Not Alone

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 2 Not Alone

ANDY carried his shopping basket through the narrow aisles of the little mom-and-pop grocery store that serviced the lake resort patrons. He walked through the small produce area, choosing a head of lettuce, some tomatoes, and mushrooms. The store was small, but well-stocked. Reaching the condiment aisle, he looked for his favorite dressing. It was on the top shelf. Fuck being short! He looked around, eyes lighting on a tall guy dressed in the telltale blue smock bearing the grocery store‟s name on the back. “Excuse me, sir. I need help reaching something.” Turning from where he was opening a box of canned goods, Eddie left the box and offered the small, very striking, blond man a courteous smile. “What would you like?” he asked, glancing up to the top shelf before looking back at the customer. Andy reached up, shirt coming untucked as he gestured at the spot on the top shelf. “Creamy vinaigrette.” He smiled shyly, eyes roaming over the huge man. He had big hands and even bigger shoulders, and he looked like a lumbering farm boy. Eddie blinked, just smiling at him for a few seconds, enchanted by the elfin features before he shook himself and reached up for the bottle the customer requested. “Here you go,” he said, meeting bright blue eyes again and mustering

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 3 another smile. “Just let me know if I can help you with anything else,” he said. Andy took the bottle, startling as sparks passed between them as their fingers touched. He lowered his eyes to a broad chest to see a name badge that read “My name is Eddie. Happy to be of service to you.” He looked back up again, meeting brown eyes that matched plain brown hair. “Actually, Eddie, I‟m new here and haven‟t met anyone. I‟ve been lonely. Would you like to come and have dinner with me tonight? Salad for one is depressing.” The taller man‟s mouth dropped in surprise as he gaped at the customer, eyes wide. “I uh… uh….” Eddie snapped his mouth shut, still staring in shock, although he didn‟t look in the least offended. “Uh… okay?” he answered weakly. Andy reached out a hand, offering a greeting. “My name is Andy Parker. I‟m in the old Tanner cabin up on the lake. I inherited it from my uncle.” He didn‟t know why he felt the need to spill his life‟s history. Eddie shook Andy‟s slim hand, wrapping long fingers around it. “I know the Tanner cabin. Nice guy. Kept to himself but supported the local shopping.” He smiled. “Oh, I‟m, um, Eddie.” He shrugged after looking down at the nametag. “I was born and raised around here, but left and only came back a few years ago.” The warm hand that wrapped around his own gave Andy a thrill of excitement. “I love it here,” he murmured. “Perfect place to take some time off and forget about the rest of the world.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 4 Eddie shrugged with a grin. “Or you can just stay and let the world go on without you. It‟s a great place to settle.” A slow, lazy smile spread across Andy‟s features. “I feel very welcome here.” His voice was low. “But I notice… there‟s not a lot of men here, is there?” Both eyebrows raised, Eddie ducked a little to hear Andy as he lowered his voice. “Oh, well, no, I suppose not. Most of the husbands work up in the city, so you‟ll only see them at night. The women stick around and run the resort, the shops, and restaurants.” Andy blushed a little, shaking his head. “No. I mean… well, I‟m gay.” He raised worried eyes to meet Eddie‟s. “That doesn‟t bother you, does it? I mean, this isn‟t a date or anything. I just want a friend.” Eddie blinked and then grinned. “No, hey, that‟s great. We‟re real accepting here. Tim Blakeman and Rodney Stewart lived down on Hall Street until a couple years back. Everyone sort of got over the novelty of it. I think you‟ll be fine,” he said easily. Andy bit his lip nervously. “But there‟s nobody else, is there? I‟m going to be alone here.” Raising a shoulder, Eddie shrugged awkwardly. “I‟m sure you‟ll have no problems making some friends. Just… invite people for salad,” he suggested with a reassuring smile. Andy smiled somewhat wistfully. Friends were nice, but now that he had finally come to a point in his life when he

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 5 wanted to settle down, there was no one to settle down with. He realized he was still holding Eddie‟s hand, so he squeezed it once more before pulling away. “Something tells me I‟ve made my first friend here.” Eddie watched Andy as he looked away almost sadly, and he wished he could do something to see that smile again. Oh boy. This could be… an interesting development. “So, can I bring anything tonight?” “Just yourself. And maybe some cheap, local wine?” Andy joked. “I‟ll pick up a couple of steaks. I can grill them out on the dock. There‟s a lovely table out there. When the sun sets, it‟s….” He pressed his lips together, stopping his inane babbling. “It‟s a nice place to eat,” he said instead. Eddie swallowed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “When the sun sets it‟s romantic,” he said softly. At the tone of Eddie‟s voice, Andy asked, “I‟m not pulling you away from a wife or a girlfriend, am I? I don‟t mean to.” Eddie‟s smile faded a bit, and he shrugged. “No. No girlfriend, no wife. I‟m divorced since this summer.” Andy tilted his head to the side. “Divorced? Ah, that‟s too bad, I guess. Any kids?” Nodding, Eddie‟s smile returned. “Yeah. Two girls. They stay with their mother in the city during the week and go to school, and I have them most weekends and awhile in the summer.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 6 “Girls. Lovely. I always thought that I would have liked to have had daughters, but then, well….” Andy stopped his chatter. “So tonight? Around seven-ish?” “Sure. I‟ll see you then. Rosemarie is at the register up front. She‟ll help you check out,” Eddie said as he turned to head back to the boxes he‟d been unpacking. Andy nodded, stepping to the end of the aisle before turning back. “It was nice to meet you, Eddie.” “Welcome to town. I hope you‟ll like it here,” Eddie answered, raising a hand in a short wave. “Me too,” Andy murmured, making his way to select steaks and then on to the register. “Rosemarie?” he guessed. “Can you help me check out?” The teenager perched at the counter smiled and nodded. “Sure. I‟m good with the register.” She popped her gum and good-naturedly rung up Andy‟s groceries. Andy watched, amazed as she did three things at once— talking, chewing gum, and ringing up and packaging his purchases. In short order, she had him checked out and headed toward the door. His head seemed to spin at the speed of it all. He handed her a bill. “Tip?” Rosemarie giggled. “Thanks! That‟s very nice of you. Dad will even let me keep it, if I really earned it and all.” “Your dad runs the store?” Andy asked, confusion bringing his brows close together.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 7 The young girl nodded, ponytail bobbing. “He‟s around here somewhere. I can go get him if you want.” “Nah, that‟s okay. Just tell him you really deserved it and that I demand you be allowed to keep it.” Andy smiled at the young, dark-haired girl. “Great. Thanks! Hey, you‟re new here, aren‟t you? What‟s your name? You know mine,” Rosemarie smiled charmingly. “I‟m Andy. I‟m living at the Tanner cabin now. If your dad will let you, you‟re welcome to come swim. I have one of those diving platforms out in the lake. It‟s lovely there.” “Cool! Can I bring my sister and our friends? We‟re here for the summer, and we love to go swimming,” Rosemarie enthused. “Sure, as long as your dad says it‟s okay.” Andy blushed a little at her enthusiasm. “It‟s pretty quiet up there, so having some people around will be great.” “Thanks, Andy!” An older lady came up to the register and Rosemarie waved to her. “I better go. Thanks for coming to Ferguson‟s, Andy. Come back any time you need groceries, okay?” “Okay.” Andy backed out through the door, fumbling for his key fob as he pressed the button to unlock his car. He loaded his groceries into the back before looking back

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 8 through the plate-glass windows of the store. “Ferguson‟s. Nice place.” Eddie headed up front at closing time to find Rosemarie locking up the register. “Everything okay, Rosey?” “Yeah, Dad. Register balanced and everything. Hey, did you meet Andy? He‟s staying at the Tanner cabin and said we could go swimming.” Rosemarie bounced in place with the overwhelming energy of a thirteen-year-old. Eddie smiled and lifted a bag. “Yes, I met him, and I‟m going to visit this evening since you and your sister will be at Katie‟s.” He locked the door behind them as they closed the store and then hugged Rosemarie. “Have a nice night.” “See you tomorrow, Dad!” Rosemarie ran off down the road and around the corner. Eddie sighed and turned to start the walk over to the small liquor store, thinking ahead. Andy. One look at the man threw Eddie for a loop. He shook his head, not sure what to think. Just being close to him made Eddie feel warm and very aware.

ANDY put the steaks on the grill, checking his watch yet again. Still ten minutes until Eddie should be here. He straightened the tablecloth, fluffing the daisies in the vase as he rearranged the silverware. The salad was ready, dressing and all on the table already. The wineglasses sparkled in the light given off by the citronella torches surrounding the deck. The moon was rising fat and full in the sky as the night

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 9 darkened to twilight. He cast a glance around. Fuck. This is too romantic for a friendly dinner. The wood creaked as Eddie walked out onto the dock, heading to the grill and torches that were little pinpoints of light. He could smell the steaks and his stomach growled. He grinned as he approached. “My good luck to get asked to dinner by a man who can cook!” he complimented as he arrived. “My good luck to have such a handsome dinner companion,” Andy countered as he raised his eyes to take in the relaxed appearance of the man who sauntered along his dock. Eddie chuckled and bowed, holding a wine bottle in one hand, paper bag in the other. “Too kind. But since I brought wine and dessert, I suppose I should deserve a little stroking.” Andy lifted an eyebrow. “You do remember that I am gay. Stroking to me might imply a completely different outcome than it would to you, Mr. Heterosexual.” Eddie smirked and set the bottle and bag on the table. “Let‟s just say I‟m comfortable with who I am, that I can take a little teasing, and leave it at that, hmm?” Andy grabbed the bag, opening it to peer inside. “Oh! I love you! Crème brûlée!” He set the bag back down, opening the wine and pouring them both a glass. “Steak should be ready any time.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 10 Chuckling, Eddie pulled out the bench and sat. “You‟ve only known me six hours. Is that long enough for a declaration of love? Man, am I behind the times!” he teased, eyes sparkling. Andy blushed a little as he opened the grill and flipped the steaks a final time. “Well, the empowered gay man doesn‟t hide his feelings. At least not according to Oprah.” Eddie‟s laugh rang out strong over the water. “Christ. Remind me to monitor what my girls watch on TV, okay? Lord help me if they decide they‟re empowered.” Sitting across from Eddie, Andy took a sip of wine. “And just what will you do if they decide they are empowered? My dad was surprisingly okay with my declaration that I was gay, but I was never very overt about anything.” Eyes growing big, Eddie winced. “Well, I hope I have at least a few more years before we have to start having talks about sexuality. But I suppose I‟ll be more accepting than their mother; they‟ll need someone who will listen to their questions.” “How old are they?” Andy asked, picking at a thread on the tablecloth. Eddie took a small sip of wine. “Hmm. Thirteen and eleven. Going on thirty,” he said as he laughed. Andy stood to take the steaks off of the grill, handing a plate to Eddie. “I bet they‟re lovely.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 11 “They‟re a handful. But yes, lovely. I‟m lucky to have them.” Eddie took the plate and watched the other man moving smoothly. “So, no kids, I guess?” Andy sat back down again, lighting the lantern on the table now that he closed the grill. “No, no kids. I had thought at one time that I might adopt a couple, but situations change. It‟s partly the reason I‟m here now.” “Only partly? Although it‟s nice here, it‟s not exactly a place most people come to stay at permanently,” Eddie said. “I had hoped to try my hand at writing. I‟ve always had a head for mysteries, and when things in New York went bad, I retreated here,” Andy explained. “This isn‟t vacation for me. It‟s a change in lifestyle.” Eddie nodded. “You can make a life here. It‟s a great place.” He cut into the steak and tried it. “And I was right: you‟re a great cook.” “It‟s all in the meat selection. Ferguson‟s has a great range. Good meat,” he babbled as he tried his own cooking. “I hope I can make a life here. I‟m banking everything on being able to.” “Everything?” Eddie echoed, looking up from where he was putting some salad on his plate. “I sold my share of my business in New York. It‟s enough to live on comfortably for a few years, but if I can‟t make it, I‟ll have to go back and find a job.” The thought depressed him. “I was partial owner of a nightclub. A gay nightclub. I co-owned it with my partner. And then he

