El Ingles Prohibido: las palabras que nunca se deberian usar y como usarlas

EL INGLES PROHIBIDO GLENN DARRAGH

E D I T O R I A L S T A N L E Y

EL INGLES PROHIBIDO WRITTEN BY GLENN DARRAGH PUBLISHED BY EDITORIAL STANLEY LAYOUT ANGELA G6MEZ MARTIN COVER DESIGN DISENO IRUNES © EDITORIAL STANLEY APDO. 207 - 20302 IRUN - SPAIN TELF. (943) 64 04 12 - FAX. (943) 64 38 63 ISBN: 84-7873-349-3 DEP. LEG. BI-354-01

FIRST EDITION 2001 PRINTERS IMPRENTA BEREKINTZA

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Examples of usage were drawn from newspapers and magazines as indicated in the text of the book, as well as from the following printed sources: Albee, Edward: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?; Amis, Kingsley:The Green Man, The Old Devils', Amis, Martin: Money, London Fields; Barnes, Julian: Talking it Over; Beckett, Samuel: Molloy; Bender, Aimee: The Girl in the Flammable Skirt; Bennet, William: The Falkland Line; Beretta, Alan: What's Your Game?; Bergreen, Laurence: Louis Armstrong, An Extravagant Life; Bruce, Lenny: The Essential Lenny Bruce; Bukowski, Charles: Post Office, Factotum, Women, Love is a Dog from Hell; Carlin, Tony: One More Hand; Carrol, James: An American Requiem; Century, Douglas: Street Kingdom; Chandler, Raymond: Farewell, My Lovely; Chanteau, Diane: The Longest Sausage In The World; Chapman, Robert L.: American Slang; Cleese, John: Fawlty Towers; Coe, Jonathan: The House of Sleep; Coen, Ethan: Gates of Eden; Cole, Lew: 12465 Kimberland Ave.; Cook, Peter: Beyond the Fringe; Cornfield, Robert: The Tree Still Grows in Brooklyn; Corsitto, Christopher: Next Door To Erica; Doughty, W.C.: Charabia Deserta; Edin, Kathryn: Making Ends Meet; Ellroy, James: L.A.Confidential; Fielding, Helen: Bridget Jones's Diary; Garrigan, Bert: Where Sympathy is Found; Gordon, Neil: The Gun Runner's Daughter; Greene, Graham: The End of the Affair; Hall, Willis: The Long and the Short and the Tall; Herlihy, James Leo: Midnight Cowboy; Herron, Shaun: The Whore-Mother; Irving, John: The World According to Garp; Jong, Erica: Any Woman's Blues; Jonson, Gregory: Mountain Male; Keaton, Norman: Falling Off A Ladder; Laffan, James: Up and Down the Lisburn Road; Larkin, Philip: Collected Poems, Selected Letters; Lawrence, D.H.: Lady Chatterley's Lover; Logan, Roy: Working it Out With a Pencil; Lukowiak, Ken: A Soldier's Song; Mairs, David: Top Drawers; Mamet, David: American Buffalo, Sexual Perversity in Chicago, Duck Variations, Glengarry Glen Ross; Marcus, Tom: River Deep; McCabe, Frank: McCabe at the Movies; McCourt, Malachy: A Monk Swimming; McGrath, John: Events While Guarding the Bofors Gun; McPhee, Nancy: The Book of Insults; Miller, Henry: Tropic of Cancer; Newman, G.F.: Law & Order; Nichols, Peter: Privates on Parade; Obst, David: Too Good To Be Forgotten; Ogilby, John: Twat and Twaddle; Oldfield, Gabriella T.: Tom and Verna; Orton, Joe (ed. Lahr, John): The Orton Diaries; Osworth, Barry: Upside Down; Palahniuk, Chuck: Fight Club; Paretsky, Sarah: Ghost Country; Price, Richard: Three Screenplays, dockers; Rabe, David: Streamers; Rosen, Charley: Barney Polan's Game; Roth, Philip: Portnoy's Complaint; Schrader, Paul: Taxi Driver; Sounes, Howard: Locked in the Arms of a Crazy Life; Stone, Robert: Dog Soldiers; Styron, William: Sophie's Choice; Takari, Ronald: A Larger Memory; Tarantino, Quentin: Reservoir Dogs; Thomas, Philip: Rathmines Rag; Vonnegut Jr., Kurt: Mother Night, Slaughterhouse 5, Breakfast of Champions; Wain, John: Life at the Top; Wambaugh, Joseph: The Choirboys, The Glitter Dome, Echoes in the Darkness; Waugh, Evelyn: Officers and Gentlemen; Whitehead, E. A.: Old Flames, Mecca, The Foursome, Alpha Beta, The Sea Anchor; Wilson, August: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom; Wilson, Robert McLiam: Eureka Street. Hank Hyena, Garrison Keillor, Susie Bright and Courtney Weaver are columnists for Salon.

Illustrative sentences were also taken from the following films: American Beauty: Alan Ball; Animal House: Douglas Kenney, Chris Miller, Harold Ramis; As Good As It Gets: James L. Brooks; Austin Powers: Mike Meyers; Barton Fink: Joel and Ethan Coen; Beautiful Girls: Scott Rosenberg; Blazing Saddles: Mel Brooks and Andrew Bergman; Bound: Larry and Andy Wachowski Bull Durham: Ron Shelton; Casino: Nicholas Pileggi and Martin Scorsese; Chasing Amy: Kevin Smith; Clerks: Kevin Smith; Cruel Intentions: Roger Kumble; Deconstructing Harry: Woody Allen; Desperados: Robert Rodriguez; Donnie Brasco: Screenplay by Paul Attanasio from the book by Joseph D. Pistone and Richard Woodley; Fargo: Joel and Ethan Coen; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Screenplay by Terry Gilliam, Tony Grisoni, Tod Davies and Alex Cox from the book by Hunter S. Thompson; Fisher King, The: Richard LaGravenese; Fried Green Tomatoes: Fannie Flagg and Carol Sobieski; Full Metal Jacket: Gustave Hasford, Michael Herr and Stanley Kubrick from the novel 'The Short Timers' by Gustav Hasford; Gattaca: Andrew M. Niccol; Get Shorty: Screenplay by Scott Frank, based on the novel by Elmore Leonard; Glengarry Glen Ross: David Mamet; Go: John August; Godfather, The: Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola from the novel by Mario Puzo; Good Will Hunting: Matt Damon and Ben Affleck; Goodfellas: Nicholas Pileggi and Martin Scorsese; Grand Canyon: Lawrence Kasdan and Meg Kasdan; Green Mile, The: Screenplay by Frank Darabont from the novel by Stephen King; Happiness: Todd Solondz; Jackie Brown: Screenplay by Quentin Tarantino, based on the novel by Elmore Leonard; L.A. Confidential: Screenplay by Brian Helgeland from the novel by James Ellroy; Leaving Las Vegas: Screenplay by Mike Figgis from the novel by John O'Brien; Lost Highway: David Lynch; My Cousin Vinny: Dale Launer; Night on Earth: Jim Jarmusch; One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Bo Goldman and Lawrence Hauben from the novel by Ken Kesey; Patton: Francis Ford Coppola and Edmund H. North; Primal Fear: Ann Biderman and Steve Shagan from the novel by William Diehl; Pulp Fiction: Quentin Tarantino and Roger Roberts Avery; Pump Up The Volume: Allan Moyle; Ref, The: Richard LaGravenese and Marie Weiss; Reservoir Dogs: Quentin Tarantino; Scent of A Woman: Bo Goldman, from a screenplay by Ruggero Maccari and Dino Risi, from the novel by Giovanni Arpino; Shawshank Redemption, The: Screenplay by Frank Darabont from the novella by Stephen King; Smoke: Auster, Paul; Stripes: Len Blum and Daniel Goldberg; Swimming with Sharks: George Huang; Swingers: Jon Favreau; Taxi Driver: Paul Schrader; The Big Lebrowski: Joel and Ethan Coen; The Commitments: Dick Clement, Roddy Doyle, Ian La Frenais from the novel by Roddy Doyle; Trainspotting: Screenplay by John Hodge based on the novel by Irvine Welsh; Unforgiven: David Webb Peoples; Very Bad Things: Peter Berg; Wag The Dog: David Mamet; Wild At Heart: David Lynch, based on the book by Barry Gifford.

CONTENTS 4: SEXUAL ACTIVITY

1: PARTS OF THE BODY 1. A

ARSE / ASS -CULO

1

4. A

GROPE -MAGREAR

1. B

ARSEHOLE, ASSHOLE -ANO

2

4. B

FUCK -JODER, FOLLAR

1. C

COCK -POLLA, VERGA

3

4. C

NOOKY, NOOKIE -POLVOS

4. D

GANGBANG -VIOLACION SEXO TRIBAL

40

GO DOWN ON SOMEONE -CHUPAR, MAMAR

41 43

1. D

BALLS -HUEVOS, PELOTAS, COJONES

5

1. E

CUNT -CONO, CHOCHO

5

36 ...

37 39

COLECTIVA,

1. F

CLIT -CLITORIS

7

4. E

1. G

PUBES -VELLO PUBICO

7

4. F

RUBBER -CONDON, GOMA, GLOBO

8

4. G

JERK OFF -HACERSE UNA PAJA, PELARSELA .

43

8

4. H

CHERRY -VIRGINIDAD

45

4. I

BUGGER -SODOMIZAR,

1. H

PRIVATE PARTS -PARTES PUDENDAS

1. I

TITS -TETAS

EXERCISE

10

SODOMITA

EXERCISE

2: BODY FUNCTIONS

45 47

5: SEXUAL TASTES

1. A

PISS -MEAR, MEADA

12

2. B

SHIT, SHITE -CAGAR, MIERDA

13

5. A

HOMO -MARICA, MARICON

50

14

5. B

DYKE, DIKE -MARIMACHO

52

15

5. C

COTTAGE -LAVABO PUBLICO PARA CITAS HOMOSEXUALES

53

CAGADERO

15

5. D

AMBISEXTROUS -BISEXUAL

53

2. F

BUMF -PAPEL HIGIENICO

16

5. E

DRAG QUEEN -TRAVESTI

54

2. G

PUKE -VOMITAR, VOMITONA

17

5. F

KINKY -PERVERTIDO

55

2. C

FART -PEDO

2. D

THE SHITS -LA CAGALERA

2. E

SHIT-HOUSE, SHITE-HOUSE

-RETRETE,

2. H

GOB -ESCUPIR, ESCUPITAJO

18

5. G

PRO -PUTA

56

2. I

SNOT -MOCOS

18

5. H

TRICK -PUTERO, PUTANERO

57

2. J

COME, CUM -LECHE, SEMEN

19

5. I

WHOREHOUSE -BURDEL, CASA DE PUTAS . .

57

2. K

THE RAG -LA REGLA, EL PERIODO,

5. J

PIMP -CHULO

58

COMPRESA EXERCISE

20 21

3: SEXUAL DESIRE 3. A

THE HOTS -DESEO

24

3. B

HORNY -CALIENTE, CACHONDO

24

3. C

CHAT UP -LIGAR, ENRROLLARSE CON

25

3. D

FOOL AROUND -TENER ENREDOS

26

3. E

STUD -SEMENTAL

28

3. F

HARD-ON -ERECCI6N

28

3. G

BABE -BOMBON, NINFA

29

3. H

A PIECE OF ASS -UN POLVO

30

3. I

COCKTEASER -CALIENTAPOLLAS

32

3. J

WET DREAM -SUENO HUMEDO

32

EXERCISE

34

6: UNPLEASANT PEOPLE, THINGS, PLACES, ETC. 6. A

BASTARD -CABR6N, HIJO PUTA

61

6. B

ARSELICKER -LAMECULOS

64

6. C

BITCH -ZORRA, LAGARTA

65

6. D

BUMMER -CONAZO, LATAZO

66

6. E

CLAP -GONORREA

67

6. F

CRUD -PORQUERIA

68

6. G

CRUDDY -ASQUEROSO

69

6. H

ARSEHOLE OF THE EARTH, ETC -EL CULO DEL MUNDO

70

6. I

IT SUCKS -ES UNA MIERDA

71

EXERCISE 6.1

72

7: INCOMPETENCE, INFERIOR QUALITY 7. A

FUCK UP -CAGAR, CAGADA, CAPULLO

7. B

FUCK ABOUT (AROUND) -PERDER EL

7. C

SNAFU -METEDURA DE PATA, CAGADA

....

74

....

76

T1EMPO, JODER

7. D

10: IDIOMATIC USAGES

74

HALF-ARSED, HALF-ASSED -MUY POCO BRILLANTE

7. E

SHITTY -DE MIERDA

7. F

BULLSHIT -SANDECES, GILIPOLLECES

EXERCISE

77 77 ....

78 81

8: EMPHASIS 8. A

FUCK - A LA MIERDA!

83

8. B

FUCKING -DE MIERDA, PVNETERO

84

8. C

FUCKING WELL - CONO!CARAJO!

85

8. D

A HELL OF A -SENSACIONAL, DE PADRE Y SENOR MIO

8. E AS HELL -SUMAMENTE 8. F FOR FUCK'S SAKE - PUTA MADRE! CARAJO! 8. G THE FUCK -CONO, CARAJO 8. H THE SHIT OUT OF... -SEVERAMENTE EXERCISE

A B C D E F

WHITEY - EL HOMBREBLANCO! BRIT -BRITANICO MICK -IRLANDES YANK, YANKEE -YANQUI, GIRI FROG -FRANCHUTE, GABACHO KRAUT -ALEMAN

86 87 88 88 90

92 92 93 94 94 95

9. G

KIKE -JUDIO

96

9. H

POLACK -POLACO

97

9. I

RUSSKIE -RUSO

97

9. J

RAGHEAD -ARABE

97

9. K

WOP -ITAL1ANO

98

9. L

DAGO -ESPANOL, SUDACA

99

9. M GOOK -ASlATICO, CHINO, AMARILO 9. N

NIGGER -NEGRO

9. O

AUSSIE -AUSTRALIANO

EXERCISE

10. N EXPRESSIONS WITH "GET" EXERCISE

KEY To ExERCISES 86

9: RACIAL INSULTS 9. 9. 9. 9. 9. 9.

10. A EXPRESSIONS WITH "FUCK" 10. B EXPRESSIONS WITH "SHIT" 10. c EXPRESSIONS WITH "ASS", "ARSE" . . . . 10. D EXPRESSIONS WITH "BALLS" "BALLOCKS" 10. E EXPRESSIONS WITH "HELL" 10. F EXPRESSIONS WITH "BITCH" 10. G EXPRESSIONS WITH "BUGGER" 10. H EXPRESSIONS WITH "PISS" 10. I EXPRESSIONS WITH "TITS" 10. J EXPRESSIONS WITH "FINGER" 10. K EXPRESSIONS WITH "FART" 10. L EXPRESSIONS WITH "PUSSY" 10. M EXPRESSIONS WITH "UP"

99 100 102 103

INDEXOFTERMS

105 107 109 110 1ll 1ll 112 112 113 113 113 114 114 114 115 117

125

INTRODUCTION

The aim of this book is to teach what is still commonly known as 'bad language'. Depending on the degree to which it is tolerated, it is also described as strong, foul, picturesque, earthy, rough, salty, colourful, naughty, profane, adult, taboo, vulgar, dirty, filthy, low, obscene, and much else besides. Whatever the adjective, the language in question consists of a relatively small group of words and expressions that are never taught in school, not even in language schools to adult students of English. In that sense, it constitutes a kind of forbidden language or counter-language within the main body of English. Why this language is not taught in the usual way is simple to explain: it embarrasses, upsets, insults or otherwise offends a great many people. Of course, every native speaker of English who is more than five years old knows the main swearwords of the language. But most people, most of the time, still prefer not to use them. For this reason alone, second-language learners of English are probably well advised not to use them either, or at least not until they have become sensitive to the effects they are likely to produce.

If that is so, why study a book like this at all? In a word: to understand. In the past thirty years, language and cultural values have changed considerably. It is little short of astonishing, given the liberality of language in present-day films, that the first recorded use of the word 'fuck' in a major commercial movie occurred only in 1970, in Robert Altman's M*A*S*H. Since then, especially in the last decade, Hollywood has discovered that bad language is good box office. On television, too, in Britain and also in the United States outside the expletive-free national networks, swearing is now commonplace and uncontroversial. The same is true of the printed word. Not only in books but in national newspapers and magazines, words now frequently appear which only a generation or two ago would have earned their authors a mouthful of soap. Everywhere, the electronic bleeps and the blanks and asterisks which formerly protected the innocent have been put on the shelf. Some speculate that within ten or fifteen years, the dreaded f-word itself will be wholly acceptable, even for children.

It would not be the first time some illicit term were to gain respectability. The expression 'it sucks', used to refer to things of inferior quality, originally had direct connotations of oral sex. The noun 'snafu', meaning a bungled or confused situation, began as military slang, an acronym for 'situation normal, all fucked up'. The word 'gay', now the usual term for a homosexual, was originally American tramps' slang for the homosexual companion of an older vagrant. Many such words have migrated, at least partly, towards standard English in recent years. As films, television, books, magazines and the Internet propagate the once-censored vocabulary, the trend is likely to continue. In the meantime, however, students of English as a foreign language now more than ever need some kind of guide to this blossoming branch of the language.

The present book, designed for students who have already attained a good level of general English, may be used as both a reference guide and an instruction manual. Each chapter deals with a particular aspect of taboo language. Chapter 1, for example, lists basic slang words, all considered vulgar, for intimate parts of the body: arse, arsehole, cock, balls, cunt, clit, tits, etc. A separate section within each chapter is devoted to each of these basic terms, with numerous examples of usage drawn from a wide range of contemporary sources, principally films and novels, but also plays, diaries, letters, newspapers, magazines, and so on. Each section also lists synonyms for these basic words or other terms related to them, again with numerous examples. Thus, in Chapter 1, section l.c deals with 'cock', giving seventeen common synonyms. When words or expressions are used mainly or exclusively in a particular part of the English-speaking world, then this is indicated in brackets, as follows: dong (US) • I was wholly incapable of keeping my paws from my dong once it started to climb up my belly. (Philip Roth)

When there is no such annotation, the word is used or understood by English-speakers everywhere. Where examples are drawn from printed sources, the name of the author or journal is shown in brackets after the quotation. If, as is frequently the case, the source is a film, then the title of the film is shown italicised and in brackets after the quotation, thus: dick • I would suck your dad's big fat dick, and then I would fuck him till his eyes rolled back in his head! (American Beauty)

An answer key to the exercises is provided at the end of the book, along with an index to all the words and expressions listed and exemplified in the text.

Finally, it is worth repeating the warning given above. Most of the words and phrases presented in this book are offensive to someone. A small number of inoffensive and euphemistic terms have crept into the text when their presence seemed justified by considerations of completeness, and such terms are signalled when they occur. But the vast majority are offensive (particularly the racist terms dealt with in Chapter 9). If, as the examples prove, you can scarcely hope to understand much of modern culture without a basic knowledge of 'bad language', you still ought not to use it in front of children, mothers, maiden aunts, clergymen, policemen, judges, or other sensitive souls. Not even when they are using it in front of you.

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1. PARTS OF THE BODY 1. a arse / ass -culo An Old English word, arse is mainly British while ass is mainly American. Similarly with derivative words: arsehole, arselicker, etc. are British, while asshole, ass-kisser, etc. are American. Exceptions do occur, however. For example, at the start of the Gulf War in 1991, no less an American than George Bush, then President, declared: 'Saddam is going to get his arse kicked'. • What she reminds me of is those girls you see prancing up and down the King's Road in faded jeans with tight little arses and bobbing tits. (E.A. Whitehead) • The slut got up and started to play pinball, wiggling her ass to help the balls move around. (Charles Bukowski) » He suffered —did he suffer!— from constipation... my father reading the evening paper with a suppository up his ass. (Philip Roth) • The truth is that I've had a long-standing problem with heroin addiction. I've been known to sniff it, smoke it, swallow it, stick it up my arse and inject it into my veins. (Trainspotting') • Her ass was still shapely as were her legs and she had a seductive wiggle when she walked. (Charles Bukowski)

SYNONYMS: backside • They sat around on their backsides day after day, drinking tea and doing nothing, except complaining, of course. (Norman Keaton) • I've got frost-bite. The ten fingers of my hands, the ten toes of my feet, and the two cheeks of my backside. If I stay out there one minute longer, I'll have a frostbitten cock. (John McGrath) beam Especially used to refer to the width of the hips and buttocks. • She's a nice-looking woman. A bit broad across the beam, it's true, but a nice looker just the same. (James Laffan) behind Euphemistic. • What do you mean 'sexual harassment'? EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Me recuerda a una de esas chicas que se ven por King's Road en vaqueros desgastados meneando sus culitos prietos y tetas balanceantes. • La putilla se levanto y se puso a jugar al pinball, meneando el culo para acompanar elmovimiento de las bolas. • Sufria — Vaya si sufria! — de estreftimiento... mi padre leyendo el periodico vespertino con un supositorio en el culo. • La verdad es que he tenido un problema desde hace mucho con la heroina. He tenido ocasion de esnifarla, tragarla, metermela por el culo e inyectaimela por las venas. • Su culo todavia mantenia una buena Imea, igual que sus piernas, y cuando andaba tenia un contoneo de lo mas seductor.

