could tell he wasn’t used to being stood up to, especially by his wife. His father opened his mouth to talk, but his wife added, “If you aren’t behind your only son, you will stand alone.” There was complete silence all the way around. The terms were laid on the table. The question was, would anyone accept? Bruce’s father bowed his head. “I am sorry. I am wrong. I will support our son in whatever he decides both in his career and his personal life. You have my word.” Samantha’s father looked over at her mother waiting for her to accept the terms as well. Her mother looked around the group and finally agreed. “I love Samantha and I just want her to be happy. That is all I ever wanted. I see now that she is happy and I, too, was wrong. Please forgive me.” Tears spilled down Samantha’s face as she hugged her mother. “I forgive you, mother. I forgive you. All I ever wanted was you to accept and love me the way I am. No matter what my weight is or my success—just that you love me.” Her mother started to sob. “I do love you. I just didn’t want other people to make fun of you. I was once overweight when I was a child and everyone called me names. I just wanted to spare you that same pain. It’s all I wanted to do. I didn’t go about it the right way. I am sorry.” “I didn’t know that, Mom. That explains a lot. It doesn’t excuse it, but it explains a lot,” Samantha said through her tears. Her dad hugged them both. “I didn’t know that about your weight problem either, Mary. I just thought you hated overweight people.” “I don’t hate anyone, but myself for treating Samantha and others badly. I’m no different then the bullies that teased me, regardless of the reason I was doing it..,” her mother sighed. Bruce walked over and put his arms around Samantha’s and her mother’s shoulders. Her mother looked up at Bruce and then surprised Sam by smiling. “You’re

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

145

a good man. You don’t see color or size or race. You see the heart. That’s a rare quality and Samantha is lucky to have you. It’s lucky to find a man who will love you no matter what.” Samantha’s dad said softly, “You found it in me, dear. I love you, Mary, no matter what. You could lose your teeth, your hair, or anything else, and I will always love you.” Her dad looked at Bruce’s dad. “Your son is welcome in this family.” Bruce’s dad hesitated for a brief second and then walked over to the hugging group with his hand outstretched. Samantha’s dad took it and then pulled him into the pile. She wasn’t sure his dad would accept demonstrative affection. Bruce’s dad was more formal of a man. She saw him stiffen—then relax. Soon his wife came over and everyone was hugging and chatting and crying. It was like years of chains were broken all the way around. When the graduation events were over and all the goodbyes were said, Bruce pulled Samantha to her Jeep. “I have some place to take you.” “Where?” “It is a surprise.” “Just tell me!” “No, you’ll have to wait.” Bruce grinned. They drove a few miles and Bruce pulled off the road into a parking lot. There were batting cages. When Samantha got out she heard the familiar sounds of softball and baseball. There were the cracking sounds of bats, the yells of excitement and groans of frustration. Bruce walked over to the coin machine and put in some dollars and out came gold coins. “Okay, I want to see you hit a softball. I think it’s time you didn’t blame softball and sports anymore.” “I don’t think I can play anymore. It has been so long!” “It’s like riding a bicycle. You never forget. Now, grab a helmet and get in there!” Bruce stuffed a few gold tokens into the machine.

The Defense

146

Samantha reluctantly clutched a helmet and a bat and got into the cage and closed the door behind her. Her stomach fluttered. It had been a long time since she held a bat in her hands and she wasn’t sure this was a good idea. She had changed. She didn’t know if softball was part of the new Samantha. A batter in the next cage swung and smashed the ball into the wire enclosure. She pushed the button for the machine to start working and moved up to the plate. She tapped the bat on the plate and then choked up on the handle. The softball came whizzing by and she just starred at it. Bruce yelled, “Strike one.” Another softball came by and hit the target behind her with a bang. Bruce yelled again, “Strike two!” Samantha focused on the pitching machine and watched the arm move the ball through the hole. The ball sailed at her for a third time. She swung. The bat cracked. It was a line drive up the middle. It would’ve been a double on a field. The next pitched came and she swung again. Slam! Down third base line. The metal cage clanged with the force. Bruce screamed, “Home run by Samantha!” She hit the ball hard every time it came across the plate. Bruce whistled, “No wonder you played college ball! You’re great!” “Thanks,” Samantha said as soon as she hit the ball for the tenth time. This time it would’ve been a line drive over the shortstop’s head. “Are you ready to go?” Bruce asked. “In a minute. I want to hit a few more.” Bruce smiled. “Happy graduation, Sam.” **** Bruce and Samantha married one year later. Both families were happy about the marriage and smiling as the groom kissed the bride.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

