How to Write Successful Fundraising Letters

also includes:

lf-Assess~entTool for No~profit ~rgani~ations, ~ ~ c kF oe ~rn ~ u t ifor on ~ o n ~ ~ o ~ t ~ ~ ~ u ~ e ~ ce: A New Design for L e a ~ e r s ~in. i pNon~rofit ~ u ~ e r cond E~ition,~ o ~ n

rns, andA c c o ~ p ~ i s ~ ~ e n t s ,

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Copyright 0 2001 by Mal Warwick. Jossey-Bass is a registered trademarkof Jossey-Bass Inc.,A Wiley Company No part of this publication may be reproduced, storedin a retrieval system, or transmitted in any

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Substantial discountson bulk quantitiesof Jossey-Bass books are available to corporations, professional associations, and other organizations. For details and discount information, contact the special salesdepartment at Jossey-Bass. Printed in theUnited Statesof America. v eRudolf ~ ~ Flesch. Chapter Nine: Excerpts from How to Wi%e, Speak and ~~~~k ~ o E ~~ e ce~ i by Copyright (c)1946,1949,1951,1958,1960 by Rudolf Flesch. Copyright (c) 1950 by Printer’s Ink Publishing Corp. Copyright renewed. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Remaining credits areon p. 304.

Warwick, Mal. How to write successful fundraising letters / Mal Warwick. p. cm,-(The Jossey-Bass nonprofit and public manage~entseries) Includes index. ISBN 0-7879-5652-~(alk. paper) l . Direct-mail fund raisi organi~ations-~inance. I. HV41.2 .W378 2001 658.15’224-d~21 00-012115 first edition PB Printing

1 0 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

About the A ~ t h o r ~ntro~uction:

espond to Fun~raisi w a F u n ~ r a i s i nLetter ~ 1s Like a Perso eally Think About ~haracteristicsof an Effective h One ~uccessfu A Leisurely Tour T

onors: tarti in

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143 169

193 05 17

55 67 71 75 279

1

95

Just in case you’re curious how this revised e first, I’ll get that out of the way right off the The book‘s contents have been completely reo logical and smoothly flowing sequence (thank ing, my eagle-eyed editor atJossey-Bass). I’ve pored overevery sentence, cutting a W adding some new insight thatflitted t h r o u g ~ I’ve added fresh examples and some carefully And here’swhat I did not do inproducin not add a whole lot of words. Readers of the firs of that book‘s greatest virtues was its compa which they could refer to key points whenev not to run the risk of burying those key poin ous examples. Besides, although I’ve been re my life, I’m a very c o n s ~ ~ ~radical; t i v ~I don’t favor change for the sake of change alone. So if a paragraph I wrote for the first e ple I used struck me as equally relevant and instruct alone. New isn’t always better.

This revised edition is structured in four parts. Part One begins where the writingof any fundraisin begin: peering into the mindof the donor. These first five ine the stuff of which successful fundraising is ma

iti

reciation for the broad ran e of motives that lead people to te money to good causes d important institutions An understandin of the dynamics in the relationship between the fundraiser and t ht into the ways that donors view the fundraising letters they receive he characteristics of an effective fundraisin ut this understanding into a truly practical context, Part One conraph-by-paragraph tour through a successful appeal. at the nuts andbolts. We’ll a roach the task of writraising letter from a strictly practical wn-to-earth perspective. In successive chapters in this part, we’ll cover: hat to do before you sit down to write a fundraising appeal Theninesteps I recommend followin in crafting a fundraising t concrete cardinal rulesthatdeterminewhetheryour

ill be a success (or a dud), along with a self-assessment t will help y evaluate the likely effectiveness of a fundraising letter in the ht of these rules he practical guidelines of style and syntax I urge you to follow when you’re writing a fundraising appeal-or, for that matter, any other prose that’s meant to persuade thereader to act

he seven chapters in Part Three take you on a walking tour h the thickets of fund raisin^, visit in^ each of the most common types of fundrailetters to examine theirunique characteristics and distinctive dema . In the course of Part Three, we’ll studyletters ned to do the followin ecruit a new member or donor ift from a new donor q u e s t a year-end contribution

~ r i t e ronly if you abso

ti0

As a source of ex

e to the ~ i s t i n c t ~ v

n. any case, please usethis book however yousee fit.

become far more than that. ery page. His decade-ol~list int for my work on Chapter iting mentor for more than e about writing for results ed every chapter, page by ging parts. Also he has rdens of the day-to-day ssociates, so that I was able to under-

ere the work I performed for them: .C. ( ~ l i § aGravitz, Denise

eccy, Monica Green, Car-

its so I’ve removed any evidence

and examples of my work for cluded as an example in Chapsomeone else. In many cases I rge you to recognize that it was ~ontributionwas limited to playing the critic. at there are ~ifferenttypes of ents u n i ~ u echallenges to the each type of f~ndraisingletth illustrations from one d well-organized direct mail ar that a single charity may escribed in this book.To fill shington, DL., a client special thanks to ane Hunt, and their col-

..

leagues for their generosity and cooperativeness in for their materials to be reproduced in this book. The lists in the resources in Part Four represe work of my colleagues at Mal Warwick 6:Associate were suggested by staffinvolved in almost every phase of the creative a productive process: Stephen Agre, Judy Reimann, Marsha Mathews, Lissa R0 bach, Cherie Chavez, Christina Chavez, Sheila Julie Levak and Deborah Agre won a free lunc Panisse Cafe for contributin~more ideas to seventy-one between the two. (You see? Wri be fun!) The freelance c o ~ ~ r i t i nteam g of Deb generously took time out from a particularly bread-and- utter fundraising projects to revi uscript. They paid articular attention to the sharp eyes and extensive knowle ered a great many inconsistencies. mously in transforming a bunch of unre a three-year period into this book. I'm greatly indebted to them. This book would not have seen the light of da without the received from Ina Cooper and Ramona ates. Ina served as production coordi daily assignments to scan or transcribe text and pr less rounds of photocopies. The hours they invest have equaled my own, and I'm very grateful to them. Two other people have gone to great lengths t own excesses in preparing this revised edition. My deling, hasbeen an unfalteri source of shrewd structure and flow of this bo It is now much th of her efforts. Her fine editorial eye and semi have made this job a reat deal easier and mor My assistant at Mal Warwick 6:Associates, fully endured the deadly combination of my many, and often unpredictable, ~emands on he occasioned. Her patience, thorou~hness, and skills helped keep me steady through process.

...

I owe special thanks, too, to the many readers of the first edition ed me to think that this book was worth every bit of the rt I put into it.I hope you too will find this book to be effort to raise money fo ood causes and e you the very best of lu

e s p o n s i ~ i ~he i t served ~ on its 93, its first year. ~ o ~ ~ ~Fund, n i in t y so has beenvice prestra since l99 1.

.

is book for a number of

for a hospital, a college or universit~

raise more money for your organi-

us pro~osition best), at its writing the letters. There ters can be witten by for-

may not work today

The reality is that for most of us, writing of any sort t there are ways to reduce the fuzziness an S that your letters will bring in every nicke Ips, but experience counts for a lot too. Over the years, I’ve read tens of thousands of fund written or edited thousands of those letters myself, and S ative process as a manager or con§ultant in thousand§ o A11of this experience has iven me a front-row seat in a never-en “copy clinic”-a close-up iew of what works and W sometimes even why). This book conveys what I’ve le e written, I’ve explored many of the elements of fundraising by mail-from choosing mailing lists to worki sultants, from measuring results to designing and produc from strategizin to scheduling. This book isn’t about things. It’s about tin^. topic here is the effective use of written English in the pursuitof c Overmy varied career, I’ve written newspaper stories, ma articles, science fiction stories, and comic book scripts; ads for n pers, ~ a g a ~ i n eradio, s , and television; sales letters, brochures, phlets;technicalmanuals;speechesfor othersandspe myself-not to mention all those fundrai§ing letters, plus e books about the craft of fundraising. I’ve written fiction and ies and humor, short pieces and long. I’ve ~ r i t t e nin three languages and translated from one to another. Yet despite all this writing, I don’t CO der myself a particu ed writer. I’m no poet; my prose doesn’t si I’ve written no un ted no timeless ~ t t i c i s mto the language. B difficult trial and error, h e learned to do one ith my writing: get ~ e s ~ ~And t s .there’s just one re want from this book: to help you write successful f~ndraisin guide to the techniques and approach proved successful for me-a tool chest of ideas and examples that will en your own writing. If you prefer, look on it as a CO ew to help you gain perspective on the challen face as a writer of fundraising letters. And there’s one more result I hope to achieve with this book: I want you to enjoy readin it. I’ve found I o best what I enjoy

those things I approach with deadly seriousness are l out well. I suspect you too will find that the more fun write your fundraising letters, themore money you’l

Although the title of this book refers to fundrai examples that aren’t just letters. The reasons for t most people refer to fundraising appeals as letter always the most important component of an never the only component of a fundraising pac nents of the package are important too. You’ll fund raisin^ letter. And almost all the time yo items as well: a reply device (variously called card, form, or something else), plus an envel out a reply device and an easy way to retur would generate precious few gifts. Beginners at the craft of writing fundr these other components as aftertho~ghts.I you won’t do so. In fact, you may find yo thought to the reply device and the envel do to the letter itself.

Five of the seven case studies in Chapters Ten throu from the files of EditE~~RESS, a letter-editi 1990 to ~ 0 0 0 To . judge their value as illustration stand how thatservice worked. I operated EditEX~RESS as an editor of fund a writer of them. I took pains to make as few cha letters I was sent to revise. y primary responsi~ increase thereada~ility o e appeals. Altho fundraiser in me may have yearned to introdu even to take an entirely fresh approach-I usu reshaping and r e a r r a n ~ i nthe ~ material I was

what I mean by this, take a look at the edited copy reproduced in Exhibit 1. That’s the sort of thing I often do when I take on an editing job.) Most of the time, I’m told, that sort of copyediting has been good enough to achieve a significant improvement in results.

The causes andinstitutions represented in this book cover a wide range-from human services to the e n ~ r o n m e n tto lobbying against hunger. But what if your organization doesn’t happen to fit into one of those categories? Or if it does fit, you’re convinced it’s really too t from the e~amples? In fact, you can learn a lot from fundraising letters written by other nonprofit organizations. There are three reasons I strongly believe this: 1. You can learn how the f u n ~ u ~ e n rules ~ u l of w ~ ~apply i n (or ~

don’t apply) to the craft of writing fundraising letters. The fundamentals have nothing to do with your cause or your constituency. 2. By s t ~ d ~ examples ng from other organization^, you can learn how the s ~ e c i u~~~ c ~ nof if u~ n~~er s~ ~and s i ndirect ~ marketin can be put to work in fundraising letters. Those techni~ues e very little from one cause or constituency to another. 3. You can learn how to improve your fundraisin letters if you dis~unce se^ from the everyday needs and details of your organization’s work. Often it’s much easier to see the forest rather than the trees if you’re looking into someone else’s forest. Take my word for that. I’ve been wandering around in other forests for a very long time. In a sense, I worked on the first edition of this book for more than three years. In a larger sense, however, I started theproject in 1979 when founded my direct mail fun~raisingfirm, or even in 1949, over half a century ago, when I wrote my first fundraisletter home from summer camp. I’ve put a lot into this book. I ho you get a lot out of it. “

”

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t’s downright unnatural.Your fundraising letter must persuade the

recipient to take an action that much of humanity thinks peculiar: ive money away this seemingly unlikely objective, your appeal ne chology of giving. Forget your organi~ation’s ne Instead, focus on the needs, the desires, and the concerns of the people to. Your job is to motivate them. i d direct rnarketers frequently say thatthere are five “great rnotivators” that explain response: fear, exclusivi ut I believe the truth is much more cornple at ~ ~ a twenty-three st reasons thatpeoplemight re fund raisin^ letter. Any one of the t ~ e n t y ~ t h r might ee su hook for your letter, and it’s likely that several of th otivate each gift.

ublic opinion surveys an other research repeatedly confirm this most onor motivation. “I was asked” is the most fre

oreover, the research confirms that donors to be search also reveals that donorstypically underestiappeals they receive from the organizations they elp explain why responsive donors are repeatedly fts in nearly every successful direct mail fundraisU write an appeal, keep these realities in mind. nce about asking for money make you sound ~~~~

rity of individual gifts to nonprofit organizations 1 cont~butionsmade from disposable (or discree money left over in the family checking account ,taxes, insurance, credit cards, and grocery bills nless you’re appealing for a major gift, a bequest, or a r target is this modest pool of available money. ilies, dependent on a year-round stream ofwa f disposable income is replenished every two at’s why most organizations appeal frequently peal is persuasive, your organ~ationmay join of charities that receive gifts from a donor’s f you’re lessthan persuasive or if competing ents-or if the family just doesn’thave e a letter seeking a charitable gift, you $100 or $200 I’ll probably have “left th your letter arrives. If your appeal is tops-because I decide rofits I’ll support that month. n impression that as a businessman, d generous fellow, I have a lot of y even be aware I’ve occasionally made much larger gifts to receive more than $SO b hose few larger gifts I gave m. They came from other sources

isin

rity is habit forming; giving bymail is a special variety of this benign hen I became involved in direct mail fundraising in the late 197Os,I was told that only about onein four adult Americans were “mail onsitre”-that is, susceptible to offers or appeals by mail. By the turn of the century, according to the Simmons Market Re out of every three adultswere buying goods or servic year.Many purchases involved telemarketi Americans are now more mail responsive. Surveys also reflectthe g r o ~ n importance g of direct mail appeals in the fundraising ess.Research showsthat fundraising letters are the S to charity in America.

nors aren’t yours alone, no matter what you think. cia1 interests, hobbies, and distinctive beliefs, they may support several similar organizations. A dog owner, for example, may contribute anizationsthat have someconnectionto dogs: a nimal rights group,an or~anization that trains seeife protection group. A person who sees himself as an environmentalist might be foundon the members -related groups: one dedicated to land CO the wilderness, a third tosavi d so on. There are patterns i lives. Your appeal is ost likely to bear fruit if it fits squarely into one of those patterns.

~

to be convinced that their inve le gifts-will achieve some wor

~-

ent inyour enterpriseaim. That’s why so many

ers

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donors express concern a It’s also why successful a gift: $35 to buy a sc child for a day Your donors are striving to be effecti them by demon§tratin just how effective I

Urgency is a necessary element every successful appeal has a de school, the deadline for available as a p these is best illus~at you this week won’t make some other chari

You appeal to donors’ egos-or image-when you offer to recog way: a listing in your newsletter; ;screen credit in a video can provide a likely to boost res tion in your let learn that you

. Premiums come in all siz tacks, coffee-table books, a pint of ice cream.

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Sometimes premiums (such as name stickers or bookmarks) are enclosed with the appeal; these so-called front-end premiums boost response more often than not andare frequently cost-effective, at least in the short run. In other cases back-end premiums are promised in an appeal “as a token of our deep appreciation” when donors respond by sending gifts of at least a certain amount. Either way, premiums appeal to the innate acquisitiveness that persists in the human race.

Today we are bombarded by information about the world‘s problems through a wide variety of channels. Although we may isolate ourselves inside triple-locked homes,build walls aroundsuburbs,andpost guards at gateposts, we can’t escape from knowing about misery, injustice, and wasted uman potential. Often we feel powerless in the face of this grim reali Charity offers us a way to respond-by helping to heal the sick or balm troubled souls, teach new ways to a new generation, or feed the hungry. Your appeal will tri the feelings that move us to act, even knowing that action is never enough. If you offer hope in a world drowning in troubles, your donors will seize it like the life jacket it really is.

There are numerous ways that the identity, personal it^ or achievements of an i~dividualmight be highlighted in a fundraising appeal. For example, that person may be the signer of the letter, the organ~ation’sfounder or executive director, the honorary chair of a fundraising drive, a patron saint, a political candidate, an honoree at a special event-or simply one a n ~ a t i o nmembers ~ or clients. If the signer’s character or accom~lishmentsevoke admiration or even simply a past personal connection, your donors may be moved to send gifts in response. The opportunity to associate with someone who is well known or highly esteemed may offer

tte~s

rais

etters

a wayto affirm their noblest inclinations-or lieve to be their shortcomings.

compensate for what

t re are too few outlets for the anger and frustration we feel on witorruption in societyBoth our moral sense and the of us incheck, preventing expressions of violence t allow us to let off steam. For many contributing institutions is a socially acceptable way to strike anization is a public interest groupcommitted to ~overnmentor a religious charity devoted to ,it may help donors channel their most sordid ation of their best instincts.

l task as a fundraiser is to build relationships with so many organizationsuse membership programs, ift societies. The process of solicitation itself can nships. Shut-ins, for example, or elderly people ily and few friends, may eagerly anticipate the letters you animals, forever seeking companionship.

ift to some nonprofit organizations might itself

to speak out. Consider, for example, the ~ m e r i c a nCivil or the CampusCrusade for Christ, or theMillion Mom for these groups makes an obvious statement about a ost any charity can offer donors anopportunity to ing in an appeal an involvement device such

to

ip survey; a petition, or a greeting car sent to a friend or family member. Althou h most donorsmay ignore the chance to offer su gestions, they may re rd the invitation to do so as a respect and concern for them.

Even if your organization or agency isn’t an institution of higher education or a research foundation, you still hold knowledge many donors ani~ationsare often on the front lines of everyday, athering important data day a er day from clients, participants. Their staff me ers are likely to be experts, in their fields. Ne~ertheless,every nonprofit possesses informationthat is not public and that donorsmay perceive as valuable. A e vitally interested in the health an your executive director (who was ill lately), the pro ress of a project you t year (after a spectacular start), or what your field staff onth (three months after the hurricane). inside information, which is intrinsically valuable ift from you, also helps build stron y involving your donors in the intimate details of your

dustrial nations, education, healthcare, and the arts ~overnment~ respo~sibilit~ to provide. an response has been to meet important needs such rough private, voluntary action. Nonprofit organitates tackle issues or problem that society otheron’t think just of the rivate schools and itals, museums, andhony orchestras. Think Drunk Driving, Disabled ~mericanVeterans, e Nature ~onservancy;and thehundreds of

thousands af other o

ing issues. If that's tru your appeal on your S Your donors m research f r e ~ u e ~ t l y charities as a sourc more emotional

The very act of givin

bring to bear themselves values and beliefs-the d

ues andbeliefs-a

comm

opportunit~But if you you possess a similar (i

gest to the fundraiser

l c o m ~ u n i t yof sorts an i~stitutional

Guilt undeniably plays a role in prompting some gifts. Think of the $1 or $2 cash contribution mailed in response to direct mail packages containingnamestickersor greeting cards, the belated membership renewals that follow a long series of increasingly insistent demands, or the millions of small gifts sent every year in response to photographs of skeletal children. Our complex society allows few of us the luxuryof acting out of purely ethical motives. Compromise is woven through thefabric of our daily lives. The fact is that none of us is likely to feel guilt free at any time. Sometimes giving to charity, like coins thrown into the poor box in an earlier era, will help release the pressure. Yet I believe guilt is highly overrated as a motivator; rarely will donors whoare moved primarily by guilt prove loyal over the years, and larger gifts from them are relatively rare. As a fundraising strategy, guilt may be just as counterproductive in the long run as fear.

x No list of motivating factors for charitable giving is complete without at least passing reference to tax benefits. Without question, the charitable tax deduction hasplayed a major role in stimulating many large gifts and planned gifts because the benefits to the donor are substantial. (This is particularly true of gifts of artwork or other forms of appreciated property to such institutions as ~ u s e u m s because , the tax laws are specifically structured to encourage such gifts.) However, many small donors also mistakenly believe they gain a great advantage from the tax deductibility of their gifts. That’swhy it’s always advisable when requesting a gift to inform the donor thatit may be deductible: it may not help, but it can’t hurt. Still, it’s dangerous to construct an appeal exclusively on the basis of tax benefits, even an appeal to buy intoa tax-reduction program such as a charitable remainder trust. Experts in planned giving advise that “donative intent”-the desire to help, to do good, tomake a differenceis usually of far greater importance than any financial considerations.

re lots of tax-re tit~tionswith no c

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eye-motion research have made their way to America. His ~ u ~ of ~ ~~~~c~ ~ upublished ~ ~ in ,German in 1984,has been translated into Italian, French, and English. Inother words, the story’s getting out. esource H provides details about his book.) This chapter sets out the essence of Vogele’s Dialogue Method as it applies to writing direct mail letters-and I’ll carry the translation one step further into the realm of fundraising.

The doorbell rings. You trudge to the front door, switch on the porch light, and squint through thepeephole. Standing at your door is a young woman, nineteen or maybe twenty years old, scruffily dressed, a clipboard tightly gripped in one hand, and an eager smile pasted on her face. You may be thinking, ‘‘Is this another of those a n n o ~ n gcanvassers? Do I have to write another check for twenty or twenty-five bucks to get her to leave?What group does she represent, and why are they bothering me? Am I ~ ~ going u ~ to let~ this y little pest inside my home?” Nevertheless, you open the door, greet the young woman, and listen to her long enough to hear that she is representing a charity called [fill-in-the- blank^. Not only that, but something she says about how what [fill-in-the-blank] is doing relates to things you care about. Besides, she’s a beguiling young person who appears to have a bright future. You sigh, open the door a little wider, and (still reluctant) let her into the house. Now, perched on the edge of your living room couch, the young canvasser launches into her pitch for [fill-in-the-blan~].You’re not listening closely, but you get the gist of it. Every so often you nod, smile, or gesture. Encouraged, she plunges ahead, keeping her eyes on you all the while she speaks, emphasizing this or that or the other thing as you demonstrate more interest (or less) by the way you nod your head, fold or uncross your arms, or even occasionally ask a question or venture a comment. There are lots of questions on your mind, butyou pose few of them,not wanting to drag out this unwanted conversation. And although you don’t understand or agree with everything the fundraiser says, when you frown, shrug, orlift your eyebrows in a questioning way,

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to your home. You weren’t lanning to do so; it just ha .And you invited her in ev though you knew perfectly well she was goin to ask you for money . Once inside, the oung woman delivered her pitch, watchin your body language all the while and answering every you raised as responsively as she could, some more fully than others. 6. Something she said triggered a stron reaction in you-enou~h to provoke a c o ~ m e nof t your own and a substantive question. t away the fundraiser gave you all the details you asked for, ore. 7. As soon as shesensed your patience ~ a n i n gshe , moved quic ift. She knew perfectly well yousupport the work of Ifill-in-the-blank]:her challenge was to make you admit it. . You declined to contribute thefull amount shere~uested but did ive something. Since you had taken up so time, it s ~ e m e dthe least you could do. Anyway, [~11-in-the] does such valuable work! 9. The canvasser didn’t just take your money and run. S r your support,reassured you it will make a bi omised you’ll hear again soon from [fill-in-the-bl~n~] . n short, you started theevening with absolutely no i ent to [fill-in-the- lank]-or any other for $25. You’ve done so anyway, er a similar scene-one y mail rather than in es we’ll gain important insig

in w

ten home from a tough day at the office. You toss the mail the coffee table, grab something to drink from the refr” se intothe easy chair, flickin on the TV with one hand and pu~lin eb~sket close to your

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chair with the other. Now, one or two deep reaths later, barely glow of the television screen, yo asket goes the fourth duplic in, in one smoo again and again: that he reminds you of things you want to forget, a packet of d t visit if your li shers Clearing come to the gas and electric bill-an a glance: an envelope from [fi t good stuff about whatcham t (unlike the catalogue merc ces of mail). You know wh address are right there e’s a photo on theenvel whatchamacallit. ~ n ~ it alooks y familiar. nces are that thisis another fundraising ut you never know for sure until you something interesting to sayeven if it is a solicitation. efore you know it, you’ve turned over the envelope from nd dumpedthe contentsout onto your1 tion what these people want from you: the self-a those telltale broad stripes and the check mark and a big bold “YES!” above a string wh~tsoeverthis is a fundraising solic oup, anda photo and c etter is definitely abou Now let’s take stock before we stumble deeper in real-world ~undrai§i~g. What’s happening he to the e~perienceyou’ve just had with that

l.

