Inside Daniel

Inside Out 2: Inside Daniel Treva Harte www.loose-id.com Inside Out 2: Inside Daniel Copyright © June 2011 by Trev...

Author: Harte Treva

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Inside Out 2:

Inside Daniel

Treva Harte

www.loose-id.com

Inside Out 2: Inside Daniel Copyright © June 2011 by Treva Harte All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this e-book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without prior written permission from Loose Id LLC. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions. eISBN 978-1-60737-998-0 Editor: Venessa Giunta Cover Artist: P. L. Nunn Printed in the United States of America

Published by Loose Id LLC PO Box 425960 San Francisco CA 94142-5960 www.loose-id.com This e-book is a work of fiction. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Chapter One “What did you say?” My hand was on someone else’s hardening cock, and my cock was bumping against the crack of that someone else’s ass. Yeah. My brain hadn’t fully caught up with my body, but my cock was hoping to get lucky. In other words, I was waking up with someone in my bed. I wasn’t actually processing anything but warm body until he spoke. But the confusion in his voice sped up my thoughts. “Huh?” I said it very distinctly. Good job, Daniel. Soon I’d be able to do an actual word. “You said something I didn’t understand.” When the guy you’ve slept with all night says that, it usually triggers alarm bells. Especially when you have no clue what you muttered. I opened my eyes to a sexy young guy who was staring back at me. My sleepy brain cleared slightly. This guy wasn’t a hit and run. Hell no. Max. Looking at him made me want to keep my eyes open so I could see more. It also made me want that body of his back again, tight against me. “What’d I say?” Max sighed and wiggled so his ass wasn’t as temptingly near. Damn it, even when I was wide awake—which was starting to happen—I wasn’t the smoothest talker. But this time it looked like I had messed up a chance for a morning quickie. Damn it. “Not helpful, Daniel. It sounded like bona—bueno…Matt something. Caress.”

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Something about Matt? What the hell? More faint alarm warnings tickled my nerves. Then the light bulb went on. “Italian? I was speaking in Italian?” “I guess.” “Buona mattina, carissimo.” I sucked in my breath. “What does it mean?” No way in hell was I going to tell him exactly. It was too embarrassing to admit in English. At least first thing in the morning. I cleared my throat and tried to clear my head. “It means good morning and where the hell is the coffee?” “I guess Italian is a true romance language. It sounded prettier the way you said it first.” Max stretched and scratched his balls. “You spoke in Italian a lot more when you were a teenager.” I didn’t like to remember how awkward I’d been. Back then I was too big, too clumsy, and liable to lapse into my grandparents’ language of choice whenever I felt too big and clumsy. Rather than talk, I leaned over and bit the tendon of Max’s shoulder. I knew what that did to him. He shuddered and sank back into the bed, facing me, but with his ass lifted up, his knees braced against his chest to give me a better look. I didn’t even think about what I was doing when I smacked that tempting ass. But Max’s reaction was a sight to behold. His cock stiffened so fast it was a wonder it didn’t get whiplash. Apparently he liked that. A lot. Good to know. My quickie had been rescued. From habit my hand fell on the lube and the condom in the drawer. I was suited and pushing into that tight little hole of his before my next breath. I shut my eyes again, but this was just to enjoy the sensations more. I’d take it slow. Jesus, it felt good. Every time I pushed in, I remembered I was the only one who’d been

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there, the only one to feel this heat and to hear the little gasps Max made when I moved. The only one to dig my fingers into his skin and begin to ride him, to watch him buck and grab for the sheets below me…to watch him move against the bed as the tempo of our bodies began to pick up speed. To gasp and fill him completely and then watch as his mouth opened while he groaned and clenched and his body tightened. To know he was starting to come under me, moving and groaning, grinding against me. To have the squeeze of his ass push me into coming, make me shudder too. To hear him give that last whimpering groan and shoot cum, spattering over us both. I fell next to him and laid my forehead against his heated, sweaty skin while we panted together. Fuck. It had been faster than I wanted but still very, very good. “And good morning to you, lover,” Max said, his voice almost back to normal. I jerked in surprise. He’d come close to what I’d actually said in Italian. That momentary lapse was just long enough for Max to get free of my arms and the tangle of bed covers. Max twisted himself out of bed with some kind of wriggling hop that only he could do. He grinned at me. I looked at that untidy hair and that smile and wished to God I’d managed to keep him back in bed with me even if I wasn’t sure I had anything left to fuck with. “I’ll scramble eggs. I’m starving! You got any cheese?” “I bought extra for you yesterday. Figured you’d want some.” Feeding Max was expensive. Of course, since I’d started sleeping with him, I wasn’t out at bars as much trying to get drunk and laid. Trying to get laid? Jesus, nowadays I wouldn’t be able to have more sex even if I wanted to. The kid drained me whenever he was around. So it probably all evened out. Less beer away from home, more feeding and fucking Max at home.

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I propped myself up on one elbow to watch him pad around naked. My Max was tall and dark blond and impossibly young. He also had a hell of a nice ass—one that had the unmistakable smear of my mark on it. Very nasty. Very sexy. He grinned at me again when he saw where I was looking and walked over to get a washcloth. I swallowed. Who was I trying to kid? Giving him breakfast didn’t count as a problem. Max was worth anything I had to give. Anything, as long as he wanted to stick around. I swung myself out of bed and winced when my foot hit the floor. Staying in bed with Max was always the best. Sometimes me and the ground didn’t connect so well once I was out of bed. I rubbed my leg. It was an old wound, one I should be used to. But sometimes it still surprised me that I couldn’t be the old Daniel. Max was humming and doing some weird hip-hop move as he headed for the kitchen. Or maybe it was just Max being Max. He was always crackling with energy. “Hey, Daniel!” I grunted. A weekend shift at the ER followed by sex with a newly returned Max could take it out of you. And I needed coffee bad. “Daniel! Daniel, hey!” “Yeah?” Max wasn’t about to let up until I responded. We both knew it. “Next month is summer vacation.” “Must be nice to have one.” I decided I better have coffee before I said anything more. From the way Max stiffened, I must’ve said the wrong thing, and I wasn’t even sure what it was. I started the coffeemaker up and listened to the buzz of Max chattering in the background. Something about summer and dorm and jobs. Max always had about fifty words for my one. I’d put my one word in after the caffeine hit me.


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When it was finally ready and I poured myself the first cup—black because I didn’t have time to wait—I suddenly realized there was no Max buzz in the kitchen. Silence was usually bad. “What?” I looked up from my first sip of coffee. Max was staring at me like I’d told him I was an ax murderer. “What?” “Nothing.” Max bit off the words. Moody fucker. It was something and he wasn’t going to tell me. I took another sip and tried to reconstruct what Max had been saying. “…if I got a job in Richmond over the summer, I’d have to pay for a dorm or some place to live…” Check. “…I think I can get a better job here than waiting tables because, face it, I suck at waiting tables. I’d have to pay for so many broken dishes that I’d never make enough to swing expenses for next year…” Check. That made sense. Max was a klutz. “…of course staying with Mom and Dad if I’m here isn’t the ideal, but unless I had a roommate, I couldn’t make any money staying anywhere else…” Oh. Oh hell. I was an idiot. “Max, you want to stay with me over the summer?” Max’s face lit up. “I’d love to stay with you over the summer! I thought you’d never pick up the hint, Daniel. Shit. You’d think you didn’t want me to stick around.” I didn’t have the heart to say that it had been a question, not an invitation. Because although I’d love to have him stay, I wasn’t so sure Max as my roomie was such a great idea. In fact if I didn’t love sex with him and, well, love him, it would be the worst idea ever.

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I sighed into my coffee cup and hoped Max didn’t hear. Maybe it was a bad idea especially because I loved him. I wasn’t the best company anyhow, but last night had really kicked my ass. I’d been exhausted and not too happy when I was told I needed to go to HR after my last shift. I only worked weekends, but that was because my leg told me that was as much as I could handle. The extra shift I pulled, taking me into Monday morning, had cost me some lost Max time and whatever stamina I had. HR hadn’t made me feel any happier. After we sorted through the director’s opening crap and got to what he was being paid to say, I realized my job wasn’t looking too solid. Part-time positions were always the ones they cut first. It wasn’t personal, and they certainly didn’t want me to go. I should consider trying for a fulltime administrative position—one at a desk—in one of the other departments. Yeah, yeah. Like it was easy for me to find something else that would work. I needed to make money, I hated doing paperwork, and I had to keep off the damned leg. For all his nice words and his careful tap dancing—I knew no one wanted to say they’d fire a disabled vet—he was out to make it impossible for me to work at the hospital. It had taken me long enough to find my current job. Being an ER tech part-time wasn’t perfect, but I’d known I could do it. So I didn’t know how long I’d have an apartment to share with Max. But I didn’t want to tell him that. He’d be upset and helpful—and pushy. I’d probably snarl and retreat. I could see the scene played out in my head, including the part where Max finally figured out I wasn’t worth the effort and let me go. I sucked down the last of my coffee, sorry I was more awake.

*** All right, Daniel. What? What? Now what did I do? I mean, I could guess. I’d pushed too hard, misread something, or said something wrong. It was only what I’ve done with people all my life. But what had made Daniel’s face change from smiling to stunned when I said yes?


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What the hell was wrong with saying yes to staying with the man you loved? Right now I was away from him at school at least four days a week—and I’d switched my class schedule plenty once I realized I wanted as much time as I could spend with a man who lived a hundred miles away and worked weekends. Three days hardly seemed enough to hang with Daniel. A whole long, lovely, sweaty-hot summer with him had sounded perfect this morning when I decided to announce my plan. When was I going to learn that I couldn’t plan things for Daniel? I cracked the egg a little too forcefully into the skillet and had to fish out eggshell. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. And what the hell was wrong with having me here? Maybe he didn’t like having my stuff around. I could get a little messy. But I’d clean up if he wanted. Hell, he wasn’t the tidiest guy in the world after he worked a few all-night shifts, even when he cleaned up later. But did I complain when I arrived and fell over shoes in the middle of the floor? Did I— “Are you sure you want to be with me that long?” Daniel’s voice cut into my black thoughts. “Are you kidding?” I asked before I realized he probably wasn’t. Stupid asshole. He still thought I was going to walk, which also meant he still thought I was too young for him or he was too old for me. That I was too flighty or he was too boring. That we weren’t going to be together for the long term, even though he loved me. He still didn’t believe I could love him. I sat down and watched Daniel eat scrambled eggs. I shoved a few bites in my mouth too, but mostly I scowled at him. He didn’t seem to get the message as he finished off his second cup of coffee. “What are you planning for today?” he asked, finally. I had no idea if he meant with him or without him.

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But I needed a plan. It was all very well to say I could get a better job around DC than Richmond—it even sounded logical—but I’d been having zero luck so far, maybe because I spent a lot more time with Daniel than trying to shake out something for the summer. A month before summer vacation was cutting it damn thin, even for me. “I’ll probably be working on some interviews this afternoon,” I said. Or at least filling out job applications everywhere I could think of. “But nothing else for a few hours. What about you?” “I don’t know.” Daniel looked lost for a minute as he glanced around his apartment and rubbed his thigh. “I—um—might be out of it for a little bit more. I need to take some painkillers.” Of course. It was the morning after his weekend shift. I kept hoping things would get better for him, but they never did. No wonder he seemed out of it this morning. By the time his work was done, he was usually pushed to the edge with exhaustion and pain. Sometimes it seemed like he was pushed beyond the edge. “How about I run some wash, and you do what you need to do?” I’d show I could be independent and helpful. The perfect roomie. Lover. Whatever he wanted, damn it, as long as I was with him. “I might—” Daniel pushed himself up from the chair. “Maybe I’ll go out once my head clears, grab some drinks, and talk to Tanya tonight.” Lovely. I was underage for alcohol, and Daniel made sure everyone knew I was whenever we went out. Going to a bar with him did wonders for my social life. Did he expect me to not go? And who the hell was— “Tanya? Matt’s Tanya?” Daniel smiled one of those smiles that weren’t. “Not anymore. At least she shouldn’t be.” I sighed. Sometimes Daniel said even less with his few words than usual. Yes or no would have worked fine. What was going on with Tanya? I tried again and deliberately slowed my words. “Let’s try this again. I mean Tanya. Tanya, who used


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to be my brother Matt’s girlfriend a long time ago? Like when you were in high school with them? Is that who you’re talking about?” Damn it. It had been a long time since they were in high school, but sometimes it didn’t seem that way. Daniel ignored my snotty attitude and simply said, “Yeah. She tends bar on the side. She’s one of the managers at the bar too.” I’d always liked Tanya. Unlike a lot of Matt’s previous girls, Tanya talked to me when I was a not-quite-teenager and seemed okay with me talking back. I knew my parents had liked her too. And God, so had Matt. You could see it from how he looked at her. How he touched her as if he couldn’t keep his hands away from her hair or skin. I glanced over at Daniel, who was still clutching the table, staring down at his leg as if he was willing it to start walking. Daniel looked at me and touched me…sometimes. “Maybe I’ll go say hey to Tanya too. It’s been a long time since I have.” Ever since Matt’s funeral. Strange how I hadn’t expected people like Tanya to disappear from my teenage years along with Matt. But everything had been a black hole then, and how much I’d missed her hadn’t even registered until now. Was it better that I was over the worst of missing Matt? Over it enough to realize how many other people I’d missed who’d been part of my brother’s life? Strange that Daniel, the original hermit, had managed to hang on to Tanya all this time. I thought they hadn’t even liked each other in high school. Who would’ve thought? “Go pop your pills, and I’ll talk with you tonight then. And with Tanya.” I was looking forward to it. “Max.” “Yeah?” “I love you.” He looked faintly surprised by his own words.

