Li’l Kids: “road to god knows…”adventures! Von Allan
a Von Allan Studio book Ottawa
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Allan, Von, 1974Li'l kids : "road to god knows--" adventures! / written and illustrated by Von Allan.
ISBN 978-0-9781237-1-0
I. Title. PN6733.A46L54 2008
741.5'971
C2008-900811-1
The road to god knows..., Von Allan and all characters and likenesses are ™ and © 2008 Eric Allan Julien. All rights reserved. No reproduction without prior written permission of the publisher except brief passages in reviews. Published by Von Allan Studio, P.O. Box 20520, 390 Rideau Street, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada K1N 1A3. Email:
[email protected] Web: http://www.vonallan.com Phone: 613-236-9957 If you’ve enjoyed this Ebook, a hard copy is available on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0978123719/ref=nosim?tag=vonallstu-20 This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Canada License. To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.5/ca/ or send a letter to Creative Commons, 171 Second Street, Suite 300, San Francisco, California, 94105, USA. The road to god knows..., Von Allan and all characters and likenesses are ™ and © 2008 Eric Allan Julien. The licence deed can be found on page 86 of this Ebook. 1.1
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Table of Contents Introduction
5
The Stories
6
Fast Friends
7
Brawl
14
The Old Crow
22
Concept Art
32
The Scripts
39
How I Write
40
Fast Friends Plot Breakdown
43
Fast Friends Outline
44
Fast Friends Script
47
Brawl Plot Breakdown
57
Brawl Outline
58
Brawl Script
60
The Old Crow Plot Breakdown
68
The Old Crow Outline
70
The Old Crow Script
73
About Von
85
Creative Commons Licence Deed
86
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Introduction When I was 25 years old I didn’t know how to draw. Not at all. I was managing an independent bookstore here in Ottawa and really trying to figure out what I was going to do next with my life. I loved comics, always have, but drawing comics was not something I ever felt I could do. When I was a kid, I had pretty much convinced myself that artists were born artists. There was work, to be sure, and hard work. But it didn’t undermine my basic belief that these artist folks (y’know, those guys, over there!) had something within them that I didn’t. What changed for me? Well, a number of things. One was that I began to meet artists and in discussing art with them I realized just how much work went into their craft. Not just hard work; the very skills they needed to actually do the work in the first place were acquired and not gifted to them. I also realized, increasingly, that while I loved to write I always came back to script writing instead of prose writing. Prose held little appeal to me, despite the fact that I worked in a great little bookstore. I love reading prose, but writing…? Not so much. I also knew that being a script writer in a visual medium is a tricky thing to do. There have been some truly amazing writers that have worked within comics (Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, and so on). No argument there. The problem with this is that the writer is always having to work with someone else to get their vision across. Collaboration, though, can be a wonderful thing and when it works, some truly remarkable stories can be told; being an unknown writer and trying to connect with more established artists is a big problem. If you can write and draw at the same time, things become that much easier. With this in mind and with the fantastic support of my wife, I began to learn to draw. It took time. A long time. A really long time. Drawing is challenging even for established artists, and comics pose some unique problems. You need to know just about the entire realm of drawing and illustration to do comics effectively. Anatomy, perspective, light and shadow, and even colour (and on and on!) all play a part in putting a comic together. One of the biggest problems I faced was just trying to get these sometimes disparate elements to work together and harmonize. The other big problem was making drawing look effortless. I don’t think that ever really happens and most likely is just part of the equation. It’s never easy. Learning to draw was, I think, the biggest challenge I’ve faced in my life. There were setbacks and bad days and I can truly say I was awful at the beginning. My mantra became pretty simple: just suck less each and every day. That didn’t always happen but I tried to keep it in mind no matter what. Despite the difficulties, I can truly say it has been incredibly rewarding, too. I love to draw. The stories contained within these pages are written and illustrated by me. Each story stands on its own and can be read out of order. They do connect, loosely, to a graphic novel I’m just finishing up. Entitled the road to god knows…, that book deals with a teen girl’s struggle to cope with her mom’s schizophrenia. These three short stories help shed some light on road and, when taken together, I think help to tell a larger story. The stories are also prequels, helping to set the stage and show how some of the characters we see later on in road got to know each other. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing and illustrating them. Von Allan Ottawa, Ontario April 4th, 2008 For more on my art, please see the various links on my website at http://www.vonallan.com/art.html. There you’ll find examples of comics, lifedrawing, painting and more!
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How I Write Since I began to write some years ago, I’ve discovered that I approach writing in a very similar way to how I approach drawing. Back on page thirty-seven I illustrated how I put a comic book page together. To recap: I sketch out an idea over two thumbnails (sometimes more) and when I’ve got the design down in a way I like, I start making the final drawing totally based on the little thumbnails. It’s a structural method to approach drawing and it’s one that I like quite a bit. It works for me. What’s interesting is that my writing follows a very similar form. An idea will hit me and I’ll start to chew it over in my mind. Sometimes it can just be a single image and sometimes it can just be a loose concept. I should stop for a moment at this point just to clarify my own thinking on writing. Fundamentally, I believe that writing really comes down to having something to say; something you believe in and something that’s authentic and sincere to you. I tend to find that the reader sees through insincerity very quickly; they can sniff it out. Having an idea and then putting a framework around it (the story) is the key thing. It’s what makes the idea go. In the case of Fast Friends, the first story in this collection, it was really the concept that kick-started the entire project. The idea that hit me was that it would be interesting to show how Marie and Kelly, the main characters from the road to god knows…, became best friends. Such a story would serve as a prequel to the graphic novel and help create more nuance, too. This idea was intriguing but I didn’t really have much else to go with; when I was writing road I hadn’t given too much thought to how Marie and Kelly first met. That they were close friends was clearly important but how they first met wasn’t. They could have met six months previously or they could have been friends for their entire childhood. Honestly, I didn’t know. What helped crystallize the idea for me was that I had been doing some research into children’s anatomy at about the same time. As I mentioned earlier, children’s anatomy is tricky; it’s vastly different than adult anatomy and drawing children in a way that the reader finds believable and convincing is challenging. Meshing the trickiness of drawing kids with the idea of showing how Marie and Kelly first met seemed like a good idea. That’s really all I had going for me at this point. I didn’t really think I’d do anything more than just the single short story. And I didn’t have very much more than these two kernels of an idea: Marie and Kelly as little girls and a chance to show how they became friends. I did know that I liked the concept, though, and that’s always something. I just needed to turn it into an actual story. Taking the bare bones of an idea and adapting it into a finished script takes some doing. It’s fun, but it’s also work. And like thumbnailing for a piece of art, there isn’t really one right way to do it. I’ve read about how some writers just flow; an idea hits them and they just start writing fluidly, starting at page one and writing until the story is finished. That’s terrific if you can do it, but I’ve long known, through trial and error, that I don’t work that way. I’m a structural kind of guy and, particularly when I find myself groping around for a story, I rely on that structure to help me brainstorm. What I’m going to attempt to do over the next number of pages is show you how I took this bare-boned idea and turned it into three finished scripts. Each story starts out the same way: an initial concept hits me and then I sit in front of my laptop and brainstorm. You’ll see this at what I call the breakdown stage for each story. Just writing ideas down in bullet form, later rejecting some of these ideas wholesale, and then finally getting the story into an overall narrative concept that works for me. And hopefully will work for the reader, too. In my case, I find that the brainstorming winds up creating the story’s own pacing, structure and length. I don’t write to formula, about the only thing I knew going into each of these stories is that I wanted them to be short. I didn’t want to write another graphic novel. I just wanted these stories to stand on their own and help serve as accents to the road to god knows… Aside from that, they could each develop in their own way. With Fast Friends, I wanted to show how Marie and Kelly first met. With Brawl, I wanted to play with anatomy a bit more, contrasting a young girl with a big, mean, super villain type 40
guy. And with The Old Crow, I wanted to show how Marie first encounters her mom’s mental illness and how she reacts to it. Once I’ve edited the breakdown into a final form, I’ll take that and turn it into an outline. The outline really nails down the story’s length and key moments. It’s at this point that I start to think in terms of panels, pacing and dialogue. What I’ll often do is just take the breakdown and turn it into beats (this bit happens on this page and this other bit happens on that page over there). Then I’ll just start filling in the outline to make the story work better. I can’t really explain why I do certain things at the outline stage. I’ll have the breakdown and I’ll just start shaping it in a way that I think best works for the story. I’ll start organizing the ideas on each page into panels to make it work better and give the story some pacing, and if dialogue comes to me, I jot it down. Hmmmm…see? Tricky and difficult to explain. Let’s see if I can illustrate this point with a concrete example. The first two pages of Fast Friends shows Marie sitting on the front steps of her apartment building, aimlessly bouncing a ball on one of the lower steps. She’s bored and I think that’s very apparent. When I was brainstorming the breakdown, I wrote the following: The image I really like is Marie sitting on some concrete steps all by herself. Could be a school. She’s lonely and upset. I’m loosely thinking of having this be the aftermath of a bullying experience and if so she could have some favourite comic torn up and left in piles around her. There’s no mention of the ball at this stage. And the bullying idea does not appear in the final version of the story. I was just trying to figure out why she’s lonely and upset and bullying seemed like an interesting way to go. As I continued the breakdown, though, I realized that bullying wasn’t something that fit in thematically with the story I wanted to tell. It didn’t work. And you can see me abandon this idea when I wrote: Actually, instead of bullying I think I’ll go in a different direction. Betty, Marie’s mom, wants her daughter to get some exercise. So she kicks her out onto the front steps to get some fresh air. Marie, for her part, would dearly like nothing better than to curl up and read. Betty ain’t gonna allow that and tosses her daughter outside with a ball. Marie is sitting there, aimlessly bouncing the ball off a step, as Kelly comes walking up the sidewalk. See? This changed everything. Now she’s sitting there bored. The trick becomes how do I show that she’s bored? Bored out of her mind? It’s not something I decided to tackle at the breakdown stage. I could have, of course, but I chose to leave it for the actual outline. Just knowing that she was bored was enough for now. I should add that this is drawn from some personal experience. When I was about the same age of Marie, my Mom would often do the same thing! She’d want me to go get some fresh air and out I’d go, generally in not a great mood about it, either! When I finished the breakdown, I started to turn it into the outline, and at that stage, I did solve the problem of how to depict that she is bored. I did that by way of the bouncing ball. From the second page of the outline: Pull back to reveal an establishing shot of Marie sitting on the front steps that we’ve come to know pretty well from the road to god knows… She’s bouncing the ball aimlessly with her right hand, not paying any attention whatsoever. Her left hand holds her chin and her head is tilted away from the ball. Sure, she’s sitting there, playing, but she’s not the faintest bit interested in what’s going on with the ball. Cut in closer to reveal her complete disdain of the ball.
