Social SuperStar: Best of TSB Magazine Vol. 1

Social Superstar First Published in Paperback 2008 By Sumi Books Text Copyright: Anthony Almeida 2008 The moral right o...

Author: Bobby Rio

26 downloads 795 Views 2MB Size Report

This content was uploaded by our users and we assume good faith they have the permission to share this book. If you own the copyright to this book and it is wrongfully on our website, we offer a simple DMCA procedure to remove your content from our site. Start by pressing the button below!
Report copyright / DMCA form

DOWNLOAD PDF

Social Superstar

First Published in Paperback 2008 By Sumi Books Text Copyright: Anthony Almeida 2008 The moral right of the author has been asserted. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for insertion in a newspaper, magazine, or broadcast. A catalogue record is for this book is available from the US Library Design and Typeset by Jeffrey Posner Printed and bound by Lulu Cover picture used with permission from the author. ISBN: Every reasonable effort has been made to acknowledge the ownership of copyright material included in this book. Any errors that have inadvertently occurred will be corrected in subsequent editions provided notification is sent to the publisher. Walden Books NY8, NY

1

The Best of TSBMAG.COM

SOCIAL SUPERSTAR: Best of TSB Magazine Vol. 1 Table of Contents Introduction Part 1: The Confidential Social Intelligence Manuscript

9

Part 2: The Best of TSB Magazine

106

Section One: The Dating Articles 5 Keys to Playing the Role of Being Wanted

107

10 Lessons for Successfully Hooking Up

109

Emulate a Celebrity for Instant Rapport

113

Using an Opinion Opener to Initiate Conversation

115

Being Comfortable Talking Dirty

118

10 Ways a Girl Can Keep a Guy Like Me

120

Keeping Cool and Plowing On

123

How to Talk to Younger Women

125

Going Caveman on Women

127

Never Show Emotion When She Walks Away

129

5 Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed

131

How to Get Better in Bed

133

Having Trouble Getting Hard

135

Wimps into Winners

140

Ultimate MySpace Jealousy Tool

145

Aim Lower

146

PUA Openers, Openers, Openers

147

How to Calm Your Sexual Neediness

150

Are You the Man or Just the Fan?

151

Section Two: The Inner Game Articles The Hero, the Bounty, and the Purpose Driven Life 2

155

Social Superstar

Integrity Makes a Man

159

The Great Gatsby Complex

162

Build it, and They Will Come

166

Why You Shouldn’t String Girls Along

169

The Anatomy of the Sickness

171

Living with Passion

175

7 Secrets for Getting Out of a Slump

177

Can You Control Your Emotions Like Arod

180

Going Down in Flames

182

Bust Through Your Comfort Zone

185

Section Three: Alpha Living Articles 10 Ways to Immediately Make Yourself More Attractive

187

3 Tips for Abs of Steel

191

A Manly Guide to Choosing Your Drink

194

7 Steps to Naturally Boost Your Testosterone

197

How to Naturally Increase Energy

199

How to Redo Your Wardrobe

203

Winning the Day 1 College Roommate Wars

213

Section Four: The Stories The Buenos Aires Hooker Juice Incident

216

Fortaleza Nights (Part 1)

222

Fortaleza Nights (Part 2)

226

Ten Years After I Took Her Virginity

229

My First Piece of MySpace Pussy

233

The Return of a Pickup Artist (Part 2)

240 3


Snowballed

247

Hotel Room High

249

The Early Days: Experimenting With Speed Seduction

253

The Falling in Love Pattern

257

Don’t Buy the Cheap Sex Toys

260

The Drunken Night in Medellin Story

264

Section Five: 31 Days to Better Game Day 1: Designing Your Life

270

Day 2: Developing Inner Game

273

Day 3: Updating Your Look

276

Day 4: Always be Advertising

278

Day 5: Being High Status

280

Day 6: How to be a Good Flirt

285

Day 7: Approaching and Opening Women

290

Day 8: Improving Conversation Skills

292

Day 9: How to Build Comfort

296

Day 10: Being Funnier…

302

Day 11: Push Pull/Cocky Funny

304

Day 12: Body Language 101

313

Day 13: Building Your Social Circle

317

Day 14: How to Properly Tease a Woman

318

Day 15: Creating a MySpace and Facebook Profile

324

Day 16: Tips for Flirting Online

334

Day 17: Phone Game Strategy

338

Day 18: Text Game for the PUA

343

Day 19: How to Go on First Dates

347

Day 20: How to Get a Day Two

350

4

Social Superstar

Day 21: Building Sexual Tension

354

Day 22: Preparing Your Bachelor Pad

356

Day 23: Quick Lesson in Kino

361

Day 24: Body Language 202

363

Day 25: Being the Badboy

368

Day 26: Friend into Lover (part 1)

371

Day 27: Friend into Lover (part 2)

374

Day 28: Managing a Relationship

377

Day 29: Tips for Getting Better in Bed

380

Day 30: Ending a Fling or Relationship

382

Day 31: Perform a SWOT Analysis on Yourself

385

Index

387

5

The Best of TSBMAG.COM Dedicated to Morgan Chase II

Introduction This book is five years in the making! Who was there for the red and black days? For those that just came on board recently, the red and black days refers to the early days of TSB when it had a blood red header with a black background and white text. And Mike and I thought the site looked hot. Putting this book together brought back many memories. I had to search through over 1,500 articles to choose the very best. The evolution of the site, in a way, represents the evolution of both the life of me, and the life of Michael Stoute. We wanted to make this book a diverse look at the four years leading up to its publication. Instead of focusing solely on dating articles, stories, or self help type articles, we chose to break the book up into six parts. These six parts are a great representation of TSB Magazine, as well as Bobby Rio and Michael Stoute- the men behind the magazine. Another reason we chose to break the book up into four parts is because we think you will get more value of it that way. There are articles in here that will help you with all aspects of your life. For instance, if you bought this book for the pickup advice, you might be pleasantly surprised in six months to read some articles about fitness, fashion, or inner game, you may have missed earlier when you ‘re were concentrating solely on devouring all things pickup. The six parts of this book are as follows: Part 1: The Confidential Social Intelligence Manuscript This is our never before released manuscript for becoming a social superstar. This manuscript was first created over 10 years ago. Over the past 10 years it has been tested and refined. This contains everything you need to know to climb to the top of any social ladder. Part 2: The Best of TSB Magazine

The Essential Dating Articles 6

Social Superstar

Going through our huge library of dating, pickup, relationship and sex articles, I found it tough to choose “the best” so I decided to choose articles that give you a well rounded approach to improving your dating life. Most of these articles came out Mike’s and my own personal experience of improving our dating life. It wasn’t a quick and easy ride for either one of us… we hope that these articles will make your ride a little less bumpy.

The Inner Game Articles These are some of the articles that mean the most to me. Through the many phases I’ve gone through as a person during the five years we were creating this magazine… these articles resonate with every period. The topics transcend dating advice, as the entire core principles can be applied to any area of your life, and I am confident you’ll see a marked improvement. This section is also the most timeless… as long after the days you are married with children… I hope that you still pick up this section of the book and reread some of these articles and find inspiration from them.

The Alpha Living Articles Like the Inner Game articles I chose to include these Alpha Living articles because they too, are timeless. These are articles that you can read when you’re a sixty year old man, and still learn something from. Whether you’re interested in getting in shape, maximizing your energy, or just learning the art of ordering a man’s drink in the bar… you’ll find the information in this section. Alpha Living is a way of life that you’ll hopefully continue throughout your lifetime. It is about fulfilling your dreams… and doing so in style.

Stories, Tales, Lies, and Exaggerations The fun stuff! Over the past five years, Mike Stoute and I have chronicled our stories on TSB. These are the stories that made Bobby and Mike the men they’ve become. You’ll read some inspiring stories… and other stories that display our humiliation. Some stories will educate you… other stories will entertain you… and other stories will have you asking “why the hell did I ever take advice from these guys?”

31 Days to Better Game 31 Days to Better game was an extremely popular series we ran at TSB Magazine where we presented a different lesson every day that would 7


help you improve your dating life. There are 31 lessons that walk you through many different areas of game. Whether you’re a novice or an experienced PUA, I believe that you can get something out of following the 31 day plan. The lessons were brought to you by some of the best dating coaches, bloggers, and gurus, all giving their unique perspective on improving certain areas of game. I think you’ll enjoy this section a lot.

8

Social Superstar

Confidential Social Intelligence Manuscript Table of Contents Introduction Chapter 1: What defines a superstar? Chapter 2: Image is everything (authority + social proof) Chapter 3: The 10 Second Impression (authority + social proof) Chapter 4: Building Your Social Resume (authority + social Proof) Chapter 5: The Attitude (liking + scarcity) Chapter 6: Be Captivating (liking + scarcity + authority) Chapter 7: Cultivate a fan base (commitment + liking + reciprocation)

9


Introduction This manuscript has been developed over the past 10 years. Everything in this manuscript has been tested and refined. It works. The only reason I have not released it up until now is because many of the strategies contained in this manuscript I have personally used within some of my current social circles. This manuscript was first conceived while I was back in college. One of my friends and I attended a private seminar held by social scientist Dr. Robert Ciaduini. We took the teaching of Dr. Ciaduini, which focused on the psychology of influence, and we applied to the realm of climbing the social ladder. The teachings in this manuscript transformed my friends back at Montclair State University from relative nobodies- into a group of men who threw 400+ people parties, and were even featured on prime time news for our antics at the Homecoming day parade. After graduating college I took the principles originally constructed and altered them a bit for "the real world." I found them to be even more effective. It was around 2002 and that I found the underground seduction community. At that point I was just coming out of a relationship and began studying the art of seduction. It was at this point that I took the original manuscript and began altering it to include some more of the hidden techniques of some of the world's best pick-up artists. This manuscript is not going to teach how to be the world's best pick-up artist. Pick-up artists are usually defined by their ability to cold approach a random woman and quickly close her. If you follow the guidance of this manuscript- you will never have the need to cold approach again. This manuscript is about building an empire of friends and fans. And with those friends and fans… women will naturally follow.

10

Social Superstar

Chapter 1: What Defines A Superstar? So you want to be a Social Super star? And live large? Some guys are just born with inane gift to control the energy of any room they enter. These guys will often be referred to as charismatic, charming, or simply enigmatic. People will naturally want to be around them. They will want to be associated with them. Other people want to drink in the enthusiasm, energy, and vitality that the social superstar produces. When you think of social superstars- who come to mind? Maybe you know a few guys personally who have this characteristic? Or maybe you immediately think of a guy like George Clooney, Tom Brady, Tommy Lee, or Johnny Depp. No matter how different the external image of these guys may seem, there are certain characteristic that they all share. These characteristics are the blue print for social superstardom. While simply copying their characteristics will not land you roles in motion pictures, or have you quarterbacking in the Super Bowl -it will have you commanding the power and respect these guys have, within your specific social scene. Right now, I would like you to take the time to think about the guys you have met in your personal life who have best exemplified the image of social superstar. Spend a minute to get a clear picture of them in your mind. Once you have a clear picture of them in your mind, focus on specific aspects of them. First, hear the way their voice sounds when it comes out of their mouths. Listen to the way they talk. Listen to the way they construct their conversations. Listen to the way they use humor casually. Envision the way the carry themselves. You should picture their specific body language, posture, and sense of personal style. Now I want you to spend a minute writing down the different characteristics of them that jumped out at you. What aspects of them are unique and unlike the many others you come in contact with who don’t possess their charisma?

11


After you have jotted down a list of the distinct characteristics I want you to dig a little deeper. I want you to envision the way other people react to them. Hear the way people speak about them when they were not around. Envision the look on people’s faces when they walk into a room. Or the energy that is sucked out of the room when they depart. Imagine the way a woman would react to one of their advances. Imagine the way their entourage would follow one of their commands. Now spend a minute writing down the different ways in which people react to them. Try to describe the energy that these social superstars instilled in others around them. Try to capture in words, the envy that other people felt towards them. Write down the desire that women had toward them. The reason that I have asked you to write down both the specific characteristics of these men and the specific ways in which people reacted to them, is because it is my way of outlining the goal for this manuscript. If you want to become a Social Superstar, you must first have a clear goal of what you are trying to become, and why you want to become it. In the following chapters I will delve much deeper into the process you must go through to elevate yourself to Social Superstar status amongst your social scene, and ideally onto a greater stage. The Reaction They Receive What you must first understand going forward is that what causes these men to rise to the level of social superstar has nothing to do with what is inside of them. In fact, fundamentally it has nothing to do with them at all. It has everything to do with the way that people react to them. You can't become a superstar if you don't have fans propping you up. I will repeat this phrase for emphasis: It has everything to do with the way that people react to them. This is important for you to fully comprehend this for two main reasons. First, by understanding that there is nothing unique inside of these menyou'll know that you too are capable of reaching their level. And second, you'll realize that by using the principles of persuasion and influence- you can manipulate the reaction you receive by others. Over the course of this manuscript you will learn to use the principles of persuasion and influence to climb to the highest level of any social ladder. 12

Social Superstar

Chapter 2: Image is everything (Authority + Social Proof)

Your objective: The objective of creating an image is to establish both authority and social proof. The image you present to the world should establish you an authority on your scene. Your image should sub consciously tell the people within your scene that you are the person to look up to for determining what is cool, trendy, or hip. Your image should also convey social proof. In this chapter you just need to recognize that by being trendy and fashionable you are presenting yourself as having a high level of social intelligence. People will automatically assume that since you have the social intelligence to stay fashionable- you are actively involved with "cooler" social circles.

The Plan: Image is everything. It is how you carry yourself. Think like this. When you walk into a parking lot, what cars catch your attention? The Ford Taurus? The Toyota Corolla? No. The 745i series. The Corvette. The Porsche. The SL500 Mercedes convertible. These cars are sitting right alongside of hundreds of other cars. But you notice these cars. They don’t yell out for your attention. They don’t flag you down, and say “look at me” But these are the cars you look at because of their reputation, their fine details, and their alluring Image. These cars have a presence and if you want to be a social superstar you need to have just as powerful of a presence. You need to dress fashionably. You need to know what the current trends are before most everyone else. You can’t wait for your peers to tell you what to like. You have to be ahead of them with the trends. Because if you’re waiting for them to dictate what you can wear, or what music 13


you can listen to, chances are by the time you’re wearing it, it’s out of style. Social Superstars know what the current trends are because they are keenly aware of what is going on, or they have friends that are keenly aware telling them what is going on. You need to be up to date with the trends. If you don’t have “cool” friends then you need to be following fashionable websites, blogs, and magazines to know what the trends are. It isn’t called “being trendy” for nothing. When it comes to creating your image, I always suggest modeling yourself after a celebrity that you most resemble or whose style you would like to emulate. Celebrities pay fashion consultants thousands of dollars to keep them trendy… there is no reason not to take advantage of the lessons they teach with every outfit they wear. Generally I recommend picking a celebrity you most resemble. But it is also important to pick someone who fits the style you are going after. If you’re going after the “bad ass” look you would want to choose someone like Colin Farrell. If you’re more of the athlete type choose someone like Tom Brady or Tony Romo. If you’re the artsy music type choose someone from a popular band. If you’re going for a preppy look choose someone like Matt Damon. The examples I’m giving may be outdated by the time you read this. Choose someone in their twenties. Choose someone who is well known and followed in the media. You don’t want to copy their style from a movie. You want to copy their style from their day to day life, what you see in the gossip magazines. You are probably thinking that you can’t afford the clothes they are wearing. You’re right. You can’t. But what you can do is mimic the clothes by purchasing similar outfits of less expensive brands. Another option that I’ve done is go to thrift shops or Salvation Army stores with clip outs of outfits you want to put together. You can by a whole new wardrobe for like $50. You can also start putting more of your focus, money, and energy toward you image. This is the basis of who you are in the public eye. Instead of dropping $60 on a new video game… buy a pair of the trendiest sneakers you can find. A solid pair of kicks is your best investment. Spend $100 if you have to. Everything else can be second hand. But the sneakers must be the real deal. And once they’ve run their course and 14

Social Superstar

gone out of style. Buy a new pair. A good pair of sneakers or shoes is the cornerstone of a good wardrobe. But image is more than just wearing trendy clothes. It is the total package. In the next chapter, The 10 Second Impression, I am going to go into great detail about how to use things like physiology, body language, tonality, and posture to build immediate social proof. But for remainder of this chapter I want to give you some more hints on how to make your image more appealing.

The Elements of Image and Charisma Here are some other tips to enhance your presence and image - from The 7 Elements of Charisma. * If you’re white, work on maintaining a healthy tan. No sunshine? Find a nearby tanning salon. * Pay attention to how you walk, sit, and stand. Your posture should make you appear to be confident and at ease with your surroundings. Even if you’re not at ease, pay attention to your posture so that it seems as though you are. * Flaunt a sincere, friendly smile at strategic intervals (but don’t overdo it - learn to read when it is called for, and when it’s not). A sincere, friendly smile is a strong weapon. It breaks the ice, tears down people’s walls, automatically paints you as a person of high self- esteem and confidence. * What is your mind set? You are in a situation that requires a strong focus on tact and diplomacy. Meaning, knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout. * How do your eyes follow the crowd? As if you’re disinterested (meaning, you’re not paying too much attention to any one person) - and that’s because you feel that there is nobody worthy of your attention. In other words, you’re never “star-struck” because you are the star. In the end, your goal is to give off the impression that you’re a prestigious person accustomed to ranking high in social circles - not even the blonde-bombshell walking by can shake this poise. You may cast a glance, but you’re too prestigious to stare. People around you WILL notice this and subconsciously decide that you ARE a person of prestige. In a world where most people lack a high level of self-respect, it is easy to stand out when you have it and it shows. And if you don’t have a high 15


level of self-respect (again, like most), then fake it. Take note - the trick to faking it is to fake it with sincerity (this will be repeated further along). In the chapter on attitude I will give you tips to help the right attitude to come naturally to you. By themselves, these simple details regarding a positive, prestigious selfimage don’t accomplish much, but when packaged together they merge for great effect. And now you’ve created “presence.” When creating a charismatic image, you’re using this instinct to your advantage (which most people can’t control because they’re unaware that it is something happening in their subconscious). Here’s an analogy: If you look like a thug, you’ll be prejudged as probably being a thug. If you look like your gay, you’ll be prejudged as probably being gay. And if you look like a charismatic person used to respect and even admiration, you will be prejudged as a person who is probably charismatic and worthy of respect and even admiration. Once you’ve been prejudged, it’s that much easier to create the effect that you’re after. Notice that we used the word “probably” in the above paragraph? We use the word “probably” to represent the other person’s expectations. This is what he or she expects. And because they expect it, now it’s that much easier to give it to them. Many elements make up Image; presence is but one. Most people don’t understand the charismatic persona and can only assume that it comes naturally to some people. Maybe for a very rare and select few. For the rest of us, it is an acquired art - something that we practice in our daily encounters with others until it is developed over time. Charisma opens many doors and will get you into many places otherwise far off limits. It is a very influential tool when you want something. You need to always be conscious of how you appear to other people. You need to give off the impression that you are an important person and are considered an important person by others. * Before speaking to a person, you ask yourself: How is this person going to interpret my next few words? What kind of effect are they going to have? What effect is it that I’m going for? Will I sound like I know what I’m talking about? Or will I sound like a fool? Will I sound confident? Or will I sound cocky? Will I sound sincere, or will I sound fake? Will I come across as a good conversationalist, someone who listens more than he speaks? Or will I seem as though I talk too much and therefore am not a good conversationalist? 16

Social Superstar

The above advice is sound, but you don’t want to fall into the trap of constantly being inside your head worried about what you are going to say. What you say doesn’t have to be perfect... You just want to think for a brief second if what you are saying conveys confidence and coolness, or if it makes you sound like a showboat, a coward, or hurts your image in any other way. You need to be a good conversationalist. If you don’t have any clue what makes a good conversationalist read through some of the articles on http://www.tsbmag.com about building conversation skills. These articles should provide a nice foundation for becoming a better conversationalist. Remember, you are being watched at all times. This means even when you are not actively engaged in a conversation you need to present you best image. Below are some tricks you need to convey: * Never seem to be in a hurry - hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. * Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. * Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease - so when you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Cloak your focus on the elements (which will more than likely seem intense when you first start practicing the art) by being confident on the outside and relaxed on the inside. Never let them see you sweat. * Practice being subtle (”subtle,” as used here, means ‘So slight as to be difficult to detect or analyze; elusive.’).

17


Chapter 3: The 10 Second Impression (authority + social proof)

Your Objective: The objective of manipulating your non-verbal communication is to establish both authority and social proof. The non-verbal communication you present to the world should establish you an authority on your scene. You are not only completely comfortable within your scene, but those around you appear to respect you and look up to you. Your non-verbal communication should sub consciously tell the people within your scene that you are used to being treated well. It should convey that you are comfortable as the leader. And it should present you as a man with high social intelligence. The combination of these three attributes you will provide you with the requisite social proof you need.

Your Plan: Imagine that you're sitting at a table in a crowded bar. You are observing everything that is going on around you. As you sip your beer you are making 10 second judgments on everyone that passes your table. A man walks by; he is of above average looks, wearing a nice button down shirts, trendy jeans, a stylish haircut, and an expensive watch. Your 3 second judgment so far is positive. The man walks up to the bar, avoiding eye contact with the other patrons. The bartender is busy and the man is forced to wait there for his drink a moment. There is a person to his right and left, and neither of them has squeezed over an inch to let him in. He keeps timidly putting a finger up to get the bartender's attention. While the bartender is serving a girl on the other end of the bar, the guy just stands there, slouched down, and squished, nervously rubbing his chin. In less than a minute your entire perception of him has changed. Not only has your perception of him changed, but so has every girl's who was 18

Social Superstar

eying him down as he walked by. So has the perception of every guy who was subconsciously sizing himself up against the guy for dominance on the social hierarchy. Everything we've gone over in the preceding chapters regarding creating the look of a superstar is important. Yes, you must dress fashionable and cool. Yes, you must present your physical attributes in the best possible light. But you must be aware that there is more at play then how you are dressed up. There are certain telling cues that allow people to make instant decisions about your level of self esteem, your social intelligence, and your sex life. If you walked into any high school in America, within minutes you would be able to tell which of the students were of the popular crowd, and which of the students were bound to be eating their lunch alone in the cafeteria. You wouldn't have to speak to a single one of them. It is all prominently on display by the way they carry themselves, their walks, and the amount of eye contact that they make with other students. These are the non verbal cues that people look for when making a snapshot judgment on someone else. We've already discussed fashion, grooming, and physical appearance. We've talked about how it is important that you always present your best self, in your best outfit. But that is not enough to be a superstar. That guy… standing alone waiting for his drink. He's a good looking guy, in a nice outfit, tan, and has a body most guys would kill for… but he just looks uncomfortable and out of place. Although all of the physical signs should be pointing to "cool" it is apparent that he is anything but. There is a saying I love "Walk the talk."

The Irresistible Offer This means that you need to be completely congruent in all areas of your identity. You need to create the irresistible offer. "The Irresistible Offer" is the title of a book by Mark Joyner, in which he talks about how the best marketers create a short pitch that is so powerful that it is almost impossible not to buy. He claims that in today's marketplace, you have extremely limited time to catch the public's attention. You need to not only present them with the features, the benefits, the proof, but you also must take away any last hint of doubt. 19


The best way to remove any last hint of doubt is to "Walk the talk" and carry yourself like a superstar. The way you carry yourself is the one thing that cannot be faked. They can bring you onto MTV's Made, and have you done up by the best fashion consultant, personal trainers, and makeup artists in the world… but if you're body's non verbal cues remain the same; you will be identified as a fraud immediately. In the following sections we are going to go into detail in the different areas that make up your non verbal cues. These areas in include: body language, posture, eye contact, and how well you follow the general rules of intrapersonal communication. If you are going to create yourself to be "the irresistible offer" you need to hit them from every one of these angles. Everything about you needs to be congruent, and must stand up to the test of scrutiny. I don't want you to mistakenly interpret this to mean that you must be perfect. As we will discuss later in "Never appear too perfect" you must show some vulnerability and flaws… the flaws just can't come involve any of these cues. I was at a seminar listening to the legendary Brad P speaking about how to get a 10 minute lay. Brad is a well known social artist, and has a cult following of men who aspire to be like him. In the first few minutes of the speech Brad gave some details about the various 10 minute lays that he has had in his lifetime. After his powerful stories of success, he asked the audience why they believed he is able to continually have women willing to sleep with him after knowing him for less than a half hour. One by one members of the audience raised their hands to give their input. The first student says, "Because you are extremely confident" And Brad says "Yes, I am extremely confident, but there are a lot of extremely confident guys who don't pull girls into random bathrooms for spontaneous sex" A second student says "Because of the way you dress." Brad, who dresses like a rockstar, says "It's true I dress in a sexy way… and if a woman was going to fuck a guy in ten minutes he'd probably look like me… but no, that isn't why." A third student says "It's got to be that you know how to talk to a girl in a way that will get them horny enough to fuck you." 20

Social Superstar

And Brad says, "Oh… I get them so horny they can hardly contain themselves when I talk to them… but a lot of guys can talk a good game." The students shout out several more answers. Meanwhile Brad has been writing each answer down on the teleprompter in front of him. Finally Brad points to the seven answers on the screen. "Everything" Brad says. "I get ten minute lays because I am all seven of these answers. I am confident, I am dressed like a rock star, I talk good game, I have sexy body language, and I make it impossible for them to not want to fuck me in ten minutes…" Brad presents the women he meets with "the irresistible offer."

How to Create Comfortable Body Language Sex is hypnotic. That's why it's used so blatantly in advertisements. How do you give your appearance that same hypnotic appeal as sex? In the previous section, the example we used of the man waiting for his drink, made us feel uncomfortable. The man, standing awkwardly alone, brought to our minds all of our own insecurities, anxieties, and fears. None of these feelings are sexy. We may keep our gaze on the man, but we would be doing so in the same way we that we just can't turn away from a car wreck. So what is the secret to hypnotic body language? It is easier than you think. They key to creating hypnotic body language is comfort. Sean Connery is highly regarded as the actor that best portrayed the character James Bond. While it can be argued that all of the actors nailed the part… it is obvious upon watching a few scenes of Connery as Bond to notice just how comfortable he appears in the role. His body language makes you forget that you're watching an actor PLAY James Bond. He is so comfortable in the role… that you believe he is James Bond. If you want to create a hypnotic presence as a superstar… you need to be so comfortable in the role that your audience accepts your role without reservations.

4 Ways to Make Your Body Language More Hypnotic 1. Be relaxed 21


2. Be powerful 3. Be confident 4. Slow down We are going to show you how to demonstrate these four qualities to further illustrate how to create a compelling presence. There are three main body positions in most social situations which you can use to convey comfort: 1. How you stand 2. How you walk/move 3. How you sit Here is an explanation of each.

Be Relaxed The easiest way to make people comfortable around you is to be relaxed around them. Subconsciously people tend to mirror the people they are surrounded by. The more relaxed you appear to be, slowly those around you will tend find themselves falling into a relaxed state. If you want to achieve relaxing body language you first must relax all of your muscles. This is especially true of your facial muscles. When we are nervous we tend to tense up our jaw muscle. We also tend get really tense in the shoulders, causing an almost crawled up appearance. Along with relaxing your muscles you need to relax your mind. If your mind is nervous… it will be harder to control your physiology. The easiest and most productive way to relax your mind is through slow controlled breathing. Once you slow your breathing down, your heart rate naturally follows. What you are basically trying to do is put yourself in a sort of hypnotic state of relaxation. The interesting thing about physiology is that once you learn how to manipulate it, you can use it to your advantage pretty regularly. If you are nervous and tense when you go out… naturally the physiology you present will be that of a nervous and tense person. But if you learn to control your physiology, and stop the nervous, tense gestures… your brain will assume a position of relaxation. In order to make physiology work in your favor it is necessary to recognize your nervous habits, so that you can put an end to them. 22

Social Superstar

Below are some of the nervous habits that you will need to avoid… and ultimately replace with more positive empowering habits. When people feel insecure or nervous they start to have trouble sitting still. Their insecurity eats away at them and they feel forced to constantly be moving their hands. Some people will rub their chin or neck, other people with run their hand through their hair, others will juggle the loose change in their pocket. Doing any of these things immediately screams that you are not comfortable in your present situation. It is important to remember to keep control of your hands. Get in the habit of catching yourself whenever you find that you are performing any of the above habits. The minute that you recognize yourself using your hands to display nervousness… immediately stop and place your hands by your side in a relaxed manner. Fight the urge to start rubbing, touching, or fiddling. At first it may be a constant battle with yourself, but after enough training you will naturally no longer perform these nervous ticks. The beautiful thing as I mentioned earlier is that the discontinuation of performing these nervous ticks will trigger in your brain that you are no longer nervous… and your brain will command you to act in the way you naturally do when you are comfortable.

Looking relaxed when walking One of the most common ways a man displays nervousness while walking is to keep his hands in his pockets as he walks. This behavior communicates that you’re nervous and that you feel awkward. You don’t know what to do with your hands so you shove them in your pockets. Instead, let them hang naturally by your sides. Force yourself to relax and let your arms just fall. At the beginning you’ll have to force this, but after some practice, you’ll start to automatically relax more in social situations.

Looking relaxed while standing Nervous ticks such as swaying from side to side, playing with your hands or fingers, moving around too much, or playing with your drink all tell the set and everyone around you that you are not only nervous around them, but that they are higher value and thus, you are emotionally reacting to them. The emotion of nervousness often manifests itself through these nervous behaviors. Eliminate them. You’ll notice a marked improvement in your interactions.

23


Another thing to be conscious of when you're standing in a bar or club is the “drink shield.” This is when people hold their drink in front of their chest in a social environment. The subcommunication behind this body language tick is that you’re nervous and uneasy. So your instinctive reaction is to cover your midsection (traditionally the most vulnerable spot on most mammals) with some sort of protection. In this case it’s the drink. Instead, hold your drink down by your hip and don’t cross your arms or take a protective stance. You are trying to convey abundance, security, and relaxation with your body language.

Looking relaxed while sitting When you sit, the objective is to take up space while appearing relaxed and comfortable. Don’t overdo ‘taking up space’ lest you come off as tryhard. Once seated, keep your hands away from your face and hair. There is nothing good that your fingers can do above your neck. It is best to keep your hands apart, but if you find that you are fidgeting too much then cup your right hand face down in your left hand, which is face up. Don't squeeze your hands, simply let them lay together on your lap. While you are seated it is best to keep both feet on the floor. This helps you maintain control and good body posture. If you are constantly crossing and un-crossing your feet and legs you'll appear uncomfortable, and if you keep one foot on your knee while talking you might have a tendency to shake the free foot, creating a silly looking distraction. Feet belong on the floor.

Being Powerful While having a relaxed appearance will surely make others around you feel more comfortable, alone, it is not enough to create that hypnotic captivating presence. You will need to incorporate several other characteristics into your body language. One of which is power. The reason that you want to display power and dominance is because these qualities communicate value. A low value person can be relaxed… but very few low value people will be both relaxed and powerful. A superstar knows how to balance the two. As we spoke about above in relation to "being relaxed" you will find that the more powerful a physiology you present, you will naturally come to feel more powerful. 24

Social Superstar

I learned this technique years ago while listening to an Anthony Robbins CD in which he describes "the cape walk." The "cape walk" is technique in which you imagine you have a Superman cape hanging down your back. You then go on to walk as if this long cape is flowing down your back. After experimenting with the "cape walk" for several weeks I began to naturally feel more powerful as I walked. It is important to learn some of the ways that people give their power away as to avoid them, and make a conscious effort to recondition yourself to avoid the negative habit in the future. People that feel a lack of power tend to offer nothing to the world. One of the hallmark traits of this behavior is head straight. It displays a lack of enthusiasm and energy towards life. These are not the kind of people other people want to interact with... as they appear to have nothing to offer. It can also give off the impression that you’re uncomfortable with the way you look and are trying to hide your face. Avoid holding your face up with your hand. This displays the image that you’re too bored or tired to bother holding up your head- these impressions present that of a less than powerful person. Another way to give your power away is to lean in when talking to someone. The minute you lean in you have just handed them the power in the conversation. Many times guys do this because they believe that the other person cannot hear them. If you think that you're having trouble being heard then maybe you should work on your tonality and voice projection.

Looking powerful when walking One of the most efficient ways to walk in a more powerful way is to implement the Gunslinger Walk. The Gunslinger Walk is based off of an article originally published by Sebastian Drake. Here is the article in its entirety, as I think this article is best representation of keeping your power as you walk. Throughout society, people often get into a situation where two people are walking directly at each other. Whenever this happens to you, one of three things happens typically: I. You move for the other person. II. You both move halfway out of the way. III. The other person moves for you. 25


People move for people that they see as higher status than them subconsciously. The most common and obvious example are beautiful women, and then high status men. The man might have status from a style of dress, large muscles, or just the way he carries himself. When you move out of someone’s way - especially a beautiful woman you’re signifying that you see her as better than you. This does not bode well for meeting her later. Henceforth, you NEVER move for another person based on status alone. You’ll move if you meet someone handicapped, elderly, or young children - and that’s it. With people who are also high status, you will move a half-step out of the way, and they will move the other half step. With a solid presence, you will feel people who believe themselves lower social status than you moving out of your way as you move through the world without you even doing anything. The Gunslinger’s Walk is a highly exaggerated style of walk based on highly successful men and the caricature and archetype of an 1800’s gunslinger - either the white-hat sheriff, or the black-hat bandit. Men who moved with raw electrifying presence. Gunslinging isn’t necessary, but it can be a hell of a lot of fun. It’s mirrored off people who brim with the utmost confidence. Simply observing one of these people can strike wonder, awe, and inspiration into the hearts of those around them. The key elements of a Gunslinger’s Walk are: Horizonview: Staring beyond the crowd and expecting it to part. Thrown back shoulders: The essence of good body language. Roll in the heels: An exaggerated roll of the heels at the end of each step. Roll in the hips: An exaggerated push from the hips with each lift of the leg. Slow movement: Moving extremely slowly through crowds. Knowing smile: The disarming, self-assured smile finishes the look. 26

Social Superstar

The Horizon view The legendary cowboys did not look at a crowd as they moved through it: Their eyes were always looking past, staring off into the horizon and the adventures that lay beyond. In modern times, you see the most beautiful women and high status men not looking at people directly in front of them, but instead staring past them into the distance as they think about what goals they want to achieve. Every time two people walk directly towards one another in a straight line, it becomes a negotiation. The lower value person moves from the way of the higher person. By taking a long past view at the horizon, you transcend the negotiation and the struggle, and people are more likely to move out of the way of you as you pass. Thrown back Shoulders Rise up to your full stature. Remember to keep your shoulders back and broad at all times, with your chest out and your stomach in. Picture the cowboy - he never made himself small, or meek, or falsely humble. He moved with purpose, and with his full stature. Roll in the Hips and Heels When your foot lands, land first with your heel, and “roll through” into the front of your foot, pushing off the ball. To aid you, you can mentally imagine a “ka-ching” sound like a cowboy’s spurs every time your foot touches the ground. Ka-ching… ka-ching… ka-ching… Throw your hips into your walk, rolling them through so you rock ever so-slightly back and forth each time you move. This will add to your stature once again, and draw a bit more attention to yourself. It’s crucial to keep your view to the horizon if you’re rolling your hips: You look like you’re a larger than life figure that way, as opposed to just trying to court attention. Slow Movement When gunslingin’, it’s crucial to move at a slow pace. When you hurry through the world, it’s hard to get people to move for you. To take this to its logical extreme, if someone is stopped, everyone is forced to go around them. So move slower than people around you - it gives you a 27


presence, makes you look powerful, and means people scurrying will tend to defer to you. The Knowing Smile When gunslinging, remember to smile - don’t try to “look hard”. It’s a slight, knowing, self-assured and self-confident smile, with just a dash of cockiness mixed in. A slight smile goes a long way with gunslinging to keep curiosity mixed in and soften you up slightly. How to Part a Crowd Here’s the secret behind my legendary gunslinging performances: Once two people simultaneously break out of your way at the front of a crowd, people’s natural instincts are to follow the people in front of them. They assume that someone or something important is coming through, and tend to break sideways. The effect becomes more pronounced the more people who do it: So, you start gunslinging, with a view on the horizon, great body language, rolling your heels and hips, moving slowly, with a slight knowing smile. You don’t look at people in front of you that are oncoming, you look at one point off into the distance where you’re walking. Then, one person moves - then two. Jackpot, there’s a great chance the crowd will break and you can then “part the seas” as you move through it, which creates quite a stir, quite an impression, and quite an entrance. Directing Traffic

One last tip that’ll help with gunslinging, if you choose to try it. This one’s a bit more advanced and complicated, so get the fundamentals down first. You can “direct traffic” by which hand you hold up as people are walking towards you. The key is to lift up the opposite hand of the way you want the person to go, with your palm facing towards they way you want them to go. So, if you want someone to pass you on your left, raise your right arm from your side upwards. Your palm should be facing left. This “directs 28

Social Superstar

traffic”, though it’s tricky to get. Once you get it though, it’s invaluable, especially in nightclubs. The Gunslinger’s Walk is a potential nuclear reactor in your social toolbox, so have fun and use it wisely. Don’t go overboard with it, or get high on the power…

Looking powerful when standing If you want to have a powerful presence while standing than the first rule is to take up space. In the example we used earlier about the guy in the bar, squished between two other customers as he waited for his drink, was a clear example of standing in a less than powerful way. In that example the man clearly gave up his power to the other two customers who forced him to stand there uncomfortably. When you’re standing, you want to stand with your feet shoulder-width apart or slightly wider, shoulders pulled back, standing up straight, and chest somewhat out. Your weight should generally be towards the rear of your soles (closer to the heel) so that you always appear to be leaning back. It should not be an uncomfortable stance, but one which clearly does not lend itself to laziness. Picture the way a U.S. Marine would stand when at ease. Your stance should project confidence. Your hands should drape at your sides the way they naturally fall. Do not put your hands in your pockets or cross them over your chest. Keep your head up. If you need to look away, look up, never look down, it’s a sign of weakness and also looks unattractive. You can observe this in others. Looking down even has been proven to have a bad effect on your mental state.

Looking powerful while sitting What you want to communicate is that you do not make any apologies for your existence and that you are used to always being comfortable. Useful tactics to convey this include draping your arms over the backs of chairs or over the seatbacks of booths or couches. Your upper body should ideally be leaning back without hunching over. Feet and legs can be spread moderately or crossed ankle-to-knee. Sliding forward slightly in your seat will allow you to lean back even in a vertically-backed chair. The main communication here is that you are comfortable and confident. Do not cross your arms over your chest for this reason. 29


Being Confident As I mentioned earlier…there’s a bonus beyond the initial differences that changing your body language communicates to the outside world. It also can change your inner one. Seriously, this works. The Japanese have long held the belief that a cluttered home leads to a cluttered mind, and a clean one, a clear one. The outer world touches our inner one, and when you change the way you move, you also change the way you think. Don’t believe me? Try it. Pick a wall and stand up straight against it. Your feet, butt, shoulders, and head should all touch the wall, exerting about the same amount of pressure (no smooshing). Now walk away from the wall, but hold the pose for 5 minutes. How do you feel? Right, like someone stuck a pole up your ass. Just what we were going for. It’s going to feel weird for awhile, because it’s different and new. Keep going, though, and eventually it won’t feel weird. In fact, it’ll start to feel good. You’ll find yourself with this new confidence that wasn’t there before and doesn’t seem to have much of an explanation. Except that you are standing like you are confident. Cause and affect get blurred, and you wind up feeling a certain way just because you are acting that way. Either way, you look better standing straight, and you project confidence to all comers. Women find you more attractive, even if they aren’t selfaware enough to know why. Co-workers and those around you often might comment that you seem…different.

Looking confident while walking If you read and follow the Gunslinger Walk as discussed above, you will naturally be projection power and confidence as you walk. When you walk or move, the object is to convey dominance and purpose. Your hands should swing naturally at your sides while you walk but without looking either stiff or “floppy.” Practice this in the mirror if you suspect they are moving unnaturally. Walk at about 50% of your normal speed when in the venue. When you are moving towards something (a set, an exit, the bathrooms, etc), take the shortest route 30

Social Superstar

possible—usually a straight line. Instead of circling a set several times like a vulture, walk straight up with confidence. Similarly, when moving through the crowd, you want to project dominance. Oftentimes women notice you and the way you move or interact with people and they make judgments about you before you’ve even noticed them.

Looking confident while standing If you are slumped over, slouching, or shuffling your feet, or if your head hangs down, you give the impression of having low self esteem, lack of confidence, and even appearing depressed. We will go into more detail regarding posture in the following chapter, but for right now it is important to know that standing erect (not "stuck up") gives the impression that the person is confident, self-assured, optimistic, alert, and healthy. Once again, simply following the rules for looking relaxed and powerful will make you appear more confident as you stand there.

Looking confident while sitting The best way to appear confident while sitting is to follow the advice for both looking relaxed and powerful. A relaxed and powerful person tends to appear very confident. In an upcoming chapter on interpersonal communication rules I will go over the correct ways to interact with others. Once you have a foundation for the laws of interaction, you will naturally become more confident in your interactions. This will radiate from you.

Slowing down and taking deliberate actions Watch a few James Bond films. Have you ever noticed that James Bond never looks like he doesn’t know how to act? And that he never fidgets or behaves nervously? Everything James does is a little slower than it should be. He’s just too cool. Try learning how to turn your head slowly, how to blink slowly, how to change facial expressions slowly… and how to gesture slowly. This makes a huge impact on how others perceive you. 31


This kind of body language transmits the message: “I’m so comfortable in my own skin, it hurts”. Look around slowly and smoothly, don’t dart around and jolt your head around like you have been drinking espressos all day long.

Your new body language habits to implement immediately Habit 1: Make it a practice to hold eye contact with everyone that you meet. While doing the talking you should be holding eye contact for the majority of the time. If someone else is talking to you, hold eye contact about 50% of the time. If you’re talking to a group of people switch eye contact up between the different members of the group… but always be holding it with someone. Habit 2: Get in the habit of walking around with your head up and your neck straight. In the beginning you will need to constantly be checking yourself. Create a little game with yourself to remind yourself to pay attention to your posture. Tell your friends to point this out to you.

Habit 3: Keep your muscles relaxed. This is especially true of your facial muscles. When we tend to get nervous we tense up in the jaw. You need to keep your face free of this stress.

Habit 4: Smile often. If you don’t have a naturally attractive smile than you should practice in front of a mirror. A smile displays a positive energy that is infectious.

Habit 5: Push your chest out a bit and pull your shoulders back. The idea is to take up some space. This is another habit you will have to check often to avoid falling back into the old habit of slouching.

Habit 6: You should keep your feet about as far apart as your shoulders. Habit 7: Take up space when you sit. Spread yourself out a bit. Don’t slouch and look sloppy, but don’t be afraid to get comfortable.

Habit 8: Walk with confidence and power. This means your head should be high, neck up, chest puffed out a bit, shoulders back, and take big slow steps. Try never to appear to be in a hurry or flustered. Also walk with direction. This is especially true when walking through a bar… you never want to give off the vibe that you’re looking for the cool place to 32

Social Superstar

be. You want to give off the vibe that you know where it is and already are heading there.

Habit 9: Avoid making sudden hyper gestures. Every gesture you make should flow naturally at the same speed as your previous gestures.

Habit 10: Use hand gestures when telling a story. When talking to someone avoid clutching on to your beer or putting your hands in your pocket. The trick to pulling all these habits together is to use slow calculated gestures. If you’re giving a girl a once over, do it slowly like it doesn’t embarrass you that she noticed. If you’re grabbing a drink off the bar take it at a speed that says “I’m in no hurry.” Try learning how to turn your head slowly, how to blink slowly, how to change facial expressions slowly… and how to gesture slowly.

Rock Star Posture A signature of any rockstar is their posture. It is also the grace in which they move across the stage. Think Jim Morrison. Think Lenny Kravitz. Think Billy Idol. Tommy Lee. These guys knew how to command a stage with their bodies. They had their audiences hypnotized by their movements, gestures, grace, and poise. A man becomes more attractive when he exhibits grace and poise. It's like he is embodying the hypnotic characteristics that make romance novels so popular. He is promising chivalry, elegance, and gentleness. If you want to see an example of a man going through this transformation, David DeAngelo commonly recommends his students to watch "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels." In the movie Michael Caine's character teaches Steve Martin's character how to be a European style gentleman. It takes a constant and conscious effort to achieve rockstar posture. Most of us have downright horrible posture… let alone rockstar posture. The good news is that if you make yourself constantly aware of how your body appears, and are routinely making the necessary adjustments, you can have the same hypnotizing poise as Jim Morrison.

How to improve your posture 33


Most people don't even know what good posture is. When you tell someone to work on their posture they automatically start walking around like they are in the Marines. Most people think that to "stand up straight" means tensing your back to heave your chest 'in and up', and pulling your head back in to your chest. This isn't the posture you should be striving for. If you're unaware of what good posture looks like rent some James Bond movies. Or any movie starring George Clooney, Tom Cruise, or Brad Pitt. These guys are trained by professionals to be the embodiment of a movie star. Sure, you might not have the money to hire their trainer… but that doesn't mean you can't emulate their posture and poise. The spine has two natural curves that you need to maintain called the 'double C' or 'S' curves; these are the curves found from the base of your head to your shoulders and the curve from the upper back to the base of the spine. When standing straight up, make sure that your weight is evenly distributed on your feet. You might feel like you are leaning forward, and look stupid, but you don't. If you're serious about working on your posture you better get comfortable standing in front of a mirror. You'll need to constantly be watching yourself. If you've got a mirror nearby go to it right now and align your ears, shoulders, and hips. These points make a straight line, but the spine itself curves in a slight 'S'. It shouldn't hurt at all if you try this. If it does, you're probably forcing your back into an unnatural position. Now follow the above steps: 1. Hold your head up straight with your chin in. Do not tilt your head forward, backward or sideways. 2. Make sure your earlobes are in line with the middle of your shoulders. 3. Stretch the top of your head toward the ceiling. 4. Keep your shoulders back, your knees straight and your back straight. 5. Tuck your stomach in. Do not tilt your pelvis forward. 6. The arches in your feet should be supported. Good posture involves training the body to stand, walk, sit and lie in positions where the least strain is placed on supporting muscles and ligaments.

Stretching and exercise to improve posture 34

Social Superstar

You want to do exercises that strengthen the muscles across your back and shoulders. You're not looking to build muscle mass… so you don't need to do the exercises with a large amount of weight. In fact, you can even do these exercises without hand weights. 1. Align your ears over your shoulders. Raise both arms straight up, alongside your ears. Remember to keep your ears aligned! Bend forearms toward shoulders to touch your shoulder blades. Do 10 repetitions with both arms, then alternate 10 reps for each arm singularly. 2. Align ears with shoulders. Raise both arms out to sides at shoulder length. Hold for a slow count of ten. Slowly lower arms to sides, counting ten as you lower. Slowly raise arms back to shoulder height, counting to ten as you raise arms. Do ten reps, constantly checking your alignment! If ten reps are too many to start, do as many as you can. You should at least feel a slight fatigue in the shoulder muscles. 3. Be a penguin. While you wait for a web page to load, toast to pop, or the microwave to beep, place elbows at your side, and touch your shoulders with your hands. Keeping your hands on your shoulders, and your ears aligned, raise both elbows (count one, two) and lower them back to your waist (count one, two). Do as many reps as your wait allows. You'll be surprised how much exercise fits into 30 seconds. When you first begin to improve your posture you might find that you neck or back will tend to get a little sore. This is why it is important to do some of the following stretches: Tilt (stretch) your head in all four directions over your shoulders (forward, back, left, right), and gently massage your neck. Avoid rolling in a circle, as it may cause further strain. On your hands and knees, curl your back upwards, like a cat, and then the opposite. Think about being able to place a bowl in the hollow of your back. When you first make the commitment to improve your posture you should repeat these exercises several times per day. I'd probably start my day off doing them to feel fresh and add some extra energy to my morning. If you have the time I good idea might be to take a yoga class. As you'll find in later chapters… a social superstar is looking for every excuse he can to find new ways to mingle with people and make new friends. A yoga class is a perfect example of one of these methods. 35


As we discussed in the previous section on body language there are 3 general times the superstar needs to be keenly aware of his posture… and constantly working on improving it. These 3 areas are sitting, standing, and walking. If you're following the body language advice laid out in the previous chapter on these three areas you'll have already noticed a significant natural improvement in your posture. But we know by now that "Rockstar Posture" is crucial for a superstar… here are some more ways you can improve in these areas.

Sitting •

Sit in an office chair.

•

Align your back with the back of the office chair. Avoid slouching or leaning forward, especially when tired from sitting in the office chair for long periods. Keep your shoulders straight.

•

Flex your arms at a 75 to 90 degree angle at the elbows. You may have to adjust the office chair.

•

Make sure your neck, back, and heels are all aligned.

•

Keep both feet flat on the floor. If there's a problem with feet reaching the floor comfortably, a footrest can be used along with the office chair.

Standing Stand with weight mostly on the balls of the feet, not with weight on the heels. Avoid locking your knees.

36

•

Keep feet slightly apart, about shoulder-width.

•

Let arms hang naturally down the sides of the body.

•

Tuck the chin in a little to keep the head level. Be sure the head is square on top of the neck and spine, not pushed out forward

•

Stand straight and tall, with shoulders upright.

•

Stand against a wall with shoulders and bottom touching wall. In this position, the back of the head should also touch the wall - if it does not, the head is carried too far forward (anterior head carriage).

Social Superstar

Walking •

Keep the head up and eyes looking straight ahead. Avoid pushing your head forward.

•

Keep shoulders properly aligned with the rest of the body.

The most important thing to realize when working on improving your posture is that bad posture is like a bad habit. And we all know how hard habits are to break. Standing in front of a mirror for a couple days practicing won't get you lasting results. If you want lasting results you need to find a way to engrain this into your mind for a couple months. This means that for a couple months it is necessary that you are consciously aware of your posture. It is probably most effective if you find a way to constantly be reminding yourself to be in tune with it. Tie a string on your finger, set your phone alarm to go off randomly as a reminder, or keep an index card in your pocket with the words "Rock Star Posture" on it.

The Eyes One of the most important and critical components of displaying powerful and confident body language is the eyes. Our eyes reveal more about us than any other part of our body. Just be glancing into someone's eyes you can often tell what is going on inside their mind. There are six basic emotions in the human race. Each of these emotions are easily expressed through our eyes. A glance into someone's eyes can often reveal if they are experiencing happiness, surprise, disgust, fear, anger, or sadness. The eyes are often referred to as "the windows to the soul." This statement is powerful because not only does it acknowledge the fact that we can read other people by simply looking into their eyes, but that other people can read us by looking into ours. There is an accepted idea that most people will judge other people within the first five seconds of meeting them. If this is really the case, then doesn't is make sense to have them hypnotized by your eyes and your understanding of their wants and desires? You can do this by using your eyes to build rapport, and create a feeling of arousal in the person you are trying to attract. 37


When it comes to presenting confident body language, all of the experts will agree that strong eye contact indicates a powerful presence. But it is important to know how to correctly use that eye power as to not intimidate or scare away the person that you are trying to attract. In later chapters we will go into more details about picking up women, and the various rules and insights that go along with the process. In this chapter I want to give you some various pointers in regards to the use of eye contact in regards to body language, and marketing yourself. It is important to know that men and women have different comfort levels in regards to the amount of eye contact that they are willing to give and receive. For instance, men tend to fix their gaze on one or two particular women in a setting… not paying attention to the many other women that might be watching them. Women on the other hand, will casually scan the room, giving second glances to the men they are interested, and moving past the men they are not. As we will discuss in later chapters, knowing that you are always being watched… it is important to use eye contact correctly and efficiently. If you make eye contact with a woman it is a good idea to give an acknowledgement to let them know you have noticed and are interested. This acknowledgement could come in the form of a smile, nod, or eye brow raise. If you don't get an acknowledgement back, then chances are you misunderstood her eye contact. This is why it is important that if she gives you an acknowledgement, you should always give one in return if you are interested. But eye contact in regards to picking up women is something that I will discuss more later. In this chapter I want to discuss ways in which you need to continually be aware of how you can use your eyes to your advantage. When you are talking to anyone it is generally accepted that you use the 70% rule in the United States. 70% of the time you will at the other person in the "eyes triangle." This triangle extends from the ends of the eyebrows to the tip of this person's nose. Caress your partner with your eyes as you gaze into their eyes. When you break eye contact, do not break to look at another person. Keep the focus of attention on the person you are talking to. When you intentionally break eye contact, do so by looking down, to the left, or to the right. Looking up in response to a question or while telling a story is fine, but looking up to break eye contact is often thought of as waning interest. 38

Social Superstar

Here is some scientific research on eye contacted as found in Kevin Hogan's book Irresistible Attraction: • • • •

•

• • • • • •

Generally speaking, the longer the eye contact between two people, the greater the intimacy that is felt inside. Attraction increases as mutual gazing increases. Others rarely interrupt two people engaged in a conversation if they have consistent eye contact. Pupils also enlarge when people are talking about things that bring them joy or happiness. They often contract when discussing issues that bring them sadness. Women are better non-verbal communicators than men. Men can improve though. One reason men aren't as good in reading body language is hat men often communicate sitting or standing side by side and don't see as much non-verbal communication as women do. Women engage in more eye contact them men do. Eye contact has been show to be a significant factor in the persuasion process. When women are engaged in a great degree of eye contact, they tend to be more self-disclosing about personal subjects. When eye contact decreases mend tend to disclose more and women tend to disclose less. The longer your eye contact, the more self esteem you are perceived to have. The more eye contact you can maintain, the higher self esteem you actually rate yourself on.

Researchers have discovered that one of the most striking differences between people who are socially confident and those who are shy, is that confident people have much more frequent eye contact with their conversational partners. Many shy people never make eye contact at all, tending to look downward or away, instead of looking at their conversation partner’s face. 39


Most North Americans, especially Caucasians, prefer to have a lot of eye contact when they are talking with someone. When a person doesn't make eye contact with them, North Americans tend to assume that person is hiding something. The very phrase "shifty-eyed" connotes a person whose eyes dart around the room, implying that they are untrustworthy. When you are speaking with someone who is from a culture that prefers a lot of eye contact, be sure to keep looking at that person frequently while you are talking, even while you are wondering what to say next. You don’t need to use a piercing stare, a friendly gaze will do. If it really bothers you to look directly into another person’s eyes, you can look at the person’s face without focusing solely on the eyes. If you gaze generally at the eyebrow area or the bridge of the nose, this is close enough to the eye region that you will appear to be looking at the person’s eyes. You may find that it eases your own discomfort if you let your vision go slightly out of focus. Whenever you are in conversation with someone, keep the majority of your focus on the other person. If you glance around the room too much, or look too frequently at other people, your conversation partner may assume that you are bored, or that you are looking around for someone else you would rather talk with. If you have difficulty knowing exactly how to make eye contact, you can benefit from practicing in front of a mirror, or with another person. While some people have difficulty maintaining eye contact during conversations, others have the opposite problem. They stare too intently into other people’s eyes when they are talking to them, often making their conversation partners feel very uncomfortable. It can be very unpleasant to be on the receiving end of an intense stare, particularly at close range. In many animals, the use of staring is part of a power struggle to determine which animal is dominant over the other. In humans too, a struggle for dominance over another can often be signaled by a staring contest. Avoid intense, prolonged staring into another person’s eyes, except in very rare situations. Although some people use staring intently as a deliberate tactic to intimidate others, not all people who stare piercingly at others mean it as 40

Social Superstar

an act of aggression or dominance. Some people who stare very intently into the eyes of others are quite unaware of the negative impression they are creating. If it has been your habit to stare intently into the eyes of other people without looking away, you may have been making your conversation partners very uncomfortable. You can lighten the impression you are making by smiling more often, nodding, and by gazing at the entire face as well as the eyes. In addition, you can frequently glance away for brief periods. Although most North Americans like to have a lot of eye contact with their conversational partner, this is not true of all people. If you have grown up in a cultural group that expects eye contact, it can be a shock to find out that eye contact is not always welcomed. There are many countries in the world where looking someone in the eye is considered to be disrespectful and an invasion of privacy. Even within North America, there are some cultural groups that prefer not to make very much eye contact. In many cultures around the world, averting your eyes and keeping them lowered is considered the polite, desirable thing to do. In North America, people of African American and First Nations origin usually prefer to make far less eye contact than Caucasians do. If you are dealing with someone who has different cultural practices than what you are used to, make an effort to be sensitive to the expectations of the other person if you want to have a smooth relationship.

Key Components of Hypnotic eyes These are some ideas that you can take with you for using your eyes as a tool for marketing yourself better. These tips are from Kevin Hogan's Irresistible Attraction. •

•

Start with your eyes. Are they clear or are they bloodshot? People who look at you will notice and the clearer your eyes the more attractive people will perceive you to be. If you wear sunglasses, get ready to take them off. Hey can add Mystery, but ultimately people want to see what they are getting. They want to see your eyes. 41


• • • • •

•

If you wear glasses, consider contacts or surgery. People need to see your eyes. If you want to attract someone, look at them. Look at a woman from shoulders up and she will think you have depth and personality. Look at the person you are talking to about 70% of the time when communicating with them. Avoid looking at others for any length of time when you are with someone who may be special. Make the person feel like they are the only person in the room that could possibly catch your eye. Remember the longer they have eye contact with you the more emotional arousal they are experiencing inside.

5 non verbal gestures you should master using your eyes 1. Eyebrow shrug. Not everyone can do this, but most folks can. Raising both eyebrows can be used to show a number of different moods and expressions. An eyebrow shrug can signify that a person is surprised, or is expecting a response - it can almost be used as a dare or challenge. A quick, subtle shrug of the eyebrows (sometimes held longer) can also be used to express interest. It is often done subconsciously by both men and women - you can shrug your eyebrows at her to let her know you’re interested, or make a note when she shrugs hers at you, because she’s interested too. 2. Wink (one eye). A favorite of television rakes and seducers, the wink is nonetheless a fantastic means of communication. It’s sufficiently mysterious that it gets girls wondering, and shows a strong degree of social confidence and awareness on your part. The wink is a great way to respond to a woman when she asks you a question you don’t feel like answering if she’s giving you a hard time… 3. Slow, hard blink (two eyes). This is an easy and effective way of communicating disbelief, as in, “Did you actually just say that?” Two versions: in one, you are looking away and to the right when you open your eyes. This is the version that puts more social pressure on the girl (to qualify herself or retract a remark). In the other, you are looking straight at the girl when you open your eyes - this is the more playful (still with some social pressure) version. 42

Social Superstar

4. Squint. The squint is a way of saying that you are thinking about something, or alternatively that you doubt the truth or accuracy of something that is being said. If you look at a woman and squint, it can seem like you are sizing her up and trying to decide if you like her a lot. You will see that many men who are good with women squint while they are talking to them. It helps to place them in the position of being the slightly skeptical selector. 5. Ultra-skeptical look. This is when you look at a woman like she just said the most retarded thing you’ve ever heard. Basically, you pull your lips into a half-smile (with one side of your mouth), while kind-of laughing/huffing in a “I can’t believe she said that” way, and simultaneously shrugging your eyebrows. You hold this look and stare at her until she gives into the social pressure.

Intrapersonal Communication Rules One of the hallmarks of a superstar is the way in which he interacts with other people. When most people think of good conversationalists they automatically think the ability to talk well. As we will discuss in future chapters… the ability to talk well is one of the most important characteristics of a superstar. But in there is more to an interaction than just words. Think James Bond. Think Don Draper. These guys don't always say a lot but they have the amazing ability to communicate more in glances and movements than most guys do in entire sentences. In the previous three sections we discussed how critical body language, posture, and your eyes are in creating a seductive hypnotic presence. These are the elements that make up an interaction. But even the interaction itself plays apart in how you come looking out of it. What I mean by this is that there are certain rules that you can follow that will always present you in the best possible light, as the most socially conscious in the room. For instance, the simple act of selecting where you sit can display dominant alpha characteristics that will also facilitate the communication process. Here are some basic rules about choosing your seat in different circumstances. If you are meeting a client or friend and you know that they are right handed sit to his right. If he is left handed sit to his left. 43


If you are attempting to persuade another man you should be sitting across from each other. If you are attempting to communicate well with a female in business or a social setting, you should be seated across from her at a smaller more intimate table. Whether seated or standing you should stay out of the other person's intimate space. Intimate space is normally defined as an 18 inch bubble around the entire body of the other person. Entering this space is done so at your own risk. This doesn't mean you can't lean in to share a secret with him or her, it just means that when you do enter this space you are doing so strategically and with specific intention. Similarly, if you leave the "casual personal" space of the other person, which is 19 inches to 4 feet, you also stand the risk of losing the focus of the client. When you are communicating with another person you need to be consciously aware of your facial expressions and hand gestures. These are the first thing someone notices about you during conversation. And these are "features" that are within your control. A pleasant, relaxed countenance that responds to conversation with a natural smile looks of alertness and interest, sparkling eyes, and an attentively tilted head are all looks that gain universal approval. A smile not always changes the way people respond to you, but if positively changes your internal chemistry. Do you find that people often ask you what's wrong? Even when you're completely content? If so it means that you need to seriously work on your facial expressions. There are two solid ways to work on facial expressions. The first is to stand in front of a mirror and try out different expressions. When you find the ones that look best, practice them. Keep performing them over and over again until it feels natural for your face to contort to those specific expressions. The second way to practice facial expressions is with the aid of a video camera. This is the ideal way because by videotaping yourself in a social situation you get to see how your face naturally contorts while in conversations. This is more "real" than looking in a mirror as you will have the opportunity to see all of your habits in action.

44

Social Superstar

Once you've identified the habits that you want to change, then you must find new expressions to replace them with. It is at this point that the use of a mirror will come in handy. Now you have specific goals that you want to achieve in regards to your facial expressions. Work on it, and then once again have someone record you in a social situation. You can continue this process several times until you get rid of all of your nervous ticks, unfavorable expressions, and perfect your smile. The use of a video camera can also really help you identify the body language, posture, and eye contact habits that you may want to work on. It is incredible how much we don't know about ourselves until we carefully study ourselves on film. Trust me, this will be an uncomfortable exercise for most of us. We will notice things that will probably make us feel embarrassed or ashamed. But it is imperative that you face this, and overcome it. This is exactly the kind of training movie stars, models, and musicians go through with their stylists and publicist. You need to be your own publicist.

Using your hands Some people talk with their hands. There is a lot that can be communicated with the hands. This is why you must be conscious of what your hands are saying. People from across the room can observe you and learn a lot about you by the way you use your hands in conversation. For instance, the guy who uses flailing, darting, jerking or broad movements pushes people away be defining large space around off limits. Likewise, nervous gestures such as tapping your fingers on a table and picking at your face or nails can make you look insecure. It is much more graceful and relaxing to cup your hands together. Hand gestures generally take place in a square area defined up and down by the waist to the neck, and from side to side by the width of your shoulders.

45


Chapter 4: Building Your Social Resume Your Objective: The objective of building your social resume is to create massive social proof for yourself- and then put that social proof on auto-pilot. Building an online social resume allows you influence many more people with much less effort.

Your Plan: In The Four Hour Work Week Tim Ferriss points out that in today’s world the definition of an expert is largely created through the affiliations he or she belongs to, the testimonials they have, and the appearances they’ve made. This means that in order to coin yourself an expert in say, the real estate world, you would need to belong to several trade organizations, have a bunch of happy customers , and have performed some speaking engagements or received some media coverage relating to the subject. With this definition… in all likelihood, anyone can become an “expert” on any subject in a short period of time. I believe that you should view your social life in the same way.

Building Your Social Resume If you use the above formula for “becoming an expert” and apply it to “becoming a social superstar” you will quickly see your social status sky rocket! We human beings don’t have the time or energy to really dig deeply to find out the truth about someone… so we look for the clues that will make these judgments easy for us. We want to be able to quickly classify a person into a certain group, so that we know how to approach and deal with them. It is known that girls use this tactic all of the time in bars and clubs to make their judgments on guys. This is why it is taught in the community that you need to create social proof through being the most social guy in 46

Social Superstar

the place and then using routines and stories in your conversations that further exemplify your high social status. While I completely agree with this theory… I believe that you should take it a step further and position yourself as a Rockstar. How do you do this? You do this the same way a so-called expert builds his resume. You affiliate with other rockstars, you get testimonials, and you make appearances at the right venues. A couple months ago Mike Stoute, Pete the Freshman, and I added to our social resume when we attended the party at Playboy Mansion. Sure I had a vague curiosity to party at the Mansion… but I knew it wouldn’t be nearly as fun as some of my rendezvous in Brazil, or even this past Mansformation Weekend. Then why did I trek across the country to go there? Simple. I was further solidifying my position as a Rockstar. The value in the trip to the Mansion wasn’t the girls we were going to hit on there. The value came from the pictures we took, and the stories we are now able to continually tell about the experience. Immediately after attending the event, Mike, Pete, and I plastered our Facebook pages with the pictures, twittered the news, and wrote detailed accounts of the experience that we emailed all of our friends. The results were immediate. Within hours of changing our Facebook status to “Partying at the Playboy Mansion” we each had girls we hadn’t spoken to in years leaving us comments and emails with questions like “How did you guys get in the party?” “I heard that it was a private party, who do you know?” and so on. Last week when we attended a reunion at our former college, the news of our adventure in the Mansion had already spread like wildfire… and we’re continually pressed and praised about it. Do you think that created some instant social proof? We never even had to bring it up in a conversation, as someone would inevitably ask us about it. It is a simple theory really. If you want to be viewed as a Social Rockstar… become one! Elements of the resume 47


The number one tool that you have in creating your social resume is your Facebook and Myspace accounts. If you don’t have an account…GET ONE! You have to view these accounts as your publicity machine. These two accounts (I prefer Facebook) will be constantly marketing your unique selling points. You have to view your Facebook friends as a master marketer views his list. To a marketer, a list is what creates sales… a list is what spreads word of mouth, and a list is what connects a marketer to his customers. Facebook is your list. I could write an entire post about the specifics of creating your Facebook or Myspace profile, but you’re better off learning from an expert. This is an area you do not want to slack off in. If you're on Facebook simply send me a friend request: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515434783 When I receive your friend request- mention this manuscript and I will send you a link to an hour long podcast I did with Race de Preist on effectively using Facebook to meet women. Once you have a platform for showcasing your “proof” you need to start acquiring it. Remember, proof comes from your associations, your testimonials, and your appearances. Associations: The people you are perceived to hang out with. Testimonials: What other people are saying about you. Appearances: The places you are perceived to be spending your time. You probably noticed that I used the word perceived in the above definitions. This is because it is more important to create the image of… then to be consistently living it. For example, my pictures from the Mansion create the image of a guy who is invited to high profile-hard to get into parties. If you couple these pictures with another group of pictures from one other exclusive event… you’ll be perceived as the kind of guy who regularly attends these sorts of events. The testimonials are easy to get… if you’re living the life, people will naturally be talking about you and leaving comments on your page. If you’re new to it Race and Kelly give a couple fantastic tips for getting hot girls to leave comments on your page. 48

Social Superstar

http://www.windowshoppingforwomen.com/cmd.php?af=795295 Remember: Befriend me on Facebook and I will send you an hour long podcast that goes much more into detail on the subject of using Facebook for meeting women and building your social scene. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515434783

49


Chapter 5: The Attitude (liking + scarcity)

Your Objective: The objective of your attitude is to establish both liking and scarcity. The attitude you present to the world should establish you as a likeable person. The attitude and values you possess on the inside will directly relate to the way you are perceived on the outside. Building up your inner game will be make you the kind of person people like to be around. Your attitude should sub consciously tell the people within your scene that you are a scarce commodity. It should convey that you are so focused on your own goals, passions, and commitments that your time is extremely limited. Your attitude should convey the fact that you "are going places" and probably won't be around this scene forever. It is important to remember that other people must be lead to believe this on their own- you must never verbally tell them or act in a way that you feel you are superior to them and will leave them behind.