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There’s only one good answer when the guy you love looks surprised that he loves you. I leaned over and shoved my tongue down his throat. For a moment I sank down right into Daniel’s orbit, pulled toward him, wanting his strength, wanting him to fuck me again, wanting more. Then I pushed away and said, “I know.” I did. Some days were better than others; that was all. I wanted to keep this a better day. If I said I love you back, he’d look even more surprised, and then I’d get pissed, and then he’d get worried. I figured I’d avoid that whole problem today and just enjoy. If I didn’t say more now, even if it killed me not to say more, I wouldn’t spook him. And his “I love you” should keep me going until tonight. Daniel at night was a whole different story. He was much better with actions than words. And when he was rested, he was really, really excellent with action. I’d check out the Help Wanted section while I did the laundry, because I was damned if I was going to miss out on being with Daniel whenever I could. If that meant getting any kind of crap-ass job here I could find, so be it.


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Chapter Two “Hey there. Look at what the cat dragged in.” Tanya slid a beer over to me without a glance my way and beamed at Max. Max beamed right back. “Coke for you, Max?” “I didn’t know if you’d remember me,” Max said. Tanya made a rude noise somewhere between a raspberry and a snort and then said, “I remember you’re only old enough for a soda, kid.” “Damn memory. Yeah, a Coke would be all right.” Max leaned over the bar and kissed her cheek. “You look good.” Damn, Max could charm people when he tried. I’d have never thought to say that to Tanya. I looked at her carefully. I guess she probably did look pretty good. She was still as tiny as she’d been six years ago, still had a sweep of glossy dark hair she tucked behind her ears. Not much had changed about her since high school, except for the tension around her eyes and mouth. “She looks older than when you knew her,” I said anyhow before I took my first swallow of beer and then ducked the swipe Tanya aimed at me. Because, you know, I don’t charm people. Never could. “I’m your age, jerk, and I look a lot better than you.” Tanya handed Max a glass. “So what brings you to the bar, Max? I can hardly believe you’re really here.” “Well, Daniel brought me. But he got me here by telling me you’d be around. I’m really, really glad to see you again.” Tanya gave me a long, assessing stare. I tried not to squirm. One of the reasons we’d never gotten along in high school was she always knew way too much about me. Shit even my best friend didn’t suspect. She was psychic or something,

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because I’d have bitten my tongue off rather than tell her some of the things she just knew—and talked about. “Being happy to see me I can believe. Voluntarily hanging out with the grump here is what I’m having problems with.” I growled a little. Tanya grinned. “At least I didn’t say gimp.” I snorted and hid my face in my beer mug to conceal the smile. Max was the one who laughed out loud. “You two are still fighting? This is like old times. Any minute I’ll see Matt showing up and telling you to knock it off—” Max’s voice caught as he realized what he’d said. Tanya swallowed hard. To give her time to recover, I cleared my throat and said, “She doesn’t fight nearly as mean as she used to.” Tanya made one of those rude noises again. Then she hauled herself onto the bar and, ignoring the stares of the one other customer nearby, scooted over to the edge so she could lean over and hug him. If I cared, I could’ve gotten a really good look at her ass in a suddenly very short skirt. She said, “It’s really, really good to see you. What are you doing away from college?” At the same moment Max said, “I’m with Daniel. I’m going to be living with him this summer.” Tanya froze, still holding Max, and stared over at me. I stared back, hoping to God I didn’t look nearly as guilty or panicked as I felt. “Oh really? As in boyfriend living with him?” she asked, very carefully, as she eased back. Max swallowed and nodded, rapping his fingers against the glass and looking down, then back up again a little too fast. He still had a few issues with telling


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people he knew that he was gay. Or maybe now the issues were with telling people he was with me. My own palms got a little sweaty. God, I hoped the issues weren’t with telling people it was me. “Isn’t he a little young for you, Danny?” Tanya knew I hated to be called Danny. “You have a problem with his age?” I could hear my badass tone creeping in. I might have problems with Max and how young he was, but damned if I wanted anyone else’s comments. “Nope. Max is the perfect age to be a little reckless.” She wasn’t pretending to joke with me now. Max tensed next to me. “So it’s my age you have a problem with.” I knew I shouldn’t push the issue. Not here. Not with Tanya. But she always pressed my buttons and knew it. “Too bad. Max doesn’t have a problem, and he’s the one who gets the deciding vote here.” It was like she forced herself to smile. “You’re right, of course. But you’re a damn lucky bastard, Daniel.” As long as she didn’t outline for Max just why she thought so, I could leave it. That should show Max how mature the two of us were now. We could actually back off from a fight. “I know it.” I got the last of my beer down and said, “Another one, Tanya? I thought we’d just hang out here for a bit. Do the usual. And I know you two want to talk.” “While you want to drink.” Tanya slid another one over. “More than I want to talk.” I leaned back and let the games begin. Tanya was maybe the only person I knew who could give Max some competition for the Chatter Championship. Max gestured wildly, all animated, as they went at it. Jesus, they talked. It must have been for over an hour. I learned more about my—our—high school

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teachers, Max’s parents, and Tanya’s failed romances than I’d ever known in my life. “Hey, Daniel, guess what!” Tanya turned to me in the middle of their chatter, all flushed and happy, animosity forgotten with the joy of a good gabfest. “You won the lottery.” “I wish. This is almost as amazing, though. Do you remember Tom?” I began to shake my head. She persisted. “Tommy Ambrosini. A year behind us in school? Receiver.” Tommy. “Oh shit. Sure. Good hands. Fast legs. Lucky there’s more than one receiver on the field, or I might’ve had to worry about my position.” “Sure. You can try being modest, but it wouldn’t fly. You and Matt were the perfect combo out there, and everyone knows it. Although Tommy was damned good. Made all-state in his senior year.” Neither of us bothered to point out that Matt and I had made all-state for two years in a row. I figured I wouldn’t also explain that I actually had met up with Tom outside of high school. “So? What about Tommy?” “He’s back in town. Stopped by the bar a few nights ago. Asked about you.” I hadn’t known he was back. Then again, I hadn’t seen him for two years or more. Not since I’d been shipped back home. “If he hangs out here, we’ll probably meet up again sometime.” Although if it happened with Max sitting right next to me and Tanya standing across the bar, I wasn’t so sure I wanted that particular high school reunion. It could get a little…awkward. I didn’t want to skip going to my favorite local watering hole for a few weeks, but I just might until I figured out how to handle that scenario. “If we don’t, tell him hey if you see him again.” “I remember him.” Max put his hand on my thigh. “If Daniel hadn’t taken up all my adolescent fantasies, Tommy definitely would’ve.”


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I sat up straight. Fuck that. I was not competing with Tom Ambrosini. “Why don’t we head back, and I’ll give you some new fantasies to try?” I covered his hand and held it in place for a second. I wouldn’t have minded him sliding his hand up my thigh, the way I suspected he meant to do, but this was where Tanya worked. We didn’t need another scene like the last time we tried something like that in a bar. I’d already promised myself I wasn’t going to ever risk Max’s life in a fight again. “Let me head to the bathroom so you can have that private conversation I know Tanya is itching for. But when I get back, I’m totally down with trying out some fantasies.” Max winked at Tanya and got off the bar stool. Leaving me alone, defenseless, and face-to-face with Tanya. I swallowed. I’d been a soldier and faced hostile fire before. I could do this. “All right, girl. Bring it.” She didn’t even pause. “What the hell are you doing with little Max?” Offense rather than defense was my usual style. “Screwing the brains out of him every chance I get. What else would I be doing with him?” I thought she might haul off and slug me. Instead she took a long, deep breath, checked to see we didn’t have any other people listening in—thank God for slow weeknights—and leaned over to say, “I don’t care about your fucking sex life as long as your partner is of age.” She stopped, and I could almost see her trying to remember Max’s birthday. “Even if it is just barely. What are you doing with him?” “He’s almost twenty, which only makes him six years younger. Kinda,” I muttered defensively and caught myself. “I’m not going to hurt him, Tanya. You were the one who told me that I was happy once I met him.” “I didn’t know it was Max making you happy.” Tanya slapped her hands down on the bar. “You’re not using him as a substitute for Matt, are you? Because that’s just…just…” “Sick? Wrong? Perverted?”

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“Yes, damn it. All of those words.” Funny how it was almost as hard for me to say this as it was for Max to tell people he was gay. “It’s not like that. I…I…care about him. A lot.” “I care about him too. Anyone who loved Matt would care about Max. That doesn’t mean everyone who loved Matt should sleep with Matt’s baby brother.” Good old Tanya. Always ready to drag out the dirty laundry and lay it out for everyone to see. Heat washed over me at the thought. “They fucking better not. He’s mine.” I pushed the jealous anger down with an effort. “Does he know—” Tanya hesitated. For once she wasn’t going to say everything out loud. Thank God. “No. I won’t tell him. I can’t.” We stared at each other. She looked as torn as I did. “I promised I wouldn’t.” Tanya sighed. “I suppose that means I can’t either. But do you think that’s fair?” “No. I know it isn’t.” The twist of guilt was getting much too familiar. “But it’s what I have to do.”

What don’t I know? I wasn’t eavesdropping. I swear I wasn’t. It was totally not my fault that the bathroom was around the corner and there had been a sudden lull in the background music and bar noise. I could hear their voices as clearly as if I’d been sitting right next to Daniel. I’d left so I could show how adult I was and that I could let them have that all important talk, but I hadn’t planned on hearing just enough of it to make me twitchy. Fuck. What the hell didn’t I know? And how should I act once I faced them? I wasn’t sure I could do cool. I don’t think I’d ever done cool in my life.


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Well, no time like now to give it a try. I walked around the corner to the bar and tapped Daniel on the shoulder. He jumped. Wonderful. The man usually had the hearing of a comic superhero, but this time he’d tuned out my arrival. That meant the entire conversation had been as intense as I’d feared. I was afraid to look at Tanya. And Daniel was avoiding looking at me. I could see a great evening stretching out ahead. “Maybe we should get started on our fantasy evening.” I put all my acting skill into sounding cheerful and unconcerned. I might have overdone the acting. Tanya and Daniel both stared at me like I might be on crack. “Yo! Rocco!” That was one deep voice. This time we all jumped. “Tanya said I might catch up with you here.” I looked over my shoulder. The voice belonged to a tall, built guy with closecropped dark hair. Nice. He also seemed familiar. Damn! Of course. He’d changed some in the past few years, but he was still worth a look or two. I maybe would’ve looked even more than that if I didn’t belong with Daniel. “Tom. Hey.” If it was possible, Daniel looked even less happy than before. Tom didn’t seem to mind. He gripped Daniel by the shoulder. “Good to see you.” He looked over at Tanya. Then at me. “And the rest of you. Who is the kid— Max? Shit, it’s Max Richards. Damn, you’ve filled out.” He smacked my shoulder, and I almost winced. Some guys didn’t know their own strength. “Careful when you touch him.” Daniel’s voice lowered into what some might construe to be a growl. “Will he break?” Tom grinned at us both. Tom’s grin broadened, but I felt a little panic start to form at the bottom of my throat, tightening up my vocal chords. No one else looked upset, but Daniel didn’t sound like he was kidding. I hadn’t seen Daniel in a black rage in a long time, but I

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didn’t want to ever see it again. The last guy he got mad at had ended up beaten to the ground. It was lucky for Daniel that I loved him, or I’d have been driving him to a counselor instead of hoping he’d drive us back to his place. Seriously, I’d have said a little anger management would have helped my guy, except that Daniel usually had such a tight hold on his emotions that nothing, good or bad, got through. But when it did, somebody had a big problem. Even though Daniel didn’t say anything more, Tom looked like he understood. “Gotcha. Hands off the kid.” But then he winked at me anyhow. “I can see why.” What the hell? There had never been any hints that Tom was gay in high school. Of course, even though he hung out with Matt and Daniel, I didn’t know him that well. He had been like most of the jocks—uninterested in anyone who wasn’t part of his crowd. “What’ll you have to drink?” Tanya moved behind the bar, clearly ready for business to go on. “Whatever Daniel’s having. He has good taste.” Tom sat down knee to knee with Daniel. I had to edge back on the other side before I got crushed. They were big guys, and your space could get a little crowded with them in the room. But even so, he didn’t have to be that close to my guy. I had the distinct impression Tom didn’t give a crap about what I liked or didn’t, just like in the old days. On the other hand, if he was moving in on Daniel and not me—weird as either possibility seemed—I was a lot less likely to beat the shit out of him than Daniel was. Not that I didn’t want to, but I knew what my limits were. Pounding ex-football players was way outside those limits. Besides, I was taking my Adderall faithfully nowadays. Being less hyper, you know, thinking first and not being impulsive. Oh, fuck that. The little crazy in me grabbed me by the throat and forced the words out. “Listen, Tom, I’m not as big as Daniel, and I may not be able to beat your face in, but just in case you’re planning to come on to Daniel, I’ll make you sorry.”