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That nailed it. Everything that’s in the final illustrated version of the story is in that paragraph. Everything I needed is right there. To open the story, I decided to go with a close up on the bouncing ball on page one. Just to hook the reader before pulling back on page two for the reveal that it’s Marie playing with the ball. With the outline finished up, I could start drawing the story if I really wanted to. In a way, the outline is very similar to the Marvel Method that Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko used at Marvel Comics in the 1960s. Lee would write an outline, generally with even less information that my outlines contain, and then Kirby or Ditko would set about illustrating it. Once the artwork was complete, Lee would go back in and add dialogue, caption boxes and the like to finish the story. In my case, I actually like using a full script, even though I’m ultimately writing for myself. I find that the full script gives me one last chance to make any alterations in the story and also a chance to refine dialogue and pacing that much more. I probably don’t need it, but I like the safety net it gives me. That’s really all there is to it. This is how I write. Each story starts with an idea. The breakdown defines the idea. The outline forms the structure of the idea. And then the final script solidifies everything and gives me the parameters I need to illustrate it. This is a way that works for me and one I really like. It’s not the only way of working and I’m sure other creators or collaborative teams work very differently. My understanding is that a guy like Jeff Smith basically writes his scripts while he’s thumbnailing out a story. My best guess would be that the images that come to him are so strongly set in his mind that the pacing and structure is just there. He just refines and develops the dialogue while he sketches. This is vastly different than how I work but, again, there are no right or wrong answers. The story is what’s important and whatever method you want to use to get to the final story is valid. Perfectly so! It’s what I love about comics; there are so many different ways to work, and so many ways that work for so many different creative people. My method of working, at least for these stories, could be illustrated as follows: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8)
Story Idea. Breakdown. Outline. Script. First Thumbnail. Second Thumbnail. Pencil, inked and lettered page. Grey-washed page
There are a million different ways to approach the problem and a million different ways to solve it. This is my way and hopefully it sheds a bit of light on my creative process. Additional material on writing, scripts and my overall approach can be found on my website at http://www.vonallan.com/scripts.html. Notes on my next graphic novel, Stargazer, will show up in the near future at that link, too.
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Fast Friends – Breakdown •
The goal is to tell a 6–8 page story featuring the two leads from the road to god knows… as 8 year old girls. I wouldn’t mind doing a series of these at some point, but for now I want to focus on a story where they first meet.
•
The image I really like is Marie sitting on some concrete steps all by herself. Could be a school. She’s lonely and upset. I’m loosely thinking of having this be the aftermath of a bullying experience and if so she could have some favourite comic torn up and left in piles around her.
•
I don’t want the story to be maudlin, though. It’s important that it’s fun and light. I definitely want the end to have the feeling of Casablanca (“this could be the start of a beautiful friendship”).
•
The idea here is how friendship can help two people get over their own problems. I don’t want Kelly’s friendship to seem like a crutch for Marie so there needs to be some balance. Something she can help Kelly with, too.
•
Actually, instead of bullying I think I’ll go in a different direction. Betty, Marie’s mom, wants her daughter to get some exercise. So she kicks her out onto the front steps to get some fresh air. Marie, for her part, would dearly like nothing better than to curl up and read. Betty ain’t gonna allow that and tosses her daughter outside with a ball. Marie is sitting there, aimlessly bouncing the ball off a step, as Kelly comes walking up the sidewalk.
•
I’m loosely thinking that she has to return three late movies and was hoping not to have to pay the fine. She knows she has to; she just doesn’t want to. Her Mom had picked ‘em out for her a few days ago and they aren’t movies she’d ever watch (touchy feely cutesy cartoons or some such). As a result, she forgot about ‘em. Now, she’d much rather watch Return of the Jedi but she’s going to have to pay the fine on the late flicks.
•
Marie knows the corner store people really well and is pretty confident she can get the store owner (“Todd“) to wipe the fine clear. That way Kelly can rent whatever she wants to.
•
The story will end with the two of them walking down the street, chatting about how silly Return’s Ewoks were but how cool the space battle was. Kelly, “I even heard they were supposed to be wookies instead of teddy bears. Can you imagine? Wookies! How cool would that have been?!” (text gradually gets smaller).
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Fast Friends Outline for the Short Story Page One: Title block (“Fast Friends”) and my credits in the first panel. Probably all black with the text in white. Next panel shows an extreme close-up on Marie’s foot. The panel after shows the same foot, but this time a ball (stripy kind) dominates the view as it bounces by. Next panel shows the ball once again out of view. Then it bounces back into view in the next panel as it makes it’s way back up. Then out of sight again to end the page. Page Two: Pull back to reveal an establishing shot of Marie sitting on the front steps that we’ve come to know pretty well from the road to god knows… She’s bouncing the ball aimlessly with her right hand, not paying any attention whatsoever. Her left hand holds her chin and her head is tilted away from the ball. Sure, she’s sitting there, playing, but she’s not the faintest bit interested in what’s going on with the ball. Cut in closer to reveal her complete disdain of the ball. Her eyes are heavy as she looks up to the heavens, groaning inwardly.
Next panel is a tricky one.
In the FG is Marie’s hand (at the top) and the ball
(someway down the panel). We’re looking out on the street, though, and in the MG we see Kelly coming towards Marie, carrying an armful of VHS cassette tapes.
Close-up on Kelly’s face, bemused, as she
mutters at Marie, “wow, that looks like you’re having a world of fun.” Next panel shows Marie holding the ball in one hand, palm up, narrowing her eyes as she examines the ball closely. “Ball. Bouncy-bouncy. Boring. Not fun.” Kelly, still holding the stack of VHS tapes, looks mournfully down at them. “Yeah, I hear that.
My Mom thought it would be swell to rent a whack of these girly flicks.
How does (cite
example) grab you? I think I might trade you for the ball.” Page Three: Medium shot of Marie crouching in front of Kelly, head tilted as she looks over the titles. “Geez, you weren’t kidding. How old does your mom think you are, five?” Kelly has her head tilted a bit, looking up at the sky. “No, but she thought these would be great for my little sister and me to watch together. Weeeeeeee…what fun.” Cut to Marie eyeing the VHS tapes while she holds the ball in her right hand – basically weighing the two options. “I dunno. I think I’d just opt out and go read instead.” Next panel has a smiling Kelly watching her. “Well, why aren’t you? I mean, I’m sure a good bouncy ball is a world of fun, but why are you just sitting there…bouncing?” Marie has plunked herself back down on the steps, both elbows on her hips and her hands cupping her chin. The ball is front of her with a few motion lines around it. “It’s my mom’s idea, not mine. ‘Get outside,’ she says. ‘It’s summer. Go run around. Yer becoming part of the furniture just laying about. Get!’ I argued that books make me smart and, what, does she want to raise an idiot child instead? Reading is brain exercise, blah, blah, blah…but she wasn’t 44
biting.” Close up on Marie, looking all cagey. “So I figured if I had to go out I’d just take my book with me.
Well, as I headed for the door she snatched my bookie out of my hands.