Your Plan: Decide exactly what kind of guy you want to be If you really intend on changing your identity and thriving in a social world, you must first be fully aware of how you intend on looking, acting, feeling, thinking, and being. This must all be completely fleshed out, not only in your mind, but down on paper as well. You need to have a clear vision of your end result if you intend on getting there. Once you create a well-thought out- description of the person you intend on becoming… you need to keep this vision in your mind as often as possible. You must ask yourself the critical questions: What would my "new self" think in this situation? What would he say? How would he act? And at all times you need live and breathe that identity. 50

Social Superstar

Many books will tell you to merely think it enough… and you're subconscious will magically turn you into him. It is your job to not only be concentrating your mind on being this person…, but actively acting in the way you'd imagine this person to act.

Focus on your past successes instead of failures In the quest to reinvent your identity you'll need to leave behind the failures, doubts, and second guessing. But in order to maintain the qualities that uniquely make you… you, you'll need to take with you your previous successes and accomplishments. Were you the spelling bee champion in the 2nd great? Did you hit the winning home run in a little league game? Score a hot chick? Tell a funny joke? These are going to form your new identity. You need to collect as many of these memories and write them down as vividly and descriptively as possible. All of the negative memories we are going to leave behind. You've already learned everything you need to learn from them. There is no use re-living them. The positive memories create the foundation of your confidence. As much as people say "repeat I'm confident over and over" that will not work unless you have some cold hard facts to back it up. By creating this list, you in essence backing up your claim that you are confident and allowing yourself to act that way without feeling like a fraud. This will be a never ending habit. Every accomplishment you achieve, no matter how big or small, will be added to this list. You'll notice that as the list grows, so will your confidences. As for your mistakes and failures… as they come along, ask yourself "what did I learn" and write down your answer in as a positive statement. Then forget the failure and move on. If you quit something before finishing it… instead of saying "I'm a failure" simply say, "I learned that success comes from perseverance" And then add that to the quality of the kind of guy you want to be if it isn't already listed. And in the future, when asking yourself how "the new you" would act… you can factor in the quality of perseverance.

Anchor vibrant energetic states Personally I find most aspects of NLP unhelpful and annoying… but I have found a great use for the idea of anchoring vibrant energetic states. 51


I came across this idea by accident. My Ipod only had a few songs on it at the time, and I used to listen to the same songs over and over while I ran on the treadmill at the gym. Because certain songs tended to pump me up, I played them more often during the point of the work out where my adrenaline was peaked. Without knowing it, I was unconsciously anchoring these songs to a feeling of an adrenaline rush. I later found that if I listened to these songs, while standing or moving around, I tended to bring back that exercise high I used to only experience at the gym. There are people who claim to be able to anchor specific feelings to a certain touch, but I haven’t been able to do that… so I wouldn't want to give you advice that I cannot personally verify as being true. If you are interested in learning more about anchoring check out a book on the subject.

Build on little successes In the beginning of your identity make over, the core attribute your looking to build upon is your sense of self worth and confidence. This is the foundation for everything. We've already talked about focusing on past success, and creating a success journal… but you also need take advantage of the momentum that each success brings. For some strange reason the universe loves the concept of momentum… and slumps. Whenever you have a success, your confidence is increased, making it that much easier to have another success. During that period of raised confidence it is important to attempt to achieve another form of success. You should continually be building on every success you have. If you have a good conversation with a girl at bar, before leaving the bar instigate a few more conversations. Never be content with just one success. You need to keep the success momentum going.

Experience Peak Health If self confidence and esteem really come from the inside out, then it would go without saying that the one of the most important aspects of self confidence is peak physical health. The more vibrant and energetic we feel inside, the more likely we are to radiate these traits outward. It is extremely hard to get into state when you're tired, run down, have a headache, stomach ache, runny nose, cough, or soreness. 52

Social Superstar

This is why it is important to treat your body like a temple. There is a saying "you are what you eat." This saying has a lot of truth to it. If you are consistently filling up on McDonalds, pizza, Taco Bell, and Chinese food… your body will respond accordingly. You'll often feel bloated, tired, greasy, gassy, and unmotivated. Think about the last time you finished off a Big Mac or a big dish of General Tso's… did you feel like you could conquer the world? Did you feel attractive? Many people don't realize that a big source of their depression stems from their lack of physical health. If your body is run down from eating badly and not exercising, your mind will often follow right behind it. The two keys to peak health: 1. Exercise 2. Eating healthy Exercise is critical. You will find that once you get into a consistent exercise habit your confidence will begin to sky rocket. The trick to starting an exercise and healthful eating habit is to make it a must. This means there are no excuses, every day you find time to get to the gym. If its snowing out.. you still go. If you're hung over… you still go. If you're on vacation… you still go. The more discipline you prove you have to yourself, the easier it will become. If you find yourself consistently making excuses as to why you missed a workout.. you will begin to accept this behavior from yourself. Also, exercise provides you with an opportunity to anchor vibrant states to yourself as we spoke of earlier. Eating healthy, like exercise has to be a must. You must force yourself to change your diet permanently. Don't look at it like you're on a diet. Look at is simply as the way you eat. Instead of having a Taylor ham and cheese bagel and coffee for breakfast, get in the habit of eating oatmeal and Green tea. Once you break your old pattern you will find that the oatmeal fills you up just as much as the bagel and the Green Tea energizes you more than the coffee. Even without the long term health benefits of changing your diet and exercise you will feel an immediate benefit in the amount of energy you possess, your level of motivation, the clarity of your mind, and your 53


increased pride in yourself discipline. These benefits carry over into all areas of your life.

Stay Well Groomed, Well Dressed I discovered this principle when I was working as a paint contractor. Because my job entailed me to where old painter's clothes and often find myself covered in paint… I would often decide that it wasn't worth shaving, doing my hair, or keeping up my appearance the day's I was working. I soon discovered that I was often depressed and felt very discouraged with myself. I would look in the mirror and see a scruffy, unkempt guy, in dirty clothes, and would feel like that was all I was. What I noticed though was that a couple of my Spanish employees would come to work every day looking sharp, in nice clothes. Then once they got to work, they would change into their work clothes. Later in the day when it was time to leave, they would wash up, and change back into their nice clothes before heading home. At first I never understood why they bothered. But then I came to understand that this was how they kept their dignity. This is how they separated themselves from their job. I used to have the mentality that if I'm not going to see anyone, what is the point of shaving, fixing my hair nice, trimming my nose hairs, plucking my eyebrows, tanning, or wearing nice clothes. But this was a horrible mentality to have. Because the one and only person you really need to impress is yourself. You need to look in the mirror and be proud of how you come across. This will keep you motivated and inspired. In the chapter on making yourself more attractive I gave many hints on how you can increase your physical attractiveness. What I want you to get out of this section is that it is always important to look and feel your best, even when no one is watching.

Say yes to yourself As children we so often hear the word "no" or "you can't" that we grow up inflicting ourselves with these words. When we want to buy something we want a voice appears in our head saying "no you can't afford that" or "shouldn't you buy something more useful?" When we want to talk to a girl or apply for a job a voice in our head says "don't." 54

Social Superstar

We are unconsciously embedding the word no into our minds. Whatever it is that we want we are often the first person to talk ourselves out of it. We tell ourselves all of the same excuses that our parents told us, or our teachers or relatives told us. "You're too young" "You only wind up breaking it" "You'll hurt yourself" "You'll lose it" "You have to be fair" "You can't afford it." "You can get it next year" How can you ever get what you really want if you are your own biggest obstacle in achieving it? The step to reversing this is to practice saying yes to yourself. Apply for a job that you have no qualifications for. Order whatever it is you want on the menu regardless of price. Get in the habit of allowing yourself to have the things you want. This will set precedence. It will reshape the way you live your life. If you didn't have yourself in your ear telling you "no" how many more girls would you have approached? How many more classes would you have taken? Jobs applied for? Friends made? Even if you only achieved a fraction of the extra dreams you went for, how much would this have improved your life? It only takes one great employer to give you a chance despite your shoddy resume, or one beautiful women to fall in love with you, or one professor to see your hidden brilliance in a subject.. and bam your life is changed.

Eliminate Your Crutch/Burn Your Ships To fully develop unstoppable inner game and the winning attitude it is necessary to burn our ships and get rid of our crutches. This means that quitting a dead end part time job and focusing 100% on your dream. It means cutting off your "booty call" and finding a girl that inspires you. It means going for broke. It also means eliminating your crutches…. For some guys their crutch is video games, some guys its porn, for some guys it fantasy football. Crutches are things that we use to avoid reality. They are the place that we crawl back to avoid facing defeat in other areas. While there is nothing wrong with having a hobby… the problem arises when you hide yourself in your hobby. Do you really enjoy playing World of Warcraft 7 hours a day… or is it easier than admitting to yourself that you're scared to talk to girls, or apply yourself. 55


The hardest thing I ever had to do a few years back was quit the restaurant I was working in. The job provided me with a solid wad of cash every week, close friends, and unlimited females to interact with and date. Yet, I knew deep inside that if I kept working there I would stay comfortable and never achieve my goals of running a successful business or publishing a book. Quitting the job not only meant burning my ships (as the job provided me with money, friends, and dates) but it also meant eliminating my crutch. At the time, whenever I experienced a set back at the real estate agency I was working at, or got frustrated with the screenplay I was writing, I would head over to the restaurant and drink with my buddies. All was always good there. You have to find out what your ships and crutches are.. and then burn them.

Push yourself past your comfort zone daily Look at yourself like a rubber band. The objective is to stretch yourself into the largest and greatest rubber band of all time. How do you achieve this? This push yourself one step further every day. It doesn't matter what your comfort zone is any area, it is just important that you push yourself past it daily. Not only does this help you grow as a person, but it makes your life exciting. You'll begin to look forward to each day as you'll find yourself continually surprising yourself. Life will no longer seem repetitive. You won't feel trapped. Things won't get boring. It is important that you push yourself past at least one comfort zone daily. If you are trying to conquer shyness, make an effort to initiate one more conversation every day. If you don't have the opportunity to initiate an extra conversation, then say something unexpected in one of the conversations you are involved in. Say something that surprises you. If you're going to the gym, crank out an extra rep or two, run an extra minute, add a bit more resistance. If you're working on a project, think outside the box. Try something zany even if it doesn't work this time it will train your mind to look for new ways of doing things.

Embrace Your Passions 56

Social Superstar

I will go more into detail about embracing your passions in the section on being an interesting person. But in this section I just want to remind you that the more inspired you are on the inside, the more it shows on the outside. When you find something that drives you… go with it. Let it drive you. Let it power you. Having a solid, energizing reason to get out of bed every morning does amazing things for your self esteem. How do you find your passion? Think to yourself "what would I be doing if I suddenly won $150 million in the lottery. Don't jump at the first thought that comes into your mind. Really dwell on it. Really get inside your mind, imagine you have this money, this freedom, and then envision yourself in different scenarios. What sparks you? Most people think if they won that kind of money that they would want to retire on a beach somewhere… but often when they really think of it, they'll decide something completely different. Maybe they decide they want to write children's books, or open a bar where they know everyone, or volunteer for worthy causes, or travel the world, or paint, or write music, or train for the Olympics. The trick is to find whatever you would do if time and money were not an object and do it now. Sure, you might not be able to do it in the same capacity now, but plant the seed of passion in your mind. If you would write children's books… start writing one now. Spend an hour every night writing. You might find that hour becomes your most cherished of the day. If you want to travel the world… pick one place right now and set a goal to visit it. Once you visit that place, set a goal to visit another place. You'll often find that achieving life goals and dreams doesn't cost nearly as much as you think. In Tim Ferriss's book The Four Hour Work Week he gives an exercise called Dreamlining which allows you to see approximately how much money you will need to make to finance your dreams. In a later chapter I have reproduced that exercise for you.

Only Seek Approval from Yourself Many people misinterpret the advice to "not care what people think" to be advice recommending living a slovenly, withdrawn, unproductive life. This is not the case. You are the only judge of what is important for you. If you don't live up to your own standards, then you're letting yourself down.

57


You can't please everyone. And the more you try to please everyone, the more you wind up pleasing no one. The first and foremost person you need to please is yourself. This is not advice to be selfish. It is simply advice to live life on your terms and not let the whims of the masses affect your ability to make decisions.

58

Social Superstar

Chapter 5: Be Captivating (liking + scarcity + authority) Your Objective: In order to be interesting, captivating or cool- you must convey three weapons of influence. These weapons are liking, scarcity, and authority. If you want to be captivating- the kind of person that people want to be around, above all you must be likeable. You must get other people to like you. If they don't like you, your influence over them will run thin… and you will also not enjoy yourself around them nearly as much. The second weapon of influence you must use is that of scarcity. People get bored and uninterested in what is always around. They are most fascinated and attached to what they can't have. The final ingredient to being captivating is possessing a sense of authority. People are like sheep. They want to be led. They want to be told what to do. And most importantly they want someone to look up to.

Your Plan: I was originally going to call this chapter- Be Cool- but decided that cool is subjective and people might not understand it as a standalone definition. What makes someone cool? Well everything we talked about in the previous chapter “Look the Part” definitely plays a huge part in appearing cool. But looking cool doesn’t make you cool. Looking cool is a good way to get people to take notice, which ultimately you must do to demonstrate that you are cool. And how do you demonstrate that you are cool? Be interesting!

59


Wallflowers are rarely cool. Why? Because as pretty as they can be… they’re usually like talking to a wall. There just doesn’t seem to be anything deeper than the pretty exterior. If you want to be a Social Superstar it is crucial that you become the most interesting person in the room. Some people will take this the wrong way and think they have to load up on useless facts and knowledge… ala Mystery’s “Did you know fish cough?” routine. While devouring interesting facts and storing them away for appropriate times can make you sound interesting and does play a small part in a Social Superstar repertoire…it is more important that you be interesting. So how do you “be interesting” you ask? Here are some traits of interesting people that we will explore further: Interesting hobbies Interesting profession Contradictory character traits The dirty little secret Fearless Says less than necessary No where you’re going Never appear too perfect

Have interesting hobbies Out of all of the traits, this is the easiest to immediately implement. What we choose to make our hobbies is our choice. We can choose anything. Some people choose playing Halo 3, World of Warcraft, fantasy football, collecting comic books, or golf as a hobby. While they all can be fun and rewarding… how interesting do these hobbies make you appear to other people? What if your hobbies included: Playing in a cover band, snowboarding, rock climbing, hacking into highly secured computer networks, world travel, tango dancing, volunteer relief aid work, surfing, or race car driving? Do you think other people would take a tad bit more interest in you? 60

Social Superstar

Your immediate reaction might be to say that simply faking an interest in a hobby is enough. It’s not. Merely going through the motions of rock climbing, or struggling to surf, or flying around the world is not enough. You need to develop passion for these things. You need to develop a passion for them that radiates from within your core being. You may ask what is more interesting about surfing than golf. This is where the value of this lesson comes in. The hobby itself is not what makes you interesting. It is your choice to pursue that hobby which makes you interesting. There is nothing fundamentally fascinating about rock climbing. It is actually pretty boring to watch. But there is something unique and interesting about the type of guy who chooses to spend his free time rock climbing while his friends are sitting in front of a computer playing video games. Are you starting to get the idea? What you choose to make your hobby tells other people a lot about your personality. A guy who chooses to learn and compete in tango dancing competitions is an oddity. This is a guy who goes against the grain. This is a guy who marches to the beat of a different drummer. And most people are compelled to know why? How many people are genuinely curious as to why you spend your free time shuffling around your fantasy football roster? Not many I would assume. How many girls admire your dedication to World of Warcraft? How many of those same girls would admire your dedication to volunteering to perform relief work after various catastrophes? What you choose to do with your free time says more about you then anything that comes out of your mouth. Your hobbies give other people the ability to make a snapshot judgment of your personality traits. What would personality traits would most people attach to someone whose hobby was following major league sports or playing video games or golf? Now, what personality traits do you associate with someone who spends their free time surfing, playing in a cover band, or traveling the world? Maybe words like: Adventurous Passionate 61


Free spirited Thrill seeking Interesting people are often associated with these sorts of words. Take some time for a moment and think about the kind of words people would use to describe you. Finding new, exciting, and interesting hobbies is not as hard as it may seem. My first recommendation is to choose a few things that you have a genuine interest in. In the late Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture he talks about rediscovering your childhood dreams as a way to bringing fulfillment to your life. What were some of your childhood dreams you gave up on? Did you want to be an archeologist like Indiana Jones, a space explorer, cave dweller, computer hacker, rock star? Who says you can’t be? In our times it is possible to make a hobby out of any possible thing you may have an interest in. And even better, you’re likely to find a group of people that have made a hobby out of the same exact thing to share experiences with. The best way to find out the potential of turning one of your childhood dreams into a current hobby is to begin by searching around the internet. You can run a general Google search and see what comes up, you can run a Yahoo Groups or Google Groups search and see if there is already a group of people discussing it, you can search meetup.com for groups in your area, or you can visit specialized travel sites to see what kind of adventure travel they offer. The wonderful thing about entering one of these groups is that it presents you with an opportunity to meet new and exciting people that you normally would not have come in contact with. These new acquaintances might open your eyes to entirely new horizons. It is amazing what you find when you begin to step outside of your comfort zone. Most people are confined to the day to day activities that make up their comfort zone. This is what makes these “interesting” people so extraordinary. It is their drive, determination, and ability to live life outside the comfort zone that is so fascinating to us. They are a rare commodity in a world where most people act like mindless sheep following along with the herd. Are you a sheep? 62

Social Superstar

There are more benefits to exploring a new and exciting hobby other than being perceived as interesting. If you pick a hobby that continually challenges you and forces you to continually dig deep inside to persist… you will grow as a person. Some people call this “developing character.” Others will call it “maturity.” No matter what name you give it the results are the same. You will be looked as sort of an authoritative figure. You will seem to possess a wisdom normally reserved for wise old men. The sad truth is that most people don’t even finish a book that they startlet alone persist long enough to make it to the finals of a surf competition in Hawaii. Most people quit a fitness routine a few weeks after beginning- let alone climb to the top of Mount Everest. And most people don’t travel out of their state – let alone backpack across South East Asia. There is a certain amount of unsaid respect and admiration for the man or woman who does these things. Dreamlining In Tim Ferriss's brilliant book "The Four Hour Work Week" he gives a phenomenal exercise that will not only help you develop your passion, but it will also help you understand the means it will take to achieve your dreams. I am going to take the next section directly from Tim Ferriss's book and urge you follow this advice and create your dreamlines. What would you do if there was no way you could fail? If you were 10 times smarter than the rest of the world Create two timelines- 6 months and 12 months- and list up to five things you dream of having (including, but not limited to, material wants: house, car, clothing, etc.). being (be a great cook, be fluent in Chinese, etc.), and doing (visiting Thailand, tracing your roots overseas, racing ostriches, etc.) in that order. If you have difficulty identifying what you want in some categories, as most will, consider what you hate or fear in each and write down the opposite. Do not limit yourself, and do not concern yourself with how these things will be accomplished. For now, its unimportant. This is an exercise in reversing repression. Be sure not to judge or fool yourself. If you really want a Ferrari, don't put down solving world hunger out of guilt. For some, the dream will be fame, for others fortune or prestige. All people have their vices and 63


insecurities. If something will improve your feeling of self worth, put it down. Drawing a blank? For all their bitching about what's holding them back, most people have a lot of trouble coming up with the defined dreams they're being held from. This is particularly true with the "doing" category. In that case, consider these questions: a) What would you do, day to day, if you had $100 million in the bank? b) What would make you excited to wake up in the morning to another day? Don't rush- think about if for a few minutes. If still blocked, fill in the five "doing" spots with the following: • • • • •

One place to visit One thing to do before you die (memory of a lifetime One thing to do daily One thing to do weekly One thing you've always wanted to learn

What does "being" entail doing? Convert each "being" into a "doing" to make it actionable. Identify an action that would characterize this state of being or task that would mean you have achieved it. People find it easier brainstorm "being" first, but this column is just a temporary spot for "doing" actions. Here are a few examples: Great cook = make Christmas dinner without help Fluent in Chinese = have a five minute conversation with a Chinese coworker What are the four dreams that would change it all? Using the six month timeline, star or otherwise highlight the four most exciting and/or important dreams from all the columns. Repeat the process with the 12 month timeline if desired. 64

Social Superstar

Determine three steps for each of the four dreams in just the six month timeline and take the first steps now. I'm not a believer in long-term planning and far-off goals. In fact, I generally set 3-month and six month dreamlines. The variable change too much and in-the future distance becomes an excuse for postponing action. The objective of this exercise isn't, therefore, to outline every step from start to finish, but to define the end goal, the required vehicle to achieve them and build momentum with critical first steps. First, let's focus on those critical first steps. Define three steps for each dream that will get you closer to its actualization. Set actions-simple, well-defined actions-for now, tomorrow and the day after. Once you have three steps for each of the four goals, complete the three actions in the "now" column. Do it now. Each should be simple enough to do in five minutes or less. If not rachet it down. This is a good introduction to dreamlining and illustrates how it can create the needed momentum to set you on the right direction towards achieving your life goals, and living like a superstar. For the continuation of this exercise pick up a copy of "The Four Hour Work Week" or visit fourhourworkweek.com

Have an Interesting Profession This one is a lot more difficult to control than finding an interesting hobby. The truth is we all have to earn a living. And very few jobs are glamorous. If you fall into the unglamorous and mundane… do not be defined by your work. Far too many people let their jobs define who they are as a person. This happens after years of naming your current profession when asked “what do you do?” If you say “I’m a painter,” or “I’m a real estate agent,” or “I’m tech support,” or name any other job too many times you begin to identify yourself with your job. Identifying yourself with your job is fine if you’re a rock star, actor, CEO of a fortune 500 company, CIA agent, or astronaut. But for the rest of us, we are cutting ourselves short. You are much more than your occupation. I would never recommend choosing a profession simply because it sounds glamorous. But why not choose a profession that genuinely interests you? Chances are if it genuinely interests you… it probably is interesting to other people as well. 65


I could spend fifty pages trying to talk you into following your dream profession and why it is completely possible that you attain it… but that is beyond the scope of this book. I simply want to point out the fact that if you’re in a boring, mundane, death trap of job… you have options. Do not kid yourself into believing that you don’t. I would recommend at the very least finding a job that you’re passionate about. Even if the job sounds like the most boring job on the planet, if you are truly passionate about it, that will shine through. Passion is not only contagious, but it is a vehicle for putting your charisma and enthusiasm on display. So while the job itself might not be glamorous… you will appear glamorous performing it. If you’re starting from scratch and a curious about some examples of interesting jobs, I’ve made a short list of examples below: •

FBI Agent

•

Firefighter

•

Archeologist

•

Any job in film, music, or television

•

Airline pilot

•

Reporter (for legitimate magazine or newspaper)

•

Public Speaker

These are just few of the better paying jobs. There are countless examples of interesting lower paying jobs out there like tour guide, skydiving instructor, street artist… and so on. I would concentrate more on finding a job that you’re passionate about rather than choosing a job strictly for conversation pieces. I would spend more energy on finding interesting hobbies. Hobbies tell more about you anyway… because they are what you choose to do on your free time.

Interesting Skills A social superstar has the keen ability to keep everyone in the room focused on him. In the pickup/seduction community there is a lot of talk about demonstrating higher value. If you've follow the advice laid out above in regards to discovering your passions and creating hobbies 66

Social Superstar

around them, you will most likely already be developing some interesting traits and skills that are all your own. For some guys it takes awhile to fully integrate themselves into a new hobby or passion to the point that they feel it will benefit them in social gatherings. For these guys, I suggest taking the advice of some of the most popular dating coaches and gurus and learn some routines that you can bust out at parties, bars, and gathering that will make you stand out from the crowd. In my college days I had two good friends Daryl and Kevin who mastered one simple card trick that had audiences captivated every time they performed it. It was a trick that they worked together on, and never revealed the secret of how they accomplished it until years later. I am going to list this trick along with several other types of skills and routines you can learn to captivate an audience. The Sniffing Card Trick This trick requires a silent partner. My two friends Daryl and Kevin pulled this off for years in college without anyone ever catching onto it. Basically Daryl would pull out a deck of cards and shuffle them around for a bit. He would then lay out 7 cards on a table or floor. He would then invite someone to take part in the trick. Daryl would tell the person to pick out one of the cards, show it to everyone in the room and then put it back in the row of 7 cards. Daryl would leave the room while the person chose the card. When Daryl came back to the room he would begin sniffing each card. He would sell the trick well by really smelling the cards and acting as if he was looking for a clue on the card. While everyone's attention was on Daryl, Kevin would subtly scratch his nose when Daryl sniffed the right card. Daryl would notice Kevin scratching his nose, realize that was the card, continue his performance for a bit, and eventually choose the right card. I saw Daryl perform the trick countless times and no one ever figured it out. Other Magic Tricks I have never been big on magic tricks, but with the popularity behind them do to legendary pick up artist Mystery, there must be a place for them in this book. As with all of the different skills I will list, it is important to pick skills that are congruent with your personality. Magic tricks worked for Mystery because he was genuinely passionate about magic. I'm not 67


saying that you have to have a desire to be a magician to perform magic tricks, but you must have some real interest in the subject matter. If you believe that magic tricks are something that you would like to add to your repertoire of skills you can find some videos of a few good ones on our companion site, www.tsbmag.com http://www.tsbmag.com/2006/10/31/demonstrate-higher-value-withtorn-card-trick/ http://www.tsbmag.com/2006/10/29/demonstrate-higher-value-withlevitation-trick/ You can also view more magic trick videos by going to Youtube and searching "magic tricks." If you are serious about learning magic and want to try your skills with some more professional tricks you can go to www.penguinmagic.com and purchase some of the tricks that the pros use on stage. There is also a wonderful resource for guys looking to use magic to improve their game called PUMA Skills.

Learn to Play or Sing one song You're at a bar, its jampacked with friends, co-workers, and boat loads of hotties, all swooning over the shitty cover band up on stage. The long haired, John Bon Jovi wanna be seems to have his pick of the litter tonight. You're a fun social guy though. The kind of guy women want to fuck, and men want to be friends with. During one of the set breaks you start bullshitting with the band, buy them all a drink, maybe a round of shots, introduce them to some of your hot female friends. You casually mention how you sing "insert song you've practiced a million times" really well, and how much you miss being up on stage. If the band doesn't seem to be biting, make up some bullshit about "leaving town.., your birthday, just getting over a really bad break up…" and 5 out of 10 times the band will invite you on stage to sing the song. The trick to this is to learn one song that most cover bands will know… and love to play. Think Jessie's Girl. Most cover bands are just looking to build a following, which will allow them to charge more money for their appearances. If they sense that you're the kind of guy who rolls with a large entourage, they will try to appease you, in hopes that you will encourage your crew to be their new groupies. Play to their egos. They 68

Social Superstar

want to be social superstars too. There is no reason you both can't share the stage for a moment. If you get up on stage, you best rock the house. The first criterion for this is that you have a decent voice and a good sense of rhythm. This means that you have to spend a fair amount of time perfecting this one song. Make it the staple of your karaoke choices. Practice it often, and record it so that you can listen and fine tune. You also need to have a good stage presence. Practice in front of a mirror. Video tape yourself and fine tune your body language and how you carry yourself on stage. You are not to tell anyone about your ability to sing. When you get on stage to kick ass with the band… it is should come as total shock… which will amplify the effect, and make you seem just that much more naturally cool. This same idea can be applied to musical instruments as well. Sometimes parties will have stray guitars or pianos, and some party goer will wow everyone with his rendition of chop sticks from Big. Why not blow them away with something really good? Most people study for years to get really good at the guitar. But you don't have to get really good. You just have to get really good at playing one song. Which really comes down to mastering a few chords. Anybody with a little patience can spend a few days perfecting one song on the guitar or piano. Just find one of your more talented friends or family members to teach you the song. When the party rolls around feel free to strum away. Sure, some people will scream for you to play another song. Just simply refuse… tell them you don't want to steal the thunder from the party. Even throw in a line like "I'd play all night… but that wouldn't be fun for anyone else." You'll come off as modest, which is a pleasant characteristic of a super star. Best of all… you leave the social encounter on a high note, with your audience wanting more!

The Superstar's Guide to Being Funny There are many different types of humor. It is important to master the one that comes most naturally to you. 69


Being funny is not a prerequisite for a social superstar (Being fun to be around is though.) The funnier you are, the easier it will be to infiltrate new social circles. Everyone and I mean everyone loves being around someone that consistently makes them laugh. Think about the people you most enjoy spending time with… more than likely they will be the people that you laugh the most around. Laughing feels good. Humor cannot be forced or it's uncomfortable. Humor is a polarizing thing… while being funny can make you extremely popular… trying to be funny when you're not can crush your social dreams. People hate bad comedy. If you sense that the people around you don't respond to your jokes, or there tends to be a lot of uncomfortable silences after you deliver your lines… stop! You'll have an easier time just being the cool serious guy… then the unfunny jokester. That being said, there is a lot of arguments over whether or not comedy can be taught. While I don't think that spur of the moment jokes can be taught to someone who doesn't naturally think that way, I do think that if you learn a little bit about humor, you can learn to recognize it, and put it out at appropriate times.

Develop a character "Humor doesn't go into a character is comes out of him. A character needs a trademark or point of view that does not change. Without a character, you're simply a recite of jokes. With it, you can get laughs simply be being yourself." If you think about the funniest performers most of them have at least one memorable character who makes you laugh before he even says anything… because you already know what his reaction will be. Let's use Vince Vaughn as an example. He has developed the character of "smart ass." When you're watching one of his movies or listening to him speak in an interview, you can almost feel what his reaction will be before he makes it. You begin to expect a certain reaction. And often times you'll find yourself laughing before he's said anything. Because Vince Vaughn has really mastered this character, humor comes much more easily for him. When he's responding to a question, or making an observation on something he's witnessing, he just has to ask himself what would "a smart ass" say? It is important if you want to be funny that you have a character and that you stick with the character. The humor actually flows more from the 70

Social Superstar

character, the interactions, and responses than from the jokes. The humor comes from your characters interaction with the world. Or your character's interaction with your thoughts. Or your characters interaction with another person. In order to make this concept work you must believe it and act congruently. You can't go into character, do it for a little while, get a laugh… then leave it. It won't work if you approach it tentatively and try it… it will actually backfire. If you keep trying to see if your audience likes it will probably backfire on you, especially if they can tell you're trying to use it to get their approval. Most funny people are not trying to be funny. And they're not seeking approval. They are actually "being" the character. The character is where 90% of the humor flows from. If you can get the character down, then all of the funny stuff starts taking care of itself. Because once you "nail" the character, the humor will come with how the character is interacting with the world. Here are some roles that David DeAngelo recommends trying out or testing… The I'm superior to you character An assumed or fake position of authority The character of the victim of her seduction The cold guy, the straight man The guy who only wants to know what's in it for him A high maintenance chick The ultimate authority and commentator on wussy guys Imitating the women you're with Becoming devil's advocate and promoting bad behavior She needs adult supervision As you can see that by merely immersing yourself in any of these characters- humor will naturally flow out of it. The ones David DeAngelo mentioned above are particularly good for dealing with women. Think about the funniest people you know. You will probably find that they have a standard character that they have become. For many years I developed the character of "daddy." I based the humor off of Vince Vaughn. My whole character was the arrogant-what's in it for me- jerk. I was able to make that character work really well. No 71


matter what character you choose, you have to know fundamental people skills so that you are "liked."

Best recourses to learn humor Watching standup comedy. Some of the comedians you might want to study are Bill Burr, Louie CK. But your best bet is to head out often to the local theatre or club and watch some standup comedy live. This allows you to observe the reactions of those around you. It lets you observe the power of delivery and timing, and how people react to them. Watching Movies. I've found that watching Vince Vaughn movies really helped me develop my sarcastic sense of humor. Pay attention to his delivery. Also pay attention to the connections he makes. Learn to see the world through his eyes, and you'll begin thinking like him, allowing funny sarcastic lines to flow out of you. Read Books. I'm not a firm believer that books can teach you how to be funny. But they can teach you the underlying principles of what makes people laugh. Some guys need to understand things at a greater level before implementing something. If you're one of those guys pick up the book "Comedy Writing Secrets." Cocky Comedy Course: David DeAngelo's cocky comedy course is a brilliant way to learn the art of cocky comedy. Cocky comedy is the best type of humor for attracting women. This 6 CD set will leave you with more material than you can begin to use.

Have Contradictory Character Traits No one is less compelling than a person in life who acts like a million other characters you’ve encountered, exhibiting only one facet: the alpha jock, the tortured musician, the brainiac. It is easy to fall into this trap when building an image, because people love to classify people into types. And they’ll likely try to push you along into one. For instance, the well situated power investment banker- are you picturing formal suits and furrowed forehead? Long hours, lots of technical gadgets like a Blackberry, and a whole lot of excess cash? Well, that’s a good start for a character, but a social superstar needs to transcend a type. If this is your type… maybe you can make yourself interesting by doing volunteer work with the humane society, or playing in a blues band on weekends. 72

Social Superstar

These sorts of distinctions make you different from any other person that might fall into this type. When you build an image, explore the specific and unique details that will make you more complex; not a type but a real person. We all carry with us histories, our experiences, and our memories, each of our bundles distinctively different from anyone else’s. A fascinating element of human nature is that we all possess contrasting traits, sometimes subtle, other times greatly conflicting. These contrasts provide endless opportunity to make yourself more complex. The best contrasts are so seamlessly sewn with your characterization that they’re not easy to spot; they seep into your being. Your observer should experience the tension, not be spotting contrasts like stop signs along the road. ADVANCED: use with caution

The Dirty Little Secret People love surprises. People love being swerved when they least expect it. There is nothing in life that kills interest more than predictability. And there is nothing in life that peaks interest more than a swerve just when we thought we had something or someone all figured out. The most interesting characters in movies, television, or books are those who possess depth. The three dimensional ones. The ones that intrigue us most don’t come off as stereotypes or clichés. They slowly reveal things about themselves that keep us wondering what we will find out next. A great seducer does the same thing. He does this by leading his target in one direction, letting the target feel like they have him all figured out, and then the seducer blind sides the target with an action, story, or fact about themselves that is completely contradictory to the image they have put forward thus far. This means the nice guy admits he got rough with his last girlfriend. The innocent girl had sex with a stranger. The dedicated business man had a thousand dollar a week coke habit. The responsible teacher has fucked a hooker. The alpha male fucked a guy. These are all contradictions of character. And they fascinate us. They make us want to know more. To understand more. They make us feel as if we’ve missed something all along. And that feeling is invigorating. It is a completely refreshing change of pace. 73


By nature we want what we are not supposed to have. How many of our fantasies involve our teachers, friend’s girlfriends, single moms, prostitutes, lesbians, cousins, and minors? These people are taboo. They are dangerous. They are frowned upon. But danger is seductive. It makes us feel alive. By introducing danger to your target you will make them feel alive. And they will surrender to you for it. I had a friend back in college. He was one of the most laid back, easy going guys, you could ever meet. He also happened to have a fuse that would occasionally go off, where he would lose his temper completely. Not many people knew this side of him. His ex girlfriend learned it a year into the relationship. They got into a fight and he hit her just once. But it was enough to bruise her eye, and have her end the relationship. She proceeded to tell everyone in arm’s length about what happened. My friend thought is social life was over on campus. Little did he know; it had just begun. He literally had girls throwing themselves at him. He was now taboo. He was socially unacceptable. He was dangerous. But the girls didn’t care. The fact that they shouldn’t do it only made them want to do it more. Sure when they talked about him to their friends they acted as if they disapproved of him. But in their mind they were captivated by him. And in the end desire always wins out over reason. I am not saying to go out and hit your girlfriend, or fuck a minor, nor do anything other socially unacceptable behavior. What I am saying though is don’t hide what is there. I’m sure if you did deep enough into your past you can find something you’ve done that is a little taboo. Now at the right moment you have to disclose this information. You have to build rapport with your target. You have to allow them to see all of your positive, virtuous characteristics. And you wait until that point where you sense they feel they have you figured out, and then you drop the bomb. My friend didn’t have to do all of this because all of these girls knew him previously. They had known him for years as a nice, laid back guy. So by the time the story had come out, they all though they had him figured out. But suddenly he was a little more complex. My friend, although not proud of the indecent, continues years later to tell the story of that relationship to girls he meets. He says of all the girls he told not one stopped seeing him. I had a job in a restaurant once. I was friendly with many of the girls there and talked open and honestly about my sexual experiences. I told 74

Social Superstar

them about my love of Asian massage parlors. Did it stop me from fucking half the waitresses there? Hell no. And not one of them ever even made me where a condom. I have a friend with an assault charge on his record. Although the charge was bullshit- my friend still found it morally necessary to tell every girl he was with afterwards about the charge right before he would sleep with them for the first time. How many stopped him. You guessed it; none. The dirty little secret is a great way to make you more desirable to a girl. This is especially true if you are a naturally nice wholesome guy. Creating a little bit of an edge for yourself will work wonders for your sex appeal.

Appear Fearless You’re fearless. Most people are insecure. Most people suffer some form of anxiety disorder. Most people are held back by various forms of fear. If you want to stand out in a crowd; Live a fearless existence. Feel the fear; then do it anyway. Most of our fears are completely unwarranted. Most fear stems from our need for approval. We are held back by our fear of losing our job, our fear of being laughed at, our fear of going broke, our fear of rejection, our fear of ruining our reputation, our fear of making a mistake. What would your personality be like if you weren’t governed by all of these fears? If you take a look at the short list of our major fears… you’ll find that not one of them is life threatening. In fact, most of our major fears are solely based on what thoughts someone else will have about us. How ridiculous does that sound when you really think about it? 90% of the decisions that you make are influenced by your need for approval. Most of us are working a job we hate, lonely or in a shitty relationship, have given up our dreams… because we are afraid of making the wrong decision, and we’re not even afraid of the consequences of the wrong decision… We are afraid of what people will say about us… what people will think about us. How refreshing is it when we meet someone who isn’t controlled by these fears? Women are attracted to bad boys, because bad boys provide an adrenaline rush that the average guy does not. In the average guy, a woman sees a reflection of most of her fears and insecurities. This is 75


why the average guy becomes her friend. Because they can sit and talk and wallow in their fears and insecurities together. The bad boy makes her forget all about her fears and insecurities. He takes her into his fearless existence. What is a fearless existence? A fearless existence is one that is not governed by the illogical fears that most people hang onto their entire life, depriving themselves of true happiness. A Superstar does not confine himself to these fears. He realizes that short of death or serious injury… life goes on after 99.9% of the situations you enter into. While it may seem difficult to "be fearless" it is not nearly as difficult to appear fearless. Appearing fearless is really the objective. Most human beings go through their daily existence terrified. Some people are terrified of death, some people are scared of social gatherings, public speaking, confrontation, poverty, natural disasters, terrorism, relationships, cold calling, cold approaching, heights, the ocean, airplanes… and the list goes on. Chances are you probably suffer from quite a few of those fears yourself. If you do, this might just be the hardest advice you will ever receive: You need to feel the fear, and do it anyway. What was so iconic about a person like John F Kennedy was that he always appeared so cool, calm, and collective, no matter what the situation was. Whether the president was fending off missile crisis, fighting for civil rights, or bedding Marilyn Monroe, he never showed eve one ounce of fear. People like their heroes and superstars to possess the traits and characteristics they most wish they had themselves. They find these characters exhilarating because they can't figure out how they can be so fearless. But the fact is; no one is inherently fearless. The difference is that the bad boys, the heroes, and the superstars of this world… overcome their fears in the face of the public. I am going to repeat a challenge that I laid out to you during our 31 Days to Better Game series last July.

76

Social Superstar

Live the next two days of your life completely fearless. Just for the next two days, say what you feel like saying, approach who you feel like approaching, tell someone who has pissed you off to “fuck off,” do exactly what you want to do. Do you want to call out of work and go the beach? Do it! Do you want to tell the counter girl at the bank that she’s sexy as hell? Do it! Do you want to finally change the style of your haircut? Jump out a plane? Get a tattoo? Have sex with a stranger? Do whatever the fuck you want! Whenever the fuck you want! Do this for just 2 days and experience the thrill of being fearless. After the two days you can go back to worrying about what people think, or how you appear, or whatever other insignificant, trivial reason is holding you back. An extremely effective way to break through your fears is to tackle a really big one immediately. If you have a fear of flying… parachute out of an airplane. If you have a fear of public speaking… go to a Toastmaster's meeting and give a five minute speech to a group of strangers. You get my point.

Say Less Than Necessary The 4th Law of Power states: When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish. Human beings are curious creatures. They find it necessary to know what you are thinking. As long as you put up a guard by carefully controlling what you reveal, they will continue to try to interpret and explain you. You can often gain the control in a conversation by merely giving short answers and long pauses…simply because it will put the other person on the defensive, and they'll quickly try to fill the silence by nervously jumping in with comments that reveal valuable information about them and their weaknesses. They'll go home trying to figure out what happened in the conversation, and the more time they spend pondering, the more interesting you will appear.

77


Saying less in a conversation also helps you avoid saying something that will make you look foolish, or something that could be used against you. This is especially important when you are out drinking. If you have a low tolerance for alcohol; be sure to watch your consumption, as everything you've worked for could be ruined by one night of diarrhea of the mouth. Once words are out, you cannot take them back. If you want to be a social superstar you must not let others goad you into saying something that you will come to regret. This means you also must learn to handle your temper under pressure or when angry. As much satisfaction you might get from an uncontrolled outburst, the consequences will linger on long after the pleasure has subsided. This also relates to a lot of the advice I give out regarding expressing your feelings toward a girl. I always recommend saying the bare minimum. I've been accused of being heartless, or not out for love… but the truth is, I've long figured out that the less you say to a girl, the more interesting you appear to her. The more time she spends trying to figure you out, the more value she's invested in you. In the heat of the moment, you may be tempted to blurt out "I love you," but you've just given away your greatest bargaining tool. Once she knows how deeply you feel… the interest begins to diminish. Revealing too much not only serves to diminish the interest people have in you, but it can also be dangerous for placing yourself into a corner later on. If you don't make it a habit of controlling the words that come out of your mouth, you will wind up with a habit of letting your mouth write checks you can't cash. Do not take this as an excuse to be shy or introverted. Shyness is not interesting. In fact, shyness is a sign of insecurity. Shy people like to think of themselves as noble… but in fact they are the most self indulgent people there are. I know because I used to be one. I used to spend way too much time thinking about what other people were thinking about me. This is not noble… it is vain and reeks of self centeredness. And far from interesting. Yes, there is a difference from being shy, and carefully choosing your words.

Know Where You're Going Most people wander through life aimlessly. They look for other people to guide them and show them direction. Not the social superstar. The social superstar lives on his own terms and knows exactly what he wants out of life. This simple concept intrigues people. They can't believe that he actually has it all figured out. 78

Social Superstar

If you want to capture people's attention, appear to have an inner knowing guiding your actions. Don't be like the masses seeking approval before they do anything. Each and every one of your actions should appear to be done completely by your own accord. If you've chosen join the fire department, be completely confident with your decision and act as if that was the ONLY logical decision you could have made based on your belief system. People are amazed by people who live with a sense of purpose. This is one of the reasons we are fascinated by athletes. It is difficult for the common person to comprehend that a human being as dedicated his whole life to a sport. This idea of "knowing where you're going" doesn't just apply to choosing a major in college, or picking a career. It applies to everyday situations. Always seem one hundred percent confident in your choice of what you're doing with you leisure time. When asked what bar, restaurant, or movie they want to go to, most people will reply, "I don't know, where you want to go?" This typical answer must not ever slip out the social superstar's mouth. The social superstar always knows where he wants to go, and is always confident in his decision. If he is there… then IT IS the coolest place you could possibly be. Think about it. If you walked into a bar and Brad Pitt was chilling there you would automatically assume that you found the happening spot. If he is there, is must be cool, right? Even if the place is completely dead… he must know something special about if that the rest of us don't if he is hanging out there. That is the mentality you need to have. Once you decide where you're headed… do not second guess yourself. If you claim that it is going to be a great time… make it a great time. After all, you're there right? And you're the most interesting person these people know. If you're at a bar and its pretty empty; Instead of complaining that no one is there, or suggesting other places… try saying something like "This is exactly what I needed tonight, a nice quiet place to chill with some cool peeps. Could you ask for anything better?" People like to have other people make up their mind for them. If you're convincing enough they'll begin to feel that you're right. Maybe this quiet hole- in -the -wall bar does have some special quality. They're just not cool enough to notice... they need you to point it out. 79


I had a friend in college who was the master of this. No matter what situation you were in with him you couldn't help but enjoy yourself. He would talk up the occasion and make you truly feel that he was genuinely pleased to be hanging with you no matter where you were or what you were doing. And he would always talk up his experiences to other people later on. Even if you and him just sat in a bar drinking alone… when asked the next day he would be like "me and Bobby just had this really cool night bullshitting for hours in this hole in the wall bar… we got hammered and shared some hilarious stories." Do you see where I'm going?

Never appear too perfect As humans, we absolutely hate feeling inferior to someone. Certain people have a way of making you feel small through their brilliance. Do not be that person. While you want to be interesting, motivated, passionate, and persistent… you don't want to inspire too much envy from people. If you begin to inspire too much envy in people they will subconsciously want to ruin you. They will try to create situations in which you falter. We've all had that friend who was almost too perfect. He just couldn't seem to do wrong, and other people absolutely adored him. Although on the outside we praised him, secretly we were jealous and almost wanted him to slip up. After awhile we even found our self "accidently" saying things that might get him in trouble. Don' hate yourself for it. You were human. But you want to avoid being the guy who creates those feelings in people. You don't want to make the people around you feel mediocre. You can avoid being this guy by not talking too much about your accomplishments. Sometimes that is not enough though. Sometimes you have to hide some of your skills in certain situations. Even if you are great at something… it is not always necessary to display your talents. In a later chapter, we talk about the time and the place to "be excellent." It is also important as you make your climb to social superstar that you don't make a sudden improvement in fortune. When someone gets an unexpected promotion, success, or victory… it tends to create immense envy amongst your former peers. Your rise to the top must seem gradual and expected. 80

Social Superstar

Other tips for being cool 1. Lead by Example It’s easy for anyone to tell someone how cool they are… You need to show them. Don’t ever talk about how many girls you can pull… just pull them. If you and your buddies find yourself at a college party… be the guy who immediately fits in. If you’re on the football team and everyone else on the team is too hungover for Saturday’s game… be the guy still scoring the touchdowns… because you switched to water midway through the night. Don’t lecture… LEAD. 2. Don’t Avoid the Risk Why was Braveheart so fucking cool? Because even though his legend would have been sealed had he never stepped foot on another battlefield… he went out there with his men each and every time. When you’ve been assigned the role of leader… it’s easy to take advantage of the people below you… but that will ultimately lead to them losing respect for you. 3. Create a Winning Group Culture Why is Derek Jeter adored… and Arod hated? Because Jeter is seen as a leader who looks out for his team’s best interest… and Arod is seen as a self serving asshole. If you’re going to be the leader of a group… it should be a group that wins. Pump up everyone in the group… get everyone to succeed. Have you noticed how in the show Entourage, Vinnie Chase wants to do everything in his power to make his friends successful too? 4. Delegate Authority, not Responsibility No one wants to be told what to do… but everyone loves to tell other people what to do. If you’re planning out Prom Weekend, instead of telling Joe he’s in charge of renting out the hotel and buying the beer… Tell him you trust him to find the right guy to rent the hotel and buy the beer. Joe will never let you down. EVER. 5. Know Your Competition Someone is always aiming for your top spot. You’ve got to pinpoint who that guy is as quickly as possible and be prepared for the moment he turns against you. Someone always will. People can only suppress jealousy and envy for so long before it explodes. It is crucial that you’re 81


ready for that explosion. When it happens… sit back and smile, knowing that you’ve already covered all your bases.

The Taboo and getting people comfortable talking about sex The biggest social superstars, politicians like Bill Clinton and John F Kennedy, know how to use their sexuality as a key ingredient to their rise in stardom. Most people, by nature, try to suppress their sexual needs and desires. This leads to a population of people who hunger for their fix of sexuality through pornography, explicit chat rooms, hidden affairs, and romance novels. For this reason, the individual who his comfortable, and better yet, makes us feel comfortable with our sexuality is a refreshing change of pace, and we begin to crave this person's presence. This is something that I've always been extremely good at. I've never viewed sex as something dirty or to be ashamed of, so I tended to naturally talk about it. While people are usually taken back at first, soon they are opening up to me with their explicit thoughts. Very few people give them this opportunity so it automatically puts you in an advantageous position. I remember a few years back, I had been working in a restaurant for about a year. For the first year working there, I didn't socialize much with this group as I had a huge scene at college, and a girlfriend that was already occupying most of my time. I also found these people incredible tame for my taste. Well, after graduating college, and simultaneously getting dumped by my girlfriend, I found myself spending more time with these people. I brought my frank sex talk with me, and openness to admit explicit details of my life without blinking an eye. Soon this tame crowd was openly discussing the use of vibrators, threesomes, and an entire other lot of topics that had previously been unheard of to discuss. I became almost a guru to them. They looked to me to tell them was alright to discuss and admit to. Which gave me an unbelievable amount of power. At my command I would have girls hooking up with each other, random games of truth or dare, orgies (yes I will tell this story one day) and countless one night stands. 82

Social Superstar

By creating an environment where everyone was able to let their guard down and feel confident expressing their desires, sex became just another every day activity. There were no games behind it anymore. On many occasions I would sleep with more than one girl in a night… with both of them well aware of what was going on. This is an art form. And not something that you should assume you have the skills to do right off the bat. If done wrongly, you will wind up looking like a sex crazed pervert. You don't want to come off as the horny college guy who can't stop talking about sex. You need to come off as having a maturity towards sex beyond your years. Almost as if you're more evolved towards it then others. You have to be comfortable talking about it because it is such a natural part of your life that you would not be able to understand otherwise. By creating an environment where sex is not a taboo subject, you create an environment where everyone feels free to indulge in it. This is similar to the movement that went on in the 1960's with the hippies. Although I don't suggest taking the "free love" approach, as that will only label you a dirty hippie.

83


Chapter 7: Cultivate a fan base (commitment + liking + reciprocation)

Your Objective: The objective of the following chapter is to teach you how to develop a legion of people who worship you. The previous chapters have given you the tools necessary to be the type of guy who people want to be around. But a crucial element to becoming a social superstar is to be liked and adored. The three most important weapons of persuasion and influence for building a fan base are commitment, liking, and reciprocation. Your communication skills need to be honed to near perfection. If you want to have people following you it is important that you first get them to like you. Once someone decides that they like you it will be much easier to use the other weapons of persuasion and influence on them. The following section will teach you exactly how to get people to like you. The second step in building a fan base is to get them to commit to the idea of following your lead. People's attention's spans often waiver. They quickly get sucked back into their own day to day existence. This is why it is necessary to use specific psychological techniques that will mentally bind them to sticking with you. The third weapon of influence you must use to build your fan base is the weapon of reciprocation. This is perhaps the most powerful of all the weapons. This weapon simply states that human beings feel a mental obligation to repay favors done for them. In the following section I am going to show you how use the power of reciprocation to get legions of people looking for ways to help you achieve superstardom.

Your Plan: 84

Social Superstar

This next section will get you further in life than any of the previous sections. If you follow the communication techniques laid out throughout the rest of this section you will make more friends, date more women, earn more money, and live a more exciting and rewarding life than 98% of the population. These three weapons of influence (liking, reciprocation, and commitment) are so powerful that if you can master them the world will be handed to you on a silver spoon.

How to Get Involved in Scenes Most of this book was written with the presumption that you already have a social scene that you can climb to the top of and command. But I also understand that there are some people reading this who will need some guidance into how to go about finding the groups of people that they want to hang out with. Even if you currently have a social scene that you are active in I believe it is important that you know how to find new scenes when the time comes. It is also important to be a member of several social scenes because it allows you to play them against each other for jealousy effect. And b y dividing your time between several scenes the "scarcity" effect will multiply, as will your "social proof." In the previous section on "hobbies" I gave you some tips for finding way to immerse yourself into new hobbies. In this short section I want to list some more ways find people with common interests.

Part Time Jobs Most romances don’t occur between two people who meet at a bar or club. The majority of romances occur in the workplace. It makes sense. When you’re spending 4 to 8 hours a day with the same group of people you tend to get close to them. You also tend to start picturing them naked. It’s a fact of life. 85


I learned this lesson my junior year of high school when I took a job at Shop Right. I wasn’t working there for more than two weeks before I realized that the employees looked at the place like it was a giant night club. Everyone was hooking up. And I mean everyone… from the 16 year old cashiers to the 55 year old Seafood Dept. managers. If you’re in high school I would probably recommend a job in a supermarket for meeting women. But once you graduate high school the quality of girls your age working in a supermarket will greatly diminish. I've put together a list of some of the best jobs to meet women at. These are jobs for those of you still in college, those of you still waiting to find your life calling, or those of you just looking to supplement your income with a second job. Remember these jobs not only open you up to meeting co-workers and customers… but you also get introduced into the social scenes of all the friends you make at your new job.

The 5 Best Part Time Jobs for Meeting Women Tanning Salon- If you are going to get a job in a tanning salon you want to make sure it is one of the bigger chains with lots of beds. You want to work in a salon that has at least 5-10 other people working there. Chances are they will all be girls. Young girls. All the customers will be girls as well. A tanning salon is best for someone with a fairly good level of game. There won’t be as many co-workers to choose from, and you will only have a minute or two to interact with customers each time they come in. The benefit is that most likely it will be a small staff of 2 or 3 people working. This means you will have up- close and personal time with any cute chick working there. And most of the customers will be repeat customers coming in weekly. This means you will have a chance to build rapport over time. Barnes and Noble- Barnes and Noble is best for the guy who genuinely likes to read and discuss books. The girls that will work there will more than likely be the hipster intelligent type. These girls may seem kind of nerdy… but they are wild in bed. There will be many female customers 86

Social Superstar

roaming the store… but it will be hard to spend a good amount of time hitting on them without pissing off your manager. Barnes and Noble won’t offer as many hotties working there… but you will have a great opportunity to interact with those who do. If at all possible go for a position in the cafe. The cafe will offer the best opportunity for flirting with customers. Retail Store in a Mall- This job is for those of you under twenty one. And it is perfect for you. If you get a job in a store like The Gap you are bound to be working with adorable little 19 year old hotties. Hotties with a lot of 19 year old friends. The customer base will largely be young girls. Not only will your store have hotties employed in it… but so will every other store in the mall. If you’re working there for awhile you’ll become aware of the girls that work in Hollister a few stores down… the girls who work the counters in the food court… and the girls selling bra and panties in Victoria Secret. The mall is a Mecca of female talent. Your game needs to be good… but not great, to enjoy the fruits of your labor. If you establish yourself as the fun party guy you’ll soon be adored by all the Just Graduated High School Hotts. And I ask… Is there a better age group to be adored by? I think not. Waiting Tables in a Restaurant- Can you say social scene in a box? That is what waiting tables is. It’s an instant social scene. Get a job at chain restaurant like Fridays or Houlihans and you will instantly be engulfed in a social scene of 10-20 other likeminded college students looking to get paid, get drunk, and get laid. You’re game doesn’t have to be good to work the restaurant scene. You’ll work with a mix of college hotties, single moms, and the barely legal high school hostesses. If you’re half way social and present your best self… you’ll get laid. A lot. What makes waiting tables better than the other three jobs on this list? Alcohol. The best part of waiting tables is that it is almost customary to have a drink with your co-workers when your shift ends… and we all know… one drinks turns into three or four. The only drawback of a watering job is that there is very little chance of scoring with customers. 87


Bartending in a Hip Bar- This is the Pinnacle of part time jobs. You get the best of all worlds. You will be raking in the cash. You will be banging your co-workers. You will have your pick of the customers. Point blank… bartending is a power job. Don’t ask me why… but bartenders rank up there with cops for scoring the most ass. What makes bartending so great is that your co-workers and clientele are likely to be just the kind of girls you’re looking for… hot, easy, and they drink! It’s not easy to land a good bartending job at a cool place. But that’s part of the power in achieving it. Working as a bartender in a hip place says “I know important people.”

Other Ways to Expand Your Social Scene I just wanted to give you a quick list of ways you can immediately expand you social scene. Of course everything on this list requires you to be social and open to meeting people. The trick to making friends at these kinds of things is to start right away. The first day you show up at any of these events start talking to people. Don’t start with the intention of making new friends or finding a girlfriend… just make friendly conversation. The longer you wait to break the ice… the harder it will get. 21 Ways to Expand Your Social Scene

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 88

Join a young professionals organization Take a yoga or meditation class Get a part time job waiting tables Join a bowling league Join a volley ball league Attend alumni events at your previous college Attend a weekly class at your gym Check out the various clubs at www.meetup.com Join the Toastmasters Take dancing lessons Join a volunteer organization

Social Superstar

12. Use Myspace and Facebook to network (as opposed to hit on girls) 13. Teach a class on a subject you love (art, photography, computers, guitar) 14. Revive the old band and start looking for gigs at local bars 15. Whatever your passion is find a way to immerse yourself with people who share your interest 16. Join a softball league 17. Attend any networking event your job puts on (and network) 18. Help with a political campaign (perfect timing) 19. get a part time internship in a field you love (even if it's for free) 20. Scour the computer for local events, classes, seminars 21. GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE Those are just some of the many ways you can immediately begin to meet new people and expand your social scene. The key to this is to find activities that truly interest you and inspire you. Being around people that share your interests will not only make new friends available to you… new potential girlfriends… but it will also help you grow as a person and get you closer to achieving your dreams.

How to be liked I want to start this section off with a basic list, written by Sebastian Drake, that you should copy on a piece of paper and keep this list in your wallet along with your list of the six weapons of influence. This list contains 13 characteristics of a likeable person. If you implement all 13 of these characteristics to your daily life you will find that people will instantly want to be around you more. When you combine these 13 characteristics with the specific techniques I am going to lay out in the rest of the section you will have the blueprint for building a fan base. In addition to this list, I highly recommend that you read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.

89


13 Characteristics of likeable People 1. Smiling - People who are at ease, confident, and happy tend to smile, and that smile puts people at ease. Smiling shows that you're pleased to see someone which can be really flattering. If you want to change one thing to come across more social, smile a big smile. Sometimes you will not feel in the mood to smile -however, if you choose to smile anyway you'll still get the great results. 2. Eye contact - Maintaining eye contact when you talk to someone draws them deep into conversation with you - the rest of the world slows down, and you both become quite important to each other. It shows a calm confidence in what they are saying and it makes them even more engaging, almost hypnotic. A quick tip: Right eye to right eye. Look from your right eye to the right eye of the person you're talking to. This strikes a great balance between good eye contact and not staring. 3. Touch - You'll consistently see magnetic people reach out and touch others. Touching shows emotion and affection and brings you closer to other people. Humans crave physical contact with others, and more emotion and affection can be expressed through touch than any number of words ever could. Next time someone does or says something you really like, give them a high five, some "pound", a playful punch on the arm or a big hug. 4. Not talking about yourself - Likable people typically are more curious to get to know other people and don't talk about themselves as much. Likable people are always looking to find out more about the other person, what they are doing, and what interests them the most. Most people don't feel heard - likable people know this, and encourage others to talk about what they really enjoy. 5. Not talking too much - Closely related to the above point. Likable people and high status people do not talk too much. Instead they encourage others to talk and to open up. People love to talk about their experiences and cool things they've done - when you become more curious and encourage them to speak more, they'll actually like you more. If you catch yourself rambling for a while, an easy way to adjust is to say, "But that's enough about me - what about you?" 90

Social Superstar

6. Empathy - Making people feel understood, and striving to truly understand them is powerful. Everyone wants to be understood. People want to know that they are not alone in the world. If you can reach out to understand another person, you'll instantly form a great connection with them. Next time someone tells you something heavy that you could have a long discussion on, instead try saying just "I understand." You'll be amazed at how uplifting it can make other people feel. 7. Not trying to impress - Somewhat accomplished people want everyone to know about the accomplishments they've made. Really amazing people are much more humble and low key about what they've done. The most impressive people never actively try to impress people. The result is that a man trying to impress communicates that he's not impressive. 8. Showing praise and appreciation - Whenever you see anything you like in another person, let them know. If people aren't used to you opening up, praising, and appreciating constantly, you might get a funny reaction at first. Once you've established that you're constantly on the lookout for great things in others, people get used to feeling empowered around you. When you do mention something you really like, keep it casual. No big deal, no long talk. Just, "Hey, I really appreciate that you did that." "I thought that was really cool how you did that." 9. Never criticizing, ever, for any reason - Likable people never criticize others. People universally hate criticism, and hate people that criticize them. Likable people always start off with genuine praise and appreciation before trying to give constructive feedback, and will only give this feedback rarely (because likable people understand that praise is a much better way to help people change than even constructive feedback, and criticizing is almost always useless). 10. Not trying to fix other peoples' problems - When someone tells you they have a problem, but doesn't explicitly ask for your help, that means they do not want you to tell them how to solve it. They want to feel understood, cared about, and empowered. Over 90% of the time, people know the solutions to their own problems. If someone brings a minor problem to you, try listening, nodding, letting them know you understand, and you're with them. Tell them you believe in them and you think they'll sort it out. If they ask what you'd do, maybe make a quick suggestion but don't drive the point really hard. As crazy as it sounds, most people do not tell others about their problems in order to get 91


solutions; they want understanding, empathy, and reassurance. People are very strong and quite good at solving their own problems when believed in. 11. Eliminate negativity - Never mentioning anything you don't like. Especially never being down on culture-wide things outside of your direct control: So, not complaining about the government, pop culture, fashions you think are silly, activist groups you disagree with, and so on. Being positive is really good. Not talking about things you dislike is even more important. 12. Never complain - When people complain, others feel slightly less inclined to be around them. It brings people down. If you don't like something, you have two choices: Take action to fix it, or accept that it's there. When you realize that, there's no reason to complain. 13. Never impose weakness on others - Everyone feels down from time to time. The most charismatic people never "impose" that down feeling on others; instead, they're a fort of strength for people around them. The more you stay composed, and refrain from showing being fazed or flustered, the more you gain control over your life. People start to respect you more, and they feel they can rely on you. You probably already do a lot of those - for a bonus; pick a couple more and start implementing. You'll see quick improvements right away, and long term improvements down the line.

Making Friends In the section below I am going to outline some steps for acquiring female friends. The steps outlined can be used just as effective for making friends with other men who will make suitable wingman, or just good buddies. I've also recommended reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. The most important thing that you will find is that once you implement everything you've learned in the previous section you will find it very easy to make friends. 92

Social Superstar

The Art of Acquiring Female Friends The importance acquiring female friends has been stressed many times on TSB and throughout the dating advice industry by nearly every coach. Guys new to studying dating and pick up will probably find this advice contradictory to the never ending battle against getting placed in the friend zone. But there is an important distinction between making friends with girls, and getting put in the friend zone. When you get put in the friend zone your intention wasn't to be friends. Your intention was to date or sleep with them. Because they were likely aware of your true intention, you friendship is never at an even playing field. The girl will always hold a subconscious power over you. And you will more than likely forever pine for your opportunity to finally bust through the barrier of friendship. This is why it makes much more sense for you to put girls in the friend zone. As guys, we are trained to want every pretty girl we come across. But the fact is, we can't have them all. For a long time I made the mistake of sleeping with cool girls, simply because I could, knowing full well that I had no interest in taking the relationship any further. I burned a lot of good bridges doing this. Later, as my skills progressed, I instead made friends with these girls. Sure, I would occasionally sleep with them too. But by this point I was a social superstar so it was acceptable. The social superstar knows that the easiest way to climb to the top of the food chain is by having female cheerleaders cheering on your every move. Women often make the man. This is because the man who controls the women… is the man everyone wants to be around. Think about it. Why do club owners, DJs, actors, bartenders seem to always have power? It is because these guys are always surrounded by women. Men know that hanging around these guys will lead to more girls in their lives. Women know that hanging around these guys equals excitement and privilege. Whatever social scene you are currently involved in- you should make an effort to befriend the hottest, most adored woman in that scene. In order to do this you must eliminate all desire you have to sleep with her. 93


You must accept right now that you will never sleep with her. She is merely a pawn in your chess game. Once you've completely eliminated your desire to sleep with this woman, making friends with her should be relatively easy. If you've followed the guidelines throughout this manuscript than you've already established yourself as a funny, interesting, and adventurous guy. You've already developed a strong degree of social proof. This social proof gives you the ability to befriend her. The social proof she provides you with gives you the ability to become a superstar. The most important thing to do if you want to win someone over is to give them something. You aren't going to give them gifts, compliments, or favors. These things devalue you. Instead you will be giving her appreciation. Appreciation mixed with adventure and excitement. No one can resist these things. Appreciation simply means recognizes the unique qualities in her. Your goal is not to flatter her, but to make her feel important, understood, and special. The easiest way to make someone feel important is to really pay attention when they are talking to you. Instead of waiting for your chance to talk, take mental notes of what she is telling you. This way you can discover what her true interests and passions are. Once you've acquired this information- you can use it to win her over.

Confidential tricks for winning her over 1. Remember details of her life. Don't be obnoxious or creepy about it, but by paying attention you'll be able to ask her things later. For instance, if during a conversation she makes a joke about having wanted to be a fireman when she was little, in a conversation down the road- if she's complaining about her current job- say something like- "Well, they always need fireman." She won't have expected you to remember that minute detail of a previous conversation… and when you do she'll really appreciate you. 2. Once you figure out how she views herself, play to that. For instance, if you can tell that she believes she is very knowledgeable about movies… say something like "hey, did you see (insert movie) cause I always trust your opinion on what's good." By doing this you're demonstrating that you see her as having an expertise in something other

94

Social Superstar

than looking pretty. Most girls want to believe deep down inside that they're more than their looks. 3. Completely drop your guard around her. Don't hesitate to say anything you would around your male friends. Be 100% completely yourself. Don't stress your faults or blunders- but don't go out of your way to hide them. Most guys put on such a front around her, that the realness you display around her will be refreshing. 4. Develop an inside joke with her. If the two of you are involved in a social scene together you can pick another person in that scene and share a bit of information with her about that person- but tell her she can't tell anyone. Make it ridiculously unbelievable, but play it up very well. Now whenever this person is around, make inside references to that little piece of knowledge. She'll always be questioning you about whether or not it's true- and soon the mere sight of this person will make her wish you were around to share in the humor. 5. Get her to experience something completely outside her comfort zone. And make her have a good time doing it. For instance, after a work Christmas party one year, I got the entire staff- women included- to head over to a strip bar with me. If you can get her to do something outside of her comfort zone, and associate the rewarding and exciting feeling with you- she'll become addicted to the thrill you provide. For more information on acquiring female friends listen to our podcast on the subject at: http://www.greatseducer.com/2006/12/04/podcast-1/

Communication The way in which you communicate with them men and women in your social group will go along way toward building your fan base. Everything you have learned in this manuscript will work in synergy. This means that the communication skills you are learning in this section are dependent on you having already created your image, began to make yourself more interesting, taken on the attitude of the winner, and give off a 10 second impression of a superstar. It is important that you've already completed the above listed steps so that you will be accepted by your peers as being a "higher status" male. The communication skills you are learning in this chapter do not work nearly as well if you are looked at as having lesser status, or beta qualities. 95


A lower status man who follows the principles laid out in a book like "How to Win Friends and Influence People" will come across as insincere or "try hard". This is because a lower status male will be viewed as having an agenda. People will assume that he is being nice because he wants something from you. People do not appreciate or respect praise or admiration that comes from someone they view as being "lower" than them. On the other hand, people are greatly moved by admiration that comes to them from someone they view as being "higher status" then them. It is a simple concept. If a fat girl tells you that she likes your new haircut you immediately assume that she has an agenda behind it. You don't accept the praise as genuine. And you secretly resent the fat girl for thinking that she has a chance with you simply by complimenting you. But if a woman of exceptional beauty tells you that she likes your new haircut you begin to feel proud of the haircut. A beautiful woman can pick and choose who she compliments- and her choosing to compliment you makes you feel special. You remember that compliment- and more importantly- you feel a sense of "liking" toward that beautiful woman. Now that was an extreme example because of the examples of the two different classes of women. But this theory holds just as true when applied to men who you view as having different social value. When a man "lower" than you on the social ladder compliments you or does you a favor you feel no special bond toward him. But when a man who you view as being "higher" up the social ladder than you does you a favor or compliments you there an unconscious bond that you feel toward him. That bond is the feeling of the need to reciprocate. The law of reciprocation is the most powerful of all the weapons of influence. When someone gives us something of value, whether it is a compliment, a favor, or a gift… we do not feel a sense of completion until we reciprocate the gesture. This is why you will so often hear two people complimenting each other within seconds. A woman will say to another woman "I really like you earrings" and immediately the other woman will say "Thank you. I love the shirt you're wearing." People can't have the weight of reciprocation hanging over them. Even though it is an unconscious feeling, the need to unburden one's self of it is so powerful that a person often acts immediately to restore the balance. 96

Social Superstar

While it is only possible to gain the feeling of "liking" when a higher status person compliments you or does you a favor. The sense of reciprocation is felt in any situation in which one person provides another with a favor, compliment, or gift. But the level in which we reciprocate back is tenfold when we feel the person who gave us something is of higher value to us.