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It wasn’t exactly flattering to have three people stare at me in disbelief. I crossed my arms while I tried a threat face and hoped to God he wouldn’t ask me for details. “How?” Damn it. Tom sounded genuinely curious. I wasn’t sure if I should be glad he wasn’t going to throw me across the bar or annoyed that he didn’t feel the need. I uncrossed my arms to buy some time. “I’ll sic Tanya on you. You don’t want to get the best bartender in town pissed at you.” With that all three of the fuckers laughed. All right, so I couldn’t think up a really macho threat on the spur of the moment. They didn’t have to laugh. “Bring her on.” Tom’s face softened for a moment when he looked at my brother’s former girlfriend. “I’d be happy to take anything she wants to dish out.” He picked up her hand and kissed it. Tanya actually blushed. God damn it. Was this guy gay or straight or just ready to flirt with anyone who crossed his path? Daniel stood up, the former tension completely gone after his little chuckle at my expense. “I don’t think you mean that. She can make your life a living hell. I’ll see you around, Ambrosini.” He hesitated and then added, “Things all right with you now that you’re out?” Tom shrugged. “I get by. Going back to school, looking for full-time work. My intern job is interesting, but I need something permanent. Mostly I’m staying steady. You know.” “Yeah. Understood.” The two of them looked at each other and didn’t say anything else. I scowled. It was just a look, but I could tell what was going on. Well, I could tell enough to know that there was yet another damn person Daniel shared some bond with while I was shut out. I hated that, and I was damned well going to make things different.

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God, I was so ready to go back to the apartment and have Daniel bang me. Or maybe bang him. And I wasn’t going to let him back off on having him keep me for the next few months. I needed this summer with him to ward off all those past secrets and lives that he’d had with other people. We were going to have our own life together, our own secrets. We were going to look at each other and understand what the other one was thinking when no one else did.


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Chapter Three Max was almost vibrating with tension again. I’d had enough awake time and enough beer to be amused and more than ready to fuck the tension right out of him. I hid my smile since I had the feeling he wouldn’t be smiling back if he knew how I felt right now. It was funny to see Max protecting his territory as if he needed to worry. And actually I was amused but flattered he was willing to tell someone to back off if they got too close to me. Being with him was good. Most of the time it was so easy with Max. Tanya and now Tom—they’d brought back old problems and old guilt when I least expected it. Somehow it all washed away when Max grabbed my hand and we headed for home. And yeah, maybe I should’ve felt guiltier that I was with Matt’s baby brother, but Max was so…so fresh and young when he got enthusiastic. Right now I felt too good to feel guilty. Everything was an adventure for Max, something new to explore. I wanted to share some of that shiny new adventure with him. That was the best thing about Max. We had a past together, but if I focused on what he remembered about me, I saw a good history, something we could build on. He remembered the best things about me. He made me think there could be a lot to look forward to. And when I remembered what Max had been like? Well, Max had always been a mix of pain in the ass and wild child. He’d made me laugh long before I’d ever considered jumping him. Even now I could feel the tension loosening from my neck and my gimpy leg while I watched him leaping up the apartment stairs like a puppy, ready to do that something new. Ready to do me.

Treva Harte

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Perfect. Max could put all that wild child-ass pain to the best kind of use—in bed. He was obviously wound up about something and needed to have it worked out of his system. I was the man for that. But when I walked into my apartment, I got a surprise. Once Max shut the door, he said, “We need to fuck, and we need to talk. You pick which comes first.” I tensed. Was this some kind of trick? I’m a guy, for God’s sake. I wanted to hold on to the feel-good time. “Um…fuck.” What was going to happen after fucking worried me for a half second. But Max is a guy too. He began to unbutton my shirt without another word, and I forgot to worry. Max looks like a cute bottom. He is a cute bottom. Except when he’s worked up enough to top. Whatever the hell had happened to him while we were at the bar— and I knew he couldn’t have figured out what had actually happened—had turned him aggressive. He bit my shoulder. I yelped, and my legs shook. So it would be like that tonight. Hell, if he wanted to mark his territory, that was fine with me. He pulled at my left nipple with his teeth, just enough to make me wonder if he was going to be rough. I staggered back to the couch, planted myself facedown, and spread my legs without a word. This was a definite change of mood. But a good change. I could already feel my blood pumping with a mix of lust and a little apprehension. You just never knew about Max. “Whatever you want, baby,” I whispered past the lump in my throat. “I’m not that young. Don’t call me that,” Max snapped and crawled on top of me. He ground his cock against my ass, and I gasped. He smacked my ass and I got on my knees. “Whatever…you want. Max.” What he wanted to do was bite, to make me writhe, and claw, to make me jerk, as he shoved his cock against me and jerked me off in a fast, then faster yet tempo until the two of us were rocking the furniture and groaning and sweating.


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Oh fuck. I liked calling the shots. I liked showing Max…but when he decided to show me, that was—Oh fuck, that was fine too. Really fine. I looked over my shoulder at him, his hair in his eyes, his lips firmed tightly together. His cock ramming the space between my ass cheeks. So close. So close. “Who owns your goddamned cock?” Max growled the words in my ear and grabbed my balls, gripping and loosening them as I gyrated under his hand. I could feel the cum gathering strength, ready to spew. Anyone else, any other time, I would have laughed at the question. But not when Max was like this. Not when I was. “You, bab—Max. You.” “Remember it.” He squeezed, just a little, and my eyes crossed. “Lemme come. Fuck me hard and let me come. Please. Jesus God, Max. Please.” Max leaned down and began to flick his tongue against my hole. Still tangled in my jeans and with his weight against my hips, I couldn’t angle my ass the way I wanted. It didn’t matter. Max worked me, licking and nuzzling, sucking my balls, until even the restraint felt right. Whatever he wanted and any way he wanted. I wanted that too. I think I moaned when I heard him fumble with the condom. I couldn’t even do that by the time I felt his cock push inside. I could only pant, desperately, with my hands gripping the couch and my legs trembling as if they had minds of their own. At least the bad one wasn’t cramping up. I’d cut it off if it did anything right now to spoil this. My heartbeat was deafening me as I bucked against his thrust. When I did, the couch shivered underneath the two of us, and I gulped air. I shoved back; he shoved forward. Hard. Yeah, it was hard, but I wanted more. He scratched the underside of my balls, hard enough to make me jerk underneath his touch like I’d been slapped. That was all I needed. Lights really can dance in front of your eyes when you’re ready to blow. I came with one loud moan, but he kept going, pushing through the waves of my aftershocks. It was almost too

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much, almost, but I shuddered with the pleasure as well as the pain until I felt him shudder and come too. I wasn’t able to blast another time, but I cried out almost as sharply as he did. When he pulled out, we both bit off sighs. Face burrowed in the sofa’s cushions, I panted and tried to think. Jesus, when had I ever been like that? I’d been that out of it that I’d wanted to feel his climax as much as I’d wanted to come for myself. Then I’d wanted more, even when there wasn’t any more for me give. “Oh my God, Daniel,” he said and somehow slid to the side of the couch, tucking his body half against and half on top of mine. I touched his shoulder as he shut his eyes. He looked breakable then, and I couldn’t help stroking his skin while I got my breath back. “Yeah. Oh yeah. Sometimes I forget what you can do to me, Max.” The immediate high was gone, and I was a little scared at his power. You could rip out my heart and toss it whenever you wanted, Max. “Daniel, what are you doing to me? We go along, and usually things are easy. Then sometimes it gets so intense I get scared.” I let out a long breath at the echo of my thoughts. Maybe letting Max in wasn’t as scary as it seemed. Not when we were this simpatico. “Me? I’m not doing anything. You’re the one who topped this time, remember? I just had to lie back and grit my teeth.” “Asshole. That’s not what I meant.” “Oh. This is the talking part of our evening’s entertainment?” “Fucking asshole. Yes. Now talk.” He smacked my stomach and then recoiled. “Bleh. You need to be cleaned up.” I almost offered to get up and take a shower with him but knew better. The next smack might not be as playful, and that would just get us worked up all over again. And eventually Max would still want to talk and be even more aggravated.


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“Uhh. Talk about what?” I had no idea how I was going to explain Tanya or Tom. Or anything. With Max it could be anything. “Daniel, I love you. But sometimes…sometimes I can’t reach you. You’ve got everything locked away inside.” Max laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “I get spunk out of you, but I actually want more than that.” You already have my body, my soul, my heart. What else do you want? Of course I didn’t say that. Instead I stroked Max’s shoulder and let him relax a little against me. “I’ll talk if you tell me what you need. I want you to have whatever it is you want. I…I love you.” It was hard enough to say that. Max wouldn’t really want a 230-pound ex-jock turning into mush in front of him. Who the hell would? “Can’t you be honest with me, Daniel?” “I am honest!” Unless I promised. Please, Max, don’t make me lie to you. Don’t make me break my promise to your brother. That’s a hell of a choice. “What was going on with you and Tom?” “Tom? That’s what was bothering you?” I almost laughed. That was a little complicated, but I could tell him that. If that was all that was bugging him… “One of the things.” Crap. This was going to be one of those long talks. I reminded myself that, talkative or not, Max was still a guy. It couldn’t last forever. “Tom and I hooked up when we happened to run into each other in Iraq.” That was simple enough. “I don’t think he wants word to get around, but there’s no harm in telling you now. It’s not like either of us are still in the army.” “You and Tom?” Max’s eyes widened. “But he’s not gay.” “All right. Whatever you say. I didn’t ask to see his gay card. But we did hook up.” Considering what I wasn’t supposed to tell Max, I realized I was getting a little pissed that he seemed to doubt one of the things I could tell him. “Shit.” Max scowled. “How much did you and he—”

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He clamped his mouth shut. Mr. Subtle, that was Max. “Not as much as you. Not ever. It’s not possible.” “You don’t know what I was going to ask, not that I am going to ask. I’d sound way too much like a girl.” “Doesn’t matter. Whatever it is, it couldn’t be as much as you. You and me.” “Oh.” There was a long pause. He smiled. “Want to get wet with me in the shower?” He crawled over me to get to the bathroom—spent a good, squirming time doing it too, the sneak. “Come on.” I’m pretty sure I gave him the big stare this time. It was a miracle. I’d actually shut Max up? “Sure. Give me a minute.” Because now my leg was cramping up. If I could get to the shower, it would help. In a minute everything would be better. Once I could get rid of the worst of the pain and move. I wasn’t going to whine. My muscles would never work quite right again, and a steel rod wasn’t bone, but it was more than plenty of people had brought back from Iraq. Max picked up clothes, looking over at me without trying to be obvious. The cramp eased, and I sat up. “Daniel?” “Yeah?” I braced myself. I should have known this had been too easy. “Whatever else there is…whatever it is you promised not to tell me…” Max threw the clothes into the laundry bag. “You know I’m not pushing you to say. But is it something that would affect you and me?” “No,” I said in a rush. Then I swallowed hard. “It doesn’t affect how I feel about you.” Max didn’t know, but he knew enough to be worried. Of course. He was no fool. He could probably think rings around me on his worst day. I had to be careful. I couldn’t swear how it might affect him to know he wasn’t the first Richards boy who’d fucked me. But it didn’t matter to me. Not anymore. Max wasn’t his


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brother, and I didn’t want him to be. I couldn’t be the one who had wanted Matt anymore. I didn’t want to make promises to lie and hide when it came to Max, the way I had with his brother. I wanted to be with Max forever—or for as long as Max wanted me. “That’s a promise?” Max looked at me, his shoulders hunched as if he was bracing himself for a blow. I’d never hurt him. I hated these damn promises, but I’d make another one to him if that helped. “I promise that nothing I’ve ever done in my life means more to me than… than being with you.” Loving you. I couldn’t quite choke that out. Not when I was feeling faintly slimy. “All right.” Max’s face softened into something vulnerable and sweet. I leaned forward to kiss him, but he backed away. “Shower first. You stink, Daniel. Besides, I want to get soap all over your body.” I raised my hands in surrender, heat already starting to flood me. “Your wish is my command, master.” And thank God, the talk was over. There was something more there—we both knew there was—but Max wasn’t going to poke at it tonight. If he wanted to poke at me, though, I was fine with that. And if he didn’t want to do me, I’d do him. It was that kind of night.

*** “Is it too quiet here for you?” Daniel asked suddenly. Maybe it was. I’d been reading one of my texts, but I jumped at the sudden question. “Huh?” “I just realized it’s been you and me together for weeks. Nobody else. You usually get antsy when things are too quiet, and um—you know, you should do things you like. Do you have friends you want to have over?”

