Stress Management Programme For Secondary School Students: A Practical Resource for Schools

Stress Management Programme for Secondary School Students Sarah McNamara London and New York HANDOUT 6 First publi...

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Stress Management Programme for Secondary School Students

Sarah McNamara

London and New York

HANDOUT 6

First published 2001 by RoutledgeFalmer 11 New Fetter Lane, London EC4P 4EE Simultaneously published in the USA and Canada by RoutledgeFalmer 29 West 35th Street, New York, NY 10001

RoutledgeFalmer is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group This edition published in the Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2004. © 2001 Sarah McNamara All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data McNamara, Sarah, 1972– Stress management programme for secondary school students/Sarah McNamara. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. 1. High school students-Mental health. 2. High school students-Psychology. 3. Stress management. I. Title. LB 3431.M34 2001 373.17'13–dc21 ISBN 0-203-46982-8 Master e-book ISBN

ISBN 0-203-77806-5 (Adobe eReader Format) ISBN 0-415-23839-0 (Print Edition)

00–059238

Stress Management Programme for Secondary School Students

This resource pack is an essential tool for teachers and care providers in helping young people learn skills that will enable them to handle the challenging situations they may face now or in the future. Stress in young people is increasing at an alarming rate. This pack will provide the reader with the resources to tackle the problem. The essence of the stress management programme is preventative and it adopts an experiential approach to learning. It emphasises confidentiality within the group, flexibility within a well-established structure and the right of students to participate at a level at which they are comfortable. The course includes six sessions covering the following issues: •

an introduction to stress and coping

•

mental strategies for coping with stress

•

physical strategies for coping with stress, such as eating a healthy diet

•

study skills, exam preparation and time management

•

communication and interpersonal skills

•

boosting self-confidence and self-esteem; preventing and coping with depression and anxiety.

The pack guides the teacher or care provider through each of the six sessions with teacher notes, comprehensive information, timing guidelines, useful student exercises, homework exercises, role-play suggestions, and information on contact organisations. The tone of the pack is one of relaxed, enjoyable learning with lots of exercises. Delivering the pack does not require training as extensive notes are given. It is suitable for all teenagers. The Stress Management Programme for Secondary School Students was researched over a three-year period at Oxford University and evaluated in schools over a one-year period with highly successful results. It is particularly suitable for use within social and personal health education programmes. Sarah McNamara has conducted extensive research in the area of stress in young people and young people’s needs. As well as delivering stress management programmes to young people, she has worked as a psychologist, researcher and consultant on projects which examine educational structures, regional needs and funding priorities for children and young people. She is the author of Stress in Young People: What’s New and What Can We Do? (Continuum 2000).

Acknowledgements I would like to thank the Economic and Social Research Council and the EU Training and Mobility of Researchers Fund for funding the research at Oxford University upon which this resource pack is based. I would also like to thank Michael for all his support and help with this work.

Contents

Introduction

ix

Part 1 Teachers’ handbook

1

1

Introduction to stress and coping: the stress process

1

2

Getting your head around stress: mental ways of coping with stress

15

3

Fit for life: physical ways of coping with stress

31

4

Working it out: study skills, exam preparation and time management

47

5

People power: interpersonal and communication skills

61

6

Treating yourself right: boosting self-confidence and self-esteem; preventing and coping with depression and anxiety

73

Part 2 Student handouts Notes

91 163

vii

Introduction

Stress in young people is increasing at an alarming rate. All those in contact with teenagers have witnessed the increasing pressures placed on this age group, often without an increase in the support available to them. In my work with professionals and parents I have been asked many times: what resources are available to help young people to improve the way they cope with stress? To date, there have been few attempts to provide such resources. It has, however, become impossible to ignore this need. Increases in stressrelated outcomes such as suicidal behaviour, eating disorders, exam stress, depression, anxiety and risk-taking behaviour indicate that today’s young people are having problems coping. This resource pack is based on four years of intensive research with nearly 1,500 adolescents and an extensive review of our current knowledge of risk, resiliency and stress in this age group. The programme was evaluated over a one-year period (using comparison and control groups) and has been shown to improve coping skills, self-esteem, quality of relationships and mood, as well as reducing the frequency and impact of stressful life events and daily stress. Levels of depression and anxiety also decreased following participation. The pack is designed so that teachers and professionals can guide students through the information using an experiential learning format. As every teacher knows, students learn best when they produce answers that are meaningful and relevant to them. This pack encourages students to think in advance about forthcoming issues and to discuss them with peers. The teacher can then provide them with notes based on up-to-date mental health promotion information.

ix

INTRODUCTION

This self-contained resource pack includes verbatim notes for the instructor, roleplay instructions, suggestions for additional discussions, handouts for students, summary sheets, student exercise and homework sheets, and lists of contact organisations. No training is required to deliver the pack. Those interested in more detailed coverage of stress in young people (research and prevention) are referred to Stress in Young People: What’s New and What Can We Do? (Dr Sarah McNamara, Continuum 2000). I have delivered and evaluated this course myself in schools as part of my Ph.D. research at Oxford University. Students found it highly enjoyable, useful and of significant relevance to their lives. I am confident that your students will enjoy the course as much as these students, and that you will also find yourself learning a lot about the area of stress. The pack includes six sessions (fifty minutes each). These are outlined below. Each session is clearly timed and structured

Session 1: Introduction to stress and coping: the stress process This session helps teachers to raise the issue of stress, and provides information and discussion frameworks on its sources and ways of coping with it. How do we recognise the symptoms of stress? How does it affect our well-being, relationships, health and performance? How can we learn to cope better with stress?

Session 2: Getting your head around stress: mental ways of coping with stress The aim of this session is to encourage young people to assess the way that they think about stress in their lives. It should challenge the way they appraise, perceive and interpret events. It also looks at problem solving as a skill, patterns of irrational thinking, controlling stressful thoughts and things we say to ourselves when we are stressed. An exercise on problem solving is also provided.

Session 3: Fit for life: physical ways of coping with stress This session looks at the way in which eating and drinking habits, sleep, exercise, physical relaxation skills and hormones influence us in our ability to cope with stress. These can become stresses in themselves or they can be used as a buffer against stress.

x

INTRODUCTION

Session 4: Working it out: study skills, exam preparation and time management Performing well at school is often described as one of the most stressful and challenging aspects of young people’s lives. This session aims to give students ideas, suggestions and advice about keeping up with course work and homework, managing revision time, and keeping exam stress under control. It also gives lots of tips on time management.

Session 5: People power: stress, interpersonal and communication skills This session looks at the way in which people can act as a source of stress or support. Young people will learn about new ways of relating to people by using assertiveness, communication and negotiation skills. They will learn about the importance of social support and talk about the relationships that are important to them. Tips for tackling bullying are also included.

Session 6: Treating yourself right: boosting self-confidence and self-esteem; preventing and coping with depression and anxiety All of the above advice and skills will be of no use if young people do not have ways of keeping their self-confidence and self-esteem high. The aim of this session is to look at how young people can value themselves and also provides useful techniques for keeping depression and anxiety at bay. Handouts are provided on how to keep worries under control. Also information on helpful organisations will be available to students.

Notes for teachers Folders. It is a good idea to distribute folders to students before the course begins. This will encourage them to keep all their handouts together. Alternatively, you can suggest that they purchase a folder for this purpose. Italics versus ordinary print. Text written in italics is designed to be presented directly to students. Text written in non-italics is for your own use only. Exercise on note taking. This exercise is recommended for use in Session 4. It should be relevant to your own students. You might choose something of interest from the local media or from the curriculum. This exercise is not included in this pack. Exercise sheets. Each small group of four should receive five copies of the

xi

INTRODUCTION

exercise sheet for each session. One sheet is used to summarise group answers for their discussions. Students should keep an exercise sheet each and fill this in at home with their own answers. Optional discussion. An outline for an optional discussion on eating disorders is provided at the end of Session 3.

xii

Introduction to Stress and Coping The stress process

1 2 3 4 5 6

Introduction Breathing and stretching Discussion 1: Sources of stress Teacher talk 1: The stress process Discussion 2: Symptoms of stress Teacher talk 2: Symptoms of stress

0–5 5–10 10–20 20–30 30–40 40–50

Notes for teachers This session is an introduction to the area of stress and aims to get students thinking about the sources and symptoms of stress in their own lives. As with the other sessions it is centred around the delivery of information together with discussion. Students are first asked to list the sources of stress in their own lives, and then to assess the effect which they feel this stress has on them. The teacher talks are presented only after the discussion so as not to bias it and also because students tend to learn more when they generate the answers themselves, answers which are meaningful and real to them. As this is the first session, some points need to be made before the session can begin. You will see that the structure of the session is timed very tightly. As students are encouraged in an exam to move on after their allotted time for each question/ essay, so teachers must be disciplined about not going over time on any one aspect of the session as it will mean that students miss out on other aspects of the course. The atmosphere during the sessions should be one of relaxation, fun and exploration. Students should be encouraged to relax and be themselves and to see this class period as different from others.

HANDOUT 6

1

STRESS MANAGEMENT

1 Introduction •

Classes are timed tightly so you should make a special effort to be here on time, otherwise you will not get as much out of the course.

•

It is suggested that all handouts from the course be kept together in a folder so that you can refer to these handouts at stressful times such as exams and so on. You can read over the handouts outside class time, to think about the points made and practise the suggestions that are made.

•

Issues which are discussed within the sessions are confidential. Nothing which is said will be repeated outside the class by me and I would encourage you not to discuss things which you feel might be sensitive for other students. (All students should agree on this.)

•

You should try to be honest and open in discussions.

•

You should try to be sensitive to others; everyone is here to learn and to relax.

•

The course is flexible in that there is time allocated to discussing issues which are important to the students. Feel free to raise issues which you feel are not included in the course so that you can get the most out of it.

•

The format of each session will be to begin with breathing and stretching, then talks and discussions on different aspects of stress. The course format is included in the handouts at the end of this session.

•

If anyone misses a session, please ask me for the handouts for that session.

•

The paperwork is optional ⴰ you don’t have to take handouts if you don’t want to ⴰ if you think they will help you, take them ⴰ they are for your own use and help, to help you work out when you are more vulnerable to stress and why.

•

2

Outline of the course: The aim of this course is to introduce you to some new ways of thinking about stress and coping. It should help to make you more aware of issues which are shared by many young people and give you the opportunity to discuss these. The course is divided into six sessions. The first session introduces you to the area of stress and the different factors involved. The second and third sessions will hopefully provide you with useful techniques to combat stress in your own life, by looking at mental and physical ways of coping with stress. Techniques on mental ways include useful tips on keeping things in perspective and keeping your stress levels low, as well as problem solving and coping skills. We also consider physical aspects, mainly because of the impact which your health will have on your capacity to withstand stress; here we describe the impact of nutrition, sleep and exercise. The stress which arises from relationships may for some people be the most difficult kind to deal with, so we have included some ideas and issues for discussion on how to get the most out of our relationships, communication, assertiveness and negotiation skills. A session is devoted to study skills and time management as many students in their exam years (and other

INTRODUCTION TO STRESS AND COPING

years) find this very difficult to deal with. Some of the ideas may already be known to you, but hopefully there will be some suggestions which will help you to study more easily and efficiently. Finally, none of these techniques will work unless we have the self-esteem and self confidence to carry them through, so the final session talks about ways in which we can treat ourselves with respect and compassion to get the most out of our lives. We have also included a section on coping with depression and anxiety, which may be a cause of stress in our lives or the direct consequence of our difficulties in dealing with stress. We hope you enjoy the course and that you feel free to contribute to each of the sessions. Distribute handouts for Session 1. Refer to start of Handouts section for appropriate handouts.

Breathing and stretching 2 Aim to breath deeply from your stomach as often as possible. Be aware that at times when you feel anxious this will make you feel better and more in control. Simply take as deep a breath as possible, hold it for a few seconds and then breathe all the air out of your chest. The next breath that you take in will probably come from your stomach. This should help you feel more relaxed and in control. It is useful when you feel stressed to try this technique. Also, before an exam or during an argument ‘belly breathing’ and taking deep breaths helps to centre you, give you more control and confidence and relaxes you. Exercises 1, 2 and 3 on the breathing and stretching exercise sheet.

The details of all these relaxation exercises are on the handouts which you can collect at the end of the class.

Sources of stress 3 Students should be divided into groups of four.

Discussion 1: What makes us stressed? 1

What is stress? How would you define it?

2

Generate a list of things which have made you stressed; you can give these in general or specific terms.

3

Are the big things which happen in life or the little things that happen every day more stressful?

3

STRESS MANAGEMENT

4.

What sorts of hassles do you experience on a day-to-day basis?

5

Is stress easier when you know it’s coming or when you don’t expect it but have to deal with it?

6

Is there such a thing as positive stress?

7

Can stress come from inside as well as outside?

Feedback

(see handout)

4 The strass process As you can see every one of us has experienced stress at some time, and few people manage to keep it under control all the time. It is a normal part of life; it can be seen positively in that if you never felt any stress at all over anything, like your relationships or schoolwork, it might mean that you were committed to nothing. Stress is so common in young people that many people believe that all secondary school students should have the opportunity to learn how to deal with it. Stress can come from outside yourself and from inside yourself and is managed using both personal resources and external resources or support. Draw on the board the diagram at the top of page 5. (Ask students what they would enter into the four boxes before you fill in the answers below.)

Outside stresses represent the pressure you are under or the burden you are carrying: your schoolwork, the demands of your family, friends or teachers, and perhaps you also have a part-time job. These are easy to think of. Inside sources of stress are harder to think of. They reflect the way you react to these things and include wants, feelings and attitudes. Wanting to do well in school, to achieve, to be popular and to make others happy puts pressure on you. Feeling anxious, angry or envious can sap you of energy. If you think that everything should always be done efficiently, then you may feel more stressed than people who are generally more ‘laid back’. If you enjoy being busy and doing interesting things then you may find boredom stressful.1 Examples of outside resources include support from friends and family. Inside

4


resources might include feeling able to handle stress, the way you view yourself as a person, the way you perceive change, your religious beliefs, your self-esteem, self-confidence, sense of humour and health. What is stressful to one person may be a refreshing challenge to another Sometimes sources of stress from inside combine with sources of stress from outside and produce too much stress. When this happens, stress levels can be lowered by reducing the outside stress, or by reducing inside stresses (for example, by changing attitudes) or both. We will be looking at this in Session 2 on mental ways of dealing with stress. Once a situation has been experienced as demanding or frustrating, it will cause a response which has mental, emotional, physical and behavioural parts. The intensity of this stress-response varies and we may not always be consciously aware of it. If you feel that the demands outweigh your resources, you are likely to feel strained, and feel like you can’t cope, and that there’s just too much to deal with. Draw on board

Why learn more about stress? The benefits of coping effectively with stress •

better able to cope generally

•

less anxiety

•

fewer headaches

5

STRESS MANAGEMENT

•

better quality of sleep

•

better quality of relationships

•

better general health

•

more enjoyable life

•

more energy

•

better concentration

•

better social life.

Does anyone want to have a go at defining stress? (Allow time for students to answer.)

There are three ways of looking at stress: •

stress is what happens to you

•

stress is what you feel

•

stress is an interaction between you and what happens to you.

Perhaps it can be easier understood in picture form.

The stress process (Draw the diagram opposite on the board.) (Ask students to provide examples of sources and symptoms before you write them.)

In many ways, stress is an everyday part of life. Any changes which you must adjust to can be stressful, from the negative extreme of being in physical danger to the excitement of falling in love. Stress is not bad, in itself. It can be a good thing and even essential to life. Whether the stress you experience results from major life changes or the build up of everyday worries, it is the way you react to these experiences that determines the effect stress will have on your life. One definition of stress is ‘when you see the demands on you as greater than your available resources’.

Other sources of stress include:2

6

•

Social stresses such as conflicts with family and friends, studying for exams and school demands.

•

Your thoughts. Your mind interprets and translates complex changes in your environment and body and decides when to activate the ‘emergency response’.

•

Physiological stresses include physical changes during adolescence, lack of exercise, poor nutrition, poor sleep quality and, in some cases, taking drugs


or too much alcohol. The way your body reacts to environmental and social threats and changes can also lead to stressful symptoms such as muscle tension, headaches, stomach upset and anxiety. •

Your environment for example, the weather, noise, traffic and pollution.

The way you think about and interpret your experiences and what you see as the likely implications will either allow you to relax or make you feel stressed. If you translate an unpleasant look from your friend as a sign of rejection, it is likely to make you feel anxious. If you interpret the same look as your friend feeling tired or just thinking about their own problems it will not be as worrying. Any new situation or change in life can cause some stress as you try to adjust to the new demands made by the change. When you are adapting you are using up resources from inside and outside yourself and using up energy. As our energy reserves are used up our resistance to disease is lowered and our vulnerability to illness increases. Some events are more stressful than others, depending on the degree of adaptation required. When changes happen quickly, one after another, they increase a person’s vulnerability.3 Examples of stressful events are: •

death of a parent, family member or close friend

•

parents divorcing

7

STRESS MANAGEMENT

•

exam stress

•

observing family conflicts

•

losing one’s virginity

•

feeling rejected by friends or schoolmates

•

worrying about things that happen at home

•

difficulty keeping up with homework.

Life events which happen when we don’t expect them and ones which we have no control over can be particularly stressful. Not everyone feels the same amount of upset at similar events. How upset you become may be influenced by your health (diet exercise and sleep are important stress-busters), and by social factors surrounding the event such as how much support you receive, how you interpret the event and your physiological reaction to the event. Examples of positive stress are: • feeling ‘game’ for a challenge and confident that we can meet it successfully • feeling invigorated and exhilarated by a competitive sport • winning a game • falling in love or entering a new relationship.

Examples of negative stress are: •

having too much to study

•

getting sick

•

difficulties in relationships with friends and schoolmates

•

worrying about someone in your family

•

having too little time to revise coming up to exams.

You’ve already thought about daily hassles; other examples might include: •

getting up late when your alarm does not go off

•

missing your bus to school

•

too much noise when you’re trying to work

•

not getting on with a teacher.

The most important thing to remember is that it is not what actually happens but how you perceive it and handle it that will decide whether or not you will become stressed. We all know this from personal experience. Sometimes the slightest little thing can trigger an emotional over-reaction in us, completely out of proportion to the event itself. This is more likely to happen at times when we are under pressure and we feel anxious and vulnerable. At other times we might be able to handle not only little annoyances but major emergencies with almost no effort at all. At such moments you may not even realise that you are under stress. It may only be later, after the event is over, that you feel the effects of

8


what you went through, perhaps in the form of feeling emotionally drained or physically exhausted.

Symptoms of stress 5 Discussion 2: How does stress feel? Exercise: The following questions will help you to recognise your reactions: 1.

What does it feel like when you’re stressed?

2.

In what ways does it show?

3.

What sorts of things do you think?

4.

What are you likely to do?

5

How does it impact on other people?

6.

Do their reactions affect you? In what way?

Feedback

(see handout)

Symptoms of stress 6 Introduction All of us respond in our own individual way when the pressures build up. Some people become more and more irritable and moody, while other people become more inactive and can’t make decisions. What is important is knowing how YOU react. When you know your own signs and symptoms, you will be able to cope better with the problem. You can learn about yourself by thinking about times when you were stressed in the past. You can then learn to recognise your signs early so that you can act before the stresses get out of hand. The following are typical symptoms of stress. Think about the way that stress affects you.

Your thoughts •

finding it hard to concentrate

•

memory becomes poor

9

STRESS MANAGEMENT

•

sense of time urgency

•

finding it hard to make decisions

•

loss of self-confidence

•

loss of perspective

•

muddled thinking

•

forgetting things, making mistakes

•

constantly putting things off

•

becoming unable to think far ahead

•

predicting the worst

•

worrying or ruminating rather than solving problems

•

becoming rigid or inflexible, in an effort to keep control.

Your physical reactions

10

•

aches and pains

•

headaches

•

tense muscles, especially in your neck and shoulders

•

aching back

•

extreme tiredness

•

butterflies or knot in stomach

•

nausea

•

choking feeling in throat

•

twitch in eye or lips

•

feeling shaky, for example shaky hands or shaky voice

•

clenching teeth or fists

•

heart beat is faster

•

palpitations/feel like heart is missing a beat

•

sweaty palms

•

cold fingers

•

dry mouth

•

frequent urination

•

dizzy spells

•

erratic breathing


•

diarrhoea or constipation

•

stress-related illness such as asthma or psoriasis (skin rash) become worse.

Your feelings •

irritable; you become short-tempered, or easily flare up

•

aggressive

•

withdrawn

•

unable to relate as normal

•

lowered self-esteem

•

moody

•

crying

•

cynical

•

guilty

•

anxious or panicky

•

depressed

•

over-sensitive to criticism

•

irrational fear, for example of being out of control

•

edgy

•

angry

•

feeling hopeless

•

hostile

•

worried about your health or anything else

•

miserable.

Your behaviour •

worse at managing your time

•

worse at organising yourself

•

rushing around without getting much done

•

change in sleep patterns (can’t sleep or oversleep)

•

change in eating patterns (eating more or eating less)

•

doing things in a hurry

•

losing touch with your friends

•

blaming others for the problem

11

STRESS MANAGEMENT

•

taking it out on others

•

needing a drink; turning to drugs

•

over-react

•

fidget/bite nails/fiddle with hair

•

increase in smoking or drinking

•

non-stop talking

•

obsessive-compulsive disorders

•

missing school a lot.

Think of situations when you have experienced any of the above symptoms. Remember that these feelings, thoughts and behaviours can occur more or less often just dealing with everyday ups and downs. Do you have symptoms which are not listed? Why do we respond in this way to stress?

The primitive stress response We have inherited a way of responding to stress through evolution called the ‘fight or flight response’. To allow us to cope better with stress we must learn not to see situations as a threat. If we see things as a threat, the body responds by preparing itself to either fight or run away. When the situation is evaluated as a challenge or threat the oldest part of the brain becomes activated. The body then produces stress hormones. These hormones circulate through the bloodstream reaching every part of the body.

Physiological effects This results in the following, and some of these should sound familiar: Sweating palms (as cooling device, as you might need to run), heart rate goes up, blood pressure increases, butterflies in the stomach as blood rerouted, blood carried away from stomach, stomach acid produced (can lead to ulcers), digestion stops, blood clots (in case you are injured), pupils dilate to enhance vision, heightened sense perception, attention and concentration heightened, muscles tense in preparation for action, shoulders brace, teeth and fists clenched, blood goes to muscles, dry mouth, liver releases sugar and fats as fuel for energy, breathing becomes faster (more oxygen), bowel movements become loose, red blood cells carrying oxygen flood the bloodstream. We have inherited this system and it still exists in us and other animals. These reactions exist to help us to cope with threats. If we do something and the conflict is resolved, the body returns to its original state. However, if no relief comes the body may remain physically strained, and long-term damage to our health may result. It is meant to be a temporary reaction and so cannot be maintained.

12


Effects of cortisol released during stress •

our thoughts:

we may make very fast decisions, often too fast and not well thought out; we may have problems trying to remember things

•

our feelings:

may become irritable, angry, afraid, hostile

•

our behaviour: may become aggressive.

Stress can reduce the ability of the body’s immune system to protect us from infection. It does this because it can stop your body producing natural killer cells and antibodies which fight against invading foreign cells.

Sources of stress •

Attitudes and beliefs (Will be talking about more next week): these can become energy drains, for example, when we feel worried, hurried, anxious, resentful, frustrated, tense, or as if we need to be perfect or if we are always trying to please.

•

Social influences: parents and peers can produce stress.

•

Threats to: ⴰ self esteem ⴰ relationships ⴰ physical safety ⴰ status in school ⴰ future.

Draw on board the illustration overleaf (this is also presented on a student handout).

A certain amount of stress is normal and healthy; without stress one would not be alive. However, we often function better when we see stress as a challenge and are not confronted with overwhelming levels of stress. Too little stress can result in us doing nothing, feeling bored and lacking energy; too much stress will eventually burn us out and lead to exhaustion. Therefore if we think about stress on a scale of 1 to 10, we should aim for stress levels of about 6 to keep us motivated and healthy.

Stages of stress 1 too little

→

boredom/apathy

2 optimum

→

energy

3 too much

→

fatigue

4 burnout

→

exhaustion.

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STRESS MANAGEMENT

Drawn from an illustration by Michelle Kearns

The ideal situation is to recognise the signs that you are in stage 2 and to try to maintain this without letting yourself slip into either stage 1 or 3. So think about how you feel when you are in this state. Next week we will be learning about lots of new ways to cope with stress. Try to fill out the Stress Awareness Diary so you will know for sure what sorts of things in your life are causing you stress and we can discuss ways in which you can cope better with these. Don’t forget to bring this diary with you next week. If you don’t want to share it, jot down a summary or some thoughts on the way that stress made you feel during the week. Read over the handouts and try to think about them. Fill out your own copy of the questions sheet and think about it. Decide you are going to try to reduce the stress in your life and feel happier, more in control and more relaxed. Next week well be learning more about COPING! End with Exercise 8 on the breathing and stretching exercise sheet. Give out handouts for Session 1.

14

Getting Your Head around Stress Mental ways of coping with stress

1 2 3 4 6

Breathing and stretching Discussion Teacher talk 1 Role play Teacher talk 2: Coping

0–5 5–15 15–30 30–40 40–50

Notes for teachers The emphasis in Session 2 is to move quickly from a discussion of sources of stress to ways of dealing with stress. First however, we need to discover what the students’ Stress Awareness Diaries revealed. They may prefer to discuss this in an abstract way rather than to show what they wrote. It is best to break the students into groups of four for the discussion and then have them report back to the group as a whole. As with all the sessions, this one is timed very tightly and begins and ends with breathing and stretching exercises. Distribute handouts for Session 2. Refer to start of Handouts section for appropriate handouts.