It was just a friendly little pat on the behind. (David Mairs) • These rich cunts... whenever they want to lower their soft behinds, there's always a chair s t a n d i n g ready for them. (Henry Miller) bottom Euphemistic. • — You know, you've got a lovely bottom. — Oh, you've noticed? — Only it takes up half the mattress. (E.A. Whitehead) bum (UK) • .—'Where shall I sit'? — 'Sit on your bum, mate. That's what I would do'. (Tom Marcus) • Have no fear, I am not dead: I've bumped my bum and I've hurt my head. How's that? (John McGrath) • Give me time. Give me time. You bastards won't give me time to scratch

me bum. (John McGrath) buns (US) From the hemispherical shape of the buttocks. • OK, guys, hustle your buns — we've got a lot of work to do. (Christopher Corsitto) • I was given a cat-o'-nine-tails and asked if I wanted to participate. A man's buttocks were bared before me — a young man, young and handsome, with firm buns — and I began to flog him. (Erica Jong) butt (US) From buttocks. • She slipped on the ice and fell hard on her butt. (Daniel Ogg) • Can any of us honestly say we have not wondered what our ancestors wiped their butts with in the absence of toilet paper? (Salon) • Can your marriage survive El Ingles Prohibido

1

when you can't stand the sight of his ever-widening butt laying on the couch? (Salon) • Women are cursed with big butt phobia. (Salon) can (US) • It was a bad case of haemorrhoids. He could hardly sit down, his can was hurting him so much. (James Laffan) • Monica Lewinsky seduced the most powerful man in the world with a flash of her thong-clad can. Why is this unmentionable garment so sexy? (Salon) cheeks Used especially to refer to the two halves of the buttocks. • She started cleaning at the sink. As she bent over ... I saw two cheeks. Two cheeks. Mama mia! An ass from out of this world. With tiny white panties, riding up a little so you could see one whole cheek. The other was partly covered. (Night on Earth)

fanny (US) Relatively inoffensive in the US, but taboo in the UK, where it has a different meaning. See l.e below. • I hate using an outside john. In summer the flies are swarming all over you, in winter you freeze your fanny off. (Gregory Jonson) • Was it nature or nurture that sent me, from an early age, into fits at the sight of the word 'toilet', or had me rolling on the floor at the thought that a girl could be named 'Fanny'? Half of my relatives do not think bathroom humor is funny. (Salon) keister (US) • So much confidential information was being leaked to the press that President Ronald Reagan finally lost patience. 'I've had it up to my keister with these leaks,' he declared. (Newsweek)

khyber, Khyber Pass (UK) Rhyming slang of pass and ass or arse. • He needs a good kick up the khyber is what he needs. (Alan Beretta) rear Euphemistic. • And if the kiddies misbehave, don't be afraid to give them a slap on the rear. (Daily Mirror) tail (US) Often used in figurative phrases like work one's tail off, run one's tail off. • Don't you understand? If you don't do it, they're going to toss you out on your tail. (Lew Cole) • This is the first time you've had your tail out of that kitchen since we got here. (William Faulkner) • I walked out, the old car started and soon I was back in bed with Betty. I pushed up against her warm tail and was asleep in 45 seconds. (Charles Bukowski)

1. b arsehole, asshole -ano • What's wrong with assholes, baby? You've got an asshole, I've got an asshole... The world is full of billions of assholes, the President has an asshole, the carwash boy has an asshole, the judge and the murderer have assholes. (Charles Bukowski) • There were thousands upon thousands of people who bought bad chemicals and ate them or sniffed them or injected them into their veins... Sometimes they even stuffed bad chemicals up their assholes. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) * Around the toilet seat was a band of paper... This loop of paper guaranteed Dwayne that he need have no fear that corkscrew-shaped little animals would crawl up his asshole and eat up his wiring. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) * I wouldn't go near that pool if you paid me — it is a breeding ground for polio and spinal meningitis, not to mention diseases of the skin, the scalp, and the asshole. (Philip Roth)

2

El Ingles Prohibido

• Que tienen de malo los anos, nena? Tu tienes un ano, yo tengo un ano!... El mundo esta repleto de millones de anos. El presidente tiene un ano, el lavacoches tiene un ano, el juez y el asesino tienen anos. • Habia miles y miles de personas que compraban sustancias quimicas nocivas y se las comian o las esnifaban o se las inyectaban en las venas... A veces, incluso se metian las sustancias quimicas nocivas por el agujero del culo. • Alrededor del retrete habia una banda de papel... Aquella banda de papel le garantizaba a Dwayne que no tenia por que temer que ningiun bichito con forma de sacacorchos fuera a metersele por el culo y a comerle sus cables. • Yo no me acercaria a esa piscina ni aunque me pagaran; es un caldo de cultivo de la polio y la meningitis espinal, por no hablar de las enfermedades de la piel, el cuero cabelludo y el ano. EDITORIAL STANLEY

SYNONYMS: round brown • Turn around and bend over and spread your cheeks,

1. c

Bend over and show me that round brown. I gotta see if you're hiding a machine gun in there. (Joseph Wambaugh) •••

cock -polla, verga

* My husband had this big cock and that's all he had. He had no personality. Just a big cock, and he thought that was all he needed. (Charles Bukowski) * She had my cock in her hand, playing with it, rubbing it. (Henry Miller) * She came out with her drink, sat on my lap, kissed me, putting her tongue into my mouth. My cock leaped up against her firm bottom. I grabbed a handful. Squeezed. (Charles Bukowski)

• Mi marido tenia una polla enorme, pero era lo unico que tenia. No tenia personalidad. Solo una enorme polla y pensaba que era lo unico que habia que tener. • Tenia mi polla en su mano, jugando con ella, frotandola. • Salio con su copa y se sento en mi regazo, me beso, metiendome la lengua en la boca. Mi polla se puso como una roca al contacto de su firme trasero. Se lo agarre". Aprete".

SYNONYMS: All the following terms are taboo. In context, however, some may seem more comical than others. Some — e.g. peter, Johnson and willy — would be more likely to be used by, and with, children. chopper • Men who drive cars like that subconsciously believe they've found an extension of their chopper — sleek, powerful, irresistible. (Gabriella T. Oldfield) • I know what it's like when you're young. The pressure to be a big strong man. I went through all that. My father thought the ultimate in masculinity was to stick your chopper into anything that wore a skirt. (Peter Nichols) dick • Hey, listen, I want somebody good — and I mean very good — to plant that gun. I don't want my brother coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hands. (The Godfather) • 'Like a Virgin' is all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The whole song is a metaphor for big dicks. (Reservoir EDITORIAL STANLEY

Dogs) • I do not take short men tool. Or a peter. — I've heard seriously. If they're my height, Nathan call it his dork. Also, his maybe. But I look at a short man putz. (William Styron) and I think Big Ego, Small Dick. dork (US) Perhaps a variant Is that so terrible? (Courtney of dirk, a dagger. • He had the Weaver) • I would suck your great bulging muscles of a dad's big fat dick, and then I body-builder but this strangely would fuck him till his eyes contradictory modest little rolled back in his head! (Ameri- dork. (Gabriella T. Oldfield) can Beauty) .• What strength she has stored dipstick From the dipstick of a in that slender frame — the car. • He accepted her invitation glorious acrobatics she can with high, alas soon-to-be-dis- perform while dangling from appointed, hopes of soon getting the end of my dork! (Philip his dipstick wet. (Alan Beretta) Roth) dong (US) • I was wholly inca- John Thomas Arbitrary use of pable of keeping my paws from a male name. • 'John Thomas! my dong once it started to climb John Thomas!' she said and she up my belly. (Philip Roth) quickly kissed the soft penis, • — What do you call it in the that was beginning to stir again. South? — Sometimes we call it (D.H. Lawrence) • If you get any a pecker. In parts of the upper trouble with them, funny busiSouth they call it a dong or a ness in the ablutions, admiring El Ingles Prohibido

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your John Thomas, any of that, have a word with me. (Peter Nichols) • Poor old John Thomas is as limp and as moribund as a flayed worm. (William Styron) Johnson Arbitrary use of the surname Johnson. • Tomorrow vee come back and cut off your chonson... Ja, your viggly penis, Lebowski. (The Big Lebowski) • Vagina. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. They don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his 'dick' or his 'rod' or his 'Johnson'. (The Big Lebowski) joint (US) • One of those m o t h e r f u c k e r s grabbed me when I was Bobby's age. At the movies... we're all wondering what this old guy is doing at the cartoons, and he sits down at the end of the row, and halfway through he reaches over and grabs my joint. Reaches over another guy and grabs me by the joint. (David Mamet) • Hey, Joe. You been kissing Anastasia, you better go swallow a drugstore and I ain't kidding. She's copped every joint in Albuquerque. (James Leo Herlihy) pecker (US) • When he was asleep, I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I carefully peeled back the sheet to peek at his pecker. (Gabriella T. Oldfield) • All she done was... when she seen he had a teensy little pecker, she gave a giggle. That's all. She didn't know no better. (Unforgiven) • You stake a guy out on an anthill in the desert, see? He's facing

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upward, and you put honey all over his balls and pecker, and you cut off his eyelids so he has to stare at the sun till he dies. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) peter From the male forename and the association with pee, urine. • This guy goes to the doctor. He says, 'Doc, I've got this terrible pain in my peter'. (Tom Marcus) • Do you suck dicks? Are you a peter-puffer? (Full Metal Jacket) • No lipstick on the glass? Baby, do you think you have any lipstick left on your mouth after three or four of those flossy fatcats from Brentwood with those limp little peters make you suck your eyes crossed? (Joseph Wambaugh) prick • You need something to make that beautiful ass of yours gyrate with joy, a big stiff prick rammed into that cunt you've got locked up... (William Styron) • The ad in Rolling Stone is certainly eyecatching — the words 'Why Women Love a Small Prick', appearing opposite a bedroomeyed model in lingerie. But read the fine print — it's a pitch for a home HIV test, and the prick in question is the kind made on a finger to get the blood sample. (Salon) putz (US) Yiddish, from Middle High German putz, ornaments. Properly, the foreskin of a penis after it has been removed, but generally applied to the penis as a whole. • This sex maniac! He simply cannot — will not — control the fires in his putz, the fevers in his brain... (Philip Roth) schlong, shlong (US) Yiddish.

• Schlong: the word somehow catches exactly the brutishness, the meatishness, that I admire so, the sheer mindless, weighty, and unselfconscious dangle of that living piece of hose through which he passes streams of water as thick and strong as rope. (Philip Roth) • 'I see you're checking out my shlong,' Wayne says. 'Yep.' 'And...?' 'Frankly, I'm underwhelmed.' (Erica Jong) tool • He allowed me to have the prick between the buttocks, which, as I fucked, he agitated in a most alarming way. At this point I put my hand under him and took his medium-to-large tool in my hand. (Joe Orton) wang (US) He was lying on his back. His ankles were crossed. His hands were folded behind his head. His great wang lay across his thigh like a salami. It slumbered now. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) whang, whanger (US) • His right eye was closed, the left eye nearly so. He was unaware of her f o n d l i n g his flaccid whanger. (Joseph Wambaugh) • — Absence makes the cock grow harder. — Stop it with your fortune cookie philosophy! I got a limber whang. I don't get straight I might as well become a priest! (Joseph Wambaugh) • 'Oh, honey!' cried the whore. 'You got balls like an elephant and a w h a n g like an ox!' (Joseph Wambaugh) willy (UK) Some drunkard was caterwauling in the street. 'Will you still love me when I'm old and grey and the tip of my willy turns blue?' (James Laffan)

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1. d

balls -huevos, pelotas, cojones

• Then I felt something jamming its way into My -crotch. It moved way up there, I looked round and there was a German Shepherd, fullgrownt, with his nose half-way up my ass. With one snap of his jaws he could rip off my balls. (Charles Bukowski) . 'For an ugly old son of a bitch, you've got a lot of balls,' She said. (Charles Bukowski) . Tammie had her head in Bobby's lap and she had her hand on his balls and then she moved it up and grabbed his cock and held his cock, and alt the time her eyes looked directly at me. (Charles Bokowski)

SYNONYMS: ballocks From Old English bealluc, testicle. • He's not particularly sophisticated. Seems to spend a lot of time publicly scratching his ballocks. (James Laffan) • It was in the 18th century that some of our rude words first became so. 'Ballocks', for instance, was, from the llth century, simply the usual term for 'testicles' (the reassuringly Latinate term that is now acceptable), but somehow, by 1800, became improper. (Guardian) cobblers (UK) Rhyming slang of

cobbler's awls and balls. • Give him a swift kick in the cobblers, then run like hell. (Alan Beretta) goolies Apparently derived from Hindustani gol, a ball. • They'll do what we want because they don't have any choice. We have them by the goolies and they know it. (David Bellis) knackers (UK) • The absurdity of it all struck me like a fist in the knackers. (Philip Larkin) • I may regret him for a while tonight. His knackers were superb. (Graham Greene) marbles • You touch my stuff, you get a boot in your marbles.

* And what about the Irish girl? She was in and out of her chalet every half hoar with a different bloke. She must have a cunt like Heathrow Airport. (E.A. Whitehead) * O Tania, where now is that warm cunt of yours, those fat, heavy garters, those soft, bulging thighs? There is a bone in my prick six inches long, I will ream out every wrinkle in your cunt, Tania, big with seed. (Henry

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. Entonces senti algo que me hurgaba en la entrepierna, iba subiendo hacia arriba. Me volvi y vi un pastor aleman, Wen crecido, con su hocico debajo de mi culo. Con un movimiento de mandibulas me podia arrancar las pelotas. * —Para ser un feo hijo de puta tienes muchos cojones —-dijo ella. * Tammie tenia su cabeza en el regazo de Bobby y tenia la mano puesta en sus huevos, luego la subi6 y agarro su polla, sosteniendola, y en todo momento sus ojos me miraban directamente.

(Peter Nichols) nuts • Lyndon Johnson was cynical about schemes to win the hearts and minds of the Vietnamese. His philosophy was: Grab them by the nuts, their hearts and minds will follow. (Newsweek) • Nigel St Claire didn't know bowling balls from elephant's nuts, for chrissake! (Joseph Wambaugh) stones Originally in standard use, but now slang. • As my old unarmed combat instructor used to say: a boot in the stones is worth two in the teeth any day of the week. (William Bennet)

* Y que me dices de la chica iriandesa? Entraba y salia de su chalet cada media hora con un tipo diferente, Debia de tener un cono como el aeropuerto de Heathrow. • Oh, Tania! Donde estara ahora aquel calido cono tuyo, aquellas gruesas y pesadas ligas, aquellos muslos suaves y turgentes? Tengo un hueso en la picha de quince centimetros, Voy a alisarte todas las arrugas del cono. Tania inundandote de esperma. El Ingles Prohibido

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• Amazing! Astonishing! Still can't get over the fantastic idea that when you are looking at a girl, you are looking at somebody who is guaranteed to have on her — a cunt! They all have cunts! Right under their dresses! Cunts — for fucking! (Philip Roth) • I placed her hand on my cock and then pulled up her nightie. I began to play with her cunt. The clit came out and I touched it gently again and again. Finally, I mounted. My cock entered halfway. It was very tight. (Charles Bukowski)

SYNONYMS:

• Sorprendente! jAsombroso! Todavia no puedes admitir la fantastica idea de que, cuandd estas mirando a una chica, estas mirando a alguien que, sin la menor duda, posee... un cono! jTodas tienen cono! jDebajo mismo de sus vestidos! Conos... jpara joder! • Puse su mano en mi verga y luego le sub! el camison. Empece a jugar con su cono. Se erigid el clitoris y lo acaricie con ternura, una y otra vez. Finalmente, la monte. Mi verga entr6 hasta la mitad. Su cono era muy estrecho.

clear as daylight. (Alan Beretta) minge • How d'you fancy a beaver • The expression was touch of Black Velvet? Old first used by news photogra- Sylvia now? She's a good sort. phers, who often got to see up Clever too. They reckon she can women's skirts at accidents and smoke a cheroot in her minge. sporting events and from under- (Peter Nichols) neath fire escapes and so on. pootie Corruption of pussy. They needed a code word to yell • She's quite cute, you know. to other newsmen and friendly Young supple breasts, a tight policemen and firemen and so firm ass, and an uncharted on, to let them know what could pootie. (Cruel Intentions) be seen, in case they wanted to pussy (US) Possibly from Old see it. The word was this: 'Bea- Norse puss, meaning a pocket or ver!' (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) • She pouch. • What are you talking might have been fifteen, but about? You walk out with those when you get that little red bea- fuckin' creeps and low-lifes and ver right up there in front of degenerates out on the streets you... no man alive could resist and you sell your little pussy for that. (One Flew Over the Cuck- nothing. For some low-life pimp oo's Nest) who stands in the hall? And I'm box • She was wearing toreador square? You're the one that's pants so tight you could almost square. (Taxi Driver) see the crack of her box. (Joseph slit • Oh, thou evil-smelling Slit Wambaugh) • The chief looked / But half an inch removed from at Mrs Billings spread-eagled on shit! / How can men wallow in the bed... 'Damn, she's got a thy piss / And call it everlasting hairy box!' Chief Lynch whis- bliss? (Robert Burns) • His cock tled. (Joseph Wambaugh) was out, large, purple, ugly... fanny (UK) Not the same mean- Martin heard the boys' voices ing as in the US. See l.a above. saying, 'Look! Look! He's got • She had her dress hiked up and that big thing and he's trying to she wasn't wearing any knick- stick that big thing into her slit!' ers. I could see her fanny as (Charles Bukowski) 6

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snatch • Sharon Stone crossed her legs and flashed some snatch — about one tenth of a second's worth — and was instantly world-famous. (Frank McCabe) • What word to use? 'Pussy' was on the tip of my tongue. But perhaps he found that offensive. Cunt? No, that was worse. Snatch? Beaver? Hole? No, no, and no. Plain old vagina? No, he wasn't my gynecologist. I sighed. (Courtney Weaver) twat • He would sit in the dark for hours on end remembering her pendulous tits, her steaming twat. Men are more sentimental than women. (John Ogilby) • A man! That was what she craved. A man with something between his legs that could tickle her, that could make her writhe in ecstasy, make her grab that bushy twat of hers with both hands and rub it joyfully, boastfully, proudly, with a sense of connection, a sense of life. (Henry Miller) • His blue eyes crossed and bulged from the meticulous maddening scrutiny of the golden twat of his beloved. (Joseph Wambaugh)

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1. f clit -clitoris • Now, look, I want to show you something — the clit. It's where the feeling is. The clit hides, you see, it comes out when it's excited enough. It's pink and very sensitive. You only have to touch it with the tip of your tongue. (Charles Bukowski) • I rubbed a finger along her cunt. Soon it got wet and began to open. I put my finger inside. Then I pulled it out and rubbed the clit. (Charles Bukowski) • I blossomed and Elmore sulked. Less and less was his tongue felt on my clit or his cock on my buttocks. (Erica Jong)

SYNONYMS: fun pimple When I take the tip of my tongue and wiggle it against

• Atento, quiero ensenarte algo — el clitoris. Es el punto sensible. El clitoris se esconde, ves?, y sale cuando hay suficiente excitacion. Es rosado y muy sensible. Solo has de rozarlo con la punta de la lengua. • Pase un dedo por su cono, pronto se humedeci6 y empezo a abrirse. Meti el dedo dentro, luego lo saque y frote el clitoris. • Madure y Elmore se puso de mal humor. Cada vez con menor frecuencia era sentia su lengua en mi clitoris o su polla sobre mis nalgas.

my Mary Louise's little fun pimple, she rises two feet off the bed. (Reservoir Dogs)

1. g pubes -vello pubico Not an obscene or even a slang term, pubes has nevertheless acquired taboo connotations, by association with contexts like those which follow:

• Nick went down and spread Linda's legs. Her pubes were long and twisted and tangled. (John Ogilby) • Her pubes were the same colour as the hair on her head: red, like fire. (Charles Bukowski) • I wanted for her to put my cock in her cunt, but she just kept rubbing. Her pubes began to irritate my cock. I pulled away. (James Laffan)

SYNONYMS: bush • It was a bush shot. You could see the pubic hair but not the sex parts. (John Irving) • Implants, calogen, plastics, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush shaved — these are not real women, alright? (Beautiful Girls) muff From the alleged resemEDITORIAL STANLEY

• Nick se inclino y abrio las piernas de Linda. Los pelos de su cono eran largos, rizados y enredados. • Su vello pubico era del mismo color que el de su cabeza: rojo, como el fuego. • Espere que la metiera dentro, pero ella sigui6 frotando. Su vello empez6 a irritarme la polla. Abandon6.

blance between the pubic hair and a fur muff. • Then he tells me he buried his head in her muff. (Henry Miller) snatch-hair • Know what I did when I was fifteen? Sent a lock of my snatch-hair off in an envelope to M a r l o n B r a n d o . Prick d i d n ' t even have the courtesy to acknowledge receipt. (Philip Roth)

thatch • Arabs don't like women with too much thatch, in fact they tend to like them cleanshaven. (W.C. Doughty) • He found that Foxy Farrell made him itch all over — to throw her down and bury his face in the burnished thatch of pubic hair which had been shaved to the shape of a heart. (Joseph Wambaugh) El Ingles Prohibido

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1. h

private parts -partes pudendas

. 'Look,' I said, once we were out of the store, 'a little shopping advice; when you go off to do something so very simple as exchanging money for goods, it isn't necessary to flash your snatch at everyone this side of the horizon. Okay?' 'Flash what? Who flashed anything?' 'You, Mary Jane! Your supposedly private parts!' (Philip Roth)

SYNONYMS: privates • The most playful variation is Barbara Aselmeier's. Her screen boasts a dozen identical snapshots of a bearded,

• —Mira —dije, una vez que salimos de la tienda—, permiteme un consejo: cuando vayas a hacer algo tan sencillo como cambiar dinero por una mercancia, no es necesario que le ensenes el cono a todo el mundo. De acuerdo? — Ensenar que? Quien ha ensenado nada? —jTu, Mary Jane! Tus supuestas partes intimas!

burly man. In each instance, he is naked but for a computer icon, a space-age fig leaf, covering his privates. (New York Times) • The dancer wiped the black man's glasses on what the Vice

Squad would have called her 'privates'. (Ed McBain) parts Lydia was probably kissing some son of a bitch right now, or worse, kissing his parts. (Charles Bukowski)

1. i tits -tetas • — Do you miss having tits? — To be completely frank with you, that is the stupidest question I ever heard. What man in his right mind would want tits? (David Mamet) • As we kissed I reached down into her blouse. I found a tit and cupped my hand on it and rolled it around. She wasn't wearing a bra. (Charles Bukowski) « He was still sucking Laura's tits, going from one to the other. Her nipples were erect. (James Laffan) • I mean, think about it. I have big tits. Is that the only reason he was interested in me? It makes me rethink this entire relationship — did I even know this guy? (Courtney Weaver) • She was a bit fat. Her tits were very large but they sagged a lot. (John Ogilby) • She was all tits and ass. (Lenny Bruce) • She was on the bed with only her panties on. One hand was covering her eyes. Her tits looked good. (James Laffan)

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• — Echas de menos tener tetas? — Para serte completamente sincero, esa es la pregunta mas estupida que he oido. Que hombre en su sano juicio querria tetas? • Mientras nos besabamos me adentre en su blusa. Encontre una teta y la abarque con mi mano acariciandola. No llevaba sosten. • Todavia estaba chupando los pechos de Laura, pasando del uno al otro. Los pezones estaban duros. • Piensatelo. Tengo tetas grandes. i,Es esa la unica raz6n por la que se intereso en mi? Me hace replantearme toda esta relacidn — llegue a conocer a este tipo? • Estaba un poco gorda. Sus tetas eran muy grandes, pero le caian flaceidas. • Era todo tetas y culo. • Estaba en la cama solo con las bragas puestas. Tenia un brazo tapandose los ojos. Sus tetas tenian buena pinta.