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 12 decided he needed to make a break. It was either buy his half and stay or sell my half and leave. I chose the latter.” “You‟re making a clean break, then. You‟ll be better off for it,” Eddie offered. “And this is a great place to lick your wounds,” he added ruefully. “I offer that from experience.” “Does it take a long time?” Andy mused out loud. “Because I feel like I‟ve not mourned the relationship long enough. But I‟m glad it‟s over.” Eddie sighed and sobered a little. “I was glad it was over too, but it still hurt,” he said, obviously referring to the divorce. “And though I love my girls like nothing else, they are a daily reminder, so it makes it difficult to leave it behind.” Andy nodded. “I understand that, I guess. What will you do if you ever decide to move on? How will your girls react to that?” “Move on?” Eddie said through a mouthful of salad and a confused look. “Find someone else. Say the most gorgeous person— woman—in the world walks into Ferguson‟s and asks for help selecting a cucumber—” Eddie‟s eyebrow lifted at that. “—and you just decide you want her. Have to have her. What then?”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 13 Eddie‟s lips twitched. “Ah, well, I guess I‟d see if the girls could stay at their friend‟s house for a night. To start with, anyway.” Andy leaned back, smirking. “So you‟d take her home?” “Well, you said „have to have her‟, and I‟d like to think that if that were the case, I‟d be brave enough to do something about it,” Eddie answered, picking up his wineglass. “I‟m sure there are enough lovely single ladies around here, that you could at least have a summer fling with someone. What‟s stopping you?” Eddie made a face. “I don‟t think I‟m interested in casual, actually. Too much chance it will hurt me or my girls.” “Ah. Makes sense,” Andy murmured. He found himself staring at Eddie, noticing the way the dark eyes sparkled in the moonlight. He shook himself mentally. “Maybe someone will come along. A forever type of someone.” “Maybe,” Eddie echoed. “But in the meantime, I could use a good friend,” he said, meeting Andy‟s gaze. “Well, I can be a friend,” Andy answered in a falsely jovial tune, not so sure that he could hold back any feelings that might develop, but willing to give it a try. “So use me,” he offered in a dramatic tone. Eddie smiled. “Well, such an invitation. How can I pass that up?”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 14 “Don‟t tease me, Eddie,” Andy warned. “You might get more than you bargained for.” Raising both eyebrows, Eddie called Andy‟s bluff. “All right then. How much teasing is too much? And what more might I be risking? Let‟s talk here, new buddy o‟ mine.” “Too much teasing is when it gets personal.” Andy clarified, “Anything other than that is okay. Just be prepared to suffer the consequences.” “Personal?” Eddie said with a grin. “You say „So use me‟ and then tell me not to get personal or I‟ll suffer the consequences? What sort of consequences are we talking?” Andy sat back, blushing in the dim light of the moon. “You know what it‟s like to be turned on and to want to take whatever it is you want, consequences be damned? If you tease me, turn me on, I‟m going to want you.” Eddie blinked. Andy might want me? A flush of warmth streaked through him as he thought about that. He studied Andy speculatively. “Not that I‟m trying to be cruel or anything here, but that would be bad, why? Other than the obvious, of course,” he hurried to add. “I mean, it‟s a hell of a compliment, if you ask me.” “It‟s cruel,” Andy assured Eddie. “To want you and not be able to have you.” His voice was passionate as he spoke. “That‟s what I mean by personal. Don‟t make me fall in love with you if you‟re not willing to love me in turn.” “But what if I am willing? You can love close friends. It doesn‟t automatically translate to a sexual relationship,”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 15 Eddie said carefully, not wanting to anger the other man, but truly wanting to know what exactly Andy wanted. A kind of disappointed relief washed over Andy. So Eddie wanted to be friends. At least Andy knew what to expect from him. “I‟ll be your friend, Eddie,” he offered. “Just don‟t play with me. Don‟t play with my feelings.” Eddie nodded seriously. “I understand. I hope you‟ll believe I wouldn‟t do that. At least once you get to know me, you‟ll believe it.” “We‟re talking about two different kinds of love here, Eddie,” Andy continued. “I said „don‟t make me fall in love with you‟. You said that you can love close friends. If we don‟t discuss this now, one of us will get hurt,” he added, his mind tacking on and it will probably be me. “That being along the lines of I love my ex-wife, but I‟m not in love with her anymore?” Eddie said quietly. “And like that she was in love with me—a younger me—but she never really loved me?” Andy nodded. “See? There‟s different kinds of love. I‟m afraid… I… never mind.” He tried to backpedal in his heart, to rewind these feelings that were already advancing at an alarming pace. Eddie‟s total honesty was very disarming and endearing. Eddie frowned as he pushed back his plate. “Don‟t stop now; we‟ve talked about it this much already,” he encouraged.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 16 Andy lowered his head. “I‟ve always believed in love at first sight. Or at least in instant attraction. It….” He glanced up to find Eddie studying him before lowering his eyes once more. “It would be too easy to let myself fall in love with you. To really love you. If you‟re anything at all as you seem.” Eddie didn‟t have a reply to that, and he dropped his eyes to the table. Applying Andy‟s words to himself would make him think of things and acknowledge feelings he hadn‟t dealt with for many, many years. Things that explained why his pulse raced when he first saw Andy in the grocery. Love at first sight. Loving a man at first sight. He swallowed. “So now what?” “So now, I guess I bury these feelings. I settle for what you‟re offering. Friendship.” Andy answered honestly. Eddie‟s heart raced. Andy was pretty much admitting he was attracted to Eddie and thought he might be able to love him. Frankly, it was frightening, the speed of it all, because Eddie was very afraid he could feel the same way. Looking up, Eddie searched Andy‟s face and then nodded, trying to blunt the sudden swell of emotions. “Friendship.” Andy met Eddie‟s eyes before lifting his glass. “To friendship.” Eddie raised his wineglass. “To friendship,” he agreed shakily, clinking their glasses together. Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? Andy wondered as he smiled at Eddie. “I invited your cashier up to swim today. She‟s a hard worker.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 17 Eddie blinked, blank. “Cashier?” he echoed. “Rosemarie.” Andy narrowed his eyes. “You know, of „Rosemarie is at the register, she‟ll check you out‟.” “Oh!” Eddie looked startled, and then he flushed. “Rosemarie. Yeah.” He looked a little ashamed of himself. “I don‟t really think of my kids as actual employees. They just like to help out.” Andy‟s face paled before flushing in embarrassment. “She‟s your daughter? You own the store?” Still looking guilty, Eddie nodded. “Ferguson‟s was my dad‟s store, and his dad‟s before that.” “I‟m sorry for inviting her without your permission. I can tell her no if you‟d rather she didn‟t come out here.” Eddie waved a hand in dismissal. “Those girls run roughshod over this town; there‟s no reason you should be any different.” He laughed. Deciding to crack a joke, Andy teased, “At least you won‟t have to worry about me trying to seduce them. Their father, maybe, but them? No.” Eddie‟s eyes widened as his heart pounded wildly. He mustered a smile. “You‟ve got a point! Much better than hanging out at the swim club with those lifeguards, or at the high school football field.” He chuckled, looking at Andy over his glass. He suddenly regretted his gut decision of claiming friendship, of ruling out the possibility of Andy seducing

