I Close My Eyes and See: Vision for the Inner Journey (Guidebooks for Growth Together)

I Close My Eyes and See Vision for the Inner Journey by Dorothy Lewis Copyright © Dorothy Lewis 1996 First publishe...

Author: Dorothy Lewis

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I Close My Eyes and See Vision for the Inner Journey

by

Dorothy Lewis

Copyright © Dorothy Lewis 1996 First published 1996. First published as an ebook 2008 ISBN 978-1-899171-11-8 All rights reserved. The contents of this book may not be reproduced in any form, except for short extracts for quotation or review, without the written permission of the publisher. British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. Set in Palatino by Findhorn Press

Published by

Findhorn Press

305a The Park, Findhorn Forres IV36 3TE Scotland Tel +44 (0)1309 690582 Fax +44(0)131 777 2711 eMail [email protected] www.findhornpress.com

Contents Introduction 1 Beginnings 2 Letting go The Rose Pool The Seat by the River The Sea Shore The Heather Moor The Flame

3 Becoming The Waste Land The Market Place Element Grounding The Tunnel The MissingPiece Child over the Wall The Mountain Pool Priorities The Gatekeeper

4 Barriers and boulders Crisis Country Comfort Fear (1) Fear (2) Anger (1) Anger (2) Anger (3) Guilt Anxiety (1) Anxiety (2) Resentment Forgiveness Barren Land Going Through

5 7 21 26 29 32 33 34

37 43 45 48 50 51 53 55 58 61

64 69 72 74 75 76 76 77 80 81 81 82 86 87 89

5 My centre, my self The Wheel The Centre of the Lake The Inner Garden The Spiral The Water-lily The Fairy Ring Being My Self, MY SELF The Mirror In Relationship: what can I offer? Bulb Planting The Star

6 The healing space The Rose Garden The Healing Space The Waterfall The Cosmic Colours The Rainbow Pool Priorities in Healing: self, other, planet

7 Joy and thankfulness The Joy Bubble Thankfulness: a short reminder High and Low The Book of Treasures Direct Dial The Prize-giving

91 95 96 97 99 101 102 105 106 108 109 111 112

115 119 120 122 124 125 128

131 133 135 136 137 139 139

8 Meditation, relaxation, affirmation

142

9 Workshops and groups

154

The Rose Flow Tighten and Relax Eyelid Relaxation The Affirmation Procedure

Who Am I? Crises: Despair or Transformation? Strength, Stability, Serenity

10 What next?

146 147 149 151 159 162 163

166

Introduction I believe that all human beings, in their lives, are looking, whether consciously or not, for reconnection with their own deep centre. And at that centre, for their near connection with every other form of life and awareness. It is separation from this depth in us, the Quaker ‘that of God in everyone’, that makes us confused, angry and ill. It stops us being whole and healthy people. And in this context ‘wholeness’, the balance of mental, emotional and physical energies, is extended to include the deeper spiritual areas of being. Many clients ask me to help them contact their spirituality. Why is this so difficult? We are born Spirit, materially expressed through the wide range of mental, emotional and physical energies. But though we rarely forget to nourish our physical existence, we frequently neglect not only our spiritual, but also our mental and emotional balance. I do not now find it necessary to see the spiritual as a separate area of life. I can pour a cup of tea, cuddle my granddaughter, clean the loo, in a space that involves the whole of me, and that is as spiritual as material. It’s a bit like a see-saw, this balance, labelled ‘spiritual’ at one end, and ‘material’ at the other. If I go to the material end, it crashes down, and the see-saw is useless for further play. Choose the spiritual end and again it goes out of action. But if I can stand at the fulcrum, one foot on either side, then I can sway gently to the appropriate edge, while remaining centred and therefore truly functional. The exercises in this book, then, are to help you find your centred place, and to explore answers to the basic deep life questions common to all humanity at one stage or other: ‘Who am I? How am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? What is the meaning? Is there a meaning?’ The outer periphery of life, busyness, anxiety, stress, work, even success provides no intelligible answer. But find the balanced centre within yourself, and from that inner secu-

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I Close My Eyes and See

rity I believe you can begin to discover your answers, and perhaps at the same time unleash your personal creativity and life contribution. So where do you start? The first, most difficult, step is to get to know yourself. And to be kind, even to love yourself. This means letting go of fixed ideas, of selfdenigration, of old moralities, of long-practised habits, of worn-out relationships, and particularly of imposed ideas. It means letting go of the many distortions hiding your true reality. Most of these have been laid on you by other people. Once they have been recognised and discarded, then your true life direction can become clearer. Through guided imagination, and through deepening spiritual perception, you can again become at ease with the core of your being, and many healing resources will then be available to you. So you become a new person — yet not a new person — rather the person you were born to be. Not all at once, not easily, but increasingly with surprise, delight and creativity: personality marching with soul. From this centred approach you can begin realistically to tackle the many boulders and barriers on your life path - anger, fear, guilt, anxiety ... And then there is thankfulness and, as outreach, healing not only for you, but for all life, including that of the planet. It is not an easy journey, and you will need the quiet spaces of meditation and of reinforcing affirmation to move you from the places where you ‘stick’, so that you can again push steadily on. Don’t be too serious. This is an adventure, and can be fun. One of my groups worked together monthly for over three years with tenderness, compassion, mutual insight — frequently with howls of laughter! This book is immensely practical. The exercises need to cover a wide spectrum of experience, for spiritual direction, discovery and awareness involve every aspect of human life. Your unconscious will gladly respond by giving you the information you need. Using the visualisation method you can begin to explore, to move on, and to find, one by one, further waymarks for your inner journey. Good working!

Chapter l

Beginnings

Get your boots on, and let’s be off! The exercises in this book are to facilitate the next stage of your inner journey. For some of you it will be a new beginning — of travelling forward consciously. For some it will just be a new section of a familiar path. For everyone opportunities are offered for further exploration, sharper focus and fresh insights. The aim, in practical terms, is to help you learn more about yourself and how to shift your attitudes, change your habits, and gain insight into some of your life problems, in order to grow and become whole. ‘Wholeness’, in this context, is the balance of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual areas of being. Furthermore, the exercises will help you regularly to be in touch with your own centre; this will increase your awareness appreciation, and familiarity with the centre of all life-forms, and, indeed, with the Centre of Life itself. Thus you may begin to sense your place in the pattern of the Universe, your belonging and your absolute self-worth. This recognition will also bring to you the realisation that your personal search, persistence and trust not only can bring wholeness and health to yourself, but in a very real way can contribute to the healing of the planet. Those are the aims, yours is the work! So we set out. The beginning of any journey calls for preparation. We decide what we must leave behind, what we need to take, and perhaps how we can travel light. What are the basic requirements? It is difficult to know what we will need when we do not know exactly where we are going. It is a case, really, of just being prepared to travel and having a good deal of trust that it will turn out all right. We will get there in the end. So where is ‘there’? Am I aiming ‘out there’? Am I

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aiming ‘up there’? Am I holding onto a moral handrail or a dogmatic rope to make sure that I arrive there safely? Many of us do, and are. We have a picture of a beautiful mountain range, the farthest mountain tinged with purple. One day I shall stand on that mountain. I shall have ‘arrived’. I shall be ‘whole’. And in one sense, yes, perhaps that is a symbol of ‘enlightenment’, whatever that may mean to you and me. But the beginning of the journey is here and now. I cannot travel except from a starting point. And I need to be clear about my present position. A house built on sand crumbles. An inner journey needs a good solid outer life, from which to make exploratory inner sorties. What are my present strengths? What are my weaknesses? What is my favourite ‘safe’ role to hide behind? How heavy are my blinkers? I cannot easily change my past, and I do not know my future. It is from now that I look at, and experience life, and paradoxically it is now that takes me up the mountain. For it is a strange and amazing thing that sometimes, when I am deeply involved in the now, perhaps at times of great sadness or great joy, or for no apparent reason, something happens. It is as if, suddenly, my hand is taken, and never mind study, or effort, or persistence, I am standing, just for a moment, at the top of the mountain. It is there. I am part of it, and then, almost instantly, it is gone again. But I am left ‘knowing’ in a way different from before. For the inner-ness comes always through the now. I, as a human being, have to let my physical body relax and be comfortable, so that it can hold me safely and comfortably for my inner journeying. And the paradox continues. Although I must learn to detach from emotional strictures and rigid habits, at the same time I must respect and care for the physical cover which is mine — for it is the only medium through which I can express my findings. But first, let us begin to see ourselves just as energy. (This is an understanding that can make life look very different,

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and can explain many anomalies.) Practical exercises will help us appreciate the reality of this concept.

Subtle anatomy We all know a little about our own physical anatomy: organs, bones, muscles, nerves, tissues, cells, etc.. When any of these are in trouble we tend to go to the doctor. And if the trouble is serious, we may be sent off to hospital to have our body ‘machine’ serviced. For until recently, this is how it has been. Some years ago I was in hospital for a two-week observation period to try to sort out a gut problem. When my identity bracelet was fastened to my wrist, my machine identity that is, I apparently flew out of the window. Instead, I became ‘the gut in bed 27’. My intuition, my sensitivity, my femininity, my adulthood were all wiped out in total non-recognition. I watched a ward of grown-up competent women virtually reduced to the behaviour of four-year-old children, meekly obeying some of the most ridiculous, non-essential, humiliating directions I have ever heard or hope to hear. It actually took me several days after discharge to regain the real me and to recognise again that I am the expert on my life and to act accordingly. The situation is now changing. Doctors and nurses are being helped to admit their own vulnerability, to let go of the defensive need to be ‘God’(i.e. He who decrees, knows best) and to relate to people as people, not as machines. Two recent books by an American surgeon, Bernie Siegel, give an amazing picture of what can happen when healing, including surgery, is directed at the whole person. This man knows all about the physical machine and its need for service, but he also knows about the basic LifeLove energy and about Spirit. His emphasis rests on the totality of life. So, bearing our physical mechanism in mind, as our necessary presentation in the world, let’s look at the

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subtle anatomy that energises the physical. Imagine the etheric energy as a fine and beautiful web of light. This is the energy you sense as you hold your hands very near an animal, plant or person. The web is the same shape as the physical body, including organs and all anatomical parts. It is the vital force on which the physical matter rests. Within the web, as the light continually moves, there are an enormous number of crossing points. Some of these are minor, but every now and then we find a major junction. In the East these major junctions are called chakras (or wheels) and are seen as spinning vortices of light. I am just going to refer to them as centres. Usually these centres are thought of as being just behind the spine. At this stage of our study the precise positioning is unimportant. All we need to recognise is that every human being is vitalised through seven major centres. Each centre allows its energy to flow into the physical body through a major gland, e.g. the throat centre flows through the thyroid gland. And each centre’s energy controls a specific area of the body. For now, I want to look at the centres as related to our quest for further spiritual perception and personal growth. It would seem that the base centre, located at the bottom of the spine, holds the physical will to be; it is not flourishing if our physical ease/nurture/environment is poor. The sacral centre, at the level of our genital sexual area denotes physical creativity. This is the energy to do with making babies, building a house, perpetuating the species, and so on. The solar plexus, roughly at stomach level, is the centre of personal identity: I want, I need, I must have, I am afraid, I am happy, I am of worth (or more often, I am of no worth). It is here, in a physical way very often, that I feel afraid (collywobbles in my tummy), or feel ‘kicked in the gut’ by someone hurting me emotionally, or feel sick with... or sick of... It is very rare indeed for a healer not to pick up tumultuous feelings at solar plexus level. (This comment applies to the planet too!) The three centres so far described are all below the diaphragm. They are necessarily functioning reasonably

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well in every human being, in order to allow actual physical living on earth. I need to be physically sound and clear about my present identity — boundaries, needs, etc. — to create what I need for survival. Above the diaphragm we come to what are popularly known as the ‘higher’ centres: the life-promoting heart centre; the throat centre, holding the energy of abstract creativity; the brow centre, that of inner seeing; and the crown centre, through which flows the spiritual will to be. If you think of these centres symbolically as budding flowers, then they only open as the relevant energies are recognised and nurtured. What do I mean by that? Well, let’s look at the heart centre. This is the centre to which the life thread is actually attached. (Heart centre energy feeds the physical heart, and when that stops beating, we are dead.) But the life thread is also the love thread — pure, beautiful, unconditional love. Flowing through humans it is the love that makes no demands, expects nothing back, is clear unsullied compassion. Only then, as I gradually learn to use and experience compassionate love can my heart centre flower begin gently to open further. This is very different from solar plexus love, which is focused on my needs. ‘If I love you, I expect you to love me.’ Why don’t my children love me, I’ve given them everything...?’ And so on... As we grow spiritually, we hope to encourage the flow of energy through our higher centres. And I hasten to add that, in my opinion, this comes through living. One reads of weekend courses that advertise, ‘We will open all your chakras during the week-end’. Help! For this can be done, but how do you deal, suddenly, with all that new energy for which you may not be ready? No, heart love needs practice. And again personally, I cannot accept that to use the energy of the higher centres means to turn one’s back on the lower centres. I still need my practical creativity; I need physical nurture, and my identity changes only gradually. The process is inclusive, enriching, and refocusing. It is also, by necessity, holistic. So I need to learn to link higher and lower centres

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to gain wholeness. Usually the first link is solar plexus to heart developing my capacity to love. And I need too to link my abstract creativity with actual physical creativity. The idea of this book came in very clear form — good — but for it actually to happen, I have no choice but to sit down and write. Then, interestingly, the connection is made, and as I write, the concrete and abstract play together. Finally, I need to link my physical be-ing with the aching need for spiritual be-ing. And my developing insight can help me regulate my physical well-being. And this is a gentle process, a growth process. Life is like that - growth or atrophy, no standing still. Crises appear and push people into making one of the links: illness, loss, tragedy, sometimes great joy or ‘miracles’, and they are off again. Or how about the man or woman who is a great ‘success’ and suddenly finds it all hollow, and needs his or her spiritual be-ing to be awakened and encouraged before utter despair sets in? You can find your own illustrations. Are you asking ‘How? How do I do it?’ Simple. You start from now. From all you have learned in life. From all the loss, the disappointment, the hollow spaces, the joy, the expectation. And you deliberately work on your personality integration. There are three main strands of energy that make up your personality: mental, emotional, and physical. It is important for your growth that these three energies flow easily and companionably, and that there is no great imbalance. Once the three streams of the personality’s composition are balanced, then its own single presenting energy can be clear and focused. You are individual and precious, and must not be hindered in filling your unique part of the life pattern because your personality energies are at war. Obviously, as energy does flow and fluctuate, sometimes one and sometimes another energy takes temporary precedence. But then they will return to the easy balanced flow. I find it helpful to picture the process as an energy

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flow round a triangle. Each point is ‘home’ to one of the three energies, and I can watch the continuing multiple flow even out, until (as if) I picture just one bright circuit of integration. Perhaps sometimes there may appear a sudden burst of one colour. Perhaps another colour may sometimes appear faded. But you persist, in your imagination, till the flow settles and turns to light. You may be surprised sometimes to see which energy is trying to take over, or which is drawing back. With the imagination as a tool, this is easy to correct. Remember, symbols too are energy and, so to speak, have a life of their own. If your intention really is to work towards integration, then symbolic work as if literally helps it to happen, and energy flows towards the desired goal. Then comes the next step. You have temporarily achieved personality integration, and this integrated energy is seeking the next level of awareness. It is at this stage that you begin to make steady soul connection. But ‘soul’ for you is the tiny spark of soul energy that you have brought with you for this life. And you, and you, and you, and I all hold these sparks. Ultimately they belong to the oversoul of all humanity. When I first started working with this concept I ‘saw’ my personality triangle, and over it, upside down, an umbelliferae flower, with its roots going right up, far beyond understanding, into Spirit. And my connection was just one tiny flower of the big flower. You have another, and you, and you, and you... as we all work back to Spirit, and grow and flourish and ... go home? Try using this particular exercise daily, over a week or two, both for your balance and for your reaching out. Notice that the energy relationship is twofold. From the tip of your personality triangle energy reaches up to the floret, to the whole flower, and to the Spirit roots themselves. And in turn, into the tip of your personality triangle comes energy from the floret, the whole flower, and the Spirit roots themselves. Thus are invocation and evocation synthesised.

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Creative visualisation In the exercises which follow, we are exploring the method of inner travel that we label creative visualisation. For those of you who have not yet experienced work with this method, there may be a treat in store. It is based on the use of the imagination. At this point some of you may say, ‘I don’t have a good imagination.’ Don’t you? What made you decide to read this book? You imagined that it might be pleasant, good for you, interesting. From that imagined result you made your decision. How do you choose a present, an outing, a treat? You imagine that you will enjoy it. You even make up your shopping list by imagining what you will need for meals for the next day or two. Some years ago I had a lovely example of the answer to this ‘no imagination’ comment. A patient of mine, a little old lady crippled with headache, high blood-pressure, tension, came to me fortnightly for healing. Each time she came she was so stiff that I almost felt that if I put one finger under her she would lift, all in one piece, like a board. She went away beautifully floppy and relaxed, but always managed to stiffen up before the next session. So one day, as she was leaving, I said to her, ‘Janet, would you do some imagining for me each morning? When you get up, just imagine yourself under a beautiful waterfall, not of water, but of colour.’ I told her the colours to use, suggesting that she allow them to sink right into her. But at once she started to tighten up and remonstrated, ‘I can’t do that, I can’t imagine, I can’t...’ Quickly, I told her to forget it, and that I would do it for her. A fortnight later, back she came, and as soon as she got into the room she asked, ‘You know that waterfall. Could it be a bath?’ I was a little taken aback, but after a moment said ‘Yes, I think so. But why?’ ‘Oh, first thing in the morning a waterfall is too cold.’ No imagination? So, we already use imagination for planning, that is,

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working alongside our logical thought process. We can also use it to connect past, present, and future courses of action, to make responsible choices, to empathise with another human being, and to connect physical and emotional areas of our life. Imagination can be seen as an inner sense of sight. Memory and imagination link closely. But to remember a telephone number, for example, is very different from remembering, with imagination, a past incident with all its emotional connotations, and perhaps then seeing how to repeat or modify reactions to a similar situation in the present. The visualisation process may be used for stress reduction, as an adjunct to positive thinking, even for healing of memories or of the physical body. But at present, in my work, I offer creative visualisation as a means of touching a truly inner sense of sight. I can get to know the hidden, deeply buried parts of myself (often buried because of a deep hurt, and too painful to look at from the ‘outside’). This knowledge adds to my ‘now’, my outer place, from where I start my inner journeying. Perhaps I can release blockages from my childhood, so that I can function more wholly again. Perhaps I can ‘let go’ and forgive myself. Perhaps, most important, I can find through my imagination, my creative imagination a person in me that I can respect, enjoy, even love. Once I can love myself, then I can begin, with compassion, to know how to love other humans and, indeed, all life-forms. Love begets love — and it starts here. When I really begin to know and love myself, it seems that I can go further, and a different, very beautiful awareness opens up for me. It is not exclusive to this ordinary human life, but inclusive, a different perspective. Joseph Campbell, researching and writing about myth and the power of myth, says of creative imagination that it is ‘the landscape of the soul ... a transformation of consciousness’. I agree with him, for I have found this to be true. You may be thinking, ‘But what is the difference between creative visualisation and daydreaming? Good

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question, for there is a very fine line here. I see daydreaming as an idle, possibly pleasurable ‘drifting’ of the imagination, an unreal, uncontrolled ‘running away from life’. Certainly it is travelling just on emotional energy and is an equivalent, perhaps, to Mills and Boon, or a light escapist detective novel. Creative visualisation, as I see it, is the harnessing of imagination with a purpose, to an end, for the discovery of a wider, deeper, more holistic view of life. So what exactly is the method? There are many, many ways of using visualisation. When clients visit me for a two-day intensive working treat for themselves, we use three or four different approaches. But in this book I shall be suggesting to you, in preparation, that you become as comfortable and relaxed as may be. Then that you close your eyes and follow the story I shall tell you, using your imagination to ‘see’ it. Frequently there will be gaps in the story, and these you will allow your unconscious to fill. Don’t think, don’t try, just ‘watch’. This is right side of the brain work, the side that is holistic, non-sensible, creative, intuitive. It works largely in pictures and symbols, and you will gradually have to learn to crack your own code. (What does a mouse, for example, mean to you? What is the feeling? Different from mine, in all probability.) It may also bring accompanying insights and personal connections. The logical, familiar left side of the brain may try to butt in as you are working. ‘What does that mean? Isn’t that silly? This won’t do any good. What’s the connection?’ Don’t let it. Banish any intruding thoughts, and just concentrate on the story. Afterward, that side might be useful, in a common sense sort of interpretation. But it is equally likely that while you are doing the washing up, several days later,you will suddenly say ‘That’s what that is about...’ a further right side comment. Now, a general point about the exercises in this book: you are likely to find considerable overlap. For example, ‘Letting Go’ will necessarily also appear in later chapters. Similarly many exercises may show you one face or an-

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other of the emotional problems presented in the ‘Barriers and Boulders’ chapter. How could it be otherwise when, as human beings, we are just shifting collections of energies? To allow the flow is a huge part of the process. Find the exercises that help you, and begin with those. Remember, they can be repeated and repeated. Remember also that the stories can be used over and over again. Insight for today is not the same as insight for tomorrow. Your unconscious will never run out of material. Remember too that you are not working with your body. You need to be comfortable physically. The initial relaxation process is part of the exercise. For then you are able to allow your imagination to flow free without physical distraction.

Practicalities To use the exercises in this book you will either need to work with someone else, who can read out the content, or to tape the exercise for yourself. As you do this, be sure to allow a one- or two-minute pause at each marked gap. Gradually you will find the timing that is right for you. The first relaxation exercise needs quite long pauses. Some of the others may just need the one minute — which can seem quite a long time. Working with a group almost always creates timing problems. Some people image instantly and find waiting for the next section tedious. Others say they feel hurried. You just have to find a happy medium. A few people, when working on their own, turn the tape off at each pause, give themselves the time they need, and turn it on again to continue. If that method suits you, fine. I find it a little distracting and cumbersome. The first step, once the tape is made, or your friend is ready, is to ensure that you will not be interrupted. Take the phone off, put a notice on the door. You are giving yourself an important present. Allow yourself the dignity and worth to receive it in full. The second step is to make yourself as comfortable as possible, so that your body is not demanding attention

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and you can really enjoy the opening relaxation. The third step is mentally to send the left side of your brain, the logical side, out for a walk! Give full scope to the intuitive material flowing in through the right side. Experience it, watch the pictures, notice the symbols, and don’t think, censor or compare as you go along. The fourth step is to give yourself time, at the end of the exercise to come back to your ‘sensible’ life. You may have travelled a long way, so don’t rush the return journey. And the fifth step is to concretise the experience. Talk it over with a trusted friend, or if that is not possible write down, perhaps in journal form, what happened. Or draw a picture. A method I have found useful here, particularly if you ‘can’t draw’, is just to take oil pastels (a rich but easily handled medium) and colour a sheet of paper with the residual feelings. This will not be a deliberately thought-out picture or pattern. If you start at the centre of the paper and just let the colours build up, uncensored, you will get results that feel very satisfying. I have four or five of these ‘patterns’ on my living room wall and they attract a lot of interest, as well as providing support for me. Sometimes if anger surges up, to cover a sheet in rich black or red can feel hugely rewarding. The final step is to leave any unclear sections for now. The left side of your brain perhaps can not make sense of some of the symbols. Let the right side work on them unbidden. The process continues quietly once the material is released from the unconscious. And tomorrow, or next week, perhaps while you are busy doing household chores, suddenly the insight clarifies. My favourite example of this comes from a woman who sent every six months or so for another personal tape. The second side of these tapes is made up of a collection of short visualisations, to work with over the six-month period. Some therefore are not immediately clear . She rang me up to thank me for the latest tape saying, ‘There is just one visualisation I can make no sense of at

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all. The picture you suggested of worms dancing underground!’ ‘Do you like it?’ ‘Oh yes, it’s fun but I don’t know why.’ I suggested she work with it from time to time, and wait and see. Six months later she rang to ask for another tape and said, ‘You know those worms?’ ‘Yes, have you found what they mean?’ ‘Oh yes, it was all about breaking new ground and this is exactly what happened!’ Use the questions and comments at the end of each exercise to help in your exploration. But take note also of any connections that come to mind, however apparently irrelevant. Your unconscious is offering up material for you to scrutinise — all for your growing, so use it. One of the fascinating things, as you work consciously from the inner space, is the synchronicity that sometimes emerges. Synchronicity occurs when inner and outer experiences merge. This can be quite startling. Some years ago, when I was quite new both to visualisation, and to inner journey adventures, I went to a psychosynthesis workshop in London. One of the visualisations was to do with a journey, taking three objects to help us, and eventually finding a treasure. One of my ‘helpful’ symbols was a pregnant cow. And while I was down in a cave finding my treasure, the cow gave birth at the mouth of the cave. Fortunately, one of my other helpful symbols was a little old man, who knew how to cope! I understood the symbols — it was a hugely important time of rebirth for me. And I travelled back from London in a somewhat bemused state. However, I was far more bemused when, the following day, I took the dogs out for a walk and going through a field saw a cow in apparent distress. Putting the dogs on the lead, I went to investigate. In front of my astonished eyes, the cow gave birth to ‘my’ calf! — synchronicity indeed! It felt like a huge affirmation of the inner experience. Sometimes it is not quite so obvious. The final visualisation on a personal tape is often a flower, as symbol of

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the person’s present life condition or space. To one man I gave a Canterbury Bell. Neither of us could make connection with this. But a couple of weeks later he sent me a postcard telling me that he had been to a Christmas party where they had played old-fashioned party games. He won Pass the Parcel, and on removing the final wrapping found a packet of seeds — Canterbury Bell seeds! Then it made sense. In the summer he would see the results of what he was just beginning to be ready to sow in his life — and indeed it was so! Remember too, that all life-forms, as ourselves, are energy. Symbols have an energy of their own. Whether or not you understand them, they will still work for you. You are resurrecting a bit of trapped energy, and adding its positive flow to your resources. Nit-picking isn’t necessary — just allow. The purpose of all these exercises is that they will add to your growing. Believe it. How is the scenery so far? In a minute we’ll be deciding what you need to carry on this inner journey. Meanwhile, enjoy the view.

Chapter 2

Letting go

Nobody would start on a long hike with a backpack crammed full of useless material. The longer the journey is to be, the more careful the selection. While running a tiny guest house in Swaledale, at the midpoint of the coast-tocoast walk, I well remember one couple who said ruefully, ‘If only we hadn’t packed an extra pair of shoes’. Just one pair of shoes not needed, but the extra weight seemed to increase by the step. The inner journey is just the same. I often suggest, at the beginning of a workshop, that folk imagine themselves taking off the backpack they are still wearing as they sit. It is packed with all their previous concepts, their expectations, their fixed beliefs, and their self-images. In all probability it is also nicely weighed down with current problems. I ask them to take off the pack and put it down safely by the door, leaving it there all day. Then they can be free to enjoy the new material, with openness. At the end of the day they can collect their luggage again if they so choose. At that point they may need to re-sort the contents. Perhaps something can be discarded, either to make room for new content, or just joyfully to make space and lighten the burden. Try it for yourself. Even if you are not at the moment weighed down with a heavy rucksack, what are you carrying in your day-pack? For we find it so difficult to let go. Drop your shoulders as you read this. Did you know that you were holding tension? Why? You can trust your chair to support you, but habit says, ‘Hold on’. Yet on our inner journey, where there will be change upon change upon change, it is essential that we travel light and that the skills we do pack really are needed for our journey. So what do you personally have to leave behind,

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in order to travel light? Have a look. Which old habits, which pretences? Which attitudes? These are all far too hard and lumpy to be carried far without discomfort. To be soft, vulnerable and open will maybe eventually mean that you don’t have to carry any extra weight at all, but that takes time, and the process is just starting. Can you make a decision to start now: just to sit quietly for a few minutes, and to let your thoughts drift? Pick one minor unnecessary hang-up, prejudice or worry and decide to throw that out! You may say, ‘That is impossible - I was brought up to believe...’ All right, I recognise that one. Maybe you’re trying too hard — it’s a minor worry, remember. But in any case, the answer lies in the magic words as if. ‘Such and such always irritates me unbearably. OK, but from now on, I’m going to act as if it doesn’t matter at all. I may at first still feel cross and irritated, but I take no notice of that, I just act as if. Try it. And gradually, gradually your unconscious gets the message, ‘This is of no importance; I shan’t bother to waste energy getting annoyed’, and one day you realise that the irritating event occurred, and you never even bothered to notice it. Many of our major hang ups and fixed attitudes, however, arise from our vulnerability and lack of self-worth. We will be looking at these problems later. But don’t wait to start letting go what you can, meanwhile. And what about the big luggage? How do you let that go? As if still holds the key. One woman told me of her enormous grief when, after a disagreement with her daughter, the daughter withdrew and took the grandchildren with her. Although they only lived an hour’s drive apart the woman’s ill health prevented her taking any practical initiative. All attempts at reconciliation by letter failed. Her daughter was adamant in her attitude. The woman said that to lose all the lovely small-children-growing-up period, particularly with the little granddaughter with whom she was especially close, seemed absolutely unbearable. Weeks went by, months went by, and she realised that somehow she must stop

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endlessly grieving and let go. It seemed necessary first to respect her grief, and, bravely, she allowed herself to experience it fully. For two days, and most of two nights, she cried and cried. At the end of that time she felt able to say ‘I can let go’. She couldn’t feel the process, but acted as if. To her amazement, the energy almost immediately changed. It really felt as though she had let go, and it was over. For a whole week, in disbelief, she kept testing! Going out into the garden she thought, ‘My little granddaughter may never play here again’ and was able to reply, ‘That’s a pity, but never mind.’ So she had released a huge piece of luggage. Of course, that was not quite the end of the story. Months later, grief could still be triggered for short periods: by a dress, exactly right for the granddaughter, that could not be bought and sent because it would be unwelcome; by the sight of other grandparents enjoying their grandchildren, having cuddles, and fun. But the as if continued, and the utter devastation is gone. I believe also that if we refuse to let go, life occasionally comes along and clobbers us, giving no choice. Like the man who consistently refused to question his unsatisfactory lifestyle, take notice of his failing marriage, or uncover possible inner strength in himself. All this he avoided by immersing himself totally in his work. The only self-worth he could dredge up depended on his career. No way would he let that go! But as the stress built up he bolstered himself with drink. Eventually, he found he was an alcoholic. Through drink, he lost his wife, his home, his money, even his health, and sank to the very depth of existence. It took two years, drying out after drying out, until the process finally enabled him to find his real self for the first time in his life. His life attitude now is completely changed. He is employed in a totally different area of less stressful, non-competitive work and thoroughly enjoys it. Best of all, he now has contact with an inner strength

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he had never before glimpsed, and his growing sense of self-worth, this time, has a sound basis that will not fade away into the previous hollow pretence. But what a painful necessity. The exercises in this chapter offer help in the letting go process, mainly through relaxation. This is not only for the physical body. As Love is drawn in, emotional energy can also be cleared and restored. We give ourselves permission, just for a time, for worry, grief, personal problems to flow by. Then the whole being can relax and let go. And this reminds us that looking at what we carry is just one side of the picture. It is necessary too to look at the person carrying. To carry even skills lightly, you need to be strong. Are you nurturing yourself well these days? Nurture, the dictionary states, means ‘to bring up, to educate, to nourish’. Setting out on this cycle of your inner journey, it is time for you to notice how you are, or are not, nurturing yourself, and also, because we are regarding the now — not yesterday or tomorrow — to be practical in your perceptions. How are you nurturing your mental energies, this very week? What does your intellect need? Does it need more involvement in your life, or does it already take priority and sometimes need to be sent out for a walk? See how it is, and if necessary try, in some small specific way, to rebalance. (Perhaps let some of its effort go to light entertainment?) What do your emotions need? Do they only get satisfaction in certain strongly defined areas of your life? Could you widen these? (How about being daring and trying a totally new activity for possible pleasure?) Are your emotions usually strictly under control? How can you shift this, open up, blossom? Is your physical nurturing satisfactory? Do you eat, sleep, exercise in a balanced way? If you are disabled in any way, do you say, ‘Ah well, I can’t do that’ and let it go or do you say,’OK, I’ll substitute that?’ It’s an odd thing, that the more centred and self-respecting one becomes, the more the balance between these

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three energies also shifts and centres. I get many clients who come to me and say, ‘I want to lose weight’. And I tell them, ‘Fine, but I don’t work that way. I shan’t suggest diet, or will-power, or exercises. Let’s just see what’s the matter with your life.’ And we work on centring, and self-worth, and discovering creativity, and lots about relationships, especially the outer/inner relationship. And we don’t mention weight. What happens? Suddenly the weight drops off. ‘But I didn’t diet.’ No, because once the weight wasn’t needed, as comfort or protection, it disappeared, just like that. So meanwhile, don’t think too hard about this. Just sit quietly and perceive your intellect’s need, or greed. (We’ll be looking at ‘true perception’ later). Jot down any of your discoveries. Do the same for your emotional and physical energies. See where the imbalances might affect or hold up your spiritual growing. Once you have truly perceived, don’t be surprised at what happens, or what you spontaneously need to do. Don’t criticise yourself. Don’t try. Just perceive and allow. Nurture then, travels alongside letting go. Life energies seem to me always to be seeking balance. As electricity needs to establish negative and positive poles before it can flow freely, so we have to learn to move between energy polarities in our lives. On the one hand, let go. On the other , build up. And so it continues. Remember, as you set out on the new cycle of the inner journey, it is not a journey that you make on your own. There are many fellow travellers. But, most exciting, you are allowing the Great Life Force to welcome you and help you as you travel on . This first exercise is a fairly long relaxation. I have included it in this section as a first complete letting go. Several clients have commented plaintively, ‘If I use it at night, I never hear the end — I’m asleep’. This is one good way to use it. It can also be a huge restorative if you can find a quiet place in the lunch hour, or a booster when you get home, frazzled from a tiring day’s work.