The Law of Reciprocation and Higher Status This is the fundamental concept that you need to build your fan base: When a higher status person gives something away to a lower status person- they will get back what they gave exponentially. Before I explain the ways in which to apply this in the social world, I want to briefly show an example of how this works in the business or marketing world. As editor of TSB Magazine I recognize the "world" in which we reside in. This world includes all of the other men's online magazines, websites, blogs, and authors. We are also greatly aware of the hierarchy and where we fit in within in. The hierarchy in our world is based on reputation, number of visitors, prestige, and influence. We recognize that as being fairly new TSB is below sites magazines like Maxim, Playboy, or Men's Health. However, we are above thousands of other websites and blogs. When TSB is mentioned or receives a link from a site like Maxim or Playboy we recognize that a genuine favor was produced. We feel an immediate sense of liking toward that site for recognizing our unique talent. We also feel a strong sense of the need to reciprocate. Here is the kicker…. If a site like Maxim mentions us just once and provides one link to us- because we recognize that imbalance between our two spheres of influence- we will go out of our way to mention them four or five times, providing four or five links to their site. The same rule applies just as strongly to role reciprocation plays in the social hierarchy. If we (the higher status) person give something to anyone that is lower status then us- we will get back what we've given exponentially. The weight of reciprocation will be so strong on their back that they will feel the need to not only return the favor- but to return it in a much greater magnitude than we originally gave it in. 97


This is the reason that some people seem to rapidly ascend to the top of the social ladder. Once you have established a little bit of social currency, you are able to multiply that currency. This is very similar to the saying "the rich get richer." Remember: Everything we give we will get back exponentially. As you read through the next few sections keep this in mind as it will allow you to see the true power in what I am telling you.

Be Fun to Be Around The entire reason you should even want to become a social superstar is for the fun and excitement it will provide you. Well, based on the law of reciprocation- the easiest way for you to acquire fun and excitement is to provide it to others. The easiest way to be fun to be around is to follow the principles laid out in chapter six. Some of the key ideas include: be funny, fearless, and adventurous, talk about the taboo, and have some skills that entertain people. We did a podcast called "Being the badboy with women" awhile back. This podcast includes many ways in which you can add excitement to the lives of those around you. http://www.greatseducer.com/2008/07/13/being-the-bad-boy-withwomen/

The secret to being fun to be around The biggest thing you can do yourself be fun to be around is to make the people you're with feel like they are fun to be around. Although you should be introducing things like adventure, humor, taboo subjects… ultimately your goal is to bring these qualities and characteristics out from those around you. You don't want the people around you to feel like an idle spectator in your show- you want them to feel like they are a part of it. This is what will cause them to put some investment into it. This is what will make them commit to seeing you achieve social superstardom. They will feel that they are a part of it, and therefore, are along for the ride. This means help those around you develop the confidence to explore their sense of humor. Encourage them to take risks, to indulge in the taboo, and to demonstrate the skills that they have. 98

Social Superstar

Be Someone Who Makes Things Happen Lower status people will always be won over much more easily than the higher status people in your social circle. Winning the higher status people over requires the skill of becoming the go-to guy for a good time. Although most high status people are fun to be around- often they are not creative. This means that they will most likely hang out at the same couple of bars or clubs every weekend. The social superstar makes things happen. He is a leader who organizes the fun adventures that everyone craves. This means organizing things like ski trips, concerts, paint ball expeditions, long road trips, themed parties, nights out at unique places like S& M clubs, salsa dancing, tailgating… The events I just listed are things that pretty much everyone enjoys doing. The problem is that no one takes the initiative to set them up. Or a lower status person tries to set them up- but no one follows along. You being the high status male must initiate these sorts of things and get people to follow along with you. These sorts of events are what will make you unique and separate you from the other higher status males in the group who are content to spend another night at the local pub. Here is a list of things that you should try to organize: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16.

Themed parties (toga, ugly sweater, 80's) Softball games and BBQs S & M clubs Salsa clubs Concerts w/tailgating Bowling nights Road trips Ski trips Beach houses Happy hours (particularly a weekly event like Taco Tuesdays) Paintballing Sky diving excursions Hookah bars Volleyball night (some bars have courts) Strip clubs (bringing women with you) Fairs 99


17. Monster truck derbies These are just some fun things that most people would enjoy, but never take the initiative to set up. Most people wind up at the same bars or clubs every weekend. If you are the guy introducing other people to this whole new world… they will repay you with loyalty and admiration.

Get Interested in Other People I am about to tell you the secret to acquiring and keeping massive amounts of friends. The secret is to continually be curious about other's lives- and be their biggest fan. Everyone is the most important person in their own life. Because of this very few people actually pay attention to the people around them. Most people barely listen to the people that they are in conversation with, and are just silently waiting for their chance to speak. The sad truth is; everyone craves attention and recognition so much it hurts them. And the person who supplies them with "drug" of recognition holds a very strong power over them. Show genuine interest in other people's lives. This does not mean simply ask them a lot of questions. Anybody can ask a lot of questions to fill up the dead air. In fact, asking a lot of questions of someone may even annoy them. The secret is to really listen when they talk to you. You should not only be listening, but you should be remembering the details of the conversation. You need to store specific details away for later use. There is nothing more flattering to a person than the realization that someone not only listened to them, but actually remembered obscure details of a conversation. You need to use the information wisely and subtly down the road. Remember the example I gave earlier of the woman who casually told you that she wanted to be a fireman when she grew up…. And days or months later, when she was complaining about her current job, you said "I'm sure there are fires you could be putting out." On the surface she probably laughed… but inside she will be flattered that you remembered such a small detail of something she told you. Here is a trick for remembering details: 100

Social Superstar

Photographic Memory If you don't already own a digital voice recorder, you need to go out and get one immediately. They are useful for so many activities. Other than using one as a self improvement tool when it comes to perfecting tonality and conversation skills, you can use it to demonstrate a photographic memory. You carry the voice recorder along with you in your pocket. When having conversations with important people you just press record. Later when you go home transfer that file to your computer in a folder with their name (or better yet a code name.) These folders should be reviewed before you go out to interact with these people again. You can play the previous conversation and pick out important details. These people will be impressed that you were able to remember things that most people forget. You can also use this when getting a girl's phone number. Ask for her number, then repeat it loud enough for the recorder to pick it up, and then tell her you'll call her. She'll wonder why you didn't write it down and assume you will forget it. Later when you call, you can just tell her you have a photographic memory. Be careful not to seem too creepy by remembering too much. Only stalkers know every little detail about someone. But it is a pleasant surprise and a great conversation hook when you ask them about something they probably assumed you forgot.

Remember Names I went back for homecoming weekend at my old college last October. The night before the homecoming game everyone from the Greek system usually meets at this bar called Alexis right down the street from campus. I had been out of school for seven years, but many of my old friends and classmates show up for what is basically a yearly reunion. While I am ordering a beer this girl from a sorority I used to part with frequently, says "hello" to me. She is a girl that I always thought was pretty cute, but she always had a boyfriend so I never talked much to her during college. After making brief small talk, she says "Do you even know my name?" I looked her straight in the eyes and said "Of course I know your name Kimberly." Her jaw dropped. She was absolutely astonished I knew her name. She went on to confess that she had a huge crush on me throughout college. We spent the rest of the night talking and I arranged a date to hang out. 101


I realized something that night. When you view someone as having higher status than you- you subconsciously believe that they are too important for you. You see yourself as such a blip in their reality that they probably don't even know your name. At first I was shocked that she would have thought I didn't know her name. But then I realized that I too get happy when a girl I view as having higher status knows my name. I actually get tingly upon hearing a beautiful woman say it. The lesson to be learned: Remember everyone's name the first time you hear it. Use the photographic memory trick if you have to. And when you see anyone- no matter how low down the social ladder the may beaddress them by their name. Human beings love the sound of their own name. They never get tired of hearing it. And they feel flattered when people remember it.

Make Other People Feel Like Superstars As you can see by everything leading up to this section- the secret to building your fan base is to become the fan of others. Remember that everything you give to others will be reciprocated back to you. And if the people you are giving value to are lower on the social ladder than you- they will feel the need to give back to you twice as much as you gave to them. So the next step is to make these people feel like Superstars. Just think; as badly as you want to become a social superstar- most of these people will have the same desire. It is not a competition or a race. Never worry that someone else will steal your spot light. You need to look at them as members of your team. You always want your team to be as strong as possible. The cooler, more interesting, entertaining, and fun people you have around you- the higher your value becomes. And more importantly – the more enjoyable your life becomes. Making other people feel like superstars is really a culmination of everything we've learned in this chapter. But the most important part- is to openly praise them, compliment them, and give value to them. This must be done in public. Let's say that there is a guy in your social scene that is slightly below you on the social ladder. One night you go out with this guy and he hooks up with an attractive woman. It is obvious to you that he is proud of 102

Social Superstar

himself. This is your chance to boost him up even further. Not only should you acknowledge to him that you were impressed by what he did… you should brag about it for him to the other people in your social circle. Tell the story for him- make him seem even cooler than he is. Get in the habit of being the fan of those around you. The flattery must be sincere. I say this because we all know that guy who is always seems incredibly fake while boosting up his friends. This is because he doesn't use concrete examples for his praise. He says something like "Joe is the man. He is the coolest guy I know." This sounds phony. The praise must be specific. It should be said like this: "Joe is the man. Last week the two of us were at this bar. There were two girls we both wanted to talk to. Before I knew- he's macking both of them. It took him like five minutes, and he's making out with this cute brunette. This guy is the coolest guy I know." Do you see how much more sincere and real it sounds when you back up praise with specific examples. You know that Joe is proud of what he did. You know that he wants to brag about it. But he can't. So you do it for him. He will love you for it. You should also make it a habit to pull people out of their comfort zone. If you know that Joe is shy around woman, help him to get over it. Don't lecture him or try to impose "strategies" on him. Help him by giving him practice. Bring him into situation where he will be forced to talk to women. And later build him up. Talk about how "the girl was definitely into you." If you can get him out of his comfort zone, and contribute to him building his self esteem- he will forever be in gratitude toward you. And you've done a nice thing for him.

Let Other People Sell You This is the culmination of all of everything you've been doing. Up until now, the entire focus of what I have been talking about is how you should be giving value to others. Well, now is the time in which that value is paid back to you- exponentially. By doing things like remembering people's name, showing interest in them, praising them, making them feel important, and turning them into superstars- they will feel an uncontrollable sense of obligation to reciprocate the value. Think about it. You are a high value person. You've taken interest in them and have openly praised them. Not only is there a sense of 103


obligation to return the favor- but it is in their best interest to do so. You are now on "their side." This means that the stronger and more powerful you become- the higher that they will be able to rise along with you. These men and women will become an army of publicity agents for you. If you're showing them a good time, they will be constantly talking about how much fun they had with you. If you praised them, they will go out of their way to praise you and talk you up to everyone who will listen. If you are higher value- they will want to be associated with you. They will look for every excuse to talk about "the awesome time" you had together. View it like this. Imagine that you spent a night partying with Brad Pitt. Now imagine that Brad Pitt turned out to be a really cool guy who showed genuine interest in you. How many people do you think you would be telling that story to? Everyone you possibly could. The more people talk about you the higher your value becomes. It will eventually get to the point where your reputation will precede you. Your name will travel through many social circles. When you show up for a party random people will already know who you are. Because these people already know who you are they will be more likely to talk to you. Rinse, wash, and repeat on this new group of people. Can you see how quickly you can become a social superstar? Can you see how quickly invitations will start pouring your way from various social circles? Can you see how many opportunities will be thrown at you?

The Butterfly Effect "The "Butterfly Effect" is the propensity of a system to be sensitive to initial conditions. Such systems over time become unpredictable, this idea gave rise to the notion of a butterfly flapping it's wings in one area of the world, causing a tornado or some such weather event to occur in another remote area of the world." Your entire life- especially your social life- is ruled by the butterfly effect. This means that every tiny, seemingly insignificant action will have a later effect on your life. For instance, tonight you walk into a restaurant and have dinner. You leave your waiter a larger than normal tip. A month later you are at a bar. The waiter is there, remembering the large tip you gave him he recognizes you and introduces you to his friends. It turns out that one of his friends has the same interest in rock climbing that you do. You 104

Social Superstar

befriend the guy on Facebook and set a date to go rock climbing. The day before you're about to go rock climbing you leave a comment on his Facebook page telling him "Get ready for some heavy duty climbing tomorrow!" It turns out that a girl you dated several years ago is friends with him on Facebook. She sees your comment, and befriends you. She invites you to come to a party with some of her friends. While at the party- you meet and fall in love with another girl. All because you left a waiter an above average tip.

105


PART TWO:

The Best of TSB Magazine VOL 1. 2005-2008

106

Social Superstar

5 Keys to Playing the Role of Being Wanted Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 09/09/2007

If you could make a girl believe one thing about you, what do you think would most make her want to date you? That you’re rich? That you’re packing nine inches? That you’re insanely confident? That you’re talented, passionate, and intelligent? That you’re the energizer bunny in bed? If you guessed any of these things you’d be wrong for ninety nine percent of the women out there. If you want to fool a girl into believing any one thing about you it should be; that you are wanted by other women. Girls are strange creatures. They are so unsure of their own opinion that they need to confirm it with the opinion of other women. If they like him “I should like him too” is the thought that goes through their minds. So I’m going to give you a quick list of things you can do to achieve the perception to a girl you are interested in that you “get laid” and are in demand. 1. Through Storytelling. In some of the gambits Mystery uses this plays a huge part. Tell a story about you and a hot chick. The story has to indirectly reference that she was hot. Never say, “Me and my ex, who was really hot…” That sounds like you’re trying to impress her. Instead say, “One of the things me and my ex would fight about was the way she responded to the attention she got from men. I wasn’t jealous. I’m not a jealous person. But she was like a ham when she noticed guys gawking at her. To me that's just obnoxious.” You see you never said she was hot… But the girl will assume it. That example is a little over the top, but you get the point. 2. Through Pictures. Take as many pictures of yourself with hot chicks as possible. I don’t care if these girls are friends, co-workers, ex girl friends, prostitutes, or your cousins. The point is to have these pictures 107


lying around your house or even in your car. Girls by nature love to look at pictures. When she flips through these pictures and sees you with all these girls a message will be delivered to her brain; “I better keep this one before he runs off with one of these girls” 3. Through Text Messages. When you’re out with a girl, try to set it up to have many of your friends call your cell phone or text you. Texting is even better. You can pull your phone out, read the text, and then quietly put your phone back in your pocket without mentioning it. Girls will always assume its other girl’s texting you. The key to this is don’t mention the texts and don’t respond to the texts. Just read the texts and put the phone away. If she asks who keeps texting, just say “a friend” 4. Through Unavailability. Don’t always be available to hang out. And when you can’t hang out don’t give a reason. If she says “You want to get together Friday?” Say “Fridays no good?” Don’t say why. She won’t ask. You can then say “Saturday would work better.” or “How about early next week” Either way she’ll assume that if you can hold off meeting her then you must be used to meeting attractive women, and be not at all phased by having to wait to see her. 5. Through Taking Hot Girls off a Pedestal. Never talk about how “hot” another girl is. Or how “hot” she is. If she asks you if you think Jessica Alba is good looking, don’t say “she’s hot” it sort of puts you in that category of college guys who read Maxim magazine. Instead say, “She’s got sexiness, but she’s not my type.” The girl will wonder what your type is, and if she fits it. These are just five things you can begin immediately to present the image to women that you are in demand. If you’re already scoring hot babes this will just be things you do naturally and in turn will make you score even more babes. The rich get richer my friends…

108

Social Superstar

10 Lessons for Successfully Hooking Up with Girls Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 11/07/2007

Fuck an intro! Let’s get right down to it. Because the more time you spend reading this shit, the less fucking you’ll be doing. Read it. Learn it. Understand it. In grain it. Re-read it if you fuck up. Apply these rules, lessons, principles immediately in your life, and watch the used condom wrappers pile up. The first ten lessons apply in situations where you have yet to kiss the girl. 1. Trust your gut. Unless you are a completely delusional person, I’d say on average your gut feeling is right more that 80%of the time. That leaves 20% for error. I’d say that is a chance worth taking. You know when talking to a girl if you are getting a vibe or not. If you feel a vibe, chances are she does too. Act on it quickly. Do not give yourself time to second guess. Because second guessing comes from thought. And remember, thought is the cheapest commodity on earth. Intuition is priceless. Go with it. With that being said, if you don’t feel it, flee. Don’t waste another second with a dead end lead. 2. Take action quickly. The biggest mistake you can make is letting a good one slip by because you hesitated or wanted more proof that your gut feeling was right. If you start looking for proof you’ll start finding the opposite. The minute you feel your gut saying its time; IT IS TIME. Not tomorrow, not next week, not after you get a haircut, or a new job, or after you have time to plan out some advanced strategy. Those are all excuses to delay. A way to procrastinate. That is your fear of failure. That is your way of justifying the fact that you haven’t got the balls to act on a good lead. If you want pussy you better be ready to act on a minutes' notice. No later. The sad truth is there are a hundred guys lined up behind you to fuck this one girl. Delay for a second, and you’ll be home again masturbating, while the guy who took action has his dick between her legs. 3. Lead the conversation in the direction you want it to go in. You are probably saying, ‘okay I feel it, now what?’ If you don’t think it is the 109


appropriate place or moment to kiss her, lead her to that place. If you are in a crowded place tell her to come with you some where more intimate. Tell her. Don’t ask. Lead her to a better spot. If your gut was right, she will be more than willing to follow. Now make sure the conversation stays where you want it. If you let her start rambling on she may wind up talking about something that kills the mood. Her dead aunt. Her last relationship. Her current boyfriend. Remember: THE MORE TIME THE TWO OF YOU SPEND TALKING THE HARDER IT WILL BE TO KISS HER. YOU WILL TALK YOURSELF RIGHT PAST THE MOMENT. Make sure you keep the conversation light and flirtatious. Throw compliments out there, but DO NOT OVER DUE IT. Find a genuinely nice characteristic of hers and let her know you notice it. If she has on a nice smelling perfume let her know that you’ve noticed. Don’t try to flatter her with remarks about her eyes, or how pretty she is. Those are clichés and hardly ever get you anywhere. Compliment things that she can reply to. You tell a girl she is beautiful and there will be silence. Silence is good if you are at the point where you want to move in for the kiss, but if you are not at that point then you risk a potentially awkward moment. 4. Kiss her already, damn it. I stressed this point in lesson #3 but it is well worth repeating. Until your lips have touched hers you have shit. Shit. Shit. Nothing. You may have had the greatest conversation in the world, but if you leave without kissing her you are no closer to her pussy then you were yesterday. Planting seeds is for farmers my friend. Chances are you won’t have another opportunity as perfect as you just blew. 5. The hand is the first step. Before we can kiss a girl we must make use of our hands. This is our way of warning her that it is coming. That way it is not a complete shock when we lean in for the kiss. I’m not talking about molester type shit. I’m talking about making an initial contact. Rubbing her back. Brushing hair away from her eyes. Holding her hand. Holding her hand is the key. If you can get her hand in yours, you are more than half way there. A nice trick is to grab her hand when leading her through a crowded place. It will seem completely appropriate; yet, it creates a certain amount of intimacy. If at all possible keep holding it, once you get her through the crowd, a little longer than necessary. 6. Let her know your intentions if you must leave without kissing her. Yea, I know it happens. There are times that you really can’t kiss her right then and there. If this is the case it is vital that you set the terms of your next encounter immediately. Let her know, in not so many words, 110

Social Superstar

that when you see her again you intend on kissing her. (Hopefully fucking her) Do this by stressing those warning signals I told you about. Use your hand. Hold her hand for a second or two longer than normal while saying goodbye. Tell her that you really want to see her again. Make plans to see her right then and there. Don’t leave it up to a phone call. I hate making that call, and I’m sure most of you do to. Set a date, a place, and a time up. 7. Don’t act hungry. Those who look hungry never get fed. While you don’t want to lose her to the competition, you also don’t want to appear desperate. Even if you are. Once you realize that nothing is going to happen tonight, let it go. DO NOT BEG FOR IT. If she has to leave, let her leave. Follow lesson #6 while saying goodbye. But do not try to talk her into staying around. It will kill your chances for next time. Always leave with the upper hand. 8. Be decisive. Make up your mind quickly and stick to that decision firmly. There are a million girls in the world. Unfortunately you can’t fuck them all. Decide who the lucky lady is for the night and go for her. Once you have decided, push the other ones out of your mind for the time being. You will spread yourself to thin if you go for more than one girl at a time. Now I’m not saying you can’t talk to other girls and use them as jealousy tools, but know who the bitch of the bunch is and go for her 100%. That way if you fail with her- she’s off the list. 9. Overcome small obstacles. The difference between a winner and a loser is; a loser gives up that much sooner. A winner figures out a way to win. That is why once you have decided on the girl, you don’t give up until you have gotten in her pants or there is a painfully clear rejection. Don’t settle for less. When obstacles appear, deal with them, and overcome them. Most of the time the girl is just weeding out the weak. Don’t be weak. Girls do not like the weak. If a girl shoots one of your attempts down and you continue on it shows vast amounts of confidence. CONFIDENCE IS THE MOST ATTRACTIVE QUALITY YOU CAN DISPLAY TO HER. 10. There is no perfect moment. This is kind of a rehash of the other nine lessons. Do not wait for the perfect moment to strike up a conversation, ask for the number, hold the hand, or go for the kiss. The perfect moment does not exist. WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT = ANOTHER NIGHT JERKING OFF. And I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of stroking myself to sleep. 111


These are the toughest lessons to master. Why? Because they require a certain amount of balls that we all have but tend to suppress. It is easier to delay. As with anything in life. I learned these lessons the rough way. When I say rough I mean I went months in between fucks. Months! I watched guys not half as good looking, with half the sense of humor, half the knowledge I had, get more pussy in a week then I did in a year. And it hurt. Bad. I took comfort in the knowledge that I knew more than they did. So fucking what? It is all shit. Until you have that girl naked in your bed begging for your cock to dig inside of her, you have not proven anything to anyone. I was the king of content. If I knew I could have her I was okay. NO MORE! I will say it again loudly, UNTIL YOUR DICK PENETRATES HER PUSSY YOU HAVE JACK SHIT. Try and tell me how you can have any girl you want on any given day, I will laugh in your face. SHOW ME THE PUSSY. Because without it you’re a dreamer. And dreams are like thoughts; cheap and meaningless.

112

Social Superstar

Emulate a Celebrity for Instant Rapport Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 11/19/2007

This is simple advice. I’ve done it. And I’ve seen other people do it. And it works. It works like a charm. This is best for guys who haven’t yet developed their own personal style and unleashed their own personal inner charisma. People naturally feel most comfortable around people they know. They are also most attracted to people that they see often. This is the reason people often date someone they work with, go to school with, or share mutual friends with. You see these people all the time and they are part of your consciousness. When you see these people out you are drawn to them out of their familiarity. Because they are familiar you feel rapport with them and are attracted to them easier then someone you are seeing for the first time. Follow me so far? This all came much clearer recently in Brazil. I was in a city where I knew no one. The place is filled with beautiful women. It is relatively easy to initiate a conversation with any of the girls down there, as I am a young decent looking foreigner. What I noticed about myself is that I was drawn to the girls that reminded me of girls I knew back home. I was consistently going after the girls that resembled girls from my social circle, not just in appearance but in manner. It wasn’t a conscious decision. But in a land of unfamiliarity these girls were comfortable. They put me at ease. I felt a rapport with them which made me more attracted to them. This got me to thinking. When you’re out and you see someone who looks like someone that you know, don’t you pay a little more attention to them then the other less familiar looking faces? Most people do. It’s natural. We like familiarity. Women are the same way. I’ve found that when a woman I just met tells me that I remind her of someone she knows, she is usually more responsive to me, lets things accelerate quicker, and generally less flaky in future meetings. So the question I had was how I could create this rapport more often. And the answer was to remind women of someone they know more 113


often. Since we don’t know anything about most women and the men in their lives, how can we remind them of someone they know? We have to remind them of someone that everyone knows. And who does everyone know? Celebrities! I know a few guys who naturally resemble celebrities (not necessarily traditionally good looking celebrities) and these guys have always had an easy time opening women. Most of the time the women don’t even realize that the guy looks like so and so, but they feel an instant rapport with them. This is because these guys are familiar to women. The women feel like they’ve known them for a long time. They put their guards down. So a quick way to gain instant rapport with women is to emulate a celebrity. Most of us have a celebrity that we resemble in some way. It doesn’t have to be a great looking guy. It can be Tony Soprano for all it matters. It just has to be someone that is part of national consciousness. Once you decide on someone that you physically resemble (it helps if it’s someone that other people have told you) then next step is emulate their mannerisms, their tone of voice, their gestures, facial expressions, and style of dress. I’m not talking about stalker type obsessive shit… I’m just talking about emulating someone. You can rent a few videos of the person you’ve chosen and really watch them. And practice. Practice their walk, their talk, and their mannerisms. You don’t want to make it obvious that you’re trying to look like someone. And the people that know you closely will notice the change and most likely rip on you for it... But when you go out you’ll notice a huge difference in the way you are reacted to. Girls will open up to you much easier. This doesn’t mean you don’t need the game to back it up. But it will open doors that might have otherwise been shut. Try it. See for yourself and let me know the results.

114

Social Superstar

Using an Opinion Opener to Initiate a Conversation Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 03/01/20089

Last night after the radio show Mike Stoute and I headed over to a local pub for a couple beers. The radio show was quite stressful as there was a shit load of technical difficulties with the transmitter… which messed the phone lines up, and hence, instead of talking to our planned guest we were forced to improvise. It left us feeling drained and just looking to unwind. The both of us already had girls we were going to be meeting later on, so our intentions were solely to chat a little and throw a few beers back. As some of you know, both Mike and I are recently single, and once again experiencing some of the things that make dating such a pain in the ass. Our conversation at the bar turned towards the girls we were going to be meeting later on in the night. Both of us had been dating these girls for a brief period of time and already beginning to experience the “what is this?” or “where is this going?” or “what should I tell my friends we are?” talk. The talk that takes the fun out of casual relationships. Mike and I were telling each other various stories of time’s we’ve been in the situation and how the different girls reacted. We were trying to come up with the “right” way to answer the dreaded “what is this?” question. Although the topic was somewhat serious, we began making a goof of it by coming up with over the top comebacks to the question. “Well, Sally now that you’ve asked… I thought we would spend a few weeks fucking, you know, to keep my dick occupied until something better comes along.” The goofing put us in a better mood and got us laughing a bit. Keen to the fact that there were two fairly attractive girls standing next to us sipping drinks, Mike casually turns to them and says “What's the best way to respond to a girl when she asks ‘what is this’ and you’re not really into her?” The girls were all too eager to jump in with their opinions. The four of us quickly became immersed in conversation. Soon the question became “what do you say when someone tells you ‘I love you’ during sex, and you don’t feel the same way? This got the conversations even livelier and more provocative. Soon the two girls were met by another female 115


friend and instantly dragged her into the conversations, introducing us to her as if we were long time acquaintances. After getting a handful of text messages from the girls we were supposed to be meeting later on, we decided to call it an evening and head home. Although both of the girls we were talking to at the bar were attractive, neither of them struck enough interest in Mike or me to ask for numbers. So we said goodbye and left. On the way home I got to thinking how smoothly the whole conversation transpired. It reminded me of another time a few months back when I used an opinion opener that lead to a one night stand. What the two nights had in common, and what I believe made the openers work so smoothly, was the fact that they were legitimate questions that we wanted the answer to. In the Houlihan’s story, Eddy and I were already engrossed in a conversation that was entertaining us, so it was perfectly natural to invite a couple girls into it- to share their opinions. Our energy was real and the girl’s sensed it… which opened them up to take interest in our opinion opener. The same thing happened last night with Mike. Mike and I were legitimately curious to know what a girl wanted to hear from a guy when she asks “what is this?” so the girls we asked were more than willing to commit to the conversation. I think that the biggest mistake guys make when it comes to fully understand how to use an opinion opener is that they don’t realize that they need to have some emotional involvement in the answer. If you’re using canned openers, chances are you are using an opener that someone else had emotional involvement in, and that is why it worked for them, and not for you. When I use the phrase “emotional involvement” it doesn’t mean you need to feel deeply and passionately about the topic, but it does mean that you have to have some level of curiosity and interest. For instance, most people have heard of Neil Strauss’s “80’s pop duo” opener. Neil Strauss found humor in naming dogs after an 80’s pop duo, so when he asked that opener at the very least he was entertained by the idea. Some people are out there using this same opener and weren’t even born in the 80’s and could care less about 80’s pop duos. These people have no emotional involvement in the opener and it will rarely work for 116

Social Superstar

them. If the notion of naming a couple pugs “Hall and Oates” doesn’t make you laugh, how is it supposed to be entertaining to a girl you’re imposing it on? Joseph Mathews wrote one of my favorite books on opening called “The Art of Approaching” but I think the biggest mistake others who buy that book make is that they skip all the great theory and skill building and flip right to the long collection of openers. There is nothing magic in an opener that Mathews created, or Mystery created, or Style or Tyler Durden or Mehow. Those are just openers that happened to work for them. Just like I wrote about Mike’s “what's the best answer” opener, and I’m sure I’ll read in some field report in a few weeks how someone used that as their opener. I think instead of focusing on what Mike said to initiate the conversation last night you should focus on the way the night took place. Mike and I went out to have some good conversation. We were discussing a topic that interested and entertained us. When the point in the conversation called for another opinion we casually turned to the girl’s next to us and asked them a question. Our energy was good, our topic interesting, and everything flowed from there. Now you may not always be in the middle of a great conversation when you want to approach a girl. If that’s the case, instead of using an opener from someone else’s past great conversation, use one from your own. If a couple nights ago you and a few friends were in a heated debate over whether or not American Idol is rigged… then draw upon that conversation for an opener. If you were talking about “who turns out more successful the high school nerds or jocks” then use that as opener. At least you had some emotional involvement in them at one point. And I think if you’re genuinely curious about the answer than you won’t hear that little nagging voice in the back of your head calling you a fraud when you say “Do floss before brushing?”

117


Being Comfortable Talking Dirty Written by Michael Stoute Original Published: 02/25/2008

Talking dirty to girls is something that I have struggled with for a long time. It is only now that I feel “pretty” comfortable doing it, still with some hesitancy. I am sure that this comes to some men pretty easily, but it just didn’t to me. There I was, enjoying some great sex when I hear “Tell me how you like fu*king my pus*y” Now don’t get me wrong, I did like fu*king her pus*y, yet I didn’t feel compelled to actually say it to her? Then when I would say it, I felt like I didn’t use a strong enough tone of voice and sounded weird. With all this going on I actually start to lose wood…Great! I couldn’t really understand why I was having this problem. I was confident in all other areas of my game, yet when it came to this I was on new ground. What I realized is that most of the problem had to do with me dating a different breed of woman. A woman who may not be so confident in life, but has ultimate confidence in the bedroom. Girls with more sexual experience than me in some cases… MAN UP These women want someone to take control; hair pulling seems to be as common a missionary these days. Spanking makes me think of booty’s, not babies and giving girls mild titty twister’s (purple nurple) is coming back. The sexual culture is changing and you may be missing it. Women like this don’t just tell you to pull their hair and spank them, you have to know! So how do you know?

118

Social Superstar

You have to build rapport and maintain Kino escalation to test the waters. (Build comfort and get her comfortable with you touching her and vice versa) Then move this forward veeeeerrrrrrryyy slowly. Maybe start while you are talking and touch her arm, and leave it there for like 5-10 seconds. NEVER GROPE! Keep it real calm and relaxed. Later on lean in to talk to her and use touching her leg as an effect in something you are saying. Example: You're telling some story about something and you say. “Then he grabs me and …..” When you say grabs me, grab her leg for a sec, at most until you finish your sentence, then pull away and continue with your story. Later on (if you are still being your cool guy self and are not being creepy) you need to start looking for opportunities to make a comment about her anatomy, I would go for the ass, one because it is the least confrontational and two, because I love ass! With confidence say something like, “You have a really nice looking ass, would you mind if I gave it a little smack?” MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GREAT KINO AND RAPPORT BEFORE ATTEMPTING A BOLD APPROACH LIKE THIS; IT WORKS FOR ME...THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY. Most girls just laugh, some let me smack it on the spot and others make me work for it a little. Either way, it’s a great SOI (statement of intent) that will for sure keep you out of the friend zone. If it does work, you may have just found you next sex tigress!

119


10 Ways a Girl Can Keep a Guy Like Me Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 03/09/2008

This is a list of what it takes for a girl to keep me interested. I think that you'll find doing these same things will keep the girl interested as well. We are all simply humans. 1. Confuse me. Nothing keeps me more interested than a girl I can’t figure out. In the beginning I need to wonder what's going on. Once you tell me I lose interest. Play with my head. Tell me you want a relationship, but then never be available to hang out. Tell me you want your space, but then call me late night and tell me how much you miss me. Spend three nights having wild passionate sex with me, and then use the term “friend” to describe me. 2. Be unpredictable. I want to sit around and wonder why you’re not answering the phone. I want to wonder if you’re going to return my call in a few hours, or a few days. After I spend a week waiting for our Friday night date… I want you to call and say “something came up can we do it another night?” Of course I don’t want you do this all the time, because then it would become predictable. Do it just enough that I never know what I’m in store for. 3. Flirt damn it. Too many girls, especially the hot ones, don’t find it necessary to flirt. Big mistake. In the beginning you need to create sexual tension. You have to do this through a mix of playful banter and gradually increasing the amount of time your hands spend touching parts of my body. I don’t want to talk about your job, your daddy issues, nor am I impressed with how smart you are with your political views. I want inside jokes, teasing, compliments, googly eyes, and at least one of your hands in close proximity to my body. The point of a good date is the continuing escalation of sexual tension. 4. Like my friends and get them to like you. I’m shallow and need the complete approval of my friends before I would seriously consider making you my girlfriend. I want to know that I will easily be able to commingle you and my buddies. And I want my buddies talking about 120

Social Superstar

“how lucky Bobby is” behind my back. Make an honest attempt at getting along with them. And make me believe that you’ll have no problem with me continuing to hang out with them in the future. Seem excited by the prospect of all of us doing something cool together like a camping trip or ski weekend. 5. Offer to pay occasionally. I’m not cheap and would never accept your money in the beginning, but damn it, don’t act like it's my obligation to always pick up the check. Way too many girls do this and don’t realize it is a real turn off to guys. And don’t just say “do you need some money?” Make a sincere effort to pay. I won’t let you, but if you don’t chances are I’ll be bitching to my friends about you. So will most other guys. 6. Make me feel like I’m the best you’ve ever had in bed. You’re job in the beginning isn’t to show me how experienced and adventurous in bed you are… there is plenty of time to discover that later. No, your job is to make me feel like I just fucked your brains out harder than any guy you’ve had before. I know I’m not your first. But I want to believe that I’ve opened up this new sexual side of you that never existed for your other boyfriends. It was my magic dick that unleashed your hidden whore. 7. Call me out on my bullshit. I’m going to feed you a lot of bullshit. And I’m a horrible liar so you’ll probably see right through it. Call me out on it. Challenge me. Laugh at my failed attempts at show boating. Point out my short comings if I’m oblivious to them. Do not belittle me. Do not try to make me feel small. But don’t be afraid to let me know I can’t get one over on you. I want you to crack a few jokes on me, and bust my balls from time to time. 8. Be genuinely interested in my goals. In college my goal was to fuck as many girls as possible. I’ve achieved that goal, so now I’ve set higher long term goals involving my career, my travel, and my hobbies. Other than the playful banter I spoke about earlier, these are really the only things I truly enjoy talking about. Sure, I’ll humor you and discuss your friend Sally’s relationship with her boyfriend or your brother’s drug problem… but what I really want to be talking about is my interests. So you better make an attempt to become vaguely interested in them too.

121


9. Hint at threesome. I’ll fall for it every time. Hint at an attraction to other girls, or maybe an “incident in college” early in our relationship… just enough to give me a glimmer of hope that one day I’ll find myself in bed with you and one of your friends. I’ll hold onto that hope long past the point where there seems to be any realistic chance of it happening. 10. Care about my well being more than I do. I can be a downright mess at times. My house is sloppy, my car is a wreck, and my sink is overflowing with dishes… I know this. I’m a busy guy. It's not your job to harass me about these things. Just pick up a broom and give me a hand. When you get a flat tire, I’ll fix it…When you need someone to move a heavy piece of furniture, I’m there. So, when you notice that it's been a long time since I’ve changed my sheets… throw them in a basket and head to the laundry mat.

122

Social Superstar

Keeping Cool and Plowing On Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 03/11/2008

Every so often I hit that point where the time comes I need to get my ass back in shape. I’m naturally lazy. But I am usually able to motivate myself in small bursts... that allow me to keep decently fit. I slack during the winter and then panic come spring when the scale starts tipping in the wrong direction. So I’ve began one of those small bursts of motivation. I’m reading the bodybuilding forums, buying the supplements, and working out again. Tonight at the gym I’m all amped up after downing a super sized Red Bull. That adrenaline rush usually puts me in a talkative mood, so with confidence sky high I turn to the girl on the elliptical trainer next to me and say “that is a really nice color on you.” She was wearing this pale blue shirt that really brought out her eyes. The second after I say it I immediately have that twang of self doubt… like ‘what the fuck did I just say?’ That feeling of doubt is only amplified when she looks at me like I have three heads. She says, “It's just my gym outfit.” My mind is telling me it was a stupid inappropriate moronic way to start a conversation. I want to crawl away. Instead I take a deep breath and compose myself. You can’t lose on the opener. Plow on. “Never underestimate the power of a gym outfit,” I tell her. “See that mirror,” I point at the mirror in front of us. “I read that it's a proven fact that the better we perceive ourselves to look while we’re working out... the more motivated we become and the harder we push ourselves.” “Oh yea?” she says. Still giving me nothing to work with. 123


I’m in the worst shape I’ve been in a couple years, wearing an old beat up t-shirt, and gym pants with paint stains on them. I look like I just rolled out of bed. “For instance, I’m looking really good tonight. Really really good! And I’m having a great workout!” I over exaggerate my motions on the machine. This finally gets the girl laughing and smiling. The interaction ends on a positive note. I don’t go for a number or even a name. I’ll see her again. And the next time I do will be one step closer to rapport. That's the way I look at gym game. If you go to the gym the same time every day, you’re going to see the same girls. The best approach is to mingle with a bunch of them, and casually build attraction. The point of this post is that many times you’ll initiate a conversation and get dead air. It's easy to get nervous and go into deer in headlights mode… instead compose yourself, take a deep breath and plow on. Even naturals struggle with initiating conversations. But they’re confident enough to keep going knowing that girls forgets your “opener” a minute after you say it. It is everything afterward that counts.

124

Social Superstar

How to Talk to Younger Women Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 03/14/2008

Tonight I’m heading to hang out with a few college guys that I know. These guys usually tend to be surrounded by hot college tail… so it got me thinking about gaming these younger girls. When I was in college I was a machine... plowing through women (until I met the ex) but after college my skills trailed off in the same environment. I would head to a college bar or college party and get no response from the girls I was trying to talk to. My game on girls out of college was solid… but back in the old stomping ground I came across very AFC. I realized it was the way I was hitting on these girls that was fucking it up for me. I was talking to them in a way that was taking them out of the moment. My topics of conversation usually involved questions like; “How do you like living in the dorms?” and then I would go on and tell them a story about my dorm life experience. Or I would try too hard to fit in with the younger college guys to try to conceal my age. None of this worked. I realized a little later that what I was doing wrong was trying to approach these girls in a rational way to spark interest. What I failed to realize is how self obsessed younger girls tend to be. In the tight nit college environment girls tend to be attention whores. In Mark Redman’s excellent e-book Conquer Your Campus he talks about how college girls crave the college experience. You need to keep them in the moment if you want to score with them. The best way to keep them in the moment is to talk about them. Not ask them questions that make them dig for answers that take them into their head… but instead to make declarative statements about them… For instance, a line I’ve been using successfully when hanging around college girls is to turn to one of them and say “You’re trouble… There’s always one of you in the group…” and then smile. 125


She’ll usually say “No... Not me… why do you think that?” I’ll then usually go into some cold reading “You just have that energy about you. A little mischievous.” This gets the conversation centered in the moment… Me and her talking about how she appears to me right now. Then you can give her a nickname. I’ve even used something as simple as “Trouble.” If that dies down a bit I’ll keep the conversation ‘in the moment’ by pointing at other people standing around us and begin making random statements about them. I’ll say something like “That guy over there is upset because he misses his dog” and then I’ll go off the cuff with some humorous reason I observe that. Very playful and fun… The trick is to keep the interaction fun. Avoid talking about “what is your major?”Or “Back when I was in college…” and don’t try to impress them with the things that tend to impress older girls. A college girl doesn’t care how good your job is, or how much money you make. Chances are she’s fucking some guy that lives in a dirty frat house eating Ramen noodles every night. My four step plan: 1. Make a declarative statement about her. 2. Use a little cold reading to keep interest. 3. Assign her a nickname to establish rapport 4. Use the environment directly around you as a source of humor

126

Social Superstar

Going Caveman on Women Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 04/02/2008

Neil Strauss brought the term “caveman” into popularity in his book The Game. Strauss defines caveman as: To directly and aggressively escalate psychical contact, and progress toward sex, with a consenting woman; predicated on the idea that early human beings did not use intelligence and words but instinct and strength to mate. I can safely say that putting this idea into action took my game to the next level. I used to be very guilty of talking myself past a hookup. I would rope the girl in with witty banter and create the attraction, but then lose her by talking myself past the moment. It was like a disease for me. Girl after girl in college I lost because of diarrhea of the mouth. Then one day things got completely easier. Like life changing easier. And that was when I began going caveman on women. The first time I did it was on a blind date. A friend and his girl set me up with one of her friends. At the end of the night I kissed her mid sentence. She started to finish her sentence. I put my finger to her lips to shut her up and then kissed her again. She was blown away. I don’t know what provoked me to do that. In the past I was one of those guys who always waited for the right moment. That night I created it. And since then I’ve done it that way. Why going caveman works People, especially girls, have “make up my mind for me” syndrome. This means they look for others to lead the way and let them know what they are doing is alright. When you “go caveman” on a girl your bringing her into your level of animal like attraction. You’re letting her feel comfortable expressing her sexual side. When you eliminate words and rational behavior, in turn you’re saying “it's okay to act a little irrational.” We are all horny fucking creatures. We all have that side of us that wants to get buck naked and lick each other’s privates… most of us are just 127


trained not to act that way. When we meet someone that allows us to act that way it is really liberating. What would a caveman do? When things are going well and you’re in a private place with a girl… things can go one of two ways. At this point she is already attracted to you so you can either further emotionally or intellectually stimulate her… or you can sexually stimulate her. If you’re looking to further escalate the encounter you need to ask yourself ‘what would a caveman do?’ Would he smell her hair? Would he bite her neck? Run his hands down her spine? Once you go caveman you can’t go back When you go into caveman mode it has to be for real. You can’t test it and then back peddle. Going caveman means you stop talking and get physical. (This does not mean take advantage of her or intrude if she says stop) It means get her on your level. Unleash her hidden cavewomen. When I kissed that girl mid sentence… she says “what was that” slightly snotty. She was testing me. If I had apologized or went back to talking things would have been weird… instead I put my finger to her mouth… shut her up and then kissed her again… After that she spent the night. Another night I went out with a group of friends. There was a girl Nancy that was with us who I had been flirting with on and off for a month. This was our first night hanging out though. Later that night, her and her friends came back to my house for the after party. Instead of going into conversation about some stupid topic I started teasing her by gently pushing her away from me on the couch. She would push me back. Next thing I know we’re wrestling on my living room floor. She pins me down, and then I pin her down and kiss her. No words were said. That is cave manning!!!

128

Social Superstar

5ever Show Emotion When She Walks Away Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 06/01/2008

I’m currently down in the DR scouting out villas for our upcoming Mansformation Retreat, and noticed something last night at a bar that I wanted to address. I will have more about the trip when I come back in a couple days, but right now I wanted to talk about how you should compose yourself when a girl you’re hitting on in a bar walks away. At this Irish Pub I was at last night in Cabarete some standard AFC scooped up a drunken blonde. She was pretty drunk and was really anyone’s game. But luck had it that she chose him to do body shots with, dance against, and stick her tongue down his throat. You could tell by the way he had his arm wrapped tightly around her in a “mine” sort of way that he was scared shitless of letting go in fear that his miracle score would disappear. Well, he had a right to be scared because a few minutes later the Irish guitar player called a couple of the girls from her group up to the stage to sing along with the chorus of “American Pie.” Well, blonde California Hot never made it back to AFC. She was drunk and kept getting side tracked chatting with everyone in the place, finally settling on some other guy across the bar. Here is where AFC blew it hard… and what I’m warning you against. AFC stood there alone with a sour puss on his face repeatedly glancing at her across the bar waiting for her to return. He basically stopped talking to anyone around him and just sipped his drink looking miserable. Now, do you think he’s making it tempting for her to return to him? Hell no, he looked like a needy, depressed, whiny bitch…. and even if she had originally wanted to return back to him, the way he carried himself after she left sealed his fate for the worse. Not only does it negatively affect you with the girl you’ve been working, but it negatively affects you to every other girl in the place. If I noticed 129


how miserable he looked, how many other people noticed the same thing? When a girl you’ve been hitting on leaves, whether it be to take a piss, say hi to a friend, or fuck another dude in the bathroom… you best play it extremely cool. Go back to talking with your friends, flirting with other girls standing next to you, and just genuinely having a good time. Because you can be sure that the girl will peak over at you and you want to give her a reason to come back. You also want to keep her curiosity hooked on whether or not she has you. By acting like a sad little puppy when she leaves you’re killing your chance she’ll be back. On the same note, if you’re talking to a hottie, and she leaves, don’t make it obvious to everyone in the bar how happy you are to be talking to her… I’ve seen guys giving each other hi fives like a bunch of middle schoolers after scoring a number. You’re safest bet is to engage yourself in conversation with the friends you came with, or other people around you. Forget about her until she comes back… and if she doesn’t come back, at least now you’ll be in a position to tackle other girls. AFC last night blew his whole night after losing one Hot.

130

Social Superstar

5 Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 06/24/2008

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been a three pump chump. I’d say pretty much everyone reading this (who’s had sex) has had the misfortune of blowing their load a tad bit too early. It’s frustrating and embarrassing no doubt. And it definitely won’t increase your chances of sticking your wilie in the girl again…but there are ways to prevent it. 1. The most common way of trying to delay orgasm is to take your mind out of the moment and focus on something completely non sexual… like doing your laundry, a project at work, or your grandmother. This one can work wonders, but it also has the disadvantage of taking you out of the moment… As much as you want to stare down at her watching yourself go inside and out, it will help your cause if you close your eyes and daydream for a couple minutes. 2. If you feel yourself building up for an orgasm too quickly; pull out for a couple minutes and switch to some foreplay. I’ve never met a girl who bitched that you suddenly had the urge to eat her out. Use this time to let the blood rush away from the head of your dick. Relax for a few minutes and when you feel its safe… go back to work. 3. Use breathing patterns to prolong ejaculation. It's best to take slow long breaths if you feel yourself getting too turned on. The slow breaths will calm you down and let the urge to climax pass. 4. Switch positions to one your less likely to climax with. For me, I know that I have trouble finishing when I’m doing a girl doggy style. Find out what position you tend to have trouble finishing with and switch to that position whenever you feel like you’re going to finish too early. 5. Squeeze the glands at the top of the penis. If you feel yourself about to orgasm early you and your partner can squeeze the smooth, big head at the top of the penis to delay it. Squeeze it firmly until the urge to orgasm passes. Don’t wait too long to make the squeeze or you’ll wind up splurging in your hand.

131


I hope that these tips will help you from prematurely ejaculating. Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression.

132

Social Superstar

How to Get Better in Bed Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 06/30/2008

Some people will tell you that the secret to getting better in bed is practice. Practice will get your sexual confidence up… but it won’t necessarily get you better in bed. Other people say that improving your stamina, lasting longer, or adding more foreplay will make you a better lover. All of those things definitely won’t hurt you… But they still won’t necessarily make you better in bed. I’ve found there is only one secret for becoming a better lover. The secret is to simply pay better attention to what is working and what isn’t on a particular woman. The woman that you’re sleeping with will give you all the clues you need… you just have to be ready to read them, and be willing to make the adjustments. The key line to this statement is that you have to pay attention to what works on each and every particular woman you’re with. The reason this is so important is because every woman enjoys being pleased differently. Sure, the basics don’t change… but some girls like it hard and fast, others slow and soft… some girls like massive foreplay… Others like their clothes ripped right off. Some girls only cum on top… other girls get off doggie. The best lover is attentive and knows how to read the clues she’s giving you. Sometimes she’ll verbally tell you what she likes… but most of the time you’ll have to watch how her body reacts. Recently I was quite frustrated with a girl I was dating because I couldn’t get her off with oral sex. I’ve never had that problem before. The first few times with this girl it was driving me crazy. I searched my repertoire for all the things that worked on the previous girls… and she wasn’t responding to any of them. Finally about a month in, I noticed that every time my nose would press against her clit while going down on her, she would tense up tremendously and push her pelvis out to make the pressure of my nose greater. The minute I realized what she was reacting to I went right along with it. Needless to say she went from being indifferent to oral… to begging me for it.

133


I’ve had many girls tell me that I’m the most amazing kisser they’ve ever experienced. This is not because I have some special technique… it’s because I adjust to their particular style of kissing. Everyone kisses differently. Sure, you can try to change her style to match yours. But if you want that first kiss to be memorable you’ll quickly note the actions of her lips and tongue, and mimic them. This goes for all areas of foreplay and sex. If you notice that a girl gets super wet and turned on when you whisper dirty commands in her ears… keep on doing it (but don’t overdo it and let it loose its affect.) The fact is; most girls want to tell you what is working and what isn’t. But they won’t tell you out of fear of hurting your feelings, fear of embarrassment, or fear of killing the mood. What you have to realize is that just because they’re not going to open up their mouth and say “Bobby I really like when you stick a pinky in my ass, while groping my right tit, and spreading my legs over my head…” doesn’t mean they won’t be trying to telling you in every other conceivable way. The most common things to look out for are the intensity of the grunts and moans she is making. When she particularly fancies something you can be sure she’ll let out an extra special moan in hopes you catch on. You should also watch out for her body language. When she is enjoying something she’ll usually tense up, push herself toward you, or pull you closer. She’ll do everything possible to prevent you from suddenly stopping or changing positions. You also want to be paying attention to the psychological factors influencing how turned on she is getting. Some girls are wildly turned on by the idea of being caught. When I sense a girl has this fetish… I’ll make sure I leave a door open, blinds up, or I begin the foreplay in any room but the bedroom. The key is to be extremely observant and act upon the giving stimulus.

134

Social Superstar

Having Trouble Getting Hard? Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 08/04/2008

This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for awhile, and I have to thank my blogger friend Evil Woobie for pushing me to finally write it. Have you ever found yourself with a girl, things are escalating towards intimacy… and absolutely nothing is going on down there? Or you manage to finally get an erection… only to quickly lose it as you attempt to slide the condom on? If you haven’t already experienced these situations… chances are you will at some point in your life. I sure have. I didn’t lose my virginity until my freshman year at college. Because of this I felt apprehensive about hooking up with girls as I imagined them all to be much more experienced than me. I still remember the first night I brought a girl back to my dorm room. There was this exhilarating sense of accomplishment, and at the same time, this paralyzing fear of inadequacy. I was surprisingly competent at making out, and unhooked her bra with the skill of a pro… but something was noticeably wrong. I didn’t realize exactly how wrong until she reached her hand down my pants. I was completely limp. She fumbled around for a minute before I embarrassingly brought her hand back up to my chest and continued kissing her like nothing happened. That night was the beginning of my journey on a long and bumpy road to sexual competency. I knew that physically there was nothing wrong with me… I mean, I was jerking off twice a day… hard as a rock. But the minute I had a girl willing to come back to my place… I would lose all feeling down there. I wound up in a relationship with a girl from my math class. She was a virgin too. We took it slow in the bedroom and soon I was functioning full strength during make out sessions. We were having marathon foreplay sessions where I would expand so big I felt I could burst… 135


But then the night came when she decided she was ready to give me her virginity. We went out to dinner, and then a movie. The entire time my mind was racing with anxiety over how well I would perform at something I’ve waited 18 years to attempt. When we finally got to my place I was a nervous wreck. I managed to fondle myself in the bathroom enough to get it up… but when she handed me a condom to place on my boss… I fizzled away. My next few attempts ended the same way. It wasn’t until one morning when she climbed on top of me… slid me inside her and starting bouncing up and down… that I finally was able to maintain an erection. Of course, I never got around to putting a condom on. For the rest of our relationship I never wore a condom because I saw it as Kryptonite to my erection. My girlfriend went on the pill… so all was well. After we broke up I entered the hell of erectile dysfunction all over again. By this time I was tearing it up with the girls on my campus. But I was very rarely closing the deal with them. Mainly because I feared going for the homerun… only to fail. What I learned about my experience with limp dick 1. It most often happened in experiences where there was a built up pressure involved. The more time I had to prepare for the sexual encounter… the more anxiety I felt. And the more anxiety I felt… the less chance I would get or maintain an erection. 2. I found it almost impossible to put on a condom without losing or at least greatly diminishing my erection. 3. The less comfortable I was with the girl… the less chance of success in the bedroom. This meant that if I could make it past the first few mishaps with a girl… it would be smooth sailing from there on out. 4. Alcohol in small doses helped the problem. Alcohol in large doses made me lose all sensitivity down there. 5. The girls I had the best sex with were the ones I felt no pressure to perform well… i.e.) fat girls, girls I didn’t want to sleep, girls I wasn’t supposed to sleep with. 136

Social Superstar

6. Herbal supplements don’t work. I took Yohimbe, Horny Goat Weed, Ginseng, Man Power, and just about every other over the counter supplement… and none of them made a damn difference. How I Handled the Problem when it occurred If I didn’t avoid sex completely with a girl… I would prolong it as long as possible with massive amounts of foreplay. If there was still nothing going on down there… I would eat her pussy and call it a night. If a girl started to reach down there and I wasn’t hard, I would pull her hand away and just pretend that I was teasing her to build anticipation. Sometimes I would blame it on being “too drunk.” Other times I would blame it on being “stressed out over finals”. Other times I would blame it on “just getting out of a relationship.” What I did know was that my sexual confidence was completely down the toilet for awhile there. Road to Recovery The biggest break through that I had was one day opening up to my friends about my problem. I was amazed to find that pretty much all of them had experienced the problem before. Some of them were even experiencing it as regularly as me. For the first time I felt there wasn’t just something fundamentally wrong with me. That is my biggest inspiration for writing the article; to let anyone going through this know… it isn’t just you. Once I was armed with the knowledge that other guys have gone through this too… I became a lot less nervous about the situation. The next biggest breakthrough came with using visualizations. Visualizations are a powerful tool that can be used for achieving any goal… but for me, overcoming erectile dysfunction was where I saw the most distinct result. I realized that much of the cause of the problem was me visualizing the worst possible outcome. Whenever I was on a date with a girl I would start letting the anxiety take over and imagining the pain and embarrassment I would feel if I couldn’t get it up. 137


I changed my internal visualizations. Whenever I started to feel anxiety creep in… I would start imaging having the wildest hottest sex imaginable with the girl. I would imagine myself hard as a rock jamming her to the point of pain. I would hold the vision of this unbelievable sex in mind and it was like a fortress blocking out the anxiety. Soon I found that I was actually going home and having the sex I was imagining. If for some reason I still lost my hard on I stopped beating myself up over it. I would tell myself “it happens” and then begin looking forward to my next opportunity to sleep with the girl. The hardest obstacle to overcome was my aversion to condoms. Oddly enough… with all the girls I slept with I never once had a girl force me to wear a condom. I would attempt to wear them on occasion, but if I felt myself shrinking… I would chuck it aside. A few years after college I began dating this girl who refused to sleep with me raw dog. My first time using a condom with her I managed, but my performance was less than stellar as my penis was only barely hard. An odd thing happened the next time we had sex. We had the most mind blowing sex of my life. We honest to god, fucked for like four hours straight. I was hard as a rock, but could not cum. I fucked her all over her house. I made her come multiple times. When we finally finished she said “that was by far the best sex of my life.” And I believed her, because it was the best sex of my life too. Since then my mind did a 180 degree turn in regards to condoms. I began viewing them as a tool to last longer in bed. I’ve worn them consistently since her and never once lost my erection putting one on. Conclusion It’s been many years since I’ve faced the embarrassment of an episode. I don’t kid myself to believe it will never happen again. It’s part of being a man. If you’re going through the problem right now the best advice I can give you is to stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. The mind naturally attracts what we focus on the most. Instead change your focus to the mind blowing sex you intend to have. Repeat the image of yourself performing competently over and over in your mind. 138

Social Superstar

If the problem still arises don’t put too much emphasis on it. Look at it like a stumbling block, and get back on the horse. Do any of you have any tips for guys who might be facing this problem?

139


Wimps into Winners Written by Ross Jeffries Original Reprinted: 03/07/2007 Originally newsletter from: http://speedseduction.biz

There’s a common saying in street fighting that 95% of all real fights wind up in a clinch and go to the ground. Could that really be true? Frankly, I don’t know. But I will say this: 95% of the time, a woman will test you by the second date, or sooner, to see: 1. If you’ll take her bullshit. 2. How hungry you are for her attention (remember: those who look hungry, never get fed) 3. Just how much control she can exert over you and/or the relationship. In this issue, I’d like to talk about how you can pass those tests, and how to do some testing of your own. Believe me, this is important. If you’ve ever been dumped for being “too nice”, or have been told, time and again, “let’s just be friends”, it’s because you haven’t learned to recognize when you’re being tested or just haven’t yet learned how to respond properly. You thought you would get points for being “co-operative” a “helpful”, and instead you just got the fuzzy end of the lollipop. Why She Tests You: The Search for Strength and Certainty Look: one of the primary things that women are looking for from a man is security; the feeling that someone is stronger than they are. When you put a woman in her place, when you set rules and boundaries for her to follow, it lets her know she can relax around you and feel comfortable and secure. This search for strength is the single most important reason why she tests you. The other factor is ambivalence, or what I call the “make up my mind for me” syndrome. You see, the sad reality is that often a woman just isn’t that interested in you one way or another. Maybe you aren’t exactly the physical type she goes for, maybe she just got burned in a bad relationship, or there’s some unseen competitor who she’s waiting to hear from. Whatever her reasons, you can tell this is happening when you hear something like “Uh…well, I’d like to go out with you Friday, but why don’t you call me late Friday afternoon and I’ll let you know for sure?” 140

Social Superstar

Finally, there is the fact that sometimes, modern women just get overwhelmed with eighty billion things they are trying to do at once. And, when overwhelmed, they flake on commitments that occur during the peak of the overwhelm. How to Handle It…Dealing from a Position of Strength To get back to street fighting analogies, there’s a concept from Jeet Kun Do, the fighting style of the late, great Bruce Lee that basically says that any weapon thrust your way, as part of an attack is just a convenient target to be destroyed. Coming from this perspective, an attack, rather than something to be feared, is just an unprecedented opportunity to… KICK THE OTHER GUY’S ASS!!!! Just so, a woman’s bullshit and tests are great opportunities to establish respect and dramatically increase her interest in you. In other words, your response to these tests, instead of being, “Oh no… why is she doing this? What did I do wrong?” from now on will be…. AH, HAH! A RESPECT OPPORTUNITY!!! Look: your attitude has to be that every rude piece of behavior, every silly test of hers is just an unprecedented opportunity for you to establish respect, increase her interest, and intensify her desire to please you. Taken from this perspective, you’ll be mentally prepared, and may even find yourself actually looking forward to her trying to pull shit, since you know it’s your chance to get her really hot for you!!!! Now, before we go on to some specific scenarios, let me add one other thing: when you do put her in her place. … IT’S GOT TO COME FROM THE RIGHT PLACE IN YOU!!! In other words, the macho idiot who loses control and trashes the place when his girlfriend comes home ten minutes late is definitely not the example to follow. All he’s doing is showing he can’t control himself and he just earns the woman’s contempt. Notice I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t get a little pissed. Just don’t go nuts with a stream of obscenities. (Streams of obscenities are for afterwards, when you are in bed with her.) The other thing that doesn’t work is acting like a hurt little boy. Whining stuff like, “How could you do this to me?” or, “But you promised!” won’t cut it, good buddy. No. You have to come from the calm, but firm 141


“take it or leave it” position. This is all part of displaying the critically important… WILLINGNESS TO WALK AWAY FROM HER!!! You see, after years of experience and study, I’ve come to the conclusion that a woman can only experience real passion for you if on some level she believes she could do something to lose you! Understand that when you show this willingness to walk away, in any area of your life, it conveys the message that you are the prize to be pursued, that you are the person of value, and they had better take advantage of the opportunity. This is an attitude that will move you forward in any area that’s challenging you. By way of contrast, if you show a non-stop, forever and ever devotion to her, and put up with her crap and ambivalence, then where is that tension of knowing she could lose you? Answer: Nowhere! And that’s why you get nowhere when you put up with this kind of stuff! If you’ve seen an initially hot relationship grow ice-cold, this is one big reason!!! Ok. On to some scenarios. Scenario one: You call to ask her out for the first time. Her response is ambivalent, something like, “Well, I’d like to but, why don’t you call me later in the week and….” Here’s your response: “Let me ask you a question, point blank. Is going out with me something you can take or leave or is it something that you’re smart enough that you really want to do that?” Then shut the hell up and listen for her answer. Now, what are you doing here? You’re calling her on her ambivalence and letting her know you don’t have time to be put on hold. And you’re also suggesting she’s stupid if she doesn’t grab this opportunity. Finally, you’re embedding a command that she really does want to go out with you. Will this work? Very often it does. It’s not what she’s expecting, and that always gets attention. Just be as matter of fact and non-hostile as you can. Understatement works best with this one. What if she still hesitates? Well, say this one: You: Look. You have my number, and I’m going to leave it up to you. And you know, if you don’t call it’s going to be a loss 142

Social Superstar

for me, but maybe what you won’t realize until after you hang up is, that it’ll be a loss for you as well. Ok? Bye. Scenario Two: She calls and cancels at the last minute without offering to do it again at some specific time. (I’ve heard every excuse in the book, my friend, from “My parakeet is sick” to “I’ve got to shampoo the rug”. Seriously) Her: I can’t make it. I’ve got a rare tropical disease that’s causing me to shrink by the hour. You: (dead silence for as long as it takes for her to talk again. Just say NOTHING!!!) Her: Hello? Are you there? What’s wrong? You: What’s wrong is I can’t believe the bullshit I’m hearing. Her: What????? You: Look…you made a commitment to spend time with me and now you’re blowing me off. You’re disrespecting me and disrespecting my time and I’m NOT going to put up with it. My rule is, if someone makes a commitment to me, I expect them to keep it. If they can’t keep it, I need to know at least a day in advance so I can make other plans. Got it? If you can live with that rule, great…if not, sayonara! Then, HANG UP!! Now, this may sound extreme, but man does it work well!!! In fact, she’ll probably call back with five minutes and apologize and ask you out!!! I’m not kidding here; I’ve seen the hardest, jaded bitches go to giggly little girls, eager to please me when I’ve done this. It throws some kind of switch in their heads. I guess with some people, you don’t really get their attention until… You Give Them A Swift Kick In The Ass!! Please note I’m speaking of an attitude. I am NOT talking about or in any way suggesting or condoning physical violence with a woman. In fact, I am against the use or threat of the use of violence or force against ANY human being, unless there is an imminent threat of violence against yourself or a loved one. I can’t make this too clear. I’m talking about using your mind, NOT your fists. 143


Scenario Three: You go to pick her up at her place and she either keeps you waiting outside for more than ten minutes, or lets you in and then proceeds to talk on the phone for at least that long while totally ignoring you. Wait for her to finish, and as soon as she does say something like this: YOU: Can I ask you a question? HER: Sure. YOU: Are you being intentionally rude to test me, or are you just accidentally acting clueless? HER: (mouth dropping open in shock, unable to say anything!) YOU: Don’t ever keep me waiting like this again, ok? I’ll always treat you respectfully, but I expect the same. Do you understand me? HER: Uh…uh…yes. The point is this: when women throw this stuff your way, you want to do the unexpected. Don’t put up with it, like a “nice guy” and don’t lose your temper like a jerk. Walk a middle ground of strength, self-control AND self-respect, and these tests will become opportunities to power her straight into your bed. And that certainly beats a poke in the eye, doesn’t it? ‘Til next time, Piece and peace, Ross

144

Social Superstar

Ultimate MySpace Jealousy Tool Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 12/23/2007

Ok, I'm going to put a patented “sleazy” on this post. Even for Bobby Rio this is sleazy. I’m glad I didn’t invent this, that honor would go to one of my friends who’ll remain nameless. I know that Dave M teaches about creating recon profiles in his Insider Internet Dating course. My friend's tactic goes one step further. A recon profile is a fake female profile you create to attract men… the point of the profile is basically to see what your competition is writing to women online. I and my nameless friend took this tactic a little further about a year ago, and it's still paying off… What we did was create a couple fake female profiles on MySpace. Then what we did was leave comments from them on our real profiles. Comments like “what a great time last night…” “Your party rocked…” “I was so surprised how well endowed you are...” no just kidding about that last one. But you get the point. Anything that would add some value to our profile page. Don’t think girls don’t read your comments. They do. Just like you read the comments of a girl you’re interested in. This is a great way to create a triangle, as they teach in the Art of Seduction. I actually forgot about my fake comments until a girl I used to have a thing for came back into my life. We got to talking and we were talking about my Halloween party last year that she missed. I was pretty bummed she missed it. So I left a comment from a fake chic telling me how great of a time she had, what a great host I was, and a little joke about a photo in my room. Anyway, the girl I was bummed missed the party actually mentioned something like “I know you had fun that night!” She said this because she read the comment and assumed I went home with the girl… Actually I went home with a girl that night. But it wasn’t my fake profile girl. But the point is; they pay attention and remember shit like that. So if you want to create a good jealousy trap. Take advantage of this tip. Just don’t tell too many people what you’re doing. You’ll look like a real ass if you get caught.