Breathing and stretching 1 Exercises 5 and 7 on the breathing and stretching exercise sheet.

After Exercise 5, discuss with students how their thinking affected their breathing, and how their breathing affected their thinking.

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2 Discussion

Stress Awareness Diary 1

Stress Awareness Diary: What sorts of things did you find stressful?

2

What sorts of thoughts did you have when you were stressed?

3

What sorts of feelings did you have when you were stressed?

4

Do you find you have negative thoughts which say negative things to you over and over?

Feedback

(see handout)

3 Teacher talk 1 Learning how to control your thinking is the most powerful stress management tool there is. It gives you the power to control how situations affect you, how and if other people affect you and how you are going to live your life. If you give these ideas a chance you will be amazed at exactly how much power you really have over the way you react to those things which happen to you.

1 Being aware4 Recognising when you are under stress and why is very important. If you do not know that you are under strain or what exactly is causing it you cannot do anything to help solve the problem. We looked at the symptoms of stress last week, so everyone should now know more about their own personal reactions to stress. The Stress Awareness Diary helps you to trace feelings of stress to events or thoughts which you may not realise came first. For instance you might notice that you begin to feel physically tense when watching the TV, because you are feeling guilty about not studying, or you may feel tense talking to certain people. Know your limits and recognise signs of overloading, like tiredness and irritability. Accept them as signals for you to take a break or ‘time-out’.

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GETTING YOUR HEAD AROUND STRESS

2 Try to predict which things may be stressful and be prepared! If you are anxious about an event that’s coming up, the body will respond as if you are actually experiencing the event with fear If, on the other hand, you tell yourself that you believe you can handle the situation, your mind and body will remain relaxed. The effect of stress on you is seriously influenced by the degree of predictability and control you feel you have over it. Sometimes stressful situations are obvious, for example, when sitting an exam. At other times you may not realise how stressful the situation actually is, all you know is that you just don’t feel comfortable. Keeping the Stress Awareness Diary may help you to realise which situations make you feel stressed. Once you know the problem, you can plan how to deal with it!

Anticipating regular events Most of our stress comes from the same old problems such as having to talk to people we don’t like, finishing homework off on Sunday night for Monday morning or over-hearing people arguing. If we learn to predict and prepare for these things we feel less stressed because we feel more in control. Look at your Stress Awareness Diary to find out the sorts of things that come up more than once, then try the following when appropriate: •

Simply avoid the situation! (e.g. avoid meeting people who make you feel uncomfortable).

•

Put in the preparation! (e.g. trying to get homework finished well in time).

•

Confront the situation head-on (e.g. deciding to discuss something that has been annoying you directly with the person involved).

•

Decide what works best: in other words, is this way of responding the best way to keep my stress levels down? Think about the way you are handling a situation and—most importantly—ask, is it working for you?

3 Keeping things in perspective Draw on blackboard

When we feel stressed, we tend to think and feel a certain way. We often don’t realise that the way we are thinking is a result of our stress levels. We tend to think that the way we see things is the absolute truth and not just our own interpretations and predictions (usually negative) about events.

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STRESS MANAGEMENT

Here are some more examples: •

I always get things wrong.

•

My life is a mess.

•

I have nothing in life to look forward to.

•

I will never get used to this new situation.

•

Nobody cares about me.

When we meet a situation that makes us feel threatened, we often think about things in a more negative way which often makes us feel even more anxious. We often think in a very extreme way, exaggerate the consequences of the situation, look only at the bad things, blame ourselves or other people in an irrational way and jump to conclusions which are often untrue. The body then reacts because the mind is telling it that we are in some kind of danger and so the feelings of stress can keep going or get worse. If we learn to replace these extreme thoughts with more realistic and helpful ones we can learn to control our stress response and feel more relaxed. Next time you feel tense or stressed, follow your thoughts and challenge them! See if you can re-label the situation by trying to be more moderate and positive and you will be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Talking negative We all have internal conversations with ourselves every day. We all have a critical inner voice that can nag us and make us anxious, make us feel inferior and stop us from getting what we want out of life. Sometimes it won’t leave us alone, always blaming us, judging us harshly and getting in our way. It can create a constant doubt about our abilities to, for example, do well in exams, cope well with family stress, get a job when we leave school or be successful in forming a relationship. It can make us feel bad about ourselves, for example when we tell ourselves that: •

You never get things right.

•

You are fat and ugly.

•

You are so boring, how could anybody want you as a friend.

•

You are different to everyone else.

•

You are so stupid, you’re bound to fail.

Can you think of things you say to yourself about yourself which may not be true? These may contain references to yourself that are so taken for granted that you are not aware of any immediate increases in stress. These irrational ideas can often take the form of shoulds, e.g:

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•

I should always be in good form or other people won’t like me.

•

I should never show when I’m feeling nervous or afraid.


I should always be able to cope on my own.

•

We tend to think in an extreme way about our emotional life, e.g.

If I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend, I’ll be miserable. rather than If I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend, I might feel like I’m missing out but I’ll be OK. Or:

If they don’t ask me to go out with them: I’ll never get over the rejection. rather than

If they don’t ask me to go out with them: I might feel sad, but I can do other things. The way you feel is not just about actual events. In between the event and the emotion is realistic or unrealistic self-talk. It is the self-talk that produces the feelings. Your own thoughts directed and controlled by you are what create anxiety, anger and depression. Draw on board

For example: A Fact/event Your friend failed to mention that a group of people are going out at the weekend. B Self-talk (what you tell yourself) 1

That’s it They don’t want me to hang around with them any more. They obviously find me boring.

—OR— 2

They must have forgotten, they usually ask me along.

C Emotions 1

Feel angry, resentful, upset

2

Feel OK if slightly confused.

Scientists have found that negative self-talk like B(1) described above, causes physiological arousal. In other words, your body tenses and becomes stressed when you interpret situations in a negative way. •

No one phoned me this week.

•

People just aren’t interested in me.

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STRESS MANAGEMENT

•

I’m obviously boring and unattractive.

•

It’s so depressing.

The emotional results of irrational self-talk are anxiety, depression, rage, guilt, and a sense of worthlessness. Think about what sorts of things your critical inner voice says to you. But we have a choice in how we train ourselves to view the things we experience. The following are common negative self-talks and the alternative positive statements.5 •

Negative: It’s not within my power to stop people or things from upsetting me.

•

Positive: How I react is my choice. It is up to me whether I allow myself to become upset.

•

Negative: I can’t control how I feel, how bad I feel or how long I feel like this.

•

Positive:

•

Negative: The way I react is something I cannot change.

•

Positive:

•

Negative: Things should work out the way I plan them.

•

Positive:

•

Negative: I don’t have enough self-confidence.

•

Positive:

•

Negative: I always mess things up.

•

Positive:

I may not be able to control getting upset, but I can control how deeply I feel and how long these reactions last. By controlling my thoughts, and trying to be positive and more realistic, I can change the way I react to stressful situations. It would be nice if everything went my way. But I have to learn to take things as they come. I get nervous sometimes, but who doesn’t? Everyone makes a mistake once in a while.

4 Thought stopping Persistent thoughts may take the form of doubting yourself, for example, •

I will never pass my exams.

•

I will never be able to get a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Or fear: •

I wonder if there is something wrong with me.

•

I hope my parents don’t split up.

Thoughts like these can cause much anxiety. Thought stopping is a very simple technique but it works! It involves becoming aware of the sorts of anxiety provoking thoughts which you are prone to and learning to switch off and empty your mind. You can either just say ‘STOP’ to yourself, or you can learn to replace

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them with reassuring and more helpful, realistic statements like ‘I won’t fail if I work a little harder. It’ll be fine’. It has been well documented that negative and frightening thoughts always come before negative and frightening emotions. Therefore if the thoughts can be controlled, overall stress levels can be significantly reduced.

Teacher notes: Ask everyone to think of a negative thought about themselves which they often have. Then ask them to think about the following questions and discuss them with a person beside them: •

Is the thought realistic or unrealistic?

•

Is the thought helpful or unhelpful (i.e. does it stop you achieving what you need to achieve)?

•

Is the thought easy or hard to control?

You have to be disciplined to stop these thoughts from coming into your head! Choose one and decide now that it’s unrealistic and that you will feel much better without it!

Coping skills training 56 Just because you are in a stressful situation, it is not inevitable, that you will feel anxious and upset. Rather, most of us simply get into the habit of responding in that way. Coping skills training is about learning, instead, to release the tension and relax using muscle relaxation, whenever or wherever you are feeling stressed. You can learn to create your own personal list of stress-coping remarks which you say to yourselves at times of stress, rather than the usual comments we say to ourselves like: ‘I’m not able to do this’, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘Everyone else is more on top of things than me.’

Learning to relax Knowing how to relax is the key. Progressive muscle relaxation is often used, where you lie down and focus on one muscle at a time, starting from your toes and moving your way up your body. You tense each muscle for a few seconds and then relax it. The directions for progressive relaxation are on the Breathing and stretching sheet. You can try this at home. Ask students to try this as you read out the instructions:

Learning to breathe from your stomach is central to relaxation. To breathe deeply, put your hands on your stomach, breathe in so that the air expands your stomach and pushes your hands out. Direct all the air downward into your

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STRESS MANAGEMENT

stomach to push your hands as much as feels comfortable. Breathe deeply, at a rhythm that feels comfortable, and feel your hands being pushed gently in and out. Breathe out with a sigh. Imagine that the tension is flowing out of your body as you let go of each breath. Think about life situations which make you feel anxious, especially those that you are likely to come across in the near future, for example: •

finding it hard to study

•

problems with family or friends

•

boy/girlfriend problems

•

rushing to get to school on time

•

parents hassling you about housework

•

having to attend a class in which you don’t like the teacher

•

having problems settling down to homework

•

bad mark in essay

•

friends falling out with each other

•

not being allowed to go out with friends

•

parents arguing in front of you

•

being anxious over exams

•

trying to make conversation with someone you fancy

•

being pressured by others to do something you don’t want to do.

Applying relaxation techniques You can practise and prepare for these situations by imagining them in your head, with all the details they involve. While you are imagining them, you will begin to notice tension in your body; maybe your muscles start to tense, or you have feelings of upset, anger or anxiety. When you feel these, you will know that you need to begin relaxing your body. Take some deep breaths, make sure you are breathing from your stomach, and begin by tensing up each muscle from your toes to your neck and then releasing the tension. Learning relaxation like this requires that each scene be vivid and realistic to you. Try to imagine exactly how the situation would look, feel and sound. Place yourself in the scene and concentrate on imagining precisely how it would feel. It may be difficult the first few times you try but the more you practise putting yourself in the picture and letting the scene touch each of your senses, the easier it will be to really feel what it’s like to be there. After you have learned to relax in this way, you may expect a feeling of greater confidence when confronting the same problem situations in real life.

Stress-coping thoughts7 Having learned coping skills like these you can then go on to create a private list of stress-coping thoughts. These will stop you feeling distressed. The way you

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interpret the situation, what you tell yourself will happen next and what you say to yourself about your own worth will all influence the emotions you will feel. If you tell yourself, ‘I’m going to fail my exams (prediction), I’m too stressed out and not clever enough (self-evaluation), I know he doesn’t want me in his class (interpretation)’, then your physiological response might be a choking feeling in your throat, a headache or butterflies in your stomach. When you notice these physical reactions, you might think, ‘That’s it. I’m freaked out now, I can’t do this any more, I’m getting out of here.’ These self-statements in turn increase the physiological symptoms and you will probably make poor decisions. The feedback loop from thoughts to physical reactions to behaviour to more negative thoughts can continue unbroken until you are very upset. The way you think doesn’t have to make you feel more anxious; it can actually relax a tense stomach and calm you down. Stress-coping thoughts let your body know there is no need to prepare for ‘fight or flight’: it can relax! In the middle of any stressful situation, you can do this by saying to yourself your own stressreducing statements like ‘Stay calm…. You’ve dealt with this before…. Relax now…. He can’t get to me.’ The more you focus on your coping statements, the quicker you will feel relief from physiological arousal and the over-reaction. You’ll feel much better! Make your own list of stress-coping thoughts and learn them. Things you can say to yourself when confronting a stressful situation:8 Preparation •

I have nothing to worry about.

•

Everything’s going to be okay.

•

I’ve done this successfully before.

•

I should just focus on what I have to do.

•

I know I can do each one of these tasks.

•

It’s easier once you get started.

•

I’m just going to get stuck in.

•

It’ll be over before I know it.

•

I’ve got to think positively about this.

•

If it doesn’t work out it’s not the end of the world.

Confronting the stressful situation •

Try to be clear and focused.

•

I’m just going to take one thing at a time.

•

I can do this, I’m doing it now.

•

All I can do is my best.

•

If I feel tense I’ll use my relaxation skills.

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•

If I don’t think about fear, I won’t be afraid.

•

If I get tense, I’ll take a deep breath and relax.

•

It’s OK to make mistakes.

•

There’s help if I need it.

Coping with fear •

Relax and stay calm.

•

Just breathe deeply.

•

Focus on the here and now.

•

It’ll soon be over.

•

I’ll keep my mind on right now, on the task at hand.

•

I can keep this within limits I can handle.

•

I am able to relax away this anxiety.

•

I can always talk to my friends, my parents.

•

I am only afraid because I decided to be. I can decide not to be.

•

I’ve survived this and worse before.

•

Being active will lessen the fear.

Reinforcing success •

I did It!

•

I did it all right. I did it well.

•

Next time I won’t have to worry so much.

•

I’ve got to tell…about this.

You might find these stress-coping thoughts useful, but the most helpful ones will probably be the ones you write for yourself. Learn some for each stage of coping: preparing, facing the event feeling anxious and congratulating yourself on getting through it. Keep the list handy in your school bag or beside your bed. Get used to using them all the time.

Have a sense of humour! Teacher notes: Try telling a quick joke, or ask if a student would like to tell a quick joke. Notice how the atmosphere in the room lightens.

It has been shown that of prime importance for feelings of happiness is being able to have a laugh with friends, having a cheerful effect on others and seeing the funny side of things.

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It’s been known for a long time that laughter is often the best cure and now there is scientific evidence to support this. We have all had personal experiences of its benefit. The scientifically proven benefits to having a good laugh include the release of serotonin, the body’s natural tranquilliser, as well as endorphins which make you feel good! Having a good belly-laugh means that you are more likely to start breathing from your stomach which helps you relax, you take in more oxygen which is invigorating, the expression on your face feeds back to your brain and tells you that you are happy, and it alters your perspective on things and makes the world seem a less threatening place!

Role play 4 There is a handout for this exercise at the back of this session. The point of this role play is to communicate to students that it is impossible to know what is going on the minds of others. When we play ‘mind-reading’ we often get it wrong. Usually people have their own concerns and worries, but we often feel that their behaviour is about us. Ask for four volunteers for role playing. Ask them each to pick one of the cards and each pair, in turn, to act out the scene taking just a few minutes. Request that the four participants refrain from looking at each other’s cards. Then ask the class what they felt the four people were thinking during the two scenarios. Ask the four volunteers what the others were thinking. Then ask the four volunteers to read out what was on their card. Thank them for taking part. Discuss for a few minutes.

This exercise aims to make the point that you can cause yourself a lot of stress and anxiety by trying to read other people’s minds and usually getting it wrong. We’ll be talking more about the dangers of mind reading in Session 5 on ‘people stress’.

Teacher talk 2: Coping 5 When you are in a stressful situation there are different ways of coping. •

Approach coping, also known as problem solving, means seeing your stress as a problem to be solved and trying actively to solve the problem.

•

Avoidance coping can mean simply ignoring the problem or using other things to distract you.

Using approach coping in a situation where you have some control over the outcome will probably be helpful whereas avoidance coping may help when there is absolutely nothing you can do except switch off or accept the situation.

General ways of coping with stress9 In the following sessions we will learn in more ways of dealing with stress, but first here are some ways to find out if you are under too much stress:

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Knowing when you are under stress Know your own signs of stress (how does it make you think, feel, act). How big is your burden? Think about the stresses you face and write them down. Stress can build up, so regular hassles count as well as big things. Stress experienced over a long time can wear you down. Also different individuals find different things stressful. Calculate the change. Adapting to changes, either good or bad, can be stressful. The demand is obvious if the stress is an illness or losing your boy/girl friend or failing an exam, and less obvious if it is just moving up a year. Changes of all kinds use up energy, leaving you less to spare until you have adjusted to them. Moving house or moving school can be highly stressful. Think about any changes that have happened to you in the last year. Think about yourself. Have you noticed any changes in yourself recently that might be due to too much stress?

Coping with stress When you are finding it difficult to get your stress under control, try these six steps: 1 Think about it!

Take time out to stop and think. When the pressure rises, you need a breathing space to put things in perspective and plan your next move. Take a small break if you can. Think about the main aspects of your life; your family, schoolwork, friends and free time. 2 Get it sorted!

Start by dealing with the effects of stress.

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•

Write it down. Stress makes it hard to remember things and to concentrate. Try using diaries and making lists.

•

Make time to plan. Stress makes planning and decisions difficult e.g. when building up to an exam, use timetables and planners to decide what you will study each evening or each week.

•

Take a break. Stress makes you tired. Give yourself proper breaks, for meals, refreshments, exercise and at the weekend.

•

Look after yourself. Stress makes it harder to get over an illness and makes you more vulnerable to ill health. Learn to stop before you are completely worn out.

•

Relax. Stress makes you feel pressured. Slow down, calm down and take the urgency out of your life.

•

Get stuck in. Stress tempts you to avoid difficulties or put off dealing with them, so that they do not get resolved. Try not to keep putting things off and try to face them instead. It is often best to do your least favourite, or


hardest task first. This will prevent these things dragging you down and preying on your mind. •

Manage your time. Time is valuable. Well be learning more about this in Session 5.

3 Think ahead!

Think about what’s important to you in the long term. Choose solutions to problems that will be helpful in the long term. 4 Make if easy on yourself!

All different types of stress can add up, so don’t be afraid to try to sort out the small problems as well as the big ones. It will make you feel more in control. 5 Give yourself a break!

Stop giving yourself a hard time. Learn how to treat yourself with affection and respect. Learn to get rid of unhelpful attitudes which only undermine you. 6 Look offer your health

To stay healthy, make sure you get regular meals and regular exercise. We’ll be talking more about this in next week’s session. Exercising is invigorating and can give you lots more energy! Cut down on caffeine; it cause headaches, tiredness and difficulty in sleeping. Look after the ‘F’s. You need:

•

Friends and family: as a source of support and advice e.g. someone to talk to when you feel down or friends to have fun with. Well be talking more about this in Session 5.

•

Fun and fulfilment: to provide you with pleasure and a sense of reward e.g. sports or listening to music.

•

Flapping: to renew your energy, e.g. soaking in the bath or having a chat with your friends.

Ask everyone to take an exercise, sleep and diet diary, to fill them out during the week and bring them along to next week’s session. Finish with stretching and breathing if you have time (even two minutes)—try exercise 8. Give out handouts for Session 2.

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Session 2: Role play Teacher Notes: It is best to have same gender students play all four roles. This can mean four males or four females. Mixed role plays introduce further explanations and interpretations which can confuse the central message of the role play. Give one of the following instructions to each of four students:

Role play 1a Person 1: Anne/Mark You see your friend Marie (or John) walking along the corridor at school. You call her (or him) but she/he doesn’t answer. You walk up to her/him and try to make light conversation for a few minutes. She/he doesn’t seem that interested. She/he seems distracted. Eventually you give up and leave.

Role play 1b Person 2: Marie/John You are walking along the corridor at school. You hear your friend Anne/ Mark call out to you. You don’t really want to talk to them because they really upset you last week by something that they did. You are annoyed with them but don’t know quite what to do. You don’t really want to talk about it and would rather just avoid conversations with them. They try to make light conversation with you, but you try not to get involved. Eventually they give up and leave.

Role play 2a Person 1: Jane/James You see your friend Hannah (or Robert) walking along the corridor at school. You call her (or him) but she/he doesn’t answer. You walk up to her/him and try to make light conversation for a few minutes. She/he doesn’t seem that interested. She/he seems distracted. Eventually you give up and leave.

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Role play 2b Person 2: Hannah/Robert You are walking along the corridor of school. You hear your friend Jane/ James call out to you. You don’t really want to talk to them because you are really upset because of a bad fight that you had with your parents earlier in the day. You don’t really want to talk about it and would rather just avoid conversations with them. They try to make light conversation with you, but you try not to get involved. Eventually they give up and leave.

Ask students to comment.

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Fit for Life Physical ways of coping with stress

1 2 3 4 5 6

Breathing and stretching 1 Discussion Teacher talk1 Group discussion of exercise Teacher talk 2 Breathing and stretching 2

0–5 5–15 15–25 25–30 30–45 45–50

Notes for teachers This session looks at physical techniques we can use to help combat stress. This includes getting enough nutrition, sleep and exercise in order to keep our immune system strong and our energy levels high. During this session we also learn more about relaxation. In the handouts which accompany this session, there is information on premenstrual tension which the girls in the class can read in their own time. Distribute handouts for Session 3. Refer to Handout—2—for appropriate handouts.

Breathing and stretching 1 Exercises 1, 2 and 9 on the Breathing and stretching exercise sheet.

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2 Discussion Are we looking after our health? Discuss: • Exercise Diary: Do students feel they get enough exercise? • Sleep Diary: Do students feel they get enough sleep? • Food Diary: Do students feel their diet is healthy? • Caffeine Counter: How much caffeine have people had during the week? What do students feel would enhance their physical well-being?

Feedback

(see handout)

3 Teacher talk 1 Nutrition and eating habits A healthy body will respond better to the stresses of life and good nutrition is a building block for good health. Some foods give you energy while others make you feel tired. Eating well can help reduce irritability, headaches, fatigue and pre-menstrual tension in girls. It can help you to cope with stress by giving you energy, and strengthening your immune system to keep you healthy.

Healthy eating The principles of healthy eating are:

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•

Reduce fats.

•

Reduce sugar.

•

Increase fibre/complex carbohydrates.

•

Reduce salt.

•

Eat at least five portions of fresh fruit and vegetables daily.

•

Eat a variety of foods.

FIT FOR LIFE

•

Maintain your ideal weight.

•

Avoid or limit caffeine.

•

If you drink alcohol, drink in moderation.

•

Eat calm, frequent meals.

•

If you are feeling run down, take a multivitamin tablet daily.

Complex carbohydrates

Also known as starches, complex carbohydrates are the main source of energy in our diet. They have been referred to as natural tranquillisers since they cause the release of serotonin which improves mood. Most of our calories should come from complex carbohydrates. Examples include potatoes, rice, pasta, bread, porridge, breakfast cereal and muesli. These are not fattening and can help you lose weight and stay that way. It is best to eat wholegrain varieties— wholemeal bread or pasta, brown rice—because they contain more fibre, vitamins and minerals and are also more filling.10 Protein

Protein is needed for growth and repair of body tissues. Getting enough protein is not a problem for most young people. Vitamins and minerals

You should get all you need from a well-balanced diet and especially from fresh fruit and vegetables. If you are feeling run down it might be useful to take a multivitamin course. Water

The average person requires about one litre of water per day. Teenagers may require more, particularly those who eat a lot of fast food. Fats

The reason why women often have more body fat than males is because in prehistoric times, when there was not a lot of food available, they needed to have extra energy stored to feed themselves and their babies. A woman must also be a healthy weight to menstruate and give birth. Men had more muscle and less fat because they had to search actively for food. This is one reason why dieting often does not work: when you cut down dramatically on food, your body responds as if there were a threat of starvation. It slows down your metabolism (the rate at which the body burns up calories), and stores as much spare fat as possible. A moderate intake of fat is necessary for lots of things including skin and hair maintenance, body temperature maintenance and cell functioning. Many people’s diets contain too much fat.11 How to reduce fat in your diet •

Use skimmed or semi-skimmed milk and low-fat dairy products.

•

Use less fats and oils. Use polyunsaturated fats (such as olive oil or sunflower oil) rather than saturated fats (like butter).

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•

Bake, boil, steam, poach or grill instead of trying.

•

Use less butter, margarine and mayonnaise on your bread.

•

Use low-fat fillings in sandwiches e.g. tuna, cottage cheese or salads.

Fast foods

When the level of glucose in your blood is low, you tend to feel hungry. Snack foods that contain refined carbohydrates and sugars are quickly digested. However, the brief boost in blood glucose is quickly followed by a fall in blood glucose levels so that we feel hungry again very soon after! This may lead to more snacking, is an easy habit to fall into, and can lead to weight gain. If your meal is balanced, that is, contains other nutritional elements as well as carbohydrates the food is more slowly digested and absorbed and it should be some time before you feel ready for the next meal. Caffeine

Coffee, tea, chocolate and some soft drinks contain caffeine. Caffeine is a stimulant which can make you feel tired and irritable. It can also cause difficulties getting to sleep and stomach problems. The daily recommended amount is roughly equal to two cups of instant coffee or one cup of brewed coffee. Alcohol: the facts12

Alcohol makes you fatter. Alcohol is extremely high in calories and contains little nutritional value. One gram of alcohol contains 7 calories, compared to 4 calories in protein and carbohydrates; this is nearly twice as much as in sugar. Alcohol also reduces your body’s ability to burn fat because the liver, which normally burns fat is too busy processing the alcohol! While this is happening, fat that would have been burned is stored, often in women’s hips and thighs and in men’s stomachs. Girl Power? It was always thought that females get drunk more easily than males because of their smaller size. However, we know now that there is another important reason. Women only have approximately half as much of the enzyme ‘alcohol dehydrogenase’ that breaks down alcohol in the stomach before it enters the bloodstream. This prevents you getting really drunk and damaging your liver. In other words the way one alcoholic drink affects a woman is actually the same as the way two drinks affect a man. You might think that men drinking a pint while women drink a half is out of date but it actually makes a lot of sense. Also females stay drunk for longer than males. Drowning your sorrows with drink? The truth is alcohol has a depressing effect on the activity of the brain so you are more likely to feel sad and miserable. One at a time. Mixing alcohol with legal or illegal drugs is extremely dangerous and can be fatal. This type of combination can make you vomit in your sleep and, because you are so ‘out of it’, you can end up suffocating on your own vomit Drinking too much can cause many problems including mood swings (alcohol is a well-known depressant), depleted Vitamin B levels, altered blood sugar, high blood pressure and relationship problems. It can also affect concentration levels.