147

Emily Violet was even able to sneak out of the nursing home long enough to be one of Samantha’s bride’s maids. She looked pretty being wheeled down the aisle in a turquoise dress. Emily couldn’t help whispering in Samantha’s ear during the rehearsal the night before that she was right about them being ‘love birds’ the first time she met Bruce in the dining hall. Rachel, the maid of honor, twirled around in a fitted version of the bride’s maids’ dresses. Bruce’s dad stood proud as his best man. Whatever concerns he had about Samantha being married into their family no longer showed. His dad was grinning and seeming quite cheerful. It was a quaint and charming wedding. Samantha was now a size twelve. She lost the weight from practicing Tae Kwan Do. Bruce’s dad awarded her a black belt a few days before the wedding. He said she passed all the tests and she deserved it. It was the best wedding present ever! She believed part of the weight loss resulted because she no longer feared being thin and she’d regained her love for sports. She also knew stress could cause weight gain, but she didn’t live in fear or with a lot of stress. She found a healthier way to relieve the stress that did come her way. She hit balls at the batting cages, played basketball and continued her martial arts training. Samantha no longer used eating as a way to relieve stress or as a way to sooth herself from her past or her future. She was happy. Emily was also happy; happy that Sam lost a little weight for health reasons. Diabetes was a terrible disease and she was terrified Samantha was at risk. However, for Samantha, it wasn’t about a size eighteen, a size twelve, or a size six. She realized life was about being happy and living healthy, and now she believed she was doing just that. Her doctor told her that she was at a healthy weight. She could lose more weight if she wanted, but she didn’t have to, and it was fine with Samantha either way, because she knew that Bruce loved her no matter what, and she now loved herself.

The Defense

148

Dr. Garb gave her and Bruce two thumbs up when they walked back down the aisle as husband and wife. Samantha smiled and returned his thumbs up. Now she and Bruce were no longer just partners in class, but partners for life. She whispered into Bruce’s ear, “You know I just married you because you cook, clean and wash, don’t ya?” Bruce laughed softly and whispered back, “You know I just married you because you’re good in bed and you’re gorgeous don’t ya?” “Works for me.” Samantha giggled. “Works for me too.” Bruce laughed. “I guess we’ll never have any more lonely meals or cooking for one. The question is who’s going to cook?” They climbed into the limo waiting for them at the curb and pulled away from the church. “We’ll take turns. I think that’s only fair.” Bruce picked up a package off of the floor. “What’s that?” “It’s a present for you. Open it.” She opened the box and inside was a checkered apron that read ‘World’s most beautiful cook.’ Bruce pointed toward the pocket of the apron so she stuck her hand into the pocket and pulled out a set of keys. “What are these for?” Bruce kissed her on the mouth softly. “For our new house.” “A new house! Are you kidding me?” Samantha said as shock waves went through her body. “It’s just a smaller starter home—three bedrooms and two baths, but it has a huge fenced in backyard that would be wonderful for kids to play in one day.” “Where is it?” “It is right here,” Bruce said pointing out the window of the limo to a cute Victorian house that had a sold sign on it. There was even a wrap around white porch.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