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“Not really.” My high school friends were all scattered. I hadn’t really spoken to them for over a year unless you call a quick call on the phone now and then speaking. My college friends, the few I’d made, were still at school. Not many people tried to do my insane schedule. And I didn’t care. I liked people, but I didn’t need them around. Daniel was right that I could get antsy, but not with him. I had what I wanted if I had him. Daniel had always been pretty much a loner. A few friends were all he’d ever needed. But maybe things had changed. Otherwise why would he be asking? “How about you?” “Me? Oh. I’m fine.” That was so not helpful. That was his standard response to anything. If he was standing there with his pants on fire, he might tell me the same thing. I decided to try again. “Maybe we should go out with some people. Um—Tom, maybe.” I saw the strange look on Daniel’s face and added, “Or Tanya?” You know, I couldn’t think of anyone else we both sort of knew as friends. “You like Tom?” “I don’t know. He seems like an all-right guy now that I’m not in awe of him. He used to be one of the giant football huddle of Matt’s friends, and I never really separated him from the rest. I thought they were all incredibly cool and incredibly intimidating when I was a kid.” “You thought I was incredibly cool and intimidating?” Daniel grinned at me. “Well, cool, anyhow. Shit, I’ve already told you I fantasized about you back then. You were different. You were intimidating in a whole different way.” The strange look on Daniel’s face was gone, replaced by a look I knew. I could tell when a guy was flattered and horny. I could work with that. “I—” A car’s loud backfire rattled the window. Damn. Way to break the mood. Daniel’s neighbors weren’t the type to tune up their cars much. But before I could


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get to my next thought, Daniel had me flat on the floor, almost crushing me as he covered my body. What the h—Oh. Oh. In a minute Daniel was going to figure out what he’d done and why. I figured it would be better to play it light before he freaked. “Hey, I like you too, guy.” I wheezed and touched the back of my head. So much for playing light. But he could do a solid tackle. A flush spread on Daniel’s cheeks. He rolled off me and sat up, staring at the rug. “Sorry. I thought it was gunfire.” He leaned over to look into my eyes—in a clinical rather than romantic way. “You all right?” “Yeah, Daniel. Are you?” “Sure.” He let out a deep breath. “There’s no reason either of us shouldn’t be all right. It was just a fucking car. No headache? Fuzzy vision? Damn it, you had a concussion once this year. You didn’t need another rap.” If he went down the “I should have taken care of this better” road, it might take days to get him out of it. “Nothing out of place here, I swear. Not a thing going on in my empty head. But I bet the adrenaline is still pumping in your body.” I really didn’t like the guilty look starting to form on Daniel’s face. “Listen, let me get you something to drink. You sit there until your blood pressure goes back to normal.” I brought him a beer and saw he was now lying back on the floor, his hands laced under his head. He ignored the mug that I set down. About the time I was thinking about giving him a tap—just a gentle one—with my foot to see if he was conscious, he spoke. “Max.” I dropped back down to the floor to squat on my heels. “Yeah?” “I would never deliberately hurt you. You know that.” “I know.”

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“Sometimes, though—I react the way I used to in the army. I don’t think civilian, you know?” Daniel grabbed my ankle. “You probably should be a lot more careful around me.” I knew a joke wasn’t going to work right now. So even though I didn’t have the faintest idea what I was supposed to do, I said, “I don’t need to be careful, Daniel. Like usual you were protecting me, not trying to hurt me.” “But—” Daniel let go slowly. “Listen, I need to go take some meds, maybe sleep a little.” “Sure.” I kept nodding like a crazed bobblehead. “You’ll be here when I wake up?” I wasn’t sure exactly how to take that question, but I decided to keep it simple. “Where else would I go?” “Thanks. Great.” I mentally crossed off any job search this afternoon. If Daniel needed me to stay, that was what I’d do. I just wished I knew exactly what was going on and what I was supposed to do about him.

*** I could hear Max in the other room, clicking away on his laptop’s keyboard. Even though I was half-groggy already, it was reassuring. I’d asked him if he wanted to go somewhere, do other stuff, and he was staying. Damn. I was an asshole, but Max was still here. I wished I was worth the wait. I let myself relax, deliberately checking my feet, then my legs…making sure they weren’t tense. I focused on Max—imagining how he looked in the other room with his shoulders hunched over the laptop, frowning at the screen, one foot tapping restlessly on the floor… “Incoming, incoming! Watch out!”


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The kid was just a kid, probably barely old enough to enlist. His eyes had been wide open when he was brought over. I’d gripped his femoral artery with my hands, desperate to hold on to him. Blood spurted, dripped through my hands, the red gush hitting my face. Finding the fucking artery was a bitch. I cursed, and my hands kept slipping as I probed the wound. At least I had a thick enough gauze pad to slap on that fucker once I got it. Clods of earth hit my shoulders as bullets hit the ground next to me. Damn, that was too close. I reached into my backpack, fumbling with one hand while I kept pressure on. I ignored the gunfire while I searched since some things were more important than sniper fire. There it was, right where I always put it. I turned back, fully focused now and ready with the hemostat, ready to stop the blood flow. I pinched at the artery, slapped the gauze on. “Fucking shit!” I blinked the last liquid from my eyes. “Hey! Pull the wounded away from here, will you? We’re too fucking close to getting killed this way.” “My leg?” he whispered. I shook my head. I had the wound plugged, but best-case scenario, he was going to lose the leg. “Get that helmet back on, soldier.” He probably had a concussion, but a headache was better than a head wound. Someone else screamed in pain or fear not far from where I was crouched. I’d deal with that one next. I was almost done here. I looked over to the next wounded kid. “Not my leg. Not my—” The words stopped. I looked up from the leg wound. The insides of the kid’s head spilled onto the ground. Someone had aimed better this time. There wasn’t anything in my medic’s bag to fix that.

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“Fuck. Oh fuck,” I whispered, dragging myself from that hellhole and back to my room. Back to hearing the soft tap tap of Max’s busy fingers and feet outside my door. Back to quiet and peace. I threw my arm over my face and breathed deep, willing the remembered face not to morph into Max’s, then willing myself not to remember anything more. I was here. Max was safe. All that shit was over. I’d managed. It wasn’t long after I’d lost the kid—Munson, that was the name—that I met Tom. I hadn’t asked him why he looked like hell. Did the specifics matter? We just drank and fucked and forgot. And not everyone died. Just like Tom, I got back home safely. I was safe here now. Safe. I wasn’t losing Max. I wasn’t losing myself. Max was all right. But I shivered anyhow and heard my breath rasp in my throat, almost like a sob. “Daniel? I thought I heard you.” I lifted my arm. Max had drifted in, hesitating by the bed. I let my breath out softly, gently. Max. He leaned over the sheets, peering at me, and it hit me in the gut how beautiful he was. “I must have been dreaming,” I said. “Oh.” I didn’t ask. I didn’t even think to. But he crawled into the bed next to me anyhow and held me. I absorbed the smell of his shampoo and freshly washed Tshirt. The scent of Max underneath all that. I leaned into the unexpected strength of his arms and listened to the steady beat of his heart. We didn’t say anything. The tension leaked out of me, and I shut my eyes, resting my head against his shoulder. And I slept.


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Chapter Four “Off to your boyfriend’s again?” I didn’t really like my roommate’s tone. In fact I disliked it more every time I left for Daniel’s. Things had been all right between Jake and me, even when I finally told him I was gay—hell, he was someone I’d sucked off more than once before, so it ought to be—until he saw I had a guy I didn’t have to sneak around to be with. Someone I’d rather be with. “Yeah. It’s Monday. I’m always there Mondays and Tuesdays. And Fridays. I’d think you’d be glad you don’t have to share the suite.” He should know by now, but it was better to play dumb than ask him why the fuck he wanted to know. “Makes no difference to me.” Jake shrugged, but I could’ve called bullshit from the ugly in his tone. Then again, I was hardly ever there. Why start a fight when I didn’t need to? “All right then.” I deliberately let Jake get a good eyeful of the lube before I tossed it in my case. “His photo makes him look like a horse.” Jake might have meant to be snide, but he sounded a little awed. Was he jealous? He’d never met my guy. Daniel had showed up on campus once or twice, but we both would rather be together at his place. Neither the dorm room nor a hotel was quite right. We weren’t students together or having an illicit affair. “He used to play football.” “Lots of tackles, huh? Body blocks. He’s big enough for it.”

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“Not if he could outrun ’em. He was a receiver.” I slammed my overnight bag shut and started looking for the car keys. I was really bad about leaving my keys all over the place. “Can you outrun him?” “What?” I peeked up from where I was peering under my bed. “What are you talking about?” “He looks like the type who could get ugly if he gets mad.” Jake shrugged again when I stared at him. Mr. Totally Nonchalant. Not. “And he outweighs you by—what? Almost a hundred pounds?” I glanced over at the screensaver that had Daniel’s picture on it. Daniel hated getting his picture taken, but he’d put up with it after I asked him about getting one for a while. Or longer. But he’d had his best badass look on when I took the shot. Hey, it was a compromise. “You’re an asshole, Jake.” I walked over to turn the computer off. “Don’t ever make him mad, dude. Just sayin’.” Daniel didn’t look that scary, did he? I stared at Daniel’s face just before the computer began to power down and I lost the image. Then I went back to my search. “Why don’t you shut up and stop sayin’ until you want to use your brain.” I found the keys at last, thank God! Why had I stuck them in my shoe? “And I don’t make him mad. I make him very, very grateful.” “Yeah, I bet you take it up the ass all the time just to keep him happy. I can’t believe you enjoy being his b—” “Shut the fuck up, Jake.” Of course he’d waited until almost the end of the school year to stage this. We already knew we were never going to see each other again after the semester was over. “You can’t think he’s that frightening or you’d be afraid I might send my big, bad boyfriend after you. You know, he doesn’t like it when people hassle me.”


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I should have felt good about the silence in the room. I’d finally gotten the last word. Except I didn’t like the genuine fear on his face. I hated to think Jake the asshole might be influencing me, but maybe it was time for me to follow through on going to see a counselor about Daniel. Not because I was afraid of Daniel. I would never be afraid of him. But so many other people seemed to be worried, including Daniel. I needed to know how to deal with their problem. Their problem, not ours. All right. Maybe it was a little bit Daniel’s problem. He had self-esteem issues and worried about me way too much. That was a legitimate reason to get help. It still wasn’t because I was wondering if I was missing something I should be because I was stupid in love with him. Oh hell. I didn’t want to be afraid of him, but if everyone thought I should be, including my boyfriend, maybe I did have a problem. Other people’s stupidity in thinking there was a problem, my stupidity for not seeing the problem… I guess I had some kind of problem. A counselor could at least tell me what the problem was.

“Tom.” I hovered near the door of his office, thinking I could still walk before things got too weird. Impulse had gotten me this far—didn’t it always?—but it didn’t have to make me jump off the cliff. He looked up, and for a moment I wondered how he got anything done. The closet—it had to have been a closet once—was overflowing with paper, his desk, and him. It didn’t help that he was a big enough guy to fill the space all by himself. I didn’t see how anything else managed to fit. “Yo, Max.” He didn’t smile when he saw me, but he didn’t give me the finger either. So I had a shot at doing this. When she gave me his work address, Tanya had strongly hinted that Tom had connections for job hunting. I went, but not for the reason she thought. I wanted to know about Daniel even more than I wanted work…and I wanted work really badly.

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Knowing Tanya, she’d probably hinted the same thing to Tom. I’m sure he expected me to ask for a job application. “Ah.” So I could talk. All right. I was good at that. I’d had lots of practice. “Tanya told me to come over to ask…well, never mind. I have some different questions for you, actually. Hypothetical questions.” That cleared things right up. He now knew I was a nut case. I was going to screw this up. Tom looked amused. “Shoot. Maybe I’ll have hypothetical answers.” All right. Jump on in, Max. “If someone who wasn’t in the military got involved with someone who’d been at war, what are some ways to…um…deal with issues that come up? Things the guy not in the military knows nothing about. Never having lived it and all.” “That’s a big hypothetical question.” Tom pushed his desk chair back—a millimeter more and he’d ricochet into the wall—and put his head to one side. “Sex, drugs, violence, non-communication, PTSD, injuries… Can you narrow the issues down?” Damn. Tom had a huge headache if that was what he tackled as an intern counselor. If that was what he’d lived. Fuck. While I had Daniel. I guess that meant I had some of the same headache. “The last couple, I guess.” I mumbled the words. “Still kind of vague. What do you really want to know about Daniel, kid?” His chair creaked as he leaned forward in it. Everything. I’d love to get inside Daniel’s head. “There are so many parts of him I can’t reach. I think he’s ashamed, although I don’t get why. He’s a good guy, Tom. The best.” I stared at the largest stack of papers on Tom’s desk. “He’s angry and he’s embarrassed, and I want to help. I figured you’d understand. You were there, and you help vets with issues all the time.”