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SYNONYMS: bazooms (US) From a comic mispronunciation of bosom. • It was another case of Bio-Energetic Breast Cream for South Beach bazooms. (Elmore Leonard) boobs • Pulling one of her boobs out of her bra, she enquired, 'Anyone like a little more milk.' (Philip Thomas) • I've been baby-sitting since I was ten, I've got almost three thousand dollars. I was saving it for a boob job. But my tits can wait. (American Beauty) • He also recognizes how the pressure to prove his masculinity drove him to objectify girls. 'I treated my girlfriends really bad,' he says. 'I admit it. I was

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like, Oh, there's a pair of boobs, I'll go stand next to it. I think I'll go talk to it.' (New York Times) bristols (UK) Rhyming slang of Bristol City, a football club, and titty. • Her full and shapely bristols bobbled up and down as she ran. (Alan Beretta) jugs Perhaps from the association with milk jug. • Her buns and jugs filled her bikini to overflowing. (John Ogilby) knockers From the notion of pendulous breasts knocking together. • The good news is that Gloria has a pretty nice set of knockers, all right. And dynamite legs. And she ain't got no balls. The bad news is, she ain't had her second operation yet.

She still has her dick! (Joseph Wambaugh) • I have a feeling all modern men are like this. They spout the lines, but then in the face of some luscious knockers, they revert back to little boys who haven't gotten enough of that X-rated feeling. How can I trust any of 'em? (Courtney Weaver) melons • If Demi Moore wants to fill her melons up with silicon, it's ok. with me, but don't expect me to admire them. (New York Times) • Why baby, I did it all for you. I thought you'd like it sweetheart... Why, I thought you'd get all excited... sort of heave and pant and come running at me, your melons bobbling. (Edward Albee)

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EXERCISE

1.1

In each of the following lists, all the words are synonymous except one. Spot the odd man out and explain why the word in question is misplaced. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

(a) twat (b) putz (c) slit (d) pussy (e) box (f) snatch (a) joint (b) tool (c) dick (d) prick (e) beaver (f) pecker (a) nuts (b) ballocks (c) pubes (d) stones (e) cobblers (f) goolies (a) privates (b) jugs (c) melons (d) bristols (e) knockers (f) boobs (a) tail (b) bum (c) beam (d) bush (e) butt (f) rear

EXERCISE 1.2 Here are some less common slang terms for the various parts of the body dealt with in this chapter. Try to identify the part of the body to which each group of synonyms refers. oyster catcher, patch, oven, micky, middle leg, tube, pen1. assets, bangers, bazongas, bapoor man's blessing, quiff, cil, dingdong, sausage, zookas, billibongs, bombers, quim, quiver, slot, snapper, plonker, winkle, stalk, rig, bouncers, bubbas, steam room, tunnel, ding-a-ling, prong, tonk, shaft, butterballs, cantaloupes, twitcher, vertical smile candle, joy stick, reamer, tickcharlies, gazongas, goombas, ler, wazoo, wire, yang hooters, howitzers, 4. chooms, bangers, cherries, kalamazoos, lactoids, clangers, danglers, eggs, 3. bearded clam, hair pie, ace of nancies, palookas, patooties, jewels, marbles, onions, spades, bull's eye, bunny, peaches, torpedoes, waterplums, pounders, swingers, button hole, cleft, cockpit, melons, wobblers, woofers, knackers, pills, rocks cookie, cranny, crease, zeppelins, zingers 5. prat, moon, rass, rear, duff, cunny, front window, jacksy, tochus, bim, slats, furburger, honey-pot, key2. cherry picker, yard, knob, quoit, chuff, zatch, bronze, hole, Lady Jane, meat poker, doodle, snake, needle, tush, acre, heinie grinder, nest, niche, nook, pego, machine, dingus, organ, EXERCISE 1.3 Translate the following sentences into English. 1. Empece a frotar mi polla contra su vientre. Me aparto de un empujon. 2. Empece a jugar con su cono. Se erigio el clitoris y lo acaricie con ternura. 3. Mi marido no tenia personalidad, solo una enorme polla. 4. No te quedes ahi tocandote las narices, haz algo. 5. Me picaba el ano pero habia demasiada gente y no podia rascarmelo. 6. Tetas y culo. Lo unico que le importa son las tetas y el culo. 7. Nos metimos debajo de las sabanas y empece a jugar con sus partes. 8. Con un movimiento de mandlbulas el perro podia arrancarme las pelotas. 9. Me picaba el escroto. El picor se fue haciendo insoportable. Segui caminando y rascandome los cojones. 10. A veces se metian las sustancias quimicas nocivas por el agujero del culo. 11. Las chicas no tenian tetas y sus traseros eran pequenitos. 12. Los pelos de su cono eran largos, rizados y enredados. 13. Se sento en mi regazo y me beso. Mi polla se puso como una roca en contacto con su firme trasero. 14. Hay que darle una buena patada para que se ponga en movimiento. 15. Pase un dedo por su cono, pronto se humedecio y se abrio. Meti el dedo dentro. 16. Se me fue el pie y me cai de culo. 17. Tenia miedo de las enfermedades de la piel, el cuero cabelludo y el ano. 18. Todavia estaba chupando las tetas de Clare. Los pezones estaban alzados. 19. Tenia su mano puesta en los huevos de Tom, luego la subio hacia arriba y agarro su polla. 20. Era una cuestion de valor. Me pregunte si tendria suficientes cojones.

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EXERCISE 1.4 (Gina picks up a Penthouse magazine and tells two of her male friends, Mitch and Tommy, what she thinks of the image of female beauty the magazine presents.) I'm speaking to both of you, okay, you're both fucking insane. You wanna know what your problem is? MTV, Playboy, and Madison fucking Avenue. Yeah. Let me explain something to you. OK, look, girls with big tits have big asses, girls with little tits have little asses. That's the way it goes. God doesn't fuck around, he's a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful tits, and the skinnies little, tiny niddlers. If you don't like it, call him. Hey Mitch. Thank you. Oh guys, look what we have here... (picking up Penthouse magazine and opening it) Look at this: your favorite. Yeah, that's nice, right? Well, it doesn't exist, okay? Look at the hair. The hair is long, it's flowing, it's like a river. Well, it's a fucking weave, okay? And the tits. Please, I could hang my overcoat on them. Tits, by design, are intended to be suckled by babies. Yeah, they're purely functional. These are silicone city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubes. Pubic hair being so unruly and all. Very vain. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bullshit. Implants, calogen, plastics, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush shaved — these are not real women, alright? They're beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered boobs, our cellulite, feel somewhat inadequate. Well, I don't buy it, alright? While you fuckers think that there's a chance in hell that you'll end up with one of these women you don't give us real women any thing approaching a commitment. It's pathetic. I don't know what you think you're going to do. You're going to end up 80 years old, drooling in some nursing home, and then you'll decide that it's time to settle down, get married, have kids. What are you going to do: find a cheerleader? From the screenplay Beautiful Girls by Scott Rosenberg Using what you have learned in this chapter and in the preceding exercises and what you can guess from the context, find words or phrases in the above passage corresponding to these descriptions: 1. A word which, as an adverb, means 'very, extremely'; and which, as an adjective, has no precise meaning but is used purely for negative emphasis. 2. Three words which mean female breasts. 3. The standard American English term for buttocks. 4. A phrasal verb which means to tamper, play, toy or meddle, to treat in an irresponsible way. 5. Two words for pubic hair. 6. A word which, in this context, means mendacious nonsense. 7. A derogatory term which can be used of any male.

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2: BODY FUNCTIONS l.a

piss -mear, meada

Although both a verb and a noun, like its synonyms listed below, piss is frequently used in verbal constructions like to go for a piss, to take a piss, to have a piss, etc. « I finished my drink and went into the bathroom to take a piss. (James Laffan) » How in hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else? (Charles Bukowski)

• I looked out and saw a guy standing on the porch, pissing. He was pissing against a bush to the left of the porch. The piss shot upwards in a solid stream and then fell back downwards into the bushes. (Charles Bukowski)

SYNONYMS: leak Used mainly in the expression to take a leak. • Sometimes somebody would say, 'Excuse me, I have to take a leak'. This was a way of saying that the speaker intended to drain liquid wastes from his body through a valve in his lower abdomen. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) pee • I had to take a pee, so I excused myself and I went to the bathroom down the hallway. (Smoke) • 'Hey, hey, what's the matter?' Joe asked. Ratso looked at him quickly and then he looked away again, and softly, almost inaudibly, he said, 'I peed.' 'You what?' 'Peed! Peed! Peed my 12

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• Acabe mi copa y fui al bano a echar una meada. • Cdmo cono podia un hombre disfrutar si su sueno era mterrumpido a las 6:30 de la manana por el estrepito de un despertador, tenia que saltar fuera de la cama, vestirse, desayunar sin ganas, cagar, mear, cepillarse los dientes y el pelo y pelear con el trafico hasta llegar a un lugar donde uno suele ganar cantidad de dinero para otro? • Mire y vi a un tipo de pie en el porche, meando. Estaba meando en un arbusto a la izquierda del porche; la meada se arquea ba en un solido chorro, hacia arriba, y luego, hacia los matorrales.

pants!' (James Leo Herlihy) piddle • Every ten minutes or so he excused himself with the words, 'I'm going for a piddle. Be right back.' I concluded he had a bad bladder. (Daniel Ogg) • American researchers, standing with stopwatches outside motorway service stations, have found that women take almost twice as long to piddle as men, or rather twice as long to emerge from the toilets; one and a half minutes for a woman, an amazing 44 seconds for a man. Something has to be done. (Guardian) pish (Scots, Irish) The dog stopped suddenly, cocked a hind leg and pished against the

lamppost. (Seamus Easton) slash All those hours I've been sitting out here waiting for you, afraid I'd miss you. Christ, I'm bursting for a slash. (James Laffan) tinkle That's another problem with suede shoes: you're always in danger of tinkling on them and then the stain's there forever, isn't it? (Alan Beretta) wee-wee Mainly a children's word. • Don't forget, dear, the little ones do a wee-wee before they go to bed. (E.A. Whitehead) widdle • — 'Anybody know where Frankie is?' — 'Yeah, he's just stepped out for a widdle'. (Alan Beretta)

EDITORIAL STANLEY

2. b

shit, shite -cagar, mierda

Shit is the more common of the two forms but shite, used mainly in northern England, Scotland and Ireland, is the more expressive. It is both a verb and a noun. As a verb, shit is irregular: either shitshit-shit, or shit-shat-shat. As the examples demonstrate, the word is frequently used in a figurative sense. Numerous idiomatic uses are examined in more detail in Chapter 10. • As a schoolboy I could not think of a time when I had ever shat in company. I had always shat alone. In a room that was locked. The thought of having to shit with someone doing the same thing twelve inches away disgusted me, (Ken Lukowiak) • I went to the crapper and had a shit. Constipation wasn't one of my problems. (John Ogilby) • I felt like having a shit. I took off my pants and squatted in the brush with the flies and the mosquitoes. I had to wipe myself with leaves. (Charles Bukowski) » Piles of rubbish everywhere, dirty plates, shit stains in the toilet, crud in the bathtub. (Gabriella T. Oldfield) • She talked about Huxley and Lawrence in Italy. What shit. (Charles Bukowski) • I'm going to tell her the truth. I'm going to end this shit. (James Laffan)

RELATED TERMS: crap From the name of Thomas Crapper, inventor of the flushing toilet. • Oh, Doctor, I wipe and I wipe and I wipe, I spend as much time wiping as I do crapping, maybe even more. I use toilet paper like it grew on trees. (Philip Roth) dingleberry A piece of dried faecal matter attached to the hair around the anus. • With a pained expression he detached the tenacious dingleberry, then fetched it up to eye level for inspection. (James Laffan) doodley-squat (US) Mainly used figuratively, meaning nothEDITORIAL STANLEY

• Cuando era nino jamas se me habia ocurrido la idea de cagar acompanado. Siempre habia cagado solo. En una habitaci6n cerrada con pestillo. Pensar que tendria que cagar con alguien haciendo lo mismo a treinta centfmetros me asqueaba. • Fui al bafto y eche una cagada. El estrenimiento no era uno de mis problemas. • Tenia ganas de echar una cagada. Me baje los pantalones y me agache entre los arbustos con moscas y mosquitos. Me tuve que limpiar con hojas. • Montones de basura por todas partes, platos sucios, manchas de mierda en el retrete, costras en la banera. • Ella hablaba de Huxley y de Lawrence en Italia. Vaya mierda. • Le voy a decir la verdad. Voy a acabar con esta mierda!

ing or very little. • Their country was by far the richest and most powerful country on the planet ... Most other countries d i d n ' t have d o o d l e y - s q u a t . (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) dump (US) • You ever take a dump made you feel like you'd j u s t slept for twelve hours? (Glengarry Glen Ross) • I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump! (Full Metal Jacket) pooh, poo, poo-poo A children's word, from the exclamation pooh provoked by an unpleasant smell. • 'I need to

pooh,' one four-year-old toddler w h i s p e r e d d i f f i d e n t l y . (Gladys Hellman) • Gus and Theo, his best mate from playgroup, hit the pottytalk stage together. Their anthem, or should I say mantra, became, 'Poo-poo, wee-wee, bum-bum', repeated in the car, at the lunch table and at teatime until the boys were red-faced and gasping from giggling. (Carol Hall) poop, poopy • I never saw such a dirty town — litter scattered everywhere, dog poop all over the place. (Gabriella T. Oldfield) • A recent cartoon on Japanese TV features a hero who makes a El Ingles Prohibido

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sidekick out of his own faeces. Meanwhile, at the local temple, visitors buy plastic poop trinkets to bring them good luck. And at the corner store, a vast array of poop-shaped candy is on sale — a veritable coprophagous feast. (Salon) turd A piece of excrement. • I

2.

c

fart

hadn't been there more than ten minutes before there were three turds on the carpet. A superficially humorous but vicious dispute ensued about who had done the turds. (Helen Fielding) • The five of us are standing there looking at the bidet. There are two enormous turds floating in

-pedo

• God or somebody keeps creating women and tossing them out on the streets, and this one's ass is too big and that one's tits are too small and this one is mad and that one is crazy ... and this one can't control her farts. (Charles Bukowski) • At least McHugh wasn't there, stinking the place out with his farts. (James Laffan) • Sometimes when I'm drinking a cup of pale tea in which he has dropped a rose leaf he comes alongside of me and lets a loud fart, right in my face. He never says 'Excuse me!' (Henry Miller) • When I fart in the bathtub, she kneels naked on the tile floor, leans all the way over, and kisses the bubbles. (Philip Roth) • Another animal invented by the Creator of the Universe was a Mexican beetle which could make a blank cartridge gun out of its rear end. It could detonate its own farts and knock over other bugs with shock waves. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.)

SYNONYMS: breezer (Austr) • How could you get any sleep in a ward like that, with half a dozen old geriatric bastards snoring and wheezing and hawking and letting breezers all around you every blessed instant of the night? It was like trying to kip in a war zone. (Barry Osworth) hummer (UK) An evil-smelling 14

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the water. The madam bends down and puts a towel over it. (Henry Miller) • Life and literature is a question of what one thrills to, and further than that no man shall go without putting his foot in a turd. (Philip Larkin)

• Dios, o quien sea, no para de crear mujeres y de lanzarlas al mundo, y el culo de esta es demasiado grande y las tetas de esa son demasiado pequenas, y esta otra esta chiflada y aquella es una histerica... y esta no puede controlar sus pedos. • Al menos alli no estara McHugh apestando los pozos con sus pedos. • A veces, cuando estoy tomando una taza de te claro en el que ha echado un petalo de rosa, se me acerca y se tira un sonoro pedo en mis propias nances. Nunca dice: 'jPerddn!' • Cuando me echo un pedo en la banera, ella se arrodilla desnuda, en el embaldosado suelo, se inclina y besa las burbujas. • Otro animal inventado por el Creador del Universo era un escarabajo mejicano que podia convertir su parte posterior en una especie de cartucho sin bala por el que lanzar pedos a propulsion y abatir a otros bichos con las ondas de choque.

fart. • What one of you fuckers farted? Christ, what a hummer! (James Laffan) roaster (UK) A hot, noiseless, noisome fart. • You never knew she had unleashed a roaster until it was too late. They were silent and deadly. The smell, like a fetid wind blowing over a field of putrefying red cabbages, would hit you all at once, bringing a flood of tears to your eyes. Then she

would go hee-hee-hee, as if she'd just accomplished something hilarious. (John Ogilby) squelcher A fart with liquid content. Also known as a GBL fart, an abbreviation of Gambled But Lost. • He knew he shouldn't have eaten the figs. Now he'd be laying squelchers from arsehole to breakfast time. (John Ogilby)

EDITORIAL STANLEY

2. d

the shits -la cagalera

* The introduction of fresh rations into our bodies had a none-too-pleasant effect on our digestive systems. We got the shits. (Ken Lukowiak) * After that dinner, I had the shits for a month. (Gabriella T. Oldfield) * When I awakened I was sweating. I got up and went to the bathroom. I had the running shits. Then I got up and wiped, looked; what a mess, I thought, what a lovely powerful stink. Then I vomited and flushed it all away. (Charles Bukowski)

SYNONYMS: Aztec revenge Strictly, the term applies only to diarrhoea suffered by visitors to Mexico, but it is widely understood. • With his luck he'd die of Aztec Revenge anyway, first time he had a Bibb lettuce salad. (Joseph Wambaugh) the runs • I never eat canta-

La introduccion de provisiones frescas en nuestros cuerpos tuvo un efecto nada agradable sobre nuestros aparatos digestivos. Nos entro la cagalera. • Despues de esa cena, tuve cagalera durante un mes. • Cuando me desperte estaba sudando. Me levante y fui al bano. Tenia diarrea. Cuando me incorpore y me limpie, eche un vistazo; vaya un plato, pense, que adorable y poderosa peste. Entonces vomite y tire de la cadena.

loupe. It gives me the runs. (David Mamet) the squits (UK) It was supposed to be a high-class Parisian restaurant, so you didn't expect the loo to be one of those awful Arab affairs: two wretched footholds to squat on and an obscenely dark little hole in the middle. To cap it all, at least one previous patron had clearly had the squits.