149

“The house is close to the clinic so it’ll be an easy commute, but it’s in the suburb so we can have a backyard and room for a family one day.” “Wow! That’s all I can say.” Samantha’s jaw dropped in awe. “Would you like to go inside before we head to the reception to greet our guests?” “Would I ever! How can we afford this?” Samantha leaped out of the limo and ran up the steps to the beautiful stained glass oak door. “I cashed in part of my trust fund for this and for that surprise I told you about.” “I remember you telling me you had a surprise for me, but that was a while back. I’d say this is plenty. You shouldn’t have even done this!” Samantha scolded, with a smile on her face. “If we ever have a family we need to have a place ready. This is our place. Whenever you’re ready, you just tell me and we can start our family. There’s no rush and no pressure. In the meantime, we can enjoy decorating and making it a home.” Samantha used the key to unlock the front door. When it swung open, she gasped. Beautiful hardwood floors the same color as the door greeted her gaze. The windows gleamed as light poured in. She ran through the first floor. The kitchen was perfect, containing the same appliances that Bruce had in his penthouse apartment— stainless steal Viking. She caressed the stove. “I think this house is just perfect!” “Come see the upstairs. There are two small bedrooms up there and the master suite.” Samantha trotted up the oak staircase to the second floor over more hard wood floors. The two bedrooms were darling and the master suite could have been a house in itself. A vaulted ceiling led to a skylight and double French doors led to the master bathroom. It had plenty of room—more than plenty. She sprinted through the doors and over the beige tile. “This bathtub could fit three people!” Samantha exclaimed as she noticed the jets.

150

The Defense

“Trust me, we’ll only be using it for two and it should be big enough for a little moving around—if you know what I mean?” “Well, all I know is that we need to go great our guests” Samantha reminded him, pointing to her wedding dress. “No problem. I just wanted you to see our house.” “I love it!” Samantha flew into his arms and gave him a big kiss on the lips. “Are you sad that I picked out this house without you? I was worried about that, but at the same time I wanted to surprise you and give you a wedding present you would always remember.” Bruce touched her cheek softly. “I’m not sad. I would have picked this house if given the choice. It’s exactly my taste—especially the kitchen and wrap-around porch!” They strolled past the kitchen and Samantha grinned. “So, we’ll take turns in the kitchen? I think I should get dibs on it all to myself!” “I don’t think so, Missy! We have to take turns in everything that pertains to this marriage, fair and square—and that includes sex!” Bruce wiggled his eyebrows. “Sex?” Samantha asked, confused. “Yes, today you’re on top. Tomorrow I am. The next day you’re on top, and the day after that I’m on top, again.” Bruce grinned. “I see. Well, what if I want it doggy style or something kinky?

It doesn’t fit in

with your pattern. So, what then?” Samantha asked, with a tinkle in her eye. “I don’t know. I guess we should just forget about taking turns and decide on a daily bases who cooks and what position we should have sex in.” “Sounds great. Should I be concerned that you’re wanting sex every day?” Bruce laughed. “Not at all, not at all! Everyone has sex every day.” She looked at him uncertain if he was serious or not. When she saw his mouth twitching from trying to hold back a grin, she hit him playfully in the shoulder. “Very funny! Next you’ll be telling me that I need to suck your…” Samantha’s words were cut off by Bruce’s kiss. Her mind went fuzzy and actually sucking him sounded pretty good. Samantha unzipped his zipper, knelt down

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

151

in front of him and took him into her mouth. He was hard, already waiting eagerly for her. The limo driver and their guests waited as they christened their house. **** Samantha worked at the clinic as the head of the psychology department, and Bruce used part of his trust from his grandfather to buy the building next to the clinic. Samantha hung a huge sign on the outside of the building with the word ‘HOME’ on it. She wanted to building to be a safe haven and a secure place for all that came through the doors. Bruce made half of the building the psychology division which Samantha ran. She was able to hire two more staff members because the clinic was miraculously able to get funding through a private donation from an unknown source. Bruce turned the other half of Home into a place to teach Tae Kwan Do to the community free of charge. His Tae Kwan Do classes helped women, children and all types of people that came through the doors. He taught self-confidence and selfdefense a few hours a week. His parents were happy he still practiced a part of their Korean culture, and the free Tae Kwan Do clinic helped with community relations for his father’s other businesses. A cross hung on the wall on the Tae Kwan Do side. Bruce said it didn’t matter what religion people were that came through the door. He just hung the cross up to honor his father and his father’s tradition of having a cross in his building. The clock on the wall said six in the evening. The sun was already setting and Samantha was still hard at work even though Home was closed. She absolutely loved her job. She heard Bruce’s footsteps down the hallway. A few seconds later, he burst through the Clinic’s psychology department’s front doors and said impatiently, “Aren’t you ready to leave yet?” Samantha laughed. “I’m coming. I just need to finish this form that one of my staff members didn’t do.”