145


Aim Lower Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 08/15/2007

Just a quick thought… How come all of the virgin, no ass getting, at home Friday night masturbating guys always seem to have really high standards? These guys who have absolutely no experience with women are waiting for the perfect 10 to come along. C’mon guys. Is it a front you're putting up? Is it easier to say you’ve got really high standards than it is to admit you have no game and are afraid of girls? I say this because I have a few buddies who are perpetually alone. And when I try to set them up with a “not so hot” chick they act like I’m crazy for suggesting it. Like they’re way too good for her. Fuck that! Even Bobby Rio rolls with the fatties some time. You’ve read the story! It’s all just practice for the big game. You don’t go from T-ball to the big leagues without some time in the minors. Plus its fun… but don’t tell anyone. Haven’t you notice the guys who fuck the hottest chicks also fuck the ugliest as well. I’m not saying you shouldn’t strive to fuck hotties. I’m just saying that in the meantime get your feet wet with some piggy's. That way when you do meet the perfect 10 you’re experienced enough sexually not to blow your load in three minutes. When you get the perfect 10 in bed, you best give her the fuck of the century. Anyway, just today's thought. Aim lower.

146

Social Superstar

PUA Openers, Openers, Openers Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 08/29/2007

It seems that the topic of openers is all the rage lately. (Or hasn’t it always been?) What are good openers? Will Mystery openers still work? Are canned openers good? Mike Stoute and I did a podcast about openers a few months ago, but I feel that it's time to write on the subject again. And I want to hear some comments and feedback to see what all of you think about the topic. It seems that people love googling openers looking for the page of perfect ones to use in bars/clubs/banks/hot dog stands/Wall Marts…. I think that is why Neil Strauss's book became so famous. Because it gave a lot of people a handbook of what to say to a girl to start a conversation. Essentially, that is all an opener is. A conversation starter. So in reality anything that you say to a girl is an opener. So what makes a good opener? The reason that openers Mystery uses or Style or any of the other canned ones that have become popular over the years, are so good is because they are non threatening, topical (mainly topics girls might be interested in) and they are sometimes comedic, always light… meaning the topics are never depressing, never political, never racial, never anything that can be angrily argued about. Remember the topics at times are supposed to cause arguments (who lies more… floss before or after… is kissing cheating….) but the openers cause flirty type of arguments… not real heated win or lose type arguments. So are canned openers good? If it takes using a canned opener to get you to have the confidence to open your mouth in front of a girl then by all means use them. What I did when I was first starting out years ago was I bought the book The Art of Approaching and basically took the 50 or so openers he gives you in there and studied them. I looked for the reasons that they work. I read about how to deliver them. I memorized the punch lines... the hooks, the routines… but I never used them in the field. I took everything I learned in the amazing book and constructed my own “canned” openers. These were original openers that better matched my unique personality. I used the outlines he gave and wrote openers that actually interested me. 147


For instance the question “Do you floss before or after brushing” became my opener “That piece of meat in a wonton soup… what the hell is it?” The opener “Is kissing cheating?’ became “Would you let your fiancé go to Thailand for his bachelor party?’ “You have a real confident way about you” became “You have a friendly air about you; you must not be from New Jersey." The jealous girl friend opener became “Would you be mad if your boyfriend slept with Jennifer Anniston?” This is how I got by in the beginning. I created a whole shit load of openers that brought up topics I liked and started using them. As I used them more and more I began to see a pattern of how girls reacted to them. From there I started developing routines to lead into. Sometimes I cheated and used a Mystery routine, (back then they weren’t so cliché) but more and more I began making up the routines on the spot. By reading books like Magic Bullets I was able to see how to construct a routine. Once you know the purpose of a routine (demonstrating higher value, disarming obstacles…) they became easy to make up. Yes, sometimes I felt like a liar…(”it's not lying its flirting” lol) Sometimes I would return to a bar a couple weeks later and have to remember some story I made up and roll with it again. But usually these stories weren’t lies… they were stories that happened to me. I just changed names, dates, genders, to fit the mood of the moment. I remember once, my friends and I had three different sets of girls swarmed around us waiting for me to answer the burning question “will I pussy out or will I go sky diving tomorrow?” My friend opened the set my telling them to talk me out of being a pussy. To tell me I will regret it. Tell me I only live once… blah blah… I ran with it. I used my imagination and turned a true story about my backing out of a skydiving trip… into this life or death moment of manhood bullshit that the girls ate up. It's all about how you sell it. I told the story… I had them imagining themselves in the plane. they were imagining themselves pulling the cord, the wind, the impatient tandem jump instructor yelling at me… these things made the story come alive… these things got me LAID that night. These thing got one of my friends 148

Social Superstar

LAID that night… the other one (with the least game) got a number and wound up fucking her three dates later. He still thanks me. My point isn’t to brag. It's to tell you that openers aren't some magic mysterious lines that are hidden away for a select few. They are merely conversation starters. Once you know how to construct a good opener. It's easy. It's fun. It actually makes you look forward to going out. Things are even truer when you get to the point that you’re not using canned ones. When you go out and the night really becomes an adventure, and you’re going with the flow, and it's working…. Man, you can’t ask for a better feeling!!!!!

149


How to Calm Your Sexual 5eediness Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 09/19/2007

Too many guys jump into this seduction/PUA stuff swinging for the fences. That's great, but if you’re a guy that's been sitting on the sidelines for years you’re going to need a little experience in the bedroom before you start fucking around with 9 and 10s. Remember “you only get one chance to make a first impression.” Back in the day me and my friends would call it “practicing for the big game.” Every time we fucked a girl that was ugly or fat we would blow it off to “practice.” And it works. The more comfortable and confident you get in your sexual abilities the more natural it will be for you to act sexual around women. So what's the best way to do this? If you're less than experienced in the bedroom I recommend going out and getting yourself a fuck buddy. I’m talking about a plain Jane, maybe a chunker with a cute face, someone with a little baggage… your goal here is not to fall in love. Your goal is get comfortable being sexual. This means getting comfortable touching girls, talking sexual to girls, escalating. As much as your ego must hate the idea of slumming; do it. And don’t feel bad about it. Your intention should be to give her as much sexual pleasure as possible. Nothing more. You don’t need to promise her flowers and diamonds. If you're fucking a girl right, she won’t ask for those things. Use each other. What's great about a fuck buddy is that because you’re getting laid a couple nights a week you won’t be so needy and hungry when you're out hunting. Women can smell neediness a mile away. They can look at you and know if you “get laid.” And women want guys who get laid. If you're wondering where to find these fuck buddies. They are all over. They are at bars. They are on Match, or Adult Friendfinder. You probably work with one of them.

150

Social Superstar

Are You the Man or Just the Fan? Written by Justin B. Original Published: 04/24/2008

Recently, I was doing a telephone Life Coaching session for a 19-year old young man named Dan. I am used to young men coming to me for confidence boosting and for improving their internal and external relationship with the opposite sex. This young man, though, had an additional problem that he and many others often need help with: discerning a girl’s interest or lack of interest. He had recently had a bad blow to his intuitive confidence in this area when he had thought that a beautiful and single girl that went to his health club was interested him. He claimed that “all the signals were there.” She had been smiling at him and eagerly said hello to him every time he came into the gym; they had good conversations and she seemed receptive to and appreciative of his frequent compliments. He was sure she was into him and even admitted to me that he started envisioning how jealous his friends would be when he landed this hot babe. He was to find out, though, when he asked her out for coffee, that she was not into him. She expressed to him that she saw him as a “cool guy and a friend.” Ouch. We all have heard some variation of this in our lives and we know it is not an easy thing to hear. Like many of us, this incident left Dan confused and filled with self-doubt about his women-reading skills. I explained to him that this was a frequent mistake I see in men: They don’t know how to tell the difference between when a girl wants them or their attention. They don’t understand how to tell, put into my own little rhyme sequence, if she is looking at him as “the man or a fan.” Let's get these fact straight fellas: Women love attention- just in case you have not noticed. They spend exorbitant amounts of money on makeup, gym memberships, plastic surgery, clothes, etc. to beautify themselves. Especially to hotter girls that are used to getting the attention, this attention becomes like a drug. Many women measure themselves based on how many men hit on them or give them second glances. With this fact in mind, it is very important to keep in mind that when you think that a girl is into you, especially a very hot one; she may be really into the 151


attention that you are showering her with. This does not mean that she does not think that you are attractive or that there is no chance of changing her interest, but you must learn to tell the difference if you don’t want to waste your time and set yourself up for needless rejection. So, by now you are probably wondering how you tell if you are “the man or just a fan.” Before I go into giving some very good and specific tips let me first issue a disclaimer about anything cookie cutter when it comes to human behavior. Psychology is not an exact science and a lot of the advice about human behavior is true to the extent that it shows trends. This principle will be interwoven in some of the pointers that I address. Below are 2 general principles and tips for judging a girls interest or lack of it. Pay careful attention as you read and do not read this hastily. There are many more but these 2 seem reoccurring- not only my own experience with women, but also from having women as Life Coaching clients and friends. 1) Most of the time if a woman is truly attracted to you she is going to be self-conscious around you. She is going to seem a little nervous and cognizant of her behavior. Watch particularly if you think you look good one day for her tugging at the bottom of her shirt by her stomach area: This is usually a sign that she thinks you are attractive and wants to measure up. If you are interested in the exact psychology behind this: in short the stomach area is a part of a woman’s body that she is usually very conscientious about. Watch also for her brushing her hair back nervously. There is an important principle to keep in mind when seeking to understand women: Women actually like being nervous sometimes. When we men go on a date we like to take pride in how calm, cool, and collected we were and try to find ways not to feel and appear nervous. Women, by contrast, often like to feel the “butterflies” in their stomach and like to feel that they are “being kept on their toes.” It sounds crazy but it is true. If a woman seems not to care about the impression that she is making on you then most likely you are “just a fan.” I don’t just mean a physical impression either. I remember a few years back I was not sure if this very attractive girl that I worked with was into me. There was a group of us who ate lunch together in the building cafeteria that talked politics 152

Social Superstar

regularly and with a lot of zeal and passion. She ate with us but never said much during these conversations, but did smile at me and listened when I spoke. One day we were alone in the cafeteria and a news story came on television about the war in Iraq. On this particular day she had a lot to say and I looked at her quite impressed. She confessed in a cute way that she had asked her friend who knew a lot about the war to fill her in because she wanted to appear smart in front of me. Right then I knew that I was not just “a fan” and I got her number. You guys get the point by now: If a girl is not trying to overtly impress you, not a group of you, nor really look like she really cares what you think and is a little nervous, most likely you are unfortunately “just a fan.” 2) Is she asking you questions about yourself? Bottom line guys: If a girl is not asking you questions about yourself most likely she is not into you. If a girl is interested in you, she will want to know more about you and will find a way to ask you. If she wants to know if you have a girlfriend you don’t have to tell her- she probably will find a cute way of asking. She will find ways to be closer to you and look for excuses to ask you questions. My friend Scott and I were in A&P a few weeks ago. We usually stop by there after the gym and there was a hot chick working there behind the courtesy desk that goes to our gym. Scott said that she had been smiling at him a little in the gym but he was not sure if it was friendly or personalized to him. They had exchanged pleasantries but the conversations were always short because she was working out with friends. He bought a 6-pack of soy yogurts and I told him to go ask her if she could ring him up. I walked over with him and she saw his yogurts and asked him if they were good- she had never tried them she said. Then she asked him something that sealed the deal and left no room for doubt. She noticed on his keychain that he had a key tag for PETCO. She asked him if he had a dog and as he answered her questions, she asked more questions. I walked away. Not surprisingly, he got her number and was out with her that weekend. To close, I want to tell a quick story. A few months ago I was on a teleseminar conference call about addictions with one of America’s best health experts, David Simon. A participant asked him about her habit of drinking a large Starbucks coffee every day. “I am not sure if it is an addiction…” she stated. He cut her off and said “If you are asking about it, then it probably is an addiction.” She laughed and knew that it was true. Using the same principle, if you are wondering and find yourself 153


asking if a girl is into you, then, like the caller, the answer is probably what you do not want to hear: that she is not into you, and you are unfortunately a “fan” and not “the man.” Thank you Justin –

154

Social Superstar

The Hero the Bounty and the Purpose Driven Life Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 02/24/2008

It was a very tame Saturday night for me. I’ve been hanging with this girl for a couple weeks now and we decided to stay in last night, order Chinese, down a bottle of Pinot, and watch the first season of Lost on DVD. I have resisted watching Lost for years but at the insistence of my brother and a couple friends I decided to give the show a shot. She had never seen it either and was into the idea of starting the series from the beginning. I’d love to tell a story about how 30 minutes into the first episode we were having animal sex on my kitchen table or how her friend showed up and we had a mind blowing three way… but that just wasn’t the case. The truth is we watched eight straight episodes of Lost and passed out on the couch halfway through the ninth. I could write a whole post about the show... but being the show is in its fourth season and I’m at the beginning… my post would be old news for most of you, and I’m sure you guys would wind up spoiling a lot of shit for me. The point of this post isn’t to talk about Lost... but to talk about leadership. The show begins with a plane crash. Everyone is in panic, confusion mode. Shit is upside down. No one has a clue what to do. Until the main character, Jack, wakes up from his black out and immediately takes on the roll of the leader. Jack selflessly tries to help everyone on the island, takes charge, and has all of the survivors looking up to him within an hour of the plane crash. Sure it's a television show. But there are people out there just like Jack. And just like Jack these guys get life’s bounty. Women, money, success… but more importantly a sense of purpose. People are fascinated with leaders. We are so fascinated with them because very few of us have the intestinal fortitude to be one. 155


Jack didn’t become a leader because he was the best politician on the island. He didn’t get the girl because he sold her on his ideas through long winded speeches and debates. He did it through purpose and action. He obtained the respect of everyone on the island because while they were standing around waiting to be saved… he was saving other people. In a world so obsessed with “self help” I think we often neglect the fact that the best form of “self help” is the selfless act of helping others. I can’t speak for anyone but myself but there are times in my life that I feel an overwhelming sense of being unfulfilled. And I’ve had more than I ever dreamed I would. I’ve got more friends than I can count, slept with more women than I care to admit, visited more countries than most people could name, and generally lived on the edge and survived to tell about it. I don’t have any regrets. Yet, watching Lost last night I still felt as if I were missing something important. I had been following a blog, Rooshv.com where he detailed his six month trip across the continent of South America. And for the longest time that was my dream. I followed his journey religiously, wishing badly it was me trekking on a bus through the Peruvian Andes, having three week flings with Chilean beauties. He’s back now and I recently posed a question to him in a comment, something along the lines of “did you find what you were looking for?” Because I’m starting to believe that even the soul searching trip I felt destined to make…. still won’t be enough. I realize that part of the reason I wanted to take the trip was for some form of escape. Some way to convince myself that I was free. To prove to myself that I wasn’t wasting my life away in the rat race, waiting for my slice of the cheese. I was going to take it. I was going to finally live. But I’m not so sure escape is that easy. I’m not sure freedom is as simple as throwing on a backpack, growing a beard, and waking up in strange places with strange people. Because when it comes down to it, my motives for the trip are still entirely selfish. And when you’re living completely self centered, I think it is impossible to be free. Many books talk about living on purpose. I recently wrote a list of 5 Must Have Self Help Books and that list included two books by Wayne Dyer. Dyer has written many books about living on purpose. But even with all the books that I’ve read on the subject, it took watching seven 156

Social Superstar

straight hours of Lost to make me finally understand what living on purpose is all about. Living on purpose means getting lost in the moment because there is something greater than your personal desire that needs to be achieved. That is why my South American trip would not have been the escape I was looking for. I would still be stuck in my mind, comparing and contrasting, analyzing, pursuing, judging, and rationalizing the trip’s every minute. I would be waiting for something to happen that would make me think “now I’m really living” but more than likely I would spend six months waiting, and then wake up and decide it was time to go home. Maybe it was the deliriousness of staring at a television screen until the wee hours of the night, or realizing that the girl sitting next to me was seeing something in Dr. Jack that she knew she would never see in me, or maybe it was me seeing something in Dr. Jack that was inside of me waiting to be released, but I woke up this morning feeling a little different. A little lost. So understanding that I will more than likely never be trapped on deserted island and have to play the role of savior to a group of stranded castaways, how can I experience a sense of purpose in my life? Take on the role of leader? What kind of higher goal will transcend me to the next level of living? I think that my problem with the Dyer books I’ve read about purpose driven life, or the previous movies such as Gandhi, or Braveheart is that I always sort of believed you needed to be inspired by notions like ending world hunger, peace in the Middle East, worldwide democracy, global warming, curing cancer, or national independence. While these are all noble causes, to date, none of them have swept me away in inspiration. And because of that, I felt it was ‘beyond me’ to live selflessly. I figured maybe I was doomed to a world of ego domination. But I think many of us have been mislead to believe that to “be great” you must do great things. Most of us will never have the opportunity to deliver a speech like William Wallace gives in Braveheart or liberate a nation through self sacrifice like Gandhi did, but does that mean we have no choice but to view ourselves as less significant, less “great?” I was at wake this afternoon. The father of my friend’s girlfriend passed away and as I listened to the various eulogies, each speaker recollecting a 157


particular time in their life when the deceased impacted their life for the positive. One of the speakers quoted a line from "It’s a Wonderful Life" saying “no man is a failure who has friends.” It's funny how when you’re running on a few hours sleep, your heads a little messed up from too many episodes of Lost, and you get swept away in the emotion of a wake, how clearly something so elusive can suddenly appear. Standing there in the funeral parlor I realized we all have the choice on a daily basis to be great. We can be great friends, great role models, great listeners, leaders, and heroes. We don’t need our plane to crash in the South Pacific (if that's really where they are) to give us our moments to shine. A few of the speakers had given heartfelt thank you to my friend who had stepped in to pull the family together as it became more and more certain that his girlfriend’s dad was going to lose his battle with cancer. He took days off from work, he had long intense conversations with the dying man, and acted as a sense of strength for his girlfriend and her mother when the two of them would continually break down. Everyone in that room viewed my friend as a hero. Everyday each one of us is presented with situations where we can be a leader and a hero. It's not about waiting for that moment where you can “look like a hero.” It's about deciding to be great this very minute. It's about deciding that every action you take from here on out will serve a greater purpose. It's been said over and over again that those who live on purpose and relinquish their personal wants and desires, are those who ultimately see the most of life’s bounty.

158

Social Superstar

Integrity Makes a Man Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 02/14/2008

There is more to life than how much money you can make or how many girls you can sleep with. These are the artificial indicators of achievement in our society. Most of us are not above striving for them. I included. But the real depth of your character and what ultimately makes you a man, is living within a set of core values and beliefs that you set for yourself. We addressed integrity in our “The Lost Art of Being a Man” podcast, and how it relates to the way you interact with women. The reason women have no respect for “nice guys” is because these nice guys often lack integrity. Their lack of integrity stems from the fact that they hold beautiful women to different standards then they hold the rest of the world. The set of values they define for themselves gets pushed aside for the opportunity to be with a beautiful woman. But integrity goes further than your dealings with the opposite sex. It is equally important in how you live your life. I am by no means a perfect person. We have all most likely been a role where we’ve acted in a way that is not congruent with our core set of values… but watching Roger Clemens at the Congressional hearings yesterday reminded me of the importance of living with integrity. Roger Clemens was my favorite sports figure since 1986. I religiously followed his career and collected his memorabilia. Even after I began to lose interest in baseball I still made an attempt to keep track of his career. It was to the point where my friends laughed because I changed favorite teams every time he signed a new contract. I’m the only guy in NJ who walked around in an Astros hat. Part of my fascination with him was based on childhood nostalgia; the other part of it was that I was completely impressed with the stories of his unparalleled will and determination. I was envious of the motivation he possessed that got him out of bed at 4:30 am every morning to work his body to peak performance. 159


That being said Roger Clemens choice to have himself injected with steroids is something I could forgive him for. Human beings make mistakes. Period. I relate it similarly to mistakes I’ve made where I’ve cheated on girls that I loved. Something at that point in time (mainly my dick) made me feel it was necessary to sleep with a woman outside of my relationship. It's not something I’m proud of. But life is too short for regrets so I move on. The same can be said for Roger Clemens use of steroids. Something at that point of his life (mainly his fierce drive to be the best) made him feel it was necessary to use performance enhancing drugs. Shit happens. People fuck up. But watching Clemens blatantly lying over and over again to save his chances for the Hall and his endorsement deals, has left me with the feeling that the man lacks a sense of integrity. While making a mistake is human nature. Owning up to a mistake is what separates the men from the boys. I don’t think any of us are above lying. If you’ve ever used someone else’s canned routine in the field… you’ve lied. If you’ve ever told a girl you were going for a friend's luncheon but really had sex with an Argentine prostitute in back alley brothel…. you’ve lied. There is a certain shame in these types of lies. But most of us have defined our core set of values to let these sorts of lies slip by. Once again, we are human beings. My definition of living with integrity means owning up to your mistakes. Or doing everything in your power to correct them in the future. I’ve lied to girls and cheated on them. But when I eventually got caught I laid all of my cards on the table. I told them EXACTLY how I felt and why I did it. It wasn’t always easy. It would have been easier to continue the lies (as OJ showed us deny deny deny) but to me there is a difference between situational lying and lying about something you’ve been accused of. If someone casually asks me how many girls I’ve slept with, I may lie as to not appear a slut in that particular situation. It is my personal business and I may not feel the need to be completely open. And if someone casually asked Roger Clemens if he’s ever used steroids I would not condemn him for lying in that situation. It is his personal business. But if a girl claims to have slept with me, and I know full well that I did, I will not deny it. Because when you deny something you’ve done against 160

Social Superstar

someone else’s word… you’re, in fact, calling them a liar. This is where Roger Clemens has crossed the line of simply making a “human mistake” and gone on to show an utter lack of integrity. The problem with Clemens choice of action is that the only person he is looking out for is himself. He is calling numerous people liars, using his wife as a scapegoat, questioning his best friend’s story, and wasting the time of a whole lot of people who would just like to move on from this shit. In the face of adversity that Clemens is facing you always have two choices: You can lie and manipulate and play the self serving “if I deny long enough they’ll forget about it” card or you can own up to your mistake. In essence; be a man and move forward. In every situation in life you have these same two choices: You make excuses, take the self serving route, blame everyone else… or you own up your mistakes and BECOME A MAN.

161


The Great Gatsby Complex Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 03/23/2008

I’ve always said you can learn more from certain novels about human nature than you can from some of the most celebrated self help books. F. Scott Fitzgerald’s famous novel The Great Gatsby serves to constantly remind me about the art of letting go. In the novel, the main character Jay Gatsby has one of the strongest cases of “oneitis” I’ve ever seen. He is full throttle into “the sickness” over an ex lover Daisy Buchanan. The two fall in love and date for awhile before circumstance prevents the two from continuing their love affair. Daisy goes on to marry someone else, and Gatsby spends the next five years building an empire to impress her with his new wealth. He also throws party after party in his mansion in hopes of her showing up without the realization that it was her old lover throwing the party. The reason that I decided to write about this is because the other night I realized that I still suffer from what I call The Great Gatsby Complex. The Great Gatsby Complex is an inward hope of meeting someone from your past that drives you to make decisions in your present life. It is the guy who is struggling through law school so that he can show up at his high school reunion and impress a girl he had a crush on ten years ago… it is the guy that is at the gym seven days a week building the perfect body in hope that he runs into an old flame and she’s blown away by his chiseled abs. We all have those girls from our past that still haunt us. They are usually not ex girlfriends, but instead they are usually girls that we have unfinished business with… girls that “slipped away” or circumstance prevented things from going further. For me there are three that pop into my head: Jackie- The whore. Jackie was a girl I worked with a few years back. We clicked on many different levels… and we both were insanely attracted to each other… but Jackie was “on the promiscuous side.” She fucked just about every guy I knew. And discussed the details with me. That was part 162

Social Superstar

of our friendship… helping each other get laid. We avoided the temptation of hooking up with each other for over a year… until one night we couldn’t take it anymore and dragged each other into a bathroom during a party and made out like our life depended on it. The chemistry was so unbelievably hot... but there was one big problem. Jackie was a known slut... and there was no way I could be caught dating her. So after that night we went back to being friends... until we gradually disappeared from each other’s lives. Jaime- The 17 year old. I met Jaime at her older sister’s birthday party. I had hooked up with her sister in the past and felt a little weird at the party because her sister was there with her boyfriend (who she was with when we had our fun) so to keep myself occupied I flirted with her younger sister Jaime. Later that night Jaime came back to a friend's place and we kept talking. Soon I found myself standing on his porch telling her how cute she was… then we kissed. I tried to avoid her after (she wasn’t exactly street legal) but a week later she called me up and asked me to go down the shore with her and her friend. We got down the shore and rented a hotel… her friend quickly disappeared and left us alone in the room. Jaime was the most adorable girl I had ever seen and soon we were laying on the bed making out… she’s telling me how we’re going to get married… how much she likes me… and I’m enjoying it like I haven’t with any girl in a long time… I resist having sex with her for most of the night despite her constant begging... finally I give in. Later I’m so confused over what I did that I never talk to her again. Kryptonite- The soul mate. I’ve written about her before. She’s the friend that after five years of unbearable sexual tension we explode during a ski trip and spent a week in a hotel barely ever leaving the bed. We were both in relationships at the time with other people, and when the trip ends -so does our brief romance…and our friendship. I mention these girls because they still haunt me. I don’t consider myself as having oneitis over any one of them… but I do find myself hoping that they’ll show up at the bar I’m at more often that I’d like to. I do have fantasies of running into one of them and instantly rekindling the old unfinished feelings. What is so dangerous about The Great Gatsby Complex is that it can begin to control your present moment. I’ve found myself suggesting certain bars to my friends because of the slight chance one of these three 163


might show up there. I’ve found myself constantly looking around hoping to spot one of them… Holding onto the past like this ruins the opportunities that are presented to you in the present. Each of these three girls had a quality about them that separated them from the hundreds of other girls I was with during that time frame. I don’t deny that they hold a special place in my mind… but holding on the past in this way can prevent you from meeting new girls who may have similar qualities. I think that the reason it's the girls that we have unfinished business with that haunt us the most is because we only have the memories of the intense attraction, chemistry, and connection. These feeling never got a chance to mature so they are still burning strong… unlike ex girlfriends who we went full circle with and our feeling had a chance to run their course leaving us with both good and bad memories. How to Rid Your Self of the Great Gatsby Complex I think the first step in ridding yourself of the complex is the acceptance of all things past for what they were. Any of the three girls I mentioned could easily have been the love of my life… but they weren’t. They were brief romances that ended prematurely. AND THAT'S ALL THEY WERE. The second step of ridding yourself of the complex is the expression of gratitude. Each of these experiences made you the person you are today. Each of the three girls I mentioned added excitement and adventure to my life during the time I knew them. And I am thankful for that opportunity. The third step of ridding yourself of the complex is the act of forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself for anything you did to contribute to ruining the romance. I know some of my actions back then weren’t stemming from my best self. I know I made mistakes that might have cost me a chance at a great love affair… but what is done is done. It is time to forgive yourself and move on. The final step of ridding yourself of the complex is the expression of faith. Part of the reason we hold onto these ghosts from our past is because we don’t believe that we’ll meet anyone better. You have to know that you have all the qualities and characteristics to meet and attract an even more special girl. You have to have faith that she is out there… 164

Social Superstar

Once you develop a sense of faith that you’ve yet to meet your ideal girl… the chains from your past are released and you begin to grow excited for what you may find in your future. If you are being held back by ghosts from your pasts I suggest following the four step plan to rid yourself of the complex.

165


Build it and They will Come Written by Justin B. Original Published: -4/03/2008

Build it and They Will Come by Justin B In the very popular and successful 1989 movie Field of Dreams, starring Kevin Costner and Ray Liotta, protagonist Ray Kinsella played by Costner is told early in the movie by a mysterious voice “Build it and he will come” as he walks through the cornfield on his large farm. After this, Kinsella gets a very clear vision of a baseball field in his cornfield and believes deep inside of himself that there is a connection between the “build it” part of what he heard and the vision of the baseball field. His wife is skeptical but tells him to follow his vision and build the field. After several months, some of the deceased ballplayers from the shamed 1919 Chicago White Sox baseball team show up on his field and now he more deeply understands the message that he chose to have faith in: to “build it” and trust that they “will come.” If you have seen this excellent movie you know it teaches many life lessons and has some great underlying messages and themes to it. What I would like to focus on today, though for our purposes is this key phrase “Build it and he will come” and how it can be applied to your own life with women. For our purposes, let us translate this phrase into “Build it and they will come.” As a motivational Life Coach I often deal with men that tell me that they have a difficult time attracting and dealing with quality women. I often tell them that one of their main problems I see is that they are too focused on getting women and not focused enough on building their own life and their own self-confidence and self-esteem, which will easily translate into attracting women. When you are being fulfilled in multiple areas of your life, and you build your life up to a point where you feel good about it and, as they say, “have your shit together”, women will pick up on the very confident and responsible vibe you give off. I think you all intuitively understand that what I am saying is that you have to have a strong basis for your self-esteem outside of your success with women and that, ironically, this will attract women. Many men often note that men that seem to land a quantity of quality women into their beds give off a vibe that they “don’t really care.” It is not that they don’t really care; it is rather that they are so fulfilled and 166

Social Superstar

focused on the other parts of their lives that they don’t have a lot of time to worry about how they are doing with women. Women pick up on their vibe of independence and self-fulfillment and this is very attractiveboth emotionally and sexually- for women. A woman I was talking with recently told me that it is very sexy for a guy to be very into his job, his friends, his family, sports, etc. because she said that it expresses a sense of confidence and fulfillment that he is strong and that he could “be strong for her.” Remember that a personality trait that women often get frustrated with about themselves is the fact that their self-esteem is too much based on what the opposite sex thinks; the last thing that they want is to be with a man that has the same issue. The men who have mastered this principle have inadvertently taught themselves and us a valuable lesson about the connection between their own lives and their success with women: “Build it and they will come.” So how can you apply this philosophy to your life and “build” your own life up to make room for them to “come”? Here are some starting points although by now I am sure you get the idea. 1) Find a cause, purpose, or career that you are passionate about. If you can identify your core passions and pursue them you will find yourself much more fulfilled in a holistic and overall way. Hopefully, this is your career but if not find something that interests you, besides women of course, and become passionate about it. Become charismatic and excited about it. Men find themselves best when they are happy with their work. Being this way will put your much more in touch with your own masculine energy and will make you very appealing. 2) Lift weights. I am not just saying this for the reason you might be thinking: that women like muscles. When you lift weights you are going to be getting in touch with and expressing your masculinity even outside of the gym. While you release endorphins and build your emotional and physical muscles, you will attract attention with your very masculine vibe. 3) Practice meditation or some form of relaxation You may have never considered meditation or consider it something for New Age weirdoes. You may even consider it something for women. Learning to meditate, though, will build your self-confidence because you will slowly get in touch with the negative thoughts that are holding back 167


your success with women and other areas of your life. As you become more content and build your self confidence at a deep level, they will come in droves because you too “will not care.” Find a local meditation class or buy a book or CD on meditation. I usually recommend to clients anything by Steven Halpern or Deepak Chopra. Do not get into the trap of doing these things solely to attract women. See the value in them because you will feel better and therefore will not need women to make you feel good about yourself. Then watch how as you “build” your life, “they” will come.

168

Social Superstar

Why You Shouldn’t String Girls Along Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 04/29/2008

It was actually Ross Jeffries who originally coined the phrase “Leave them better then you found them.” He was talking about the women that come in and out of your life. As you get better with women, this phrase will hold as much importance as anything you’ve been taught before. I got involved in my first serious relationship my freshman year of college. Like most young couples, naive to the reality of relationships, my girlfriend Jillian and I rushed in full throttle, spending every waking hour together, and had the names of our future babies already picked out. The thrill of this relationship lasted about 6 months. By our ninth month together I desperately wanted to be single again. I was a naive boy at the time, and thought that by ending the relationship with this girl I would break her heart into a million pieces - forever ruining her for other men. The more I hinted that I was looking to end the relationship the more she clung closer to me. I had no idea how to break free from her. So for the next six months I stayed in a relationship I was miserable in. As time went by I became more and more resentful of Jillian. Soon the resentment grew to anger. I became a completely different person. I was bitter towards her. I criticized everything she did. I made her feel small by talking about her insecurities. I barely paid attention when she spoke to me. I denied most of her attempts at sexual activity. Little by little I was ruining her. I think my plan was to treat her so badly she would end it with me. And finally she did. But the whole ordeal took a giant toll on the both of us. She was a mess. I heard from friends that she actually had to go for counseling. I wasn’t much better. I hated the person that I became. I was no longer the charming man that won her over; I was now this bitter, mean, non-sexual, asshole. After this I avoided relationships altogether for awhile. But later in life when I became better with women, and was dating more and more women, I found myself falling back into this trap. 169


I had been dating this girl Kate for like four months, and knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere. But I was too lazy to end it, as our relationship was very low maintenance. It was apparent to me that Kate thought things were more serious than they were. Soon I became the same person I was years earlier with Jillian. I was deliberately saying things that I knew would make Kate feel insecure. I would openly stare at other girls. I wouldn’t call Kate for days at a time. I avoided sex with her. I hated the person I was once again becoming. Luckily for me, Kate figured things out on her own and suddenly stopped calling me. She was probably waiting for me to make the apology call, but I never did. The repercussions of the way you treat a woman echoes throughout your life. The way I felt as a person during those times with Jillian and Kate was less than human. I felt like a soulless monster. My integrity was all but drained, and my self esteem was shot. I no longer viewed myself as the kind of guy who attracts women. I viewed myself as the kind of guy women should stay away from. Since Kate I have changed my ways. I have realized that it is much less cruel to end a relationship than it is to stay involved with a girl you don’t have feelings for. A few months after Kate I started dating a girl Nancy. Nancy was a fun girl who I enjoyed fucking. A couple months into the relationship I sensed Nancy was looking for more. We sat down and had the talk. I explained that I didn’t want anything more than what we had. She was a bit upset, but was appreciative that I was honest with her. Nancy and I are still friends to this day, and have even fucked from time to time. I felt good about the way things ended with Nancy, and it carried over into the rest of my life. I didn’t have that dark cloud surrounding me that I had a few months earlier with Kate. The lesson I learned was that I was much better off being honest with a girl about how I felt, than I was to string a girl along. You can’t avoid the pain of a breakup… but by delaying it you can make it much worse.

170

Social Superstar

The Anatomy of the Sickness Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 04/30/2008

Mike, Justin, and I coined the phrase “the sickness” back in college. The “sickness” is like oneitis on steroids. Mack Tight referred to it as when “guys become a needy pile of shit after they become obsessed over a woman.” We call it “the sickness” because once it infects you’re almost powerless against its control. It corrupts your mind first, but then usually brings about physical symptoms like nausea, vomiting, weight loss, depression, insomnia. It happens to the best of us… and even though we most likely know we’ve been infected, it is still near impossible to battle. Even as our closest friends tell us to “move on” “play it cool” “forget about her” their words go in one ear and out the other. While the only cure for “the sickness” is time… I thought that if I wrote a detailed description of how the sickness infects (using my last battle with it as an example) you guys might be able to keep this as a guide to compare against when you feel it coming on. Although I won’t pretend that you’ll be able to rid yourself of your obsession, at the very least, you may be able to avoid some of the classic mistakes that I made. The Anatomy of the Sickness After slowly falling for one of my female friends over the course of a year, everything came to a boil on a ski trip. I knew in my head that it was now or never time for making my move. Weeks before the ski trip I began avoiding her before heading up to the mountain. I wanted to create a fresh persona, and distance myself from the friend zone that I had previously been regulated to. The first night of the ski trip I made a dramatic change in the way I interacted with her. I became more sexual, alluded to her attractiveness, and got more touchy feely. Although initially she seemed a little taken back, slowly she responded to my escalation. By the end of the night we were lying on my bed making out. The next day she told me it was a mistake and that she liked me too much as a friend to continue. But I persisted again that night, and once again she wound up on my bed with me making out. We spent the rest of the trip basically locked in my 171


bedroom. To be completely honest, it was like nothing I had experienced before. I don’t know if it was the sexual tension that had built up over the last year, our strong connection as friends, or just my flat out physical attraction to her, but I was in a state that I had never previously experienced. Although I left the week in the mountains feeling quite vulnerable, I was fairly confident that she felt the same way. In fact, I would say my confidence was sky high. I was on top of my game. I had just completed my crowning achievement as a player. The first couple nights back home went ok. The girl and I exchanged evening text messages. I was in “play it cool” mode so I figured I would wait a few days to call her. Friday afternoon I could hardly contain my excitement to possibly spend time with her. While still at work I sent her a text “I want to see you. Bad!” I expected an immediate response with her echoing the sentiment. I waited and waited… but the response never came. I was still in “play it cool” mode so I decided to hit the bar with a couple of my friends. My mind was on the girl a bit, but I wasn’t too worried as she had a habit of flaking throughout our friendship. After the bar closed I have an after party back at my house. Quite drunk at this point, I went against my better instinct and called her. And when she didn’t answer I left a message. I fell asleep that night with the phone in my hand, still waiting for the call. Saturday morning is when I went into panic mode. The realization that she didn’t call set in. I began scanning my brain for reasons why she would be blowing me off. I began asking the opinion of a few of my friends. They all reassured me telling me “it's only been a day.” I would momentarily feel better, and then remember our wonderful week together in the mountains and get stuck in my mind trying to figure out what went wrong. Somewhere in between Saturday and Sunday I convinced myself the reason that she’s avoiding me is because she doesn’t trust that I’m really into her. It made sense in my mind. She knows I’m a player. I figured that what I needed to do was to prove to her that I was really into her. So I went against my better instinct and headed to the flower shop on Monday morning. I bought the biggest baddest most expensive bouquet of flowers they had, and had arranged for them to be delivered to her 172

Social Superstar

work Tuesday night… complete with a really embarrassing card basically professing my love. Monday night she calls me at one in the morning. My “wet friend” tells me not to answer the phone and give her a taste of her own medicine… but “dry friend” intervenes and I wind up talking her into coming over. When she gets to my house she acts nonchalant about not calling… and I forgive her immediately. We make out a little while… I eat her pussy... then she leaves. The next morning I debate whether or not to cancel the flowers. I decide to still send them. Later in the night I get a call from her thanking me for the flowers. I ask her to hang out but she says she’s tired and is just going to sleep. I wait till Friday to call her again. Once again… no answer. I proceed to go out with a friend, get extremely drunk… and take home some 18 year old hostess I worked with. But even a fresh young 18 year old couldn’t deter me from the beginning of “the sickness.” The next two months are a blur. They basically consist of me checking my phone every three minutes to see if she called. The few times she actually does call or text… I am too weak to play the game. For a minute or two I tell myself I’m not going to call her back… but then I give in and call. She keeps avoiding seeing me. I try to play it cool and act like I don’t care. Then later in moments of weakness I send her text messages asking “what's going on with us” and other shit I get nauseous thinking about. Finally two months later I get really drunk and show up at her work. She is almost frightened to see me. I am plastered but somehow talk her into heading out for a couple drinks with me. I’ve finally got her in front of me after two months of playing phone tag… but it's nothing like I imagined. In my mind… she was going to confess her love to me, tell me how much she’s missed me… and wind up cuddled next to me on my bed. How the night ended- was me completely shit faced handing her a love letter I wrote her… her taking the letter and leaving… never even calling me to acknowledge it. As time went by I gave up hope of her calling.

173


The mess that Bobby Rio had become was finally starting to put the pieces of his life back together. He was dating a new girl… finally starting to get over “the sickness.” But I couldn’t leave well enough alone. I knew that there would be an annual Christmas party at the place she worked. I had friends that still worked there. So once again, I go out get completely shit faced and show up at her work party with one of my friends. The night started out pleasant enough… I spent time catching up with a handful of old friends… chatting with her whenever the occasion would allow. But as I got drunker the cool guy shell I had been putting on was slowly cracking. I began asking her questions alluding to “the weekend we spent together.” It was clear she didn’t want to talk about it. Then I began noticing that she and one of her co-workers were awfully close. I didn’t feel threatened because I knew the guy, and never would imagine her to be into him… but as I got drunker it made more and more sense. Everything was becoming crystal clear… (In my drunken distorted mind) SHE WAS FUCKING THIS GUY. So I did the only thing a drunken sick bastard could do… I followed him into the bathroom and punched him square in his jaw. The next thing I know we’re ushered out to the parking lot… We’re rolling on the pavement pounding on each other’s skulls… sticking fingers in our eyes... I think I may have even bit him. Finally the rest of the party breaks up the fight… they put me in a cab and send my sad sick drunk ass home. Bobby Rio woke up the next morning at Rock Bottom. I’m going to leave this story without commentary. It is simply meant to show how the sickness can take hold of anyone. At that point in my life I already knew everything there was too know. I was banging chicks left and right... always the one with the control and calling the shots… And I fell like a toy soldier.

174

Social Superstar

Living with Passion Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 05/19/2008

The first time I heard that phrase it was from an Anthony Robbins CD. At the time, although I found it motivating, I didn’t truly grasp the concept of living with passion. At first I tried to artificially create a sense of passion in my life. I used body language, physiology, and voice tonality to present a passionate looking man to the world. And as Sebastian Drake talked about in our recent interview with him, improving these things will create a sense of “passive value” for you… and eventually you might even begin to feel a bit more passionate in your day to day activities. While improving areas of your non verbal communication may make you look and feel like a more passionate person, and is an excellent place to start… ultimately you still won’t be living with passion. You may be asking; “what does living with passion have to do with improving my skills at attracting women?” My answer is; everything. The greatest pickup artists in the world usually have a passion in their life greater than seducing women. For Mystery it is his love of magic and showmanship, for Neil Strauss it's his love of journalism, for Cajun and Mehow its theatre, for Tyler Durden its adventure, for Christian Hudson its entrepreneurship, for Extramask its comedy… What living with a higher passion does for each of these PUAs is it gives them a reason to exist other than picking up women. It gives them something to get excited about every morning. It gives them something fascinating to talk to about. It gives them something to strive for, something that gives meaning to their existence. Six years ago I headed down to Buenos Aires, Argentina for a couple weeks to visit a friend. That trip ignited a passion in me that burns strongly to this day. Bobby Rio’s passion in life is traveling the world. My desire to see the world is stronger than my desire for any girl or to 175


make any amount of money. In fact, it defines a lot of my criteria for jobs and relationships. I will never work a job that does not give me the flexibility to travel often (2 weeks vacation a year won’t cut it) nor will I date a girl who won’t just get up and go on a wild adventure with me. How this relates to pickup and seduction Since no one can ever take my love of travel away from me… I never attach excess meaning to winning or losing with a particular girl. My happiness is never defined by how many notches I’ve added to my belt. I live with a willingness to walk away from any girl… And like Life Coach Justin says in his Build it and they will Come article, “this will help you have a strong basis for your self-esteem outside of your success with women, and that, ironically, this will attract women.” Discovering and cultivating your passion is an area that we are going to discuss in much more detail during our Mansformation Weekend Retreat. I think that the first step in cultivating your passion is to ask yourself, “If money wasn’t an issue, what would I be doing with my life?” Really taking time to think about this question will begin to give you a deeper understanding into what internally drives you.

176

Social Superstar

7 Secrets for Getting out of a Slump Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 06/25/2008

Slumps are a part of human nature. We all go through them. Sometimes we get in a financial slump where we just can’t get caught up on bills. Other times we go through a dating slump (draught) where it seems like we’ll never kiss a girl again. And other times we go through a health slump where we seem to just entirely let ourselves go. The most frustrating thing about slumps is that more you try to get out of one; the further along you seem to fall into it. Effectively removing yourself from a slump can be a struggle, but with the right motivation you can get right back on track in no time. Here are 7 Ways to Motivate You Out of a Slump 1. Start Small. One of the biggest obstacles people face in overcoming slumps is they become intimidated by the task at hand. For instance, if you’ve been single for a long time, the mere thought of the time and energy involved in starting a relationship can scare the crap out of you. This prevents people from making any effort at all to interact with new people. Instead of focusing on building a relationship; focus on just talking to a couple new people a day. If you’re dreading putting seven days a week in at the gym- instead commit to taking one long walk around your block every night. If you want to get your finances in order don’t dwell on how you’re going to pay off that $15,000 credit card debt… just focus on paying off $25 a month. 2. Use Small Successes to Build Momentum. Once you’ve started small you should be able to develop a new routine. Now that you’ve been talking to two new people a day for a week… challenge yourself a bit and start flirting with those two new people. Once you’ve got in the habit of taking a walk every night; do a few crunches when you get home from it. Once you’re no longer missing the $25 a month… start saving $35. The trick is to gradually build momentum based on small accomplishments. 3. Focus on One Goal. Many times the reasons we fall into slumps is because we’ve so over whelmed by everything going on in our life that we choose to negate it all. And then when we try to get back on track, we can’t figure out where to even start. It is impossible to stay energized and 177


focused on improving too many areas at once. It is much better to just pick one goal that you are committed to achieving right away. If you’re lonely, out of shape, and broke… pick the goal that you think will be the best catalyst for improving the other areas later on. It’s quite possible that you’ll find the mere habit of working out daily will motivate you to meet more people and get your finances in order. 4. Get Inspired. If you’re piss poor and think it’s impossible to change your situation read blogs and books from people who were in similar financial states and gone on to make millions. If you’re not having luck meeting a significant other, read the hundreds of stories of guys who were 30 year old virgins who went on to date some of the most beautiful women in the world. The point is you need to continually inspire yourself and at the same time remind yourself that it is completely possible. 5. Carry your Goal Around With You. Write your goal on an index card and put it in your pocket. Every day, everywhere you go, that goal will be right beside you. When you find yourself losing focus or motivation… pull out the index card and reread your goal. When you read over your goal make sure you’re visualizing yourself as having achieved it. Stare at it and visualize it for however long it takes to snap you back into the right frame of mind. 6. Find some Good Wingmen and Avoid the Negative. It is pretty hard to accomplish something completely on your own. I find its best to let a few select people in on your planned outcome… and ask for their help in achieving it. If you’re looking to get into better shape find a good workout buddy. Find someone who will push you through the rough times. If you’re goal is to get better talking to women; hang around guys who have already improved that area. And ask for advice… Or hang out with guys in the process of changing themselves as well. You really need to avoid the people in your life who bring about a negative influence. There are some people out there who just don’t like seeing other people succeed. These are not the kind of people you want to associate yourself with. 7. Realize Motivation Comes and Goes. You’re not always going to be 100% motivated. Motivation comes and goes. The trick is that when you’re feeling that gust of motivation to ride it out as long as possible. And when that gust dies down… to know that it will arrive again shortly. In the time where you’re motivation is lacking, its best to spend that time 178

Social Superstar

reading up on your goals, revising your plan, and talking to your wingmen. This will prevent you from falling back into the slump.

179


Can You Control Your Emotions Like Arod? Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 06/30/2008

Inner game is not about succeeding every time. In order to be as good a baseball player as Alex Rodriguez, I think we would all agree he must have rock solid inner game. Alex Rodriguez does not get a hit every time he goes up to the plate. In fact, there are times the bases are loaded, the game is on the line… and he strikes out. He does this in front of 50,000 people live, and millions of people watching on television. He does this knowing that journalists around the country are going to talk about it, and fans are going to discuss it, and the manager, teammates, and owners are going to share their opinion on it. Can you imagine any more possible pressure? My point is you’re not good or bad based on one experience. Or even a collection of experiences. Alex Rodriguez is as good as he is because he is able to learn to master his emotions. If every time he went up to the plate he reminded himself how much pressure was on him… how would he ever possibly hit the ball? If every time he struck out or grounded into a double play he dwelled in the emotion of frustration or disappointment… how would he ever gather the courage to walk back up to the plate. He is as good as he is because he is able to acknowledge the emotion of disappointment or frustration. He then looks for the lesson that was offered from the situation. Maybe he is swinging for fences instead of just trying to make contact, maybe he took his eye off the ball for a split second too long, or maybe the pitcher was just having a damn good day. Once he realizes what action causes the frustration he can move on. He can move on because he knows that in the past he’s overcome slumps. So there is no reason he can’t overcome them in the future. Once he 180

Social Superstar

knows that he is certain of his ability to overcome it again, he goes and works with the hitting coach to fix the flaw in his artillery. Chances are you don’t face anywhere near the kind of pressure Arod does. No one is paying attention to whether you’re striking out every night, or scoring home runs. This mean you can play the game and have as much fun with it as possible. You don’t face the wrath of millions of fans, an angry manager, disappointed teammates, and pessimistic critics. The only wraths you face are your emotions. If you learn to control them… you’re on your way to inner game.

181


Going Down in Flames Written by Alex Strandberg Original Published: 07/03/2008

We all care way too much what a complete stranger that knows nothing about us thinks. Fear of rejection is the underlying emotion in most approaches. The thought of a beautiful woman sitting there and calling you a loser in front of the entire club makes most guys stomachs turn in knots. Sort or ironically, being rejected will bring the most success with women into your life. Let me explain Internally most guys think that they are complete lonely losers that no one could love. They greatly fear that women will find this out and have no desire for them. They learn all these cool lines and tricks but that fear of being thought of as a loser by women and confirming their already held beliefs is still strong. It carries so much weight that it cripples them from being comfortable in interactions or EVEN APPROACHING WOMEN. They try their hardest to avoid getting “rejected” in order to avoid facing their own belief system. They try their very best to do everything “right "and LOOK COOL but by the very act of trying they are doing everything wrong. From this they place way too much importance on getting a good re-action from the girl and becoming very outcome dependent and needy. If the interaction goes well they get a false sense of self esteem from the girl and feel good. If it goes badly then that fear of actually being a loser is triggered and they feel terrible. When you are outcome dependent you become very attached to what the girl thinks of you. This just breeds of insecurity and neediness which if you hadn’t guessed is a HUGE TURN OFF for women. Women are attracted to men who could take or leave any woman. Not caring whether the woman comes, stays, lays or prays seems very counter intuitive but it's what will get you the “best” results and lead to a happier and more peaceful life.

182

Social Superstar

In addition to this fear of being rejected is a fear of the unknown. If you are just starting out in approaching or have done a couple of approaches the fear of the unknown is still lingering in the background. This fear makes your mind race at a hundred miles per hour with a million Questions: “what if she pours a drink on me?” “What if she rejects me and all the people in the club laugh at me and I am humiliated?” “What if this happens?” “What if that happens?” And so on. The only way around fear of the unknown is to go straight through it and become comfortable with ambiguity of approaching and life. When you get rejected badly and the initial sting wears down you will find it hilarious how some girls will treat a complete stranger who was just saying Hi to them and being friendly. Part of the reason why they felt the need to reject you badly is how annoyed they are at being hit on all day by guys who haven’t a clue. Another part of it is the pleasure they get from rejecting guys. They love the feeling of having the power to control another person's state of emotions through their own actions. One of the biggest fears that guys carry around with them is a fear of going back to who they were before they learned of the seduction community or any self help stuff. They remember how they felt before knowing any better, the loneliness, the feeling or being powerless and useless in driving the direction of their own lives. Guy’s develop a debilitating fear of being rejected because they fear that they will go back to who they were in the past. As a result, they avoid rejection at all costs. My suggestion: Go out with the intention of getting rejected HARD. Like any fear, the only way around it is to go through it. Getting rejected, laughed at, drink thrown in face is NOT A BIG DEAL. It’s not a big deal but you need to go through harsh and “embarrassing” rejection in order to realize that it doesn’t matter what some anorexic club ho who has NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE thinks of you. Hypnotica walked around for two months unshowered, unshaven, in a dress with a dildo strapped to his head in order to get over caring about what other people think. This is a great thing to do but it’s not very practical to people with jobs and obligations. Alternatively, you can go out as many times as needed with the intention of getting rejected. 183


Here are a couple of things you can do to go down in flames: -Go up to a girl or a group of girls and ask them “hey, do you like salads? I like croutons that come with salads” It’s a very stupid and ridiculous question to ask to girls in a club but it will help you get over trying to look cool and caring what they think of you. -Go up to a girl and in a suave and cheesy way say “Daddy’s home” but try not to crack up laughing before you deliver the line. After you say these two things or make up your own, DON’T try and recover and get the girl-just make the approach as bad as you can possibly make it. You might feel uneasy and dumb saying these things but those feelings will eventually go away. Each time you get rejected badly you will get closer and closer to not giving a shit what other people think about you and you will stop caring about the outcome of the situation. Releasing attachment and concern for other’s opinion of you will GREATLY improve your success with women and all other areas of your life. After a while you will actually begin to enjoy being rejected because of how funny it will become to you. Your skin will be so thick that nothing she does will be any concern of yours. It will no longer send you down a spiral of depression and completely ruin your night. I’m sort of sadistic in nature; I’m not sure what I enjoy more, being rejected badly or getting the girl. I’m leaning towards to former because getting the girl is enjoyable but getting rejected harshly in a hilarious way is damn entertaining. -Alex

184

Social Superstar

Bust Through Your Comfort Zone Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 08/08/2008

I´m sitting here at an outdoor internet cafe in Medellin, Colombia staring at the beautiful city surrounded by mountains, and all I can think is ¨just three years ago I used to shit myself at the thought of vacationing to Colombia.¨ I would literally freeze up imagining myself alone in Colombia. I had visions of corrupt police, rampant drug wars, kidnappings, violence, and theft. Although I had visited Brazil and Argentina on several occasions, Colombia was on a short list of places that I was too scared to venture. Well, all it took was the persuasion of one hot Colombian girl, and here I am. It's my third day here and I feel this incredible weight lifted off of my shoulders. I have always prided myself in my sense of adventure... and I cringed at the thought that there were places I was avoiding out of fear. Well, I broke through my fear... only to find that they were completely unwarranted. Yes, completely unwarranted. Like most of our fears. I´ve been giving a lot of thought about what contributes to that stealth inner game that some guys seem to have. I´ve actually been building a list of traits and actions we can make our own to slowly reach that unstoppable confidence we all want. And on that list is: THE DRIVE AND ABILITY TO BREAK THROUGH OUR COMFORT ZONES We all have comfort zones. We are comfortable with a certain group of friends. We are comfortable at certain bars and clubs. We are comfortable dating a certain scale of girls. We are comfortable performing a certain type of job. We are comfortable making a certain income... But what I´ve come to realize is that the truly confident and successful people rarely stay in their comfort zone long. Confident, successful people are always looking to push and challenge themselves. They are 185


always on the lookout for new opportunities that will inspire them to be an even better person. The main reason that most of us stay in our comfort zone is fear. Sure, we will claim to really like hooking up with chubby girls. Or really love that townie bar around the corner from our house.... but what we are really saying is ¨We are not willing to take the risk to find out if something better exists.¨ But the fact remains: Something better does exist. But we won´t ever attain it if we aren´t willing to sacrifice comfort for a little while. Here is my advice: Take Action Make a list of people, places, and actions that are a part of your comfort zone. Do you go to the same hair stylist because you love their haircut, or are you afraid to try someone else? Do you find yourself heading to the same bar? Buying the same polo t-shirts? Hitting on the same scale of girls? Going for the same type of job? Make a list of everything that falls within your comfort zone. Once you´ve created a list of things that make up your comfort zone; make another list. This is your Action List. On this list write down one step you can take towards breaking out of your comfort zone. Write the name of a bar you´ve always wanted to check out. Write the image change you´ve been dying to make. Write down the job you´ve always wanted to apply for. Now look at that list. And do everything on it. You want unstoppable inner game? Then do it. Do it.

186

Social Superstar

10 Ways to Immediately Make Yourself More Attractive Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 04/06/2008

You want to see immediate results? You want to start getting more phone numbers, more looks, more compliments? Then implement these simple ten steps now and you’ll have more dates than you can handle. Tip #1- Improve your Posture Most people don’t realize the importance of posture. But it says more about you than anything that comes out of your mouth. Bad posture can make you look bored, depressed, or just plain homely. Improving your posture starts with becoming aware of it. Just being aware of excessive slouching will force you to take action right then. Toning your muscles through exercise will also help enhance posture. Place your head squarely on top of your neck, make sure your shoulders are upright and your back is arched forward. This will make you appear taller and more confident. Be sure to leave your arms relaxed and loose. A great way to improve posture is to remain active throughout the day. This will prevent your body from being molded the wrong way. Tip #2- Smile A smile can literally light up a room. A man or woman who walks around flashing a smile will always be perceived to be more attractive. With a healthy smile, we are able to transmit the emotions within our hearts. It is very true that our smile reflects our mood, personality and even our inner health. Smiling makes you seem warmer, more inviting, confident, happy… but the best part is that a great smile can make someone else feel all of these same emotions and attach them to you. The best way to improve your smile is by practicing in front of a mirror. Make sure that what you're intending as a smile isn’t coming off as a smirk. Also pay attention to your teeth. Nice teeth are a cornerstone of a good smile. If you’re teeth are yellow consider getting them whitened. It is also important to stay on top of dentist visits. Tip #3- Tanning 187


Don’t misunderstand this tip as a call for you to turn yourself into an orange oompa loompa. Orange skin is not attractive. But some healthy looking color can benefit anyone, especially in the winter time when our complexions tend to get pale. I would generally recommend tanning a few times a month. I usually go just enough to have color, but not so much that people can recognize that I’ve been tanning. Tan skin makes you look thinner, healthier, and tends to make your clothes look better against your skin. It also helps hide imperfections in your complexion. Tip #4- Be Flirtatious Someone who knows how to flirt effectively will always attract more of the opposite sex than someone who solely relies on their looks. Flirting is an art form that if you can master you will be a few steps ahead of the competition. Flirting is essential in creating sexual tension. They key to flirting is achieving a sense of relaxed playfulness. Teasing is a great way to flirt. As is competitive flirting which takes the form of slight sarcasm and dry wit. Cooperative flirting is different. Rather than jabbing her, you pull her into your reality and create an “us against the world” dynamic. Flirting is a mix of pushing away with words and pulling in with actions. In the game of flirting think back to how you acted towards that classmate you had a crush on in the fourth grade… and act the same exact way. Tip #5- Get an Expensive Haircut The haircut needs to be great. It is very easy to go the cheap route when it comes to getting your haircut and head to the local Supercuts. This won’t cut it if your goal is to immediately make yourself more attractive. The key here is going to a salon that has a great reputation. These salons will usually cost you much more than your local barber… but it's worth it. Movie stars look like movie stars because they have the best that money can by making them look that way. Even if it is only a one time deal you deserve to get a “movie star” haircut. Stylists at these salons know how to shape a haircut around your particular face, head size, and personal style. There will be a huge difference. Even if you can’t afford to 188

Social Superstar

continually get your hair cut at these more expensive salons, at least you can take some pictures of yourself and plaster your MySpace profile with them! Tip #6- Hang Around Attractive People Humans look for short cuts when it comes to forming their own opinions. It is much easier to let others guide us. We tend to look for reasons that will support our reality. So if we see an average looking girl hanging around a bunch of models we will tend to look for her better qualities to justify her being there. The same can be said for an average looking guy who walks into a bar with a beautiful woman… everyone in the bar will look for his positive qualities to reason it. On the other end if you’re an above average looking person but you hang out with the local riff raft people will look for your negative qualities to explain why you’re slumming. People like to make opinions quickly. And one of the easiest ways to do this is to lump you in with the company you keep. Therefore, the more attractive the company you keep, the more attractive you will be perceived to be. Tip #7- Stay Well Kept and Well Groomed There are grooming tips that you can implement immediately that will drastically increase your attractiveness. The first is getting rid of all unwanted hair. This includes nose hair, ear hair, facial hair (especially if you’re a girl), and inappropriate body hair. And pluck your eye brows. Eliminating a unibrow alone can change the look of your face. Others actions that you can take is cutting your nails, cleaning wax out of your ears, controlling dandruff, acne, or other skin conditions. Tip #8- Learn how to Dance If you want to attract the attention of the opposite sex during a night on the town you should consider learning how to dance. A good dancer is immediately perceived to be more sexual, thus increasing their perceived attraction. If you are not a naturally good dancer I would recommend taking some dance lessons. You can usually find dance lessons locally. The lessons are usually available in group form and individual form. I would usually recommend taking a few individual lessons before you jump into the 189


group classes. It may cost a few dollars but you will be amazed to see what kind of response you get next time you're asked out onto the dance floor. Tip #9- Add Accessories to your Wardrobe If you take notice of most celebrities the one thing you’ll find in common with all of them is that they all make use of accessories. Accessories are items you can add to your outfit to give you some added flash. Accessories include belts, earrings, watches, hats, bracelets, necklaces, glasses, and scarves. Adding these things to an outfit shows that you put thought into the way you look, and that you are confident in your ability to pull off wearing these things. Good use of accessories will make you more noticeable in a crowd. There is a term called “peacocking” which means purposely dressing in a way to draw attention to you. While you may not choose to go that extreme, you should seriously consider added some flash to your look. Tip #10- Smell Good Smell is one of the brain’s strongest senses. It is the sense that provokes the most intense emotions. And can spark animal like sexual attraction. There is a theory that pheromones play a huge part in sexual attraction and I would not argue with that at all. One thing is for certain, the better you smell; the more attractive you will be appear to the opposite sex. Although taste is subjective, the purchase of a good cologne or perfume is a great investment. My recommendation is to sample a few different brands and ask a member of the opposite sex to judge. Ideally you can have several different men or women give you their opinions on which one is the best. Once you purchase a fragrance make sure you put just the right amount of it on. Too much of a good thing can be a turn off.

190

Social Superstar

3 Tips for Abs of Steel Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 06/19/2008

Abs are like a prized possession. They seem almost elusive at times. What makes abs so desirable is that most people aren’t willing to put in the effort it takes to get them. This makes people fascinated with them, which in turn bring up the value of anyone who takes off their shirt to display a six pack. For me though, the periods in my life where I’ve had abs… have always been more about the sense of personal accomplishment then about how they looked…. although they looked SWEET! Unfortunately I let myself go over the last year… and we all know that while abs take awhile to build... they disappear in an instant. Here are three tips that I’ve found helpful during the times in my life that I’ve reached my desired outcome. These are no secrets… Because there is no short cut. But sometimes it's good to remember how basic it can be to get what we want… with the proper discipline. 1. Cardio, Cardio, and Cardio: You can do a million crunches a day… but if you’ve got a solid layer of fat covering your abs you’ll never see them. Everyone knows that the trick to getting rid of fat is cardio. What people fail to realize is that the cardio needs to be intense. 20 minutes on the treadmill while reading a magazine and chatting on the phone won’t cut it. Three to four sessions a week of intense jogging, running, the Stairmaster, the elliptical, jumping rope, or biking should be enough to get the process in gear. Swimming, hiking, and taking aerobics classes are beneficial as well. Nothing beats jogging or running. It is the most intense, efficient, and effective method of burning calories. It will take a minimum of three to four days a week of intense cardio to burn the amount of calories needed to shed fat around your gut. 2. Proper Nutrition: I think a problem many people have is that once they start working out and burning calories they look at it as a free pass 191


to pig out. I seriously know girls who finish their workouts and head to Hagen Daz for a Sundae. The whole point of spending all that time burning calories is to start burning the excess fat. If you’re filling yourself up with shitty foods, you’ll never get to the point where you’re body starts converting fat into energy. But it is important to get something in you. Not eating on time or at all is almost as bad as eating too much. You should keep protein intake high (approximately 50% of daily calories), carbs moderate (40%), and fats minimal (10%). Drink at least a gallon of clean water each day as well. It will help in nutrient absorption and digestion and will help flush toxins from the body. Working out Your Abs: The biggest mistake that most people make when trying to build abdominal muscle is that they do sets of crunches or sit ups without any resistance. Would you work your biceps out with no resistance? Or your chest? Here’s an important key. If you want proper abs development, you need to add resistance (weight) to your abs exercises. Abs are muscles just like biceps, triceps, pecs, and glutes. You need resistance to properly strengthen and build them. The same goes for abdominals. The Five Best Abs Exercises

Weighted Crunches - Grab a dumbbell, either hold it in front of your face, or let it lie on your upper chest, under your chin, and perform regular crunches. You are now using your abs more to work against the leverage the dumbbell has created. Stick with a heavy enough weight where you can handle 10-15 reps, but no more. Remember, you need to create enough resistance where your abs are forced to work.

Cable Rope Crunches - Grab the triceps rope; kneel on your knees, and bend downwards, forcefully contracting your abs on the way down. It’s basically a crunch; only, you are on your knees. But the contraction is the same. Don’t swing with the hips, you are not using the abs very much if you do. Just a slight, 30 degree contraction until you feel the abs contract, hold for a couple seconds, then back up. 192

Social Superstar

Weighted Leg Raises - Lie flat on your back, with your hands tucked under your butt. Wrap your feet around a small dumbbell, and perform leg raises. Start with your feet about 6 inches from the ground, then raise them about 12-16 inches from the ground and then back down slowly. These can be done on the end of a bench as well.

Seated Abs Machine - Once again, do not swing all the way down, just far enough (30 degrees) to fully contract the abs, hold for a couple seconds, then back up. This is very similar to Cable rope crunches.

Stability Ball Crunches - Working on the stability ball will incorporate balance into your abdominal work. They are effective at strengthening your core region, which is your abs and lower back. As you can see doing these exercises while adding some resistance will build muscle much quicker and in larger gains. If at the same time you’re eating healthy and burning calories you should be seeing results in a couple months. A couple months of intense workouts are a small price to pay for abs of steel. If you’re unsure of proper nutrition or just need a good plan to follow Bodybuilding.com has a really great free personal trainer course that will set you in the right direction.