(Gabriella T. Oldfield) the squitters • — Had a rough night last night. Boozing and whoring. Paid for it this morning though. The agony in the lavatory. — The squitters? (E.A. Whitehead) the trots • I'd go easy on the olive oil if I were you, mate, unless you're looking for a case of the trots. (Alan Beretta)

2. e I shit-house, shite-house -retrete, cagadero • He felt nauseous. He opened the door of the shitehouse and went in. The place stank. He took out his prick and began to piss. (Herbert Loth) • Harry had to go for a piss. The shithouse was at the end of the corridor. (Herbert Loth) • I went in and cleaned the shithouse, scrubbed the bathtub, and changed the sheets and pillow cases on my bed. (James Laffan)

SYNONYMS: bog, bogs • Hold on a minute, will you, Kev, I have to go to the bogs. I'll be right back. (Diane Chanteau) • Go to the bog, he EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Sinti6 nauseas. Abrio la puerta del retrete, y entro. El lugar apestaba. Se sac6 el pijo y empez6 a mear. • Harry tuvo que ir a echar una meada. El retrete quedaba al final del pasillo. • Me fui a limpiar el retrete, restregar la banera y cambiar las sabanas y fundas de almohada de mi cama.

thought, and put the paper in your sock. That was it, do the whole thing in the bog. They couldn't come into the bog with him; he'd put everything in his sock, flush the bog, and come out looking

casual. (Shaun Herron) can (US) • In the vestibule, as I'm buttoning my fly, I notice one of them waiting for her friend to come out of the can. (Henry Miller) El Ingles Prohibido

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crapper • She heard a chain being pulled, then the sound of flushing. Then Kevin emerged from the crapper, still plunged intently in his paperback edition of Being and Nothingness. (Diane Chanteau) • The day Jon changed the kitty litter, I nearly went into shock... Cyrus the Cat's little crapper certainly had begun to smell. (Clea Simon) • His function? He sees that toilet paper is plentiful, especially in the ladies' crapper. (Charles Bukowski) dunny (Austr) • Dangerous place A u s t r a l i a . What with deadly poisonous spiders lurking under the rim of the toilet bowl, a man can't feel safe even in the comfort of his own dunny. (Barry Osworth) head (US) • I want you two

2. f

turds to clean the head. I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump! (Full Metal Jacket) John (US) • — You sure you didn't see my hat? — Look in the John. — It isn't in the John. I wouldn't leave it there. (David Mamet) • Sanitary appliance manufacturers are eager to make our toilets unisex. As if moving the John into the powder room isn't enough, even single-sex conveniences are being equipped with traditionally male attire. The Soho bar Pop has installed the Lady P, a urinal for women. (Guardian) karzy (UK) • They've got dope in here somewhere. Don't let any-

one go anywhere until we find it. Especially not to the karzy. (Barry Osworth) lav, lavo • That smell is familiar. Years ago I painted a ladies' lavatory. Yeah, a lavo in a club in Slater Street. That was a job I didn't forget. (E.A. Whitehead) loo (UK) • Do you mind if I use your loo? (Helen Fielding) • Have just been sick, and as I slumped over the loo trying to do it quietly so Daniel wouldn't hear, he suddenly yelled out from the bedroom, 'There goes your inner poise, my plumptious. Best place for it, I say.' (Helen Fielding) shouse (Austr) Syncopated form of shit-house. • He spends half his bloody life locked up in the shouse. Christ only knows what he's doing in there. (Barry Osworth)

bumf -papel higienico

The word can have several meanings, depending on context. Usually it means toilet paper, but sometimes it refers simply to paper of poor quality. It is often used derogatorily to mean official documents, as in the third example. • (UK) If you're going down to the shops, don't forget to buy some bumf, love. We're nearly out. (Diane Chanteau) • (UK) Thank you very much for your letter and please excuse the bumf this is written on. (Philip Larkin) • (UK) Don't ever start a company, even a small one, unless you like dealing with bumf, 'cause there's just no end to it. (Alan Beretta)

SYNONYMS: ass-wipe • Restrooms were always first. Clean the sinks, the toilets, empty the baskets, get the mirrors, replace the hand16

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• Si vas de compras, que no se te olvide coger un poco de papel higienico. Casi no nos queda. • Muchas gracias por tu carta y, por favor, disculpa el papel cutre en el que esto esta escrito. • No se te ocurra crear una empresa, por muy pequefia que sea, a no ser que te guste el papeleo, porque eso es algo que no termina nunca.

towels, fill the soap containers, use lots and lots of deodorant, and be sure there's plenty of asswipe and paper toilet seat covers. (Charles Bukowski) bog-roll • I hate that. You sit

down, have a good wholesome crap, then discover there's no bloody bog-roll. What sort of shitehouse are you wankers running here anyway? (John Ogilby)

EDITORIAL STANLEY

2. g

puke -vomitar, vomitona

• — You make me puke! Uh... you make me puke! — That wasn't a very nice thing to say, Martha. (Edward Albee) • I ran to the bathroom and puked. I tried to brash my teeth but only puked again — the sweetness of the toothpaste turned my stomach. (Charles Bukowski) • I stretched out next to her. We kissed. Her mouth smelled of puke. (Charles Bukowski) • You never knew. You could never be sure. I was scared. I felt like puking. (John Ogilby) • Garbage man. I shuddered at the thought of all that garbage, the morning hangovers ... me puking my guts into the orange rinds, coffee grounds, wet cigarette ashes, banana peels and the used tampax. (Charles Bukowski)

• — Me haces vomitar! Uf! ... me haces vomitar. — Lo que has dicho es muy desagradable, Martha. • Me fui corriendo al bano a vomitar. Trate de lavarme los dientes pero lo unico que consegui fue vomitar de nuevo. El dulzor de la pasta de dientes me revolvia el estomago. • Me arrime a ella. Nos besamos. Su boca olia a vomito. • Nunca se sabia. Nunca podia uno estar seguro. Estaba nervioso. Sentfa ganas de vomitar. • Basurero. Me estremeci al pensar en toda esa basura, las resacas de madrugada ... y yo echando las tripas junto a peladura de naranja, posos de cafe, cenizas mojadas de cigarrillos, cascaras de platano y tampax usados.

SYNONYMS: All the following are verbs. Single words (barf, boke, chunder and spew) can also be used, like puke, as nouns. barf (US) • If you're liable to airsickness, make sure you keep this little bag handy, to barf into should the need arise. (Linda Starr) • I ain't in favor of kiddy porn, you understand. Makes me wanna barf. Some of those little girls and boys, eight, nine years old. (Joseph Wambaugh) blow beets (US) What was in that pie? Everybody who ate it is blowing beets. (Airplane) boke (Scots, Irish) Noun as well as verb. • Many's the time, after a rough night in the boozer, MacAleese and I leaned against the same wall, boking our guts up. That's the kind of shared experience that cements a friendship. (John Ogilby) chuck up Every Saturday night, on his way back from the pub, EDITORIAL STANLEY

he would chuck up his week's wages on the pavement. (James Laffan) chunder (Austr) Even from a distance I could see he wasn't in the car. But in the moonlight, on the ground next to the front passenger door, I could make out a great livid patch of chunder. (William Williamson) go for the big spit (Austr) You don't look too clever, Micky. Just one thing: if you're going for the big spit, stick your head out the window. Don't chuck up in here. (Barry Osworth) ralph (US) Imitative of the sound of vomiting. • The doc gave him some pills that would help him ralph it up. (Norman Keaton) spew Noun as well as verb. • Je-

sus Christ Almighty, what a night. Pah! I'm covered in that rotten bastard's spew. Give us a rag, somebody. (John McGrath) • Your letter found me last night when I came in off the piss: in point of fact I had spewed out of a train window. (Philip Larkin) throw up • My god, I feel awful. I think I'm going to throw up. (Helen Fielding) • Do you know what those American soldiers did to your poor mother while your poor father threw up his guts in the next room? Those bastards! (Lenny Bruce) • — Your wife throws up a lot, eh? — Well, it's true... She does throw up a lot. Once she starts... there's practically no stopping her. (Edward Albee)

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2. h

gob -escupir, escupitajo

• She gobbed in his face. (John Le Carre) • Moving her head, Jane used her tongue. Andrew came. Jane gobbed on the carpet. (Dympna Marston) • Never mind his unpleasant habit of hacking up massive gobs of phlegm, which he then expectorates into the Persian carpet at his visitor's feet. (Salon)

• Le escupio en la cara. • Moviendo su cabeza, Jane uso la lengua. Andrew se corrio. Jane escupio en la alfombra. • Ignora su desagradable costumbre de toser cantidades masivas de flema, las cuales expectora hacia la alfombra persa a los pies de sus invitados.

An uncountable noun, unlike its synonyms, snot is used with a singular verb. Derivatives are snotty, snot-nosed, and snotty-nosed (mocoso, lleno de mocos, estirado).

• A thin moustache. Vacant eyes. Out of one of his nostrils streamed a nearly invisible thread of snot that had finally gathered into a little gleaming ball. The ball had settled in the moustache and was gathering to drip off. (Charles Bukowski) • —You can't get snot off suede. The jacket's ruined. You can flake it off, but the black mark will always be there. — What'll I do? — Just snot over the whole jacket, that's the only thing you can do! (Lenny Bruce) • It is estimated that, during one winter month alone, if all the snot blown into Kleenex tissues in the United States and Canada were spread over the playing surface of the Yale Bowl, it would reach a depth of one-and-ahalf feet. (William Styron) • You've seen a lot of snot. You've seen it in back of radiators in Milner Hotels. Looks like bas-relief wood-glue. (Lenny Bruce)

SYNONYMS: bogey His words were dignified and moving, or rather, would have been, had not Sheila found herself strangely fascinated by the large green bogey, still moist and glistening, which adhered to 18

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• Un fino bigote. Ojos ausentes. De uno de los orificios de su nariz caia un casi invisible hilillo de moco que finalmente se recogia en una pelotilla brillante. La pelotilla de moco se le habia quedado pegada al bigote y estaba a punto de caerse. • — No se puede quitar los mocos del ante. La chaqueta esta estropeada. Puedes raspario, pero siempre quedara una marca negra. — Que puedo haeer? — Echa mocos por toda la chaqueta, eso es lo unico que puedes hacer! « Se calcula que si durante un unico mes de invierno, todos los mocos soplados en panuelos Kleenex en los Estados Unidos y Canada se extendiesen sobre la superficie de juego del estadio de Yale, se alcanzaria una profundidad de 45 centimetros. • Se ve mucho moco. Se ve en la parte de atras de los radiadores en los Hoteles Milner. Parece pegamento para madera.

his moustache. (Brian Adgers) booger • Joker's so tough, he'd eat the boogers out of a dead man's nose ... then ask for seconds. (Full Metal Jacket) • Not everything we see or read has to be improving. There's no reason a kid can't enjoy David Lean's

film of 'Great Expectations' and the fart and booger jokes in 'Dumb and Dumber.' (Salon) snotter I told her I was going and that nothing she could say would change that. She stood there crying her heart out, snotters blinding her. (James Laffan) EDITORIAL STANLEY

2. j come, cum -leche. semen * She took her handkerchief out of her bag and began gobbing into it as if she were expectorating come. 'Hey,' I said, 'What are you trying to sell me? I didn't come'. (Charles Bukowski) * Dan, I love the taste of come. It tastes like everything good ... just... coming out of your cock ... the Junior Prom ... an autumn afternoon ... (David Mamet) * Oh God, did you shoot in her mouth? Oh my God! And did she swallow it right down, or spit it out, or get mad — tell me, what did she do with your hot come! (Philip Roth) . She's on her back, her legs are in the air, she's coming like a choo-choo and she's screaming 'don't stop.' (David Mamet) Some girls think it's awful to come with a client — but isn't there something rather declasse about never coming with a John? It's like being one of those union employees who won't move a sheet of paper from one side of the desk to the other if it's not in their contract. What a dreary way to work! (Salon)

SYNONYMS: gissum • ' S o n of a bitch kike!' Bubbles screams. 'You got gissum all over the couch! And the walls! And the l a m p ! ' (Philip Roth) jism • Massage parlors were something new and exciting in New York ... Men could be rubbed all over by a woman until their penises squirted jism into Turkish towels. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) • L u s t y sows might regard swine spunk as sexy, and Nebraska pig-ranchers accept it as a procreating necessity, but ordinary humans undoubtedly EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Sac6 el panuelo de su bolso y escupio en el como si estuviera escupiendo semen. —Eh — le dije— Que estas tratando de venderme? No me he corrido. • Dan, me encanta el sabor del semen. Sabe a todo lo bueno... saliendo de tu polla... el baile de final de curso... una tarde de otono... • Oh Dios, £te corriste en su boca? Oh, Dios mio! Y se lo trago, o lo escupio, o se puso furiosa? Dimelo! Que hizo ella cuando te corriste? • Esta tumbada, sus piernas en el aire, se esta corriendo como un tren y esta gritando — 'no pares.' • Algunas chicas creen que es terrible correrse con un cliente — pero no es una falta de clase el no correrse nunca con un cliente? Es como ser un empleado sindicado que no mueve un folio de un lado del despacho al otro si no esta por escrito en su contrato. Que manera mas deprimente de trabajar!

view oinker jism as a repulsive fluid they'd rather not think about. (Hank Hyena) jizz • —What's a jizz-mopper? —He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booth after each guy jerks off. The jizz-mopper's job is to clean off the glass after each guy shoots a load. I don't know if you noticed, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away. (Clerks) • Woman wanted to fuck me last night. I said, 'No, baby, nothing doing.' Then I told her I'd do it if she gave me five bucks. It takes five bucks worth of steak to replace that jizz. (Charles Bukowski)

scum (US) You'd be surprised how many people like to do it in the back of the taxi. Last thing every night, I have to clean the scum off the back seat. (Jake Newington) shoot (US) Also used as a verb, usually followed by off. • A Jewish man, who cared about the welfare of the poor of the City of New York, was eating her pussy! Someone who had appeared on educational TV was shooting off into her mouth! (Philip Roth) spunk • We've got a leopardskin rug in the flat and he wanted me to fuck him on that. Only I'm El Ingles Prohibido

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afraid of the spunk, you see, it might adversely affect the spots of the leopard. (Joe Orton) • You know that funny

2. k

little internal dripping you get after sex when you stand up, and you know you have maybe two seconds to get to the toi-

let before his spunk starts running down the inside of your leg? Well, this time — nothing. (Courtney Weaver)

the rag -la regla, el penodo, compresa

A euphemistic term denoting a sanitary towel, sometimes made more specific and less euphemistic, as in the final example below. It is used in various expressions referring to menstruation: to be on the rag, to have the rag, to ride the rag, to wear the rag, to have the rags up, etc.

• — I think she had the rags up. — And how would you know? — I had a bit of finger pie. (E.A. Whitehead) • She told him she was wearing the rag, but that didn't cool his ardour in the least. (James Laffan) • So why the long face, man? Your old lady on the rag? (Poor Black Trash) • There was this thing on the floor., a rag someone had left there... a jamrag... left it on the floor of the lavatory! (E.A. Whitehead) • We had Darlene for openers. Probably somebody had been murdered or was on the rag or was having a screaming fit, and this was Darlene's chance to dance solo again. (Charles Bukowski) •You ever seen a nun call a small child a 'fucking cunt-rag'? Wasn't pretty. (Chasing Amy)

RELATED TERMS: the curse • Is it any wonder that menstruation is commonly called 'the curse'? (Saturday Review) • I forgot the damn pill and I haven't had the curse for six

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• — Creo que estaba con la regla, — Y tu como lo sabes? — Le meti un poco el dedo. • Le dijio que estaba con la regla, pero eso no enfrio su pasion en lo mas mmimo. • Por que esa cara, tio? Tu vieja esta con la regla? • Habia esta cosa en el suelo... una compresa que alguien habia dejado alli... la habian dejado en el suelo del bano! • Teniamos a Darlene para empezar. Probablemente alguna habia sido asesinada o tenia la regla o habia tenido un ataque de histeria y esta habia sido la oportunidad para Darlene de volver a bailar sola. • Alguna vez has visto a una monja llamar a un crio 'jodida compresa'? No fue bonito.

weeks. (Graham Greene) • Girls used to say they had the curse. Or they had a visitor. (New Yorker) monthly flowers • You missed herpes. You missed AIDS. You lucked out, fucked out. But your period — your 'monthly

flowers' as they called them in the days of Vigee-Lebrun and Adelaide Labille-Guiard, your 'perennial visitor', your fall from the roof —is long overdue. Can you be —at forty-four— pregnant? (Erica Jong)

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EXERCISE 2.1 In each of the following lists, all the words are synonymous except one. Spot the odd man out and explain why the word in question is misplaced. 1. (a) turd (b) crap (c) bogey (d) doodley-squat (e) poop (f) dump 2. (a) bumf (b) barf (c) ralph (d) throw up (e) chunder (f) boke 3. (a) spunk (b) fart (c) gissum (d) shoot (e) jism (f) jizz 4. (a) slash (b) wee-wee (c) leak (d) tinkle (e) pee (f) spew 5. (a) John (b) loo (c) roaster (d) head (e) can (f) bog EXERCISE 2.2 Here are some less common idiomatic and slang terms for body functions, nine of which have been dealt with in this chapter. Try to identify the subject to which each group of synonyms and related terms refers. 1. Aunt Flo, Aunt Rosie, collywobbles, drip, Holy Week, Having the Painters In, jinx, monthlies, Red Sails in the Sunset, plague, red flag 2. baby food, fetch, glue, gravy, honey, hot milk, load, oyster, soap, spendings, spratz, spume, starch, tail juice, wad, white blow 3. Baby Ruth, cack, cow pucky, dead soldier, doo-doo, duty, hockey, horse dumpling, meadow dressing, night soil, plot, yackum 4. blow chow, blow chunks, call Earl, flip one's cookies, hork, pray to the porcelain goddess, ride the porcelain horse, scream at one's feet

patch one's cargo, grunt, lay 5. back-talk, blow off, breeze, some cable, post a letter, bucksnort, burnt cheese, scumber, squat cheezer, cut the cheese, chocolate thunder, crepitate, 9. bagged, broken-kneed, clucky, cut one, drop a rose, gurk, cocked-up, double-ribbed, full honk, anal applause, let one, of heir, gone to seed, have one Scotch warming-pan, shoot in the oven, in pod, in the pudrabbits, tail shot, talk Gerding club, knocked up, on the man, tee off, whiffer, winder bones, pillowed, storked, up the stick 6. altar room, biffy, chamber of commerce, indoor 10. burn the grass, drain the lizplumbing, jake, leakery, ard, drain the radiator, kill a marble palace, sandbox, snake, let fly, pick a daisy, twilight, Used Beer Departpoint Percy at the porcelain, ment, whiz stand, whizzer pump ship, shake hands with 7. chamber lye, Cousin Sis, an old friend, shake the dew Golden Shower, Mickey off the lily, slack, splash, Bliss, Number One, tail spring a leak, squeeze the juice, yellow stream, zigg lemon, syphon the python, visit Miss Murphy 8. bury a Quaker, clart, dis-

EXERCISE 2.3 Translate the following sentences into English. 1. Me quite la ropa, me espatarre en mitad de la cama y me tire un pedo. 2. Era la peor mamada que me habfan hecho nunca. Saco el panuelo de su bolso y escupio en el como si estuviera expectorando algo. 3. Me arrime a ella. Nos besamos. Su boca olia a vomito. 4. El bar mas cercano tenia por lo menos cincuenta anos. Apestaba a orina, mierda y vomito acumulada durante medio siglo elevanaose a traves del suelo del bar desde los retretes del sotano. 5. jMe voy a correr, Dios, me voy a correr! 6. Abrio la puerta del cagadero y entro. El lugar apestaba. Saco el pijo y empezo a mear. 7. Le dijo que estaba con la regla, pero eso no enfrio su pasidn lo mas minimo. 8. El perro comenzo a mearse. El EDITORIAL STANLEY

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perro estaba repleto de orines. Corrio en largos y amarillos riachuelos por el suelo de la cocina. 9. — Escucha —me dijo—, cuando me hayas metido esa cosa dentro, sacalajusto antes de correrte, de acuerdo? 10. Despues de esa cena, tuvo cagalera durante un mes. 11. Tenias que aguantar los pedos de aquellas enfermeras culigordas. 12. Finalmente me com. Entonces repose sobre ella. Estabamos los dos empapados en sudor. 13. Se puso malo y se fue al cagadero. Al vomitar, parte del vomito cayo en los zapatos y los calcetines. 14. Le voy a decir la verdad. Voy a acabar con esta mierda! 15. No se te olvide comprar un poco de papel higienico. Casi no nos queda. 16. Me fui corriendo al bano a vomitar. Trate de lavarme los dientes pero lo unico que consegui fue vomitar de nuevo. 17. La puerta estaba cerca de los lavabos. Siempre habia alguien entrando y saliendo para echar una meada. 18. De uno de los orificios de su nariz caia un casi invisible hilillo de moco que finalmente se recogfa en una pelotilla brillante. 19. Me levante y fui al bano. Tenia diarrea. Entonces me levante y me limpie, eche un vistazo a mi obra: vaya un plato! 20. Tuve que ir a echar una meada. El retrete quedaba al final del pasillo.

EXERCISE 2.4 (A vice squad detective quizzes new recruits to his department on what kind of behaviour in a public toilet constitutes an offence.) 'Okay, you're in the trap, peeking through the screen and some dude walks in the John and he pulls down his jeans and there inside the underwear he carries a toothbrush and a feather. And his dick's all wrapped in rubber bands and rags to make it bulge outta his tight pants. And he sits down on the pot and reaches down in the toilet water and after he unwraps it he starts splashing cold water up on his dong. And he brushes it off with the toothbrush. Then he pulls out the feather and tickles his balls and when all this is done he's able to take a leak, which he does sitting down, and then he leaves. Any violation there?' 'None,' Baxter Slate said. 'Okay, what if there ain't no door on any a the toilets, which there ain't because the manager a this department store is trying to discourage the fruits who like to meet here and poke their cocks through glory holes and all that. Now there he is, no door, just side walls around the toilet and everybody walks in can see him, including little kids.' 'Well . . .' Baxter hesitated. 'And just to mix you boys up a little, let's say that our vice complaint which brought us here in the first place is from some lady lives near here and her kids always come use this restroom on the way home from school, and she says they got propositioned by some grown up fruits and don't her kids got no rights?' 'Well . . .' Baxter Slate hesitated. 'Sure, if the fruits didn't get a naughty kick outta doing it in public Johns because it's guilt and sin and fun and anal obsession and everything all mixed up and it ain't the same in a private room, well then we wouldn't have to come here at all. But that ain't the case and it's pretty hard to tell the lady her kids just have to put up with some dude propositioning them or blowing some other dude in front a them in the shithouse, ain't it, Harold? From The Choirboys by Joseph Wambaugh

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Using what you have learned in this chapter and in the preceding exercises and what you can guess from the context, find words or phrases in the above passage corresponding to these descriptions: 1. Three words meaning toilet. 2. Three words meaning penis. 3. A word meaning testicles. 4. An expression meaning to urinate. 5. An offensive term for a male homosexual. 6. A word meaning to perform fellatio.

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3: SEXUAL DESIRE 3. a

the hots -deseo

This term, like the others listed below, is slang, but it is not obscene or offensive. On the other hand, it is frequently used in a context where stronger language is likely to occur.