The Defense

152

“The Phantom of the Opera is waiting for us—box seats! I don’t want to miss it a second time.” Samantha touched her hair that was neatly pulled back into a stylish bun. “As I recall, the first time we missed it wasn’t so bad!” Samantha looked up from her form and grinned at the memory. Bruce returned the grin. “I remember. I think I recall doing this.” Bruce kissed her neck. “And this.” His lips kissed a path down her throat. His one hand reached up to her hair and undid the clasp that held her bun. Her hair cascaded down over her shoulders like a waterfall. Samantha ran a hand through the fallen locks. It felt so sensual against her fingers, “If you kept this up, we’re definitely not going to make it the second time as well!” “I’m starting to think that’s not a bad idea. I can get tickets again I’m sure.” Bruce slipped her shirt off of her shoulders and kissed the delicate skin that was exposed. Samantha groaned and dropped her pen. The familiar excitement from his touch coursed through her body. He always had that affect on her. She tangled her fingers in his thick black hair and leaned back in her chair. Bruce pulled her out of the chair and into his arms. She protested weakly, “My paperwork…The Phantom…” “I’ll do your paperwork. It was my responsibility anyway to do it…boss. I got busy making cookies for the clinic and didn’t get a chance. So, are you going to fire me?” Bruce slipped her red shirt over her head and undid her lacy black bra. She stopped wearing black on the outside the night she conquered her fears and defended herself. Black wasn’t part of her wardrobe anymore… except for one or two sexy new pieces she picked up on her shopping spree. He hissed with lust in his eyes, “I love your new bra and underwear. I liked the old white ones, but the new ones…black certainly is sexy on you.”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

153

Samantha smiled licking her lips provocatively. Her skimpy black underwear and bra were the two pieces of black that she owned. She slipped off her bright red skirt with a floral print. “Your boss forgives you—if you don’t stop.” “What about the Phantom of the Opera?” Bruce asked as he quickly removed his clothes. Both of them stood naked, their clothes scattered around them. Samantha took his hand in hers and ran it over her extra big, creamy breasts and down her rounded belly to the curly blond hair of her pubic region. Bruce slowly dipped his fingers into her wetness and took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. “Are you sure it’s alright?” “Bruce, you’re my husband. It’s perfectly all right.” “What about…what about the baby?” Bruce’s wet fingers made their way back up to her belly swollen with their unborn child. “Doctor George said it was perfectly fine to have sex being pregnant, and he should know considering his wife is pregnant, too.” “His wife is pregnant?” Bruce asked, shocked. “Yes. After they adopted Anna Faith, they got pregnant on their own. Dr. George says it is a miracle just like their other two.” Bruce rubbed her belly. “Just like our baby.” He pulled Samantha to. “Come here, dear wife!” “Yes, dear husband!” Samantha laughed and felt herself being lowered to the couch in the room. She looked up at her husband with loving eyes. “Are you sure you don’t think I am fat?” Bruce tweaked her nose with his fingers. “I never once thought you were fat, and stop using that silly old ‘fat defense’! It never worked on me before and it isn’t going to work now!” “But look at me. I finally got down to a size twelve and could shop at my favorite stores. Now I’m even bigger than I was before.” Samantha patted her huge belly.

The Defense

154

“Haven’t you learned anything, my dear? Size doesn’t matter as long as you’re happy and healthy and Dr. George says you and the baby are healthy. I don’t think we could be happier. My parents adore you and they finally accept me for me. The same happened on your side of the family.” She smiled. He was right. His dad did accept him one hundred percent now. She even had her suspicions about his father being the ‘unknown source’ of funding for the extra psychology staff she was able to hire, which included Bruce. She asked his father one day while she was alone with him at the Tae Kwan Do place on Fifth and Oak if he donated the money. He winked at her and said, “Just know that the unknown source is very proud of all the work the clinic does and its money going to a great cause.” She never told Bruce about what his dad said that day. She got the impression that his dad wanted it to remain a secret. It seemed his dad supported Bruce’s job path after all. “Earth to my beautiful wife….” Bruce’s whispered into her ear. Samantha’s mind came back to the present. “You’re right. Your dad does accept you. I can tell by how he looks at you that he is very proud of you. I have to say, I’ve never been happier in all my life. Your mother and I went baby clothes shopping all day yesterday and my mother keeps cooking me wonderful meals—and since her change of heart, she is now letting me eat them!” Bruce and Samantha both started laughing. Their laughter turned to groans of pleasure as their passion overtook them once again. After they both were lying on the ground spent and exhausted, Samantha stroked Bruce’s limp member. Bruce chuckled. “Again? I might need a few more minutes!” Samantha shook her head, but then grabbed her stomach. “Ohhhh!” Bruce sat up and looked down at his naked wife. “Now? The baby is coming now?”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