193


A Manly Guide to Choosing Your Drink Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 06/30/2008

There is a dirty rumor in the pick-up community claiming it is better to stay sober when gaming women in bars and clubs. We can argue semantics… but I’ll just say you’ll never see Bobby Rio clinging to a club soda. Yea… you’re game tends to be a little tighter when you’re not red faced, wobbly, and slurring your words… but you don’t have as much fun, do you? I mean all of my most memorable nights have involved me waking up, looking at the girl next to me and thinking, “what the hell happened last night?” So the real question isn’t should you or shouldn’t you drink when you hit the bars… the real question is what kind of drink will best serve your purpose. Your drink always serves two purposes: to get you hammered, and to make you look cool in the process. You don’t think I actually enjoy the endless rounds of SoCo and lime shots I guzzle down, or the unnecessary twelve packs I always grab for the after party. No, these are all part of the show. Shit I hate the taste of booze. If I drank alone I’d probably be sipping Bay Breezes or some kind of Dairies, maybe a Pina Coloda… but there are certain rules you need to follow in social environments. The rules bend a little depending on the location… but certain ones are set in stone. Never order anything they are going to serve you in a plastic cup. You tend to find this atrocity at bars that are near college campuses. These plastic cup drinks are usually reserved for the drink special of the night. You know… the $1 Miller Light draft or the $3 Margarita. These drinks not only taste like shit as they’re usually stale beer, or bottom shelf tequila drowned in sour mix… but you look cheap drinking 194

Social Superstar

them. What does it say to everyone that you will sacrifice the enjoyment of your drink to save a buck? Hell, even if I planned on drinking Miller anyway, I would pay extra to have them pour it in a pint glass. Never order anything frozen or served in a novelty glass with a funny straw… unless you’re sitting on a beach in the Caribbean. You think this one would be self explanatory but I never fail to see some schlep slurping on Mudslide wondering why he hasn’t been laid in a year. Drinking one of the “vacation” drinks sends out the vibe that you don’t get out often. In fact it says that your life sucks so bad that trolling around this shitty bar is actually an “event” for you. The only exception to this rule is ordering a Margarita at a Mexican joint. Anything ordered on the rocks looks cool. Let’s face it. Rocks glasses are cool. It doesn’t much matter what’s in the glass so long as it’s clear or brown. Remember clear or brown… I don’t care how much you liked the Big Lebowski it’s never acceptable to order a White Russian. The name of the drink is more important than what is inside it. Because someone is going to hear you order it, or inevitably some girl will ask you what you’re drinking, and you don’t want to have to respond “Fuzzy Navel.” Generally, anything with a novelty name like Alabama Slammer, Sex on the Beach, Malibu Bay Breeze, Buttery Nipple, or Kamikaze is off limits. And I don’t care how good you think it taste… you are never ever to order a Cosmo. Never. Never. A safe bet is to order something your grandfather would have drank. There will be times when you freeze like a deer in headlights when the bartender asks “what you drinking.” Your first reaction may be to spit out “Michelob Ultra” but you need to regroup and imagine what your grandfather would have ordered. Back in his day, men were men, and they drank scotch on the rocks, rye and coke, Manhattan, rusty nail… they didn’t ruin the integrity of their vodka by splashing cranberry juice in it. 195


So remember it is quite alright to get a little sauced when you hit the bars… in fact I even encourage it. But you must look cool in the process.

196

Social Superstar

7 Steps to 5aturally Boost Testosterone Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 07/09/2008

There seems to be a huge fascination with guys taking steroids lately. Obviously the major reason being that the increase in testosterone most anabolic steroids produce causes extraordinary gains in muscle mass. In addition to the gains in muscle mass many guys become addicted to the adrenaline rush of having excess testosterone flowing through their veins. To put it bluntly; Taking steroids is a coward’s way out that leads nowhere fast. I’ve seen many of my friends succumb to the lure of steroids. While they would tell themselves it was going to be only one time… soon they became reliant on them and were doing cycle after cycle. Not only are steroids an expensive habit, the side effects can be brutal in the short term… and deadly in the long term. This is not to say that your body couldn’t benefit from extra testosterone. Testosterone is the most important muscle building hormone in your body, and even a slight increase in its level will provide many amazing benefits. Benefits of increased testosterone’ * Increase in strength and muscle size * Body fat decrease * Increased sex drive and endurance * More energized and motivated * Decrease in bad cholesterol * Makes you more attractive to women Increasing testosterone can be a huge benefit to you. Instead of cheating and doing it the artificial way that will drain your wallet and health; I’m going to give you tips to naturally increase your testosterone. Here’s the biology behind testosterone: 197


First, the brain releases a substance called Luteinizing Hormone, or “LH” for short. LH basically “tells” the body to start producing testosterone. Once this occurs, the adrenal glands release DHEA into the bloodstream. LH and DHEA then travel together to the testes where testosterone production begins. Testosterone can now be released into the bloodstream to perform its magic. 1. Fill your work out with compound exercises. Exercises that put your muscles under the most amount of stress will force your body to produce more testosterone. These exercises include squats, dead lifts, bench presses, dips, lunges, and military presses. 2. Push yourself 110% at the gym. True gains in muscle and testosterone come when you push yourself to the limit at the gym. 3. Increase consumption of Essential Fatty Acids. The EFAs found in peanuts, avocadoes, fish, olives, flaxseed, and canola are a proven natural way to boost testosterone. 4. Reduce Estrogen levels. Reducing the levels of estrogen (the main female hormone) will greatly increase your testosterone. You can reduce estrogen by eating more cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, radishes, and turnips. You can also reduce estrogen by limiting the amount of soy protein you take in. Soy has been known to raise estrogen levels which decrease testosterone levels. 5. Limit Cortisol production. Cortisol is a catabolic hormone that will cause testosterone to plummet. Cortisol is produced during times of high stress or anxiety. It is also produced during times of lack of sleep. 6. Eliminate Binge Drinking. Excessive alcohol consumption can drastically reduce testosterone levels. It is best to keep your drinking to a minimum and try not to exceed more than three drinks in a night. 7. Have more sex. Sexual stimulation causes the body to increase the production of oxytocin which increases endorphin production (the “feelgood” chemical), and this also raises testosterone. If you follow these 7 steps you can avoid having to resort to sticking needles in your ass a couple days a week. These 7 steps will provide that natural boost in testosterone that will leave you feeling more healthy, vibrant, sexual, and attractive. 198

Social Superstar

How to 5aturally Increase Energy Levels Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 07/16/2008

Last night I took my girl to the Bon Jovi concert at MSG. We got home extremely late, and it took me another hour to wind down enough to sleep. Needless to say, I was exhausted this morning. After struggling to find the motivation to begin writing … I decided to hit 7-11 for my second Red Bull of the day. After guzzling the Red Bull and feeling that instant, but short lived, jolt of energy I decided to do some research into how I can naturally increase my energy level. Energy is the fuel we all run on. Without it we are virtually useless. Think about how much more you would accomplish in life if you had an endless supply of energy. 5 Ways to Naturally Increase Your Energy As easy as it seems to pop a Stacker 3, down a Red Bull, or hit Dunkin Donuts for your fourth cup of coffee… these are all temporary fixes that will leave you even more depleted in the long run. Everything listed below will increase your energy level for the long term. You might not get that instant gratification that a Red Bull will give you, but over time you’ll slowly find you no longer need to flood your body with caffeine. 1. Nutrition. Make sure you get enough fruits, vegetables, proteins and complex carbohydrates in your everyday diet. Make sure you consume complex carbohydrates and not just simple carbohydrates. Examples of simple carbohydrates would be candy, soda, cake and table sugar. Simple carbohydrates create a short burst of energy that will simply wear off and leave you depressed. Don’t feed your body junk. You’ll simply get fat and become lazier than before. The carbs that you should be taking into your body should be complex carbohydrates such as whole grain bread, whole grain rice or even apples. Continuously feed your body small amounts of complex carbohydrates to get the most out of your diet. 199


In addition to proper diet you should be taking a multi vitamin every day. Modern diets are usually void of many of the key vitamins and minerals our bodies need. By taking a daily multi vitamin you can be sure you’ll be getting the daily recommended amount of all of them. If you live an exceptionally active life style you might want to supplement with an additional B complex. The B vitamins act as coenzymes, compounds that unite with a protein component called an apoenzyme to form an active enzyme. The enzyme then acts as a catalyst in the chemical reactions that transfer energy from the basic food elements to the body. Another great way to get bursts of nutrients that your body needs is by using a juicer. I actually went through a period of about six months where I had completely given up caffeine and replaced morning coffee with a homemade juice. It gets messy and expensive, but it truly works wonders for energy. I would advice picking up a decent juicer along with a book on good juicing recipes. 2. Conditioning Conditioning is your efficiency to move oxygen and blood to needed parts of the body. It includes: * Strengthening the muscles involved in respiration in order to better move oxygen in and out of the lungs. * Working the body’s muscles which support healthy circulation and blood pressure. * Increases the number of red blood cells in the body, to better transport oxygen throughout the body. Conditioning takes place through daily exercise. The fact is; most of us don’t exercise nearly as much as we should be. Even if you hate the idea of spending time in the gym, you can be taking a jog at the track, joining in a game of basketball or ultimate Frisbee, or just taking a morning power walk around the park. 3. Get the right amount of sleep Everyone’s body is different, but on average we need about 7-8 hours of sleep a night. What most people fail to realize is that even though you’ve 200

Social Superstar

been lying in your bed for 8 hours does not mean you got 8 hours of solid sleep. Using myself as an example, last night after lying in bed at about 1:00 am, I tossed and turned, got up several times to use the bathroom, found myself too hot, and then too cold, adjusting the pillow every 3 minutes… before finally falling asleep at about 2:30. You need to make sure that you are getting 8 hours of restorative sleep. If you know you have a tendency to toss and turn for an hour before finally falling asleep- lie down an hour earlier. If you find you have to continually go to the bathroom throughout the night, limit your beverage intake to two hours before bedtime. If you still find that you’re having trouble getting a thorough night sleep you might want to take some supplements that support sleep patterns such as ZMA and Melatonin. Remember, I said supplements, not sleeping pills. You also want to avoid getting too much sleep. I find that when I stay in bed an extra hour or two in the morning, I tend to be lifeless the rest of the day. I would advise you to avoid sleeping more than the recommended 8 hours. 4. Motivation One of the surest ways to get you pumped full of energy is to get yourself in a completely motivated state. One of the ways that I’ve been doing that lately is by writing all of my goals on index cards. I’ve taped the index cards to my computer, to my bathroom mirror, and to my television. Everywhere I look from the minute I wake up; I am forced to stare at my goals. There is no hiding from them. Being forced to look at your goals forces you to think about what you have to do to achieve them. Knowing what your goals are is not always enough to motivate some of us. Sometimes we need to be motivated by the promise of extreme pleasure or the fear of extreme pain. A good way to stay motivated is to create a picture album or collage of your goals. In this photo album or collage paste pictures of things you’re striving for. These pictures can include pictures of the car you want, the body you want, the girl you 201


want, the career you want… Anything that will inspire you and get your mind racing. On the opposite side of that, you can post a picture of yourself with your less than ideal body weight. If you’re trying to lose weight, take a picture of yourself in a swim suit, and force yourself to see it daily. For some people the pain of seeing themselves look less than desirable will motivate them to get off their ass. 5. Anchoring This is something that I’ve been using lately to great success. I have been flooding my mind with motivational audio programs like Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, and Jack Canfield. Every morning, the first thing I do is listen to one hour of one of these speakers on my IPod. These speakers, especially Tony Robbins, do a great job of pumping me up. I’ve found that since I’ve gotten used to being pumped up in the morning from the audio… that now, even on days I skip listening to the audio, I am naturally more energized in the morning. Music is another great way to create an anchor. If you listen to a certain song continually during times you feel completely motivated… you’ll be able to recreate that feeling just by hearing the song. I’ve done this with working out. There are a couple songs I listen to over and over again at the gym. I will make sure I play these songs while I’m busting my butt on cardio as they always push me to go the extra mile. What has been remarkable is that even away from the gym, when I hear these songs I get that burst of motivation I usually feel on the treadmill. If you follow these 5 tips you should be able to slowly wean yourself off the Red Bull.

202

Social Superstar

How to Redo Your Wardrobe Written by Michael Stoute Original Published: 07/24/2008

This is a 3 part series I am writing about how to redo your wardrobe. One of the biggest problems I see when I look at what guys wear, or better yet their closet; is that there is little or no synergy with the entire wardrobe. This makes things hard for a number of reasons. •

They always wear (piece of clothing) because it goes with everything

•

A majority of their wardrobe is the med to their personal interests

•

Most of the stuff is old and anything new was a onetime purchase (event)

You Need Some Clarity So you want to dress cool and be hip? It all starts with understanding what you’re working with and getting rid of what you don’t wear. Yes, this article is about how to throw away your clothes to get ready to redo your wardrobe. There is a reason that you do this first and you will understand by the next article in the series. Organize by Type Get all your clothes together, I mean all of them. Go down stairs or in the attic and pull out everything you own for all seasons and events. Now organize everything by type, not season. A common problem is that men put things away because it’s “winter” clothes and then forget about them over time. You have to manage your wardrobe just like your food supply. When you’re running out of something, replace it with more so you can stay style fat! After you have everything organized; pants, shorts, shirts, t-shirts, shoes, hats, jackets, sport coats, suits and underwear, never forget the underwear…

203


Throw it Out! Go through each pile and start throwing out everything you don’t wear. If you are looking at something and saying “but I have always had this” or “this is my lucky t-shirt”, dump it or wash it and put it in a box somewhere that you will bury as a time capsule for aliens to find in the future. The only way this will work is if you get rid of everything you don’t wear so that you can see what you actively have to work with. Most people only wear 15-25 different items on a regular basis yet everyone has a closet full of crap. What’s’ Left? If you haven’t been clothes shopping too much lately then you are probably left over with a relatively small amount of clothing. These are your staple outfits that you currently wear. Now I want you to either write down or take pictures (preferred) of what you currently have and wear on a regular basis. If you take digital pictures, then print them out on a cheap color printer so that you can just cut them out like photos. Homework Study the remaining clothes or pictures of them and get ready for Part 2. Part 2 If you read the previous post in this series “The Throw Away”, then you have already gone through your entire wardrobe and thrown away what you didn’t need following the process I outlined. You have also looked at all the remaining items and studied them, either with photos, pen and paper or in your head Now it’s time to move into the second phase. Mix and Match I want you to go through all your remaining clothes and see what actually goes together. Let’s start with colors first. If you don’t wear too many colors (like most men) this will not be hard and may not even be necessary. 204

Social Superstar

Look at what you currently have and see what your outfit possibilities are. Try to make 5 different outfits out of what you have. If you used any of the clothing items in more than one outfit, then this is a clue where the weakest part of your wardrobe lies. The reason I wanted you to make 5 different outfits is because you want to be able to “recycle” what you wear every week so that you are not wearing the same thing every day and for laundry reasons as well. The ideal set of different outfits is 10 in my opinion. This way you can wear something different for 10 days and do laundry every 5 days, always leaving you with clean clothes! (+ $250) Now that you have thrown away unused clothes and picked out some outfits with the remaining, it’s time to put on the finishing touch on your new wardrobe. The reason this part requires money is simple, clothes cost money and you will always have to invest money into your wardrobe to keep it updated. $250 is a fair amount for a man to spend on his wardrobe in one day, but just think of it as a kick start to your new image. Your initial investment… Take some of your hard earned money and get ready to shop, but before you go I want you to remember the 5 outfits that you are working with already and/or take pictures of them with you. Think about the weaker points of your wardrobe and what you need most. Men can typically wear the same or similar jeans over and over without any problem so my guess is that you probably are going to take a bulk of this money and spend it on tops. If you don’t have any decent jeans, I suggest going to the GAP and buying 2 nice pairs of boot cut jeans to add to your current wardrobe. The jeans should run you about $50$75… Shirts and Tops To start things off you want to pick up 3-4 new shirts/sweaters or some kind of top. I would say go to Marshalls or some other “Yesterdays Fashion” outlet and look through the clearance racks. I rarely buy things full price and I always visit the clearance section of every store I go to first. You should be able to find 3-4 or more nice things for around $75$100. 205


Clothes Shopping is like Food Shopping Remember while shopping at the store to keep your current wardrobe inventory in mind. If you are looking at a cool shirt, take a step back and think of how many other things you own and how this shirt can be meshed in with your current clothing arsenal. Don’t buy that crazy shirt because you will wear it once every 3 weeks and feel like a pimp; buy the nice button down shirt because is not so flashy and will blend well with your other outfits therefore allowing you to wear it 2-3 times over a 3 weeks period. I like to compare clothes shopping to food shopping because when you go food-shopping you are always thinking of ways to maximize what you currently have in your fridge and cabinets. Same thing with clothes shopping except you are constantly looking for things that will add to and extend your existing wardrobe. Shoes and Sneakers With the reaming money I would like you to buy a new pair of sneakers or shoes, whatever fits your current lifestyle better. Stay away from the high end brands for now unless you can afford them of course. For sneakers, I would recommend something in the Converse, Adidas, or Puma family. They tend to stay in style through all of the different fashion cycles. Shoes are a different story. Before buying a pair of shoes I would look through your closet for any old shoes you may have forgotten about. You might find a pair or two of decent leather shoes that you can just take to the shoe shop and get shined and fixed up. Shoes that are made well will last and if they fall apart can usually be fixed. So check out what you already have before spending a lot of money. If you have to buy a new pair I would suggest trying on a lot of different kinds with a pair of jeans on to see which ones look and feel the best. Comfort is so important with shoes and I urge you to make sure they are comfortable or you will never end up wearing them. Take your time and pick out a nice pair of shoes that are not too flashy so that you can wear them with almost anything.

206

Social Superstar

And always remember to keep in mind what you already have including what you buy during this process. Constantly be buying things that will fit in with what you already have. If you follow this method when buying clothes you will have more outfits than you can think of as time goes on. There is a time and a place to add a “peacock” aspect to it and I will explain how in the final part of the series. Part 3 This is the 3rd and final installment of the How to Redo Your Wardrobe series. In the previous two articles we systematically removed clothes you no longer wear and then preceded with a plan to kick start your new wardrobe with a small amount of money. In this part of the series, I will talk about how to constantly increase your wardrobe at a moderate pace so you don’t go broke and how to “peacock” (stand out) with items no matter what your age or profession. Systems and Schedules The easiest way to keep a nice wardrobe going is to build it in baby steps, adding new items one at a time. Most men will go shopping for clothes every once in a while and just buy a few things that look good, then they typically go home and realize that these new items don’t fit in to well with their current wardrobe and get frustrated. You have to keep that food shopping mentality I talked about in the previous article of the series. When you are out shopping, keep mental notes of what you already have in your closet. Just because an item of clothing is nice and looks good in the store isn’t enough to buy it. It has to mesh well with what you already have for you to get the most value out if it. As your wardrobe gets bigger you will be able to throw in more “loud” items, but in the beginning keep thinks basic using solid colors and common styles. Let’s say you are willing to spend $100 a month to finance your wardrobe (which is not a lot). With this $100 I would be looking to buy 3 to 4 new items a month. This means you have to go shopping 3-4 times a month. Split up the money so you spend around $25 a week on say a new shirt or pair of pants. You can up the monthly allowance if you like, but I would still suggest only buying 1-2 items at a time. “Pea cocking” without looking like an idiot 207


Pea cocking is a term that has become associated with men adding certain items to their wardrobe to stand out. The problem with this concept is that everyone is different and therefore has to “peacock” in a different way. I feel most of the problem centers around age difference and profession and I will illustrate how you can “peacock” no matter who or where you are in life. Age 17-21 This is the age range where you are probably all over the place with finding yourself and an image. You may be wearing a lot of different styles, stuck in one style because if the people you hang with or just lost altogether and are still wearing the clothes your parents bought you for birthdays. Wherever you are in this phase it doesn’t matter. This is the time where you are going to be experimenting with a lot of things in life so why not your wardrobe too. Styles with young adults change so quickly that I suggest keeping things simple and looking for some trendy items. You don’t want to be the person wearing all the different trends because you will look like you are trying too hard. On the other hand, you have to go with the trend at times to “peacock” and demonstrate that you know what’s up… When you buy trendy items, make sure that they can fit in with what you currently have and aren’t so crazy that when they fade out, you can’t even wear it anymore. Great examples of this were certain brands and t-shits when I was young. BUM Equipment was huge when I was in HS and that sh*t is UGLY! Then there were those heat activated fabrics that changed colors when you touched it, great for Kino now that I think of it, but still ugly as sh*t. If you are constantly buying this trendy crap then soon you will have a wardrobe like a clown, if you don’t already... he he What I am basically saying is that as a young person with no job, the playing field is open to almost anything in the style department. Just remember that “staple” items are needed no matter what. Have plenty of solid shirts and pants that you can use when wearing your “trendy” item(s). Having these “staple” items will allow you to evolve with the trends while maintaining a nice foundation for your entire wardrobe. As for the young professionals out there, I will break this down in 2 separate categories. 208

Social Superstar

Age 21-30 Professional You are the type of guy that has a nice job where you have to dress in a suit, jacket and tie or at a minimum, shirt and tie. I actually think this is the easiest one to “peacock” out of all the following sections due to the fact you will probably be wearing more clothes in general. I am also going to assume that you have some cash in your pocket to go out and accessorize with. If you are working a job where you have a dress code like this and make crappy money, you may want to reevaluate your alpha male goals. Ties - The tie is one of my favorite items to peacock in the professional look. Most men don’t realize how versatile the tie can really be…For instance; there are 3 or more distinct ways to tie the knot. I always go with a Double Windsor and so should you! It is by far the hardest knot to tie, but it looks so sweet when done right. It gives you that full knot that you see in the men’s fashion ads. I have yet to see a better knot that has more girth. He he… When picking out ties for patterns and colors I tend to stay with solids and thick stripes. If you are a tie freak and own a bunch of wacky designs and stuff then you may want to pick up a few nice silk solids to balance you out. I want to take a quick moment to mention that when having to wear a tie every day, your shirts for the most part should be solid colors. Stay away from pattern shirts with ties unless you are absolutely sure it looks good, which will come with time young Skywalker… Cufflinks - Now I know what you may be saying, cufflinks are for when I wear a tux? Wrong! Yes they are formal, but they have been worn for years in regular suits. The problem with cufflinks is that you need to have special shirts to wear them with. So if you plan to buy some nice cufflinks, plan on buying a few new shirts to go with them. If you haven’t noticed yet, I tend to stay away from the crazier designs of things and keep to basics. Do the same with your cufflinks, clean classy and professional. The act of wearing the cufflinks is pea cocking, not the cufflink itself. Sport Jackets This is one of my favorite items of clothing and can be done really right or really wrong. Some guys don’t realize that a sport coat is entirely 209


different than the jacket that comes with a suit. It is true that some suit jackets can double as a sport coat, but this situation is pretty rare due to the material and look of suits. Lately it is big to wear a sport coat with a hoodie under it and I think it looks pretty sharp. Funny thing is that you see guys wearing jackets from their bar mitzvah’s and communion’s with a hoodie and it looks stupid. Sport coats are items that are meant to stand alone and are made with fabrics that are easier to match up with common pants. Just go to any store and walk around touching the fabrics in the suits section and then go over to the sport coats and see the difference for yourself. When picking out sport coat styles I would again keep it simple. Forget the designs on the back with that “Ed Hardy” type look, it will either look cheap or you will only be able to wear it once in a while. Instead look for cool fabrics to peacock. There are a ton of different fabrics for sport coats and the more you shop the more you will discover. Shoes Shoes are unique part of any man’s wardrobe and they can say a little or a lot about you. When dressing professional, I would suggest wearing simple styles with nice textures. This is almost the same principle that I talked about earlier with the sport coat fabrics. Loud shoes often scream cheesy and/or make you look like a fool. Real men “peacock” shoes with class and sedulity. Don’t worry, women will notice the smallest pattern and look…after all they addicted to shoes themselves. As far as the style of the shoe, I prefer laces to slip on types because I feel they just look better. I own slip on shoes and I do like them, but over all I feel they are a little less dressy than the laced styles besides the fact they are getting played out. The simple fact that you don’t have to tie a slip on combined with the laziness factor of men has caused this style to be played out. Don’t forget to wear nice socks and a matching belt! No god dam white socks!!!! Age 21-30 Business Casual and Outside of Work Now let’s say that you work in a nice place but its business casual and/or you are outside of work. Being that you won’t likely be wearing a tie or 210

Social Superstar

sport coat, I am going to focus on pea cocking other items I may have told you to tone down in the above section. Shirts In the previous section I mentioned to keep you shirts as solids and use the tie and other accessories to accomplish your James Bond “peacock” style. When being casual the rules change and the power shifts to other items of your wardrobe. So let’s talk button downs… There are many different styles and brands of button down shirts but in general I feel most of them look the same and will get you thrown into the mix with the other cookie cutter button down styles. When buying these types of shirts I almost always go with a designer and/or stick to a few. My personal favorite, Ben Sherman….Their designs are unique and dressy at the same time. I mention Ben Sherman because I like their stuff, I have plenty of unique “no name” button downs that are probably my strongest items and they were purchased at stores like Marshalls and Kohl’s. Being able to pick out unique styles is a skill you hone over time and mixing your wardrobe up like this will keep you from being pinpointed as a “BRAND” whore. Take some chances with it, you will be surprised. Pants and Slacks Fabrics, Fabrics, Fabrics… I can’t say it enough. If you are a magician then you can wear pants with flames and naked girls, if not grow up! Touch the clothes as you look through them, feel the difference. If you are wearing a nice pair of pants that feel great from the material, women will notice and they will probably touch you just because of it. “Wow, those pants look comfortable!” I would also recommend staying away from pleated designs, they are too old man-ish and hard to keep pressed. Stick with a nice smooth looking nice feeling choice. Since most of these pants will need to be tailored, this allows you another opportunity to add a little “peacock” to it. If you are going to go with a cuff in the pants, make it a nice phat one, say 1 ½ inches give or take with your height. This big cuff reminds me a 211


little of that gangster look from the days of Tommy Gun, I think its bad ass… In closing: I hope you have really enjoyed this series and especially this last installment which I worked pretty hard on. I am sure that I may have missed some things or not fully answered your questions so please leave any in the comments below. Game On!

212

Social Superstar

Winning the Day 1 College Roommate War Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 08/28/2008

It’s all fair in war… and that is exactly what move in day at the dorms is. Sure, you’ll probably want to spend your last day in your hometown boozing it up with your high school buddies into the wee hours of the night…. Mom and dad will wake you up at noon or so… hung over you’ll start loading the cars up with your microwave, TV, posters, computers… You’ll get to campus around two, fight the traffic and commotion of another thousand underclassmen pushing shopping carts full of their shit, all walking around like clueless tourists… And then you’ll walk into your closet sized dorm room… And your nerdy ass roommate will have already jam packed his stuff into the limited closet space… and even worse… he’ll have claimed the better bed. Son, when it comes to move in day… You need to beat your roommate to the punch. Yes, it may sound cruel… sure, there should probably be a more fair way of choosing… but the reality is… the early bird gets the worm. No matter how big of a dick you feel for claiming the best bed, most closet space, covering the walls with your Pink Floyd and Bob Marley posters… just know… he would do the same thing to you in an instant. If you walk in and find that there are bunk beds… you have instant decision to make. Most people will generally jump at the lower bunk… (I was one of the late hung-over fools who got the top bunk) But in reality, there are drawbacks to both: Downsides to the bottom bunk: 213


•

You clunk you head on the supports under the top bunk if you sit up too quickly.

•

People will always be sitting on your bed when they come in your room.

•

If someone is drunk and lost… and your room is open, they’ll crawl into the bottom bunk because the top is too high.

•

When your roommate climbs down from the top he’ll probably wind up stepping on your head out of spite.

•

If the guy above you is a raging drunk… there is a good chance after a night of hard partying you're likely to get an unwanted golden shower.

Downsides to the top bunk: •

You need to be able to climb in the dark.

•

Every time you wake up to piss in the middle of the night you’ve got to climb down half asleep.

•

Basically, anytime you’re in bed, and want something, you’ve got to climb your ass down and get it.

•

If you’re a raging drunk, you’re liable to roll off the bed in shitfaced confusion.

Even with the downsides of the bottom bunk… always choose it. Chances are you’re roommate will have wanted it… This gives you a great bargaining tool later. As for appliances, entertainment, and computers… As tempting as it sounds to let him haul all his stuff to the dorms, and mooch off his big screen TV and 27 inch computer monitor… Always fill the room with as much of your shit as possible. As much as you will both try to pretend everything is equal… the guy who owns it unconsciously has final say over how it’s used. For instance, you want to watch the Yankee game, he wants to watch the Mets… it’s 214

Social Superstar

your TV… he’ll be checking scores on the internet, while you’re watching Jeter and company on your big screen. If you’ve got a lot of posters… bring them all. If he doesn’t have any, you’re free to decorate the room as you please. These are not things you want to negotiate. The last thing you want is some dweeb hanging pictures his parents brought him back from their last trip to Key West. How to be sure you beat him to the room First, chances are you’ll speak on the phone a week or two before move in day to discuss what both of you are bringing, and to do a formal introduction to each other. It is crucial during this conversation that you bluff. You tell him that you’ll be getting back late from a trip that afternoon and probably won’t make it to campus until later in the evening. This simple line will give him a false sense of security. He will feel like he’s got all the time in the world to mosey down to campus. In the meantime, you’ll have all your shit packed and ready to go the night before. Set you alarm clock for 7am and have 2 cans of Red Bull waiting by the bed. The minute the alarm clock goes off, guzzle the Red Bull, hop in the shower, and amaze your parents at how energetic and excited you are to get to campus. Getting there early provides several benefits… you’ll get better parking and fight less of a crowd getting to your dorm, you’ll get the better bed, and more importantly, you have all the time in the world to socialize later, taking first crack at the hotties on your floor. Remember the first week of college is crucial for establishing yourself as the party guy…. So the sooner you finish the move in bullshit… the sooner you can begin to conquer your campus.

215


The Buenos Aires Hooker Juice Incident Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 07/28/2007

I want to prelude this story by saying that this one of those stories that makes me question my own moral character. I mean, this is an all time low, even by Bobby Rio standards. But what’s done is done…. Two years ago a college friend of mine, John, was getting married in Buenos Aires, Argentina. He had lived there the past 4 years, and although he had planned to move back to the US, he fell in love with an Argentinean girl, and the rest is history. He invited a bunch of us to the wedding. Out of all our friends, only my friend Jake and I decided to go. We had both been to South America enough times to know not to bring sand to the beach, but the both of us were in the thick of relationships and our girls jumped at the chance to have a romantic getaway in Buenos Aires. I was still within the first 3 months with Kate, my girl, so I didn’t necessarily mind having her tag along on this trip. Jake, on the other hand, had been with his girl close to two years and was miserable that he wouldn’t be able to tag some new Spanish ass. Needless to say we were both ecstatic when we get a call from John’s cousin the first night down there informing us that his bachelor party was tonight. We had arrived just in time!! The girls, although not happy to be spending their first night in Argentina alone, had no choice but to go along with it. The bachelor party was the one of the craziest experiences I’ve ever seen. I could write an entire post on the bachelor party alone, but the party isn’t the point of the story so I’ll sum it up quickly. A bunch of John’s Spanish friends, Jake, and I, kidnap John from his apartment. Force him into woman’s clothing and throw him in the back of a van. The entire drive in the van we are guzzling beers, wine, and whatever bottle of hard liquor that is currently being passed around. John is blindfolded and mouth duck taped, and we are shouting derogatory things at him while harassing him physically. His Spanish friends were downright cruel. At one point they put duct tape over John’s hairy nipples, and then rip it 216

Social Superstar

off. Then they open up the back of the van and make John (still in women’s clothing) run behind the van tied to a leash. (The beauty of 3rd world laws) This part of the story climaxed when we arrive in a park that was filled with Transsexual prostitutes. I’ve never seen so many trannies in my life. We take John out of the car and tie him to a fence and pretend to drive away, leaving him to be ravaged by Planet of the Shemales. We let him sweat it out for about a half hour, then we loaded him into the van and headed to the strip bar. The strip bar was a full frontal festival of beautiful busty Latinas…or as I like to call it; heaven. Unfortunately most of John’s friends were married and were more excited about the kidnapping part of the night, then the titty bar. Jake and I had other plans. We are sitting on a couch with two of the strippers listening to them tell us how much they love our blonde hair and blue eyes (I think that's code for “I love your money”) Anyway, Jake who speaks some Spanish asks them if they want to hang out tonight. They say they can’t leave the bar till 4, but give us their numbers and make us promise to call them this week. We take the numbers and leave. The next couple days of the trip are quite civil, involving a lot of sightseeing, big dinners, wedding preparations, and getting dragged to every clothing store in the city so that our girls can take advantage of 3rd world bargains. All the while the stripper’s phone numbers are just burning a hole in our pockets. Finally the 4th day into the trip Jake can’t take it anymore… He say’s we have to go meet the strippers. “Just for kicks,” he says. I am honestly pretty content at this point with Kate, and am in no rush to go sneaking around with strippers, on what was supposed to be a romantic getaway with my girlfriend. But I’m a good friend, and I can see how much Jake needs this. So I agree to hang out with the strippers. Our plan is to just meet them for lunch or something, just flirt a little bit, let them grope us, and go home. Jake calls the stripper, and after some back and forth conversation in Spanish that I couldn’t understand, he turns to me and says “They want us to meet them at their apartment. They gave me the address.” Meeting them at their apartment was a little more than I bargained for, but “what the hell.”

217


We make up some excuse about going to meet John for one last guys only luncheon. The girls look at this as an opportunity to go on a shopping binge without us, and don’t seem to mind our departure. A cab drops us off in front of a large brick building. We stand outside the building giggling nervously like a couple of giddy teenagers. We muster up the courage and walk in. We have to walk up 8 floors of stairs to get to their apartment. I am quite winded by the time we reach the top and barely notice the 2 two middle aged white men that just exited the apartment we were about to enter. Jake looks at me with a “what the fuck” type of look. I just shrug. It is immediately clear upon entering the apartment that we have just entered a classic South American Brothel. There is a Madame sitting at a desk, who asks us our names when we enter. We make up a couple fake names. She asks us who we are here to see. Jake pulls out his paper with the phone numbers, and reads two names. The Madame tells us to take a seat. Jake and I sit and give each other little looks. We are both in shock, disappointed, disgusted, confused, and are trying to gauge the other’s desire to go through with this. After a minute of stern deliberation it is settled. We will fuck the whores!!! My fake name is called first. I walk toward the desk where the Madame asks me for $35. (Yes $35…And our girlfriends thought they were getting bargains in the malls) I hand her about 100 pesos, roughly $40, and wait for my change. I look at Jake, who is grinning like a kid in a candy store. My stripper, if by stripper you mean prostitute, comes out of a room and hand signals me to follow her. I feel a little… I don’t want to say sleazy… you know… just a little creped out… but she’s wearing only a robe and I keep hearing my dick say “follow her boy… faster…damnit!!!” A minute later I’m in a dingy little room filled with a small bed, a television set, and a night stand. I’m slightly embarrassed by the situation and the fact that a language barrier prevents us from communicating. I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to proceed with the scenario. My prostitute’s face is a little less pretty than I remember... Her body’s alright, except for a really nasty c-section scar. She is drenched in hooker perfume (presumably to cover up the smell of her previous appointment) 218

Social Superstar

She is smiling and rubbing her titties under the robe. She takes my hand and puts it on her breast. I feel extremely dirty. But oddly, my dick is quite hard. And he wins. My performance is adequate, if not stellar. She is happy. I am probably the first guy under forty she’s fucked all day. She wants to cuddle… We lay there with about twenty minutes to kill. Her perfume is giving me a headache so I have my face buried in the pillow. She is running her hands through my hair and licking my ear. I am no longer turned on. Now that I’ve cum she looks even less pretty and the c-section scar looks even uglier and nastier. I want to get the fuck out of there… but I don’t want to sit in the lobby waiting for Jake. My prostitute is whispering something in Spanish. I think she is telling me she loves me. She tries to kiss me on the lips. I try to gesture that I have a headache. She just keeps trying to tongue me. I may throw up. I get out of the bed and begin putting my clothes on. Jake meets me in the lobby a few minutes later. He gives me a nod. We both hurry out of there… through the halls... down the staircase… out the door… and smack into the cold light of day. After briefing one another on the gory details of the last hour, Jake starts sniffing me. I back away. He moves forward and smells me again. “Dude, you fucking reek of hooker perfume” “Fuck! That bitch was drenched in the shit.” I attempt to smell myself several times. “I need a shower badly. I can’t show up at our hotel smelling like a whore.” “You need to burn those clothes, too” Jake is laughing. “This ain’t fucking funny man. “ We go through my options: 1. Show up smelling like a whore... Deny and play dumb. 2. Call John see if I can go to his place... shower, borrow clothes, and hope Kate doesn’t notice I’m wearing a different outfit. 3. Buy some cologne and drench myself in enough of it to override hooker scent. 219


I call John from a pay phone. I try to explain my situation but the reception is horrible. I shout “can I come over for a minute” into the phone. He shouts “Sure” Jake and I take a cab to John’s apartment. We jump out of the cab and ring John’s bell repeatedly. We’re buzzed in and quickly rush up three flights of stairs. We need to take care of this as fast as possible as the girl’s are surely beginning to wonder what's taking us so long. John’s fiancé answers the door. I am stunned. I try to hide my stench behind Jake. She motions for us to come in. I reluctantly enter. Once we get in we notice that not only is Mariella, his fiancé there… but so is Mariella’s mother and father. She wants to introduce us to them. She grabs my hand and leads me toward them. She introduces us as “John’s amigos de Estados Unidos”. I try to wave to avoid a handshaking and kiss, but it's too late. Her mother comes over and kisses me on the cheek. She almost chokes. Her father gets a whiff of the smell and starts sniffing suspiciously. He smells his wife (like she might be the one drenched in whore juice) John then walks out of the bathroom and immediately blurts out “What's that smell?” Jake points at me. My mind is blank for an excuse as to why I smell like whore. I point back at Jake. Everyone in the apartment is completely uncomfortable with the situation. No one wants to ask me why I smell like I’ve taken a bath in cheap perfume. I ask John if I can use the bathroom. Once I get in the bathroom I start washing my hands, face, neck… fuck it... I take off my shirt and start washing my chest and stomach. I am now completely naked scrubbing myself with a sponge that was in his shower. I can only imagine the conversation that is taking place outside the door. I start to put my clothes back on and realize that it would be defeating the purpose of washing if I put the smelly clothes back on. I lean out the door and call for John. John comes to the door. “You guys went to meet those strippers didn’t you?” “I’ll explain later… can you please get me some clothes to wear?” “Yea… but you’re bigger than me. They’re going to be a little tight.” “I don’t fucking care… “ 220

Social Superstar

I put on Johns clothes. They are a quite tight on me. The shirt is not bad. But the jeans make me look like an 80’s rocker. I exit the bathroom, and in an effort to avoid any more embarrassing conversation I quickly announce that we have to meet our girlfriends back at the hotel. Mariella and her parents are still in total shock and barely acknowledge me when I wave goodbye. I thank John for the clothes and grab Jake and we bounce. We finally get back to the hotel. I hesitantly enter my room. Kate is waiting for me. She is lying in bed… relaxing after a hard day shopping. She is happy to see me. Then she notices the clothes I am wearing. I make up an excuse about spilling spaghetti sauce all over myself at lunch… had to go to John’s to change. She believes my story. Just my luck… she’s horny. She gives me the “fuck me eyes” I try to tell her that I’m tired. Not in the mood… but apparently my tight eighties rocker jeans are turning her on. She starts nibbling my ear. I feel too guilty to speak. I am afraid I might blurt something stupid out. So I just go along with it. She pulls off me for a second. “Are you wearing perfume?” she asks.

221


Fortaleza 5ights Part 1 Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 11/14/2007

You bought three new, well-reviewed, novels for this trip. You’ve always envisioned yourself as the kind of guy, who on vacation, reads Hemingway at a table outside a café along the water, sipping a glass of Cabernet. The kind of guy, who wakes up early and takes a jog on the beach, has fruit for breakfast, maybe plays a game of tennis, and then hits up a local museum. Your highly acclaimed novels are still buried beneath dirty clothes in your suitcase. You don’t know at exactly what point you deviated from your “ideal self.” This morning when you called your mother you felt ashamed. You used phrases like “Nice and relaxing” “Catching up on work” “Plowing through novels” “Good restaurants "and “often lonely” to describe the trip. You hang up the phone and pay the fifteen Reas for the call. Now that you’ve made your token phone calls you feel like you have just been to Confession at church. Yet, you confessed nothing. You are still riding the adrenaline rush of last night’s Red Bull and Cialis fueled comet trail of adventure. Bits and pieces are forming shapes in your mind as you sip an espresso and watch the girl’s parade down the strip in their short denim skirts, hiked up for extra effect. A street kid puts out his hand for coins as he passes you by. “No tengo nada” you lie. He curses you out in Portuguese. Your night began at Amozoa, or was it Europa? You were already pretty tight when you arrived. You entered to pounding bongo drums, a vaguely tribal feel, and a clan of scantily clad Brasileras shaking their stuff on stage to the pulse of the music. No sign of the blonde and her friend that you were supposed to meet. But Brasileras have no concept of “on time,” so you don’t worry, and make your way to the bar to grab a Bohemia and take in the view. You were here two years ago but that trip was during your “Black Label” phase, which left you with very few clear memories, and a liver that still has not forgiven you. “Where you from?”A Brazilian guy is shouting in your ear. 222

Social Superstar

You wonder if you have the word “gringo” tattooed on your forehead. You’re not sure if you welcome company at this time. You were quite enjoying your own blurred thoughts and not quite enticed by the idea of engaging conversation with a guy who obviously wants something from you. But your “well raised” childhood taught you to never be rude. “Estados Unidos,” you scream back. “You like Coca, Marijuana?” “Only chicas” you say. “I’ll find you a good one. What you like?” “No necassario,” you tell him. For some reason you always feel compelled to speak your broken Portuguese, even when they’re speaking English. He calls over probably the only two ugly girls in the club. They both have penciled in eye brows and slicked back jet black hair, and you wonder if they could be transvestites. “You like?” he asks you. The guy seems genuinely pleased with himself. The girl/guy things are giving you “fuck me” eyes and while their gender is not clear, it is certain that they are prostitutes. You politely thank their pimp but tell him “I already have a chica.” You check your watch. You decide to do a lap and see if your blonde and friend have arrived. As you crack open your second Bohemia you wonder if you have the energy to go through with the night. All could have been avoided if you had only jerked off when the desire arose earlier in the day. But jerking off in Brazil seemed like an Oxymoron, and visions of “the blonde” naked were like piranhas gnawing on your brain. Maybe a Red Bull will help you “man up.” You walk back to the bar and order your first of the night. You feel a hand graze you butt. Thinking it might be a pick pocket you swat it away. A petite light skinned Brasilera giggles. You wonder if maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the blonde doesn’t show up. It’s not like you don’t have options. You turn to the girl and go Cave Man on her. You grab her ass like you own it. She shakes her finger “no” but her smile lets you know it okay to continue. You run your hand from her ass up the curves of her abdomen, when you near her breast she grabs your hand and places it back on her ass. You twirl her around and do a once over. 223


“Eu Gusto” you tell her. She points to your eyes and tells you they’re beautiful. There is something fundamentally perfect about being adored. Curious eyes are set upon you from all directions. You are a fucking Star. The Red Bull rush has begun. Your swagger has returned. You kiss this one on the cheek, tell her “it was a pleasure” and make your way through the crowd. Sex is all around you. It comes in all forms. The boom- boom shaking mulattas, the long swanky model types with heartbreaking cheek bones, the skinny, the fat, the beautiful, the crazy, the Asian looking ones with sinister eyes, the barely clothed “garotas de programma” putting their pussy on display, the fucked up X heads, the sixteen year old debutants, the black girls with huge hoop earrings commanding the dance floor…the punk rockers, the one with the shaved head, too many girls… too little time. What do you know? Another Bohemia has bit the dust. Back to the bar. But first a much need bathroom break. When you come out of the stall you wish you had given it an extra couple of shakes as you notice a nice wet spot near your crotch. Brasileras aren’t shy about pointing that sort of thing out. You’re about to head back into that bathroom to dry off when you spot the blonde and her friend on the dance floor surrounded by guys. Fucking “gringos” in their Brasilia Soccer jerseys. A situation like this might normally unravel your nerves. Throw you off balance a bit. But not now. Sit tight my friend, you think. They’ll come. They always do. And if they don’t? You look around- Does it matter? Then you remember staring into her eyes, yesterday at lunch. Those far away eyes, foreshadowing all of the reasons that you’ll most likely never get married, never have kids, never raise a family, never do Disney vacations. Yes, you think. It was only yesterday you were busting through language barriers on basis of charm. Presenting your best self. The one that can keep a girl laughing when she has no clue what you’re saying. The self, that when the friend arrived unexpectedly, rolled with the punches… And won her over with impersonations of “stupid Americanos” holding your imaginary map, pointing at buildings…works every time. 224

Social Superstar

When you started to sense that the friend might be the type to be persuaded… you upped the ante…divvied up your attention…treated them equally special. And when the two of them, guards finally down, ran their fingers through your hair and kept repeating “muito lindo” you saw the potential for something truly spectacular. No. You’re not willing to wave the white flag quite yet. No way, Jose.

225


Fortaleza 5ights Part 2 Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 12/02/2007

The night bellman at your hotel is talking loudly at you in a language you don’t understand. You get the gist of it though. Apparently strolling in at 4am with a couple of barely legal Brasileras is frowned upon at this establishment. No one sent you the memo. You rode in like a rock star, a girl dangling from each arm, kicking over a flower pot, ordering the cleaning lady to bring a bottle of Scotch up to your room… Pronto! These sorts of things aren’t acceptable in Hotel Luzieros, Fortaleza’s most well known and luxurious hotel, he is telling you. He points at the door. You want to knock that smug look off his Portuguese face. The whole matter could have easily been resolved with a small bribe. But you blew any chance of that happening with your “American sense of entitlement” and incoherent attack on his character. You slovenly escort the two girls outside. One voice in your head says “Cut your losses- there is always tomorrow.” A louder voice hails down a cab and says “To the cheapest motel. Rapido! Por Favor” You would be damned to let the night go up in flames at this point. Just a few hours ago you were in the mist of the single biggest girl heist of your life. Back at the club you had come out of the bathroom to spot your girls sandwiched in the middle of a group of Norwegians. You felt a little intimidated. Has your Super Americano Power waned? Have your girls been swept away with tales of a booming European economy… You decide to flex your muscles. You signal over a cocktail waitress. You order 8 shots of the Brazilian equivalent of Yagermeiser. You have the waitress deliver the shots to your girls and their new Norwegian friends. The group is confused. They reluctantly do the shots… looking around to see who the mysterious stranger is that sent them. You make your Great Gatsby entrance. The girls could not be happier to see you. You get two kisses on the lips. You’re drunk and go for tongue but both girls resist. Nights early, you think. You take the blonde by the hand and immediately remove her 226

Social Superstar

from the group. You look back and feel bad leaving the brunette to the pack of Norwegian wolves. You signal for her to come over. The girls drag you on the dance floor. Your “gringo sense of rhythm” is usually a game killer but tonight you’re Michael fucking Jackson. You take turns grinding with each girl… you look on in disbelief as the girls grind sexually with each other. They get closer closer closer…They Kiss. Jackpot! After an hour or two of dry humping the two Brasileras and taking turns kissing them you suggest the bounce. Their eyes light up. You flashback to an incident in Brazil two years prior involving a spotlight, a couple machine guns, and a girl who turned out to be sixteen. You casually ask the girls to see their documents. Raquel, the blonde is twenty. Emelia, the brunette is eighteen. The coast is clear for takeoff. …Toward dawn you are sitting in the front seat of a cab next to Manny the driver. In the back seat Raquel is disappearing inside Emelia’s dress. You trust that Manny is actually taking you to a motel and not to a guerrilla hide out where you will be kidnapped and tortured. But you aren’t certain. Manny’s hand is on your knee and he is talking loudly and passionately in Portuguese. He is asking you questions. You smile and nod. Smile and nod. You think Manny likes you, but can never be sure of these things. He could just as easily be saying “You parents will pay the ransom. And if they don’t we chop you up and feed you to pigs” The girls are too busy to notice. The long winding road that is Avenida Beira Mar travels the course of the night- from the opulent to the destitute. Outside the street is still tinkered with people. Down the road, a lone hooker trots on heels, one hand holding her skirt from riding too far up her ass. As your cab gets closer you see that she is topless. Manny doesn’t blink an eye as you pass her. Manny could probably tell you stories that would break your heart. Make you run back to the States. But you don’t want to think about these things right now. Brazil is a strange place for sure. You’ll have some contemplating to do when you get home. Maybe even some life decisions to make. Rearrange some priorities. Pick up some pieces… From the back seat Emelia lets out a squeal. You reach your hand in the back and one of the girls begins 227


sucking your fingers. Yea… once upon a time, you were one of the good guys. Maybe you can be again… Just not tonight. When Manny pulls away, leaving you and the girls in front of the motel, you experience a moment of doubt. Growing up you always thought the other guys knew some fundamental secret about girls that you didn’t. These guys seemed to know what they were doing. It wasn’t until college, with the help of alcohol, that you began to feel comfortable around them. Even as you began a long string of conquests you always had the feeling you were just learning what came naturally to others. And even as it finally began to come naturally to you, you still had that underlying fear that you’ll be discovered as a fraud. Looking at the girls, that is just about how you feel right now. All your doubts are alleviated when Raquel and Emelia fall onto the bed. Their bodies are twisting and turning into one another. They are giggling in a way that reminds you that this is exactly where they want to be. And when they quickly undress, you are reminded that this is exactly where you want to be. Raquel is the first to signal you onto the bed. You slide into them. They both are both kissing your neck. You run your hands along the crest of their abdomens. Emelia gently slides your pants down to your ankles. Sandwiched in between the two warm bodies, you can only wonder what you did in a previous life to reap these fruits in this one.

228

Social Superstar

10 Years After I Took Her Virginity Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/27/2007

I get the random phone call. Jillian, a girl I dated for a little over a year, about a year before Beth (love of my life till she broke my heart in a million pieces) came around, wants to know if I want to meet up for drinks one night this weekend. I ran into her about a week ago for the first time in years and gave her my number out of courtesy when she gave me hers. She’s ten years older than she was when I dated her, and she was no prize then. So I had no intention of calling her. But I should have figured she would call me. I took her virginity for god sake. And she took mine (although I don't let too many people know that.) I say, what about tonight. I refuse to waste a Friday or Saturday on her. Plus she’ll expect less time from me on a week night. I call Jake on the way home. Jake seems to think I'm going to fuck her. I smile because there is a part of me that kind of knows it's true. As much as I hated this girl when I was dating her; she is old pussy. And everyone loves old pussy. I get home and search my drawers for my least appealing outfit. If I'm going to fuck this girl, I'm going to do everything in my power to convince myself I wasn’t intending to. As I'm checking my email, she calls. She's been at happy hour. Great, she’s drunk. She always was an annoying drunk. She wants me to meet her at her apartment. This means we will be taking one car. There goes the quick getaway. I hear my buddy Phil saying, “Always take two cars, that way if it's a bomb, you tell her you're going to take a piss, and you take off.” I park my car outside of her apartment. I sit in it for a second. I think back to waking up with a huge hangover, and I realize that the day didn't exactly start out with promise. So why should it end with promise. She answers the door dressed in a tight white shirt, a skirt, and totally inappropriate black hooker boots. An outfit I don't usually mind on girls who can pull it off. She's 25lbs away from pulling it off. I sneer. She must have caught it, because she tells me she’ll be right back, and she comes back two minutes later in a different outfit. 229


It is awkward in her apartment. There is this little dog that keeps jumping on my leg, and I have to pet it while she tells me how cute it is. I keep nodding my head. “This is going to be a long night,” I think. At that precise minute she puts the dog into her purse and tells me she is taking it with us for drinks. She tells me the puppy is too scared to stay home alone. I tell her, “that is a problem, isn't it?” She says we’ll go to a place outside. I tell her, “This is New Jersey there are no outside cafes.” She insists and I don't feel like arguing. She soon realizes that New Jersey, does in fact, have no outdoor places. I have now been in the car with her for twenty minutes. I wish I could tape record this car ride to play to people to demonstrate the torture I was going through listening to this bitch. Talking loudly and compulsively about nothing. Nothing I care about anyway. Finally I say, “Just pick a place and leave the fucking dog in the car.” She picks the Town Pub, which was good, because I don't know many people that go there. We get to the pub and this bitch won’t leave the thing in the car. This idiot puts this little puppy in her purse. I smile because, well, because she's’ crazy. Amazingly the dog is being good. Apparently her rambling has put it to sleep. Unfortunately I don’t have that option. So I do the next best thing and guzzle gin and tonics. She is in the middle of some story about how she got pulled over for no good reason, and a guy playing pool over hears her. He’s a cop and is interested in her story. I take this as my cue to excuse myself for a much needed piss break. I get out of the bathroom and this bitch has a crowd of derelicts surrounding her. All egging this stupid cop story on. Instead of joining the fun I walked over to the pool table where three girls were about to start playing. I recognized one of the girls. She was an old college friend of a friend type girl. Over the summer she was getting harassed by a bouncer who was claiming her ID was a fake. I was behind her in line and she told him to verify her name with me. When the guy asked me, I just for the life of me couldn’t remember her name. And so she was kicked out of the club. I felt this was a perfect time to apologize for my blunder. Plus one her friends had made eye contact with me while I was grabbing a drink at the bar on the way back from the bathroom. Luckily her name came back to me right then. “Lauren,” I say to get her attention. 230

Social Superstar

She’s a friendly girl and within minutes I'm the fourth player on a two on two pool game. I figure Jill won’t mind, she is preoccupied with the derelicts anyway. I paired with Ivana. The cute one who was eying me. She has an accent. She's from Denmark or France or something. We are hitting it off nicely. We are all kind of making fun of my obnoxious friend and her and her obnoxious stories. I explain my ordeal. They feel my pain. I need another drink. I offer to buy the girls a round. Something I never do, but I'm feeling sporty. I should have never left because when I come back Jill is by the pool table telling the girls how we were each other's firsts. I feel queasy. As Jill is talking to the girls, I twirl my finger by my ear to signify she’s crazy. The girls all laugh. I call Ivana over to me, and proceed to defend myself for ever having dated this idiot. I walk her away from the crowd. We chat for a few. We exchange numbers. When we walk back to pool table there is tension between Jill and Lauren. Jill stops in the middle of a sentence to point out that Lauren has been giving her dirty looks. Jill comes over to me and explains how Lauren just hates her for fucking her ex boyfriend. And a bunch of other shit I could care less about. I just wanted to talk to Ivana some more. I tell Jill to go to the bathroom and cool down for a minute. When she leaves, the puppy wakes up. And apparently is scared of pubs. It starts freaking out. All the girls hover around the dog. I explain what a dog was doing in her purse. They decide that Jill is unfit to raise this dog, and decide to take it. I give a, ‘I didn't see nothing look’. One of the girls grabs the dog and heads for the door. I walk back over to Ivana and see if there is any chance of getting her back to my house later. Jill has made her way back to the booth near the pool table. She glances at the bag and realizes that there is no dog in there. She panics. She looks under the table. She starts scurrying around. The two remaining girls decide it's a good time to flee. Ivana and I say a nice goodbye. I promise to call. Meanwhile Jill has lost it completely. She realizes that the girls are gone now too. She is crying hysterically. She is screaming that the girls stole her dog. Everyone in the place is staring at her like she's crazy. Only she is crazy. I tell her, I will go outside to see if the girls have it. I'm standing by Lauren’s SUV. The three girls are in it with the puppy. I tell them they should probably give it back. Just then Jill comes barreling out the front door. Her face is covered in blood. She is absolutely 231


hysterical. She runs over to the SUV and starts screaming at the girls. A bouncer calls me over and asks me what happened. He wants to know if they really have her dog. I shrug, feeling a little guilty for letting it happen. We look over at the car where Jill has pulled Lauren out. They are both punching each other violently. I ask the bouncer if he's going to break it up. “Not till a titty pops out,” he says. Finally the bouncer runs over and breaks it up. He then searches the truck for the dog. He takes it from the truck and hands it to Jill. Jill is crying and bleeding and hugging the dog. I suggest we leave. We are outside Jill’s apartment and I'm trying to calm her down. Her lip is still bleeding pretty badly. I ask her how it happened. She was bleeding when she came out of the pub, before the fight. She doesn't remember. Maybe she ran into a wall in all the confusion. I kind of pat her on the back, give her a little hug, and tell her, "it's been a fun night, but I have to go." She says it's really fucked up for me to just leave her like this. I tell her I have work early. I give her another little hug. She gets blood on me. I push her off and start to walk away. She says she can't believe I'm leaving. I can. I got to get as far away from this psychopath as possible. My head hits the pillow and I wonder if this is really what my life has come to. That night I dream of Beth and being up in Killington with her. Her all bundled up. Looking so cute as she keeps falling into the snow. I teach her how to ski and she picks it up quickly and soon she is beating me down the mountain. Later in the night we make love in the outdoor hot tub with a couple watching, waiting for us to use up the half hour we were allowed to be in there. When our half hour was up we just keep making love until someone from the front desk has to come in and tell us to leave. I'm awakened from my dream the next morning with a phone call from Jill. She's in the emergency room and just wants to tell me what a complete and utter selfish, heartless dick I am. I agree. I really can be a dick. And so begins another fine morning.

232

Social Superstar

My First Piece of MySpace Pussy Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 06/20/2007

We've always had delusions of grandeur in regards to the house we our renting. Probably because we lived in such shit throughout college, my roommates and I have over glorified this house. We were still without couches for our living room and we were hot tub shopping. An outdoor one. It would have been sweet. Still have visions of girls sitting on our shoulders, naked chicken fighting, and shit like that. We also always imagined that because we had the house now, girls would just naturally come. Sort of like Field of Dreams. A common line. “Did she see the house?” or “What did she say when she walked in?” Like because we had a house (only slightly nicer than a frat house mind you) girls were going to just fuck us. Like they're going, “Bobby's old and kind of sleazy, and his teeth are really yellow. But he's got a nice house, so I'll fuck him anyway.” The first month we have the house, we all basically start blowing off the girls we were dating, getting ready for the onslaught of young new pussy that was awaiting us. Young new pussy is what this house is all about. Yep. So we were naturally perplexed when a couple weeks had gone by and none of us were yet to christen our new place with a new girl. “What the fuck is it?” Brian is asking us after a third Friday in a row sitting on floor in the living room drunk watching Napoleon Dynamite at 3 in the morning. Without women. “I'm telling you, it's the bars we go to,” Jake proclaims “Shut up with that.” I'm blunt but, I'm in no mood for excuses. “I'm telling you, we go to New York, guarantee we'd be more appreciated there.” Jale again. “We are wasting this house. We should have it packed right now with girls flipping coins seeing who gets to fuck us next,” I tell them. “Maybe the house isn't as impressive as we think.” Brian says. 233


“Don't do it. Don't crush my dreams daddy.” Jake says. “Give it time,” Me still optimistic. “I don't know man. We're almost thirty. You know what grown men share a house at thirty? Crack heads.” “You're crushing it, stop.” Jake with hands over ears. “You might be on to something I finally admit. Crack heads and gay men. Are we the neighborhood homos, boys?” That Monday I woke up in the morning. I lie in bed. Recollect on the weekend. Take a quick piss and decided I was getting laid tonight. In this house. Without paying. Without calling one of my old stand bys. No, it would be a completely new chick. I got pretty excited imagining what she was going to look like. The one thing that keeps me single; the pleasure of not knowing what the next girl you'll fuck looks like. Of course there was the slight crick in the plan being that it's a completely dead Monday bar night and we don't have any leads to work with from the weekend. My first thought was to call Tammy and break the rule a little bit. On one hand she is an old standby, and I swore Id fuck something new tonight. But on the other hand- I am just fucking horny and have to be realistic. I announce my dilemma to my roommates as we were all preparing for work. “Bobby Rio having trouble getting laid?” They laugh. Apparently they see the irony. “Get on the phone, do your magic.” Jake says, now clearly enjoying the opportunity to rip. “I don't see condom wrappers in either of your trash cans. I try to defend myself.” “I'm going to out you on the internet. Tell everyone about your 2 week long drought,” Brian threatens me with what he knows it my worst fear. Having a reputation to live up to can be a pain in the fucking ass sometimes. 234

Social Superstar

“I could be fucking Tammy any day this week plenty of other girls too.” I say this, and know it is a weak comeback. I await the abuse. “Yea, if she could stay out past her curfew. What time is it again, on school nights?” Brian says. “I think I saw her hanging out in front of 7-11 the other night,” Jake inputs. “That's it, I'm getting laid tonight. And I'm getting you two pricks laid too.” “Work you're magic, Bobby. These two dicks. I could bring Keira Knightly home and fuck her on the kitchen table and they still wouldn't be impressed. “You joke now. But tomorrow morning, you'll both be thanking Bobby.” I am saying this wondering how the hell I am going to deal with them tomorrow morning when we all wake up alone. I call out of work. I try to think where I can go on a Monday morning to meet some women. I head to Barnes and Noble. I always hear stories of successful book store pickups. Not much talent here this morning though. There is a cute girl behind the counter serving coffee, but I have a vague recollection of a past conversation that didn't go so well. As the details of conversation become less blurry I decide I better get the hell out of there before she recognizes me. I hang out in Shop Right for a bit, but it is the first Monday of the month, and it is full of people cashing in their food stamps. Although I was fairly confident I could have taken home this Mexican women that kept giving me the eye, she had two bratty kids that would have posed a problem in closing the deal quickly. I headed home to regroup. I am sitting on my computer, browsing profiles on MySpace. I had put a profile up a month or two ago, but still kind of considered it creepy to be contacting girls online. I also quickly found that my off beat sense of humor didn't translate well in emails. I still managed to waste hours browsing profiles. I looked at it like I was acquiring ammunition in case I ever ran into one of these girls in a bar. I figured I just start humming one of her favorite songs, maybe casually mention how much I love Lost or whatever other stupid show she has 235


listed under TV, and I'd be golden. I mean it would be fate; shed have to fuck me right? Fate. A lovely word, I think as my home screen reads new messages. Now, I very rarely got messages on MySpace. My about me and who I'd like to meet, might explain it. About me: Well, if I'd have to do a newspaper singles ad it word read something like this, Single white, male, hung like a -use your imagination- women. Or better yet, contact me and I'll show you. My spare time consists of trying to find ways to sneak strange women out of my room before they realize that I don't know their name. Or how I met them. I'm sure you're reading this and wondering, how can I be one of those lucky ladies? Well it's your special day. I am currently taking applications for Wednesday nights. So send at least four pictures. Two of the pictures have to be body shots. And write me a brief essay on why you deserve to be Bobby's Miss Wednesday Night. Who I'd like to meet: Adventurous, spontaneous, open minded women. Brazilian or Asian, a plus! I did not receive many applications, I am sad to report. So I am a bit surprised when I see that it's a girl called "Everything I thought you know" that has messaged me. I read the email. I have posted it in its entirety. "Pick me!" And so we have a winner. I click on her profile page to check her out more. View more pictures. Only three. I enlarge them and get set to analyze. Adorable face. Blonde. Slightly chubby, but in that sloppy goodness sort of way. Picture Tara Reid twenty five pounds heavier. No clear body shots. An exposed left arm kind of scares me. A tad larger than I would prefer. But as I'm looking at her picture my dick is getting hard so it's settled. She'll do. I go back to her profile page. She is only eighteen. For a moment I feel special. I start believing the hype. I am the man. I am the mother fucking man. Then the thought hits me, what if she is smart enough to be displaying sarcasm. I read her interests, about me, and heroes, and decide that she is, not in fact, that smart. Perfect. I wrote her back. I have posted the email in its entirety.

236

Social Superstar

I will be at my computer for the next three hours. If you would seriously like to be considered for the role, IM me at Bobbyrio03 on AOL. If I hear from you we'll take it further. Now I've heard of online success stories. I have a friend Michael that cleans up online. I'm actually trying to get him to write a book on the subject. He pulls 3 or 4 girls a week off MySpace and Match. I'd say half the time he fucks them the first night. So I know it is possible. I just never had a need to bother with it. Until now. Exactly three hours later she contacts me. It was an extremely long conversation, and in an effort to save space, I will not post it in its entirety. Instead I will break it down into subjects. Boring small talk More boring small talk How hot I am What kind of piercing she has What kind of tattoos she has What she's doing tonight Does she have 2 friends Are they hot Me looking at friends MySpace profiles Again, what she's doing tonight Her looking at my roommates MySpace profiles Her telling me how hot they are Us making plans for tonight Now, if you're thinking that sounded too easy, everything will be explained later. A bit of information I skipped over in the subject matter. Me telling her that one of her friends was too fat for my roommates, and she will have to bring someone else. She tells me that these two girls are the only ones that would be willing to come tonight. I hesitantly agree, laughing inside at the thought of which of roommates would wind up with the fat one. When my roommates get home I tell them the news. I leave out the small detail above. They are both very happy. We plan the night. We will need: Beer, a deck of cards, food (so that fat one doesn't drag them out to McDonalds before things get going) condoms, music, and that's about it. The beauty of eighteen year olds is that they are extremely easy to impress.

237


8:30 PM The piggies arrive. They stampede in, one bigger than the next. My roommates look at me in shock. I shrug. There is an instant decision to be made. The three of us are communicating solely with eye glances. The message has been sent. They are fat. We are all thoroughly disappointed. We will fuck them anyway. And so it's on. I assume the role of gracious host. I take their jackets. Only my girl will not release it. She tells me it's cold. I cringe. I know what that jacket hides. It will not be pretty later. I decide the jacket should stay on until I put a few beers down. We do the introductions. There is Katie (horse). There is Aimee (gothic horse). And Kristen (shit smeller). While my horse is no prize, gothic horse is downright repulsive. I once again laugh, thinking about which one of my roommates will fuck her tonight. And the drinking begins. We are all sitting at the dining room table. We learn a whole bunch of irrelevant information about these girls. We pretend to be interested. We seem like great guys. The horses love us immediately. There is nothing gratifying about winning the affection of a horse. The speed at which we are putting beers down at 8:45 on a Monday is frightening. The horses are keeping up. By 9:30 we've become restless. We continually check the blinds to make sure no one can see in. The doors are locked, the lights are dimmed. We turn our cell phones off. I am breaking a pact that we made that night. No one will ever know about this, we swear to each other while the horses take a piss together. No one will ever know until I tell the world about it boys, ha ha ha ha. That's what you fucks get for not respecting my authority. Around 10PM we decide it is time to take this to the next level. Below is straight out of Bobby Rios playbook for banging girls under twenty. It must be done exactly in this order. Take notes! Casual drinking Speed up the drinking with flip cup Pair off and speed up drinking even more with beer pong When sufficiently drunk suggest the game, Never have I ever Begin sexual talk 238

Social Superstar

Top the night off with Truth or Dare Get Laid Yes, it is much easier to do the smooth transition with girls over a buck fifty. But trust me; it works on real girls too. We pair off. Jake is with shit smeller, the skinniest of the crew. I am a little jealous. I don't admit this. Instead I continually point out to him how her nostrils are snared. He continually reminds me that my horse hasn't seen her hooves since the third grade. He wins the argument. We both win the battle as we watch Brian make out of with Gothic Horse. We wonder if she is going to swallow him. He seems happy. I am alone in the kitchen with horse now. In this light, or that many beers, she has cuteness to her. I brush the hair out of her eyes. “You have an amazing smile,” I tell her. “You have amazing eyes,” she tells me. We kiss. The kiss is oddly passionate. Her hand makes its way down my pants. She looks perplexed. I shrug and mumble something about drinking too much. “Show me your room,” she whispers. Kids, I hope you never have to do what I am about to do. Oh, yea. I fuck the shit out of her, I eat her pussy, I do her doggy, I let this fat pig ride me, lick my dick like it's an ice cream cone, I tell her how sexy she is. I mean if you're going to do it you may as well enjoy it. Then I blow my load all over her big fat titties. I throw a pair of boxers at her to clean up with, and I roll over and go to sleep. In the morning we hurry the horses out. We sit and brag about the poundings we gave them. It is all just practice for the big game, we rationalize. There is no thrill of victory with fat girls. And so the house finally got us laid. And I had my first of many MySpace escapades.