‘Go play’ was all she
muttered at me. Oy.” Kelly has put the stack of VHS tapes down and is now sitting beside Marie. “Man, she didn’t give you much choice, right?” Page Four: Low HL shot of the two of them with the front porch rising behind them. Marie is scowling. “It gets better. I sat around for a bit and then hammered on the door to come back in. All she did was throw the ball at me!” Kelly starts to laugh despite herself. Pull back to reveal the two of them: Kelly trying to regain her composure while Marie shoots her a foul look. Kelly: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just that I can imagine what your face must have looked like when you saw the door creak open and the ball come bouncing out.” Marie can’t help smiling at that herself and she does, stretching her arms out and leaning back. “Yeah, it probably was pretty funny. Judging by the chuckles I heard behind the door, my mom certainly thought so.” Last panel has Marie standing up straight shaking a fist at the door. Kelly, still sitting, is looking up at her, smiling. Marie: “Oh, there’ll be a reckoning!” Page Five: Marie kneels in front of the tapes while Kelly continues to sit on the front steps. Marie: “So, how many of these did you manage to get through, then?” Kelly makes a face (probably wrinkling her nose). “Well, none actually. My mom left them on a table the other night and we all forgot about ‘em. That’s now giving me a bit of a problem since all three of ‘em are late. I gotta bring ‘em back and pay the fine on top of it.” Marie holds one of the tapes up with distaste. “Ah, that sucks. Nothing like paying twice for stuff you wouldn’t want to watch in the first place.” Kelly, in the background, smiles at that. “Yeah, totally.” Marie looks over at her. “Well, at least I have my Mom fairly well trained. She’d never bring this type of stuff back for me. It would be Star Wars or bust.” Kelly, leaning back on her elbows, “oh, yeah, I see that. You’ve got her under your thumb.” Cut to the ball bouncing off her head. Last panel has Kelly rubbing her head, grinning. Kelly: “Ack! Ok, ok! I deserved that!” Page Six: Both girls are standing as Kelly passes the ball back to Marie. Kelly: “Well, I suppose I should get this over with. Thanks for putting Star Wars into my head. I could go for renting Return of the Jedi right about now.” Marie chuckles as she takes the ball. “Sorry. Why don’t you just beg Todd at the store? I’ve begged a few times in the past and it works every now and then. Besides, you’re the new girl on the block. Just say you’re mom mixed up the return day and he might go for it.” Kelly bites her lips as she chews it over. “I dunno. We’ve rented a few times since we’ve moved in so I doubt he’ll go for it.” Marie’s stance is strong - arms folded over her chest and her legs planted firmly. “Oh, really. Tell you what. If I can convince him to wipe the fine can I come over and watch Jedi?” The two, standing formally, clasp hands and shake on it. Both are smiling broadly. 45
Page Seven: Splash page of the two of them walking down the street. Tilt the page for more drama. Kelly: “I even heard they were supposed to be wookies instead of teddy bears. Can you imagine? Wookies! How cool would that have been?!” (text gradually gets smaller). FIN
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Fast Friends Script for Pages 1-7 1st Draft Monday, January 15, 2007 One Page – 6 Panels PAGE ONE PANEL ONE First panel contains all the credits for this little story. Most likely on a black background. The title should read ”Fast Friends: a road to god knows adventure” by Von Allan. PANEL TWO Li’l Marie is sitting on the front steps of her apartment building, idly bouncing a small rubber ball. The establishing shot for all of this will actually happen on the next page, but I just wanted to frame the location right here and now. Almost this entire story will take place on these front steps so it’s important to mention this at the outset. With that in mind, this panel is an extreme close-up of Marie’s right foot. We should see a lot of texture of the broken concrete steps around her foot and lower leg, but the reader shouldn’t have a really strong idea of where Marie is. Hell, ideally they won’t have a firm idea of who the foot belongs to right away. So we’re really shooting for texture in this panel and the rest of the ones on this page. PANEL THREE This is basically a copy of the previous panel, but this time a large striped rubber ball is strongly in the FG. It should be in mid-air as it streaks by Marie’s foot. PANEL FOUR This panel (ok, ok…and the rest of the ones on this page) is like Panel Two. This time, though, the ball has dropped out of view. PANEL FIVE The ball has bounced back into view, dominating the FG once again. Come to think of it, I could shoot for some squash and stretch here. PANEL SIX Final panel on the page and once again the ball has vanished from our view. It’s just Marie’s foot and the concrete steps once again.
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One Page – Six Panels PAGE TWO PANEL ONE We pull back to reveal an establishing shot of Marie sitting on the front steps of her apartment. These are the same steps that we’ve come to know pretty well from the road to god knows… What’s key here is that she truly doesn’t care about the ball. She’s bouncing it aimlessly with her right hand, not paying any attention to it whatsoever. Her left hand holds her chin and her head is tilted away from the ball. Sure, she’s sitting there, playing, but she’s not the faintest bit interested in what’s going on with the ball. PANEL TWO Cut in closer to reveal her complete disdain of the ball. Her eyes are heavy as she looks up to the heavens. She’s really groaning inwardly – not a happy camper. PANEL THREE This is a tricky panel. In the FG is Marie’s hand (at the top) and the ball (someway down the panel). We’re looking out on the street, though, and in the MG we see Li’l Kelly coming towards Marie, carrying an armful of VHS cassette tapes. This shot is really from the concrete steps POV; that’s where the camera is and why Marie is so strongly in the FG. PANEL FOUR Close-up on Kelly’s face. She’s clearly bemused by Marie’s solitary ball bouncing efforts. 1. Kelly: Wow, you look like you’re having a world of fun. PANEL FIVE Marie is holding the ball firmly in her right hand, palm up. She’s narrowing her eyes as she examines it closely. 2. Marie: Ball. Bouncy-bouncy. Boring. Not fun. PANEL SIX Kelly, still holding the stack of three VHS tapes, looks mournfully down at them. We can see the titles on the spines of each tape box: Gidget, the Love Bug, and the Bad News Bears Go To Japan. Note that these tapes should be of the rental variety. Don’t worry about box art or anything like that. Keep it “plasticy” since it’s a tape rental.
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3. Kelly: Yeah, I hear that. My Mom thought it would be oh so swell to rent a whack of these girly kiddie flicks. How does The Love Bug grab you? 4. Kelly: Ick…I think I just might trade you for that ball.
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One Page – Six Panels PAGE THREE PANEL ONE Medium shot of Marie crouching in front of Kelly, head tilted as she looks over the titles. Kelly is looking up at the sky, rolling her eyes. 1. Marie: Geez, you weren’t kidding. How old does your mom think you are? Five? 2. Kelly: No, I think she was shooting for a bonding experience. So she thought these would be great for her, my little sister and me to watch together. Weeeeeeee… PANEL TWO Cut to Marie eyeing the VHS tapes while she holds the ball in her right hand – basically weighing the two options. 3. Marie: I dunno. You guys are all moved in and unpacked, right? And I’m sure you’ve got books. 4. Marie: I think if my Mom offered me these gems I’d just go lay low and read instead. PANEL THREE Pull back a bit so that we see the two of them. Kelly smiles while she watches Marie. 5. Kelly: Hey, I’m a bit surprised you’re not reading right now. I mean, I’m sure a good bouncy ball is a world of fun, but why are you just sitting there…bouncing? PANEL FOUR Marie has plunked herself back down on the steps, both elbows on her hips and her hands cupping her chin. Possibly inflating both cheeks and pursing her mouth. The very picture of frustration. The ball lies on the ground in front of her, wobbling (so toss in a few motion lines around it). 6. Marie: It’s my Mom’s idea, not mine. ‘Get outside,’ she says. ‘It’s summer. Go run around. Yer becoming part of the furniture just laying about. Go on…Get!’ 7. Marie: I argued that books make me smart and besides…would she prefer an idiot daughter instead? Reading is working out the brain and all that, blah, blah, blah…but… 8. Marie: She wasn’t biting. PANEL FIVE Close up on Marie, looking all cagey. 9. Marie: So, I figured if I had to go out I’d just take my book with me, right? Well, as I headed for the door she snatched my bookie right out of my hands. 10. Marie: ‘Play means play, not reading’ was all she muttered. Oy.
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PANEL SIX Kelly has put the stack of VHS tapes down and is now sitting beside Marie. The tapes and the ball are in the FG. Marie hasn’t moved (still sitting with the weight of the world on her shoulders) while Kelly is eyeing her sympathetically. 11. Kelly: Man, she didn’t give you much choice, huh?
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One Page – Four Panels PAGE FOUR PANEL ONE Low shot of the two of them with the front porch rising behind them. Marie is scowling with both hands up, emphasizing her point. Kelly, meanwhile, is bent over, laughing hard. 1. Marie: It gets better. I sat around for a bit, bored, and then I hammered on the door to come back in. 2. Marie: All she did was open the door and throw the ball at me! PANEL TWO Pull back to reveal the two of them: Kelly trying to regain her composure while Marie shoots her a foul look. 3. Kelly: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just that I can imagine what your face must have looked like when you saw that door creak open and the ball come flying out at you. PANEL THREE Marie can’t help smiling at that herself. She’s stretched out, leaning back on the steps and resting her weight on her forearms. 4. Marie: Yeah, it was pretty funny. 5. Marie: Heh…Judging by the chuckles I heard from behind the door, my Mom certainly thought so. PANEL FOUR That motivates Marie to once again rage against the injustice. So we have a medium shot of Marie standing on the front steps, maybe one leg raised, shaking her first in the direction of the door. Her mouth is open in a full yell. Kelly, mouth agape, is staring up at her. Not shocked, exactly, but surprised and amused at the same time. 6. Marie: Oh, there’ll be a reckoning! You hear me? A reckoning!