155

Samantha nodded her head and said through clenched teeth, “I think I’m in labor!” “Oh! Did I hurt the baby? Are you all right? I knew we shouldn’t have done this! You were overdue. We shouldn’t have…” Bruce’s voice was near panic. “Don’t worry, dear. Dr. George said that having sex was one way to help me go into labor…something about sperm and orgasms…” She moaned again. “Besides, I’ll be fine in a minute or so” “Are you telling me you used me to go into labor?” Bruce’s eyebrow rose. After the pain subsided, Samantha managed to laugh. “I hope you don’t mind. The opportunity came up and I decided to jump on it—literally. Besides, you know I don’t like being late.” She gasped from another contraction. It was definitely less than three minutes apart. They needed to get to a doctor. Bruce’s deep sexy laugh rumbled through her office. “I see. Well, I guess I should get you to the doctor. Do you think we’ll make it in time?” Samantha rolled her eyes. “It’s just through the doors! Dr. George is in the clinic tonight. The contractions seemed to be happening right on top of each other. I’ve been having pains off and on all day, but I didn’t think it was anything to worry about. They weren’t this bad!” Bruce gently but quickly redressed Samantha and then he threw his own clothes on. “Well, my love, let’s go find him!” Bruce gently bent down and picked her up. “But I’m too heavy!” Samantha protested. “What did I tell you before about that?” “That heaviness is a state of mind and not a state of body. I know. I’m not heavy or fat. I told you I wouldn’t conquer all my insecurities at once. It’s a constant state of reprogramming and relearning. I can tell you though, that I love myself and I’m going to love our baby.” “Speaking of babies, we need to get you to a room.” Bruce carried her through the doors and into the medical wing.

The Defense

156

Dr. George saw Bruce carrying Sam and rushed over. “Is she alright?” He led the way to the exam room. “Nothing an epidural won’t cure!” Samantha managed to say in between contractions. They were coming fast. Didn’t most women take hours to go through labor? She seemed to be progressing way too fast. “Now, you learned breathing techniques in Tae Kwan Do. Use them to help with the pain. Breath in—breath out. Feel the peace fill you…” “What? I might be a black belt now, but you’re asking for a feat only a Tibetan monk could do! Breathing techniques my asss!” she screamed as another wave of pain felt as if it were crushing her belly. “Why is the baby coming so fast?” Bruce still betrayed slight panic in his voice. “She was dilated four centimeters when I checked a couple of days ago. I’m guessing something triggered the contractions and here we are.” Dr. George smiled knowingly at the two of them and wiggled his eyebrows. The action reminded her of the time she came in for stitches and he had the same knowing look. Sam blushed. “How did you know?” “You’re hair is all tussled and Bruce’s shirt is buttoned crooked!” Dr. George placed Samantha’s gown on the exam table. “What can I do, Doctor?” Bruce asked. “Help her undress and slip this gown on her. I’ll check Samantha in a few minutes. I need to get my new assistant to help me.” Bruce helped Samantha get into the jonnie. She lay on the table and squeezed Bruce’s hand as another wave of pain gripped her. She said breathlessly, “I think…the baby…is coming soon. I’m no expert, but I feel the need to push!” She pushed with all her might. “Don’t push! Not until Dr. George comes back!” Bruce panicked and yelled out the door, “Dr. George!”