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Nothing to do but be cosseted! Enjoy it. And whether you use it by taping or reading out loud, relate this particular exercise slowly and quietly, allowing plenty of space between each stage.

The Rose Pool Imagine yourself wandering in a lovely rose garden. Enjoy the scent as well as the sight. Choose the rose you can most appreciate today: pale pink, deep crimson, peach, yellow, white. Whatever you choose will be right for you. [pause] Find yourself lying down in a comfortable place. At your feet there is a pool of the colour of your chosen rose. Today, the colour of this rose holds for you the energy of love. Allow it to surround your feet —your toes, arches, heels, ankles. Because it is colour it can soak into your feet, soothing and relaxing bones, muscles, nerves, tissues, cells. Let your feet go limp in this gentle holding. [pause] Now the colour moves up into your legs, into your calves, knees and thighs. Let the tight calf muscles relax into it, let your knee joints be soothed and lubricated, let your thighs gently appreciate the caring warmth. From toe to thigh you are now quietly cosseted and relaxed. Notice how good it feels. [pause] The energy moves on into your seat. Allow the tight seat muscles to give way to the rosy glow. Allow your abdomen, gut and internal organs to be washed, refreshed and soothed as the love energy filters through. Your gut particularly needs this kind of loving. Let it be soaked in rose colour. [pause] Your stomach is next. It works so hard each day digesting everything you put into it and dealing with churned emotions. It really needs this rosy tonic. Feel the warmth and comfort as the healing energy flows in. [pause]

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Then go down to the base of your spine. Slowly and thoroughly, vertebra by vertebra, paint each joint with rose, allowing the bone to be rejuvenated and strengthened. Let the supporting muscles go limp, and the pairs of spinal nerves release. Now move up from the base, up and up, past the waist, into the upper back and finally to the base of your skull. Picture the whole spine, glad and glowing in the rose light. Feel its relaxed strength. [pause] Then your shoulders. Let the energy feel like gently massaging fingers, massaging with rose! Muscles may even jump, as they relax. Feel the tension go from the area across the shoulder blades, from the top of your shoulders, as the energy of love, rosecoloured and sweetly scented, massages, cares, and releases. [pause] Down your arms, elbows, wrists and fingers, the flow continues. From your toes to your finger tips you are now limp, heavy and gently glowing. Enjoy it. [pause] The rose progresses now to your neck. Allow the rosy fingers to press out knots, straighten imbalance and release all that miserable neck tension. Continue up the back of your head. Let the scalp loosen. Go inside, and feel the energy soothe the cranial nerves and allow your brain energy to decongest and flow free. [pause] Now the colour moves down the front of your face, and any wrinkles and furrows are eased out. Imagine rosy pads placed on your eyes, Feel the eyes relax as the colour seeps in. Then your nose, your cheekbones, and your mouth. No one is watching. Allow your jaw to drop, and your tongue to rest loosely in your mouth as the rose energy soaks in. Now your head can feel quiet and calm, open yet cared for. [pause] Then your lungs, such an important area for relaxation. With each inbreath you fill them with rose. With each outbreath the rose filters out again, bearing away any smog or congestion. Your breathing is warm and full. Experience this. [pause]

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Finally, the love energy reaches its true destination, your heart. Just imagine the rose beating in your heart, and from there gently beating through the whole of your body. You are soaked in love, worth, caring. Relax into it. [pause] Just have a quick check. Has any bit of your body tightened up again? Send a deeper rose to that part, until it again relaxes. You have allowed the Universe to help you reach this lovely relaxed space. The love energy, the rose energy, is available whenever you need it and ask. Take a few minutes watching the flow, and enjoy your relaxation. [pause] Be very gentle with yourself as you return from this deeply relaxed space. Open and close your fingers. Curl and uncurl your toes. Gently flex your muscles, stretch, bit by bit, and take your time sitting up, bringing yourself consciously together again. And be ready now, to move back, renewed, into your ordinary everyday life. Some people, when fully relaxed, like to focus their minds on a quiet scene — a placid pool, a gently flowing river, a calm sea, or a hilltop with a view. Some may just like to float on a rosy cloud, others to watch the rhythm of their relaxed breathing. You will need to find for yourself the best way of extending the relaxation as long as you wish. One small reservation for those unused to working with colour. It is probably not a good idea to choose a bright red rose, as this colour is not compatible with relaxation. On the other hand, rules are made to be broken. If that is the colour you are given, try it and see! The second exercise will give you more information about your personal letting go. You may be surprised at the things your unconscious tells you to discard. I hope you will also be pleasantly surprised as you rediscover more of who you really are, your true beautiful self, and therefore what you must and must not carry on the journey.

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The Seat by the River Spend a little time going into your quiet space. Take a deep breath, and as you breathe out, let go. Another deep breath, let go further. A third breath, and allow yourself to be quiet, safe, and still. [pause] You are walking in open countryside. It is late spring, a blowy day, with white clouds chasing across a high blue sky. Crops are just beginning to show through, and in the trees the birds are frantic with nest-building. You are alone, and enjoying yourself. [pause] Find yourself walking along a bank, high above a river bed. Very pleasant it looks down there, a slow meandering stream — quiet and still - with clumps of primroses shining out every now and then. You wonder how to get down there. [pause] Then, in the distance you see a seat by the stream and some wooden steps leading down, steep, but with a handrail. Don’t go down yet. Stand at the top of the steps and wait. We’ll go down together. [pause] There are ten steps, and you are standing on the tenth. Step down carefully to the ninth... then the eighth... and notice as you go down that your fears, problems, worries, even roles, seem to be floating up and away in the breeze. Go down to the seventh step... You are beginning to feel lighter, and much more relaxed as your troubles leave you. Go down to the sixth step... and the fifth. And by now you feel,and perhaps look, different. Your usual ‘cover’ is not needed here. You are beginning to catch glimpses of your ‘real’ self. The self that you wish you could be, the beautiful, serene, courageous self. The self you were born to be but that parents, teachers, circumstances seemed always to divert or hide .. Now it shines through. Go down to the fourth step... and the quiet energy by the seat begins to offer welcome to this ‘real’ you. Perhaps for the first time you too can recognise and affirm this inner self? Go to the third step... and the second...

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how do you look now? A different appearance? A different age? A different outlook? How do you feel? And then the first step, and you step on to the grass, walk across to the seat and sit down. [pause] It is quiet, safe, and you belong here. Nothing is afraid of this you, how could it be? So the rabbits play beside you, a squirrel rattles down to see you, birds come and go, and a butterfly lands on your knee. At this place in your centre there is no fear, no hurt, no division in life. So sink into the quiet, with the birds, the beasts and the river. If a thought comes into your mind, notice it, then pop it into a coloured bubble and watch it float up and away. It will not disturb your real stillness. Keep doing this. [pause] Then you find that a huge grey bubble has been tied to one end of your seat. I want you to fill it with all your present problems. Nothing is too big. Nothing is too small. Don’t think, don’t censor. Just allow the symbols to come to mind, and stow them away. Put everything in, take your time. And when you think you have finished, wait a moment, there will be something that you have overlooked. Put that in too. [pause] Now it is time to untie the bubble. It is too heavy to float properly, so it will just bounce gently away on the stream. Watch it until it disappears among the trees. Then, in your imagination, follow it, until the stream joins a larger stream... and that stream joins a river. (Your bubble looks much smaller now.) The river opens out into an estuary, and your grey bubble floats right out to sea, looking like a tiny dot. It bounces on the waves, and bounces on the waves, until the sun comes out, and with a pop, the bubble bursts and that tiny scrap of energy is safely neutralised in the big life sea. [pause] You return then, to the peace of the seat. Once again accepted and accepting, and belonging joyfully with all life. How do you feel now? [pause] It is time to go back, up the steps. They are easy to climb,

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and you notice that as you climb some of the protection of your outer life role has to be put on again — for once more you are up in the breeze. But you bring back with you, from your experience of your own centre, a new ability to deal with ordinary life, a new quiet and a new strength. Appreciate this. [pause] And now walk back to the place where you started. Let the images fade, return to the room where you are working — and be glad. What happened as you went down the steps? Did you feel scared, or did you enjoy the prospect of sitting on the quiet seat? One man found it quite impossible to go down, and sat on the top step, unable to risk the journey or to let go. But he was attending a weekly visualisation course, and before the end of the course he gained courage and could participate. This really pleased him — and me! How about the seat? Could you deal with your thoughts and still reach the silence? This may take practice. Just persevere. And the big bubble? One woman came for a session bothered because she felt a salesman had conned her into a business deal about which, with hindsight, she felt dubious. So he and the deal all went into the bubble. Lovely picture! Not surprisingly she dealt with the matter very efficiently, in practical terms, the week following. Could you really accept the feeling of relief as the bubble burst and life easily coped with the pinpoint of your problems? And how was it when you came back to the seat? As you returned to life’s surface level, walking home, was your energy different — more free and open? When we become preoccupied with our surface life difficulties we tend to get tunnel vision. Life just revolves round us and our problems. We lose touch with all the positive interconnections needed for our nurture. This exercise is to remind you of your place, your giving and taking, your belonging in the Universe.

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The Sea Shore Imagine that you are walking along a deserted beach, deserted except for the seagulls and the sun and the wind in the dunes. Smell it, feel it, enjoy it. [pause] Go down to the edge of the sea, and watch the waves — quiet today - gently rolling in, making tiny ripples at the water’s edge, then sucking quietly back on the ebb. In and out, in and out, matching your breathing now. [pause] The water is cold and clear round your feet, and as you paddle you make patterns. Then the next wavelet patterns itself round you, and yours are the splashings. [pause] Then the sun, the gentle wind, and the quiet lead you up the beach, near the dunes, to find a place beyond the high tide mark. And you lie, eyes closed, sun warm on your face, warm sand under you holding you safe and dry, and you listen. You listen to the sound of the sea, and to the cries of the seagulls, and to the rustle of the grass on the dunes. You even imagine you can hear the sound of the sand around you, responding to the sound of your own breathing. And you lie quiet, accepted and accepting, belonging in the rhythm of the Universe. [pause] Now come back quietly, holding within you the relaxation and support you have just experienced. This exercise too is to allow you to recognise your own worth, validated just by being alive in the world. You are a necessary, integrated part of the pattern of the Universe. Without you something would be missing. The more you can appreciate who you are born to be and act on this knowledge, the more you can contribute. ‘Act’ does not necessarily mean ‘do’; it may have more to do with just being.

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The Heather Moor Settle down, watch your breathing, in - out, in - out, until you feel calm, relaxed, and ready to begin. [pause] It is a hot sunny day, late July, blue sky, high clouds, soft breeze. You are on your own, going for a walk on the moors. The track is dry and sandy. In the distance you can see waves of hot air rising. A lark is shouting above you, a few sheep are grazing, and all around you is the heather — wave upon wave of purply pink, and the scent is overpowering. [pause] The track leads down to the gill, a gently trickling peat brown stream running totally clear over the stones. Take off your sandals and sit, feet in the clean cold water, sun on your back, breeze occasionally ruffling your hair, and just gently be. [pause] The odd bee lumbers past, and a tiny insect whines high past your face... A sheep coughs, again the lark shouts high. In the silence become aware of your breathing. Go deeper. Be aware of your heartbeat. And then, without actually hearing, be aware of the heartbeat of the bee..., the lark..., the insect... and the sheep. Then the rhythm of the stream, of the stones, and of the fell itself — all different rhythms, all needed in the life pattern. Sit quietly, listen, feel. Even the heather - its spirit singing in full bloom - adds to your total feeling of belonging. The heart of the universe is touching you, you recognise its deep space, and feel, in turn, its acknowledgment of your tiny contribution. [pause] It is time to go home. Put your sandals on, head back along the track, share in the quiet singing of the heather. Remember... [pause] Now let yourself come back, from that lovely place, to the room where you are working. Stretch, open your eyes, and return to your ordinary life, refreshed.

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This last exercise goes a little further into the belonging aspect of letting go. If you genuinely can offer up your life difficulties as if you are letting them go, then life has the wonderful ability to transmute that energy and return it to you as strength. In practice you know this. Once you have at last managed to live through a difficult life experience and have accepted it, even without apparent choice, then it seems that your understanding, compassion and endurance are strengthened. Isn’t this true? This visualisation can be used again and again as a resource to help you in your attempts at letting go. Use it.

The Flame In each of us, in all life, there is a flame — the Life Flame, the Love Flame, the Connective Flame. In times of grief and distress this flame is hard to recognise. But it is only like a fire damped down for the night. Open it up, bring in air, and it blazes again. We are going to work with this flame now. Relax, let go, be ready... [pause] Imagine yourself as one in a circle of people, each holding a small lit candle. Notice your surroundings — a church, a temple, a garden, open countryside — wherever you find yourself. Look round the circle and see if you recognise anyone? [pause] In the centre of the circle is a huge and beautiful flame. It is purple, green, blue, orange, all the rainbow colours. And each person is bringing to the flame something he or she needs to let go - anger, grief, sorrow, despair... and places the little candle with the others, closely around the centre flame. You give your offering now. Do you know what it is? Offer it anyway. [pause] And the flame deepens as the candles are swallowed up and is more perfect for what it has received. Be still, and feel the outpouring of life and love and connection. [pause] You become aware that now, in place of the offered candles, there is a circle of rosebuds. Each rosebud is a perfectly shaped

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candleholder. Take one, and with it a new white candle. Dip this candle into the centre flame, and as it lights, place it in your candleholder — the rose, you remember, is the symbol of love — and return to your place in the circle. [pause] Again there is a circle of lit candles, but the energy is very different. Empathise, inside as out. Feel your Heart Flame gently but consciously burning. Notice your companions — you are not alone. And you, as they, hold part of the Life Flame, the Love Flame, the Connective Flame. It is always there, steady and strong, and can receive any trouble, negativity or loss, transmute it, and pass back to you the steadiness and strength you so much need. [pause] So leave the circle - each returning to his or her own place. Take your rosebud candle home, the love symbol holding the light symbol, and place it where you will often notice it. If ever the flame goes down, all you need to do is to take to the Life Flame whatever you need to offer and allow it to be swallowed up and transmuted. When you return home, your new little candle can burn brightly again. Have a last look at it now, in its own place. [pause] And now, in your own time, let the images fade. Stretch, open your eyes, and come back to the room where you are working. Spend a little time thinking about the insights you have gained from this experience. It might be interesting to notice who were your companions in the circle. Did you know they were fellow travellers? Were you clear what energy your initial candle carried? Will it need offering again and again just now? Or do you sometimes need to offer the candle without naming the specification, knowing that something, perhaps deeply buried, needs letting go? What was the feeling that the Life Flame gave back to you? And where in the house have you put it — somewhere that will continually attract your notice?

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Letting go, it must be remembered, is not an end in itself. Life does not encourage empty spaces. You let go in order to become. Become what? Let’s explore and find out.

Chapter 3

Becoming Letting go, for many people equates with giving up, loss, negativity, diminishment. I find that the concept of letting go often gets tangled up with the word ‘sacrifice’ and seems to mean giving up, difficulty, loss and impoverishment. Have a look. How many of these ideas are not really yours at all but come from internalised childhood dictates? (‘Be good’,’Don’t touch’, ‘Stop making a fuss’, ‘Put other people first’.) As childhood recedes, these minor dictates are lumped together in the concept of sacrifice. Serve others, regardless of the cost; be humble; be willing; count yourself of little worth; show no pride. Give up, give up, give up. Is it surprising that years later that person truly gives up, and disintegrates? Most of these directives come, I believe, from a total misinterpretation of the Christian faith. The founder himself stated very clearly ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’.’Yourself’ comes first. And that makes sense. How can I love you properly if I can’t love the odd collection of needs, wants, successes, failures, and general unpredictability that is myself? So, is sacrifice an outdated concept? Not at all. But the emphasis needs to be seen differently. As I understand it, sacrifice must be ‘giving up in order to...’ The important bit is the ‘in order to’. Let’s look at an example. Suppose that you decide you need another qualification. You enrol for a course, purchase the requisite books, and are ready to begin. You look at the time you are going to have to spend studying, and allocate certain evenings in the week for this purpose. So far so good. But wait, you are making a sacrifice. How? Well, you

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are going to give up two leisure evenings when you might be going out, playing badminton, entertaining, going to the pub, or in fact enjoying any of your usual leisure activities. This is no longer possible. So you have made a real sacrifice. Why? In order to use that time for something else, that may well lead to a widening of your interests, a better job prospect or career structure. This desire takes precedence. It is also your deliberate choice. Temporarily it may result in loss in some area of your life, but in the long run it will enhance rather than diminish you. And this is the suggestion that I am making in relation to becoming. If sacrifice comes to mind, make sure that its purpose is contributing to your own growth and development. Sometimes, realistically, this seems impossible. Looking after a chronically disabled or terminally ill partner seems to mean giving up everything else. Not so. Shout for help. Then perhaps the ongoing sacrifice can be recognised as a time to learn hard life lessons, and you can continue to find, even in very small doses, the essential nourishment for you. I find that women are frequently the worst victims of sacrifice. They ‘give up everything’ to look after children, partner and house. And they really do. So that sometime in the future, when the children leave home and the partner is immersed in business activities, they find that having given up themselves, there is nothing left. How difficult it is to ‘become’ from that empty space. I have laboured this point because we are talking about letting go, in order to become. And it is the becoming that matters. It may seem that, as I begin to let go, I am becoming someone quite else. But really I am beginning to become, perhaps for the first time in my life, the person I was born to be. Many a time a client sits in my study and says, ‘I feel so guilty at spending all this money on myself; it seems so selfish’. (Can you hear the childhood dictates again?) I hope I have found the answer to that one. Look at it like this. Imagine the Universe as a huge body, made up of

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billions of tiny cells. You are a cell, I am a cell, perhaps the fly on the wall is a cell. The Universe is sick, with many damaged cells, and so there is a lot of symptom treating. Activists go to Greenham, or fight for threatened animal species, or tackle famine areas. And this absolutely must continue, but it is just symptom treating. I believe there is another way. If I can make my cell totally healthy, and I can, and you can... and you can... and you can... Then gradually the healthy cells will take over, and the body of the Universe will recover. How do I make myself healthy? By learning about myself, by releasing my energy blockages, by becoming more peaceful, more loving, more accepting, and by discovering and beginning to fulfil my true energy pattern in the great swirl of life; then from my inner strength, life connection and security, by being quietly but assertively creative. You may say, ‘It is all very well, letting go in order to ‘become’, but I don’t know what I want to become. How can I give priority to the unknown?’ In simple terms can you just say you want to become a better person — not morally better, but more healthy, more secure, more peaceful, and conversely, less stressed, fearful, and anxious? In order truly to become, in a spiritual way, the next stop is quite simply trust. We humans are just energy — just currents and anchored force fields. As our energies flow in and out of the other universal energies, they attract to themselves compatible companions. If I keep strengthening my fear energies, they will attract more of the same. If I can begin to let go and trust, these energies too are complemented, sometimes in a miraculous fashion. When I contracted a long-term illness and had to stop work for a while, I quickly realised that ‘trust in the universe’ was a lesson I was to be forced to learn. Finance seemed to be the probable worst difficulty, but as I painfully learned to stop worrying, and to trust, money came flowing in, sometimes in startlingly large amounts, and from totally unexpected sources. I believe now that if I

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stay open, listen to what life has to tell me, and honestly try to play my allotted part, then there is a mutual energy exchange. I look after the Universe as best as I can by being truly myself, and I allow the Universe to look after me — not theory this, but practical experience. Which brings us to the question of effort. We spend years trying: trying to be good, as directed; trying to find satisfactory relationships; trying to get work, or change work; and in particular, trying to be ‘safe’ (whatever that may mean). Many people try to develop their spirituality, diet, ritual, supplementary beliefs (Greenpeace, Liberalism, etc.). All these activities may be very sound, and we may find one or more of them a necessary part of our particular life fulfilment, but the energy lost in ‘trying’ can be phenomenal, totally depleting. I want to suggest that instead of ‘trying’, you ‘allow’. Spirituality is not out there. ‘God’ is not, like Father Christmas, an old man in the sky. Life is within you, in its entirety. The only limits are set by you. Too frequently I find I try to limit life. Someone comes to me for healing, and I inwardly panic and think, ‘I can’t tackle this.’ Then the trust in the Universe floods back, and I think, ‘Of course I can’t. I can’t do anything. I need to stand back, and allow it to happen through me’, and perhaps it does. To become is really to begin to live inside-out instead of outside-in. What my eyes see from the outside is very often just ‘disguise’. I see you as a teacher, mother, partner, friend. I may see you as a cheat, a thief and a liar. What I see with insight is very different. The more I see of your centred being, the more the roles drop off. Even better, the more the mutual personality irritations die down. And the anger that is directed from my inner space, say at some form of wanton destruction of life, can be used far more assertively and effectively than the volcanic personality anger that splatters destructively from its defensive basis. The exercises in this chapter will help you discover

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what you need to overcome or accept, right now, in order deliberately to start living inside-out. But visualisation is only one of the resources for the inner journey. As we travel, supplementary ideas need to be explored. Here are two very practical suggestions to be considered at this stage. We talk about spiritual perception, seeing from the inside. And this may be what we aim for. But the spiritual, I believe, must always be found at the heart of ordinary human living. So, in order to perceive spiritually we must first learn just what it is to perceive. In the Chambers dictionary ‘to perceive’ is ‘to be aware of through the senses; to get knowledge of by the mind; to understand; to discern’. How often do we really look at, understand, or get knowledge of an object? ‘That’s a lovely sunset’, and we’re off. ‘Aren’t those flowers a picture?’, stand for a moment, and away. No time to relate, in perception, with the seen object. And what we miss. I well remember, when my small grandson was about two years old, I used to take him into the garden, pick him up so that he was the right height, and ‘look’ at the flowers. I showed him how gently to touch the delicate petals of the wild rose, as we scrutinised its colour and shape, and its place and delicacy in the garden. It hadn’t much to do with words, but a lot to do with relationship. He never wanted to get down and remained absorbed in our discoveries. Then, one day, after our usual round, I put him down on the lawn and turned to go into the house. Suddenly I heard great chortlings and jumping up and down, and saw him, hyped up in delight, waving his hands and jumping up and down, laughing, beside a huge, bright yellow, wide-open dandelion! Obviously, his perception of this flower was of a happy, stimulating, friendly life-companion, and he was ‘talking back’. This is perception. So, as you travel the inner journey become aware, really aware, of the life around you. Look at a flower, see

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its shape, its colour, its pattern. Or stand by a stone wall and closely consider an ordinary stone. Look at the sky, the clouds, trees in the wind. Have you ever noticed, for instance, the different patterns of movement a pine tree and an ash tree make, on a windy day? And if you cannot go out, look at an indoor plant, or at the birds outside, or just quietly ‘be’ with any loved picture or other object in your home. All around us things are just waiting to be perceived. And of course, though I have used ‘seeing’ as the example of a sense used in perception, there are all the other senses. How often do you really listen, touch, smell, taste? Try eating your next meal with perception. Even at the beginning you’re allowed to cheat! To bring in the spiritual, go beyond, or through the plain, material ‘now’. How? Try perceiving with love. As ordinary human beings you and I need to be perceived with love. If you try, you may get knowledge of me that goes beyond my awkward personality, my irritating ways, my human disabilities. You may ‘meet’ me, with understanding and knowledge, at a different place, in a different space from the usual role-meeting awareness. Try it — as if with humans, animals, plants, all expressions of the life-force. It can become a habit, this perception that I like to know as ‘true perception’. Driving slowly along Swaledale one summer day, I passed a tramp, walking purposefully along. I caught a glimpse of his face — strong, weatherbeaten, calm, and somehow symbolic of the whole countryside around. It made me feel good, and it wasn’t till later that I remembered his long grubby coat, his battered hat and boots and his carrier bag... Those were the outside. I had been able, just briefly, to see him inside-out and was thankful. And then there is focus. Being in focus is, I believe, akin to what I have labelled ‘true perception’. ‘In focus’, in the dictionary, is ‘placed or adjusted so as to secure distinct vision, or a sharp definite image’. ‘Focus’ itself is ‘any central point’ or ‘the point or region of greatest activity’.

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Don’t many of us spend most of our lives out of focus? We may have a vague idea of our purpose in life, and an even vaguer idea of our inner/outer relationship. Our spiritual journeys tend to be blurred and intermittent. What to eat for tea takes priority. When we start to meditate, even just to visualise, our biggest pitfall is our inability to focus. As soon as we are settled down, wayward thoughts come prancing in and distract us. Ah me, start again! So, as you begin to work with these visualisation exercises, take time occasionally to practise focus in your ordinary everyday life. For a minute or two (it is surprising just how long a minute can seem) focus on your breathing, on a plant, a candle or even a person. For some, truly to listen, with their whole being, with total focus, is meditation. How often do you and I do that? And yet, with persistent, practical focussing on the now, focus gradually sharpens. Then it can break through and, perhaps with surprise, you discover the spiritual within the material. Just practise... In this chapter you are invited to explore widely differing aspects of your becoming. Did you realise that difficult experiences in the past could actually contribute to your inner journey now? Or that there is a crying child within you that needs nourishing? Or a bit missing, or a huge block somewhere, or a habitual poor communication of your creative energies? The last three exercises help you find resources, make choices, begin to clarify direction.

The Waste Land Let’s begin. Make yourself as comfortable as possible, and ensure that you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie quietly, and just watch your ordinary breathing, in and out, in and out, in and out, and imagine that every time you breathe in, you are breathing in the good life force, and every time you breathe out, some of your tension, worry, fear is being released. Allow this to happen as you quietly notice your own life rhythm.

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[pause] Now find yourself in the neglected garden of an old derelict house. You have been given this garden, on condition that you will reclaim it. So explore it thoroughly, noticing any plants that might still be there, and anything else that you want to save: trees, walls, space... Get to know it thoroughly. [pause] It will not be easy to cultivate this garden. What are the main difficulties? Is it light, position, soil qualities, trees, weeds, overgrowth...? [pause] Decide how you will clear it. How much will you tackle, all, or part at first? What method will you use? Do you need machinery or special tools? Will you do it alone, or with company? Begin actually to clear one section of the garden. [pause] You need compost. You are making it with layers of your waste — anger, fear, guilt, disappointment, jealousy, hatred, loneliness, inadequacy... Prepare your separate heaps of these materials, and note their appearance. Take your time, and don’t leave anything out. [pause] Now you prepare the compost. Stir the heaps together and begin. A layer of waste, then a layer of thought affirmation;’I no longer need this; from my past and present, I fertilise my growing’. Another layer of waste, another of affirmation, and so on until the waste is all used. [pause] While you are waiting for the compost to rot down, and in imagination this will not take long, choose one special place in the garden. [pause] Fork the rotted compost well over. Feel its rich crumbliness. Get a great spadeful, and dig it into your special place. What time of year is it? [pause] Now allow a time slip — look forward. What is growing there in its maturity? Is it what you expected (height, strength,

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spread, etc...). Enjoy it, your growth actually nourished by your waste, your life experience. [pause] Let the images fade. Open your eyes and stretch, and come back to the room where you are working. Take time to think about your experience, and perhaps write, draw, or talk about it. What have you discovered? What sort of waste land did you see? Was any of it familiar? How did you feel about the project — worried, hopeless, frightened, or excited? What bits were worth keeping? Did you have to move them or alter them in any way? What difficulties came to mind? Is this the way you usually look at, or tackle difficulties? Alone or in company? Were you surprised at the helpers you chose? And then the compost — I find that many people have a huge pile of lack of self-worth. Anger often includes bits of barbed wire that won’t compost down and need dealing with in other ways. And note the little bits that sneak in as you have a final look. These may be quite significant hidden negative feelings, really holding you back. Allow them to come to the surface and be useful. The special place, what does it tell you? And then the lovely turn around — all this negative ‘rubbish’ for new creative life experience. I remember very clearly one woman who opened her eyes with a look of delighted astonishment and said, ‘I never realised that all those awful times could be useful. It feels like I’m light and free now’, and she sat there positively purring! Remember, you don’t have to understand it all (or nit-pick worriedly at details). Just let the pictures be clear, and allow the creative energies you are uncovering to flow free within you.