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One Page – Seven Panels PAGE FIVE PANEL ONE Marie kneels on her haunches in front of the tapes while Kelly continues to sit on the front steps. It’s kinda like Marie hasn’t quite come to grips with the choices Kelly’s mom has made and keeps expecting them to change into something else. So she’s lifting the top tape from the pile and examining the title of the one that lies beneath it. 1. Marie: So, how many of these did you manage to get through, then? PANEL TWO Close-up on Kelly as she wrinkles her nose and makes a face. Maybe even waving one hand in front of her as if to get rid of a foul odour. 2. Kelly: Well, none actually. My mom left them on the table the other night and we all forgot about ‘em. 3. Kelly: That touch of forgetfulness is now giving me a bit of a headache since all three of ‘em are late. I get to bring ‘em back and pay the fine on top of it. PANEL THREE Marie holds one of the tapes up with distaste. Maybe an extreme close-up on just a part of her face, the tape and her hand.
4. Marie: Ah, that sucks. Nothing like paying twice for stuff you wouldn’t pay to watch in the first place. PANEL FOUR Bird’s eye of the two of them. Kelly, still sitting on the steps while Marie is crouched over, looking at the final tape. 5. Kelly: Yeah, totally. 6. Marie: Well, at least I have my Mom fairly well trained. She’d never bring this type of stuff back for me. It would be Star Wars or bust. PANEL FIVE Kelly, leaning back on her elbows, is smirking at that. 7. Kelly: Oh, I see that. Crystal clear. You’ve got her under your thumb. PANEL SIX The ball has just bounced off of Kelly’s head. Try to crunch up her face as much as possible. She’s not hurt, though. She knows she had it coming. 53
PANEL SEVEN Kelly rubbing her head, grinning. 8. Kelly: Ack! Ok, ok! I deserved that!
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One Page – Six Panels PAGE SIX PANEL ONE Both girls are standing in front of the steps. Kelly has just bounced the ball on the ground towards her new friend. Marie has her right hand palm up, ready to catch it. 1. Kelly: Well, I suppose I should go get this over with. 2. Kelly: Oh, and thanks a bunch for putting Star Wars into my head. I could go for Return of the Jedi right about now. PANEL TWO Marie is chuckling as she looks down, examining the ball. 3. Marie: Sorry. Why don’t you just ask Todd at the store to do you a favour? I’ve begged him a few times in the past and it works every now and then. 4. Marie: Besides, you’re the new girl on the block. Just say your mom mixed up the return day and he might go for it. PANEL THREE Close-up on Kelly as she chews it over, biting her lip. 5. Kelly: Ah, I dunno. We’ve already rented a few times since we’ve moved in so I doubt he’d buy it. PANEL FOUR Full body shot of Marie. Her stance is strong - arms folded over her chest and her legs planted firmly. She ain’t tolerating any argument here. 6. Marie: Oh, really. Tell you what. If I convince him to wipe the fine, can I come over and watch Jedi with you guys? PANEL FIVE Kelly smiles broadly. 7. Kelly: If you can do that, then yeah, I’ll rent it. You can come over and watch it tonight. PANEL SIX The two, standing formally, clasp hands and shake on it. Both are smiling broadly. This should be a really cute image so I may have to play with it a bit. Two kids shaking hands is cute right off the bat, but based on what’s to come in the graphic novel I want this image to have some punch.
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One Page – One Panel PAGE SEVEN PANEL ONE Splash page of the two of them walking down the street, backs towards the viewer. Tilt the page for more drama. Marie is helping Kelly carry the VHS tapes and two are having an animated discussion as they walk away. 1. Kelly: You know, I even heard there were supposed to be wookies in it instead of those teddy bears. Can you imagine? Wookies! How cool would that have been?! 2. Marie: Yeah, but that space battle still rocked. Just totally awesome! FIN
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Brawl – Breakdown The goal is to tell a short 6–8 page story that gives me some contrast between child anatomy and over-the-top superhero anatomy. A secondary goal is to use it as a bit of a “proof of concept” for Stargazer. So more fantastic elements, something I’ve never really drawn before. My idea with this is to make it a dream sequence. So Marie is doodling or some such and then she conks out. Whatever she was working on becomes the framework for the dream itself. I also love the old crayon drawings in Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain and a Flash story that showed Wally West drawing (in crayon!) the post-Crisis meeting of the Golden-Age and Silver Age Flashes. I really like the idea of Li’l Marie sitting at the kitchen table, legs dangling above the floor, working on a drawing before sleep over takes her. We linger on her crayon drawings before turning the page and cutting to a dream. I also like the idea of Li’l Marie getting involved in the dream. Maybe flying in (wearing PJs!) as the Bruiser guy is smashing a building. Classic, classic super hero type stuff. I could even do an over head (bird’s eye) shot as she floats in. Since the dream is from her point of view, there’s probably no need to have the Bruiser guy have any dialogue at all (well, maybe he roars in different ways!). Li’l Marie tries to talk him down from smashing the building. He clocks her good and sends her flying into a wall (“ouch!”). She gets up, face a bit dirty and maybe a shirt sleeve ripped, and she clenches a fist. “Right then.” Cut to him looking stunned as the little girl charges him. Big roundhouse punch sends him flying into a car. He looks dazed and then surprised as he gets lifted up by her (maybe a splash or half panel of Li’l Marie pressing this huge guy over her head). Maybe a close up on her fingers as she gets ready to chuck him. Then a huge follow-through as she throws him into the sky. She wipes the “dust” off her hands, sits down on the ground and leans against a mail box or something, and conks out. Maybe holding a teddy bear? We pull back from her and then cut back to reality, with Li’l Marie sleeping on top of her drawings, her head on top of folded arms. We zoom in and see that she’s smiling. Panel borders should be airy and not firmly drawn. Something sketchy and dreamlike.
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Brawl! Outline for the Short Story Page One: The story opens with a close-up on a crayon sketch. Big simple shapes of a hulking super-villain type guy. We pull back a bit to see a hand holding the crayon. And then back a bit more to see Li’l Marie concentrating hard, brow creased and tongue out at the side of her mouth as she focuses all of her attention on the drawing in front of her. We then go to an establishing shot to clearly show her in the kitchen, sitting at the kitchen table with her legs dangling over the tiled floor. Actually, a bird’s eye shot might work even better. She’s wearing PJs (with a simple pattern on them). Her Mom is in the background, doing dishes, as she tells her daughter, “It’s almost bedtime, sweetie.” Marie replies with, “aw, Mom…I’m not really tired.” Page Two: Her Mom, looking plump but healthy (far healthier then we’ll see in road) smiles at her daughter, “Uh-uh. You can stay up for a bit longer and then I wanna see you in your bedroom. I’m going to go and watch some TV and I’ll come tuck you in about 20 minutes. That means teeth brushed and everything, young lady.” Marie, not really paying attention, says a quick “ok, ok…” What I want to show is her getting tired as we go forward in the next few panels. So maybe the same shot three or four times. The first shows her being fairly perky, working on her drawing. The next shows her chin in hand as she continues to draw. The next shows her starting to slump over, eyes very droopy. Then maybe a close-up on the drawing again, this time with her hand relaxed beside it and a crayon a few inches away. I could show the same thing with her feet. So fairly active in the first panel (maybe wrapped around the front legs of the chair), and then both legs and feet just hanging limply above the floor. Page Three: This is a splash page that doubles as the credit page. It also needs to be a bit dreamlike. I can do that with the credits as well (maybe a fluffy effect around everything). Bruiser, the big brawler that Marie was drawing, is standing on a typical city street, holding a ‘no parking’ sign high over his head. Good, dramatic shot with lots of wreckage around him – he’s been hard at work! Smashed up cars and building windows in the background, smoke rising from them. And no one else in sight. Low Horizon Line might work best. One option would be to have everything that nears the edges of the page “fade out” into sketchiness. No hard lines at this point to try and suggest a dreamlike state. I may need to look at some Little Nemo in Slumberland to get the idea. Page Four:
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A distant shot of Li’l Marie floating on a cloud, still wearing the same PJs as the first two pages. We cut to a shot of her crouching on the cloud with Bruiser and the wreckage a good distance below her. The “camera” could be a bit over head (so we’re watching Marie watching Bruiser). She leaps off the cloud, spins in the air, and lands on her feet – this could be done like the Puck cover on Alpha Flight #5. Maybe a longish panel. She stands in an heroic contra postal pose (maybe a low HL), hands clenched in fists, and shouts “hey, you!” Page Five: Bruiser looks down on her with lips sneering in contempt. Next panel has him roaring at her (bent over, mouth wide open) with Marie in the foreground. Her hair moves as the wind from his massive lungs hits her. Next panel is her holding her nose with her left hand while she waves away his aroma with her right as she says, “Stop smashing stuff.” The last panel should be a profile shot of them staring at one another. I need a shot of the two of them in profile to really get a sense of the differences in scale between the two. Page Six: Bruiser clocks her with a huge upper cut that lifts Marie and sends her flying into a wall across the street. She lays there for a second, eyes closed. Then we cut to a close-up on her eyes, glaring. She then stands back up, hunched over, with a furious look on her face. Maybe one sleeve of her jammies is torn. “Right, then.” Cut to a stunned look on Bruiser’s face and then a shot of Li’l Marie sprinting right at the camera. Page Seven: She hits him with a roundhouse punch that sends him flying into a car. Next panel shows him dazed (and perhaps cartoony dazed would work here. So elliptical speedlines and little birds or bells). That expression turns to shock as he looks down. The girl is picking him up over her head. Maybe a close up on her fingers as she gets ready to chuck him. Then a huge follow-through as she throws him into the sky. We see him getting smaller and smaller before he disappears behind skyscrapers. Page Eight: She wipes the “dust” off her hands, sits down on the ground and leans against a mail box or something, and conks out. We pull back from her and then cut back to reality, with Li’l Marie sleeping on top of her drawings, her head on top of folded arms. We zoom in and see that she’s smiling. FIN