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 18 him. But he had himself and many years of repression to blame for that. “They‟re welcome at any time. You are too.” Andy grinned. Again, Eddie nodded, not sure what else to say about that. “So. Writer, huh? Got a novel started?” Andy groaned, burying his face in his hand. “Would you believe that everything I start to write ends up being gay smut?” Both Eddie‟s eyebrows flew up and his cheeks felt hot. “Well. Don‟t share it with the girls. For another few years, anyway. I guess… there‟s probably a market for that, right?” Andy shrugged. “Probably, but I don‟t want to be known for gay erotica. I want to be known for books that make your brain tingle. Not other parts of your body.” Eddie shrugged. “So write something with both.” “Maybe if I just got laid, I‟d be able to get my mind off of that and back into writing. Are you sure you don‟t know any eligible guys? I guess I could make a short trip back to the city.” Eddie shrugged again, weaker this time. “Sorry,” he murmured, staring down at his plate. Andy could read the tension that seemed to settle in Eddie‟s body. “Never mind. I‟ve gone this long without. Another year or so can‟t hurt me.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 19 Relaxing a little, Eddie‟s voice was quite wry. “Well, that much I understand. The going without, I mean. Despite what I said about your hypothetical „have-to-have-her‟ woman situation, I‟ve never brought anyone home. Even when the girls are in town.” “She‟ll come,” Andy assured Eddie. “When you‟re least expecting her—BAM—love will blindside you.” Eddie looked up from his plate to see Andy‟s face, light eyes sparkling in the moonlight, the torches sending warm flickers of light over his skin. And he had to swallow hard as his stomach bottomed out. “Yeah,” he murmured in agreement, lurching for the wine bottle. When Eddie‟s fingers tipped the bottle, Andy steadied it with his own hand over his. “Careful there. Don‟t want to spill our courage in a bottle.” Their eyes met over the table, Eddie staring at Andy, afraid he was giving his thoughts away. Andy blinked and looked away. His mind was playing tricks on him. Telling him he was seeing things that obviously weren‟t there. Eddie took the bottle and filled his glass. “How about dessert?” he offered. “Dessert would be nice, especially since you brought crème brûlée. Too bad you‟re not interested. I‟d normally give a great blow job for crème brûlée.” Eddie couldn‟t help but spray his wine across the table as he coughed—he was so surprised by Andy‟s immediate return to bantering.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 20 Andy smirked, reaching across the table to dab at Eddie‟s mouth with a napkin. “Now now, sweetheart. Nothing to explode over. At least not yet.” Hand firmly over mouth, Eddie looked momentarily scandalized. “Okay, I see how you are, Mr. Parker. See if I give you any directions to the one decent gay club in the city.” Andy lifted an eyebrow. “And how would you know where that one decent gay club is, Mr. Ferguson?” Eddie blushed hard. “You hear a lot in a small grocery store,” he hedged. “Then maybe I should hang out there. You can put me to work stocking cucumbers. And when a gay guy walks in and asks for my opinion, I can give it to him.” Eddie looked horrified for a moment. “So that’s why they bought all those cucumbers?” he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer. Andy rolled his eyes. “Just when I think you know more than you let on, you go and prove to me that you know nothing about gay life. They were not buying cucumbers for nefarious reasons.” Exhaling in relief, Eddie rolled his eyes. “Hey, with the two guys who used to live here? There is no telling. I‟m not one for blanket assumptions or degrading nicknames, but they were fruits. Abject fruits.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 21 Andy lifted an eyebrow once more. “Remind me to Eddie-proof my home if you ever intend to stay over.” Eddie scowled and covered his face. “C‟mon, man! I mean, I wouldn‟t look at you—I didn‟t look at you and think gay! Really gay! Flaming gay!” He waved his hands about. “But those two guys wore flashing neon signs.” “Some of us are like that,” Andy confirmed. “But I‟ve never felt the need to be overt about it. I am who I am.” “I‟m not offended. I‟m just saying. If anyone was going to do something nefarious with cucumbers? It was those guys,” Eddie asserted. Deciding to tease more, Andy chuckled. “Must have been cheap, then. You can get anything in the mail these days. Delivered anywhere.” Eddie‟s eyes got big and round again. “I mean, there are sites on the Internet.” He winked at Eddie. “Speaking of which, maybe I should just order a new toy instead of worrying about getting laid.” Eddie shuddered. “You know, you just confirmed what nefarious activities they might have been doing when you jumped track from cucumbers to toys,” he said with a sigh. “I so did not need that mental image.” Then he frowned. “What do you mean, Eddie-proof your house?” “I mean hide my toys. If you‟re going to be wandering around my cabin, I don‟t want to leave anything out that might offend your delicate sensibilities.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 22 “Like cucumbers,” Eddie replied drolly. Andy chose that moment to pick a bite of cucumber from the salad. “Maybe.” Eyes narrowed, Eddie wasn‟t too sure he should pursue this conversation, but he did anyway. “Surely toys gay men would use aren‟t any different from what women use. My wife had a vibrator.” “Vibrators are just the beginning,” Andy commented. “There are a lot of different things that are usable for both sexes or sexualities but are predominantly used by gay men.” “Okay, I‟m sure I‟m going to feel stupid later, but how many variations on a vibrator can there be?” Eddie asked. “And why would some be used more by gay men rather than women?” Andy leaned back and placed his fingers into the shape of a cross as if to ward off something. “Get thee to a computer!” Better yet…. He stood and offered Eddie a hand. “C‟mon. I want to show you something.” Eddie clambered up from the table. “First cucumber I see, I am so out of there,” he warned in a joking voice. Andy led Eddie inside the cozy cabin and to his laptop, set up at a desk in the living room. Tapping a few keys, he did a search and then clicked on a Web site. “See?” Eddie leaned over Andy‟s shoulder, peering at the screen. “Um, doesn‟t that hurt?”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 23 “It can,” Andy answered honestly. “But if you‟re with someone who will take their time or if you‟re doing it to yourself, you learn quickly that you can take more than you think you can.” Eddie shook his head. “I guess I‟m missing something then. Why do it in the first place? I mean, why stick something up your ass? I guess I can sorta see being the one doing the….” He waved his hand in a circle. Andy took Eddie‟s hand, forming it into a fist. “There‟s a spot about here,” he pushed his fingers inside Eddie‟s fist, pushing forward, “that makes it all worth it. It‟s almost like an instant orgasm.” Eyebrows shooting up, Eddie was obviously surprised. “And this is something they just conveniently forget to tell us about in sex education?” “Procreation of the species and all.” Andy shrugged. “But it‟s more than worth it. After you do it the first time, you feel kinda empty for a while after that. Especially if it‟s with someone you love. You feel incomplete without them.” Eddie made a noise that might have been agreement. “Have women got that same spot? I mean, up the rear, like?” He blushed a little. “You‟re asking a gay man?” Eddie‟s eyes widened, and then he chuckled. “Well, you seem to know what you‟re talking about.” He peered down at the laptop screen again, head tilting.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 24 “Never had a woman,” Andy admitted. “Have never wanted a woman, actually.” “Well, I‟d say you‟re missing out, but in light of new knowledge, I‟ll reserve comment,” Eddie muttered, leaning over to look at some of the pictures. Eddie‟s closeness to him made Andy‟s heart flutter. He could smell the other man‟s cologne, and he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Eyes sliding toward Andy, Eddie yanked them back to the laptop screen. “Okay, armed with new knowledge and such, that all means what in light of toys? I don‟t get why they‟d be different.” Andy pointed at the screen. “See the shaft? Look at the extra nubs and bumps. And some are made to just nudge against that spot repeatedly.” Eddie‟s face contorted as he tried to absorb that information. “Huh.” Andy leaned back and grinned. “But there‟s always the fail-safe cucumber. You can rest assured I got full use of mine before it met its untimely end in the salad.” He poked his tongue out a little. Eddie blinked at Andy in disbelief before his brain caught up and he realized the other man was joking. “Ha ha. Very funny. There‟s nothing on here that looks remotely like a cucumber.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 25 Andy‟s smile spread even farther. “Nope. I was just teasing you about that. Today‟s gay man is too sophisticated to use a cucumber.” Chuckling, Eddie stood back and shook his head. “Next you‟ll be telling me women use vibrators shaped like dicks to get off.” He rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Andy‟s eyebrows quirked. Wow. Eddie was so obviously small-town born and bred, but it was rather charming. “Well, now that you mention it.” He spun around in his chair and nudged at Eddie‟s foot with his own. Eddie narrowed his eyes, looking at Andy suspiciously. “What?” “Have you ever thought about the way the cock is shaped? Full head and all? Men really like that. I mean it hits all the right spots.” Andy blushed and lowered his eyes as he felt his own cock stir a little at the thought. “Andy, I can honestly say I‟ve never thought that much about it. Are you telling me you think men enjoy cocks more than women?” Andy shrugged. “Well, we all build our lives around them at some point. Right? Either in the giving or receiving of them?” “Yeah,” Eddie agreed cautiously. “Not that there aren‟t some women out there who really love them, but overall, I‟d say men do enjoy them more.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 26 “Well, I can‟t exactly agree on the basis of personal experience. Unfortunately, my experience with women hasn‟t really done anything to make me think otherwise.” “You poor man.” Andy laughed. “We need to find you either a good woman or a man that you‟d be attracted to. Just so you can see what it should be like.” Eddie looked mulish. “I know what it should be like.” He huffed, crossing his arms and standing back up straight. “I just didn‟t get a chance to really do anything about it.” Andy cocked his head to the side. “Oh?” Flushing again, Eddie shrugged. “I guess I‟m a little larger than usual, and it was always real uncomfortable for my wife,” he muttered. “So, after the first few years of sporadic trying, she bought a vibrator instead.” “Larger than usual?” Andy‟s face heated at the thought. “Um, I think I can safely say I‟ve never had that problem with any of my previous lovers.” Eddie flushed a little more and stepped back farther. “Well, it‟s not like I go measuring to compare. That‟s just what she said, is all. I didn‟t want to hurt her, you know. So it was awkward.” Curiosity and wine getting the better of him, Andy blurted, “Just how much larger than usual?” Eyebrows hitting the ceiling, Eddie stumbled over some words. “Well, I, hell, what do you…. How am I supposed to know?”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 27 Andy held his fingers out, about six inches apart. “Bigger than that?” Eddie nodded. Andy spread them to about eight inches. “Bigger than that?” Eddie squinted at Andy‟s fingers and then nodded. Andy‟s eyes widened. He spread his hands farther still. “Um. Wow. I‟d say that in my experience, you are larger than average.” His body ached to be filled, and he had the feeling that he‟d be searching for his largest toy when Eddie left later. With a sigh, Eddie shrugged. “I‟m six-four, Andy. It‟s proportional. Mostly.” “Can I?” Andy literally had to bite his lip to keep from asking if he could see it. Eddie froze for a moment and then forced himself to relax again. “You sure we‟re not getting into that „personal‟ area? Don‟t want you saying I teased you overly much or something.” Andy rolled his eyes, relieved that Eddie was joking about this. “Hey, you brought it up. This entire conversation has been nothing but personal, anyway.” Eddie suddenly looked a little shy. “Well, yeah, for me, maybe. I‟ve always wondered if it was really all because of me, or if she was just….” He shrugged.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 28 “You are a little large,” Andy confirmed, “but nothing that someone can‟t take. Even a woman. It just takes a little trial and error. Adjustments and let‟s-try-this-again type scenarios.” “But I‟m not like obscenely large?” Eddie was really unsure how they‟d gotten to talking about this, but it was a real sore point from his divorce, and someone realistically hinting that it wasn‟t all his fault was really a tempting relief. “Well, I don‟t know from personal experience how large you are, but I‟d say no. That you‟re not obscenely large. Wellendowed, yes, but I would have thought that to be a plus. Was she petite? Or was there a problem with her?” Eddie snorted and shook his head. “Hell no. She was taller than you, a farm girl, used to manual labor.” He sighed and tugged at his jeans a little. “That‟s why I pretty much thought she must have been right.” “Can I show you something else? And will you promise not to let it offend you?” Andy rose from the chair, stubbing the toe of his shoe into the carpet. Eddie stepped forward to catch Andy and help him regain his balance before he cracked a smile. “You‟ll warn me if you‟re dropping your pants, right?” “Not gonna drop my pants.” Andy grinned, leading Eddie into his bedroom. He opened his bottom nightstand drawer and stepped back. “My favorite,” he murmured shyly. Hidden in the drawer was a ten-inch phallus. “Sorry. But I just

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 29 wanted you to know that some people would kill for—,” he gestured toward Eddie, “—for that.” Eddie‟s eyes got really big as he looked from the phallus, to Andy, to Andy‟s ass, to his own groin. Several times. Then he got what Andy was saying, and he blushed heavily. “Thanks,” he murmured, still eyeing the phallus curiously. Andy broke into nervous giggles just then. “I guess this is veering a little into the personal category of conversation, isn‟t it?” Eddie blinked. “Not any more personal than asking to see my cock. For purely clinical purposes, of course.” “I did not ask to see it.” Andy was adamant. “I was going to, but I stopped myself.” Eddie raised an eyebrow, as if he were saying Surrrre. Andy rolled his eyes and walked away, leaving Eddie in the room. “Better not stay in there all by yourself. I have it programmed to attack.” Eddie looked back at the phallus in the drawer, eyes narrowing, and then he looked at his own pants before following Andy back out to the front room.