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The Market Place Relax, make yourself comfortable, close your eyes, and watch your breathing. Take three deep breaths. On the first outbreath let go of any physical problems. Don’t list them, just know that you are letting them go. On the second one, let go of any emotional problems, and on the third, any mental problems or confusion. Now you can be free to continue your exploration. [pause] Picture yourself in a market square. You are going to have a stall. You have a choice of stall site, at the edge, in the middle, wherever you feel best. Pick your place, and notice your neighbours. [pause] What are you selling at your stall? Set it up with care in three sections: one for children, one for adults, and one holding a special treasure for a special person. Make the sections as attractive as you can for the appropriate customers. [pause] Is the market busy? Is your stall busy? Is it proving attractive? What are your relations with your neighbours? [pause] A child comes to the stall and takes a long time choosing. What is your reaction? Do you help or leave the child alone? How does this feel? When the child finally chooses, it has not quite enough money. What do you do about this? [pause] Then an adult comes, and the adult also takes a long time choosing. What is your reaction this time? Again there is a problem about paying. How do you solve this? [pause] What happens to the special object? [pause] And now it is time to pack up and go. Clear your stall and load your transport. Has it been a successful day? In what way? Have you enjoyed it? [pause] Let the images fade, and in your own time come back to the room where you are working. Again, think about the experience,

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share it if you can, and perhaps write down any insights you may have gained. This exercise is really about communicating who you are becoming. Where do you choose to stand in the world, and how do you present yourself, your skills, your creativity? What would you like best to offer? And is that marketable — to children, to adults? How about the people who challenge you? What do you feel? And the special object, the reflection of your inner self as you at present see it, do you know how to present that? Or do you just now need to keep it for yourself until it becomes more familiar? When we experience letting go, we begin to discover the freedom of belonging in the Universe, giving and getting supportively in that space. The next exercise expands that theme. Human beings are made up of all the elements, Some of us seem to have a preponderance of the watery element — emotions continually tossing us about. Others are apparently all in their heads, intellectualising, and not usually very well grounded. I personally sometimes envy the earthy folk, apparently so stable and unflappable. And we all know the fiery human beings, who may learn to be deeply and wisely intuitive, but on the way there tend to scorch other people and even burn their own fingers. Whatever our natural bent, we need safely to belong with all the elements. Examples of imbalance are all around us: the feeling person, who just cannot and will not respond to logical argument; the intellectual man who marries a feeling woman in an effort to have that element safely in his life, but without really personal involvement, and who then is surprised when his wife asks for a divorce; The sensual woman, often wonderfully in touch with her sexuality, who deplores the ‘utter rubbish’ of anything that cannot be experienced with the first five senses; her opposite, the intuitive who relies on hunches or inner knowledge but then acts irrelevantly, because he cannot

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fully experience what is going on at solid earth level. In becoming, the real need is to explore all these elements and then, from one’s centred position, be able to call on each element as appropriate. So let’s start the exploration.

Element Grounding

Relax, close your eyes, and let go. Again, quietly watch your breathing. Find yourself sitting by a stream in open countryside, enjoying the peace, the quiet, the view, the sunny day. This is the day you have chosen to experience a wider grounding, a merging with all the elements, a further knowledge of belongingin-the-Universe. So first of all enjoy the place from which you have chosen to travel. [pause] After a while a bird appears. ‘Come with me’, it says,’and I will show you what it is like to live, work and travel in the air.’ Go with the bird, fly wherever it takes you: to its home, to its hunting grounds, to its companions. See the world from a bird’s-eye view, feel the wind and the rain, the mist and the fog. Experience the joys and dangers of being a creature of the air. [pause] Then you are back in your chosen place. The bird flies away, and some creature or being of the sea appears. ‘Come with me’ it says, ‘and I will show you what it is like to live, work and travel in water.’ Go with the creature wherever it takes you: to its home, to its hunting grounds, to its companions... See the world from a watery base. Feel the waves and the storms, the quiet moonlit nights. Experience the joys and dangers of being a creature of water. [pause] Once again you are back in your chosen place. The water being has gone, and in its place is a being whose life is fire. ‘Come with me’, it says, ‘and I will show you what it is like to live, work and travel in fire.’ Go with this being, wherever it takes you. See the world from a fiery base, feel the warmth and the power, the cleansing and destruction, the choked-back energy, the free intuitive surges. Experience the joys and dangers of

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being a creature of fire. [pause] And then again you are back in your chosen place. And a small burrowing earth creature appears. ‘Come with me, it says,’ and I will show you what it is like to live, work and travel on the earth, and in the earth.’ Go with this creature, share its life, travel deep in the earth, nest on or under its surface, hear the sound of the crystals and the throb of the earth’s heart beat. Be an earthling. Experience the familiar joys and dangers of being a creature of earth... [pause] Then return to your chosen quiet place, sit quietly and remember. [pause] As you are sitting there it seems that all four of your visitors come to say good-bye. The bird flies down and drops something on the grass by your feet. The sea creature floats past, brushing your hand and leaving there its gift. The fire-creature suddenly offers some part, or all, of you a particular kind of warmth. And the little earth creature holds in its paws the earthy symbol you most need, drops it, and vanishes. Spend some time examining your gifts. Together they indicate your potential in each elemental aspect. [pause] And it seems now that there is communication. The sun shines brighter, the breeze sings, the little stream chortles as it flows along and the good earth under you holds firm. ‘We are you. You are us. Let the Spirit flow among us as together we grow.’ Experience the belonging, the merging, the growing points. Enjoy it. [pause] Quietly and gently let yourself come back to the room where you are working. Open your eyes, stretch, and bring back the gifts you have experienced, to use in your everyday life. Look back now at your experience. Did you enjoy all the journeys, or was one less comfortable? Could you relate and feel safe with all the creatures? Did they show you new aspects of their particular settings? And what about

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the gifts? Perhaps you would find it useful to draw them, or to note their details in writing, or to share them with a trusted friend. Each gift tells you how you can contribute, and be supported, right now, in that element. How does it feel in each case? This next exercise I use over and over again. It helps me find where I am ‘sticking’ just now. So relax, let yourself float free, perhaps on a rosy cloud, and watch your breathing. No-one can get at you, no demands, no criticism. You are giving yourself space. Feel the enjoyment as you let go.

The Tunnel You are out for a walk on the fells. It is a beautiful spring day, windy and fresh, with white clouds racing across a clear blue sky. You are walking high on the fell, just where the stone walls mark the boundary of the moor. As you look down, far below is the road and river, and on the other side again the fell rises. Notice details of the view, both the near view on this side of the river, and the far view on the other side. Are there people, farms, machinery or animals? Enjoy your walk as you look. [pause] It is potholing country, and every now and then you come across openings clearly marked with warning notices. But after a while you come to a different kind of opening, leading apparently just to a shallow tunnel. A tiny dot of light can be seen at the far end. There are no warning notices and you are tempted to explore, although the lovely day outside makes you hesitate. You stand just inside the tunnel entrance and look around. Is it dark and damp, or quite dry and airy? Is it high or low? What is the texture of walls and floor? Is there any vegetation? Stand and examine it carefully. [pause] Now you move in, and start making for the light at the other end. It is farther than you had expected but you are getting well through when you suddenly come upon a major obstacle. What causes the obstacle? Flood, roof fall, rubbish, narrowing...?

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How are you going to get past? Can you manage on your own, or do you need help? In your imagination anything is possible, so picture what you need, and move forward. [pause] Now that the obstacle is behind you, how do you feel? It is not far now to the end of the tunnel and you come out into the sunshine again. But something has changed — your perspective is different. What has changed? Is it the near view, the far view, the time, the weather, the detail...? How does that feel? [pause] And now let the images fade. Gently and in your own time, stretch, open your eyes, and come back to the room where you are working. And look carefully at what you have discovered. What was the tunnel like? It is a picture of how you see your life now. (Wet or dry? Cramping or free? Frightening or exciting? How did it feel?) Then the obstacle: how do you tackle obstacles? Do you give yourself permission to ask for help? In real life, do you get it? If not, why not? Did you know this was your main hold-up just now? What does the symbol indicate? Allow yourself to understand. And your new perspective: is there a lot of change in the view, or just a slight shift? Many people find a boggy (emotional) mess in the middle of the tunnel. Some are so constricted they cannot stand up. One woman kept saying, ‘It’s red brick, it’s red brick’. Her life at present is being totally frustrated by red tape! A lot of people are surprised that when they actually tackle the obstacle it isn’t so difficult after all. And often, when they come out of the tunnel the only difference is that the sun is shining!

The Missing Piece Let yourself be quiet and comfortable, and feel a warm energy flowing through you. Start at the top of your head, and allow a rosy glow gently to soak down and down and down through your body. Pool the glow at any sore place, and watch the grubby residue be carried down, as the flow continues,

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through your neck, your arms, your chest, your abdomen, your legs, your feet, and then out into the earth below. Leaving you warm and soft and glowing, clear and comfortable. Take your time. Breathe in that glow as you relax. [pause] Now find yourself outside somewhere, in a pleasant place where you have plenty of space. Perhaps you are in a park, or a little valley, or on a long clear beach, or even in your garden. [pause] In front of you, on the ground, is a huge circle, the perimeter shining gold. As you look at it you see that it forms the outside edge of a massive jigsaw. Some pieces are already fitted together, others are scattered about, inside and outside the circle. It is your life as it is now, in this particular cycle. Notice the shape and size of the pieces and where they fall in the pattern or picture — on the edge, in the middle, or in between. [pause] Now start to finish the jigsaw. Take your time.As you pick up the pieces, see what they say to you. Do you like that colour? Does this one remind you of an incident, or a person, or a feeling? Where does it fit — in the middle or at the edge of your life? [pause] When you have nearly finished, you find that one piece is missing. Does this spoil the picture or pattern, or is it just a bit of background? What is the pattern or picture you have made, even without the missing piece? Have a good look at it. [pause] You need to find that missing piece. Remember, you are using your imagination... It could be anywhere: down a rabbit hole, in the sky, up a mountain...? Your unconscious will take you to it. [pause] How do you feel when you find it? Fit it in. Now the jigsaw is complete. What happens as you fit in the missing piece? [pause] Now it is time to let the images fade, open your eyes, stretch, and come back to the room where you are working. And look at your new discoveries. So what is your picture or pattern of wholeness? And

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what bit is missing, so that you cannot allow yourself to become whole and healthy? Is it just a little old bit of hurt or anger that needs releasing? Or is it a central gap of trust and believing? Don’t forget that, in your imagination, it is possible to complete the puzzle. When your life is whole, what happens? One woman was sure she would never find her lost piece. In the end it turned up (deeply buried) in a rabbit hole. Her pattern glowed when the piece was inserted. We didn’t try to understand in detail. It wasn’t necessary. The feeling of completion was so good that she realised hope was still about her. Lovely. A male client found his piece quite easily — he knew where to look. When he fitted it in, the whole puzzle flipped over, turned gold, and started to spin. It felt wonderful for him. I was not surprised, a year or so later to hear that his whole life had flipped over, necessitating a total change of domestic and work life, and giving him what he had wanted for years — truly gold and spinning.

Child over the Wall Make yourself comfortable, and allow your body, bit by bit, to get heavier and heavier. Head, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, fingers, chest, stomach, abdomen, seat, thighs, legs, feet. Resting, resting, resting — with quiet breathing sending the life flow through you. [pause] Picture yourself walking down a street, any street — one you know, or one you don’t know. Are you aware of your destination, or are you just out for a walk? Notice any detail in the street: buildings, road surface, old or modern surroundings, people or vehicles... You come to a part of the street which has a high wall on one side. What kind of a wall: brick, stone, old and crumbly, new, perhaps with graffiti? Anything growing on the wall? On the other side of the wall, a child is crying. What kind of crying? It goes on and on and no-one seems to be doing anything about it. You feel you must investigate. Is there a gate or open-

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ing? Can you climb over? How do you get to the other side of the wall? [pause] What is there on the other side of the wall? Street, garden, playground? How old is the child? What sex is it, and how does it react to you? What is the matter, and what do you immediately do about it? [pause] It is time for you to continue your walk. In the long term have you solved the problem? Do you take the child with you, or make other arrangements? Is it now content? How do you feel as you continue, and have you needed to change your destination? [pause] Now let the images fade, and come back to the room where you are working. Spend some time thinking or talking about this exercise, and let insight about its meaning come to mind. What sort of a street was it? Did it take you back to a certain part of your life? Was it familiar or unfamiliar, old or new, local or distant? What was the wall which blocked you off from this precious bit of yourself? Which side was it on — the left, logical side, perhaps built by adults, parents, teacher? Or the right, intuitive side, perhaps as protection for an earlier knowledge? How did you get to the child? Was it hard or easy? And what age or sex was it? A man who did this exercise with me found himself walking in the rain (it rained all the time, he said), on an ordinary drab 1920s–30s style street. When I mentioned the wall, he at once found difficulty walking down hill on slippery paving stones (‘Like a small child’, he said). The wall was flintstones and easy to climb, but his big problem came when he could not assess the sex of the three-to-five year old child. When I asked what was the matter, he almost shouted, ‘It’s lost, of course’. As indeed it was. In himself he found it hard to recognise when he needed to use male active creative energy, and when to use female creative receptive energy. Had this happened somewhere in the drab twenties and thirties of

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his life, when it was always raining? The resolution of this particular imaging was lovely — for the child’s mother was waiting, after all, in the initially derelict house over the wall. So this man’s internal mother can now begin to nourish and integrate his lost internal child. How did you deal with your child? Did your journey continue as first planned or was it changed, because of the child? This then was also about a missing piece in your life jigsaw. We all have a collection of children inside us, waiting to be recognised, nourished and integrated. Later I shall suggest that we deliberately create a ‘special-tolove child’, to heighten sensitivity and enjoyment. But today you have been looking for a little neglected bit of yourself, a crying child, and discovering how to nourish and care for it. The next visualisation can be used as a resource to clear yourself, let go within support, experience some of your own depth, and bring back what you most need today. It is important, I believe, to recognise that ‘work’ on the inner journey is, like all life, a flowing, cyclical energy. Often it is a temptation to say, ‘I must get on. I must make progress, and yet again, I must strive.’ But Life is working on us, as well as vice versa. Sometimes it is right just to wait and rest, and let the process within us continue under its own steam, so to speak. If we do not allow this, and I speak from experience, we may attract an illness or circumstance that makes us stop. So here is an exercise that does not require analysis. Just enjoy it.

The Mountain Pool First, watch your gentle quiet breathing. Take a little longer than usual. If thoughts persist in intruding, start counting the breaths, ‘1, 2, 3, 4– 1, 2, 3, 4–...’, or if you prefer ‘in and out’–in and out–...’. The thoughts may still chunter on, but your calm under-breathing and counting will diminish their power, and

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they will just become distant traffic. [pause] Imagine yourself at the top of a high tower. It stands on its own in open countryside, and the views from the balcony at the top are magnificent. Far, far away, on one side, you can just glimpse the sea, glinting in the sunlight. From another side you can see the faint cloud of smoke and smog hanging over a big city. From the third side you look out at rolling countryside, and from the fourth you see foothills and one mountain peak. Go out onto the balcony and enjoy the view. [pause] The hills seem to draw you, and finally you decide to go down and explore that area. So get into the lift, and make yourself comfortable to enjoy the descent. There are ten floors, and it is to be a very slow and relaxing journey down. [pause] Press the button, and the lift begins gently to glide down. As you pass the tenth floor you begin to let go and relax... At the ninth floor you relax still further...At the eighth floor your worries and problems are gently fading... At the seventh you begin to feel clearer and lighter... Then at the sixth your image begins to change... At the fifth you start to rediscover your inner self, your real self, your beautiful self. This is the self that perhaps your parents, or teachers, or just your difficult environmental circumstances made you hide away, or even seem to lose. Now it shines out... At the fourth floor you relax in your own strong potential and reality. At the third you affirm your new identity, and relax completely as the lift goes on down... second floor, first floor, ground floor and basement. Open the door and step out into welcoming countryside. [pause] You find yourself in a lane, with high hedges. It is a hot summer day and you stroll along the lane, smelling the honeysuckle, admiring the wild roses, enjoying yourself. [pause] Then the lane narrows to a path, the hedges end, and you can see the hills away to the right. You climb a stile and follow a thready little path that leads you to the foot of the nearest hill and continues on and up. Continue with this path till you come

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to a seat. Stop and rest, and enjoy the view. Far below, the tower is a dot in the field. What do you notice in the near view, or in the far view? [pause] Now you continue. It is very hot, and the path is getting steep. Suddenly you notice an opening in the cliff beside you. You follow through and find yourself beside a tiny mountain pool. It is surrounded by a rocky ledge, and the water is absolutely clear and very inviting. Quickly you strip, leave your clothes on the ledge, and step into the pool. It feels wonderful. The water is cool and refreshing, and as you float the sun shines warmly on your face and you feel totally at peace. Spend a little while just floating in this pool. [pause] You are aware that this pool is always being replenished. It is fed by a mountain spring, and somewhere there is also an outflow. Your body feels totally cleansed in this clear pure water. Inside you too, it feels as though you are being washed with a clear energy flow of yellow, the colour that removes congestion, enables clarity, and leaves you light and ready for change. So, inside and out, outside and in, you are refreshed and renewed. Experience this. [pause] Then it is time to move on. Get out of the pool and sit on the ledge till you are sun-dried and can get dressed. The rest of the journey takes no time, and you reach the top of the hill with no difficulty at all. You feel so good — clear, energised, satisfied — and as you stand there, looking out, you become aware of someone standing beside you. You do not speak, but your companion takes your hand and holds it, and you recognise your own wise person. In your thoughts you ask this person for the quality you most need in your life just now, as you change and grow. Your companion smiles, and you feel the quality. Then she or he is gone. [pause] And you come down the mountain, perhaps pausing at the seat, very aware, first of the clarity you received in the pool, and then of the quality you received at the hill top. These energies remain with you.

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[pause] Now it is time to let the images fade and return to the room where you are working. Stretch, open your eyes, and feel as well as see what you have discovered. You may like to write down or draw how it was and now is for you. Life is full of choices. And I have personally come to the conclusion that we cannot, in one sense, make wrong choices. Looking back on my life I see the points where I apparently, at the time, made disastrous choices. But now I know that I could not be in my right place in the world without them. A relationship breaks, a job founders, even health fades, but as I have to change to accommodate these situations, strength and knowledge, acceptance and new perception add to my inner being in a way that steady comfort would not have done. I think I believe, as I commented earlier, that sometimes our soul/spirit energies get weary of waiting for our progress, and circumstances crash down on us to force us to get going again. Nevertheless, most of us would welcome inner information as to how we should prioritise. This is the purpose of the next exercise.

Priorities Relax this time by imagining yourself lying on soft sand in among the dunes. Go through your body, letting each part in turn truly rest on the sand. Allow any problems, pain or worry to seep away into the sand, and lie quietly resting, cosseted by the warmth of the sun above you. [pause] Now, in your imagination, take yourself for a walk in the hills. It is easy walking, on gently rolling and rising ground. Quite soon you come to a plateau, with a convenient seat overlooking the valley below. As you sit you are aware of trees, space and freedom. Spend a little while enjoying your rest here. Enjoy the view. [pause] Then you begin to explore. You notice, tucked in beside

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the trees, three boxes. They are graded in size: a very large one, a medium-sized one, and a tiny one. Examine the outside of the boxes. Somewhere on each box is a label marked ‘Priority’. [pause] Choose the box which you know holds that which is the biggest priority in your life. (This will not necessarily be the largest box.) Where is its label, on the top of the box, or hidden? Open the box and carefully regard the symbol inside. It may represent a quality, principle, relationship, work, play... Don’t try to understand it, just look closely. If you wish, take it out to get a clearer view, to feel, or to smell. [pause] Then leave the first box open, and choose the box which contains the second most important priority in your life. Again, notice the position of the label, then open the box and regard its contents carefully. [pause] Finally, open the third box — it contains the third priority in your life just now — and look, touch, feel. Familiarise yourself with that symbol. [pause] Leave the boxes open and go and sit again on the seat, with the trees, the view, the space and the freedom. Look at the boxes from a distance. Do you want to rearrange, to add, to discard, or to change any of the symbols? If you need more or different boxes, they are there. Just look, and decide. [pause] When you are satisfied, get up and go over to the boxes. Choose the ones you need to keep safe, place them in the order you wish, and then stow them safely away again by the trees. [pause] Now it is time to walk back, down the winding path, along the lane, back to the place where you started. Let the images fade, gently bring yourself back to the room where you are working and explore your discoveries. This exercise, strangely, is the one that most often arouses ‘I can’t’. ‘I can’t understand the symbols.’ ‘It doesn’t make any sense.’ I once went to a hypnotherapy

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course where the lecturer stated firmly, ‘Whenever a client says “can’t”, make them change it to “won’t” — horribly true, if applied to oneself. So why do people find changing their priorities so threatening? For some, living inside-out enforces a huge attitude change, and loving myself first necessitates the biggest turn around. Priorities often relate to this aspect of living. So what happened for you? Remember your first view from the seat? What is important to you just now in your overview of life? Could you enjoy the view? And what about the boxes which had hidden labels, disguised priorities...? How did the size of the box relate, or not, to the importance of each priority it contained? What were your feelings about each one? Did you dislike any, all, or none of them? And then, when you were able to distance yourself a little and could therefore see more clearly, could you accept these particular priorities? It is possible to use this exercise in a variety of ways. Use it to find the priorities that might better further your growing. Use it to discover the priorities you need for a particular given situation. Or even use it to uncover the priorities you at present hold and that need to be discarded. I find it very useful as a general check-out. My purpose is to know how to give priority in such a way that my needs of becoming are also met. This works. The last exercise in this chapter will give you insight into the next stage of your personal development, perhaps the next direction to take in allowing yourself to become. It is one of my favourite visualisations. I love my gatekeeper. He is always glad to see me, and he knows so much.

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The Gatekeeper Close your eyes, sit or lie comfortably, and watch your breathing. Pull in for yourself the love and comfort that is in the Universe, and that you need for your relaxation right now. In your imagination wrap yourself in a soft cosy, rosy blanket. Let go... [pause] Find yourself entering a small village — just a cluster of houses round a village green. There is a village shop and post office, a church and school, and whatever else you may discover in your exploration. [pause] The village people seem very friendly, and you stop for a while to talk to two or three old men, sitting on a seat in the sun. ‘What is the building just outside the village — the long low wooden hut? It doesn’t seem to match the other buildings.’ ‘Oh’, one of the men says with a twinkle in his eye, ‘that’s where the gatekeeper works. Go and see him. He likes visitors’. So you cross the green and knock on the little door set within the big swing doors. It is opened by a man with a beard and white hair. He looks at you, and in his eyes you feel recognition. ‘Come in’, he says. ‘You have come to choose your gate.’ Regard him well, and then follow him in. [pause] There are gates everywhere. Big gates, little gates, church gates, farm gates, iron gates, wooden gates, a total confusion. ‘Just look around’, says the gatekeeper. ‘I’m working at the back on a new gate. Have a good look round, and call me when you find the gate you need.’ [pause] You wonder what gate you do need, but you look and look until at last you find one that seems just right for you. And you call the gatekeeper. ‘Oh good,’ he says,’Now off you go and find the space your gate fits. When you do, I’ll bring it and fit it for you.’ And he almost pushes you out of the little door. You start to walk along the road, and then turn back. ‘But I don’t know where it fits. I don’t know where to look.’ The gatekeeper just

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smiles. ‘Get along with you. Go and find the space. Start your journey now.’ [pause] First you find yourself in a town or city. And you look for a space that your gate will fit. You won’t find it yet, but you will see some possibilities. [pause] Next, you find yourself in the country, still looking. Does your gate fit a lane end, or a cottage garden, or...? You won’t find the space yet, but you will see more possibilities. [pause] The third time, you find yourself at the seaside. Again, you discover places your gate might fit, but you are not yet certain. And at last, perhaps in the town, perhaps in the country, perhaps somewhere else, you suddenly find yourself at exactly the right opening for your gate. ‘How can I get in touch with the gatekeeper?’ And as you think it, there he is. And in no time at all, the gate is up. [pause] ‘Now’, says the gatekeeper, ‘there are three ways to use this gate. You may just lean on it and look over: it’s not time to go through. Or you may go through for short sorties, but come back to your living place on this side. And one day, it might be today, you go through, on the next stage of your journey.’ And he looks at you and smiles. And in his eyes you can see love, compassion, understanding, belief in your potential, and deep knowledge of the life journey. And you feel yourself getting stronger and brighter, and then he is gone. Experience that relationship. [pause] And now it is time to use your gate. What do you do today? [pause] You need now to let the images fade, stretch, open your eyes, and bring back the strength and insight you have gained, to use in your ordinary everyday life.

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What was the village like? And the people? Did the gatekeeper seem out of place, or acceptable? How did you feel when confronted with all those gates? Did you feel familiar with the gatekeeper? I wonder if you actually managed to choose a gate, or whether it almost seemed to choose you? Did it have connections with other gates in your life? How did the exploration go? The town — strange or familiar? Did you want the space for the gate to be there? And in the country? And by the sea? How did the different locations feel? What about the final place, the space that your gate fitted? What did that tell you? Does your use of the gate vary from day to day, or does it, just now, mark a new stage, and you have to go through? Sometimes, in these visualisations, you are working with one aspect of your life. The gate may still need to be there for other aspects. And indeed, it may be a safety boundary. Some time ago I taped a variation of this exercise for the people with the wearying, debilitating illness of M.E. Trying it myself, I found that the gate was not to go through to a new place, to travel and adventure. It was a shutting in gate. I disliked this idea, but when I went in through, I found myself in a walled garden. The walls were so high I couldn’t see out. But the garden was absolutely beautiful, a place of nourishment for myself, and perhaps for others too. I got the message. No travelling just then, no ‘getting on’, little outer communication. But I could stay in the garden and grow flowers. Wow!

Chapter 4

Barriers and boulders Alas and alack, the rest in the garden is, for most of us, only an interim. Life must move on. For the growth process is remorseless. Either a plant flourishes in its growing, supported by right nourishment and environmental conditions, or it withers and dies. No way can growth stand still. The inner life is just the same. I personally believe that once commitment is made to the inner journey, there is no turning back. Painful or not, we move on. Indeed it is said that the ‘disciple’ (or the traveller on the inner journey) cannot flourish unless she or he is dealing, throughout life, with crises. Two pictures come to mind. The first is that of an ordinary small flower suddenly appearing through a tiny crack in the middle of a concrete path. (How did it do it?) The second is the inevitable discovery, when fell climbing, of finding, at ‘the top’ that another peak rises ahead. Both these illustrations are relevant to our spiritual journey. There ain’t no such thing as an impossible stoppage. If you can’t go round, then you must go through. And if a flower can do it, so can you. What about the hills? Well, you tackle one crisis, one problem, and then move on. And as you become more aware, more sensitive, then you find a new set of problems, lessons, achievements. And so it goes on. What are these common crises? A bereavement, an accident, a deep hurt, a broken relationship, a misunderstanding, a long and arid stretch... And, like a flower seed, you may need to stay quiet for a while, in the dark, resting; but as the season changes, growth starts again, and you are once more in the life journey. But, unlike the flower, your emotions may try to distort your energy. A wound festers if not cleaned out.

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Scar tissue may be thick and limit movement. Emotional content may feel like a big black weight, impeding the current. You are not your emotions, nor your thoughts, nor your physical body. It is possible to watch yourself in distress, having a good cry, and think, ‘Poor you, cry it out’. And when the storm dies down, to perhaps offer this poor wounded energy a physical comfort — a hot bath, a warm drink, flickering firelight and music. It may be necessary too, to distract the mental energy stream — find friends to talk to, bury yourself in an exciting book or... I needn’t go on. What I am saying is that yes, you need to experience the emotion, really to feel what goes on, but at the same time (though it is difficult) to recognise that this is ‘just’ emotional energy, not your whole identity — not at all. So when you experience your crises, obstacles, diversions, recognise them as part of a currently distorted energy flow. Gradually, you learn to release this flow. And, of course, there is a much more positive aspect to the whole area of problems. At the heart of each problem there will be a life gift for you. Perhaps we seek problems, in order to find their gifts? For on the spiritual journey, crises are marks of growth to a new phase of development. Check it out! Sit quietly, with paper and pencil handy. Don’t think, but working backwards from today, perhaps as far back as early childhood, list about ten crises notable in your life. They do not need to be seen as crises by others to be important. They need to feel that way to you. Just let them roll in. When you have finished, and put approximate dates beside them, just look at them. Some will have taught you a physical, emotional or mental lesson, or sometimes all three. But one or two will have taught you a spiritual lesson. Which crises changed your whole life pattern — in a minor way, or in a major way? Your growing had to let that happen, fierce though it seemed at the time.

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And remember too that a crisis, like stress, can arise through a ‘good’ happening as well as from a ‘bad’ one. See what you discover. Most of your important crises will have apparently caused a spontaneous ‘inevitable’ change. I find that I no longer believe either in coincidence or inevitability (though the latter is harder). Now that you are deliberately undertaking the spiritual journey you can have much more choice in dealing with crises. Ask yourself, ‘How much did I make this happen? Do I really want it? Why did I set this up? Am I shouting for help? Am I managing to shift the blame? Am I feeding my negativity? And on the other hand, what am I learning? Where is my strength coming from?’ For life is fairly relentless in plugging its lessons. Have you noticed how patterns recur time and time again, if we don’t change? What is more, if you try to deal with persistent problems with just personality willpower (‘I won’t react to that again’), they sneak in the back door, heavily disguised, when you’re not looking. You react, and then suddenly see, ‘I’ve done it again’. It’s like a muddy bit of ground. If you always have to cross this on your way home, then you are going to bring in a trail of mud. Usually you step over, or go round. Then, in a hurry, you forget, and whoops, marks on the carpet yet again. The real answer is to deal with the source of the mud. And what if this appears to come from someone else’s property? (Think about it.) The usual snag is an emotional overstatement, perhaps an aggressive attack. ‘Your overflow is making me ruin my carpet.’ (Listen to that!) What practical goodwill suggestion could you make? A trite example, but apply it to your present mis-patterns. For we choose our emotional reactions. First we judge the situation, then we choose to feel the emotion appropriate, as we see it, to ‘that situation’. (Nonsense! If I suddenly get angry, I get angry. If I feel distress, I feel distress.)