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FIT FOR LIFE

Facts and myths about diet13 Breakfast and your weight

Ask for a show of hands as to how many people eat breakfast every morning.

Studies have shown that breakfast speeds up your metabolism which burns calories and helps you feel energetic for the rest of the day. You will also be less likely to eat high-fat, high-calorie foods (like crisps) later on. Not eating breakfast slows down your metabolism by up to 4 per cent. This can make you feel sluggish and a bit low. So remember when you feel like skipping breakfast that a slower metabolism and the additional snacking could add 6 to 8 pounds of fat to your body each year! Television makes you fat

Because television stops you from being active and burning up any calories, watching too much TV can lead to weight gain. It is a also a cycle because the more unfit you become, the less you feel like being active! Studies have shown that watching television slows down the rate at which you burn calories, even compared to reading or ‘doing nothing’. People who watch three hours or more a day are twice as likely to show weight gain as those who watch for less than an hour. In summary: •

Eat a diet high in complex carbohydrates (potatoes, rice, pasta, cereals, bread).

•

Eat at least five servings of fruit and vegetables per day.

•

No more than one-third of your calories should come from fat.

•

Make sure you get enough calcium every day from milk, yoghurt or green vegetables.

•

Cut down on salt.

•

A void sugar. In addition to rotting your teeth, many foods that are high in sugar are also high in fat. Sugar contains ‘empty calories’ which have no nutritional value.

•

Try not to drink alcohol as it contains twice as many calories as sugar.

•

Eat a variety of foods.

There are six determinants of weight and shape: 1

Genetics: we partly inherit our shape from our parents.

2

Set point and metabolism: our weight tends not to go far above or beyond our natural set point.

3.

Age: our shape changes as we get older.

4

Exercise, fitness and posture.

5

Drinking habits: nothing will make you put on weight faster than alcohol.

6

Eating patterns.

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Our relationship with food Some teenagers, often girls, feel guilty if they feel they have eaten too much. Food can become something that you want to control, as an enemy that you must battle against. Appetite can be affected by emotions: depression or stress may cause you to eat less or more than you do normally. Eating disorders may be: •

a way of avoiding issues by concentrating solely on food

•

a way of coping, when life seems to be full of problems with no solutions

•

a way of feeling in control of one’s own body and life.

The effects of dieting •

Dieting makes your body slow down its metabolism (the rate at which your body burns up fat). When you cut down on food to lose a few pounds your body becomes used to this new limited diet. Then, when you start to eat normally again, or even a little bit more than you did on your diet, your body responds as if this food were extra and stores it as fat! This can lead to weight gain.

•

If you are constantly dieting and then eating normally, your weight will go up and down. This has a negative effect on your metabolism and means it will take a longer time to lose weight and a shorter time to put on weight. Also each time you gain the weight back, more of it will be fat and less of it muscle, and because muscle is so good at burning up calories, you lose the best natural weight control aid.

•

Dieting can make you feel like bingeing, because your appetite loses its normal control mechanism. You may also be more attracted to fattening foods when you go off the diet.

•

Severe dieting can lead to facial hair growth in some girls.

•

Dieting can lead to a preoccupation with food.

•

It also can make you think more about your weight and food than you do about things that are really important in your life, like your relationships and achievements.

•

Dieting can make you feel tired, irritable and stressed out all the time.

The best way to lose weight

Everyone—whether they need to lose weight or not—will improve their health and body shape by remaining physically active and by having a low-fat diet. These are not temporary measures but a way of life which, unlike ‘low-calorie’ diets, will enable you to achieve and more importantly maintain a healthy and more attractive body weight and shape. This may seem too simple to be true but it is the only effective approach. People who write ‘diet’ books and sell ‘diet’ products would like you to think otherwise.

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Group discussion of exercise 4

Ask for a show of hands: •

Who takes regular exercise?

•

What do they do?

•

How do they feel afterwards? (see handout)

Teacher talk 5 The benefits of exercise: Why should exercise make you feel good? •

Can give you better results at school

•

improves your self-confidence

•

lifts depression

•

reduces stress

•

makes you better looking

•

makes you more creative

•

gives you energy

•

lowers your body fat

•

improves your immune system

•

makes you less tired

•

reduces anxiety

•

improves overall concentration and memory

•

reduces hostility and irritability

•

improves sleep

•

reduces physical tension

•

improves your body image.

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The psychological benefits Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins. These are powerful moodenhancing drugs, which have a chemical make-up similar to opium-based drugs. These are the reason why most people feel a ‘high’ after exercise, particularly aerobic-type exercise, like running, dancing, aerobics, soccer and so on. Endorphins combine with other changes in your brain chemistry to make you feel better in many ways. Feeling more attractive

Studies have shown that exercise makes people feel more confident and attractive when dealing with the opposite sex. Exercise raises your self-esteem and improves your self-image in a variety of other ways as well. Studies have show that people often feel more romantic after aerobic exercise. Feeling happier

Taking exercise can simply make you feel happier. In some countries it is being used as a treatment for child, teenage and adult depression because it enhances your mood and makes you feel more positive and optimistic about things. Participating in sports or exercise with other people can also help you take your mind off your problems and give you a sense of achievement and satisfaction. It also makes you focus on the present and not let your mind wander onto other concerns. Reducing stress

Endorphins released during exercise make you feel less stressed and the physical activity relaxes your muscles which also allows you to feel more calm. Going for a run before a stressful event like an exam, or a driving test can relieve much nervousness and stress. Improved grades

It has been shown that taking regular exercise can help you achieve higher marks at school and in exams. Furthermore, recent research has shown that just twenty minutes of aerobic exercise can immediately improve your performance on aptitude tests, and can improve creativity, concentration, alertness and speed.

The physical benefits Exercise helps you to keep fit and slim (through burning up calories), build up muscles and prevent heart disease. Exercise can also help you in the following ways: Energy

Exercise makes you feel more energetic. That’s why it’s not a good idea to exercise just before you go to bed as it can affect sleep. Taking exercise at lunch time will give you lots of energy in the afternoon. Boosts the immune system

When we run or take exercise, the body has been programmed to believe that

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we may be in some danger (i.e. that we are running away from something) and it prepares for possible injuries by boosting our immune system in advance! People who exercise have more natural killer cells in the bloodstream and those serve to kill foreign invading germs; people who are not fit have colds that last about three times longer than fit people. Looking more attractive

Exercise will tone your muscles, improve your posture, improve your body shape, boost your health, make your eyes shine bright and make you better looking. Bullying

Boys who appear fit are often less likely to be a victim of bullying, and if they are targets they will have greater self-esteem to deal with it. Increased longevity

You’ll live longer!

General points about exercise Examples of aerobic exercises

Dancing, rollerblading, aerobics, tennis, jogging, ice skating, cycling, football, swimming, walking. When exercising: •

Do at least twenty minutes of aerobic activity at least three times a week. This means increasing your heart rate and breathing.

•

Keep active! Walk or cycle to school or a friend’s house instead of taking the bus, help out with housework, go dancing…

•

Exercise should not become a new, more acceptable form of diet addiction. Its aim is to make people healthier and a side-effect will be a better body shape.

•

When you are aerobically fit you have more ‘fat-burning compartments’ inside your muscles. This keeps you burning fat a lot of the time and means that if you continue to eat normally, you will burn more calories than you take in. Exercise controls your appetite and makes you less likely to crave unhealthy foods.

•

Muscles use up energy and burn fat, even when you’re doing nothing. 450 grams of muscle burns thirty to fifty calories a day just doing nothing, while the same weight of body fat burns only two.

Why we don’t want to exercise

It is easy to come up with excuses for not exercising, even when we are aware of all the benefits. Here are some of the excuses which might sound familiar! •

I’m too tired.

•

I don’t have enough time.

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•

I’m feeling rushed.

•

I get enough exercise.

•

It will increase my appetite and I might put on weight.

•

I don’t need to; I’m not fat.

•

I have more important things to do.

•

I’d be embarrassed in front of other people.

•

It’s boring.

•

The weather is too bad.

•

I’m too out of shape.

These reasons for not exercising are strong influences but they are depriving you of one of your most basic needs! Keeping interested in physical activity

Try not to think of ‘exercise’ but rather physical activity. It should become a natural part of your lifestyle, not something you dread! Mix it up. Choose different types of exercise for different days, e.g. dancing at the weekend, cycling during the week and swimming once a week. Make it social. Whether its getting involved in team sports or just going for a jog with a friend, joining other people will make it a sociable event and help you to stick with it. Keep active. When going to meet people, jog, walk, cycle or roller blade there! Make it easy on yourself. Always arrange times and places that suit you, so you’ve no excuse for not going! Make PE work for you! If you’re not into competitive sports, try asking your PE teacher if you can do something else, like aerobics which might be more fun.

Sleep Sleeping badly can make you feel miserable, irritable, and unable to cope. It is therefore an important stress management tool to know how much sleep you need, and to try to get this. There are three main kinds of problem: difficulty falling asleep, wakefulness during the night, and waking too early in the morning. Many people think they have a sleeping problem, when they are actually underestimating how much sleep they get.

Facts about sleep

40

•

Teenagers need more sleep than adults, on average about nine and a half hours sleep or more, particularly during exam time.

•

Everyone varies in the amount of sleep they need and it is not always possible to change this.

FIT FOR LIFE

•

One bad night’s sleep will make you feel tired but should not interfere too much with your functioning.

•

New sleep routines take a few weeks to establish.

•

If you start to reduce your sleep by more than one hour a night your ability to concentrate will be affected.

•

Mood, exercise, food, stress and worries all affect sleep.

•

Sleeping tablets are the number one cause of insomnia. They are also addictive. It is much better to find other ways to help improve your sleep.

•

You should sleep at regular times so as not to confuse your body clock.

•

Taking a short nap in the afternoon (twenty minutes) will help you to study better.

How do you know if you have a sleep problem? Ask yourself these two questions 1

Do you regularly feel tired throughout the day?

2

Does sleepiness interfere with your daily activities?

Here are four ways to improve sleep15 1 Physical strategies

•

Make sure your bed is comfortable with not too many or too few covers. Feeling too hot or cold will wake you up, or prevent you from falling asleep.

•

Make sure you go to the toilet before going to bed. This will help prevent you waking up in the middle of the night.

•

Alcohol makes you want to pass urine which wakes you up. Also it is a sedative which will send you to sleep but tends to wake you when the effect wears off.

•

Cut down on coffee and tea. These are stimulants which may affect your ability to sleep.

2 Establish good sleep routines

•

Going to bed. Establishing an evening routine which gives your mind a chance to settle for the night and relax after any stress you may have encountered, is a good idea for people who have problems tossing and turning before they fall asleep. It’s not a good idea to try to go to sleep straight after you’ve been studying. Do something calm and enjoyable before you go to bed, like watching TV, reading, listening to music or playing with the computer (if this relaxes you!). Warm milk contains a mild sedative that might help, or try having a bath to make you feel sleepy.

•

Waking up. If you are having problems sleeping, perhaps you need to try getting up earlier in the morning so that you are tired enough at night to fall asleep. You could try not sleeping in at the weekend (although for those who do not experience sleeping difficulties this is a healthy way of catching up on missed sleep). Also if you find yourself continually waking

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early in the morning, you could try doing something constructive or enjoyable (like reading or making plans) during that time rather than tossing and turning and feeling frustrated. 3 Mental strategies

•

It is easy to get into the habit of lying awake worrying but you have more control over this than you might think. It involves a certain amount of discipline. When you find yourself lying in bed worrying, simply say to yourself: this is not the time. Things often seem worse when we think about them in the middle of the night; problems can seem beyond our control and situations hopeless. The day-time is a far better time to tackle problems. If you are worried that you will forget things, a good idea is to write them down so that you can look at them in the morning.

•

Waking regularly at least one hour before your usual time without being able to get back to sleep, and feeling very miserable—worse than at any other time of the day—can be a sign of depression. Well be talking more about this in Session 6.

4 Counting sheep?

•

Relaxation. Well be talking about relaxation techniques in a few moments. You can also try using some of the relaxation and breathing techniques we’ve been practising. If you do not have this handout please ask for one. Progressive relaxation (Exercise 6) is often useful in helping to relax before going to sleep.

•

Counting down to sleep. Counting is helpful because it is monotonous and can take your mind of other things. Counting sheep might sound like a cliché but it can actually work!

•

Counting breaths. Count each full breath. Breathe in, count one. Breathe out steadily. Breathe in, count two. Continue up to ten, hold your breath and count six of your heart beats, then breathe out. Allow yourself to take, naturally, a deep breath in, then as you breathe out pass into an even deeper state of relaxation. This is a very old meditation technique.

•

Visualisation. Use your imagination! Imagine a place of calmness and tranquillity like lying in the sun, swimming in a river, or sitting in your favourite armchair. Stay there and enjoy it.

Waking in the middle of the night

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•

Try not to worry: Worrying about not sleeping will just keep you awake! Losing sleep is not harmful.

•

Remind yourself: This is not the time to worry about anything. Write it down and think about it in the morning.

•

Ask yourself, are you thirsty? Are you too hot or too cold? Is there enough air in the room?

•

Do something to interrupt the pattern and to allow you to enter the next

FIT FOR LIFE

stage of the sleep cycle. Try reading for a while, going to the bathroom or having a sip of water. Then try settling down again as if for the first time. •

Use relaxation and counting exercises.

•

Get up and do something simple and undemanding. This usually feels better than tossing and turning with worry and frustration all night.

Learning how to relax16 •

How many of you find it hard to relax? (Ask for a show of hands.)

•

What things do you do to help you to relax?

•

How many of you suffer from muscle tension?

If you are finding it hard to switch off, some of the techniques described in this section may be useful for you. As we have learned already, learning to relax involves many things. First it is a way of looking at things: learning to stay calm, taking things in your stride and keeping cool. Second, it is a physical skill: learning to realise when your muscles are tense, and releasing that tension through mental and physical exercises. It is also a habit, that is, getting used to using routines that are helpful for you. Finally, it is a way of looking after yourself by replenishing your resources that are constantly being used up. Developing relaxed attitudes and habits is the best way to prevent stress in your life.

Why should you learn how to relax? Sometimes you have to learn how to relax because its not something that comes naturally to everyone. It is no use telling people or yourself to ‘relax’ or ‘calm down’ when in fact learning how to relax is a skill to do with recognising how your body and mind react to people and events in your environment. Most of us are pretty unaware about our physical tension levels, and often our bodies record stress long before our mind does. In other words, when your muscles are tense, it is a way of knowing that you are under stress.

Note for teachers Ask everyone to relax or ‘drop’ their shoulders. Ask if people were surprised that their shoulders were not relaxed.

There are many unpleasant and painful effects of tension. It gives you aches and pains, often in your neck, back and shoulders. This can make you feel even more tense and you may worry about the muscle strain. Relaxing or ‘dropping’ your shoulders is a very quick relaxation tool. You will be surprised how often you need to relax them. Having tense muscles is also going to make you feel tired (as tense muscles are working muscles) and irritable (as your body is feeding back to your mind that you are under stress). All of this is a waste of energy that could be put more usefully toward other things. Chronic muscular tension can occur in people with particular beliefs or attitudes and tends to tighten specific muscle groups. For

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example, a female student who believes that no matter how much study she does she is bound to fail her exams may experience chronic neck tension and pain, while a male student experiencing a lot of anxiety about the future may develop chronic stomach problems. Learning to relax slows you down and helps you to cope more comfortably with the demands of daily living. So learning to relax soothes both the mind and the body.

Six ways of developing a relaxed attitude17 1

Give your body a break. Try to make sure your posture is relaxed. Try to notice if you are sitting on the edge of your chair or fidgeting. Tension can use up a lot of energy, so give your body a chance to rest when it can.

2

Slow down. Hurrying around winds you up. Usually if you do things in a calm and relaxed manner, you’ll get things done quicker! And you’ll be less tired.

3

Take time to relax. Get used to doing things you find relaxing, whether they are calm things (like reading or doing nothing) or invigorating things (like dancing and going out). Spend time doing things that you find relaxing.

4

Enjoy yourself. Give yourself treats and do things that bring you pleasure, like chatting with friends. This will help you to stay relaxed.

5

Create opportunities. Don’t invest all of your efforts into one thing, as if this is threatened, you will feel worried and stressed. Examples include having friends at school and where you live, and having a hobby aside from your school life.

6

Take little breaks, e.g. while studying, timetable in a half an hour to talk on the phone or to watch TV.

Next week we will be looking at study skills and exam stress. In the coming week, make a list of what the biggest problems are for you to do with homework and study and we can talk about solutions next week. Give out handouts for Session 3.

6 Breathing and stretching 2 Try exercise 10 on the Breathing and stretching exercise sheet.

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Session 3: Optional discussion for young women—does being thin make you happy? Note for teachers You may wish to provide additional time to discuss the issue of dieting. A survey carried out in 1997 by the British Schools’ Health Education Unit found that six out of ten school-girls thought they needed to lose weight.18 Handouts 5 and 6 can be used to facilitate further discussion.

Discussion Think about the things in life that bring you happiness. These might include: friends, relationships, family, music, sports, hobbies, dancing, games, doing well at things, pets, holidays, beautiful scenery, reading, films, nice food, or having a laugh. Dieting and trying to get thin have no place on this list.

Some important assumptions to explore and hopefully discredit are: •

Thin girls are more attractive.

•

Thin girls are more popular.

•

Thin girls achieve more in life.

What is attractive? When asked to describe the figure that they find most attractive, males consistently choose a figure which is more curvy than the figure females choose. There are many industries out there that benefit from young women feeling insecure about their weight. The magazine, television and pop music industry often portray very slim women as happy, attractive and successful. This helps them to sell more products, such as weight loss products, diets and advice.

What dieting can do for you The truth is that thin women are not more happy than women of normal weight. Dieting is more likely to leave you feeling depressed, miserable, and unable to

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cope. It deprives you of the energy that you could spend fulfilling your dreams and goals. It can make you lose interest in what’s really important in life and instead become obsessed with food and the way you look. Women who are too thin may cease to menstruate. You have to be a certain weight to be able to maintain a pregnancy successfully. Although this may be low on your priorities now, it is important to be proud of what makes you female and why being female means being curvy!

Real girl power

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•

Take a stance and decide to be happy with who you are!

•

Be proud of being female.

•

Save the energy you would have spent worrying about weight for much cooler things.

•

Talk about it and explore whether your assumptions make real sense.

•

Eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise will help you maintain a healthy weight and give you energy.

•

Get help if you feel you can’t control the feelings that make you want to diet or binge.

Working it Out Study skills, exam preparation and time management

1 2 3 4 5

Breathing and stretching Discussion Teacher talk 1 Exercise on time management Teacher talk 2

0–5 5–15 15–40 40–45 45–50

Notes for teachers Students often indicate that this session is the most beneficial. While many tips and suggestions are provided, it is also important for students to be able to give each other advice on what works for them, and this can be encouraged within the discussion time. Students can be asked at the beginning and at the end whether there are further issues which they would like to discuss. Although this session, more than any of the others, is related to school and so involves the teacher, the same effort should be made to sustain a relaxed atmosphere, or ‘time out’ from normal classes. This will encourage students to raise issues and also to feel that the session is more to do with their well-being than their exam performance. Distribute handouts for Session 4. Refer to start of Handouts section for appropriate handouts.

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1 Breathing and stretching Try exercise 11 if students have enough room. This exercise is useful to include in this session as it stimulates alertness and can help with concentration.

2 Discussion Break class into groups of four, and let them elect a spokesperson for each group. Ask them to give feedback to the overall group after their discussion. Write the main obstacles and problems with studying on the board. If these aren’t all addressed by the end of the session, invite students to bring this to your attention so that they can be discussed.

Discussion: Studying and homework •

What are the main problems regarding homework, studying and keeping up with course work?

•

What feelings and obstacles arose during the week regarding study habits?

•

What is the hardest part of studying for you?

Feedback (see handout)

3 Teacher talk 1 Studying for exams is one of the most stressful and difficult challenges young people have to face. Some people seem to be better able to manage their time, and cope with homework and revision demands. It is more than likely that rather than being ‘more intelligent’ these people have simply learned to use effective study skills to help them to get the work done without becoming too bogged down in it and feeling helpless and depressed. Hopefully this session will provide you with ideas and techniques to help you to improve your study routines and to make the time in which you do study more productive. Many of these tips are relevant for any activity that requires you to put your mind to something, like learning a musical instrument or writing fiction.

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Study tips19 Time, time, time. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, the most important study technique is to put the time in. The more time you spend working, the more you’ll learn and achieve. You can learn to study more efficiently but it is a myth that you can do this is in very little time. Getting the ball rolling. Most people find it hard to get down to homework and study. Indeed, most people say that this is the hardest part. Ask for a show of hands: is this true?

The ability to get down to work is really the true divider between those who get a lot out of study and those who don’t. When you can’t get down to work you (a) get less done and (b) produce stress for yourself as you are neither fully relaxed or working which achieves nothing. The best thing you can do is to make getting down to work as easy as possible. Once you start you’ll find the work less painful than you anticipated!

Making it easy on yourself Wherever you study try to make it as attractive and comfortable as possible.

Try to study in the same place all the time (preferably somewhere private like your bedroom). This will help you to keep things organised. Keeping your desk tidy and free of unnecessary clutter is a good idea also, as it will help you feel in control and focused and will not turn you off studying. Get into the habit of tidying up at the end of the study session, not the beginning of the next one. List what you have to do!

Always write down what you want to get out of your study session before you start. It is a good idea to write a time table for the amount of time and incorporate breaks into this. This is also a good idea, as a common excuse is that we don’t know what to do or where to start as we have so much to do. This uncertainty sometimes stops us from studying at all. There is also a sense of achievement as you can tick things off the list as you get through them. Remember why you’re doing this!

It is easy to lose sight of the benefits that studying can bring, when it is the last thing in the world we feel like doing. Write down what you personally have to gain, what you want in life and what your short and long term goals are. Put these somewhere that you can see when you’re working. This should help to motivate you when things get tough.

Making it fun Get the timing right!

You may not have a choice when to study, or maybe it isn’t important for you. But certain people find it easier and work better at certain times of the day. Some people can concentrate more in the mornings, and others in the evenings. If you notice a difference in your productivity at different times, it is a good idea

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to work around this. This may be relevant at weekends when you’re deciding when to work. Use the time when your concentration is at its best to study, then don’t feel guilty relaxing at other times. Break it up!

If you believe when you sit down to work that you should spend hours studying, then it will be very difficult to start. It is such an intimidating thought, that most of us would rather do nothing at all! It is much better to set appropriate goals and actually get the work done. Plan your work around small chunks of study with breaks in between. This fits in with what we know about concentration levels, which usually slow down after about forty-five minutes. Mix it up!

You will find it much harder to do a lot of work on one subject in one evening, than you would to do more manageable chunks of a variety of subjects. Frequent small breaks time-tabled in allow you to not feel guilty about taking breaks, and to digest what you’ve done before moving on to the next task. Similarly, if you have a large project to do, break it into small chunks and focus on one chunk at a time. This helps you to work out how long the overall project will take, and is less demanding than thinking about working on the whole thing.

At the end of each study period Put things where you can find them

When you have finished your study period, take a few minutes to sort and file everything you have been working on. It makes sense that no matter how good your notes are, they will be useless without being easy to find and read. Looking for notes and information wastes time and can even be an excuse for not studying! Let’s face it, if you are at your desk, you might as well be using your time well, as otherwise you could be doing something relaxing elsewhere. Organise your notes in a way that suits you and when you have finished a piece of work, get into the habit of putting it back in its place. Associate studying with rewards!

Teacher note: the rewards you suggest need to be age-appropriate. These are just suggestions.

The more you enjoy doing something, the more likely you are to want to do it again. In other words, when we reward ourselves for doing things, we make it easier to do them the next time. Think about ways you can reward yourself for studying. For example, if you spend three hours studying on a Saturday afternoon, you might decide to treat yourself to a night out with your friends. Even after completing small chunks of work, it is a good idea to give yourself a small reward. This could be watching your favourite TV programme, a chat on the phone, cooking something you like, or a soak in the bath, but only if you get everything done that you had planned to do. This way, you are giving yourself something to look forward to and getting the work done. It is much easier to work this way than giving yourself treats before you start work. You could even ask your parents to provide some rewards based on the amount of study you do. Think about things you would really like to do like music lessons, driving lessons or simply having a friend over.

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Study with friends

Talking about information can help you to understand and absorb it. When you process and work with material, your brain seems more likely to remember it. Studying with friends helps mix business with pleasure to make studying a less boring experience. Some people don’t have photographic memories and studying by talking about the subject may help them to absorb the topic more effectively than staring at a page. A good idea is to decide that you and a friend will both revise a topic on your own, then get together to discuss this. This will provide a good incentive to revise and can be an enjoyable way of finding out new things about the topic. However, if you are easily distracted and feel you won’t get much work done, its still better to study on your own and arrange to meet a friend later! Share ideas

After today’s class, ask your friends what tips they might have for making study easier!