THE bell above the door tinkled as Andy pushed it open and stuck his head inside the blessedly air-conditioned store. “Hey, Rosey,” he greeted Eddie‟s daughter. “Dad here?” She nodded and snapped her gum before going back to her

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 30 magazine with that young British heartthrob who was so popular lately on the cover. “He‟s in the back,” she murmured, motioning toward the vegetable section. Eddie whistled tunelessly as he unpacked fresh vegetables and fruit, stacking them on the wooden shelves under the misters. He dropped another empty box on the floor and opened the next, stopping to stare down at the contents with a funny look on his face. Andy sauntered around the corner just in time to see Eddie‟s expression as he peered into a box. He stepped closer and smiled when he saw the contents. “See anything of comparable size?” Eddie glanced up in surprise, face flushing as he clapped the top back on the box, nearly smashing his own fingers. “Hi, Andy.” He smiled awkwardly, trying to stifle a laugh. “Hi, Eddie.” Andy tugged at the box, pulling the lid back open. “I was just going to get some cucumbers. I was hoping you‟d have some fresh meat, um, produce for me to check out.” Eddie couldn‟t hide his grin as he half-covered his eyes and pulled the top out of Andy‟s hands. “Yeah, all the deliveries came in today,” Eddie said, trying not to laugh. “Produce, meat, and other perishables.” “Mom gave me a recipe for refrigerator pickles. I need about six abnormally large cucumbers, and seeing as how you‟re the expert, I thought you could help me with that.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 31 “Andy!” Eddie shushed him, face flaming, trying not to laugh, looking across the area at some ladies choosing melons. Seeing a ripe opportunity for teasing, Andy pretended to kneel. “Please, Eddie! I‟ll get down on my knees for you.” Eddie‟s eyes bulged, and he grabbed Andy, pulling him up from where he started to crouch and shuffling him off to the back storeroom. “Awww,” Andy pretended to whine and pout as Eddie strong-armed him. “Are you ashamed of me, baby?” Eddie half-growled as he closed the storeroom door and dissolved into snorts and totally unmanly giggles. “You bastard. I have to work here! And that‟s Pastor Wilkins‟ wife!” Andy leaned back on a cooler. “And you‟re telling me that you go to church every Sunday? Front and center? Do you have your own personalized hymnal?” He cocked an eyebrow as he crossed his arms. “Because if you do, I‟ll go out there now and repent of my sins, just for you.” Eddie snorted. “You gonna get down on your knees in front of her?” Although he certainly looked much better on his knees in front of Eddie. Once again, Andy dropped to his knees. “Like this?” He looked up at Eddie and wet his lips. “You think this would work? I can beg real pretty.” Eddie‟s eyes got really big. “Uh, pretty, uh…. Aw, hell, Andy, get up. You can have whatever groceries you want.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 32 Andy rose to his feet. “Just teasing you, buddy. Actually, I‟m glad you brought me back here.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “You remember our first dinner a couple months ago? I was actually going to ask if you‟d give me directions to that „one decent gay club‟ in town you mentioned.” Eddie flushed again when Andy mentioned the club. “Ah, sure, I could do that.” He paused, thinking about his plans for the evening. “I mean, I‟ve been thinking about maybe heading out, seeing if I can meet anyone. It‟s great here, but it‟s so quiet up there all by myself.” He sighed, referring to the cabin at the lake. “I need companionship.” He looked at Eddie. “Not that your friendship isn‟t enough, but… well, a cucumber is no substitute for living, breathing flesh.” He grinned. “Yeah, I can understand that. You‟ve been here a while now.” Eddie shrugged. “Well, I have to go into town later. You could follow me, and I‟ll just drive you by. That would be easier than trying to give you directions.” He smiled lopsidedly. “And since I don‟t want you abusing the produce….” Andy started to push past Eddie. “Sure, that‟d work, unless I could convince you to go with me?” He stopped and straightened Eddie‟s collar. “You‟d look good in leather.” Eddie blinked hard. “I would?” he asked before he thought about it. He lightly punched Andy‟s arm. His friend had been mercilessly teasing him for weeks now. He‟d

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 33 certainly learned a hell of a lot more about sex than he ever thought existed. “Yeah. Tight in the ass and long on the legs. Black. Snug. I can see you in leather.” Andy blinked as he realized he could see Eddie in leather. That he wanted to see Eddie in leather. In a usual reaction, Eddie‟s eyebrows edged upward and he looked down at his casual khakis and plaid shirt. “Well,” he said slowly. “I guess we could go shopping.” “You‟d let me take you shopping?” Andy was surprised. “Sure. I mean, well, yeah.” Eddie shrugged. “I couldn‟t tell you the last time I bought clothes. I‟d certainly never considered leather pants.” “They‟re not practical,” Andy warned. He moved his hands to Eddie‟s rear. “They‟re a little snug here.” He gripped Eddie‟s pants, pulling them tight to his body. Eddie swallowed hard. He‟d learned right away that Andy was a touchy-feely kind of guy, and when you were his friend, you got touched and felt a lot. In a good way, of course. He swallowed again. “You‟re the one who mentioned it. I guess jeans would be okay.” Andy leaned close, deliberately tweaking Eddie. “But you‟d be hot in them.” Sighing, Eddie favored Andy with a fond look. “We‟ll see what we find. There‟s all sorts of stores on Northfield Road.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 34 It‟s sort of the bohemian area of town. Dance clubs, bars, shops, that sort of thing.” “And you haven‟t told me of this before… why?” Andy reached up and tucked a stray hair behind Eddie‟s ear, letting his finger linger along the shell. “Told you what?” Eddie asked blankly. Andy‟s closeness was distracting. Very distracting. He felt his face warming again. “Of the bohemian part of town? I think I‟d like it there.” Andy stepped back a little, knowing when he‟d teased Eddie enough. Eddie swallowed and shook his head. “Oh. I guess it didn‟t come up. You hadn‟t asked before now.” Andy forced himself to detach from the situation as a vulnerable look crossed Eddie‟s face. All too often lately he‟d been imagining ways he could make Eddie smile. All too often. Glancing at the clock, Eddie gathered his thoughts. “It‟s closing time. I need to go lock up. You want to go and get your car? Or I can just give you directions.” “I think I‟d like very much if you would show me where it is.” Andy smiled, excited to have a chance to actually go out with Eddie, even if it wasn‟t a real date. Eddie grinned. “Sure. I‟d be happy to.” He opened the door to the storeroom and almost ran into Rosemarie with the money bag. “Oh, thanks, Rosey.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 35 Andy‟s face lit up. “Hey, Rosey. I‟ve been looking for you and your friends to come up and swim some day. Keep an old man like me company.” Rosemarie grinned. “Sure, Andy! Ballet classes finish next week, and we were just talking about going swimming!” “Just be sure you let him know a day ahead of time,” Eddie said with an indulgent smile. “Yeah. I‟m hoping to find a date tonight, so you best call ahead,” Andy teased. “You know that you wouldn‟t want to pop in on old Dad if he‟s on a date, so I don‟t think you‟d like popping in on me either.” Rosemarie giggled. “Dad with a date?” She giggled some more. “I‟m off to Katie‟s. Lucy‟s already there. I‟ll see you Sunday, Dad.” She hugged Eddie around the waist. “Have a good time, Rosey.” Eddie kissed her on the head and took the money bag, and she ran out the door. Eddie sighed and locked the door behind her, taking a moment to bury the pain her offhand comment caused before he turned around to look at Andy. Andy lifted an eyebrow. “This is Friday? And you‟re alone until Sunday? Whatever will you do with your time?” His voice took on a serious tone as he saw the pain in Eddie‟s eyes. He stepped close again and brought a hand to Eddie‟s face. “Are you sure you‟re up to this tonight? We can go back to my place. Have some wine. Watch a movie.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 36 Eddie frowned and shrugged, looking more discouraged than anything. “I don‟t know. Maybe I‟m not such good company.” He moved to the register and pulled out some paper and a pen. “I‟ll just write out the directions and you‟ll be set.” Andy sighed and leaned on the counter. “But I‟d like you to come too, Eddie. Even if you just sit there like a knot on a log, I‟d like to have you there.” “You‟re sure?” Eddie asked quietly, pen held tightly in one hand. He looked up at Andy and wished he knew how to tell the other man what his friendship meant to him. So much. So much. If spending some time with him was all Andy wanted, he‟d certainly give it. “I‟m sure.” Andy had never been more sure of anything, except that he wanted Eddie. On second thought, how could he spend a night in Eddie‟s company without letting his growing feelings for the other man slip? Eddie broke into a happy smile. He might not have anything else, but he had a great friend. “Great. If you want to head home, I‟ll be there in an hour, and you can follow me to town.” Andy nodded, smiling. “Okay. An hour.” He backed toward the door. “See you then.”

EDDIE stopped his truck in front of Andy‟s cabin and shut it off, looking down at his clothes. He‟d searched out the one pair of black pants he had, dress pants, really, and wore

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 37 them with a plain white button-up shirt tucked in, a couple buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up. He‟d wanted to look nice, although he wasn‟t examining why too closely. Most of the evenings that he and Andy had hung out he‟d just worn old cords and a slouchy shirt, the better to hide his traitorous body‟s reactions to Andy‟s teasing. He sighed, remembering the night Andy made him watch some gay porn, just for educational purposes, of course. With a soft groan he got out of the truck and adjusted himself before walking up to the cabin. His body was starting to remind him of how he reacted to showering with the guys after high school football games. Andy heard the car pull up in front of his cabin, and then silence as an engine was turned off. He ran his fingers through his hair as he pulled the door open, leaning against the frame and offering a welcoming smile. “You look very nice.” Hunching a shoulder and offering a half-smile, Eddie shrugged. “I wasn‟t sure what we‟d end up doing. You may be ready to head off once I show you where the club is, so….” He trailed off. Andy knew he wouldn‟t be sending Eddie off. He knew he‟d do whatever it took to keep Eddie with him. “Do you dance?” Eddie figured he looked like the proverbial deer in the headlights. “I did in college, but nothing since then.” He shook his head.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 38 “I can give you a refresher course,” Andy beckoned Eddie inside. “If you want me to.” “A refresher course?” Eddie stepped inside, following Andy. “Seriously, the last time I danced was at my wedding.” He followed Andy into the living room. “It‟s like fucking,” Andy said expansively. “Your body never forgets.” “Okay. Think about what I‟ve told you about my wife and how that comment applies to me. As in not much,” Eddie muttered good-naturedly. Talking with Andy over the past few weeks about his failed marriage had helped him get over some of his sore spots. Andy turned to the sound system, putting on some high-tempo, low-beat music. Almost techno, but not quite. Similar to what you‟d find in any club. He stood in front of Eddie, putting his hands on the other man‟s hips. “Roll ‟em.” “Roll ‟em.” Eddie repeated woodenly. “Uh?” He shifted his hips slightly back and forth. “No. Like this.” He stepped behind Eddie, pressing his hips against the taller man‟s frame. “The patented Parker hip roll.” Eddie let Andy move his hips, settling pretty quickly into the hip roll, showing remarkable grace for a man his size. “Like this?” He kept it up, matching the music. “Yeah. Keep your limbs loose. Don‟t lock your joints. Let the beat move you.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 39 Eddie thought about that for a moment and then got an idea. He relaxed, going loose all of a sudden and moving with the beat fairly well, hips swiveling slowly, eyes mostly closed. Andy glanced up at Eddie, eyes narrowing as he saw sensual way Eddie‟s body moved. He stepped away as cock began to fill. “Looks to me like you still have it.” turned the music off and made a show of turning lights “Ready?”

the his He off.