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Brawl! Script for Pages 1-8 1st Draft Monday, June 18, 2007 One Page – Five Panels PAGE ONE PANEL ONE The story opens with a close-up on a crayon-type sketch of a big bruising super villain holding something over his head (this something is actually a “no parking” sign, but it shouldn’t be clear that this is what it is). This is a child’s drawing and this panel should reflect that. So simple shapes in the style of the drawings by kids in books like Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. PANEL TWO We pull back a bit to see the same sketch but this time with Li’l Marie’s hand holding a crayon. We can still see her sketch; she’s just filling it out a bit more. PANEL THREE And then back a bit more to see Li’l Marie concentrating hard, brow creased and tongue out at the side of her mouth as she focuses all of her attention on the drawing in front of her. PANEL FOUR Then we pull right out and go with a bird’s eye shot of Li’l Marie sitting in her kitchen. She’s wearing PJs (simple print design). Her Mom, Betty, is over at the sink doing dishes. Betty looks plump but healthy and this should contrast fairly strongly with what she’ll look like in road. These are better times for her and her mileage hasn’t caught up with her yet. 1. Betty: It’s almost bedtime, sweetie. PANEL FIVE Marie frowns as she looks at her Mom. Betty, towel over one shoulder, is leaning on the table. The two of them should be in the panel with Betty in the foreground watching her daughter. 2. Marie: Aw, Moooooooommmmmmmm…I’m not really tired. C’mon…
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One Page – Six Panels PAGE TWO PANEL ONE Betty smiles at her daughter. There’s no hint of the damage that her teeth will later undergo. She looks healthy and happy. 1. Betty: Uh-uh. You can stay up for a bit longer and then I wanna see you in your bedroom. I’m going to go and watch some TV and I’ll come tuck you in about 20 minutes. That means teeth brushed and everything, young lady. PANEL TWO Marie isn’t really paying that much attention to her Mom. She’s already back to focusing on her drawing and her Mom’s a bit of an afterthought. 2. Marie: Ok, ok… PANEL THREE This panel, along with the rest on this page, need to convey to the reader that Marie really is tired. She’s been kinda bluffing with her Mom, but as soon as Betty leaves the kitchen, Marie starts to crash as the sleepies come on full bore. What I’m thinking is that each panel should be drawn from the same angles; Marie just slowly collapses into sleep by the end. With this panel, she’s still fairly perky as she concentrates on her drawing. She’s sitting up fairly straight and her legs and feet are intertwined around the front legs of her chair. Maybe some action lines around the crayon to show her still drawing furiously. PANEL FOUR This one, again the same as the previous, shows her getting sleepy. She’s leaning with her chin in her left hand and her back is more arched. Her eyes are droopy and the crayon is barely moving (very few action lines). One leg is still wrapped around a chair leg but the other is hanging limply above the floor. PANEL FIVE Same shot as the last two panels. This time Marie is really slumping into the table. The crayon isn’t moving at all (so no action lines) and both her legs are hanging limply. No movement at all. Her eyes should be almost closed. PANEL SIX A close-up on the crayon sketch (similar to panel two on page one). This time, though, her hand is open and the crayon is laying an inch or two away. Her hand should be partially obscuring the sketch. She’s out like a light.
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One Page – One Panel PAGE THREE PANEL ONE This is a splash page that doubles as the credit page. It, as well as everything else over the next few pages, needs to be a bit dreamlike. I can do that with the credits as well (maybe a “fluffy” or “fuzzy” effect around everything). The idea that needs to come across is that this is a dream. Not real. One option would be to have everything that nears the edges of the page “fade out” into sketchiness. No hard lines at this point to try and suggest a dreamlike state. I could do something similar with the panel borders. Not hard and fast but rather loose and wriggly. I may need to look at some Little Nemo in Slumberland to get the idea. I don’t know if the reader will understand that this is Marie’s sketch come to life, but the pose should be similar to what she was working on over the previous two pages. Just more realistic. So Bruiser, the big brawler that Marie was drawing, is standing on a typical city street, holding the ‘no parking’ sign high over his head. Good, dramatic shot with lots of wreckage around him – he’s been hard at work! Smashed up cars and building windows in the background, smoke rising from them. And no one else in sight. A low Horizon Line might work best here since it would make him look even more powerful. The credits should be along the bottom. If it wasn’t a dream, I’d probably make him stand on them. In this case, though, that would make them far too concrete. Another option would be to put the credits in the sky, whimsy like and airy.
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One Page – Four Panels PAGE FOUR PANEL ONE This is a long shot with a low Horizon Line looking down the street. Marie is floating on a cloud. She’s still wearing the same PJs we saw her in over the first two pages. PANEL TWO We close in on her. The camera is actually above her, looking down, and we see her back and then the ground below. She’s crouching on the cloud as she watches Bruiser far below her. PANEL THREE This should be a dramatic action shot, similar to the cover of John Byrne’s Alpha Flight #5. Marie leaps off the cloud and spins and somersaults as she lands on the ground. Totally improbable, but it’s a dream. What I’d like is the final pose to be drawn solidly (and in the foreground) while we see more “ghostly” images of her in sequence from the cloud to the final pose. Gradually getting bigger since she winds up in the foreground. This might work as either a longish panel or perhaps on an angle leading the reader’s eye from top left to lower right. PANEL FOUR This is a back shot of Marie as she stands heroically, in a contra postal pose (maybe a lowish Horizon Line) with her hands clenched in fists. In the background we can see Bruiser. Rubble and wreckage should be strewn around her feet. 1. Marie: Hey, you!
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One Page – Four Panels PAGE FIVE PANEL ONE Close-up on Bruiser’s face, sneering in contempt and amusement. He is not impressed at all by the little girl standing in front of him. If it was Spider-man? Maybe. Supes? Most likely? But Li’l Marie? Not a chance. PANEL TWO This should be a fun little panel. Marie is strongly in the foreground twisting away from her opponent. Her arms are thrown up around her head and chest. Bruiser is towering over her, roaring. His mouth is open full as he screams at her. I’m tempted to sketch out shock waves coming from his mouth and surrounding her. 1. SFX: ROOWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! PANEL THREE This is a close-up on Marie. She’s holding her nose with her left hand while she waves away his aroma with her right. She’s not impressed. 2. Marie: Oh, that’s horrible. Don’t you ever brush your teeth? 3. Marie: And, c’mon, please stop smashing stuff. Geez…who do you think you are? That’s enough. PANEL FOUR This last panel should be a profile shot of them staring at one another. I need a shot of the two of them in profile to really get a sense of their differences in scale. Possibly with no panel borders at all and really no background. Just rubble at their feet.
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One Page – Six Panels PAGE SIX PANEL ONE Really dramatic action shot here. Bruiser clocks her with a huge upper cut that lifts Marie and sends her flying into a wall across the street. Nice follow-through here – his fist should be way up and his waist and torso should be good and twisted. He’s in the foreground while Marie is knocked into the background. One thing that might work is a similar thing to how she leaps off the cloud on page four. So the final shot is her laying up against the wall, but there’s a few other drawings of her being hit and then skidding across the ground before that. PANEL TWO Close up on her face as she lays there for a second, eyes closed. PANEL THREE Then we cut to a close-up on her eyes, glaring. PANEL FOUR Marie is standing up, a bit hunched over, with a furious look on her face. One sleeve of her jammies is torn and hanging limply off her shoulder. 1. Marie: Right, then. PANEL FIVE Cut to a stunned close-up look on Bruiser’s face. PANEL SIX Low Horizon Line shot of Marie sprinting hard right at the camera. She should fill the panel and break the borders.
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One Page – Seven Panels PAGE SEVEN PANEL ONE Good medium shot of Marie as she rears back with her right hand. She’s smiling from ear to ear. PANEL TWO She hits him with a roundhouse punch that sends him flying into a car. Strongly dynamic. She’s in the foreground and we see Bruiser landing in the far background up against the car. PANEL THREE Close-up on a dazed Bruiser. Perhaps “cartoony dazed” would work best here. So ellipsical speedlines and little birdies or bells in the Warner Brothers tradition. She got him good. PANEL FOUR Still the same close up but this time his expression turns to shock. He’s looking down out of panel. PANEL FIVE Cut to a extreme close up on Marie’s fingers. She digging them into his chest and belly. PANEL SIX This pose should break into the other panels around it. This is a dramatic shot as Li’l Marie presses Bruiser over her head. The contrast between brawler and girl should be extreme. Don’t have her arms fully stretched out – there should be some bend in her elbows as she’s still lifting him in this shot. Arc her back and make sure she has one leg bent in front of her while the other leg is stretched out behind her. Cool, contrasting shot. PANEL SEVEN Then a huge follow-through as she throws him into the sky. We see him getting smaller and smaller before he disappears behind skyscrapers.