Your health and studying20 Body clocks and sleep Going to bed at different times, getting up at different times on different days, and not getting enough daylight, can all confuse your body clock. This can make you feel drowsy, make it hard to concentrate and make you less productive. Losing sleep does not affect our ability to do certain tasks—such as playing sports—but will dramatically influence our ability to think, read a book, or remember things. So remember: •

Young people need at least nine hours sleep, particularly during exam time.

•

Try to go to bed at the same time during the week so as not to confuse your body clock.

•

Get lots of daylight. Try to study in a bright room, and if possible near a window. Take breaks outside to get fresh air and daylight.

•

Even though some people prefer studying late at night (after 11.00 p.m.), it is worth remembering that exams take place during the day. In general, we don’t learn as well late at night, and going to sleep afterwards can prove more difficult.

Keeping active! Students who are reasonably fit regularly perform better at their schoolwork. Also, research has shown that only twenty minutes of aerobic-type exercise will immediately: •

improve your performance on aptitude tests

•

lower levels of stress and anxiety

•

improve concentration and focus

•

enable you to think more effectively and clearly

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•

aid learning and memory

•

enhance creativity.

Aerobic exercise includes all physical activity which makes your heart beat faster and your breathing rate increase. This means any exercise which uses the large groups of muscles, particularly in the legs, for example: jogging, fast walking, cycling, swimming or dancing for twenty minutes. The trick is to get your breathing and heart rate up and to keep it there for at least twenty minutes. When you do this, your brain releases endorphins which influence the way you feel and think. Endorphins are released from the brain and the ‘high’ you get from this will immediately improve your brain’s capacity to think creatively and make decisions (ask group if they remember discussing this last week). So remember: •

Coming up to exams, do some aerobic exercise three times a week.

•

On the day of your exam, do a little aerobic exercise before your exam. Walk rather taking a lift, or go for a twenty-minute jog. This is particularly useful before an afternoon exam, where otherwise you might feel a little drowsy after lunch!

You are what you eat! Blood sugar

Your body produces glucose or blood sugar which circulates in your bloodstream. This must remain stable to keep you feeling alert. If it dips, you can lose your ability to concentrate, make decisions and remember things. You may also feel tired and ‘down’, irritable or even aggressive. This happens because your brain actually runs on glucose and needs it in order to work properly. Ask the group to suggest reasons why blood sugar would dip.

Our blood sugar levels dip when we try to diet, skip a meal or skip breakfast. They also decrease, surprisingly, when we eat or drink things with too much sugar. This happens because normal foods provide enough sugar for the body and so, when we digest sugary foods and drinks which contain too much sugar, the body reacts by lowering the level of sugar circulating in the bloodstream! So we can again end up feeling drowsy and sluggish. Eating sugar also increases the amount of insulin you produce which can cause your brain to produce a natural sleeping substance, serotonin, which again will make you feel tired. Remember:

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•

Eat breakfast before the exam and eat regularly to keep your blood sugar level stable.

•

Although eating complex carbohydrates (starches such as pasta, rice, potatoes and bread) is good and necessary for maintaining blood sugar, eating a lot of these at lunch immediately before your exam begins could make you sleepier. Remember, your body clock may make you a bit sluggish anyway during the afternoon.

WORKING IT OUT

Caffeine

•

Ask how many people in the class drink coffee when doing homework or studying.

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Ask how many cups of coffee people usually drink (ask them to remember their caffeine counter).

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Ask if the group feel that coffee is a good way to help you concentrate.

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Ask what drinks or food caffeine is found in.

Caffeine is found in tea and coffee, but also in Coca Cola and other soft drinks (there are high levels in Red Bull), chocolate and ‘stay awake’ pills. It is true that caffeine may provide some short-term stimulation, making you feel alert for a short period. However, very quickly after this, your body responds by lowering blood sugar levels, with all the effects discussed a few minutes ago. That is, you feel more tired. This is made worse when you drink sugar with caffeine. Also, caffeine directly increases your stress hormone levels. This will make you feel shaky and nervous. •

Before you study and on the day of your exam, cut out all sugary things including glucose sports drinks, glucose tablets and sweets. Fresh air, exercise and taking breaks should give you more energy.

•

Cut out caffeine between now and your exam. But remember if you drink tea or coffee regularly, it is not a good idea to give it up on your exam day as you may get withdrawal symptoms like a headache. Cut down gradually instead.

Focusing on concentration Alcohol, antihistamines and cannabis all affect alertness, so if you want to give yourself the best chance, you are better avoiding these before studying and obviously the night before the exam. Alcohol kills brain cells and you will need all the ones you have! Also, if you need medication (for instance if you have hay fever, or a cold or flu) it is worth remembering that some medications contain alcohol or antihistamines which cause drowsiness, so it is a good idea to ask your doctor or chemist to prescribe treatments which do not contain these. Some night-time cold remedies sold over the counter can make you feel very drowsy the next day.

Television and music Many studies have shown that studying with the television on will reduce your ability to absorb information and to learn. The same goes for listening to music which you enjoy so much it competes for your attention. If you have to listen to music, try to choose music that you don’t find that amazing. Maybe choose music with no lyrics to distract you. Also, it has been shown that people find it harder to concentrate after watching TV.

Keep it in perspective Try not to worry too much about the exams, as this will not help your performance. Stick to the task at hand, your study time-table and the rest will look after itself. Remember you can only do your best and it is not the end of the world if things don’t

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go entirely as planned. If you feel your anxieties about the exams are interfering with your work or the rest of your life, talk to someone about it.

Organising your room and your table In summary: •

Make one place your ‘study place’.

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Make sure there is lots of light in the room.

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Keep your desk tidy.

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Put all the stuff on different subjects into separate marked files.

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Make sure you have enough paper, pens and pencils (so you don’t waste time looking).

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Cut down on distractions.

Exams Get your priorities right! There is no point trying to study everything. Decide which topics you should cover and focus on these. If you have trouble choosing them, ask your teacher to help you. It is often helpful to continue summarising the information as you approach the exam so that by the time you go into the exam, you may only have a few keywords on a card, which will trigger your memory on the wider material to be remembered.

Mock exams It doesn’t have to be the school that presents you with mock exams. You can do these on your own and they are an excellent way of seeing how much information you remember, discovering your strengths and weaknesses, and practising your exam timing. Also, trying to remember something in a mock exam and failing provides a good incentive to go back to the material to see what it was you forgot. You are much less likely to forget it again! Practising answering exam questions is a great way to cut down on exam anxiety, as by the time you go into the exam, you’ve done it all before.

Organising your subjects coming up to an exam

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1

Write a list of all the subjects you are doing.

2

List them in sequence, from the ones you know least about to the ones you know best.

3

Then list for each subject all the bits of that subject that you should know.

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Keep each subject in its folder to stop different subjects from getting muddled up.

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Get a diary and work out how many days and hours you have for revision before the exams.

WORKING IT OUT

6

Work out how much time you have to revise each subject and write out a programme of work covering all the subjects equally.

7

When you are revising, choose some topics which you already know well, and some that you don’t so that you keep feeling OK about the work and don’t panic and get depressed.

Exam stress Just before the exam: •

Everybody worries before an exam but the trick is to use the worry to help you get focused. It is normal to find your mind filling with thoughts about all the things that could go wrong. Remember: thinking these things does not make them true; these thoughts are just the result of the pressure that you are putting yourself under to do well. Always remember that teachers and examiners want you, as their students, to do well. They are always on your side and want to give you marks for effort.

•

Before you start take a deep breath or try counting to ten to relax. This only takes a minute and will allow your nerves time to calm down.

•

Read instructions very carefully and always read the paper all the way through.

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Write short notes at the beginning on the questions you are going to answer as it prevents you from panicking about not having anything to say. Also, you will find that one thing leads to another and you will trigger your memory quite easily.

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Adapt what you know to the questions if they seem hard.

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Do not try to write everything you know. Answering the question is enough.

Remember: •

Don’t panic.

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Read the questions.

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Keep an eye on the time.

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See how many questions you have to answer.

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Write short notes first.

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Use your best handwriting.

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Have everything you need with you.

Time management •

Ask the group what they think time management is.

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Ask for show of hands: who thinks they have a problem with time management?

The symptoms of poor time management include the following:

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always rushing and in a hurry

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frequent lateness

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low productivity, energy and motivation

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feelings of frustration

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feelings of impatience

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indecision about alternative things to do

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difficulty knowing what you want

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constantly putting things off.

The central principle of time management is to spend your time doing those things you value or those things that help you to achieve your goals.21

But what are our goals and what do we value? Most of us would admit to spending a great deal of our time involved in activities which we do not value and which do not help us to achieve our goals. Ask the group to think of these.

Why is this? It is easy to think that it is because we are weak-willed, or lazy or inefficient. But often the real reason is that we are unclear about our values and goals.

4 Exercise on time management This exercise will help you identify your highest priorities.

Imagine that you emigrate to some country far away from your own ten years from today. What would you like people to say about you? Try to think of what you would like them to say not what you think they would really say. What would you like a close friend to say about you (pause for one minute), a member of your family to say about you (pause for one minute), a teacher to say about you (pause for one minute) and a classmate to say about you (pause for one minute). Teacher may ask what sorts of things were important to people.

5 Teacher talk 2 The point of this exercise is to help you think about the kind of person you want to be and the kinds of thing you wish to achieve and to help you to realise what is important to you. When you have done this exercise you will be in a position to write a statement for your own personal use, about your values and goals. Such a statement provides you with a touchstone against which you can choose your priorities and decide how to spend your time. Write it down

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and keep it in a convenient place so that you can read and reread it. Being led by a personal statement of your values and goals helps you to centre your life around what you believe in. Use a pie chart to design how you would like to divide your spare time between, for example: •

homework

•

revision

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seeing your friends

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a hobby

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doing nothing/watching TV

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talking and spending time with your family.

It may take a while to become dear about what your values are.

Six tips for good time management! These tips are helpful once you are clear about what things in life you value, and what you would like to achieve in life.

1 No more messing about The main difference between good and average students is their ability to get down to work quickly. Time spent in limbo, neither working nor enjoying leisure time, is time wasted.

2 Habits are hard to break Once you get into the habit of doing things, it may be even harder not to do them! Get used to a routine so that you don’t waste time and energy hanging around doing nothing, feeling guilty and tense.

3 Yes means no? Good time management means accepting that you can’t do everything. When you decide that you want to put time into certain things, you have to accept that this inevitably means spending less time doing other things. But once you know what’s important to you, you’ll feel more clear and less anxious about the way you spend your time. For example, if you want to do well in a certain subject, decide how much time you must allocate to it. This may mean sacrificing other things which you enjoy. Similarly, if a certain hobby is important to you, think about how much time you will give this rather than wasting time trying to decide what to do.

4 Break things up We’ve already discussed how breaking large tasks into smaller ones makes them less daunting. This is also a good time management tool.

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5 Don’t be a perfectionist Just because you are not the best in the world at a certain subject or at a hobby is no reason not to spend time at it. It is all about your personal development and achievement and you should feel good about having the commitment courage and strength of character to try to develop strengths in areas that bring satisfaction to you.

6 Plan ahead Set aside time to plan. This will save time in the long run. It is useful to plan for each day, for each week or even for the months ahead (especially when approaching exams).

A six-step plan for time management If you are finding it hard to manage your time, here is a six step plan that may help you on your way.22 1

Think about what your values are.

2

Set yourself goals.

3

Develop an action plan.

4

Think about how you spend your time.

5

Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today!

6

Try to organise your time.

Since each step builds on the previous steps, start with the first step and work your way through to the last.

1 Think about your values Exercise: Ask the students to work on the handout opposite by themselves, and to rate their own values from the most to the least important to them. Allow a few minutes for this.

2 Set goals Ask students to think about their goals in life. Allow a couple of minutes.

Here are some questions which might help you in setting your goals:

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Is this goal consistent with your highest values?

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Is this goal achievable: what must you do?

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Is this goal positive?

WORKING IT OUT

Thinking about your values Here are some examples: family, school, friends, relationships with the opposite sex, doing well in sport, exams, part-time job, your future.

•

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

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Are your goals balanced? In other words, do you have about an equal number of short-term, medium-term and long-term goals? Are your shortterm and medium-term goals compatible with your long-term goals?

3 Develop an action plan If your goals include exercising more, studying more or socialising more, write out a plan which includes: •

a well thought-out and specific goal

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a description of any resources you will need and how to access them

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each step you must take

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how you will monitor your progress

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the most likely reasons why you might procrastinate and how you will deal with them

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what rewards you will use to motivate yourself.

For example if you’re thinking about getting more exercise, don’t just think, ‘I’ll do more’, think through when you are going to do it, with whom and so on.

Breathing and stretching End the session by asking students to sit comfortably in their chairs, to relax, close their eyes and take a deep breath. Ask them to place their hands on their stomachs and to breath out whilst pushing their stomach muscles out, so that they feel their hands rising. They should continue until they have no breath left at all, then take a deep breath in and continue taking two or three more deep breaths.

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Writing a self contract may help you to keep focused on what you need to do in order to achieve your goal. Next week, well be talking about ‘people stress’ and learning more relaxation techniques. Homework for this week is to fill out the ‘stressful encounter’ diary. Give out handouts for Session 4.

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1 2 3 4 5 6

Breathing and stretching Discussion 1: Relationships Teacher talk 1: People stress Discussion 2: Assertiveness Teacher talk 2: Assertiveness Progressive relaxation

0–5 5–15 15–30 30–35 35–42 42–50

Notes for teachers This session is all about relationships, a common source of stress for students and non-students alike! An important aim of the session is to communicate to young people that although they may find their relationships difficult these are probably their most important support and resource for combating stress. Students are first encouraged to discuss which relationships are particularly difficult for them and the ways in which they are stressful. Within the teacher talks are important questions which the teacher should ask the class as a whole to think about. These always prove to be thought-provoking and of interest to the students. Although, like the other sessions, this session is timed tightly, it is important to allow some flexibility for students to introduce issues and to feel a part of the learning process. It may again be useful to ask students to respect confidentiality and remind them that if they all agree not to discuss issues outside the room, everyone will benefit and feel more free to speak. Between five and ten minutes is left at the end for students to learn ‘progressive relaxation’.

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Summary of Session 5 1 People stress 2 Improving your relationships 3 Assertiveness training 4 Social support 5 Progressive relaxation Distribute handouts for Session 5. Refer to start of Handouts section for appropriate handouts.

1 Breathing and stretching Try exercises 8 and 9 on the Breathing and stretching sheet.

2 Discussion 1: Relationships Again students should be arranged in groups of four, with an opportunity after five minutes or so for them to feed their comments back to the group as a whole. Students can discuss their ‘stressful encounter’ diaries if they wish.

Relationships What are the main problems you encounter in your relationships? Think about your relationships with:

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family

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friends

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teachers

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boy/girl friends

Feedback (see handout)

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Teacher talk 1: People stress Other people can be a big source of stress in our lives. We all have times when we feel that others are controlling our lives, making demands on our time, and being unusually difficult or hostile, or that they don’t care about us or our feelings. We can probably all think of particular people who cause us stress, people we would prefer to avoid if we could, but often can’t because we live with them or see them every day at school.

Exercise Ask everyone to think in their own mind of five people who cause them the most stress or hassle. Give them a couple of minutes. Then ask them to think in their own mind of the five people who they turn to when they are under stress. Give them a couple of minutes. Now ask them how many found that there were at least one or two people in both categories (ask them to raise their hands).

In fact, many of the people who cause us the most stress may be people we love very deeply. This is an important lesson. We all know that relationships with parents, brothers and sisters, friends, boyfriends or girlfriends can cause deep emotional pain as well as pleasure. As we have seen already, our stress cannot be said to be due solely to external stresses, because psychological stress arises from the interaction between us and the world. So in the case of people who ‘cause us stress’, we need to take responsibility for our part in those relationships: for our own perceptions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Just as in any other unpleasant or threatening situation, we can react unconsciously with some version of the fight-or-flight reaction when we are having a problem with another person, and this usually makes matters worse in the long run. Many people have developed habits for dealing with interpersonal tension and conflict. Some of us are so threatened by conflict or angry feelings in others that we will do anything to avoid a confrontation. If you have this habit, you will tend not to show or tell people how you are really feeling but will try to avoid conflict at all costs by being passive, appeasing the other person, giving in to them or blaming yourself. Other people cope with feelings of insecurity by actually creating conflict frequently. They are interested in interactions for the power and control they provide them. These people are often aggressive and hostile, and may be unaware of how other people see them. They can say hurtful things and be insensitive just out of habit. As we all know by now, we often react to potential conflict by getting ready either to fight or to run away. It is normal to feel threatened when we feel undermined in a group, or that other people are not showing us respect. But usually the way we react makes the situation worse, by either increasing the conflict (when we fight) or undermining our feelings, opinions and self-respect (when we run away). The good news is that we can learn to negotiate these situations in a more helpful way. We can break these habits.

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Looking after our relationships23 Our relationships play a very central role in keeping us happy, able to cope and doing well. So looking after them makes sense in enabling us to both manage our stress and thrive in our lives! Exercise Ask students to think of a relationship which is causing them problems, stress or sadness. Then ask them to think of one thing which would improve it. Give them a couple of minutes. Now ask for a show of hands as to how many people thought ‘if only the other person would change, then things would be better’.

Many of us think that to improve our relationships, we need to change other people. We think ‘if only my mother would stop doing this’ or ‘if only my friend would do that’. It usually seems obvious to us that the other person is the problem. (Ask them if they agree). But thinking this way is unhelpful because this affords us no control over our relationships, as we are depending on others to make us feel better. We are giving them the power and taking it away from ourselves! The important thing to remember is that to improve our relationships we can only change ourselves! Other people are then likely to change the manner in which they relate to us. It may sound like a cliché, but the most important thing in a good relationship is to be yourself. If you are in relationships where you can be the real you, then you will feel more comfortable, confident and happy. This does not mean that you should behave exactly how you wish if it means being rude or other people getting hurt. It also does not mean that you should always feel totally comfortable, because sometimes we learn a lot in relationships that are challenging. It just means that when we feel others accept us, we can express ourselves and often the relationship is more satisfying as a result. But how do we start thinking about our relationships, and how can we start to change them?

Hard habits to break We tend to relate to different people in a certain way. For example we might behave very differently with our parents or teachers to the way we do with our friends. It is interesting to try to see things from a clearer perspective. Think about a relationship which is causing you stress or sadness and ask yourself the following questions. •

When do I feel at my worst? What is happening then?

•

When do I feel at my best? What is happening then?

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Do similar sorts of things keep happening to me?

•

Does nothing ever seem to change?

These are important questions in helping you to figure out what is going on in your communications with different people.

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For example, a pattern you might notice is that you feel particularly bad when you feel left out or ignored by friends, and when someone at school or at home says anything critical about you. You may feel worst of all about yourself after an argument or a fight. You may feel better about yourself when people are kinder to you and more friendly. (Ask students if this sounds familiar.) This sort of pattern is quite frequent and normal but the problem lies in the fact that the relationships are calling the tune. Others are controlling the way you view yourself and your life.

Think things through: Get a deeper understanding Rather than just feeling vaguely uncomfortable, or uneasy about certain relationships, have a good think about what specifically might be the problem. Then you can start working specifically on this. Was there something that you didn’t discuss properly with someone? Are you harbouring negative feelings, perhaps of jealousy towards this person? Or do they think that you don’t like them?

Take control and accept responsibility Sometimes it is hard to believe that we have control over what happens in our relationships. We think other people make the decisions or we think that we should go along and be happy with whatever happens. But we have to be careful that we do not get into the habit of behaving a certain way all the time if this makes our relationships unhealthy. Neither a tendency to go along with what others want all the time without thinking of ourselves, nor responding with aggression is the answer. We need to be aware of the way we behave in relationships. Accepting responsibility is an important step.

See the change in others! If you still don’t believe that you can effect change in your relationships, try the following experiment! Decide to change your behaviour towards someone who is causing you a great deal of stress. If you normally walk away from this person, try listening more attentively to what they are saying. If you normally cower and act submissively, try being assertive (we’ll be talking about this in a few minutes) and tell them calmly how you feel. They may not react in the way that you would like but at least you will be able to see that the relationship is not outside your control!

Being on your own Although our relationships are an important aspect to our well-being, it is good to remember that spending time alone can also be a fulfilling and worthwhile experience. Many of the best things we produce—the ones we are proudest of—happen when we are alone, for example when we are working on a project. Other things like listening to music can be even more enjoyable when alone. If we are at ease with ourselves, we will be at ease with others. Keeping a diary can be good for letting off steam and thinking about things which are important to us.

In summary Concentrate on changing yourself not on changing others.

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It is always tempting to think that it is definitely not you that needs to change but the other person. It is possible that the other person should change, but as we have learned you can’t change other people, so why bother trying? You can, however, bring about change in another person by changing yourself and changing the way you relate to them. You can change the way you behave around and towards them; you can change the way you feel; you can change the way you think about them; perhaps you could change the way you express affection or anger. Work with people as they are

If you start saying things like ‘if only she would confide in me more’, or ‘if only he would stop criticising me’, remember that these statements are unhelpful and just make you feel more frustrated. Accept that people are the way they are now, and that only through making changes in your own behaviour and thinking will anything happen. Give it time

The changes you make may take a while to have any effect. Also, others may act in a way that tries to make you change back! Don’t give up because you feel nothing has changed; give it time. Remember, that changes will take longer to work in a relationship because there are others involved. Find your trigger points!

Imagine that some small comment or event triggers off some unexpectedly strong feelings, for instance, your friends go out without you and you feel completely rejected, or you get a bad mark in one essay and you feel extremely angry. These triggers can tell us useful things about ourselves. Others may say you’re overreacting, but you can look at such incidents to find out more about your relationships or yourself. Ask yourself what the event means to you, why is this important to you, what exactly about this situation upsets you, does this link into anything that has happened before, does this make you feel vulnerable and if so, why?

Learning how to communicate Lots of people, including young people, find it hard to express how they feel. Some people have suggested that young men might find this particularly difficult, but it is certain that it varies a lot in both young men and women. Not being able to express how we feel can be stressful for many reasons. It may mean that other people don’t know what we want. It may mean that when we are having trouble coping with a problem, it is hard to get help. It may mean that when we feel sad, we can’t talk about ways of feeling better. And it can lead to misunderstandings in our relationships. Not being assertive can cause a lot of stress inside because all the feelings which are not expressed can build up, making us hostile or resentful. They can also explode in bursts of anger or crying. Sometimes these feelings are just stored up for a long time and are a source of silent hurt. None of these ways of coping with our feelings are good for our well-being.

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Discussion 2: Assertiveness 4 Being assertive Ask the group as a whole: •

What do you think being assertive means?

•

Who sees themselves as assertive and why? (see handout)

Teacher talk 2: Assertiveness 5 What is assertiveness? A lot of people think that being assertive means putting yourself first all the time. This is not true. Assertiveness is really about being fair to yourself and being fair to others. In other words, it means that your needs, your wants, and your feelings are neither more nor less important than those of other people, but rather they are equally important. Therefore when you are telling people about your needs, you should be dear and honest and not exaggerate. You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of other people are not taken away. The good thing is that when you have learned how to do this you will be a lot less likely to leave situations feeling bad about yourself or leaving others feeling bad.

Why should you learn to be assertive? As well as being able to ask for what you want, you can express your likes and dislikes and your interests freely, you can talk about yourself without feeling selfconscious, you can accept compliments, you can disagree with someone politely, you can say no and you can feel relaxed around other people. Draw on the board:

Being assertive often means thinking about things in a slightly different way. When you find yourself thinking the following things, try to be assertive, that is, more fair to yourself and others. For example try replacing the following things which we typically tell ourselves with more assertive statements:24

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I shouldn‘t make mistakes. I should know what to do in different situations

⇒

I have a right to make mistakes.

People won’t be interested in hearing that I feel bad, so I should keep it to myself.

⇒

I have a right to feel and express hurt and pain.

I should always try to fit in with others. If I don’t they won’t want me around.

⇒

I have a right to say ‘no’,

I should always have a good reason for what I feel and do.

⇒

I have a right not to have to justify myself to my friend s.

I shouldn’t be anti-social. People will think I don’t like them if I say I’d rather be alone instead of with them.

⇒

I have a right to be alone, even if others would prefer my company,

You are entitled to your feelings and opinions. Just because your friends may want you to feel and think differently, if you value yourself and trust your own feelings you will express yourself to others effectively. What is interesting is that when you start having confidence in yourself and valuing yourself, you’ll notice that other people start to value you more and have more confidence in you. So give it a go! Forget about trying to be liked by everybody, concentrate instead of being fair and the rest will look after itself!

Remember being assertive is all about balancing: 1

your needs and the needs of others

2

being aggressive and being passive

An example Say someone does something that makes you angry—for example, by borrowing something that you value and damaging it—you might react with an angry outburst, whereby you abuse the person verbally and bring in lots of things that aren’t relevant. On the other hand, you might not allow yourself to respond at all. You might feel sorry for the person, and make excuses for them, hiding your angry feelings under a false smile. You might even blame yourself, by saying that you shouldn’t have lent it to them. However, a balanced, assertive response would be to express your feelings clearly and without shouting, and to stick to commenting on the act or behaviour itself and not the person. You might say ‘that was a careless thing to do’ rather than ‘You’re a complete idiot’. You can ask the person how they feel (embarrassed? sorry? unconcerned?) and then decide how to resolve the difficulty, thinking about how you would like the relationship to continue after this.