Eddie stopped still. “Reminded me of doing a Hulahoop,” he said, shrugging a bit and smiling as he headed for the door. Andy stopped near the door to Eddie‟s truck. “Should I drive too? Or do we want to ride together?” “I was going to show you where the club was. You might want your car later, you know, since you‟re going to meet someone,” Eddie reminded him quietly. Andy chafed at the gentle reminder of his earlier professed plans. “Oh yeah. Well, lead the way.” Eddie felt a little disappointed, but nodded and got into the truck. About forty minutes later, he pulled into one of the parking lots that dotted Northfield Road, and he watched Andy park a couple spaces down. It was early for a Friday, so easy parking. He climbed out and pocketed his keys, waiting for Andy. Andy climbed out of his car, stuffing his ID and some cash in his pocket, as well as his keys. He met Eddie on the sidewalk. “So this is it, then?”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 40 Eddie nodded, looking down the long street of bars, clubs, stores, and restaurants. “Northfield Road. Land of fruits and nuts,” he cracked, winking at Andy. “We used to come here to drink during college. That‟s the club you want.” He pointed across the street to a black storefront, with white letters painted above the door: Pandemonium. Andy hunched his shoulders. “Is this where you leave me?” Eddie looked disappointed. “Well, you‟d mentioned shopping?” he asked tentatively, now not sure at all if Andy wanted him here or not. Brightening at the thought of Eddie staying, Andy tugged at his arm. “Yeah. Jeans for you. And leather. Yum.” Oops. Did I say that out loud? He hoped Eddie would take it as part of their regular teasing. Eddie relaxed as Andy brightened. Apparently he‟d said the right thing. “Jeans, okay. But leather?” he shrugged as Andy pulled him along the road and into a trendy men‟s clothing store. “And a sweater. And T-shirts.” Andy was itching to get Eddie into some form-fitting clothes. “Pick them out then,” Eddie said indulgently, waving a hand at the store. “At least you‟ve got some fashion sense.” Andy lifted an eyebrow. “Is that a poke at my sexuality?” He tugged Eddie over to the jean display, pulling out several weathered pairs of jeans. “I want to see you in denim, big boy.” He pointed at the fitting room.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 41 Eddie looked at the labels. “Andy, these are probably gonna be too small.” He made to switch them out with a bigger size. “Nope,” Andy pushed him toward the small room behind a curtain. “Try ‟em on. Your pants are too loose.” “Too loose?” Eddie echoed as he walked behind the curtain. He frowned and shucked his pants to pull on the first pair of jeans, surprised at how soft they felt for being denim. They were tight, pinching the fabric of his briefs, and he realized why a lot of men went without underwear. He sucked in a breath and fastened the jeans, adjusting himself in the form-fitting denim. He looked in the mirror and blinked, then stuck his head out the curtain. “Andy, are these supposed to look painted on?” he asked in a somewhat pained voice. “Jeans should be tight when you first put them on. They‟ll relax over the course of the day.” Andy peeked into the cubicle, whistling through his teeth. “Wow. You are unusually blessed, aren‟t you?” Eddie flushed pink. He pulled his shirt out to let the shirttails hang over the waistband, blocking the view. “No!” Andy slapped his hand over his mouth. “Sorry. I shouldn‟t have. I‟m sorry.” He stepped back out of the cubicle, berating himself for the misstep. He handed the next size up in to Eddie. Eddie stood there, waiting for Andy. “What was the „no‟ for?” He looked down at the jeans. “They don‟t look good? I

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 42 don‟t normally wear things this form-fitting.” Frowning, he tucked the shirt back in and looked in the mirror critically. “The jeans are perfect. But if you don‟t feel comfortable in them, what‟s the point? They‟re jeans. They‟re supposed to be comfortable.” “Perfect?” Eddie looked up to Andy, wanting to see the truth of it on his face. He quirked an eyebrow. “Good enough that a guy might hit on me?” he asked, thinking that might be Andy‟s yardstick for comparison. “Hell, Eddie. I’d hit on you if I thought you‟d have me.” Eddie‟s eyebrows both raised, reflecting his surprise, and he looked at his reflection in the mirror again, seeing himself in a new light. His eyes sparkled. “I‟ll take them,” he said slowly. He looked back to Andy. “And three more pair, but two of them a size bigger, for work.” Andy grinned then, a smile that changed somewhere in the middle from being good-natured to being downright predatory. “You wearing them out tonight?” Eddie shrugged. “Sure. Should I get a different shirt?” Andy handed him the black-button up he‟d spotted over the curtain. “Try this.” Pulling his shirt over his head first, Eddie tossed it to the bench before taking the shirt from Andy, pulling it carefully off the hanger.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 43 Andy could hear Eddie fumbling in the cubicle. He wanted nothing more than to walk inside and help him, touch him and smooth the soft fabric over his chest. He closed his eyes and tapped his fingers on his forehead. He had to find someone tonight. “What do you think?” Eddie asked, pushing open the curtain. Andy‟s eyes slid from booted feet, up along long jeanclad legs, to the tight, black shirt. “Wow. You look…. God, Eddie, I‟d hit on you.” Eddie‟s mouth quirked into a smile. “I appreciate that. I probably wouldn‟t recognize it, but I appreciate it.” Suddenly, Andy wasn‟t so sure about taking Eddie into a club. What if all the others began to hit on him? “Now. You‟re all fixed up for clothes. Ready to go home?” he asked in a perky voice. Frowning, Eddie gathered up his clothes, pulling his wallet out of his pants. “Go home? We just got here! I thought you wanted to go to Pandemonium? Or what about leather pants?” He sounded confused. Andy sighed, resigned to a night in hell. “Okay, leather pants it is. And then Pandemonium.” Eddie walked along cheerfully, bag swinging from one hand, looking around Northfield Road, totally oblivious to the looks he was getting.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 44 Andy glared off a few men before remembering that it wasn‟t his place to be protecting Eddie from admiring glances. When they entered the shop, a young, obviously gay guy came up to assist them. Andy could see him sizing Eddie up—literally—from the moment they stepped into the store. Eddie told the young guy who met him at the door that he was interested in leather pants and smiled as the man practically jumped to find what he asked for. Andy sat back and watched. Eddie was an adult. Let him see what it’s like to be hit on by an attractive young man. Looking over the pants the young man brought back, Eddie nodded and headed back to the dressing room after pointing out Andy. After watching Eddie disappear, the attendant came over to Andy. “I am so jealous,” he stated. Andy‟s face remained blank. “Oh?” “He is so lush! Where ever did you find him, honey? And is he free?” the attendant groused. “I just stumbled upon him. And yes, he‟s free,” Andy answered sourly. The attendant perked up. “Well then,” he drawled and sauntered back to the dressing room where Eddie emerged. Eddie walked right past the leering man over to Andy. “What do you think, Andy?” He looked like he‟d been poured into the black leather pants.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 45 Andy‟s mouth got dry at the sight. He suddenly wished they were at his house and Eddie wasn‟t so damn… straight. “I think you look sexy in those.” Eddie lit up, smiling. “Are they what you were thinking about?” Andy lifted an eyebrow as the fawning sales clerk came back. “And more.” Eddie didn‟t even notice the sales clerk. “Should I wear them or go back with the jeans? For the club, I mean. That is, if you still want me tagging along.” “Oh, the leather. Definitely the leather.” The sheen on the pants highlighted Eddie‟s assets all too well. Eddie grinned and nodded. “All right. Let me get my jeans.” He nodded absently to the clerk, passing him by without a look. The clerk looked questioningly at him, and Andy shrugged. “Straight,” he explained with a grin. The attendant huffed and rolled his eyes, stalking over to the register to ring up the purchase. Andy watched as Eddie paid, hoping he‟d have better luck in the club than he‟d had here. The clerk hadn‟t looked twice at him. When they left the shop, he asked, “Take this back to your truck? Clubbing‟s no fun with a load.” Eddie nodded. “We parked right by the club anyway.” They stashed his bags and he stopped, feeling self-conscious

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 46 again as Andy looked across the street. “I‟ll just have a quick drink and then head home,” Eddie murmured. “I know you wanted to….” He shrugged. “Don‟t let me crimp your plans.” “If the night so far has been any indication, the only one getting lucky tonight will be you,” Andy grumbled goodnaturedly. “That guy was totally checking you out.” Eddie looked at Andy in surprise. “He was?” he practically squeaked. “He asked about you while you were in the fitting room.” Andy picked at the threads in the seams of his worn jeans. “He seemed nice.” Eddie just looked at Andy for a long moment, wondering if he should say anything. He just didn‟t know what to say. He tried shoving his hands in his pockets. Andy chuckled. “Tight fit?” Eddie shrugged a little, giving Andy an apologetic halfsmile.

ANDY leaned on the bar, watching as Eddie bopped his head to the beat of the bass-heavy techno music. Already, there were several young men circling around him, just waiting for the moment he noticed them. He blew out a sigh of frustration, turning to recline against the padded leather edge of the bar. “Having fun, Eddie?” He had to yell to be heard over the music, even though he stood not even a foot away from his friend.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 47 Eddie looked to his friend with a warm smile, tilting his head to make out his words over the pounding music. He nodded, taking another drink from the bottle of beer he‟d been holding for over an hour. Something about Andy caught his attention. He looked tense. Eddie looked around, seeing several men looking his way, and he suddenly realized he was cramping his friend. He tried to think of how he might get out of the way. Just as Eddie turned away, the first of the young men swooped in. “Hey, sexy. Wanna dance?” Andy could only watch, turning his head lest Eddie see the jealousy that flared in his blue eyes. The older man glanced to Andy, who was looking away, and he nodded. This would be his chance to let Andy have some time to himself. “Sure,” he said, draining his bottle and setting it on the bar, letting the younger man take his hand and draw him away. Andy hunched over on his stool as the young stud drew Eddie out onto the floor. He watched as the lithe, flexible body rubbed all over Eddie. He watched until he couldn‟t watch anymore. Pushing through the crowd, he headed to the restroom. Splashing cool water over his face, he looked at his own reflection, forcing himself to calm down. Eddie tried his best to dance, and the other man didn‟t seem to mind, although Eddie thought he was a bit close for comfort. He glanced back over to the bar and saw that Andy was gone. On the one hand, he felt relieved. On the other, he felt disappointed.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 48 Surprised when another man cut in, Eddie kept dancing, trying to accept the compliments they seemed to be paying him with their looks and desire to dance with him. While he felt flattered, he felt like something important was missing. He sighed as the music kept him moving. In the bathroom, Andy straightened up and saw a darkheaded man watching him from the corner of the room. Pasting a smile on his face, Andy turned around slowly. He gasped for breath as he was pushed against the wall, a hard body holding him steady as he was groped through his pants. His mouth was smeared and messy from the kissing, swollen and red and almost bruised. His head fell back against the faux marble, his eyes closing as the hot lips slid down his body, toward another part of his anatomy that had been swollen since seeing Eddie in those damnable jeans. “Mmm, is this for me?” the anonymous guy asked him, and Andy grunted, letting him think it was. In truth, his mind‟s eye was focused on brown eyes and brown hair, long beefy limbs, and tight leather pants. He pushed away the guilt that tried to eat at the edges of his consciousness as the man sunk down over his throbbing shaft, inhaling him all at once. He didn‟t think about the consequences as he poured down the willing throat. He paid no attention as he left the man on his knees, smiling smugly up at him. He barely looked at Eddie as he passed the dance floor on his way out of the club. Eddie turned on the dance floor as a third man cut in, taking his attention so that he didn‟t see Andy walk out. He danced for another song and then shook his head, declining whatever invitations he couldn‟t quite make out over the