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But it all happens in a split second. Imagine a woman at a party, wearing delicate open-toed sandals. A man treads on her foot, in the crowded room. Instantly she judges that he is a clumsy oaf, feels angry, and swings round to tell him off. She then finds that he is blind. Her second judgment is that she is the clumsy one, and she feels apologetic. But later in the evening she glances across the room and sees that he was pretending — he is no more blind than she is. Her fury comes from the judgment that he is a cheat and a fraud. The three different chosen feelings are all based on a single incident: a man trod on her foot. Sometimes it is possible to pause as an emotion apparently rises, and see what the judgment is based on. I find that this works. If one can see the judgment, one can often let go of the feeling, or change it. One can sometimes even have a giggle at its stupidity (not always!) How do I discover some of the more deeply buried judgments — those I may have internalised from my parents or teachers, which are not mine at all? By learning more about myself, in whatever way is right for me. There are enough therapies around to suit everyone. But be careful. A wise old healer once said to me, ‘I never refer my clients to anyone who doesn’t have that special “magic”. They may be very good technicians, but that isn’t enough.’ And I echo that advice. I think I would now also say, ‘Don’t work deeply with someone who doesn’t recognise the spiritual’. But this is your choice. I also believe that you need to work with a person you feel is ‘right’ for you. If parents ask me to work with a child I always say, ‘Let’s have an introductory session. Then, if I want to work with her, and she wants to work with me, fine. But only if we both feel good about it. So choose, for you. Avoid fixed ideas about methods of overcoming obstacles and facilitating change. Many people, for instance, believe that to release anger you need to shout or scream or bang pillows. For some people this may be so. For some

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it is not. Even when the presenting problem is physical (with an emotional source) and muscles are bound, etc., thought and creative imagination may be able, for you, quietly to demolish the blockage. You choose. I shall always remember the little old lady who visited me because she wanted her allergies checked. She suffered from pain, virtually all over, and her movement, particularly in her arms, was limited. Consultants could find ‘nothing wrong’ with her. Nothing was wrong, except that her life journey was stuck, and her only focus was pain. In the first five minutes I discovered she had no allergies. How to fill the remainder of the hour? I looked at her doubtfully, in her neat little hat and coat, convention personified, and asked ‘ Would you like to see if some of my kind of work would help, using your imagination?’ ‘All right’. And then, noticing her wedding ring, I asked, ‘You haven’t mentioned your husband. Are you still married?’ ‘No, he’s dead.’ Stupidly, and conventionally, in my turn, I said ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘I’m not. It’s been the best four years of my life.’ So was the pain, I wondered, perhaps coming from years and years of helpless bottled-up anger? We started with a tiny visualisation, in which she found herself holding ‘a big thick stick’. When I told her to use it as she would like, her face lit up. It was no surprise to hear, ‘I beat him up good and proper.’ ‘Did you ever hit him?’ ‘No, but he often hit me.’ In the second visualisation I sent her out on a picnic with her family. True to pattern, they went off to do their own thing, while she sat solitarily knitting. I told her to take the empty picnic basket down to the river. ‘As you go, you will find that the basket is full of something that stands for your anger. It may be heavy, or bulky, or squishy, or... You’ll see. When you get to the river, get rid of it. If it is light, throw it into a fast-flowing bit, and it will be swept away. If it is heavy, choose a very deep place, and it will sink down and down, and never be seen again.’


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As we finished, she looked totally bemused, so I asked no questions. We came downstairs and she got out her purse. ‘It was funny,’ she said, ‘when I threw it in’ — and she raised her arm well above her head, as if bowling a cricket ball. Then stopped in amazement, and began circling her arm round and round... ‘I can’t move this arm.’ Her expression was comical as she then started prodding herself all over. ‘I don’t hurt!’ ‘Good’, I said, and off she went. All those years of pain, and all she needed to do was to throw away her anger (in her imagination, i.e. as if). I hope that the exercises in this chapter will allow you insight into some of the emotional blocks affecting the growth process that you will experience — first acknowledgment, then release. You will recognise your blocks. Some are just tiny stones, on which you may be stubbing your toe; some, you may find, are actual road blocks. Remember that life is made up of energy, and although energy cannot be destroyed, it can always be diverted, used differently, if you go about it in the right way. The first exercise looks at a big boulder, at a crisis. It may refer to an old unreleased crisis. It may apply to a current situation. Listen to what your unconscious tells you, and deal accordingly.

Crisis Country Make yourself comfortable. Let your body be easy and still, so that you can float free in your imagination. Listen to the sounds you can hear all around you. Listen to your own breathing, listen to your heartbeat. And as you focus, let each sound send you further, and deeper, into relaxation. [pause] You are a child, and you are being taken for a day out. It is a treat you have been looking forward to for some time, and you are happy and excited. How old are you? Which sex are you? And who is the adult who is taking you? [pause]

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Part of the treat is that you are travelling by train. It is a little open railway. A lot of people are travelling, and a lot of children. Where do you join the train? Is there anything special about the station? [pause] The guard waves a green flag, and then hops on board. With a whistle the little train moves off. It chugs slowly, slowly through the countryside, and you have a wonderful view of the flowers, birds and animals beside the track. It is very enjoyable, until you see a notice that says ‘Crisis Country, x miles’. How does this feel? Is it going to spoil your treat? Do you say anything to your companion? [pause] Soon you pull up at the Crisis Country station. What is it like? Are there many people about? What is the countryside like just there? Someone gets off at the Crisis station. Someone gets on. Take notice of these people. [pause] While it is stopped, someone comes along the train selling souvenirs. Do you want one? Your adult companion gets one for you. What is it, this reminder or scar of crisis? [pause] Just as the train starts up again, another child comes running into the station, (a girl? a boy? what age?), runs beside the train, sees you, and thrusts into your hand a parcel roughly wrapped in newspapers, saying ‘Don’t open it till you get there. It’s a present.’ And the train gathers speed, leaving the child waving from the platform. [pause] You look at your ‘souvenir’. You don’t need it as it is now. You don’t want it. What happens to it? Do you ask your companion, or does something just happen? What do you do? [pause] Then you are well away from the Crisis station. The sun shines, the birds are singing again, and you are nearly there. It is a huge relief. You get out of the train, and the first thing you do is to open your newspaper-wrapped gift. What is it? [pause]


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Now it is time to let the images fade and come back to the room where you are working. Gently stretch, open your eyes, and see what you have discovered. If possible talk it over with a friend, or write it down, or draw it out, to make it all clearer and more useful. One woman found, to her great surprise, that her father was taking her on the outing. She had never in his lifetime (he had died some years ago) had this sort of relationship with him. At first they sat as far apart as the little seat would allow. But as they reached Crisis Country he comfortingly put his arm around her. She said she had never felt so safe and loved. Later she told me that her whole life attitude had changed. She was more confident, more trusting, and felt released from years of feeling a childish resentment and unimportance, especially in dealing with close relationships. Another woman, who was going through great crisis at the time, feeling almost suicidal, watched as a weak, ill woman on a stretcher was collected from Crisis Country. They laid her down between the seats of the little train, and as it moved off and the fresh breeze blew on her face, she smiled as she rested. When they reached their destination, the woman found herself on a hillside, near the beautiful ruins of an old abbey, with swans floating on the lake below. And the sick woman was lifted out of the train and propped up beside her, so that she could see the view too. She didn’t speak but was evidently so glad to be there, sharing the treat. For the woman working with the visualisation this was a hugely comforting, reassuring picture. Weak and despairing as she was, she too was to be rescued from the current crisis. It affirmed that she would come through And now, comfort. One of our difficulties in times of trouble can be the inability to acknowledge, ‘This is terrible for me. I have a right to grieve. I am hurt, I need comfort.

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Even if other people seem to have more to bear, even if my problem seems trivial, to me it matters. I must respect this in myself, and give myself love. How? The next exercise may help. It is a comfort resource for times when you may feel tired, cold and empty — even for an old grief, even for one small strand of your life.

Comfort Make yourself comfortable, allow your body, bit by bit, to feel heavier and heavier. Sink into your chair or couch. Be supported, be still, relax. Imagine that outside the sun is shining. Take a rug and mattress and go out into the garden. Your garden, in imagination, with the energies you most need. Explore this garden. Choose a place to be. Then lie down on your mattress. Even in the sun you may need to be wrapped up. Make yourself really comfortable. [pause] Be particularly aware of the roses, their scent, their energy. They are the symbol of love, and are surrounding you with quiet and peace. Rest, perhaps sleep, in the sun. [pause] And when you stir again, the garden seems different, ‘waiting’. Take your time, then go and sit on the seat, and just ‘be’. Don’t be afraid of feeling really sad, of remembering, of saying ‘yes’ to your grief. [pause] Be aware now that you are no longer alone. Beside you on the seat, deep from the heart of the earth, well-rooted in your garden, in your self, is the Cosmic Mother. She holds all the qualities of all human mothers, and more besides. As a mother, she is there for your comfort — knows all about it, cares about you, and offers what you need. In your imagination let her take you in her arms. Be a child, an adult, a baby. Let go into the total loving. You are not on your own — you are not pretending — you are not ‘managing’. You are held, supported, encouraged, understood and strengthened. Experience this.


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[pause] She has a lovely smile, a tender look, and indicates behind her the other Cosmic Parent, the Father, coming from the sun, the air and the wind to comfort you. Take from him what you need: a firm handclasp, perhaps being picked up, as a child, and swung. Whatever your unconscious prompts you to ask for. [pause] Then, as it is time to leave the garden, the Cosmic Parents each offer you a gift for your need just now — a symbol, a thing. First a gift from the Mother... [pause] Then a gift from the Father... [pause] They do not leave the garden. Whenever you go there to rest, they will be there for you, coming to share and offering you gifts. [pause] So, taking with you the new energy, just for the next step — and the gifts, which may indicate what next, or another survival direction, or provide a focus for your healing — leave the garden. Look again at your gifts and take heart. [pause] Now, in your own time, stretch, open your eyes, be here, and share, or perhaps record your discoveries. Did you manage to grieve, perhaps literally to cry? Could you let go to your Mother figure? Or did you especially need the protection, in your vulnerability, of your Father? And what about the gifts, tiny surges of energy to help you let go and move on. Go back as often as you need to this exercise. Tomorrow is a different today, and the insights too will be different. This whole series of exercises roughly follows the energy pattern that comes with bereavement. The initial shock and numbness usually give way to fear. ‘How can I cope with this total change in my life?’ Then anger, ‘Why

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did this happen to me? How dare you leave me? I hate God.’ And then guilt. ‘If only I hadn’t said... If only I’d done this, or that...’ Threads of depression follow: anxiety mixed with grief, held down perhaps by buried resentment, and even a hopelessness, often well camouflaged. But ultimately, with varying amounts of help, most people ‘go through’. And if this whole pattern can be explored and at least in part understood, then the result is increased compassion, creativity and understanding to be offered back to the Universe. I believe that a complete going through, without damage, depends very much on the person’s capacity and readiness to look and live from his or her centre, that is, from inside out. So simple, and so difficult! It is important too, to recognise that bereavement is not just applicable to the death of someone close. A broken relationship causes bereavement, as does an accident, a loss of health, unemployment... anything that appears to take away something substantial from one’s everyday life. In all this wide diversity of circumstance, it is necessary to let the whole process flow, in order to go through. Here are two small exercises about dealing with fear. These are to deal with specific fears. The first one I find particularly comforting, as it seems to say, ‘You can do something about it. Don’t just accept — move it’ The second very often applies to fear stemming from relationship difficulties, but discover for yourself.

Fear (1) First, watch your breathing. As you breathe in, picture the word ‘love’, and as you breathe out, picture the word ‘peace’. Surround the love inbreath with a rosy energy, and breathe out the shared peace energy in a deep quiet blue. Love–peace, love– peace. Enjoy your quietening. [pause] Choose a particular fear, or a more general, persistent feeling of fear, that you wish to deal with. [pause]


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See yourself, as you are today, going on a journey — walking in the country. Imagine the scenery.You are on your own. Is it enjoyable, or at least bearable? Look for the enjoyable part, perhaps a bird singing, or wild flowers, or lambs playing, or... Notice the feeling. [pause] You come to a slimy, muddy, stinking bit of ground. This is your fear; it stops your walk, is unpleasant, holds you up. Is there a drain blocked, or a flood, or... What is the source of this patch? Investigate. [pause] How do you get across? Do you change ground, or equipment, or direction? What kind of help do you need? Take your time. [pause] Once over, look back and see how it looks now. How do you feel? [pause] Let the images fade now, come back and examine your discoveries about your current fear and how to deal with it.

Fear (2) Again use the love–peace breathing. Feel the reality of these energies as you quieten. [pause] You are cold and shivering. Wrap yourself in a soft warm enveloping rose pink shawl. Find yourself sitting in a sheltered rose garden. There are roses behind, before and all around you. Look at them, smell them, even imagine their quiet singing. [pause] Soak in the warmth of the sun, breathe the peace and love of the garden. Say to yourself quietly, ‘All is well’. [pause] Come back at your own pace. You may like to get out your oil pastels and first picture the release of the stinking fear, in all its nastiness. Then draw the energy of the garden after it has gone, not as a picture, just as the colours feel they want to be on the paper.

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Here are three exercises about anger. Choose the one that most meets your present need.

Anger (1) Give yourself as much time as you need to be still, let go, relax. [pause] Again you are walking in the country, striding out to your destination. Across your path there is a huge boulder. A steep bank on one side, and a fast-flowing stream on the other, means that you cannot avoid this obstacle. Get a clear picture of it. [pause] At first it looks not too big to shift, but you find a massive buried area. You cannot climb over. You cannot dig it up. You need to go on. What happens? [pause] What or who helps you? How do you ask for help? Anger often lets go to sadness. Would a flood help? [pause] Once the boulder is behind you, see how it looks. Is there something else you need to do? How does it feel? [pause] Gently let yourself come back, and when you are ready, explore your insights.

Anger (2) Put yourself into a restful position. Take a couple of deep slow breaths, and on the outbreaths release whatever emotional clutter you need to discard. Now quietly watch your gentle breathing rhythm. [pause] Now find yourself, as in The Flame exercise, standing, as one of a group, near the Life Flame. Today, your lit flame is your anger. Feel the emotion first, then watch as the candle is swallowed up in the Life Flame. The Flame itself flares up — a brilliant red. [pause]


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Now the red changes, to a soft crimson rose colour. The anger changes too, transformed to warmth and loving care. Stand before it, and feel the love impact. [pause] It is time to take your new candle home, a candle holding the transformed energy. And whenever you need anger transformed, perhaps to purposeful action, perhaps to acceptance, and always to include the love energy, come back to the Life Flame, offer up the situation, person, code that angers you, and accept the new feeling. [pause] As you stretch, open your eyes, and come back, are you able to bring back the transformed feelings? Affirm this by writing, drawing, or sharing. This next exercise may well uncover a resistance block. Are you really prepared to allow your anger to be transformed? And notice too that anger is really a manifestation of fear. When you next feel anger, ask yourself, ‘What am I afraid of losing?’ Or, if coming from a moral stance, ‘What am I afraid will be lost?’ The third exercise you will recognise as the one that changed the life of my little old lady.

Anger (3) Surround yourself with blue, the colour of calm and tranquillity — of a bluebell wood, a summer sky, a cornflower. You choose, and safely let yourself relax into the quiet holding of that energy. [pause] You are going on a picnic to a favourite place. You may decide to go on your own, or in company — whichever feels right for you today. Choose the food you really enjoy. Don’t be sensible — this is a treat, a time to do what you want. Pack the food in a good-size basket. Then get together what else you may need, and get on your way. [pause]

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If you are in company, the others wander off and you, on your own, pick up the empty picnic basket and start to carry it down to the river, or sea, or lake. But look in the basket, for it is suddenly heavy again. It is full of your anger. What does your anger look like, feel like? Explore the contents of the basket. [pause] You are going to find a way to get rid of your anger. If you are by a deep river or pool, perhaps you can throw it in and let it sink to the bottom and be gone. If you are by fast-flowing water it can be washed away. Or perhaps the birds will take it, or the fish, or the...? Wait and see. Don’t think, just let the anger go from the basket. [pause] When it is quite empty, what is the difference in you? How do you feel now? Go back to the picnic spot, and pack your basket with the things you need to take home. Then if you like, stretch out for a quiet nap in the sun. Be at peace. And when you are ready, pick up your belongings and happily tired, make your way home. [pause] Now, in your usual way, gently bring yourself back to the room where you are working, and assimilate the given information. A very plump and frightened little girl, about ten, was brought to me by her father. She was stuffing herself with comfort eating, and also said that she was really scared at the huge feelings of rage that boiled up in her sometimes and that she felt were completely out of her control. Her father had recently left the marital home to live with another woman who already had a family of two children. This child and her brother had remained with their mother, though access by the father was completely open. She nevertheless felt this was totally artificial and hated the weekly visit to the other, apparently, now complete family. So we worked on the picnic visualisation. I must admit, I felt quite nauseated at the food concoctions she dreamed up! And then we went on to explore the anger


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in the basket. Her face showed total disgust. ‘It’s horrible. It’s all slimy and squishy. It stinks.’ And then, in dismay, ‘I can’t get it out. It’s too heavy, and it’s all in one piece and sticking to the basket.’ I waited, and in a minute or two her face changed and, with great relief, ‘It’s all right now, it’s broken up into lots of little bits.’ ‘How are you going to get rid of it?’ ‘Oh, easy peasy ‘ (Smiles of delight). ‘What are you doing?’ ‘I’m sitting in the car and throwing it out to the seagulls. They’re eating it all up.’ And this actually did break up her huge lump of rage, so that she could handle it ‘in bits’. We did more work on her need to find a way of communicating with her father in this new life situation, and though still grieving, she managed to restart her life again, and adapt without disability. How many people, in bereavement, when it seems too late say, ‘If only...’ and feel guilty, sometimes for years. I find, for myself, I need to remember that most of the time I did my best. I can’t do more than that. My best necessarily is tempered by my limitations as an imperfect human being. That’s OK. Who expects me to be perfect? Aha, do I? If I do the best, as I understand it at that moment in time, that is all that I can offer. If I make a bad mistake, through ignorance or stupidity, then I need to accept it as a lesson for next time. To carry a weight of guilt, to beat myself up, helps no-one. It merely puts a block on my growing and stultifies my particular creativity in the Universe. The next exercise explores the need to let go of guilt.

Guilt Find your quiet place, sit or lie there, and focus on the sounds around you: traffic, machinery, distant conversations, your own breathing, your heartbeat. Take your time, let each sound carry you further and further into your quiet centre. Persevere... [Pause]

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You are walking again in the country, but you are tired. You have a vast weight chained to you. Notice how you feel as you drag it along. [Pause] Where is it attached? By what sort of chain? Who chained it to you? Is it an internalised parent, code or habit? [Pause] Find a way of unloosing the weight. Can you do it yourself? Or who helps you? How do you dispose of the weight? Find a way utterly to destroy it: burn it, bury it, chop it up... [Pause] Now stand straight, look up, walk free. How does this feel? [Pause] Holding that good experience in your mind, come back to your everyday world. Stretch, open your eyes and remember. Was the weight what you might have expected? The important part of this exercise is the feeling when you are free. Return to it again and again. How different your travelling, when not weighed down. Anxiety is that often indefinable cloud of vague fear that greets us when we wake in the morning and stops us sleeping at night. In this hyped-up age of competition and materially focussed values, aggravated by unemployment and poor financial resources, stress is recognised as a real hazard to health and wholeness. Our fight-or-flight mechanism is not just activated by a truly dangerous situation. That would be a necessary protective aspect. Instead, people live in a constantly over-ready fear-reactive state. Because there is no specific situation, the aroused chemicals are not fully used and cannot die back to tranquillity again — thus chronic anxiety. The next two exercises will allow you to clarify what is holding you in the over-ready position. Then perhaps you can begin to let go of this particular anxiety trigger.


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Anxiety (1) Make yourself comfortable, and start, eyes closed, to count your own breathing 1, 2, 3, 4– 1, 2, 3, 4–... and continue until you feel quietly relaxed into your own rhythm. [Pause] You are walking in the country, but your view is unclear because of an accompanying cloud which hovers round you. It may be a cloud of biting midges, or a swarm of wasps threatening to sting you, or dense fumes choking you, wet thick fog, or... ? Recognise your cloud today. [Pause] What protection do you need? Do you dispose of the cloud, or do you change direction? What about you attracted this cloud? (See this in symbol form.) Do you get help, or can you disperse it yourself? [Pause] Once it has gone, continue your walk, and appreciate the clear views all around. [Pause] Now let the images fade, open your eyes, and quietly and thoughtfully come back. The second exercise is a useful way of letting go of any persistent negative distraction. It may even be used without naming the hidden worry or fear. Just release.

Anxiety (2) (or any other troublesome negative emotion) Use your favourite method of being quiet, settling down, and relaxing. [Pause] Imagine a huge pail, full of something unpleasant, that to you can symbolise anxiety (or whatever emotion you are dealing with today). [Pause] Now picture a large and very lovely container, made per-

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haps of beautiful glass or attractive pottery. Beside it there is a large yellow funnel. Take the funnel and pour through it, into the precious container, the contents of the pail. The funnel is magic, it works alchemy, and brings about change. Notice the anxiety’s initial colour and consistency. Watch how it clears and alters as it slowly filters through. [Pause] Into the container goes, not anxiety, but trust. Watch it, feel it, gain relief. [Pause] Come back now to the room where you are working. Gently stretch, open your eyes, and keep the trust energy safely in your being. Remember that energy follows thought. These symbols really do carry their own energy. By acting as if, in symbol form, you are also releasing in actuality whatever is bothering you. (If you choose a different negative quality to change, you may not know what it will become. Just watch, see, and feel. The label is not important, the process and the relief are what matter.) The floating cloud of anxiety can often be triggered by buried anger. ‘What am I going to lose this time?’ By contrast, anger held as resentment is not experienced as a floating cloud, but a dragging weight, enough to bow you down and slow the inner journey. Let’s explore further.

Resentment Make sure that you will not be disturbed. Sit or lie down and focus on your breathing. ‘In and out, in and out, in and out.’ Just quieten consciously into your own rhythm, and relax. [Pause] It is summer-time, and you are on holiday. How are you going to spend today? You decide to go for a leisurely all-day walk. So go and collect what you need: food, clothing, anything else. Prepare well. [Pause]


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Now go and collect your rucksack. It is on the floor of the cupboard, and feels surprisingly heavy. When you investigate, you find there is a heavy stone in it. You try to get it out, but it won’t come. How do you try? [Pause] Finally you give up and look for an alternative way of carrying. But nothing works. A carrier splits; your pockets aren’t big enough. What else can you try? Reluctantly you decide that even with the stone you will have to take the rucksack. Strangely, as you accept it, it doesn’t seem too heavy. Experience the feelings and set out. [Pause] It is pleasant walking, but the day gets hotter and hotter, and your load feels far too heavy. You decide to stop by the river to rest and to eat. It feels really good not to be carrying anything. Enjoy your break. [Pause] Feeling rested, you decide to move on. But to your dismay the stone now seems to fill the rucksack, and there is no way you can lift it. As you hesitate a bird swoops low over your head and gives you a clear thought. ‘Stones need a use, stones need a use’. As you look around to see what use, you notice that someone has left a bright red photo album lying there, with the word ‘Resentment’ clearly printed on the cover. You pick it up and begin looking at the pictures. [Pause] The first picture you examine closely is of a closed door, with a small child battling against it. Is the child shut in, or shut out — trying to get in, or to get out? Feel the resentment, understand what it means to you. The stone, big and strong, jams the door a little way open, and the child is free to meet its need. The second picture you examine is of a beautiful garden, with a high wall, and no way in. This time the child is thinking ‘I can’t manage. I’m not big enough or not good enough. I can’t get over.’ But the stone becomes enormous and knobbly, and makes a perfect stepping stone over the wall. Watch your child scramble over and enjoy playing in the secret garden. [Pause]

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The third picture is a very blurred photo, perhaps of a family group, or a collection of friends, or even a place with old associations. And the feeling is ‘Not fair’ The stone is no good for this one, but it changes to a small clear crystal. Looking through it the picture becomes perfectly clear. It shows where the resentment comes from. Have a good look. See the forgotten incident. Begin to clarify it. [Pause] It is time to go home. The rucksack is empty, but beside it on the ground are three pebbles: one shaped like a miniature doorstop, one like a rough knobbly stepping stone, and one clear and shining in the sun. Carefully you pick them up and put them in your pocket. With a light rucksack on your back, go wearily but happily home. [Pause] And now in your own time, bring yourself back to the room where you are working, stretch, open your eyes, and look at what you have learned about your resentment and its sources. What centred energy can jam your shut door a little open and release the resentment held there? What is the accompanying feeling? What part of you can you allow to be the stepping stone out of resentment (maybe awkward and knobbly, but nevertheless effective)? And what part of you can transmute stone to crystal, making use of inner journey higher energies? Use them, and see. Or look at it a different way. What are you feeling shut out of? Or where do you feel trapped, shut in? What is or was the competitive situation where you feel or felt inadequate and resentful? And what is the vague, often potent familybased resentment? This exercise is largely a matter of clarification. You may decide you need to supplement it with other exercises to help you let go of the sources of resentment, once they are defined, or you may discover that just seeing them clearly allows them to dissolve. Certainly many clients come to me with quite horrific feelings based on childhood incidents which they are really scared to investigate, cannot imagine letting go. Yet when we explore through


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visualisation, they quite often find to their amazement that while through a child’s eye the situation did indeed appear devastating, looked at clearly from adult experience, it doesn’t hold much importance at all. Away it goes, after causing years of misery. What about forgiveness — forgiving other people, forgiving yourself? It may be comforting to acknowledge that usually fully to feel forgiveness takes time. Someone has hurt you, appeared to attack your way of life, your beliefs, even your person. Damage has been done. ‘It was all their fault!’ (Really?) ‘I hate them. How can I ever forgive that kind of behaviour?’ OK, don’t forgive them. Then who gets hurt? You do. To carry unforgivingness as a stone in your heart blocks all your love energy flow — getting as well as giving. Judgment too holds hands with lack of forgiveness. ‘How could they act like that? Calls themselves a Christian?’ Maybe that person is doing their best? But in any case, that is not your problem. Your problem is letting go, and you cannot feel forgiveness because it still hurts too much. Once again it is time for as if. Even though resentment and bitterness still sometimes flood in, you choose to act as if you could forgive. You choose deliberately to give love as if you felt you wanted to. And gradually, gradually the magic happens, the energy changes, and one day you suddenly realise that you mean it! You have forgiven. You can feel love. This next exercise is really to affirm your willingness to forgive and to affirm your as if intent, and behaviour.

Forgiveness Put yourself into a safe and comfortable place. You may choose to curl up in bed, or sit in a big chair, hugging a cushion. Or even see yourself as a small child safely held in a mother’s arms. Allow yourself to feel cherished and wanted, and of worth. [Pause]

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You need to forgive — but not yet. First, allow the hurtful incident or time to come to mind. If the hurt has been prolonged and bitter, just let one trigger incident symbolise the whole. Look at it clearly, and while you are safe and comfortable watch, as if from a distance, your accompanying feelings. If any of them come near enough to hurt again, allow yourself to cry or shout, or react in the way you feel you need. See what your reaction is. Why is it that particular reaction? Then snuggle again into your safe place. [Pause] You are going out now, into the country, and find yourself by water. You are carrying some sort of container which is labelled ‘will’. Choose a place to sit and open your container. In it is your need or wish to forgive. What does it look like? Do you like it? Do you feel you ought to like it? [Pause] Take it out of the container. It has perhaps been shut away for a long time, and once it is allowed out it changes. How does it change? How does it show its new energy, strength, power? How do you feel as you say ‘Yes’ to forgiveness? Notice that the WILL label has also changed, and is now written in bold upper case letters. [Pause] Further along the bank there is a big pile of stones. You walk along to the pile, and start to throw the stones in the water. ‘I forgive and let go. I forgive and let go.’ See how each stone splashes, maybe just a spray, sometimes a real fountain. Continue throwing stones till you are tired. You may or may not know exactly what you are letting go, but the will is there, and you are beginning to feel your new freedom. [Pause] Now go back to being a small cosseted child. Allow yourself to be gently lifted and held, as you feel the relief of a job well done. You may even sleep in your safe place remembering that the water is always there, and a pile of stones, and the comforting presence of your ‘need to forgive’ from your will container, sometimes challenging, sometimes persistent — always showing you the way to the freedom of forgiveness. [Pause]


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And now it is time to wake up and come back. You are ready to use, in your ordinary life, the energies you have just experienced in your imaging. What did your will look like today, when you first saw it? Weak and weedy? What shape? What substance? How did it change as you committed yourself to the as if behaviour? Did you enjoy throwing in the stones? Were they related to specific situations or people that you need to forgive and let go? Or was it just a lovely splurge of forgiveness action? It may be different each time. Let it happen. Remember that will is stronger than feeling, and that is just on the personality level. Joining with the Life Will offers endless possibility for change. As if, as if, as if. Sometimes, in a time of depression, everything appears to go hollow. Nothing works, everything is useless, creativity has vanished. I have found the following exercise to be hugely sustaining in such a situation.In some instances it not only gives people reassurance, but actually triggers the next brave step.

Barren Land Make yourself comfortable, close your eyes, and let yourself sink back into your chair or cushions. Watch the rise and fall of your breathing and with each breath allow your stillness to deepen. [Pause] Imagine a piece of totally barren land; see it clearly. Is there anything you particularly notice as missing? [Pause] Someone is grieving there. ‘I have produced nothing, there is no harvest.’ Ask them why. (Tools, weather, help, environment, fantasy,...) ‘Why is there no harvest?’ [Pause] What are the feelings: guilt, frustration, impotence, dogged by bad luck... ?