eren’t e~pectinga fundraising letter fro any more than you were anticipatin visit to your home. When you first glanced at[fill-in-the-blan~ much attention at all-even le

sit

Taking a sip of your drink, then turning up the volume on thetelevision set, you now fish out [fill-in-the-blankl’sletter from the jumble on your lap. angling it before you between thumb and forefinger, you glance at the front page. Briefly you take in a dramatic little photo in the upper right-hand corner and note that the letter contains short paragraphs, subheads, and underlining. Then you quickly flip the letter over to the back page to see who’s writing to you. Your eyes temporarily fix on thesignatureandthe typed name below it, then drop down onto the postscript;it’s only three lines long, so you read it through. Sure enough, [fill-in-the-blank] is hoping you’ll send money to do something new about whatchamacallit. A whole new round of questions rushes to the surface-questions such as, “How are they going to pull that off again? Will my twenty-five bucks make a difference? Are they going to send me somethingif I mail them a gift?” So now you scan the subheads and underlined words in theletter at a rapid rate’first on the last pug, then, very briefly, on the two interior pages, and finally on the first page again. NOWyou begin reading the letter’s opening sentence. It’s the beginning of a story, and before you know it you’re hooked. You read first one longish paragraph,then another-butthat’s enough. You’re satisfied. [Fill-in-the-blank] is doing exactly what you’d hoped, andyou’re just as eager to be part of the act this year as you were before. Out of longingrained habit, you grab the reply card and scan it to be sure you didn’t misunderstand what [fill-in-the-blank] expected of you. Satisfied there was no miscommunication, you add thereply card to [fill-in-the-blankl’s postage-paid return envelope and drop them on topof the gas and electric bill: both will go into the “bills to pay” file. You’ll write both checks next Saturday-or so, at any rate, that’s what you say to yourself. Let’s pause here to take stock again, reviewing what’s taken place from the perspective of Siegfried Vogele.

l. You were still largely inattentive-after all, you had a drink inone hand and a TV set blaring-but something about the letter from [fill-in-the-blank] persuaded you to turn it over fora second look

e’ built along the same lines as a real sales conversation.’’ at was it that caused you t e”to the“compr ay many factors contrib ge, and format that ma accessible, informative9 and directly cerns. All are exa fiers”:little sign

In Vogele’s lexicon, “filters” are the polar o They’re the negative forces that come into play in the elements of formatting or contents that mak read, uninterestin lifiers provide you with little yesses to answer those unspok~n .Filters produce no’s. The canvasser used her own arsenal of amplifiers by ligently (but not over your head), answering your ques vocalized or not), watching and responding to your b shutting upquickly when your patience flag She skillfully moved you to answer y questions-again and a ain and again. She avoided all th filters)-the distractions,theboring lists of facts, emphasis on [fill-on-t~e-blank] ’ S needs. Instincti~ely missteps were a surefire way to lead ou to answer yo questions with no-over and over a in. Whoever wrote that letter for 11-in-the-blank] did much the same thing, guidin far more often than you answered no. es it, getting to that big YES!-a chec with a check-is merely a matter of h er answer yes a lot more frequently than heanswers no. But something else was oing on here, too, so basic: ~ 0 t h ~ n ~ r a i s e ~ s - lt h eer ~ ~ t noe less r th ins to engage you in a ~ i a l o ~They e . answered our questions (spoke hey both went out of their way to involve youin a conversation^ silent and one-sided in the case of the letter but nonetheless i n v o l ~ n

letters:

ow

w h y are they writing to me specifically? How much money do they want from me? Should I even bother to read this letter? Can they prove what they say? What happens after I respond? o I have to sign anything? Do I have to put a stamp on it? What would my spouse think about this? What would my friends think? Can this wait? What would happenif I don’t do anything? Can I throw this thing away? Have I received this before? Will they put my name on another mailing list? What’s the catch? Now consider some of the many product questions that mightleap into your reader’s mind at thefirst sight of your fundraising letter: Have I heard of this organization before? ave I given to these people before? Do they get any government funds? Do they really need my help? What difference will it make if I respond? Are they going to send me a newsletter? et lots of other solicitations from these people? y expect me to give them money every year? How much of this gift will actually be used the way they say? How is this different from what other groups do? Are they going to send me a thank-you? Have they been doing this kindof work for very long? Is there a local branch of this organization? ow do I know they’re honest? Who runs this organization? Is there anybody famous who supports them? Is there a deadline? What do I have to do to fill out the reply card? Is there a better solution for this problem?

it

rejection, there’s yetmore ters, the “filing-a~ayor

omenon of “archi~in~’, (or filing e side.” The difference lies in the al, the reader has resolved at that will be. This may. hapcision to make, a question to write-or because ecking account at the of the solicitations that are e explains: “One day, they

taken precedence.”

faster you get your reader to respond, the more likets an enormous burden on thefirst twenty seconds of re to the reader’s indifference. So let’s conclude by inning of this process: the first twenty seconds.

rst twenty seconds into three phases: e envelope is opened-e time, recipients turn o ,read the return address and any text, look way to open the envelope, and finally tear it open. roximately four seconds. The reader picks tents. Even before she has read a sin S have immediate impact on her. She unfolds neral impression of what they contain. ht seconds. In what Vogele refers to as the rst r~n-through,the reader e~aminesthe pictures and headnswers to her silent ~uestions.If the writer ,the reader is now fully engaged in the

e writer’s objective is to involve the reader by pere of the blocks of text in the letter-to become omprehensive second dialogue. “This means you nee er’s interest long before the twenty seconds are up, e recipient will continue reading only if the benefits to ithin the first few seconds. And that’s why he insists a ress the advantages to the reader by sing pictures nderlined words and phrases. break from the ~uantifiablecertainties of erm man into the realm of ~ u a l i t a t i ~research-by e taking a nors really think about fundraising letters.

ome years ago, as I was writing the first edition of I took time out to observe a focus group in os Angeles. For ours I cringed behind a two-way mirror while ten around a table, picking apart a direct mail fundraisin Fire Boys and Girls. I was present because the leader retained my firm to help launch a nationwide di The letter those people were salvaging was week before. I’d thought the letter was pretty was convinced my brilliant editing had lifte hall of fame. Indeed, oneof my se his way to congratulate me on my fine wor Camp Fire staff approved the text without c Z ~ v the e ~ letter. Nevertheless, Camp Fire had the letter, we would test our draft copy in exclusively on ourown instincts. The Los An of two organized exclusively for that purpose. The group consisted of seven women and thr en, nicity religion, and income level as well as oc were a couple of retired people, a housewife, a tea

. I

diverse in a e,

r~isin Letters ~

business owners. Half had completed at least four years of college; most had done volunteer work in the past three years. Despite their differences, these ten people had one crucial element in common: in i n t e ~ i e w sover the telephone, they said they had previously oney by mail to human. service organizations such as the ys’ T o m , Special Olympics, Cityof Hope, or Red Gross.In other words, they seemed tous like good prospects to support CampFire. Now here’s what happened.

Under the skillful guidance of a professional moderator, the pa~ticipants quickly warmed up to the subject at hand by discussing their views of direct mail fundraising and youth programs. They revealed what they knew-mostly what they ~ iknow-about ~ ~ ’Camp ~ Fire. Prodded by the discussion leader, they cited examples of‘“good letters” from charities (ones that were “interesting” and contained “local examples so you can t work”). Their bi est concern about fundraising letters They were W ed about getting sucked into scams “like you hear about on TV’’ The group analyzed what was then Camp Fire’s tagline-“The first fire we light is the fire ~thin”-which most of them seemed to like. (A typical comment: ‘(I’mnot sure what it means, but I like it.”) Then they criti~uedone of our two candidates for the outer envelope design. That envelope featured the Camp Fire logo, name, address, and tagline along e reading “recycled paper,” plus a much bolder and larg:Our free gift to you.” Here’s what the members of the focus group had to say about the envelope: ”

er.’ I like that.” an envelope.” “Camp Fire caught my attention. The logo.” ‘‘I focused on ‘Inside: Our free t be too much on “’It’svery feminine. Like Camp Fire girls.”

d on the envelope] .”

ift and then they’ll send ~ o m e t h i n ~ . ~ ~

starters. Then the mode fund raisin^ letter

zation. I’d contribute if

e ~ ~ l u t a t i. o’nLeave ~ that out.”

om poorer areas, or is this like the uldn’t you say chi~~ren? ~eens? Yo~th?” Camp Fire. There’s not siness for over fifty years. -number. A.hotline or somewhere you can call.” the way, the moderator turned the group’s in the letter CO e letter’§ headline:

“

’m g o n ~ be a dead by the time Ym 18.”

e: aders er ship

ecome a ember?" arly respon~ents:“Charter f C a m ~ire^ is new. h to be a Charter ”

st ~s~ me for the m o n ~ . ”

oes it mean t h ~ expect ’ ~ more ~ m o n next ~ year?”

,the moderator asked the group, “If you received would you consider ma kin^ a contribution?” The and suffering! er came from a f o c ~ s~ r oa~~ ~ not ~ f, y o ~an r Camp Fire spent a small fortune mailing over the ~ o ~ n t ~ !

Now listen to a few of the comments aboutt h e f o ~ y - ~ version a ~ e of our ea1 our firm had drafted. That version led with a

at

story about an inner-city child whose life was tur p Fire: rsonally like this. I would give.” es you an actual person.” “The lead grabs you-real

hard.”

A similar sentiment had prevailed the evening before in a focus roup assembled in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I’m told the Tulsa fferent take on the first letter: they iar with Camp Fire, were much less critical of th of the Los Angeles’s group’s cynicism about c nuances aside, there’s no question that both letter instead of the shorter one,and by a hu Camp Fire didn’t go to all the trouble oups merely to choose between two v ing unguarded comments from representat tuneourcopy We were able to answer anticipated and clear up ambiguities in thecopy and artwork,any one of t have a profound impact on the results. In ot ance what ourreaders’ unspoken questions hanges in the copy to answer those ple, each of the following comments was helpful revisions:

w come there are boys as well as at makes this organization diffe t are they goin do? “Are there Camp Fire programs here in Los A. “What is AIDS counseling? As a parent, I WO in knowing what approachthey take.” “If it were Girl Scouts, we wouldn’t be as critical, see them here.” “Teaching kids how tosurvive. This is a key point.” doesn’t tell exactly where the money goes-like, ‘ this.”’ oing to do for my city?” ”

So lest you too stumble into thewilderness of indifference-armed with a pitiful little one-and-a-half-page fundraising letter-please lessons in mind:

only keep

~ o n o r sneea lots of i n f o ~ a t i o nto be ~ersuaaedto send gifts by ~ a i I .

They may say they want to read only short letters, but what ey ~eallycrave are answers to their questions. And questions bt or disinterest, the parents of inaction. If it takes or two to answer every question you can anticithe budget and stifle y r natural tendency to eep your message shortand sweet. results will vindicate you. ~ 0 ~ are 0 s~~ e s~ t i c aIt’s l . best to head them off at the pass by volunteerin information abouttheunique character, the impact, cost-effectiveness of your work. And they want proof you’re really doing the things you say you’re doing. Abundant detai~s-~acts-will get that point across, An a ~ ~ e isa ltoo Iong only i f it ao~sn’tconvey the i n f o ~ a t i othat ~ a o ~ ~ want. rs My one-and-a-half-pa~e version was “wordy” because it lacked the particulars of the four-page letter. The er version was not wordy ~ u ~ int~rest a n sel~s-ana ~ r o ~ a b l y a o ~ so b ~ in y h u ~ a nsewice Is. A story; especially about children, is a great way to anize a ~undraisingletter. That is whatwedid in the

If

there^ a way to ~ i s ~ ~ ~ ~ ryour s t a~ ne sas a ~~eo, n o r s ill ~ n it.a 1 miss important points if you don’t e m p h a s ~ ethem.

l be thrown off by awkward transitions, ~nfamiliar ,poor word choices, and attempts to gloss over details. ~ o ~ an^ a at ~ s i g n a ~ e c t u ~ a e ~ s t aInn a if~u~n. ~ r a i s letter, i ~ ~ the

only tools you’ve got are words, numbers, typography, pictures, aper, and ink. Use them all wisely; you have no other way to establish your cr~dibilityby mail.

Most of the time, I remember all those lessons when I sit down to work on a fundraising letter. Yet I still sometimes write letters that don’t work well. money by mail is an endlessly tricky business, and no knowledge will equip a fundraiser to avoid occasional u~pleasantsurprises. But experience, insight, and market research like the focus group reported in this chapter can all help narrow the uncertainties and enlarge the odds of success. Focus groups may not be cost-effective for your organization, and they’re certainly not needed for every fundraising letter. But friends, family and coworkers can informally evaluate your writing and thedesign of your package, That way, you too might find you’re not achieving the effect you thought you were. Now that we’ve examined what really happens to fun when donors receive them in the mail, let’s examine the characteristics of an effective fundraising letter-one that takes account of the insi we’ve gained through focus groups and other techniques that cast light on thewhims and foibles of the human beings who read our appeals.

This Page Intentionally Left Blank

ndraisers apparentlythink fundrais ty much the same. Here’s how theirde to run: “Af~ndraisingletter is an appeal from ization, describing needs and requesting chan~ble ight? ~ r o n g ! ~ r on o nevery g count. So banish that ill-conceived and misleading consciousness. Better yet, copy it down onto a S cross it out with old strokes of your pen, slice i deposit the whole mess in the nearest waste you’re ready to get started on the r carefully: ~~~

e e I’m sure you noticed that o ~ ~ ~Money-a e y . request for a

ment in the overwhel request for and funds, y tiveness. What’s worse, you’ll ut the action requested in a sending m o n e ~at least ight be tocomplete and r stickers, or greeting ca are hundreds of possib for resul is to determine

calling the et^^ more detail in Cha book. For starters, th

such a ~ e n e r o ugift. ~

asic test of effec-

The Fundamental Law, then, is to work out the marketing conce before you write a single word-and then to be sure every word you write speaks to that concept.

Fundraising lettersare of many different types, serving a broad variety of ends and thus involving a great many different marketin write an effective appeal, you must first determine the target audience and specific purpose you want to serve:

Are you writing to people who have never before su organization,askinthemto join? That’s an u c ~ ~ i s i ~(ori o ~ prospect) letter. I cover that topic in Chapter Ten. 1s your letter to be mailed to new members or donors, welcomin them to your organi~ation?I call that a ~ ~~ u ~c ~ c o ~ ~ describe it as a welcome packet orkit,or even a new-donor acknowledgment. Chapter Eleven takes up this subject, Are you writing to previous donors, appealin for additional gifts for some special purpose? That’s a s ~ e c i uu~~ ~ E, You’ll find examples in Chapter Twelve. Are you writing to proven donors at the end of the year? That’s a y e u r - u~ ~~~~e u The E . topic is covered in Chapter Thirteen. Are you writing to some of your most generous donors, seekin large gifts? I refer to an appeal of that sort as a ~ i ~ ~ - ~~o Ee ~theu~ r ~ e ~ subject of Chapter Fourteen. Is the specific purpose of your letter to induce pr~viousdonors to increase their support?If so, you’re writing an ~ ~ u ~ ~You’ll r ~ u ~ ~~ learn about that topic in Chapter Fifteen. Are you writing to your new and regular supporters to ask them to renew this year’s annual gift or membership dues? Thenyou’re writing a r e ~ ~That’s ~ u the ~ .theme of Chapter Sixteen. The case studies in Chapters Ten through ~ i ~ t e ethat n contain examples of all seven of these types of fundraising appeals will prepare you for many letter-~itingchallenges-but hardly all of them. There are important types of fun raising letters that don’t appear in this book-for

CC

ly sustainer requests, upgrades or renewals, lapse nor reactivation letters, planned giving letters, cultivation letters, and ore. No author can anticipate every need you may face. No ly you with models to follow in every contingenc~ ut in spite of such great variety in fundraising letters, the most aising appeals I’ve read share six qualities: re’s no doubt or ambi~uityabout the writer’s intent or what the reader is asked to do. The message is delivered in istakably clear and simple terms that rule out guesswork. on, the reader gets the point of the appeal, and that never wavers throughout the package. . ~ ~ h e s i v e ~ eEvery s s . component of the package works with every other to reinforce the message. If the message is complex-as, ple, in anappeal that combines a petition with a r y-the close connection between the two is abs clear. The message isn’tmixed. This means, for example, that an 1 for funds shouldn’t be muddied by including a catalogue ier that offers merchandise for sale or an updateon a cussed in an earlier appeal. t i c i ~ From ~ . beginning to end, the appeal is credible. The roach of the letter fit smoothly with what readers knowaboutthe signer, andthe test includes ling personal information to drive home that nature of the appeal fits smoothly with what re t the organi~ationand its work. In short, it’s natural for t h ~ ssigner and this nonprofit to be sending his parti~ularappeal. For instance, a Hollywood starlet, no lar, might not be the most credible signer of an earch institute. 4. E ~ s eof ~ ~ s ~The ~ ~appeal s e contains . everything the reader need to respond without a moment’s delay after reviewing peal, At a minimum, the package includes a clearly response device and a preaddressed response envelope, and there’s no doubt that these two items are included exclusively% for the purpose of responding to the appeal. In direct mail, the f~ndraiser’s job is to make it easy for the reader to

respond. Experience shows that if it’s not easy, the reci likely to set the appeal asi 5. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~The ~ message ~ u ~ ise calculated ~ e s s . the intended reader, and the appeal requests er might naturally be assumed t For example, I might write an extraordina aboutthe cuisine of tan, but I woul erate much response appeal unless I ple with either a demonstrated interest i fascination with K ~ g y ~ t a or, n , even less words, it’s always important to write to the audience. 6. E ~ g ~ gci ~~ ~gThere’s y. something inherent in the story it tells, the charact kes, or the language in which it’s esting and holds the reader’s attention. Som a~complishedwitha clever outer envelop appropriately followed through inside the p personal story about recipien a h the reader on a deeply em times a writer’s style is so fresh and compel inexorably drawn throu catches the reader’s attention-and holds it. From a mechanical perspective, however, the o to all appeals are an ~~e~(or proposition) that inco any, as well as the benefits to the donor, and theGUS ment that justifies the offer and spells out the ben framed asa letter, as are almost all successful fundr lyto includeasalutationand signature that cl between the letter signer and the person to whom a lead that starts off the letter, a close that ends it device (or reply device) that the donor may use about it. any fundraisers relate these elements to a formula, ins a standard struct~reor sequence a writer may follow in CO appeal. I disagree. To understand how to write successful ters, you must study a peals that have worked well,

made them successful-and the donors and yourown o cessful only if they re uni~uelyattractive to your donors. To bear downhard on this irn through the pages of a sin panying me on this para you’ll gain an overview o n the process, you’ll gai tions of your own o anization in w donors.

e’ll meander slowly, paragraph by paragraph, through a four-page fundraising letter and its companion package co~ponents in an excellent example of the fundraiser’s craft. Before we e m ~ a r kon our journey, however, I urge you to read the whole package in its entirety (Exhibits 5.1 through 5.5). As you do, wei six. characteristics of successful appeals that I discussed apter: clarity, cohesiveness, authenticity, ease of response, ap~ropriateness, and eng~ging copy y colleague and friend Sill Rehm wrote this fundraising appeal for the San Francisco Conservatory of usic in 1993. The conservatory had retained our firm to assist it in building its membership base, part of a broader development strategy to lay the ~oundationfor a significant capital campaign several years hence.

l.. My eyes leap first to the signature in the upper left-hand corner

(called the corner card). Colin ~ u r d o c h the , resident of the conservatory, signed the appeal inside, and printing his signatureon theenvelope (in blue ink, to contrast with the red of the logo and return address)

previous testing suggests

,I take in the e~traordin used in the conservatory’s name throughout the contents of the gnature as surely as t een used instead of a post metimes shows that met

pulls an indicia (but bo essarily less cost-effecti envelope I’ve already e more likely to have Why? Because, resea thing else. So she se machine-affixed to a ble) window, reveali

rate (8.1 cents ver

7. The size of the page, 7 by 10 inche Monarch letter has a perso than standard business size stationery.And there’s that love address-a street address, not a post offi ber, Nowadays we might add a w servatory’s actual address, telephone nu help inspire confidence in me as a pros to pay an unexpected visit or place a t suspiciousness-but that’s very u n l i ~ e l ~ 8. The use of “Thursday afternoon” is a cop it may subliminally convey an illusion that the lett There’s no real date here because this a making it likely that at least some of t weeks or longer after the mail date.

Y

ea

P

--

of Music t o d ~ y oldest and most re I

you l

o

~ d v ~ n ctick e

in

0

19. This letter consists of two sheets o e notation “Page two” at the top ility I’ll be confused (and thus l 0. Take note of sonable restraint) heig his reference to the conserv lish credibilit~The ad

group. ore facts here, and interesti r to classical music lovers, he the credi~ilityof the a ain ( n u ~ b e r s.) with the conservato~. 5. We’re back to values nd abs ~ ~ ~ i ~ v ~ ~ eThis ~ ~e fellow ~~ s, . e’s connecting with me about thin 6. This intense an tion convey important y also lend added hu

isi

at I’m on the right page. But a “Next page, please” or the equivaubt some direct marketer has tested roves response, I rence other than to serve der that an appeal is really, afterall, t to large numbers of people.) is personal feelings. He uses the e sub’ect: theteaching of music. ochnow reveals the rvatory’s mission: relating to the servatorya I won’t just be help-class performers. I’ll also help ously diverse group of school er 400. The effect is to drive S far more than its own stuike me. Those 400 concerts in: tradition and musical excellence. and an orientation to values. et about the conservatory brings ere’s little doubt inmy mind that quickly dispelled: Murdoch is contribution he wants is more buys me a ‘‘membershi~~’~ and ch means when he asks me to e to go on to the next page to r exception to his request.

ust another argument for supected institutional history.

ces

the first underlined words since the es the subject of membership benefit ally underli~ed.Some pe le prefer continuous lines, the underlinin~of spaces distra hat’s less important: the fac e spaces between words, w ases one bite at a time.) d,” I’ll receive a monthly newslett wsletter’s name, emphasi~in of events I may want to attend at the c o n s e ~ a t o r ~ receive free tickets to a specific concert-one that’s kets, and another event that’s not too far off.

I gave up trying the clarinet in

makes good use of that opportunit~It restates the date of the fastapproaching faculty concert and, for the first time, lays out a specific deadline for embers ship contribution§. To be sure I’ll beat that deadline, I may really have to mail in my gift ~ ~ as ~ asked ~ yto do. , (Althoug~ I rarely recommend including specific dates in letters written to recruit new members-or, for that matter, in any other letters mailed at bul rate-this case is an exception. The appeal was mailed within a n a r r o ~ region and likely tobe delivered wellin advance of the concert date. And conservato~faculty and students perform so frequently that similar offers can be made almost any time of the year.)

48. Yes, that intense-looking fellow in the upper right-hand corner photo is the renowned cellist YO-YO Ma. Classical music lovers proba~ly know that. It’s likely to be the photograph that first catches attention. That’s what theeye-motion studies reveal. Then youreyes swept leftwar to take in the mu§ician’s name, and finally down to the salutation and lead. This musical celebrity has signed what is called a “lift letter”--a brief, supplementa~letter or note that strengthens the main appeal by emphasi~ing animportant endorsement (as in this case) or providin significant information not found in the main letter. 49. While Colin Murdoch addressed me as a “‘Nei finds common cause with me as a “Music Lover.” It’s ence. (He obviously never heard me play clarinet!) 50. From this first paragraph until the fifth and last, this t e s t i ~ o ~ i a1 lift letter from YO-YO Ma is a credibi1it~-buildingexercise. It means a lot for one of the world’s most illustrious concert performers to write about the conservato~’s “hi 51. Similarly, it’s useful-andimpressive-for a celebrity in the world of music to name several of the c o n s e ~ a t o ~faculty ’s me~~ers, who are far less likely to be known to the readers of this appeal. (I, for one, knew noneof the three names cited.) 52. In a longer letter, Mr. Ma might have revealed how freq~ently he visits the conservatory and how much time he spends there, thus hing his authorityas a judge of the conservatory’s participation Area communit~ this context, I’m not impressed with t claim he makes in this par *

c

i

d in this paragraph, speaking of musicians.” sy in lift letters like this one, e last paragraph. But without tter’s value is limited. Now I know that is appeal would have been ‘I urge you to join me as a Friend of the S leaving not a shadow of a doubt about lone s ~ f ~ c toi ~identify g rinted in dark blue ink

on on the more comin dark red, as are the ;the logo, name, address, and the gentle shade of red. All the text res onse device sums up the

for tun at el^ I have to read the e certain “Regular “Friend” of the con0 option “Friend of the e $100 option, while spelling t no appeal’s perfect.) ,November 8. It’s also clear culty Trio Concert is a seriuse of a premium in rnem-

5, in ~ a r a g r a ~number h

, that mygift will be tax

6

63. It’s almost always wise to include instructions such as “Detach Here.” ~ertainlyI could fi re out that the reply device is perforate

along the line of dashes, b it’s courteous to relieve me of the (admittedly very slight) burden of determining that for myself. I n s t ~ c t i o n of s this sort also reinforce the ~ction-oriented nature of direct mail appeals. 64. Now any lingering d t that I might not actually receive the ~ o n d e r f u benefits l that Colin rdoch’s letter described is totally dispelled, 65. Those benefits are listed, described in the same words as in letter. 66. The last thin want to do when signing up for a members in the conservatory is fumble around with unfamiliar slips of odd shapes and sizes, so h pleased to be told exactly what to do.