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And maybe I shouldn’t be saying this to Tom. And God help me when Daniel found out. Daniel, to put it mildly, had some trust and communication issues. But I’d decided in the last few days after my conversation with Jake, while I was somewhere in between wanting to kill Daniel and wanting to stay with him forever, that I had to find out more, or I’d stay stuck in that same bad spot— needing Daniel but never knowing him. And that would really suck, because I loved being with him, but I never knew when something was going to blow up. Eventually he’d push me away “for my own good” because I didn’t understand. I had to figure him out before then. “I can’t tell you a lot about Daniel’s experience specifically. I can tell you some general things about returning vets who have PTSD and related problems.” “All right. That would be a start.” It was something that maybe I should have done long before this, but I’d known the old Daniel so well that I’d ignored the new differences in him. “They can feel ashamed. They can feel isolated. They can be overprotective. Even when they love someone, they may think love is dangerous. After all, when you let down your guard, you can be hurt.” His voice dropped on the last sentence. “They can be violent.” Damn it. Was everyone thinking this about him? Daniel was bigger than me— which I personally found pretty hot and always had—but that was all. It didn’t mean anything bad. “Listen, Daniel’s not out to pound me. I think he’s more likely to beat himself up than anyone else. I’m here to help him, not me, but you know, you’re making things sound pretty bleak.” And damn it, it sounded like some of the stuff I’d looked up on the Internet. I didn’t intend to talk to Tom unprepared. But some of that shit had completely flipped me out. I really wasn’t looking for confirmation of bad crap or anything to make me worry about Daniel even more. Tom looked tired. “I’m making them sound like they are. Or the way they can be. There are worse scenarios, and there are better. Max, you didn’t ask about this

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because you’re happy with things as they are right now. I won’t ask you what the specific problems are if you don’t want me to and especially if you’re not in any physical danger. But you’ll need to know what you intend to do about it.” Damn. He looked both comforting and intimidating, his huge body just barely held in check by his chair and desk. Like the kind of guy you could trust to protect you or tell you where you’d screwed up. It was probably just me, but under all that comfort and trust, I could swear there was a little lick of sexual interest. Crap. Probably it was just me, and what the hell did that mean when I had Daniel, who was all I’d ever wanted? Damn it, I wasn’t some immature kid who would jump into bed with anyone who was attractive. Tom wasn’t coming on to me, and I sure as hell wasn’t coming on to him. I had all the man I needed. Tom smiled at me, and the smile looked—mostly—innocent. Was this a harmless flirt? That was different. There was no law against flirting. “I want to talk to you. Or someone.” I gave way to my impulses yet again. I used my best, most winning smile back. “If you don’t mind.”

*** HR had probably been pretty decent, all in all, when they called me in this time. They could have bounced my ass out the next day if they weren’t worried about the fallout. But the hospital gave me three whole weeks to transfer to another department—and ignored the fact that each job they had available was worse than the next. I trudged to my car, trying not to think about the rejections I’d had so far while looking for something else. I hadn’t wasted my time once they made negative noise, but nothing was shaking down. I’d try harder.


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But I’d have to tell Max. I put the keys in the car’s ignition and tried not to think about car payments. I could handle all that somehow. It was the telling Max part that I wasn’t sure about. He still thought I was able to do anything. Must be a leftover from his kiddie days, because obviously I wasn’t some kind of superhero. I’d never wanted to be. Except, maybe, for him. I sighed and started the car. I wasn’t out of every option before I told Max, just the ones I was most comfortable trying. But screw comfort if I didn’t have to worry Max. I could try a few more places first. Like a bar.

“Tanya, what do you think of my chances of bartending here?” I cleared my throat. “You specifically?” She stared at me. “Not good. We don’t draw a big crowd except weekends, and you work then.” “Maybe I’ll be free weekends.” “Ohhh.” Tanya pushed her dark hair back as she studied me. For the first time I thought I saw a strand of gray there. “Don’t they get enough sick people in hospitals anymore, Danny?” I shrugged. “Lots of cutbacks going on.” And I fucking need a job, Tanya. I have my vet checks, but they don’t go far in northern Virginia. I’d never admit to Max I couldn’t hold down something with a steady paycheck. I already had enough in my life to make him think I’m a loser. “You’d have to stand a lot.” She gestured to my leg. “I know.” I didn’t know how I’d manage, but I would. “Daniel, you don’t want to work bars. You’re good with people who are injured. You’re not good with annoying drunks or smart-asses. Someone would get hurt. And I’d probably get sued.”

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“So the answer is no?” “The answer is that there are better things to do out there. Better for you, anyhow. What’s up with you and Max? You’re both having really bad luck with getting employed. He just came in yesterday, all wide-eyed, and said he turned down a job at a porn store. The owner groped him.” Tanya snickered. “She was almost seventy. Poor Max managed to get a dirty old woman.” I laughed, then sobered. He hadn’t told me about that. What the hell was he doing trying for a job in a porn store? Come to think of it, he hadn’t said much about his job search at all. Sounded like he was doing as well as I was. “Maybe I should give you the same advice I gave Max.” Tanya sounded a little too casual as she began to pull chairs down from tables. “Which is?” “Why don’t you see Tom? He has a lot of contacts with a lot of places since he’s always working businesses for donations and publicity.” “Max is seeing Tom about work?” I asked carefully. Obviously I didn’t say it carefully enough. Tanya looked at me with disgust. “I’m not going to respond to that, idiot. If you have a problem with Max asking Tom for help, go tell them yourself. Nicely.” “I’m always nice.” I bared my teeth in a smile for her. “I won’t mess with Tom.” Too much. “I don’t mean Tom. Don’t push your boy, Daniel. He’ll hand back all that shit you’re giving him, and neither of you will like it.” “I don’t need advice on dealing with Max. We’re doing fine.” We were. Max had thrown his CDs in with mine, and we were in the process of sorting out which music the two of us could stand to listen to at the same time. He was studying Mexican food recipes, and so far his tacos and chicken enchiladas were actually edible. Better than anything I could do except the few dishes Nonna had taught me when I was a


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kid. He’d taken up weight training and actually got me started back on some of the old routines. And, of course, there was the sex. As long as we didn’t talk about how we were going to pay the bills over the summer, things were great. I was not jealous of Tom. And I was not wondering why Tom might be interested in talking to Max. Tom, who Max thought we could go out with. Tom, who Max could’ve had a high school fantasy about if I hadn’t been around. Of course I might just go see what they were doing.

*** “God, these counseling programs are actually really cool. I never thought about working with a hospital before. Daniel is more that kind of guy. But how do you get a job here?” I stopped and rethought. Hell, Tom didn’t even have a real, full-time job here. He probably wasn’t the one to ask. “I mean, you know, a volunteer job.” I might as well give away my time if no one wanted to buy it. And the counseling center seemed like a place where I could learn something and help. I sat on Tom’s desk, flipping through the brochure he had brought back from another office. “There are a couple of programs where we could place someone, but you aren’t around here all the time, are you? Too bad.” Tom grinned at me and gripped my shoulder. “We could use a little extra enthusiasm, and God knows you have that.” “Hello, Tom. Max.” Daniel’s voice rumbled behind me. “Exactly how did you want to use Max’s enthusiasm?” What the hell? Tom let go of my shoulder and stepped in front of me. I froze for a minute, before my heart sped up just as if I was afraid. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure why I was freaking or Tom was. I didn’t need protection from Daniel. Maybe I’d given Tom the wrong impression when I came over, but—

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“Hello, Daniel. Something bothering you?” It wasn’t the words or even the tone. It was the way Tom set his shoulders and the way Daniel looked at him. My internal alarm began to scream, and I stood up too. “Hey, Daniel.” I slipped from behind Tom and right to Daniel, still standing there in the hall. He looked—scary. I didn’t like the dark-scary Daniel, especially if his darkscary might be directed at me, but I knew the other Daniel was there too. The one who made me reach out to hug him no matter what. The one who relaxed when I did. “Nope. Right now nothing is bothering me at all, Tom,” Daniel said before he bent down to kiss me. Jesus! Daniel wasn’t big on PDAs—not to be confused with the occasional try at a little exhibitionism to spice things up—but this wasn’t any ordinary kiss. He didn’t pause. His tongue pushed my lips open, and then he did his best to swallow me alive. Hungry. God, he was hungry. He was angry, a little, or he wouldn’t have looked the way he did when he showed up, but right now mostly he wanted me. And that flipped my switch. That and the whole public-sex thing. He knew what that did for me even though Daniel usually wasn’t as into it. Ordinarily I had to push to get anything close to this. Having Daniel growl, just a little, as he sucked on my tongue was— Fuck. I was already bumping my cock up against him, looking for more attention. And he was letting me. So I ground myself against him, realizing I was getting harder and more turned on than I probably should— Daniel cupped the jeans over my cock with one hand and squeezed. I almost came right then. “Mine,” he whispered in my ear, just for me. Like there was any real doubt? I pushed away the little tiny guilt pang I’d been feeling about noticing Tom was an attractive guy in favor of the big raging hard-on I had now. I was totally his.


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Then he stepped back, still holding on to my shoulders, which was a good thing because we both knew I was a little weak and needed support. “Max is enthusiastic, sure, but just for me. Understood?” “Daniel, you’re an idiot.” Tom’s voice was amused again, and he leaned against the wall, suddenly relaxed. “As if anyone didn’t know that already.” “I think Max and I are headed down to Tanya’s bar tonight. You gonna be there?” Daniel rubbed his hand against my cheek and almost made me pitch forward again. Damn it, it wasn’t fair to get me going like that and then act like everything was normal. “You buying?” “Maybe. You drink cheap shit, Tom.” The two of them laughed, and Daniel turned back to me. My Daniel, not the scary one. “Let’s get home, kid.” Sure. Why not?

*** Max was quiet. That meant trouble. I probably deserved it, but I felt too damn good to be really upset. In about five minutes, maybe less, I’d have my boy tucked into bed and me into him. I glanced over. He was still hard enough for me to tell, despite the jeans. He was trying to cover everything with attitude. It made me want to laugh. The odd, not quite jealous mood I’d been in had vanished long ago. Max was mine, and we both knew it. “I am not your fucking toy. Or your fuck toy, for that matter.” Max scowled. Now was not the time for him to get all moody on me. I tickled the skin behind his ear, the sensitive spot that made him twitch and moan when we were in bed. “I know.” Keep it short and simple and get him to bed. That was the goal. “I figured out what you were doing back there, Daniel, now that my brains haven’t all wedged down in my cock.” “Uh-huh.” I opened the door.

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“You were using me to make a point. Getting me all worked up just to show you could. I’m not even sure you wanted me. You just wanted me horny for you to show Tom.” “Was I doing that? Well, fuck me!” It didn’t matter whether Tom had tried to take my boy or not. It didn’t matter I was going to be out of a job soon. What mattered was the kid who was damn near pouting right next to me and, whether he’d admit it or not, who was more than ready for me to take him. I felt like a king. That was probably really wrong, but screw it. It was a great feeling. “Daniel—” “You’re right. I’m sorry. We’ll talk. Later.” I picked him up, put him over my shoulder, and hobbled to the bedroom before I said something that might really spoil that day. Lucky Max weighed practically nothing. Back in high school I could have carried him without thinking about it. It was even manageable on my leg now with my adrenaline—and my testosterone—shooting up. In the end I didn’t say anything. I pushed him against the wall and kissed him when he opened his mouth. Then I took that kiss into something that went a little dark and wild. I bit his lower lip, and he whimpered for more and arched up under me. I stripped him naked, ripping at his T-shirt and yanking at his jeans. Then I took my own clothes off when his hands shook too much to return the favor. Watching him quiver and groan and finally yield did things to me. I sat on the edge of the bed and held him hard against me, his legs tight around my waist. “Please, Daniel,” he moaned in my ear. I held his arms behind his back, and while I trapped his wrists, I humped that fine young body and that dripping cock. Christ, he wanted me. Wet and hard and hitting my cock with wild, desperate hammering. He was saying my name. Just mine, in between his sobs and groans. I shifted when he jerked against me, clearly almost ready to come from just the friction of my cock against his. I slipped my finger against his precum, sliding against the slit in


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the head of his cock, sliding my hand down to touch but not jerk him off, enjoying the pulsing pressing in my hand. He was close. Really close. No. It wouldn’t be that easy. I was enjoying this too much to stop now. Instead I flipped him onto my lap and prepared to do something I didn’t allow myself to act on often. It made me too crazy, but I felt like being too crazy right now. I felt like showing my boy that I did own him, like it or not. The best part was that we knew he’d like it as much as I did. I’d be in control and he’d want it that way. When I smacked his ass the first time, he let out a shocked gasp before he began to frantically move against my thighs. I pushed him down with one hand and let him struggle while I smacked him again. The red on his ass made me feel powerful. If I could make my boy howl and beg to be spanked again, I could do anything. “More.” He gulped. “I’m sorry, Daniel. I didn’t mean to sneak behind your back. I didn’t mean to flirt. More. Please.” He didn’t need to say that, because I knew. But I didn’t mind him saying so. So I gave him more. His ass burned brightly before I was done. I stroked the warmth of it before I let him kneel and suck me off, his mouth and throat eagerly working as he roughly pulled on his own cock at the same time. I grabbed his wrists again and made him suck me without hands, without him touching himself unless you counted him rocking against my leg while he took me down that pretty young throat of his. It didn’t matter. Just hearing his little choked cries of frustration and feeling him desperate and humping sent a final roar of flame through my body and made me come, hard and deep, into Max’s throat. He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. But he swallowed my cum as fast as he could and then grabbed himself as my grip on his wrists slackened. He took about five seconds and one stroke to follow me, spurting against my legs with one last, long whine of relief.