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[Pause] Comfort this person. Remind them about life cycles. This cycle is complete. It is time to start the next one. Perform a ritual together. First draw a circle of light on the ground, and ask the person to put into the circle all the last cycle feelings: anger, grief, self-disparagement, loneliness... Put them all in. Take whatever time you need. [Pause] Now, surrounded in the circle by light, watch them change. They may burn up, blow up or just dissolve. Continue until the circle is empty of everything but light, flaring up — revealing a harvest of allowing, of acceptance, of starting again with experience gained. Feel the harvest. [Pause] What do you do now, together, with this barren land? (Be aware that the only real life fertiliser is love.) What do you do in preparation for the new cycle? Are you digging, raking, sowing, choosing a crop, leaving to temporarily lie fallow? How does it feel? How do you actually use the love energy? [Pause] It isn’t the time yet for this harvest, but it will come. Have a time slip, imagine that land at the growing time, at the ripening time. Stand with your failure person and watch it happen. See too how that person (that bit of yourself) changes, grows and ripens, along with the land. How does that feel? [Pause] Now let the images fade, open your eyes, and gently come back to the room where you are working. What was the chief characteristic of your barren land? Drought, bog, windswept bleakness, or just a neutral nothing? And what did you find as the reason? What feelings did that bring? What happened as you released the love fertiliser? Did you have any resistance to this? And did you get a hint as to what next, or was it enough just to accept that yes, there will be a harvest? And finally, going through. All the bitter experiences, the barriers, the boulders, on the life path have hurt you in the living of them. But through the hurt the learning


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has been tremendous. And somehow, perhaps because of tragedy, from your tiny blinkered life position, you are able now to relate more closely, deeply, with Life itself. New doors have opened, your view has extended.

Going Through Close your eyes now, be comfortable, let go... [Pause] You are walking alone through a rather bleak countryside, and not enjoying your journey. It is cold, or even raining, and you have no specific destination. It is just necessary to keep going. [Pause] You come to a gate that is barred. How is it barred?. On this side of the gate you can see three objects which are symbols of the situations that trigger your grief and aloneness. Note them well. [Pause] Then you lean on the gate and look over. The countryside is very different — attractive — a river, trees, all your favourite characteristics. As you look over you can see, in the distance, your Cosmic Parents, and they beckon you to come through. But it is not for you, or so it seems, for try as you will, you cannot open the gate. [Pause] Suddenly you find yourself standing within a triangle of helpful energy. At the top there is the bright star of your Higher Self, and at the base points the energy of your Cosmic Parents — connections with the Universe, flowing also with the Higher Self. Enjoy that energy. Picture the triangle flowing with Light, Caring, Life. And you are in the centre. Feel it. [Pause] Now the gate is open. Who opened it? As you prepare to go through, notice your grief symbols. Have they changed? Do you leave them, knowing that you may sometimes visit? Or do you take note and say good-bye as you move forward? Or even take them with you in their new guise? Take your time, and consider your symbols.

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[Pause] And now you go through. The gate is no longer locked. You can come and go as you please. But for now, with your Cosmic Parents, and perhaps other company, you start forward trustingly on your new journey. Well done. You have gone through. [Pause] And now release the images, come back to the room where you are working and consider the insights you may have gained, particularly in relation to situations which trigger your grief and aloneness. Did you recognise the grief triggers, or did they surprise you? Do you even understand them? And what do you think stopped you opening the gate into your next stage: unconsidered emotions? Clinging of some sort or another? Lack of inner contact? What happened when you were within the triangle, you, the little personality self, connected to your own Higher Self, and the complementary energies of the Universe? Did the gate open spontaneously when that connection was made? Or did a specific person open it? Were you then able to open it yourself? And what happened to the symbols? Most important, how did you feel as you finally were able to go through? I hope that this chapter’s exercises will provide much resource material for you, as you tackle the obstacles on the inner journey. Each day brings change. Each new stage of the journey brings new problems. But don’t forget, each holds a gift as you learn its lesson, and inner potential is limitless.

Chapter 5

My centre, my self What next? It is time really to move in and discover more about our inner-outer relationship, time to begin consciously to live ‘inside–out’, to watch with insight as well as seeing with our physical eyes, and most of all, time to use the love energy as support, illuminator, and friend. What do I mean, what do you mean, when you use the word ‘love’? I am convinced that love is the energy that makes flowers grow, and birds sing, and humans flourish. It is also the energy that fosters connections on the way to the Universal synthesis that seems to be the ultimate Plan. It seems a little sad that ‘love’ is now such a cliché word that it can hold no specific meaning. On the one hand I can hear voices yodelling and rhapsodising on the television, about ‘love’ in a way that to me is trite and senseless. On the other hand I can feel so deeply about another person, and need so much to communicate that feeling, and all there seems to be to say is, ‘I do love you!’ But let’s explore further. Love can be seen as a simple and potent energy. When I was first training in radionics (a distant healing method transmitting coded patterns of energy), I found this a difficult concept to assimilate. Love? Just clear energy? Surely love is tenderness, holding, belonging, fun, joy, spontaneity, physical demonstration? Just an energy? But that’s impersonal — how can it be love? And of course, there is a paradox here. The love energy can be used to show or encompass any of these, my needs. And it will be, and it is joyful that this is so. Here we look at inclusiveness again. For love from the heart is unconditional, without expectation, therefore without limitation. What is more, I can send the love energy to

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someone without feeling particularly loving. I am working as if, and it will be so. In my early radionics days I had two very different experiences of the power of the love energy, sent as just that. In the first, I was the recipient. For a short time I ran a small friend]y guest house. I provided dinner, bed and breakfast, and the evening meal was at 7 p.m. One evening, just after 6 p.m., one of my adult sons phoned, in great distress, with a very sad and difficult domestic problem. I listened for a while, but finally had to ring off as dinner was pending. And I started, quite unexpectedly, to cry. So while the vegetables bubbled, and savoury cooking odours drifted into the rest of the house, I gently dripped! And I couldn’t stop. In desperation I rang my radionics practitioner and said, ‘I have to serve dinner in a few minutes, do something’. I put the phone down and almost at once felt as though my head was gently being packed with cotton wool. The tears stopped, and feeling heavily tranquillised, I managed the meal without incident, and with happy chat. After it was over I rang back and said, ‘Thanks, that worked wonderfully; you can stop the treatment now, before I’m completely wiped out.’ She laughed and said, ‘I only gave you one treatment. I just sent you love.’ The second experience also involved radionics. Someone wrote and asked me to treat a four-year-old Down’s Syndrome boy. He lived with his granny and was a lovely ‘cabbage’; he sat on the floor all day ‘playing’, had no bowel or bladder control, could not stand, and beamed at all and sundry. I tried every treatment in the book and nothing worked. Until, coming downstairs one morning, I thought, ‘He needs love and red’. So for ten days I sent a steady flow of these two energies, a permanent soaking in love, within the red of dynamism. And he shifted... A year later he was running round attending special school, in control of his excretory functions, and interested in learning to read. The red was probably the ‘blast off’, the

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love was the facilitator, fertiliser, and creative stability. And this was in no way personal — ‘just’ deliberately transmitted energy. So where do we start? I think as if is a huge tool here. And a tight definition isn’t really appropriate. I ‘know’, as you do, what heart love is. I feel it through my own centring. It is not a demanding love. It is not: ‘Do you love me?’ or ‘How can you leave me, I love you?’ or ‘I shan’t love you if you aren’t good.’ It just flows and nourishes, and expects nothing back. We often experience it as compassion. And sometimes, I may need to send this particular energy (as in the forgiveness exercise) through my will, rather than my feelings. Feeling may often be included, but not necessarily so. But I am quite sure that already you experience heart love towards others. What about yourself? Why is your love for yourself, if indeed you recognise this at all, always solar plexus based? Why, for example, don’t you excuse yourself for your mistakes? Why do you beat yourself up for being ill or lonely, inadequate or afraid? Imagine a little child in your care. He or she doesn’t understand about heat, and so burns her finger on the hob. Don’t you do your best to comfort that child, kiss it better, rock it to sleep, or just sit cuddling it. Does that seem odd? Of course it doesn’t. But what about the little child in you? The one you’re ashamed of? The one that keeps popping up and doing, or saying, the wrong thing? The one that’s afraid of growing up? Does the adult in you comfort (instead of criticising or, worse, banishing) that child? (Could you start to love that child?) It is my belief also that we carry within us a child that shouldn’t grow up. I have a rambunctious three-year-old who I only recognised a short time ago, and I love her. She can make me shout and sing when I’m out with the dog, or buy a cream cake instead of ‘sensible’ wholemeal bread. She can suddenly giggle inside me when someone makes a criticism which she can see is ridiculous — so I can too.

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She is plump and irrepressible, and totally lightens my life. I love her. I call her my ‘special-to-love’ child. So some time soon, sit quietly, and allow your specialto-love child to come into your mind. She (or he) may be very different from mine — only you can find her. Take her for a walk, and see where you land up, or play with her; ask her what she would like for a treat; put her to bed, look after her when she is ill (and notice what has upset her enough to make her ill). Just get to know and love her or him. You may indeed have found the child who, like Peter Pan, never needs to grow up, or you may find that he or she changes, and becomes an adult part of you. Fine — no rules — just loving. (And incidentally, it’s amazing how this child understands the ‘bad’/fearful/aggressive/sad children in your care and shows you what they need.) The other way of learning heart love — other than as if, that is — is simply through your soul connection. For heart love is soul connection and as you practise one, you strengthen the other. One of the biggest blocks to soul connection is the emotional turbulence that comes when our emotions take charge of our being. The emotional body is a great reflector, noticing every whim or desire of the personality — whether quivering with rage or dancing with delight. But the traveller on the inner journey gradually, gradually directs this reflection to be that of the wishes and desires of the inner connection, rather than of the frequent thought or wish flurries of the personality — again, as if is the tool. Another block is separation. We tend to think of the inner and outer as two separate places. Not so, they are merely polarities of the same energy flow. I don’t live at either end, but in the middle, where I can reach what I need when I need it. The first exercise in this chapter illustrates this inside–out philosophy, in visual terms, and shows how the connections can be steady and reliable when we centre in.

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The Wheel Imagine a wheel, an old-fashioned cart-wheel, lying against a wall somewhere. It is beautiful in its own right, lovingly fashioned, strong, well crafted. It has a solid sturdy hub, dependable spokes and a rim which is smooth with many journeys, even in places worn thin. [pause] And its periphery is life events, and personality outlook. Its turning is the life cycle. And my view from the rim is limited. As I turn towards the ground, I am just going down, I cannot see the next rise. And on the rim I am sometimes bumping hard on the stones, or am wet and muddy as I travel through the puddles. Sometimes too, I have a good ride, through soft sweet-smelling grass, perhaps downhill. Try that ride, at the rim of the life-wheel. [pause] But there is another position to hold on the wheel. The hub, my deep centre, offers me a place with a much longer view. I can see the wheel turn and know that as I go down, I also come up. And I can even see a little way ahead, towards my destination. The road does not feel so bumpy from the centre, nor do I get so dirty. Imagine the journey from the hub of your life wheel. [pause] And the spokes are the connections, from the deep centre to the personality life. As life turns, appropriate energies can travel to and from the periphery. If I need strength and confidence at the rim, I can ask for energy from the hub. And at the hub, experience is gathered from the daily personality events on the rim, and direction is sometimes subtly changed. Experience this travel in wholeness. In the next exercise, we move on to experience this centring more personally.

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The Centre of the Lake Imagine yourself once again out in the country, walking through fields, open and sunny, with quiet and open country all around you. Enjoy it. [pause] Now picture a pleasant and shady wood. Bluebells are making a wonderful sheet of colour in little clearings, and the beech trees above are a gloriously shining new spring green. Enter into the feel of quiet peace and growing all around you. [pause] Wander on now, through the wood, until you come to a little stream. Clumps of primroses dot the banks, and marsh marigolds too are beginning to shine yellow. You can hear the busy twittering of nesting birds, and the sudden rustle of the long grass as you disturb some tiny animal. [pause] You are coming to the edge of the wood now. Following the stream, you find yourself by a tiny lake. It is completely still, only the circling patterns of insects disturb its quiet calm. Sit down, and for a while just watch the water. Sometimes a fish plops; sometimes a leaf drops with a tiny splash. It is so quiet. [pause] You notice then that the lake is a complete circle. Trees surround it, the stream filters in, and on the far side it looks as though it continues as an outlet. You begin to think of walking right round. And it is then that you see the little boat moored to a stout stake at the water’s edge. You cannot resist your need to be at the centre. Climbing into the little boat you cast off the rope, and row right out into the middle of the lake. There you ship your oars and sit, quietly rocking in the pattern of your own making. [pause] The circle is the symbol of completion — from the centre you can see it all. The view is different: unexpected detail is there. You are warm in the sun. Eventually you will have to walk back, live life, meet obstacles. But now, warm, safe and connected to your own need to be at the centre, rest, be nourished, look, listen and enjoy.

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[pause] Now quietly, in your own time, let the images fade, stretch, open your eyes and, holding the centred peace, come back to the room where you are working. This is not an exercise to nit-pick! You will notice the difference looking at the centre of the lake from actually being there. Try this one at different times of day or year. Water is usually the symbol either of emotional currents, or of uncharted depths. In the next exercise your centring will be much more solid and earth related — a different facet of the same experience.

The Inner Garden Make yourself comfortable, settle down, and begin to watch your quiet pool. Any emotional distraction that comes along will disturb the surface of the pool. Concentrate on bringing it back to stillness. [pause] Imagine that you are walking along a country lane enjoying the fresh air, the flowers in the hedgerow, birds singing, and the warm sunshine. In the distance you can see a house, and this is your destination. Take your time, and enjoy your walk. [pause] As you come near to the house it feels very welcoming, almost familiar, so you are not really surprised to find your own name on the gate. You open the gate and go into the garden. This is your garden, pictured as you would like it. Your favourite flowers are all in bloom, the grass is green, and everything you would like to see in a garden is there. Spend some time exploring the garden, and when you are ready, sit down on the seat you have placed in your favourite spot. Rest there and enjoy the feeling of the garden. [pause] After a while, you notice in one corner, a flight of steep steps leading down. They are old stone steps, going down in a spiral. Many, many people must have used these steps, for the

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centre of each step is quite worn down. Walk over to the steps, and stand at the top, looking down into the inner garden. What feeling do you have now? [pause] You decide to go down, in a leisurely fashion. Following the spiral you go round and down the first step, then the second. The top garden is quite breezy and bright, and you begin to notice the contrast of the quiet inner garden below. You go round and down again, and you can feel yourself becoming more relaxed and free of current problems. Round and down again, more relaxed still. The breeze no longer blows your hair, and your inner stillness deepens. Round and down again, and by now you have a clear view of your inner garden. It is very beautiful. Round and down again, you feel still more relaxed and are glad to see that there is a seat waiting for you. Round and down and onto the grass, and you walk across to the seat, and rest. [pause] You are yourself. You are so safe here. You can be vulnerable and open. You can be loving and strong. You need no pretence. And because you are your true self, you are recognised, and in turn you have a deep awareness of all life around you. No-one is afraid of you. The quiet life of the garden continues, and you are part of it. Sit quietly; watch the birds, the insects, the flowers, the trees, welcome and be welcomed. Accept your true place in the pattern of the Universe. Enjoy the belonging. [pause] And then it would seem that you are not alone on the seat. Your Wise Person is beside you. You may recognise her or him. You may see your Wise Person as a man, woman, child or being. Or you may just have the feeling of companionship. There are no words, just relationship, you and your Wise Person, together on the seat — another belonging. [pause] After a while you find yourself alone again. But the Wise Person has left you a present. It may be an object, a symbol, or an abstract quality, value or feeling. Don’t try. Don’t think. Just in the quiet of the garden accept your gift. It is what you need, today. [pause]

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It is time now to leave your inner garden, and go up again to the top garden of your busy life. Take your gift with you, and be aware that its energy truly is yours, now, for your everyday life. You climb the steps quite quickly, back to the breeze and the freshness and the joys of the top garden. Wander round it for a few minutes and then open the gate and let yourself into the lane, to walk back. [pause] And now let the images fade, and be back in your ordinary setting. But as you stretch and open your eyes, remember that you have brought back with you a gift of inner energy for your support and strength today. Did you feel the contrast of the upper and lower polarities, the inner and outer life? Did you manage to strengthen the connection knowing your way down and up and bringing a resource from the inner relationship for your everyday surface life? What was the symbol? What is it that you need today? There is a bonus as you explore your own centring. As you learn, with insight, so you connect with all life-forms at a deeper level. The next exercise is to affirm your cosmic connection. Tiny and unimportant you may feel, in the big scheme of things, but you are a necessary spark in the huge energy flow. Experience this — a lovely validation of your existence.

The Spiral Make yourself comfortable, and when you are ready, take three deep breaths. On the outbreath of the first, let go any physical discomfort. On the second release any mental difficulties. On the third allow any negative emotions to float away... And relax. [pause] Find yourself standing in a lovely open space. The sky is clear above you, and the sun is shining. Your feet are firmly on the ground, perhaps slightly apart for better balance, so that you can feel grounded and safe as you work.

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[pause] Imagine now a beautiful spiral of energy, starting on the ground around your feet, and spiralling up so that you are contained within it, although it continues beyond you, up and up into the sky. Be aware of your feet firmly on the ground as this spiralling energy connects you with the sky and the sun, and the higher energies. [pause] As you watch, the pattern of movement expands. The spiral rises around you, then spirals back again, to the ground around your feet. It is making a clear connection up and down, up and down. You may find that your breathing adapts, in with the rising, out with the return. You may be seeing the spiral as colours; you may be feeling it as warmth or cold. Whatever your experience, it is right for you. Enjoy it. [pause] Then the pattern expands again. This time the spiral does not stop at ground level, but continues down and down. It reaches crystals and earth fire, underground streams, and the throbbing heart of the planet, then returns again to circle round your feet, and continues its spiralling reach to the heights. Watch this process. [pause] But you are part of it. Firmly grounded, you reach the heights; you reach the depths. You merge with the elements, and you stand at the point of balance. Let your breathing go with the spiral, and draw in the energies you need from within the cosmic rhythm. [pause] Now let the images fade and gently bring yourself back, allowing your new perception of cosmic balance to strengthen and encourage you in your everyday life. Once you become more surely connected, then inevitably you are pushed into creativity. All that support, learning and insight must flow on. In the next exercise you will find something from the inner flow that you can joyfully express outwardly.

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The Water-lily Spend a moment or two making yourself comfortable, and then go straight into a beautiful blue space. It may seem like grounded sky. It may be a blue mist. You may be surrounded by bluebells. Whatever blue you see is right for today. There will be lovely growing things in this space. It carries the quality of peace. It is your approach to your centre. Right in the middle of your blue space there is a small circular pond. Sit down beside your pond and enjoy the quiet. In the middle of the pond is a water-lily bud, white, pink-tipped, and well-earthed, as your deep centred rooting may be. Look carefully at the details. [pause] And now imagine a slow opening of this bud. As the petals slowly open you become aware of a blossoming happening in you in the depths of your being. Something in you is opening and coming to light. [pause] As you keep visualising the water-lily, you feel its rhythm is your rhythm, its opening your opening. You keep watching as the lily opens to the light and air, showing itself in all its new loveliness. You are aware of its delicate scent — the spirit of a flower is its scent — and absorb this into your being. [pause] The water-lily is wide open. Look at its very centre, and let an image emerge from there. This image will symbolise your need to express outwardly and creatively some aspect of your inner peace, strength, security, beauty, creativity and purpose. Allow the quality of this image to permeate your whole being. [pause] It is time now to let the water-lily bud gently close, protecting itself against threatening storm or other damage. Feel your own openness also quietly close, just for the moment, so that you too do not go unprotected. The bud will open, you will open, whenever you so choose to contact your own deep inner space. Stay quietly by the pond for a moment, surrounded by the blue space that is your centre threshold. Remember your image, and be glad.

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[pause] Now let the images fade, and in the usual way bring yourself gently back to your ordinary awareness, and look at what you have discovered, perhaps drawing, writing or sharing in discussion your experience. Were you surprised at this insight on your creative purpose just now? Did you notice that as you entered your discovery space you were in a place of calm and peace, where emotional turbulence could not cause a blockage? Creativity is one of the gifts one finds when, in pursuing the inner journey, soul energies come to fulfilment. Hidden strengths may also surprise you. The next exercise may well indicate characteristics you have never acknowledged as strengths, perhaps have not even recognised as part of your life.

The Fairy Ring Ensure that you will not be disturbed for a while, make your body very comfortable, and begin to quiet your mind by focusing on your easy breathing... [pause] Imagine yourself wandering through a pleasant wood. It is early summer. There are bluebells, and a few late primroses and violets. Rabbits are about, squirrels are rattling up and down the trees, and the birds are busy in an absolute flurry of nesting. All life is busy — bees humming, insects buzzing to and fro. The sun makes dappled shade as it filters through the bright young leaves of the beech trees. Take your time, get the feel of this bright and busy wood. Wander on. [pause] After a while you come to a clearing. The grass here is very smooth, short and velvety. The sun shines directly into the clearing, and as you sit on a convenient fallen log you can look up to the blue sky, and see the top branches of the trees swaying in the breeze. It is very restful, and for a while just sit, half dozing in the sun, watching the happy movement all around you.

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[pause] Then you notice that in the middle of the clearing is a fairy ring, just a green circle in the grass. It feels very special, and you get up and go over to it. At first, you hesitate to step inside, for you realise that if you do, you will be standing in the symbol of your own deep centre, and indeed in that of the Centre of the Universe, where all is one. But you decide yes, you need to be there, and so you step inside. The circle enlarges so there is room for you to sit comfortably on the lovely soft green grass. You are in the centre, and it feels wonderful — a place of warmth, belonging and safety. You are very relaxed, very easy, very open. There is nothing to be afraid of. [pause] The wood has gone very quiet, the breeze has dropped, and the little animals all are still. And then, quietly, out of the wood come your strengths. You may see them as animals, birds, children, adults, Beings... They gather at the edge of your ring, and there is great gladness in the mutual recognition. Watch them as they come. See who they are. [pause] But there is still a waiting, until out of the wood comes one more strength. Notice this late arrival. Were you not ready to recognise or accept it before? [pause] Suddenly the wood comes alive with sound and rhythm. The tree branches sway again, the birds sing, and your strengths, in celebration of their recognition, of your centredness, of Universal involvement, perform a weird and wonderful circle dance around you. [pause] Then the rhythm stops, and it is time for you to choose just one of our strengths, the one you most need today, to come into the ring with you. And there is delight as the chosen strength moves in, and the other strengths clap and stamp as you dance together. [pause] And then all quietens, and the strengths steal silently away, into the wood. But you know now how to contact them, whenever you need. So you and your chosen strength step out of

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the ring. And at once the wood becomes again just an ordinary wood, full of the creative life energy of early summer. And you and your chosen strength wander back through the wood, and together go home. [pause] Now open your eyes and stretch, and consider consciously the strengths you have uncovered, for use right now in your life. This has proved a really helpful exercise for many people. I use it often myself, and get endless positive feedback. One woman came to me suffering from a long-term debilitating illness which apparently was going to wreck her career. In her head she knew perfectly well that the only way to recover was to stop, at least for a while, and rest. But with a new exciting job on the horizon she was resisting any thought of backing away, even temporarily. When her strengths came out of the wood they were all dwarfs, like the seven dwarfs. And they all wore labels. ‘What did the labels say?’ ‘Oh, useful things like “quiet”, “take care”, and so on.’ ‘And which came in to take home?’ Disgustedly she answered, ‘I didn’t want the one that came in, but he wouldn’t go away, and clung to my hand.’ ‘What was his label? ‘Weakness.’ And that little dwarf got right under her skin. Right now your strength is to allow yourself to be weak. What an impact. She did rest, did adjust her workload, and... did get better. What happened with you? Were some of your strengths unfamiliar to you? What was the one that came late? Did you choose the special one, or did it choose you? Remember, if one of the symbols is actually a person you know in your everyday life, look at the quality that person holds for you: that is the relevant information. Here is another exercise which will also give practical insight for this stage of your journey. Where in your life do you need to be to find nourishment for your inner energy? Let the symbolism tell you.

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Being Make yourself comfortable, close your eyes, and begin to say to yourself Love–peace, Love–peace, Love–peace, to the natural rhythm of your breathing. Sink into the quiet you are creating. [pause] Now imagine that you are standing at one end of a street. It is a very long street, and every kind of building can he seen in it: school, shops, library, fire station, church, post office, cottages, houses, and any other building that comes to mind. Have a good look at this street. [pause] And then you see someone walking along the street. It may be a child, or an adult, or a Being. It is a symbol for your present concept of the Higher Self. [pause] Watch which building your Higher Self chooses to go in. This is the place most comfortable today, for the whole self. In your imagination, see what your Higher Self is doing inside. [pause] Now follow in, as you are today, your personality self. Is it comfortable for you? If not, why not? What happens? [pause] Both come out. Is either personality self or Higher Self changed? Do they part or go off together? How does it feel, for you? What was your street like, old, new, familiar? And what is your idea of your Higher Self? One girl could not relate to this wonderful golden Being she saw. I suggested she ask for a glimpse of the Being when in her, and she got a lovely baby, who was easy to nourish and love. Where did your Higher Self go? One man saw his go into the bakers and buy a large cream bun (nourishment, perhaps, at the emotional, aspirational level). A woman followed hers into a church (symbol for her of spirituality) and He asked her to join Him at the top of the steeple.

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She was terrified of heights, but when she eventually got there, He held her firmly, and she said the view from that perspective was wonderful and she felt completely safe. When you came out of the building, had the relationship changed either your Higher Self concept or your idea of your personality self? The next exercise asks you to look at the relationship between personality and Higher Self, as a detached observer.

My Self, MY SELF Sit or lie back, and imagine a pale yellow light flowing through you, from the top of your head, down through your toes, taking any grubbiness or life difficulties with it, out into the earth. Keep the flow going and going, and begin to feel warm, clear, relaxed, and filled with light. Take yourself to a quiet, safe, sheltered space outside. The air is warm, there may be a slight breeze, the sun is shining. It is very peaceful. Sit down, perhaps with your back to a tree, or if you are on the beach, rest against a rock, or the slope of the dunes. Enjoy the environment — the sights, the sounds, the scents. [pause] Now take a deep breath, and as you let it go, allow any emotional distractions — hurts, problems, fears... — to float away. See them leave you, as cloud, or mist, or even fog. When they have gone, then allow your mind to float free, and look down on your life today. Don’t judge or plan, just look. Where have you placed yourself? How is your time allocated? What about your work or busy-ness, your priorities, your relationships? Take your time, drift round your life without any emotional attachment, and see what is happening. [pause] Now ask yourself, what is my basic assertion about me, my self-presentation, my self-statement? Come back to the quiet place where you are sitting and see what you are holding in your hands — symbol of your personality presentation. Examine it closely.

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[pause] In front of you now, allow yourself to see the person or Being who is your present concept of your Higher Self. Take a close look at this person or Being. Imagine that you can look at your life now through that person’s eyes. Time, space, occupations, role, presentation: what do you see of these now, looking from your centre? [pause] And what symbol does the Higher Self hold? See it clearly. Then place the two symbols together, the outer view, the inner view. Do they fit, or is something in need of adjustment? [pause] When you have seen enough, let the symbols fade, and ask in your mind that if any adjustment is needed, it should be done. Hold no expectation, just look again. Your unconscious will show you through the symbols what you need to know. [pause] Stay for a moment, enjoying your quiet safe place again, then gently let the images fade, and come back to the room where you are working. Stretch, open your eyes, and be here. Were your symbols clear for you? And how did your view change, as you looked from your centre? Did you have to change the alignment of the symbols? And was it change to both, or one of them (which one)? The next exercise I use over and over again, with all sorts of motives. It can be a weight-reducer, a confidence-maker, a tranquilliser... Today we are using it to allow you to explore what it means to be integrated and whole. It is a simple direct way of using will, integrated with Will. Let’s clarify further this concept, briefly mentioned earlier. I use ‘will’ in two ways. We all talk about willpower. ‘I will diet’, ‘I will meditate every day’, ‘I will...’ To me, this kind of will can be seen as personality willpower. It can be very effective. It uses an enormous amount of energy. It doesn’t always last. There is another use of ‘will’ — I find it simpler, and much more effective. This ‘will’ rests on the need to

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find one’s place in the scheme of things and to go with the pattern of one’s personal energy, so as to contribute the bit of the life pattern that only you can fill. Once the ‘going with’ starts, then you are in the whole huge stream of Life–Will. Once within this safe framework, you can learn to create and love and make things happen. And things happen, yes, for you, but because you are in your right place, it follows that they also contribute to the wellbeing of the Universe. How do I use that will/Will? Always with a good motive, with loving responsibility, and with simplicity and trust. Perhaps I find that I have healing propensities — these are part of my pattern. So I sit quietly and centre, and then send a very simple thought form, perhaps ‘wrap her in peaceful blue’. I need totally to let it go, on the Willstream. I don’t think about it, or wonder if it will work. That would negate the exercise. I just allow, am ‘willing’, and trust. It works! Sometimes I cannot trust. Sometimes I have doubts. OK, I’m fallible, I’m human. My energy swirls, and sometimes dims. Maybe I have to leave it for today. But maybe I can use the Will-stream for myself and send what I need to send as if. I can allow myself some strength — just by centring in and expecting. This simple short exercise is to do with using Love and Will for me. I’m worth it!

The Mirror First, settle yourself comfortably, focus your mind on a pleasant place, allow intruding thoughts just to float away and leave you relaxed and centred. Find yourself in a bedroom. It is your imaginary bedroom. Make it peaceful and quiet, a place for resting. One wall is almost entirely mirror, and you are sitting in a comfortable chair, where you can see clearly whatever is reflected in the mirror, but you are not yet reflected there yourself. Be comfortable there for a moment or two. [pause]

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Looking into the mirror, you can see a reflection. It is the reflection of your ‘ideal’ self. This is how you would see yourself if you were whole and healthy, happy and creative, fully realising your potential, an integrated person. What are you wearing? How are you standing? What is your facial expression? What are your hands doing? How is your hair? Really become familiar with the you that you would like to be. [pause] Stand up, in your imagination, and see your reflection in the mirror, exactly as you are today. Look at the differences between your now self and your ideal self. Go into detail again — clothes, body language, expression... [pause] And now let your today self step inside the ideal person. How does it feel? What changes in you when you do this? Enjoy being your real integrated self. [pause] Be gentle with yourself after this experience. Take your time as you stretch and open your eyes and come back to your ordinary surroundings. Keep your glimpse of integration; perhaps share the experience with a close friend. Questions are not really needed here. You know what differences you discovered, and how it felt when you merged as if you had already attained this integration. Try using this daily for a month — it is easy to remember. And just see what happens! I have commented before that energies must flow. As you approach your integration and soul contact, different energies flow through you in your relation with others. Remember, like attracts like. The more you glow, the more you meet others on the path at similar stages. What can you offer them in relationship? (And what can you offer ‘the little ones’ who are struggling to begin?)

In Relationship: what can I offer? Take a big breath, and let go all the distractions of the outer life. Peace, trust, peace, trust, let your breathing carry these energies as you travel in.