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One Page – Six Panels PAGE EIGHT PANEL ONE She wipes the “dust” off her hands and smiles to herself. No background here. PANEL TWO Close up as she stifles a yawn, covering her mouth with her right hand. PANEL THREE Cut to her sitting on the ground, surrounded by rubble, with her back up against a mail box. Her legs are sticking straight out in front of her and her head is leaning down, chin near her clavicles. PANEL FOUR We pull back into a bird’s eye long shot and see her napping on the street. I want this to start bringing back reality around her and one way that might work is to start bringing the kitchen’s tile floor into one part of the drawing. So maybe have the rubble fade out and be replaced by tiling one side of the drawing. PANEL FIVE Similar bird’s eye angle as the previous panel, but this time we’re firmly in the kitchen. Marie is conked out on the kitchen table, sleeping on top of her drawing with her head on one arm. PANEL SIX We zoom in close and see that the sleeping girl is smiling. FIN
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The Old Crow - Breakdown The goal is to tell an 8–10 page story that starts to show how Betty, Marie’s mom, is starting to slip into mental illness. I’ve long known that the opening page should be silent and feature Marie interacting with a crow. This is very clear in my head and should feature a shot of Marie walking home and then spotting a crow sitting on a stop sign or some such. She exchanges looks with the crow and the two wind up staring at one another for a short time. Then, with a sharp “caw,” the crow takes to the air and flies out of sight. Marie is left by herself as she watches the crow disappear into the horizon. The problem I’m facing is that I can’t be too obvious with the storytelling. Marie doesn’t know what’s happening with her mom approximately five years after this story takes place, so anything I show here has to be subtle. Plus, I don’t want to touch on any of the imagery I already used in road; that means I can really only be subtle and abstract in this story. I also don’t want to show Betty’s temper here at all. If anything, Marie shouldn’t be so much upset by her mom’s “oddness” but instead just rather confused. Fear shouldn’t be an element in this story. The one thing I could do is play with Betty’s sense of time. Marie arrives home from school and her mom is asleep on the couch. She wakes up as Marie takes off her backpack and mutters, “shouldn’t you be getting to school, sweetie?” Marie looks at her oddly and then says, “Uh, mom, I’m just getting back…school’s done for the day.” Betty: “Oh, sorry. I must have fallen asleep for longer then I meant to. Figuring out money stuff always makes me sleepy.” On the coffee table beside her are a collection of bills and a small container of medication. The lid is open. Marie watches her with some concern on her face, “Are you…ok?” Betty gets up off the couch and smiles at her daughter, “Just tired, dear. So, you want some breakoh, um, I mean a snack or something?” Marie continues to stare at her, “No, I’m not hungry.” Betty, oblivious to her daughter’s confusion, says, “Well, I’m going to scoot to the kitchen and start getting supper ready. How does spaghetti sound to you? I’m sure when you start smelling the aromas your belly will start grumbling.” Marie smiles at that, “Sure, mom, that would be great.” With that, Marie settles down to read on the couch. Or I could just have her watch TV, plunking her backpack down on the coffee table beside her. A couple of panels with her just being quiet. And then the last panel should have Marie start as a loud, angry “Damn it!” comes out of panel. As Marie gets up cautiously from the couch, Betty reappears in the door frame. She’s forcing a smile. “Look, sweetie, I-um, forgot that food is a little tight right now. I-I’m just waiting to get a cheque in the mail and it…it hasn’t come in yet. So, I think…I think we’ll have to make do tonight, ok?” Marie bites her lower lip. “Sure, that’s ok.” Her Mom smiles a bit more. “Well, we still some odds and ends. I’ll put something together. It just won’t be spaghetti this time around. A bit of a ‘Betty Special’ instead.” Marie says “ok” once again and her Mom disappears back to the kitchen. Marie returns to her show and then her Mom pops back in again. “Actually, sweetie, I, uh, need to make a quick run to the corner store. I won’t be long.” Marie, worried about her mom, offers to come along. “I don’t mind coming with you.” Betty looks nervous about this. “Well, uh, ok…” The two walk up the street holding hands but not really talking with one another. The conversation is a little stilted. Betty: “Did you have a good day at school today?” Marie: “Yeah, it was ok. Kelly and I hung out at lunch. I’m thinking of going to her place on Saturday if that’s ok.” Betty: “Sure, sweetie, 68
that’s fine. Oh, wait, are you seeing your dad this weekend?” Marie: “No, that’ll be next weekend, Mom. I just saw him on Sunday.” Betty: “Oh, right, of course. Sorry, sweetie, I’ve got a headache and it’s making thinking a little hard.” Marie: “Oh.” They arrive at the store and the two go in. Marie goes right to the magazines while her Mom grabs a few items and then goes to the cash. An older man is the cashier (“that’ll be $8.88”). We should see this sequence from Marie’s point of view. So maybe an initial shot of the two talking with no dialogue and then a cut to Marie, who stops reading to listen harder. We cut back to her Mom and the cashier but this time Marie’s head is strongly in the foreground. And we can hear the conversation. Betty: “I, uh, was hoping I could put this on my tab, Mike. I’m just waiting for my cheque but it hasn’t come in yet.” Mike: “Well, Betty, you’ve already got a few things on it.” Betty: “I know, but this will be the last time.” Mike looks over at Marie (so basically right at the reader) and then says “yes.” Betty is clearly relieved and says in a louder voice, “Oh, thanks Mike, that’s great.” She looks over at her daughter and says “Time to go.” Close up on Marie looking worried about her Mom. The two are back on the street, walking home holding hands. Marie looks up and sees what could be the same crow circling in the sky high above. As the two mount the front steps to their apartment, Marie hesitates and stares after the crow. Then she turns to her Mom and says softly, “I love you, mommy.” Betty smiles down at her. “I love you too, sweetie. With all of my heart. Now let’s get inside and get you some spaghetti after all.” The two disappear into the house and the last shot should be over the shoulder of the crow, perched on a tree branch looking towards the house.
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The Old Crow Outline for the Short Story Page One: The opening of the story features an interplay between a neighbourhood crow and Li’l Marie, returning home school. So the first panel shows a close-up on the crow’s foot as it perches on the “no parking” sign in front of Marie’s apartment building. We pull back for an over-the-shoulder shot of the crow, strongly in the foreground, and Li’l Marie walking towards it (backpack, jacket, coming home from school clothing). The next panel shows the same shot, but this time Marie is much closer and is staring up at the crow. “Hello, there,” she says cheerfully. Cut to a close-up on the crow’s face, inscrutable in expression. Panel five shows Marie, waist-up, smiling up at the crow. “Be that way, then.” Cut back to the crow as it has now opened its wings, getting ready to fly. The final panel on the page is an over-the-shoulder shot of Marie, in the foreground, watching the crow fly off onto the horizon. Page Two: Marie is inside the apartment, taking off her jacket with the backpack around her feet. Next panel has her standing in the doorway of the living room, backpack in one hand, as she realizes that her Mom is lying on the couch, asleep. It should be subtle, but on the coffee table beside her are a collection of pills and an open pill canister (with the lid laying beside it). Don’t hit anyone over the head with it, but it should be there. Panel three is a close-up on a groggy Betty (“shouldn’t you be at school, sweetie?”). The fourth panel is a close-up on a quizzical Marie, looking at her mother oddly. “Uh, mom, I’m just getting back…school’s done for the day.” Betty props herself up on the couch, rubbing the back of her head thoughtfully. “Oh, sorry. I must have fallen asleep for longer then I meant to. Figuring out money stuff always makes me sleepy.” The last panel has Marie, looking worried, asking her Mom, “Are you…ok?” Page Three: Betty is standing in front of the couch near her daughter. Not quite in each other’s personal space, but it would only take a sec to fix that. We should see both of them in this panel, stretching across the top of the page. This is basically a beat panel, so they’re kinda of eyeing each other. Marie should be looking away from her Mom, nervous about the situation. In the next panel, Betty smiles at her daughter, “Just tired. So, you want some break- oh, um, I mean a snack or something?” Marie is still unsure about all of this and kind of hugs one arm to her body with her other arm. “No, I’m not hungry.” Betty, oblivious to her daughter’s confusion, says, “Well, I’m going to scoot to the kitchen and start getting supper ready. How does spaghetti sound to you? I’m sure when you start smelling the aromas your belly will start grumbling.” That helps breaks Marie’s confusion and she smiles broadly at that, “Sure, mom, that would be great.” Page Four: 70