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“God.” I smoothed his sweaty hair as he slumped against me, still on his knees, his shoulders heaving as he gulped in air. He kissed my knee. That was just the icing on the cake—touching him after we’d both fucked our brains out, having him touch me. Knowing he was having as much trouble coming back to earth as I was. Not really want him after I made him that horny? He was crazy. Screw being king. I felt like God. This should have been a shitty day, but instead it was perfect. Max could do that to me. “Daniel?” “Hmmm?” “I wasn’t asking for—oh shit. I’m not going to pretend. I tell everyone you would never hurt me and—” My good mood dimmed. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? I thought you wanted it.” “Of course I did. And no, of course you didn’t. I guess I mean when you hurt me, you make it so good. That was great. You always know the right thing to do.” The good mood came right back. He might be wrong about what I knew, but I wasn’t going to contradict him today. Not while I was God. “Yeah. And I always will.”


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Chapter Five “So it didn’t go so well?” Tanya asked. “It didn’t go at all. I’ve been setting up whatever interviews or internships or anything there was available through school and following through on every lead. But this time I blanked out on what the hell they wanted in the middle of the interview.” Tanya laughed. “No, Max. Seriously?” “They asked me why I wanted their summer job, and I stared at them. I’d forgotten to take my notes with me, except for the address. Worse, I didn’t even have the words left to fake something. Tanya, I am totally interviewed out.” I sighed. “The whole process makes taking out your trash look good. Except there’s no money in doing that.” “You’re not giving up, are you?” “Hell no. I still have almost three weeks to come up with some kind of paying job before school is up. I’m going to stay with Daniel, and I’m going to pay my way. I’m determined.” Daniel. He was making me more desperate than my job search. He said his mysterious promise didn’t make any difference to us, but he was still wary and…and not like my Daniel. And if he was wary and strange, that meant it did make a difference. It was hard enough to get him happy and open when he wasn’t on guard. All the weird vibes I’d been getting had started when I overheard that bit of conversation. A lot of our good sex had fired up then too, but—hey, call me picky—I didn’t want to have makeup sex all the time. Not even really good makeup sex.

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So if he wasn’t able to tell me what was going on, I was going to find out some other way. I felt a little sneaky and wrong about that, but hell, Daniel knew me. He’d known me since I was born. We both knew I couldn’t really let things rest. I’d tried to be mature about it, but it was Daniel who was suffering. He was. I could see it just from the way he tensed whenever I got close to whatever the forbidden subject was. And I don’t let Daniel get hurt. Not if I can help it. That was why I was hanging out in an alley, hauling empties out to the trash while Tanya went back in to close up the bar. She was taking her time about it, probably because it was obvious something was up. But she could take all night if she wanted. I was going to talk to her. Sometimes I could see why she and Daniel sniped at each other constantly. She knew how to get under your skin. No one should take this long closing up after a quiet night. She just wanted to make me crazy. But at last Tanya came out the back door, locked it, and walked over. She looked at me a little warily. “Still here?” “Yeah.” Like I was going to leave after all this? “I’ll drive you over to Daniel’s. I need to make a deposit at the bank’s night drop first, though.” “I can wait.” She might think she could wear out my patience, and I admit it usually didn’t take much. But for things I really needed, I could outwait anyone. “I figured.” I shut the door on my side, and she switched on the radio. She didn’t say anything else even when we got to the bank. Instead I waited while she took care of business. Once she was off the clock, so to speak, she pulled into a parking space in the bank parking lot and turned to me. “What?”


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I’d waited all this time, and I wasn’t exactly sure what to ask. Typical. It was like an old game show where I had to guess what the secret was. All right. I could start with questions. “How tight are you with Tom?” “Tom?” She cleared her throat. “It’s nothing serious.” “Oh.” Since I didn’t even know there was something foolish going on, I just stared at her. Hmm. That made things more complicated. “Well, um, great. That you and he—um.” She fiddled with her seat belt. “It’s not like me and Matt. But I’ve realized nothing is ever going to be like me and Matt. Hell, at this point of my life, probably me and Matt wouldn’t be the same either. I—” She took a breath. “I’m babbling, and that’s not what you really wanted to know, was it?” “I don’t know.” I began to laugh and then stopped. Being serious seemed more appropriate. “I mean I’m glad. I hope things go really well with you and Tom. You deserve something good.” “You were always a sweetie.” She unfastened the belt and leaned over to hug me. The hug pulled me into a tangle of straps and arms. Kinda like bondage. “You weren’t crushing on Tom, were you?” “Me? No!” Oh crap. I probably hadn’t said that right, since she was looking at me with sudden concern and suspicion. So of course I blushed. Hey, it had been just a little quick flicker of fantasy. Flickered and died out when Daniel took care of business. We didn’t need to go there. But now what should I do? My big plan to talk to Tanya was already swerving out of control. I sucked at plans. They never worked right. “So why were you asking?” “Uh.” I also sucked at coming up with alternative plans when the big plan got out of control. “I—um—you know Tom and Daniel met each other while they were in Iraq, right?”

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“Tom never said.” Tanya looked at me with growing suspicion on her face. “He’s told me about working to become a counselor with vets and going back to school. He’s told me about his fucked-up engagement to someone he met while he was on leave and how that never worked. In fact I would have said Tom told me everything important about his life after high school. But he never said anything about—shit!” “What?” “Daniel and Tom slept together, didn’t they? That’s what you’re trying to tell me.” “Uh.” I had no idea what to say. How the hell did she figure that out? Right then I totally understood why Daniel kept quiet. There were reasons—good reasons—you shouldn’t talk to people. “Don’t tell me I’ve gotten involved with another bi jock who doesn’t want to tell people about what and who he does on the side!” Tanya put her head on the steering wheel. “What?” I knew Tanya’s dating history after Matt had sucked, but I’d never heard about this. That’s when I put it together. The ugly antagonism between Tanya and Daniel all through high school that had mysteriously stopped once Matt died. I added that along with the something Daniel couldn’t tell me about and sucked in a breath. It felt like being hit in the stomach. “You and Daniel? Did you ever—” I was gripping the armrest like I was about to go under a huge wave. “What?” Tanya pulled her head up from the wheel and to stare at me. “Oh. No!” She put her hand over her mouth before she spoke. Pulled her hand away quickly and talked even faster. “Daniel has no interest in me. Not like that. I’ve just had some bad experiences with guys after Matt. You know all the stories by now.” She shifted her eyes away.


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Liar. She was an even worse liar than Daniel. Oh God. My world was shifting into something that made no sense at all. “Right. Tanya, I didn’t mean to start anything. It’s something you should talk to Tom about, probably.” I was talking. It seemed to make sense. That was good. She didn’t need to know what I was doing inside. “Right.” “Listen, I can walk from here. To Daniel’s.” Why the hell had I gone prying? I didn’t want to know this. She and Daniel could have kept this secret from me forever. “I’d rather. I need to clear my head.” I had to get out, get away from her concern. From what she knew and I now suspected. My stomach twisted. “It’s all right. Like I said, Tom and I aren’t serious. It’s nothing big however it goes. You and Daniel—” Tanya stopped, probably because she didn’t know what to say any more than I did. “Don’t imagine things, Max! Daniel can be a little too quiet about things he cares about, but you know he cares about you. Don’t look for trouble. There isn’t any. Talk to him. I know that’s not his big thing, but he does it for you.” Sure he does. He tells me everything except when it’s important. “Right. You’re right.” Liars. We were both such fucking liars. And all of us were going to keep lying. “Max, honey. I don’t want to say this, because in so many ways you two are so good together, but—um—have you ever thought that it might not work out between you and Daniel? You have so much faith in him. Daniel is a good man, a really good one, but he makes mistakes like anyone else.” There was something. Something bad. Did she expect us to fall apart? “I’ve never thought we’d break up. Not really. Not since we finally became a couple.” I swallowed. “I always thought we would love each other enough to work

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out even the worst of the crap…you know, even with me being so spacey and him not talking and…and… Does that make me really naive?” No. It made me an idiot. “No, baby.” Tanya’s voice was very gentle. “I want you two to be happy together just that way.” I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t bear to hear it. But. I knew she wanted to say but. She knew something bad. Really bad. And she was sorry for me. I don’t know if she said anything more or what I said. I got out of the car and I stood there, staring out into the dark, completely bewildered. Her car’s lights switched on, and she began to drive away. I watched Tanya’s car pause, then pull slowly out of the parking lot and down the street. That made two of us. Where did I go now? I wanted to run back to the apartment and Daniel. Daniel would protect me from anything. Except—I couldn’t and he couldn’t. I’d believed he would before I knew he was lying. Before I was sure he was lying about something important to me. All right. I tapped my forehead, as if that would get things working inside, and tried to be calm. I should get over it. Be an adult. Whatever had happened, even if I was right about Daniel and Tanya, had to be over long before I’d pushed my way into Daniel’s life. It was done. It was… This was all shit. I knew Daniel thought he was an asshole, but I’d refused to believe him. That was why I worked so hard not to worry about his stupid secret. I’d tried not to think about it at all. Because if Daniel had done something, it couldn’t be that bad. But it was. I couldn’t think past the betrayal that burned me up and twisted my head. I remember how Daniel avoided looking at me sometimes. I saw the pity that had been in Tanya’s eyes. I had been thinking about it all this time in the back of my mind. Now it hurt to realize I’d trusted him, because whatever it was, it was


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something bad and he’d lied. Lied by omission. It didn’t matter what the reasons were. My feelings were real. The only thing real. I couldn’t rationalize them. Tanya and Daniel had been lovers, and they’d lied. Had they fucked right after their mutual best friend died? No, that wasn’t right. Daniel had taken off for the military immediately after Matt’s death. So this affair wasn’t long over. It could’ve been going on just before I showed up at Daniel’s door. God. Why would he lie about being bi? Did he think I’d be afraid he’d leave me for a woman? Was I afraid of that? Hell. Maybe I was. Tanya and Daniel—everyone would love that. If I wasn’t around, even I’d say they were perfect together. The right age, the same friends… Yeah. That did scare me. Or maybe they hadn’t been lovers, and Daniel was lying about something worse. Jesus. He wouldn’t tell me. He wouldn’t trust me. He wouldn’t let me in. That was the real thing I couldn’t get over. I loved Daniel enough to accept almost anything, but he didn’t love me enough to believe I would. I rubbed my arms, trying to warm up. Trying to think. But I couldn’t. Couldn’t get warm. Couldn’t think. All I had was an ugly muddle in my head and shivers in my body. I felt stupid. Young and stupid and lied to and shut out, and I still wasn’t sure I knew what the lie was. So I walked away from Daniel’s apartment instead. I walked until my legs hurt and my lungs hurt, and it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough. I was still outside, still in the dark, and nothing had changed. Once I realized I was limping, I finally called a cab and used the last money in my pocket to get to my mom and dad’s. I still had my key. I still remembered which stairs creaked when I stepped on them as I sneaked back into my bedroom. Nothing stirred as I slipped inside. I didn’t want to be here, running back home like a kid again, but I didn’t know what else to do. And while I sat in my old bed, wondering how I was going to explain to my parents why I’d sneaked back into my childhood bedroom, why my feet were

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swollen, and why, why, why I wasn’t with Daniel, I knew it hadn’t been enough. I hadn’t outwalked the problem. My body was numb and exhausted. My heart still hurt.