239


Return of a Pick-Up Artist (Part 2) Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 01/09/2008

11:45 am The day began with a Powerbar, vitamins, water and a cool shower. I contemplate putting in a few hours at the office. I quickly scratch that idea. I throw a pair of jeans on and head to The Saloon for a beer. 12:30 pm I am not the only one in the bar. Apparently there are other people who use Memorial Day weekend as a way to justify drinking in the afternoon. I make a friend with a guy next to me. He is almost 70. Now he wants to tell stories. Here is some advice; never show even the slightest sign of interest with old people. They will take it as an opportunity to spend the next two hours spilling their guts about a life gone by. He is approximately the 600th old man in a bar who tells me not to get married. I am afraid that these old men have subliminally installed that in my brain. 12:50 pm I decide that I do not want to spend my Memorial Day weekend with the kind of people who drink alone at the town pub. I call Gloria. Yes, I can hear the people out there saying, But you only got her number last night Bobby. Don't call so soon. These people have watched Swingers too many times. It is a great movie, but if you wait six days to call a girl after you get her number chances are she forgot you, buddy. The truth is when you get good at this shit you start writing your own rules. 12:51 pm Gloria answers. She knew it was me. An indicator that she already put my number in her phone. We chat for a few minutes. I hang up the phone and smile. I wonder how she is going to be in bed later. 1:15 pm I call Phil. He is finally back from Vegas. He tells me he thinks one of the hookers out there gave him the clap. I tell him he should give it to 240

Social Superstar

Penelope. Tell her you brought her a gift back. I get directions for some land up in Warren County that he wants me to do an appraisal on. 2:30 pm I pick up Gloria. Here is a hint. For your first date with a girl don’t go the standard coffee, dinner, drinks route. She has been on that date a hundred times with a hundred guys. No, if you want to fuck her the first night, unless she's a complete slut, you’ll have to be a little more creative. Gloria is taking the ride with me up to Warren to help me assess Phil's uncle's land. She had a little bit of the hippy chick thing going on and I thought this would be a good way to get her juices flowing. Who knows, maybe even fuck her in the woods. 3:00 pm I have been in the car with her for thirty minutes and I have to say it's been a pretty pleasant experience. I had put quite a few down at Bob's party and was a little scared I might get a surprise when she answered the door. But she is actually even hotter than I imagined. She's got long wavy brown hair. Just kind of has that natural no make-up kind of beauty. She's got to be in her late twenties. Maybe even thirty. There is a slight hint of age twinkling in her eyes. It's sexy though. 3:35 pm I have been doing a good job juggling the conversation between PG and R. Every time I guide the conversation to edgier topics she bites right away. Then I steer it back to neutral topics: work, friends, family, pop culture gossip and just when the conversation hits a lull I throw out things like: coworkers who fuck, the first guy she kissed, when we lost our virginity, what celebrities we'd like to screw and just when I sense the conversation has gotten too racy I bring it back to PG. Every time I bring it back to R, I test her out and see if I can elevate it even further. Each time I test her she bites and brings the conversation even racier. Soon she is describing the first time she gave a guy road head. I started seeing this conversation going in a very good direction. Unfortunately we were about a minute from the land. I did not fret, if I blew my load this early the rest of the day would be a waste. Here is another hint. The older the girls the more willing she is too elevate the conversation. Younger girls tend to be more naive when it comes to talking about this kind of 241


stuff. The older ones eat this shit up. They are just as horny as you are, and have very little tolerance for banal talk. 4:00 pm Phil's uncle's land is pretty barren, actually. There is a tiny lake. There are only a handful of trees scattered around. There is a small abandoned barn looking house. I walk around taking pictures. I jot things down, although this is only to make this trip seem a little more important. Like I'm a real professional under my bad boy exterior. She sees through my bullshit and calls me out again. “Oh look how cute and professional you look.” Which was actually the look I was going for, but she said it with the slightest hint of sarcasm. I put my clip board down. I pulled out the camera. I told her to pose. That way all these boring pictures of barren land will have something interesting to look at. I had her posing all over the place in all kinds of positions. Fully clothed unfortunately. I contemplated going for a naturalgirls.com photo shoot, but ultimately decided against it. As cool as she seems, suggesting something like that could freak a girl out if the rapport isn’t as strong as you imagined. This early in the day I was not going to take that chance. There will be a time for that later. 4:15 pm A pack of wild sheep stroll in from the field in the back of the property. The look in Gloria's eyes when we see the sheep let me know that the juices are officially flowing. I start snapping some pictures of them. Some girls just get so damn turned on by nature. The Kino has begun. All day hands were always brushing against each other, I was not shy about touching her but now the touching was turning flirty. Hands were getting left places longer. Rising higher lower. All the signs of an adventurous afternoon were there. She suggests that we check out the inside of the barn/house. I wonder if there is an abandoned bed in there. Boards are over a door. Here is a hint. Use random opportunities like this to display some alpha male characteristics. I don't mean be a meathead, you just have to do those certain things women like to see men do. Caveman type shit. Displaying raw power. So instead of giving up when I saw the bars over the door, I made it a point to bust the fucking door in. It took a few times and knocked quite a bit of wind out of me, but we got in that house/barn. I grabbed her hand and we walked around for awhile. There was a bed but it was decrepit looking and I'd have preferred the floor. 242

Social Superstar

I saw a room in the back that I decided would be the room. I got behind her and guided her toward the door. I joked with her saying that someone was behind the door waiting for us. She grabbed a hold of me, as planned. Once you are at this stage use any excuse you can to get her touching you. I kept nudging her toward the room chatting her up about the crazy ax man behind the door. She kept getting closer and closer to me until I could feel the warmth from under her jeans. We finally pushed the door open basically falling into it. To our surprise though three hawklike birds came flying at our heads. It was definitely a buzz kill. My racing heart and freaked out gestures definitely subtracted from some of that alpha male I had displayed earlier. Oh well, I have a fucking fear of birds. What can I tell you? Luckily she was even more freaked. She quickly pulled me out of the room and out of the barn. I ask her if she left because of the birds. She says sort of. She left because if the birds hadn’t of come she was about to do something I probably wouldn’t respect her for tomorrow. She's right, I probably wouldn’t have. I don’t say anything though. Another hint, when a girl throws out a comment like; she's not going to sleep with you tonight because she likes you or because you won't respect her in the morning. Ignore it. Don't respond with anything. A lot of times girls are just saying this shit to make themselves feel better about what they are about to do. Let them rid themselves of the guilt, but don't make the mistake of joining in the conversation because it won't lead anywhere good. 4:45 pm We are in the car on our way home. There is less talking then on the way up. The silence is not uncomfortable. Don't always feel the need to keep the conversation going. If the rapport is good enough you can enjoy the silence together. Give her time to think about how cool you are and a whole bunch of other reasons to justify fucking you later. 5:30 pm We grab a quick bite to eat at a small Italian cafe near her house. Our hands are in the middle of the table intertwined. She has gone googly eyed on me. Normally this look scares me, but she just has this confidence about her, such a sexy at ease way, that I found myself a little flattered by the adulation. She is looking at me hard. She runs her hand through my hair. She tells me I should let her cut my hair. I ask her if she doesn’t like my hair. She gives thumbs down. Then she laughs and says, just kidding. But she would like to cut my hair. I am genuinely enjoying 243


her company. Just thought I'd throw that in there so that you don’t think the only thing on my mind is sex. Yes, Bobby is all around pleased with this one and gives her the Bobby Rio seal of approval. 5:50 pm We are in the car on the way to her salon for a haircut. The place is closed but she has a key, and is basically manager of the place, so no one will mind. While I'm perfectly happy with my present haircut, when I was a little kid I used to get so turned on when the shampoo girls breast would brush against me during the wash that I couldn’t resist the idea of sitting in a chair watching her in the mirror. In the car ride I bring the conversation back into R territory. I ask her if she gets turned on by the toe polish scene in Bull Durham. She asks me if I want a pedicure at the salon. I tell her I have a foot fetish. I can't tell if she realized I was kidding. But the bait worked and she telling me about a scene in another movie that turned her on. 6:15 pm I am sitting in a chair at her salon. I have towel choked around my neck and a restricting smock on. This is not as sexual as I imagined it would be. She leans my head back into the sink and I wince when my neck touches the cold stone of the sink. I look up and she is soaping up her hands. She runs water over my head. She keeps touching the water and asking me if it's warm enough. Finally her fingers start running through my hair. I want to open my eyes and look up at her. She is sexually massaging my scalp. She leaned into me and a titty brushed against me. I am aroused. I wonder if I should try to hide this fact or leave it out in the open and see if she catches it. I decide fuck it; and don't adjust. This rates up there with a scalp massage I got from a pro in a termas in Rio a few years back. No joke. I came from that scalp massage. Now Gloria's massage was not going to make me cum, but it did make me pitch a tent with my smock as I got up to walk over the other chair for the haircut. 6:17 pm The hair cut has begun. I watch hair falling off my head. I wonder if it will make things awkward if I hate my hair cut. I mean how am I supposed to act if she really fucks it up? My attention is quickly diverted from my haircut to the mirror where I watch as all of her attention is focused on my head. I appreciate the enthusiasm in which she is doing 244

Social Superstar

her job. Which makes me wonder if I should tip her when she's done? I decide she will get a tip. And then the whole thing. 6:19 pm You are so fucking sexy; I tell her and really mean it. When you say something like that to a girl; say it with all the confidence you can muster up. Make her feel like the luckiest girl in the world to hear it. One good compliment can melt away any defense she might have still had up. As soon as I say this she drops the scissors. I spin myself around on the chair so that I'm facing her midsection. We stare at each other for a second, and then I pull her towards me. I smell her neck for a second and then turn her face toward me and start kissing her. We are making out hard. I have no fucking clue what time it is pm I stand up and push Gloria down into the chair. I get on top of her and am kind of grinding into her. She is extremely turned on. I am extremely turned on. She says we can't do it here, people can see in. Just when I think I'm going to have to overcome another obstacle, she suggests we go into the back room. At this point I am about to indulge myself in the details, as they are fond memories. If you are uncomfortable reading about my sexual exploits you probably shouldn’t continue. In the back room there is a recliner chair where they do waxing and stuff. I lay her down on the chair. She can't pause for a minute. She pulls me into her. My mouth goes back in forth from her mouth to her neck. My hands are running up and down her legs. I tease with crotch rubs. The unbuckling begins. My mouth goes down to her belly button area. I help her with her pants. I watch her wiggle out of them. No panties!!!! God I love hippie girls. She's got the trademark hippie girl patch. Just enough muff to keep with the natural girl image, but trimmed up enough to still look edible. So I eat. She goes crazy. I sense that she has come from the oral. She turns me over and is practically ripping my jeans off of me. I do the lean back please me lean and await my reward. She goes down on me and I am enjoying it way too much. I pull her head up and tell her again how fucking sexy she is. Another hint: That was only the second time I complimented her all 245


night. Use compliments sparingly so that when you finally give them they will be regarded higher. I wiggle my boxer briefs from around my ankles stand up and push her down on the chair. I am inside of her now. This is truly some of the best sex I've had in awhile. There is a glorious finale with an extremely satisfying cum. We are both breathless. Hint: Guys even if she's the fuck off the century don't get all gushy telling her how good it was or how much you like her. Lay there, put your arm around, cuddle like you're really into (it helps when you are) and be fucking silent. Trust me words are not necessary. 8:30 pm I drop Gloria off. I know some guys would have asked her to spend the night. I easily could have spent the rest of the night with her. I was really enjoying the time with her. But you really have to wait to see where you want to go with this before you start getting so close. If in a week you decide you're not into them it is easier to start blowing them off. As much as I am into Gloria she's a little old for daddy and probably won't make the cut. But we'll see…

246

Social Superstar

Snowballed Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 01/21/2008

I was in the worst drought of my life at the time. I was fresh out of college, and had just been dumped by the girl I thought I was going to marry. My skills and confidence were at an all time low. But worst of all… I just fucking need to blow a load!!! Some of my old college buddies were having a little get together at their house and invited me. Although I tried to stay away from frat houses as I was trying to “make it in the real world” the offer was just too tempting. The thought of hot young drunk college girls was enough to persuade me and my friend Jake to blow off work the next day and head out on a Tuesday night to relive some former glory. The party was less than spectacular. The mixer was with a subpar sorority and the talent pool was slim. Still in a bit of a depression I proceeded to drink myself silly. As the night started to wind down I got hungry. I mean licking my chops, willing to fuck anything...hungry. Jake was in no better shape than me. At one point we were standing together sipping keg beer from our red cups when this sloppy fat chick starts trying to dance with us. We jokingly sandwiched her and danced a little, and whispered to each other that “if all else fails we take her upstairs and tag team her.” A few minutes later I noticed a chick that was cute (in relation to the other pigs at the party) and I went over and started conversing with her. In my drunken state I assumed we hit it off pretty well. Unfortunately my game was pretty bad at this point and I just kept talking about nonsense and wound up boring her to death. She excused herself to go to the bathroom. I waited for her about ten minutes. When she didn’t return, I stalked her out like the hungry wolf that I was. I found her upstairs making out with one of the younger frat brothers. What was left of my confidence was officially shattered. I did the walk of shame back downstairs. At this point there wasn’t anybody downstairs so I just plopped on the couch and waited for Jake so we could leave.

247


A couple minutes later the fat girl from earlier walks in the front door. I looked at this as a gift from god. I immediately got her on the couch. Stroked her hair. Told her she was sexy. And a minute later I was lying on a dirty couch making out with her. I am not going to lie and say she had any redeeming qualities. She didn’t. She had breath that made me want to puke. But I kept kissing her and slowly slipping my hand down her pants. As luck would have it… the door opens again and a handful of girls walk into the house. These girls happened to be from my ex girlfriends sorority. They looked at me in shock when they saw me lying on the couch with the piglet. I just put my head down in shame. They were kind enough to head upstairs without making conversation with me. Once they left, I figured all my dignity was gone; I may as well finish the deal. I told the piglet I would be right back and headed out to my car to grab a condom. As I was walking outside Jake was walking back in the house. “Yo, I’ve got the fat girl inside half naked and ready to fuck” I tell him. “If you’re still down we can do her porn style” “Dude, I was just with her behind the shed outside. She gave me a killer blowjob, swallowed and everything” Jake tells me. I don’t know if it was the 12 red cups of Bud Ice, the fact I got caught on the couch with a fatty by my ex girlfriend’s whole sorority, or the realization that I just made out with a piglet three minutes after she swallowed my buddies cum…. But I started dry heaving uncontrollably, and finally went outside and pulled the trigger… blowing junks all over the front porch. 6 years later Jake is still asking me how his babies taste.

248

Social Superstar

Hotel Room High Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 01/27/2008

Somehow me and Mike Stoute were asked to be groomsmen in a college buddy of ours wedding. It was a little surprising because our friend Chris had basically been “born again” after dating a very Christian girl for the last couple years. Since Mike and I didn’t exactly conform to the couple’s moral standards, we didn’t see much of Chris anymore. Nevertheless, we wound up in his wedding party… The night before the wedding we all got pretty drunk after the rehearsals. Not fall down humiliate yourself drunk... just drunk enough to make some bad decisions. The rehearsal after party ended pretty early which left a lot of time to kill at the hotel we were all staying at. Mike and I were sharing a room on the same floor as the groom’s family; as Chris wanted us in close proximity to prevent any debauchery that would have had us over sleep the morning nuptials. A handful of us met at the hotel lobby bar, where I slowly got drunk enough to realize I was wasting a perfectly good hotel room. Against my better judgment I scanned my phone for some tail to call. I stopped at Tammy. Tammy was an eighteen year old senior in high school…. and we're not talking about the sweet innocent type. Tammy was a hostess at a restaurant where I was bar tending at the time. I had fucked her once before, and my performance was less than stellar. I actually came before I got inside her… I caught my load in my hand and then pushed her off me and told her it was “too soon.” This only made her want me more. The previous attempt at fucking Tammy’s ridiculously tight pussy left me with no alternative than to secure an insurance policy for the next time. The insurance policy came in the form of a pill of Viagra I scored off a friend for “extra measure.” The restaurant was a close knit group and I had a reputation to uphold… I figured I could get Stoute out of the room for a good hour while I gave Tammy the pounding she craved. Mike and I were sitting in the lobby when Tammy arrived. She was dressed high school whorish as usual… and got quite a few stares from the families of the bride and groom. Chris gave me a look, but I was too 249


drunk to give a shit at that point. After getting the evil eye from just about everyone in the lobby, the three of us decided to go up to the room, so Mike could roll a “cigar” that he and Tammy could smoke. If you’ve listened to Mike’s incessant coughing during our podcasts you could probably tell that he is quite fond of the green stuff. Tammy was just as big a fan, so when the two of them got together the entire room was a giant cloud. I just sat there waiting for Mike to leave so that I could get my grubby hands on Tammy. Just as the two of them were finishing their second “cigar” there was a pounding knock on the door. The three of us just froze. They both looked at me to answer it as I was apparently the most sober. I peeked through the little hole and saw a man in a suit standing next to a bald security guard. I let them knock another minute, while the three of just stared at each other in disbelief. Finally I slightly opened the door and peaked out. The bald guy pushed the door open, and the two of them entered the room. The room is a cloud of smoke and the hotel manager starts harassing us about the smell. Mike, Tammy, and I just shrug our shoulders, sniff around, and pretend we don’t smell anything. Then as the manager starts looking around the room, Mike spots a dime bag on night table. He casually tries to grab it without them seeing, but the bald security guard catches him. They demand to see what's in Mike’s hand. Mike puts the bag in his right hand, and shows them his left. Then switches the bag and shows them his other hand. The men are not amused. They demand to see both hands. The next thing I know Mike is barreling past them headed towards the bathroom. The bald guy darts after him. Mike makes a running dive toward the toilet, but the bald guy tackles him just as Mike reaches his hand out to flush the bag. The bald guy takes the bag and demands for all three of to sit on the bed. The hotel manager calls down to the front desk and tells them to secure a police officer. Mike starts pleading with them to not call the cops. They tell us that if he hadn’t been a wise ass, they would have let us go. But now the bald guy is pissed. He is a corrections officer. He is reprimanding us sternly. Just as he gets finished telling us how big scumbags we are, there is another knock on the door. The hotel manager opens the door. It is our friend Chris. The manager explains the situation and tells him to leave. Chris, 250

Social Superstar

seeing visions of two missing groomsmen and in no mood to explain what jerk offs his friends are to his fiancé, begs the hotel manager to not call the cops. The manager tells Chris to leave for a minute, shuts the door and comes back inside. He tells us “You’re friend may have just saved your ass.” But he wants our names and some identification. He then tells the bald guy to search the room to make sure we don’t have anything else in the room. Mike and I hand him are licenses. The only identification Tammy has on her is her high school ID. The hotel manager looks at me like I’m the scum of the earth. At that precise moment the bald guy pulls my pill of Viagra out of a pill case in my duffel bag. He holds the little blue pill in the air and wants to know who has a prescription for an erectile dysfunction medication. None of us say anything. He asks “Whose duffel bag is this?” I raise my hand. The bald guy wants to know why a 26 year old guy is carrying around a pill of Viagra. The hotel manager wants to know why a 26 year old has a high school girl in a hotel room that is filled with booze and other goodies. I have no answer for either one of them. The manager tells us he’s not going to ruin our friend’s wedding just because we’ve decided to be fuck ups; he’s going to leave the police out of this. But he then says “I can’t leave this girl in the room with you two in good conscious.” His solution is to call Tammy’s parents and have them come to the hotel to pick her up. “And I want you to be there with me when they arrive” he says to me. Lucky Mike gets to stay in the room, as Tammy and I get escorted through the halls by the manager and the security guard. We pass various members of Chris’s family on our long walk to the elevator. We finally get down stairs where the four of us sit in the lobby waiting for Tammy’s parents to arrive. Twenty five minutes later Tammy’s mom and dad show up. The hotel manager tells them the whole story with all the gory details. The bald guy has to hold Tammy’s dad back from striking me. I apologize and promise that I will never ever see Tammy again. Tammy’s mom is grabbing her ear and calling her a “little tramp.” Even the bald guy is little 251


uncomfortable with the whole situation. Everyone in the room officially agrees that I am the scum of the earth. I sleep soundly that night. The wedding goes smoothly the next day. I am having a blast. I am engaged in a great conversation with one of the bridesmaid, a hot cousin from Texas. My cell phone goes off with three texts in a row. 1st text from co-worker Trish “Old man need Viagra?” 2nd text from co-worker Kelly “Tell me she’s lying Bobby?” 3rd text from co-worker Jackie “Your dick only works for me daddy?” I turn my phone off. It will not be pretty walking into work on Monday.

252

Social Superstar

The Early Days Experimenting with Speed Seduction Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 03/12/2008

I’ve wanted to write in detail about some of my experiences in the community for awhile now. It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years for me. So I’ve decided to start a new series about the early years. These were the craziest times because it was all so new and life transforming. Amazingly when I sat down to write it all came back to me crystal clear. Here are my adventures; I hope you find them informative and entertaining. The Early Years: Experimenting with Speed Seduction

1998 Buff is in the bedroom with Suzanne. I know its coming. I’ve got the nervous giggles. “Have you ever felt an instantaneous connection to someone? Like maybe as you’re sitting there looking at him… a cord of light grows from you to them” Buff’s voice is radiating from the bedroom. At that very moment I know Buff is motioning with his hand from his solar plex to hers. I know what he’s going to say next. I want to repeat it along with him. “And as that cord glows with the warm of that connection… maybe you can even imagine a time in the future…” I’m lipping along with him. Tracy is too drunk to notice. She flips over a card and tells me I have to drink. I sip my beer. I’m waiting for Suzanne to burst out laughing. Buff continues on… “…like six months from now… still feeling that sense of connection… and looking back at tonight as having been the start of it.” 253


My giggling causes beer to shoot out of my nose. “Are you alright?” Tracy asks me. “Yea… yea” I say.

The Instantaneous Connection Pattern A few weeks later we are at Fatsos. Its college night and half of Montclair State is there. Buff is notoriously missing. He is on his third date this week. Mike and I are drinking Bud Lights and discussing the past couple of weeks. I pat the index card in my pocket. It is filled with “weasel phrases” and “embedded commands.” “Do I look hungry?” Mike asks. “A little,” I tell him. “Pretend I just said something funny.” Mike busts into laughter. We are talking and laughing and smiling but we’re not saying much of anything. At least not much of anything that makes sense. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we don’t look hungry. Ross Jeffries says “Those who look hungry never get fed.” Suzanne, already drunk, comes over to Mike and I to say hello. She kisses Mike on the cheek. She turns to kiss me, but I lean back and wave. Ross Jeffries says “A kiss on the cheek is supplication.” Straight to the point she says, “So where’s Buff?” “I think he’s working” I tell her. Her face drops. “I love him. He’s such a sweet guy,” she says. Mike smiles at me. “Is he coming by after work?” she asks. 254

Social Superstar

“Not sure.” I say. “Okay” Suzanne says then walks away. I head to the bathroom to regroup. I pour the rest of my beer in the pisser. A clear head beats a beer buzz for confidence. I pull out my index card and review the notes. The card reads “Use quotes” I walk out of the bathroom and bump into Angela from Sigma Kappa. “Sweet Caroline” is blasting through the speakers and she’s trying to get me to dance with her. Instead I say, “You wouldn’t believe what this girl just came up and said to me.” “What?” Angela asks. “The girl walks right up to, looks me dead in the eyes, and says, ‘Imagine…me going down on you… all night long’” I say this staring directly into Angela’s eyes. “Really?” Angela asks, then blushes. “Yea… It really took me back…I didn’t even know what to say.” I tell her. Just then Mike interrupts us. He pulls me aside and says, “So I was just talking to Suzanne… and she kept repeating Buff’s name to herself over and over again.” I smile. “It was actually kind of scary,” he says.

A life defining moment on the bowl You never imagine that your life is going to change while taking a shit. But if it wasn’t for a tad of constipation I would probably not have made it past the pictures in the issue of Playboy I was browsing through. In the back of the magazine I stumbled across an article by Peter Alson about this ugly middle aged guy named Ross Jeffries, who has a cult like following of guys all claiming that he can seduce any women in a matter of minutes. 255


Alson weaves tales of lowly computer nerds scoring blowjobs from aspiring models and playboy bunnies in coffee shop bathrooms. Super Guru Pickup God Ross Jeffries has defied nature and figured out the secret to the universe. I was immediately sold.

256

Social Superstar

The Falling in Love Pattern Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 03/12/2008

“I don’t even know you,” Deanna is whispering in my ear. “All the better,” I say. Sometimes foolish men attribute their success to blind chance. Other equally foolish men mistake coincidence for success. There was the time my car got hit by a van full of illegal Mexicans, and an insurance check paid a trip to Cancun I didn’t think I would be able to afford. Easily assignable to coincidence. Another time I called a radio station every hour on the hour until I won tickets to a Tom Petty concert. Easily assignable to success. Deanna puts something soft and damp into my hands. I look to down and see that it’s a pair of her turquoise colored panties. Tonight is a tossup. Deanna clutches the lever of my seat and pushes me back. She climbs on top of me. I’m pinned down by my seat belt. She is running her hand down my chest. With her other hand she cups the back of my neck and pulls my face toward her. The seat belt has me trapped and our mouths don’t reach each others. She puts her finger to my face and I put it between my lips. She is unbuckling me. For the first five weeks of our Creative Non Fiction class she didn’t know I existed. I was part of the crowd. My baseball hats, my Sublime tshirts, my five o’clock shadow, my bloodshot eyes… “A typical frat boy,” is how she described me to her friend. She is hiking her yellow sun dress up to her waist. I’m free now and our mouths are locked, tongues thrashing together. I’ve got one hand cupping her bare ass; my other hand is wrapped around the back of her neck. “Are you wearing contacts?” I ask her. “No… why?” 257


“Just wondering,” I say. There is a reflection from the street light our car is parked under, and her pale blue eyes are glowing like an Alaskan Huskies. Success or coincidence? She’s fumbling with the buttons on my jeans. I’ve got a tit smashed against my face. Her tongue is cleaning out my ear. I lift my ass, as she slides my jeans down. “Do you think I’m pretty?” she whispers. “Beautiful,” I say. “Tell me,” she says. Our assignment a week ago in class was to write a short story describing a memorable experience. There were stories about a skiing in Vermont, a first trip to Yankee stadium, a death of a father, the birth of a child, winning a spelling bee in the sixth grade, a Garth Brooks concert, Paris in the spring time… I wrote about the first time I fell in love… She’s straddling me and our pubes are rubbing hard against each other. She reaches between our legs and wraps her hand around The Boss. She adjusts herself and guides me into her. Her eyes roll back into her head. Outside cars are passing by. Horns are beeping. Engines igniting. Success or Coincidence? There was a moment of hesitation when the professor called on me to read my story to the class. This was the big go… Mike and Buff had been using Speed Seduction frequently since the cassette tapes arrived in the mail a few weeks back. They had the ‘jump in and learn to swim’ type attitude with the stuff. I mainly sat in front of my mirror reciting patterns and practicing tonality. The perfectionist in me always found it wasn’t quite the right time. 258

Social Superstar

I am in Creative Non Fiction reading my story from the paper in front of me… “It was my third date with Shari when I realized what was happening. It’s like you’re not even aware until it’s too late. You’ve already begun to feel that connection… and grow even more attracted. You begin to pay attention in that special way. First, becoming aware… of the rhythm of your breathing… the beating of your heart… and that sense of growing fascination… such that as you continues to be aware of all this… one particular feature of the their face begins to rivet your attention… so as you just continue to keep looking… it’s like the rest of the environment disappears… and the entire world becomes this face…” I am keenly aware of the eyes of the class on me. I am self conscious and a bit uncomfortable with what I’m reading… but it’s too late to stop. “You don’t even know why you just have to go deep inside and find all those values that are so important to you but you just naturally link them up with this person such that you find yourself beginning to look through the eyes of attraction … cause I find when you look through the eyes of attraction, look through the eyes of desire, that’s when you can make that connection…”

The Falling in Love Pattern Deanna is grunting and growling. The restriction of fucking in a Jetta is unsettling. I have to lift her a little so I can bounce her up and down on The Boss. I’m getting a case of rug burn on my crotch. Her eyes are closed which is good because a couple students are walking past our car. I put my hand over her mouth to silence her. I see them peak in but continue walking. “And as you feel that passion growing more and more maybe to a point where you feel yourself just letting go completely as you allow this person to come deep inside releasing all those feelings that have been building and building up inside, you just want to release them in a flood and I find when you do that now with me I find you just feel so enchanted like you are now under a love spell cast upon you such that you can’t control yourself and just find yourself going wild with it” Success or Coincidence? The Boss explodes. Deanna collapses on top of me. 259


Don’t Buy the Cheap Sex Toys Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 07/22/2008

I’ve always been pretty experimental in the bedroom… dare I say… kinky. I have a wild imagination, sue me. Lucky for me, right from the start, I’ve found girls willing to let me indulge in my whims. But what I’ve noticed while mulling over my exploits is that often these whims have turned out to end on a sour note. There was the time I took a roll of film of my ex in compromising positions… that mysteriously disappeared when we went to the CVS to pick them up. There was the time we lost the key to the handcuffs…. The time I jokingly asked my ex to pee on me… and she did! The time I bought the super large dildo to play with on her… and then suddenly felt inadequate. But nothing was worse than the time I cheeped out on the sex toys. This was back when I was dating my first girlfriend Jillian. For all her flaws… I do say, she was gung ho in the bedroom. We were like a couple of perverts trying to see what we could come up with next. Role playing, bondage, blindfolds, fruits and vegetables, voyeurism… we did it all. One day I ventured off to the holy grail of perverted fun... The Pleasure Palace. This place had everything I ever dreamed about. I was a kid in the candy store. I wanted everything. Only I had very little money. Luckily, I spotted a discount shelf. There were a handful of items marked down for clearance. With the amount of money in my pocket, my choice was narrowed down to a cock ring, edible panties, or anal beads. I went with the anal beads for the low low price of $4.99. For those of you unaware of what anal beads are; these are a series of beads attached to each other usually by a string with a handy retrieval ring. The package promised that if I inserted them into her ass… and 260

Social Superstar

then pulled them out right as she climaxed… she would reach new orgasmic heights. Worth a shot, right? Jillian wasn’t thrilled with my new toy. She only mildly liked it when I did her anal, and usually felt dirty about it afterwards. But I can be pretty persuasive. I sold her on the "new orgasmic heights." Things started out amusing enough with the beads. We tried them out in her vagina first. In and out, in and out. As our session got steamier, I started poking my finger around her ass trying to warm her up to it. She squirmed a bit… but soon enough I’m digging away, and she likes it. I take this as my cue to start sliding the anal beads in. They were still pretty lubed up from her pussy juice, so they went in without a fight. By this time, I’m doing her pretty hard missionary. I’ve got her legs spread over her head. Wailing away. Jillian starts making her "I’m going to cum" face, so I reach under her ass and grab the ring and get ready to yank. Just as the two of us reach orgasm I pull the string in one quick flick of the wrist. She did a giant pelvic thrust… but then flashed me a reassuring smile to let me know she enjoyed. I was a proud man. That was until I looked down at the string in my hand. The string which had five beads going in… had come out with four. I quickly tried to hide the string under the pillow. But my face must have given it away. Jillian starts asking, "What's wrong?" "One of the balls didn’t come out" I tell her. She jumps up and grabs the string from under the pillow. It is obvious that the bead slipped over the last knot. She starts panicking. She reaches her hand around to her ass and starts holding her anus open while jumping up and down. I pray the bead will pop out. It doesn’t.

261


If you remember from previous mentions of Jillian, she wasn’t the most mentally stable girl. She starts hyperventilating. She’s screaming, "You better get this fucking thing out of my ass." I say, "Maybe you should try taking a shit." She looks like she’s going claw my face off. I get behind her and start prodding around. I want to reach in, but I am afraid I’ll just push it back further. Now she’s crying so loud I can’t concentrate. I say "Maybe we should go to the Health Center on campus. See if they have any suggestions." I take from her reaction that wasn’t an option. I calm her down enough to walk her into the bathroom. I sit her naked body on the toilet and tell her to push like she constipated… push like she’s trying to get a baby out. She starts pushing. She’s making some nauseating faces and I have to leave the room. The grunts and growls that were coming out the bathroom would have scared small children. After a few minutes they stop. "I feel it" she screams. I open the door and peak in. Jillian has her ass raised above the bowl and is shaking it violently. But nothing is falling out. "It's right there. I can feel it. Look and see if you can see it." She kneels down over the bowl and lunges her ass into the air. I take my two fingers and pry apart her anus. "Push" I tell her. She begins pushing, grunting, and growling all over again. Miraculously the little purple bead appears… but just as I’m about to grab it her anus closes shut and sucks it back in. 262

Social Superstar

"Push again, harder this time" I demand. She’s pushing so hard one of the veins in her forehead seems it's going to burst. I’m really hoping a turd doesn’t pop out along with the bead. I’d have to dump her. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" she screams. The bead plops onto the floor. I pick the thing up and flush it down the toilet. I walk in the room and grab the string and flush all the beads down the toilet. And that, my friends, is why you don’t buy the cheap sex toys.

263


That Drunken 5ight in Medellin Story Written by Bobby Rio Original Published: 08/18/2008

8:40 pm My dick is in my left hand… my right hand is fumbling through the medicine cabinet for some kind of lube… I’m squatting over the toilet, my mind trying to hold a fantasy long enough to rub one out. But just outside the door there are seven different Spanish voices continually reminding me that my time in the bathroom is limited. I float different pictures through my mind… first, one of my girlfriend’s cousins… Anna and her big fake titties… then Sofia and her rebellious tomboy attitude… but the noise is just too distracting. 8:44 I’ve finally got some momentum going. I start unrolling some toilet paper to finish into… “Bobby, c’mon other people need to use the bathroom” my girlfriend shouts in … Everything is fucked. My dick goes limp. I give up. 9:05 My girl gives me a little peck on my lips. The most action I’ve gotten all week in this chastity ward of an apartment. That’s what happens when you cram 9 people into a three bedroom apartment. Privacy is nonexistent. I pull her close and grind my hard-on into her. She rolls her eyes and tells me no. I finish putting on my shirt. She tells me not to be so grumpy and that I better have a good time tonight. I beg one last time… “A goodbye blow job…please?” 9:25 I’m in the backseat of Sofia’s car and I’m trying to calculate just how old she is. Sofia could be 25 or 40 and I wouldn’t be surprised. And normally I wouldn’t have cared much. But I’m thinking now… the older she is… 264

Social Superstar

the more likely she’d be up for doing something if something should happen to come up… 9:44 We get into the bar… it’s themed like a typical Colombian town... Each room with a different theme. The waiters are walking around dressed like typical town people… there is a priest, a nun, a farmer, a banker… a cowboy. .. And the town bum… 9:45 I walk through smiling… making sure they notice… And they always notice. Because in a brown eyed world… the blue eyed man is king. The room we wind up in is themed like a cathedral, and a slight bit creepy. 9:46 I follow the cousins to a table filled with about eight or nine Colombians. I am doing the obligatory kiss on the check to bunch of chubby Spaniards… the loud alpha male of the group introduces himself in English. His name is Jim. I am happy that there will be at least one person I can communicate with here tonight. 9:51 Shot number one goes down smoothly. In fact, I smell the glass to make sure it wasn’t water. Sofia notices my curiosity and says “Aguardiente, you like?” I smile. There are three bottles of the stuff on the table. I try pouring Sofia a shot. She shakes her finger no. “I no like” she says in broken English. “I no care” I say and fill the shot glass. She shakes her finger no again. I lift the glass and down the shot myself. 10:00 Jim calls me over to him. He hands me a shot. We knock glasses and shoot them. He puts his arm around me. “You like the Colombian girls?” he asks. “Si” I say. “Muy Bien! Mucho gusto!” He asks me why my girlfriend didn’t come. I explain that she had a wedding rehearsal … and has to get up early tomorrow for the wedding. “So you can have some fun tonight!” he says. 265


10:02 Jim calls over an old fatty. I assume he is trying to hook me up with her… I give him the thumbs down. Jim introduces me to the fatty… his wife. I’m a little embarrassed by my blunder, but nothing another shot of Aguardiente won’t cure. I pour the three of us shots and we gulp them down. 10:11 I turn to Sofia. I want to make conversation. I try… but it’s useless. It’s too loud to deal with language barriers. She takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. Things get ugly quick on the dance floor. My lack of rhythm is apparent. Sofia not wanting to be seen dancing with the gringo… pawns me off on her sister. Her sister wants to play dirty. She doesn’t know daddy. She doesn’t know how dirty I can get. 10:13 Pretty soon I’ve made both of us uncomfortable. My constant humping of her leg and staring at her tits has seemingly offended her… I put my tail between my legs and head back to the table. 10:14 I get back just in time for another shot. 10:16 There are a few new faces at our table. Some young girls… that can’t be older than sixteen. I start to wish I Googled the age of consent down here. For all intensive purposes I’ll assume it’s sixteen. I fumble for the bottle and begin pouring another shot. Sofia grabs my arm… and tells me in her adorable broken English to “slow down or I get too crazy” She’s probably right… but I’m past the point of reason. I fill a few glasses and try to hand the sixteen year olds shots. They shake their fingers no. I push the glasses toward them again. 10:18 266

Social Superstar

Jim sees me trying to make conversation with the girls and comes over to us. He looks at the group of girls and nods at me. I give him two big thumbs up. 10:19 He introduces me to the sixteen year old… his daughter. Before I have time to explain… he tells me to dance with his daughter. He actually pushes us closer together. I look back at him over my shoulder… now he gives me the thumbs up. As we are dancing Jim comes up behind his daughter and sandwiches her against me. She is in the middle of us and I’m grinding lower and lower with her. Jim seemingly pleased… heads back to the table and leaves me and his daughter alone. 10:22 Time for a piss break. 10:25 I regroup in the bathroom. ...it's a moral test of yourself, whether or not you can maintain loyalty. Because when you can be loyal… that’s meaningful… So you’re going to go out there… drink your drink… be friendly… not too friendly, and then you’re going go home and jerk off. And that’s all you’re going to do. Yea right!!! This is where things get blurry. Here are the definite memories I have: … Gulping down another four or five shots of Aguardiente … Jim’s daughter shaking her finger no as I try to lick her ear …Jim’s fat wife pulling me off her daughter and then scolding her daughter in public Here are the fuzzy memories I have: 267


… Sofia pushing me into a car with a random Spanish guy … Driving through the mountains of Medellin thinking I’m being kidnapped …throwing up in a port-a-potty on the side of the road: Here is where things get ugly: I stumble into the apartment and stalk out my girlfriend. I try to wake her up. I go caveman on her. I take off all of my clothes and demand sex. She is not turned on my aggressive drunken behavior… or my breath which reeks of puke. Naked, I retreat to my bed. I try for a few minutes to jerk off. It’s not going to happen. I decide to piss before going to sleep. I walk to the bathroom. I head back into our room. Only I’m not in our room. I’m standing buck naked in the room where the aunt, Sofia and Anna are sleeping. Only they are not sleeping. They are staring at me and laughing and pointing for me to go back into the hallway and to my own room. I momentarily snap back into consciousness and walk into the hallway. This time I wonder into my girl’s cousin Adolfo’s room. I start to crawl in bed with him. Naked. He wakes up and flips out. Hearing his anger the aunt comes into the room and in Spanish intervenes. (Most likely explaining that I’m a drunken mess who has no clue what room he is in… or probably even what country he is in) The two of them guide my naked ass back to my room. 9:20 am I wake up alone, naked, on my bed. I have vague flashes of the night before… I panic. In the other room I hear the Spanish chatter of the entire family having breakfast. I am completely dehydrated and desperately want water, but thought of going into the kitchen to face the family is terrifying. I close my eyes and go back to sleep. 268

Social Superstar

11:40 My girlfriend wakes me up and tells me that I have to get dressed for her friend’s wedding. She asks me “What the hell happened last night” 11:53 I do the walk of shame to the bathroom. When I expose myself from the room… the entire family starts mocking me in Spanish. They are nice about it… but are openly amused. All I can think about was how pronounced the “shrinkage” was….

269


31 Days to Better Game Day 1 Designing Your Life Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 06/10/2008

The first step you need to take to improve any area of your life is determining your desired outcome. The title of this series is 31 Days to Better Game… but “better game” has a different meaning for everyone reading this. In order to fully experience and appreciate the lessons you’ll receive over the next 31 days you need to have a clearly defined end result. Having a clearly defined end result means knowing exactly where you want to be 31 days from now. How will you look after you’ve achieved better game? How will you act? What kind of girls will you be dating? Sleeping with? What will a day in your life look like once you’ve got this area of your life mastered? How will you feel? What kind of thoughts will be running through your mind? These are all questions that you cannot ignore. This step is more important than any lesson you will learn from here on out. If you have had difficulty with talking to women, managing a relationship, building attraction... or any other area of your life… until you develop a clearly defined goal for yourself your mind will continue producing the same results you’ve always gotten. Have you read the book The Secret? Or how about Real Magic? Or Think and Grow Rich? These three books (if read and implemented correctly) are worth their weight in gold. These three books all explore the ancient principle that your mind will create whatever reality you present it. This means that if you consistently think of the lack in your life (of women, money, and friendship) the universe will continue to provide you a life of lack. But if you train your mind to see abundance (of women, money) the universe will provide you a life of abundance. 270

Social Superstar

If this sounds new age and hokey… wait a minute. I felt the same way years ago when I was presented with this concept. But I’m going to safely say that it is magic. I want all of you reading this to put aside your personal opinions and judgments and reservations. I want you to trust me to give this a chance. Your Homework Everyone reading this needs to set aside one hour in a quiet place. Take a pen and paper with you. You need to close your eyes and spend the next thirty minutes visualizing yourself as your Ideal Self. Imagine clearly what you will look like, feel like, and act like once you’ve mastered this area of your life. As you run this image through your mind, pay attention to the way you walk, the way your voice sounds, the thoughts running through your mind, visualize yourself in the company of the woman you want to be with. Clearly imagine the women and note the way you interact with them. After you’ve spent about thirty minutes just completely immersed in this “new you” stop your visualizations and grab your pen and paper. Now I want you to write the most descriptive, thought out, clearly defined, summary of this new you. Write everything in the present tense. For example, suppose in your mind you saw yourself surrounded by a set of beautiful women and they were all laughing and having a good time… you would write “I am confident around large groups of beautiful women and easily create enjoyable conversation while building attraction.” If during your visualization you saw yourself having unbelievable sex with a perfect 10, write ” I am having sex the girl I’ve desired” and so on. The idea here is to create a blueprint of the life you want. It needs to be as detailed as possible. It needs to be filled with emotions and feelings. You need to read this piece of paper and be instantly transported into that reality. Next Every morning when you awaken… take out that piece of paper and read it a few times to yourself. Then close your eyes imagine this reality. See your ideal self. See your ideal life. 271


The entire time you're visualizing this life… let your mind go. You will be tempted to let your negativity and doubt creep in and tell you this isn’t possible... or remind yourself of your shortcoming or flaws… Clear your mind of the negativity and focus solely on “ideal life.” Throughout the day try to remember to keep your self- talk in the positive. Even if you deviate from your “ideal self” in your current reality, continue to talk to yourself positively. “I am always meeting and attracting new interesting girls.” Every night before you go to bed; repeat the ritual of the morning. Lay there holding that image (with feeling) firmly in your mind. See if so real that it feels like you're dreaming. I want each and everyone one of you to do this for one month. Don’t slack. I’m not asking much. There is no hard work involved. I’m not asking you to approach 10 sets a night…. I’m just asking you to spend a half an hour in the morning, and a half an hour in the evening visualizing the life you want. At the end of the 31 days I want feedback on this exercise… I only want feedback from those of you that followed it every day exactly as I’ve stated. The rest of you can keep your excuses I don’t want to hear them. Those that choose to follow this… I know that I will be hearing miraculous stories! If you want some further reading on this subject I highly recommend reading The Secret

272

Social Superstar

Day 2 Developing Inner Game Written by Cajun Originally Published: 06/12/2008

Inner game is probably one of the most popular subjects in the community. It’s a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it’s a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime’s worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can’t convince you how to think or look at life differently, only you can, but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences. So what is it? To me, inner game problems boils down to two things: your experience and your mindset. Every problem you run into with not just women, but life itself, can be attributed to one of these two areas. I’m going to get into both of these, and give some personal insights, so hopefully by the end of this article you’ll have a clearer understanding of what exactly it is that you need to work on to fix your own issues. Experience: When people ask me how I developed my “Rock solid confidence”, I always answer the same; “Practice”. When you think about what confidence actually is you realize that it's simply doing something that you’ve done enough times to be comfortable with. It’s only when were thrown into situations that are unfamiliar to us that we start to lose confidence in ourselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don’t talk to women! It’s a negative feedback loop that’s perpetuated by a fear of “what might go wrong”. This is bullshit! To be scared of the possible 273


negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better! Think about it this way; when you were learning to ride a bike, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having, even then you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Well this is the same thing, I remember when I first started out with this stuff I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn’t easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it, don’t get mad at her or yourself, don’t go home, just accept that it’s a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it. Mind Set: Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a 2 concentric circle model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was independent of it…but recently this all changed. We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (Or beliefs, if you’d rather). What does this mean? As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who’s to say I’m not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire article out to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It’s possible. The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it’s a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don’t be one of them. 274

Social Superstar

I recently received an email from a student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following: “Think of it this way: what if, let’s say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The AI is so smart you can’t tell it’s not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play, he says this: “This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let’s say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these “beliefs”. Think of it as your “console hack”" I’m sure you saw this coming, but this “game” already exists and it’s called reality. You become who you believe you are.” Sound a little like the matrix? Well that’s ok, like I said; I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works. I’ll end this article with something that I’ve never written about before: I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mindblowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I’ve learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say? “The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is…to remember that you already are.” Your welcome, Cajun.

275


Day 3 Updating Your Look Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published:06/13/2008

There is a misused phrase being tossed around in regards to attracting women… “Looks don’t matter.” The phrase should have been worded “Looks only matter so much.” There is no denying that physical attractiveness makes it easier for attraction to take place. But you don’t need to be naturally good looking to make a good first impression. If you’ve read The Game you know that the first advice Mystery gave Neil Strauss was to improve upon his look. He had the less-thanhandsome Strauss shave his balding head, get a tan, grow a goatee, hit the gym, and change his wardrobe. If you’ve seen the before and after pictures you know what a drastic improvement these simple steps made. Like Strauss says, “You’ve got to present your best self.” I wrote a post a couple months ago called 10 Ways to Immediately Make Yourself More Attractive. I highly recommend reading over that list. The list includes simple to improve areas like skin color, hair style, smiling, posture and grooming tips. By just implementing these 10 tips you will begin to not only look more attractive, but you will begin to feel much more attractive. What I did not include on that list but is equally important is maintaining a fit body. I’m not saying that you have to look like David Beckham… but you know deep inside if you’re body can be improved upon. If you look in the mirror and see things jiggling, there is no excuse not hit to hit the gym. If you’re unsure of how to lose that extra weight check out this article about shedding unwanted pounds… if you’re looking to gain some muscle read this article on bulking up for the summer. If you want further information on designing a weight loss/muscle gain plan read this free personal trainer program-the site has like five hundred articles on every aspect of weight training and nutrition.

276

Social Superstar

After you’ve improved upon the areas of your appearance that need some work… it's time to update your wardrobe. I am not a firm believer in peacocking in the sense that Mystery and Style teach. But I do believe in using clothes and accessories as a way to attract positive attention. More importantly is dressing in a way that promotes your self confidence. If you’ve got little or no sense of fashion than read through our men’s fashion articles here at the site. We’ve had a couple fashion consultants contributing articles to make your choices easier. If you’re still looking for more advice than I would recommend purchasing Brad P’s Fashion Bible. If you still have questions regarding how to go about updating your life you might find an article I wrote for my How to Be Popular in High series helpful. Although the article was geared toward high school students there is advice on creating your image that can be applied to all age groups. The article also talks about creating a presence and takes quite a bit from the classic article The 7 Elements of Charisma. Today’s Homework Today you need to make the necessary changes to present your best self. No matter what area of your physical appearance (if any) needs an overhaul there is more than enough information contained in this lesson to get you well on your way. Remembers just because “Looks only matter so much” you shouldn’t use that as an excuse to be lazy about your appearance. Would you be attracted to a girl who isn’t doing her best to present herself to you?

277


Day 4 Always be Advertising Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 06/16/2008

In a common sale’s office 10% of the salesmen make 90% of the money. Is it because they are that much better salesman? No. It’s because a successful salesman is constantly marketing himself while the other 90% do their 9-5 in the office and call it a day. The biggest mistake most guys tend to make while trying to improve their game is they think that it only counts when they are at a bar or club. They read books, study lines, learn to “be alpha” but they sit in their house all week waiting for the weekend to practice game. I spent this weekend with AFC Adam Lyons from Pua Training in New York. If I had to name the most inspiring thing I got out of the weekend it was Adam’s ability to always “be on.” Adam made the comment several times that he “is game.” And he’s right. No matter who he was talking to he was projecting the same charismatic personality. He didn’t wait until heading to the clubs at night to go into game mode. He lived, breathed, and slept game. Does that mean all you should care about is game? Hell no. It just means that everything you learn needs to be implemented at all times. Always dress to impress. Always be chatting up strangers. Always be opening sets. Always strive to make your conversations memorable. Always be presenting your best self. A lot guys wonder how come some nights it is so hard to get “in state.” It is so hard for them because all week they’ve created a pattern of bad posture, poor tonality, boring conversation, approach anxiety, and AFC tendencies…. then they expect to miraculously be the life of the party come Saturday night. Every lesson that you learn throughout these 31 days needs to become a new habit in your life. If you’ve just read an article about flirting; start 278

Social Superstar

flirting immediately. I don’t care if you have to flirt with your sixty year old neighbor…. you need to always be reinforcing these skills. Once you get in the habit of always reinforcing the skills you’ve been learning, you will find that it becomes a lot easier to get “in state” since you will be spending most of your time in the right frame of mind. More importantly though, is that you will find, like the most successful salesmen, that the best leads come when you least expect it. If you’re always “on” you’ll find that you’ll naturally be attracting more women into your life. Your co-workers who used to ignore you will be asking you to come hang out with them. The counter girl at your local bank will be dropping you IOIs. Always leave the house expecting to meet the girl of your dreams. Because you just don’t know when you will bump into her.

279


Day 5 Being High Status Written by Mack Tight Originally Published: 06/17/2008

I was reading Bobby’s recent post “Never Show Emotion When She Walks Away” and all I could think was “could that dude make it any more obvious that he was low status”? Let me explain… When you think of “high status males” who do you think of? Donald Trump… George Clooney… Kobe Bryant… your favorite politician… Now if any of these guys had an attractive girl make out with them and run off would they set around and pout like a tit baby about it? Fuck no… They are flooded by a large quantity of attractive women in their life… and even if you temporarily took away their money, clothes, cars and made them wear a disguise; any woman would still be able to read that they are high status within minutes of meeting them by the way they talk, act and by their body language. In Wisconsin we deer hunt and my Dad always told me to never cough because a deer’s hearing is much better than a human’s… Well a woman’s “status” senses are far superior to a man’s. Now you might ask why “status” is so important to women. Because with “high status” comes most of the traits women desire in men like security, power, wealth, fame, social acceptance and notoriety. Not only will landing a guy like that make her life better, it will make the life of her kids better and even make her friends jealous and envious. …yes, women are actually very competitive with each other but in more subtle ways than men… 280

Social Superstar

So how can women sense your status? They can sense your supply versus your demand… If you are clingy and needy it shows to them that you have a low demand and a high supply. If on the other hand you don’t give a shit when dealing with a hot girl you’re showing your supply is low and your demand is high. Now if a guy’s supply is high and demand low and attractive women is the commodity; the attractive women are going to have a harder time landing this guy’s business. This raises his status to them. Supply and demand is not unique to women and men either… Why is gas $4 a gallon? Supply and demand! Why are diamonds so expensive? Supply and demand! (Thanks to DeBeers) It is like your status is a publicly traded stock when you go into a club and your every action makes it go up and down in value. Here’s another analogy from my childhood… When I was a kid I collected sports cards. There was a term called a “common” for sports cards of a player no one wanted. “Commons” were ummm… common… …don’t be a common! The guy in Bobby’s story showed to everyone in the bar and most importantly to the girl that he was a “common” by gawking at her and pouting. It is quite obvious that an attractive girl kissing him was a “big deal” and a rare occurrence in his life… That made it quite obvious to everyone that he was “low status”. Now similarly, if you go to a car dealership to deal on a car, you always want to give them the impression that there are other dealerships that are in the hunt for your business…

281


If you go to a job interview you want to give the interviewers the impression that there are many companies of courting you… …you are living in a world of opportunities and abundance. Always give the impression that you have options in your life even if you don’t. Now let me switch things up and touch on some community concepts that hit on the “high status” point… Peacocking Do you think wearing a pair of Sketchers, some old carpenter pants and a boring t-shirt of your local major sports team screams “I’m high status”? To me it screams “I don’t care how I look, I want to fit in and I’m scared to stand out”! That’s what “peacocking” is all about… having the balls to stand out… …and I’m not talking about even wearing goggles and a fuzzy hat. For example, I recently bought a bright green Paul Frank t-shirt with Julius the monkey on it. What can I say; some like dogs and cats but I LOVE MONKEYS! I had guys busting on me about it but I could HANDLE it. I had women cold approaching ME about the shirt and I went to town from there. I even had some girls who BUSTED on me just like the guys did but I was able to turn the tables and get attraction from them. I bet everyone of those douche bags who were busting on me went out and bought the same shirt the next day… …but I have a feeling they had no luck with it because they could not properly handle the reactions. High status men do not care what others think. Negging “Negging” is defined as saying something to an attractive girl that subtly shows her that you are not caught in a hypnotic trance over her beauty. 282

Social Superstar

Calling it “negging” was a bad move because people outside of the community assume it is just about putting down women. Sure, some examples involve VERY, VERY subtle comments that could be taken as a backhanded compliment. For example, take Mystery’s “its funny how your nose twitches when you talk” or Neil Strauss’ routine of picking a piece of lint off a girl’s shirt. It is not like you are calling the girl a “bitch” or saying she is “ugly”. You need to differentiate “negging” from being an obnoxious asshole. Many people who are new to the community do not understand how to calibrate proper negging. Basically you are showing her that in a sea of low value ass-kissing chumps you are the one prized high value man who is accustomed to interacting with girls of her level of beauty on a routine basis. She is accustomed to being put on a pedestal by guys staring at her, buying her drinks, endlessly approaching her and showering her with complements… …but you quickly knock her off the pedestal to defuse her defenses. It may sound mean but women WANT to come off their pedestals to meet a high value man like yourself! Giving/Taking Value I made a post a while back by Mehow about giving value by being the value. It does a good job of differentiating how needy and high status guys communicate with women. Do you think a rock star that is in town for a tour is going to barrage a girl he just met with a bunch of interview questions? What’s your name? What’s your age? Where are you from? What is your job? HELL NO! For him to ask such personal questions to a girl with them both knowing he will be in a different city the next day would be silly. Instead he is probably going to vibe with her about cool things. Maybe they’ll talk about music or pop culture. He might bring up some stories about something crazy that happened at his last tour stop in New York City. 283


Guys often interact with beautiful women by asking endless personal questions and they usually never end up seeing or talking to the girl EVER AGAIN anyway, so it is completely worthless! High status men want to test women before they even care about their personal life. They begin by building comfort and attraction by telling interesting high value stories (such as the rock star’s crazy night at his NYC tour stop). ONLY if the interaction progresses to the point that it EXCEEDS his normal standards does he care to learn the back of baseball card stats of a girl’s personal life. A high status man has many options with quality women just as a quality woman has many options with low status men. The key is that quality women only have limited opportunities to interact with truly high status men. So show them that you are high status from the start and you will make yourself the exception and not the norm. So there you go… I hope I did a good job of explaining high status to you. I also hope my examples gave you some ideas on how you can raise your status to women even higher. It’s casual, Mack Tight

284

Social Superstar

Day 6 How to be a Good Flirt Written by Christian Hudson Originally Published 06/18/2008

I was a very boring guy until I turned about 22. My interests used to lie exclusively in history, economics and business, and while this proved an asset in my talks with “adults,”,I was completely stilted when you’d throw me into a bar full of people my age. I thought that, somehow, once a girl sensed how deep and concerned about the real world I was, she was bound to be attracted to me. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly a huge hit around the college bars in Ann Arbor, MI. The inability to be fun and flirtatious is one of the most common problems that men face when they’re learning to get better with women. To this day, it is issue number one amongst the clients with whom I work. While they may have some approach anxiety, it is not necessarily because they are afraid of getting rejected, so much as it is that they are worried the conversation will flatten out and get boring. There’s nothing worse than a girl who, initially, seems to be enjoying her time with you, only to see her attention wane as the conversation starts to get, well, lame. If you’ve ever been talking to a woman and thought to yourself, “man, I’m even boring myself!” then you know exactly what I’m talking about here. A flat conversation is one without any spark, emotion, surprise… it is how you might communicate with your lawyer or your professor. And listen, if you never learned to communicate any other way, that’s fine – you’re in the company of many other men. But let’s learn how to flirt, and add some much-needed texture to the conversation. Flirting is conversational play. Its two people talking about… anything they want (it definitely does not need to be logical)… and pushing, pulling, surprising and rewarding each other. Flirting is YOU and HER – your personality and hers – sharing some basic information and making it more fun. I like to think of it as taking a flat note, hitting it with a bend,

285


and running it through a flanger. Swooosh – instant texture. But perhaps an example is in order. DULL, BORING CONVO F: So where are you from? M: Right, uh… Stains. It's just outside London. F: Ok… how is it there? M: It’s pretty nice. You know, it was a good place to grow up. How about you, where are you from? Here, our man is relaying facts. This conversation is as flat as a deflated blimp, and probably not even as interesting. Key point: the girl is not having FUN sharing this information. Let’s consider a few tweaks. FUN, INTERESTING CONVERSATION F: So where are you from? M: Hmmmm, I’m from… guess where I’m from. (Here you’re creating a little game – more fun) F: Ohhh, ahhh, London. (Note: there are about a million responses she could have here, ranging from “I don’t know,” to “that’s too hard” – we’ll use one of those in a later example), M: Ohhh! So close. You get the Silver Star. (Little reward for playing along). Nope, I’m from Stains. F: Stains… what’s that like? M: Ok, I’ll tell you what it's like… (here you’re “headlining” what you’re going to say, building up anticipation. Now, put your hand on her shoulder and lean into her ear, saying quietly)… but you can’t tell anyone else. (Now, step back, look her in the eye, and say) Promise? F: Ok, promise. M: Cool, so check it out… What have we done here? We’ve conveyed the exact same information, but we’ve texturized it with some personality. We’ve made a little game 286

Social Superstar

of getting it out of you. There’s a whole mess of other things going on in here - subtle frame control, screening and qualifying - but most importantly, it's made the conversation, and the process of sharing information, a lot more FUN. These exact conversation fragments happened with a boot camp client not long ago; needless to say, after coaching him on how to rock the second one, he was doing a lot better with the ladies. I want to add too – you don’t have to be a dancing ape with your delivery on this one. Too often, our models of fun behavior and delivery are guys who are way over the top, act gay, or have some other presentation style that just smacks of “seduction community.” You can be totally chill, and as long as your delivery includes some warmth and a smile, you’ll be golden. Think Happy Californian Stoner/Surfer. Ok, so let’s consider another example… a girl asks you what you do. This is literally the first question out of the mouth of every girl you meet here in NYC; there must be a book that girls receive when they move here, about how to tell if the guy they’re talking to is going to treat them to Per Se dinners and weekends in the Hamptons. I used to answer this question in one of two ways. One option was to say “Are you qualifying me already?” which girls usually take as offensive and which, 95% of the time, shuts down the conversation. That line works with certain girls, but there’s no algorithm for knowing which – you just need to practice and develop a feel for it. The other thing I’d say was something like “I’m a garbage man,” which is obviously a lie and which, because I’m not being truthful, punished them for asking me about myself. So what’s a fun way to stand out when a girl asks you this question? F: So what do you do? M: Hmmm, I’m a…. guess what I do. (She’s going to have to work harder than her lame ‘How to Separate the Duds from the Studs in NYC’ guidebook told her she would) F: I don’t know. It could be anything. (And she’s not pleased about it!) M: Ok, tell you what… (thinking)… I’ll give you three options. (I wouldn’t play a “reward/punishment” game here if it's early in the conversation, as you’re getting away from the question at that point). 287


F: Ok, that sounds good. M: Ok, option 1… I run a beverage company that produces and markets caffeinated gelatin shots in little one ounce packets. (Lots of detail, fun, interesting) F: Ahhh, ok… M: Option 2: I consult with men on their lifestyles and communications skills – kind of like Hitch – to help them meet cooler women and have better social lives (too ridiculous to be true – or is it?) F: hahahaha, right… M: Option 3: I run a software company that builds security software for biotech firms who want to protect sensitive data from being stolen by insiders (sounds legit, too complicated to be a lie) F: Okkkkkk… that’s tough. M: I know, right? But you’ve got the power of your copious intellect. F: Haha, so I’m going to guess option 3. M: Wow, you’re like… kind of right! You get partial credit! That deserves a hug, but no kiss on the cheek yet. (Give her a little hug) F: Wait what do you mean partial credit? M: Well… I’ve actually done all three. F: So you’re an entrepreneur! M: Yeah, exactly. Damn, you’re wicked smart. And so on. This is a conversation I have, frequently almost verbatim, and helps me avoid talking about the coaching stuff because I’ll steer it into talking about jello shots or software. Of course, the way that you present something like this may vary; one way you might want to present it is to throw in your job, described very interestingly, along with two hobbies, described as if they were jobs (i.e. if you play guitar you could say “I’m a musician working to get his first breakthrough demo track laid down). Now, it's time to ask the girl what she does. Here’s the flat, boring version: 288

Social Superstar

M: So what do you do? F: I’m a technical designer for Jill Sanders. M: Ok, uh… what’s that? I meet girls every day and they tell me they do something that I’ve never heard of. More often than not, I just don’t have anything good to relate, immediately, to what a girl does. So what can you do with that?! Well… M: So what do you do? F: I’m a technical designer for Jill Sanders M: Wait a minute, no you’re NOT. Get, OutOfHere. (Smiling as if she just made your day when she told you that) F: Wait, why (she’s probably smiling now too)….? M: Actually, I have no idea what a technical designer is (both laugh). But it sounds exciting. Tell me about it. Same information, more texture, more playfulness. Let’s consider another example, but with a more common job: M: So what do you do? F: I’m a sales representative for [insert big faceless company here] M: Wait a minute, no you’re NOT. Get, OutOfHere. (Smiling as if she just made your day when she told you that) F: Wait, why (she’s probably smiling now too)….? M: Ah, I’m just messing with ya. How’d you get into sales? See? Creating this playful tension, this texture, makes a girl feel much better about sharing information with you. She has FUN telling it to you because the conversation itself is a little series of surprises. And ultimately, this is what flirting is all about. We’ve barely scratched the surface in terms of all the techniques you can use to flirt. But if the attitude you take with you into your interactions is “what would give this conversation some texture, some fun?” then you’ll find yourself flirting pretty effortlessly. 289


Day 7 Simple steps for Successfully Approaching and Opening Women Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 06/19/2008

I think most guys are waiting for some new pickup artist to come out with an innovative, fail proof, guaranteed to work opening line to say to a woman. Don’t hold your breath. An opener is just the first thing you say to start an interaction. Yes, ideally it will make her laugh, make you look cool, and create conversation that just flows from it. But the fact is; there is no perfect opener. But there are perfect ways to approach and deliver your opening line. The best approaches are spontaneous. BAM! You see a woman you want to talk to an immediately initiate a conversation. The reason these approaches are the best is because very little thought is going into the interaction. The less thought out and planned an interaction is the more natural and relaxed you will appear. Once you start scanning your mind for things to say it's over. You’re mentally in the wrong state. This is why in the beginning a lot of coaches recommend using canned openers. Personally, I recommend having a couple canned openers ready for different situations… but I would keep them simple (hey, are you guys friendly?..) and stay away from the classic Mystery or Strauss “who lies more” or “what 80’s pop duo should I name my dog after?” I’ve found that guys who are using these elaborate canned openers are getting stuck in routine mode and not going on to develop natural conversation skills. But that's just my opinion. When it comes to opening girls I’ve found that several things will make all the difference. 1. Proximity. The easiest girls to talk to are the ones you're standing closest to. Most of the times these girls will be expecting you to open 290

Social Superstar

them. As you walk into a venue scan the room for the best possible spot. You don’t want to be the guy doing laps all night with the hungry look on his face. 2. Spontaneous. The best approaches feel spontaneous. That is the beauty of the three second rule. If you’ve entered a bar, and you’re in the proximity to a couple girls you want to talk to- open them immediately. The longer you wait the more awkward it's going to be. Even if you just say “you girls look like you’re ready for a fun night” give them cheers with your glass and then go back to talking to your friend. Now they’re opened. Open as many people around you as quickly as you can. This will put you in the right frame of mind. (And build social value) 3. Body Language- The reason spontaneous approaches work the best is because your body language doesn’t have time to get all weird and up tight. Because the approach was spontaneous you will be sending off really natural body language. You want to make sure your body language conveys the image that this interaction carries no excess value to you. You also want to present the image that you could turn and walk away at any time. 4. Stay Fun- Once you’ve approached and opened girls keep a really fun vibe. I see too many guys open a girl with a funny line… then immediately go into “interview mode.” Once you’re in interview mode she knows you’re hitting on her, and is probably bored. You’re better off staying playful for awhile. 5. Know when to eject and when not to- If you open a girl and the whole time you’re talking to her she’s fumbling with her cell phone and avoiding eye contact… don’t waste your time. On the other hand, if you get a tad resistance; don't prematurely eject. You have to differentiate between a girl who visibly giving you signals of disinterest… and the girls that just take a little more work. Remember not all girls are super outgoing… some girls need a little prying before they open up. I hope that these tips help next time you’re out. There are entire books on approaching but sometimes it's the simplest advice that is most practical and easy to implement. Bobby

291


Day 8 Improving Your Conversation Skills Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 06/20/2008

The goal of a conversation is to connect with the other person on some level. After you’ve approached a woman and have broken the ice with an opening line… you need to hook her into the conversation. You need to get her to invest some interest in talking to you. How do you get a girl to invest some interest in the conversation? One of the easiest ways to elicit a response is to make assumptions about her and funny guesses. For instance, the other night I was talking to a girl at a bar, and I asked her if she lived in the city. She told me she just moved here from Iowa. The standard question that most guys would have asked next was “how do you like the city?” Instead I said, “So, you’re here because as a child you had bright lights big city dreams… you imagined yourself strolling down Fifth Ave, swinging your briefcase on your way to your job in advertising…” At this point she stopped me and said… “Ha-ha, actually I imagined it was a job on Wall St., I’m a finance geek.” “So you imagined yourself in a power suit… doing lunches with the Gordon Gekko types... talking about how Intel is down a point?” From there the conversation flowed naturally because I avoided interview mode. I guided her along. When that thread died down it was easy to transition into another interesting topic.” “So tell me what your first week in the city was really like” I asked her. Here she brought up the emotions she felt of excitement mixed with fear. Using the material she gave me “the mix of excitement and fear” I was able to transition into another thread. 292

Social Superstar

“Well aren’t the most satisfying times in life the times you feel that adrenaline? It's like when you think of your most memorable vacation… it probably wasn’t a vacation you sat in a beach chair sipping Pina Coladas... It was probably one where you challenged yourself a bit…” “Haha, yes… being stuck in France not speaking a word of the language... out of money” “Oh... that sounds like a good story... do tell!” See how the conversation is naturally flowing from one thread to another? After she spoke a bit about her adventure in France I told her about my first time in Brazil, and explained the emotion I felt of “being lost on this entirely different continent, and how it almost brings you back your childhood when things were still new… and you had that desire to explore.” We were able to smoothly transition from “Do you live in the City?” to having a detailed conversation about our most adventurous vacations. The key to being a good conversationalist is to keep your ears open for hooks. A hook is something she says that you can use to extend the conversation. If you’re listening to her you’ll notice a new hook every time she opens her mouth. When she told me she just moved here from Iowa a month ago she gave me three hooks to work off of. (Leaving Iowa, arriving in NY, her first month here) Each time she gives you a hook you should relate it back to her establishing a connection. The biggest mistakes guys make is turning the conversation into an interview… take the conversation above and see how easily it could have headed into interview mode: •

me: Do you live in the city?