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Social support Research shows that talking to people about how you feel can help you feel better This seems to be harder for boys than for girls, but is a useful thing to do when you are feeling stressed. Two heads can be better than one in thinking through a problem. Relationships with others are an important source of pleasure. They are a resource when you feel stressed, but are often an underused resource, sometimes because it is the relationship itself that is causing the problem, sometimes because stress may make us feel too tired to talk about it, or because we have a natural but unhelpful reluctance to talk about troubles. Also, when we are stressed we often put a strain on our relationships and may not even realise we are doing this. We may start ‘taking it out on others’. Think about the person you identified earlier as someone who would give you support if you needed it. Now think about whether, when you are under stress, you usually explain this clearly to the person, telling them exactly how you are feeling, and how much pressure you are under. It is possible that you have been expecting them to ask you first? So why not take the first step and make it easier on both of you? Think about whether your stress levels have meant that you have been edgy and irritable with those close to you. If you have, it may be helpful for you to apologise and explain that your irritability is not because of them, but because of the stresses you feel. When things go wrong, try not to take it out on the people who could help. Find ways of letting off steam that don’t involve shouting or being narky. You could go for a run or write all your feelings of anger and frustration down in a diary. Even thumping a pillow could help! In summary, relationships are a common source of stress and you may experience difficulties in your relationships with family members, friends or people at school. But relationships can also be a huge source of support. The following are ways you can get support from your relationships.

How to let others help when you’re feeling stressed •

Make sure you spend time with other people. Don’t cut yourself off.

•

Try to talk to someone about your problems and how you feel.

•

Spend time with people whose company you enjoy.

•

Don’t be afraid to ask for advice.

•

Let others know why you might be feeling irritable. Explain that it is not them personally.

•

Think about how to help others as well when they are stressed.

Teacher notes Given that social support is so useful in helping people to cope with stress, the

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teacher might suggest to the group that they continue to meet up after the course has finished to discuss sources of stress and coping. Allow for a few minutes discussion.

Bullying25 If people are calling you names, teasing, insulting, threatening, assaulting or stealing from you—these are all different types of bullying. Similarly if people are putting pressure on you to act in a certain way or to do things that you don’t want to do, this is also a form of bullying. Bullies can be people at school, people you don’t know, friends who you’ve fallen out with, brothers or sisters, or adults. Being bullied can be very hard to cope with and can make you feel sad, helpless, angry or scared. No one should have to put up with being bullied. A lot of people don’t tell anyone because they are frightened, depressed or don’t think anyone else could help. They might even feel that it is their own fault. Their self-esteem suffers and every day becomes a battle to get through. Girls can sometimes bully each other in a more verbal way, using words to hurt and injure. They can do this by ignoring people, not accepting them into their group or using criticism and ‘mind games’ to make others feel bad. Some people get bullied because others are jealous of them, or because they don’t act the same as everyone else, or won’t join in with what others are doing. There are lots of reasons for bullying. Bullies are often unhappy people with problems of their own. When young people are being bullied, they are often afraid to tell an adult because they are afraid that the bullies will find out and the bullying will get a lot worse. Sometimes, they are even afraid that the people they tell won’t believe them, or will condemn them for ‘telling on’ the bully. The important thing to remember is that most teachers are trained to deal with these types of situations. You can discuss with them the options that you both feel are appropriate. Telling your parents can also help matters, as their experience and insights will help you to cope better with the situation. Adults can advise you on a whole range of possible strategies. Also, the bullies may have their own difficulties, and bringing their behaviour to the attention of adults may help them to address their own life situations. The important thing if you are being bullied is to take action using the advice of the adults you discuss this with.

6 Progressive relaxation This exercise is called ‘progressive relaxation’.

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•

Sit upright and comfortably in your chair. Close your eyes but don’t squeeze them tightly.

•

When you are comfortable, clench your toes and tense your feet as hard as feels comfortable. Hold this for a few seconds and then breathe out and let the tension go. Stretch out your feet and feel them relax.

•

Now breathe in and tense your legs and thighs as hard as feels comfortable. Hold for a few seconds and release the tension as you breathe out.

PEOPLE POWER

•

Breathe in again, and as you do tense your stomach by pushing it out. Hold this tension for a few seconds then breathe out and relax.

•

Now move to your chest. As you breathe in feel your chest expand. Hold this expanded position for a few moments and then relax as you breathe out.

•

As you breathe in, tense your back, especially in between your shoulder blades. Hold the tension for a few seconds and then release as you breathe out.

•

Now tense the whole upper half of your body. Experience the tension. Breathe out let the tension go and relax.

•

Now tense your shoulders by lifting them up towards your ears as you breathe in. Hold for a few seconds and relax, dropping the shoulders as you breathe out.

•

Clench your fists as tightly as possible and feel the tension in your hands and arms. Hold the tension. Now let it go and shake out the arms and hands.

•

Move your attention to your head and face. Scrunch up your face, tightening all the face muscles. Hold the tension. Now release it and relax and let go as you breathe out. Breathe in and yawn with open mouth and raised eyebrows. Hold for a second and release and let go.

•

Remain seated for a couple of minutes and focus your attention on your breathing. Allow your breath to become slow and deep and even.

Closing remarks Next week is the last session in the course. If you have missed any of the sessions and would like to pick up a copy of the handouts, you will have an opportunity to do so next week. If you are not going to be here, ask a friend to pick up a copy for you, or ask me after today’s class. Next week we will be looking at preventing stress by taking care of your moods and well-being, and looking a bit at feelings of unhappiness and anxiety as well as selfconfidence and self-esteem. We will also be looking back at the course and the things we have discussed. If you feel like learning more about any of the things we covered, there will be a list of contact organisations included in next week’s session. Homework for next week is to ask ten people whether they consider themselves self-confident. Also to ask some people that you think are self-confident, if they consider themselves self-confident and if there are things that they are not confident about. Give out handouts for Session 5.

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Treating Yourself Right Boosting self-confidence and self-esteem; preventing and coping with depression and anxiety

1 2 3 4 5 6

Breathing and stretching Teacher talk 1: Self-confidence and self-esteem Discussion 1: Depression Teacher Talk 2: Unhappiness and depression Discussion 2: Recap and discussion of the course Breathing and stretching

0–5 5–15 15–25 25–35 35–45 45–50

Notes for teachers This is the final session in the course. It deals with self-confidence, self-esteem, depression and worry. These issues are often very difficult for students to talk about to a group so the teacher must be sensitive about not dwelling too long on an area on which people are unwilling to talk. Some of the discussions are designed for the group as a whole, others require smaller groups. If students find it particularly difficult to open up sometimes it is useful to provide an example about a particular issue which might tempt students to get involved in the discussion. There is time allotted at the end of this session to discuss what students felt they got out of the course and to recap quickly. Students should be encouraged to ask the teacher for any handouts which they missed. This session as others should be conducted in a warm and relaxed manner.

Summary of Session 6 1

Treating and rewarding yourself

2

Enhancing your self confidence and self-esteem

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3

Preventing or dealing with depression

4

Preventing or dealing with anxiety and worry

5

Recap of the course

6

Breathing and stretching.

Distribute handouts for Session 6. Refer to start of Handouts section for appropriate handouts.

1 Breathing and stretching It is a good idea for the last session, to allow students to choose the two breathing or stretching exercises they enjoyed most or found most helpful.

2 Teacher talk 1: Self-confidence and self-esteem No number of skills, techniques, ideas and suggestions on how to cope with stress will be of any use unless you have the self confidence and self esteem to carry them through and to see your own well-being as important enough to invest time in.

Go on, treat yourself! Keeping ourselves happy and stress-free can mean rewarding ourselves and treating ourselves right. We often associate treats with things that are not good for you, but treats are simply about acknowledging when you’ve done well and deserve a break. When life gets particularly tough, it is especially important to reward yourself. We can also look at treats as sources of energy which help us to go on functioning well and enjoying life. Think of treats that are right for you. (Pause and allow everyone a couple of minutes to think of things they enjoy). Examples might be dancing, talking to friends, reading a good book, listening to music, walking on a beach, singing, or a good night’s sleep. These are sources of energy, just as feeling anger, stress, too much work, depression, falling out with friends, and arguments with parents are energy drains. We need sources of energy to counteract the drains. It’s important that you go for the right kinds of treats, that is, ones that don’t cause you more stress in the long-run! For example, it’s all right to have chocolate now and again, but the health effects might be stressful if you eat too much. Having a late night out or drinking once in a while might be fun, but the effects of lack of sleep and alcohol might add up and leave you feeling depressed and less able to cope in the long run. In other words, when choosing treats for yourself, try not to make any problems you have worse. Staying out late and not telephoning may end up causing you more grief than pleasure. Choose treats that give you harmless pleasure.

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Having fun and giving ourselves treats makes it more likely that we will do those other worthwhile and important tasks because we will have more energy, strength and resilience. The importance is to get the balance right. Missing out on schoolwork because you’ve treated yourself to a late night could end up making life difficult if you have to catch up, or if you don’t achieve your true potential. If you’re finding it hard to get into something, plan a treat for yourself for having finished it. See the treat as being a result of having had the courage to face the unpleasant task. For example, link watching TV or playing a video game for half an hour with having done an hour’s study. Time it right. Treats work best when they come quickly after the specific goal. Immediately after forcing yourself to do some decent revision or confront a friend about something that has been bothering you, give yourself a treat. If you treat yourself first the study will be harder to do. Little and often. Everyone should benefit from a daily treat, small pleasures make life easier. But make sure that you do not use treats which fail to satisfy. If rewards like shopping, cigarettes, alcohol or chocolate only make you feel better for a very short time, and then feel worse afterwards, they may be the wrong kinds of treat for you.26 Get it over with. Do the hard bits first when you are fresh. Leaving all the things you hate doing until last is like creating a mountain you have to climb later: probably when your energy and enthusiasm are at their lowest. Use the things you like doing as rewards. For example, if you’re planning to go to the cinema, do an hour’s study before you go rather than when you get back.

Building self-confidence and self-esteem Ask the group: •

What do you think self-confidence is?

•

What do you feel self-confident about?

•

What do you feel low in self-confidence about?

•

Are you surprised by any of the responses to your survey of self-confidence?

•

Did the people that you thought were self-confident consider themselves self-confident?

•

What were the things that they were not confident about? Did that surprise you?

•

Show of hands: how many people feel that other people have more selfconfidence than themselves?

•

How can you tell if somebody is confident or not?

•

Are confident people always confident? Or confident about everything?

There are four aspects of your life affected by low self-confidence: your thinking, your feelings, your behaviour, and your posture. Being unconfident can interfere with the things you want to do even when you least expect it.

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Here are some ways that low self-confidence can have an influence. Try to think about whether these are relevant to you. Everybody experiences these things from time to time, but for some people they can get seriously in the way of doing what they would like to do.

Low self-confidence affects Our thinking: we say to ourselves •

I can’t do it I’m not good enough.

•

It’s too difficult.

•

I can’t.

•

I don’t have the skills to do this.

•

I won’t be able to deal with this.

•

I won’t be good enough.

•

Someone else could do it better.

•

I can’t decide what to do.

Our feelings •

We feel apprehensive and nervous.

•

We feel anxious and stressed out.

•

We feel worried, especially about difficult things that are coming up.

•

We feel frustrated and angry with ourselves for not doing things better.

•

We feel afraid of the unknown, or of new situations.

•

We resent other people; it seems so easy for others.

•

We feel disappointed, discouraged and down.

Our behaviour •

We become inactive and keep a low profile.

•

We find it hard to put forward suggestions, or assert ourselves.

•

We put things off.

•

We avoid taking on anything new or changing anything in our lives.

Our posture and physical well-being

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•

We tend to stoop, or retreat into ourselves.

•

We don’t look people in the eye.

•

We fumble and fidget.

•

Our muscles are tense.

•

We feel tired all the time.


Ask the group if any of these things sound familiar. All of us experience them to one degree or another.

Confidence is a complex thing Confidence is not just one thing, it is many. Ask yourself, ‘What am I confident about?’, ‘What am I not confident about?’. If you ask the most confident person if there is something they are not confident about they will always have something. Focus on the positive.

Appearances can be misleading NB: Many people look like they are confident even when they are not. They simply behave confidently as if everything will turn out okay. Everyone that you speak to should be able to think of something that made them feel doubtful or shaky. The truth is that most people feel less confident than they look.

Practice makes perfect Making mistakes is important in order to learn. Everyone makes mistakes so don’t be afraid to try new things and act confidently. The more practice you get at certain things the more confident you will become. Try to see the funny side of your mistakes. You won’t be the first person who found themselves in the same situation. Ask everyone to think to themselves of something that they can do now that they couldn’t do before.

So how do I become more confident?27 1 Practice The first time you do something new it may not work out. But it will get easier. You won’t always be nervous about the things that make you nervous now.

2 Learn from your mistakes and then move on! When we lack confidence, we can think too much about our mistakes. The truth is that there is no mistake that you could make that someone has not made before you. Only those who never try anything new don’t make mistakes.

3 Don’t beat yourself up! Once something has happened, it is over and done with. Don’t torture yourself by thinking about it.

4 Be nice to yourself Being kind to yourself and forgiving yourself for your mistakes is very important for self-confidence to grow.

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5 Fool yourself (and others) and behave ‘as if’ At a moment when you’re feeling unconfident, ask yourself: ‘How would I behave if I felt confident?’ Try thinking of a confident person you know, and ask yourself how they would handle this particular situation. It is amazing how, when you start adopting the behaviour of confidence, the posture, the actions and the thoughts, you start to feel more self-confident immediately!

Building self-esteem28 Self-esteem is all about how you see yourself. If it is high you will feel good about yourself and if it is low you will feel bad about yourself. It is something that develops over a long time. There are things we can do to help increase our self-esteem.

1 Be realistic and fight the bias Low self-esteem is like a prejudice about oneself: seeing oneself as unworthy or unacceptable. We tend to reject any evidence that doesn’t fit in with this negative image of ourselves. This self-perception is not realistic but it is hard for the person with the prejudice to see things any other way. Fighting this unfair bias against ourselves means recognising our good qualities rather than playing them down, accepting compliments and acknowledging that we matter.

2 Sometimes we are our own worst critics When our self-esteem is low, we tend to criticise ourselves heavily. When you find yourself putting yourself down and criticising yourself, explain to yourself why you behaved the way you did, why you said this or did not do that. If you need to apologise, do so. Either way, move on.

3 Tell the critic to shut up When you find yourself telling yourself ‘I’m unwanted’, ‘They don’t like me’, ‘I’m in the way’, ‘I don’t matter’, recognise that these statements are products of self-esteem, they are not realistic. It is the same when you say to a friend ‘you did really well there’, but when you do well you tell yourself you were just lucky. This critic inside you will predict that things will go badly for you, will make you expect the worst and will take everything as evidence that you are not coping, you are not popular and so on. Tell it to shut up because quite frankly it doesn’t know what it’s talking about.

4 All you can do is your best There is a big difference between wanting to do well and torturing yourself when you don’t do well all the time. Sometimes when our self-esteem is low, we make rules that are hard to stick to as they are unrealistic and impossible. Examples of this are: •

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I must do things right all the time.


•

I should always come first in the class.

•

I must always win at sports.

•

I’m not good enough.

•

Boys should never cry.

•

I can’t make a mistake.

•

If they realise I lack confidence, they won’t want anything to do with me.

•

I should never burden others with my problems.

•

I can’t help myself, it’s the way I am.

These are all generalisations that are unrealistic and only serve to make things harder on ourselves. After all, we can only do our best.

5 Avoid friends who undermine your confidence If you feel you have low self-esteem, it is a good idea to think about your friendships and relationships. Who are the people who help you to feel good about yourself? Who are the people who make you feel bad about yourself? Make a list and think about how much time you spend with people in each group. Think of ways to increase the time you spend with those who make you feel good, and to decrease the time you spend with those who make you feel bad. Remember self-esteem is not a constant. Even people with the toughest systems feel better about themselves some days than others. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself and value yourself.

Discussion: Depression 3 Depression Ask the group as a whole how many people feel down from time to time. (Break up into smaller groups.) Discuss: •

What kinds of things make you sad?

•

What sorts of things make you feel better?

Feedback

(see handout)

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4 Teacher talk 2: Unhappiness and depression Introduction There are many things that can make you unhappy, and the extent of your unhappiness can vary greatly. Most young people find that their moods go up and down, and sometimes they can feel very down. The following is a list of things which might make young people feel depressed: •

your parents arguing all of the time

•

your parents separating

•

someone you know committing suicide

•

someone you know being very ill

•

having a big argument with a close friend

•

feeling too much pressure to achieve

•

feeling unable to cope

•

being bullied.

If several of these things come at once, it might be even more difficult to cope and you might feel depressed for a time. Sometimes we don’t know why we feel unhappy, we just do. You don’t have to have a reason for feeling depressed. Furthermore, we all refer to these feelings in different ways when we say we are feeling sad, miserable, frustrated, stressed out, under pressure, lonely, mixed up, ashamed, down or just ‘not with it’. Feeling sad is a valid response to things in your life or things going on in your mind. It may be telling you that something is not right for you in your life or in the way you are thinking about your life. You can use this as a message to do something to help improve things. The main thing is to recognise that you are unhappy and to take some action. You will definitely improve things by doing something positive or talking to someone about the way you feel. Often when we feel bad, we don’t see the point in doing anything, as we can’t believe that there are any solutions or any way out This is because we have become unable to see that there are options we can take and things we can do which will make us feel better This is not to say that when we feel very down it will not be hard to motivate ourselves, but there is always something that can be done if we seek out the right help. While everybody feels miserable at times, some young people might feel this pain more intensely as depression. Although it is sometimes difficult to decide whether you are depressed or just feeling down, this is sometimes important to know in order to help you to decide what action to take. It is a question of how sad you feel, the cause of the sadness (if you know it), how long you’ve been feeling this way and the way it is affecting your everyday life.

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Depression means feeling very, very low and sad, or cold, empty and numb. It is quite common for young people today to experience depression. Although we are not sure why it is increasing, it may be due to changes in society or within families over the last twenty or thirty years. Young people may experience many new types of stress and be let down more often than previous generations. Teenagers may feel more isolated because there seem to be fewer people, systems and beliefs they can rely on and everything seems to change so quickly. They may feel that they are expected to cope with many changes and stressful situations on their own. When people do experience difficulties they need things that are stable around them, and people they can rely on to help them to understand things better and to feel better.29 There is a handout at the end of today’s class with the symptoms of depression on it.

Express yourself! Expressing your feelings or letting off steam to an understanding person is the best way in the world to make you feel happier. This might sound like a cliché, but after years of research it stills seems the best cure for sadness. Expressing yourself in other ways can help too. Keeping a diary is a good way of expressing personal feelings and thoughts that you would not want to share with others. You may not feel better straight away, but the emotional benefits will come in time, even if it takes several months. Hopefully this group will help you by allowing you to express some feelings. Writing your problems down can help you to cope by giving you a clearer understanding of what is going on, allowing you to vent your problems and to look at them in a more realistic way. Ask the group how many people keep a diary. Why? Why not?

Who do you talk to? If you are very unhappy for any reason it always helps to talk to someone you trust who will listen sympathetically. The best person is someone you find it easy to talk to. Friends, brothers, sisters, parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, GPs or counsellors can be very helpful in making you feel happier. Try talking to some of them if you can; you might be surprised at how much better you feel! The teacher might at this point mention the availability of a counsellor at school if there is one. Also, it is highly recommended that students are given a list of phone numbers and addresses of local and national help agencies in a handout at the end of the class (such as Childline or the Samaritans), and details of any school facilities.

Depression: What can you do? If you experience depression there are three areas to focus on. You need to look at: •

the things you do

•

the way you think

•

the people in your life.

Depression can make you see everything through a ‘black filter’. It can drag you

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down as you try to help yourself and you need to be aware of this. When you plan to do something which might help, the depression will make you feel defeatist, as if nothing will work. It makes you think that ‘nothing can change’, ‘what’s the point in trying’, ‘it won’t make any difference’, ‘I don’t have the energy to try’, and even ‘I don’t matter enough to try’. The first thing to do when you feel like this is to concentrate on small changes. These will start to move you in the right direction away from your depression. Try not to look too far ahead but just at the next step. Make your goal simply feeling better than you feel right now. Don’t expect to feel wonderful immediately, but focusing on small changes in your thoughts and behaviour will allow the process of feeling better to begin.30

Think about what you do and use this to help you Depression takes away our energy and makes us feel tired. Like the flu it can make us withdraw into inactivity. Setting ourselves simple tasks can help in making us feel better. Even doing small things like writing a letter, calling a friend or going for a walk should help to lift your mood a bit. The two things that these tasks should bring you are a sense of mastery and a sense of pleasure. You have a right to enjoy what you do and to derive satisfaction from it.

Try to catch your thoughts Focus on what your own mind is telling you. Is it putting you down and making you think that you can’t change? Start challenging what you hear. Scientists have found that feeling sad makes us many times more likely to just remember sad things that have happened. It actually affects our memory, which just makes us feel worse. Also the way we appraise situations tends to be more negative. If you feel bad about your present or past situation, it is a good idea to wait until your mood lifts a bit before analysing these things, as otherwise it is likely that you will focus on the negative, making your mood darker again.

Try to be rational! Try to stay aware that you are only remembering certain things and seeing things in a certain way because you are feeling sad. This can help you to see things more clearly. When you feel really miserable, try hard to create a space in your mind to think, ‘there are other ways of seeing this situation, even if I can’t see them now’. Every time you have a negative thought, try thinking about another point of view. For example, if you think, ‘My whole life is a mess’, step back and think, ‘I’ve still got good friends and my family.’

Take your mind off it! Distracting ourselves from our problems is useful when nothing we have tried has worked, or we are not sure why we feel down. Going to the cinema, playing sport or just trying to have a chat about something else can give our minds a chance to switch off. When you feel better you might find that you are better at solving your problems as well!

Be specific When we are depressed we often look at things in a very vague way. This can

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support the depression. Try instead, when thinking of positive things, to be specific, e.g. instead of saying ‘I’ve still got friends’, name a friend or some friends and list specific things that you have enjoyed or been through, or specific plans that involve both or all of you in the future. The most likely mistake that we can make when we are depressed is mistaking feelings for facts. Thinking or feelings things doesn’t make them true.

Beliefs and attitudes When we are depressed we look at ourselves in a distorted way. We tend to be very hard on ourselves when depressed and even feel guilty. Try to be realistic and see yourself as others see you. Be kind to yourself. Learn to trust yourself.

Talk about it: That’s what friends are for Talking to others helps in many ways. It is good to know there is somebody else who knows what you’re going through and who cares. Also it can help you to explore why you are depressed and what sorts of things in your life have been getting you down. A friend can help you think of ways of tackling these problems and will also have a more accurate perspective on your problems and on you than you do yourself. Also telling someone else will mean that you have someone to motivate you and to help you take on the activities which will help you feel better.

How do I prevent myself from getting depressed? Although anyone can get depressed, and they should not feel it is their fault or responsibility if they do, there are certain things we can do to reduce the likelihood of becoming depressed.

Look after your health •

Getting enough sleep will help you to feel on top of things and able to cope. It will also keep your mood positive.

•

Remember, drinking may make you feel good for a while, but it’s often followed by a low. Alcohol is a depressant. It can also help distract you from problems which should really be confronted and resolved.

•

Not eating enough will make you feel irritable, tired, depressed, and weak. Girls in particular are under a lot of pressure these days to stay slim. Eating a balanced diet will help you stay healthy and in a good mood, and give you energy. All of these things will help you to enjoy life to the full.

•

Exercise is one of the best ways of staying in good form. If you do start feeling down, it can help to alleviate these feelings and give you a boost.

Make room for things you enjoy These simply keep you happy!

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Lead a balanced life

It is normal for us all to have times when things in one area of our lives are not going as well as they could be, for example our homework, school or family relationships, or we might have problems with friends or boy/girlfriends. If all our happiness is bound into one of these areas then we will be very vulnerable if things go wrong with that aspect of our lives. If, for example, your self-esteem depends on your being part of a couple, then breaking up might make if feel as if the world is coming to an end. Similarly, if your school work is the most important thing in your life you may suffer extreme exam nerves and stress, as all your eggs are in this basket. It is therefore a good idea to have different parts to your life: school, family, friends, hobbies, interests and so on. Then at times when one part of your life is not going according to plan, you can get pleasure and comfort from one of the other parts. Spend time developing good relationships

In that way you will have people to turn to when you feel down. If you are feeling deeply depressed it is worth seeking professional help. The handouts at the end of this session provide some phone numbers and addresses of help agencies.

Worry and anxiety •

Ask how many people worry about things.

•

Ask how many people would enjoy life more if they didn’t worry.

•

Ask if they believe that they can get rid of nine out of ten of their worries in the next five minutes.

The more we worry, the worse we feel; and the worse we feel, the more we think in an anxious and worried way. Worry is the greatest obstacle to being in a good mood, even though most of the time spent worrying turns out to be unnecessary and useless. Worrying about things in an unproductive and vague way can seriously undermine your quality of life and prevent you from getting the most of out life. It is seldom helpful to worry about things that may never happen, or that wouldn’t be so bad even if they did happen. We also worry about things that simply are not that important. Even if we are worrying about something important, that rarely helps to solve the problem. Worrying is only useful sometimes if it makes you aware of something that needs to be remedied, and allows you to resolve the situation and move on. It is bad for you if it just fills your mind constantly and you take no action or remain pre-occupied. It wastes time and energy.

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•

Ask everyone to think to themselves of something they have been worried about.

•

Ask them to think to themselves about whether they think this worrying will help resolve the difficulty?

•

Ask the group to suggest ways in which worry affects our thinking, behaviour, feelings or physical well-being.


How worry affects us31 Our thinking

•

It makes us seek out problems and difficulties to worry about.

•

It interferes with our concentration and with our ability to focus on other things.

•

It makes it hard to make decisions.

•

It focuses all our attention on ourselves and our own concerns, and leads us to ignore the concerns of others.