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Chapter Six “Hey, Daniel.” I sat up like I’d heard gunfire—God damn that reaction!—instead of a perfectly normal greeting. I forced myself to relax a little, but not much. It was Tanya at my door—someone who never showed up at my place. That was odd, but it didn’t matter. It was more important that it wasn’t Max, the only person I cared about right now. On the other hand, Tanya might know where Max was. I tried to figure out how to ask the question without betraying just how bad the situation was. He usually stayed with me on Friday night. I had to work the next day, but we managed. No late nights on Friday, just the two of us there in the apartment. I’d be getting my shit together for work, and he’d study. In the morning we’d say good-bye for most of the weekend, which sucked, but that evening was still ours. I’d liked the quiet. I’d liked the idea of Max actually being able to be quiet when he was with me. Maybe Max didn’t like the quiet. Maybe that was why he hadn’t arrived early on Thursday night to be with me and then not stayed this Friday. He still had his stuff here, which should be a good sign, except I was starting to wonder if he’d rather leave his clothes here than see me again. There had been a voice message, a quick one, saying he had to visit his parents. That kept me from driving to Richmond or checking with the police. But obviously I hadn’t understood the message. Visit meant you were coming back. But he hadn’t. And he hadn’t called again. It had to have been our talk. I shouldn’t have agreed, not even when he bribed me with a hell of a fuck. I didn’t talk for a reason. It never worked. It sure as hell

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had backfired this time. Or when I’d damn near crushed him to death over imaginary enemy fire. Or maybe it had been the scene with Tom. That had happened even more recently. Yeah. He had been mad right afterward, and I hadn’t given him the chance to vent before I started topping. Max needed to talk and I hadn’t let him. Or all those incidents together had finally made him see the light. Fuck. It had taken him a while, and I wasn’t even sure why, but he’d finally decided I wasn’t worth the effort. “Hey. Hey, Daniel. Calm down. Did you hear anything I just said?” “What? I’m calm.” I looked down and saw I was crushing the beer can I had in my hand into a very small cube. I forced myself to let it go. “So, why are you here? Have you heard from Max?” “Not since last night. That’s part of what we need to talk about.” Tanya patted my arm. My first thought was Max had been with Tanya and not me last night. My second thought was more talk? This was not going to go well. “He’s gone.” That was the best I could manage. “So I see. You look like someone took your favorite toy away. Sorry!” Tanya’s voice changed. “It’s a bad habit I have around you. I don’t mean to be snarky. I came just to talk. Something is seriously messed up here.” No shit. I stared down at the floor, looking at the newspaper’s circled want ads. Max had been doing that. Max had been doing his damnedest to find a way to stay with me twenty-four hours ago. Then he’d left. What the fuck had gone so wrong? “Let me just get something really clear in my own head before I start talking to you about Max’s strange thought processes.” She took a deep breath. “Did you tell him you slept with me? No, that’s stupid. Did you imply you had some secret past and I was involved?” “What?” This was really not going well. I was already wary, and I didn’t even understand the conversation. “Why the hell would I—No. No and no.”


57

“He heard something. Or he suspects something. Because there is no way he could ever have come up with what he did all on his own. Not without some serious drugs.” Tanya shook her head. “Sorry. Let me explain. He thinks you and I slept together because I mentioned that I’d had a bi jock boyfriend in my past.” This time I didn’t talk. I just stared at her. Apparently she wasn’t making a really bad joke, because she stared back at me, looking as messed up as I felt. “I’m not bi, Tanya.” She already knew I wasn’t her boyfriend. What the hell? “No, but Matt was. And I’m guessing Tom is.” Tanya spread her hands out and tried to smile. “We seem to share similar taste in men. Maybe it isn’t so weird that Max thought we had shared a little more.” “Oh.” I rubbed the back of my head to help me think. Then I rubbed it harder to make me careful about what I was going to say. “You know Matt wasn’t really interested in men. At least, not if they weren’t me. I was different for him but not that different. He didn’t want to go public or take it further than we did. I can’t vouch for Tom, but I think he’s all for women when they’re available. Tom and I were both just…um…there and homesick and…” I stopped. No. I wasn’t going to talk anymore. I wasn’t even going to look at Tanya. How the hell did that come out of my mouth? I wasn’t sure what Max had told her about Tom, but I didn’t have to fucking confirm it. Damn. Being around Max’s chatter for so long must’ve made me careless. It was always jump right in with him and then talk his way out. That wasn’t a habit I needed to pick up, especially when I didn’t know how to talk my way out. I hunched up and wished I could disappear. Tanya flicked me on the head. “Daniel. Whatever did or didn’t happen years ago is all right with me. I’m a big girl. But you’re going to have to tell Max. I can talk to Tom if I decide I want to listen to what he’ll say. But Max can’t have his brother back to explain things. It’s all up to you.”

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That was easy for Tanya to say. She knew about most of what Matt and I had done and how we used to mess around. Hell, Matt had told her. But she didn’t know about the last night, the one where we’d both pushed things further than we ever had and Matt had gone storming off. Was I supposed to explain that to Matt’s baby brother? Tell him things I’d never told anyone else? Matt had cried and made me swear not to say anything to anyone… Yes. I had to tell Max. For the first time in my life, I was thinking yes. If Max was going to leave me, I didn’t want it to be because of a lie. For God’s sake, it was Max. I loved him more than anyone in the world. I’d promised to see he never got hurt again, and I’d hurt him. “Do it, Daniel.” Tanya reached over to grip my shoulder. “It’s all right.” “No, it’s not.” Max was going to be righteously furious. But if I told him, at least he’d be mad for the right reasons. That was fair. If we were breaking up—I guess that was what we were doing, because I didn’t see how telling the truth was going to make him forgive me—he should at least know why. Matt, I’m sorry.

*** “I have to talk to you.” Daniel pushed my shoulder. I opened my eyes—I’d slept late, wanting to avoid the questions my parents would ask. Wanting to ignore everything. You can only avoid people for so long, though. They’d let me alone when I snarled yesterday, but I knew they’d be after me soon. You can’t expect parents to stay away from a kid who’s acting strange. They’re like buzzards, circling in, waiting to pounce when you got weak enough.


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So I expected that sentence. I hadn’t expected being forced awake by the one person in the world I wanted to see and who was saying the magic words I’d wished for. Hallelujah! Then my brain kicked in. I shouldn’t see him. I didn’t want to see him. Not until I sorted myself out. Apparently I wasn’t going to be allowed to do that. While I was avoiding everyone, Daniel must have walked in to say hello to my parents, and since they weren’t banging down my door, he must have explained—somehow—why I was here and why he was too, and then barged up into my room. “No you don’t.” I buried my head under the pillow, like a two-year-old pretending someone wasn’t there. “Well, you won’t anyhow. Talk. To me.” “If you’d shut up, I will.” He sat down on the bed next to me, and I froze, torn between wanting to grab him and wanting him to have never appeared. He stroked my hair, the way he had after we last made love. Shit. I already wanted to forgive him, forget whatever it was that was a problem, pull him down and let him screw my brains out. I poked my head out from the pillow. Then I remembered. I’d forgive him until the next time he rubbed my nose in how much he didn’t want to tell me about his life. He might call it not talking, but it was more. Worse. “No.” I pushed his hand away. “It’s not that easy.” “I know that.” Daniel looked tired. “Can we walk outside? I don’t—I can’t talk to you here in your parents’ house.” He glanced over at my childhood photo of Matt and me, with me holding Matt’s latest football trophy and with us both grinning. “You’re really going to talk?” Yeah, I was weak. I wanted to believe. But it was Daniel. Why would I give up on him after waiting for years for him? “I promise.”

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I was still in my jeans, so it only took a minute or two to finish getting dressed. I combed my hair with my fingers as we walked down the stairs. I could hear my parents rustling around in the kitchen, but mercifully, they didn’t stop us as we went out the front door. I loved them, but I really couldn’t deal right now. We walked in silence down the block. I didn’t know where we were going until Daniel stopped at the high school playing fields. We leaned against the fence. I was still keeping quiet, even though we both knew how much I wanted to talk. It wasn’t my turn. “Max.” Daniel turned to me, and I shifted to face him. “Damn. Max.” He wanted to hold me. I could tell. And I wanted him to. Oh God. Daniel looked so fucking good. He hadn’t shaved, his hair was in his eyes, he looked exhausted from working last night, and he was sexy. Damn, he was sexy. I stared at him as if I hadn’t grown up with him and looked at him a million times before. He was huge—all muscle and sinew. And heart. I knew about how much heart he had, even when he tried to hide it. I knew about the weaknesses too—the bad leg, the bleakness inside. He hurt, and he didn’t want to bother me with his pain. He didn’t seem to know I wanted to protect him as much as he did me. He kept trying to hide the real Daniel. I slid my hand over his, the one that still gripped the fence for support. “Come on, Daniel.” Talk to me. Show me you care. Keep me. “I love you, Max.” He said it the way he’d say good-bye. I gripped his hand even harder until he moved his away, tapping his fingers on the links of the fence. But he didn’t move the back of his hand very far from my fingers. I might still be able to touch him. “I love you too.”


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He shook his head, obviously not hearing those words. Or not wanting to hear them. “This is hard. It’s not just because I’m doing something I swore not to do, but it means I’m saying good-bye to someone I loved most in the world once. And that I’ll probably be saying good-bye to the person I love most now.” Who had he loved first? “See, it had always been the two of us. Matt and me. Back then I couldn’t see anyone else as long as he was around.” Matt. Ah fuck. Not Tom. Not Tanya. I should have known. I probably did know. I just didn’t want to. “You said—back when we first started—that you and Matt loved each other. But Matt wasn’t gay.” I focused on breathing and on keeping the pain away. I remembered how relieved I was when Daniel had told me that. Matt was the one person I couldn’t ever dream of competing against. You didn’t compete against someone who was perfect. And dead. “I said Matt would tell you he wasn’t.” Daniel shifted his feet. “If I’d said I believed it, I’d have been lying. Or…at least, I wasn’t as sure about that as Matt was.” And there we were. Daniel had been the first guy I ever really wanted. And Matt had been Daniel’s. “So what does that mean exactly? Tell me.” No careful words. I hadn’t even known Daniel could evade with half-truth before this week. “We—weren’t just friends. At least we swapped handjobs and blowjobs. The kind of thing you did with your college buddies before you met me.” “Right.” And I told Daniel it hadn’t meant anything. It hadn’t. But it might have if the person I played with had actually been serious or if I’d been. I would have laid bets that it had been serious to Daniel.

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“Matt always said it was nothing. We did it because it felt good—we’d win a game, we’d celebrate. He met Tanya and it all stopped. Hell, he’d met a lot of girls before, but Tanya was important. Once I got that down, I figured that was that. And it hurt like hell because what we did had all meant something to me.” Great. I hated being right about how Daniel felt about Matt. But it was the truth. The truth was what I’d wanted. Damn it. Daniel stared out at the fields like he was looking for Matt to come bounding in after a win. Matt had always done that after a game, laughing with victory and then searching out the people he loved most to share his joy. “I…understand.” I was trying to. “I’m not done. Let me finish this while I can. One night, after weeks of nothing, we got together. We were graduating from high school and talking about what happened next. He was going to college, and I was… I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had no money and no way to make college work, scholarship or not. My family was gone. We drank some. We talked some. And we knew we were heading in different directions, and we said good-bye—but it wasn’t with just a blowjob this time. I didn’t ask for it. What we did was Matt’s idea, and it was a hell of a good one. But afterward he said he wasn’t gay, and I promised not to tell anyone.” “And Matt died soon afterward.” Right around graduation. Right before Daniel signed up for the army and left me completely alone. “He died that night, Max. Your brother was upset and panicky. But all I saw then was that he was running away from something really special. Something I’d wanted for years. I was pissed off. I didn’t stick with him. So he died in a car wreck that night. Without me.” All this time. All this time. Daniel had kept calling himself an asshole, and I didn’t know why. Because he’d fucked my brother and left him. And Matt had died. And Daniel knew I’d hate him for it.


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I’d wanted to know. Been pissed off because I didn’t. The least I could do was try to handle it. To think first. I took a deep breath. All right then. Think, Max. He’d fucked Matt, and that hurt. He hadn’t told me, and that hurt. But he didn’t kill Matt. Not any more than I had. But what the hell should I say to that? How do I handle the guilt in Daniel’s voice? By knowing what Daniel felt. And I did. I knew the emotion. I’d felt guilty when Matt died. For not being a better brother—hell, just for being alive. How bad had Daniel felt? “I’m glad you didn’t die too, Daniel.” “Don’t you get what I’m saying? I lied to you and your family. I didn’t save Matt. And then I went ahead and fucked you anyhow.” “Well…yeah. I know all that.” I just wasn’t sure what to do about it. I already knew Daniel was expecting me to hate him. But I was thinking. I could tell whatever it was churning in my gut, it wasn’t hate, or at least not entirely. “Daniel?” “Yeah?” He had laid his head on the fence, looking devastated. I’d never seen him defeated. Maybe some of that was because of Matt and the way he felt about him. But maybe some of it was because of me. I hoped so. He figured I was leaving him, and it made him feel the same way I did when I thought I had to leave him. That meant something. Like maybe we shouldn’t leave each other. Right? I’d wanted the truth. I had to pay it back with my truth. And, damn it, despite everything I was still…hoping. “Daniel… You love me now? That’s what you said before we got into all this. I… There was never anyone like Matt. We both know that. But I couldn’t stand being your second choice.”