•

her: I just moved here from Iowa

•

me: Oh yea.. so what do you do?

•

her: I’m a stock broker

•

me: where do you usually hangout?

293


See how easily the conversation could have turned into a high pressured interview if I hadn’t used what she gave me and related it back to her. You also want to stay away from “try hard” relating. This is where everything she says you try to find away to immediately relate to it. •

me: Do you live in the city?

•

her: I just moved here from Iowa

•

me: Really, I have a friend who went there on vacation last year. What do you do?

•

her: I’m a stockbroker.

•

me: Oh yea.. I dabbled with stocks online a little. What do you do for fun?

In the example above you’re wasting valuable hooks by trying to fill the air with pointless banter about yourself. Who cares that your friend went there on vacation? The proper way to handle a hook is to relate it back to her. This is actually a technique I learned from Richard La Ruina’s book The Natural Art of Seduction where he talks about taking things deeper. Here is an example from my conversation of how I took things deeper. •

me: tell me about your most adventurous vacation.

•

her: It was this time in France when I was dead broke, didn’t speak the language, and alone for two days wondering around Paris.

•

me: So you must have felt both the thrill and fear of complete anonymity. So what does one do when they know no one will find out?

See how I acknowledged the emotion that she must have been feeling. This simple acknowledgement let her know that: 1. I was really listening to her. 2. That I was able to empathize and understand her. 3. That I was genuinely curious to know what one does when they know no one is watching. 294

Social Superstar

Once you’ve acknowledged what she has given you it is alright to relate the story to yourself. Because now she knows that you’re on the same playing field. She knows that you’re not superficially trying to relate… This is a conversational strategy you should take on no matter who you are talking to. Many of us have old habits that we’re going to have to break. The easiest way to break an old habit is to consistently implement a new one. Instead of waiting for attractive girls to practice this new conversational strategy I would suggest practicing it with your friends, family, and coworkers. Practice picking out the hooks these people are giving you, and then practice acknowledging the hooks. If you get in this habit you will naturally become a better conversationalist.

295


Day 9 How to Build Comfort with a Girl Written by T Originally Published: 06/23/2008

Bobby Rio asked me to shed some light on building comfort with women. This is just a sampler of techniques you can use to build comfort with women and isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list by any means. I hope you guys enjoy it and find it helpful. Two things I hear guys ask about when it comes to building comfort with women are (1) whether to go indirect versus direct with the game and (2) whether to compliment or playfully insult the woman. My answer is…it depends on your conveyed status. If your body language, physical appearance, social proofing and/or manner of speech are strong enough to convey higher value from the moment you walk in the door or open your mouth, sure you can compliment a woman upon first meeting her. One of my rules has always been that it’s all right to put a woman on a pedestal so long as it’s made clear that you’re on the throne, which is even higher. Or to put it another way, treating a woman like a queen is not a sign of weakness as long as it’s crystal clear that you’re the king. If there’s any possible doubt as to your status versus her status, however, you will probably want to lean more toward indirect game and playful teasing and insults. The more comfortable you get with your game, the easier it will get to convey that you’re an alpha male and a prize with hardly any effort. Until you reach that level of game, however, it’s always better to start in the beginning with a little more indirect game and use playful negging and teasing to bring down your target’s status in relation to your status. Eventually though as you get more comfortable with your inner game and alpha role, you want to get skilled at knowing how and when to use compliments and direct game as well as using negs and indirect game. Daytime Drills One of the biggest problems men have with building comfort with women is that they put too much emphasis on the moment of truth, which is the moment of interaction at the bar or club. Picture yourself as 296

Social Superstar

an athlete, say a basketball player, but you never practice or touch a basketball except during big games in front of a large amount of people. Imagine how nervous you’d be. Imagine how off your game would be. You’d never do that. You’d practice by yourself for hours when nothing is on the line and not a lot of people are watching. You’d run drills. You’d take shot after shot after shot in your spare time. You’d do visualization exercises. And by the time you hit the big game you’d feel a lot less pressure on yourself because you mentally prepared yourself for this moment. The same applies for building comfort with women: practice when it doesn’t count and when no one is watching and you’ll be way more confident and perform much better during game time. Start a conversation every day with a different attractive woman. Aim for 30 seconds. Then go for a minute. You achieve that, go for five minutes. If you’re stuck on a long post office line behind an attractive woman, that’s an opportunity for conversation. A woman sitting next to you on a bus reading a book you’ve already read is an opportunity. A cramped subway car is an opportunity. Make small talk with the Starbucks barista when waiting for your coffee. Chat with a cute bank teller while she’s handling business for you. Ask a woman for her opinion on a cologne or article of clothing you’re considering buying when you’re shopping at the department store. The whole goal is to get comfortable talking to women you don’t know. When you do this, take mental notes on what works and what doesn’t. It’s not enough to make a note on what doesn’t work for the sake of avoiding repeating the mistake; it’s even more important to make notes on what does work so that you can repeat it and fine-tune it. For some reason a lot of guys make a joke or tell a story that works brilliantly in a conversation, pat themselves on the back for it, and forget to ever repeat that joke or story again. Don’t fall into that trap. When you do these daily conversations in the beginning you’re just aiming to get used to the banter and to reduce the anxiety you get from having conversations with women. Women’s defenses tend to be down more in these casual daytime situations than they are in a bar or nightclub where they are more guarded due to being hit on incessantly, so you’ll experience less rejection and more responsiveness than you would in a nightspot. With these drills, you don’t have to get a number or pick a woman up. The point is to get comfortable starting conversations with women and to get comfortable with the occasional rejection. In fact, the more you get rejected, the more you realize that it won’t kill you and that 297


it’s not the end of the world. And that alone is important. Then you’ll want to get used to observing and interpreting body language. Then you need to focus on using your body language to convey the alpha male impression you want to convey. Once you get used to doing your daily daytime drills and getting comfortable starting and maintaining conversations with women, you’ll see your bar or nightclub game improve dramatically. Nightlife Comfort Since this article is supposed to be about building comfort, I’m not going to focus on openers and how to start conversations with women. There are plenty of other articles out there about that. I’m going to focus on how to build comfort with a woman once you’re already in conversation with her. First, never sound desperate to please. Be cocky, be playful, and tease her like she’s your little sister. Make her laugh, but never at your own expense. Don’t use self-deprecating humor. Avoid it at all costs. There is one exception to the self-deprecating humor rule: you can use selfdeprecating humor if it’s blatantly insincere and actually points out one of your strengths: for example, if you have an athletic, muscular physique, you can joke about what a 95 lb. weakling you are. It works great because (a) it’s genuinely funny when done right and (b) it points out one of your strengths yet comes off less obnoxious and approval-seeking than outright bragging. But outside of that exception, avoid self-deprecation or anything that lowers your status. Second, don’t apologize for who you are and don’t be afraid to offend, because both those tendencies are obstacles to building comfort. When many guys come across a pretty woman, the anxiety kicks in and they start getting flustered easily. Then they start over apologizing. A woman busts their balls a little bit and they backtrack or apologize immediately. They are so afraid of not getting her approval that they almost beg for it. Don’t do it. Don’t apologize. Stick to your guns. Of course use your discretion; if you step on her foot or spill a drink on her, then you should apologize. Apologizing for your actions is the right thing to do under some circumstances. Apologizing for who you are and what you believe however is a no-no. I’ll give an example of this. A friend of mine, Beethoven, recently approached two women at a bar. The conversation started out well 298

Social Superstar

enough, but at some point one of the girls asked Beethoven what he and his friends were discussing earlier. Beethoven responded “We were just discussing how many fat girls there are here tonight.” His target’s jaw dropped and she was absolutely mortified. She said “That’s not very nice” and seemed disgusted. But Beethoven stuck to his guns, didn’t backtrack and didn’t apologize. He just looked her up and down and said “Whatever, why does it bother you? It’s not like you have anything to worry about looking the way you do” and just kept going with the conversation. If he apologized, instead of making the situation better, it would have just highlighted the awkwardness, which would have made her uncomfortable, and even worse, put her in a position of dominance, which would make her lose respect for him. Not only did he turn that potential negative into a positive, he ended up hooking up with her. Women do not respect a man they can easily dominate or make uncomfortable, and if they do not respect you, they will feel uncomfortable around you. By never sounding desperate to please and never apologizing for who you are, you earn their respect and set the foundation for building more comfort. Third, know when to stop negging and teasing so much. Sometimes when guys get really good at the negging and teasing and see the initial results it gets them, they go overboard and do it for too long. And then it goes from being cute and charming to just smug, annoying and dickish. Once you start winning a woman over and she is warming up to you, she is going to want to start getting to know you and building rapport with you. If you just keep negging and teasing at the same level you were when you first started building comfort with her, you risk coming off as a real obnoxious prick. You should keep playful tone and never stop teasing totally, but you do want to dial it down as you build more and more rapport with the girl. And you never, ever want to tease a girl about a topic related to her core values. If she’s heavily into church, don’t mock religion. If she is passionate about fashion and works in the field, don’t mock her chosen field as frivolous or stupid. If she’s passionate about politics and is involved in certain causes, don’t tease or playfully insult her favorite cause or ideology. Good rule of thumb is to be careful about negging about political stances, chosen careers and religious beliefs, as these tend to represent a person’s core values and insulting these, even playfully, often does more harm than good Fourth, move around from place to place, even if it’s within the bar or club. For some reason, changing locations gives the psychological 299


impression that you are spending more time together and bonding more. The more locations a woman associates with you, the more time she feels like she’s spent with you and the more comfortable she feels. It’s an illusion, really, but it works. For example, if within a bar, lead her to a spot at the bar and order drinks. Take her to another end of the bar and introduce her to some your friends. 10 minutes later take her to some couches to sit down. If you know how to dance, take her to the dance floor later. Then go to another part of the bar. As with anything, don’t overdo it. You don’t want to come off as hyperactive and spastic and moving around every 30 seconds. Moving around from venue to venue also helps build comfort, such as going from one bar to a second bar to lounge to a diner…bouncing around like that gives the psychological impression to a girl that she’s just spent three or four mini-dates with you and she’ll feel more comfort with you than if you spent that exact same amount of time talking to her rooted to one spot. Fifth, make sure to touch her whenever you can. In the pickup community they call it “Kino,” but it’s something my friend and I always made sure to do before we ever knew what it was called. A conversation will get stale quickly and turn into the foundation for a friend zone relationship if you never touch her during the conversation. Light, playful touching conveys sexual interest and builds attraction and sexual tension, which are very important when building comfort. If you build comfort without building attraction at the same time, you’ve just guaranteed yourself a place in the friend zone. I’m not going to go into the specifics of playful touching here, but you can find tons of Kino-related articles by Bobby and Mike right here on the TSB Magazine I’m sure. Getting the balance of touching just right so that you don’t come off either too timid or too aggressive takes some trial and error, but it’s not that hard. Sixth, while it’s cool to playfully bring up sex, do not dwell too deeply into conversation about ex's (hers or yours) and specific approaches toward sex. These things can backfire too easily if you don’t know what you’re doing. With ex-es, it can end up being a light, harmless conversation. But there’s also the risk that she may end up talking about him at length and getting nostalgic about him and talking about how much she still loves him, and suddenly the attraction mood is dead and you’re on the road to becoming her emotional tampon as she drones on and on about how much feelings she has for him. Or on the flip side, she may have a lot of unresolved anger toward him, may start venting and getting worked up and then start transferring her issues with her ex 300

Social Superstar

specifically and men in general toward the next closest male target, who in this case would be you. I made this mistake with a woman once; thinking that making her talk about her shitty ex would be a great way to sell myself as a positive alternative. Instead I spent the night fielding angry questions about why guys cheat; why guys fear commitment, why guys hurt women…I ended up being her convenient target for everything she hated about men. Needless to say, it wasn’t a great comfort-building conversation. And regarding bringing up specific approaches toward sex, here’s an example of how that can backfire. Unlike men, women’s attitudes change wildly with their emotional states. With men, to change their minds you must change their logic. With women, to change their minds you must change their emotions. If a woman hasn’t built much attraction and comfort with you yet and you ask her what her attitude is about how soon is too soon to have sex, you’ll get a totally different answer than you would if you asked her that same question later on when you have her on an emotional high. By asking her such a specific sexual questions too early before she’s built comfort and rapport with you, she’ll be very cognizant about coming off like a slut to a guy she barely knows and may say something like “I don’t have sex with a guy until three or four months of dating, and I have to get to know him very well first.” Now that you’ve made her explicitly give a sexual timetable, it’s going to mentally psyche you out and make you behave less aggressively in your comfort building. You’ll start believing you have no shot of building much comfort anytime soon. And on her end, now that she’s verbally committed to that, even if she gets insanely attracted and comfortable with you later in that same conversation, she’s going to feel obligated to stick to her original conservative statement for fear of looking like a hypocrite or liar. Meanwhile, if you never asked about sex at all things could have happened much more spontaneously. As I mentioned before, this isn’t an exhaustive list when it comes to building comfort, but I think it’s a pretty good foundation. Hope it helps some of you out there.

301


Day 10 Being Funnier – Make it fun! Written by Barry Kirkey Originally Published: 06/24/2008

Every woman likes a positive man, and often, positivity takes the form of a good sense of humor. The problem with giving anyone advice about how to become funnier, is that humor is universally subjective. Meaning, every culture, sub-culture or individual decides what is funny on their own. Yeah there are exceptions, people can be told by popular media what they think is funny, but you’re not one of those people because you’re reading this article. Here are some things you can do to become funnier, in chronological order: First, find out what you like. A sense of humor is as unique as your own DNA (simile). They are usually a complex combination of joke types, body language, interest in shows/movies, and so forth. This step should normally be a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised at how so many people dislike comedy. Once you find out what you like, expose yourself to it. Watch those shows and movies that you love. Watch them alone or with friends and family. Learn how to laugh out loud when you watch them, even if you’re by yourself. I would caution you, however, not to “force it down,” meaning if you’re not in the mood to watch a comedy show (sitcoms, late night, etc.) then don’t watch it. If you have the problem of never being in the mood then you need to find out why this is the case. Note: If you’re never in the mood to laugh, you may have other issues that are keeping you down. I suggest you speak to a psychologist, doctor or other professional that can determine why your mood is always down. You might be surprised to learn about what prevents you from doing what you love. This can be something as serious as depression or anxiety. However, it can also mean that you’re still, subconsciously, dealing with unresolved matters in your life (such as, a fight with your dad 6 months ago and you haven’t talked to him since). After enough exposure, you’re ready to take it to the field. Try to avoid copying other jokes directly – those Borat impressions are no longer 302

Social Superstar

funny, so don’t do them. Unless you’re a naturally funny guy – then you can get away with it, but that’s a whole different article. If you must copy, use a variation of what you’ve learned instead. For example, if you want to do a Seinfeld joke, don’t just start quoting the show. Do your worst and most annoying Seinfeld voice and exaggerate a Seinfeld-type joke as much as you can. Make it ridiculous and unexpected. While all this is going, laugh at your own jokes. Laugh as much as you can and absorb the criticism of others by laughing even more. Here’s why: Laughing is infectious. The more you laugh, the more others around you are likely to laugh as well. Not only that, but let’s consider the whole theory of conditioning by association. If you’re consistently around the same people, doing jokes often, and laughing often, people will associate you with laughter. When this happens, you’ve won the game – you’re known as “the funny guy.” “But Mr. fuckface (me)! How do I use this to get girls!?” Just by statistics, most people end up in quality relationships through other people that you already know (i.e., in the office, friend of a friend or family member). So you get the immediate benefit of being “the funny” guy in your own social circle that way. “But Mr. faggittface (me)! What about girls you don’t know?!” Okay, that’s definitely more difficult, but not impossible. With cold approaches, first impressions are the only thing you have, so make it count. Start off with the best jokes you have, make sure you laugh and you smile. If she looks down on you, make a friendly insult, “wow – someone dropped their funny basket in the toilet today!” and walk on to the next person. If you end up forced into a situation with someone who doesn’t respect your humor then this is particularly challenging, because you can potentially make an enemy without knowing it. Similar to what happened with Darth Vador, it’s difficult to turn someone from being your enemy to your friend, but not impossible. I won’t go into this situation now, because that is a discussion for those who are already polished and comfortable with their own sense of humor… Dun dun dun! Anal. 303


Day 11 Mastering the Art of Push-Pull and Cocky-Funny Written by The Asian Rake Originally Published: 06/25/2008

Do You Want Faster and More Powerful Seductions? How the 80/20 Principle applies to Push-Pull and Cocky-Funny? We’ve all heard about the 80/20 principle first developed by Vilfredo Pareto in the context of the distribution of income and wealth. My experience and observations have shown that the 80/20 rule applies just as well to push-pull and cocky-funny. After closely observing naturals who are masters at crazily rapid escalations and seductions, and after a lot of discussions with PUAs who have really tight game, I’ve discovered an important enhancement to the simplistic push-pull and cocky-funny concepts. This small bit of finetuning can shave a lot of time off your seductions and create much stronger, closer emotional connections. Here’s my thesis statement (yes, I’m an academic, lol): If you want to seduce a woman faster and have her more powerfully attracted to you, the optimal mix for a man who already has his fundamentals down (his body language, tonality, and basic inner game) and is interacting with a confident and attractive woman is 80% pull, 20% push. I’m not going to be too strict about the numbers. But more accurately, the optimal combination depends on how good the man’s fundamentals are and how confident the woman is. It’s a continuum with the upper end of the continuum being 80-20 pull-push. My experience has also been that pull-push is best mixed with humor. Plus, the pull and the push are opposite manifestations of cockiness. With push, you are cocky enough to think that you are too good for the girl, so you push her away. With pull, you are cocky enough to think that you are irresistible to her and to women in general, and you want her, so you pull her in. Although there is plenty to say about this combination of push-pull and cocky-funny, I’ll leave that to another article. My focus here is on the 304

Social Superstar

80/20 principle applied to the push-pull dynamic. I’ll assume here that it’s obvious that push-pull is closely connected to cocky-funny. For the classic book on push-pull, see Swingcat’s ebook, Real World Seduction. For cocky-funny, the best authority is David DeAngelo. Check out his ebook, Double Your Dating, and his DVD series, Cocky Comedy. I assume at least familiarity with push-pull and cocky-funny as described in these resources. Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks over at The Social Man are about to release a product that incorporates all the concepts in Swingcat and David D.’s books and then takes it all to another level. Watch at their site for the release. We’re good friends, so I’m a little biased, but you can go over there and check it out for yourself: What I say here is NOT for absolute newbie's, who don’t yet have their fundamentals down (body language, tonality, and basic inner game). If you still don’t know what good BL&T looks, sounds, and feels like, stop reading this and figure that out first. My point here applies to elite game. It’s for guys who want to know what it’s like to live in the top 10%, or higher, of men in this world. That’s not to say this is advanced. It’s just not for beginners. A quickie definition of push-pull straight from the pen of Swingcat: “Push-Pull is whenever you emotionally push a woman away from you and, then, emotionally pull her back in. Each Push creates an emotional space for each Pull.” We’ll be filling this out as we go along. Now let’s unpack the thesis statement. While you can succeed using almost any combination of push and pull (e.g., 80% push-20% pull, 50% push-50% pull), the combination that will generate the fastest seductions and most powerful connections is 80-20 pull-push or in other words, 80% pull-20% push. This is true only if the following also hold: a. The man has good fundamentals (good body language, tonality, tight inner game and is hence non-needy, etc.). This also applies if he is physically attractive or is perceived by the woman to have high social value. b. The woman is unusually attractive in the man’s eyes, and she is confident about her value and attractiveness. This relates to Believability. She needs to be able to be confident enough in her self-worth to accept your advances. 305


If both those elements are in place, then the fastest and most powerful route to sex is a mix of 80% pull-20% push. [CAVEAT: If the man only has average fundamentals and the woman is only of average confidence in her own attractiveness and value, then the optimal mix is further down the continuum and closer to 50-50 pushpull. This is because pulling a woman closer to you emotionally is only effective when you already have a basic level of attraction from the woman. Of course, we all know that this kind of attraction is largely independent of one’s physical appearance. Over 90% of this kind of attraction is attributable to body language and tonality alone. That’s why I call these the fundamentals. Your attitude and outlook are also crucial to pulling off the right BL&T, so I include inner game as a factor for the sake of completeness.] Pushing a woman away is effective when a woman looks at you and doesn’t expect you to be cocky. It throws her off and is hence funny. It’s like when a precocious child talks like an adult, using mature and sophisticated vocabulary, sentence structure, etc. It’s unexpected and incongruent with the kid’s image, and hence, kind of funny, and if done right, it’s admirable. Now imagine a 50 year old, sophisticated-looking man talking the same way. It’s not funny anymore. It’s just normal and expected. Similarly, when a below average looking guy uses a lot of push cockyfunny, talking as if he’s too good for her and using humorous sarcasm, it’s attractive because the woman begins to wonder, “How can this guy be so cocky? He must have something going for him that I can’t see yet. I’m interested.” And because it’s done in a comedic way, she’s not offended, but rather, intrigued. Now if a guy who has his fundamentals down (good BL&T), a goodlooking guy, or a guy perceived to have high value starts to push her away emotionally, she’s not intrigued. Why? Because it’s obvious why this guy is so cocky. He’s good-looking, high-value, or has an attractive personality. It’s not funny anymore because it’s expected and congruent with his image. He just comes across cocky. For a guy like this to use cocky-funny, he has to really emphasize the humor and really cut down on the cocky part. 306

Social Superstar

Most people overlook the fact that David D. himself acknowledged this in one of his newsletters: "If you’re a pretty good looking guy, you might turn down the cocky, and turn up the funny. Women perceive good-looking guys who act cocky as MAJOR PLAYERS, and too much cocky too soon can backfire on you.” More accurately, this isn’t just true for guys who are good-looking. If your fundamentals are strong, or you’re perceived as high-value, then it applies just as well to you. It’s the push dynamic that makes these high-value or good-looking guys come across as too unattainable. For guys like this, it’s best to use the pull dynamic more often and save the push dynamic for that 20% of dramatic contrast. And obviously, when a guy with good fundamentals, attractive appearance, or high social value is perceived as a “major player,” it is very bad for his Believability. You can do it the opposite way, of course. You can do mainly push and just a little pull, like 80% push and 20% pull. Or you can be very cocky and only a little funny. Sure, you can get success that way, too. But for the most part, if your fundamentals are already strong, then: 1) You can get much faster seductions by pulling her in more often than you can by pushing her away. 2) You can get the girl to feel a deeper emotional bond with you by pulling more often than pushing. Here’s why: 1. If your fundamentals are good, then you will be a relatively DOMINANT, powerful, and confident man. Hence, girls (and most people in general) will naturally feel like following your lead. So when you tell a girl to sit down, she will feel a strong social and emotional pull to sit down. When you’re emotionally pulling a girl in by telling her to kiss you, she will have to work extra hard to resist. Most girls like a strong, dominant, powerful, confident guy, and many girls have the fantasy of “being taken” by such a man. Any resistance they give to such a man is just token.

307


Thus, if you already have good fundamentals (BL&T and basic inner game), and you want to shave massive amounts of time off your seductions, you’re better off pulling the girl in more frequently than pushing her away because the chances are good she will give in more often than not. Ah, but Asian Rake, when you push a girl away, doesn’t she want to pull you in? Isn’t that the whole point of pushing her away? So you can get her to chase you? Yes, to a certain extent, this is true. That’s why you SHOULD STILL PUSH. That’s the all-important 20%. In fact, by pulling most of the time, when you do finally push her away, it’ll feel that much more powerful to her. If you’re a dominant guy, girls will feel pressure to follow your orders, and unless she’s very dominant herself, chances are good that she will NOT pull you in return every time you push her away. Chances are good that if you are a dominant man, when you push her further away, she will follow your lead and remain further away. Assuming the pushes and pulls are of about equal emotional intensity (that’s one variable I’m leaving out here), if you PULL more often than not, she might resist you at first, but then because you’re dominant, she’ll follow your lead and move closer to you emotionally and physically. If you PUSH more often than not, she might resist you at first, but then because you’re a dominant guy, she’ll follow your lead and move further away from you emotionally and physically. Sure you can generate attraction with most combinations of push-pull. But what’s faster to sex? When she’s emotionally and physically closer to you, or when she’s emotionally and physically farther from you? It should be obvious. This is how the best naturals I’ve seen get bathroom lays in less than 15 minutes. It’s pull-pull-pull-pull-PUSH-pull-pull-pull-PUSH-pull-pull-pull to the bathroom. 2. By pulling more often than pushing, you can also create the deep emotional connections much faster. 308

Social Superstar

If you’re continually pushing her away emotionally, however, how can she possibly feel an emotional connection? This should be obvious. A far more efficient way to develop emotional connections is to pull her in emotionally. One very effective kind of pull technique is in conjunction with screening and qualifying. If your Believability game is good then every qualification is actually a pull. For instance, “Wow, you are really adventurous, I like that,” said in response to her little adventure story, is a great example of a pull. When you stack enough of these, she’ll feel like you really appreciate her for her unique qualities. She’ll be saying to herself, “Wow, this guy really, truly, sincerely likes me for my special qualities.” And of course, she’ll want to open herself up and continue connecting with you. Btw, this is also a key technique for creating the kind of emotional connections that will get girls to fall in love with you FAST. There are others, of course, like sharing secrets and using childhood regression, but this is one of the easiest to do. Now let’s add the COCKY-FUNNY into the mix. What exactly do I mean by Push Cocky-Funny vs. Pull Cocky-Funny? Once again, probably the best way to illustrate what I mean is through examples. PUSH COCKY-FUNNY The prime proponent of this is David D. Let’s first talk about the internal mindset behind Push Cocky-Funny. David D. helpfully lays it all out in his Double Your Dating: I’m going to play hard to get, make fun of her, be indifferent towards her, and generally bust her balls as much as possible. I know that she loves a guy that is so sarcastic that it makes her nervous, so I’m going to really keep the heat on… and when she starts to show any interest at all on the outside, I’m going to blow her off and make her prove to me that she wants me… so I can reject her again.

309


You notice that with this mindset, you’ll be pushing her away a lot more than you’ll be pulling her in. David D. follows this up with some now classic examples: I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her and say in a completely serious voice, “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?” And then look them right in the eye. Or say, “What are you doing at a bar for god sakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face. I could go on forever, but you’re better off reading his eBook or watching his DVD series Cocky Comedy. Wow, I never thought I’d be plugging David D.’s materials, as if he needs to sell any more. LOL. When most guys think “cocky-funny,” they’re thinking this kind of cocky-funny, which is what I call, “Push Cocky-Funny.” PULL COCKY-FUNNY This is my default style of cocky-funny, so I’ll give you one of my own examples. I learned from a natural friend that this sort of thing is best done when you’re a bit over the top or dramatically exaggerated in what you say and in your facial expressions, tonality, and body language. This took place near the coat check of a huge nightclub, which is just about the only place in the club where you can talk without speaking right into her ear. A super cute, long-haired beauty walks by, and I jump in front of her with my hands slightly extended in front of my chest in a “stopping” motion with my palms out. Me: OMG! (Then, with a sigh and a love-sick puppy dog look, I say after lowering my hands) I’m in love with you… Give me your number. (Pull #1) HB (shocked): Huh? Are you crazy? Why? Me (with an incredulous look on my face): Why? I mean, just look at you. You’re driving me crazy. It should be a crime for you to walk in public. (Pull #2) HB (breaking out laughing): Where are you from? Me: From? It doesn’t matter. I want your number. (Pull #3) HB (laughing): No way. First tell me where you’re from. 310

Social Superstar

Me: Okay, … guess. HB: Um, China? Me: Pretty close… (Taking a step closer to her so that we’re inches apart, I say in a quieter tone,) You know, you’re making me really nervous. My hands are all cold and sweaty. Here, feel. (Then, I take her hand in mine). (Pull #4) HB (laughing): You’re not nervous. Me (throwing off her hand and looking shocked): Are you calling me a liar? I’ve just confessed my deep dark love for you, and now you’re calling me a liar? That’s it. We’re getting a divorce… But I’m keeping the DVDs. You can have the dog. (Push #1) HB laughed. I said nothing and continued looking fake-mad. HB said (with a smile): “Okay, bye,” and started walking off. Me (stepping out in front of her again and knowing that she’s just teasing and wants me to chase her): No, wait. You can’t go. I’ll be so sad… I’m going to go home and cry now (and then I slumped my shoulders as if completely sad and depressed). (Pull #5) HB laughed. Me (perking up and letting out a sly smile): Okay, give me your number. HB (laughs): Okay. We talked a little bit more, and then I let her go back to her friends. I texted her about an hour later, and she texted back, asking what I was doing tomorrow… But that’s for another LR. Notice the push-pull ratio here. That was 5 pulls to 1 push. The one push came after 4 pulls. In fact, I don’t even think that push was necessary. This sort of Pull Cocky-Funny can get you super fast make outs and, as my natural friends have shown, club bathroom sex. For an example of a fast make out, see the LR that features my first encounter with NaturalMD:. There are many other tales to recount about naturals such as him, some of which you can find elsewhere on my site and some of which I might write about in the future. You’ll have to check back for those. Another great example comes from Zan. Among the community oldtimers, Zan is probably the best representative of this kind of cockyfunny. If you haven’t read any of his materials yet, check the mASF archives or google, “enlightened seduction.”

311


There are so many possibilities to choose from, but this conversation of his has stuck in my mind for a while now: ZAN: Come out with me for a drink tonight. I will pick you up at 7. HER: I can’t. My boyfriend wouldn’t like it. ZAN: Oh hey, I understand… let’s make it 8 then. I never, ever worry about a woman’s resistance to me. If she says she is not interested and leaves, no problem. But if I ever see her again, I immediately go up to her, smile and wink, and pick up right where I left off. As if she had never resisted me in the first place. In other words, her boyfriend objections (or whatever) mean nothing to me. ZAN: (big smile) Hello, sweetie. Did you miss me? HER: Hardly. ZAN: I want to see you. Tell me your number and I’ll remember it. HER: No! I told you last time I have a boyfriend. ZAN: Oh, so you’re still seeing Norman? HER: Uh… his name’s not Norman. ZAN: (smile, wink) Really? That’s very interesting. I have two bottles of champagne at home. HER: No thanks. ZAN: One to drink and one to pour all over your body… HER: You never give up, do you? ZAN: Of course not! Wouldn’t be the same if I did, would it? HER (laughing) No, I suppose not… I find this whole exchange completely charming and hilarious. Zan pulls her in about seven times. Just about everything he says is a pull. He’s cocky because he believes that she’d be crazy to turn him down. So her objections don’t even register with him. This is the ideal kind of frame to be operating from when doing Pull Cocky-Funny. So there you have it. Push Cocky-Funny vs. Pull Cocky-Funny. Both can work. But if you have good fundamentals (body language, tonality, and basic inner game), or you’re good-looking, or you have high perceived social value, and you are interacting with a confident and attractive woman, then you can get faster seductions and make deeper connections by doing more Pull than Push, around 80%-20% is ideal. And keep it all funny. 312

Social Superstar

Day 12 Body Language 101 Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published:06/26/2008

The first thing you need to accept about your body language is that right now you’re probably completely unaware of the mistakes that you are making. For me, it took watching myself on video a few times to really appreciate how many mistakes I was actually making. The first part of this lesson I want to make you aware of the different ways you are conveying low status. Hopefully by being consciously aware of these mistakes you can catch yourself in the act, and quickly correct them. By taking the time to first break any of these bad habits you may have, you will be making it possible to accept the new habits I will talk about later.

Body Language mistakes 1. Slouching Over. Slouching over is a way of keeping a low profile. Subconsciously people slouch because they are timid and don’t want attention on them. It portrays an image that you are socially awkward and unable to properly socialize. People try to blend in with the crowd by slumping their shoulders, bowing their heads, and taking up as little space as possible. 2. Avoiding Eye Contact. Less confident people tend to look down a lot. They do this because it is a way of avoiding making a connection with someone. They are afraid that if they catch eye contact with someone they will be forced to talk or smile or do something else beyond their comfort zone. By avoiding eye contact with people not only are you giving off a low status vibe, but you’re missing out on opportunities to connect with other human beings. 3. Touching Your Face, Fiddling with Things. When people feel insecure or nervous they start to have trouble sitting still. Their insecurity eats away at them and they feel forced to constantly be moving their hands. Some people will rub their chin or neck, other people with run their hand through their hair, others will juggle the loose change in their pocket. Doing any of these things immediately screams that you are not comfortable in your present situation. 313


4. Holding Your Face up with Your Hand. This displays the image that you’re too bored or tired to bother holding up your head straight. It displays a lack of enthusiasm and energy towards life. These are not the kind of people other people want to interact with... as they appear to have nothing to offer. It can also give off the impression that you’re uncomfortable with the way you look and are trying to hide your face. 5. Leaning Forward to Talk to Someone. A quick glance around a room can tell you which guys are going to succeed with the women they are talking to, and which guys will fail. The successful guys are usually relaxed leaning away from the girl, causing her to move toward him. The unsuccessful guys are the ones bent over leaning forward. If you think she can’t hear you… talk louder.

Body Language Habits of the Alpha Male This second part of this lesson is designed to improve your body language and replace the negative habits you may have been displaying.

Habit 1: Make it a practice to hold eye contact with everyone that you meet. While doing the talking you should be holding eye contact for the majority of the time. If someone else is talking to you, hold eye contact about 50% of the time. If you’re talking to a group of people switch eye contact up between the different members of the group… but always be holding it with someone.

Habit 2: Get in the habit of walking around with your head up and your neck straight. In the beginning you will need to constantly be checking yourself. Create a little game with yourself to remind yourself to pay attention to your posture. Tell your friends to point this out to you.

Habit 3: Keep your muscles relaxed. This is especially true of your facial muscles. When we tend to get nervous we tense up in the jaw. You need to keep your face free of this stress.

Habit 4: Smile often. If you don’t have a naturally attractive smile than you should practice in front of a mirror. A smile displays a positive energy that is infectious. Habit 5: Push your chest out a bit and pull your shoulders back. The idea is to take up some space. This is another habit you will have to check often to avoid falling back into the old habit of slouching.

Habit 6: You should keep your feet about as far apart as your shoulders. Habit 7: Take up space when you sit. Spread yourself out a bit. Don’t slouch and look sloppy, but don’t be afraid to get comfortable. 314

Social Superstar

Habit 8: Walk with confidence and power. This means your head should be high, neck up, chest puffed out a bit, shoulders back, and take big slow steps. Try never to appear to be in a hurry or flustered. Also walk with direction. This is especially true when walking through a bar… you never want to give off the vibe that you’re looking for the cool place to be. You want to give off the vibe that you know where it is and already are heading there. Habit 9: Avoid making sudden hyper gestures. Every gesture you make should flow naturally at the same speed as your previous gestures. Habit 10: Use hand gestures when telling a story. When talking to someone avoid clutching on to your beer or putting your hands in your pocket. The trick to pulling all these habits together is to use slow calculated gestures. If you’re giving a girl a once over, do it slowly like it doesn’t embarrass you that she noticed. If you’re grabbing a drink off the bar take it at a speed that says “I’m in no hurry.” Try learning how to turn your head slowly, how to blink slowly, how to change facial expressions slowly… and how to gesture slowly. This kind of body language transmits the message: “I’m so comfortable in my own skin, it hurts”. On the subject of body language… voice tone is insanely important. While technically it isn’t body language, all the same rules apply to it. Most people speak with weak, squeaky voices that convey the message: “I’m not confident… I have no self esteem”. If you want to attract beautiful women, you’re going to need to take a few lessons from Barry White. Learn how to speak with a deeper voice. Learn to speak from down in your chest and stomach. Add more bass to your voice. Also, learn how to speak slower… and how to articulate every word better. Become comfortable pausing… it creates anticipation. Most guys talk too much, too fast, and feel like they need to talk because they’re nervous. Don’t do it! Learn to lean back, relax, and become comfortable with the tension that comes from silence. Body language and voice tone habits are not easy to change. It takes time and determination to break a bad habit and replace it with a new one. But if you implement these habits over rest of these 31 days you will find that eventually it will become natural to you.

315


If you work on using your BODY AND VOICE to communicate that you’re a confident, sexually aware alpha male, then all the techniques you’re learning will work TEN times better.

316

Social Superstar

Day 13 Building your Social Circle http://www.tsbmag.com/2008/06/28/building-your-social-circleday-13/ Or search for “Building Your Social Circle” on TSBMAG.com

317


Day 14 How to Properly Tease a Woman Written by Brad Howard Originally Published: 06/30/2008

Before I start, let me just say that this article is NOT going to be some PROFOUND, complicated, piece of work that I’m trying to make sound more insightful than it probably is… It seems that everyone is doing that nowadays and I think that the message that people are trying to convey is getting lost in the fray. That being said, here are the MOST important “things” that if you get down that will make the most impact in your dating/relationship life… bar none. They are: The Opinion Opener Teasing Your Look (clothes, hair) Your Body (best inner game changer… EVER!) If you can get these 4 aspects of your “game” down… you’ll CRUSH most men. So… with that aside… let's get to it… let's talk a little about my way of teasing women… and how it sparks sexual tension. (Note: I DO NOT do this for a living. I’m not out at bars testing out my latest and greatest “teasing” method… nor do I really expect YOU to be. This is just a collection of what I KNOW to be true from my personal life, and the interactions I’ve have with guys that aren’t having any problems in the “woman” department.) First and foremost, the whole point of teasing is to create a fun environment where women can loosen up and open up to you. Teasing is also a great way to shake someone out of a funk, or get them to see that whatever’s going on it their life really isn’t that bad at all. I don’t view it as a way to “pull” a woman down to your level. In fact, no matter how good looking she is I find that if you’re pulling YOURSELF down to HER level… you’ll find better success. Here’s what I mean: 318

Social Superstar

I like to use self depreciating humor to set up teasing. For instance, if you come from a place of strength, and ask a woman “I need your opinion on something… and be BRUTAL… what do you think of these shoes, I just picked ‘em up and I always seem to screw this up… ha-ha”. If you’re playful, she’s likely to be playful back. To which you could say something like, “Ah ha! I KNEW you were some type of shoe guru. Where did you get your special talent (smile)?” And that’s just for opening someone up. Teasing works BEST with women that you already know… or that you’ve just met through a circle of friends (especially if you have a bit of notoriety amongst the group for being a fun guy). Here’s the thing about teasing though, that I DON’T condone. It might work for some, but I don’t usually use it. Don’t use teasing to “knock” a woman down. For instance, you might hear someone tell you to say, “You know, everything is working for you tonight EXCEPT those shoes… where did you get those?” Is there a way to say this so that it works? Absolutely. Would I RECOMMEND that you try it if you’re a rookie at the whole “teasing” game? Um… HELL NO! And here’s why. A woman’s ego is like a glass house and teasing in this way COULD be like throwing a ROCK into it. She feels uncomfortable now… and the conversation takes a negative tone. The WHOLE POINT of teasing is to make the woman FEEL GOOD by being around you. It’s meant to be fun. “Setting up TEASE BAIT” Teasing is no fun if only one person is doing it. So, many times, I’ll throw out some self-depreciating humor as BAIT to get the ball rolling. 319


(The KEY to self-depreciating humor is that although you’re a strong, confident guy… you don’t take yourself so seriously) So maybe I’ll tell a fun story that people can laugh at (like the time I locked myself out of my hotel room NAKED and had to walk down to the desk NAKED to get another key) and then ACCUSE people of having similar stories, but they are just too scared to tell anyone about them. This works REALLY well. On closer look, the reason this works is because people (women) can see how SECURE you are with yourself because MOST men would NEVER tell a story in which THEY were the one being made fun of. Again, POWERFUL STUFF here. I use this ALL the time. “The Accusation Tease” This one is FUN. Basically, all you’re doing is ACCUSING the other person of trying to do something that YOU want to happen. Let’s say that you want to ask a person out on a date (bland, yeah I know… ha-ha). So you say: “Yeah, yeah, I get it… Look, if you wanna ask me out, just say so. You don’t have to keep beating around the bush. Who knows, if you get on one knee and smile really pretty… I MIGHT even say yes…” Her: “I AM NOT!” You: “It’s okay, really… it won’t make you a lesser person (smile). Her: “(maybe changing subject)” You: (laughing) “You can change the subject if you want, but just remember that I KNOW (point to head), what you’re up to…You may continue… (smile, wink) This also works well if you want to take it to a sexual level. You: “Whoa, Nelly… I know you’re just trying to get me drunk so you can take me home and do dirty things to me. (smile) Her: “Whatever, I am not”

320

Social Superstar

You: “Man, why is it that every woman thinks that she can buy you a drink and then try to get in your pants. Here’s a hint, Missy… (whisper) it’s gonna take more than one (smile) Guys, keep in mind that these ARE NOT serious conversations. They are tongue in check and playful. Using the accusation tease is a SURE way to get her to give you a “love tap”… or punch on the arm… or a light shove. To which you can reply: “Dang, feeling me up already and we just got here… geez…” “The Frame-Banging Tease” Okay, I couldn’t think of a better term for this but here’s the gist of it. Say your woman, or even a woman that you just met has had a really rotten day… but you want some sex… because, well, you’re a guy and that’s what guys want. Here’s what you do: Her: “Man, I’ve had such a shitty day… (blah, blah, this is what happened)” You: (Smiling) “Wow, I never expected YOU to let (someone/something) get under your skin like this. What would you do if I lost my hair all of the sudden, would that mean you wouldn’t hang out any more? I TOTALLY expected more out of you.” (You’re doing this to show her that it’s CRAZINESS for her to feel like she’s feeling… naturally, we can go on and on with this but I hope you get my drift.) If she doesn’t snap out of her funk with this, we now have to employ our most SECRET WEAPON… “The Tickle Tease” NOTHING changes the tone of a conversation faster than some “good ole” tickling. Start slow at first. Like a little bit. You: (Smiling) “Are you going to get in a better mood… huh… are you? Her: “Stop it!”

321


You: (tickling) “Are you in a better mood yet? Tell me I’m the greatest ever… who’s your buddy… who’s your pal… (okay, so I stole that from “Stripes”… shoot me) Then you just start kissing and BLAMMO! Bumming Monkeys Time. Wow, I can’t believe I just said BLAMMO… ha-ha (The above statement is a great example of self depreciating humor, by the way) “Physical Teasing” Before I end this, because I could literally go on forever on this topic… physical humor and teasing ROCKS. For example, bring back the old school “You’ve Got Something On Your Shirt” gag… where you point at a spot on her shirt and when she looks down, you bonk her nose with your finger. That always works great. Or… and this is always fun. If you’re walking side by side and there is a physical object on her side… slowly start walking her into it. That’s fun too. I also like walking up behind my woman and “shanking” her if she has on sweats or loose shorts in the house… and then ACT like I’m going to do it when we’re out in public. Fun Stuff. Teasing is a fun way to build attraction and BOOKS have been written on the subject. It’s the ULTIMATE way of flirting and getting her to chase you, all while showing your strength as a man. Here’s my final tip on teasing… and pay attention because this is important. When you are teasing a woman, make sure that it’s fun for HER… but that you are ALSO AMUSING YOURSELF at the SAME TIME. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people ask me: “You just trip yourself out don’t you?” Me: “Absolutely, I can’t help the fact that almost everyone else in life is lame. I like to think of it as “playing with myself” without all the mess. 322

Social Superstar

You should try it sometime instead of living in “lame-o land”. (smiling, laughing… Note: Having fun, with a touch of self depreciation as well) That’s it. I’m done.

323


Day 15 How to Create a Kick Ass MySpace and Facebook Profile Written by Race de Priest Originally Published: 07/01/2008

WHY ONLINE GAME ROCKS AND HOW YOU CAN GET STARTED RIGHT NOW Now that the internet is such a big part of our lives, at any given point in time there are more women online than there are in every bar in your city combined. So how are you supposed to go about meeting and dating women from online? Is a woman weird for meeting a guy from sites like MySpace and Facebook? Can you actually legitimately meet sane AND hot women from online? Every time there is a new way of doing something it takes time for people to get comfortable with it. In many respects the idea of meeting people online is still fairly new, but thanks to the emergence and popularity of social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook this is all changing. In fact, there are well over 200 million members on MySpace alone with around 300,000 new users joining every day from around the world. Facebook is close behind with about 250,000 new users a day. And guess what???…half of those are women! WHAT TYPES OF GIRLS ARE ON THESE SITES? Social networking sites are different than traditional dating sites. You should really view them as an online hang out. Just as you would go to the mall, a bar, the coffee shop or a club to hang out and meet new people, you can use social networking sites to connect with and meet like-minded new friends. The fact of the matter is the same women you meet out at bars, clubs, bookstores and coffee shops are on social networking sites. The girl next door, the hot bartender, that cute girl standing in line at Starbuck’s today are all online. And because it is continually becoming more and more socially acceptable these same girls are open to meeting up with guys they met online. It’s not just for young people either. Obviously these sites are overflowing with women in their early 20’s and 30’s, but there are also 324

Social Superstar

tons of women between 34 to 44 as well. Do you really want to miss out on such an easy way to meet all these women? I didn’t think so. But it gets even better… IMAGINE A BAR FULL OF WOMEN HANDPICKED BY YOU When you meet women from sites like MySpace and Facebook you can literally browse and filter so that only the types of women you are looking for show up. It’s like owning a bar where the bouncer only let’s in girls that fit exactly what you want. Say you want a girl who is: Between 22 and 26 5′0″-5′7″ Single/divorced Christian White, Pacific Islander, or Asian Slender or Athletic body No Children Straight Social Drinker Non smoker Some College or College Graduate Within 5 miles of your zip You can literally search for the exact type of woman you are looking for. THERE IS NO APPROACH ANXIETY ONLINE There is absolutely no social pressure when messaging women online. You have as much time as you need to craft the perfect response. This is a relief for many guys who have trouble knowing what to say. When you are relaxed at your house you are more able to come up with an authentic responses. In a sense, she gets to see a more accurate picture of who you are while allowing you to learn at your own pace how to successfully interact with women. In addition, there is no “fear of rejection”. If a girl does not respond you simply move on…no harm no foul. She can’t shoot you down or embarrass you in front of her friends or other people; she is just a picture and some text. At the same time you will be corresponding with several different women simultaneously so there is no bother if a particular girl doesn’t respond. As you can see, the reasons to add online game as a way to meet and date women is quite compelling. Many of the world's best PUA’s and Social 325


Artists still maintain their online profiles despite meeting women out in person because it is just too good not too. HOW TO GET STARTED MEETING ALL THOSE CUTE GIRLS ONLINE The fist crucial step in meeting all those hot girls you see online is setting up your profile correctly. Think of your profile as the online equivalent of your first impression. It will form the basis for what a woman thinks about you and how she will interact with you. After all, your profile says a lot about you. From your profile alone, a girl can figure out if you have any attractive qualities, what kind of job you have or what you do, what type of lifestyle you live, your hobbies, your interests (i.e. favorite movies, books, and music), what kind of friends you have, if other women are attracted to you, what you look like, and somewhat of how popular you are. This is huge! Once you set your profile up correctly, it literally WORKS FOR YOU! It’s like having your own personal PR firm who goes ahead of you and gets all the girls excited about wanting to meet you when you arrive. Now the question is… HOW DO I SET UP MY PROFILE SO IT ATTRACTS WOMEN? Note: I will be specifically focusing on MySpace and Facebook because these are by far the largest social networking sites on the planet. But the underlying principles are universal and many of the guys we have successfully coached used them all over the world on sites like Bebo, Match, Orkut, Hyves, Friendster, etc. There are many elements that go into setting up your profile correctly. Here are the major things to keep in mind as you design your profile: Keep in mind the type of girl you want to attract. Remember to create a profile that is appealing to the type of girl you want to attract. If you want a bad girl with tattoos, you need to create a profile that connects with that type of girl. Once again, if you are unsure, go to the profiles of the types of girls you want to attract and copy their style or the style of the guy friends they have. Simplicity and Readability

326

Social Superstar

Your mom was right about making things legible. You want your profile to be as easy to read as possible. Women will abandon your profile quickly if it takes too much effort to get an idea of who you are. A good way to start out is to use a solid background with contrasting text colors (i.e. white text on a black background or any light on dark color scheme). You don’t need to go overboard in this area; simplicity and readability is the key. When to write and what to write Take careful consideration about what you write about yourself. If you try to write about how cool you are, the fun things you do, the beautiful women you hang out with every weekend, etc, you will be perceived as trying too hard to gain approval. And girls who don’t know you have no reason to spend their time reading about you unless you’ve compelled them to.

Things you DONT WANT to do in your About Me section: •

DO NOT try to sell yourself by talking about how cool you are, the fun things you do, the beautiful women you hang out with, etc. You will be perceived as trying too hard to gain approval.

•

DO NOT write your life story. Girls who don’t know you have no reason to spend their time reading about you. They will most likely see this and say “I don’t know you, I don’t care”. It is better to be brief yet have variety and keep her guessing, than to write your whole life story and bore her.

•

DO NOT be overly offensive

•

DO NOT have terrible grammar/misspellings

Things you WANT to do in your About Me section: •

Be Diverse

•

List a variety of music, movies, and hobby interests.

•

Be goofy. List movies like The Little Mermaid, and music by artists like the Spice Girls. Show her you are not a tool.

327

The Best of TSBMAG.COM •

When writing it is better to be brief yet have variety and keep her guessing, than to write your whole life story and bore her.

•

You can even leave out your interests, giving her more reason to search for a connection with you. Going back to the characteristics women screen for, you want to be an enigma she wants to figure out.

Be Creative In your About Me section, be creative. Don’t say “I’m new to this whole MySpace/Facebook thing” or “all my friends are on here so I figured I would create an account.” Talk about things like, “I love meeting new people” or “I surround myself with positive, fun, spontaneous, and outrageous people.” It doesn’t have to be long. Again, we need just enough to intrigue her, but not so much as to bore her. Make her curious to find out more about you.

Use Disqualifying Statements Create a small list of disqualifiers. A disqualifier is any statement that demonstrates you have standards by declaring that the recipient is unqualified or ineligible for you. Having standards indicates abundance and a strong sense of identity. You know what you want and you have enough options so that if a girl does not match up, you can let her go. Here are a few examples of disqualifying statements: Rules for being my MySpace/Facebook friend: •

No liars (unless you are flirting)

•

No flaky people

•

No granny panties! (unless you are actually a grandma

•

No psycho stalker chicks! I don’t care how hot you think you are!

•

No BORING PEOPLE … You must be fun

)

Another option is to put up a qualifying statement on your page. Here is one that we have used and has been very effective placed under the Who I’d Like to Meet section on MySpace or the About Me section on Facebook: “If you are cute rather than hot, clever rather than cool, petite 328

Social Superstar

rather than slim, then I would like to meet you.” You must show that you have standards. Women like men who know what they want. If you do not know what you want, now is the time to sit down and figure it out. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS The pictures you choose to use on your profile are vitally important. In most cases, these will be a woman’s first impression of you. Why not make it as good as possible? The following are some guidelines to follow when choosing what pictures to use: Use a variety You want to have pictures depicting you doing a variety of different activities. You don’t want to have twelve pictures of you drinking beer with your buddies. It is as if each picture is showing off a different side of your personality. As we have already learned, women like a man with some depth to him. They want a man with a sense of mystery, a challenge to figure out. Your pictures can make her curious, and that is one of the most important first steps to attracting a woman online. Choose only the best Choose only the pictures in which you look the best. If you upload ten pictures and you only look good in three of them, then the other seven are creating a bad impression. It would be far better to only have those three in which you look your best. If in doubt, put your pictures up on a photo-rating site like www.HotorNot.com, and see which ones receive the highest rating. Embed pictures into your profile We have found that actually embedding pictures into your profile is the easiest and most effective way to make a great first impression on girls. This allows a girl to get a snapshot of how exciting and fun you are. Remember, your page is your way of demonstrating how cool and how socially desirable you are. Use a range of pictures showing different aspects of your personality. Have some action shots, some travel shots, some of you with your niece or your dog, some partying with hot girls, some doing something goofy, etc. On Facebook, you just need to add an application like Big Photo or Slideshows. On MySpace, the first step is to upload your pictures to an image hosting site like www.photobucket.com or your own MySpace photo album. 329


Next, paste the following HTML code into any section you want the photo to show up (i.e. About Me, Interests, Who I’d like to Meet):
Where http://www.imagehost.com/images/pic.jpg will be re-placed with the URL pointing to your image. By specifying the width property in the tag you ensure that your photos will have a consistent width (the height of the image will be adjusted automatically to maintain the original aspect ratio). This technique will ensure that your images are not too large and that they’re easy to view. Hint: write funny captions to go along with your pictures to demonstrate even more of your personality Just paste the following HTML code above the embed image code shown above: Picture caption

Main profile picture For your main profile picture, if you are going to put up a picture of just yourself, make it either a really good/professional picture (no wannabe modeling pictures with your shirt off please), or one of you doing something exciting like surfing, rock-climbing, posing in front of the Eiffel Tower, dancing, etc. Otherwise make it a group picture with cute girls in it. If you don’t have any, go out to a club and tell the hottest girl you can find that you need some new MySpace/Facebook pictures to make your ex-girlfriend jealous. Girls love to make other girls jealous! Caution: If you are going to put up a picture of you with your shirt off, make sure you are in good shape and doing an activity where it is appropriate to have it off (i.e. at the beach, playing football, etc.). But just to be safe, don’t put up a picture of you shirtless…EVER!

OTHER USEFUL ATTRACTION ELEMENTS AND TIPS Use Music Music is a great way to connect with girls. You can find music on MySpace in the Music section, which you can get to from the main navigation bar at the top of the page. Using a playlist is even better. That way you can have a whole variety of music. We have received so many comments on the songs we have chosen. This is just one more way for her to connect with you. The playlist tool we use is: www.projectplaylist.com. 330

Social Superstar

Hide your Friends List (MYSPACE ONLY) If you are just starting and have no friends, you can place this code in any section to hide your friends list: <style type=”text/css”> td.text td.text table table table, td.text td.text table br, td.text td.ztext table .orangetext15, td.text td.text .redlink, td.text td.text span.btext {display:none;} td.text td.text table {background-color:transparent;} td.text td.text table td, td.text td.text table {height:0;padding:0;border:0;} td.text td.text table table td {padding:3;} td.text td.text table table br {display:inline;} We recommend you do this anyway. If she can’t see your friends and sees a number of comments from gorgeous looking girls, which you can get using the technique we’ll cover next, she will definitely wonder. If she ever asks you why your friends are hidden, just say something like, “They all kept getting jealous about who was #1” or “I am a secret agent, and I don’t want to put my friends’ lives in peril.”

Adjust your Privacy Settings (FACEBOOK ONLY) There is far more of your personal contact information available to the general public on Facebook than on MySpace. Facebook also lists all of your recent actions on the site through a system called Mini-Feed. You can modify your privacy settings by clicking on the “privacy” link next to the “logout” link in the top right corner. We suggest that you remove all of your personal information such as email addresses and cell phone numbers. You don’t randomly give your personal contact information to people you don’t know, so why do it online? While the mini-feed makes it convenient to see what your friends are up to online, they can also see what you are up to. By default it lists all kinds of information like who you wrote to, what you wrote, comments you made, comments you received, and even when you add a friend! For the simple fact that you are going to be messaging multiple girls, it would be counterproductive for them to see that you have messaged other girls with the same or even similar messages For this reason, we recommend you configure the privacy settings for News Feed and Mini-Feed by unchecking (i.e. turning off) most if not all of the notifications. 331


Create Instant Social Proof To get comments on your MySpace page or Facebook wall from beautiful women just use this message: Subject: I was wondering … Body: My ex is stalking my profile. Could you leave a comment to make her jealous? You know how it is…haha. Thanks, - {your name/screen name/nickname} or Subject: Strange Question Body: My crazy friends are sending me on an online scavenger hunt (I didn’t even know they had those?) for my (put in bday or some event that compels her to want to help you) and I have to get a sassy/fun comment on my page from the following: 1. The hottest girl I can find 2. The cutest girl I can find 3. The dorkiest girl I can find Can you guess which one you are? Haha…so if you could help me out I will name my first born child after you… ha-ha j/k but I would really appreciate it - (name) These comments will give you social proof. So when a new girl looks at your page and sees all these other attractive girls writing sexy things about you, she will wonder what makes you so sexy. This mystery builds attraction. It’s brilliant! Note: Make sure to use this technique with girls outside your area. This adds an air of mystique and ensures you don’t tap out potential girls in your area.

THINK OF IT AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL COMMERCIAL All in all think about your profile as your own personal commercial. A girl should be able to look at your profile and very quickly get an idea of what you are all about. Make your profile easy to read, show that you have a diverse personality, demonstrate that there are a variety of different people that enjoy your company and show that you can have fun and laugh at yourself. Having your profile set up correctly will literally supercharge your success with women online and put you light 332

Social Superstar

years ahead of all those other guys out there leaving your competition in the dust. Remember to have fun with this and if you have any questions feel free to ask. Cheers, Race

333


Day 16 Tips for Flirting Online Written by Honey Originally Published: 07/02/2008

Flirting consists of a variety of tactics, both physical and verbal, that can be used in almost any situation. We flirt for a variety of purposes–from screening for a long-term partner, to scoring a one-night stand, to simply being social. The vast majority of our flirting techniques were developed for situations in which people were connecting face-to-face. However, in today’s increasingly technological world, flirting online has gone from a geeks- or losers-only pastime to a necessary skill. There are three main types of online flirting: 1. Pre-emptive flirting: creating a great profile. 2. Early-stages flirting: the first few e-mails and/or texts. 3. Later-stages flirting: keeping the momentum. Creating a Great Profile Whether you have a subscription to an online dating service or not, odds are that you have a profile on some kind of social networking site. Because people are becoming increasingly accessible online (you can find out far more about far more people in a day via their profiles than you could in person), it’s important that you have a great profile. To have a great profile, you need to (1) come up in as many searches as possible, and (2) deliver the goods once someone clicks on your profile. As far as coming up in random searches, it’s important to understand how search engines work. Most searches that you will run are “keyword” searches (though many online dating services let you set all types of parameters via advanced search forms). Verbs don’t usually fare too well in keyword searches because there are so many conjugations (run, ran, running…). If you are the one searching, to run a successful search you are better off putting in a noun: runner.

334

Social Superstar

When you are creating your own profile, you can easily increase the likelihood of coming up in other people’s searches by using synonyms. For example, if you like to run, you might also put jogger or marathon in your profile. This is especially important because no matter which of the three terms someone searches for, you’ll come up. If you’re running a search and come up empty the first time, you could try some synonyms as well, to catch people you might have missed. Once someone gets to your profile, the most important thing is specificity. List specifics. Tell stories. And don’t be afraid to ask questions—a nice rhetorical question gets the other person thinking about how they’d answer, and once they have an answer in their head, they’re halfway to e-mailing you! There’s a huge difference between the following: •

“I like to hang out with friends, have fun, and watch movies.”

•

“On any given Tuesday, you can find me at BJ’s brewery with friends, sipping on a Jeremiah Red and talking about how Robert Downey Jr.’s performance saved Iron Man. When I told my buddy that I thought The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor stood a chance of being decent, he almost spit his beer out! What a waste of a great porter. How about you and I go see it and then tell my friend how wrong he was about Jet Li?”

Now the first thing you’ll probably notice is that the second example is much longer. Well, that’s no accident. While you don’t want to go on and on, the two big keys to a great profile are making sure your profile is upbeat (no one wants to date a bummer) and saying something of substance. For heaven’s sake, if the online world is like a giant bar, then how can you come off as a person of value if you don’t have anything to offer beyond clichés? The First Few E-mails Unsurprisingly, my advice about the first few e-mails (or online chats, if you’re into that—I’m not, for reasons I’ll explain) is pretty similar to my advice about profiles. List specifics. Tell stories. Ask questions. However, one caveat is never, ever, “wink” at someone, or “poke” them or any of that gay sh#t. Man up and give the lady (or fella) some real communication. For anyone who’s been on these types of sites for any amount of time at all, these half-ass forms of communication are reviled 335


and make you seem wussy (which, if you’re too chicken to make a real first move, you kinda are). Now, in a seemingly contradictory move, if someone winks at you and you at all like their profile, you should definitely respond back with an email. You know they’re interested, so half your work is already done for you! You can tease them about using a wink at some point later on. The formula for a great early e-mail is pretty simple: •

If they e-mailed or winked at you first, thank them for doing so.

•

Say something specific that you liked about their profile, and word it as a compliment ("I couldn’t help but be excited when I noticed that you are an animal lover”).

•

Tell a story from your own experience that relates to what you liked about their profile (”I’ve never been a dog person, but last summer I found an abandoned Jack Russell in the parking lot of my complex. I looked for his owners, but never found them. Now a year later he’s there to greet me when I get home from work!”).

•

As a question that escalates the interaction to the next level, i.e. a phone call or a meeting, and also starts to build a non-threatening sexual vibe (”Maybe we should meet up at the dog park Saturday afternoon? I promise, only one of us bites…”).

I’m not a believer in asking for the digits but rather proposing the meetup. The reason for this is that the other person will then offer their digits without you having to weaken your position at all by asking! I met my BF on MySpace, and our first couple of interactions followed the pattern above. I sent him a one-line e-mail, and he e-mailed me back to say that we had a favorite author in common. After a couple exchanges he tried to add me as a friend and couldn’t because he didn’t know my last name. When he e-mailed to ask, I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t add people that I haven’t met in person.” He said, “How about beer on Friday?” And that was our first date… The reason that I’m going to come out against online chat is that (and I know this is a personal pet peeve) I hate all that misspelling and “textspeak.” Type real words, damnit! And since I type about 70 wpm 336

Social Superstar

and hardly anyone else does, it’s pretty tough for me to come off as anything except overly chatty. I like e-mail because you can control the length and content as well as proofread for spelling and other errors before you hit “send.” It’s just much easier to put your best foot forward when you use e-mail as your medium. If they suggest chatting, go for it—just remember the possible cons. Keeping the Momentum Once you’ve met in person, a flirty e-mail is a great tool to keep in touch, sustain momentum, and keep your interactions light and fun. The big tips: Again, use real words, spell everything correctly, and make sure you’re not e-mailing a work account. •

Keep your e-mails brief and stick to one topic; you should be teasing her with the promise of your presence, not overwhelming her with super-long e-mails (which also kind of make you look like a loser who has nothing better to do in your spare time).

•

Don’t send more than two e-mails per day, and don’t you dare send that second e-mail until you hear back from her first. Again, the goal is to sustain momentum, not to come across as desperate or stalker-ish.

•

Keep it light! You should be making deep connections in person—trying to do so over e-mail just makes you a bummer, since so many nuances, tone, and body language is lost when it’s just a window on someone’s computer screen. Tease, make a mild sexual comment, or just say how much you’re looking forward to your next meetup.

Flirting is an art, and the keys are paying attention to the other person, avoiding clichés at all costs, and knowing when enough’s enough. Best of luck!

337


Day 17 Phone Game Strategy Written by Hot Alpha Female Originally Published: 07/03/2008

So let me paint the picture. You see a hot chick at a club, shopping centre or the tennis club. You build up the guts to talk to her, make her laugh and somehow manage to get her number. You think to yourself “SWEET!! I’m in”. You end up calling her a couple of days later, like the rule book suggests... to ask her out on a date. She doesn’t pick up. You think 'hey she is busy' and you try again later that same day. You still don’t get a response. So you call again and finally you get an answer. You talk to her expecting that things are going to pick up where you left off and are utterly stunned when she starts making excuses as to why she can’t meet up with you. She says that she will get back to you and she never does. You are left scratching your head, thinking to yourself “where did it go wrong?” So here is the thing. Some of you may be baffled by this whole situation. To some of you it doesn’t make sense. Well I’m going to lay out for you what is REALLY happening and what you really SHOULD be doing. Sound good? Let's get started. Rule # 1 - Don’t Contact Her for At Least 48 Hours I know it sounds hard doesn’t it? But you have to stick by these rules. Because when you can't wait for the 48 hours you appear needy and in need of a life. Here is the thing. I have been on dates with guys and literally like 2 minutes after the date they are messaging me and telling me what a great time they had on the date and how they would like to see me again.