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 49 loud music. He‟d had enough, and hopefully Andy had found what he needed. Eddie headed out the door to go back to his car. Checking his watch and seeing that a couple hours had passed in the club, Eddie sighed and sagged, realizing he missed Andy. Looking down at his pants, he shook his head, figuring he must look silly. He tried to stuff his hands in his pockets, unsuccessfully again, and crossed the street to reach the parking lot where his truck waited. When Eddie continued on up the street on the other side, Andy knew that there was little chance the other man would notice him. Especially now that he‟d been the center of so much attention. Andy felt miserable. He‟d betrayed his burgeoning feelings for Eddie. He‟d betrayed himself. He hung his head as he unlocked his car door. Eddie unlocked his truck, turned to look back to the club, and just happened to be looking over the hood of the truck as a car turned, throwing lights farther back into the parking lot and illuminating Andy‟s hair. “Andy?” Eddie called. “Andy?” he called louder. Andy didn‟t answer, but merely turned to lean against his car. He couldn‟t even look Eddie in the face. Eddie frowned and walked over, stopping near his friend. “Hey, you okay?” he asked quietly. “I figured you….” He just let that trail off. It wasn‟t his business what Andy had wanted to do.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 50 Andy nodded, a tear slipping from his eyes and falling to the pavement in front of him. All of Eddie‟s protective instincts started screaming at him when Andy didn‟t look up. He stepped closer, setting a hand on the car near Andy‟s shoulder. “Andy?” he asked softly. When Eddie was close enough, Andy stepped forward minutely, burying his head against Eddie‟s shoulder. Eddie closed his arms about Andy, holding him close, ducking his head to bury his face in Andy‟s hair. “Andy,” he said soothingly. “It‟s okay. It‟s okay.” Andy started shaking his head, pulling away. “No, it‟s not fucking okay. It‟s not okay!” He turned around and kicked at the tire of his car, sinking his head against his folded arms on the roof. Surprised, Eddie stepped back, lifting his hands. “Andy,” he murmured, at a loss. “I‟m a whore,” Andy murmured, face hidden. “A fucking whore!” His voice was filled with anger as he turned and raised shamed eyes to Eddie. “I let some guy suck me off in the john. I disgust myself!” Eddie‟s eyes grew large and serious. He watched Andy for a long moment, figuring his opinion wouldn‟t help a lot at this point. “Isn‟t that what you were looking for tonight?” he asked quietly.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 51 Eddie doesn’t understand. Andy‟s face cleared, devoid of all emotion as he realized that of course Eddie wouldn‟t understand. “Yeah. That‟s what I was looking for. You‟re right. A quick fuck to take my mind off of what I can‟t have.” Tilting his head, Eddie knew he was missing something. “But it didn‟t work out that way or it didn‟t help,” he said intuitively. Andy looked upset. Wanting. Frustrated. “No,” Andy snarled. “It didn‟t work out that way. It just made it that much more obvious what I‟m missing. It just made me realize that it could be a different man every night but it would never be y… him!” At a loss, Eddie was distracted by what he thought Andy was going to say. “Would never be… ,” he repeated at a whisper, eyes wide. “Would never be who I really want,” Andy repeated in a tired sigh. “This was a mistake, this coming here. I‟m better off with your abnormally large cucumbers.” Eddie couldn‟t shake the feeling that Andy was going to say something different. He stepped back another step, watching Andy carefully. “Want to head home?” he finally asked quietly. Andy nodded gratefully, opening his car door before sitting down. He looked up at Eddie, chastising himself for admiring such a good man when he himself was so low. “I guess you need to go. You working tomorrow?”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 52 Eddie narrowed his eyes and crouched next to Andy, peering up at him. “I‟ve got nowhere to go but home,” he said pointedly. “What about you?” “The cabin,” he muttered, unable to think of it as home just yet. “And I‟ve a big bottle of brandy with which to drown my memories.” “Why don‟t you get that bottle and come over to my place? Never good to drink alone,” Eddie suggested. Andy‟s face flushed madly in the moonlight. “I don‟t know where you live.” Eddie tilted his head. “All right. I‟ll come over to your place then.” Nodding tiredly, Andy pulled his feet into the car. “I won‟t be much company.” “You okay to drive? You look pretty tired,” Eddie asked in concern, standing and leaning over. “I‟ll be fine,” Andy assured Eddie. He pulled the door shut and rolled down his window as he started the car. “You coming?” Eddie nodded, pulling out his keys. “I‟ll be right behind you,” he promised. Their progress back to Andy‟s cabin seemed slow and infinitely painful for Andy. Each mile that rolled by seemed to accuse him of his unfaithfulness to his own heart. He hit the steering wheel with his fist. There was no way he could

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 53 lie to himself anymore. It was Eddie he wanted, and no one else would do. When they finally pulled into his drive, he hurried into the house, grabbing the brandy and two snifters before cuddling on the couch under a quilt. Hearing Eddie at the door, he called, “Come on in.” Eddie stepped in and shut the door before walking over to sit across from Andy, who was all covered up. “You sure you feel okay?” “I feel horrible,” Andy whispered, letting the quilt drop before pouring them both a drink. He cuddled back under the quilt with his drink, downing it with one toss. “Have you ever disappointed yourself so badly that you wished you didn‟t have to live with yourself?” Eddie nodded slowly as he sat back in the chair, legs sprawled out in front of him. “Yeah. But I‟m sure everyone is different.” “He was just some nameless guy. But he had a face. He had…. God, Eddie. He looked like…. Fuck. I didn‟t realize it until now. Why I let him….” He poured another drink, hoping to forget it. Eddie tilted his head, not sure if he should say anything else. But he did. “You let him suck you off,” he said quietly, shaking his head. “So, did you want more? Is that what‟s bothering you?” “No,” Andy denied. Hiding his face he whispered, “Yes. But not with him.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 54 Eddie swallowed hard, feeling awkward, but intensely curious. “What did you want?” He couldn‟t bring himself to ask who. It was probably Andy‟s ex. Andy sat up, angry with himself for being so needy, and angry with Eddie for demanding to know. “I wanted to be fucked. I wanted to be held afterward. I wanted to wake up in your arms the next morning!” Frozen, Eddie stared at Andy, sure he‟d misheard the last bit. At the same time, heat and embarrassed yearning flushed through him. Andy flushed as he realized what he had said. He stood up quickly, tripping over the quilt as he rushed to the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Struck still for a moment, Eddie bolted for the bathroom when he heard Andy being sick. He wet a washcloth and knelt next to him, wiping his mouth and face tenderly, chest aching. This man wanted him. And he thought that was the most incredible thing. Confusing, but incredible. Andy cried as Eddie cared for him so sweetly. “I‟m sorry,” he whispered, rocking back and forth on his knees. “I tried to stop it. I‟m sorry.” Eddie choked a little as he realized Andy was crying. His chest hurt with all these new feelings. He pulled Andy into his arms and held him close. Wrapping his arms around Eddie‟s waist, Andy crouched as close as he could get, trying

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 55 his best to get his emotions under control. He sniffed pitifully, reaching blindly for the tissue. Eddie leaned so Andy could reach the tissue, shifting to both knees so he could keep him close, unwilling to let go. Andy wanted him. What do I want? He slid a hand soothingly through the light hair of the closest friend he‟d ever had. A man he‟d known only a few months. His eyes closed. A man I don’t want to let go.

ANDY woke up the next morning, head and mouth equally fuzzy as he wondered what the hell had happened last night. He squinted in the early-morning sunlight, hand sliding across the bed to find the cords to the drapery. Instead, he encountered warm flesh. He groaned as his eyes opened fully in the bright light, and he whispered, “Eddie?” After Andy had fallen asleep, Eddie had carried him to his bed, pulled off his clothes, and covered him up. He‟d sat there next to him for a long time, thinking, before kicking off his shoes and laying down next to him atop the blankets, and turning off the light. He‟d lain awake until almost dawn before he fell asleep, hard. Eddie didn‟t move. Realizing the other man was deep asleep, Andy took advantage, sliding closer and closing his eyes, pretending that he had been held all night. It felt so damn good. Shifting when he felt warmth through layers of sleep, Eddie turned and curled an arm around Andy, pulling him