* — He's a total asshole and he's got the hots for my friend Angela and it's disgusting. — What, you'd rather he had the hots for you? (American Beauty) . And who in his right mind would ever have believed that Elizabeth Taylor had the hots for Uncle Hymie? (Philip Roth) * What fucking circumstances? Some faggot queer got the hots for my joint at the cartoons. (David Mamet) . I sweltered with lust, helpless in the throes of an alcohol-induced concupiscence known, at least in that day, by the name of 'the hangover hots'. (William Styron)

SYNONYMS: hot pants • 'My wife's in Staten Island,' he told Converse. 'She's got hot pants for this guy twice her age. A guy that owned a restaurant out there.' (Robert Stone) lech, letch The act of leching. • Many so-called Platonic friendships are merely one-way leches. (Sunday Times) • Until this instant, hoping against hope,

• — Es un gilipollas y esta enconado con mi amiga Angela y es asqueroso. — Que?, £preferirfas que estuviera enconado contigo? • Y quien, en su sano juicio, hubiera creido que Elizabeth Taylor estaba loca por el tio Hymie? • Que jodidas circunstancias? Algun maric6n se encono con mi polla en los dibujos animados. . Me sofoque de deseo, aperdido en los espasmos de una concupiscencia provocada por el alcohol, conocido al menos en ese dia, por el nombre de 'resacon calenton'.

Sophie had said to herself that the woman's advances just might be innocuous, but now, so close, the signs of her voracious letch — first her rapid breathing and then the ripe rosiness spreading like a rash over the bestially handsome face — left no doubt about her intentions. (William Styron) perve (Austr) Usually followed by at or on, meaning to ogle. • She's a cheap thrill machine for

the boys to stare at and perve on. (Barry Osworth) the eye, the glad eye • He'd say: 'Do you fancy him?' And of course I'd say: 'Who?' And he'd say: 'The guy you've been giving the eye to.' And I'd say: 'Oh for Christ's sake, can't I even look at a man without you throwing a fucking fit?' (E.A. Whitehead) • I do see her giving the glad eye to Pete. (Aldous Huxley)

3. b horny -cahente, cachondo • What's the legal definition of 'obscene'. To be obscene, I must stimulate you sexually. That's what obscene is — the prurient interest: if I get you horny. (Lenny Brace) • I returned Sophie's squeeze with the clumsy pressure of unrequited love, and realized as I did so that I was so horny my balls had begun to ache. (William Styron) 24

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es la definieion legal de 'obsceno'? Para ser obsceno, tengo que estimularte sexualmente. Eso es lo que es obsceno — el interes lascivo: si yo te pongo cachondo. . Devolvi el apreton de Sophie con la presion torpe del amor no correspondido, y me di cuenta al hacerlo que estaba tan cachondo que mis huevos me habian empezado a doler. EDITORIAL STANLEY

• He touched her cheek. 'You are a gorgeouslookin' piece, Cass. Gets a guy all horny just lookin' at you.' (James Leo Herlihy) • He was feeling so horny he decided to take the rest of the day off, cruise down the Sunset Strip, and maybe find a cute thirty-dollar hooker who could suck the batteries out of a flashlight. (Joseph Wambaugh)

SYNONYMS: cunt-struck Infatuated with women. • I like Van Norden but I do not share his opinion of himself. I do not agree, for example, that he is a philosopher, or a thinker. He is cunt-struck, that's all. (Henry Miller) • We were all helplessly and hopelessly cunt-struck, a vulgar but forcibly accurate expression. (Frank Sargeson) hot • I had a married woman the other day who told me she hadn't had a lay for six months. Can you imagine that? Jesus, she was hot! I thought she'd tear the cock off me. (Henry Miller) • He told me intimate details about Abigail's body and specifics about their sex life, highly personal things... Maybe he was

3. c

• Toc6 su mejilla. 'Eres una pieza esplendida, Cass. Uno se pone todo cachondo con solo mirarte.' • Se sentia tan cachondo que decidio tomarse el resto del dia libre, pasar por la zona de Sunset Strip, y quizas encontrar una prostituta de treinta dolares que pudiese sacar las pilas de una linterna a chupetazos.

just an open guy, but sometimes it seemed like he was bragging — he wanted me to believe that she was hot. (Hank Hyena) randy • She had the rags up. The best time of all! Women are always at their randiest during a period. (E.A. Whitehead) • Anyway, after he'd given my tits the required amount of kneading, he'd get really randy and put his hand on my knee, which was the signal for me to open my legs. (E.A. Whitehead) • Do you remember Corporal Pratt that we knew in Iceland? I remember him, the randy cunt. (Peter Nichols) • These characters seemed bland compared with such a memorable creation as Jack Nicholson's randy Daryl Van Home (geddit?) in The Witches of Eastwick.' (Guardian)

randy-arsed • There he was, festooned by beefy, randyarsed wives crying out for a length. (H.C. Rae) • Hard though it may be for randy-arsed advertisers to understand, for many people sex just isn't that important. (Guardian) turned-on The verb is to turn somebody on. • I don't see any chicks that turn me on any more. Here's how I know I'm getting old — I haven't seen any girls that really stimulate me, that look good to me. (Lenny Bruce) • — Sam, do you wanna come over here and make love to me? — No, I'd rather have a wet dream. — Well then go up on Hollywood Boulevard and pick yourself up a queer if I can't turn you on, you cocksucker! (Joseph Wambaugh)

chat up -hgar, enrrollarse con

To chat someone up is to engage in flirtatious conversation with that person and usually to make sexual advances. Although neither obscene nor offensive, the term and its synonyms are included here for the sake of completeness. * (UK) — Even now most men seem to think they've got to feel you up before they fuck you. — Yeah, I've often thought how nice it would be if a bloke would walk into my place and fuck me and walk out again without chatting me up or saying anything. Skip all the bullshit. (E.A. Whitehead) EDITORIAL STANLEY

. — Incluso ahora la mayoria de los hombres parecen creer que tienen que meterte mano antes de follarte. — Si, con frecuencia he pensado que agradable seria si un tio entrara en casa, me follara y se largara sin enrollarse ni decir nada. Pasar de toda esa mierda.

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* (UK) I got a drink, looked around, and then I went and sat next to the least repellent male in there, I chatted him up and then I took him back to the house. (E,A. Whitehead) . (UK) You know the way some men will chat you up and then, hand on heart, they say: 'There's something I must tell you... I'm married.' (E.A. Whitehead)

RELATED TERMS: be all over To display excessive familiarity or affection towards someone. • I found the continental practice of kissing on both cheeks, often several times, in public, particularly repellent. Tom Reagan knew this only too well, yet each time we met he was all over me with slabbers and smiles and secretive whispers. (Gabriella T. Oldfield) get off with • I hovered indecisively, then started to sidle away, at which point Simon said in an irritated superior voice (one you, funnily enough, never hear him use when he is trying to get off with you by the photocopier), 'Did you want something, Bridget?' (Helen Fielding) • The basis of my own addiction (to

• Fui a por un trago, eche un vistazo, y me fui a sentar al lado del varen menos repelente del lugar. Nos enrollamos y entonces le lleve a casa. . Ya sabes la forma en que los hombres se enrollan y entonces, con la mano en el eorazon, dicen: 'Hay algo que te tengo que deck... estoy casado.'

Pride and Prejudice) is my simple human need for Darcy to get off with Elizabeth. (Helen Fielding) make a pass To make an amorous advance. • Men seldom make passes / At girls who wear glasses. (Dorothy Parker) • I've discussed the lack of a sex life with my husband, who admits it's psychological, and I tell him that I cannot be sure what I'll do if someone were to make a pass at me, given my state. I'd like to be reckless and do something exciting. (Garrison Keillor) • I made a direct pass at Leslie as soon as we were back inside the front door, insinuating my arm around her waist, but she managed to slip away with a tinkly little laugh. (William Styron) pick up To form a casual friendship with a view to sexual inter-

course. • This is someone whom I picked up off the street! Who sucked me off before she even knew my name! (Philip Roth) • It took me a while to realise exactly what was happening. There I was thinking he wanted to hear my views on Proust, while all the time the bastard was only trying to pick me up. (Gabriella T. Oldfield) pull (UK) To pick up a sexual partner. • A handsome well-built lad like you, I shouldn't think you'd have any problem pulling the birds. If you were that way inclined. (Alan Beretta) put the make on (US) King Farouk, I read, he'd pull into some small town, Dubuque, Peoria... he'd go put the make on some waitress. So after work, they'd all go back to her place and start making it. (David Mamet)

3. d I fool around -tener enredos One meaning of the verb to fool around is to engage in aimless or irresponsible behaviour; another is to engage in casual sexual relations, usually extra-marital. This may cause some confusion. On the other hand, the synonyms are unambiguous.

• While I was away, some friends took Danny to a party. A platonic female friend drove him home. They ended up fooling around on the couch, although they didn't go Very far. (Salon) 26

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. Mientras estuve fuera, algunos amigos llevaron a Danny a una fiesta. Una amiga platonica le llevo a casa. Terminaron enrollandose en el sofa, aunque no llegaron muy lejos. EDITORIAL STANLEY

* There are plenty of people who've strayed in their own marriages and know that it's still possible to love your spouse... But even those people still feel a need to maintain the expected public stance that holds that good people just don't fool around. (Salon) . "Sexual relations means sexual intercourse,' said Lewinsky. 'We were just fooling around, Linda, just fooling around.' (Salon) . — You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him! — Because I never had sex with him. — You sucked his dick! — We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around. (Clerks) . Eric, my ex-lover, told me about this straight guy, Johnny, who was an adorable, outrageous flirt. He invited Johnny over for a few beers. Johnny got drank. They started fooling around. (Greg Nott) . You like having balls? Ask yourself that question before you ever start cheating on me, fooling around with some floozie. (Bernadette Share)

SYNONYMS: put out (US) Of a woman who is sexually available, often followed by for. • At Coney Island that day I thought she was going to eat you up. And now you tell me it all went flooey. What's the matter? I can't believe she wouldn't put out. (William Styron) • 'Southern girls,' I added, thinking grimly of Mary Alice Grimball, 'are tough to penetrate, if you'll excuse the phrase, but once they decide to put out, they're awfully sweet in the sack.' (William Styron) screw around To be promiscuous, have many sexual partners. • A sex activist defends the right of gay men — and everybody else — to screw around. (Salon) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Hay mucha gente que se ha distanciado en sus matrimonios y saben que, aun asi, es posible querer a su conyuge... Pero incluso esa gente siente aun la necesidad de mantener la aceptada postura publica que insiste en que la gente buena no se Ma con otros. • 'Relaciones sexuales significa, el coito,' dijo Lewinsky. 'Solo esta bamos jugueteando, Linda, solo jugueteando.' • — Dijistes que solo te habias tirado a tres tios distmtos; jnunca le mencionaste a e1! — Porque nunca me lo tire. — Le chupaste la polla! — Salimos unas cuantas veces. Nunca nos acostamos, pero jugueteamos. • Eric, mi ex-amante, me hablo de este tio heterosexual, Johnny, que era adorable, le encantaba flirtear. Invito a Johnny a tomar unas cervezas. Johnny se emborracbo, Empezaron a enrollarse. • Te gusta tener huevos? Hazte esa pregunta antes de que se te ocurra empezar a ponerme los cueraos con alguna zorra.

• Gary Kamiya, in his apology for Clinton's wild horniness, states, 'Men who cheat at golf, lie to their friends and screw around can be first-rate world leaders.' (Salon) • Apparently, screwing around is acceptable for men, but not for women. (Salon) • — What did you do with your youth? — Stayed out late, smoked pot, screwed around. — Not your grade school years; your high school years. (Chasing Amy) sleep around • 'In the '60s, everyone was hopping in and out of each other's bed. The rule then was, if you didn't sleep around, you were uptight... but it's not prudent to sleep around with many men nowadays.' She glanced at me sidewise. 'I hope I don't have

to tell you that.' (Courtney Weaver) swing Often applied specifically to engaging in group sex, partner-swapping, etc. • Christians who revere traditional scriptural teaching are ignorant rubes. If you don't swing with the sodomites these days, you're nowheresville with the A-list crowd. (Salon) • Stephanie managed to break into the locked basement a p a r t m e n t again and this time found a swinger's magazine with a certain page clipped. The swinging couple on that page were offering to share themselves with any other congenial couple who might write to their post office box. (Joseph Wambaugh) El Ingles Prohibido

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3. e I stud -semental A man of great sexual prowess, or reputedly of great sexual prowess, by analogy with stallions kept for breeding. Related terms listed below refer to men considered simply as sexual objects.

• You treat me like your gigolo, not your man. No wonder I feel like a pimp, like a stud, like a fucking consort. (Erica Jong) • You've got it in your head that Alyssa's not really into chicks — that she just hasn't met the right man. And you believe you're it. You're going to treat her right, fuck her like a stud, and 'strait-jacket' her back from the land of the lost. (Chasing Amy) • Ron Jeremy is the world's most famous male porn star. He's 43 years old, 5-foot-7 and a slice of cheesecake away from 200 pounds. He's also as hairy as a Qua Pet. A stereotypical stud, Ron Jeremy is not. (Salon) • What a flourishing business for busy creative women! AIDS-tested studs for the creative woman (or the busy executive) who doesn't want to get involved. But of course it would never work. Most women don't want studs, AIDStested or not — they want love. (Erica Jong)

RELATED TERMS: hunk • 'What a hunk!' She ran her claws down the big cop's chest, raking the plunging nylon shirt. (Joseph Wambaugh) • It's Gwyneth's private life that has women most curious. After all, she's burrowed into

3. f

the briefs of our era's most hungered-after hunks. (Hank Hyena) toy boy Applied to a woman's much younger male lover. • A m e r i c a n s i m a g i n e that Mexican drug lords have infected their innocent teens. This view, I think, has led re-

cently to a gringo romanticism for Latin toy boys, apparent in the sudden popularity of Ricki Martin. (Salon) wet dream See also 3.j below. • I was crazy about this guy. Tall, slim, long hair, blazing blue eyes... a wet dream walking. (E.A. Whitehead)

hard-on -erection

• Amidst these flushed and giggling girls... I am so awed that I am in a state of desire beyond a hard-on. My circumcised little dong is simply shriveled up with veneration. (Philip Roth) 28

• Me tratas como si fuera tu gigolo, y no como hombre. No es de extrafiar que me sienta como un chulo, como un semental, como un jodido consorte. • Se te ha metido en la cabeza que a Alyssa realmente no le van los tios - que es solo porque no ha conocido al hombre adecuado. Y tu te crees que si lo eres. La vas a tratar bien, follarla como un cabron, y traerla de golpe de vuelta de la tierra de las perdidas. • Ron Jeremy es la estrella masculina del porno mas famosa del mundo. Tiene 43 anos, mide 170 centimetros, y le falta un pelo para llegar a las 95 kilos. Es tan peludo como un oso. Ron Jeremy no es exactamente el tipico semental. • Que negocio mas prospero para empresarias creativas! Sementales garantizados de estar libres de sida para la mujer creativa (o para la ejecutiva ocupada). La mayoria de las mujeres no quieren sementales, con garantia antisida o sin ella — quieren amor.

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• Entre estas sofocadas y alegres muchachas... estoy tan atemorizado que me hallo en un estado de deseo que se situa mas alla de la erecci6n. Mi circunciso pene esta simplemente, encogido de veneracion. EDITORIAL STANLEY

« But who wins an argument with a hard-on? ... Know that famous proverb? When the prick stands up, the brains get buried in the ground! When the prick stands up, the brains are as good as dead! (Philip Roth) » God has a hard-on for marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! (Full Metal Jacket) • But of course I couldn't... I rolled off of her and came to rest, defeated, against the wall — on my back. 'It's no good,' I said, 'I can't get a hard-on in this place.' (Philip Roth) • Quickly, quickly, quickly! Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint? Jesus H. Christ, I think you've got a hard-on! (Full Metal Jacket) • 'I gotta try me some of that,' said an old guy down at the end of the bar. 'I haven't had a hard-on since Teddy Roosevelt took his last hill.' (Charles Bukowski)

SYNONYMS: blue veiner • He had finally managed to get a dance with Ida Keely, a cute communications operator with eyes like a deer. He had a blue veiner even before the song began. (Joseph Wambaugh) • I think I'm getting impotent. I haven't awakened one morning in the past week with a diamond cutter. Or even a blue veiner. (Joseph Wambaugh) bone, boner • In the classroom I sometimes set myself consciously to think about death and hospitals and horrible automo-

3. g

• Pero £quien gana una discusi6n con una picha tiesa? Conoces ese famoso proverbio? jCuando la polla se levanta, el cerebro queda sepultado en el suelo! jCuando la polla se yergue, el cerebro esta eomo muerto! • Dios lo tiene dificil con los marines porque matamos a todo el que vemos! jEl juega a sus juegos, nosotros a los nuestros! • Pero, naturalmente, no pude... Me separe de ella derrotado y apoye la espalda contra la pared. —Es imttil —dije—. No se me puede enderezar en este lugar. • Rapido, rapido, rapido! Te sientes mareado? Te vas a desmayar? Jestis, creo que se te ha puesto dura! • 'Voy a darme el gusto de probarlo,' dijo un viejo desde el fondo del bar. 'No se me ha puesto dura desde que Teddy Roosevelt tomo su ultima colina.'

bile accidents in the hope that such grave thoughts will cause my boner to recede before the bell rings and I have to stand. (Philip Roth) horn • Tills became amorous again in about fifteen minutes. I got the horn. But I didn't really want to be bothered doing much. (Joe Orton) ramrod • There's just a crack there between her legs and you get all steamed up about it — you don't even look at it half the time. You know it's there and all you think about is getting your ramrod inside: it's as though

your penis did the thinking for you. (Henry Miller) rise Usually in the expression to get a rise. • — Have you fucked Sue? What was it like? — It was okay, only I couldn't get a proper rise. (Martin Amis) stand • Labri was lying on the bed naked, playing with his cock, which was completely limp. 'He hasn't been able to get a hard-on!' Kenneth said in terms of the utmost disapproval. 'A fifteen-year-old boy and he can't get a stand on. It's absolutely shameful.' (Joe Orton)

babe -bombon, ninfa

The following terms, denoting a sexually attractive woman, are neither obscene nor offensive. may be contrasted in this respect with the terms in 3.h below.

• Ray Bones sits on a boat with his boss, Jimmy Cap, and two bikini-clad babes, both of whom rub lotion on Jimmy. (Get Shorty) EDITORIAL STANLEY

They

» Ray Bones se sienta en el barco con su jefe, Jimmy Cap, y con dos tias buenas en bikini, las cuales frotan a Jimmy con crema. El Ingles Prohibido

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• Paradoxically, while the US was churning out the ditsy, vulnerable Californian pale babe as the American dream, the German Nazis were also extolling the purity of the blonde as the Aryan ideal. (Guardian) • Meanwhile the fanfare around the blond chick has increased. — 'Who are you? And why is everyone taking your picture?' -'I'm the new Baywatch babe. Brooke Burns.' (Salon) • Greg's dorm room: a shrine to hot babes, whose posters adorn the walls. (Cruel Intentions) • Just look at how hot all the sci-fi babes are in their clingy jumpsuits. (Salon)

SYNONYMS bit of all right (UK) Haven't you seen Colin's missis, then. Came down here the other day. She's a bit of all right, I can tell you. She got a right few stares. (Alan Beretta) dolly, dollybird (UK) Most of the blokes are married... You oughta hear the crap they come

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• Paradojicamente, mientras que los Estados Unidos promocionaba la tipica californiana palida tonta como el prototipo del sueno americano, los nazis alemanes tambien estaban alabando la pureza de la rubia como el ideal ario. • Mientras tanto, la fanfarria alrededor de la tia rubia ha subido de tono. — ' Quien eres? Y por que todos te estan haciendo fotos?' — 'Soy la nueva tia buena de Vigilantes de la play a. Brooke Burns.' • La habitaci6n del colegio mayor de Greg: un santuario dedicado a las tias buenas, cuyos posters adornan las paredes. • Mira que buenas estan todas las ninfas que hacen ciencia ficcion con sus monos apretados.

out with. 'What's a lovely dolly like you doing slaving away in an office?' Translation: 'Wanna fuck?' (E.A. Whitehead) fox (US) • It was Cassius Clay, as he then called himself, accompanied by two gorgeous foxes. (Sporting News) • He knows what happens when a cute-looking fox gets loose in an urban kitchen and the true value

of a hooker's heart of gold. (New York Times) stunner Not to be outdone, CBI director general Adair Turner strode up to a real stunner in tight trousers and was soon engaged in a passionate embrace but media interest waned on i d e n t i f i c a t i o n of the lucky lady. Mrs Turner. (Guardian)

a piece of ass -unpolvo

This is an American usage, understood in the UK but not imitated. One does not speak of a piece of arse. As the following terms refer to women considered strictly as sexual objects, individually or collectively, they may all be considered more or less objectionable. Some of the terms are more specific than others.