67. Once again I’m reminded that my gift to the c o n s e ~ a t entio~ tles me to membership, with its attendant benefits. This handwritten tagline is printe in dark blue,like that of the signatures on both letters.

tu tional name.

n Francisco ~onservato al; it was written for a particular purpose on behalf of a parzation at a particular time. As a re ult, there are several r ma not work well as a mo was written to acqui ters are writtento roven donors.Theletter is benefit offer in^ prospective mem~ersadmission to ost n o ~ p r o ~have t s to reach far to come up There’s a celebrity lift letter, a device that’s ts only in unusual circumstanc~s.

rent l e t t e r - ~ r i t i n ~

S

postal p ~ r s o n n ~ ~ .

o I find a way to respond to the letter lined). You’ll note it’s called an “Endorsement er., there’sno way for me to indicatemy endorsement (for am? the Campaign to Abolish Poverty?). There’s amount and no return address (in case the form the letter or the returnenvelope). E. This rubber-stamp~dlittle reply envelope doesn’t inspire confior gift fundraisers speak of an organization^ readiness to receive ani~ationdoesn’t appear ready to receive little gifts,

Throughout the journey you’ve just completed., you must have reco ced on the relatio~ship between the conse~atolationshipbuilding is the essence of ewards come with time. To gain perspective on the techniques that will allow you to use fundraising letters to ma~imumadvantage in stron relationships with your donors, please join me n iter’s Plan of Action.”

I

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et started writin nter’s next month?

rantee you’ll write a bet-

n executive s

u

~ of m your ~ letter. ~

rais

ers

desire # ~ to~ the y xtent that those words convey a marketi motivate your donors. You must a iguouslywhich requires absolutely clear ersta stand in place. That’s where the twenty questions start.

e lapsed members or d

2. What do the other? Forexample, religious conversion, new citi~enship,a c patriotic, or dedicated to a articular cause? Are they all likely to be concerned about family values? 3. What fact, or facts, maybe true aboutalmost all of these facts to distin uish themfrom the rest of the world’s po~ulation? o they all live in a single ~ o m m u ~ i t Were y? they all once patients in your ~ospital?Are boomers? Donors? N 4. What do you ing to? Are they likely t events in the world or in your local commu setbacks made life more difficult for them, or changes in tax laws made them more comfortable? Are they likely to be skeptical about charity? Concerned about declinin ily values? Fearful of 01 S. What’s the relatio ship of these people to y What do they know about you, youro at ~ # they ~ ’know? ~ contributing re

member of your board?

ical person you’re writi

want recipients t annual gifts than they di making ~ o n t h l y ew project? Respo U

unt of money (if any) that you ho other ~ u e s t i o are ~s t of your ash, particularly mine the a ~ o u n tyoureceive. e incre~u~ous at a request sum too small Us~allycan’t be sent to both

anything else youwant recipients to do right now? Will for a cash contribution and nothing more? Or will you ear pledge, a monthly commitment, a si nature on a rization form-or something entirely example, will your appeal include an “involvement device” such as a postcard to the governor, a membership survey, or an offer to supply information about wills and bequests?

at problem, need, issue, oropportunityprompts your ency tosend this appeal? Be specific; don’tstate theneed as simply that ht” or “we need money” Think about the p~rticularset of circumstances that makes it necessary for your agency to raise funds ri ht ~~~. Is there a profoundly exciting new anization wants to meet by launching a new pr an unanticipated demand for your services-or a shortfall in funding from corporate and foundation donors? Is a trustee or a friendly foundation offering a challenge grant (or willing to do so)?

12. What is the signer’s name? It’s dangerous to draft an appeal not knowing who will sign it. A fundraising appeal-a letter from one person

to another-is most powerful when it reflects the personal views and feelof both people-the sender and the receiver. The appeal will be most effective if you can bring it to lifewith a relevantanecdote or two, or a typical statement that will ring true-somethillg that might cause a knowledgeable reader tonod andsay; “Yes, that’sol’ Fred in a nutshell, all right!” 13. What is the connection between the signer and the problem, need, issue, oropportuni~that prompts the appeal? If the signer is your president or executive director,the connection may beobvious-and rife with possibilities to bringthat opportuni~to life.If the signer is instead someonewho has no day-to-day connection with the events or circum§tances that prompt your appeal, think about what might move the si er to write an emotional peal at this particular time.Is there something in his past: his education, his childhood, his experience as a soldier at war, his business achievements?

ett

efits, if any Are

)TQU o

ency serves to the poor? Is a re

own communicat congressional debate dra forced to shut the

with an imminentdeadline? Is the e and with it the op~ortunityfor do

small animals die, or the sup

answered those twenty ~uestions, sum up all tion in one paragra

easy.

rrn.’’ It’s the fou ou’ll write abo

rmation, feelings, cir-

on those bones. To help you get th keting concepts: Because you’ve been so enerous to The Center in the past, you’ve heard from me from time to time about exciting new d e v e l o ~ ~ e nhere. t s I’ve told you before how far we stretch your contributionsto serve the underserved in the omm mu nit^ Now, a renewal gift from you of as little as $25

worth of lumber and t

enerosity-and bri the om mu nit^

which has been the y tenure as its Dir

ay. Use my support to protect our bays a ies and p o ~ ~ u t i n ~ c o r p o rto ~ tclean ion~ r t l

*

M

lorl ore

02.

m 0

t ask levels or s

matched dollar-for-do~larby the Tmstees-I’m sen ~ e d u c t i ~ l e c o n t ~ b uin t i othe n amount of O$[Last + SO%] O$[Last + 25%] O$

8 8

e point where ~~mlikely to get hung U fter developing a gem of a mar~etin ires an outer envelope teaser-o little half-statements and promises-I for hours before I can get past this crucial fourt two thousand words in the time it tak ore often than not,I have to sett1 Yet a teaser can entice the reader to open the e lse may be able to brin off. A teaser that’s d estion, or intrigue thereader, drawing he logue that later may give birth to agift. Like everything else in a fundraising package, the outer e teaser must be appropriate to its type. For example, it’s har any of the followin teasers could be used on an outerenv nor ac~uisitionpa age: “It’s time to renew! ’) embers Only,” or “Your newsletter is enclosed.” All as surely as the most outrageous come-on for a “free gift” or dent of the United States. So are such se ts as “First Class Mail” or “Official ften the best teaser is no teaser at all. Fundr almost always crafted to mimic personal letters, en or undermine the effect the writer hopes to tensive testing suggests that response isn’t necessa you use a teaser, even when it seems eminently believe that only ~ e good ~ teasers ~ ~have y the inte 11 short of the mark probably have no effect y persuade thereader to open theenv teasers are a dead giveaway forwhat all t “

~~~

e outer envelope in Exhibit 7.1, an over er, was part of a high-dollar fu

more often tha

Jennifer just ~ ~ thi e w were going to get better. Molly told her so. x years old, and she’d spent most of those years om town to town with a dad who could n find workthat laste school. No frierr S , really. No pretty clothes ad showed up at our FrontStreet shelty and greeted the new arrivals. You

is lead, you mi ht find it con-

letter as well. Just as the lead e teaser, if any, t

1

d ~ollar-for-dollar- ut only if we receive 1s ~ifficultwinter, please help us o ~ t f i the t ore ~ o m e l e s sfamilies off the streets!

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otlight donor benefits, tangible or intangible-the to the appeal with contributions. Let’s assume you’ve decided that subheads are in ’re writing for Hope Is Alive! Perhaps they er, the executive director, who tends to be a bit stuffy, or you ads detract from the upscale ima vey There’sstill an easy way foryou to accept swer readers’ unspoken questions, and makeyour letter easier underlinin~.Do it sparingly on only a fe If possible, choose them before you write the you can determine which points warrant un heads) is to outline the letter before you write it. If y particular attention to the benefits y rds and phrases may jump off the In this case, you’d be likely to decide that a underlining are two important ones: If you respond by January 15, With your generousS new shelter on time-and the rest of the winter.

Instead of emphasizing Hope Is Alive! ’s$lO,OO new shelter, you’ve wisely chosen to stress the thi who will have a warm and secure place to sleep will care much more about Jennifer and her da than about an agency’s budget!

is is the easy part. ‘You’ve already written the

ed the lead, the close, and the PS.; you’ve ed points. What else is there to do? A game o ke care, though; it’s all too easy to stu stretch. Tell the storyyou started aboutJennifer a it into a novelette. Make sure the storyshows th receive if she accepts your offer: that Jennifer n life, and so will dozens of other good people tr stances. Stick to the points you selected for

0

e

e

I

You maydiscoverthat a timely charitablecontribution this time of the year could increase your personal joy of helping the Lakota boys and girls at St. Joseph‘s and play an important role in reducing your income taxes. With a little PRE-PLANNI~GNOW,. vou , may pleasantly learn that you have more charitable gift possibilities than you realize! One of the ways, as you know, to save on your taxes and do some good at the same timeis with a gift to charity. Those who have adequate deductions to itemize, may include their gifts as charitable deductions. Perhaps you have found in the past that you did not have enough deductionsto benefit by itemizing. However,a Larger-Than-Usual gift this year, mightenableyou to hoist your deductions and allowyou to itemize as you benefit from a tax savings. As we advance toward the final months of 1992, it is wise to begin making plans for gifts that could help you before tends, THIS IS AN IDEAL TIME OF THE YEAR TO CONSIDER A ST. JOSEPH’SCHARITA~LE

GIFT ANNUITY.

If you have been “thinking about” an annuity but kept putting it off- NOW, BEFORE THE YEAR’S END is a good time to find out how our Gift Annuity works. Keep in mind, it is a Gift aswell as an Investment!With a St. Joseph’sGift Annuity you are giving to some of the neediest children in our country as well as guaranteeing yourself a lifetime income. PLUS, youare alIowed definite tax advantagesthe year the gift is made. About 45 to 50 percent of your initial gift is considered a charitable deduction by the IRS, and as we pay you, part of your annuity is not taxed. Our Gift Annuity program is very simple:you give a specified amount ($1,000or more) to the school and we in turn pay you a FIXED rate of return for as long as youlive. The older you are the higher the return. Youmaybe interested in the Single Life contract only or perhaps the Joint Life plan may be best (even if rates area bit lower) if you are married. If you are between the ages of 50 to 65, you might like to investigate our Deferred Gift Annuity plan. With this type of annuity, you contribute your giftright away and claimthe Charitable Deduction portion the year it is given. However, your income payments do not begin until a later-specifiedtime, perhaps the year youretire. In the l~eantime, your gift

issafe and accruing interest. This is a very useful plan for individuals or ma~ied couples who could use the Charitable eduction during their working years but will not need the income until they retire. Youmaywish to consider exchanging appreciated stocks or bonds a St. for Joseph‘s Charitable Gift Annuity. This can be a wise way to make a gift, which may eliminate some of your capital gains tax, and earn a charitable deduction the year the gift is made. Now as the year is rapidly ending it is

hetore the year ends.

l) Donations

8

I

made toSt. Joseph's on or before December 3 1 are deductible this year if you itemize. 2) A gift that is larger&an-usual might enable you to itemize for your1992 taxes. 3) ~ ~ i d e r a g ~ o f a ~ ~ capital gains tax or receive a considerable savings if exchanged for a CharitableGift Annuity. 4) This is a beautiful time of the yearto give a memorial gift: in honor ofmae while loved making a charitablegift to us. 5) The IRS allows a charitable deduction for gifts of property such as antiques, artwork, jewelry, and any type of collection ifwe can actually use it for the school. The deduction would be for the fair market value of the object given. 6) The joy and satisfaction of making a major type giftto the Lakota boys and girlsat St, Joseph's Indian School, It is always wiseto consult yourtax advisor before any final contributionis made that may affect your tax outcome.

P.0.Box 100 C~mberlain, SD 57325-0100

fundamental reason the wor vide h u ~ a interest. n Stories, anecdotes lized words in erful way to en

the younger kids who were already asleep.... ren from nightmares. You save them from to bring good dreams to yourself and

ular “”Dear Friend” is used here-an

S

of condescension and will det

hat you stick to a single letter S

rally in a letter from on signers, you’ll sacrificesuspension of accept that your letter is actually a receiver of this letter to believe e together or work in the same office

e first-person plural $-”nd only if-there’s r example, if the letter is to be si ani~ation’stwo venerable cofou emocr~t.Even i

a

ecial gift today of $25 or Q r ~ a ~ e nast sa special g

reamc catcher Thanksgiving card (Exhibit 8.4.) Charitable gift annuity brochure (Exhibit 8.5) Outer envelope and reply envelope (Exhibit 8.6) Examine these components carefully, and you’ll see several earmarks of a successful effort to package the contents of this appeal in a unified way: Theme. The dreamcatcher theme, the big idea in this appeal, is emphasized on every component of the package except for the brochure on gift annuities and the nearly text-free reply Subtext (or underlying theme). The subtextof gift givin it almost everywhere and implicit everywhere else. taking thatthis is an appeal for funds,but it’s couchedas an exchange of gifts, h you can’t see them in this book’s black-and-white reproduction, the colors used on the outerenvelope, the letter, and the reply device are identical: black text with bri ing and imagery. (The brochure is printed in red and black.) Sometimes it pays to spend a little extra money on a package insert that doesn’t directly relate to the marketing concept. For example, a premium offer might be presented on a ~ ~ c ~ insert designed to highlight the premium-but the offer might not appear anywhere else in the package (with the possible exception of the reply device). Often, in fact, a buckslip works best if it doesn’t use the same color and design as other package elements so that it stands out more clearly

E Use compact, powerful words and short, punchysentences. Favor words that convey emotions over those that communicate thou eign phrases or big words. Minimize the use of adjectives and adverbs. Don’t use abbreviations or acronyms; spell out names, even if their repetition looks a little silly to you. Repeat (and underline) key words and phrases.

s

~

~

~

,unadorned la

ams of hope to

A letter that could have been written by a twelve t bearing the signature of: a college

his rule judiciousl~But

o be conscious of

han seven lines lon ,but vary the len indented para~raphs. heads that are centered and un~erline t consistent~ythroughout your letterrases, especiall~those s to the reader, but not so much as to

e St. Joseph’s appeal in E~hibit n the body of the letter is long

anically follow this rule. Some ritten notes, have f:ormattin

your letter. You tional rules of w r i t i ~

~on~ictions, and e

in his work and

and with too little to show for it, yo

~ o w i ~ ~ to review ~ e tyour h oWO ~ ,~ o s s i ~costly, ly o

of money or other explicit act.

rein~orcingeach other.

words, foreign expressions, a ~ ~ r ~ ~ i a t i o n s ,

Looks like a t ~ e w r i t t e nletter.

action ~ o ~ .

action. TOTAL

many as 5 points available for each of the eleven criteria, andweighting factors that total24, erfect score is 120 ay translate a numerical score into a letter grade as follows: S

be

110-120

-109

A

-99

need No more

said.

Give that writer a pat on the back! Shows lots of promise.

0-79

Needs some improvement. Requires a lot of work. Maybe better to start from scratch!

F

IJh-oh!

y brother has never fo about to enter hisfirst year o

s t u ~ b over ~ e fr v e t ~ r ~ofnhun-

brother. Teach him how to write.”

If you’re not familiar vv pick up a copy and devou before you start your next its coauthors William Stru in inexpensive pa perhaps best of vintage paperback version Some writers claim and White orany other g are hugely successful a learned everyth which I ascribe large people who traffic in claim that copywriter fundamentals of Eng late all the rules. In probably more brings us to Dr.

~enerationsof Americans have turne effective writing an decades ago, contain ins written. I especi E ~ ~ c (an ~ ~inexpens v ~ ~ y N ~ ~ S i g nand e t descr ~ r i t i n g are ” well wor Write about people, t Write as you speak. Use contractions. Use the first person. Quote what was said or wr Put yourself in thereader’s

o from the rule to the exception and from the familiar to the new.

se short forms of names. ronouns rather than repeating nouns. S rather than nouns. Use the active Use small, rou e specific. Use illustrations, cases, and examples. new sentence for each new idea. eep sentences and paragraphs short. Use direct questions. Underline for e ake your writing interesting to look at. hese aren’t arbitrary rules of taste or style. They’re the result of Fleschs studies of readers’ reactions to written material. is the all-time master of the study of readability which means the likelihood that what you’ve written will actually be ly remembered) by your readers. Flesch held erica1 measurements inspired more faith than society but his charts, graphs, and scores are still useful. ple, that two key indicators of the readabilier of syllables per 100 words and the averressed in number of words). se way Flesch defined these two measureIf in his book (and I hope you will). But look at how Flesch interprets these measurements:

Very easy

123 131 139 147

8 l1 14 17

155

21

167 192

25 29

In Fleschs lexicon, “very easy” writing is to be found in CO books. “Standard” writing is the earmark of such magazines as ~~~~, an “very difficult” writing is found in scientific and professional journals. This chapter averages eleven words per sentence, according to my word processor-pretty easy reading, Flesch would say udge for yourself whether you find my writing readable. But short words and short sentences alone won’t ake your writin easy to read. Flesch insists (and I agree) that a factor of equal importance is the human interest in what you write. uman interest is a unction of the proportion of personal words (such as personal pronouns and er names), the frequency with which quotations are use to which you engage the reader by challenging, questio addressing her. Fleschs suggestions about how to increase readability are equally useful. Here are some of them: Focus on your reader. Focus on. your purpose. Break up sentences and paragraphs. Find simpler words. Help your reader read (emphasize, anticipate, repeat, summarize). Learn to cut unnecessary words. Rearrange for emphasis. Write to be read aloud. Rearrange for emphasis. Don’t write down to your reader. To write for results, you’ll need to do more thanpolish your writing style. Writing for results is different from writing meant merely to describe or report to the reader. Let’s take a look at the differences now

There are at least nine differences between writing for results ing merely to describe or report, all of which might prove to elements in your fundraising or sales letters.

ir f a ~ i ~ i ~they r i offer t ~ an

cc

W

that start with “but” are likely to conse three rules, reread them

~”

ts-

~.

Purists would rather you spell out every word, errin precision, so there can be absolutely no confusio^ in th readers. I’d rather you use fewer words, favoring inform speech patterns, so your readers won’t feel that you’re

them. ont tractions such as I’m, you’ve’ don’t, an

able in copywriting to the longer expressions th you have, do not, and can~ot.The shorter for the ear, and the eye quickly comprehends t Also, negatives catch the reader’s attentio cisely the wrong impression. The word not may lodge in the reader’s eye like a cinder, causing him to misread the following se~tence-or the point of the whole letter. 8. etit it ion. ~rammariansare often repelled by writin to persuade, because it’s likely to be riddled wi tion is not accidental. Just as a journalist leads an article wi important piece of news, the copywriter is likely to em hasiz of greatest potential interest to thereader by repeatin The English language possesses almost unma writer can describe any benefit or make any offer in a sand different ways. The demands of writing a let products or secure contributions may force the write same words over and over again. 9. ~ ~ d e y ~ iand n i nitu~ics. ~ Miss Forsythe told us never to italicize words unless they’re book titles or come from a foreign lan days when h a n d ~ r i t i nand ~ typewriters were the writer’s on she meant not to underline words. Today some editors follo rule: I sometimes find my articles or columnsappearing shorn of all their carefully chosen italicized emphasis. I keep submittin with italics anyway; in hopes my editors will wake obvious to me: ita~icsenhunce the y ~ a ~ e ~ ~ sparingly Emphasizing important facts or t makes it easier for the reader to grasp the writer’s meaning and easier to review and r e ~ e m ber key points. In writing typewriter style-as, for letters-I generally prefer underlining inst ght have hundreds of alternative of them available in italic as well as roman fonts),Oft preserve the illusion that I’m really writing on a

raft. It seems as

ree hours. They knock

This Page Intentionally Left Blank

is most commonlyassociated with the letfits mail, often in extremely la

~~~

nors from among a broad population of types of fundraising letters covered in the ways (such as the substantial netrevenue tant to the financial health of n~nprofit ion” or “prospect” packages that bring in isition letters that make the rest of the steady stream of new, first-time donors. t 10.1 is typical of those used to accomo prospective donors. How do you know tion (or prospect) package? Because the rst complete sentence at the top-reads y m e m ~ ~ r s h contribution ip to support Bread for f acquisition packages in several other guage on this response devicemakes rld is dedicated not justto the specific, top-prit of this appeal (debt relief) but to a poor and hungry people,” andthe

0

0

Washington, DC 20001 6~-82-BR~AD

www.bread.0~

SINCE 33 very poor c o u n ~ ~ in e sAfrica, Latin erica, and Asia face unpayab~edebts and spend

-

more in debt repayment than in health care, education, and nutrition;

~ ~ o ~~a m b i~q u e , E~ i c a r a gand u a ,some o f the other poor countries wei hed down by debt are also stsugglin~ torecover from natural disasters;

burden o f debt from the world's poor~st co~ntries. to write my sena~ossand r e ~ r e s e n t ~ r i v ~

in Congress t o urge them to provide full fund in^ for our country's share of the internationa~ debt-relief initiativ~.

S

D e s m o ~ dTutu and Pope a Jubilee Year of debt relief

in Bread for the World's historic campaign to lift the

Signed

ate

unable to become a member o at this time, but I'd l i e to receive resource materials so I can communicate with our nation's 1. debt relief and other issues affecting le.

0 I'm

Youarewelcome to request a copy of our latest financial report by contacting: Bread for the World, 50 F Street NW, Suite 500, W~hington,DC 20001-1565,(301) 608-2400 or l-800-82-8R~D.Gifts to Bread for the World are not tax-deductible slnce our members lobby Congress on behalf ofpoor and hungry people. If youprefer to make a tax-deductible contributionto support research and ~ucationefforts, please make out your check to Bread for the World Institute. If youarearesidentofone of the statesbelow, you may obtain financiali n f o ~ a t i o directly n fromthestateagency: OF THE OFFICIAL R E G I S T ~ ~ I OAND N FINANCIAL INFORMATIONMAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE DIVISIONOF C

-

A COPY SERVICES

--

EW JERSEY BY CALLING (973) 504-6215. REGISTRATION WITH THE ATTORNEY GENERAL YORK Office of the Attorney General, Departmentof Law, Charities Bureau,120 Broadway, Financiali ~ o ~ a about ~ o this n oraanizationand a copy of its license are a v a i l ~ ~from le Solicira~onLicensing Branch at (Ql9)807-2214. The lieenact is not an endo~ementby the state. PE istrationand financiallnfo~ationof Bread for the Wotld may be obtained from the Pennsylvania Departme ~ p a r t m e noft Ag~culturaland Consumer Services, EO. Box 1163,Richmond, VA 23218. Secretaryof State, State of Washin~on,Olympia,WA 98504-0422; 1-800-332-4483. WE from: Secretary of State, State Capitol, Charleston,WV 25305.

-N -

CharitlesDivision, Officeof the Resldentsmay obtam a summary

ff~istrafionwith any of these states does notimply endo~e~ent, approval or recom~endation by the state.