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“Fuck. Love you?” Then he didn’t answer his damn question for a long, long moment. Maybe that was the answer, even though I hated it. Thinking sucked. Loving someone sucked worse. I began to move away. He grabbed my hand once again and gripped it tightly enough to make my bones crunch before he eased up a little. “Buona mattina, carissimo. Remember when I said that?” “I’m not an idiot. Yeah, I remember.” I remember how you looked when you said it. Like you loved me the way I love you. And then you tried to not tell me what it meant. Why? Daniel, do you think I’d hurt you if you said you really loved me? “It means good morning, darling. Or my love. My heart. You say that to your lover. And that’s what I think—thought every time I saw you in the morning.” Be smart, Max. But of course instead I said what was buzzing though my mind like I usually do. “Then why are we breaking up?” Daniel looked stunned. “Because. Didn’t you hear me?” “I don’t want to break up.” I crunched his hand back as hard as I could.” But I need more.” “More? I don’t have any more. I’ve told you every damn secret I’ve got. I’ve got nothing.” He shook his head as if he’d been punched. Then he smiled. It started tentatively and widened. “You don’t want to break up?” “Nope. And, thank God, neither do you.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about what Daniel had told me—not yet—but we were holding hands, and I knew I wasn’t about to let his go. “I want to get a job here and stay with you.” “For the summer.” “I guess. The way school has been going, I wouldn’t mind quitting altogether, if I could swing it. I’d sure as hell rather be with you.” “Your parents would kill you. And then they’d kill me.”


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“I’m capable of making my own decisions without you being responsible, thanks. Why would they kill you?” “Because you wouldn’t have thought about it unless I was around.” “Don’t flatter yourself, Daniel. I’ve got to admit I’ve been feeling pretty useless lately—no one wants to hire someone who is majoring in history—but it’s not just that. I feel like I’m wasting time and money because I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate. I’ll probably end up unemployed and with school loans.” Daniel shrugged. “You have time. And waiting a few more years to be unemployed isn’t such a bad deal. It beats facing it within the next few weeks.” Shit. That sounded a little too much like the voice of experience. “Daniel, is something else going on?” “Maybe. There seems to be some thought that there isn’t room for a gimpy part-timer at the hospital.” He sounded a little shocked that he was saying the words out loud. Wonderful. When had he planned to tell me the news? I knew the answer. About the time he needed help moving out of his apartment because he couldn’t pay the rent. Even longer, if he could figure out how to keep it from me. “Shit, Daniel.” “I’ve been asking around at other hospitals, checking out other departments. I’ll find something.” “Daniel.” “Yeah?” “Why didn’t you say something? I know you didn’t promise anyone not to tell me about that. And you just told me you’d given me every secret you had.” Daniel cleared his throat. Yeah. That was what I’d thought. I turned around and began walking. “Max!” I hesitated.

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That hesitation was all Daniel needed. He made his move. He slammed my body back against his hard enough to make me cough. I already knew better than to try to struggle when he gripped hard. “What are you doing?” Daniel sounded furious and panicked. “Isn’t it obvious?” “Why the hell are you leaving after you said you didn’t want to leave?” “I wasn’t leaving. I was—was rethinking my position and walking while I did it.” “I don’t know what that means and I doubt you do either. I’ll try again. Why were you walking away from me?” “Because otherwise I was going to start screaming and then we’d fight and we’d still end up frustrated. I don’t want to go there.” I felt Daniel’s body relax even though he kept his grip on me. He nuzzled my ear. “You’re not leaving me just because I don’t have a job. Not after all this. And I don’t want us to end up frustrated.” He pushed one hand down the back of my jeans to check and see if I was going commando. Like he didn’t know. The asshole was going to try to distract me with sex. I wouldn’t respond because I wasn’t going to play. When he gripped one ass cheek, I realized I was going to get distracted with sex. I was already breathing hard. He ran his hands over my skin, and my cock jumped. “Bend over, baby.” “It’s a little public, don’t you think?” I glanced at the empty playing fields. “And daylight.” “You like a little show-and-tell.” Daniel reached over and cupped his hand over my balls. I hissed. “No one will know if we’re just…quick. Quiet. No one will catch us unless you’re not careful.”


67

I shut my eyes and tried not to whimper when he loosened the button of my fly. Daniel knew me only too well. I was already getting hard even while I calculated the odds of a late-morning jogger or school employee wandering by. He pulled my shirt out so the bottom fell over my now open fly and pulled my jeans down. I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him unzipping his pants. I gripped the fence to keep from shaking. It was the sound of the condom wrapper being ripped open that made me gasp, though. The tail of my shirt blew in the slight breeze, tickling my thighs and balls. I sucked in a breath and hissed it out. “Hurry up,” I said through my teeth. “We’re here in public and I’m primed, Daniel. You know how I am if someone might watch.” He kissed my ear. “Bello.” Italian words and his breath tickling my ear were pretty powerful. I loved it when he spoke in Italian—especially because it meant he was losing control. I tried humping myself against the fence, being careful to rub against his cock with my ass each time. He laughed. “I’m not taking you dry—or even with a lubricated condom, baby.” He leaned against me, and his body heat shot my own temperature up a few notches. I wasn’t able to argue about the word “baby” this time. I just wanted him to— He rimmed me. Jesus God, I hadn’t expected that. Whenever Daniel licked my ass, he did it thoroughly. Every nerve ending I had back there crackled with sudden fire. He spread my ass cheeks with one of his hands; his other hand was busy keeping my shaking legs equally spread wide. Wet and open and—oh, fuck yeah! My ass clenched, wanting to have something more than Daniel’s wet, darting tongue inside. I wanted all of him. Right now.

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“Daniel, please, hurry. God, that feels good but—but your cock would feel better.” My head was buried in the crook of my arm. I bit my forearm before my voice cracked like that of a little boy. “Coming.” He might not admit it, but I wasn’t the only one who liked a little public display. Daniel’s cock pushed through the muscles ringing my asshole almost before I had really gotten into begging. I fought the urge to blow the second he entered me. “Mi tesero.” Daniel’s cock, the foreign words he was muttering semi-audibly as he worked into me, the possibility of getting caught… All of it had me hard and rocking against Daniel before he was fully inside. “Say…something else in Italian. No. If you do, I might shoot my wad without you.” I wanted him. So bad He didn’t laugh. “Caro.” “Fuck me. Hard.” I caught my bottom lip with my teeth, still fighting not to cry out as he thrust deep. I listened to him grunt, and my balls tightened. He smacked my ass. “I knew you’d love it. And I love watching you squirm out here, trying to behave. Whoa! Is that the principal headed our way? Think you can stay quiet so he doesn’t look?” I knew he was teasing me, but I whimpered. I couldn’t take more teasing. “Please? Finish me off.” I clenched down hard on his cock. That was all he needed. He grunted and jerked against me, gasping as he came. I came too then, finally, staring down at the jets of white cum shooting out. Half of the damn stuff hit my shirt, of course, but I couldn’t get too upset right now.


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Not when Daniel’s teeth nipped the back of my neck as he ground out the last of his spunk into my ass. Not when his hands were on me, tucking me back into my pants. “What—” I cleared my throat and made sure I could stand on my own legs without gripping the fence for support. “What was that supposed to prove?” Tears glittered in his eyes. And he wasn’t trying to hide them from me. That was progress, right? “Nothing to prove. It just felt good.” Daniel stepped back, but his hand lingered on my hip. “Come to think of it, it proved you still want to have sex with me.” “That’s never been the issue.” I leaned against his side as I took the first step forward. “It’s not all that easy. Somehow I think our relationship is kind of fucked up.” “Just because it’s fucked up doesn’t mean we have an issue. And I don’t think you’re mad at me anymore.” “Give me a minute or two, and I think I could argue that point with you.” “A minute or two of silence is good too.” He put his arm over my shoulders, and the solid weight of it made me calm and anchored. “We’re together again? As long as I promise to talk? Don’t say anything. Just nod.” Oh hell. Of course I nodded. If he had let me talk, I would have promised to always have sex with him if he’d keep talking to me afterward. I might have thrown in some counseling discussion too. But I could save that for later since he was talking now. Hell, he had to love me if he was willing to say everything he had already. And maybe I was young and naive, but if he loved me back, then we could work out the rest of it. So I didn’t say another fucking word all the way back to his car. His arms were wrapped around me as we walked side by side, hips bumping, refusing to back away an inch from each other. I wasn’t going to talk. Why spoil a really good, fucked-up thing?

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Chapter Seven “Seeing the ’rents for dinner is so lame.” I threw some more towels in the open box and decided it was full. As soon as I remembered where I’d put the packing tape, I’d seal it up and label the box. I was always losing the damned tape. When I got really distracted, I could lose the box. Naturally Daniel did most of the packing. “When they’re loaning us a truck to move the next morning, it’s a smart idea, not a lame one. Besides, I like your parents. Always have.” Daniel carefully wrapped the last plates and pulled out a trash bag for whatever debris we still had floating around. “Of course you would. They would swap you for me in a second if they could get away with it,” I grumbled. “Don’t give me that look, Daniel Rocco. You know anything you do always gets their approval. They always wait for me to come and accidentally blow the house up.” “They watched you grow up. Are you surprised they expect all hell to break loose when you walk through the door?” Daniel smacked my butt as if that was supposed to make me get out of my sulks. “They would have given me all kinds of grief when I announced I wasn’t going to be hanging around near DC this summer, except that you were around to explain everything. Now they’re lending us a truck and promising to help us move in down near VCU.” “Well, why wouldn’t they agree? You’re working part-time there with one of your professors—” “I’m going to find a second job. This one’s just a financial-aid-funded research thing…”


71

“And I’m starting work over at the VA hospital. Why wouldn’t they think this is a good plan?” Daniel turned and kissed me—a smacking kiss like you’d give a kid. “C’mon, Max. You’re just mad you didn’t think of the whole thing first. Now you don’t have to travel up here all the time, not just this summer but the whole year. It made sense for me to come down to Richmond. Thank God they do need part-timers where I applied.” I was actually going to miss the apartment. I guess that was even lamer than seeing my parents before we left. “It’s not the job you deserve.” I scowled. “And you’re starting out all over again.” “It’s a job.” Daniel shrugged. “As long as you swear you’re going to start taking classes too. You’ll find something you can do that’s right for you.” “I said I would.” He looked uneasy. “Even if I suck at academics.” “You’ll take them starting next semester. Right?” Damn, I hoped I didn’t sound like my mother. It would serve him right if we went over to see her tonight and I took some nagging refresher courses. “I promised, didn’t I?” Yeah. Yeah, he had. And Daniel worked damn hard to keep promises. “You would make an awesome vet counselor. Better than Tom because you have medical experience.” “We’ll see, Max, all right? Just—” “Just what?” “Don’t expect me to ace all my classes, okay? I know how you get when you don’t get an A. Don’t start on me if I can’t follow in your footsteps.” “Jesus, Daniel! What kind of snobby asshole do you think I am?” Daniel grinned. “My snobby asshole. That’s who. Or maybe whom, since I’m going to college next semester.”

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“Is that supposed to be romantic?” I tried not to snicker. “Because if it is, you better try saying it in Italian. It’ll sound a lot better.” Daniel muttered something in Italian under his breath that definitely didn’t sound romantic at all. Then he turned and smiled. We leaned forward to kiss each other in the sudden silence. Slow and tender, the way we wanted it to be this time. Daniel was right. Sometimes words were overrated.

Loose Id Titles by Treva Harte Carry On Leftovers Never Never Land Silent Partner: I Heart That City The Deviants, Vols 1 – 3 The Wildling Why Me? Wicked *** The ALPHA Series Walk Away Stay Home Beg Heal Hunted Down *** The CHECKMATE Series King in Check King’s Gambit *** The INSIDE OUT Series Maxxed Out Inside Daniel *** The QUEEN’S RULES Series Every Good Boy Deserves Favor King of the Castle *** “Twelve Nights of Christmas” Part of the anthology Nicely Naughty With MaryJanice Davidson and Lani Aames

Treva Harte Treva Harte lives near a city with many, many attorneys. Thanks to Loose Id and her writing, she is now able to be a recovering attorney and spends her time writing, editing, raising adolescents, taking care of an elderly mother, and dealing with a hyperactive husband (he says he's just very energetic.) She is also co-owner and Editor-in-Chief of the e-publishing company Loose Id. She and her husband both like writing in whatever time they have left, so they often fight over—sorry, since he is still a practicing attorney they NEGOTIATE— keyboard time. No wonder Treva’s particular brand of sensual romance is a bit offbeat and usually mixed with fantasy.

Inside Daniel

Daniel

Daniel

Daniel

Daniel Martin

Daniel Martin

Daniel Kehlmann

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Martin

Daniel Deronda

Daniel O'Rourke

Daniel Maandag

Daniel Kehlmann

Keyes, Daniel

Daniel Maandag

Daniel Glattauer

Daniel Boone

Daniel Glattauer

Daniel Orme

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Maandag

Daniel Martin

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Martin

Daniel Maandag

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Deronda

Inside

Inside

Inside Daniel

Daniel

Daniel

Daniel

Daniel Martin

Daniel Martin

Daniel Kehlmann

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Martin

Daniel Deronda

Daniel O'Rourke

Daniel Maandag

Daniel Kehlmann

Keyes, Daniel

Daniel Maandag

Daniel Glattauer

Daniel Boone

Daniel Glattauer

Daniel Orme

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Maandag

Daniel Martin

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Martin

Daniel Maandag

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Deronda

Daniel Deronda

Inside

Inside

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