•You're why I'm killing myself to be something more than just somebody's dumb and stupid piece of ass! And now you want to treat me like I'm nothing but just some hump, to use — use for every kinky weirdo thing you want to do. (Philip Roth) * She was beautiful! She was young! She was innocent! She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had 'em all over the world! (The Godfather) 30

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• jTu eres la razon por la cual me estoy matando para ser algo mas que el culo tonto y estiSpido de alguien! Y ahora quieres tratarme como si no fuera mas que un ligue, de usar y tirar — usar para las cosas mas estrafalarias y cachondas que se te ocurran. . Erahermosa! Erajoven! jErainocente! Era el mejor culo que habia tenido, ;y los he tenido por todo el mundo! EDITORIAL STANLEY

• 'He said I was a wonderful piece of ass,' she announced nostalgically, and shortly after this, told me, 'We used to love to fuck in front of mirrors,' (William Styron) • Hello, poor white trash! How'd you like a piece of ass, poor white trash? (Charles Bukowski)

RELATED TERMS: ass Used to describe women collectively as objects of sexual desire. • Then he comes back from the Army and all he cares about is chasing ass. (John Updike) bimbo Usually, a sexually attractive young woman of limited intelligence; sometimes, a prostitute. • Sexual infidelity is not the worst thing in the world. Let Dart fuck bimbos, as long as he always comes home to me. (Erica Jong) • Do you know a little bimbo called June? A nuttylooking little blonde? (Robert Stone) bike Short for bicycle. • All I knew about her was what Ivor had told me, that she was the office bike, that every man in the place had ridden the arse off her. (Alice Chapman) chippy • Momma, Poppa, this is my wife, the chippy. Isn't she a wild piece of ass? (Philip Roth) crumpet Oh, young man like you, soccer star and all that... shouldn't think you'd go short of crumpet? (E.A. Whitehead) floozie, floozy • She never had what it takes to be a call girl like you — so getting control of your mind was her revenge. Janelle's just a puffed up bridge-and-tunnel floozy who thinks she knows something about human psychology because she has a CSW. (Salon) • I had yet to witness a woman entirely unclothed — and EDITORIAL STANLEY

• 'Dijo que era un polvo estupendo,' anuncid nostalgicamente, y al poco rato, me dijo, 'Nos encantaba foliar delante de espejos.' • jHola, basurita blanca! Te gustaria catar un buen culo, basurita blanca?

this includes the old floozy in Charlotte who wore a stained and malodorous shift throughout the whole proceeding. (William Styron) fuck • You're a lousy fuck. Your friend, Joan, is a better fuck than you are... and she's a lousy fuck. (David Mamet) jailbait Used of a girl who is too young to have sex with legally. • The next year they drifted to Paris, where Farina fell in love with Mimi Baez, a lovely piece of 15-year-old jailbait. Farina would eventually divorce his wife. (Salon) lay • Didn't even say Au revoir Walks off swinging her hat and humming to herself like. That's a whore for you! A good lay though. (Henry Miller) • He had had many a lay but never had a more exciting sexual experience than scrubbing and lathering the rice paddy whores. Even now he got a blue veiner every time he held a bar of soap. (Joseph Wambaugh) • She's the girl you used to go around with in college? She's a good lay. (William Gaddis) man-eater A sexually voracious woman. • This chick, Elois, was a man-eater-upper. I bet every guy who's ever met her has jacked off to her at least once. (Reservoir Dogs) nympho A sexually voracious woman. • — It is a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. Unfortunately there are some

people (it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women) who engage in it compulsively and without joy. — Listen, Maude, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but I don't see what it has to do with me. (The Big Lebowski) • I suppose you think I'm some kind of nympho? I don't want to be too statistical about it, but I am thirty-eight and I've only fucked seven men. (E.A. Whitehead) pussy • Mexico, that's a good place. They got that good pussy down there. (Robert Stone) • Man, didn't we have a good time tonight? You rode in my car. I showed you a good cat house, all that sweet black pussy. Ain't we friends? (David Rabe) • Let's talk about pussy. Did you get laid last night? (James Ellroy) root (Austr) • Johnny Bickel thought she'd be an easy root and began to take notice of her. (Donald Ireland) screw • As a matter of fact, she isn't such a great screw, but at least she doesn't nag me day and night, the way you do. (Alice Chapman) scrubber (UK) • — I didn't care if he screwed the odd scrubber now and again. It meant nothing to me. I could stand it if he could. But he couldn't. He let it go to his head. — He's a romantic. (E.A. Whitehead) slag • He managed to get Judge James Pickles to admit that if El Ingles Prohibido

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you murdered someone and then said 'it was because he called my mum a slag' you would probably get away with manslaughter. (Guardian) spare • I got the impression Maurice was on the look-out for a bit of spare. Some of the girls we get in here don't leave much to the imagination. (Roger Busby) swinger Often applied specifically to someone who participates in group sex, partnerswapping, etc. • I been associated with a guy. He's English, he used to be a masseur. He's got

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a bunch of goofs he works — swingers, whip freaks, far-out shit like that. (Robert Stone) • Some operators have converted nudist colonies into 'swinger camps', the new rural retreats for the randy. (Time) tail Often used in the expressions a bit of tail and a piece of tail. • Where's all the tail today? No Hermione, no Bunty, no Christabel? (Jeremy Potter) • Him and four buddies want a little dough to get a high class piece of tail. (George V. Higgins) tart • What interested me was

the Moroccan girl and her girlfriend. They were behaving exactly like English tarts in the forties. (Joe Orton) • 'Confounded whore!' he suddenly bellowed, in a voice which nearly blew me from my seat. 'Slut! Malicious tart!' (Akbar del Piombo) tramp • Yeah, I remember her. Song and dance. Nice legs and generous with 'em. She went off somewheres. How would I know what them tramps do? (Raymond Chandler) trim • I know what you need. A little trim. (Joseph Wambaugh)

cockteaser -calientapollas

• In front of me was a well-groomed woman reading a paper. Her dress was up around her thighs. She crossed her legs and her dress moved up even higher. The goddamned cockteaser, I'd give her a hundred strokes, I'd give her seven-and-a-half inches of throbbing purple! (Charles Bukowski)

SYNONYMS: prickteaser — Did you get your hole? — No. — Never mind,

• Delante mio habia una mujer de muy buena catadura leyendo un peri6dico. Su vestido le quedaba bastante por encima de los musios. Cruzo sus piernas y el vestido subio aun mas. Maldita calientapollas, le daria un centenar de embestidas. jLe darfa veinticinco centfmetros de purpura palpitante!

mate. Not worth torturing yourself. You know what they are? They're just a couple of prickteasers. (E.A. Whitehead)

3. j wet dream -sueno humedo • Adolescence brought the same fevered fantasies and wet dreams everyone experiences, but by that time I suppose my attitude was set — if I thought about masturbation at all, it was only as something other, icky little boys did. (Salon) * I know it's a cliche to say that films are like dreams — like a collective unconscious. There are horror movies which are like nightmares, and then there are dirty movies like Deep 32

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• La adolescencia trajo las mismas fantasias febriles y suenos humedos que todo el mundo siente, pero para entonces supongo que mi actitud ya estaba fijada - si es que llegaba a pensar en la rnasturbacion, solo era como algo asqueroso que hacian los otros chicos. • Ya Se que es un topico decir que las peliculas son como los suenos - como una subconciencia colectiva. Hay peliculas de terror que son como pesadillas, y luego hay pelfcuEDITORIAL STANLEY

Throat and Emmanuelle which are like wet dreams. (Jonathan Coe) * It was suddenly as if my life were taking place in the middle of a wet dream. There I was, going down at last on the star of all those pornographic films that I had been producing in my head since I first laid a hand upon my own joint. (Philip Roth)

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las guarras como Gargania profunda y Emmanuelle que son como suenos humedos. • Era, de pronto, como si mi vida se desarrollara en medio de un sueno humedo. Alli estaba yo, convertido al fin en el protagonista de todas aquellas pellculas pornograficas que habia estado produciendo en mi cabeza desde que puse por primera vez la mano sobre mi propia polla.

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EXERCISE

3.1

In each of the following lists, all the words are synonymous except one. Spot the odd man out and explain why the word in question is misplaced. 1. (a) boner (b) stand (c) horn (d) stud (e) ramrod (f) blue veiner 2. (a) turned-on (b) randy (c) randy-arsed (d) hot (e) dolly (f) cunt-struck 3. (a) lay (b) man-eater (c) nympho (d) tart (e) bimbo (f) stunner 4. (a) crumpet (b) wet dream (c) toy boy (d) hunk (e) stud 5. (a) the hots (b) jailbait (c) hot pants (d) lech (e) the glad eye (f) perve

EXERCISE 3.2 Here are some less common idiomatic and slang terms for body functions, nine of which have been dealt with in this chapter. Try to identify the subject to which each group of synonyms and related terms refers. 1. alley cat, bangster, bed ing pride, Proud Mary, rock 4. animal, basher, bed-presser, bunny, calico queen, easy python, spike, stalk, standbelly bumper, Bluebeard, meat, free-for-all, goober up, stiff, stiffer, Steely Dan, chimney sweep, cock grabber, grassback, grind, throbber, woody hound, cocksman, high flyer, hobby horse, hot cocksmith, eager beaver, 3. brimming, bulging, dripnumber, hot stuff, Miss fleece hunter, flesh fly, hair ping for it, frisky, gamy, Horner, nestlecock, piece of monger, headhunter, makehumpy, in the mood, stray, push-over, roundheel, out artist, Mr Horner, pinchjuiced up, juicy, lathered, scupper, shagstress, slot-job bottom, rooster, rutter, moist, motor running, on 2. burgeoning truncheon, Capsexpert, sharpshooter, for one's greens, oncomtain Standish, chubby, flaging, pruney, rammish, sportsman, stallion, swordspole, Irish toothache, mornrooty, ruttish, wet man, woodman

EXERCISE 3.3 Translate the following sentences into English. 1. Ron Jeremy no es exactamente el tipico semental. 2. A menudo he pensado que agradable seria si un tio entrara en casa, me follara y se largara sin enrollarse ni decir nada. 3. Me quite los pantalones y empece a besarla. Se me empalmo rapidamente. 4. Esta enconado con mi amiga, es asqueroso. 5. Mira que buenas estan todas las ninfas de sciencia ficcion con sus monos apretados. 6. Salimos unas cuantas veces. Nunca nos acostamos, pero jugueteamos. 7. Cruzo sus piernas y el vestido se retrayo mas aun. La maldita calientapollas! 8. No hables asi, me estas poniendo cachonda. 9. jEra hermosa! jEra joven! Era inocente! Era la mejor culo que habia tenido en mi vida! 10. No se me ha puesto dura desde hace siglos. 11. ;Un hijo de puta intento ligarseme! (Era de lo mas grosero! jRealmente odio a esos tipos! jSon repugnantes! 12. Hay peliculas guarras como Garganta profunda que son como suenos humedos. 13. Era excitante. Me senti como si estuviese siendo violado. Se me empezo a empalmar la polla. 14. Quien en su sano juicio hubiera creido que ella estaba loca por el ? 15. Relaciones sexuales significa el coito. Solo estabamos jugueteando. 16. — Clara me engana. — Que quieres decir? — Que mi mujer se acuesta con otros. 17. Era, de pronto, como si mi vida estuviera desenvolviendo en medio de una polucion nocturna. 18. Pude ver aquellas largas piernas, las rodillas, los delicados tobillos. Empece a ponerme cachondo. 19. 'Dijo que tenia un culo estupendo,' anuncio Laura nostalgicamente. 20. La escuche respirar fuertemente, luego gemir. Me excitaba. Se me empalmo. 34

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EXERCISE 3.4 (Several women are reminiscing about their sexual experiences. One of them tells how she reacted to being abandoned by her husband.)

When Edward walked out on me I was desperate. I mean, I was a fucking housewife, had no job, no friends, no contact with anyone. Completely isolated. And I was so angry and humiliated that I was determined to get myself fucked by the first man I could. But could I? I couldn't even meet a man. I mean, I wasn't invited out, the other wives I knew treated me as if I was a fucking leper or something. So finally I had to force myself to go and sit in a pub. I got a drink, looked around, and then I went and sat next to the least repellent male in there. I chatted him up and then I took him back to the house. I'd got everything ready in advance... I'd left the kids at my mother's so we had the place to ourselves ... and we sat on the couch and started snogging. Well... I don't know if it was all the snogging or what but I chickened out. I told him I couldn't make it... because I knew he thought I was on the game. Somehow that thought turned me right off. I said maybe if we could meet again I might feel different, might feel better then. You know what he said? He said he couldn't make assignations because then he'd feel like he was betraying his wife but if he banged me on the spot then he wouldn't feel so bad about it! What a fucking hypocrite! I told him to bugger off. Then he asked me... well, if I wouldn't fuck, could he lick me out and wank himself off? That shook me... I'd never heard of anything like that before! I mean, Edward had never been really hot at sex, and what he had done had always been pretty conventional... he was playing the good Catholic boy, of course... but anyway I was curious so I told this bastard to go right on with it. You know what he said? He said, 'OK, you go and wash it.' Wash it! Christ, it was all right to stick his dick in me but not his precious tongue! But I was stupid enough to trot to the bathroom and do it! After he'd gone I could have kicked myself. There was come all over the couch and I could never get rid of the stains. From the play Old Flames by E.A. Whitehead Using what you have learned in this chapter and in the preceding exercises and what you can guess from the context, find words or phrases in the above passage corresponding to these descriptions:

1. A deprecatory adjective used for negative emphasis but with no particular meaning. 2. A verb meaning to have sexual intercourse, to perform the sex act. 3. A verb meaning to engage in flirtatious conversation with a person and usually to make sexual advances. 4. A verb meaning to kiss and caress. 5. An adverbial phrase which means engaged in prostitution. 6. A verb meaning to have sexual intercourse with a woman. 7. A phrasal verb meaning to leave, depart, go away. 8. A phrasal verb meaning to perform cunnilingus. 9. A verb meaning to masturbate. 10. A deprecatory term which can be used of any male. 11. A word which means penis. 12. A word which means semen.

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4: SEXUAL ACTIVITY 4. a grope -magrear Used as a verb, the word refers to fondling or attempting to fondle someone's genitals or a woman's breasts. As a noun, it refers to foreplay involving manual stimulation of the genitals.

• Diana Ross' reaction to an alleged mid-frisk breast brush by a female security guard at London's Heathrow Airport was to grope the grabby gal right back and sweetly inquire, 'How do you like it?' (Salon) * What? No lustful gallants eager to give you your first experience? Your first tender, neverto-be-forgotten grope? (E.A. Whitehead) . Willey had come directly to her home after a November 1996 meeting with Clinton, 'upset and humiliated', allegedly because the president had 'groped' her. (Salon) • You're jammed into the crowd with no way out and all the time the men are staring at you and pressing against you. Their hands are all over you. Oh, not the Italian pinch on the bottom, I mean they're really feeling your body and squeezing and groping at you. (E.A. Whitehead)

• La reaccion de Diana Ross hacia la supuesta rozadura de pecho en pleno cacheo por parte de una encargada de seguridad en el aeropuerto de Heathrow en Londres fue la de meterle mano y preguntarle con dulzura, Te gusta?' • Que? No hubo ningun galan lujurioso ansioso de proporcionarte tu primera experiencia? £Tu primera tierna, e inolvidable, metida de mano? • Willey habia venido directamente a su casa tras una reunion en noviembre de 1996 con Clinton, 'disgustada y humillada', al parecer porque el presidente le habia 'metido mano'. • Estas atascada en medio de la multitud sin poder salir y los hombres no paran de mirarte y achucharte. Sus manos estan por todo tu cuerpo. Oh, no merefiero al tipico pellizco italiano en el culo, sino a que estan tocandote de verdad, apretujandose contra ti, y metiendote rnano.

RELATED TERMS: The following words denote different degrees of amorous engagement, or different stages of foreplay, from the relatively innocent (neck, footsie, smooch) to the more intense (dryhump, finger-fuck). canoodle (US) To kiss and cuddle. • One year I lived in a commune where I loved and slept with two men, both Teamsters, one of whom worked the day shift while the other worked nights. I canoodled with Cary on the sofa for a couple hours in the afternoon, and with Marcus during the night. (Susie Bright) dryhump, dryfuck (US) To approximate the sex act without penetration or divestiture, and (so the term implies) without orgasm. 36

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• She was raised in this house. The in Newark, New Jersey, fingergirl who has let me undo her bras- fucking your little Jewish girl siere and dryhump her at the dor- friends! (Philip Roth) mitory door, grew up in this white • She wants you to fingerfuck her shikse cunt till she faints. house. (Philip Roth) feel up To fondle someone's (Philip Roth) • Your days of fingenitals. • He literally bumped ger-banging old Mary Jane into Ziggy feeling up the pretti- Rottencrotch through her pretty est girl at the party in a dark damp pink panties are over! (Full Metal Jacket) corner. (Mordecai Richler) fingerfuck, fingerbang To insert footsie Amorous and clandestine play with the feet. Nearly a finger or fingers in the vulva. • I was a guest at Aly Khan's for always in the expression to play dinner when you were still back footsie. Often used figuratively, EDITORIAL STANLEY

as in the second example. • I played footsie with her during Don Jose's first seduction by Carmen. (George Fowler) • Why don't you admit it, Irma? You played footsie with the SS, didn't you? Isn't that how you got out of Auschwitz, Irma? (William Styron) make out • Through the window, we see a couple making out on the hood of a car. (Chasing Amy) • Holden glances at the disc in his hands. Pictured on it are two gorgeous chicks, barely clad, making out. The title is 'Men Suck., and so do Girls — All XXX Action.' (Chasing Amy) • Cecile, we just made out in the middle of Central Park. You can trust me. (Cruel Intentions)

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neck To kiss and caress. • — You know what I'm doing, George? — No, Martha... what are you doing? — I'm entertaining. I'm entertaining one of the guests. I'm necking with one of the guests. (Edward Albee) slap and tickle (UK) Lighthearted kissing and caressing. • He'd woo her the way she obviously wanted, flowers and attention and not too much slap and tickle. (Colleen McCullough) smooch To kiss and caress, especially while dancing to slow, romantic music. • That was probably a relief for the dimly lit duo, who had predicted the end of the world in a special millennium X-Files episode. Excitement at being alive as 2000

dawned propelled the famously unromantic couple into each other's arms for a New Year smooch. (Guardian) • The smooching begins, quite pleasurable at first, and after interminable minutes of this foreplay, there starts the repetitious and inevitable buildup... (William Styron) snog (UK) To kiss and caress. • I liked him. I thought he was a really nice boy. The only thing, he always wanted to snog. The main event of an evening out, for him, was the snogging session in the back of the car. (E.A. Whitehead) touch up To fondle someone's genitals. • Good-looking tart... I wouldn't have minded her touching me up. (Clive Egleton)

fuck -joder, foliar

The most popular swearword in English entered the language at the beginning of the 16th century, origin unknown but perhaps related to German ficken, to strike, to copulate with. The verb is used transitively and intransitively. Numerous idiomatic uses are examined in Chapter 10.

• Most other countries weren't even inhabitable anymore. They had too many people and not enough space... and still the people went on fucking all the time. Fucking was how babies were made. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) • Before I went into analysis I was completely frigid, can you imagine? Now all I do is think about fucking. Wilhelm Reich has turned me into a nympho, I mean sex on the brain. (William Styron) * After all a wife is a human being. She needs a fuck as much as we do. What else is there? A feed, a fuck, a good kip... (E.A. Whitehead) * I would look at myself in the mirror, pinch the skin under my chin, and decide that I was going through menopause and was drying up for want of a good fuck. I am not the sort of woman who goes without sex without a protest. (Erica Jong) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• La mayoria de los demas paises ni siquiera eran habitables. Tenian demasiada gente y no habia suficiente espacio... pero la gente seguia follando sin parar. Follando era como se hacian los ninos. • Antes de empezar con las sesiones de terapia era completamente frigida, £te lo imaginas? Ahora lo unico que hago es pensar en foliar. Wilhem Reich me ha convertido en una ninfomana, con sexo en el seso. • Despues de todo, una esposa es un ser humano. Necesita ser follada tanto como nosotras. Que otra cosa hay? Comer, foliar, echar una cabezada... • Me miraba en el espejo, me pellizcaba la piel bajo la barbilla, y decidia que estaba pasando por la menopausia, y me estaba quedando seca de tantas ganas que tenia de que me follaran. No soy el tipo de mujer que puede pasar del sexo sin protestar. El Ingles Prohibido

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• When was the last time you had a fuck? Is that an embarrassing question for you? (Naked)

SYNONYMS: ball Especially of a man. • That's what any eighteen-yearold chick or thirty-year-old chick will tell you when you take her out: 'You don't love me, you just want to ball me.' (Lenny Bruce) • And you can tell the world all about those chicks that you ball. (Gore Vidal) • What Tom Cruise doesn't know is she's really a hooker, and Jim Belushi's been balling her. (Jonathan Coe) bang • He is nine years old. Where does he learn phrases like 'banging beaver' and 'fuck God'? (Deconstructing Harry) • — This Ms. Allen next door, was he banging her? — I don't think so, man, she's like seventy-five years old. (Sea of Love) • I've been trying to bang this broad for a fucking month now. The only thing is she won't go out with me alone, you know. (GoodFellas) bonk (UK) • — What is a proper relationship? — Living with someone who talks to you after they've bonked you. (Naked) • Fiona has become so frustrated that she has been bonking the chairman of the neighbouring constituency's Conservative association. (Daily Telegraph) diddle • She suspects that your decrepit alcoholic father is diddling the maid. (Cruel Intentions) dip one's wick Used of a man, from the notion of inserting the penis. • None of your barmaids or local peasant wenches for Pete. He's very calculating where he dips his wick. (Robert 38

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• Cuando fue la ultima vez que follaste? Te da corte la pregunta?