•

It makes us notice negative aspects of situations more quickly than positive ones.

•

It is a habit.

•

We are unclear in our thinking, distracted.

Our behaviour

•

It makes our work suffer. We can be careless, as our mind is elsewhere, or so worried that we spend too much time on one thing.

•

It distracts us so that our work is not as good as usual.

•

It makes us feel less confident.

Our feelings

•

It can make us feel mixed up and confused.

•

It can make us feel apprehensive and anxious.

•

It can make us feel helpless.

Our body

•

We find it hard to relax.

•

It makes us feel tired and run down.

•

It makes us tense.

•

It can give us headaches.

•

It affects the quality of our sleep.

How to get rid of nine out of ten of your worries!32 If worrying makes you do something, it is useful. All other worry is pointless. There are three things which are not worth worrying about but which account for the majority of worries. These are: •

things that are not important

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•

things that are not likely

•

things that are not yet resolved.

Not important

If you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself a simple question: ‘How important is the thing that I am worrying about?’ If it is a trivial thing, then stop worrying about it! Ask yourself: •

Will this matter in five years’ time?

•

Where on the scale of bad experiences is the outcome you’re worried about?

•

Just how much worry is this worth? Is it worth the energy that could be spent on other things? After all we only have so much energy.

Not likely

All sorts of awful things could happen to us or other people today or tomorrow but most of them are not likely to happen. If you let yourself worry about things that aren’t likely, there is potentially no end to worrying! A life spent on worrying is a life ruined by anxiety about things, most of which won’t ever happen. Taking on the real problems is enough without wasting energy and happiness on problems which don’t exist! Not resolved

Wait to see how things turn out before you start worrying about them. If you have finished your exams and are waiting for the results, try not to think too much about the results. Although worrying about them is perfectly natural, it achieves nothing and wastes energy. Similarly, if you are waiting to hear about other results, do something else until word comes through, don’t worry about it! When you find yourself worrying about something, you have basically got two choices.

Ask if anyone can guess what these are.

You can: 1

Sort it out! Use a problem solving approach and do something about it.

2

Let it go! Stop worrying about it.

The worry solution33 This worry solution is a great way of helping you to sort out your worries or to let them go. All you have to do is ask yourself a series of questions and the rest will look after itself.

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1

What am I worrying about?

2

Is there anything I can do about this?

3

Is there anything I can do right now?


Write this on the board and ask everyone to think of a worry in their own mind and follow the steps.

Discussion 2: Recap and discussion of the course 5 General tips from the course •

Try some relaxation every day or when you feel stressed. You need

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STRESS MANAGEMENT

Discussion of the course so far •

Ask the group as a whole what sorts of things they found useful.

•

Ask the group what they remember most about the course.

•

Go around the room and ask everyone to say one thing they learned about managing stress.

(see handout)

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ⴰ

a quiet place

ⴰ

to be sitting upright with good posture

ⴰ

to practise deep breathing.

•

You need also to be aware of the sorts of things that give you energy (e.g. friends, exercise, food, laughing) and the sorts of things that drain energy (e.g. depression, lack of exercise, feeling a loss of control, arguments) so that you can try to reduce those that drain energy.

•

Try to remember your resources as well as the demands that you face. These include people in your life, and things about yourself that you like, maybe your sense of humour, a feeling of confidence in certain things or a hobby that you have.

•

Exercise is a wonderful way of reducing stress, particularly aerobic exercise. You can try walking, running, cycling, swimming or dancing. A brisk walk when you are studying or before an exam will help you to think more clearly and improve your memory.

•

Having a sense of humour about things always helps us to reduce the stress in our lives.

•

Too much caffeine, sugar and fat causes us internal stress and makes us more irritable, tired and feeling as if we can’t cope. Foods which contain carbohydrates—like pasta, bread, potatoes and cereal— act like natural tranquillisers, helping us to feel calm. Getting enough vitamins from fruit and vegetables also helps us to stay healthy and able to cope.

•

Sleep is incredibly important. Young people need up to nine hours a night. Try to get into good sleep routines. The handout on sleep suggests ways of coping with difficulties in getting to sleep.

•

Use your support networks. Remember that the people we care about who could help us when we are stressed are often the people we are most likely to hit out at. Try not to take it out on others when stressed so that they will be there to help you when you need them.

•

Lead a balanced life: try not to put all your eggs in one basket. Divide your time between work, rest and play.


•

Sometimes we feel stressed without knowing what it is we are stressed about or how to help ourselves. Try to identify exactly what it is that is bothering you. Then treat it like a problem in need of a solution. Think of as many solutions as possible and work out which one you would like to try first. If this doesn’t work, move on to solution number 2.

•

Remember that you can control your relationships but not other people. Decide that you will take equal responsibility for difficulties which arise and work at resolving conflicts.

•

Manage your time so that you divide it up between the things that are important to you. Try to get straight down to work so that you don’t spend time hanging around feeling guilty and unsettled. Get it over and done with and then relax.

•

Enjoy life!

Breathing and stretching 6 To finish ask the group to lie on the floor. When they are comfortable, ask them to close their eyes and to practice deep breathing, feeling their stomach rise and fall with their breaths.

Some final points! •

There are summary sheets of the course and details of contact organisations available. It is a good idea to keep the handouts from the course so that you can refer back to them later.

•

If anyone missed a session and would like to catch up, please see me after the class.

•

If anyone is interested in continuing a stress management group outside class time, perhaps you could form a group. (If anyone is interested, please see me about it.)

•

It is important to keep up the good work and to continue practising the skills you have learned. Write down the benefits of the course so that you will feel motivated to keep it up. Also keep the handouts to read at stressful times such as exams, when finding it hard to communicate with people, or for general relaxation tips.

•

Thank everyone for taking part and for their contributions. Say that you hope they enjoyed the course and will find it useful in the future.

•

Give out handouts for Session 6.

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Student Handouts

Session 1 To be given out before the session •

Outline of the course: what’s this course all about?

•

Exercise sheets for Session 1

•

Stress and performance

•

Stress as a process

To be given at the end of the session •

Breathing and stretching sheet

•

Summary of Session 1

•

How do I know when I’m stressed?

•

Homework sheet: Stress Awareness Diary


Exercise sheet for Session 2

•

Thinking about myself in a fair and realistic way



•

Problem solving

•

Homework sheets: Exercise, Sleep and Food Diaries

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HANDOUTS





•

How to cope with PMT (girls only)

•

Notes on drinking, sleeping, and caffeine

•

Homework sheet: Thinking about homework





•

Relevant exercise on taking notes provided by teacher (not included in pack)

•

Homework sheet: Stressful Encounter Diary





•

Homework sheet: Survey on self-confidence



To be given at the end of the session

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•


•

Homework sheet: What did you find most useful in the course?

•

Summary of tips from course

•

Contact organisations

HANDOUTS

Student notes •

It is a good idea to keep all of these handouts in your own ‘Stress Management Folder’.

•

You can refer back to the notes to remind yourself of what you have learned in the course.

•

You can refer back to specific advice at particular times, such as exam times.

•

Please don’t restrict your answers to the space provided here. Put some blank paper in your folder and write as much as you can

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Student Handouts

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HANDOUTS FOR SESSION 1

What’s this course all about?

Outline of course The course is divided into six sessions.

HANDOUT 1

The aim of this course is to introduce you to some new ways of thinking about stress and coping. It should help make you more aware of issues shared by many young people and give you opportunities to discuss them.

Session 1 Introduction to stress and coping

The first session provides the opportunity to discuss and learn more about the causes and consequences of stress. What sorts of things cause stress in our lives? What does it feel like when we’re stressed? Does everybody feel stress in the same way? Session 2 Getting your head around stress: mental strategies for coping with stress

The second session discusses useful ways of ‘getting your head around stress’. This means using the way we think to prevent events in our lives from having a really negative impact on our health, lives or personal well-being. We can also learn to use devices such as problem solving, mental preparation and coping skills to keep stress at a minimum. In this session we also discuss, is there ever only one way of seeing things? Session 3 Fit for life: physical strategies for coping with stress

In the third session we discuss all the ways you can boost your health so that you will find life more easy to cope with. This means getting enough nutrition from the food you eat, keeping physically active, getting enough sleep, making sure that you relax properly and thinking about times when you are particularly vulnerable and taking extra care. Session 4 Working it out: study skills, exam preparation and time management

Because exams and keeping up with school work can be a major source of stress to many young people, Session 4 gives you the opportunity to talk about any difficulties you may be experiencing with homework, course work or studying. It offers advice as to how to study more effectively. It also provides tips on good time management, which will give you more time to relax and have fun while getting all your study done as well! Session 5 People power: communication and interpersonal skills

Relationships can be a huge source of support when we are going through rough times. They can also, unfortunately, be a source of stress in themselves! In Session 5 you are invited to think about the different relationships that produce conflict and strain in your life. This session offers advice on working things out with other people in a way that helps you to maintain your self-esteem and nurture those relationships which are important for you. Session 6 Treating yourself right

Finally, all the stress management tips in the world won’t work if you do not have the self-esteem and self-confidence to give them a go! Session 6 explores what we mean by self-confidence and offers advice as to how you can work on your own confidence. It also provides an opportunity to think and talk about feelings of depression and anxiety and offers advice as to what you should do to prevent depression or to cope with it once these feelings emerge. We hope that you enjoy the course and that you feel free to contribute to each of the sessions, in a way that is comfortable, enjoyable and helpful for you.  2000 RoutledgeFlamer This Page may be photocopied for use within the purchasing institution only

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HANDOUT 2

Exercise sheet Discussion 1: What makes us stressed? 1

What is stress? How would you define it?

2

Make a list of things which have made you stressed, in general or specific terms.

3

Are the big things that happen in life or the little things that happen every day more stressful?

4

What sorts of hassles do you experience on a day-to-day basis?

5

Is stress easier when you know its coming or when you don’t expect it?

6

Is there such a thing as positive stress?

7

Can stress come from inside as well as outside?

Write your answers here:

Discussion 2: How does stress feel? 1

What does it feel like when you’re stressed?

2

In what ways does it show?

3

What sorts of things do you think?

4

What are you likely to do?

5

How does it impact on other people?

6

Do their reactions affect you? In what way?


 2000 RoutledgeFlamer This Page may be photocopied for use within the purchasing institution only

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Stress and performance

This graph shows that: •

When we have no challenges or very little to do, we often feel bored and perform poorly.

•

When we have challenges that we feel we can cope with, we perform well.

•

When we are under too much pressure and finding it hard to cope, we perform poorly.

•

If the pressure persists and we find no way to cope, we can burn out and our physical and mental health is affected.

Drawn from an illustration by Michelle Kearns


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HANDOUT 3

Performance can refer to how we do at our school work, how well we relate to others, how well we do at our hobbies, and how comfortable we are with the general ups and downs that life throws at us.


HANDOUT 4

Stress as a process

•

Stress is not solely caused by our environment, our relationships, our thoughts or our feelings. It is the way all these things relate to each other.

•

The way we think about situations can serve to relax us or to cause us more stress.

•

Prolonged strain can affect our health and our relationships.

•

The way we use our resources (from within us and from around us) affects our ability to cope with stress.


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Breathing and stretching sheet* Aim to breathe deeply from your stomach as often as possible. Be aware that at times when you feel anxious this will make you feel better and more in control. Simply take as deep a breath as possible, hold it for a few seconds and then breathe all the air out of your chest. The next breath that you take in will probably be from your stomach. This should help you feel more relaxed and in control. It is useful when you feel stressed to try this technique. Also, before an exam or during an argument ‘belly breathing’ and taking deep breaths help to centre you, give you more control and confidence, and will serve to relax you.

Exercise 1 Finding out how you’re breathing You may know that breathing from your stomach, and not your chest, is more likely to keep you relaxed. But how do you know how you are breathing? To find out, simply stand or sit and place one hand on your upper chest and one hand on your lower abdomen. Try not to change the way you are breathing, just breathe in and out five times. •

If only your chest moves, then you are using upper chest breathing.

•

If your belly expands as you breathe in, then you are using more of your lungs.

Exercise 2 Changing from upper chest to belly breathing •

Take a deep breath in and breathe out completely through your mouth while making the sound ‘shoo’. This will blow out all the air in your lungs and create a vacuum which will draw the next breath into the lower regions of your lungs.

•

Take another breath naturally. Watch to see if your belly expands with this breath. If it doesn’t you may need to repeat the last stage.

•

Continue now to breathe deeply into your stomach and exhale fully. Feel your stomach rise and fall with the breath.

Exercise 3 Releasing frustration •

Lift both arms above your head.

•

Take a breath in through your mouth, then quickly breathe out through your mouth making the sound ‘shoo’.

•

As you breathe out bring down your arms and head as if you were chopping wood.

•

Breathe in again slowly and repeat the exercise.

Exercise 4 Getting focused before an important task •

Put your hands on your stomach.


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HANDOUT 5

Belly breathing

HANDOUT 6


•

Breathe slowly and deeply.

•

Breathe out and feel the rise and fall of your stomach as you do so.

•

As you breathe in, pull together all your thoughts and your resources into yourself.

•

As you breathe out, feel the release of any worries or negative thoughts about the task.

•

Continue this process for a few minutes.

•

When you are finished you will return to your next activity calm and alert.

Exercise 5 Breathing away worries •

Close your eyes Remember an incident where you were anxious, stressed, nervous, scared or angry. Focus on this incident and try to remember how you felt at the time. (allow a minute for this) Notice how you are breathing.

•

Now remember a moment of deep happiness and relaxation. Focus on this and remember how you were feeling at the time. (allow a minute for this) Notice how you are breathing.

•

Now focus your attention on some present or future event about which you are worried. Think about this problem. What particular aspects worry you? (allow a minute for this) Notice your breathing.

•

Start paying attention to each breath as it comes into your body and as it leaves your body. Follow your breath and allow it deepen and come in and out of your stomach. (allow a minute for this) Now how do you feel in your mind?

The following stretches can be done after school or homework when your muscles might be tense. They can also be done before a stressful event to relax you.

Exercise 6 Progressive relaxation •

When you do this at home find a place which is quiet and where you are unlikely to be disturbed.

•

Make sure you are not too hot or too cold. Wear loose clothing and loosen any belts.

•

Sit upright and comfortably in your chair. Close your eyes but don’t squeeze them tightly.

•

When you feel comfortable, clench your toes and your feet as hard as feels comfortable. Hold this for a few seconds and then breathe out and let the tension go. Stretch out your feet and feel them relax.  2000 RoutledgeFlamer This Page may be photocopied for use within the purchasing institution only

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Breathe in and tense your legs and thighs as hard as feel comfortable. Hold for a few seconds and release the tension as you breathe out.

•

Breathe in again and as you do so, tense your stomach by pushing it out. Hold this tension for a few seconds, then breathe out and relax.

•

Now move to your chest. As you breathe in feel your chest expand. Hold this expanded position for a few moments, then relax and breathe out.

•

As you breathe in, tense your back, especially between your shoulder blades. Hold the tension for a few seconds and then release as you breathe out.

•

Tense the upper half of your body—feel the tension—breathe out, let the tension go and relax.

•

Tense your shoulders by lifting them up towards your ears as you breathe in. Hold for a few seconds and relax, dropping your shoulders as you breathe out.

•

Clench your fists as tightly as possible and feel the tension in your hands and arms. Hold the tension. Now let it go and shake out your arms and hands.

•

Scrunch up your face, tighten all the face muscles—hold the tension—now release it and relax and let go as you breathe out. Breathe in and yawn with open mouth and raise your eyebrows. Hold for a second and release and let go.

•

Stay seated for a couple of minutes and focus your attention on your breathing. Allow your breath to become slow and deep and even.

You can also do this exercise while lying down on the floor or on your bed.

Exercise 7 Stretches for the neck and head •

Take a deep breath and breathe from your stomach.

•

Straighten and relax your spine.

•

Feel your shoulders relax.

•

Bend your head forward for a few seconds and feel the stretch at the back of your neck.

•

Now bend your head backwards for a few seconds.

•

Bend your head to the right and feel the stretch.

•

Bend your head to the left and feel the stretch.

Exercise 8 Stretches for the shoulders •

Stand and stretch (you can also do this sitting down or lying down).

•

Check that you are comfortable before you start—spine tall, neck free—breathing naturally.

•

Raise your hands slowly above your head.

•

Link your fingers and slowly turn your palms out to face the ceiling.

•

Breathe in and stretch your palms higher, straightening your arms.

•

Feel your spine lengthening and the stretch in your shoulders.

•

Feel the stretch and then pause.


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HANDOUT 7

•

HANDOUT 8


•

Breathe out and return your hands to the side of your body.

•

Repeat.

Exercise 9 Stretches for the middle and upper back •

Stand up straight and comfortable. Breathe normally.

•

Raise your arms sideways slowly until they are stretched above the head with fingers long.

•

Hands should not touch.

•

Slowly and gently bend slightly to the right and slowly come back to the centre, gently bend to the left, and back to the centre again. Try to keep this a side bend and not lean forwards or back, like you are swaying between two invisible walls.

•

Lower the arms and rest.

•

This should relax your waist and upper back.

Exercise 10 General relaxation •

Put your feet and legs onto a chair or against the wall and rest your back and head on the floor.

•

Place one hand on your belly button and one hand on your chest.

•

Focus your attention on your breath for a few minutes keeping your eyes softly closed.

•

If your eyes are tired, rub your hands together and place the palms of your hands in front of your eyes.

•

Open your eyes and allow them to rest in the darkness of your palms.

Exercise 11 Breathing to stimulate alertness: The windmill If you have been studying or bent over a desk and are feeling tense, this exercise will relax you and make you feel more alert. •

You need plenty of space around you for this exercise!

•

Stand up straight with your arms in front of you.

•

Inhale and hold a complete natural breath.

•

Swing your arms backward in a circle three times.

•

Now swing your arms forward in a circle three times.

•

Breathe out forcefully with your mouth.

* Note: Breathing and stretching exercises are adapted from Whelen, D. (1993) Your Breaking Point, Dublin: Attic Press. Some breathing exercises are also adapted from meditation exercises.


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Learning more about stress can help us in many ways. It can allow us to cope better and get more out of life, feel less worried and anxious, have fewer headaches, enjoy better sleep, enjoy better relationships, feel more energetic and focus more clearly on the things that matter. We began this course with a breathing and stretching exercise and learned that deep and steady breathing is a good way to remain relaxed. We moved on to discuss the sources of stress in our lives, and explored whether the big things that happen now and then, or the little things that happen every day, are more stressful. We talked about the stress of unexpected events and the stress of preparing for situations that you know are coming up. We also talked about whether stress can come from inside as well as outside. Sources of stress that come from outside can include: school work and preparing for exams, arguments with friends and family, looking after siblings, worrying about others, a part-time job, seeing parents argue, being bullied or seeing others bullied, or grieving for someone close who has died. Not eating well, sleeping or exercising enough can also be a source of stress on the body. Sources of stress that can come from the inside include: wanting to do really well at school, wanting to be popular, wanting to be the best, or being too hard on yourself. We learned that in order for us to be able to deal with these stresses we need to think about things in a positive and constructive way, and we need to recognise the supports that we have. Some stress can even be a positive thing. Life wouldn’t be the same without the ‘butterflies in the stomach’ we feel when we are attracted to someone, want to do well at something, or take part in sports or competitions. In order to tackle stress and make it a more positive thing in our lives, we need first to be able to recognise our own symptoms of stress. The symptoms of stress are included in these handouts. It is likely that if we are experiencing many of these symptoms, we will find it hard to cope with the pressures on us. We can then begin trying out the new coping strategies that the course has to offer. Even if we have yet to experience feelings of stress, learning these techniques will help you to cope with challenging or difficult situations that you encounter in the future. All of these symptoms of stress are there for a reason. They are there to help you to deal with a threatening situation quickly by running away from it or by fighting. The trouble is, in today’s world it is rarely helpful to do either of these things. Our body will expect us to resolve the situation so that it can return to normal. When we feel stressed over a long period, or we fail to take any action, these symptoms of stress can make us feel tired and run down, and ultimately have a negative effect on our mental and physical health.


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HANDOUT 9

Summary of Session 1: Introduction to stress and coping


HANDOUT 10

How do I know when I am stressed? It is normal for the feelings on this list to go up and down for most people just coping with the day-to-day demands of life. Also these symptoms can be caused by other things than stress. If, however, you experience many of the things listed below regularly or for a long time, it may be that you need to think about learning some new ways of coping with stress and using your support networks. Stress can affect the way we think. Are you: •

thinking in a confused, muddled way?

•

finding it hard to concentrate?

•

finding it hard to remember things?

•

finding it hard to make decisions?

•

feeling low in confidence?

•

getting really annoyed at very little things?

•

always putting things off?

•

finding it hard to plan ahead?

•

always thinking the worst?

•

seeing the down side of everything?

•

worrying all the time?

Stress can affect our physical well-being. Are you: •

feeling very tired all the time?

•

finding it hard to sleep?

•

getting a lot of headaches?

•

getting stomach knots or ‘butterflies’?

•

getting a lot of back and neck aches?

•

feeling sick?

•

finding that your voice or hands are shaky?

•

feeling your heart beating very quickly?

•

finding that your mouth is dry a lot?

•

needing to urinate all the time?

•

feeling dizzy?

•

finding problems like asthma, or skin rashes getting worse?

•

finding your palms sweating a lot?


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Stress can affect the way we feel. Are you: irritable?

•

aggressive?

•

withdrawn?

•

moody?

•

crying a lot?

•

reluctant to spend time with friends?

•

depressed?

•

edgy?

•

miserable?

•

worried?

•

panicky?

HANDOUT 11

•

Stress can affect the way we behave. Are you: •

drinking to forget your worries?

•

eating a lot more or less than usual?

•

taking things out on others?

•

finding it hard to manage your time?

•

sleeping a lot more or less than usual?

•

needing to take drugs to forget your worries?

•

missing school a lot because you don’t feel up to it?

•

over-reacting?


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HANDOUT 12


Homework sheet: Stress Awareness Diary

Questions to ask yourself • What sorts of things make you stressed? • Do you get stressed at particular times? • Do you often think in the same way when you are stressed? • Do you often feel the same way when you are stressed? • Do the stressful thoughts or the stressful feelings come first?


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Student Handouts

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Exercise sheet

You don’t have to talk about your diary in specific terms. What we are trying to do is to work out the patterns: for example, is the way that you feel based on the way that you think about things? 1

Stress Awareness Diary: What sorts of things did you find stressful (in general)?

2

What sorts of thoughts did you have when you were stressed?

3

What sorts of feelings did you have when you were stressed?

4

Do you find you have negative thoughts which say negative things to you over and over?



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HANDOUT 1

Discussion: Stress Awareness Diary

HANDOUT 2


Summary off session 2: Getting your head around stress This session examined the relationship between the way we see things and feelings of strain. Students were invited to explore their Stress Awareness Diaries and to look at the sorts of thoughts they had before they were aware of feeling stressed.

Thinking about the way we think When we are stressed we see things in very particular ways. We might: • generalise, e.g. ‘everything always goes wrong for me’ • see things in black and white, e.g. ‘there’s no way I am talking to her ever again’ • see only the negative, e.g. ‘I could have done better’ • see things irrationally, e.g. ‘they’ve only asked me along because they feel sorry for me’ • be alarmist, e.g. ‘I’m definitely going to fail’ • become self-obsessed, e.g. ‘they’re all laughing at me’ • become confused, e.g. ‘I can’t decide what to do, my head’s all fuzzy’ • become irrationally stubborn, e.g. ‘that’s it, I’m leaving’ • jump to conclusions, e.g. ‘she’s ignoring me because I said something stupid’ • blame the wrong people, e.g. ‘my mum doesn’t understand how much my boyfriend hurt me’ • use the word ‘should’ too much, e.g. ‘I should always be the best’ • confuse feelings with facts, e.g. ‘I feel unattractive, therefore I am unattractive’. The aim of this session is to encourage students to challenge these types of thoughts and to recognise that we can control them to a certain extent. You can do this by: •

learning to be aware of when you are feeling stressed, and taking ‘time-out’

•

predicting the things that will be stressful and being prepared by: ⴰ

avoiding difficult situations when appropriate (e.g. students at school)

ⴰ

putting in the preparation (e.g. getting homework done in plenty of time)

ⴰ

confronting the situation head on when appropriate (e.g. discussing things)

ⴰ

learning from mistakes and seeing what works well in different situations

•

keeping things in perspective

•

learning not to exaggerate the negative aspects of situations

•

learning not to blame yourself and others inappropriately when things go wrong


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learning to replace irrational self-talk with more realistic self-talk

•

seeing the positive aspects of situations

•

trying not to mind-read.

We also learned that if we are aware of having constant and unhelpful thoughts that stop us from fulfilling our potential, then we can learn to replace these with more helpful thoughts, or train ourselves to switch off when these thoughts enter our minds. Coping skills training involves imagining stressful situations which you will have to negotiate in the future. While you are visualising all aspects of these situations, you can learn to relax your breathing and let go of all muscle tension. That way, when you are actually in this situation you will find it a lot easier to be calm and in control. You can also keep a repertoire of helpful stress-coping thoughts with you. You should write your own ones for preparing for a stressful situation (e.g. Everything’s going to be okay), confronting the stressful situation (e.g. I can do this, all I can do is my best, I need to stay calm and focused), coping with fear (e.g. I can use my relaxation exercises to stay calm, there’s help if I need it) and reinforcing success (e.g. Well done, you did it!). Having a good laugh and seeing the funny side of things always helps to keep things in perspective and is an excellent stress management tool. Coping can be divided into two types of coping: •

problem-focused coping

•

emotion-focused coping.