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 56 close, before stilling, snoozing softly. A smile crossed Andy‟s face as he dozed back off, forgetting all about closing the drapes. Eddie yawned awake a few hours later, starting to roll to his back when he realized he wasn‟t alone. His eyes blinked open, and he smiled softly, relaxing. When the heat surrounding him disappeared, Andy whined, smacking his mouth slightly. “God, I‟d give my kingdom for a toothbrush right now.” Chuckling, Eddie nudged Andy in the side. “You‟re at home. Your toothbrush is in the other room.” “But I‟m here,” Andy whined, starting to scoot out of bed. He slipped out from under the warm covers to find he was only wearing boxer briefs. He shrugged, scratching at his belly and hip as he hurried to the bathroom and made himself human again. Eddie watched him roll out of bed and smiled. He shifted to his back, stretching, forgetting that he‟d unbuttoned the fly of the leather pants so he could sleep more comfortably, and the wrinkled black shirt rode up his belly as he closed his eyes again, yawning. Andy finished brushing his teeth and wiped himself down with a soapy cloth before returning to the bedroom. Eddie was all stretched out, leather pants open to show white boxers, black shirt riding high on a surprisingly tanned belly. Andy couldn‟t help himself. He crawled across his bed and wrapped himself around Eddie.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 57 Eddie ooofed as Andy crawled back onto the bed and curled around him, and chuckling, he closed his arms about the other man, hugging him and dropping his chin to his hair. “Good morning, sleepyhead.” “Good afternoon is more like it,” Andy murmured into the crook of Eddie‟s neck. “Past noon. Way past noon.” This felt so right to him. So very right. “Hmmmm,” Eddie answered lazily, feeling very comfortable. He‟d done a lot of thinking last night before deciding to play things by ear today, just trying to be himself and see what Andy did. So, since he wanted to hold Andy, he was holding Andy. Simple. “So? You got somewhere to be?” “Nope,” Andy sighed. “I am where I want to be.” Eddie‟s heart skipped a beat, and he tentatively squeezed his arms around Andy. Andy melted into the embrace, content to have it for what it was. A friend comforting a friend. “This is nice, spending time with you like this.” He avoided the subject of the night before, avoided mention of his embarrassing confession. “Then we‟ll do it more often,” Eddie replied seriously. Andy buried his face deeper, allowing himself to inhale deeply of Eddie‟s scent, something he‟d never allowed himself to do before. He held Eddie tightly, humming his appreciation at being held in return.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 58 Eddie sighed deeply, feeling content and warm with Andy wrapped around him. Content, warm, and tingly. He shifted without thinking, the leather pants pulling tight against his dick, which had certainly noticed what was going on, and Eddie gasped slightly. Okay, tingly. He could handle it. At Eddie‟s gasp, Andy reared back, hand braced on Eddie‟s chest. “Are you okay? I‟m not too heavy, am I?” He looked down toward where his leg draped over Eddie‟s upper thighs. Oh. Oh! Oh God. His eyes flew back up to meet Eddie‟s. Eddie‟s eyes were dark and serious, reflecting some of the heat he was feeling. He didn‟t blush or frown; he just looked at Andy evenly. “I‟m okay,” he murmured. “You‟re not heavy at all.” He shifted a little more, bringing Andy‟s thigh into alignment with his groin, inhaling a bit as sensation sparked through him. Andy‟s bare thigh glided over the slick leather of Eddie‟s pants, and he closed his eyes as first his knee and then his inner thigh dragged over a growing ridge beneath the leather. Andy settled against Eddie again, hand slipping to rest against Eddie‟s bare stomach as he hitched his hips, dragging his thigh over that hard flesh again. Eddie gasped a little, eyes sparking as one hand clutched at Andy‟s waist, the other at the crumpled blanket. He lifted his hips to press against Andy‟s leg, being clear about what he wanted. His eyes sought Andy‟s, wanting to be sure. “You want me. Me,” he said quietly.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 59 “You,” Andy confirmed, sliding both leg and hand lower so that his fingers slid beneath the open waistband of the tight leather pants. “You,” he whispered again, lips seeking the spot just beneath Eddie‟s jawline. Eddie shuddered against him. “Oh Christ,” he whispered, dick tightening as he received that confirmation. “Please, Andy. I want you too,” he rasped, voice thick with arousal. “I haven‟t done something like this since high school,” he mumbled. Eddie didn‟t sound too sure, but Andy was desperate, willing to take any morsel Eddie offered him. He pushed at Eddie‟s pants, freeing him completely from the tight leather. “Good thing you bought those jeans.” He worked slowly at the buttons to the black shirt, revealing inch by inch of firm chest. Blinking in confusion, Eddie tilted his head, hands sliding to Andy‟s waist. “What for?” he asked, eyes riveted on Andy‟s lips. “I can‟t handle this leather all of the time. I wanted to bat those boys away from you last night. But I couldn‟t. I didn‟t have the right to. I still don‟t.” He pushed the shirt off, leaving Eddie in his boxers with an impressive tent in the front. “What was that you said about „unusual size‟?” Eddie blushed faintly, but didn‟t smile or shy away; rather, he reached out to grasp Andy‟s chin. “What if I said you do have the right?” he asked quietly.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 60 Andy‟s eyes met Eddie‟s. “You‟d do that? For me?” The intensity of Eddie‟s gaze humbled him, bringing him low and prostrating him as he lowered his head to Eddie‟s chest and simply breathed. “Why?” Drawing an unsteady breath, Eddie swallowed hard. “With you, I‟m not alone anymore,” he murmured. “And neither are you.” Andy was shocked by Eddie‟s simple words. He rolled onto his back, pulling Eddie with him. “I don‟t know how, and I won‟t question why, but I will say this. You mean so much to me, Eddie Ferguson. More than anyone ever has.” Eddie braced himself on one elbow over Andy, lifting a hand to lightly touch his features. “You are so delicate. So beautiful,” he murmured. “Please, may I kiss you?” Andy lifted his face, meeting Eddie halfway. Their lips touched for the first time and Andy sighed in disbelief even as his lips parted to deepen the kiss. Lips slightly quivering from nerves, Eddie leaned to kiss Andy, the explosion of sensation in his lips coursing through him. His eyes fluttered shut on a soft moan as he met Andy‟s kiss. Andy closed his eyes, tongue darting out to wet his lips. He smiled in pleased surprise as it instead met Eddie‟s lips. He teased along the seam of the soft lips above him, tempting the larger man into taking control of the kiss. Eddie pressed their mouths together, his own tongue appearing when he felt Andy‟s, and he licked along Andy‟s

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 61 bottom lip. The whole experience was surreal and super hot; Eddie could feel himself throbbing in his boxers. Realizing Eddie was hovering above him, Andy spread his legs and tugged Eddie down to rest in the cradle of his hips. He groaned loudly when his cock was matched by Eddie‟s, hidden beneath white fabric. Eddie swore into Andy‟s mouth as their hips crashed together, and he wiggled, shifting to one side, succeeding only in heating himself up more. He tore his mouth from Andy‟s and looked down at him, the surprise showing in his eyes. “I didn‟t remember that it could be like this.” Andy took the opportunity to slow things down a little, not wanting to pressure Eddie. “How did you think it would be?” he asked, fingers tracing over a strong jawline. Eddie shrugged despite leaning his weight on his arms. “I don‟t know. But this….” He swallowed hard. “God, you‟re turning me on like crazy. Just touching you, and feeling you, and knowing you want me.” A gentle smile crossed Andy‟s face, and his hands wandered from chin, down over neckline, down to chest and beyond. He closed his eyes and inventoried Eddie‟s body, wanting to catalog every part. Just waiting, Eddie let Andy take his time touching him. It was new to him—someone wanting to touch him, just because. He shivered slightly and shifted, pressing his dick into Andy‟s hip and groaning. Andy‟s wandering hands soon found their way to Eddie‟s boxers, and he pushed at the fabric, bunching it beneath

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 62 taut buttocks as he teased at the clenching muscles. He pushed harder to slide the fabric down Eddie‟s legs, and then he pushed again, sending Eddie onto his back. Eddie shifted enough to kick off the pants and boxers while avoiding looking up at Andy. This was always one of the worst parts. When she would look at him and say he was just too much, how could he expect her to handle that? He sighed and laid his head back against the pillow before looking at Andy warily. Andy sucked in a breath at Eddie‟s size. What had he done to be blessed like this? To have this man in his bed? He moved onto his hands and knees, climbing over Eddie‟s body, moving down to face that gorgeous cock. He buried his face in the curls around it, mouth whispering praise against the base of the shaft. It was perfect. Gasping in surprise as Andy climbed over him, Eddie looked down with wide eyes to see the other man nuzzling his dick. In amazement, Eddie could just watch, jaw dropped. Andy grasped the hard cock at the juncture of Eddie‟s thighs, stroking it firmly as he kissed the heavy sac that hung beneath it. He rubbed his own cotton-clad cock against the bed, hardening even further at the thought of ever having this inside him. Eddie moaned aloud as Andy kissed him, his thighs quivering. Just having Andy this close was enough to drive him crazy; he felt harder than he could remember ever being. Andy had seen him and still wanted him! Was paying

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 63 attention to him! Eddie‟s eyes fluttered shut for a long moment before he looked back down at the wonder between his legs. Andy looked up at the exact same moment Eddie looked down. He smiled, hoping his eyes showed how much he was feeling at the moment. He kissed the base of Eddie‟s cock, rising up on his knees as he slid up the considerable length of it, tongue peeking out to trace the veins that lined it. Hissing slightly and shifting his hips, Eddie couldn‟t lay still. “Andy,” he said pleadingly. He dragged his fingertips along Andy‟s side. Pressing a soft, sucking kiss to the end of Eddie‟s shaft, Andy closed his eyes as he gathered a taste of his soon-to-be lover. He slid up Eddie‟s body, groaning as his body grazed that of the man‟s beneath him. “Eddie,” he whispered, kissing a trail up the taut abdomen, “my Eddie.” “God yes,” Eddie moaned, giving himself over to whatever Andy wanted to do. “Yours, whatever you want. Oh God.” He pulled up one knee to give himself some leverage to push himself against the other man. Shimmying out of his own boxers, Andy kicked them away and then lowered himself against Eddie‟s body. He sighed happily as flesh that had desired Eddie for weeks now finally was allowed to feel the texture of the other man‟s skin. He laid still, merely soaking in Eddie‟s presence. With a relieved sigh when Andy returned to lie against him, Eddie curled his arms and pulled him close, savoring

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 64 the feel of warm flesh against him, even if it was new. Hard, muscled flesh instead of soft, feminine curves. Eddie didn‟t think he minded at all. Andy loved the feel of Eddie‟s arms holding him close. It was everything he‟d dreamed of since he‟d first met the other man. Even before he‟d grown to cherish his friendship, he‟d found Eddie attractive. His hand slid along the taller man‟s chest, fingers teasing through chest hair before settling over Eddie‟s heart. “I love you,” he mouthed against the warm skin, unable to vocalize the feeling swamping him. Eyes closed as he held Andy close, Eddie smiled as he felt Andy kissing him. “You‟re amazing, you know that?” he asked lazily. “I guess I expected this to be more… slam bam, I guess.” He chuckled. Andy laughed as he raised up on his elbow. Looking down at Eddie‟s smiling face, he asked, “Is that what you wanted?” Eddie shrugged as well as he was able, looking agreeable. “Honestly, I don‟t have any expectations for this. I‟ve no idea what to expect. Last I tried was clumsy fumbling in the locker room years and years ago. Although my hopes are now quite a bit higher than they were a few minutes ago.” “I want you,” Andy whispered, finger lifting to tap against Eddie‟s lips. “I want you inside me.” Eddie‟s eyes widened, and he glanced down at himself, noting that he was still quite hard, although the eager