Barnard) • But if you do get laid ... if you do manage to moisten the old wick, how many people would stop, before, during, or after, and give thanks to a just creator? (David Mamet) frig Euphemistic, the original meaning being to move briskly. • High-pressure romancing: find 'em, fool 'em, frig 'em and forget 'em. (Mezzrow & Wolfe) get one's hole • I was like a young bull in those days, getting my hole three times a night and still not satisfied. (John Ogilby) get one's end away (UK) • They called him Grandad, asking him how his girlfriends were. 'Are you getting it?' they kept repeating. 'Getting your end away?' (Guardian) get one's leg over • My God, she wears these tight little skirts. I don't know if she realises the effect she has on a bloke like me. What do you reckon the chances of getting a leg over are? (Alan Beretta) get one's oats • — What's got into you tonight? Needing your oats or something? — I had what you call my oats last night. I do not need them again tonight. (John McGrath) get one's rocks off Used of a man. • Nothing... nothing makes you so attractive to the opposite sex as getting your rocks off on a regular basis. (David Mamet) goose Sometimes denoting specifically anal intercourse. • W.H. Auden says that it is more morally confusing to be goosed by a bishop than by a traveling salesman. (Erica Jong) have it off, have it away (UK)

• I unzipped my fly, pulled down my underpants and came on Clive's belly. He later told me he'd had it off with a photographer the previous night and so wasn't much concerned with having it away himself. (Joe Orton) hump • — You're disgusting. — Because you're going to hump Martha, I'm disgusting? (Edward Albee) • She's moaning and groaning and about to go the whole long route. Humping and bumping, and she's screaming ... all of a sudden she screams 'Wait.' (David Mamet) • Story is he humped the faculty wives in alphabetical order. (Malcolm Bradbury) • Less a Don Juan than a beta male, I resembled one of those bachelor sea elephants who gets in some humping whenever the alpha king of the harem falls asleep. (Hank Hyena) jump • She admitted she always wanted him to jump her. (Robert L. Chapman) knock off (UK) How long's he been knocking off the vicar's wife then? (Alan Beretta) lay Mostly used passively, to be laid or to get laid. • While you're struggling with a little bitch like that there may be a dozen cunts on the terrasse just dying to be laid. It's a fact. They all come over here to get laid... I had a married woman the other day who told me she hadn't had a lay for six months. (Henry Miller) • The Way to Get Laid is to Treat 'Em like Shit. (David Mamet) make it • We were legally separated. I made it with a lotta chicks, you're entitled to make it with a lotta guys. (Lenny Bruce) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• How could you make it with him? That fat, disgusting piece of — you cunt! (Lenny Bruce) make out (US) Often, as in these examples, stressing success in achieving sexual intercourse, but it also means simply kissing and cuddling. See 4.a above. • 'You want to know how truck drivers make out with women, right?' the driver said. 'You have this idea that every driver is fucking up a storm from coast to coast, right?' (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.) • Those fucking firemen make out like bandits. (David Mamet) • Here I am pushing thirty years old. I fall crazy in love with a Polish shiksa and she keeps her sweet treasure all locked up as tightly as little Shirly Mirmelstein I tried to make out with for five whole years. (William Styron) nail • Name me one chick in our senior class that Rick Derris didn't nail, for Christ's sake! (Chasing Amy) • I'm also learned in the ways of the heart, and can offer you this advice: nail her, get it out of your system, and move on. (Chasing Amy) • — How did it go with Mrs. Jesus? — If you're asking if I nailed her, the answer is no. (Cruel Intentions) poke • Working-class morality... It's a stallion-style morality. The principle is very simple: the male pokes everything he can get until one day he inadvertently pokes himself into wedlock; after

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that he stops poking and starts lusting. (E.A. Whitehead) ride • She mounted him and rode him until they climaxed together. (S. Allen) • She was the college bike, everybody had ridden her. (James Laffan) • — Do you mind if I take my new Porsche for a ride? — Kathryn, the only thing you're going to be riding is me. (Cruel Intentions) • Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. (Trainspotting) root • I don't eat pork... I don't eat filthy animals. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. (Pulp Fiction) score Stressing success in achieving sexual intercourse. • — This is where you take straight chicks on dates? — This'11 probably be the first time I don't score afterwards. — I don't know. I'm starting to get a tingle in my bottom. (Chasing Amy) screw • Sergeant Yanov's only immediate passion in life ... was some night to drag officer Reba Hadley away from the nightwatch desk and into the basement and rip her tight blue uniform blouse and skirt from her tantalizing young body and literally screw the badge right off her. Which was perhaps symbolically linked with Yanov's avowed belief that superior officers had been screwing him mercilessly for the past eleven years. (Joseph Wambaugh) • Those redneck maggots like to

read their Bibles over you while they screw you in the ass. (Joseph Wambaugh) • 'Roscoe'd screw the crack of dawn,' said Father Willie. (Joseph Wambaugh) shag • — Did you have to beat her up? —- I never beat her up. — You shagged her, though? (Naked) • 'I've got to meet someone,' I whispered desperately. 'Shame,' he said softly. 'See you Monday,' and gave me a look so dirty I felt like throwing myself after him shouting 'Shag me! Shag me!' (Helen Fielding) • Feeling a bewildering mixture of smugness and pride over my perfect new boyfriend whom the girls clearly wished to have a go at shagging. (Helen Fielding) shtup (US) Yiddish, to push, to shove. • With those legs — why, of course he was shtupping her ... Wasn't he? (Philip Roth) slip it to somebody • Could he have been slipping it to her? Could my father have been slipping it to this lady on the side? (Philip Roth) stuff Used of a male. • He was sacked from Eton for stuffing the boys' maids. (Sunday Times) • — I love her, but she has a past. — I'll say. Stuffing two guys, eating chicks out. (Chasing Amy) tear it off a bit Used of a man having sex with a woman. • Italian wives must sit and suffer if the men tear off a bit on the sly. (Custom Car)

nooky, nookie -polvos

. Dustin Hoffman also nailed huge numbers of nookie in his prime, notes a Nov. 15 article in the Evening Standard of London. 'If anyone thinks Jack Nicholson and I got laid less than Warren Beatty when we were single, they're wrong.' (Salon) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Dustin Hoffman, en su momento cumbre, tambien mojo en grandes cantidades, indica un articulo del 15 de noviembre en el Evening Standard de Londres. 'Si alguien cree que Jack Nicholson y yo follamos menos que Warren Beatty cuando eramos solteros, se equivoca.' El Ingles Prohibido

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• If one of my friends discovered that my wife had been having a quick bit of nooky, I wouldn't want them to tell me. If she decides to tell me — that's different. (Guardian) • You might even have enough free time to get you a little nooky. A growin' Southern boy's got to have his poontang, don't he. (William Styron)

RELATED TERMS: hanky-panky Surreptitious sexual activity. • Parish councillors in Kinver, Staffordshire, are considering putting prickly plants in a local park to deter youngsters going behind the bushes at night for a bit of hanky-panky. (Guardian) how's your father (UK) Euphemistic. Sexual intercourse. • The Princess and the Pea Brain' as one paper dubbed them... Naturally both parties strenuously denied any how's-your-father. (Q) knee-trembler Describes an act of sexual intercourse between people standing up. • They would be going to the pub for a pint and afterwards Nelson would get her against our back wall for a knee-trembler... He claimed that knee-tremblers were the most exhausting way of having sex. (B.W. Aldiss) • We're not taking each other on the couch, grabbing a noon

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• Si uno de mis amigos descubriera que mi esposa se estaba tirando a otro, no quisiera que me lo contara. Si ella decide contarmelo — eso es distinto. • Puede que incluso tengas suficiente tiempo para ligarte a alguna. Un joven sureno tiene que pillar un poco de cono, seguro que si.

quickie, having a little kneetrembler before we do the dishes. Instead, we're having work-related sex. (Salon) one-night stand An extremely brief sexual liaison. • Katie will always insist on going back to her intended's home for sex. 'It's a more empowering thing to do because you can leave when you want... I don't want to taint my own flat with the messiness of a one-night stand.' (Guardian) poontang (US) Sexual intercourse. Probably from French putain, whore. • You think we waste gooks for freedom? This is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word ... my word is 'poontang'. (Full Metal Jacket) rumpy-pumpy (UK) Surreptitious sexual intercourse. • So why don't Mulder and Scully get together? Fans of the show have always insisted that any hint of rumpy-pumpy would undermine a relationship based on profes-

sional trust. (Guardian) the other Euphemistic. Usually in phrase a bit of the other. • I've got to be noticed by any guy who's on the prowl away from home and looking for a bit of the other. (Spectator) tumble • It just so happened that as he was concluding his speech a whore gave us the eye. Without the slightest transition he says to me abruptly: 'Would you like to give her a tumble? It won't cost much... she'll take the two of us on.' (Henry Miller) wham, bam, thank you ma'am Denotes sexual intercourse done quickly and generally without tenderness. • — What a flop! — If you hadn't touched me... — Ha! If I hadn't touched you... What did you expect after that build up? After all that licking and biting and kissing and rolling around the sandhill. I was aching. So I touch you... and WHAM BAM THANK YOU M A ' A M !

(E.A. Whitehead)

gangbang -violation colectiva, sexo tribal

These two terms refer to sex involving several people. Gangbang applies to an act of multiple intercourse, especially one in which several men in succession have sex with the same woman. A daisy chain is sex involving three or more people, often male homosexuals, simultaneously. » I ever tell you about that slopehead we used to gangbang in Nam, partner? This little gook was about fourteen, but retarded. Had the brain of a chicken and nearsighted to boot. We got a translator to tell her that fucking was good 40

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• Alguna vez te conte lo de la asiatica que nos tirabamos ente todos en Vietnam, colega? Esta asiatiquilla tenia unos catorce anos, pero era retrasada. Tenia el cerebro de una gallina y era miope para colmo. Conseguimos un traductor EDITORIAL STANLEY

for her eyes. (Joseph Wambaugh) * Carolina Moon and Ora Lee Tingle are just about the only broads you ever ball lately and I think you only do that to be a respectable member of an unrespectable group that gets drunk once a week and gangbangs two fat cocktail waitresses. (Joseph Wambaugh) • I'm fucked if I'm going to spend the rest of my life in an Arab gaol for the sake of that little cow! Look at her. Sitting there. All innocent. She marched out of here half-naked and got gang-banged... and she tells it straight like a story out of True Romances! (E.A. Whitehead)

RELATED TERMS:

daisy chain • Schnitzler's play lays out a sexual daisy chain of five men and five women: A prostitute sleeps

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para decirla que foliar era bueno para sus ojos. • Carolina Moon y Ora Lee Tingle son, practicamente, las unicas tias que te tiras ultimamente y creo que solo lo haces por ser miembro respetable de un grupo nada respetable que se emborracha una vez a la semana y juntos se tiran a dos gordas camareras. • Estaria jodido si me fuera a quedar el resto de mi vida en una carcel arabe por culpa de esa vaquilla! Mirala. Ahi sentada. Toda inocente. Salio de aqui medio desnuda y se la ti raron entre varios... y lo cuenta sin rodeos como un cuento sacado de Romances veridicosl

with a soldier, who sleeps with a chambermaid, who sleeps with her young employer, who sleeps with a married woman, and so on, ending up with the prostitute again. (Salon) • You

have to do more than take a little gas, or slash the wrists. Pot? Zero! Daisy c h a i n s ? Nothing! Debauchery? A museum word. (Saul Bellow)

go down on someone -chupar, mamar

* Here is a honey of a girl, with the softest, pinkest, most touching nipples I have ever drawn between my lips, only she won't go down on me. (Philip Roth) * I do not want her body. Do not want to see it, caress it, go down on it. (Kate Millett) If you think 37 dicks is a lot, then you just wait and see, Mister. I'm going to put the hookers in Times Square to shame with all the guys I go down on now. (Clerks) * Chicks never help you out. They never tell you what to do. And most of them are selfconscious about that smell factor, and so most of the time they just lay there, frozen like a deer in the headlights, right? But when a chick goes down on me, I let her know where to go and what the status is. You gotta handle it like CNN and the Weather Channel — constant updates. (Chasing Amy) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Aquf hay un encanto de chica, con los pezones mas suaves, rosados y deliciosos que he tenido jamas entre los labios, solo que no quiere chuparmela. • No quiero su cuerpo. No lo quiero ver, ni acariciar, ni comermelo. • Si crees que 37 pollas son muchas, sientate y espera, tio. Voy a dejar a la altura del barro a las prostitutas de Times Square con todos los tios que me como ahora. • Las tias nunca te ayudan. Nunca te dicen que hacer. Y a la mayorfa les da corte el factor tufo, asi que la mayoria del tiempo se quedan ahi, congeladas como un ciervo atrapado por los faros, verdad? Pero cuando una tia me la come, yo le digo adonde ir y como va la cosa. Tienes que tomartelo como si fueran las noticias o el tiempo — actualizandote constantemente.

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RELATED TERMS: The following words relate to oral sex, both fellatio and cunnilingus. With the exception of blowjob, sixty-nine and soixante-neuf, all the terms are verbs. blow • How would I like Bubbles Giraldi to come to my own house in the afternoon and blow me, as she did Smolka, on his own bed? (Philip Roth) • A woman blowing a man's natural. A woman blowing a dog's disgusting. (David Mamet) blowjob • You're so fucking verbal. Who else could have talked me into giving him a blowjob at my father's funeral? (Deconstructing Harry) • I'm thinking Hugh Grant... How does a man with a girlfriend with looks like Elizabeth Hurley have a blowjob from a prostitute on a public highway and get away with it? What happened to hell hath no fury? (Helen Fielding) • We work long hours in The Business, I can tell you. It ain't all bouquets and blowjobs, like you probably think. (Joseph Wambaugh) eat • What Sally couldn't do was eat me. To shoot a gun at a little quack-quack is fine, to suck my cock is beyond her. (Philip Roth) • Yes sir, if I were some big blond goy in a pink riding suit and hundred-dollar hunting boots, don't worry, she'd be down there eating me, of that I am sure! (Philip Roth) eat pussy • For a man to interest me, he has to eat my pussy. Have you ever eaten pussy? (Charles Bukowski) • Bearded men often have cuntlike mouths; perhaps that is why they so love to eat pussy: it is like kissing themselves in a mirror. (Erica Jong) eat somebody out • That's how I was in high school — I was nervous and inhibited about be42

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ing eaten out. But by the time I got to college, that all changed. I loosened up. (Chasing Amy) french • Honest, honey, I didn't do nothing to that guy. Only fooled around with him a little. I wasn't frenching him. I wouldn't go down there and kiss that rich man's cock and suck his balls like I'm gonna do to you right now. You know I wouldn't do that to no other man, don't you, honey? (Joseph Wambaugh) give head / give a headjob • You give good dialogue. I wonder if you give good head. (Erica Jong) • My mother brought me up to believe that if I can't do something right, I shouldn't do it at all. Of course, my father told me she gave lousy head, but that's beside the point. (Chasing Amy) • Some fruit picks up a guy in the restroom couple weeks ago and offers him ten bucks to let him give the guy a headjob, which is okay except he don't have no money after he does it. (Joseph Wambaugh) muff-dive To perform cunnilingus. • I thought you were supposed to be a superior person, you muff-diving, mother-fucking son of a bitch! (Philip Roth) sixty-nine, soixante-neuf Denotes mutual oral stimulation of the genitals. The French term is considered more sophisticated than the English. • A quite nice boy of about seventeen approached me. I do the soixanteneuf,' he said and added with a beam, I suck you.' This is something I'd never heard a Moroccan offer before. (Joe Orton)

suck somebody's cock • Mandel the next day tells me that within half an hour after my frenetic departure, Bubbles was down on her fucking dago knees sucking his cock. (Philip Roth) • After an interval I noticed that the sixth man was kneeling down beside the youngish man with fair hair and sucking his cock... As I was about to leave I heard the bearded man hissing quietly, 'I suck people off! Who wants his cock sucked?' (Joe Orton) suck, suck off • Look, do you just suck, or do you fuck, too? (Philip Roth) • She puts ice cubes in her mouth until her tongue and lips are freezing, then sucks me off — then switches to hot tea! (Philip Roth) • It's like this permissive society they talk about: never permitted me anything as far as I recall. I mean like watching schoolgirls suck each other off while you whip them... (Philip Larkin) teabag Fellatio, performed so that the woman takes the man's testicles or both penis and testicles into her mouth. • Veteran fashion photographer David Bailey is taking a break from snapping supermodels to focus on a teabag. A British tea company has commissioned Bailey to snap a whopping photo of its prize bag. 'Teabag and glamorous are not words you'd expect to find in the same sentence,' Bailey told the U.K. Mirror. Of course, anyone who saw John Waters' Pecker might take issue with that. (Salon) EDITORIAL STANLEY

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rubber -condon, goma, globo

• — What's a collapsible container? — A rabbet. That's what we called them when we worked vice. In any police report when you refer to a collapsible container, it's a rubber. (Joseph Wambaugh) • Josh didn't wear a rubber and now has a Terrible Disease. (Salon) • I've had it with whiners who complain about condoms! They're just mad they're not getting laid more often. Guys who know what they're doing with rubbers are a lover's dream come true. When you aren't worried about getting knocked up or sick, you can thoroughly enjoy being horny. End of story. (Susie Bright) • — Will you fuck me if I wear a rubber? — No. — If I don't? — Maybe. (Erica Jong)

SYNONYMS: Durex (UK) A trademark, the UK's best known condom, now a generic word. • — Hey, Andy... Have you got any Durex? — Never use them. I prefer it in the raw. (E.A. Whitehead) French letter, frenchy (UK) • For most of the 19th and 20th centuries, the folk term was 'French letter' (because condoms came in discreet envelopes), irreverently abbreviated to 'frenchie'. In the days when I was, as you might say, into con-

4. g

es un recipiente plegable? — Un conddn. Asi los llamabamos cuando trabajabamos en anti-vicio. En cualquier informe policial, cuando mencionas un recipiente plegable, se trata de un condon. • Josh no se puso un conddn y ahora tiene una Enfermedad Terrible. • Estoy harta de llorones que se quejan de los condones! S61o estan cabreados porque follan con mayor frecuencia. Los tios que saben lo que hacen con los condones son el sueno hecho realidad de cualquier amante. Cuando no te estas preocupando de quedarte embarazada ni de pillar algo, puedes disfrutar a tope de estar cachonda. Fin de la historia. • — Me follaras si me pongo un cond6n? — No. — i,Y si no me lo pongo? — Quizas.

doms, I was struck by the chauvinism with which frenchies were advertised. 'British Manufacture Throughout,' Durex used proudly to proclaim. (Guardian) johnny (UK) • What is the mark? Well, the mark, Brian, is the bar code — the ubiquitous bar code that you'll find on every bog-roll, on every packet of johnnies, on every poxy pork pie. (Naked) skin (US) • 'You got those rubbers you use?' he asked suddenly. 'I want those skins.' (Tom Sharpe)

Trojan (US) A trademark, the best known condom in the US. • Now I have absolutely nothing to worry about except the Trojan I have been carrying around so long in my wallet that inside its tinfoil wrapper it has probably been half eaten away by mold. One spurt and the whole thing will go flying in pieces all over the inside of Bubbles Giraldi's box. (Philip Roth) • I gazed at her prettiness, thinking about the Trojan Extra-Lube I always carry in my wallet. (Hank Hyena)

jerk off -hacerse una paja, pelarsela

This is the most common American term meaning to masturbate; the most common British term is to wank. * His sex life consisted of getting into bed with his young and beautiful bride and jerking off into a copy of a magazine called Garter Belt. (Philip Roth) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Su vida sexual consistia en meterse en la cama con su joven y bella esposa y masturbarse sobre un ejemplar de una revista llamada Garter Belt. El Ingles Prohibido

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• — I remember once, on an exercise in Germany, I caught one of my own men, a private soldier, jerking off into half a pound of lamb's liver. — Thank God it wasn't an officer. (E.A. Whitehead) • Walter didn't teach you to make love, you lying creepy little idiot! I'll bet you've never had a good fuck in your life! All Walter taught you was how to jerk off the poor slobs who want to get into your pants! (William Styron) • — And if I win? — I'll give you something you've been jerking off about ever since our parents got married. I'll fuck your brains out. (Cruel Intentions) • A woman, preferably black, would be engaged for a very high sum to squat naked upon a glass coffee table and take a crap while the tycoon lay flat on his back, directly beneath the table, and jerked his dong off. (Philip Roth)

SYNONYMS: beat one's meat (US) • Why, alone on my bed in New York, why am I still hopelessly beating my meat? Doctor, what do you call this sickness I have? (Philip Roth) give oneself a hand-job • The three-finger hand-job is what I have devised for jerking off in public places. (Philip Roth) • 'Who the fuck is she that she won't even give a guy a hand-job? A measly hand-job. Is that the world to ask of her? I ain't leaving till she either sucks it or pulls it — one or the other! (Philip Roth) J. Arthur (UK) Rhyming slang of J. Arthur Rank and wank. • Rowe is lying on his bed, his face 44

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• — Recuerdo una vez, de maniobras por Alemania, que le pile a uno de mis hombres masturbandose con media libra de higado de cordero. — Gracias a Dios que no era un oficial. • Walter no te enseno a hacer el amor, idiota metiroso de mierda! jApostaria a que no te han follado bien en la vida! Lo unico que te enseno Walter fue como masturbar a los pobres idiotas que se quieren meter en tus pantalones! • — Y si gano yo? — Te dare algo por lo que te has estado haciendo pajas desde que se casaron nuestros padres. Te follare hasta que caigas rendido. • Una mujer, preferiblemente negra, era contratada por una elevada suma de dinero para que se pusiera desnuda en cuclillas sobre una mesa de cristal e hiciera de vientre mientras el magnate permanecfa tendido de espaldas, directamente debajo de la mesa, y se hacia una paja.

to the wall. Featherstone says quietly: 'Here, he's having a crafty J. Arthur.' (John McGrath) jack off • —You ever make it with an Oriental? — No. I spent eighteen months in Korea jacking off. (David Mamet) • So you're gonna go out there, drink your drink, say 'Goodnight, I've had a very lovely evening,' go home, and jack off. And that's all you're gonna do. (Pulp Fiction) • Oh, sure, we could do other things to make him come — jack him off, go down on him, the usual. (Courtney Weaver) pull one's peter (US) • Why are you chained to a toilet? I'll tell you why: poetic justice! So you can pull your peter till the end of time! (Philip Roth) pull one's putz (US) • Enough

being a nice Jewish boy, publicly pleasing my parents while privately pulling my putz! Enough! (Philip Roth) pull one's wire • Remember what I said about sex. Keep away from the maids and pretty boys. As for pulling your wire, that's no occupation for a gentleman. (John Osborne) toss off • The reasons for this gloom are several, laying aside minor matters like lack of exercise, tossing off, etc., which are in themselves products of gloom as much as producers. (Philip Larkin) • I tossed him off. He came only a small amount. They're pulling their cocks twenty-four hours a day, I suppose. (Joe Orton) wank • Afterwards it took me EDITORIAL STANLEY

ages to toss him off. Finally I gave up, allowing him to wank himself, and only at the last minute did he force his prick into my hand. (Joe Orton) • — You got a bint at home? — Girl I write to. — Me too. Mine's at school. All love and kisses and current affairs but I have the odd wank over her photo. (Peter Nichols) • I can tell any man in 10 seconds how to use condoms with ease: Buy a bunch

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of different kinds and masturbate with them until you find a kind you like. Great wankers make great condom artistes. (Susie Bright) whack off (US) • It takes the seriousness out of everything if you can imagine the President in back of the bathroom door whacking it to Miss July. I stroke it once in a while, I assume he does. (Lenny Bruce) • What had old Stingo been

up to while Josef had been writhing in Warsaw's unspeakable Gehenna? Listening to Glenn Miller, swilling beer, horsing around in bars, whacking off. (William Styron) • — What are you doing? — What does it look like I'm doing? I'm whacking off. Spanking the monkey. Flogging the bishop. Choking the chicken. Jerking the gherkin. (American Beauty)

cherry -virginidad

A cherry is a virgin of either sex, or virginity in general. The usage derives from the supposed resemblance between the hymen and a cherry. The word is used in verbal expressions like to still have one's cherry, to lose one's cherry, to pop or bust someone's cherry, etc. It is sometimes used figuratively, as in the final example.