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[pause] You are visiting a maze. It is a little different from an ordinary maze, for the pathways are pleasant leafy lanes. As you move towards the centre, you can enjoy the flowers and birds, the feeling of springtime and busy growth. Just imagine such a maze. [pause] You walk for quite a long way, the tops of the hedges high above your head. Though you branch off from time to time, you seem to be getting no further in. But you find a seat where, surprisingly, there is a lovely view. So you sit down to have a rest. [pause] As you are getting up to move on, your foot kicks something under the seat, and you bend down and pick it up. Sit down again and have a good look. This is a symbol telling you what you offer in close relationship. Don’t bother about the meaning, just regard the symbol closely. [pause] Time to move on, and this time you do feel you are moving closer to the centre. But it is hot, and as you begin to feel weary you come to a tree, which offers a comfortable shady seat at the crotch of two big branches. It is easy to climb that far, and you settle back comfortably against the trunk, and look down at your journey so far. You cannot look ahead, as the trunk blocks your view. A little higher you see an old deserted nest. You gently feel inside it, and find your second symbol — something else you can offer in relationship. Look at it carefully. [pause] Still the lanes continue, and still you cannot find the opening to the centre, though you know that you are near. You come to a patch of soft green grass and decide, just for a while, to stretch out and relax there. And while you rest, you are given the third symbol, perhaps dropped by a bird, or even by a squirrel, or perhaps, just appearing under your fingers, on the cool grass. Become familiar with this symbol. [pause] Refreshed, you jump up, and almost immediately, there you are. Quite a narrow opening leads you to the centre of the

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maze. What do you find there? This is the symbol that tells you what you can offer in relationship from the very depths of your centred place. Enjoy it. [pause] When you are ready, come back from the maze, open your eyes, and remember your symbols, and the places at which you found them. Each stage of awareness, and each position you adopt in the world gives you a different opportunity of offering healthy growing energy to other life-forms (and inevitably receiving, in turn). What did you find out from the different positions at each stage of this exercise? And what did the symbols tell you? Were you surprised at your potential for giving and healing in the world? The following exercise gives you a chance to scrutinise the roles you choose just now — your presentation in the different aspects of your life. (Remember, you are all the people!)

Bulb Planting You are about to go and buy some bulbs to plant in your garden, or elsewhere. But you go as one of a small group. So first of all, discover who is coming with you, perhaps three or four people — any age, either sex, just as they come to mind. They may include people you know. They may be totally imaginary. Have a look. [pause] Now you are at the nursery. It is the end of the season, and there is a bulb sale. You are a little disconcerted when the nurseryman tells you that the only bulbs on sale are mixed and unlabelled. So you cannot choose a specific flower. How do you feel about this, and what are the reactions of the group? Notice these. [pause] You finally go away with your bag of bulbs to the chosen

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planting place. Do you all choose a similar place, or are the places all very different? And how do you plant the bulbs — in rows, in clusters, haphazardly? What do the others do? [pause] Imagine now a time slip: it is spring or summer, growing time, and you go to see what flowers have come up. What is the effect? Are you pleased? Are the others? What are the comments? [pause] You are about to go, when a little old gardener appears, and insists that you go with him. Surprised, you follow him, along a twisty path, around hedges, behind walls, until you come to a very sheltered central spot. ‘There’, he says, his old whiskered face crumpled into a beaming smile, ‘That’s what has grown from your planting.’ What do you see? How does it feel? [pause] And now let the images fade, leave the garden and your special plant, and come back to the room where you are working. Look carefully at your discoveries. So where are you planting unnamed bulbs? Where are you growing in trust? How do you plant them: methodically, carelessly, creatively? Does the flowering of each role satisfy you? Will you plant those bulbs again? And ah, what about the flower/bush/tree that all unknowing you planted in the flowering of your personal growth and spiritual perception? Enjoy that. The next visualisation is one that for years I used in every workshop I led. It is a wonderful way of bringing a group together and of setting the day’s activities at heart level — with trust, honesty, tenderness and compassion.

The Star Make yourself comfortable, and then take yourself straight into the start of this visualisation. Imagine yourself on a late June evening, strolling by the river in a quiet country setting. Dusk is falling, and the cattle

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and sheep are beginning to gather under the trees, ready for sleep. Birds are chattering in pre-roost flight, and fish plop in the river as they gather midges for supper. The only other sound is your soft tread on the grass. Enjoy the experience, watch and listen. [pause] Now find an open space where you can lie and see the sky above you, a deepening blue dome of containment. Make yourself comfortable — the ground is warm and dry after a sunbaked day. Feel the support of the earth as you stretch out upon it. [pause] Look up, and right above your head there is one beautiful star. This star, tonight, is the symbol of your Higher Self energy. Relate to it, feel its light streaming down to your heart centre, and in return share with it some of your personal energy, your heart love. Make a deliberate connection. [pause] Now be aware that everyone in the group is relating to the Higher Self star. In your mind, contact the person on your right, and make with him or her a triangle of energy, heart to heart, hearts to Higher Self. Experience this deep level of sharing and belonging. [pause] Then be aware that the person on your left is making a similar triangle with you, and on their left, and their left... See a circle of energy connecting the whole group at heart level, individual strands all still connected to the star. Allow the love, compassion, belonging to filter through you, receiving and giving, receiving and giving. Enjoy this as you allow. [pause] Now let the image of the circle fade, though the energy remains. Then the triangles, let that image fade, though the energy remains. And now there is just your personal connection, seen as a ray of light between your heart centre, and the star. Let that image fade, but be very aware that the connection remains. And once again, you are lying on the grass, the sky now deepened to indigo, and above your head a beautiful star.

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[pause] Quietly get up from the grass, and retrace your steps. The cattle raise their heads as you go by, the birds have settled and the river flows silently beside you. Once again, your feet make soft sounds on the grass, the earth that holds you. Above, the stars protect you, and a gentle sweet-smelling breeze accompanies you on your way. It is good to be part of life. [pause] And now, with your heart warmed, and your right place in the world affirmed, allow yourself gently to return to the room where you are working, and be at peace. Integration of the personality energies, and Soul/ Spirit connection bring healing. In the next chapter we shall visualise some of the ways in which we can consciously call in healing energies complementary to our

Chapter 6

The healing space Frequently at workshops I am asked, ‘Do you think that anyone can heal? And the answer must be, ‘Yes’. For you hold within you the life force, and the life force is patterned for healing. If you cut your finger and keep it clean, then it will heal. When a surgeon chops bits out of you and stitches you together again, the actual healing comes from within you, as the body struggles to get back to wholeness. The same applies to emotional wounds. If you can stand back and wait, the hurt dies away. All life is geared towards integration and wholeness. We just let our personalities get in the way. This is true at all levels. The allopathic practitioner recognises it in some areas. For example, the severely depressed patient is given medication not to ‘cure’ the depression, but to give the emotional energies a rest, so that the inner life force can again heal. (The process may not be described precisely in those terms!) The homoeopathic practitioner works entirely from this premiss. Symptoms are not important, apart from revealing the patient’s present life pattern. Once the whole life pattern is glimpsed, the prescribed ‘constitutional’ remedy is intended to reinforce the basic life energy of the patient, so that he or she can then shed symptoms and come back to wholeness. Most of us persist, at times, in trying to negate the life-force. Our personality energies trip us up, and we block the soul energy from coming through. Usually the block comes at the emotional level. ‘Why me?’, ‘I can’t’, ‘I’m afraid’, and a big one, ‘I’m so angry, but I can’t show it; it wouldn’t be nice, helpful, etc...’ So instead the anger is held, and brick by brick builds a solid wall against the love and caring that wants and needs

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to be assimilated and shared. All these bricks, or blocks, are often disguised as the ‘lesser evils’ of impatience, irritation, carelessness, boredom, apathy... Recognise them? When you look at any or all these blocks, can you now begin to see that none of them is about the ‘real’ life? They all hinge on your pride, your sense of self-worth“1 (usually your lack of this), your solar plexus energies. They have nothing to do with your inner space, your eternal resources. Because our energies — mental, emotional, physical and spiritual — run together and affect each other, we soon produce physical symptoms to demonstrate the blockages. Take a specific example. You are asked to speak at an important meeting, on a subject for which you have great sympathy, and on which you are well informed. And you know, without a shadow of doubt, that this is, so to speak, a soul-energy project, totally appropriate for you to carry through. Then, having enthusiastically agreed, you go home and start to think about it. Perhaps you are a perfectionist and need to have your source material absolutely allinclusive. So off you go to the library and research, and the subject seems to open up, and up, and up... How do you cut it back to an hour’s talk? What are the priorities? A tiny doubt creeps in, and this causes a slight hiccup in your mental energy. Lying in bed that night, the doubts multiply. ‘Even if I get the material right, can I hold such a big audience? Wouldn’t so-and-so do it better? What if I actually damage the cause?’ By this time, negatively charged emotional energy is rushing in, and the block is enlarged. More reinforcement, and the energy flows through and actually sets up in the etheric the matrix of a throat infection. Finally the blockage is complete. ‘I’m so sorry (in a whisper), I can’t do your lecture. Too much of a risk, with a voice like this.’ And so, quite effectively, and usually unconsciously, the soul impulse is negated. To turn these negative energies to their positive polar-

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ity is to say ‘I heal myself as I get nearer soul alignment. I give myself time to stop and listen through meditation and other quiet spaces. When I act on my information and direction, I learn to use my emotions smoothly to strengthen my desire for such action, rather than to encircle the original idea with barbed wire.’ Recently I have found myself frequently needing to say, ‘No’: no to requests for action, even to appeals for help. This bothered me, my Christian upbringing making me think, ‘Aren’t you just being selfish, looking after yourself first, being blind to the needs of others?’ Suddenly I realised that I have a yardstick with which to measure. The most important job in life, for me, is to become steadily more and more aligned — soul to personality, then soul-infused personality, then... maybe even a further Spirit connection? This daily work is a steady, sometimes grinding plod. And I only need to say, ‘Yes’, when the yes includes a further alignment factor. And I remind you — as I remind myself —, forget the halo, the false preciousness, the ‘glamour’ of the spiritual life. There may be a very strong alignment factor in just waving cheerily to someone passing by, or pouring a cup of tea, or... taking the dog for a walk. And there may be an equally strong alignment factor in saying, ‘Sorry, I haven’t time’, or just ‘Sorry’. I have found this concept very, very helpful, part of the healing process, and I hope you do too. Need I say, decisions aren’t foolproof. But mistakes are OK, so long as you learn from them. You may be thinking this is all just about self-healing. But is it? Energy flows. The more I allow myself to have wholesome energy, the more it is likely that energy will spread to the life-forms around me. The best way I can contribute to peace in the world is to take responsibility for making my life peaceable. Healing is just the same. Sometimes the channelling of healing energy is deliberate. Sometimes it is spontaneous. The point is that the clearer and finer we can make our channel, the more easily the energy can flow. Love yourself and love abounds

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around you. And all the methods of healing, though useful, are not more than techniques. We seek the technique with which we are comfortable: acupuncture, massage, radionics, colour, crystals, osteopathy... But it is the ‘magic’ of the tunedin practitioner that facilitates the channelling of healing energy. What prevents healing, for oneself or others? I think sometimes we put parameters on possibility. Time and space are not relevant, merely our construction. Also, do we refuse to take responsibility for our own healing? We create our health, or ill-health, by our attitudes, beliefs, expectations. What priority does love given and received have in our lives? Another limitation we place on healing is our equating of ‘healing’ with ‘symptom reduction’. And yet, in many hospices, dying men and women feel totally healed and whole as they prepare to go through the death gate. How do you define healing? Over the years I have collected favourite definitions, unfortunately without source. Here are a few: • Healing is restoration of harmony: body, mind and spirit. • Healing is about: right relationship: with you, with all life-forms, with the universe and beyond, but especially with myself. • To heal someone you must find the keynote of their vibration, so as to reinforce their chord, and the vibratory note which is uniquely theirs. • To love someone is to affirm them. To heal someone is to affirm them in their wholeness. and • Healing is just letting go into love. In this chapter’s exercises we are going to seek healing through the use of visualisation. This is one method that can be learned in detail and used with ‘specialist’ knowledge. But healing may also ‘just’ mean tuning in to the deepest most centred place you at present can touch.

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When you are there, in the silence, bring the other person to mind, and share that healing space with them, in love. Some of you may call this prayer. Whatever the method, I suspect that it is always from this deep place that the healing energy flows. Most of these exercises therefore lead to experience of what I call the Healing Space — the place inside myself where I can go, quieten, tune in to Universal Love, and make my soul/Spirit connection. And as I find colour energies a necessity in my healing space, I share that too. In this first short exercise you will deliberately be focusing on the love energy as prime healer. (The rose energy, you will remember, is symbol of the love energy.)

The rose garden Go inside yourself. Listen to your heartbeat, feel the rhythm of your breathing, and gently let go... [pause] Picture yourself in a lovely rose garden. There are formal beds of every rose colour you can imagine. Trellises are covered with climbing roses, and sizable shrubs fill the odd corners. Around the edge of the garden the delicate wild rose is in flower. Wander round. Explore. [pause] Each and every rose symbolises, for you, the Love of the Life force — demonstrated in so many shapes, sizes, shadings and scents. Take your time, truly perceive, enjoy the scent, the colour, and the spirit of the welcoming energies. [pause] Now choose the place for you today. Lie down on the grass, near the particular rose colour for you — and rest in that energy. Breathe in the scent, nourish yourself with the loving, take it, a healing force, to use and to give. I find this first exercise useful in times of loneliness, misunderstanding, and grief. But it can also bring in Spirit and wholeness to a day of joy and celebration. What is it for you today?

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The next exercise is much longer and offers extensive healing when you feel like giving yourself more time.

The healing space Sit quietly and comfortably, allow your body to rest, and again focus on your breathing as you move into relaxation. [pause] Imagine yourself in a large room with completely blank, white walls. On the floor are many, many tins of paint, every colour you know, and more besides. Each tin is open and holds its own brush. And beside all these colours is an enormous tin of gold paint, thick and luscious, with a fat brush beside it. [pause] Pick up the gold tin, take the brush, and paint a huge gold circle on one of the white walls. Because you are using your imagination you do not need a ladder, but make the circle stretch from wall to wall, from ceiling to floor. Take your time, and enjoy it. [pause] Now put down the gold tin, and from the colours choose the one that most appeals to you today, paint some of this colour into the circle. As soon as it touches the wall it begins to move and dance, following its own pattern. Choose another colour, and paint that one in. The colours do not run, but dance together. Then another colour, and another, keep painting in, and gradually you are creating a wonderful pattern of light and colour and movement. You may even be able to hear its sound. [pause] If you have not quite finished, imagine the spaces are filled. Step back and look at your gold circle, a circle of completion, filled with dancing colours. Then gently lift it away from the wall, and as it settles on to the ground, watch it spread and become an enormous bubble, an orb of shining colours, transparent and bright, surrounded with gold light. It is beautiful, and you have made it. [pause] Now, pulling the colours gently aside, step into your

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bubble. It is transparent and you can see out very clearly. But all around you are your chosen colours of Light. It is your own Healing Space. Stand there quietly and let it revive you. [pause] And now, choose one of the blues in your bubble. Any natural blue: sky, sea, flower... Whatever you see will be right for you. Focus on it, let it come over you, through you, around you. Blue is the colour of calm and peace, soothing any pain — mental, emotional, physical — and giving comfort. Feel it as it soaks through you... Then let the blue go back into the circle, and allow one of your greens to flow over, around and through you. Green of the pine forest, or deep green of the sea, the green of new larch leaves, even the green of the grass in your garden — whichever you see is right for you today. Green is the colour of balance and harmony. Let it seek out your imbalances, your pressures, your lacks, and bring you back to integration again. Now allow the green to return to the bubble edge, and bring in yellow to heal you. Yellow is the colour of clarity and communication. It removes confusion and frees blockages. It ‘allows’. Feel yourself brighten and lighten as the yellow flows through. Then, as it goes back, welcome orange. The delicate orange of a winter sunrise, the deep rusty orange of rain-soaked bracken... What orange do you choose today? Orange boosts your energy, banishes tiredness, underlines joy in your life. Welcome and absorb it. Next comes a tiny touch of red. Red is the colour of assertion, and sometimes you need that quick thrust. But red is easily aggressive and if you use it, see it perhaps as holly berries among green balancing leaves, and just flash it in and out. Move rather to the rose colour: here is the colour of love. Any rose, from the pale wild rose, to the deep dark velvetycentred garden rose, offers you heart love, unconditional, nonjudgmental, accepting love — it is your right, just because you are you and alive. Soak in the colour rose. And finally, the sweet pea colours, the lavenders, the purples. Feel these colours flooding through you. These are the

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spiritual colours, the connective colours,the Life colours. When everyday life is pointless, humdrum, boring, pull in the colour of sweet lavender or pansy and see further, be connected to your real Self, your centre. [pause] Once again you are standing, safe and protected, in your own Healing Space, with all the colours dancing round you. When your needs are different, the colours will be different. The healing remains the same. [pause] Now let the images fade. As you open your eyes and stretch, and come back to your conscious life, be quietly aware of your increased well-being. This exercise is a resource. Later you may choose to use it in shortened form — seeing the lovely globe of colour, and stepping inside for the particular healing colour you need that day. What colour did you most soak up today? What did that tell you? The next exercise I often use to close a workshop — particularly if it has been deep, hard, even distressing work for some of the participants. It provides a very simple clearing, healing energy.

The Waterfall Settle yourself down, make your body comfortable. Take a couple of deep releasing breaths, and then focus on your quiet breathing. [pause] Imagine yourself walking by a river. The riverside path is pleasant and easy. Sunlight dapples through the trees and in the distance you can hear a waterfall. Make your way to this waterfall. [pause] It is very beautiful. Picture this high fall of water, shining in the sun, and encircled with a rainbow. It is all movement, all pattern, and its sound too is a rushing, joyful outpouring of life and colour and forward movement.

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[pause] Now, in your imagination, pull the rainbow into the waterfall, and change it to a colourfall, beautiful to watch — reds, blues, greens, misting into delicate pinks and fuschias, glinting yellow and orange, shading into lavender and purple. Spraying out in brightness, falling into bubbling clouds of brilliant white. [pause] The colours are soft and warm and welcoming. Step into this colourfall, expect healing. Concentrate first on the yellow, inside as well as out, for colour knows no bounds. Yellow will clear away your muddled thoughts, your confusion, your blocked communication. Let it flow. Then green, colour of balance and harmony, allow green to flow through you, correcting imbalance in any area of your being, mental, or emotional, or physical. Now feel orange, like a transparent tangerine, energise your body, vivifying and strengthening your physical being. Then into the blues and purples to quieten, to sooth your pain, to point the way to your clear Spirit... And finally the misty rose and amethyst spray, to nourish your heart love and your becoming. Go through the colours as you need. [pause] Now it is time to step out of the colours, and once again you can just see a beautiful waterfall, encircled by a rainbow. Visit whenever you choose; let the colour you need soak over and through you, and be glad of the healing. [pause] Now in your own time, with your recharged energy, gently and quietly open your eyes, stretch, and come back to the room from which you have been travelling. And now the cosmic colours. I think this exercise begins to emphasise that we are responsible for our own healing. Use insight, to ‘see’. And ask, tuned in, for what you need.

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The Cosmic Colours This time relax by focusing on the image of a quiet pool. Watch the surface, and whatever disturbance arises — a fly making circles, a fish rising, a little breeze — gently still the water again. Keep focused on the stillness. [pause] Imagine now that you are lying comfortably by a shuttered window. The shutters are transparent, but at the moment you are not concerned with the outside view. Look first at yourself. You can see your energy as colours flowing through you. What sort of general pattern do they make? Smooth, jaggy, spiral? Is there too much of one colour? Are the colours bright, or are some murky, some altogether missing? Take time to regard your present energy levels and expression. [pause] Now look through your shutters. Outside you can see all the colours in the cosmos — dancing, shining, always changing, a wonderful breathtaking picture — all the colours you have ever seen, and more besides, in joyful relationship. Life, in colour and wholeness. [pause] In a moment I am going to ask you to connect with this huge life energy, but not yet. You are going to open the shutters just a crack, and ask that any colours you need come in, at a strength that you can handle, to join and heal your tiny personal flow. As soon as they are in, then once again you will need to close the shutters, and be complete in your bit of the life. Do that now. Ask for what you need, carefully open the shutters the tiniest bit, watch the colours come in, and then again close up. Feel what has happened, and be glad. [pause] Again look now at your own colours. How have they changed? Is it one particular colour that needed reviving or changing? Or has the whole pattern smoothed out, or vivified? Or is there a general brightening or a different rate of flow? Regard your energy levels and expression carefully. What are the differences?

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[pause] Lie comfortably again, looking out on the beautiful cosmic pattern, aware that when you need to call on it, with care and delicacy, you can. And your bit of the life can be stabilised, strengthened, healed. Just ask. [pause] Now, holding your colours in mind, let the images fade. Stretch, open your eyes, and come back, remembering the power of healing in the Universe, available to you when you tune in and ask. I find this visualisation a help both in analysing where I am lacking, or imbalanced (by noticing the colours), and in healing perhaps just one strand of my life — an obstinate attitude, a fixed idea, a stubborn ‘can’t ‘. What did you find today? The next exercise has proved a favourite visualisation. I first used it in a workshop, and twenty people opened their eyes and said, ‘Is it on tape?’ Some folk take it into hospital, others use it when they cannot sleep. Children enjoy it... See how it is for you. Allow yourself plenty of time in the pauses.

The Rainbow Pool When you are comfortable, close your eyes and, on each inbreath and each outbreath, tell yourself, ‘I am relaxed’. Feel yourself begin to believe it! [pause] Imagine that you have allowed yourself a space in your life, and have gone out for a day in the country. Spend a little time exploring the countryside you have chosen. [pause] You come upon a little pool, quite a small pool, which is completely circular and very still. And as you look, you see that on the surface of the pool is the reflection of a circular rainbow. Blue forms a circle at the edge of the lake, then the colours spiral in green, yellow, orange, rose and amethyst, ending at a beautiful

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deep, deep purple centre. Just watch it, glinting in the sun. [pause] As you look down at the pool from your vantage point, you suddenly notice a tiny boat, moored at the edge. You cannot resist the temptation, and going down to the water’s edge, you untie the little boat, and get in. It is full of cushions and blankets, and you make yourself comfortable, finding that it is just the right size for you to lie down in. You are too lazy to want to row or punt, but just as you think this, the boat moves off, gently following the curve of the blue circle. [pause] The water does not leak into the boat, but the colour does. You are surrounded, soaked in blue, the natural blue of sky or sea, flower or bird’s wing. Whatever blue you see is right for you today. Blue is the colour of peace and calm, and relaxation. Feel its quality as you circuit the blue ring, the only sound the gentle slap of the water as the little boat cuts through. [pause] Then the boat turns in, and slowly glides around the green circle. Green is the colour of balance and harmony. As it surrounds and soaks you, let it go to those places in you that most need it. It may be for physical, emotional, or mental balancing. Just allow it, as you relax in the little boat, quietly moving through the water. [pause] The boat turns again, and again the colour leaks in. This time you are moving through yellow. Yellow of a primrose, or buttercup, or bright summer sun... Whichever yellow you see is right for you today. Yellow is the colour of clarity and communication, and it can clear congestion of mind, body and spirit. It will leave you lighter, brighter, more able to communicate. [pause] The boat turns in again, and the circles are getting smaller. This time it is orange that seeps through. Orange is the colour that can build up your waning energy. Be gentle with it. If you are very tired, just filter in the pale orange of a winter sunset to start the process. But today, you may need the clear orange of the marigold, or the deep flame colour of the fire, or even the beautiful burnt orange of winter bracken after rain. Whatever

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you see is right for you. Enjoy feeling your vitality rise, as the orange soaks through you. [pause] The boat turns in once more and slowly, slowly moves through the rose circle. Gently you are soaked in the love, caring and comfort which are the qualities of this rose colour. You may need the delicate pink of the wild rose. You may go right through to the deep dark crimson of the scented garden rose. Perhaps you will be aware of the scent of the rose as you are cherished through its circuit. Feel it, appreciate it, know it. [pause] And now the boat turns into the amethyst circle — the colour of delphiniums, sweet peas, crystals. The amethyst soaks straight through to your heart, for it is the colour of heart-love, compassion, caring with no thought of return. Today it is for you, and begins to connect you consciously with your spirit. Quieten and accept it. [pause] You have reached the centre, and the boat stills in a deep velvety purple, the purple perhaps of the pansy. The colour flows through you, leaving no room for shadow or ugliness, but lighting you in a new deep way. You are connected with your centre. [pause] And then you notice that right in the centre of the pool there is a flower bud, a perfect white water-lily. Its roots are earthed in its deep Centre. It floats in the water, it reaches for the sun, it is touched by the breeze. It is whole. Become this flower bud. Feel the sun touch you and tempt you. Open a little and be safe. Know this is happening inside you, at your heart centre. Be still. [pause] Now you are back in the boat, and the bud has closed protectively. It is time to return to your everyday life. Quietly the boat cuts across the colours and returns to its mooring post. You get out now, tie up the boat ready for the next traveller, and walk back up the little hill, to the place where you started. [pause]

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Now in your own time, stretch, open your eyes, come back, and remember your inner experience. And finally, it is important that in a chapter about healing, we experience the healing flow, to me, to you, to the planet.

Priorities in Healing: self, other, planet Settle yourself comfortably, and monitor your breathing, suggesting love on each inbreath, peace on each outbreath. Love– peace, love–peace..., until you are relaxed, and ready to start. [pause] Imagine that you are walking on a deserted beach. The sun is shining. A salty breeze is blowing, seagulls are calling. Waves are crashing in, and the sand stretches golden in front of you. You are alone and enjoying the quiet, the feeling of space, freedom and stimulation. [pause] When you have walked far enough, go up to the top of the beach and sit down in a sheltered place among the dunes. The sand is soft and warm — lie down if you like and relax completely. Gradually begin to feel the rhythm of this particular space in the Universe. The breeze, the sound of the sea, the rustle of the sharp dune grass, the quiet holding of the sand, and your own breathing. [pause] You have noticed a hut, further along the beach, and idly wonder what it holds. Wander along there, the door is open, and look in. You see boxes and containers of all sizes, kinds, and shapes. Some are stacked neatly, others in higgledy-piggledy chaos. You are aware that they hold priorities, healing priorities, for you — the next thought, the next idea, the next learning you need, as a start in equipping yourself for the various aspects of healing. Examine the outsides of the boxes, and notice any which particularly interest you. [pause] Now choose the container which will indicate the priority

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you need to attend to, for your own healing. Take it out into the sunshine, open it, and regard the symbol inside. Don’t analyse — just look, feel, touch the priority for your own healing. [pause] Leave the opened container outside and go back into the hut. This time choose the container that you know holds the priority for healing others close to you — friends, relations, acquaintances. Take this one out into the sunshine, open it, and again regard the symbol. It points to the next step, thought, idea, learning needed for you to be able to help others towards their healing. [pause] Leave this container outside, open, and for the third and last time re-enter the hut. Once again choose a container. This time it holds an insight as to how you can begin to clean and heal the planet. When you have carefully examined the symbol leave this container, open, beside the other two. [pause] And then sit down, your back against the hut, and again become aware of the rhythm of that particular space in the Universe. But this time be aware too of the enormous healing potential in the hut behind you. You now have access to this, whenever you truly tune in to the Universal rhythm, and are in touch with your own deep centre, your healing space. Quietly enjoy these energies. [pause] Look again at the three symbols you have chosen. Are they quite separate strands of energy to pursue? Do they interweave? Are they new directions, or just an affirmation of present knowledge? Spend a moment or two accepting these clear indications of your healing potential. If you feel it is appropriate, internalise these energies, and commit yourself to using them, releasing the healing potential in your life, right now. [pause] Now go back into the hut, itself a symbol of your healing space, and replace the containers. They need to be there for others who, like you, are searching for personal access to cosmic healing energies. Put them back with a blessing, hiding inside

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each one a healing thought or hope for the next person coming to seek direction. [pause] It is time now to let the images fade. In your own time stretch, open your eyes, come back to your everyday life, and take time to consider your discoveries. This visualisation is one to be examined. Did any of your priorities surprise you? Could you accept the energy that first needed to flow into you for your own healing? And that which you needed to channel to someone else? And that which you needed to use for the health and wholeness of the planet? This potential is yours. For you to be whole, you need to allow its realisation. On the inner journey, healing may produce joy; it may produce thankfulness. Let’s look now and see how we can foster these energies: this is a necessary part of the healing process, a further stage in our becoming.

Chapter 7

Joy and thankfulness Have you noticed that today we are being conditioned to believe that ‘news’ equals ‘negativity’? The only stories really to merit attention are ones of murder, fighting, rape, kidnap... Just watch the news on television, read the press headlines, and listen to people talking. I live in a tiny village where nothing can really be secret or even private. (I like it — one big, perhaps squabbly family.) And the opening gossip sentence is usually, ‘Did you know so-and-so is in hospital, sounds bad’ or ‘So-and-so’s house was broken into last night’ or ‘So-andso died...’ And then ‘Isn’t it a disgrace that we’re to have no local policeman?’ or ‘All they think about is the church roof’ or ‘It isn’t fair that...’ And it is so easy to fall into this negative habit. How about you? Are you adding to the ‘bad news’ of life? Are you feeding on discouragement on the inner journey? Are you noticing mostly the crises, the fear, the lack of progress (as it so seems)? It happens to us all, and I want us to look now at the concepts of joy and thankfulness, and begin to get into the habit of turning the negative penny over. Joy is not the same as happiness. Happiness comes when the personality is temporarily having its needs satisfied. These may be physical well-being, or emotional contentment, or satisfaction with mental opportunities and contacts. Frequently, happiness is transient. You cannot hold it tight, or it tends to disappear. Why? Because all the human presentation of life is transient, and the very growing process disturbs and shakes up the personality as change occurs. Life cannot stand still. Cells grow or atrophy, cycles come and go. Remember ‘you seek problems, because you need their gifts’? It is good to be happy, but happiness must, by the

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nature of things, be an ephemeral concept. Joy is different. As we come to learn about life lived as soul, though demonstrated through our bodies, then the contentment and happiness of the ‘lower person’ is not so important. We begin to touch the joy of the soul. It may be founded on the unshakeable belief that all humans are souls and that humanity does progress and grow and become more aware, even if civilisations are lost in the process. We may find deep contentment in contact with others who are also, just now in the world, working to facilitate the release of soul potential in all whom they meet. We certainly find joy in helping to produce the conditions that allow that release. These conditions must come from where people actually are just now, from where I am just now. Superficially they may not appear spiritual at all. For bringing joy to others may initially be through improvement of their material conditions — a physical effect. It may be through offering comfort, support, peace — an emotional effect. It may be through offering intellectual stimuli — a mental effect. Do you see, we are working on the three basic personality energies, so that integration can begin. (First steps — spiritual steps.) And the effect upon ourselves is joy. As can be the lessons we have to learn. Ill health, old age, a difficult environment can all produce conditions that seem to turn us away from soul contact. But it is a strange paradox that in the middle of all this, with its accompanying personality discomfort and distress, the joy of the soul may be known and felt. For joy, unlike happiness, is a quality of the soul, and is recognised by the mind as alignment takes place. One of the great companions of joy is heart love, the love which we have said is non-demanding, holds no expectations, just gives. It may be seen often as true compassion. One of my favourite seed thoughts for meditation — a place to hold one’s mind steady — suggests focusing on ‘the heart as a radiant centre of love, and the radiance showing itself as joy’.