:Capitol S~itchboard2 0 ~ 2 2 4 - 3 1 2 ~

To contact a U.S. Senator: The Honorable US. Senate Washington, DC 20510

To contact aRepresentative: HonorableThe US. House of Representatives Washington, DC 20515

" .

accompanying letter (not illustrated) makes that even clearer. Note, too, the organization^ tagline next to the logo:“Seekin Justice. Endin Hunger.” Although this appeal focuses on one leading issue, as a w asks the recipient to buy into the or~anization~ mission a what “joining” means. This is not an appeal to supporta Suggested gift amounts. You’ll note that these amo so the amountsare probably the same for all recipients of this letter. The amounts are comparatively small, afford in^ an easy entry level for new ut there are three gift choices, coverin because little is known about those to whom the letter wa they’re strangers. e” form at the botader involvement. Note that the ““CitizenP for the ros ect the front of this appeal provides an oppor to become directly and immediately involved in current lobbying campaign. Involvement devi unique to acquisition letters, but they’re more c context. Involvement typically boosts response. I to pay attention.

Successful letters written to recruit new donors or ne in all sizes, shapes, andflavors. They may be fat or thin,col up-to-the-minuteor timeless. They’re sometimes mailed class bulk postage, sometimes (though less often) with first ut there are five characteristics that the majority of letters share: 1. They are often long and occasionally contain lots of ~dditional material too: brochures or folders, fliers, lift letters,

and premiums. Many charities fare etter without us this stuff. Some well-known groups can get away wit ters too. Chances are, though, thata letter you write tive donors will need to be at least a little lon er than the letters you usually write to previous donors. ~therwise not have enough information about yourorganiz whether they’ll make a gift.

ically appeal to prospects to support a charity’s larger ts goals, the full range of its programs (though one project or aspect of the work may get the lion’s share of the intheletter). If prospective donorssend gifts in to such a letter, they’re more likely to respond favorlater asked for additional support. 3. eferences to “you” (the reader) are normally vague and general. ~ l t h o u g hyou as the writer may know a great deal about the le on one of your prospect lists, you’ll probably know next to nothing about those on other lists. With them, there isn’t much to hang a relationship on. Chances are that the demands of e c ~ ~ o mwill y requirethatyoumailthesameletter, ed, to all your prospect lists. isition letters are undated and make few references to time or the calendar. That’s because you’ll probably to use it over and over. Not just because of the need to ut because it normally takes repeated trial and error to write a really successful acquisition letter. inimum suggested gift amount tends to be low. Mostchar5. ities seek to ~ a x i m i z ethe numberof new donors: asking for less e outset may serve that purpose.

CY The Western Pennsylvania Conservancy (~ittsburgh)asked me to edit this new-donor acquisition package (Exhibits 10.2 and 10.3). As you can see,I made a numberof changes: The mosti ~ p o r t a nchange t was to includean explicit ask for money, specific dollar amounts. (I had no way of knowing what those amounts mightbe in practice. They would depend on the “string” or range of gifts that had traditionally workedwell for the Conservancy.) With only the rarest exceptions, a fundraising letter must cite at least one specific suggested gift amount. I also made significant changes in the Johnson’s Box-the boldfaced copy that precedes the salutation. I dropped the language proposed in the draft. The parallelism of the wording worked fine, but “We U” is a weak case for giving. Instead, I selected donor bened the lead to emphasize benefits even more. tters is, ultimately, all about spotlighting the

or. Few people care about needs. As a result, I ighbor” theme down a coupleof pegs. But that I fleshed it out a little. e letter requires page numbers. Sometimes I like to dress it, as I did here, by adding a header consistent with the led out for boldfacing and italics to emphasize key was lacking in thedraft. I focused on the major donor i~triguingthoughts. Please note that I limited sis to two or three instances on each page-and that all of e director (or the equivalent)is the best signmade in the letter were more true of the or of someone else associated with the Conrsoncould sign theappealinstead.With selection of a letter-signer is not that big a il letter without PS. a Studies show that this eadership, as I’ve noted earlier. That’s why I

CC

wor~ with you, to Save the ~ l ~ wec care e ~a ~ o ~ t .

the way) to create these great havens. some time in many other parts of the c o u ~ ta~ , n is f o ~ t u n ~to t ehave the a m o u ~of t open space we have blic has our kind of access to such beauti

We, at Western Pennsylvania~onservancy,keep adding to the tally. we’re working to protect another corridor of continuous openspace-along River. Starting more than 20 years ago, we have purchased more than12,60 4.1-mile stretch of this recreation corridor. We’ve already conveyed more th acres to state and federal agencies, which protects them and gives you As I said in the beginning of the letter, wedo more than protect these undevelope lands. You might knowus at Western Pennsylvania~onservancyas the neighbor whohe1 your c o ~ u n i t y with a garden project. ~e have more than4.00 separate garden over western Pennsylvania. We’re proud of the success ofour “ c o ~ u n i t conservation” y efforts in this region. We have a philosophy here that‘ 6 c o ~ u n i t i emake s gardens grow, and gardens can help c o ~ u n i t i e grow.” s We bring together volunteers, corporate and foundation sponsors, and OUT understanding of how to produce a garden project in some of the most unlikely places. side-by-side, these partnerships havet r a n s f o ~ e dsome concrete flatland spaces i taking displays of color, cultivatedby the pride of every partner. Through the generosityof partners~ps,we facilitated garden projects in schoolyards, neighborhoods, at senior citizen complexes, and along highways.We believe in the power of these ~ a r d e projects n to p r o ~ o t ehealthy and attractivec ~ ~ ~ u n i t i e s ~ I h o w sprawl’s a big wordin conse~ationthese days. Actually, I do helping make existingc o ~ u n i t i e more s attractive helps reduce development pressures on undeveloped countrysides. It’s a practical matter. And we believe in ~ r a c t i c a l at i~ Pen~sylvania~ o n s e ~ a n cWe y . don’t just talk about how to “protectland?”or “improve urban living spaces.” don’t think it’s practical to just talk about it. That brings me to Fallingwater? the house that Edgar J. fmann entrusted to Western Pennsylvania ~ o n s e ~ a n in c y1963. It was his home; but he ays h e w it was more than that. “The unionof powerful art and powerful natureinto something beyond thesum of their separate powers deserves to be kept living?”he said. He knew the house was an i~ternae rchoice e ~ for the organization to best ~rotectthis tional treasure.He thou h ~ l l y ~ o n dhis reverentlocation,and ~ a u ~ a chose n n us-Weste~ Pennsylvania ~ o n s e ~ a n c y . We h o w why he entrusted Fallingwaterto Western Pennsylvania~ o n s e r v ~ c y , ~ e that w we understand the connection b e ~ e e nan and nature. It’s in why we protect as much land as we do. It’s inwhy we facilitate the growing numberof garden projects we

I

CC

t’s in how we preserve Fallingwater. And frankly, it’s in how this staff

ive you a sense of whatI mean, here’s just a sampleof what%on our organizational plate now. must protect Fallingwater structurally. The famous “houseon the waterfall” is ears old, and its signature cantilevers, which seem to hang in mid-air, have cted, past an a~ceptablepoint. We shored them up as atemp or^ mea sur^. strengthen the house internally without permanently impacting the visual integrity of this historic home.

- intend to expand our traditional land protection through purchase by adding a co~unity- base^ approach to conservation. Our field scientists have an amazing wealthof knowledge about the wildest places and their living resources of western Pennsylvania, and we know there are many more waysto use that i n f o ~ a t i o nto create real progressin land ~rotectionwithout jeop~dizingor diminishing in any way the human values. omeone recently shared withme, “I don’t h o w much about biodiversity, butI ow it includes people!’, -It’s always been our c o ~ t m e nto t “include people,” and here’s how we intend to “do ,”not just “talk.” We haven’t uncovered every opportunity yet, but we are finding ways to link eco~ogicalhealth to local livelihoods, such as in agriculture, forestry and tourism, the top three economicforces in Pennsylvania today.In French Creek, we’ve alreadybegun, to form the French CreekProject, which works with landownersto protect this i m ~ o ~ aand n t biologically rich watershed. S part of our mission to help connect people withnature, we are continuing to expand our members activities. In 12000,members willhave a full year’s worthof events to choose f r o m - s t ~ i n g with our popular Valentine Day Hikeat Bear Run; highlighting Earth and concluding the year with guided canoe floats andinterpretive hikes

en’t militant, by any means, but we do believe we are considered a reasonrvation. We are selective about the advocacy issues that we’ll take on in ngton, D.C. For instance, we delivered testimonyto encourage thePa. issioners to approve changesto their list of Endangered and Threatened scientists helped collect the data that led to some of the decisions se our involvements carefully, to saveour most critical resources and to have the widest impactfor the greatest good.

And that brings me back to the Clarion River. A s I canoed it recent1 the notion thatthis was the crossroadsof Conservancy’s past,our present see, 90 years ago, the Clarion was the most polluted w a t e ~ a yin the CO Through the great effortsof a lot of people in the region, and beyond, th up. The river-side tanneryi n d u s ~ ywas in decline, the paper industry ch charge habits, and community groups worked on abandoned mine drainage and other protection efforts. Then,20 years ago, Western Pennsylvania Conservancy bought its first acre 12,000 acres in that wateralong the river.A s I mentioned earlier, we’ve bought more than shed. Our goalis to see the Clarion River corridor connect with Cook Forest and Clear Creek State Park to form the largest State Park. With yourhelp, we can m To me, the future for Western Pennsylvania Conservancyis in continui~gto work alongside the residentsof the cornunity as they cultivate the growing t o u ~ as s ~ sustainable economy while they maintain the serenity that attracts visitors in fithe That’s what we mean when we say we’re “saving the places care we about!” The way I look atit, it ’Sall part of being a good n ~ i g ~ b o ~

So, neighbor, Ihope you’ll join us. ecause, I need you! Please, join to You’llreceive ..... ..

thro urel ~ n n s ~ l v a n i a ~ o n s e has ~ancy Dear Neighbor, If you’ve ever taken a boat on Lake Arthur in Moraine State Park, or hunted on the State Game Landsin Fulton County, you’ve been to some of the landwe’ve purchased and helped to preserve. In the last six decades, the Western Pennsylvania Conservancy has purchased the bulk of the lands at all the public spots I’ve named. Thenwe turned right around and sold them to a state or federalagency-often far below cost-to create these priceless havens, So, you might not know me, but I’m your neighbor-and like any good neighbor,

If you’re like me, you probably don’t know every of one your neighbors.So, just in case you don’t know me or theorgani~ationI’m so proud to lead, letme tell you a few thingsabout the Western Pennsylvania Conservancy For more than60 years, the Conservancy has been working to protect the most important wild placesin Pennsylvania-from the shoresof Lake Erie to the hills and valleysin our southernmost counties...from wildflowers along the Ohio border to Cherry Run, in the center of the state. Weke also the people who maintain and operate Fallingwater, the world-famous house that FrankLloyd Wkightbuilt in Mill Run. And we work with over five thousand volunteers, helping to create someof the most beautiful community gardens in the eastern United States. Since we openedthe doorsto Western Pennsylvania Conservancyin 1932, we have purchased more than 204,500 acresof land in Pennsylvania ...and opened those acres to the public-to you and me and our children’s children-to visit and enjoy ...forever. I’ve spent some timein many other partsof the countv, and I have to tell you that our ’ ~t ~e ~ in ~ region is fortunate to have the amount of open space we have here.~ ~~ ~ ee n~~n~ But we keep adding to the tally Right now, the Western Pennsylvania Conservancy is working to protect another corridor of continuous openspace-along the Clarion River. Starting more than 20 years ago, we have purchased more than 12,600 acres along a 41-mile of stretch

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’ve already conveyed more than~,OOO of those acres to state and fedrotects them and gives you public access. ht also know us at Western Pennsylvania Conservancy as the neighomm~nitywith a garden project.We have more than 00 separate garden m P~nnsylvania.

-how about garden projects together with volunteer ors in someof the most unlikely places. Wor~ingS ve t r a n s f o ~ e dsome concrete flatland spaces into breath of every partner. sity of partnerships, we facilitate tizen complexes, and along hig the beauty of our communities, They also promote t ~ afor t a moment.I think you’ll agree with me. a that helping make existing communities more on undeveloped countryside.It’s a practical mat rn Pennsylvania Conservancy vv to “protect land” or to “improve urban livin about it. We do it.

ater, the house that Edgar J.Kau 1963. It was his home-but be werful nature into some ing beyond the sum of living,” Mr. Kaufmann said. pondered his choice for the nn chose us-Weste~ aufmann entrusted Fallin~aterto ~ e s t eennsylvania ~ Conser-

That connection helps explainwhy we protect we support a growing number of garden projects every water. And it profoundly affects how my staff andI app To give you a senseof what I mean, here are just a few exa nizational plate right now:

The Western Pennsylvania Conservancy is WO

The Western Pennsylvania Conse voice for conservation. We’re sele take on in Harrisburg orWa mony to encourage the Penn approve changes to their list all, our scientists helped CO about the list! We choose our involve men^ care ical resources and to have the widesti ~ p a cfor t And that brings me back to the recreation corr Clarion River. As I canoed there recently;I reflected on of the Conservancy’s past, our present, and our future.

I

An Appeal from Neighbor to Neighbor, page 4.

You see, 90 years ago, the Clarion was the most polluted waterway in the Commonwealth. Through the combined efforts of a lotof people in the region (and beyond), the river was cleaned up. The riverside tannery industry was in decline, the paper companies changed their discharge habits, andcommuni^ groups workedon abandoned mine drainage and other protection efforts. Then, 20 years ago, Western Pennsylvania Conservancy bought its first acre along the river-the first of more than 12,000 acresin that watershedso far. Our goalis to see the Clarion River corridor connect with Cook Forest and Clear Creek State Park to formthe ~ S T ~ T E S ? ~ largest State Park. With your help, we can make it happen. To me, the future for Western Pennsylvania Conservancy in lies continuing to work alongside the residentsof our communities.We play a vital rolein helping cultivate theg r o ~ n g tourism that sustainsour economy-by helping maintain the serenity that attracts visitors in the first place!That’s what we mean when we say we’re “savingthe places we care about!” The way I look at it, So, neighbor, I hope you’ll join me and ourfellow neighbors hereat the Western Pennas sylvania Conservancy-today! You may enlist as a member for as little $XX. As a member of the Western Pennsylvania Conservancy, you’ll receive a number of valuable benefits:

[BENEFIT 1. Newsletter??] [BENEFIT 2. Discounts, free passes,maps???] of k n o ~ n that g Most important of all, however, you’ll gain the satisfaction you’re a good neighbor. Your support of the Western Pennsylvania Conservancy will help your neighbors-and all our children and our children’s children-to enjoy the bounties of nature throughout all time. In hope and gratitude, [signature] Name of Executive Director Executive Director

PS. Please take a moment right now to complete the enclosed membership enrollment form $XX, $U, $ZZ or more. Then return both the check and the form to and attach your check for ~ o u ’be l ~glad you did! me in the attached pre-addressed envelope.

This Page Intentionally Left Blank

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I'd like to be part of "Quickline" Bread for the World's rapid response telephone and e-mail network when urgent Congressional action is needed.

0 I'd like to receive updates via e - m d here's my e-mail address:

c3 Please let me h o w if there's a group meeting in my area.

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local Bread for the World

I'd like more information. about the Covenant Church program and other resources for churches and religious groups.

RECYCLED & RECYCLABLEIPRItffED WITH SOY INK

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I suggest you ~~s~ mail t haps a week or ten days 1 4. To introduce new donor issue of its ~ a g a z i n eor brochures about its pr come packages are ofte ment in future fundrai 5. Welcome packages fre tunities to respon information, “me or other involvement devices.

Let’s take a look first at the many roles that ed to play Then we can review severalposs sider including in your own welcome new donor ac~nowledgment. It seems to me there are six reasons t ble of sending new membersa special, ini simple gift receipt or thank-you note.

l. All donors expect to be thank receipt is probably not enough t nice. And treating members w renew their annual support. T most other charities these da very low. 2. Donors are most receptive t making their first about such fundraising opti or “friend-get-a-frien~”effo best time to ask for a secon ber to take action ri fact-you’ll be well on you beneficial, long-term relati

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Nature of contact: he third column descri es the nature of the contact: a letter, telephone call, magazine, or something else. Most of Co-op America~previous “Welcome Aboard Kit” is shown in Exhibits 11.3 t h r o ~ g h11.6. The revised version, incorporatin cified, is a two-part mailing shown in Exhi~its l l .7 throu itial welcome package was mailed firstclass, and the up welcome package was mailednonprofit bulk rate. Co-op America was startin at a point thatfew other nonprofits have yet reached: it was already mailing a new memberwelcome packa ful changes I introduced were to fit the welcome s to emphasize two-way communications intoa year-long ~ r ~ c e sand between Co-op America and its new members. Each of the two parts of the revised packageincludes an involvement device. There’s a new member survey in part one and afeedback form in part two. This is all part of the process of sustaining a dialogue between ~ m e r i c aand its members-a continuation of the dialogue opene up by the ac~uisitionpackage.

Up to 15 days

All new members

Benefits package, mailed bulk (welcome package, part two)

As available

All new members

Quarterly maga~ine

(15-30 days)

As available

All new members

45 days

Test new members with initial gift of $25 or more

135-150 days

Current special appeal (whatever appeal is being sent to other, older members)

180 days

All

Early-renewal letter (beginning of the membership dues renewal series)

210-t days

All

Return to membership mailstream (no more special new-mem~er treatment!)

(15-90 days)

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You are welcome to re uest a copyof our latest financial reportby contacting: read for the World, 1100 ~ a y n Avenue, e Suite 1000, Silver Spring, MD 20910, (301) ~ 0 ~ - 2 4 0 0 .

-

If you are a resident of one of the states below, you may obtain financial information directly from the state agency: A COPY OF THE OF~ICIALREG1 FIN~NCIALI ~ F O R M ~ T IMAY ~ NBE 0 GALLING TOLL-FREE, (~00)435-7352 ~ I TTHE ~ STATE. I ~ R E ~ l ~ T ~ A ~ i O ~

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s u ~ r from: n ~ ~~ e c r eoft State, ~ ~ State Capitol, C~arleston, ~

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Date Name Address City/zip Dear

, xxxxx

Jeffrey is going to see his dad today and he is terrified. Jeffrey is seven and hasn't seen his dad in three years. His parents were divorced four years ago in a bitter fight. First Jeffrey lived with his mom, and his dad visited him every week. Then his dad stopped coming because "seeing his ex-wife was too difficult ." Now

Jeffrey

has

a

new

stepfather

and

a

new

last

name. And his dad wants to see him again. If Jeffrey is lucky, the court will order supervised visits at It's a cheerful, the Human Service Agency visitors, facility.

home-like place where Jeffrey can feel safe as he and his dad get to know each other again. Many families turn to Human Service Agency-for supervised visits in custody cases or treatment for sexually abused children. For hot meals for frail seniors or safe child care when parents work. And for counseling when lives are devastated by conflict and abuse. That ' s why I'm askingyou to

help

Human

Service

Agency

now.

During these difficult economic times, the demand for services has exploded. In the last six months, for example, the number

le in counseling has increased 40% over the previous si onths. .And 89 cents out of every dollar contributed directly the families who need a helping hand, you that if you could help just one child like Jeffrey, You and 1 agree that families are the backbone of our ociety and that successful families build a healthy and strong nity . Wonft you join me in making sure that no family is turned away for lac of funds? Jeffrey and his dad are counting on us to give them asecond chance. incerely Avrery

I

I. Person

Address

Dear

xxxxx, Jeffrey is going to see his Dad today-and he’s terrified. Jeffrey is seven andhasn’t seen his Dad in three years.

His parents were divorced four years ago in a bitter fight. First Jeffrey lived with his Mom, and his Dad visited him every week. Then his Dad stopped coming because seeing his exwife was too difficult.” Now Jeffrey has a new stepfather and a new last name.And his Dad wants to see him again. If Jeffrey is lucky, the court will order supervised visits at the Human Service Agency visitors‘ facility. It‘s a cheerful, homevd a c e where Jeffrey can feel safe while he and his Dad get to know each other again. Many families turn to Human Service Agency -for supervised visits in custody cases or treatment for sexually abused children. For hot meals for frail seniors, safe child care when parents work, or counseling- when lives are devastated by conflict and abuse. Ironically, despite the current boom, the demand for our services has exploded. In the last six months, for example, the

number of people in counseling has increased 40% over the previous six months. That 's why I'm asking you to

help

Human

Service

Agency

$XXX or more. today with a tax-deductible gift of

I know that if vou could help just one child like Jef-

frey, VOU would. YOU andI agree that families are the backbone of our society and that successful families build a healthy 'and strong community. Will you join me in making sure that no family turrned is away for lack of funds? Jeffrey and his Dad are counting on us to give them a second chance. With

high

hopes,

Avery I. Person Board

Chairman

P.S. Your support for the Human Seryice Agency will make a big

difference here in [name of town] . 89 cents out of every dollar contributed directly benefits the families who need a helping hand.

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The original writer seems to h ve struggled to squeeze this letter onto a single page, To me, it’s farmore important to tell the story-and use the space necessary to o so-than to hold to some arbitrary length 1 In this case, that resulted in a two-page letter, with slightly broader gins. incident all^ since I know letter le th is oftena contro tion among people unfamiliar with fu aising practice, I own edited version and reduced the letter to a sin did the original work.) at here what I said to the Human Servi time. It’s what I say to almost every other local and r organization that gives me the opportunity: listi board of directors on the side of a fundraisi unless your agency is very different from mos nearly so well known as you-or they themselves-m (I’m supremely confident about this statement of public opinion polling data firsthand quite a nu years of full-time involvement in local politics.) So if you don’t havea closetful of letterhead and a high wall of ical resistance to movingthe listings off the letterhead (for ters only), you could list them on the back of a reply devi other appeal-on a brochure. A fallback position is to place the 1 more unobtrusively at the ~o~~~~of the first page of the letter, in the smallest type you can get away with. As for the format of the text, you’ll note in my edited version that I eliminated italics, using a limited amount of underlining instead, indented every paragraph, and broke up the text into smaller all of these changes to enhance the readability of the letter seem a little more personal and less institutional.

I very much liked the use of laser addressing on a closed-face envelope, as the agency had planned to do. But I thought that usin would detract from the personalized character of the env recommend either first-class stamps or a postage me prospects who aren’t linked to board members nonetheless). Another alternative, which I don’t favor superior to an indicia, is to use precanceled nonprofit bulk mail st~mps. e te ~ ~e ~ ~ ~~e ~ ulike o~~the ce se I’m not a big fan of ~ u ~ ~or-~ ~u u~ i ~~ ~ one the HumanService Agency wasplanning to use. Those are envel with long, rectangular flaps on the back, usually printed out. Results are usually better with a detached, p e r s o ~ a l i ~ ereply d device ~~~

(so the donor doesn’t have to write out all the information) and a business reply envelope that’s big enough to hold the reply device without

The best reply devices are involving. They affirm the donor’s eagerness to help (usually by using the word YES!) and repeat and underline the principal reason or reasons given in the letter for supporting the agency at this time. You can’t achieve that with preprinted remittance envelopes. The agency talked about a “partnership level’’ on the remittance envelope but m~ntioned the concept nowhere else. Perhaps they had explained it in anearlier letter but left the copy on the envelope (another reason not to preprint remittance envelopes).

or the overwhelming ~ a j o r i t yof A the calendar year are a time for giving. hugely disproportional share of the fun raise each year are realized in the several it coincidental that virtually every non fundraising act together mails a year-en bers. The business end of‘ most year-end rld response device reproduced i w that this is obviously a year-e It says so. You can’t mistake subtlety here (and none calle The reference to the“new efforts the donor has (presu The ask amounts are high en this letter was mailed have World. Few nondonors wou The offer of a tax-deductibl because the end of the tax

I1 00 Wayne Avenue, Suite 1000 Silver Spring, MD 20910 1-800-82-BREAD

R E C Y C f ~PRINTED ~ ~ ~WITH SOY INK

You are welcome to request a copy of our latest financial report by contacting: Bread for the World, 1100 Wayne Avenue, Suite 1000, Silver Spring, MD 20910, (301) 608-2400.

-

tates below, you may obtain financial i n f o r ~ a t ~ odirectly n Ifyouare a resident of o A COPY OF THE OFFICIAL ~EGIST~ATION AND from the state agency: FI~ANCIAL INFOR~ATI E OBTAINE~FROM THE DlVlS ONSU~ER SERVICES BY CALLING TOLL-FREIE, (800) 435-7352 ~ I T H I N TH .~ E ~ I S T R A T I O ~ PLY ENDORSEMENTl A~PROVALOR RECOMME~ BY THE STATE. For the cost of tage: Office of the Secretary of State, State House, Annapolis, MD 21401. i ~ f o r ~ ~ tfiled i o nwith the Attorney General concerning this charitable so~icitationmay be obtained from the Attorney General of the State of New Jersey by calling (201) 504-!215. ~egistrationwith the Attorney General Office of the Attorney General, ~ e p a ~ m e ~ t does not imply endorsement. of Law Charities Bureau, 120 Broadway, New York, NY 10271.