This is a very quiet page design-wise. It should echo a bit of what I did in Brawl with Marie falling asleep in the kitchen. So, in the first panel, Marie is sitting on the couch as she begins to watch TV. Her backpack is lying on the couch, near the envelopes and pill bottle. The next few panels show her slowly getting comfortable, laying on a pillow and stretching out. The last panel should stretch across the bottom of the page and show a loud “damn it.” Marie, startled, has sat up and is looking towards the kitchen (out of panel). Page Five: Marie is sitting up straight on the couch in the first panel, looking very nervous. Panel two has her Mom leaning against the far door frame, forcing a smile. “Look, sweetie, I, um, I forgot that food is a little tight right now. I-I’m just waiting to get a cheque in the mail and it…it hasn’t come in yet. So, I think…I think we’ll have to make do tonight, ok?” Marie bites her lower lip. “Sure, that’s ok.” The fourth panel has her Mom smiling a bit more. “Well, we still some odds and ends. I’ll put something together. It just won’t be spaghetti this time around. A bit of a ‘Mom’s Special’ instead.” Pull back to see the two of them as Marie says “ok” once again. Panel six has Marie laying back against the pillow, returning to watch her show. Panel seven has her Mom leaning against the door frame once again. “Actually, sweetie, I, uh, need to make a quick run to the corner store. I won’t be long.” In the last panel we pull back to see the two of them again with Marie, worried about her mom, offering to come along. “I don’t mind coming with you.” Betty looks nervous about this. “Well, uh, ok…” Page Six: The first panel should be reasonably large and dominate the page. Not a full splash but perhaps half the page. The two are walking up the street holding hands but their conversation is a little stilted. Betty: “Did you have a good day at school today?” Marie: “Yeah, it was ok. Kelly and I hung out at lunch. I’m thinking of going to her place on Saturday if that’s ok.” Next Panel is a close up on Betty, looking a little haggard. “Sure, sweetie, that’s fine. Oh, wait, are you seeing your dad this weekend?” Pull back to the two of them, still walking, with Marie looking quizzically at her Mom. “No, that’ll be next weekend, Mom. I just saw him on Sunday.” Betty, forces another smile. “Oh, right, of course. Sorry, sweetie, I’ve got a headache and it’s making thinking a little hard.” Close up on Marie, head down. “Oh.” Page Seven: The first panel has the two standing near the entrance of a little corner store. The panel should be wide enough to see the wise sign above the door, “Sam’s Grocery.” Inside, we see Marie standing in front of the magazine rack while her Mom is in the background, partially obscured by a rack of potato chips. The third panel has her Mom standing in front of the cashier with the makings of spaghetti on the counter in front of her (so pasta, can of tomato sauce, a few vegetables, etc…). An older man is the cashier and says, “that’ll be $8.67.” Cut to a medium shot of Marie, holding her magazine but looking up off-panel. The next few 71
panels should all be from Marie’s point of view as she watches the exchange between her Mom and the cashier. So Marie is solidly in the foreground with the exchange going on in the mid-ground. The next panel has Betty leaning in towards the cashier, conspiratorially-like, whispering, “I, uh, was hoping I could put this on my tab, Mike. I’m just waiting for my cheque but it hasn’t come in yet.” Panel six is pretty much the same shot as the previous panel. Mike, the cashier, says, “Well, Betty, you’ve already got a few things on it.” Page Eight Still going with “the Marie in the foreground design” here. The first panel has Betty, still whispering, “I know, but this will be the last time.” Panel two is, once again, a similar set-up, but this time Mike looks over at Marie (so basically right at the reader) and then says “yes.” Panel three has a clearly relieved Betty saying, in a louder voice, “Oh, thanks Mike, that’s great.” Panel four breaks the Marie/foreground design and is a close-up on a smiling Betty looking over towards her daughter, “Time to go, sweetie.” Panel five shows a close up on Marie’s eyes, looking worried. Page Nine First panel has the two back on the street, walking home holding hands. Panel two has Marie looking up and see spots the same crow, circling in the sky high above. Panel three has the two in front of their building. Betty is already up a few steps while Marie has stopped at the bottom. The two are still holding hands. Panel four is a medium shot of Marie, her Mom’s back in the background, with Marie half-turned towards the street and watching the sky. Panel five has both of them at the top of the stairs. Betty is standing near the door to their apartment with her daughter a step or two behind her. Panel Six is a close up on Marie as she says softly, “I love you, mommy.” Page Ten The first panel has Betty, smiling broadly, looking down at her daughter. “I love you too, sweetie. With all of my heart.” Panel two should drop all panel borders and background details (so just white space). The groceries are on the ground near Betty’s feet as the hold hands facing one another. Betty says, “Now let’s get inside and get some spaghetti in your belly after all.” The last panel, about half the page, is an over-theshoulder of the crow, perched once again on the “no parking” sign, looking towards the house. The porch is empty of people and the apartment door is closed. FIN
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The Old Crow Script for Pages 1-10 1st Draft Tuesday, July 24, 2007 One Page – Seven Panels PAGE ONE PANEL ONE The opening of the story features an interplay between Li’l Marie, returning home from school, and a neighbourhood crow. So this first panel shows a close-up on the crow’s feet as it perches on the “no parking” sign in front of Marie’s apartment building. Goodly amount of detail on the claws and the lower part of the bird. PANEL TWO We pull back for an over-the-shoulder shot of the crow, strongly in the foreground and still perched on the sign, with Li’l Marie walking towards it and, by extension, us. She’s wearing “coming home from school” clothing (so backpack, jacket, you name it) and is in the middle-ground. At this point, she’s oblivious to the crow and is just walking along, happy to be out of school. The background shouldn’t be full of details, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have a few other kids with bags or backpacks in the background just to better convey the idea that school’s out for the day. PANEL THREE The next panel shows the same shot, but this time Marie is much closer and is now aware of the crow, staring up at it as she stands with her hands on her hips. 1. Marie: Well, hello there, Mr. Crow. PANEL FOUR A close-up on the crow’s face, inscrutable in expression. PANEL FIVE A medium shot of Marie (so waist-up), smiling up at the crow. 2. Marie: Be that way, then, silly.
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PANEL SIX The crow stands on the top of the sign, its wings outstretched, as it readies itself to fly. Good full body shot of the entire bird plus the top of the sign. PANEL SEVEN Marie stands strongly in the foreground, back to the reader, with the crow flying away in the middle ground. It should be basically flying off to the horizon, alone in the sky.
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One Page – Six Panels PAGE TWO PANEL ONE Marie is inside the entranceway of her apartment, taking off her jacket, with the backpack laying at her feet. She’s pretty much at ease, happy to be home and happy to be out of school for the evening. PANEL TWO This should be an establishing shot of the living room. Marie is standing in the door way, in the foreground, backpack in one hand. Probably a back three-quarter view of her. Betty, her mom, is lying on the couch in the middle ground, asleep. We should see enough to know that there are two entrances to the living room. The entrance that Marie is standing near and the far one that leads to the bedrooms and the kitchen. The coffee table is just before Betty and placed on top of it are a number of opened envelopes and other paper (bills) strewn around them. There’s also, though it’ll be hard to give it much detail, an open bottle of medication near the paperwork. The lid is lying close to the bottle. PANEL THREE Close-up on a very groggy Betty. Her eyes are heavy and not super-healthy looking. This is getting closer to the Betty that we’ll later see in the road to god knows… 1. Betty: S-Shouldn’t you be at school, sweetie? PANEL FOUR Medium to close shot on a quizzical Marie, looking at her Mom somewhat oddly. She’s not nervous here, but she is a little confused. 2. Marie: Uh, mom, I’m just getting back…school’s done for the day. PANEL FIVE Betty has propped herself up on the couch, leaning on one arm to get a better look at her daughter. She’s rubbing the other hand thoughtfully behind her neck. 3. Betty: Oh, sorry. I must have fallen asleep for longer then I meant to. Figuring out money stuff always makes me sleepy. PANEL SIX Close-up on Marie, looking worried. 4. Marie: Are you…ok?
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One Page – Five Panels PAGE THREE PANEL ONE Betty is standing in front of the couch near her daughter. Not quite in each other’s personal space, but it would only take a sec to fix that. We should see both of them in this panel, stretching across the top of the page. It would actually help Page 5 if I can establish the far door frame in this panel, too. That way, when Betty appears on that page, it won’t jar the reader all that much. I’ll have to play with it a bit. This is basically a “beat” panel, so they’re kinda of eyeing each other. Marie should be looking away from her Mom, nervous about the situation. PANEL TWO Medium shot of Betty, smiling at her daughter. 1. Betty: Just tired. So, you want some breakfa- oh, um, I mean a snack or something? PANEL THREE Marie is still unsure about all of this and kind of hugs one arm to her body with her other arm. Nice, full-body shot of Marie. 2. Marie: No, I’m not hungry. PANEL FOUR Betty, oblivious to her daughter’s confusion (or perhaps better, why she would be confused) is firing off on all cylinders. Medium shot of the two of them. 3. Betty: Well, I’m going to scoot to the kitchen and start getting supper ready. How does spaghetti sound to you? I’m sure when you start smelling the aromas your belly will start grumbling. PANEL FIVE Marie, feeling much better, smiles at that. Close-up shot on her. 4. Marie: Sure, mom, that would be great.
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One Page – Five Panels PAGE FOUR PANEL ONE This is a very quiet page design-wise. It should echo a bit of what I did in Brawl with Marie falling asleep in the kitchen. So, in the first panel, Marie is sitting on the couch as she begins to watch TV. Her backpack is lying on the couch, near the envelopes and pill bottle. While I’m not hitting the reader over the head with it here, Betty is clearly leaving open medication around. Not that Marie would take it, but it’s a subtle point that does need to be there. PANEL TWO These next few panels show her slowly getting comfortable, lying on a pillow and stretching out. If the TV is shown at all, no dialogue should be coming from it. This panel should show her leaning against the pillow but still sitting up fairly straight, maybe propped up with one elbow. One leg is still up, bent at the knee. PANEL THREE This panel has her more plunked down, but with one knee still bent at the knee. Both hands are behind her head as she watches the TV. PANEL FOUR This one has her totally at rest, both legs stretched out. Her hands are still behind her head and she’s smiling noticeably. PANEL FIVE This last panel should stretch across the bottom of the page. Marie is reacting to the out of panel dialogue (see below). Very clearly startled, she is sitting up and reacting. So hands in mid-air with a “surprise” starburst around her head. She is looking off panel, in the direction of the kitchen. 1. Betty (OP): Damn it!