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 65 throbbing had subsided a bit. “You want… ? Really?” He was totally surprised. “Even seeing—?” He gestured to himself. “More than ever,” Andy‟s eyes were wide and anxious, waiting for Eddie to take control. Looking rather bowled over, Eddie swallowed as that throbbing returned full force, and he unconsciously moved a hand to stroke himself. “Well, you‟d know what you can handle, and frankly, it turns me on like crazy thinking about it. But I‟ve got no idea how to start. I‟ve seen it, but….” Rolling back on the bed, Andy reached into the bottom nightstand drawer. He pushed the phallus aside. Instead, he grasped the bottle of lube, handing it to Eddie along with a wrapped condom. “Make me wet. Stretch me.” Eddie raised an eyebrow, quickly figuring out what he meant, watching the length of Andy‟s body in front of him. “All right,” he murmured, opening the bottle and drizzling some lube into Andy‟s cleft, laughing when Andy squeaked. “‟s cold!” Andy gasped, bucking into the mattress as he laughed. He lifted onto his elbows, bending his knees and twisting toward Eddie. “But you have the right idea.” Grinning, Eddie slid his hand down Andy‟s back, trailing his fingers through the lube and into the cleft, lightly pressing against the hidden place he knew was there. Andy‟s breath hitched at the first intimate touch. His legs spread further, opening himself up to Eddie‟s questing fingers.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 66 “All right; you‟re wet,” Eddie murmured, leaning over to nip at Andy‟s ear as he lightly pressed against the furled hole with his thumb. “Is this what I should do?” he asked, teasing with the pressure of that thick, slick digit. Andy turned his head, catching Eddie‟s lips. “Yeah, you‟re on the right path, just—just more!” He pressed back, pushing against the finger that threatened to invade him. Eddie‟s fingers seemed bigger than some cocks he‟d had inside him. Eddie pressed his thumb forward, kissing Andy as he pushed against that muscle, and slipped inside into heat and pressure. He slowly stroked in and out, eagerly drinking in all the noises Andy made. Eddie‟s lips caught Andy‟s groans and sighs as the other man began to prepare him. His hips rocked against the bed and back against Eddie‟s hand. Sucking the lower cusp of the larger man‟s mouth into his own, Andy nibbled at it, teeth teasing gently at the soft flesh. After a long minute of slow stroking, Eddie exchanged his thumb for his forefinger, slowly pushing it farther in, amazed at the heat and tightness of it. “Is it okay?” he asked against Andy‟s swollen lips. “Perfect,” Andy answered, breath coming in quick gasps as Eddie delved deeper. “Add another. I want to be prepared for you.” Carefully, Eddie pressed his two longest fingers into Andy, slowly pushing against the resisting muscle and

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 67 sinking deep into the slick heat. He swallowed hard, imaging the feel of that around his cock. He gasped as a shot of desire shocked his groin. “God, I don‟t know how I‟ll last any amount of time inside you.” “I don‟t know how I‟ll last with you in me. Please! Soon!” Andy was begging in all earnestness as the wide fingers stretched him. He reached down, grabbing the bottle of lube and spreading it onto his fingers. He stroked Eddie‟s impressive erection, preparing it for his body. Shuddering from the other man‟s touch, Eddie pressed farther into Andy, spreading his fingers and twisting as he stroked in and out, then adding a third finger and pushing deep. “I can hardly believe this feels so good,” he whispered. “And just on my fingers.” Just wait, rang through Andy‟s mind. If Eddie thought it felt good to be on the giving end of the touch, wait until he experienced it from the other aspect. Pressing three fingers deep into Andy, Eddie was amazed at how the other man‟s body opened to him, though slowly and what had to be uncomfortably. But Andy‟s hand on his own cock made him pull free to put his slick fingers over Andy to stop him. “Too much,” he breathed. “I need you now,” Andy sighed, turning to press back against Eddie‟s body. He moaned at the solidity of the form behind himself. “God, Andy, please—” Eddie closed his eyes and laid his forehead against the back of Andy‟s neck, “—please don‟t let

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 68 me hurt you,” he begged as his fat dick slid against the slick cleft. “You won‟t hurt me, baby,” Andy promised. “Even if it does hurt, it‟ll be good pain. It‟ll pass, and I‟ll take you inside, but please. Please….” Eddie hurriedly rolled on the condom. Whispering against Andy‟s neck, Eddie lined up his dick and felt the slick hole give reluctantly, and for a moment he was sure and afraid he wouldn‟t fit. But Andy‟s hand pulled at his hip, and with a deep breath Eddie pushed in, shocked again at how tight Andy‟s body closed around him. He cried out softly and pressed deeper. It would never have been possible without the lubrication; that was obvious. His fists closed tight in the sheets. Andy closed his eyes, forehead pressed to the mattress as he bit his lip. There was pain, but it was so good. It was the kind of pain that foretold something better, that made you realize you were alive. He squeezed his hand on Eddie‟s hip and encouraged him to move. Eddie gasped as he levered up to his knees, hands on Andy‟s hips, taking a breath and pushing farther. He was more than half-buried into Andy, his thick length throbbing inside the other man‟s body. Fingers gripping into warm flesh, Eddie pushed carefully farther as Andy encouraged him, amazed to see his cock sucked in so deep. “Oh God,” he whispered. Andy slid his knees apart, bracing himself to push up against Eddie. He felt so full, so complete. No matter if this

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 69 was all Eddie could offer him. He‟d make sure it‟d be enough. He took a deep breath and let it fill him before letting all the air out of his lungs. He‟d just about pressed as much as he could stand to, afraid of hurting his lover, when Andy suddenly relaxed and pushed back against him, sinking the last inches of Eddie‟s long, thick cock into him. Eddie gasped aloud. “Oh God! I‟m, I‟m inside you. All of me… all of it!” His voice was amazed. “You‟ve… you‟ve never?” Andy‟s voice was slightly strained, but a note of deep pleasure was evident in the strains of it. “God, Eddie, the world has really missed out on you.” Shuddering against Andy, Eddie slid his hands up and down Andy‟s back. “Is it okay?” he asked softly, afraid to move. “Fuck yes!” Andy yelped. “Better than okay! Better than anything!” Eddie couldn‟t help but smile, almost laughing in relief. “So if I do this,” he said, sliding his hips back slowly to pull his cock out of that clenching heat and then slightly pushing back in, “it‟s okay?” “Aaahh!” Andy‟s forehead hit the mattress with a thud. There was no escaping the constant pressure against his prostate. It was glorious to the point of hurting. “Again!” “Again?” Eddie asked, voice playful though hoarse as he rocked ever so slightly within Andy, maybe only moving a matter of a couple inches.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 70 “Again!” The utter relief and pleasure kept Eddie from getting too aroused as he fought not to laugh aloud, still chuckling and groaning, rocking in and out. As he got more comfortable, he pulled out farther, pushing back into his lover firmly. The lengthened strokes passed firmly over Andy‟s prostate. “That‟s it. That spot, remember?” Eddie groaned as Andy shifted and sank to the bed, which tightened the muscle around his dick. “Oh God, Andy,” he gasped, thrusting once in reaction, harder than he had yet. Andy yowled at the rough thrust, wondering what he could do to encourage another one. Instead, on Eddie‟s next downward slide, he shoved his hips back, groaning loudly as it produced the same effect. Eddie sucked in a breath and clasped Andy‟s hips, thrusting again, losing some control. “Not long,” he gasped as he thrust again, pausing in between each movement, savoring the feel. “Andy?” “Yeah?” Andy gasped, just barely able to think, much less talk. His prostate was being mercilessly rubbed, his cock was being dragged over the sheet, and the feel of Eddie‟s cock plunging in and out of him was driving him to the edge at a frantic pace. “Can I…?” Eddie thrust a bit harder, gasping, not waiting as long before the next, low cries of pleasure coming

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 71 from deep in his chest. “You‟re okay?” he ground out, not able to move faster or harder without making sure. Andy nodded frantically, mattress to brace himself.

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His gasp coming out almost in a mewl, Eddie held Andy‟s hips and pulled most of the way out of that tight heat before closing his eyes and thrusting in, hard, sending a shudder through Andy‟s body. He pulled back and repeated almost immediately, the thrill and sensation shooting through him ripping a keening cry from his throat. Andy‟s body overloaded, short-circuiting on pleasure as his eyes closed and his breathing stuttered. He whined as his orgasm washed over him with no warning, tightening his muscles and sending cum shooting from his cock in thick streams. Suddenly Eddie was pitched into an inferno, Andy‟s body clenching around him, so hot and so tight, and with a wild yell he thrust twice and then buried himself deep as he came hard, body shuddering, hips still flexing as his head lolled back, eyes screwed shut tight. Each thrust buried Eddie deeper until Andy felt a rush of warmth inside him. A soft smile spread over his face as his body became limp beneath his lover. Gasping, Eddie collapsed down, catching his weight on his elbows as he rested mostly on Andy‟s back, still buried deep inside him. He rubbed his cheek against the sweaty skin, unable to form a coherent sentence.

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 72 The soft nuzzling made Andy‟s heart swell. It made the moment into so much more than just a fuck between friends. He closed his eyes tighter, unwilling to let the moment pass. Eddie‟s brain whirled. He could hardly believe the pure ecstasy he‟d just experienced. He turned his lips to Andy‟s back, kissing lightly to his nape before nuzzling there, sighing happily. Andy attempted to turn his head, trying to reach Eddie‟s lips. “Kiss me?” he asked, voice low and hoarse from overuse. Shifting slightly, Eddie moved to kiss Andy tenderly, lovingly, even rubbing their noses together. Their height difference meant that Eddie didn‟t have to pull free of Andy to kiss him. “Okay?” Eddie whispered, one hand sliding down to ghost over where his dick sank into Andy‟s body, thick and long even after climax. “Should I move?” “No, don‟t move. I‟ve wanted this for too long now. I want it to last.” Andy‟s eyes closed as Eddie‟s hand ghosted over his stretched entrance. “Just stay this way.” “You are so incredible,” Eddie murmured. “You took me in, all of me, and wanted more! I still can‟t believe it.” His lips brushed Andy‟s as he spoke slowly, leaning his face forward to nuzzle Andy‟s cheek. “No, you were incredible. You took a chance on me. You don‟t know what that means to me.”

Not Alone | Sonja Spencer 73 “I took… ? Andy, you have no idea. Oh God.” Eddie shook his head and then leaned to claim those luscious lips in a deep, desperate kiss. Andy half-turned under Eddie, lips spreading beneath the other man‟s as he moaned deep in his throat. When the kiss broke, he confessed out loud. “I love you.” An almost hoarse sob broke from Eddie as he curled his arms around Andy. “Oh Andy. You mean so much to me, I can‟t even begin….” He kissed Andy‟s cheek, then his ear. Andy pushed at Eddie, turning beneath him even as he missed the fullness when Eddie‟s cock slipped from his body. He gathered Eddie as well as he could into his arms, pulling his full weight on top of him and holding him tightly. “We‟re not alone anymore,” Eddie breathed.

About the Author

SONJA SPENCER has always enjoyed writing as an escape from her professional life. She spends what spare time she has with her family and friends; and she loves long walks on the beach, jumping in puddles and cuddling puppies. She aspires to be an entertaining writer and a gourmet chef.

Copyright

©Copyright Sonja Spencer, 2010 Published by Dreamspinner Press 4760 Preston Road Suite 244-149 Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. Cover Design by Mara McKennen This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 4760 Preston Road, Suite 244-149, Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ Released in the United States of America October, 2010 eBook Edition eBook ISBN: 978-1-61581-681-1