-

-

-

~ummaryfrom: Secretary of State, State Capitol, Charleston, ~V 25305. ~ e ~ i s t r a ~with i o n any of these states does not imply endorsement, approval or recommenda~ionby the state.

The appeal is personalized. This package cost Bread for the World a ount of money for data processing. It’s unlikely the pend as much on fundraising letters to nondonors.

The end of the year is a special time for most U.S. nonprofit organizations. A spirit of generosity holds sway, and donors turn to thou~htsof tax deductions, including charitable giving. In fact, many of the donor moti~ationsdescribed in Chapter Qne-loneline§s, to cite just one example-are felt most strongly during the year-end holidays. Year-end appeals are a major source of support for the nation’s nonprofit organi~ations,because an estimated 40 percent of all charitable ing takes placeduring the final three months of the year. Theycan be ei annual (or membership) renewal mailingsor special appeals (seeking gifts for earmarked purposes). But the fundraising letters that charities mail this time tend to exhibit most of the following six characte~stic§: There are usually references to the season particularly by reliious organizations) .The benefits of year-end tax deductions are commonly mentioned too. Often the two are connected. Ask amounts are usually variable. The generosity of year-end makes it possible for most groups to invest a little more onalizing their appeals. For the same reasons, many charities spend more on producing their year-end appeals than they do onfund raisin^ letters mailed es of the year-not just on personalization but also on paper stock, inkcolors, and premiums such asholiday greeting cards. red theme is “looking back, lookingforward.” The widetendency in the United States to think about New Year’s resolutions lends itself to this Janus-like approach. More often than at othertimes of the year, charities may launch peals, consisting of a series of two or three letters, combined with a telephone call. Year-end appeals are often mailed to large proportions of the onor file.

The draft text of this straightforward year-end appeal isshown in Exhibits 13.2 and 13.3.My edited version follows in Exhibits 13.4 and 13.5.Look at both versions, and you’ll grasp the essence of what I did to strengthen this appeal: *

*

Changed the emphasis from we: to you. Altered the look of the letter, adding subheads, underlining sparingly and switching typefaces from Times Roman to Courier. Dropped the credit card payment option. At the time I edited this letter, I was not recommending that clients include such an option. While results varied from one organization to another, tests often showed that a credit card option lowered response. I now believe that is no longer so likely to bethe case.

I also reinforced the seasonal connections. In the first paragraph of the revised reply device in Exhibit 13.5, above the string of ask amounts, note the words used there: “2001,” “tax-deductible,” “year-end.” With these few straightforward words and a few relatively subtle changes in the letter itself, what was originallya generic special appeal became a year-end appeal.

CC

feel like the slightest breath wall, a room orthe whole st~cture.” about balancing

ecember

. “

ar erican families ju le the demands of work and family fter family, it is women who bear the major burden of families, women are the only adult es they care for children and agi

a b o ~all t the talk we hear these ch of it is just talk. And, ue-knows the erican families. After all, come milies for 100 years. ?

are dramatically increasing. members are f o ~ ann ~

y leave their little chil~renin c h i l ~care the projects it nurtu~edare tryere for families.

g community action. It mobilizes communities to ees with their child and elder care needs.

tdce part in a coordin

ion to help families care for their youn raws to a close and you consider the charitable contri~utionsyou want se make a ta~-deductible cont~bution ...To s u ~ ~ o r t osed card to tell us where you want your m S

you my best wishes for 2001 ...our Gente

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"It' S like a house of cards. Right now it is standing,I but feel like the slightest breath of wind, the merest breeze could knock downa wall, a room or the whole structure.

- A mother of two young boys, talking about balancing her work and family responsibilities

Dear Friend of American Families:

As a member of the Hebrew Women's League, you know the difference between talk and action when it comes to family values. Because you're already taking action. ** You

helm.**

Your membership support for HWL helps parents give their young children the joy of learning through the Learning Is for Kiddies Program . (LIKE) This model program has become a national force in the arena of preparing children to succeed in school. With your generous help, we're now serving over 9,000 families in 17 states-and new requests for LIKE are increasing dramatically. Children and their families, educators, legislatorsmand members are formingan educational partnership that has become a force fora more hopeful future. ** You care. **

YOU know how parents feel when they leave their little children in inadequate child care arrangements and go off to work. Your American Family Project and the projects it nurtured are trying to make sure that affordable, quality care is there for families. ** You lead. **

As an HWL member, you're taking the lead by stimulating community action. Your Women at Work Project helps employers assist their employees with their child and elder care needs. ** You're

standina UD for American families.**

On January , 15, HWL members across the country will take part in a coordinated advocacy event for American families. On HWL's Women at Work Day, mayors and governors across America will be presented with "Food for Thought" lunchboxes filled with action information to help families care for their young and oldest members.

et

As draws to a close and you consider yourll how direct your year-end charitable giving, please consider how much more you can do to help American families by a sending special, tax-deductible year-end gift to the Hebrew Women's League. As you consider the size of your year-end gift, please think about the magnitude and the importance of the challenge you and I are facing: Every day, more and more American families must juggle the demands of work and family commitments. And, fmily in after family, it is women who bear the major burden of this task e

In one out ofxx families, a woman is the only adult parent in the home.

xx families care for children Women in one out of every and aging relatives, in one outxx of they have children and hold down jobs. Please takea moment right now to write as generous a check as you can-and return it to me today in the enclosed self-addressed envelope. As I look ahead to our Family Agenda for , I have to calculate how much funding will be available for each of our urgent and critical action programs. It will help so very much if I can have your year-end gift in hand by the 31st of December! You may use the enclosed card to tell us which of the League's most urgent programs you want your gift to support. With. W warmest , ness in"

regards,

and my best wishes for your health and happi-

[sign "Marsha"] Marsha [Lastname] P.S,

Come the Hebrew Women's League will have been acting on behalf of American families for100 years! To commemorate the beginning of our Centennial year, and give an extra boost to our Family Agenda for 2001, will you consider a special, tax-deductible year-end gift of $100 or more?

St

ift in the amount of:

an extra boost to your work on behalf of ~ m e r i c

ect (putting family values on

r legislation such as the ~ a m i l yand

ift to work where it’s most ur~entlyneede ~ ~ l eand t e retur~this

for^ with your check by and ail in the e~closedse^-^

t i o ~ are s t ~ ~ - ~ e d u c t itobthe l e e ~ t e allowe ~t is your recei~t. ~ h ~ you n kvery ~ u c ~ !

la^^

our c ~ n -

This Page Intentionally Left Blank

irect mail fundraising typically attracts less than $100. Within the last coup1 direct mail fundraisers have come to understand carefully honed for gr ter impact on more upsca gifts by mail of $500, ,000, or more. The so-calle that seek (and, increasingl~yield) such gifts are the pantheon of nonprofit fundraising. Bread for the World used the reply device in E dollar appeal that’s typical of the genre in any w Clearly this is a leadership appeal-a r ordinary, if only because it asks for money. It even uses the phrase “lead World is asking John Doe to enroll in ing the total of his gifts for the year to his appeal requests a gift of $1,000 o of direct mail fundrai§ing letters. The importanceof the $1,000 ask amo laser-printed line, which makes clear level” are recognized in the Bread for

t 00000

nn 1

"

yne Avenue, Suite 1000

ur latest fin~nci~l report by c e, Suite 1000, Silver Spring,

o donor options, which are infrequent in se they may cause confusion (and thus delay). This is a owever. The Internal Revenue Service requires the disifts to Bread for the World are not tax deductible, up engages in ~ o b b on y ~behalf ~ ~ of poor and hun S are ta~-deductibleonly if made paya~le to the Education Fund. The organiz tion offers this option, e distinction is important to some donors.

e may be used in the service of a great many oses, even recr~itingnew donors. More typical13 how-cost efforts are directed at a n o n p r o ~ most t ~ ~enerous rters-as special a sed in mailings to isition, high-do

s high. And that amount isn’t just the hi ested amounts thatwould let a donoroff easy. of gift levels, every choice i often very expensive. o commu~icatea feelin omplish this aim by lo otherdirectmailfundr ifferent in size, shape n. High-dollar appeal duction values.” dollar appeals are pers hances of obtaini “Dear Friend.”

invitations to

“

S. Most important, a stronghigh-dollar a

appropriate marketin ask. In other words, for a larger sum of supplies the donor withspecial a a amount of money asked for. In ot has a marketing concept all its own. (See detailed discussion of this conce keting concept, there may be o Often the offer involves a “gi entails unique benefits or privileges.

I’mgoing todepart from the format I’ve established for t tions, which is otherwise devoted to before and after cas to share the full text of one high-dollar fundraisi exceptionally well. The appeal consisted of two high-dollar pack val of four weeks. These mailings represented the Bill Rehm and Susie Fought for our client, the Sa dation. The two packages arereproduced in full, the first in E~hibits14.2 through 14.5 and the second in Exhibit 14.6. Package One consisted of the following e l e ~ e n t s : A 6- by 9%-inch closed-faced outer envelope on hi tured cream stock, laser-addressed, and bea (including a commemorative) (Exhibit 14.2) A one-page, 8’12- by 11-inch personalized and letter on matching paper, hand signed in dark blue ink (Exhibit 14.3) A four-panel, two-color folder measurin ches when folded (Exhibit 14.4) A 4%- by Sf/Z-inch one-color response card. A 5Y2- by 8%-inch two-color personalized response device-the ~ e ~ o r a n d uofmAcceptance (Exhibit 14.5b). A 4%- by 6%-inch preaddressed reply envelope bearirn postage stamp (Exhibit 14%) Package Two, mailedabout four weekslater, co~taine components:

te

e outer envelope, 4% by 5% inches, on lai t otherwise devoid of printed ma xhibit 14.6a) h note card, printed in two col personali~ed note in thesame ha lope (Exhibit 14.6b) alized response device measuring 4%

A plain white reply envelope, printed in two colors, 6% live first-class postage consisting of five sta

tainly had an upscale look and feel, nors played by consis ~ sis. That’s an ~ h prod~ctionvalues, the

s

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~

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at Ch~sten xe~utive~ i r e ~ ~ r

R

Members of the

embers of the B

newsletter, to the hi~hlyacclairne Members of the

from the Executive ~ i ~ e c t ~ ~ .

the Executive ~ i r e c t ~ ~ . Members of the

the donor newsletter.

enio~sttiff of the AIDS Foundation

give you an update on

tion ~ctiviti~s. 'You'll also get a chance to meet other members of the ~ e a ~ ~~ ~ r~ s~ ~r ~c ~ ~ ~ .

enclosed envelope to the San

.W e look forward to seeing you at

hon

RECYCLEDPAPER I SOY INK

79340

Your ~ont~ibution to the San Francisco A I ~ ~oun~ation S is

RECYCLED PAPER /SOY INK

San Francisco, CA 94 l03

n

19.542

Thank you for your generous support as a member of our Leadership Circle. Your gifts have made a real difference in the lives of o u r clients.

I’mwriting to fallow up on my recent letter and ask you to make an additional gift today to the San Francisco AIDS Foundation.

SF

t ~ ~ you! n k

E 1 I prefer to

t

etters

the $500 request in the second. (In practice, the ask was n the two appeals. The two packages in the exhibits rent individuals.) The same copy wouldn’t work well more cheaply produced package. That wouldn’t be style in this letter is not fundament all^ dif€erentfrom fundraising appeals. It’s involving, liberally using the al, even chatty. It uses short sentences, short paraaragraph for emphasis, and broad margins. There’s he reader with obscure information or fancy lanthese are well-crafted high-dollar appeals because ate offer in a setting that enhances its credibility. ed to receivinglots of solicitations in the mail, you out years ago. Chances are that you go through a ne I described in Chapter Two, when I reviewed rch findings. Certainly most of your donors go ourself this:if you come acrossa letter like one of the San Franpeals, would you toss it into the wastebasket d “junk mail” or would you open it, just to find ’sabout? And what would your donors do? not suitable in most circumstances. They’re n-of-the-mill mailing lists. But with carefully spects, high-dollar letters like this outstandanization raise farmore money than would

ost nonprofit organizations slyly imply in donors ormembers that a gift that’s larger previous gifts would be .. .well, better. They do this a ~ o u n t that s are larger than the donors’ earlier gifts b amount- sa^ 25 percent or 50 percent or just $10 more. owever, there is a special class of fundraisi to solicit an increased gift. These donor U cia1 appeals or year-end appeals, some “renewal” letters-go out of their how a donor’s increased level of support will bri The Bread for the World response device reproduced i illustrates three of the elements commonly upgrade efforts: You can tell at a glance that its purpose isto up port. The appeal requests a gift of $100 or amount than Doe has ever contributed in the p a special premium (a freecopy of an important This is a standardmembership renewal noti World members, but its stated and obvious p already ~enerousmembers to contribute even

-"""""""""""""""""--"""""""""""""

measure.

etter

ts are suggested, allowin Doe the opportunity to 0 and $100-each

with its

types-including special appeals, renewals, quently feature donor upgrade options, but hasized. A true upgrade letter lays out a set ould give more-and the argument to give e copy, not an afterthought. This is the priht seek gifts equal to or greater est previous contribution (HPC) to the charity The iving levels: the HPC, the letter an upgrade appeal. To qualify for that charac~ u s ~ a case for the ~ ~ c in~supht be to help the o etter might illustrate just how Crete examples. Or theletter can accomplish if the donor ercent or SO percent larger than in the past. distinguished from a special

l.

rs ~ustomari~y spotlight opportunities to join ture special benefits, premiums er gifts requested. (Keep in mind all of those benefits or incentives may be intangiwords, there’s a marketing concept appropriate to

rade efforts f ~ e ~ u e n offer t~? t

efforts is usua 3.

pose was to ask them to become hart er members in the new F r i e ~ of ~s the Environme~t,a monthly sustainer pro rt, from $10 per month to $50 per month. Those who “cans time” were to have the optio Eventually every level of embers ship i unique ~enefitsor services. Initiallythe concr bership at any level wereto consist of just fo

A personalized certificate An “insider’s newsletter” c o ~ p i l e ~ PFE in ~ e ~ § ~ e cwhich ~ ~ vwould e , be p Listing as a charter member in .?FE Automatic renewalof PFE members and frequent fundraisin e~ergencypackage)

st sixtimesperyear

DAY OF W E K , DATE Nrn1

NAME2 ADDRESS 1 ADDFESS 2 ADDRESS 3 Dear SALU: I get lots of questions from committed PFE members you. like I'm often asked whether there's any a way PFE member can do more to help heal the earth. Something that a busy person withouta whole lot of money can do--without changing jobs, or flying to Brazil, or going into debt. Something that will really make a difference Concerned members like you also frequently ask me what we can do to reduce PFE's fundraising costs. Our fundraising program is already one of the most efficient but I share your concern to make it even more efficient. So I, too, have asked whether there isn't some way to send fewer fundraising letters--and still raise enough money to meet PFE's growing budget. These are questions we wrestle with all the time at PFE. Now' finally, we've come up with an answer to both these important questions. It's a way for you to multinlv the imDact of your PFE membership" and help us save substantially on fundraising costs. I'm writing you today because I want you to be among the first to know about this exciting opportunity. The new program is called the PFE Friends of the Environment I invite you to get in on the ground floor. a

As a Charter Member of the Friends of the Environment, you'll receive special, additional mmership benefits and privileges. More important, though, your participation in this important new program will help sustain PFE's worldwide leadershix;, role in protecting wildlife and the environment. Here'S what the Friendsof the Environment is all about :

Whenever I need to raise money to support a crucial PFE program like saving the rainforests or countering threats to endangered species, I know 1 can count on you. PFE members are extremely generous. You've always come through in the past. But raising money by mail takes time, so it's tough to assenible the necessary funds to respond quickly ato sudden, unexpected crisis. For example, when [INSERT EXAMPLEE3ERGECNCY OF HERE], there wasn't time for meto send youa letter to ask for your financial support, But there was no choice. I simply had to take action. I know you would've insisted I do! Still, [THAT ACTION] took money. And, instead of taking your support for granted, I sure could've useda "ready-response" reserve fund. Also, some PFE programs are long-term efforts, requiring of dedicated work. But it's wasteful to write you when there's no new news. Our work on the landmark [ ~ I R O LEGISLATION] ~ T ~ isa perfect example. That bill included an innovative amendment-"drafted by PFE--that will permanently [ACCOMPLISHSO~THINGVERY IMPRESSIVE]. But many years of work by PFE staff members preceded that crucial amendment. We had to fund their work, day in and day out, during times when public awareness of [THAT ISSUE] wasn't very high. And that points to another important truth about our work: PFE programs sometimes just aren't very popular! WIDE ~

For instance, PFE played a leading role in[ C O ~ A T T I ~AGMAJOR WORLDI R PROBLEN] O ~ .~

But when PFE scientists becran their work on [THAT P~OBL~ years ] earlier, the issue was hardly known outside scientific circles. And few people-except a handful of dedicated environmentalists such as you--were ready to step forward with financial support. As you can see, the c r u of the matter is this: PFE needs a stable, dwendable source of funds. Money we can count on, month after month, through good times and bad. -

Page 2 -

We need the resources to help us meet emersencies and continue our work ona broad ranae of environmental issues--without interruption. That‘s why we‘ve decided to launch the Friends of the Environment. And that ’s why I‘m turning to you again. I need from you To becomea Charter Member in the Partnership, what today is a commitment to makea small, monthly gift to PFE--as little$10 as per month.

Here’s

how

the

program

will

work:

As soon asI receive your check in payment of your initial monthly gift I’ll see to it that your name is removed from the list of those PFE members who are sent regular, frequent fundraising appeals.

You’-l1 continue to receive the PFE newsletter.I’ll Butalso see to it that you’re mailed the premier issue--and every succeeding issue--of PFE in Perspective. This a very is special new “insiders-only” newsletter we’ll be sending at least six times per year--exclusively to members of our Board of Trustees and a few others. Roll published Your name will appear in the Charter Membership in PFE in PersDective . And I’ll inscribe and mail you a certificate of appreciation for enrolling asa Charter Member in the Friends of the Environment. Then, each month thereafter--unless you decide to cancel-” you‘ll receivea reminder from us with a remittance envelope enclosed.

As you can see at a glance, the Friends of the Environment answers both the challengesI mentioned at the beginning of this letter: (1)

Your reliable, monthly support will help PFE continue--and expand--our worldwide leadership role in protecting the environment.

(2)

You‘ll substantially lower our fundraising costs--and reduce our cons~ptionof paper--by enabling us to mail you fewer solicitations. - Page 3 -

I hope you'll accept this opportunity today to become a Charter Member of the Friends of the Enviro~ent. Your dependable monthly gift of $50, $25, $20, $15,$12, or even $10 will multiply the impact of yourM rship in PFE manyfold. I: urge you to consider those gifts an investment in your future--and the futureof your children and your children's children. They're an investment in the future of our planet.

Thank In

high

you

sincerely

for

hearing

me

out.

hopes,

Barton Snodgrass Executive Director

P.S. If youaccept Charter Membership in the Friends of the Enviro~entat the level of $20 per month or more, I'll be pleased you to a send copy of xxxx as a token of my appreciation. This magnificent volume. . . .

-

Page 4 -

CC

at

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cc

En addition, anyone who joined at the level of at least $ would receive a c o m p l i m e ~ t acopy ~ of a highly prized CO is initial sustainer i n ~ t a t i o npackage was to b telephone calls within a month of the mail date to at l ments of the file. It was also to be adapted into a ery new membershortly after a welcome packa The welcome package would consist of four items: 1. Outer envelope. This was to be a

business envelope) ,nonwindow (“‘closed-face”) envelopea by laser printer. The paper stock would be off-white (obvio cled). Letters sent to the most loyal and bear first-class stamps; others would rece e. In the upper left-hand corner, the PFE return address would be printed in color, with th tor’s name typed above it. Lower, on the left, there was to be a bold o v ~ ~ ~ FE ~ ~ ~ f o v

2. Letter. The letter would be four pages long, printe~ in the for

ard PFE letterhead, with page 1 laser-perso~alize Text was to be printed in black, with the PFE lo rinted in dark blue. To fit the be 8 by 10 inches, and it was weight of the paper in the envelope, 3. Reply device. This form, headed “Charter M Form,” was to be laser-personalized, measur printed on tinted, recycled stock different fro rier. (The form was to match the reply envel ed in three colors: black text, plus the blue of the PF green “Friends of the Environment” name and logo. The bership benefits would appear on a perforated, detach reduce the size of reply device so that it would fit reply envelope). Only three specific ask amounts we to anyindividual member. Amounts would be assign ing history. Reply envelope. This was to be addressed to “Personal ~ttention: BartonSnodgrass [the executive director] .” In letters sent toall active donors, the reply envelopewould bear livest or three stamps or one commemorative); others w eply envelopesinstead. The reply envelopew with the paper stock matching that of the rep case, the “Friends”name and logo was to beprinte

one of most direct mail fundraising pro a1 members hi^ or ““AnnualFund” pro techni~ueborrowed from the magazine subscri iness to ~ a ~e donor i ~ participation: i they mail a series of letters (or ping only when amember’s giftis finally received. ay limit their “renewal series” to three or fou r~ani~ations with huge donor databases may send out ten not~cesor more (just as do major national ma for the World members hi^ renewa .l contains four elements that are both I notices used by nonprofits: is is clearly about renewing annual embers ship. S the letter that is part of the reply device notes, a me The form offers several different membership levels, so that the ient may upgrade voluntarily. tremely briefand focused almost exclusively on the een the i n d i ~ d u amember l and the OrganizatiQn.

D97DOE-A

00000

If you are a resi~entof one of the states below, you may obt . . . of the o ~ i ~ reg’ ~al

to food stamps for working

t ~ ~ ~ i s l develop~ents. ~tive

a1 types: ~ n n u afun ~ e ~ b e r § ~renewip tions with formal membershi 0th types usually

that may be all you

series in thisrevise

e Action asked me to help fine-tune its members hi^ ts 16.2 t h r o ~ g h16.6 re~roducethe draft text of the form I received it. The final textof my edited five-letin Exhibits 16.7 through 16.11. While the message 1 out of date, I’ve elected to include this renewal on because it i~lustratesso many of the fundraisllenges nonprofit or~ani~ations continue to face. full d r a ~series t in sequence followed by the full to emphasi~ethe importa ce of looking at a . These are not individual f u n ~ r a i s i nletters. ~ continuing ~ r o g to ~ aelicit ~ annual support is b r o u g ~ to t the light by the mere exisa1 series. Unlike so many other no~profit

tions, Peace Action has takenone of the most critical steps avail-term financial health of its direct response fundraisa genuine membership development pro ificant that Peace Action’s renewal series had five noti S stop (prematurely) withtwo or three,and a disturbin th that said, my principal criticismsof the renewal series follow. eals These letters readtoomuchlikespecialappeals and not eno renewal notices. To serve well as renewal notices, they need to businesslike, devoting fewer words to the issues and values that the draft copy and more to the business of the relationship betw Action and its individual members. The general model to follow is the on renewal noticessent by maga~ines.Many people will respond o a renewal series, particularl~the first two notices, simply because you it’s time to renew ]But that goal h ried in copy about issues or prog sines ss at hand in these letters.

There’s far too little emphasis on membership benefitsin the draft letters. ponse appeal should focus on benefits, even if they’re all le, and this is doublytrue of a renewal series. a membership development enefits are central to asized at every opportunit~If you’re construc nefits for members (or donors) of your o de everything: newsletters, actionalerts, local affiliates, national or regional events, or whatever else there is. subtlety here, andlabel the listclearly-somethin enefits”-and include it as a stand-alone insert in effort 1. ent renewal efforts, you might consider inc e response device-on the front in some cas ’t hesitate toinclude it in every notice(alth eface, size, color, and position on the resp on of these variations), rmat of this series was unvaried. I prefer to see renewal te envelope sizes and formats, because otherwise many hink, “”Ive already gotten that letter,” and throwit out. If o ~ ~ c t i o n allow, ~ ~ d you ~ emight t s use, for example,a e first effort, then a #g, then a Monarch ( # ~ 3 / ~ ) ,then

am to live together as brothers (and sisters) or we will til people put their bodies and souls into ing, Jr. April 3,1968 F e b 20,1993 ~ ~ -? -? -? -?