Emotion-focused coping often helps when we have no control over the situation. Trying to look at worries as problems which need to be solved can be a helpful way of dealing with stress when we have some control over the situation. Tips for being a good stress manager include: •

Know yourself: know your own symptoms so you can take action!

•

Know your load: be aware of exactly what the pressures are, and how much change there has been in your life.

•

Talk to people you trust about the way that you feel.

•

Take plenty of breaks.

•

Take time to plan. Write things down, use lists, planners, timetables.

•

Look after your health (see Session 3).

•

Breathe deeply.

•

Try not to put things off, they just become hounding worries.

•

Try the problem-solving approach.

•

Think of solutions that will be as helpful in the long-term as in the short-term.

•

Have fun and enjoy life!


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HANDOUT 3

•


HANDOUT 4

Problem solving Step 1: Think of a problem or worry ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... Step 2: Write down all the things that you could do. (Write down as many as you can think of, it doesn’t matter at this stage if they sound silly or not possible.) 1...................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... 2...................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... 3...................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... 4...................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... 5...................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... 6...................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... More?............................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... Step 3 Choose the solution that you think is the best. Ask someone you trust for their opinion. Think about whether the solution will be helpful in the long run as well as in the short run. Try to imagine the consequences of each option. .......................................................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................................................... ..........................................................................................................................................


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Step 4

Step 5 Evaluate it. Did it work? ............................................................................................................................................ .......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... Why/why not? .......................................................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... If it worked, well done. Remember this for next time. If it didn’t work, choose another solution and try it out. Keep going until you find one that works. Your solutions can include: •

things you can do

•

talking to people who can help

•

thinking about the problem in a different way

•

accepting things that you can’t change.

Here are some tips!

Tip 1 It is important to think about problems in terms of: •

things that we can change

•

things that we cannot change.

If we cannot change things then we need to work with things as they are. For example: •

We can’t change when our exams are scheduled.

•

We can’t change the people in our family.

•

We can’t change the marks we need to do a particular course.

•

We can’t change people we care about getting ill or stressed.

•

We can change the way we study.


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HANDOUT 5

Think about what you need to do to try it out—then go for it! .......................................................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................

HANDOUT 6


•

We can change the way we relate to people.

•

We can change the way we use our support networks.

•

We can change the way we look after our health.

Tip 2 If you are finding it hard to think of solutions at Step 2, try talking to people you trust and ‘brainstorming’. Two heads are often better than one.


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Sometimes the things that we say to ourselves can stop us from fulfilling our potential and feeling confident enough to enjoy life to the full. While it is normal and common to say these things, it is possible to learn to replace them with more positive thoughts. Stressed thoughts are irrational by nature. When we say ‘they always treat me badly’, ‘I’m never going to get over this’, ‘I have nothing going for me’, these are overly negative generalisations. Your replacement thoughts will be more realistic because they will replace generalised, extreme thoughts with more moderate, sensible ones. Try writing down the sorts of negative things that you might say to yourself and replacing them with more positive and realistic thoughts. Examples could include: • I can’t do this

⇒

I can try my best and ask for help when I need it

• People don’t like me

⇒

I know there are people who care about me

• I’m not attractive

⇒

I have my good points just like everybody else, nobody’s perfect

• I’m not clever enough

⇒

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, I need to focus on my strengths

• I’m useless

⇒

There are things that I can do of which I am proud

Try writing down your own and always think of these more realistic ways of thinking when you hear the old critical voice coming back. Negative thought............................................................................................................................... .............................................................................................................................................................. More realistic thought............................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................... Negative thought ............................................................................................................................. ......................................................................................................................................... More realistic thought................................................................................................................................ .......................................................................................................................................... Negative thought ............................................................................................................................. ......................................................................................................................................... More realistic thought ............................................................................................................................. .........................................................................................................................................


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HANDOUT 7

Thinking about myself in a fair and realistic way


HANDOUT 8

Homework: Exercise Diary (You don’t need to show this diary to anyone.) Exercise means any kind of physical activity that raises your heart beat and quickens your breathing and makes you feel warm. This can include walking, doing housework, dancing, PE, sports, aerobics, running, cycling, swimming.

Questions to ask yourself •

When do you usually exercise?

•

What type of exercise do you enjoy?

•

How long do you usually exercise for?

•

Why do you exercise?

•

Why don’t you exercise?

•

How do you feel before you exercise?

•

How do you feel after you exercise?


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Homework: Sleep Diary HANDOUT 9

(You don’t need to show this diary to anyone.)

* Energy levels: 1=very tired 2=quite tired 3=a little tired 4=OK

5=a little energetic 6=quite energetic 7=very energetic


Is there a relationship between the number of hours you sleep and how much energy you have the next day?

•

Do you sleep less when you wake up late?

•

Do you have trouble sleeping on particular days?

•

Do you regularly feel tired?

•

Do you usually feel quite energetic?


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HANDOUT 8

Homework: Food Diary (You don’t need to show this diary to anyone.)


How many meals do you have a day?

•

Do you eat breakfast?

•

Do you ever eat because you are bored?

•

Do you think that you eat a healthy diet?

•

How do you usually feel before you eat?

•

How do you usually feel after you eat?

•

Do you regularly feel tired?

•

Do you usually feel quite energetic?


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Student Handouts

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Exercise sheet

Discuss: •

Exercise Diary: Do you feel you get enough exercise?

•

Sleep Diary: Do you feel you get enough sleep?

•

Food Diary: Do you feel your diet is healthy?

•

Caffeine Counter: How much caffeine have you had during the week?

What do you feel would enhance your physical well-being?


Overall group discussion: Exercise •

Do you take regular exercise?

•

What do you do?

•

How do you feel afterwards?



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HANDOUT 1

Discussion 1: Are we looking after our health?


HANDOUT 2

Drinking, sleeping and caffeine How to tell when drinking is becoming a problem If you answer yes to any of the following questions, it may be worth talking to someone you trust about your drinking. There are addresses and phone numbers in the handouts for Session 6 which you may find useful. •

Do you drink because you have problems or to face up to stressful situations?

•

Do you drink when you are angry with other people?

•

Do you prefer to drink on your own?

•

Is your drinking affecting your school work?

•

Does your drinking mean that you are missing school?

•

Are you dishonest about your drinking?

•

Do you usually get yourself into trouble when you drink?

•

Do you always drink to get drunk?

How to improve the quality of your sleep •

Try to relax and enjoy the time you have in bed before you go to sleep; think about positive things.

•

Go to bed at the same time every night and try to get up at the same time every morning.

•

If you are having sleep difficulties, avoid sleeping in at the weekend.

•

Make sure you are getting enough exercise and daylight during the day.

•

Try relaxation exercises before you go to bed.

•

Don’t study just before trying to go to sleep; give your mind a chance to unwind.

•

Have a cup of hot milk before you go to bed.

•

Make sure the room is not too hot or cold and not too stuffy.

•

Always go to the bathroom before getting into bed.

•

If you can’t get to sleep, don’t toss and turn: get up and do something in another room. You don’t want to associate your bedroom with sleeplessness.

•

Don’t drink coffee late at night or have heavy meals.

•

Try counting games or visualising relaxing pleasant images.

•

Avoid taking sleeping tablets, they usually make the problem worse.


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Keeping caffeine under control


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HANDOUT 3

The daily recommended average of caffeine consumption is 200mg (one cup of brewed coffee). If you drink much more than this regularly you may feel edgy and irritable, get headaches and find it hard to relax.


HANDOUT 4

Handout for girls How to cope with PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) If you have started having periods, you may have noticed certain feelings which you experience before your period comes every month. You may not have any feelings at all. But if you do, these are likely to come between one and five days before your period. For some girls, this time can make them particularly vulnerable to stress. They may feel tired, irritable, as if they can’t cope, withdrawn, aggressive, panicky or depressed. They may have food cravings, difficulty sleeping and headaches. They may notice that they have more arguments with friends and family at this time. Although no one is quite sure what causes these feelings, there are definitely things that you can do that will help you to get through this time more comfortably. If you experience these symptoms, then when you are coming up to your period it is a good idea to make sure that you: •

get enough sleep and do not stay up too late

•

eat healthily and don’t let yourself get too hungry

•

get plenty of exercise, for example, a good brisk walk every day

•

use your coping skills, like breathing, stretching and relaxation exercises

•

are aware that this is a vulnerable time for you and that you may see things differently for a few days, but that this will pass

•

try having small carbohydrate snacks every few hours, e.g. crackers or bread, since some people find that this helps

•

if at all possible try not to plan anything too stressful or challenging for these few days

•

avoid caffeine, alcohol, and salt.


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Summary of Session 3: Fit for life!

• • • •

healthy eating physical activity good quality of sleep relaxation and breathing.

Healthy eating Despite all the fads that come and go, the principles of healthy eating are quite simple really. A diet that will give you all the energy you need should be one that: • • • • • • • •

is low in saturated fats is low in sugar is low in salt is high in complex carbohydrates and fibre contains at least five portions of fruit and vegetables every day contains a good variety of food contains a good proportion of fresh food provides at least one litre of water a day.

Eating well can help to reduce irritability, headaches, and tiredness. It is an essential aid for concentration. Always eat at least three meals a day. Skipping meals, particularly breakfast will make you feel weak, edgy and slightly ‘down’. You won’t be able to concentrate properly and might feel a little light-headed. Fast foods, while giving you energy in the short term, cause a fall in blood glucose levels which can leave you feeling tired and hungry shortly after. For energy that is constant and lasts longer, choose carbohydrates such as bread, pasta, potatoes, cereal, and rice. These are excellent foods and can help improve mood. Drinking too much caffeine can make us tired, edgy and have difficulty sleeping.

Dieting Many young women in today’s society feel the need to diet in order to achieve a thin body. This is based on a false assumption that being thin makes you happy, which is simply not true. If you eat a healthy diet and take moderate exercise you will be fit, energetic and able to cope, and your weight will remain stable. There are too many good things in life out there to be enjoyed to waste your life worrying about being thin.


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HANDOUT 5

As good health is key to coping well with life’s ups and downs, this session covers the main building blocks of good health. These are:


HANDOUT 6

Dieting causes many problems. If you choose to dramatically cut down on food intake you will notice the following: •

you will find it hard to concentrate and remember things

•

you will have very little energy

•

you may find it hard to cope

•

you may feel depressed and miserable

•

you may become obsessed with food

•

you may become obsessed with the way you look, and miss out on lots of other fun things

•

your bones may become weak which can lead to osteoporosis later in life

•

when you begin to eat normally again, your body will put on weight quicker than before

•

severe dieting can lead to facial hair growth in girls.

Alcohol Drinking alcohol can lead to weight gain, vitamin B depletion, raised blood pressure, liver damage, killing brain cells, anti-social behaviour, relationship problems, hangovers which interfere with school work, and depression. Mixing alcohol with drugs, legal or illegal, can end up killing you. Physical activity There are many benefits to taking exercise, and it is one of the best stress managers there is. These include: •

better grades at school

•

improved self-confidence

•

lifted mood

•

less likely to get depressed

•

enhances creativity

•

boosts your immune system

•

lowers body fat

•

keeps you looking good

•

reduces hostility and irritability

•

gives you energy

•

improves sleep

•

reduces physical tension


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improves body image

•

makes you feel more ‘on top of things’

•

reduces stress.

Physical activity can include: walking, running, swimming, cycling, dancing, rollerblading, jogging, aerobics, or competitive sports. It is recommended that you get this kind of aerobic exercise for at least twenty minutes three times a week. It should raise your heart rate and your breathing rate and keep it there. To help you to get enough exercise try exercising with friends, walking or cycling rather than being driven (if it is safe), dancing till you drop, asking your PE teacher to try new fun ways of exercising, arranging an aerobics class at your school, and choosing different types to mix it up. Always choose convenient times and places so you are less likely to back out!

Sleep Teenagers need a lot of sleep. Although sleep needs vary, most young people need at least nine hours a night. Not getting enough sleep can lead to loss of concentration, feeling tired and edgy, and not being able to cope. If you have difficulty going to sleep, there are some tips included in Handout 2.

Relaxation Learning to relax is central to good stress management. If your muscles are tense, they are working muscles and are using up energy that you could use more productively elsewhere. Learning how to relax involves many things, including: •

a certain attitude towards life and learning to take things in your stride

•

learning to release tension when it builds up in your muscles

•

getting into the habit of making sure that you rest as well as work and play.

Learning to relax means that you can replenish your resources and live your life to the full. As well as practising the breathing and stretching exercises contained in these handouts, you can try these tips: •

Check regularly that your shoulders and posture are relaxed.

•

Try to take the urgency out of things, by doing things in a calm and relaxed way (which is more efficient anyway).

•

Take time to do things that you find relaxing. These can be energetic (like going dancing) or calm (like reading or going for a walk).

•

Have a balanced life: spending time at school, with family, with friends, and having hobbies. That way, if things aren’t going so well in one area of your life, you’ll have plenty of other things to take your mind off it.

•

Take short breaks when you are working. Recognise signs of tension and accept them as signals to take a break.


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HANDOUT 7

•


HANDOUT 8

Homework: Thinking about homework! Write your answers to the questions below. You will not be asked to show these answers to anyone. Thinking about these questions will help you to get the most out of Session 4. •

What is the hardest part of studying or homework for you?

•

What gets in the way of you studying or doing homework?

•

Do you have difficulties keeping up with course work?

•

What would help you keep up with course work?

•

What would help you to concentrate more when you are studying?

•

Do you have difficulties preparing for exams?

•

What does time management mean?

•

Are you a good time manager?


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Student Handouts

131


Exercise sheet

Think about your main obstacles and problems with studying. If these aren’t all addressed by the end of the session, bring this to the attention of your teacher so that they can be discussed. •

What are your main problems regarding homework, studying and keeping up with course work?

•

What feelings and obstacles arose during the week regarding study habits?

•

What is the hardest part of studying for you?



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HANDOUT 1

Discussion: Studying and homework


HANDOUT 2

Exercise: Thinking about your values Work on this exercise by yourself. Rate your own values from the most to the least important to you. Take a few minutes to do this. Here are some examples: family, school, friends, relationships with the opposite sex, doing well in sport, hobbies, exams, part-time job, and your future. 1

6

2

7

3

8

4

9

5

10


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Summary of Session 4: Working it out!

Getting started is usually the hardest part of studying. To make it easier on yourself try the following: •

Have a timetable so you know exactly how much you have to get done in each allotted period.

•

Plan ahead, especially coming up to exams.

•

Take short breaks of ten minutes or so every forty-five minutes.

•

Promise yourself a reward at the end of the study period.

•

Keep your desk organised.

•

File notes for easy access.

•

Keep a list of why you are doing this. Look at it when you are not feeling motivated.

•

Make where you study as attractive and comfortable as possible.

•

Try to do the hard parts first when you are fresh.

•

Break up larger projects into smaller ones that are more easy to manage and less offputting.

•

Mix it up so that you are doing different subjects in one night.

Studying and health •

Keeping physically active will aid concentration. Go for a short run, or dance to some music if you are feeling sluggish: this will perk you up!

•

Avoid alcohol: it will make you feel tired and sleepy.

•

Eat a balanced diet.

•

Make sure you get enough sleep.

•

Make sure you get enough daylight and fresh air.

•

Avoid sugary foods: they will make you feel tired after a while.

•

Avoid caffeine: it can make your heart race and again make you feel tired after a while.


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HANDOUT 3

Session 4 begins with a discussion of the main difficulties experienced by students in studying and doing homework. Although different people may have different aptitudes for specific subjects, the main difference between students who do well at school and those who do not is the way that they organise their homework and manage their time. The following advice was given to help students make the most out of their study time. At the end of the day, the more time you put in, the more you will get done. However, you need to do this while looking after your mental and physical health.


HANDOUT 4

•

Try not to listen to loud music when studying. If you have to listen to music, try something calm without lyrics, that doesn’t compete for your attention.

Taking notes or revising •

Always try to work with the material and not just read through.

•

Highlight the most important points.

•

Give yourself mock exams.

•

After you read something take a break. When you come back, see how much you can remember.

•

Make up your own memory aids. What do things remind you of? How does the material make sense to you?

•

Study with friends. Take some work each and come together to discuss it. (If this proves too distracting, better to study alone and meet up with your friends later to relax and have fun.)

Coming up to exams •

Prioritise the things you need to work on and make a timetable.

•

List what you know well and what you need to do more work on.

•

The timetable should list what you need to do every day for the coming weeks or months.

•

Look at previous exam papers and give yourself mock exams. This will get you used to timing yourself and working under pressure, as well as seeing how much you remember.

Just before the exam •

Keep calm and focused.

•

Remember, everybody worries about exams, and it is normal to find your mind filling up with alarming thoughts. Just remember, ‘thinking these things does not make them true’.

•

Have summary notes written on cards that you can peek at before you go in. At this stage you really just need words that will trigger your memory.

•

Before you start, take a deep breath or count to ten.

•

Read the instructions carefully.

•

Read the full exam paper before you start.

•

Write short notes beside the questions you are going to do, to give you confidence and trigger your memory.

•

Adapt what you know to the questions, but try to keep to the point.


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•

Be disciplined about time keeping.

•

Use your best handwriting.

Time management If you find yourself always rushing, being late, feeling frustrated and impatient constantly putting things off, not really knowing what to do next and not getting enough done, it may well be that you have a problem with time management. First, you need to decide what the important things are for you. In other words, where are your priorities? To help students find out more about their priorities they were invited to take part in an exercise which is all about learning more about our values. Our values are often the things we want to be remembered for. They can include doing well at school or sports or hobbies, being a good friend, a good daughter or good son, being fun to be with or a good listener. Whatever your values are, it is important to make time for them. Make a pie chart and design it so that you divide your free time between, for example, homework, revision, talking and spending time with your family, seeing your friends, a hobby, doing nothing, watching TV and taking exercise. Procrastination has been called ‘the thief of time’. Good time management requires that you no longer spend time ‘in limbo’ doing nothing but worrying about things you have to do. Decide how much time you have to work and how much time you have to relax, and stick to it! Remember that you can’t do everything, and you have to prioritise what is important to you. Also break large projects into smaller chunks and plan ahead.


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HANDOUT 5

Above all it is important to keep things in perspective and keep a balance in your life. It is important to both fulfil your potential and do the best that you can while remaining a happy person.


HANDOUT 6

Homework: Stressful Encounter Diary


Did you notice any patterns?

•

Are there certain people with whom you are more likely to have stressful encounters?

•

What do you think would improve your relationship with these people?

•

Are there particular things that you tend to have conflicts over?


138

Student Handouts

139


Exercise sheet

Think about the following questions. It is a good idea to try to recall what you may have learned from your ‘stressful encounter diary’. Remember you can discuss these in general terms, without being specific. •

What are the main problems that people encounter in their relationships?

•

Think about your relationships with: family friends teachers boy/girl friends


Group discussion: Being assertive •

What do you think being assertive means?

•

Do you see yourself as assertive and why?


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HANDOUT 1

Discussion 1: Relationships


HANDOUT 2

Summary of Session 5: People power Relationships can sometimes be the biggest source of stress in our lives. This session began with a discussion about the different ways in which relating to others can cause difficulties. Students were asked to think of five people with whom they have stressful relationships. Students were then asked to think of the five people whom they turn to when they are stressed. It is quite common to have at least two or three people in both of these categories! This is an important lesson because: •

relationships are a huge source of support when we feel under pressure or down

•

we often take it out on the people who care when we are stressed

•

close relationships can be a source both of hurt and of great rewards and pleasure.

Sometimes we can get into habits of reacting rather than responding to each situation. We hit back, reject ignore, lash out dismiss, accept or criticise rather than listen and weigh up what people are saying. It is worth thinking about whether you have developed habits in the way you relate to others. Where do these habits come from? Students were asked to think of a relationship that is causing them stress. They were then asked to think of what would improve things. It is quite common for us to think of things the other person could do that would improve things. However, by doing this we are denying ourselves any control over the situation. After all you can’t change other people, you can only change the way in which you relate to them. Often when you do this, the other person will change, but not always in the way that you want. At the end of the day, to make the most of our relationships we need to take responsibility for our part in the relationships that cause us stress. The most important thing in a relationship is to ‘be yourself’. This does not mean being rude or other people getting hurt. It does mean that you are giving yourself the best chance for being confident and happy. It means that when we feel others accept us, we can express ourselves and have more satisfying relationships. ‘A trouble shared is a trouble halved’ It is really important that you get into the habit of talking to people you trust when you are feeling stressed or very low. This can help in many ways: •

Simply getting it off your chest can help you to feel better.

•

You may find out you’re not the only one who has felt this way.

•

They may be able to come up with some solutions you hadn’t thought of before.

•

They may be able to offer useful help or advice.

•

It is good to know that there are people there who care about you.


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Social support You can help to ensure that you get the social support you need by: not cutting yourself off from others when you feel down

•

explaining to others how you are feeling (so they don’t take it personally)

•

being there for others when they feel low

•

spending time with people whose company you enjoy

•

learning to express your problems

•

not being afraid to ask for advice or help.

HANDOUT 3

•

Being assertive A lot of people think being assertive means being aggressive. This is not true. Being assertive means balancing your needs with the needs of others. It means being fair to yourself and fair to others, and accepting that your wants and feelings are neither more nor less important than those of other people. Being assertive means spending less time worrying about being liked, and concentrating instead on being fair. The rest will fall into place! There are certain assumptions and ‘rights’ that go with being assertive. These include the right: •

to make mistakes

•

to want to be alone sometimes

•

to say ‘no’ sometimes

•

not to always have to fit in with others

•

not to have to justify yourself to your friends

•

to feel down sometimes.

Negotiation There are few conflicts which don’t benefit from good negotiation skills. Negotiation is all about co-operation and learning to live alongside other people. We have responsibilities as well as rights in relationships. We need to learn to trust and to ‘give and take’. Some tips for good negotiation are: •

Be clear when you are expressing yourself, and reduce the chance of misunderstandings.

•

Try to see things from the other person’s perspective.

•

If you have to criticise, be constructive.

•

Try not to criticise people themselves, but rather focus on their actions.


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HANDOUT 4


•

Accept some responsibility in the conflict.

•

Try to think of new solutions that might partly accommodate both parties.

•

Try to keep calm and not to get angry.

•

If you find yourself getting angry, count to ten, or go for a walk to cool down.

•

Remember everyone has their own way of seeing the world. Respect other people’s rights.

•

Try to express what you are feeling calmly and openly.

•

Think about how you would like to be treated and treat others in the same way.

•

Insults never help things to move on.

•

Be a good listener.

Bullying Many young people experience bullying or witness bullying. Bullying can mean many things. It can be name-calling, teasing, hitting or kicking, ignoring people, threatening or being nasty to others. When people are being bullied, they often don’t know what to do. They may feel afraid, miserable, angry, ashamed, depressed, upset, or sick. When people are bullied they may not want to tell anyone because they may feel afraid of what the bullies will do if they find out, they may feel that teachers or parents would just make it worse, or they may even feel that is their own fault. The fact is that bullies are often people with many difficulties of their own. Maybe they have witnessed bullying and think it is the only way to get their own way. They may feel inadequate or have problems fitting in. They may feel that this is the only way they can get people to like them. No one should have to put up with being bullied. If you are being bullied or know of others who are being bullied, you need to take action. It is important to tell a teacher or your parents. This can be done in confidence. Adults can advise you on a whole range of strategies. You can then decide together what is the best thing to do. Often the bullies need help, and this will allow them to get it. Importantly it will help to stop the bullying and let you get on with your life.


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Homework: Survey on self-confidence

•

five people who you think are self-confident

•

five people who you don’t think are self-confident.

You then need to ask these ten people the following questions: •

Are you self-confident?

•

In what ways are you confident?

•

In what ways are you not confident?

•

Are you always confident?

•

Are there situations that you are not confident in?

•

Are there people with whom you are not confident?

•

Are there things that you are confident doing now that you weren’t always confident doing?

What did you learn from your survey?

Also have a think about the course so far. What have you found interesting? What have you found useful? Which skills do you think you might use?


145

HANDOUT 5

Your homework for this week is to conduct a Survey on Self-Confidence. To do this you need to write a list of:

Student Handouts

147


Exercise sheet

•

What do you think self-confidence is?

•

What do you feel self-confident about?

•

What do you feel low in self-confidence about?

•

Were you surprised by any of the responses to your survey of self-confidence?

•

Did the people that you thought were self-confident consider themselves self-confident?

•

Were there things that they were not confident about? Did that surprise you?

•

Do you feel that other people have more self-confidence than you?

•

How can you tell if somebody is confident or not?

•

Are confident people always confident? Or confident about everything?



149

HANDOUT 1

Discussion on self-confidence


HANDOUT 2

Exercise sheet Discussion on depression Again, you can discuss these in general terms. What are the things that make young people your age sad? Discuss: •

What kinds of things make you sad?

•

What sorts of things make you feel better?


Recap and discussion of the course Survey of the course so far •

What sorts of things did you find useful in the course?

•

What do you remember most about the course?

•

Think of one thing you learned about managing stress



150



Sources of energy Just as there are many energy drains that can drag us down and make us feel tired and under pressure, so too are there sources of energy that we may not even have thought about before. The main ones are food, sleep, exercise and rest. Other sources of energy vary for everyone, but could include: going out with friends, having a laugh, reading a good book, seeing a good film, listening to music, having a hobby, having a long soak in the bath, pampering yourself, playing football, wearing nice clothes, playing a musical instrument, singing, walking along the beach, or simply having an early night. Having fun, enjoying life and giving ourselves harmless treats makes it more likely that we will do those other worthwhile and important tasks because we will have more energy, strength and resilience. It’s all about balance and making sure that the treats we choose are good for us in the long term as well as in the short term. Staying up all night or eating too much chocolate might feel good at the time, but could leave us feeling worse by upsetting others or feeling unhealthy. Treats work best when they come after you’ve accomplished something, like studying or dealing with a challenging situation. They are best when they are little and often.