338

Social Superstar

Then I have also had guys who send me a message straight after a date and then send me another one 30 minutes later wondering why I haven’t sent them a reply yet. The only thing that runs through my mind is... stalker; get a life, and ewwww. It's like an instant turn off. And there is no logical way to explain it. So do it not only as a favor for me, but for all the other poor girls out there. Just make sure that when you follow this rule that you don’t wait too long after 48 hours. Anything more than 4 days and the girl (if she is interested in you) starts to get pissed because you didn’t call her within that “calling period” and she assumes that you are not interested. You can mess with a girl and pretend that you are not interested, but this is not one of those instances. Rule # 2 - Send Her A Text Msg First You know scoring a date is kind of like making a sale. Except the item that you are selling is yourself. So in other words you are going to have to look like something that she would want to date/buy. Now that doesn’t mean being something that you are not. But it does mean that for the moment you operate within a certain guidelines until you have internalized all this “game stuff” … so bear with me ok? So as part of this, stick to the rule of messaging her first before you call her. Every girl is comfortable with texting. In fact we like them more to begin with. See it's great for us and is great for you too. It means that you can actually think about what you want to write, you don’t have to think on the spot. Now the main agenda with text is to warm her up. Let her know that you are on her radar and that you will be in contact with her soon. If a guy texts us within 2 days of us handing out our number then that is sufficient enough for us to know that you are interested without appearing really needy and wussy. Now as a general rule with messaging keep it short and sweet. Banter a lot, but don’t get into these messaging conversations. At the absolute 339


maximum make sure that you only send 2-3 msgs in one conversation. Always be the one to end the messaging conversation. This means that when the conversation is nearing an end, you are the one that has to stop sending her msgs. Some of my friends have trouble with this, because they feel in control by being the ones to have the last say. But you have to look at it from the point of view that YOU are the one in control because you have the strength to stop the messaging first =) Rule # 3 - Msg Her and Then Call Her Ok so I have to admit that this is not something that I came up with. But one of the things that I heard one of the guys does on David D’s cds. He would msg this girl and then when she replied back, then he would call her within a minute or so. He found that significantly increased his chance of getting to speak to her, because she would have to be close to her phone in order to send the msg right?! Brilliant idea and I suggest that all you guys use it. Rule # 4 - Keep It Light And Keep It Casual Ok so when you call her for the first time after she has given you her phone number then it's not a good time to start going into a deep and meaningful conversation. You actually want to keep things fairly casual and most importantly keep it brief. But just because it’s a short amount of time, doesn’t mean that you don’t have your work cut out for you! The first thing that you want to do when you call the girl is to break the ice and get her laughing. Essentially you want to get her back into the same state as she was in when she gave you that phone number. The best way to do this is to refer to something that happened when you last saw her. Maybe refer to a joke that you had previously found funny with her and give her updated content on it. This will bring her back to that place and help her feel more comfortable with you. That’s the thing with phone calls. You want to be able to establish comfort before you can even consider asking her out. If a girl doesn’t think that she will be comfortable with you or will be able to trust you then she will not even consider going on that date with you. 340

Social Superstar

So remember the rule, keep it light and keep it casual. Break the ice and get her to laugh before you even consider asking her out. Rule # 5 - Keep It Short and Sweet This kind of follows on from the other points. But seriously don’t talk too long. Like 5 minutes. As a general rule with this whole gaming and dating thing … Less is always MORE! Seriously… You don’t have to get an update of what this chick has been doing in the past 2 days. She doesn’t have to know about all your past relationships before you guys go on a date. All you have to get a chick to do... is know you, like you and trust you ,and then you can get her to go anywhere and do just about anything with her. Rule # 6 - Leave one voicemail that’s IT! If you have to leave a voicemail then make sure that its only one. Two or more becomes stalkerish. I know it sounds silly but its true and this is what goes through a chick's head. When courting a girl, you need to remember to give her the space to think about you. If you are constantly trying to impede on her space then she is totally not going to appreciate it. Give her the gift of missing you ok? So with a voice mail you need to remember to keep it short and sweet. You don’t have to repeat your number and all that crap; just leave a short msg and then hang up. So in regards to what you should say, then you can say something a little ball busting and then get her to give you a call back. When calling a girl, be prepared for a voicemail and know what you are going to say as well. There is nothing worse than a long winded voicemail msg with a guy who doesn’t know what he is talking about, who is wasting your time and YOUR credit! Random Tips 341


Some of you may be wondering how many times you should call before giving up. Firstly you should message first. If the girl messages back, then your chances of getting to talk to her again are much higher. If you message a girl and she doesn’t message you back... and this message contained some call to action on her behalf; then you need to know that you are going to have to do some major work on getting this girl to go on a date with you. Persistence is not the only tool you need. There is no point in doing the wrong things over and over hoping that you will get a positive result in the end. You have to do what works. Remember to warm a girl up to you. You can tell that a girl has warmed up to you when she is laughing at your jokes and the conversation is flowing. Here’s a tip. When a girl talks with ease, it means that she is comfortable with you. If you find her being more quiet that usual, then there is something up and she is not comfortable, because A) she thinks that you are a freak or B) she hasn’t warmed up to you yet. In regards to what you should talk to her about … your main aim is to bust her balls, make her laugh and have a good time. Keep it short and sweet and always leave her wanting more. Now with that said … Now I want to see better conversion rates ok? *winks*

342

Social Superstar

Day 18 Text Game for the Pua Written by Lance Originally Published: 07/07/2008

Text game is an integral part of my arsenal. Before I get started, I want to say a few words about writing style. Good spelling and punctuation; use it! Don’t use cutesy textspeak (ur instead of your, etc), use punctuation, and supplement your lines with smiley's and other emoticons. Why the big deal about grammar and spelling? Because if you’re using good English, you’re coming from a position of high value and it shows you have a command of language. Obviously, language is part and parcel of what pickup is all about. This also sets you apart from the legions of dorks who can’t spell worth a crap. I have a few exceptions here. I use a few acronyms, such as OMG or WTF. WTF is a good one, because you avoid the profanity but still express surprise or shock. Also, consider this. I’m a bit older, around 30, and the girls I socialize with are high value woman in their mid or late 20’s that are educated. Using textspeak on a 28 year woman with an MBA would totally deattract her. To get the high value woman, keep your language as tight as possible. Okay, I use texting for the following reasons: 1. Flirting. 2. Maintaining a connection. 3. Escalation. 4. Quick scheduling or announcements when I’m on the go. Since item 4 is fairly self-explanatory, I’ll focus on 1 - 3. Here’s how it breaks down: Flirting When used in the right ways, flirting via text is very effective. Texting has similar properties to flirting over email (or sending messages using facebook or myspace), but the quality that sets it apart is immediacy. Everyone has a cell phone, and pretty much everyone has it on their 343


person at all times. If you send a text, the other person is going to read it within a few seconds. Conversely, if you send an email, it’s possible that person won’t read it until the evening or the next day if you’re sending it to a personal account (and you should…don’t send flirty emails to a work or business account). Not only that, but getting a text is like a little treat that breaks up the monotony of your day. Everyone loves to receive text messages! I haven’t delved into this, but I think some people derive a certain degree of social clout from the number of texts they get. If you’re a chick and you’re getting dozens more texts than the next girl, then you’re more popular…at least that seems to be the psychology. If anyone wants to dive into point, I’d love to hear some perspectives. One way I flirt over text is to send messages that will compel her to write back. It’s like playing a little game. Here are a couple of examples: “Hey, just ate lunch at this great Thai place, you would love it!” “Guess what I’m doing right now…it’s f’ing awesome!” “Just read your horoscope, it’s crazy.” All of these messages are intended to come out of the blue and compel her to write back and ask what it is you’re talking about. The key is being playful, interesting, and fun. Once she responds, you should banter back and forth for a bit, ie basic flirting. This gets her thinking about you and this method can be used to maintain a connection or escalate, it just depends on the direction you want to go. I’ll use texts as a direct compliment. I often do this after a first date, either in the same night or the next morning. “You looked totally sexy in that dress.” “Had a blast, conversation was great, you’re a great kisser WOW!” “You’re the cutest Leo EVER rawr.” This creates a strong statement of interest and let’s her know that you’re absolutely interested in going further. There’s nothing wrong with a compliment as long as you’ve established a strong masculine frame during the date. It’ll pump her up and get her thinking about how cool you are. I’ll use this to spur a longer text conversation and then mix in some “normal” text conversation, such as asking how her day went. This dialogue establishes that you’re a normal guy and not a player (ha-ha) or merely a flirt.

344

Social Superstar

Maintain a Connection If I’ve number closed a chick and I know I can’t see her again until the next weekend, I’ll text her just a little bit during the week to remind her who I am. The key here is to flirt and be a bit mysterious so that she’s compelled to see you when you ask for a first meetup. I rarely do fluff talk in these instances because you’ll risk losing the attraction by seeming mundane. As with everything else you should calibrate. I like texting during the day when I know she’s at work. Let’s face it, Monday at the office sucks (if you’ve got an office job) and getting flirty texts can be a real pick-me-up. I’ll mix this in with a couple of emails, some MySpace stuff, and a phone call or two to maintain the connection until I see her again. Keep in mind that pickups are tenuous affairs and flakes can happen at any time…texting helps to cement a future meetup. Usually what I do when maintaining a connection is to offer a bit of value, such as a laugh, a two line story, or a horoscope (astrology is chick crack). Your goal should be very simple, just make her smile! Credit Sean Deacon on that one, but I think it’s really true. You can use the same lines from above, but here are another couple of examples that initiate a value giving conversation: “Holy sh*t, the craziest thing just happened to me!” “Your horoscope is insane today.” What’s great about the horoscope thing is you can look up the quickie horoscopes on astrology.yahoo.com and hit her with one. I’ve never met a girl who didn’t like getting her horoscope. OR, if you’re really slick, you can make one up on the spot and sex it up a little. This can be great fun and it’s an easy way to escalate. Here’s an example: “The planets are aligned–today is a day for secrets, drama, and hot monkey sex. Don’t be afraid to cut loose.” Escalation Texts are a great way to introduce or maintain a sexual frame. For instance, if you did a quick 5′ pickup and number closed a girl with a minimum of sexual framing, you can hit her like this: “Hey, it’s the hot guy you met an hour ago, what are you doing??” “I loved your glasses, you’ve got that sexy nerdy look RAWR.” “We should have talked to you longer DAMN you’re cute.”

345


This way you’re either establishing a sexual tone or maintaining one and getting her excited about thinking about you. Chicks eat this up, and if you’re calibrated properly and pumping out good lines, this shit kills. You can do pretty much the same things if you’ve already had a date with a minimum of Kino or maybe just a kiss close. Hit her with texts that have a sexual tone and just plow forward. She’ll follow your lead and likely respond back with flirty, sexy texts. I’m a big fan of these: “Had a blast, OMG I could barely keep my hands off you!!” “I can tell you’re going to be trouble.” “My mom warned me about girls like you.” If you’re deep into a sexual frame with a chick, or if you’ve already had sex with her and plan on doing it again (i.e. dating or FBs), you can and should use text as a way to maintain attraction. Let’s say you’ve had sex once and you’re setting a date for next Friday night. Try these: “Okay, I’ll meet you for drinks, but you’re going to have to work extra hard for me.” “Three guesses what I’m doing…if you get it wrong, you’re getting spanked.” “Happy hour on Friday…Don’t worry, I won’t let you take advantage of me ;)” Work your basic push-pull and teasing in there. This shows you’re playful and flirty and will get her into a sexual state of mind. Even if I’m dating someone and I know I can nail her whenever I want, I’ll still flirt because it’s a hell of a lot of fun and it gets her hot for the Lance cock. All of these lines are examples and you should easily be able to come up with your own.

346

Social Superstar

Day 19 How to Go on First Dates Written by Roosh V Originally Published: 07/08/2008

Besides sex, first dates are the most fun part of the game. You have two people who barely know each other alone and isolated with sexual tension and possibility in the air. Here are a few things to make them more successful. 1. Pick the right day. Don’t try to do a first date on a weekend, especially if you haven’t kissed her yet. Weekend dates send the wrong message that you value her too much; ready to give a “primetime” night to someone you just met. Plus chances are she will be busier on weekends anyway. Stick to Monday through Thursday for the first date. 2. Pick the right venue. You can get a lot done taking girls to coffee and ice cream dates, but if your goal is to get into her pants as fast as possible, you must go for drinks. Start the date at a quiet bar well after dinner so you don’t have to worry about getting food. Even if the date is short of a blockbuster, it’s very hard not to get at least a make out if she’s had three drinks in her. 3. Preparation. There is no way you can memorize enough routines for a two hour or more date, and even if you can it would be a stupid waste of energy. You’re going to have to be, well, real and this is where I hope your vibe is fun and interesting. If not then dates will be a challenge. The only thing I do before dates is have two fun routines ready, usually the cube and some type of fake palm read. I also remind myself of a handful of innocent touching moves that prime her for the kiss. Quick tip: On your way to dates call up a couple friends and shoot the shit for a while. Since first dates are mostly a talking affair, you want that part of your brain ready. The worst thing you can do is lounge around at home all day in front of your computer and then go out without talking beforehand. 4. She’s more nervous than you are. It’s natural to be nervous, especially with the pressure of getting laid hanging over your head. But I guarantee you she is more nervous than you are, simply because she’s a girl and we all know the ones who can’t even go to the bathroom without a friend. The more you have your internal game straightened out and 347


believe a girl should prove her value to you, the less you will be nervous. Think of her on a stage, twirling and spinning for your pleasure. Whether this is reality or not doesn’t matter… just believe it. 5. Show up late. I have a friend who shows up fifteen minutes late and I’m not sure that is extreme or not but I’m always at least five minutes later. You want to stir up some anxiety and fear that she’s being stood up so that her insecurities are driven inward instead of on you, where she judges you and picks for flaws. Even if you arrive early, mill around for a while until you are late. I cannot stress how important this is. 6. Focus on escalation. That’s your number one goal. A touch here or there that gets extended as the night goes on, then touching her hands and putting your arm behind her in the booth of the lounge you picked. The first half hour will have almost no touching probably, but then the drinks get in your system and it becomes natural. While you don’t want to sound like a total idiot on the date, the reason you kiss her will be more because of the touching than the conversation. The kiss will be a foregone conclusion. 7. Go for the lay. Even if you don’t think you will get the lay on the same night, it’s still a smart idea to go for it as you drop her home because it makes your job much easier for the second date. The farther you get on the first date, the less work you have to do on a second. Plus even if the date goes well, you can’t make the assumption there will be a second. How about if her long lost ex boyfriend calls the next day? You’ll kick yourself if you didn’t push as far as you could get. As you probably noticed, most of the work in turning out a good first date is done before you even show up. A little bit of preparation goes a long way in dates and it makes sense to do because you worked hard to meet her and get her out and don’t want to blow it with stupid mistakes. I made A LOT of stupid mistakes when first starting out in the game, but even before that I remember my strategy to getting kisses used to be hoping and wishing she’d make the move and do it on her own. I was too scared I would get rejected and look like an idiot. I sucked it up when I had enough and just started approaching like a machine, going on dates every week and noting what worked and what didn’t. It took me about six years of constant practice but I figured out the “vibe”, a mindset that keeps your game on without trying to game. This is especially useful on dates when you're focused less on routines than when you first approach. I also stumbled on half a dozen touching 348

Social Superstar

moves that help escalate on dates and in the bedroom, and also the idea of the multi-venue date system to increase rapport and trust. I share all this and a lot more in my book Bang. Of course it’s backed by my Bust out the Condoms Guarantee.

349


Day 20 How to Get a Day Two Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/08/2008

A few years ago I was going through a slump with women. It was not so much that I wasn’t meeting any; it was that the ones I was meeting just weren’t up to my standards. These girls were falling for me quickly, and I would soon have to break their hearts. It was depressing me. I was really starting to believe that either there were no quality girls left in the world, or that I just couldn’t attract the ones I wanted. About that time I went on Match.com. A little while after going on the site I started an online flirtation with this cute Filipino girl. She would write me these long rambling emails at four in the morning (that were just the most amusing things to read)… and I soon found myself very attracted to her. We made arrangements to meet. When she arrived at my house, she was even hotter than her online photos portrayed her to be. Within minutes of talking to her I was already feeling like this was going to be different. I was sensing a connection I didn’t feel with the other girls. When we got to the bar, things went even better. The conversation was flowing naturally, we were laughing a lot, doing shots together, and teasing one another… it was genuinely the best date I had in months. Mid way through the date I was already imagining our future together. Although I didn’t get a kiss that night, she came back to my house for a bit, and the evening ended on a high note. The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And although it had only been one day since I saw her, it felt like an eternity. My better judgment told me to wait a day or two before contacting her again… but I couldn’t help it, I sent her an email that night. Something along the lines of “had a really great time last night. What day this week do you want to play tennis” (we had talked about playing tennis on the date) She didn’t respond to the email for a couple days. When she did respond, all she wrote was “I had a good time too. You are a really funny guy,” She never mentioned the tennis invite. The night I got her email I called her. She didn’t answer so I left a message. She never called me back. I waited a week then emailed her again “Guess we didn’t connect as much 350

Social Superstar

as I thought” or something AFC like that. She wrote back the next day saying “Sorry I’ve just been busy. You’re really nice… I’m just not sure what I’m looking for right now in terms of relationships.” BAM it was over. The one girl I actually felt a connection with didn’t even have interest in a second date. I began really analyzing what went wrong… and it became painfully obvious why she had no desire to see me again. Below I’m going to go over the mistakes I made on that meeting. My hope is that by reading through these mistakes I made you might be able to notice a thing or two that you’re doing that might be preventing you from getting a second date.

Mistakes that will Prevent Day Two Too quickly deciding that you like her. The previous girls that I was dating I was always the one doing the judging. I would sit back and let them prove their worth to me. This put me in the position to be the prize. With the Filipino girl, I decided too soon that I liked her. Once I decided that I liked her I started working too hard to impress her. I was way too attached to the outcome of the date. Girls can sense when you’re investing more than they are, and it will immediately lower your value and put her in the position of being the prize. Resorting to Nice Guy Lines. I really believed that I had experienced a connection with the Filipino girl. I truly believed she was feeling the same way. Because I felt there was this “connection” there, I let my guard down. Normally I would never show my hand on a date… I would always keep the girl guessing what was going through my mind. The mistake I made on this date was that I gave too much away. I was complimenting her way too much. I kept telling her how fun she was. I remember at one point I was smiling, and she asked “what?” and I said “You’re just really cute.” AGHHH I kept bringing up plans for a second date. We hadn’t even finished our first date and I was already asking her to play tennis together, to go see a movie she mentioned. Because I felt so comfortable with her I felt at ease to tell her about my recent trouble finding a girl I really liked. I dropped all “player” mode and started to open up with her way to soon.

351


Not Escalating Kino. Although we were having a good time together, I was in “nice guy mode”, and was scared to ruin the evening by “moving too fast.” I would very rarely make any physical contact, and when I did I would quickly pull away as to not scare her. Normally, even on dates with girls I didn’t like, I would be advancing towards sex after an hour into the date. Here I was 2 hours into a great date and I was scared to leave my hand on her waist for more than a second. Let her Call the Shots. Once we got to the bar, she quickly took the role of leader. She was the one suggesting what to drink. When the bar got crowded, she was the one who suggested that we move to a table in the back, when the DJ played a song she liked, she was the one who suggested we go on the dance floor. It was like I was so scared of making a wrong move that I gave all power to her. I even broke one of my cardinal date rules; always be the one who ends it. About midnight she is the one to say “it's getting late we should get going.” Trying to Plan the Next Meeting Before the Date Ended. In Bang, Roosh says “always say ’see you soon’ when you end a date.” That was something that I always naturally did before her, and have always naturally done since her. But that particular night I felt compelled to try to make plans to immediately see her again. By making immediate plans you don’t give the girl the joy of wondering when she’s going to hear from you again. Remember, a large part of attraction occurs when the girl is away from you and thinking about you. The less sure she is in her status with you, the more time she is going to spend thinking about you. Contacting her too Soon After Day One. I used the fact that we had such a good time as a reason to call the next day. The fact that we had such a good time should have been used as a reason to wait a few days to call. If she really had a good time she would be going crazy waiting for my call. The whole time she’s waiting for my call my value is increasing in her mind by leaps and bounds. I threw it all away by contacting her the next night. The minute I contacted her, her brain went “OK I have this guy… now let me decide if I want him.’ When you don’t call, her brain is going “Does he want me?” That is what you want her brain thinking. 352

Social Superstar

Acting Needy When She Wasn’t Responding Quick Enough. As many mistakes as I made on the date itself, I still believe I could have savaged it if I was able to stay cool during our contacts post date. Unfortunately I wasn’t. Whenever she delayed contacted me, I got needy and contacted her right away. And when I sensed she was blowing me off… I did the worst possible thing my sending her a message stating my feelings and trying to guilt her into seeing me again.

So how do you get a day two? If you want to know how to get a day two… the answer is to not make these mistakes on day one. Roosh gave you a perfect strategy for day one. If you follow his strategy and avoid the mistakes listed in this lesson than you should be having no trouble getting second dates.

353


Day 21 Building Sexual Tension Written by Evil Woobie Originally Published: 07/10/2008

Sexual tension happens when two individuals feel attracted to each other, but don’t have sex, at least not yet. It doesn’t always lead to sex, though usually it does, and could go on and on for a lifetime without the individuals concerned acting on it. In simple terms, it’s the ‘chemistry’ that happens between individuals who like each other. When Sparks Fly Extreme attraction develops under the safe haven of friendship. Friends have several things in common; they communicate a lot and spend time together. At what point does the attraction build so that individuals enjoying a platonic friendship just let go and freely act on the attraction? This happens when sexual tension peaks. I dated a guy who I shared a wonderful friendship with before going for the plunge. We’d see each other constantly and while all the things we did were wholesome, there was an undercurrent of attraction that can’t be ignored. In fact, if our wholesome scenes were to be made into a movie, the viewer would be most likely banging his head on his popcorn saying “get on with it already!” The main trouble is that whenever we are in alone dates, the devil called ‘friendship conscience’ comes in to ruin everything. The following words echo through our minds: “Hey, we’ve known each other too long to let something like a relationship ruin our friendship. We both know we are not ready for that.” And so, nothing happens, and the onlooker throws his soda at the screen. Escalating the Sexual Tension Here are some subtle things a guy can do to fan the flames of burning attraction and cross the border between friends and friends-withbenefits: 1. At one or the other’s place, watch a movie with a story line that involves sexual tension - Not porn, mind you, but one that has a gripping plot and an explosive love scene. Think Top Gun (Tom Cruise) 354

Social Superstar

and Disclosure (Demi Moore). Or better yet, ditch the romance movies and rent a thriller. Some studies have shown that good horror films can be more sexually arousing than romance or even porn. The basis of which is that fear results in the same biological effects as sexual arousal i.e. rapid heartbeat, stimulated senses. Besides, being very, very scared is always an excuse to cuddle up. 2. Online chat - There are things that you can tell a person you feel attraction for online that you cannot say to her face. This is because you feel protected from an extreme reaction by your monitor and the x-mark on top of your browser. Saying something like “you really looked sexy today during class. It took all of my self control to prevent myself from just kissing you in a dark corner when we met for lunch” will convey the message that you appreciate her efforts to look her best. Because you’re friends, this will translate as sincere admiration more than harassment. She already knows that you like her, now it’s time to let her know that you think she’s hot. 3. Sexy Phone Conversation - While you bore her with the details of your soccer practice, casually mention that you’re wearing only boxers because the humidity is killing you (or my favorite, “I just took a shower”). Since you know that she’s also into you, this could lead to more prolific things, particularly if she’s feeling a bit naughty. The trick is not to sound too eager. Give her the power of seduction; make her feel that her voice and the theme of your conversation are turning you progressively on, bit by bit. Encourage her to talk about her fantasies, while sharing yours. And for goodness’ sake, do NOT mention another girl’s name. If you must describe making love, say “when a girl kisses my ear…” or something similar. Sex is not the End, but the Start of Better Things You are still very, very good friends. Once you overcome the sexual tension that’s been plaguing your relationship, you are now free to continue a stronger friendship that will last for years and years to come, regardless if it developed into a more serious one or not

355


Day 22 Preparing Your Bachelor Pad Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/11/2008

This lesson is going to be a guideline for some general rules when it comes to maintaining your place. Obviously if you are in high school or college your place is going to look a little different than someone out of college making $100,000 a year. While your choice of decor may change, the fundamentals will always stay the same. Your place should serve a couple purposes. First, you should feel comfortable there. Although you want create an “at home feel” for yourself, you don’t want to overwhelm visitors with your personal taste. What your goal should be is for your place to be a reflection of yourself. Your best self that is. Second, your place should provide some interesting conversation pieces for those visiting. Many times you will have someone you barely know back at your place. The easiest way to relieve that tension is to have a bunch of interesting pictures, furnishing, or decor for them to comment on. Third, your place should provide an environment that makes the women feel insanely comfortable. The more comfortable they feel at your place the more likely they will be to spend time there. One of the most important ways to make your place a comfortable place for both you and the women in your life to spend time at is to keep it clean.

A Guideline for keeping your place clean 1. Dust. Focus your dusting on everything that can be seen. The most important areas are surfaces that are visible such as corners, floors, tables, TV, sofa. 2. Get rid of stains. Stains just reek of low class. If your floor has splashes of spaghetti sauce, or your counter is filled with grease… 356

Social Superstar

get it up. If your couches have stains on them cover them with some kind of soft blanket. 3. Wipe down windows, mirrors, and glass table. Windows are an easy thing to clean and will make the room appear much nicer when they don’t have dust and smudges reflecting off of them. The same can be said for mirrors and glass tables. 4. Clean your computer area. This is often a spot you will find yourself at with a girl listening to music or watching a video clip. Make sure your computer is dusted off; your desk is in order, and most importantly… CLEAR YOUR BROWSING HISTORY ON YOUR COMPUTER. I can’t tell you how many guys I know have messed things up with a girl by giving her the opportunity browse through his computer while he was in the shower. You never know what’s on there. It's always safe to constantly be clearing it. 5. Your bathroom must be impeccable. If there is one area that girls will judge you the most on it's the way you keep your bathroom. Get rid of all hair in tub and sink. Make sure all stains and crud, or anything that would gross a girl out is gone. Keep the place stocked with toilet paper. Keep the towels hanging nicely. Make sure the toilet bowl smells good and looks clean. The last thing you want is a girl not coming over because she’s too grossed out to use the bathroom. Remember, what looks clean to us, doesn’t necessarily look clean to them.

A Guideline for keeping your place smelling good There is nothing that will turn a woman off quicker than walking into a place that smells like crap. Bad smelling homes are immediately associated with dirty people. The sense of smell is closely associated with arousal. You want to use this for your benefit and not against you. It is important to get other people’s perspective on the smell of your place. If you’ve been living with the smell for awhile chances are you won’t even notice it. You should have air fresheners for the kitchen and bathroom. The other rooms I would recommend using candles. Candles smell good and create a nice atmosphere. 357


Below are some certain items you want to be aware of that may be contributing to a bad smell in your place. •

Dirty sheets, blankets, and pillows. Especially in the summer time, these need to be changed often.

•

Dump ashtrays regularly

•

Take out the garbage daily

•

Put gym gear in the laundry room

•

Food remains should be wiped up immediately

A Guideline for keeping the place neat and tidy •

Get rid of all clutter. If there are items laying around that you no longer make use of; either throw them away or put them in the basement or garage.

•

Don’t leave random stuff lying around. It communicates that you are a disorganized person.

•

Put your clothes away. This is so simple, yet so many of us continue to leave shirts, pants, sneakers lying all over our bedroom.

A Guideline for making your place more comfortable to women Lighting Lighting makes a huge difference in the appearance of your place. I would usually recommend purchasing a dimmer that allows you to pull the lights up or down based on the mood. Lighting is one the most important elements of creating a good ambiance. Decor This is the area where your personal taste sometimes has to be compromised a bit. While you want to reflect your personality you don’t want to look like The 40 Year old Virgin with rooms filled with toys, movie posters, and sports memorabilia. While all of these items have a place in your home, they should not be the most prominent items on display. 358

Social Superstar

The best idea is to find a style that you like, and then slowly decorate the place to match that style. For me, I decided I wanted my place to have the feel of Buenos Aires. I found several magazine articles that celebrated the style of Buenos Aires and then I created a look around those. I painted the place with Latin colors and then slowly found items that complimented the room. I find the best way to shop for home decor is online. I bought 90% of the framed art work, pictures, wall decorations, and window treatments online. Once I knew what style I was going for I began searching for items on Ebay and Amazon that would fit into the decor. I would buy items as I could afford them. In the past I would try to go out and decorate my new place in a weekend. My old strategy caused me to purchase a lot of cheap items all at once. This new strategy of decorating my place over the course of a couple months allowed me to search these sites, and when I found something I liked, purchase it as the money became available. Beverages You always want to have either bottled or filtered water available. On that note, you want to make sure that your glasses and silverware are always clean. It is a safe bet to always have a couple bottles of wine lying around. I also tend to keep a six pack in the fridge, and stock a small bar with liquor. When a girl comes back to your place, it's always nice to be able to offer for her to join you in a glass a wine. A fun thing to do is have some frozen cocktails on hand. Making her a margarita is always a nice way to break the tension and enjoy a good drink. Bedding It goes without saying that you want your bed to be inviting as possible. The best way to do this is to not cheap out on a good mattress. Once you have a good mattress purchase a nice comforter set to go along with it. You always want to keep about four pillows on your bed. Another good habit to get into is making your bed every morning. Since a true player, never knows when he’ll be taking a new girl home, he must always be prepared for an overnight guest. Entertainment and Props 359


I mentioned earlier that your place should provide some interesting conversation pieces. This means that you should frame some “story worthy” photos and have them lying around. These photos will serve to demonstrate your personality as well as offer you a chance to tell some good stories. I mentioned yesterday how a good coffee table book can initiate conversation and break the tension of bringing a girl back your place. It's not a bad idea to keep some props lying around. Props include things like personality tests, interesting quizzes, this lie detector test, or other fun games. It's also not a bad idea to keep a stack of reliable DVDs lying around. These should be a good mix of romantic movies, comedies, and interesting documentaries. You never know what kind of mood the two of you will be in when you arrive at your place, and it's good to have a variety to choose from. Another good idea is to be constantly DVRing interesting things on TV. This allows you to always have something of value to throw on. An absolute great addition to your living room is Nintendo WII. This is a video game system that women finally seem to enjoy as much, if not more, than men. It's great because it can introduce some competitive flirting and offers a dynamic opportunity for Kino. This should all be a great guideline for you to transform your place into an excellent bachelor bad. Remember that the main purpose of your place is to have you and her feel comfortable and to provide some entertainment for the two of you.

360

Social Superstar

Day 23 Quick Lesson in Kino Written by The Dicknotist Originally Published: 07/14/2008

If you’re reading this, you’re probably looking for ways to obtain more sex in your life. Perhaps you want something more than just sex …or perhaps not. Either way, what separates true sex from porn is that the former involves touch whereas the latter is viewed through the pixels of a computer screen. Sex cannot happen without contact and neither can seduction. Too many guys make the mistake of focusing all their efforts on conversation and while your words may peak her interest, your touch is what will drive her wild with intense desire. From the moment a woman lays eyes on you, she’s unconsciously wondering how you’ll be in bed. Will you take charge as she surrenders her body to you or will you look to her on what to do? Will you be affectionate and attentive to her needs or will you just slam it in a few times and leave? Do you actually know what you’re doing in the bedroom or will she have to teach you like all the other guys? All of that is conveyed through your eye contact and touch. We’ve all read the now famous DiCarlo Escalation Ladder (DEL), which will give you the nuts and bolts of what to do, but not necessarily the mindset behind it. Guys who aren’t used to touching women will just lay their hands on her as if they’re in a video game. They earn five points for every time they brush her arm or tap her back. When I touch a woman, I don’t play for points; I play for pleasure. When I think of touch, I imagine that my hands are like paintbrushes plastering my emotions onto her body. Call me the Jackson Pollack of seduction: I paint her arms her arms and torso now so that I can sprinkle some more on her face later…with my other special brush. So, when first talking to a girl, I will often just lightly touch her outer arms and torso with my fingers as I’m talking to her. I see it as expressive: you touch her as you talk to emphasize important points. That touch is more subtle and friendly, aimed at just making her comfortable and more trusting. During high points in the interaction, however, your touch should become more appreciative. Touch serves two purposes: to emphasize what you’re saying to her and to appreciate her. An example of appreciation could be that in talking to 361


her, she reveals that she works as a nurse. That immediately peaks your interest as your mom was a nurse and you realize the resiliency and compassion necessary for the job. Rather than just telling her how awesome that is, you should also touch her arm and hold it there a few seconds longer than usual and perhaps even stroke it. Expressive touch is like a period: light and quick. Appreciative touch is like an exclamation point, lasting a good 2-3 seconds. Yet the point isn’t for you to have this in your head while talking to a woman but to give you a context for which touch can amplify and supercharge your game. When you touch her, touch her as if you’re already making love to her. Cup your hand as you touch her back and cup the back of her shoulder blades. Don’t forget her sensitive spots, including her inner arms, behind her knees, the skin fold on the other side of her elbow. Later on in the interaction, touching her neck, ears, thighs, breasts will amplify her desire. Don’t be afraid to graze her breasts! Graze them now so you can glaze them later. You can get away with murder in the field as long as you are relaxed and slow down. Calibration is simply the act of doing things much more slowly, which includes walking, talking, and touching. You may be nervous, but if you can slow down your actions, you will be seen as confident and in control. Of course, touch is best demonstrated by viewing and trying it yourself. An excellent resource on touch is The Joy of Erotic Massage, which takes you through more than you’ll ever need to give women incredible pleasure with your touch from the first meet to sex. You can purchase a copy on Amazon, though you’ll probably be able to get it free through other means… I hope that when you read this essay and even see the video above, you will get some fresh ideas on how to use touch to build trust and sexual tension. Yet, to get the most out of any endeavor, you must go out and hit the field. Experiment and develop your own style. Innovation never comes from passively reading and watching. Like any man of character, you must act.

362

Social Superstar

Day 24 Body Language 202 Written by Dr. Fuji Originally Published: 07/15/2008

Body language is one of the most underrated, overlooked, and powerful elements in your social arsenal. The classic study on the elements of communication by Professor Albert Mehrabian (1971, “Silent Messages” Wadsworth, Belmont, California) found that nonverbal communication accounts for as much as 93% of all communication. Body language itself makes up more than half of that. So it should come as no surprise that what you say isn’t near as important as how and when you say it. In cold approach pick up, the individual who uses body language effectively often has significantly better results than his less-enlightened counterparts. In this article we’ll be delving into the use of body language to convey high value, how to show interest or disinterest non-verbally, and fixing common sticking points and pitfalls. Let’s begin. An interesting thing about body language is that it tends to override your verbal. In other words, people will believe your nonverbal communication more than even what you actually say. So if your verbally sub communicate high value but your non-verbal says the opposite, people will tend to trust the body language over the words. While seemingly counter-intuitive, the fact is most people tend to place more trust in forms of communication that are harder to consciously alter. We can lie with our words quite easily. Lying with our body language is much more difficult. Because your body language is so incredibly consistent, women especially have found that it’s generally a very effective way to evaluate others. And therein lays both the problem and the effectiveness of body language. It’s very difficult to change, but when you are successful, it conveys much more influence than other forms of communication. One of the most effective uses for body language is communicating value. We do this by consciously altering our behaviors and mannerisms from unattractive to attractive. Imagine two men, both of equal confidence, looks, attractiveness, and other factors. But one man makes eye contact when he speaks and the other looks away and fails to make eye contact. Who is more attractive? The objective is to sub363


communicate through our body language that we are “high-value” (read: attractive) men. By “high-value,” we mean that we have high quantities of the social and evolutionary value to which people respond. A “highvalue” man is one who encompasses all of the qualities and mannerisms that women are hard-wired to find attractive. Think: confidence, leadership ability, power, attractiveness to other women, strength, internally validated, etc. There are three main body positions in most social situations which you can use to convey value: How you stand, how you walk/move, and how you sit. Although full body language overhauls are beyond the scope of this article, the fundamentals are quite simple. When you’re standing, you want to stand with your feet shoulder-width apart or slightly wider, shoulders pulled back, standing up straight, and chest somewhat out. Your weight should generally be towards the rear of your soles (closer to the heel) so that you always appear to be leaning back. It should not be an uncomfortable stance, but one which clearly does not lend itself to laziness. Picture the way a U.S. Marine would stand when at ease. Your stance should project confidence. Your hands should drape at your sides the way they naturally fall. Do not put your hands in your pockets or cross them over your chest. When you walk or move, the object is to convey dominance and purpose. Your hands should swing naturally at your sides while you walk but without looking either stiff or “floppy.” Practice this in the mirror if you suspect they are moving unnaturally. Walk at about 50% of your normal speed when in the venue. When you are moving towards something (a set, an exit, the bathrooms, etc), take the shortest route possible—usually a straight line. Instead of circling a set several times like a vulture, walk straight up with confidence. Similarly, when moving through the crowd, you want to project dominance. Oftentimes women notice you and the way you move or interact with people and they make judgments about you before you’ve even noticed them. Dominance is tough to put in text but it’s something we drill in our live boot camps. The objective is to be verbally polite while “guiding” people out of your way. Don’t be afraid to touch both men and women while you’re walking through a crowd. A hand gently on the triceps or back letting people know you’re coming through is a dominant, yet polite way of moving through the crowd and communicating that you expect people to move out of your way.

364

Social Superstar

When you sit, the objective is to take up space while appearing relaxed and comfortable. Don’t overdo ‘taking up space’ lest you come off as tryhard. What you want to communicate is that you do not make any apologies for your existence and that you are used to always being comfortable. It’s the same concept as locking in. Useful tactics to convey this include draping your arms over the backs of chairs or over the seatbacks of booths or couches. Your upper body should ideally be leaning back without hunching over. Feet and legs can be spread moderately or crossed ankle-to-knee. Sliding forward slightly in your seat will allow you to lean back even in a vertically-backed chair. The main communication here is that you are comfortable and confident. Do not cross your arms over your chest for this reason. The other thing that body language is extremely useful for is showing interest or disinterest nonverbally. Because women are so much better attuned to body language relative to men, they feel your nonverbal indicators of interest (IOIs) or disinterest (IODs) much more powerfully than we do as men. For example, facing a set or group is one way to nonverbally show interest. Conversely, facing away is a subtle show of disinterest. Other body language-based indicators of interest include: Leaning in, Kino escalation (escalating physical touch), strong eye contact, and cocking your head to the side. Indicators of disinterest include: leaning back, putting barriers between you and the set or group (especially in front of your midsection, e.g. arms crossed, drink in front of the chest, etc), not smiling, “body rocking”, and looking away. Note that some of these things can also be considered demonstrations of lower value so be cognizant of what you are communicating to people. The power in nonverbal IOIs and IODs are that they can be used both subtly and oftentimes with more impact than their verbal counterparts. For example, a nonverbal false time constraint (an IOD) is much more powerful than a verbal-only version. As we’ve discussed earlier, people tend to place more credibility on body language than verbal communication because of the difficulty involved in controlling it. The punishment-reward sub-dynamic is the underlying principle behind Mehow’s Chase Cycling™ model and is most effective when body language is used to both reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. A great example of this is during the first minute of the interaction. Sets generally don’t face you right off the opener. They’re usually facing each 365


other. When you begin to hook the set, you can tell by their body language – they start to turn toward you. You can then nonverbally reward by more directly facing them or giving emotional value. If they give you IODs, you can punish by facing away and throwing a false time constraint (a verbal IOD). This psychologically conditions women to invest and to work for you. And as we all know, we value that which we work for. Finally, there are certain body language mistakes that the majority of guys find themselves making during their training. By being aware of these common sticking points, you’ll be better equipped to stop them before they become bad habits. Let’s examine a few of the most common: Leaning In: This is one of the most common sticking points most guys make. Leaning in is an instinctive body language move that you have to consciously change. The lower the set is (seated, lying down, shorter than you, etc.), the more you’ll feel the urge to lean in. Don’t do it. Have a wing observe you in set and let you know when you’re leaning in. Rewarding bad behavior: Directly and continually facing a set which is closed off and giving you IODs is rapport and acceptance-seeking. You are non-verbally rewarding the set for defiance. Instead, mirror a set’s body language IODs with your own. Take advantage of both false time constraints and body rocking to avoid continually facing a set that isn’t hooking. Lacking dominance: Everything you do in field should be done with confidence and dominance. From the initial approach, to Kino escalation, to simply walking through the crowd, your body language is communicating things about you. Dominant body language communicates confidence, pre-selection, and social proof. Fidgeting: Nervous ticks such as swaying from side to side, playing with your hands or fingers, moving around too much, or playing with your drink all tell the set and everyone around you that you are not only nervous around them, but that they are higher value and thus, you are emotionally reacting to them. The emotion of nervousness often manifests itself through these nervous behaviors. Eliminate them. You’ll notice a marked improvement in your interactions. Drink shield: This is another common sticking point the majority of men have. The “drink shield” is when people hold their drink in front of their chest in a social environment. The sub communication behind this body language tick is that you’re nervous and uneasy. So your instinctive reaction is to cover your midsection (traditionally the most vulnerable 366

Social Superstar

spot on most mammals) with some sort of protection. In this case it’s the drink. Instead, hold your drink down by your hip and don’t cross your arms or take a protective stance. You are trying to convey abundance, security, and relaxation with your body language. Hands in pockets: This behavior also communicates that you’re nervous and that you feel awkward. You don’t know what to do with your hands so you shove them in your pockets. Instead, let them hang naturally by your sides. Force yourself to relax and let your arms just fall. At the beginning you’ll have to force this, but after some practice, you’ll start to automatically relax more in social situations. Of course, there’s dozens more sticking points many guys will experience, but these are the absolute most common ones. Fix these behaviors and you’ll see a significant improvement in your game and in your own state. Hopefully this article has been able to shed some light on the importance of body language as a whole. We’ve learned that not only does it allow us to show value, but to also convey interest or disinterest without opening our mouths. And of course, we’ve examined some of the most common sticking points and come up with solutions and fixes to remedy them. One interesting side effect of good body language is that it not only affects your interactions but your psychology as well. The human brain is constantly reacting to stimuli from the sensory system, and body language is no exception. Your physiology often has a significant effect on your psychology. This is why faking a smile for an extended period of time often makes us feel better on the inside as well. And it’s the basis behind parents telling their children not to cross their arms or frown. Just as your mind affects the body, your body too affects the mind. We cover body language much more in depth in our live programs and boot camps and also in Mehow’s esteemed Get the Girl!™ Manual available at www.mehowgetthegirl.com. Information on our live programs can be found at www.mehow.tv. See you all in the field, DJ Fuji Chief Instructor

367


Day 25 Being the Bad Boy Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/16/2008

You probably noticed as far back as grade school, that girls are attracted to guys who possess a bit of that bad boy persona. In fact, if you’re like most us, you’ve probably often asked yourself “why all girls like the assholes?” or “How come the jerks get all the girls?” This is not so say that being a bad boy makes you an asshole or a jerk. The reason most of us viewed these guys as assholes or jerks is simply because we were jealous and envious that these guys were always dating the girls that we wanted, while we were getting stuck in the friend zone. So instead of trying to learn from these “jerks” whom we weren’t alpha enough to hang with, we found it easier to blame society for our lack of success with women, and create an acceptable excuse for ourselves, “women only like the assholes.” Well boys, it’s time to MAN up! There is plenty that can be learned from these bad boys. Even if some of their reckless behavior will never suit your personality, you can try adopting some of their character traits to increase your attractiveness. If you’ve found yourself too often getting stuck in the friend zone, it is simply because that is the vibe that you’ve been sending off. You want to shed your “nice guy” image? It is impossible to try to imitate specific bad boy behavior. It will come across forced and insincere. Instead, put yourself in their mindset. Live life through their eyes. The Bad Boy trait you should emulate 1. You’re fearless. Most people are insecure. Most people suffer some form of anxiety disorder. Most people are held back by various forms of fear. If you want to stand out in a crowd; live a fearless existence. Feel the fear; then do it anyway. Most of our fears are completely unwarranted. Most fear stems from our need for approval. We are held back by our fear of losing our job, our fear of being laughed at, our fear of going 368

Social Superstar

broke, our fear of rejection, our fear of ruining our reputation, our fear of making a mistake. What would your personality be like if you weren’t governed by all of these fears? If you take a look at the short list of our major fears… you’ll find that not one of them is life threatening. In fact, most of our major fears are solely based on what thoughts someone else will have about us. How ridiculous does that sound when you really think about it? 90% of the decisions that you make are influenced by your need for approval. Most of us are working a job we hate, lonely or in a shitty relationship, have given up our dreams… because we are afraid of making the wrong decision, and we’re not even afraid of the consequences of the wrong decision… We are afraid of what people will say about us… what people will think about us. How refreshing is it when we meet someone who isn’t controlled by these fears? Women are attracted to bad boys, because bad boys provide an adrenaline rush that the average guy does not. In the average guy, a woman sees a reflection of most of her fears and insecurities. This is why the average guy becomes her friend. Because they can sit and talk and wallow in their fears and insecurities together. The bad boy makes her forget all about her fears and insecurities. He takes her into his fearless existence. And she gets addicted to it. My challenge to you Live the next two days of your life completely fearless. Just for the next two days, say what you feel like saying, approach who you feel like approaching, tell someone who has pissed you off to “fuck off,” do exactly what you want to do. Do you want to call out of work and go the beach? Do it! Do you want to tell the counter girl at the bank that she’s sexy as hell? Do it! Do you want to finally change the style of your haircut? Jump out a plane? Get a tattoo? Have sex with a stranger? Do whatever the fuck you want! Whenever the fuck you want! Do this for just 2 days and experience the thrill of being fearless. After the two days you can go back to worrying about what people think, or how you appear, or whatever other insignificant, trivial reason is holding you back. 369


More information on being the bad boy In our most recent podcast we went over an entire list of ways you can take on more of the bad boy attitude. We even went into specific examples, showing how a bad boy would react as opposed to the typical “nice guy.” If you feel that you need to incorporate more bad boy traits into your persona I highly recommend listening to our How to Be the Bad Boy Women Want podcast. http://www.tsbmag.com/2008/07/13/how-to-be-the-bad-boy-womenwant/

370

Social Superstar

Day 26 How to Turn a Female Friend into Your Girlfriend (Part 1) Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/18/2008

For the sake of this lesson I am going to make a couple assumptions. First, I am going to assume that the female friend you’re interested in has firmly placed you in the friend zone. I will also assume that you are actually friends with her and not just an acquaintance. This means you spend a reasonable amount of time with her, and communicate often through phone, texts, or MySpace/Facebook.

Bobby’s Step by Step Plan The first thing that you need to do is effectively disappear from your friend’s life. This means cut off phone calls, text messages, emails, and visits. This is to be done without making her feel like you’re mad at her. The whole goal is to make her wonder what is going on in your life that you no longer have time for her. When she contacts you… don’t answer the phone call, text or email immediately. Wait a day or two before getting back to her. When you do talk to her be pleasant, but brief and vague. You should spend at least one month apart. The better friends you are with this girl, the longer this process should go on. What you are doing here is confusing her, and the confusion will cause her to spend more time thinking about you. Her simply missing you will not be enough to stir up immense attraction for you. While you’re gone you also need to arouse some jealously on her part. Although you will be vague, you should always be implying that really great things are going on in your life. This is a fine line that you have to be careful as you walk. She can never feel like you’re bragging, trying to make her jealous, or lying… The whole attitude should be that really great things are going on in your life… but you’re holding back from telling her because you don’t want to make her feel bad. Vagueness is the key to this part. Now you need to amplify the jealousy and confusion. A great way to do this is to call her and ask her to hang out. Assuming enough time has 371


gone, she will be relieved that you finally called… and her jealousy and confusion will dwindle… Just when she thinks things are going back to the status quo... cancel the plans with her. When you cancel don’t schedule a new date. Once again, be vague. In the meantime, another great way to create jealousy is to take advantage of social networking sites. Assuming that the both of you are active on at least one social networking site like MySpace or Facebook, you can bet she will be checking out your profile to see what’s going on in your life. It is important that you change up your profile a bit, add some new cool pictures (preferably with some hot girls.) To go even further I would recommend getting a bunch of attractive girls to leave comments on your page. Race and Kelly give a great way to go about getting these comments. The entire time that you’re away from her you need to be working on yourself. If there are physical areas of you that need improvement, now is the time to get serious about change. If you’re over weight, do everything you possibly can to get to your ideal weight. If you’re scrawny… join a gym and follow a good plan for bulking up. Basically you want to do everything I outlined in day 3 about updating your look. It is crucial that after her long time away from you, that when she finally sees you again there is a very noticeable improvement in your appearance. During your time away from her you also need to be working on your social skills. You should not spend all of your time away from her thinking about her and planning your next move. You need to be filling your days with the most exciting, challenging, and personally rewarding events imaginable. You should be doing everything you can to take your mind off of her. You should be out talking, flirting, and building attraction with as many girls as you can. You should be hitting on other girls with reckless abandon. Improving your social skills serves many purposes. Above everything else, it gives you a chance to see if you really want this girl to be your girlfriend. Many times guys fall for their female friend because she is the only girl in their life. Once these guys go out and meet some new girls they realize that there is an abundance of women and no longer cling to this one girl the way they used to. The other benefit of improving your social skills will be that it will naturally make you more attractive to your friend. The confidence you will gain through your improvements will radiate throughout you. Your 372

Social Superstar

new found confidence will probably impress her more than your new body, haircut, or wardrobe. You will also be fine tuning your flirting skills which you will need later on when you start hanging out with your friend again. The final benefit of improving your social skills immensely while you’re away from your female friend is because you’ll find it so much easier to create the confusion and jealousy that you’re aiming for. If you’re avoiding her phone calls and breaking plans with her, it is much more powerful if it's because you really do have better plans and more options. This will come into play in part two when I discuss finally meeting up with her again. The final thing you need to be doing relates strongly to lesson 1 which dealt with designing your life. While I’ve stressed that during your time away from your friend you should put her out of your mind as much as possible, there is one exception to that. I swear by this, as I truly believed it is what finally allowed me to turn a friend of five years into a lover a couple years back. Every morning upon waking and every evening before you go to bed, you need to spend fifteen minutes visualizing yourself with your friend as lovers. I don’t mean visualize the act of sex… I want you to visualize what it will be like after your first kiss. Experience the feeling of sitting next to her having moved past the friend zone. Hold the vision in your mind and feel all of the feelings associated with it. This final exercise is so important because you have to train your brain to experience the new reality. I found the biggest factor that used to hold me back from making a move on my friend was that I could not imagine the outcome. The idea of lying in bed with her, or holding her hand, or just referring to her as my girlfriend was so foreign to me that it scared me senseless. As much as I wanted it, my brain resisted out of fear. I followed the entire plan outlined above, and then supplemented it with the visualizations… and I truly believe that without the visualizations I would not have been able to succeed with the plan. If you want to learn more about visualizations re-read lesson one. This is the end of today’s lesson. Part two will deal with how you will act when you finally meet up with your friend again, how you will break rapport, amplify attraction, and go for the kiss.

373


Day 27 How to Get Your Female Friend into Bed Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/21/2008

If you are serious and strict about following the plan I laid out in part one of turning a friend into a lover then you will have built up an ample amount of tension and anticipation. It is critical that you immediately capitalize on this built up tension. It is extremely easy to slip back into the status quo if you drop your guard. Let's talk about how to capitalize on this built up anticipation. When you finally decide to hang out with your friend again you need to invite her to an event that is on your terms. This means inviting her to a party you’re hosting or a night out with you and your friends. The goal of this first meeting is to display the “new” you in action. Once you’ve established a meeting point (bar, club, party) you need to arrive there early. Once you get to the location you need to establish yourself as the social charming guy of the evening. Hopefully you’ll have invited some other girls you know as well. If not, you need to begin making new friends immediately. When your female friend arrives it is critical that you’re already engaged in some conversation with attractive women. If you haven’t brought girls with you, then you need to be an opening machine. I don’t care if you have to open every set in the bar… find one that sticks. When your friend finally arrives you should be talking to some girls. You are to acknowledge her, but do not immediately run to her side. Let her feel a little awkward and uncomfortable for awhile. How many times has she done that to you? I just want to add something in: Do not get too drunk. You can easily ruin everything you’ve been working for by losing control of yourself and saying or doing the wrong thing. I would maintain nothing more than a good buzz throughout the night. During this evening you should be bouncing back and forth between your friend and the other girls in the location. For the short intervals that you spend with your friend the conversation should only consist of light and flirtatious talk. It is important that you spend this time building sexual tension through teasing her and using Kino. 374

Social Superstar

The time that you spend with her you need to be quickly escalating the Kino. Sexual escalation is more effective because it is less ambiguous: hold her hand (use an excuse of looking at her rings or bracelets or nails if you need to); put your arm around her, touch her hair (likewise, use an excuse). These things are things that lovers do, and friends don’t. You’ll need to use a combination of these touches to shift out of the friend zone. You also need to be sure to break rapport. She will most likely try to suck you into talking about the same old status quo topics the two of you always discussed. You need to take control of the frame and subtly let her know that you’re calling the shots now. If she starts talking about some guy she’s dating-change the subject at the first chance you get. Or better yet, tell her you going to get a drink and go talk to another girl. Remember, your goal isn’t to offend your friend or be mean… your goal is to build attraction. If you’ve followed everything correctly you should have built up some strong attraction. As the night gets later you have to make a decision. You have to decide if you’re going to shoot for the fences with your friend, or if you’re going to end the night leaving her wanting more. This is something that you’re going to have to feel out. Personally, I’ve found it is almost always most effective to swing for the fences the first night. Her emotions are going to be peaked by mid way through the night. She will be feeling attraction towards you. Now it's just a matter of letting her know it's alright to embrace this attraction. This should go without saying... but I’ll say it anyway… never verbally acknowledge any of this. Everything should be happening without mention of the paradigm shift. If you’re going to go for it all you need to be rapidly escalating Kino. Some girls may not be game for making out in the club… in this case you need to find away to get her alone. Once you’re alone with her you have to be sure to keep the sexual tension alive. If she starts talking about something that is not cooperating with the mood… break rapport again. Later in the night, as the tension is mounting, the best way to break rapport is with physical contact. This means tease her with a gentle push, or grab her hand to look at her ring, or touch her ear to comment on her earring.

375


It won’t be enough to just tease her and escalate Kino. You need to act in a seductive manner. You have to encourage her to have sexual thoughts about you. You need to prompt these thoughts by: •

You need to hold strong eye contact.

•

You should slow down your speech and deepen your voice.

•

You should look at her like you want her.

•

Look at her lips and leave pauses where you just look at each other.

If she’s comfortable with that or looks at you in a seductive fashion it's on. Go in for the kiss. If you find she is being completely unreceptive to your advances… then let the evening die down with you in control. If you sense you need to build more attraction, then close out the evening talking to other girls and part ways with your friend. If you’ve decided to hold off to another night to go for the kiss… I suggest making a deal with yourself. Give it one more chance. The next time you hang out with her it can be alone. But if possible, arrange for some friends to send periodic text messages to peak her interest. Simply look at the texts... smile... then put your phone back in your pocket. This evening you must treat the same way as the previous evening. You need to break rapport, initiate Kino, flirt, tease, and build attraction. If you find at the end of this second night that she still isn’t receptive to being kissed… move on.

376

Social Superstar

Day 28 Managing a Relationship Written by M. Chase Originally Published: 07/22/2008

I’m guessing since I’m getting married in September (let’s see how that goes) is why I was asked to write about managing a relationship for the 31 days series. Apologies in advance for the long post, but the stuff below is golden. If you are interested in a relationship, be it monogamous, MLTR, or just a fuck buddy hopefully you can pick something up from this. I am not a guru; these are just guidelines I’ve been taught and implemented that have worked wonders. I’m not reinventing the wheel here, these are not my ideas. To give credit so I don’t step on any toes or get a lawsuit thrown at me, most of these are Sebastian Drake’s concepts. Here we go… Let’s be blunt here…when women get complacent in a relationship they tend to treat their guy like shit. If you think I’m joking head to the mall on a Saturday afternoon, buy a drink, then sit down and watch couples interact. It’s a mind-blowing experience to watch how some guys get treated in public…and they put up with it. Here’s a true story. One of my good friends got married a while back. Honeymoon was great, everything was normal. Then she quit her job and took over the finances. He was GIVEN a $20 allowance per week with the money he earned. The marriage lasted six months until he finally flipped. Guys, while sad this can be prevented.

The Vase Concept This is the best analogy I’ve heard…relationships are like a vase…clay and water getting molded together on a wheel. You only have a set amount of time, maybe two months to make things how you want them to be. Once the vase gets thrown into the oven and hardened, there it is and good luck changing it. We’re all creatures of habit. If you decide one day you’re going to break the mold with a girl you’ve been seeing the vase cracks…yeah, good luck with that. It’s not that it can’t be fixed, it just takes a hell of a lot of time to do it (and this goes double for friends or ex-girlfriends who already know you). Should put a little perspective on the divorce rate in this country. 377


Precedence is absolutely key. We all get caught up in the moment when we’re with a new girl we like. Something in our heads wants to make her happy and seek approval. If she asks you to do something, and this can be anything you seriously don’t want to do (going to plays, singing karaoke, fancy dinners, doing the laundry…whatever). DO NOT do it from day one. Never. If this will piss you off a couple of months from now don’t start the cycle. The moment you get fed up the precedent has been broken and the vase cracks. Again, good luck with that. Don’t get the wrong impression that you should never compromise. You simply have to. The real question is what you’re willing to compromise on. Ashlyn just moved into my place and did some redecorating. Can’t say I’m exactly thrilled with the changes (I’m now a plant owner) but it’s something I can live with, even if I have to water the damn things.

Set Expectations Guys, people act like they are expected to. Frankly, I’m surprised this isn’t addressed more in the community. Everyone acts differently around different people. Let me ask a question. Would you drop an f-bomb in front of your grandmother? I know I wouldn’t have. This is just psych 101. Do you act the same way around your best friend that you would around your boss? Now what you should ask yourself is why? The same thing goes for relationships. You can’t exactly change someone’s personality, but you can nudge them in certain directions. Getting someone to admit to something you want wins the battle…if they renege on it later you can bust them on it. People tend to live up to what they’ve admitted to. This is very powerful in the seduction phase. For example, if I’m into a woman and looking for a MLTR, I’ll drop something like “look at all the women in this place that need a man to hold their hand…please tell me you’re not like that.” You can use a variation of this for any trait you’re looking for. This is also very good for compliance. If she’s into you she’ll agree with pretty much anything you say unless it’s way out of her personality. If she disagrees on a trait you’re looking for it’s up to you if you want to pursue it.

Draw the Battle-Lines Probably the best advice I’ve ever gotten. Gentleman, draw the battlelines. This was so far out of my reality I thought it was a joke…it 378

Social Superstar

wasn’t. When women get pissed they will push you to see what they can get away with. We all do it. In the seduction context make a list of what will make you happy in a relationship. A loyal girl, bj every day, sex 4 times a week…etc. Whatever you really want. Now push it forward. If you set your expectations farther than what you really need you’ll always be in the clear when problems come up that have to be worked out. I’m trying to remember how this went, something along the lines of “can we just have sex tonight instead of you doing me anal on the balcony”…fucking hilarious. If anything I hope you guys got something out of this. M. Chase II

379


Day 29 Tips for Getting Better in Bed Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/21/2008

If you want to have the ability to call a girl up every night of the week for a late night booty call; you need to be good in bed. It doesn’t matter how great of a pick-up artist you are; if you don’t perform in the bedroom you will never be able to create a life of unlimited options. Sexual options with women stems from building up a network of women who love having sex with you. Women who still want to sleep with you even after they realize that you’re not boyfriend material. That is true sexual power. In this lesson I want to give you guys some tips for improving this area of your life. I recently wrote a post about becoming a better lover where I discussed the art of reading the signs that a woman is giving you and continuing to push her in that direction. Above all this is the number one trait of a good lover. You need to be able to recognize what a woman is enjoying. You need to tailor everything to the girl you’re having sex with at this particular moment. You need to make her feel like you know her inside and out. Even if she knows you’re a player, she has to feel an intense sexual connection with you. This starts with the kiss. If she is a slow passionate kisser, slow your style down so your tongues mesh together. If she’s an aggressive and dominant kisser… sit back and follow her lead. She’ll walk away thinking you were the best kisser in the world... simply because you mirrored her style. You’ll need to increase your stamina. If you want a mind blowing sexual session it has to last more than ten minutes. If you know you’ve got a habit of finishing quickly than make sure you extend the foreplay. Use your hands and mouth to create intense sexual tension. Explore every area of her body until she is practically begging for it. Most girls really enjoy receiving oral sex… learn to read the signs she is giving you and get her pussy gushing from the oral. But even after some powerful foreplay you need to follow up an even more powerful lay. Increase your stamina and last longer by focusing on 380

Social Superstar

pleasing her rather than how good you feel, using breathing patterns, use positions that you’re less likely to finish with, and by practicing. You also want to build up your energy level as well as increasing your testosterone level which will only fuel your fire in the bedroom. Everything listed above are the fundamentals needed to become a better lover. Below I’ve listed some general tips to improve the overall experience.

More tips to be a better lover 1. Shave. Having stubble on your face can irritate her and make things like kissing and oral sex a lot less pleasurable for her. 2. Groom Yourself. The more you take care of your body the more likely she’ll be inclined to want to give you oral sex. 3. Smell Good. Wearing nice smelling cologne can intensify the sexual desire she feels for you. Just a small spray is best… or go for that just out of the shower smell. 4. Give a good massage. Having a little knowledge of some sexually erotic zones of a woman’s body will go a long way. Watch a video on giving an erotic hand massage or a video on giving a foot massage. 5. Aim for the G-spot. Don’t obsess about the g-spot. But having an idea of where it is and how to hit it will increase your likely hood of making her cum. If you’re clueless about the G-spot read an article about how to find the g-spot

381


Day 30 Ending a Fling or Relationship Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/23/2008

There comes a time in every player’s life where he is forced to end relations with a female he no longer enjoys spending time with. The irony of this is that you will probably find it is more difficult to end it with a girl than it was to get her. It is never easy to end things with a girl… and every situation will be different. But there is one constant rule that does not change. The longer you wait to end it; the harder it will be. Now that you’re out meeting and dating a variety of girls you’ll quickly find that you won’t be on the same page as most of them. This is because while you may view her as “practice” or “fun for the moment” or “somewhere to dump your load” she may have completely other thoughts running through her mind in regards to what the two of you have together. Eventually you are bound to hear one of these 3 evil questions: 1. Where do we stand? 2. What is this? 3. Where is this going? If you’ve been dating a girl that you have no intention of making your girlfriend… than you need to change the way you view these 3 questions. I used to hate when a girl asked me one of these questions. I used to fear it, and pray that things will roll along at the status quo. I hated the way I had to lie or change topics or be extremely vague with my answer. And what I hated more, was when months later, when I finally had the balls to end it, the girl would throw it in my face how I should have just been honest with her back when she asked “where this was going.” Well, now I’ve learned to love when a girl asks me one those questions… because I’ve learned to just be honest with her.

382

Social Superstar

When a girl doesn’t ask “what is this” and lets thing go along like everything is fine… that is when it is exceptionally hard to end it. In that case she doesn’t give you an out, and you have to be the one to address the situation. This is a lot harder than it seems. I wrote a post awhile back called Why You Shouldn’t String Girls Along where I talked about the negative effect stringing a girl along has on your personality. The longer you date a girl you have no real feelings for the more resentment will grow inside of you. That resentment is unhealthy for your soul. This is why you should use the opportunity most girls will present you with and come clean and be honest with them. If a girl asks you “where this is headed” and you don’t see it turning into a long term relationship, tell her. Tell her why. She will respect you for your honesty. Many guys will continue dating a girl they have no feelings for simply because they are scared to be single or unable to give up the steady sex. This is not the mentality that a true player should have. There is an abundance of women available. The minute you free yourself up from one girl, you’ll be amazed at how quickly more will flow into your life. In yesterday’s lesson I talked about how if you’re really good in the bedroom you can usually keep sleeping with girls long after they’ve realized that you’re not going to be their boyfriend. But this needs to be established as soon as possible. If you lead a girl on for six months and then tell her that you don’t have feelings for her other than sexual... it will be a lot harder to make the transition. If you let her know this after a few weeks than it is more likely she will keep you on the side as a booty call. The secret to ending a relationship is honesty. The more you try to sugar coat a break up the less likely she will feel the break up is for real. If she doesn’t feel it's for real than she will be filled with hope that you will get back together. You need to crush that hope. I know that sounds mean. But it is a lot meaner to let a girl waste two years hoping that you’ll finally see the light and be what she wanted. She can’t have those two years back. As hard as it may seem to tell a girl you don’t love her or don’t want a relationship with her, this will actually allow her to move on and get over you. Ultimately it is all about living with integrity. The right decision may not always be the easiest. But you’ll find that if you continually are honest with yourself and others your life will be a lot less complicated. You will 383


also find that you feel better about yourself, and your sense of self worth will increase.

384

Social Superstar

Day 31 Run a SWOT Analysis on Your Self Written by Bobby Rio Originally Published: 07/25/2008

Today is the last day in the 31 Days to Better Game series and as a result I want to make your last task a little reflective and forward looking. Your task today is to run a SWOT Analysis on yourself. A SWOT analysis is a strategic tool that has been used for many years in business (and many other fields) to look at the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats that that business might have or be facing. Much has been written about SWOT analysis and how to carry it out (I’ll let you do some searches on Google for it if you’re not familiar with it) however let me write a brief description of how to apply it to yourself. 1. Define Your Mission and Goals Before you carry out your SWOT it’s important that you know what your goals are (otherwise the exercise is a little pointless as you’ve got nothing to review yourself based upon). As a result you’ll want to have done Day 1’s task - Designing Your Life. 2. List Your Strengths What attributes do you have that will help you to achieve your goals? What do you have going for you? What are your strong points with approaching, dating, relationships? What resources and assets do you have at your disposal? What do you do better than anyone else? 3. List Your Weaknesses What attributes do you have that are holding you back from achieving your goals? What skills do you not have as a successful player, pua, or alpha male? What is ‘broken’ on your game? What could or should you improve about yourself? What should you probably avoid in your gaming? What is distracting you from your goals? 4. List Your Opportunities Where is opportunity presenting itself? Is there a local club/group that you can join? Is there a girl just dying for you to make your move? Did an old fling show up back in your life? Did a new girl move in the 385


apartment across the hall? A part time job you should get to meet new people? 5. List Your Threats What external things could or area is hindering you achieving your goals? Are you working too much and therefore coming home too tired to game? Do you not have enough money to go out to bars or clubs very often? Note - Think of Strengths and Weaknesses as internal factors while Opportunities and Threats are external factors. 6. Analyze Your Reflections and Generate Strategies Take some time out to work out what you can do with your findings. How can you utilize your Strengths? How can you bring your Weaknesses to an end? How can you make the most of your Opportunities? How can you fend off the Threats? An old Marketing lecturer used to say - ‘doing the analysis of Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats is only half the job. Working out how to turn Weaknesses into Strengths and Threats into Opportunities is the key part of a SWOT analyses. 7. Plan to Do Something and Do It Translate your findings into an Action Plan and begin to implement it. Doing a SWOT analysis is something that I do periodically on myself, this website and on my overarching business also. Have you ever done one on yourself?

386

Social Superstar

The Index Other things that have helped make TSB Magazine grow: Our Famous podcasts We have produced many podcasts that have totaled over 100,000 in downloads. The topics varied from dating, relationships, confidence building, online dating, and sex. We've also had the opportunity to interview many of the top dating coaches. You can download all of our podcasts by visiting the link below. http://www.tsbmag.com/category/weekly-podcasts/ Booty Call Game For those who loved the old Romp.com Booty Call flash game, they were happy to find that it relocated to TSB Magazine.com. For those of you who have never had the experience of playing the game, you absolutely must give it a shot. http://www.tsbmag.com/booty-call/ Our Video Library We created a video library and filled it with the best of dating advice, live pickups, and funny clips. http://www.tsbmag.com/category/video-posts/

387

The Best of TSBMAG.COM Acknowledgements We would like to take the time to thank all of our loyal readers who have stuck by us over the years. We want you to know that we truly appreciate your support and encouragement and look forward to continuing to provide you with high quality content. Very Special Thanks We would like to issue a special thanks and acknowledgement to long time reader Morgan Chase. Many of the long time readers of TSB remember him for his frequent commenting and patrol of the chat box. We want to thank you for all the support you've shown us, as you have gone above and beyond, and your effort and contribution do not go unnoticed. You have been there to keep us on track, and to provide invaluable suggestions. You are an honorary inductee into the TSB Magazine Hall of Fame. And forever a friend to Bobby, Mike, and Pete.

388

Social SuperStar: Best of TSB Magazine Vol. 1

Best of Vol 1

Best of Smashing Magazine

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Descended from Darkness, Apex Magazine Vol 1

Descended from Darkness, Apex Magazine Vol 1

Superstar

Der Superstar: Lektüre. Stufe 1

Ghetto Superstar

Best of Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine

The Best of Isaac Asimovs SF Magazine

Superstar Watch

The Best of Kuttner 1

The Best of Wilmott 1

Mathematics Magazine—Vol. 82, 2009 issue 1-5

Love and Rockets Magazine vol. I: no. 1

Mathematics Magazine—Vol. 83, 2010 issue 1-5

Best of German Graffiti 1

Jesus Christ Superstar

Bernie Williams Quiet Superstar

Annual Review of Law and Social Science, Vol. 1, 2005

Inked Magazine, 2009 1, January

Social SuperStar: Best of TSB Magazine Vol. 1

Best of Vol 1

Best of Smashing Magazine

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Superstar

Descended from Darkness, Apex Magazine Vol 1

Descended from Darkness, Apex Magazine Vol 1

Superstar

Der Superstar: Lektüre. Stufe 1

Ghetto Superstar

Best of Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine

The Best of Isaac Asimovs SF Magazine

Superstar Watch

The Best of Kuttner 1

The Best of Wilmott 1

Mathematics Magazine—Vol. 82, 2009 issue 1-5

Love and Rockets Magazine vol. I: no. 1

Mathematics Magazine—Vol. 83, 2010 issue 1-5

Best of German Graffiti 1

Jesus Christ Superstar

Bernie Williams Quiet Superstar

Annual Review of Law and Social Science, Vol. 1, 2005

Inked Magazine, 2009 1, January

Recommend Documents