S S

S

of violence and starvatio~at ~ o an ~ e the impo~anceof a strong peace~ovement

r domestic ills are a mirror imageof our foreignpolicies. a flood of weapons at home .. we are quick to employ the roblems and suffer anincreasin~lyviolent culture ..we S n all the security weaponscan buy and suffer ani~securefuture. I

un the first hundred daysof his presidency. e ushers in a new

f healing andr e ~ u i l d i nthe ~ place to start is reorder in^ our prio~tiesreflect our values, Let our priorities rnirror the kind of fut~re

.

*h

:~ a ~ p afor i gGlobal ~

your support we will: uce the useof our tax dollarsfor funding the defense of western oney is directed instead to rebuildingour economy * support effortsto strengthen non-proliferationof weapons of mass dest~ction * work to end the internationalm s trade tar Wars programs know the time is ripe for change. T ~ o u g hyour membership in you have become an agent of hope for the future.

Yours in Peace,

Peter Deccy

is over, but peace has not been won. -level this year, it will be a great he

continued support. If you !

!

gun the firsth~ndreddays of his pr~side~cy. oyed and both this country andthe world riddled withv i o l e ~ ~ e

ompfex is l a ~ n c h i nan~ all out effort to keep milit same time, theyare working f e ~ e ~ s hto l yincrease the sale of often than not, theseweapo~sare sent to the world’s most troubled regions.

l1 stand in the way of our efforts to cu natio~~l

tion fro

chal of

S

l1 block our c o u n t ~ ’ efforts s to make the ~ a n s i and incre~sed investme~tour in econol~icfuture.

S

the defense of western Europe and Japan

ns of mass dest~ction your membership in

is over, but peace has not beenwon. We need your contin~edsupport. Ifyou ! can renew at the 9- level this year, it willbe a great he1

February 20,1993

We can solve the problemsof a staggering nationaldebt, millions unemployed and both this country andthe world riddled with violence and war.

ay we spend our taxdollars and sanity in the way we relate to the restof the world. !

While nuclear warlooks less likely today thanit did five yearsago, more and more nations are on thet ~ e s h o l dof developing nuclear weapons. While the Warsaw Pact hasvanished, we still spend more money defendingG e ~ a n y defending themselves. on, health care systems andour environment are in crisis, we are than ever before. War and famine fueled by the internationalarms trade rages aroundthe world. PEACE A ~ T hasI become ~ ~ the largest grassroots peace organization in American history. It is your § u ~ p that o ~ got us to this point.

In Peace

Peter Deccy embers ship Director

EZE: Campaign for Global Security

February 20,1993 ear Friend,

N* is working to make real our hopefor the future. An effective peace we are to counteract the influenceof those who profit fromthe status quo.proble millions They brought the have us unemployed and a world riddled with violence and war. ur continued supportis critical duringthe first hundred daysof the xt few months willset the pace for the next four years. he membershipof PEACE ACTIONis the source of our strength. r membership today! su

GI

*

* reduce the number of nuclear weapons in the world * reduce the military budget and increase investment in domestic needs * give job training to workers in defense plants and provideb~sinesseswith funds to help them convertto civilian production * i funds for the clean-up of thethousands of toxicdumpsitesthemilitaryhas curb the global arms trade and nuclear weaponsproli~eration

a year at our request. Others lend only fin

In Peace, Peter Deccy embers ship Director

:Campaign for Global Security

February 20,1993 ear Friend, Your past support to PEACE ACTION* has made us the largest grassroots peace organization in~mericanhistory.

For over five years now we have been building a powerful movement to win a shift in gove~mentspending awayfrom expensive and unnecessary militarys~endingto increased investment in our economicfuture. And that message has been well received by ton and many membersof Congress.

.They have launched a major lucr

in

losses campaign anymilitary to keep with tracts the sale of arm all feel.

’

the shatterto reed

u ~ n the g 1980s we transfe~edover $300 ~ l l i o nin. weapons to ~omalia. the Cold War me causing havoc around world. Yet, the practic continues, creating tomo~ow’sexcuse for Cold War levels of military spending. In many ways our domesticills are the mirror image of our foreignpolicies. the world with ~ e a ~ o and n s suffer from a flood of weapons ome. We are quick to employ the use of force and suffer from an increasingly violent culture. spend billions of our tax dollars on all the security weapons can buy and suffer an insecure future,

,effective peace movementis necessary to hold the Clinton remain trueto the promiseof increased investmentin our future and globalcoope~atio~.

EEZE: Campaignfor Global

S

February 20,1993

I-? 2-? 3-? 4-? 5-? ear 6-, Are you p a t of the sol~t~on?r are you part of the ~ ~ o ~ l e ~ ? l1 our lives, you and I have resisted the mindless oversimplifications of the one question isn’t very complicatedat all: For the second time in threeyears, US.military forces spent the past seasonof peace on foreign soil. The ~uestionis, doyou s ~ ~ the ~ policy o ~ that t placed our troops at risk-or do you 0 ~ ~ it? 0 s ~ If you question the dangerous, inte~entionistpolicies of the entagon, as I do, then there’s an easy andi ~ p o ~ astep n t for you to takeright now:

(2) You’ll allow us to put your ~ e ~ b e r s hdues i p to work right away- without delay. (3) You’ll help conserve resources by saving precious paper.

(4) And you’ll be saving yourself the time and troubleof responding to ad~itional appeals by mail.

Like me9you may look to the new ClintonAdminis~ationwith great hope. But it will take a lot of hard work-not hope alone- to solve the age-old problemof war and peace. And I’m betting that you’re part of the solution. I know how generous you’ve beenin the past, and I’m very grateful to you. th your generous support, PEACE ACTIO^ has already taken giant strides-despite we encounteredin the White Housefor 12 long years: ve built substantial grassroots support for reductions in militaryspending with ed funding for education,job creation and other domesticneeds. to EACE ACTION has taken a leadership role in forging a strong coalition working the global m s trade and nuclear proliferation.

** W e ’ ~ econtinued to be the nation’s strongest voicefor disarmament. ow, with a more favorably disposedadministration9our hopes have grown. But you and I will have to challengethe Clinton Ad~nistrationto be as thoughtful andforw~d-loo~ing on peace issues as it is on health care reform and civil rights. And that’s why we need an effective peace movement.

As you know, perhaps better thanI, PEACE ACTIO^ is eEective because we are grassroots peace organization. are the voices for peace in everyc o ~ u n i t y in the land ...in every Congressional District ...in all 50 For the sake of‘ our nation, and the future of our children and our children’s children, our voice for peace must notbe stilled. Please continue to be a partof this vital work. Renew your membership today.

-Page 2 -

S

In Peace, Peter Deccy ember ship Director P.S .

you con~buted$xx t ast year, according to our records, slder renewing yourmembers hi^ in PEACE ACTION by1 lease indicate the levelof your dues support on the encl ~ o n ~ ~ a tForm i o nand return it to me before the [DATE

-Page 3 -

February 20, l993 l"? 2-? 3-? 4-? 5-?

Dear 6-, Your membership in PEACE ACTION (formerly SANE/F€U3EZE: Campaign for Global Security) will expire on [DATE HERE].

President Clinton has inherited a staggering debt, millions unemployed anda world riddled with violence and war. Your continued support for PEACE ACTION puts you on record as - support ing slobal cooneration and a peace economy. The military industrial complex is launching an all-out effort to keep military snendinq levels at Cold War levels. Your membership inPEACE ACTION amplifies the voice for sanity in the nuclear age. Militarv contractors are spending millions lobbying for your tax dollars now. They need to be challenged, or they'll stand in the way of PEACE ACTION'S efforts to curb the international a m s trade and stop nuclear weapons proliferation. Without your help to challenge the military contractors, they'll block our country's efforts to make the transition from Cold War levels of military spending and increased investment in our economic future. PEACE ACTION needs your continued membership support to push for cuts in spending for the defense of western Eurone and us lobby to direct that money Jaman. Your membership dues help instead to rebuilding the U.S. economy.

(6)

Your dues help underwrite PmCE ACTION‘S efforts to strengthen of weapons ofmass destruction.

(7)

Your embers ship support helps our work to end the international

(8)

You can helpPmCE ACTION put m end to the Wars programs.

Through your membership in PEACE ACTION, you’ve become an agent of hope for the future, I’m and very grateful to you. Please renew before [DATE TODAY] . To be sure you don‘t set this notice aside, write and mail your check todav. Your membership can make a difference, both for the financial support you give and the moral support it represents. Yours in Peace,

Peter Deccy Membership Director P.S.

I’m enclosing a n important ”Peace Action Membership Priorities Survey.” Please take a moment right now to complete it-and return it along with your check. Thank you!

February 20,1993 ear PEACE ACTION In less than one week, your membership in PEACE ACTIONexpire. will

,you’ll no longer be an active memberof the largest grassroots peace organization inAme~canhistory. that got PEACE ACTION to this point. Your support for for Global Security (our former name) was generous-and I, for

As a memberof PEACE ACTION,you amplify the voicefor sanity in the nuclear age sanity in the way we S end our taxdollars, and sanity in the way we relate to the rest of the world. ile nuclear warlooks less likely today thanit did five yearsago, more and more nations are developingnu While the Warsaw act has vanished, the U.S. gove~mentstill spends defending Germany than Germany spends defending itself! While our education and healthcare systems and our e~vironmentare in crisis, our gove ~ ~ eisnspending t ore on Star Wars than ever before! Please renew your PEACE ACTION membership today. Working for peace is impo~anttoday than ever! In Peace,

Peter Deccy ~ e m b ~ r s hDirector ip

.

There’s still time to renew your PEACE ACTION membership without i n t e ~ p t i o nJust . drop the enclosed embership Renewal Form in the mail along with your check Thank you!

S

February 20, 1993 Dear

Soon-to-be

Ex-Member

of

PEACE

ACTION,

This is your last chance to renew your membership in PEACE ACTION. Because you’ve been such a loyal member in the past, with your generous support for SANE/FREEZE: Campaign for Global Security, I’m sure it’s an oversight that you haven’t renewed before now. As an active member, you help us wield great strength. PEACE ACTION is the largest grassroots peace group in our nation’s history. With your renewed support, PEACE ACTION will redouble its effort for legislation that will: Reduce the number of nuclear weapons in the world. Lower the military budget-and increase investment in meeting domestic needs. Offer job training to workers in defense plants, and provide businesses with funds to help them convert to civilian production. Fund the clean-up of thousands of toxic dump sites the military has left all over country. Curb the global arms trade and nuclear weapons proliferation. As a member of PEACE ACTION, you are the sole source of our strength. Sour supportmatters. Please

renew

your

membership today. Thank In

you!

Peace,

Peter Deccy Membership Director

February 20, 1993 Dear

Former

PEACE

ACTION

Member,

Your past support helped make PEACE ACTION the largest grassroots peace organi~ationin American history. Because you were so steadfast in your backing Sfor paign for Global Security (our former name), I want to askyou one more time to renew your me~ership. Your PEACE ACTION membership may be far more important than YOU thinkfor three reasons. (1)

Sour dues provide financial suDDort for the peace movement--do~ly important these days, when so many funders have gone on to more glamorous and higher-profile issues. Our strenqth in nurnbers gives us clout on Capitol Hill when key military spending bills are on the table. Your participation lends moral sumort to PEACE ACTION staff and other activists all across the country.

Your support for PEACE ACTION during the past five years has enabled us to builda powerful movement for new priorities. Now we're on the verge of winning a shift in government spending--awav from emensive and mecessary military spending and~ ~ increased w u ~ investment ~ in our country's economic future. But the military-industrial complex has been busy, too. They've launched a major campaign to keep military spending at Cold War levels. Please don't let their greed shatter the hope we all feel! Weapons sold during the Cold War are causing havoc around the world. (During the1980s, the U.S. transferred over $300 million in weapons to Somalia alone!) Yet, the practice of weapons transfers continues, creating tomorrow's excuse for Cold War levels of military spending. Only a strong, effective peace movement can hold the Clinton Administration to remain true to the promise of global cooperation and increased investment in our future. Please restore vour m&ershiD todav. You are our strength! In

Peace,

Peter Deccy Membership Director

In cases like these, the letters could be printed simultaneously with a special appeal. This would achieve economies of scale, the envelopes, which are the most expensive elements in most direct mail packages. This approach should make it possible to keep ~roductioncosts low e n o u g ~to make varied envelope sizes practical. Ifthat proves impractical, then choose two different sizes to alternate, one after another. But also be sure to use bold colors on the envelopes to help disting~ish one effort from the next. ~ ~ ~ ~ e r s I favor bold envelope teasers on most renewal notices. In this case, I su gested the following, in the order shown here:

~E~~ER§H RENEWAL IP NOTICE It’s Time to RenewYour embers ship! Before it’s too late . .. ST CHANCE! Have You Forgotten? These proposed teasers are consistent with the themes and ap worked into each of the corresponding letters. ReY

I like the idea of a poll or survey to help boost response, as the draft copy proposed. ~ ~ t i the n gsurvey itself was not part o f this project, so 1 can’t

show the one used. Instead, I’m including a similar device used by Co-op America in its year-end appeal (Exhibit 16.12). Generally I include a survey of this sort in thethird or a later notice of a renewal series, because I’m optimistic that thenotice alone will do the trick with the first two notices. But that’s a judgment call, and-barring test results to the contrary-not a signi~cantone, so I’ve recommended leaving the poll in the second effort, thinking it’s unnecessary in the first effort and not wanting to repeat the idea. It’s important to make such devices as credible as possible by taking one or more of the following actions: Call it a embershi ship Priorities Survey’’ or some such rather than a gests bigger numbers than is thecase here. t one substantive question to which the answer isn’t an obvious yes or no (though not one thatrequires a lot of thought and thus poses potential delays). Use the laser printer on which these appeals will be printed to number and print the questions and spaces for answers, so the poll will look (and be) more up-to-the-minute.

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tters

-0P AMERICA ME^^

SHIP CHALLEN~E Deadline: J a n u a ~15, ~ 0 0 0

o help Co-op America make2000 a turning point inthe movement for a just and sust~nablesociety! I’m rushing you my tax-deductible, yew-end embers ship Challenge gift beat the deadline. I understand my gift will be doubled with a matching gift from the ~ ~ 0 , 0 0 0 embership Challenge Fund: (personalized ask) check p ~ y a b l eto Co-op A ~ e r i c aand return it with this entire form to: Co-op o n~0006. , Thank you very much! treet ~, ~ u i t e600, ~ a s ~ i n ~ tDC

ER SHIP PRIORITIES S U R ~ E ~ ograms you wantCo-op America to devote the most resourcesto in r highest priority and“4.” for your lowest priority. RESPONSI~~ITY S

2

3

4

orations to be more responsible-by exposing irresponsible activities and alertout boycotts, and by continuing to work with our allies to bring anend to sweat-

ANI21

AND I ~ ~ E S T O R S 1

2

3

4

give millions more consumers and investors the i n f o ~ a t i o nand tools they needto vote with ir dollars for a better world. SECTOR USINESS T

S

2

3

4

build a s u s t ~ ~ a beconomy le by fostering the growth of new green businesses and supthose that alreadyexist through technicalassistance, networ~ng,conferences, and more.

UIL

S

2

3

4

d more peopleinto the movementfor a sustainable future- to increase the visibility of our work and spreadi n f o ~ a t i o nto concerned citizens.

S

*R

Just as a laser printer can plug in a personalized name or ask amount, it can easily insert a different deadline every day I urge making use of this capability in the first two, personalized efforts in a renewal series such as this. Deadlines are compelling, especially for that minority of members who’ll bequick to renew. Certainlythere needs to be planning to work out appropriate deadlines for e€forts 1 through 3 (read Exhibits 16.2 t h r o ~ g h 16.4, and you’ll see what I mean) but the effort involved will beworth it. Deadlines work in direct response. ~ ~ r e ~ i ~ t i o

In a couple of places, I’ve inserted thank-you language. It’s in order to express appreciation for past support when aski gift. Every solicitation ought to be a thank-you. I used several similar devicesto make passing reference to Peace Action’s name change in each of the letters. But I didn’t think it is necessary (or desirable) to use the same language indefinitely Such references could be dropped from the renewal series after three or four months. Presumably, by that time, each member would have gotten the same message at least three other times, through newsletters, appeals, and other materials. Three times should be enough. Nevertheless,even then, it would be worthwhile to include a tagline on the response device (and possibly even the letterhead, too-wherever the new name and logo are run) for six months or so, just to be certain. Keep in mind that this is advertising, and research demonstrates that just when advertisers get bored with the repetition of the message, most consumers are just starting to notice it.

The draft of effort 1 (Exhibit 16.2) begins with a quotation from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Although it was powerful, I dropped it because it detracts from the impact of the personalization, since it’s positioned on top, and the quotation isn’t directly related to the line of argument in the letter. If the quotation is really needed to help set the right tone and establish the correct associations in the minds of members, then it could be put in big type,boxed, and placed on the reply device, preferablywith a small photo of Dr. King. In membership renewal letters, many of which don’t pretend to be personal notes from one person to another, I often alternate between 12-point Courier and a proportional font like Palatino to achieve variety I reformatted these five draft letters accordingly (In special appeals, I almost never use proportional fonts, however. They are almost always “personal notes.”) In a typeface like Palatino, devices such as boldfacing and italics

are perfectly natural. But I generally avoid them in Courier, because that typeface suggests the fiction that the letter was typed, an i ~ ~ r e s s i othat’s n u n d e r ~ i n by e ~italics or boldfacing, which can’t be ~ e r f o r ~ easily e d with typewriters. ~ d m i t t e d that l ~ fiction becomes ore transparent wit passing year. Nevertheless, lots of people still assume the ori least was actually typed-and that assumption will persist forseveral more years at least.

fundraising letters i buck. Raising money by

your relationshi~swith donor about your donors in the late

ven when you’re wri only as a name on a list, it her while you make you advance for agreeing to h im~ortantto reinforce h

tainer program, fo

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ers

eated, heartfelt thanks in your letter. After all, clude in most upgrade carnpa who’ve already iven you more money, or g er period of time than all the rest of your supporters. natural to thank them in anupgrade appeal. In other words, every fundraising letter is a thank-you. Even so, that’s not enough. The savviest fundraisers learn earl on at they need to ail special letters dedicated exclusively to th for the World acknowledgment letterr Exhibit 17.1 is an excellent example. This letter d that clearly set it a art as a thank-you an In five straightforward here is consistently “tha

and hs a

postsc

makes abundantly clea long-time and frequent donors, the~ a c ~ ~ ofo any ne was sent purely as a ges The third paragraph recogni~esthat membe rld is much more than a checkbook re The donor is actively engaged in concert wit the organi~ation’s mission. rief and to the point,so as n there is no ask anywhere i

Focus group research consistently turns upcomments li some money over a year ago, but I nev ,never again!’’ ing to them for years, twenty, twentytime. They got a hundred bucks from me re they sent back was the same preprinted postcard they always ow much do you think they’re oing to get the next time around? ”

S

Seeking Justice. Ending ~

~

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e

~

.

1100 Wayne Avenue, Suite1000 Silver Spring, MD 20910 1-800-82-BREAD

ased to be anniv~rsa~ g i f t expresses

The loyalt t o those of U s t a f f . It'e w i t h our nati Debt Relief an

o

And I hope you 25th ann~versa~y

years

--

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8

RECYCLED1L RECYCLABLEI PRINTED WITH SOY INK

9-80@81

11

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a thank-you about two months k-after they’ve already asked me for more roup that’s that disorganized . .. or

se so commonly turn up infocus group ties def what I call the Golden Rule of onor. This generous soul sends ice a year to some of the nation’s top ies the mail that comes in return. on to the donor led a round of $15 checks to twennd accom~anying the most recent ed from each of the mailers. Eight rican Red Cross, got out a thankless than oneweek. But few 0thtypical response time was five to hetic. Andwe’re not talking about the he corner. These were some of the most merica-grou~s such as the Humane o ~ m o nCause, andtheChristian irect mail fundraisers do a downri r acknowledgment practices what goes on throughout the indening from mailing thank-yous or by inted postcards are all missing the etter. But even worse is to defy the ative thank-you copy will be forgotten that he sent you a run a couple of focus groups, I’m so concerned about the of Donor Acknowledgments

that I’ll offer a corollary: Send even a you if you can get it into themail muc sonal and specific) one! Here, now, are a few other pointers fo rnents: Reassure your donors it was a them suffer from buyer’s r e ~ o r § your group is effective, carin e warm and friendly If they’r “family Praise their generosity Tell the porters, they’re havin eaffirm your gratitude at the Give examples of recent org proud of. ”

Most fundraisers believe it’s advi§able to su thank-you package-and most this is a “soft ask” that no one There are circumstances advisa~le-the Breadfor t Exhibit 17.1 is an excellen For example, in emergenci it might be unnatural not ost always a good idea an additional gift. To explore some of th you packages, let’s take a lowed by those fifteen m onor.

10 window envelope was far an

teen mailers. Not a single one used a close a l t h o ~ ~CARE h opted for a self-co

were also two postcards (from the Red Cross and from the ~ a t i o anization for Women). Of the envelope packages received, nearly half feature Nothing flashy;just a simple “thank you” infive out of the six sixth got fancier: “A special note of thanks.” Some direct mail pros argue that a thank-you is the best time to solicit another contribution-a “get ’ern while they’re hot” menta of the thank-you packages sent to the Phantom (except for the cards) included a return envelope to be used for subsequent g ever, only seven of these thirteen mailers directly pitched fo including reply devices. The most aggressive approach was t to seek an imme iate upgrade by membership in a monthly Two environmental groups opted for this stratagem: Green and theNational Audubon Society ~ignificantly; in both case emphasized the long-term commitment needed in the day-t to save our environrnent. Most of the pa ages consisted of copy that was short a point. Aside from t two postcards, thePhantom received form receipts, one of which also incorporated a membership c seven actual letters, five were of the one-page variety The were the two monthly sustainer packages: Greenpeace used letter, Audubon a three-pager. point about the two lo that were not personaliz ation on the “Dear Supporter” salutation-ironically, a rat a1 way to elicit a su~stantialupgrade. Almost all the acknowledgments straightfo~ardly thankedthe Phanto from a simple “your gift makes a ushy “YOU are special to us and we hold you in o igiously oriented groups were likely toadd a Generally the messa e was upbeat and gracious, d work being a make her-or him-feel better about parti ,the tone was more downbeat, and t treated to a lecture on the ills faced by the organizatio National Committee, for example, was upin “ C l i n t o ~ e m o c r atax t and spendfrenzy;”while the antom thatmany species “are on the brink of extinction.’’ “

Four of the thirteen letter packages contained inserts. What was particularly striking was that all four were on the subject of planned giving. Each of these inserts incorporated a return coupon to request ad tional information. In two other instances-where a planned giving brochure was not enclosed-a checkoff box was included on the reply device to request further material. Most of the Phantom’s charities avoided sending premiums. The Silly Graham Evangelistic Association was a notable exception. As in previous acknowledgment packages, the Graham organization included a 300-page paperback book and a reprint from its monthly magazine. Only two other groupsmailed premiums, apart from the Nature Conservancy’s membership card. St. Josephs Indian School sent a prayer card, and Father Flanagan’s Boys’ Home included an excerpt from a book by its executive director. The latter enclosed a “handy” wallet calendar that was “made in our own print shop.” Father Flanagan’s also alerted the Phantom to be on the lookout for a future premium. The personalized copy declared, “In my next letter, because you are one of our family I’m sending you an honorary certificate of citizenship.” Two weeks later the certificate arrived-with another appeal for funds. Despite bells and whistles and occasional ~igh-pressurerequests for additionaldonations, few donor acknowledgments enough revenue to cover their costs. Nevertheless, savvy (if far from speedy) fundraising mailers go to all this trouble and expense, not just because it’s thoughtful and polite to send thank-yous, but also for two reasons, which are obvious and easily confirmed by testin 1. Thank-yous increase response to subsequent appeals. 2. Thank-yous increase donor loyalty

And there’sa third, more fundamental reason to invest in timely and appropriate donor acknowledgments: 3. Thank-yous help build long-term relationships with donors. To give a better sense of what I mean, I’d like you to examine closely a thank-you package from another major fundraising mailer-not one on the Phantom’s charity list.

ters

The Southern Poverty Law Center in Montgomery, Alabama, sent out a or acknowledgment package that consisted of an outer two notebook-sized pages, printed on one side only (see nd 17.3). any fundraisers insist you should includea selfessed reply envelope in every communication with your donors, but there was none inthis package (much less a personalized reply devicethat erate a ~ o u n c e ~ b a c kft). I’ll bet, though, thatthis warm, acknowledgment ge rated gifts at least an order of magnithan the few, paltry bounce-back contributions that might e were to include a reply envelope. This package was mailed first class. Had it been mailed bulk rate instead (to save on postage), the Southern Poverty Law Center couldn’t have used Bobby Person’s name and address as the return address on the outer envelo e. (Under postal regulations still in force in theUnited States onprofit organization must correctly identify itself on to qualify forthe nonprofit postal discount.) Why mail rst-class letter from a person unknown to the recipid an air of mystery about it and unquestionably hip-far higher, in all likelihood, than a letter identhe center would have garnered. ern Poverty Law Center chose to invest in its future sum on t h a ~ ~ ~ ylike ous ationships with donors by s p e n d i ~ a modest ~ dvised to consider whether this technique makes sense for your own organi~a~ion. It probably does because the revenue ture appeals to new donors is likely to dwarfthe investin acquiring and converting first-time donors to loyal ch techniques as this. And far more of your new donors are likely to respond to those future appeals (and more generously so) if they feel you’ve treated them like part of the family It’s really that simple. Treat every one of your donors like Grandma or Uncle Paul, and your or~anizationwill reap the rewards for many years to come.