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And of course, though very different, it is quite possible for joy and happiness to walk hand in hand! The next exercise is to do with joy as experience, and because experience is energy, to do with letting the joy flow on.

The Joy Bubble Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and imagine a circle of gold light all around you. Now watch your breathing, and as you breathe in say in your mind,’Let hope be near’, and as you breathe out, ‘Let doubt be afar’. Then just inbreath hope, outbreath doubt. And all the time let the gold circle shine as a safe boundary around you. [pause] From that quietness create a space of blue. Make it a live space. Let every blue you choose circle and dance through and within your blue. This is your present perception of the cosmic blue that gives shape to our world. [pause] Now fashion your blue into a ball — an orb. It may be too big for you actually to see the perimeter, but you know it is there. And put yourself, a tiny dot of energy, into the blue, and dance within it. Feel the colours, feel the patterns, dance alone or with companions, enjoy it. You are within the cosmic blue — part of the whole, enjoined and enjoying. Now — centre quietly, right in the middle of the cosmic blue — in the orb you have made. Feel the harmony and wholeness; tune in to a quiet joy. [pause] But joy is an energy that cannot remain static, that needs to be shared. Outside the blue you can see many, many bubbles floating in fine vivid mists of every conceivable colour. Some are beautiful, light, transparent — some are shadowy and so heavy that they have difficulty in staying afloat. Some are empty. Choose an empty bubble. It is to be made into your expression of joy. [pause]

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You may need to step out of your own blue space, but because you have been truly enjoined, in one sense you will take it with you. It is your centre, as well as the Universal Centre, as well as the Centre where God dwells. With this centredness as your guide, stay quietly with your empty bubble — focus on joy — then begin to collect the colours you need as they flow past. Let them flow into the bubble. Begin at the centre, the quiet centre of joy, and then direct the pattern as you wish, the movement as you wish. Do not constrict it. [pause] Stay with your new joy bubble for a little while. If you wish, from your blue centre, dance with it, play with it, or be quiet with it — just as feels good to you. It is so beautiful, this new expansion of joy. [pause] You have been dealing with energies. Through your focus and concentration a new force field has been created. You can benefit from it yourself whenever you wish, just by bringing it to mind. You can share its healing qualities too. Spend a little time, just now, naming people who you would like to feel its contact. See it float to them — joy on the move. [pause] And now gladly, sadly, with love, let your new bubble go, to join the cosmic dance until you next need it. Let the images fade, and come back to the room where you are working. So that is the joy of being in contact with your centring, with your soul energy. Deliberately to choose to experience the joy energy is a powerfully restorative resource. What often trips us up is the negativity habit. It is so easy to find something we can worry about, or fear. The next exercises are to help us reinforce a different habit: noticing things for which we can be thankful. I think you may be surprised at what turns up.


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Thankfulness: a short reminder. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, imagine your joy bubble all around you, and as you focus on your breathing allow courage to come into the circle, and fear to float out. Then just inbreathe courage, outbreathe fear, as you follow the natural rhythm of your breathing. [pause] Now find yourself a comfortable place — in your garden, in a quiet corner of a park, in the country — and rest. Sit down, or lie down, as you prefer, and be totally aware of detail in your pleasant surroundings. [pause] Be aware now of a sudden additional warmth. The sun is focusing its light, clarity and comfort directly on you. As it does so, let one good thing in your life come to you. Don’t think it, let it happen. It may be an idea, a feeling, a thing, a person. It may be in symbol form. It is for you to enjoy. [pause] Accept this possibly tiny positive happening, and just quietly say ‘thank you’ as you bask in the sunlight. This is a thank-you to the life-force — offering you something today in your life, which you can notice and be thankful about. [pause] And now, in your imagination, bring the thankful energy back to your home, in symbol form, and look after it carefully. It may be seen as a flower to feed and water. It may be a candle to keep alight... You will know your own symbol, and the appropriate form of nourishment — thankfulness. [pause] Now come back, let the images fade, but let the thankfulness, however small, come with you into your everyday life. And keep looking! So what did you find? Whenever negative happenings try to intrude today, divert that energy by remembering your discovery, and being thankful!

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When life goes through dark and difficult patches and the inner journey path gets foggy, it seems sometimes that all is lost. Yet when we look back, it is often the bad experiences that hold special gifts. The next exercise shows that thankfulness may be experienced at many levels of life. It may well arise from within and beyond difficult life phases.

High and Low Settle quietly, and practise again receiving a positive quality on your inbreath, letting go of its complementary negative on the outbreath. Ease, disease; hope, doubt; courage, fear; whatever you need to choose today. Breathe it. [pause] First, imagine yourself climbing a mountain. It is dangerous and difficult, but you are determined to reach the top. And you do. [pause] When you reach the top, a gift awaits you, a gift of thankfulness. It is probably a symbol of thankfulness for joy, or success, or ‘high’ experience of any kind — your own, or someone else’s. What gift do you find at the top? Have a good look at it. [pause] And then, quite suddenly, you find yourself scrambling down a deep ravine. It is dark, as well as dangerous. No sun can reach in, so it is also cold and damp. But you persevere, determined to reach the bottom. When you get there, a second gift is waiting. This gift of thankfulness is probably coming from within or beyond despair, fear, depression, guilt, or anger. What is it? How do you feel this time? Look carefully at this symbol. [pause] Now you are out of the ravine, and walking along a huge plateau. The mountains are in the distance, and there are no dangerous fissures or cracks. It is even and easy travelling. You may enjoy it, or you may find it boring. Somewhere on this plateau is another level of thankfulness, and you will find it, in symbol form, as a gift. Is it hard to find, is it unexpected?


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When you do find it, how do you experience it — thankfulness in a ‘flat’ part of life? [pause] Now let the images fade. In your own time, stretch, open your eyes, and come back to the room where you are working. Spend some time considering your three symbols. What happened at the mountain top? Was it particularly easy to be thankful for an experience there? How did it feel when you were shown a thankfulness gift from a dark life area? And was a flat bit of your life easier or harder to appreciate thankfully, in some aspect? Compare the three gifts. They will probably be different next time you experience this exercise. In reality, there is no such thing as time. It is a concept we use to make our everyday life tenable. Any healer will tell you stories of quite inexplicable time slips. One such incident I remember clearly: a patient rang me one evening to ask for help, commenting that she didn’t expect me to do anything for her till the day following. I agreed, and left her file out ready for the morning, when I duly put her through a series of treatments. That evening she rang back to thank me saying, ‘But you shouldn’t have bothered last night’. She then described exactly what I had done for her, but twelve hours later! So often we hold in our memories hurts from the past, and worse, project expectations of hurt negatively into the future. Why not turn that penny over, and substitute memories and hopes of thankfulness?

The Book of Treasures Make yourself comfortable, ensure that you will not be disturbed, and then allow your mind to focus on thankfulness. See it as colour, see it as movement. Watch the actual word; breathe it in and out. Quieten into thankfulness — allow it. [pause]

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See yourself entering a large room. It is some sort of library. Someone is sitting at a desk working quietly. He or she looks up and smiles as you come in. Browse for a while among the books. Which section appeals to you most? [pause] Begin to look for your special book, The Book of Treasures. Whereabouts in the library is this book? When you find it, it is a beautiful leather-bound book, hand-tooled in gold. It is heavy. Carry it carefully to the nearest table, and just examine the outside. [pause] Open the book at random. The picture you see is the symbol of your treasure today. Perhaps for your creativity, perhaps for relationship, perhaps for the inner journey. It is a treasure you are glad to receive. Study it carefully, and mark the place. [pause] Now turn back, in the book — open it again at random. This is treasure from your past, to encourage, vivify, strengthen you today. You may not have recognised this past treasure before. Study this picture well, and mark the place. [pause] This time, go well forward in The Book of Treasures. Let it fall open at random again, and see what hints you may find of the treasure to come — something for which in the future you will be thankful. Study this third picture, mark its place. [pause] Now close the book. You will notice that though most of the pages are gilt-edged, there is a plain, red-edged section right at the back. This section holds ‘obstacles’, and a marker is already there. The marked obstacle needs clearing, in order to make your thankfulness complete. Open the book at the marker, and see what it is that sometimes dims your life. What can you do about it? Are you ready yet to remove that particular marker? [pause] Remind yourself of the three treasures: today’s treasure, treasure from the past, and treasure to come. As you study the pictures, allow yourself to be really thankful for these resources. [pause]


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Now, remove the markers, close the book, replace it on the shelf, and after thanking the person at the desk, let the images fade, and in thankful mood, come back to the room where you are working. The next exercise is a quickie. Perhaps most useful at times of desperation, when there is nothing to be thankful for. The dog has piddled on the carpet, the postman has left a note saying, ‘Not in, so took your parcel away’, the sink is blocked, and it’s raining! You don’t even have to quieten. Just sit down and go to it.

Direct Dial Imagine that you have picked up the telephone book, and are looking through the services provided. You can dial a number for recipes, a number for the weather, a number for routes, a number for a bedtime story. The list is a long one: what other services do you notice? Dial the number for thankfulness. What is your reaction to that idea? Is it possible to have a recorded message for thankfulness? [pause] You decide to dial and discover what the message is today. You listen carefully. What do you hear? Is it words, or sounds, or feelings? This message is just for you today. Do you let it repeat, or do you just put the phone down? Be clear about the message. How do you feel about it? [pause] Now let the images fade, come back to the room where you are working, and think about the experience. Tomorrow the message may well be different. Try it and see. The last exercise offers real cause for thankfulness (and I expect joy too). It is an affirmation of your progress on the inner journey — because, whether you can see it or not, progress there certainly is. Believe it.

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The Prize-giving Take yourself to the quiet blue threshold of your centre, and stay there for a while. Allow the blue to sink into you, into your body, emotions and thoughts, and allow yourself to unwind and relax within it. [pause] You are outside, at a place where there is to be a prize giving, or similar ceremony. It is like an amphitheatre, with rows of seats rising from the central dais. Many, many people fill the amphitheatre, and you sit down in one of the few remaining spaces. [pause] No-one has explained to you exactly what is happening, and you watch as people are called, leave their seats, and go forward. When they return they look pleased, sometimes surprised, and are holding a piece of paper. Do you recognise anyone? [pause] Then your name is called, you go down the steps, and forward to the dais. The prize-giver (who is this?) welcomes you and says with a smile, ‘Congratulations, you have worked hard at your growing, your knowing, your being right in the world. I know that sometimes you feel you are making no progress, sometimes even slipping backwards. But this is not really so. Here is your certificate of progress. We have noted specific areas which we feel deserve recognition and real thankfulness. Well done! Look at these when you get back to your seat.’ As the prize-giver finishes speaking, and shakes your hand before giving the certificate, you look up. And you see the face of your own Wise Person, and also all the other Wise People on the dais. They merge together, and you feel strongly their support, their sympathy, their encouragement, and their gladness at your achievement. [pause] Now return to your seat and look at your certificate. There are three words at the bottom, showing areas in your growth for which you can be thankful. Accept these. [pause]


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The ceremony is over — everyone mingles, the birds sing, the trees and flowers shine in the sun. There is excitement and laughter, and you are part of it all. Some are in tears, others hold them. Reactions are very diverse — what are yours? [pause] Quietly and gladly, and with new knowledge, let the images fade, stretch, open your eyes, and come back. I had always thought this exercise to be a cheerful, positive one, a happy ending perhaps to a group workshop... until one day one woman was reduced to helpless devastation. Why? Because she felt no-one would ever give her a prize for anything. But from that expressed recognition of her own low self-worth came the discovery that changed her life. The gift that, oh yes, she did have worth after all. What a difference in that woman now. So how was it for you? How did you feel at the ceremony? Were you with friends or unfamiliar travellers on the journey? How did you relate with the Wise People? And what, in your growth, are the special areas for thankfulness? Joy and thankfulness — pack them in your rucksack as you travel on.

Chapter 8

Meditation, relaxation, affirmation Meditation There are many books written on meditation. When I was beginning, and didn’t know what to read, a wise old healer gave me some advice that was well worth having. ‘Go to the library’, she said, ‘and look in the appropriate section. Pick out any book that appeals to you. If, when you get it home, it isn’t the right one, then change it. If it is the right one, look at the bibliography, and go from there’. I always found that it worked, and the ‘right one’ leapt out to be chosen! Try it, but be very aware that learning about meditation really comes with doing, rather than reading or saying. All I can do, then, is to share with you some of what I have found and believe, in general terms, about meditation. You can personally only use trial and error, for different people need different methods. I cannot and do not want to tell you what is right for you. I can share some of what has been right for me. For me, meditation is a basic step on the inner path. It is also a commitment. If I manage to meditate every day, then I am saying, ‘Yes, this I have undertaken — it is my declared intention to travel.’ From this commitment I gain strength and, sometimes, patience. The meditation space is a space through which I find calm and stability for my outer life. From that space stems also creativity, discovery, and courage for further exploration. It is there

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that I can experience something of the unity that is Life. And healing for myself, and others, must follow that same delicate ‘tuning in’. Meditation, for me, takes many different forms. I may feel as I am working with a client, that I am meditating. I mean that I am tuned in, living in the meditation space, while simultaneously thinking busily about problems and hopes. I am meditating when, out at night with the dog, the moon chases clouds over the sky, and the sense of unity is almost overwhelming. I meditate too, through visualisations, when I open my heart. I meditate when I am intensively, wholly, listening to another person. All these take place in what I call the meditation space — a different, expanded awareness. But this space needs a daily visit, a necessary quieting. Perhaps I am ‘just’ watching my breathing, perhaps following an intellect-led exercise to soul and spirit, perhaps ‘imagining’. While quite different, it is also absolutely the same. The important part is the visiting of the meditation space. I cannot draw on an empty space when in need. I have to add my energy to the creation of my expanding awareness. And it is so important not to rely on feelings, to go beyond the emotional level. We are working with energies, but meditation is not about the feeling energy. One can go through days or weeks when outwardly meditation is a dry and arid exercise. And excuses for not doing it are very many. The nearer a point of change, the stronger the resistance! And we are inventive in our resistance. ‘I’m too tired, too busy, too hot, too cold.’ These are the simple excuses. Do you recognise them? Then we persevere and manage to continue without being too distracted either by dryness or ‘amazing happenings’. And a more subtle resistance appears. During the meditation time we get a lovely insight, perfect for our current work. Or we have an idea which is exactly what we have needed for a while. And what happens — we forget all about the meditation and get carried away by the idea or the insight. But anything that stops us meditating is a form of resistance. See

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what happens with you. So, during meditation, one just focuses — on breathing or on the predetermined suggestion, thought, picture, chant. Afterwards, then may come insights, ideas, answers to problems. But not during the centring time. That is your special, precious place of growth. I love the remark attributed to St Francis of Assissi: I said to the almond tree, ‘Sister, speak to me of God’. And the almond tree blossomed. Meditation, to me, is the path to the blossoming. As an illustration of letting problems stay outside meditation (just meditate), I’ll tell you an amusing true story. Some years ago I belonged to a meditation group which relied heavily on the emotional level of life. Each evening ‘What did you get?’ led to stories of colour, pictures, high experiences... Ah me. I continued to go to the group, as I needed to meet others on the path, and sometimes to share a different perspective. Sometimes, indeed, the energy went ‘beyond’. One of the members was a very lovely and powerful healer. She had a totally simple life philosophy, ran an antique shop by day, taught yoga in the evenings, and fitted in healing as needed. Most days she got up at 5.30 a.m. to go jogging on the beach while sending out absent healing as she meditated. I loved her clear centred energy. On this particular evening she was unusually late, and we all waited, a little impatiently, for her arrival. At last she panted up the stairs and said, ‘Dorothy, can you come?’ We hurried down again while she explained that as she arrived, she saw a cat torturing a mouse, and managed a rescue operation. ‘But’, she said, ‘I’m terrified of mice — I popped it in the car. Could you come and do something?’ We looked, and here was this tiny terrified mouse, half dead, stunned into complete immobility. I picked it up and gave it healing, and we wrapped it securely in a duster, and left it in the car, safe from the cat, to die in peace.


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Back up to the meditation room, and a quick settle down. It was a very long and convoluted ‘sentimental’ meditation, offered by someone who had just returned from a meditation course. Halfway through I became totally bored wandering through temples, rose gardens, what have you. So I centred into quietness, and greatly to my surprise then ‘saw’ myself holding the little mouse, while a brilliant blue light focused on my hands. It felt astonishing, and I stayed with it till it faded. At the usual round of ‘What did you get?’ I said ‘Pass’. But two seats further on my healer friend said, ‘It was very odd. I couldn’t follow the visualisation — all I could see was Dorothy, holding the mouse, with an enormous blue light shining on her hands.’ I looked at her in amazement and said, ‘That was what I saw‘. And with one accord, we dashed down to the car. The mouse, healed and well, had gone! I suspect that into the meditation space that night, whatever was happening in the group members’ ‘outside’, mouse-healing was the ‘inside’ priority. Certainly, that problem had been let go consciously. Many of the suggestions in this book may be experienced as steps towards the meditation space. The breathing exercises, especially the love/peace ones, are examples of the use of inner focus. And the ‘true perception’ concept uses outer focus, then ‘going through’. Remember too that ordinary chores — washing up, hoovering, cleaning the car, if attended to with simplicity and total focus become very ordinary, but no less real, foci for meditation. And to give someone else the gift of total, un-distracted attention, that to me is a primary form of meditation. We have been dealing mainly with visualisation as a means of personal discovery and insight. Quite a number of the exercises can become meditation: The Flame, The Fairy Ring, The Rainbow Pool... You will find for yourselves the ones that take you over the threshold. One woman found that merging with her ideal self, in The Mirror, was her most positive way of going in. This next extra exercise I use frequently, to put myself

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into the meditation space, centred, detached, and with healing.

The Rose Flow Make yourself comfortable, surround yourself with a warm light, and allow yourself to let go and relax. [pause] Imagine yourself sitting or lying in a quiet place, and allow yourself to be aware of the Love Energy abounding in the Universe. See it as a rosy cloud or stream, or just rose energy. Find it in the city shining through the smog. Find it breaking with the waves on the shore, crowning the mountain, rolling across the countryside, coming up in fountains from the earth’s centre. [pause] Now allow some of this love energy to flow into your heart. Ask that it be stepped down to be just enough for your need. Feel it at your heart. Imagine it as a warm glow, as a sun about to rise. [pause] Concentrate on your heartbeat, and then allow the warmth to spread, with the beat, through the whole of your body. Every cell, tissue, muscle, bone, nerve will be filled with this glowing rose energy. Feel it in your imagination, and if you have any painful places, mental and emotional as well as physical, let the energy concentrate there before it moves on. You are warm and glowing in the Cosmic Love. Enjoy it. [pause] Then it is time for the sun to rise, and the energy bursts on to your body, in sparkling white light. Receive the energy into your heart, allow it to fill and heal you, and then let it surge on, out into the Universe again — an endless cyclical flow. You may want to place people you know near you as receivers of the sunrise. You may want deliberately to send it to the planet, or just channel it in your thoughts to anyone in need. You will know. [pause] When you have sat or lain for a while receiving, using,


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giving out, receiving, using, giving out, then let the images fade, and gently, loving yourself better, stretch, open your eyes, and come back to the room where you are working.

Relaxation At the start of each visualisation exercise I have offered a mini relaxation. I do not believe that this is a formal necessity before travelling in. But it is a way of averting physical, and sometimes mental and emotional distractions. Today allopathic medical practitioners are increasingly recommending relaxation methods to minimise stress and actually to diminish physical symptoms. The methods recommended are purely physical. But are they? In an energy system where mental, physical, emotional and spiritual currents interweave, how can the physical be separately treated? The line between meditation and relaxation is a very fine one. If I can really let go in my body, then my emotions and thoughts are likely also to give a sigh of relief. And who knows the ways in which the spiritual current may then be able to come to consciousness? After all, conscious focus on physical relaxation may become ‘true perception’ and therefore another way through. The first exercise in this book is a long visual relaxation, and others of the shorter exercises hold the relaxation element. They speak for themselves. But sometimes one may be too tired or fraught to settle for the more insightful exploratory exercises. Here are two relaxation exercises for such times. (‘Purely physical?’) The first is from an anonymous source, is quick and, I find, very effective.

Tighten and Relax Take a deep breath, and as you breath in tighten from your toes upwards as hard as you can. Tighten your feet, legs, seat, abdomen, organs, spine, stomach, chest, shoulders, arms, hands,

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neck, scalp, face... Tighten, tighten, tighten... Now breathe out, relax, and breathe away quietly. [pause] This time, you are going to tighten just half as much as last time. So take a deep breath, and as you breathe in, tighten your feet, legs, seat, abdomen, organs, spine, stomach, chest, shoulders, arms, hands, neck, scalp, face... tighten, tighten, tighten... Now breathe out, relax, and breathe away quietly. [pause] On this third breath you are going to tighten just half as much again as you did last time. Quite a small tightening. Take your deep breath, and as you breath in, tighten your feet, legs, seat, abdomen, organs, spine, stomach, chest, shoulders, arms, hands, neck, scalp, face... tighten, tighten, tighten... Now breathe out, relax, and breathe away quietly. [pause] This last time you are going to tighten just half as much as you did on last time’s small tightening. From the outside it may not seem that you are tightening at all, but you will probably be putting yourself into the state of tension that you inadvertently hold most of the time. So, take a deep breath, and as you breathe in, tighten your feet,legs, seat, abdomen, organs, spine, stomach, chest, shoulders, arms, hands, neck, scalp, face... tighten, tighten, tighten... Now breathe out, relax, and breathe away quietly. [pause] And now take one more deep breath, and this time, tighten your mind. All the worries, problems, distractions, confusions... Tighten, tighten, tighten... And then as you breathe out, let them go, allow your mind to float free. The second method I now find the quickest and most potent relaxation of all. It is adapted from a self-hypnosis method. And it is a method that deepens with practice, so persevere.


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Eyelid Relaxation Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Concentrate on your eyelids. Start with your right eye and visualise all the tiny muscles that allow your eyelid to go up and down, up and down, all day long, protecting your eye. You are going to untie those muscles, disempower them. Start with the row nearest your eyelashes, and undo those tiny muscles. You may imagine untying bits of string, or just touching the area. Whatever method you choose is right for you. Now go to the next row, untie those muscles... and the next... and the next. Go right into the corner, where your face crinkles up as you smile, go right up to the place where the lid creases back as it opens. And feel your eyelid getting heavier and flatter as it lets go. [pause] Now go to the left eyelid. Notice how different it feels in its unrelaxed state. And begin on all those tiny taut muscles. Start again, with the row next to your eyelashes... then the next.. then the next... then the next. Go right into the corner, where your face crinkles up when you smile, go right up to the place where the lid creases back as it opens. And again, feel the eyelid getting heavier and flatter as it lets go. [pause] Concentrate on both eyelids now, heavy, warm, flat, without power. And discover as you concentrate that you cannot at the same time open your eyes. They are resting. [pause] Now go to your hands. Choose your left hand first. Imagine that you are taking the muscle power out of the little finger... then the next... then the next... then the next... then the thumb. Now let your whole hand go warm and limp and without muscle power... And the right hand, first the little finger, then the next... then the next... then the next... then the thumb... and then the whole hand, warm. heavy, and totally limp. [pause] And now put that limp relaxed feeling into every place I mention: back of your neck, waist where your waistband touches, seat where it touches the chair, feet where they touch the floor,

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arms as they rest on the chair, spine as it sits or lies supported, tongue resting loosely in your mouth... Go inside yourself now, and rest in the quiet space you have created. [pause] When you are ready, count slowly from one to three, telling yourself that when you get to three you will be wide awake again, full of energy, recharged. And you are. As you become familiar with this exercise you will find that you only need to use the eyelid part, and your whole body will respond. If I sit down comfortably and focus on my eyelids in this way, a huge wave of relaxation moves through my body, my mouth drops open, and I can instantly enjoy this oasis in a busy life. You may wish also to programme yourself by thinking first that should the doorbell ring, or an emergency arise, you will instantly, and without shock, be alert and able to cope.

Affirmation The third resource to explore now is that of affirmation. An affirmation is a positive statement about yourself made strongly as if it were true. For example, quaking with fear, you programme your recovery with the statement ‘I am courageous’. The usual procedure is to write down your affirmation over and over, several times a day, so as to impress your unconscious motivation. As I have a quick, impatient personality I have never managed to keep this up for long. Waking in the morning it has seemed totally daunting to have to write, write, write. Then I found, again as a selfhypnosis adaptation, a different but vastly potent method which appears almost effortless. The actual procedure is very short, but there are two necessary bits of preparation. First, spend some time working out the affirmations you wish to make to help you change your life, be healthy, and grow. I suggest a


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maximum of four at any one time, but from any area of your being. It is important that any negativity is excluded from the statement. It is no good saying, ‘I am not afraid’, for this focuses on fear. Turn it into, ‘I am courageous’. For a physical need, do not use, ‘My hands are flexible and pain free’ (there is the word ‘pain’) but, ‘My hands are flexible and completely comfortable’. What else comes to mind? ‘My thoughts are clear’. ‘My personality and soul energies flow together.’... Sit quietly and allow four to come to mind. Then write them down clearly on a piece of paper and have them to hand. I write two or three, and have a copy in living room, study and bedroom, so I have no excuse if a moment comes when I can use them. Secondly, you need to settle quietly, go inside, and ask your unconscious for a symbol that will remind it of all four affirmations (not one for each). Whatever symbol comes to mind is correct. It may, logically, seem to have no connection at all. The unconscious is not logical, so just allow.

The Affirmation Procedure Here is the full procedure. Read out loud your chosen affirmations. Then read them again. Put your notes down, and settle comfortably. [pause] Now use your best method of relaxation, and when you are ready take three deep breaths. On the first, breathe out all your mental worries today. On the second, breathe out all your emotional problems. On the third, breathe out your physical difficulties. And relax. [pause] Remind your unconscious that your symbol is expressing to it your affirmation needs. Now bring the symbol to mind. Watch it, feel it, enjoy it. If thoughts distract you just let them go, and return to your symbol. Stay with it for at least a minute. [pause]

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Now it is time gently to come back. Count from one to three, telling yourself that when you reach three you will open your eyes, be wide awake, and ready to return to your ordinary life. Realise too that you will bring back the good energies you have experienced through focusing on the symbol. Do that now. Welcome back! I recommend that initially you make time for this process at least twice a day. It only need take four or five minutes in all. But you may well find that the symbol alone comes to mind during the day. Fine, a natural reinforcement. Focus on it for a moment or two when it appears. I also suggest that you work with one set of affirmations without change for three weeks. Then look and see what is now redundant, needs replacing, needs changing. And of course, you need not have more than just one, if that is what you need. If the symbol itself changes during the three weeks, that’s fine. One woman got a baby, of about nine months, for her symbol. It sat and played on the floor. But when she happened to make the affirmation in the evening, she found herself putting the baby to bed! One day, several weeks later, the baby started to walk. Not surprisingly, it was just about then that she realised she had accomplished what she had affirmed. A farmer came to me for healing for his badly strained back. We got good results, but his wife rang next day to say that, as he was putting on his socks, it had gone again. So we pulled in visualisation. At the next treatment, while he was relaxed and healing was going on, I suggested that he visualise the gold rope I was mentally laying up his spine. And that whenever he had to do a heavy job, he should watch this rope guarding his spine. Even if necessary, when he felt his back was slipping, splaying out the strands, and letting them snap together again. I asked him if he could do this, and he said he thought so. Then we went back into the relaxation, and I suggested that he ask for a personal healing symbol to come


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to mind. Anything, flower, bird, tree... He quickly described, in detail, a bright yellow flower. So I asked him to sit quietly for five minutes twice a day and just watch the flower, knowing that as he did so, healing energy would flow into his back. And when the back was better, still occasionally, perhaps when out with the sheep, to bring the flower to mind and ensure continuation of the healing flow. I heard no more until a couple of months later when I saw him coming out of the supermarket carrying a huge box of groceries. Catching sight of my horrified gaze, he grinned and said, ‘Nothing wrong with my back!’ A constant affirmation. There is one question that I am often asked. Why, if I regularly, two or three times a day, make my affirmation, do I not get better? Simple. What are you affirming for the rest of the day, worrying about results, pain, disbelief? Twenty hours of worry will not be cancelled by ten minutes of affirmation — it all goes together. Pull in your symbols, use them, and expect results. Those then are three resources for the inner journey, with and without visualisation. They are yours for the asking. Overcome your resistance, and use them.

Chapter 9

Workshops and groups Individual discovery, centring, affirmation is our life work. Necessarily we travel alone. But sometimes working with a group provides further insight, support, and even fun. The exercises in this book form a good basis for workshops, or you may decide to use them informally with a group of friends. This chapter contains practicalities of method and ideas for group development. I have found there are a few ground rules for workshops of this type which make the work easy and effective for the participants. I was surprised, when I first began to facilitate more concentrated work, at how tired people become. The exercises seem so easy to follow and usually so enjoyable to do. There are two reasons for this tiredness. First, that we are not used to working steadily with the right side of the brain. Some new participants have to use a good deal of energy just keeping the left brain quiet. We are programmed at such an early age to believe solely in logic, reason and things sensible. ‘Stop day-dreaming, sit up and attend.’ You know the script. The second reason is that people are not used to concentrating. And willy-nilly, following these exercises is a deep form of concentration. Workshops therefore need to be so organised that plenty of time and space is allowed, breaks are frequent, and supplementary activities are included. What sort of activities? Drawing, clay-modelling, circle dancing, relaxing, healing, whatever you or one of the group might offer that will add to the exploratory energy.