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

157

Dr. George ran into the room. “Okay! Let’s see this beautiful baby! I want you to bare down and push with all your might. You are already dilated to ten centimeters and fully effaced. This baby is coming!” Samantha screamed and squeezed her eyes shut. The pain was so intense. It was worse than the time she had food poisoning or the time she broke her hand when she fell on it playing basketball. She felt like a boa constrictor had wrapped around her stomach and was squeezing and trying to kill her. When she opened them, Anna was holding her right leg! She huffed, “Anna! What are you doing here?” Anna just grinned. “It looks like I’m lucky enough to return a favor!” “I…Ahhh!” Another contraction hit and she pushed again. At last, she managed to continue, “I meant…why…are you…working here?” “I’ll explain to you later. Right now, we have a baby to meet!” Anna looked down as Sam felt the baby start to crown. “Push!” Dr. George commanded. Samantha pushed and pushed and pushed. Her entire body hurt. She never received an epidural. She never got anything for the pain. Everything moved too quickly for pain medicine. She screamed again and again. Bruce cried, “I see our baby. It’s…it’s a baby girl!” “You have a baby girl!” Dr. George confirmed, and he cut the umbilical chord. After he had checked over the baby, he handed Bruce his daughter. Bruce leaned over Samantha with their girl in his arms. Samantha tears ran down her cheeks as she reached for her baby girl. “My little Joy.” “Joy?” Bruce asked softly. “Joy after the little girl that stole my heart and ate my chocolate chip cookies,” Samantha explained. “Joy it is. Hello, little Joy,” Bruce cooed. Samantha looked over at Anna. “Now, tell me why you’re here.”

The Defense

158

“I just started today. I guess I’m getting broken in early.” She looked over at Bruce and said, “Just like you did with me!” Bruce smiled. “Helping you and being here that day changed my life.” “It changed mine too. Samantha’s kindness and words help me realize that my life wasn’t ending like I thought. It was just beginning. I wanted to turn a tragic event in my life into something good. I put the rape behind me and moved on. I decided to become a doctor. I just got accepted for next year’s pre-medicine program at the university thanks to Dr. George’s recommendation. Dr. George was also kind enough to let me volunteer here to get some experience first.” “Won’t it be hard…I mean difficult…seeing Dr. George all the time?” Samantha asked as she put little Joy up to her breast to nurse. “I thought it might be…but I actually think it will be a good thing. Dr. George and his wife are wonderful people and I know my baby went to a wonderful home. She has siblings now and a great life. I couldn’t be happier. And I get a chance to be a doctor and become something wonderful!” Anna said with her eyes sparkling about her future. “How are you going to afford college?” Samantha asked. “I was able to get financial aid and even one scholarship.” Anna smiled proudly. Samantha looked down at her baby and then back up at Anna. “You already are something wonderful. I’m glad you’re going to college and I am glad you’re volunteering here. I know they really need your help since I’m now working in a different part of the clinic. They need someone to cook and run the place. I hope you’ll visit me over on the clinic side sometime.” “Are you going to continue working with the baby?” Anna asked. “I’m hoping to promote a very caring and smart staff member to my job and just work part time in the evenings and some on the weekends.” “Who’s going to take your job? I’ve only been here a few hours and Dr. George and the staff keep saying how great a job you’re doing.” Anna put a pillow under Samantha’s head to make her more comfortable. Samantha couldn’t help remember

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

159

back to the time she took care of Anna. It was strange how the roles were reversed now. “I’m hoping Bruce will take over for me.” Bruce chimed in, “I can never fill her shoes, but I love it here. We’re helping so many people.” “You are helping girls like me fight for another chance to turn their lives around. Thank you for doing what you do.” Anna leaned down and hugged Samantha. “I better let you two enjoy your sweet angel.” “Bye, Anna,” Bruce and Samantha said at the same time. Anna started to go out the door but stopped. She reached into the pocket of her scrubs and pulled out two chocolate chip cookies, “Here, I owe you. When Dr. George yelled to me that you were in labor and to come and help, I was in the kitchen. I remembered how you gave me cookies and I wanted to return the favor. I hope you enjoy them.” “These are excellent!” Samantha said after she took a bite of the gooey cookie. “Who made them?” “A lady named Janet. They said she started here a couple of days ago.” Dr. George came back into the room and Samantha asked, “What’s this about Janet?” “She was hired a few days ago. They really needed someone here full-time. She was helping around the clinic while she was here and everyone loved her. Her daughter Joy comes by when she’s not in school and helps her mom out.” “Wow, I’m so glad she was able to get that miracle she wanted. She was able to find a job after being out of work for such a long time.” “And she found a job doing something she loves,” Bruce said, remembering their conversation over soup that seemed so long ago. “Well, I really need to go now. Take care, Sam,” Anna said waving. “Take care, Anna.”