,we come to the endof Part Three.In Part Four, “TheLetolbox,” you’ll find a collection of practical tools you can ate use as you craft your own fund raisin^ letters.

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t’s hard to make general statements about outer envelope teasers,

y downrules and regulations about how to write them. o three things in this chapter: (1) list some of the many diff teasers and show an example of each, (2) tell you about asers that have impressed me the m t, and (3) list thirty e teasers from fiveofmy peers in practice of raising y hope in approach in^ the subject this way is to tickle on. Perhaps I’ll help lead you to write a few all-time favorite teasers for your own fun~raisingletters!

increase the likelihood the reader will open your appeal, you might write a teaser to fill any one of a number of needs-for example:

escribe the contents

~ e ~ ~ eCard r E s ~~c ~io s~e d Your r e s ~ o n needed s~ w i ~ 10 ~ days. i ~

e

11 yeays old. She was as old

to save the 2i;fe

Is in every one of these answer a loud NO! y our effort to est r words, none of a close look.now at thirty

ears and has helped recruit as the one that appears at elieve, because the letter cisely what the envelope of their minds”-by jotthe beneficiary of this e-the teaser d i ~ n ’just t

Recycled Paper

rom the ~ a t i o n aRepublican l Senatorial Committee ( .C.), rubber-stamped in red ink on an 11% by 14% kraft envelope bearing six postage stamps:

From the Smithsonian Institution (Washington, D.C.)red ink on a white 6 by 9 inch window carrier next to a ~ull-color of a Native American ceremonial mask: O ~ e Care~ully n ..You may unleash a ~ o w e s~~ iur i~t

From Worldwatch Institute (Washington, D. C.)-in large blue do mina tin^ a white Number 10 window envelope: “1read your State of the ~ o r every ~ d year:7 7 - ~ ~ ~ 1cl into^ ~ a y b e ~ o u toos .h..o ~ ~ ~

QED (San Francisco)-pri~te~ in blue and black ink on a 3%by 7% inch white window envelope:

others Against Drunk Driving, Irving, Texas)on a white Number 10 window envelo a second window through which a real penny shows: ~ e ~ a ~ s e ~who u ~selly alcohol ~ e thin^ o ~ ~ennies l e are m ~ ~ e im~ortantthan h u m a ~lives ...

From the Southern Poverty Law Center ( ~ o n t g o ~Alabama)er~ typeset in bold black type in the cornercard of a brown kraft Nu ber l1 window carrier:

From the American Civil Liberties Union (New ~ork)-typeset in black ink on a tan Number 10 window envelope, with the word “Don’t” ~ n d e r l i n in e ~bold red: ~ ‘~ e~l i e veevery e ~ m e r i c has u ~ the r i ~to~bet ~ ~ e r ean nt ~ u n i s h e ~it. ~ o Don’t r open this e n v e ~ o unless ~e you a ~ r e e ! ”

From Project HOPE (Millwood, Virginia)-a note handwritten in black ink above a headline in a broad yellow band stretchingacross the bottom of a 4 by 8 inch white window envelope: C r i t i ~ at ~ ayou t read t ~ i today. s ~~.~ ~ R G SE O M~A ~~~ A ~ P D A T E From Common Cause (Washington, DC)---alternately typeset and laser-printed in blue, black, and red ink on a white personalized packet 9% by 13% inches:

From the Victory Fund (Washington, D.C.)-printed red on a white Number 10 window envelope: OK, T ~ E E ~ E C~ T ~ NO OUR ~ T WA~ AN ~ M ~ ~ PROPOSAL ~ E S T ENCLOSED FOR: f ~ y and address^ ~ a ~ e ~~~

rom the Sierra Club (San Francisco)-typeset lue on a white Number 10 carrier: Your Sierra C ~ u b

in blue and T?

in bold black and

~ e ~ b eE r s~~ i Pp THIS ~ ~M O S~T~!

From Last Chance forAnimals (Tarzana, California)-typeset in black and red ink above and below a photograph of a pathetic puppy showing througha large second window on a white Number 10 envelope: Wouldgoto WE RE!

jail to keep a ~ ~ p ~p yr being o tortures? ~

From the American Association of University Women (Washington, D.C.)-the latest example of an old chestnut thatseems to work so

r ~ i sLetters i ~ ~

often, typeset in an elegant face across the top of a window on a cream-colored Number 10 carrier: The ~uvor-of a Rep~yis R e ~ u e s t e..~. From the New Forests Project (~ashington,DL.)-typeset in white and red type within and below a broad band of dark green across the front of a t~o-windowNumber 10 outer envelope (with seeds showing through the secondwindow): FREE S E E ~ E S~CLOSE~ This ~ i r u c tree ~ e c ~ ~ eu u an~new~ ~ ~ e ithe o r~ u rpoor~ ~...s NOTE: 7f no seeds are v i s i ~ ~tip e , the enve~o~e. rom In the L i f e ~ e d i aNetwork (New York)-printed in purple and gold across the front of a white Number 10 window envelope, alongside playful drawings and a shieldlike circular emblem featurickey Mouse hat:

From St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital ( ~ e m p h i s ,Tennessee)-handwritten in dark blue ink on ~the u ofca white ~ 3% by 7% inch window carrier: you give $10 ...just $10 ...to h e ~ psave U chi^^^ ~ ~ e ? tional Audubon Society (New York)-set inside a band ue ona perforated strip outlinedin dashes above a persQnaliz~d ~ e ~ b e ~ scard h i pthat appears in anodd-sized window at e center of a 6 by 9 inch white outer envelope:

From the Sierra Club Legal Defense Fund (San FranciscQ)-handwritten and underlined with a scrawl in dark blue ink across the ray 4 by 7% inch window envelope:

~ ~ ~ r i c for a n as ~ a ~ a n c eBudget d (Falls Church, Virinia)-handwritten above the window on a white Number 10 envelope:

e

From Feed the Children (Oklahoma ~ity)-handwritten in red ink in the upper left-hand corner of a white Number 10 win envelope:

From the Nature Conservancy (Arlington, Vi ia), on one of the most unusual and celebrated membership a recent years-printed in black ink inseveral at different angles, alongside fingers pointin of a startled-looking ostrich and my nam through the window of a white 6 by 9 inch outer envelope: ~~!

of you. (A $10 nest egg w i do ~ it.) ~ (Do not f o ~ a g . u ~ ~ e y s enc~osea.) tic~e~ got^

From the Democratic National Committee “typed” upperleft in black and printed in da what appears to be a standard bluish Number 1 (with red and blue stripes around the perimeter): g i C~inton ~ ~ 4.30 Sout~ Capito~ Street, SE W a s ~ i n ~ tDC o ~20003 ,

VIA AIR AI^

From the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence ( typeset in huge red letters on a self-contained mat” package beneath an official-looking ress section that includes a personalized “Registered SurveyNumber”: I ~ ~ O R T A N T S U RON V EGUN ~ CO~TRO

From Habitat for Humanity ~nternational(A typeset above the window on a bright red 6 by 9 inch outer envelope beneath a cornercard reading only; “ ~ o s a ~ ~ n n

From theAme~can amily Association (Tupelo, large blue letters across the of face a Number l1

Here5 your chunce to help s t o p ~ l t hon t e l ~ i s ~ o n .

From World Vision (Monrovia, California)-typeset in black in the upper left-hand corner of a closed-face white 53/4 by 8%inch envelope: Enclosea: ~ ~ p o ~ t u ~ t ~ ~ f o ~ a t i o nU.S. ~ e Gg u ov y ae i~n~~~ n t Gyunts

From the Oakland ~ u s e u ~ u s e uofm California Foundation (Oakland, California)-set in contrasting typefaces in red and green inks on the front of a Number l0 white window outer enve e~bellishedwith nondescript but elegant-looking designs in pink and continued on the back in simple red block letters:

eople’s Advocate, Inc. (Sacramento, California)-p~inted ove the window on a white Number 10 outer envelo Do you ant to lose the~ropeytyT i Exe~ption for your- ~

o

ste in teasers is a function of style as well as the char cumstances of the charities that use them. To give youa br examples than my own files and taste will permit, I turned colleagues in the Association of Direct Response Fundr FCO), the trade association for companies that pro fundraising services to nonprofit organizations. Several firms responded to my call for nominees for the All-Time Favorite Fundraising Teasers. I received eighteen nominees from Charlene Divoky(Divoky Associates). The following are the ones that teased me the most: ~ o m m u n i t yService Societyof New York

oston Public Li rary Foundation

~

~

?

Sixty Successful ~ u t e ~

~y

don’t woodpec~ersget heaaac~es?

Northeast Animal Shelter The com~ittee$ decision is o ~ c i a.l ..your Kina enclose^.

man Award is

Community Service Societyof New Sork Me? Sleep in a subway station?

U.S. Committee for UNICEF Enc~osed~ The Life or ~ e a t Seed h Catalog

Northeast Animal Shelter S h e ~ n a l l yallowed h e r s e ~ to be rescued.

Michael P. Scholl (Direct Mail Decision Makers, Inc.) sent metwenty-five teaser candidates. Here are the ones I liked the most: Missionary Sisters of the Immaculate Conception

ow Sister Alice became G

~

~

~

~assionistMissions F a t ~ e rCarl . ..b ~ t a l l ymurdered

Missionary Servant of the Most Blessed Trinity One of the hardest letters I’ve ever had to write

Guest House Fx Bob is an Alcoholic and he$ going thro~gha pr~vate ell!

Old Saint Mary’s Church, San Francisco ~ e j o i c with e me ..

Missionary Sisters of the Immaculate Conception She arrived at the Grotto ~ i t tears h in her eyes

Here are a fewof the best teasers I received from Wendy Fisher

~

A

~ a i s Letters ~n~

rotherstFriends of the Elderly FACT: At 91, E ~ i z y~mithtownaoesnJt haveafriena in the worza. Not even one.

ht ~ i n i s t r y ~ o u Shelter th Network thin^ ~

i are~ safer s at h o ~ than e on the street? thin^ again.

Greater Chicago Food Depository FACT: Last year we aistributea over 22 mizzion po~nasof fooa to ACT^ It wasnJt enough.

Illinois Citizens for Handgun Control ill you be ~ i z l by e ~a h a n a in ~ the ~ next 23 ~ i n ~ t e s ? ~ ~ F A ~ ~C o ~~~e o wi~z n ~e be. :

Little r rot her st Friends of the Elderly Come. Step with me for a ~ i n u t into e Emi~y$ apart~ent.

ian Fossey Gorilla Fund She are^ to have a a r e a ~ - t h ~ tone day her ~elovea ~ountain ~orilzaswouza be safe. ~ ~ i ~ mount~ins n a in search of fooa . .safe to Safe to r o a their give b i r t ~.. rear their young ...saje-so that their species c m su~ive. nurture^ her aream ...she died ~ i t that h area^ . . ~ i a Fossey n ~~t her belovea gorilzas are still not safe.

ere are some verbal letter openersfrom Robert E,

Joslin Diabetes Center

he^ ere the Last wo~asLisa$ ~arents~

Th~y Chan~ Her e a worza Forever!

x ~ eto~ ear t e..~.And

Arkansas Children’s Hospital Foundation at

as No W i n ~ sFlies, , and Is Ca~zeaan An~ez?

ana-Farber Cancer Institute/Tbe Jimmy Fund en it C o ~ to~Cou s

e, This Kid Is an ~ll- tar!"

American Red Cross of Massachusetts Bay Your ~ersonal E~ergency re lie^ Kit O~en to ~ c t i v a t ~

ide-a-Wee Home Association ~~e Cat ~ ~Her Face, c ~~ n d e~aoMr~o ~ e n tthe , ~ o ~ ana n W ~ r l dWere You~g Again.

ere are some of the teasers suggested by my colleague

Toward Utility Rate ~ormalization ~ ~ e y ’atr it e again! ~ a l ~ ot e~l e i~ ~ a o n e c u s taleyt o~er

Hyacinth Foundation My son was 29 years old when he ~

~

e

~

.

Wellstone Alliance

Shanti Project Can your e ~ ~w ~~e yeyou e r were o n ~ u n5, e

Toward Utility Rate Normalization

American Red CrosslBay Area ARE YOU P R E P ~ R E FOR ~ F I ~ ? Chec~listenclosed

Toward Utility Rate ~ormalization ~ E ~ C O M E

~ ~ C K !

~~~~

?

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1. Thank you ... ! . I’m writing you today . . 3. You are among the first . .

You may be surprised to learn ..

id you know that ...? on’t you wish ...?

7. It’s no secret that ... . You’ve probably said to yourself ...

9. Think about it for a moment.

10. Let’s face it. 11. If you sincerely want to ...

12. I wish you could have been with me when ... 13. I was sure you’d want to know that ... 14. I can’t get the image out of my mind ... 15. I still wake up in the middle of the night ..

’ve just returned from ... 17. I need to hear from you this week about ... on’t want to waste words or paper ... on’t usually write such long letters ..

CC

20. We tried to reach you by phone ...

to our records, your membership has lapsed. lease take a moment right now to renew your mem23. f want to tell you a story about ...

24. You won’t believe it,

recently; I ...

assing through 26. I’ve just returned from ...

27. I want to tell you about a remarkable ... 28. I’mwriting to invite you ...

e to take just a few moments of your time to .. you’ll take a moment right now to ... e you’ve been so generous .. you this urgent letter today because ... awhile since I heard from you ... 34. f have exciting news for you! is [are] in grave danger.

iting you today because ave you ever wondered ...? o you ever feel ...?

ant to share a recent experience with you. e you the latest information on ... .

be as excited as I am to learn r wanted to be part of

*

.?

r said to yourself ...? ondered how you could help ...?

to know that

.

F i ~ t y - F o Stron ~r

SO. I have a secret. 51. You’ve been chosen ...

52. If you’ve seen the recent headlines, you’re well aware .

53. Someone you know .. 54. I’d like to say it isn’t so.

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1. hank you for ...

Thank you very much for . . 3. hank you again for .. As you know .. .

writing you today ... 6. I’msure you’ll agree that ... 7.

*thyour generous support, ause you helped,

9. You are among the first ...

10.

u’re the kind of person who ...

11. 1know that you ...

Would you believe that ...? 13. As I wrote to you recently,

id you know that ...? 15. I don’t know about you, butI ...

16.

11you spend just pennies aday to ...?

17. ow many times have you said to yourself. ..? You’re among the few I can count on to ... 19. was delighted to hear from you.

our most generous supporters.

ut your generous help.

,you were there. ave you ever felt as i f . .? U

ever wished you ...?

elieve me-you

can . .

57. I can tell you from my ow experience ...

eased to send you . ou in~ormed...

67. Can you believe .

?

t would you t ~ i n k if

.?

‘S

only hope!

75. Can I rely on you to ..?

76. I hope you’ll consider . . 77. You’re someone who

..

. You can rest assured that

.

79. You may never again have an opportunity to ... 0. You’re not someone to stand by while ...

ift really will make a difference.

2. What can you do? These

~~~~~e~o f ] things:

3. You too can be part of this project. 4.. f want you y my side (again) at this critical time. S. This is all possible because of you.

86. You probably had no idea ...

7. Find out for yourself.

ere’s a new opportunity for you. 9. For you, free of charge.

eserved for you:

t

l. As I’m sure you’ll understand,

2. But that’s not all. 3. [Use subheads.]

4. But now for the first time, S. Today, more than ever,

6. Best of all,

7. Here’s why: 8. Think of it:

9. One thing’s for sure: 10, The truth is, 1l. To show you what I mean, 12. I’m hoping you’ll agree. 13. And there’s more: 14. It’s that simple!

1s. It’s now or never. 16. There’s never been a better time.

17. Am I claiming too much? I don’t thi 18. That’s why I’m writing you today.

19. In addition,

0. Not only th

24. [Indent paragraph] efore I tellyou

.

26. As you can see,

cause it’s people like you who ... cause there’s no time to lose. t wait, that’s not all. a m I so concerned? Because ...

1. Let me explain ...

32. In a moment I’ll tell you more about 33. And, most important of all, ...

4. That’s what

is all about.

35. It may seem hard to believe, but ... 36. There’s so much at stake!

7. Let me tell you more. 8. That’s why I’m asking you to do three things right now . The recent news from know. .

is shocking, but I’m sure you

40. To clarify what I mean ... 1. Now is the time to ..

42. But wait: there’s more. 44. Consider the consequences: 45. In other words,

46. Put yourself in their place:

47* Time is of the essence.

48. Can you think of a better way to ...?

49. It’s sad but true:

50. I know how you feel about

ecause you

to take the next step to ...?

63. Now that you know. ..

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l. Thank you for caring so very much! 2. You may not know their names, but they’ll car hearts for your kindness andgenerosity. 3. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! Lt.

Your investment will bear dividends for years to GO

5. I’m sure you’ll be glad you did.

6. Isn’t that what life is really all about? 7. So you can’t lose! 8, Don’t miss this unique opportunity!

9. It5 up to you.

10. May I hear from you soon? 11. The future is in your hands.

12. And that can make all the difference in the worl

13. I’m counting on you! 14. In return,you’ll have the satisfaction of knowin 15. Together, we will ...

16. With your help, we’ll ... 17. The satisfaction you’ll receiveis indescriba~le. 18. Thank you for joining me in this ...

ir

19. I’m looking forward to hearing from you very soon.

ther, I know we can ...

n you look back at this ~ o ~ einnhistory t ... . Please, if you feel the way I do, . .

23. I can’t think of a better gift to give our children and grandchildren than ...

4. Thank you for your compassion. S. I know you won’t be disappointed.

lease, send your gift today just as soon as ..

7. And I promise to send you

I

nk you for taking the time to help. 29. I know I ca count on you!

y warmest wishes to you. 31. You’ll be so glad you decided to help! . You’ll be

proud to be part of

!

are depending on you! 34.

won’t forget you! I can’t thank you enough.

believe you’llmake the rightchoice. his is your chance to ... will have a chance to ... they’re not alone! 41. The future of your children and your children’s c~ildrenhangs

1. Thank you again for . . . If you respond within the next X days, you’ll receive

.

3. If you send $X or more, you’ll receive ...

4. There’s not much time. 5. The enclosed X are yours to keep-our gift

to you.

6. Please use the enclosed X to ... 7. If is too much for you to give at this time, will you consider a gift of $kT or $Z?

$x

. ~e need to

by

)

so please sen

today. makes it possible for . 10. Please don’t set this letter aside.

emember, if you respond by .., 12. Please take a look at the

I’ve enclosed for you.

13. As a special benefit for the first I’ll . *

people who respond,

*

14. And remember, your gift is tax deductible. 15. I’ve always regarded you as one of our strongest su~porters9 so . . 16. Please don’t wait.

count on receiving your gift in the next ays, feel free to contact me at [telephone number] ~ u e s t i o about ~ s ... ot to join us in this crucial effort, I hope you'll to write and tell me why ,I'll let you know how ...

end that shipment

in the next

of

e throughso many times in the past, andI hope I can on you again now. eed[s] your help today

will make it possible for

to get

you and 1 act i m m e d i a t ~ l ~ ' S only hope

for

doesn't stand a chance. our checkbook now and . . e

count on you to respond by ... ent right now tolookat el the same as I do: e you'll enjoy-and use-the o reach our goal by

the enclosed

.rm

enclosed

,we need . .

ess enough how muchyour support will mean to us!

.i

42. With your support, I can’t ... 43, It’s members like you who .

* .

44. There’s no better time to .. 45. Don’t miss this chance to .. 46. I’d like to hear your thoughts about ... 47. Don’t delay . If your check and this letter have crossed in the mail,

49. What may seem a small gift to you can . . 50. I know it’s hard to imagine 5 1. Put yourself in

’splace for

52. All it takes to

is !$

,b u t .

.

a moment. !

53. If you and I don’t do something right now,

54. If you won’t help, who will? 55. Remember, every daythat goes by without our help,

56. Please find it in your heart to give. Even just a little gift will help! 57.

need[s] to know that someone cares.

58, Thanks to friends like you,

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can best approach the rules of copywriting through the back you on how to avoid the most c o ~ ~ errors o n I see. There are at least fifteen. They're described below, be I believe cause the most trouble.

ffective writing begins ( d ends) with clear, disciplined thought. lliam Strunk Jr. and E, White put it so elegantly in The El n informs even the simplest structure, whetherof ose. You raise a pup tentfrom one sortof vision, a r. This does not mean that you must ways in front of you, merely that you had best ant ' So before you laya finger on the keyboard or position your aper, ~ u up~youre ~i~~ hut it is you ~~~t to c o ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ c ~ t e e you want to go and how you'll et there. If necessary, outs you'll take along the way. If you don't decide in advance nt is, it's unlikely you'll get it across.

r slow and easy writing that meanders from t I think that approach went out of style with ~ i l l i a m ere is no room for such laziness when you’re writing to int-the quicker the better!Unless you can sentence, I suggest you start a letter with today because ...” That approach won’t g contest, but it does force you to came result you’re hoping to achieve with e money, but directness does. If your ur readers’ eyes and minds will wanluntness is usually a wiser and more

of writing a six-page letter or a ten-page our opening paragraph-and especially the ng enough to pique your readers’ interest. r intended to secure a gift or sell a product. eader often begins with a question, a chala bold assertion, a familiar phrase turned directness. The special cirssignment (orsimple inspiese approaches is ideal. But it may be ts you’re going to make-if you state t the proper tone for the audience

t o ~ a yto invite you to join me in launching a historic initiative otential to improve the quality of life in our communit~

dience, that pompous lead might guarantee your e its way into theproverbial circular file. Butfor a demonstrated commitment to your community e person who signs the memo or the letter, the may be captivating.

~ r i t i n gof any type suffers from overlong sentences; a letter to raise money or sell software can die a horrible death from this tence is longer than three typewritten lines, analyzcit, 1 to break it down intotwo or three simpler and shorterS always, you’ll getyour point across more effectively if you do so. Keep this in mind: a reader dedicated enough to tackle Proust or Joyce may be willing to concentrate hard enough to follow a tortured thought all the way to a long-overdue period. (Understan od is sometimes known as a “full stop.”) But your readers aren’t likely to pay that much attention.Long sentences will test readers’ limited attention span, and you’ll come up the loser.

A novelist who is highly skilled in moving the reader from one pa next may be able todo so with the power of words alone. so lucky, and our readers, who often have far more mea on for page after page, are typically far less tolerant. impact, you’ll probably need to make liberal use of numbered series, boldfaced section headings, and other devices to breakthe monotony of gray,unbroken text. Only by providing your rea that are visible at a glance can you makeyour writing actually ~ o easy o ~to read-and you’ll s u ~ s ~ n t i a lreinforce ly that impression by using short sentences and short paragraphs. Signals such as these send an im~ortant sage tothe reader: that you’re ~ t i n for g er benefit, not for your o m .