Self-confidence Although some people can look very self-confident, the truth is that we are all confident about some things, and not so confident about other things. You can improve your self-confidence by remembering: •

the things that you are good at

•

that practice makes perfect: you can’t be good at everything the first time you try

•

that you only learn through making mistakes

•

other people feel as nervous about many things as you do.

and by: •

acting ‘as if’ you are really confident, you can trick yourself into feeling more confident!

•

imagining how someone you think is confident would act in this situation

•

not beating yourself up over mistakes: learn and move on

•

giving yourself a break.


151

HANDOUT 3

No number of skills and suggestions on how to cope with stress will be of any use unless you have the self-confidence and self-esteem to carry them through and to see your own wellbeing as important enough to invest time in. This session deals with ways that we can ‘treat ourselves right’, not only in order to manage stress but to live vital and flourishing lives.


HANDOUT 4

Self-esteem Self-esteem is all about how you see yourself. If it is high you will feel good about yourself. If it is low you will feel bad about yourself. It is something that develops over a long time. But you can learn to increase your self-esteem. •

Stop being so hard on yourself: forgive yourself for your mistakes.

•

Sometimes we are our own worst critics. Learn to recognise the negative criticisms that you say to yourself and replace these with more realistic self-talk.

•

Keep things in perspective.

•

Remember that all you can do is your best.

•

Avoid friends who undermine your self-confidence.

•

Give yourself credit for your achievements.

Depression There are many reasons why people get depressed. Sometimes events in our lives trigger depression. Sometimes we don’t quite know what has caused it. The important thing to realise is that there are things you can do to help prevent depression and to deal with it when it occurs. It really boils down to three things: •

the things you do

•

the way you think

•

the people in your life.

If you are feeling sad and miserable, the first thing you need to do is to talk to someone you trust who will listen to you sympathetically. Even though it may be hard to motivate yourself, there is always something that can be done if you seek out the right help. You can discuss with other people possible reasons why you are feeling this way, and look at the different options available to help you to feel better. After you have spoken to someone about how you feel, you can begin to take small steps to help lift the depression. It is important not to think too far ahead, but to focus on feeling a little bit better right here and now. You can start by looking at the things you do. Try to do something that either brings a sense of pleasure or a sense of mastery. This can be as simple as going for a walk or writing a letter. When we are depressed, we often see everything through a dark filter. We only remember the bad things in life, we only see the negative things around us. Try challenging the way you are thinking. Try to be specific in the way that you think. Think about a friend who has been there for you in the past, think about something nice someone did, think about achievements of yours in the past. Try to be realistic. Take your mind off the depression by playing sport, or calling a friend. Remember the people and things in life which are positive. We can help ourselves to avoid becoming depressed by:  2000 RoutledgeFlamer This Page may be photocopied for use within the purchasing institution only

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eating a healthy diet

•

getting enough sleep

•

getting enough exercise

•

leading a balanced life

•

training ourselves to think in a rational way, and not be overly negative

•

making sure we get enough sources of energy

•

making room for things we enjoy

•

spending time developing good relationships

•

not cutting ourselves off from others.

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•

Pack up your worries Finally, worrying can be a serious drag, especially as it rarely achieves anything but a headache! Remember the worry solution. Divide your worries into things you can do something about and those you can’t. If you can do something about it, then go for it and stop worrying! If you can’t do anything about it, then worrying isn’t going to do much good, is it? Remember the three things that aren’t worth worrying about are: the unresolved, the unimportant and the unlikely!


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Top twenty tips from the course 1

Eat a good balanced healthy diet.

2

Stay physically active.

3

Establish good sleep routines.

4

Learn how to relax properly.

5

Nurture your relationships and work on your communication skills.

6

Talk to others when you feel stressed.

7

Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes and try to see yourself in a positive and fair way.

8

Learn how to manage time well.

9

Organise yourself to study well.

10 Recognise symptoms of stress in yourself and take action! 11 Practice breathing and stretching exercises. 12 Take lots of little breaks. 13 Reward yourself when you achieve small goals. 14 Lead a balanced life of work, rest and play. 15 Remember your resources and supports when you get stressed. 16 Think positively. 17 Use a problem-solving approach. 18 Use your coping skills to prepare for forthcoming situations. 19 Turn worries into problems to be solved or forgotten. 20 Enjoy life!


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Readers should not presume that this list is exhaustive. Inclusion of a hotline on this list does not imply endorsement. The points of view or opinions expressed by these organisations or on these hotlines do not necessarily represent the views of the author.

UK Research and publications Trust for the Study of Adolescence 23 New Road Brighton BN1 1WZ Tel: 01273 693311 http://www.tsa.uk.com Psychologists British Psychological Society St Andrew’s House 49 Princes Road East Leicester CE1 7DR Tel: 01533 549568 http://www.bps.org.uk Abuse NSPCC Child Protection Helpline 0800 800 500 (in Scotland: Royal Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) http://www.nspcc.org.uk Alcoholism Al-Anon Family Groups 61 Great Dover Street London SE1 4YF Tel: 020 7403 0888 (will put you in touch with local Alateen group) http://www.12step-recovery.org Bereavement

Bullying Online http://www.bullying.co.uk e-mail: [email protected] Counselling British Association of Counselling 1 Regent Place Rugby CV21 2PJ http://www.bac.co.uk Tel: 01788 550899 e-mail: [email protected]

Youth Access Umbrella organisation for youth counselling, advice and information centres through the UK Youth Access Magazine Business Centre 11 Newarke Street Leicester LE1 5SS Tel: 01533 558763 Mental health Young Minds 22A Boston Place London NW1 6ER Tel: 020 7724 7262 http://www.youngminds.org.uk Crisis lines UK Childline 0800 1111 Freepost 1111 London N1 OBR http://www.childline.org.uk

Cruse: Bereavement Care Cruse House, 126 Sheen Road Richmond Surrey TW9 1UR Tel: 020 8940 4818 Cruse bereavement line 020 8332 7227 http://www.aeiou.co.uk/cruse

Samaritans Provides confidential emotional support to any person who is suicidal or despairing 0345 90 90 90 Local group in the phone book or e-mail [email protected] http://www.samaritans.org.uk

Bullying

Drugs

The Anti-Bullying Campaign 10 Borough High Street London SE1 9QQ Tel: 020 7378 1446

ADFAM National 1st Floor, Chapel House 18 Hatton Place


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HANDOUT 7

Useful contact addresses and organisations


HANDOUT 8

London EC1N 8ND Tel: 020 7405 3923 Adfam 020 7638 3700 Adfam is a national telephone helpline for the family and friends of drug users, providing confidential support and information. It is open from 10 am-5 pm Monday to Friday. To find out more about drugs services, dial 100 and ask for Freephone Drug Problems. Institute for the Study of Drug Dependency 1 Hatton Place London EC1N 8ND Tel: 020 7430 1993 National Drugs Helpline 0800 776600 The National Drugs Helpline is free, except on some mobile phones, confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Release 020 7729 9904. Overnight number 020 7603 8654 Release is a voluntary organisation that gives advice to drug users, their families and friends. It specialises in legal issues. Narcotics Anonymous Tel: 020 7730 0009 This is a self-help group run by ex-users. Eating problems Eating Disorders Association (EDA) Sackville Place, 44–48 Magdalen Street Norwich Norfolk NR3 1JE Tel: 01603 621414 Youth Helpline 01603 765050 http://www.gurney.co.uk/eda National Centre for Eating Disorders 54 New Road Esher, Surrey KT10 9NU Tel: 01372 469493 http://www.eating-disorders.org.uk Education Advisory Centre for Education 1B Aberdeen Studios, 22–24 Highbury Grove London N5 2EA Tel: 020 7354 8321

AIDS National AIDS helpline 0800 567123 National AIDS Trust http://www.nat.org.uk Sexual and relationship problems Central Office, Brook Advisory Centres 153A East Stre London SE17 25D Tel: 020 7708 1234

Ireland Abuse Children at Risk in Ireland Foundation (CARI) 110 Lower Drumcondra Road Dublin 9 Tel: 01 830 8529 AIDS ACET (AIDS Care, Education and Training) PO Box 3400 Dublin 14 Tel: 01 878 7700 e-mail: [email protected] http://www.acet.ie Alcoholism Al-Anon/Alateen Room 5, 5 Capel Street Dublin 1 Tel: 01 873 2699/873 2077 http://www.12step-recovery.org Bereavement Barnardo’s Bereavement Counselling Service for Children—Solas Barnardo’s, Christchurch Square Dublin 8 Tel: 01 453 0355/473 2110 http://www.barnardos.ie Rainbows: Peer Support for Bereaved Children Geeha South Kinvara Co. Galway Tel: 091 637 248 Suicide Friends of Suicide Bereaved PO Box 162, Cork Bullying Bullying Behaviour Resource and Research Centre Dept. of Teacher Education


156


Trinity College Dublin 2 Tel: 01 608 1240/608 2573

Crisis helplines Childline 1800 666 666 20 Molesworth Street Dublin 2 http://www.ispcc.ie Samaritans 1850 60 90 90 http://www.samaritans.org.uk Child welfare Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (ISPCC) 20 Molesworth Street Dublin 2 Tel: 01 679 4944 http://www.ispcc.ie General information National Children’s Resource Centre Barnardo’s Christchurch Square Dublin 8 Tel: 01 454 9699 e-mail: [email protected] http://www.barnardos.ie Counselling Irish Association for Counselling and Therapy 8 Cumberland Street, Dun Laoghaire, Co. Dublin Tel: 01 230 0061 Email: iact@irish/counselling.ie http://www.irish/counselling.ie Drugs Nar-Anon 38 Upper Gardiner Street Dublin 1 Tel: 01 874 8431

Health Health Promotion Unit Department of Health and Children, Hawkins House, Hawkins Street Dublin Tel: 01 671 4711 (ext. 4354) Regional health boards: consult green pages in local directory Learning difficulties Association for Children and Adults with Learning Difficulties (ACLD) Suffolk Chambers, 1 Suffolk Street Dublin 2 Tel: 01 679 0276 e-mail: [email protected] Mental health Association for the Psychiatric Study of Adolescents Dept. of Child Psychiatry, Mater Hospital Eccles Street Dublin 7 Tel 01 830 0700 Depression AWARE 72 Lower Leeson Street Dublin 2 Tel: 01 661 7211 Helpline: 01 661 6166 (open 10 am to 10 pm) http://www.aware.ie Child guidance and psychiatric services Contact local health board Psychologists Psychological Service Dept. of Education and Science Marlborough Street Dublin 1 Tel: 01 889 2245

Steps Youth Advice and Counselling Service Tel: 01 670 7690 (regional numbers available from here)

USA

Eating disorders BodyWhys Central Office, PO Box 105

General information Coalition for America’s Children http://www.usakids.org Links to hundreds of relevant groups.


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HANDOUT 9

Bullying helpline 0502 20598 (24 hours)

Blackrock County Dublin Tel: 01 283 5126 Helpline: 01 283 5126

HANDOUT 10


Connect for Kids: Guidance for Grownups http://www.connectforkids.org Links to hundreds of organisations: can request information for specific issues. Department of Health and Human Services— Administration for Children and Families http://www.acf.dhhs.gov National Clearinghouse on Families and Youth (301) 608–8098 http://www.ncfy.com Information on youth issues, national organizations, youth initiatives, and national foundations that fund youth-related programs Publications for Young People on: http://www.ncfy.com/bibyoug Mental health American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 3615 Wisconsin Ave.N.W. Washington, D.C. 20016–3007 voice: 202–966–7300 http://www.aacap.org (useful list of contact addresses) Mental Health Organisation Free information on adolescent mental health publications, references, and referrals to local and national resources and organizations 1.800.789.2647; TTY 301.443.9006 http://www.mentalhealth.org National Institute of Mental Health www.nimh.nih.gov Aggressive behaviour The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence (useful factsheets on violence in young people) http://www.colorado.edu/cspv/factsheets Bipolar depression Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation 1187 Wilmette Ave., P.M.B. #331, Wilmette, IL 60091 CABF http://www.cabf.org or http:// www.bpkids.org Disabilities Children with Disabilites http://www.childrenwithdisabilities.ncjrs.org (Good Youth to Youth link where young people can learn more about disabilities and share their stories, tips, and ideas with other young people.)

Health National Institute of Health http://www.nih.gov The Children’s Health Council www.chconline.org Resource Center provides free information and resources on behavior and development of children and young people. Tel: (650) 617–3845 Fax: (650) 617–3893 e-mail: [email protected] Child welfare Child Welfare League of America www.cwla.org The Child Welfare League of America has over 1,000 member agencies that serve children, youths, and families across the country. The agencies are listed on their website, are grouped by region. Child abuse Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline 1–800–4-A-CHILD Website where children and young people can log on to find out what they can do. http://www.childhelpusa.org Lists all the organisations nationwide that can help. List of crisis hotlines US Boystown: 18004483000 CA Kids Help Phone: 18006686968 Childhelp USA Crisis counselling, information, and referral services for young people and adults regarding child abuse. 15757 North 78th Street Scottsdale, AZ 85260 Hotline: (800) 422–4453 Drug help Information and referral services regarding drug and alcohol addiction and treatment. 164 West 74th Street New York, NY 10023 Hotline: (800) COCAINE (262–2463) HelpLine Counselling and information and referral services to children and parents in crisis. KidsPeace National Centers for Kids in Crisis 1650 Broadway Bethlehem, PA 18015–3998 Hotline: (800) 334–4KID (4543) Administrative office: (610) 799–8000


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National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders Hotline Counseling and information on eating disorders. Box 7 Highland Park, IL 60035 Hotline: (847) 831–3438 Administrative office: (847) 432–8000, ext. 5728 National Domestic Violence Hotline Information and referral services, counselling, and assistance to victims of domestic violence and the public. P.O. Box 161810 Austin, TX 78716–1810 Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (7233) (800) 787–3224 (TDD) Administrative office: (512) 453–8117 National Family Violence Helpline 24-hour counselling and information and referral services on domestic and family violence issues. National Council On Child Abuse & Family Violence 1155 Connecticut Avenue, N.W. Suite 400 Washington, D.C. 20036 Hotline: (800) 222–2000 Administrative office: (202) 429–6695 National Organization for Victim Assistance Crisis counseling and referral services to victims of crime and their families. 1757 Park Road N.W. Washington, D.C. 20010 Hotline: (800) 879–6682 Administrative office: (202) 232–6682 National Runaway Switchboard Confidential information, referral, and counseling services to runaway and homeless youth, youth in crisis, and their families. 3080 North Lincoln Avenue Chicago, IL 60657 Hotline: (800) 621–4000

(800) 621–0394 (TDD) Administrative office: (773) 880–9860 National STD Hotline Information about HIV testing and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases and referrals to services. P.O. Box 13827 Research Triangle Park NC 27709 Hotline: (800) 227–8922 Administrative office: (919) 361–8400 Nutrition Hotline of the American Dietetic Association Assists in locating registered dietitians who provide nutrition counselling in their area. Provides recorded food and nutrition messages. 216 West Jackson Boulevard Suite 800 Chicago, IL 60606–6995 Hotline: (800) 366–1655 Administrative office: (312) 899–0040 Project Inform National HIV/AIDS Treatment Hotline Treatment information and referrals to treatment for HIV-positive individuals, including information on HIV therapy options. 205 13th Street Suite 2001 San Francisco, CA 94103 Hotline: (800) 822–7422 Administrative office: (415) 558–8669 Youth Crisis Hotline Information and referral services to runaway youth, other youth in crisis, and their parents. P.O. Box 178408 San Diego, CA 92177–8408 Hotline: (800) 448–4663 Administrative office: (619) 292–5683 Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov or: www.samhsa.gov www.health.org/gpower (Specifically for girls 9–14) Lifescape.com Tips for improving behavioural health http://www.lifescape.com National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information www.health.org http://www.health.org/kidsarea/kidsarea (Good website for young people to access directly) Prevention National Mental Health Association 1021 Prince Street


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HANDOUT 11

National AIDS Hotline This hotline provides information on HIV/AIDS prevention and transmission, testing, and treatments; counseling; and referral to services. P.O. Box 13827 Research Triangle Park NC 27709 Hotline: (800) 342-AIDS (2437) (800) 344–7432 (Spanish) (800) 243–7889 (TDD) Administrative office: (919) 361–8400

HANDOUT 12


Alexandria, VA 22314–2971 http://www.nmha.org/children Phone: 703/684–7722 e-mail: [email protected] Drug Abuse National Institute on Drug Abuse http://www.nida.nih.gov/GoestoSchool (for teachers and students)

Eating disorders http://www.mirror-mirror.org/teens (good book references) Educational resources

Australia Suicide prevention Make A Noise Youth suicide prevention site includes information on drugs and alcohol, mental health, sexual health, healthy lifestyles, same sex attraction (getting real) and eating disorders. Good website for students to consult for a wide range of problems (not just suicidal thoughts) kids helpline 1800 55 1800 http://www.makeanoise.ysp.org.au Here For Life Education, awareness and research aimed at the prevention of youth suicide. Lifeline Darling Downs: telephone support for people contemplating suicide. Lifeline Hobart: information and services for those who are isolated, at risk of harm from others or of harming themselves. Reach Out: support and resources for young people going through tough times related to mental health and suicide issues, their friends and families, and professionals. Crisis support Care Ring 24-hour telephone counselling and referral service. Samaritans West Australia, sympathetic, caring and confidential support for the suicidal or despairing. A safe place to share innermost feelings with volunteers without fear of criticism or judgement. Nutrition Nutrition Australia Information from specialists in the field of food, nutrition, health promotion and business. http://www.nutritionaustralia.org Each office provides a range of services that are specific to the needs of their state/territory. New South Wales 1–3 Derwent Street

Glebe, NSW 2037 [email protected] Information on food nutrition for both students to access directly and to help teachers plan lessons http://www.kidsfood.org or www.heartfoundation.com.au/school

EdNA is an Australian network of education services. http://www.edna.edu.au/EdNA Drugs Australian Drug Foundation PO Box 818 North Melbourne VIC 3051 Tel: 03 9278 8100 Fax: 03 9328 3008 e-mail: [email protected] http://www.adf.org.au/drugednet/index.html Australian Youth Foundation http://www.ayf.org.au/nbc.htm Good Inks from AYF for students Phone counselling services Kids Health Infoline Victoria-wide recorded telephone information service for carers and parents Phone: 1902 240 680* Kids Health Hot Topics Recorded telephone services providing child health information 24 hours a day in Victoria. Phone: 1902 240 681* *charged at 50c per minute anywhere in Victoria; higher rates for mobile and pay phones Kids Help Line 1800 551 800 24-hour, toll free service available to young people aged between 5 and 18. Provides trained counsellors to listen and help deal with problems facing young people. The hotline receives approximately 400,000 calls each year. The service is anonymous and confidential. Life Line 131 144 Lifeline provides 24-hour telephone counselling, information and referrals. Counselling is provided by trained volunteers who are supported by professionally qualified staff. It is suitable for all ages. Lifelink Samaritans Tasmania 03 6331–3355 city, 1300 364 566 country


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The Samaritans (WA)

Good for students http://www.ayf.org.au/nbc.htm Online support If you or a friend are in a desperate situation and want to communicate with someone via email, the Kids Help Line [email protected] and The Samaritans web sites offers confidential, nonjudgmental emotional support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The Fridge is the AYF magazine: information for students on a wide range of subjects. Fact sheets on: http://www.reachout.asn.au Excellent web site that covers a whole range of subjects, directly for students on how to cope with a wide range of issues Who Cares Guide to resources in local areas Australia-wide. If services not listed students can check local White Pages (or use Telstra’s Internet Whitepages) Any kind of support: can enter address and will give the services near them http://www.reachout.asn.au/whocares

New Zealand General Ministry of Youth Affairs http://www.youthaffairs.govt.nz

Suicide prevention New Zealand Ministry of Health information on youth suicide http://www.moh.govt.nz/moh.nsf

Canada General Information Population Health Directorate Health Promotion and Programs Branch Childhood and Youth Division Health Canada Jeanne Mance Building Postal Locator 1909C2 Ottawa, Ontario K1A 1B4 Tel: (613) 952–1220 e-mail: [email protected] http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/childhood-youth Networking Youth Nationally Bilingual network run by youth for youth aims to foster meaningful connections through acceptance, communication, partnership and advocacy. (NYN) Michelle Yu 401 Smyth Road Ottawa, Ontario K1H 8L1 Tel: (613) 737–2764 e-mail: [email protected] http://www.nyn-rj.on.ca

Technoteen For students http://www.technoteen.com/teen leads to: http://www.teenadvice.net/

Youth Resource Network of Canada http://www.youth.gc.ca Mainly employment opportunities

can email: teen resources at: http://www.teenresources.org

Youth link more on employment http://youth.hrdc-drhc.gc.ca/ythlink/ythlink

Tear Away New Zealand’s longest running youth magazine (site for students) http://www.tearaway.co.nz/ for advice on jobs, college, sexuality, health, substance abuse, homework and others Healthy lifestyle Interactive programme for students on issues such as sleeping, exercise, eating, and smoking. Wellington College of Education

Health Canadian Public Health Association 1565 Carling Avenue, Suite 400 Ottawa, Ontario K1Z 8R1 Tel: (613) 725–3769, ext. 150 e-mail: [email protected] http://www.cpha.ca Comprehensive School Health (CSH) Promotes healthy students in healthy schools.


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Youthline (08) 9388–2500 Perth, 1800–198–313 free call from rural areas, or Albany (08) 9842– 2776

Box 17–310 Karori, Wellington Tel: 04 476 8699 (local calling area); or 0800 16 88 16 (toll-free within New Zealand) e-mail: [email protected] http://www.wce.ac.nz/sun/active/junior

HANDOUT 14


e.g. Developing Health-Promoting School Environments http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hppb/children Health Canada http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hppb/alcoholotherdrugs/ pdf/peer_e.pdf peer helper initiatives for out of the mainstream youth Mental health The Child and Youth Mental Health component addresses the mental health development of children, youth and their families through promotion and prevention approaches. For more information email: [email protected] Information on suicide prevention, depression and manic depression, mental health promotion and prevention, peer helper programmes, parenting teens Mauve Mauve is an interactive CDROM designed for mental health promotion for teenagers http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hppb/mentalhealth/mauve It covers topics such as life, love, school, friendships, and family, depression, suicide, drug abuse, school drop-out, and delinquency. Youthquake—Health Canada—Mental health promotion Youth-driven initiative, about youth being noticed and raising awareness of youth The Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) Prince Edward Island Division 2160 Yonge Street, 3rd Floor Toronto, Ontario M4S 2Z3 Tel: (416) 484–7750 e-mail: [email protected] http://www.cmha.ca

of Schools, Mental Health and Life Quality by Kathryn Bennett, MSc and David R. Offord, MD http://www.nfh.hcsc.gc.ca/publicat/execsumm/ bennett Prevention Resiliency In Action http://www.resiliency.com Drugs Centre for Addiction and Mental Health Addiction Research Foundation Division Rhonda Mauricette 33 Russell Street Toronto, Ontario M5S 2S1 Tel: (416) 595–6928 e-mail: [email protected] Suicide prevention Living Works Education The mission of LivingWorks Education is to help community resources prevent suicide. 1615–10th Avenue, Suite 208 Calgary, Alberta T3C 0J7 Tel: (403) 209–0242 Email: [email protected] Suicide Information and Education Centre The Suicide Information and Education Centre is a computer-assisted resource library containing print materials on suicidal behaviour. Over 26,000 resources are available. 1615 10th Avenue SW, Suite 201, Calgary, Alberta T3C 0J7 Tel: (403) 245–3900 e-mail: [email protected] http://www.siec.ca

YouthNet/Réseau Ado 401 Smyth Road Ottawa, Ontario K1H 8L1 Tel: (613) 738–3915, 738–3914 e-mail: [email protected] A mental health promotion program run for youth and by youth. Provides information for youth and their communities on setting up mental health programmes where youth can talk openly about life issues. http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hppb/childhood-youth/ cyfh/child_and_youth/mental_health/todaysteens Health Canada has many links to mental health promotion sites. Schools Mental Health and Life Quality by Summary


162

Notes

Session 1: Introduction to stress and coping 1

See Butler, G. and Hope, T. (1995) The Mental Fitness Guide: Manage Your Mind, Oxford: Oxford University Press.

2

See Davis, M., Eshelman, E. and McKay, M. (1995) The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook (4th edn), Calif.: New Harbinger.

3

See Patel, C. (1989) The Complete Guide to Stress Management, London: Vermilion.

Session 2: Getting your head around stress 4

See Patel, op. cit.

5

See Patel, op. cit.

6

See Davis, Eshelman and McKay, op. cit.

7


8


9

See Butler and Hope, op. cit.

Session 3: Fit for life 10 See Sigman, A. (1992) Getting Physical: A Teenage Health Guide, London: BBC Books. 11 See Sigman, op. cit. 12 See Sigman, op. cit. 13 See Sigman, op. cit. 14 See Sigman, p. cit. 15 See Butler and Hope, op. cit.

HANDOUT 6

163

NOTES

17 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 18 See Greer, G. (2000) The Whole Woman, London: Anchor. Session 4: Working it out 19 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 20 See Sigman, op. cit. 21 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 22 See Patel, op. cit. Session 5 People power 23 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 24 See Davis, Eshelman and McKay,op. cit. 25 See Sigman,op. cit. 26 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. Session 6: Treating yourself right 27 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 28 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 29 See Sigman, op. cit. 30 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 31 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 32 See Butler and Hope, op. cit. 33 See Butler and Hope, op. cit.

164

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