The Defense

160

Dr. George said, “I’ll walk you out, Anna. I had a new picture to show you of Anna Faith.” “I’d love to see it,” Anna said as they both walked out of the room, “I’m really glad that I decided to do an open adoption. It allows me to know how Anna Faith is doing and allows you to ask me questions about family health.” Dr. George just smiled. It seemed all worked out perfectly for everyone. Samantha slowly rocked baby Joy back and forth in a soothing rhythm. After a few minutes, she looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms and a tear ran down her face. “She’s just so beautiful.” Bruce kissed his daughter’s head, then kissed his wife’s lips. “Just like her momma. I knew you would make an awesome mother one day and just look at you. You’re perfect.” They heard a knock at the door. Her mother’s voice called, “Can your father and I come in and see our grandchild? The nurse just came out to tell us we have a granddaughter!” “Come on in,” Bruce said. Her mother came in and Samantha handed her the sleeping baby. “Meet Joy. She is named after a little girl I used to know from the clinic and she was very special… just like this little girl.” “She’s beautiful, just like my daughter.” Tears fell down her mother’s cheeks. She kissed her granddaughter and held her lovingly and grinned. “What are you grinning for?” Samantha asked. Her mother raised her eyes up to Heaven. “I was hoping St. Jude would hear my prayers or all the rosaries I prayed would pay off—and they did! I’m finally a grandmother!” Samantha started to laugh and she winked at Bruce. “I told you she thought I was a ‘hopeless case’ and that she was praying to St. Jude! I’m glad it worked, Mom.” She smiled at Joy lying in her grandmother’s arms still sleeping peacefully.

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

161

Her mother gave the baby a kiss on the hand and carefully passed her to grandpa and said, “Sam, I have something for you and the baby.” Her mother took out some packages, and in them were lots of clothes, toys, and blankets. The last thing she took out was a beautiful pink robe and said, “Now, this one is for you. I liked the pink sweater you wore to Sunday dinner last week and I thought you looked beautiful, so I bought you a pink robe.” Samantha took the pink robe and put it up to her cheek. When she did that a piece of paper fell out onto her lap. Her heart fell. It was another one of her mother’s newspaper clippings, “Mom…” “No, before you say anything, please read it.” She sat quietly and read the article. It was an article written by her mother for the newspaper, published in the editorial section. Samantha read the last couple of lines out loud. “Being a mother is about love and acceptance. I realized this sadly a little late. It’s a lesson I wish I’d learned when my baby was first born—to love unconditionally. So many times as parents we worry our child isn’t going to measure up. Did she walk on time? Did he talk on time? Is he the smartest in the class? Is she the prettiest? Is she the thinnest? Is he the best athlete on the team? Well I am writing this letter to tell you it isn’t about all that. It’s about just loving them. It isn’t about fitting into a mold or the ‘norm’ or even about being better than the rest. It’s about one thing and one thing only—unconditional love. “I love my daughter and I’m sorry I spent a good part of her life trying to make her fit into what society and I deemed as correct. She has a heart of gold and I know she’s going to be a great mother when the time arrives—which is soon. And for that I am proud. I wanted to tell my daughter that this is the last article I will ever cut out and show her. I realize that I don’t want to change her. I just want to love her.” There was no name at the bottom or the top, but it was obviously from her mother. Samantha cried and reached over to hug her. Her mother smiled through her tears. “I promise never to give you another article as long as I live!”

162

The Defense

“I love you too, Mom and this was the best article ever! Thank you.” Samantha’s heart felt free and full of love. Finally she found unconditional love. It did exist! The End

Stacey Lynn Schlegl

Visit Aspen Mountain Press for other great romances at www.AspenMountainPress.com

163