A strong appeal requires a forcefulending as well as athou lead. It’s not enough to sum up and repeat the stronges along the way A letter should end ona high note: affirmi ship between the signer and the recipient and relating the appeal to the organization^ mission and the values that inspire it. End with something readers will remember.

cc

is ~ u lof l excuses, ~ u a l i ~ c a t i o n s , e ~ c e ~ t i o n s , le, a sales letter might begin: ost people agree, this roduct is one of the best things since t hoop.

e best-or isn’t it? If “most people” agree,

This incredible product will knock your socks off! Take it from me-it’s since the hula hoop!

constantly relies on evasion^, t make your case in e reasoni~gthat le S de~~nsible. Your readers won oesn’t clearly convey what you want,

~~~~~, ““Theadjective ha

ong, obscure,and off. It’s not necessary to writ ~ i when ~ you~ca t ~

or write. ~ n f o r t u n a t e lthis ~ sort of thing is all too common in writing today; and communication suffers as a result. chairs and chief executive officers are es ecially susceptible to t lady Avoid it like any deadly (shall I say “ c o ~ ~ u n i c a cc

99

The tendency to us widely accepted but grammatically incorrect-and ordy-constructions is one of the afflictions of conand it infects a great deal of advertisin of abo~inationssuch as the following; choose their equivalents in accepta or shun them altogether:

“SO”

“and/or” “as to whether” “at this pointin ti

“like” Leave this one to the lawyers! “whether” ow” or “today” “talk”

“enclosed herewith” “etc.” “finalize” “for the purpose of” Just do it! “inasmuch as” “in the event that” “interface” “make useof”

“prior to” “‘quite”or “very” “results-wise” “revert back”

“if”

“set prioriti~s” “before”

“result is that”

raisin^ Letters ut to ~ §~ e ~ § t e ~ ~ “the foreseeable future” “with a view to”

How far away is that? “to”

Then there are all those words wasted because writers insist on doubling up, presuma~ly out of some deep, hidden fear that they’ll otherwise fail to get the point across. For example:

“exact opposites” “the reason is because” “final conclusion” “actual experience” “~ontinueon” “end result”

“Opposites” will suffice. Which is it: “the reason is”-or “because”? Choose one! If it’s the conclusion, isn’t it final? As opposed to an unauthentic experience? Is the alternative to “continue off”? Give me a break!

You get the point. From this time forward, I trust you’ll be on guard against these boring and objectionable word wasters. While you’re at it, please put the following words on your list of what to avoid:

“hopefully”

“frankly”

Do you really hope so? Given the way this word is so frequently misused, I think that’s unlikely. But if you really hope so, then s a . it! This word is commonly used when its opposite is intended. It puts the reader on guard. So does, “TO be honest with you The correct word is “regardless.” If something’s unique, it’s one of a kind. Drop the “very.” *”

“irregardless” “very u n i ~ u e ”

Every one of these words and phrases is a violation of common sense. (Strunk and White comment, sometimes at greater length, about some of these e ~ a ~ p lin e stheir E ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ es .

)

Just because a word is grammatically correct an recisely expresses the thought you want to CO t word. When you are seeking to achieve write as you speak, using familiar,everyday guard against problems of this sort is to give read your letter aloudbefore you let anyone el ble pronouncing a word or phrase, chances ar er too. Find another way to say k h a t you’ve

One of the most common violations of the rules o writer’s failure to decide in advance what point a sentence is This conf~sionis often reflected in a mismatch betwe verb, or between a pronoun and its antecedent-for e If members choose not to attend, you may obtain a di§co~ntinstea

There’s nothing wrong with this sentence that a little fore ere is one possible approach: embers who choose not to attend are eligible for disco~n.t§.

his alternative wording is less likely to trip do a doubletake on the ori shorter, making it that mu

U

Closely related to the preceding problem, this arises from the same source: foggy thinkin describe it other than to use thegrating lan to give examples: An. example of the very-best the community had to offer, the mayor awarded her the prize last year.

with valua~lebenefits, 1 t h o u ~ h tthe

e confusion caused there are n u ~ e r o ~

yor awarded her the prize last year because she exe t the c o m ~ u ~ ihas t y to offer. ly loaded with valuable ~enefits-the best

ow what a mo

you near the en

ssive voice is unavoi

1 was ~nprecedented, butthe streets were

ctive-voice stat

Snow a c c u ~ ~ l a t etod an unprecede~teddep ,but the crews clean in record time.

ever, the passive voice ~ ~voice i isv f r e~ ~ u e ~ t ~ y

ee

assertions of fact. Thus, it rarely ifts. Consider the following exa

ucts obtain or

charitable

Voting members of the museum are required to attend one meeting per year to preserve their status and receive all these discounts.

That sentence reads like a pa e from a rulebook, not a promise of benefits that might entice someone to join the museum. Try this instead:

As a voting member of the m u s e u ~you’ll , receive all these discounts if you attend just one meeting per year.

~ r i t i n gfor results requires communicating conviction. The active voice helps the writer to be irect and permits the reader to grasp the point more quickly

My mother always said that respect for spelling died in the 1950s when educators decided there was a better way to teach reading than by using phonetics. I think. S .I know few ~mericansyounger than I who can spell worth ortunately; most of us who live by the word are likely to us popular word-processing programs, all of which feature S utilities. I heartily recommend these devices as a spelling~impaired parti the (only partial, because they won’t pick up words that are correctly spelled but wrong in context). Using such a program requires only a few seconds, yet it may rescue you from years of ortification. Perhaps you don’t care whether there are spelling errors in your copy; ~~t I do! example, For I will cast a dark committing alltoo-common errors spelling suc examples: gious exce~t(meaning “to exclude”) instead of ~ c ~ (meanin e ~ t receive” or to “acknowled~e,’) it5 instead of its (when used as the possessive form of it) ~ ~(meani~g ~ c “tot act on” or change s o ~ e t h i n) instead of e ~ ~ c t ( ~ e a n i n g“to do” or “to brin about as a result”)

loose (as in “loose screw))or “loose clothing”) instead of lose (as in

“lose your keys”)

If you heed thefifteen points just outlined and if you’re faithful to Strunk and White’s rules of grammar and vocabulary in The E l e ~ e ~ t s o and ~~tyle Rudolf Fleschs ‘‘25 Rules of Effective ~ r i t i ~from ~ ) How ’ to ~ ~ ~ea^ t e , a~~ T h ~ E~ect~vely, ~ ~ you’ll ~ avoid o ~ moste of the common mistakes that can prevent you from communicating effectively You’ll also be more likely to achieve the results you intend from your fund raisin^ letters.

ou might be surprised just how many lished on the subject of letter writin that are effective or powerful-or tried and reat” letters. Rooks of model let Rooks about business letters. Even several fundraising letters-including several volu I’ve found very few of those books t erously is lea ding. It’s disappointing. The books by writers wh sometimes make sug ours. Some of the b e fund raisin^ experience have fallen into thet worked for me once, so it’s got to work for you’ ull short ones”). And the collections of 1 own, since the im~licationis that a letter p letters is a “‘good’’model for any fundraiser to stances. The following list, arranedinal~habeti includesonlythebooks I ge inely believe yo short list.

ovice copywriter will find this book useful because it many sample fundraising letters, many of them reproas wellas my illustrated analysis of the components of uccessful fundr~isingappeal.

to write a good fundraising appeal without understandof direct mail fundraising. If you’re serious about this, ics. For the grounding you need, I recommen above: Ken Burnett’s ~ e ~ u ~ ~i o~ ~~ s~~r i u~ i s i ~ ~ , oldstein’s Dear ~ r i eand ~ ~my, own Ru three books cover to cover,understand h, and you’ll be off to a great start in

CS

Accept and except, 293 Acquisition letters, 129-141; audience for and purpose of, 45,129; benefits emphasized in, 108; case study, 132-141; characteristics of, 131-132; reply devices, 82-86, 129-13 l ; sample of successful, 49-65; special appeal combined with, 174, 175-178 Actionrequested:clear statement of, 108; as component of effective fundraising letters, 44; thinking about, before writingletters, 77-78. See also Ask Adjectives, 288 Aflect and eflect, 293 Agreement: pro~oun-antecedent,291; subject-verb, 291 Amplifiers, 29 Anger, as motivation for giving,9 Annual fund letters.See Renewal letters Appropriateness, as quality of productive fundraisingletters, 47 Archiving, 33 Ask: in acquisition letters, 132, 133; in high-dollar appeals, 196; as motivation forgiving, 9-10; in special appeals, 172; specific statement of, 107-108; in thank-you letters, 245, 246; in welcome packages, 146-147; in year-endappeals, 184. See also Action requested

As k i Proper~y ~ ~ (Smith), 297 Authenticity: donors’concern with, 36; as quality of productive fundraising letters, 46

Camp Fire Boys and Girls, focusgroup on fundraising letters of, 35-39 Campaign to Abolish Poverty Appeal, unsuccessful fundraising package of, 66-71 Caples,J.,296 Belief validation, as motivation for giv- Case studies: acquisition letter, 132-141; high-dollarletter,197-204;learning ing, 16-17 from, 4; renewal letter,220-249; speBenefits:acquisition letters emphasizcial appeal, 173-180; upgrade appeal, ing, 108; as marketing concept ele209-216; welcome package, 149-168; ment, 44; in renewal letters, 221; in year-endappeal,185-191. See also successful fundraising package, 59; Sample fundraisingletter~pac~ges thinking about, before writing letCelebrities: identification with, as ters, 79; in upgradeappeals,208; motivation for giving, 13-14; samwriting appeals based on, 107. See ple lift letter from, 60-62 also Tax benefits Cheshire label,51 Books, resource, 295-298 Clarity, as quality of productive Bounce-back forms, 143, 146 Bread forthe World: acquisition package fun~raisingletters, 46 Cliches, 122 replydevice,129-13 1; high-dollar Co-opAmerica,welcomepackageof, letter reply device, 193-196; renewal 149-168 letter reply device, 217-219; special appeal reply device, 169-172; thank- Cohesiveness, as quality of productive fundraising letters, 46 you letter, 242, 243; upgrade appeal Colloquialisms, 122 reply device, 205-208; welcome Conjunctions, beginning sentences package reply device, 143-146; yearwith, 124 end appeal reply device, 181-184 Contractions, 124-125 Buckslips, 109 Corner card, 49 Bulk rate mail: for acquisition letters, Costs: of postal bar code vs. bulk rate 131;avoidingfixeddeadlines in, mailings, 5 1; of returned reply 111;cost of, vs. postal bar envelopes, 65 Burnett, K.,296, 298

Dashes, 124 Dates. See Time issues Deadlines: in acquisition letters, 60; in renewal letters, 220; thinking about, before writing letters, 80; to create urgency, 11l Dear F ~ (Lautman ~ d and Goldstein), 296,298 Dialogue Method, 21-22, 27-34, 297 Direct mail fundraising, books helpful with, 295-298 Direct Marketing Association (DMA), on mail responsivity of American public, l1 Disposable (discretionary) income, available for charitable giving, 10 Doctors of the World, reply device, 86 “Doing good,” as motivation for giving, 19 “Doing something,” as motivation for giving, 13 Donor acquisition letters. See Acquisition letters Donors: focus groups of, on Camp Fire fundraising letters, 35-39; motivations for givingby, 9-19; skepticism of, 40; thanking, 147, 242, 244. See also Readers Donors, welcoming new. See Welcome packages Drafts of writing, 126 Duty as motivation for giving, 19

Ease of response, as quality of productive fundraising letters, 46-47 ~ditEX~RESS, 3-4, 5 Editing, 5, 126. See also Case studies Eflect and aflect, 293 The E ~ e ~ e n of t s Style (Strunkand White), 119, 297; on adjective and adverb use, 288; on thinking before writing, 285; on words to avoid, 290

Ellipses, 124 Emergency appeals, needs basis of, 107 Emotional pain, as motivation for giving, 17 End-of-year appeals. See year-end appeals Endings: inconclusive and uninteresting, 287; powerful, 279-280 Engaging copy, as quality of productive fundraising letters, 47 Envelopes. See Outer envelopes; Reply envelopes Except and accept, 293 Exclusivity, as ~ o t i v a t i o nfor giving, 9

108-109; opening, 24-26, 34; reading, as similar to personal visit, 22-24; types of, 45; writing text of, 95-96. See U ~ S OFundraising packages; Sample fundraisingletters/ packages; s p e c ~ ctypes of f ~ n ~ r a i s ing letters Fundraising packages: detailed analysis of a successful, 49-65; determining contents of, 88-90; personalization of, 90; qualities of productive, 46-47; unity throughout, 108-109. See also Fundraising letters; Sample fundraising letterdpackages

Fear, as motivation for giving, 9, 17 Fighting corruptio~injustice,as motivation for giving, 11 Figures of speech, 122-123 Filing away, 33 Filters, 29 First-class stamps: for acquisition letters, 131; effectiveness of use of, 51; for special appeals, 173; for unsuccessful fundraising appeal, 66 Flesch, R., 296; effective writing rules of, 119-120; on readability, 120-121 Focus groups: on Camp Fire fundraisingletters, 35-39; lessons from, 40-41; on thanking donors, 242,244 Formatting, 110-1 l l, 287; boldfacing, 133; focus group findings on, 40; italics, 125, 133; subheads, 94-95; underlining, 94-95, 110, 125 Fundamental Law of Fundraising Letter Writing, 44 Fundraising letters: characteristics of effective, 43-44; common mechanical components of, 47;detailed analysis of a successful, 51-60; faceto-face dialogue as similar to, 27-30; focus group findings on content of, 37-38, 39, 40; as only one element of fundraising package, 3,

Gifts. See Premiums Golden Rule of Donor Acknowledgements, 244-245 Goldstein, H., 296, 298 Greed, as motivation for giving, 9 Greetings: singular, 106; worded to appear personalized, 56 Guilt, as motivation for giving, 9, 18

Habit, as motivation for giving, 11 ~ a n ~ of~Direct o o Mai~ ~ (Vogele), 22, 297 Handgun Control, Inc., outer envelope teaser for, 256, 257 Heal the Bay, reply device, 82 Hebrew Women’s League, year-end appeal of, 185-191 High-dollar letters, 193-204; audience for and purpose of, 45, 193; case study,197-204; characteristics of, 196-197; reply device, 193-196; upgradeappealcombinedwith, 197-204 Hitchcock, S., 87-88 How to ~ ~S p e u~~ande thin^ , More Eflecti~e~y (Flesch), 119, 296

Human interest: focus group findings on, 39, 40; readability increased with, 12 l ; using pronouns to provide, 97, 106-107 Human Service Agency, special appeal by, 173-180

roup findings on, 40; renewal letters, 220; rule on, 112; special appeals, 172-1 73 of sentences, and readability, of words, and readability, Lift letter, of successful fundraising ackage, 60-62 Loose and lose, 294

I, used in fundraisingletters, 97, 106-107 Income, disposable (discretionary), available for charitable giving, 10 Inforrnation: given to overcome donors’ skepticism, 40; inside, as motivation for giving, 15 Irony, 123 Italics, 125, 133 It’s and its, 293

ail responsivityof American public,11 Maili~g:acquisition letters, 131; bulk rate, 51, 111, 131; first class stamps,

a

eak, 173; unsuccessful fundrais-

Needs, writing appeals based on, 107

Ogilvy, D., 296 O ~ i ~ on v y~ ~ v ~ ~ (0 t i s i n ~ Opening fundraisin 6; first twenty seconds Opinion s t a t e ~ e n t as , rnotivation for giving, 14-15 Organi~ations, simila~ity of, as rnotiv tion for giving, 11 Outer envelopes: focus on, 36-37; of recycle of renewal letter series, 221; of SUC-

unsuccessful fundraising appeal, 66,

: defined, 44; in

john son^ Box, 132

nowledge, as rnotivation for 15-16

als,197;inserts unrelated to, 109; replydevicesas , 81; sample, 80-81; as fundraising package, 108-109; writing, 80-81, 8 embers ship invitations. See Acquisition letters que (Trenbeth), 297 March Foundation, reply

e: direct, 286; stilted, 291; using simple, 109-110; vague, 288; widely accepted but gramrnatically incorrect, 289-290. See so Sentences; Words Lautman, K. I?, 296,298 Leads: boring, 286; postscripts as, 28; sample strong, 267-269; writing, 92,94 Learning, as motivation for giving, 15-16 Length of letters: acquisition letters,

~ i l l s - p ~ n i n s u lHospital a Foundation, sample outer envelope, 93 ~ i t ~19v ~ ~ , odifiers, dangling, 291-292 onarch letter, 51 otivations for giving, 9-19

National Council of La Raza,

reply

Passive voice, 292-2~3 ion, renewal letter

of,

People for the Environment (PFE), upgrade appeal of, 209-216 nections. See Relationships Personal fundraisi

sive approach to, 56; of special appeals, 173; throughout fundraisge, 90; of upgrade appeals, 209 Postal bar codes: cost savings with, 51; on reply envelopes, 64, 65

~_____

S.): in successful ackage, 55, 59-60; as

Prepositions, ending sentences with, 123 Product questions, 31 Pronouns: antecedents in agreements with, 291; in fundraising letters, 57, 97, 106-107; usin 132,271-274

~uestions:basic, 30-31; product, 31; to ask before iti in^ letters, 76-

76-77; unspoken questions of, 2; waves of rejection b 32-33

reply envelope, 64, 6

67; as motivation forgiving, 14, 16-17; thank-you letters for building, 247 Renewal letters, 217-240; audience for and purpose of, 45, 217; case study, 220-249; characteristics of, 220; reply devices,217-2 19 Repetition, 125 Replydevices: acquisition packages, 82-86, 129-131; ease of using, 46-47; high-dollar letters, 193-196; marketing concept embodied in, 81; renewal letters, 217-219; special appeals, 169-172; successful fundraising appeal, 62-64; unsuccessful fundraising appeal, 66-67, 70; upgrade appeals, 205-208; welcome packages, 143-146; writing, 90-91; year-end appeals, 181-184 Reply envelopes: of successful fundraising appeal, 64-65;of unsuccessful fundraising appeal, 67, 71 Response devices. See Reply devices Revisions of writing, 126 Rules:for donor acknowledgments, 244-245; of effective writing, 119-120; of fundraisingletters, 97-1 12

St. Josephs Indian School, fu~draising package of, 98-105 Salutation: singular, 106; worded to appear personalized, 56 Sample fundraising letters/packages: edited page, 5; liftletter from celebrity, 60-62; package illustrating cardinal rules, 98-105; successful acquisition package, 49-65; thank-you letter, 248-251; unsuccessful package, 66-71. See also Case studies San Francisco AIDS Foundation, highdollar renewal and upgrade letters of, 197-204

"

San Francisco Conservatory of Music, successful fundraising package of, 49-65 Semicolons, 124 Sentences, 123-124; beginning with conjunctions, 124; ending with prepositions, 123; length of, 120-121; run-on, 287; to end fundraising letters, 279-280, 287. See also Language Signers of letters: acquisition letters, 133; thinking about, before writin letters, 78-79 Similes, 122-123 Smith, G., 297 Social articipation, as motivation for Southern Poverty Law Center, thankyou letter, 248-251 Special appeals, 169-180; audience for and purpose of, 45, 169; case study, 173-180; characteristics of, 172-173; reply devices, 169-172 Spelling, 293-294 Strunk, W., Jr., 119,285,288,290, 297 Subheads, 94-95 Subject-verb agreement, 291

Tax benefits: as motivation for giving, 18-19; year-end appeals mentioning, 184 Teasers, outer envelope, 255-265; appropriateness of absence of, 91-92, 93; functions of,255-256; sample, 256-265 Tested ~ d ~ e~ ~e t~~ (Caples) s~ ~ d s~ ,296 g Thank-you letters, 241-251; all fundraising letters as, 241-242; ask included in, 245,246; characteristicsof,242;necessity of iti in^, 242-244; results achieved by, 247; sample, 242, 243, 248-25 1; timin of, 244-245; tips on content of, 245; of top fundraising mailers, 245-247

Thanking donors: focus group findings on, 242,244;asrole of welcome packages, 147 Thinking: avoiding chaotic, 285; before writing letter,76-80 Time issues: in acquisition letters, 60, 132; and creatingurgency 111; in renewal letters, 220; in special appeals, 172;technique for avoiding specific date, 51; thinking about, before writing letter, 79-80 Transitions, 275-277 Trenbeth, R., 297

Underlining, 94-95, 110, 125 Union of ConcernedScientists,reply device, 84 Upgrade appeals, 205-216; audience for and purpose of, 45, 205; case study 209-216; characteristics of,208209; high-dollar letter combined with, 197-204; reply devices, 205-208 Urgency:creatingsenseof, 111; as motivation for giving,12; of special appeals, 172; thinking about, before

writing letters, 79-80. See ulso Emergency appeals

Words: avoiding technicaland obscure, 288-289; length of, 120-121; number of, per sentence, 120-121; pronoun-antecedent agreement, 291; subject-verb agreement, 291. See also Language Value validation, as motivation for giv- Writing: author’s early insights on, 118; ing, 16 cardinalrulesfor,fundraisingletVogele, S.: Dialogue Method of, 21-22, terdpackages, 97-112; errors to avoid 297; on first twenty seconds of in, 285-294; ratingyour,113-115; opening letter, 34; on fundraising readability of, 120-121;recommendletter as similar to face-to-face diaedclassicbook on, 119,297;for logue, 27-29; on unspoken quesresults vs.todescribeor report, tions of readers, 30-32; on waves of 121-125;revising and r e ~ ~ 5,g , rejection by readers, 32-33 126; Rudolf Flesch on effective, 119-121; steps in, fundraisingletterdpackages,87-96; thinking before, 76-80; ~ a ~ i tin,i 275-277 o ~ Warwick, M., 297 Welcome packages, 143-168; audience for and purpose of, 45, 143; case study 149-168;characteristicsof, 146-147;possibleenclosures, 149; reasons for mailing, 147-149; reply devices, 143-146 Western Pennsylvania Conservancy, acquisition letter, 132-141 White, E. B.,119, 285, 288, 290, 297

Year-end appeals,181-191;audience for and purpose of, 45, 181;case study,185-191;characteristicsof, 184; reply device, 181-184 You: in acquisition letters, 132; in fundraising letters, 97, 106-107; ways to use, 271-274

This page constitutes a continuation of the copyright page. CHAPTER FIVE Exhibits 5.1,5.2, 5.4, and 5.5 are usedwith permission bythe San Francisco Conservatoryof Music. Exhibit 5.3 is used with permission by ICM Artists. Exhibit 5.6 is used with permission by Campaign to Abolish Poverty. CHAPTER SIX Exhibit 6.1 is used with permission by Heal the Bay. Exhibit 6.2, courtesy of the Million. Mom MarchFoundation. Exhibit 6.3 is used with permission by the Union of Concerned Scientists. Exhibit 6.4 is used with permission by The National Council of La Raza. Exhibit 6.5 is used with permission by Doctors of the World. CHAPTER SEWN Exhibit 7.1 is used with permission by Mills-~eninsulaHospital Foundation. CHAPTER EIGHT Exhibits 8.14.6 are used with permission by St. Josephs Indian School. CHAPTER TEN Exhibit 10.1 is used with permission by Bread for the World. Exhibits 10.2 and 10.3are used with permission by Western Pennsylvania Conservancy. CHAPTER ELEVEN Exhibit 11.1is used with permission by Bread for the World. Exhibits 11.2-11.16 are used with permission by Co-op America. CHAPTER TWELVE Exhibit 12.1 isused with permission by Bread for the World. CHAPTER THIRTEEN Exhibit 13.1 is used with permission by Bread for the World. CHAPTER FOURTEEN Exhibit 14.1 is used with permission by Bread for the World. Exhibits 14.2-14.6 are used with permission by the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. CHAPTER FIFTEEN Exhibit 15.l is used with permission by Bread for the World. CWPTER SIXTEEN Exhibit 16.1 isused with permission by Bread for the World. Exhibits 16.2-16.11 are used with permission by Peace Action. Exhibit 16.12 is used with permission by Co-op America. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Exhibit 17.1 is used with permission by Bread for the World. Exhibits 17.2 and 17.3 are used with permission by Southern Poverty Law Center. RESOURCE A Exhibit A.1, copyright (c) Handgun Control, Inc. Used with permission.