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One Page – Nine Panels PAGE FIVE PANEL ONE Marie is sitting up straight on the couch, head turned around and looking off panel. Her expression is one of intense nervousness. This should be a full body shot and should echo what was drawn on the previous page (keeping that visual tempo going). PANEL TWO Betty has re-entered the living room and is leaning against the far door frame, forcing a smile. If I’ve established this right on page three, it shouldn’t be confusing. But make sure the table and a few other details are there to try and show clearly where she is. 1. Betty: Look, sweetie, I, um, I forgot that food is a little tight right now. I-I’m just waiting to get a cheque in the mail and it…it hasn’t come in yet. 2. Betty: So, I think…I think we’ll have to make do tonight, ok? Supper won’t be fancy. PANEL THREE Close up on Marie, biting her lower lip. 3. Marie: Sure, that’s ok. PANEL FOUR Medium shot of Betty, smiling a bit more. She was really worried that her daughter might not be happy. But, of course, there’s more going on here then we really see at this point. 4. Betty: Well, we still have some odds and ends. I’ll put something together. It just won’t be spaghetti this time around. A bit more of a ‘Mom’s Special’ instead. 5. Betty: I’ll call you when it’s ready. PANEL FIVE Marie has laid back against the pillow, stretching one leg out with the other one up. She’s partially laying on her side with her left hand propping up her head, back to watching her shows. PANEL SIX Pretty much the same shot as P5, but Marie is looking out of panel towards the kitchen once again. 6. Betty (OP): Marie? 7. Marie: Yeah? 78
PANEL SEVEN Betty is leaning in against the far door frame once again. She’s not smiling at all this time. 8. Betty: Actually, sweetie, I, uh, need to make a quick run to the corner store. I won’t be long. PANEL EIGHT Marie looks up at her, worried. Good close-up shot. 9. Marie: Well, I’ll come with you. PANEL NINE Betty looks nervous about this. 10. Betty: Well, uh, ok then.
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One Page – Three Panels PAGE SIX PANEL ONE This first panel should be reasonably large and dominate the page. Not a full splash but perhaps half the page. Mother and daughter are walking up the street holding hands looking, for all the world to see, like a happy mother and daughter. Their conversation, however, is a little more stilted. The two should be walking towards the reader with a goodly number of “neighbourhood details” present to help ground the panel. I’m kinda debating between one point and two point perspective here. One point would be more dramatic and give the story a bit of a visual connection between the other two stories. But I’ll thumbnail it out and see. 1. Betty: Did you have a good day at school today? 2. Marie: Yeah, it was ok. Kelly and I hung out at lunch. I’m thinking of going to her place on Saturday if that’s ok. PANEL TWO Close up on Betty, looking a little haggard. 3. Betty: Sure, sweetie, that’s fine. 4. Betty: Oh, wait, aren’t you seeing your dad this weekend? PANEL THREE Pull back to the two of them, still walking, with Marie looking quizzically at her Mom. 5. Marie: No, that’ll be next weekend, Mom. I just saw him on Sunday. 6. Betty: Oh, right, of course. Sorry, sweetie, I’ve got a headache and it’s making thinking a little hard.” 7. Marie: Oh.
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One Page – Six Panels PAGE SEVEN PANEL ONE The two are standing near the entrance of a little corner store, the same one we’ll later see in the road to god knows… The panel should be wide enough to see the wise sign above the door, “Sam’s Grocery.” It’s a nice little connecting point that establishes that these stories are taking place in the same world. 1. Betty: You go browse and I’ll pick up a few odds and ends. PANEL TWO Inside, we see Marie standing in front of the magazine rack while her Mom is in the background, partially obscured by a rack of potato chips. Marie is busy flipping through a magazine, though we shouldn’t see much of what’s caught her eye. PANEL THREE Cut to her Mom standing in front of the cashier with the makings of a spaghetti dinner on the counter in front of her (so pasta, can of tomato sauce, a few vegetables, etc…). An older man, smiling pleasantly, is the cashier. Design-wise, he should be clean-shaven and balding. No glasses, but heavy-set and wearing a “Sam’s Grocery” button up long-sleeved shirt. 2. Cashier: That’ll be $8.67, Betty. PANEL FOUR Marie is holding her magazine but watching, off panel, the exchange between her Mom and the clerk. PANEL FIVE These next few panels should all be from Marie’s point of view as she watches the transaction develop. So, for each panel, Marie is solidly in the foreground with the exchange going on in the mid-ground. Her back is to the reader, so we’re basically watching her watching them. With this one, Betty is leaning in towards the cashier, perhaps even standing on the balls of her feet, conspiratorially. 3. Betty: I, uh, was hoping I could put this on my tab, Mike. I’m just waiting for my cheque but it hasn’t come in yet. PANEL SIX This is pretty much the same shot as the previous panel. 4. Cashier: Well, Betty, you’ve already got a few things on it. 81
One Page – Five Panels PAGE EIGHT PANEL ONE Still going with “the Marie in the foreground design” here. Betty is rubbing one hand over her mouth and chin as she tries to plead with Mike. 1. Betty: I know, but this will be the last time. I promise. PANEL TWO Once again we have a similar set-up as above. This time, though, Mike is looking over at Marie (so basically right at the reader). 2. Cashier: Ok, this time. 3. Cashier: But I need you to clear that tab as soon as you can. PANEL THREE Same set-up. Betty has clasped both hands in front of her and is bending her knees a touch. She is quite happy. Maybe some action lines around her just to convey her expression. 4. Betty: Oh, thanks Mike, that’s great. PANEL FOUR This is a close-up on a smiling Betty as she looks off panel towards her daughter. This breaks the Marie/foreground design element, too. 5. Betty: Time to go, sweetie. PANEL FIVE Extreme close-up on Marie’s eyes, looking very worried.
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One Page – Seven Panels PAGE NINE PANEL ONE Betty and Marie are now back on the street, walking home holding hands. Back shot of the two of them as they wander back home. Overhead, the crow from page one is circling. PANEL TWO Thin panel that is a close-up on the crow. PANEL THREE Tight shot of Marie, looking up, as she spots the crow. She’s smiling in recognition. ‘Course, this could be a different crow, but in her mind it’s the same guy. PANEL FOUR We pull back to see the two of them, mother and daughter, in front of their apartment building. Betty is already up a few steps while Marie has stopped at the bottom, one foot on the first step, while she looks over her shoulder at the crow. The two are still holding hands so there’s a bit of stretching here. Betty is looking ahead and hasn’t noticed her daughter’s hesitation. PANEL FIVE Medium shot of Marie, half-turned towards the street as she watches the sky. She is waving a small, quiet goodbye to the bird. Betty is in the background, her back to us, still not noticing. PANEL SIX Both of them stand at the top of the stairs. Betty is standing near the door to their apartment with her daughter a step or two behind her. This should be a low shot with the “camera” in one corner of the patio. I want to be able to see the two of them here in a front three-quarter view. PANEL SEVEN Close-up on Marie. She’s smiling, gently. 1. Marie: I love you, mommy.
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One Page – Three Panels PAGE TEN PANEL ONE Betty has turned away from the door and is looking down at her daughter, smiling broadly. 1. Betty: I love you too, sweetie. With all of my heart. PANEL TWO This panel should have no borders or background details. Just Marie and Betty with white negative space around them. The groceries are on the ground near Betty’s feet. The two are facing one another. with Betty glasping her daughter’s hands in both of hers. She’s leaning towards Marie, knees bent, but still somewhat above her. Both are smiling broadly. 2. Betty: Now let’s get inside and get some supper going. I managed to get the fixings after all, so lets go get some spaghetti in your belly. 3. Marie: You bet!
PANEL THREE This last panel, about half the page, is an over-the-shoulder shot of the crow, perched once again on the “no parking” sign, looking towards the house. The porch is empty of people and the apartment door is closed. FIN
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About Von Von Allan was born red-headed and freckled in Arnprior, Ontario, just in time for Star Wars: A New Hope. The single child of two loving but troubled parents, Von split most of his childhood between their two homes and, consequently, spent a lot of time in the worlds of comics and wrestling. And, to be perfectly honest, what comics and piledrivers didn't teach him, science fiction did. He managed a small independent bookstore in Ottawa, Ontario for many years, all the while working on story ideas in his spare time-- eventually, he decided to make the leap to a creative life, and the road to god knows…, an original graphic novel, was the result. Von currently lives in Ottawa, Canada, with his writer/editor geek wife, Moggy; a husky dog, Rowen; and two feisty cats, Bonny and Reilly. Von loves to hear from people who’ve read and (hopefully!) enjoyed his work. Feel free to write him at
[email protected]. Both Moggy and Von update their blog quite regularly at http://vonandmoggy.livejournal.com. Last but not least, Von’s website is at http://www.vonallan.com and is the best place to go for updates, art, essays and the like. If you’ve enjoyed this Ebook, a hard copy can be purchased online at Amazon.com. The link is: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0978123719/ref=nosim?tag=vonallstu-20
Von’s next graphic novel is tentatively titled Stargazer and will begin serialization in the fall of 2008. Concept and production art and other sketches and watercolour paintings for the story can be found at http://www.vonallan.com/comics/stargazer/stargazerconcept.html
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