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Organisation is important — theme, materials, surroundings. I personally dislike very much travelling to an all-day workshop that is waffly, has no apparent direction, and can be sidetracked every which way. I just find it a frustrating waste of time and money. For that reason I suggest planning a workshop very tightly, with a good choice of material. And because of that planning, you will be able to adapt, discard, re-time as you go along, as the group energy dictates. I remember going to a five-day hypnosis course where the amount of work seemed like total overload. The leader commented that this was deliberate; each person would take from it what he needed. To my surprise, I found this to be true. There is also the difference between a new group and a group that is familiar with the method, and perhaps with each other. The latter need less material, as they work more deeply, and are able not only to share their own material, with trust, but also to offer appreciable insights to others of the group. There are several ways of sharing when the exercise is complete. This is an important part of the process. One way is to go round the group in turn, each person relating his or her whole experience. Another is to go round, asking each member about one specific point. Or it is possible to first divide up into two’s or three’s, and in these tiny groups allow five or ten minutes for each person to share in depth, and when the group comes together again, just to share highlights as desired. I have found that to expect each member of the group to share is impracticable for a group consisting of more than six (or perhaps eight) members. It takes too long, and it is not really possible for everyone to concentrate and be helpful during re-telling after re-telling, after re-telling. In this case, I usually use the small group method first. Certain people may find it difficult to work together. This must be respected. If the facilitator watches as the minigroups form, it is not difficult to suggest easier groupings. All personality energies do not flow kindly

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together! Before sharing starts, it may be a good idea to remind people that the listeners are also facilitators. They can offer to the raconteurs ideas about the symbols or particular patterns they may notice. But they are only offering ideas. Some of these may not feel right to the person sharing. That’s fine. Throw them out. Someone may offer an insight that completely ‘clicks’ and makes sense in a way that the sharer had not seen before. The important thing to remember is that it is only the person sharing who can validate any suggestion. What seems perfectly obvious to you may have no relevance at all to the person concerned. And joyfully, on the other hand, your idea may sneak around the barriers the sharer has unconsciously put up and shed real light on a mystifying situation. So it’s always, ‘Might it be...?’ ‘Do you think that...?’ ‘Could it mean...? Sometimes the answer is ‘Yes’. And strangely (and I do this deliberately sometimes with clients) if it is absolutely ‘No’, that ‘No’ may trigger the appropriate answer. Also, before the sharing starts, it is important to make it clear that no-one need feel compelled to share anything at all. It can wreck the later exercises in the day if someone feels — possibly unconsciously — ‘I can’t do this, for no way can I speak out my intimate discoveries’. Again, this needs respecting, but strangely, once permission is given to ‘pass’, it is rarely necessary. This is one reason why I like to try to set the group energy as near as possible to heart level at the beginning of the day. Then there is the freedom of letting go into understanding, compassion and trust. These comments apply to any kind of grouping. So how else besides all day workshops can you use the exercises with groups? For some years I had a two-hour group, meeting for one evening a month. It became an amazingly strong and supportive group. Everyone so enjoyed watching the gradual growth and development of the other group members, and sometimes being told


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about their own! At the beginning I chose the themes, and we used an opening visualisation and two (sometimes three) others during the evening. As time went on, the group discussed the themes they would like to work with — usually over three or four months. We only needed a five-minute settling down, and then worked all evening with just two visualisations. The group got to know each other’s weaknesses and strengths very well and were both kind and merciless at times. Great roars of laughter used to go up when the usual little resistance ploys were uncovered, or when the inevitable unexplored symbol reappeared, demanding (and not getting) attention. There were eight members. In a quite different setting I was asked to take a tenweek evening class. This was initially not such a close group, and to some extent they were learning techniques as well as being participating members. There were twenty in the group. And I particularly remember this group because of an incident which horrified me, in that I hadn’t seen it for myself. About six weeks into the course one of the women came to me during the coffee break, nearly in tears, and said, ‘I can’t visualise!’. She had been struggling on, feeling more and more inadequate. And it is interesting to note that at that time we were sharing just the highlights in the group experience — anyone who had something to offer. Had we been sharing in small groups, her problem would very quickly have been apparent. In the large group she got ‘lost’. All of us differ in the way we use our senses. Some of us are predominantly visual, others auditory, others kinaesthetic or feeling. I have never yet found anyone who really cannot visualise. They may need to come to it initially through a side-gate, so to speak. This girl complained, ‘I always think it.’ OK, so out of all your thoughts, how come you chose that thought? Don’t worry, go on thinking it, and when you have time in the spaces, imagine a picture of your thought. She did this for

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a while, but soon discovered she could allow the picture to flow unthinkingly. I have found that people whose job involves words often get ‘stuck’ in this way. A similar diversion may be necessary for those whose hearing or feeling take precedence. OK, when the visualisation suggestion comes, see how you feel. Keep noticing that, and sometimes let your feeling be pictured. Don’t worry if it isn’t, keep feeling. Your unconscious is still responding, and the pictures will come. Some people say plaintively, ‘I don’t see pictures behind my eyes like she or he does.’ There is an easy answer to this one. ‘Do you remember what your father, mother, partner, child looks like?’ ‘Of course I do.’ ‘All right, close your eyes, and bring their faces to mind. Can you do that?’ ‘Oh... yes.’ ‘Where are you seeing them?’ ‘I don’t know. I just am.’ ‘Can you still ‘see’ them with your eyes open?’ Oh... yes.’ So you don’t need to be limited to ‘behind your eyes’. Just allow. There are many variations on the organisational theme. For example, a group can rotate the facilitator role, or decide to use tapes (so that everyone can participate each time). But you will find your own ways. These are just trigger ideas. Let’s get down to the nitty gritty of planning the day workshops. (And of course, these can be extended to a full weekend.) Notices need to go out well beforehand, and you have to decide where to advertise. The local yoga or meditation groups, the wholefoods shops, art centres, therapists and their clinics... You may, if this is a totally new venture, want to use your local paper. Often this can be inserted as a short news item, rather than a paid advert. And of course, post notices to anyone who is a likely contact, plus their friends. What sort of price? This is a hard one. At first it is easiest to find the average ‘going rate’ and stay with it. The fee should include coffee, tea and biscuits for the breaks. I always now suggest a shared lunch. People bring what they like; it is surprising how well it works out, and gives


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a good social gap in the hard work. Expect commitment; ask for booking confirmations in writing, with a small deposit. How many people do you want? I find twenty is a comfortable maximum, with a minimum of six or eight for the necessary group sharing. What sort of venue? There should be space for people to lie down if that is their preferred method of working. On your notice you may wish to say, ‘Bring pillow and rug, etc.’ Timing is important. If your participants are coming a long way, it is futile to suggest a very early start. But whatever time you choose, it helps to indicate half an hour before the real start, for example ten for ten-thirty, and mean this, for you will be starting straight into the opening visualisation, and everyone needs to be there and settled down. People trailing in late not only create a disturbance, but also miss the integration of group energy that will last throughout the day. Also, it then gives time for people coming from a distance to drink a quick cuppa, visit the loo, and generally unwind. Here are detailed outlines for three workshops, using the given exercises and some supplementary material.

Who Am I? • topics to be covered: - Letting go of surface problems. - Finding something in yourself to love and enjoy. - Looking at roles and their meaning for you. - Facing yourself as you are (Who am I?) and as you describe yourself. Finding a new perspective. • timetable (10.15 a.m. to 5.00 p.m.) 09.45 Gather. Name tags or labels. Address sheet 10.15 Exercise: Star Visualisation (sharing not needed afterwards)(See Chapter 5) 10.35 General introduction with domestic details

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10.45 Introduction of participants: go round to teach person, asking them briefly to give their name and say who they are and their reason for coming 11.15 Theme of day and timetable 11.30 Coffee break 12.00 Exercise: Seat by the River (See Chapter 2) 12.20 Sharing in small groups, and then as single group 13.00 Loving yourself just as you are, finding your ‘special-to-love’ child (See Chapter 5) 13.15 Lunch break 14.15 Group passing yellow 14.25 Briefly meeting again ‘special-to-love’ child, drawing the feelings of the relationship Sharing the pictures. 14.45 Exercise: Bulb Planting (See Chapter 5) 15.10 Sharing 15.45 Tea break 16.00 List ‘Who am I’ now. What changes to make me what I would like to be? 16.20 Exercise: The Mirror (See chapter 5) 16.45 Healing. Ask for one quality • materials needed Jumbo felt tips or crayons. Paper, biros or pencils. Name tags. List for addresses and phone numbers, bowl for money. All to be mentioned in initial domestic details. • explanatory notes 14.15 Passing yellow: this will need explanation. After lunch is often a sleepy time, and I find that once yellow, the colour of clarity and communication, is consciously circling through the group, the energy lifts, and it is possible to start again, with a feeling of freshness. It happens like this. Ask the group to close their eyes, and imagine a natural yellow. Whatever is right for you will come to mind: cowslip, daffodil, grapefruit,


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bird’s feather, bright sunlight. Then, holding your yellow in mind, imagine you are cupping it in your hands. Turn to the person on your left (find their name first) and say ‘____________, I give you the gift of yellow’, and tip it gently into his or her hands. ‘Thank you’, and the person holds it for a moment, lets it flow through his or her energy, and then turns to his or her neighbour, and in the same way passes on the gift of yellow as seen by them. 14.25 After you have met again your special-tolove child, have paper and crayons ready, and ask that group members colour first what the feeling is that they get from their child: fun, sadness, neglect, hope...? When the time is up for this (say 5 minutes), ask them on another piece of paper to show what the feeling is that they will enjoy giving or sharing with the child as they love it? Make it clear that these are not meant to be pictures of the child, just the colours, and possibly patterns that come to mind. 16.00 This list may be ‘good’ and ‘bad’ qualities, roles, any change you think would be helpful, i.e. left brain consideration! 16.45 Actually feeling yourself as you are when your potential and integration are achieved may have shown you different changes, possibly surprising ones. Choose, from that place (ask people to quieten and tune in again first) one quality you feel you would like to have more available in your life in order to grow: courage, serenity, focus, perception...? Then divide into two’s, and in turn give each other healing with that quality in mind. Simple healing: sit and close your eyes, the healer tunes in quietly, puts his or her hands on your head, and imagines the energy of that quality flowing into you. After a moment or two, the hands just rest on your shoulders and you feel the quality settling. Then change over. Possibly have a short group feedback, and then close by saying something along the lines of, ‘Focus quietly on yourself remembering, as seen in the mirror, who you really are, and the quality you have just received to help you be that you.’

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Crises: Despair or Transformation? • topics to be covered: - Past crises and their uses - Present major obstacle. - Despair and barrenness. - Crises and their gifts. • timetable (10.15 a.m. to 5.00 pm.) 09.45 Gather. Name tags, etc... 10.15 Exercise: Star Visualisation (See Chapter 5) 10.35 General introduction, domestic details 10.45 Introduction of participants. Name, reason for coming. What does crisis mean to you? 11.00 Theme of day. Timetable 11.15 Coffee break 11.30 Exercise: The Waste Land (See Chapter 3) 11.50 Sharing 12.20 Exercise: The Tunnel (See Chapter 3) 12.40 Sharing 13.15 Lunch Break 14.15 List of crises — personal and private (See Chapter 4) 14.30 Draw the present crisis feeling... Consider it. Put aside for now. 14.45 Exercise: Crisis Country (See Chapter 4) 15.10 Sharing 15.45 Quietly centre and be still. Then, on a new piece of paper, draw the feeling of crisis now. Compare with drawing one. Share 16.15 Tea break 16.30 Exercise: The Wheel (See Chapter 5; sharing not needed) 16.45 Healing from hub (requested or spontaneous) • materials: As before. Have them ready before the relevanttimes.


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• explanatory notes: 14.30 This is the feeling that comes to you when you think of crises (past, present, and threatening) in your life. Let it surge up. It may be related to one or more of the crises in your list. Don’t make a picture — just colour without thinking. 15.45 Quietly centre, tune in, and from that place, perhaps now with some knowledge of the gift lurking within the problem, draw the crisis feeling again. 16.45 In two’s again, five minutes each way (give timing). Allow healing to flow between you, from the hub.

Strength, Stability, Serenity •Topics to be covered: - Strengths from centre - Stability within the Universe - Transformation in life perspective - Colour for serenity and healing • timetable (10.15 a.m. to 5.00 p.m.) 09.45 Gather. Name tags, etc. 10.15 Exercise: Star Visualisation (See Chapter 5) 10.35 Introduction: domestic details 10.45 Introduction of participants. Name, reason for coming here and specific needs in relation to workshop title 11.15 Theme of day. Timetable 11.30 Coffee break 11.45 Exercise: The Fairy Ring (See Chapter 5) 12.00 Sharing 12.30 Strength (See explanatory notes) 13.15 Lunch break 14.15 Exercise: Element Grounding (See Chapter 3) Belonging in the Universe 15.00 Colour breathing — healing experience 15.30 Exercise: The Flame — spot sharing in whole group (See Chapter 2)

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16.15 Tea break 16.30 Discussion of day 16.45 Closing Exercise: The Rainbow Pool (See Chapter 6) • materials: As before, ready prior to the relevant exercise. • explanatory notes: 12.30 Although one does not necessarily at first indicate this to the group, this colouring provides a comparison between how things look from the personality level, and how they look from your centred place. Ask the group to think about their concept of strength, and then colour it. Then put the crayons down and centre in. Go into strength: take another piece of paper, and draw something of this. It is necessary to state the time allowed to colour, and to give a warning a couple of minutes before time is up. Some people would go on for ever! 15.00 Colour breathing. Blue is the colour of calm and serenity. As a group quietly breathe blue in, and feel it as healing. Try sharing it, by hands on head, or just thinking it to each other. Try allowing it to flow through the hands of the whole group. Rose is the colour of loving. Amethyst to purple is the colour of heart love to Spirit. Green is the colour for balance, harmony, safe rooting. Yellow is for clarity at all levels. Orange is a booster for physical energy: ‘get up and go’. Prepare beforehand which colours you want to use, and which ways to try. Use the colours in two’s and three’s or with the whole group. Allow time. Direct gently. Looking through the index will give you more ideas for workshops, or for a series of evening groups with an ongoing theme. ‘Who am I, where am I going?’; ‘Letting go and Becoming’; ‘Letting go into Love and Healing’; ‘Travels on the Inner Journey’; ‘My Parent, My Child’; ‘Life from Inside to Out’; and so on — lots of different combinations.


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Sometimes I close a workshop by suggesting to each participant a symbol that they may take away with them. It may be related to the day’s theme. It may be a healing symbol to hold in mind for the time being. This at first takes courage to do. I remember the first time I did it, with a group of twenty. My stomach turned over as I thought ‘What if I can’t do it?’ But it isn’t really a case of doing it. Focus quietly on the person, tune in, and ask for the symbol they need. Take the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t let your logical mind say, ‘This is silly’. Often a symbol that seems really silly to you is exactly what that person needs; and the group will meanwhile be supportively focusing on that person. As your group becomes experienced, they can begin to give each other the symbols they need. It is a wonderful way of relating at a place somewhere within the inner space. Working for and with yourself is important. But the more we learn, the more we need to share. Inner energy, once accepted, must flow on. Trust, and you can facilitate the flow. It’s all about coming together, working for life synthesis, and always letting go into Love...

Chapter 10

What next? As you have worked with these visualisation exercises, you will have discovered much more about yourself. How to begin to respect yourself, to affirm your right place in the world, even to love and be kind to yourself. Perhaps, as layers of life rubbish are discarded, you will have begun to glimpse the person you really are. The I am beyond the visible presentation, pretences, roles, expectations (your own and others). Who is this person? A system of flowing and anchored energies, giving and taking in the world, and beyond the world. As the ‘obvious’ energies — mental, emotional and physical — begin to balance and merge as one positive personality, then the flow reaches out for, and is reached by, the more subtle soul and Spirit energies. And a wider, deeper, more creative life flow is experienced. As you move steadily into this new life flow, allowing nourishment through relaxation, meditation, affirmation and healing, you will probably also be aware of your intuitive development. Close relationship with your inner space inevitably opens doors to inner knowledge. I believe that this development merits care and attention.

Intuition Earlier I complained about the inadequacy of language. ‘Love’ means nothing; and love means everything. ‘Intuition’ suffers similarly. ‘I’m very intuitive’; ‘I can tell so-and-so doesn’t like me’. An intuitive hunch? Maybe. But more likely just a projection of my own feelings onto the person concerned. The Chambers dictionary definition comes close, in a general way: intuition is ‘the power of

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the mind by which it immediately perceives the truth of things without reasoning and analysis’. ‘Mind’ then needs analysis. But let’s leave it there and look at the practice. There seems to be a huge confusion between what I would call ‘lower psychism’ and true intuition. I had a client some time ago who said, ‘I can always psyche out what a person is feeling.’ It was fairly evident to me that, in fact, she was very confused about what she was feeling. So on the second day of her visit I said, ‘Today I want you to tell me what I’m feeling, as you notice it, and we’ll check out to see if you’re right.’ But she never did try it out. What she needed to learn was to use her undoubted sensitivity from her centred space, at an entirely different level of awareness. We worked on this. The difference between the two, intuition and lower psychism, is easy to define. Lower psychism is based entirely on emotional energy or feeling. Intuition is, I believe, a spiritual perception which can give right direction and a higher state of consciousness. To use intuition clearly is always to help the growth process. But there is no definite dividing line. Some people are very sensitive, and do pick up many of the emotional energies swirling round the world. They need to learn, from a centred protection, how to add to the ‘growing’ energies, and discard the grot! In a more mundane way, however, why does a farmer leap out of bed muttering, ‘One of the ewes is in trouble’ and on reaching the field finds that he really is needed. Or a young mother wake up from a deep sleep just before the new baby starts to cry? This seems to me to be intuitive knowledge, and life supportive. Doesn’t it all tie in with the concept of ‘tuning in’? For you are part of the world, and not just at the emotional level. If you tune in beyond the mundane physical presentation, then you meet with all life. You also, joyfully, in this day and age, share energy with many people regularly tuning in, perhaps at specifically arranged times — for peace, for wholeness, for higher awareness. Fountains International is now a worldwide organisa-

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tion which started in Brighton when the crime and violence rate, particularly at the town centre, became devastating. A group of people met and decided that every day, at a set time, they would focus on the huge fountain at the town centre, and imagine love, peace and light flowing from it all over the town. They tuned in daily and did this, for a year. Amazingly (coincidentally? I don’t any longer believe in coincidence) statistics showed a genuine drop in crime and violence. Groups all over the world now use this method, finding a suitable local focus, and using it to project positive energies. If there is little crime, it seems that the health of the neighbourhood improves. The other morning I woke up quite urgently focused on Kuwait. It seemed that in the prisons there, the rumours of torture were true. For some reason I felt I should focus on one man in urgent need. So, as best as I could, I focused, and sent him love and strength. I shall never meet that man. But I am sure that on that day he was aware of outside (maybe inside) help. It is not always easy to discriminate between intuition and illusion. If I want an idea to be true, do I say, ‘This is intuition’? How do I know? For a long time, in trying to differentiate, I felt that if intuition and feeling ran together, it must be illusion. Now I have learned that sometimes I am allowed to intuit what I actually want! But usually one cannot be sure. Trusting, staying in the life flow with as much honesty as you can muster, practising and practising the ‘in touch’ activities, finding your centred space, quietly meditating: this is all you can do. And some of you will say, ‘How can I give enough time, when I have my family, my job, my business...’ Remember, this is out of space and time. Thought wings on its way instantly, and energy follows thought. Gradually, gradually our lives readjust, until ‘being in tune’ is as natural as breathing. Try it.

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Harmlessness There are other concepts too, that seem necessary for the inner-directed, wider life. Let’s look at the concept of ‘harmlessness’. Unfortunately, harmlessness is seen in popular terms as a very wishy-washy, even negative concept. ‘Oh it’s harmless’ (i.e., you can tread on it, brush it off, ignore it). But the esoteric concept of harmlessness holds quite a different energy. ‘Like attracts like.’ If you stand back and look at world events, this concept is very clearly demonstrated. Evil attracts evil — wrong use of force multiplies. What can we do to change this? We can develop in ourselves the force of ‘harmlessness’. I find this incredibly difficult. Perhaps the easiest part is to adopt harmlessness in action. I do not find it hard to refrain physically from hurting you. Although, of course,that is the lowest vibration of the harmlessness spectrum. If I progress I shall in fact begin positively to contribute to your welfare — perhaps by a smile or a touch, or an extra cup of tea! Nevertheless, by a demonstration of concern for your well-being, antithesis of harmfulness. More difficult is emotional harmlessness. Look at your emotional effect on others, so that your moods, depressions, emotional reactions can in no way be harmful to them! Beware especially about overpowering enthusiasm, particularly in relation to the spiritual journey. Resistance caused might well clog the boots of someone else’s developmental travels. And thoughts — set yourself to think constructive positive thoughts about yourself and others and your environment, and so be positively harmless. Do you now see that this concept is very far from being wishy-washy? It is one way of setting up a positive magnetic force for good, not only in your own life, but also in the world. Many, many people are practising this. You may be startled or distressed as you focus, to find

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that habit, custom, even internalised long ago parental or teacher influence has rendered harmlessness null and void in some areas of your life. Be honest with yourself. You can change this, even if you have to start working as if. Take time to study your daily contacts: words, thoughts, feelings, so as to begin to make them utterly harmless. You may find this concept can feel quite threatening on occasion. Perceive the why of it . What happens if I don’t criticise? (Will I get trodden on?); If I expect good? (Will I receive it?); If I send out as if positive vibes...? Above all realise that, though you may take short sessions really to look at this in depth, it is a life task, and you will often slip. So don’t load ‘perfection’ into your rucksack. On the other hand, remember the boomerang effect of most energies. What you send out, you get back. Love goes — love comes.

Detachment And then there is detachment. This is another concept to keep in mind on the journey. Immediately, one thinks of detachment as standing back, keeping out of it, being aloof. But paradoxically, detachment on the inner journey leads to increased concern. It is needed to allow one to be free from the froth on life’s bowl: to be able to see personality hassles, frustrations, difficulties, as just that; to stand at the hub of the life wheel, in the inner healing space, and from there to be able to live more truly inside out; and therefore to be more concerned with what matters in life and growth, and with allowing a free flow of the heart energies — compassion, understanding, and caring. Get in the habit of running a film of this day’s life through your mind as you go to bed. Just quickly, in a moment or two. Do it backwards, from bedtime back to midday, further back, till you reach waking time. Don’t judge, don’t feel, don’t criticise, don’t think, just watch. Allow the events of the day to flick past, and see how you perhaps set up the whole day by the way you got

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started in the morning — negative or positive. What, if anything, changed the initial flow? One week you might notice particularly where you stayed centred, and therefore detached, or where you couldn’t manage it and got tripped up emotionally. Another week watch the ways you did or didn’t demonstrate harmlessness. Some weeks just watch the film, and because of what you see, allow changes to happen. Watch as an observer, non-emotionally, from inside to out. A useful practice, try it. Does this all sound a bit too good to be true? The inner journey, the luggage, the letting go and cleaning out, the positive results...? What about the days when it all falls to pieces, when I’m sure I’ve made no progress, when it’s just too much hard work? And do I believe it anyway?

Discouragement Let’s face it head on, and look at discouragement! Discouragement has a nasty habit of creeping up on us when we aren’t looking! I do meditate every day. I am learning a lot. I know about service, and heart love, and gradual personal growth. I am beginning to trust and allow. My perspective really is changing, and it makes sense. . . Then whoops — a work situation, or a personal relationship problem, and up flares the temper, and out pop the old habits, and suddenly it seems I’ve got nowhere, learned nothing... And anyway, ‘It’s the other person’; ‘ I can’t help it ‘; ‘What’s the use’; ‘ I give up’. Do you recognise that scenario? Or is it much more subtle? Gradually your enthusiasm wanes, apathy sets in, and a long dreary stretch of life just allows you to slow down, slow down... and stop. This is not really true, of course. Sometimes outside depression is a time of great inner growth. But that is not the way it feels. It has been suggested that discouragement on the inner journey has three main causes. The first is so obvious, so mundane, that it is often

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overlooked: physical tiredness. Then your aspirations and desires make the same demands, but your tiredness makes an adequate response impossible. (For example, if you desperately need sleep, your body will probably take it, and bang goes the meditation or concentration period.) And then discouragement sets in. The second may be too urgent a need to understand mentally, to dig frenetically into books, to feel driven to get a complete and detailed grasp of the subject, to think over and over about the inner relationship, to hang on to it mentally. This attitude causes emotional hassle, and in turn upsets the physical balance. For example, many people who are travelling the spiritual path cripple themselves with violent headaches, as they grapple and grapple, and so build up head congestion. Discouragement here comes from the buried need for speed and ‘success’. I can study my special subject. I can become fluent in its expression. I present my thesis and proudly possess a higher degree. But the spiritual journey is not like that. Here one attempts to place oneself more centrally, to be more ‘tuned in’ to the evolutionary flow which will get there in the end, whatever the individual effort. No hurry — just forward movement. The third cause I personally find the hardest. It is an increasing recognition of the duality of life. As I understand more about where I am going, I see also more clearly where I am now. I do not like the contrast. I work towards integration — sometimes the pendulum swings one way, sometimes the other. The tension between ‘dark’ and ‘light’ affects all energies, but is sensed especially in the physical body as depression and discouragement. As sensitivity increases it seems that the tension of clearer ‘seeing’ gets greater. This can be a real hindrance, surfacing in the temptation just to let up. I’m sure you all know this one, somewhere in your life. So, what can you do to overcome this discouragement, this ‘stop’ in your journey? What not to do is to try and bash it away and pretend it isn’t there. First, use your mental energy to see what is happen-

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ing — in your environment, in your personality, in one of your awkward inner ‘children’. Change what you can. Accept what you must just now. And be kind to yourself — don’t nit-pick. Second, allow time to be a solvent. You have all your life (lives) — don’t expect miracles tomorrow. You are travelling now, and it is absolutely OK to have a rest now and then. (In practical terms, go and find some light reading, have an evening out, give yourself ordinary earthed treats.) Do something you know you’re good at, and say, ‘ Well done’. Third, let your concrete, fussy busy mind slow down. Just be quiet, centre in to your now familiar soul energy, and rediscover who you are behind the fuss and flap. Concrete ‘results’ are not what this is about, even at thought level. Just be. (And the other resources will help here.) Fourth, when you can manage the link with quietude, rest there, and come back with energy given, to work with dispassion and detachment, and no desperate needs to see results, or quick ends, or obvious concrete achievements. Practise this, and gradually discouragement becomes more and more irrelevant. Your measure is different.

Motive and creativity And finally, a very practical point. As you begin to work with energies — and you have been doing this, both in the exercises and in the use of as if — I believe that it is important to learn to be precise in your motives. There are two reasons for this. First, vague thoughts do not attract energy. So, ‘I might manage this’ or, ‘I don’t really believe that...’ or, ‘I’m not sure if...’ are actions defeated before they even start. But secondly, energies are neutral, and it is only the way that they are directed that gives them apparently good or evil power. That sounds a little scary. All I am saying is that, as one learns and knows more, and if one is to be focused through harmlessness, then one needs to take

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personal responsibility for the energy directed through one’s actions, feelings, thoughts. How often do you (do I) fritter away energy on disturbing, negative circling thoughts? Or on needless criticism or gossip? (‘Have you heard about so and so?’) So whether it is healing, helping, or just living, I believe that to set up a good motive before acting has twofold results. First it clarifies our action: we see what we are trying to do. (Do I really want to do that?) Second, it overrides any major mistakes as we try to carry the projected action through. When I make personal tapes for people, I always set up a motive that says something like, ‘The material in this tape is to help this person in their growth and wholeness’. Then I can trust that the images arising, even apparently trite ones, will be right for that person at that time. This is an inner trust — which does not mean that I can be careless, lazy, inadequate in preparation! But it does act like a sort of umbrella under which material is sifted, changed and in tune with the motive. I had a very specific lesson about setting up the correct motive at the time of my first attempt at colour healing. I had been receiving training for some time, and finally had the courage to say to a visiting radionics patient, ‘Would you like some colour healing?’ She was delighted, and so following the given rules, we went through the whole procedure. She went away beaming, and feeling ‘much better’. I saw her out, and then was startled by a piercing back-ache and an almost intolerable headache. My own healer finally put it right. What had I done? At the beginning of the healing I had carefully ‘tuned in’ and then put up a beautifully complex motive, asking that this healing would be for the client’s benefit, etc. I had not thought also to ask for the right energy for me, as healing channel. In my inexperience, I had pulled in far too much energy for my physical body to deal with. My simple short motive these days is something like ‘for the patient’s best good — and mine!’ The simple prayer, ‘Ask and you will receive’, works

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— so be careful what you ask for! As you turn more regularly to your centre, and as your true inner creativity then flows more freely, allow it and expect it to flow to ‘right ends’. This ‘right’ is not to do with morals, or expectations, or success. It is to do with ‘right for you’ in your particular place in the world just now. Baking a quick batch of scones for an unexpected visitor may be an absolutely creative act — integrating totally with your inner energy at the time. But if you are unsure about your next creative action, centre, see, and state your motive. Then you free your flow. One final point: recognise your mixed motives. It is OK, even necessary, to have these, so long as you recognise them. ‘Isn’t he wonderful, does this amazing healing, inspires people, etc.?’ Real halo stuff. But he, or she, may have very mixed motives. ‘Why does she take this line of work? Because it fulfils a need in her.’ ‘He is only really happy when helping people.’ ‘She gets enormous satisfaction in results.’ ‘He earns a good living too.’ (And that’s OK, if recognised as a good and complementary part of the chosen lifestyle... But is ego tripping, or money, the real motive?). Lovely it is when soul and personality needs meet. Often they do, and with a little adjustment the integration is startlingly effective. Just beware of him or her who is centred on the halo! It is interesting that healers who fall into this trap usually find their healing channels become blocked and ineffective. Is this section a new area for the attention of your true perception? What next? This is opening time. Most of us live our lives in a tight enclosed parcel of skin, bone, and habit. Our problems are often physical: health, housing, employment, food; and, of course, emotional: family, partners, neighbours, relationships, politics (in the wide sense). They are also spiritual, but this we do not recognise. More often perhaps than we realise we refuse to open up and ‘see’ more widely. Why? Because it is not safe. My tight parcel, however much

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I dislike the string, is mine. It is familiar. It belongs to me. I protect it fiercely. If I open it up, who knows what may happen? I may be ‘lost’. How about letting it be springtime in your inner journey? Now. Lace up your good walking boots, your safe strong earth contact, and get started on the next bit of the journey; but take off your thick winter anorak, lighten your rucksack to bare essentials, and be free. Allow the breeze to blow through your hair, feel the sun on your back, and when clouds lower around you, lift your face to the rain, and be glad. Life spirals round and round. There are so many small endings. There is so much opportunity for new beginnings. Each day is a new now. Isn’t it exciting, as growing continues and soul contact deepens? Who knows what could happen next? Universe trust, energy flow...? And the very best thing is that, as you strengthen your energy connections, you are also strengthening one tiny fibre in the great life-rope that today is steadily changing the awareness of humankind — a wonderful flexible handrail to be used by you and you and you, and me — and the planet — on the spiritual journey. It is you and I, as we persist and persist in our travel, who help to keep it strong and flexible. So keep it going. Keep looking, and finding. Keep choosing, and changing. Keep travelling!

If you wish to contact Dorothy Lewis please write to: Dorothy Lewis c/o Findhorn Press 305a The Park, Findhorn Forres IV36 3TE Scotland

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