• The day I lost my cherry didn't amount to much anyway. (R.H. Rimmer) • You wanted Tyrone to lose his cherry, but things got out of hand. Isn't that right? (James Ellroy) * Call Cecile and get her to come over. I'll bust that cherry in a heartbeat. (Cruel Intentions) * — I have never been called that in my life. — Well, you just lost your cherry. (David Mamet)

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• El dia que perdi mi virginidad no fue para tan to de todas formas. • Tu querias que Tyrone perdiese su virginidad, pero las cosas se te fueron de la mano. No es asi? • Llama a Cecile y dile que se pase. Me hare con su virginidad en un abrir y cerrar de ojos. • — Nunca me han llamado eso en la vida. — Bueno, pues acabas de perder tu virginidad.

bugger -sodomizar, sodomita

The word is both a verb, meaning to sodomize, and a noun, one who sodomizes. The activity is buggery.

* Did you know Auden got a rectal fissure from being buggered by a sailor and had to have an operation? (Philip Larkin) • For all of its supposedly 'shocking' gay sex, there's a Cliff's Notes feeling to Total Eclipse, a did-you-know-Rimbaud-buggeredVerlaine quality. (Salon) EDITORIAL STANLEY

que a Auden le sali6 una fisura rectal por haber sido sodomizado por un marinero y tuvo que ser operado? • A pesar de todo su supuestamente 'escandaloso' sexo gay, hay una sensaci6n de analitica en Eclipse total, una calidad informativa, tipo sabfas-que-Rimbaud-se-foll6-a-Verlaine. El Ingles Prohibido

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• All the animals come out at night. Whores, skunkpussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies... Someday a real rain'II come and wash all this scum off the streets. (Taxi Driver) • He went to Prairie Military Academy for eight years of uninterrupted sports, buggery and Fascism. Buggery consisted of sticking one's penis in somebody else's asshole or mouth, or having it done to one by somebody else. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.)

RELATED TERMS: butt-fuck • I hear when Carolina was living with that Greek bartender he used to butt-fuck her all the time. (Joseph Wambaugh) • Two excellent books on the subject of anal sex both inspire and reflect current trends in the acceptance of butt-fucking. (Susie Bright) fist, fist-fuck Anal intercourse,

46

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• Todos los animales salen de noche. Putas, busca-chochos, chaperos, putos, maricones, colgados, yonkis... Algtin dia una autentica lluvia vendra y lavard toda esta mierda de la calle. • Fue a la Academia Militar Prairie y en ella practico todos los deportes durante ocho anos ininterrumpidamente, asi como la sodomfa y el fascismo. Lo de la sodomfa consistfa en meter el pene en el agujero del culo o en la boca de otro o que otro se lo hiciera a uno.

usually but not necessarily homosexual, in which the hand is inserted into the partner's anus. • As the evening's entertainment unreeled in samples from 21 big-budget films, the audience munched on popcorn while feasting their eyes on everything from public masturbation and u r i n a t i o n , 'epic sofa fucks' and the mile-high club, to lesbian shower sex, male anal penetration and a protracted

fisting scene. (Salon) ream, rim To stimulate the anus, either orally or with the penis, or to have anal sex with someone. • But you said we were going to get laid! You said we were going to get blowed! Reamed, steamed, and drycleaned, that's what you said! (Philip Roth) • The man reams him so hard the pain brings him to his knees. (Tom Wolfe)

EDITORIAL STANLEY

EXERCISE 4.1 In each of the following lists, all the words are synonymous except one. Spot the odd man out and explain why the word in question is misplaced. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

(a) eat pussy (b) give head (c) muff-dive (d) wank (e) suck off (f) blow (a) nail (b) ball (c) hump (d) jump (e) snog (f) bang (a) frenchy (b) Durex (c) cherry (d) skin (e) Trojan (f) johnny (a) dryfuck (b) shag (c) neck (d) smooch (e) touch up (f) fingerbang (a) toss off (b) whack off (c) pull one's wire (d)beat one's meat (e) have a J. Arthur (f) get one's rocks off

EXERCISE 4.2 Here are some less common idiomatic and slang terms for body functions, nine of which have been dealt with in this chapter. Try to identify the subject to which each group of synonyms and related terms refers. 1. balloon, cheater, close combat sock, diving suit, eelskin, fearnot, gasket, joy bag, one-piece overcoat, raincoat, safe, scumbag, sheath, shower cap 2. a bit of jam, bananas and cream, blanket drill, bush patrol, crawl, dicky dunk, flop in the hay, horizontal refreshment, hot roll with cream, Irish whist, jazz, jink, pile-driving, roll in the hay, short arm practice, tail-work, vitamin F, what Mother did, the other, tumble, zig-zig, oats, jelly roll, yumyum, zatch, how's your father, rumpy-pumpy, four-legged frolic, fun and games 3. bill and coo, lallygag, clinch, slap and tickle, mush, lumber, reef 4. blow the whistle, chew it, cop a doodle, drop on it, get a facial, give pearls, gobble the goop, gum a root, hum a tune, inhale the oyster, do a knob job, lay some lip, munch, play a tune, polish the chrome, slob the knob, smoke a dick, smoke the white owl, swallow a sword, worship at the altar, wring it dry EDITORIAL STANLEY

5. board, blow off the loose, boff, bottle, bump fur, bury one's wick, bury the bone, change one's luck, come across, do a dive in the dark, do a flop, do the nasty, ease nature, get a piece, get a little, get lucky, get one's greens, get some, go to town, grind one's tool, hide the ferret, hide the salami, introduce Charley, lay some pipe, pocket the red, post a letter, sink the soldier, thread the needle 6. bake potatoes, bend some ham, cornhole, dig a ditch, do a brown, dip in the fudge pot, dot the 'i', fish for brown trout, fluff the duff, go down Hershey Highway, make poundcake, go over the bridge to Plimpton, pack fudge, paint the bucket, powder someone's cheeks, push shit uphill, rectify, saddle up, stir fudge 7. beat the beaver, get it wet, grease the gash, hide the hot dog, hit the slit, juice one's sluice, let the beaver swim, make some soup, pet the poodle, she-bop, slam the clam, tickle the taco

8. bunch punch, chain jerk, choo-choo, circle jerk, club sandwich, crew screw, fuckathon, group grope, mazola party, mob job, Mongolian cluster fuck, pull party, ring jerk, round pound, team cream 9. barking at the ape, box lunch, canyon yodeling, eating at the Y, eating out, going south, going under the house, mumbling in the moss, pearl diving, talking to the boat people, whistling in the dark 10. bash the candle, beat the bishop, bleed the weed, bop the baloney, buff the banana, butter the corn, choke the chicken, crank the shank, crown the king, five against one, flog the dog, play a flute solo, give it a tug, grease the pipe, make the bald man puke, manipulate the mango, milk the lizard, paint the ceiling, pump the python, rope the pony, shake hands with the unemployed, stroke the dog, varnish the flagpole, walk the dog El Ingles Prohibido

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EXERCISE 4.3 Translate the following sentences into English. 1. Aqui hay un encanto de chica, solo que no quiere chuparmela. 2. Me masturbaba regularmente pero la idea de tener una relacion con una mujer estaba mas alla de mi imaginacion. 3. Si uno de mis amigos descubriera que mi esposa se estaba tirando a otro, no querria que me lo contara. 4. No fue por casualidad, sino porque te estabas tirando a su mujer. Por eso te disparo. 5. Tenia una voz dulce y triste. Me gustaria follarte, pense. 6. Yo tenia mis propias ideas sobre el sexo. Estaba constantemente cachondo y me masturbaba continuamente. 7. Habia sido sodomizado por un marinero y tuvo que ser operado 8. Este hijo puta se la esta tirando desde que salio de la carcel! 9. Se sentia disgustada y humillada, supuestamente porque el presidente le habia metido mano. 10. Durante esa noche te follaria sin parar, hasta partirte por la mitad... Te haria gozar mas de lo que habias sonado en toda tu vida. 11. Alguna vez te conte lo de la asiatica que nos tirabamos entre todos en Vietnam? 12. Victor entra en una farmacia y compra una caja de profilacticos. 13. Cuando fue la ultima vez que follaste? 14. Me fui a la cama, me hice una paja y me dorm. 15. No quiero ver su cuerpo, ni acariciarlo, ni comermelo. 16. Los hombres estan achuchandote. Sus manos estan por todo tu cuerpo, apretujandose contra ti y metiendote mano. 17. Cuando una tia me la come, la digo por donde ir y como va la cosa. 18. Lo que mas me dolio fue cuando me dijiste que 'no tenia ni puta idea de foliar'. 19. Antes era completamente frigida. Ahora, lo unico que hago es pensar en foliar. 20. — Nunca me han llamado eso en la vida. — Bueno, pues acabas de perder tu virginidad.

EXERCISE 4.4 ((The shy and heavily complexed narrator, Assistant Commissioner to the mayor of New York, works up the courage to engage a conversation with an attractive woman. When his first approach fails, he immediately tries another, with greater success.) Go ahead, you shackled and fettered son of a bitch, speak to her. She has an ass on her with the swell and the cleft of the world's most perfect nectarine! Speak! 'Hi' — softly, and with a little surprise, as though I might have met her somewhere before... 'What do you want?' To buy you a drink,' I said. 'A real swinger,' she said, sneering. Sneering! Two seconds — and two insults! To the Assistant Commissioner of Human Opportunity for this whole city! 'To eat your pussy, baby, how's that?' My God! She's going to call a cop! Who'll turn me in to the Mayor! 'That's better,' she replied. And so a cab pulled up, and we went to her apartment, where she took off her clothes and said, 'Go ahead.' My incredulity! That such a thing was happening to me! Did I eat! It was suddenly as though my life were taking place in the middle of a wet dream. There I was, going down at last on the star of all those pornographic films that I had been producing in my head since I first laid a hand upon my own joint... 'Now me you,' she said, '— one good turn deserves another,' and, Doctor, this stranger then proceeded to suck me off with a mouth that might have gone to a special college to learn all the wonderful things it knew. From the novel Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth

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EDITORIAL STANLEY

Using what you have learned in this chapter and in the preceding exercises and what you can guess from the context, find words or phrases in the above passage corresponding to these descriptions: 1. A deprecatory term which can be used of any male. 2. The usual American term for the buttocks. 3. A word often used to described a person who engages in group sex, partner-swapping, etc. 4. An expression meaning to perform cunnilingus. 5. A term describing an erotic dream. 6. An expression meaning to perform oral sex, either fellatio or cunnilingus. 7. A synonym for penis. 8. A term meaning to perform fellatio.

EDITORIAL STANLEY

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5: SEXUAL TASTES 5.a

homo -manca, mancon

With the exception of gay, no longer considered slang, all terms describing male homosexuals are derogatory. • I shan't see much of the ceiling, I expect. Tangier is certainly the place for the homos. (Joe Orton) • In Cardiff I found a newsagent with a good line in Yank homo porn, in quite a classy district too. Didn't dare touch it. (Philip Larkin) • Very amusing article in the Daily Telegraph today saying that the thing about homos is that they don't have children and so don't bother about the future. (Philip Larkin) • Is he a homo then? I'm not sure I've ever met any homos before, not to speak to. (Peter Nichols) • Sartre has shown what a superb figure of comedy a homo can be. (Percy Wyndham Lewis)

RELATED TERMS: arse-bandit (UK) • His nickname was Wendy. Wendy was homosexual, he was an arse-bandit, a turd burglar, a shirtlifter, a dirty fucking queer, a stinking poof, a fucking homo. He was also a good man. (Ken Lukowiak) bent Adjective. • 'Great thing about gay people...' 'Gay?' Tessa said. 'Bent, queer, you know. Homosexual.' (Frederick Raphael) bum-bandit (UK) • I ' m not a bum-bandit, you know. You've nothing to fear on that account. (Jonathan Coe) bum boy (UK) • Look, you philosophised Irish bum boy, who asked you to open your 50

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• Supongo que no vere mucho techo. Tanger es ciertamente el lugar para los maricones. • En Cardiff encontre un kiosko que vendia una buena Iinea de porno gay americano, y por cierto en un barrio de clase alta. No me atrevi a tocarlo. • Hay un articulo muy gracioso en el Daily Telegraph de hoy que dice que lo curioso acerca de los maricones es que no tienen hijos y por lo tanto no se preocupan por el futuro. • Es maricon entonces? No Se si he conocido alguno antes, no como para hablar de ello. • Sartre ha demostrado que tipo mas genial para la comedia puede ser un maricon.

mouth, eh? Who asked your little opinion, eh? (John McGrath) • He struck me as a bit of a pseudo-intellectual. Not to mention a bum-boy. (Peter Nichols) • Five fucking hours to do five clicks. It might take you and the rest of your bum-boy buddy marines five hours. Not us, mate. We're fucking paratroopers, haven't you heard? (Ken Lukowiak) fag • There ain't no rules out here, you cocksucker! The Marquis of Queensberry's just some fag over on Eighth Street. (Joseph Wambaugh) • You fag! You insolent fucking sissy! (Joseph Wambaugh) faggot (US) • I don't like the

name Lawrence! Only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence! (Full Metal Jacket) • Because only one thing counts in this life: get them to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me, you fucking faggots? (Glengarry Glen Ross) • You always hear those stories, you know, of guys being fooled by faggots dressed up as ladies. (Lenny Bruce) • He said that instead of turning the other cheek you should sap the motherfuckers to their knees... And if Jesus Christ didn't have the balls to treat his enemies like that he was just another faggot Jew. (Joseph Wambaugh) • He was a rubber wristed, lisping, mincing faggot. (Joseph Wambaugh) EDITORIAL STANLEY

fairy • He saw two nearly nude men by the gardening shack and figured it was a pair of park fairies. He belched and shouted, 'All you faggy bastards in this park better keep the noise down.' (Joseph Wambaugh) • That puking little bastard! If there's anything worse than being a fairy, it's being a miser. (Henry Miller) fruit • They got a fucking fruit at the games counter. I can't believe this. In the midst of the toy department. At the games counter, talking to the kids all day long ... a fairy. (David Mamet) • Hey, kid, go get the key to this shithouse. You might have a couple fruits locked themselves in there. (Joseph Wambaugh) fudgepacker (US) • What about your family? Can you imagine the humiliation your father's going to feel when he finds out his pride and joy is a fudgepacker? (Cruel Intentions) • Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States... even then, don't knock. (As Good as it Gets) Jessie • Darling, you really don't have to convince me that you're not a Jessie. (Kingsley Amis) • Come on, you big Jessie: off with your kecks. Two fine, fullgrown men, naked beneath the moonlight: wouldn't that be something for the heavens to look down on tonight? (Jonathan Coe) nancy-boy, nance • I can't stand that Toto fellow. He's an open nancy-boy. (Lawrence Durrell) • We're looking for a fellow who screwed the arse off a Baroness, not a couple of raving nances. (Frederick Forsyth) EDITORIAL STANLEY

one of those • I don't know if it's true or not, but I heard your Cary Grant was one of those. You know, bent. (John Godfrey) pansy • Did you get a good look at that janitor's face, Lieutenant? Because that boogie might live in Watts. And you'll need some friends there. Because that's where I'm sending you on the next transfer, you incompetent fucking pansy! (Joseph Wambaugh) pogue A youthful homosexual male. • The kid was a pogue. It seemed to Hicks that if he got any drunker and his place any lonelier and more savage he might actually have some sort of a shot at him. (Robert Stone) ponce (UK) A noun, but also used as a verb meaning to move in an exaggeratedly effeminate manner. • Mods thought that Rockers were yobs, Rockers thought that Mods were ponces. (Nick Cohn) • Frankly, as Brad ponces about the place with his trousers hitched down to his hips, to show off as much pert musculature as possible, he looks like he couldn't fight his way out of a pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs. (Guardian) poof, pouf, poove • Do you know something: I think that bloke's a pouf. (John McGrath) • In Piccadilly a rather slanteyed and pissed (or drugged) poove sidled past me and said in a low, hot tone, 'I say, how camp.' (Joe Orton) poofter • — You pommy poofter. — What's a poofter? — What you'd call a pansy. (Ian Fleming) queen • Old Jewish mothers never know when their sons are faggots. They just miss it somehow. Out-and-out screaming queens — but their mothers are

never hip. (Lenny Bruce) • Old ladies, old queens, theatrical impresarios, actors and male prostitutes make their entrances and their exits. (Peter Ackroyd) • Went to a press conference at twelve. A fat, queeny man welcomed me into the room. He had a brown suit and a jolly queeny face. 'I do admire your work,' he said. 'How do you think of all those witty remarks?' (Joe Orton) queer • Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks? Are you a peter-puffer? (Full Metal Jacket) • All that typically queer talk, I've heard it all before. He's just a go-getting queen. (Joe Orton) sod (UK) Abbreviation of sodomite, although the word is hardly ever used in that sense now. • — You aren't half a dopey sod. How d'you stand him, Charlotte? — I love him, so it's easy. (Peter Nichols) swish (US) • You wanna be a goddamn swish — a goddamn faggot-queer — GO! Suckin' cocks and takin' it in the ass, the thing of which you dream, GO! (David Rabe) • Here I sit, a reviled gay man, and to top that off, I'm a gay black man — notoriously the most swishy of the bunch. (Chasing Amy) that way (US) • The masked man's a fag! Dja hear that? Well, goddamn, masked man, I never knew you were that way. (Lenny Bruce) trade A person picked up for homosexual activity, or such people collectively. Rough trade El Ingles Prohibido

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applies to someone from the lower class engaging in homosexual prostitution. • He was staying in Bristol in terrible digs. He'd been having the trade back and finally his landlady said, 'You've been bring-

5. b

ing people back, haven't you? It's got to stop. You're not to bring any more men back here.' (Joe Orton) • 'Come when you like,' I said, 'and we'll go round the Hammersmith Bridge afterwards look-

ing for a bit of young trade. (Joe Orton) • You can't always judge a sausage by its foreskin. Half the rough trade walking about you'd never tell were queens. (Peter Nichols)

dyke, dike -manmacho

* Dike is vernacular for lesbian... Now the reason I do a lot of faggot jokes — as opposed to dike jokes — is cause dikes'11 really punch the shit out of you. (Lenny Bruce) » You know the dyke stuff in the Penthouse letters section is written by guys. (Chasing Amy) « We live in a more tolerant age now. You refer to yourself as a dyke. Hooper calls himself a faggot all the time. (Chasing Amy) « Everyone needs dick. See, I can buy fags. Bunch of guys that need dick — just plain need it. That I get. Dykes? Bullshit posturing. But — live and let live, I guess. (Chasing Amy)

• Lesbiana en jerga es marimacho... Ahora, la razon por la cual hago muchos chistes de maricones — en vez de chistes de marimachos — es porque las marimachos realmente te pueden dar de hostias. • Sabes que lo de las marimachos en la seccion de cartas de Penthouse esta escrito por tios. • Vivimos en una era mas tolerante ahora. Te refieres a ti misma como una marimacho. Hooper siempre se llama maricon a si mismo. • Todo el mundo necesita una polla. Ves, puedo entender a los maricones. Un monton de tios que necesitan pollas - simplemente lo necesitan. Eso lo entiendo. Marimachos? Una postura de mierda. Pero, supongo que habra" que vivir y dejar vivir.

RELATED TERMS: All the following terms are derogatory or offensive. bulldyke A lesbian with strongly masculine tendencies. • High ranking members of the Los Angeles Police Department believed that women had some value in rape cases, juvenile investigations and public relations. But otherwise ... they were probably bull dykes at heart and were out to steal men's jobs. (Joseph Wambaugh) • Only ... from the mouth of a Southern bulldyke asshole ingrate of a vicious nowhere cunt can this trash come. (David Mamet) butch A lesbian with strongly masculine tendencies. • When I 52

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was young, Bannon's books let me imagine myself into her New York City neighborhoods of short-haired, dark-eyed butch women and stubborn, tightlipped secretaries with hearts ready to be broken. (Salon) diesel A lesbian with aggressively masculine tendencies. Now the name of a well-known lesbian magazine. • Hinton rattled his chains. 'Fuck you, fuck that Irish guy and fuck that fucking diesel dyke.' (James Ellroy) • As a current Diesel ad puts it: 'Men. Who needs 'em?' Above the caption, three comely

young women pose at a sperm bank. (Salon) fag-hag (US) A woman, not necessarily homosexual, who habitually consorts with male homosexuals. • His examination of the 'fag hag' as personified by Dorothy Dean — a New York writer, pundit, and all-around bad girl in the '60s and '70s — is fascinating. 'The fag hag's marriage to her constant gay male companion is a marriage sanctified not by physical love but by Humor and Verbal Punishment,' he writes. (Salon) femme A lesbian who adopts EDITORIAL STANLEY

a passive, feminine role. • I will venture to say that I am versatile. In bed, to borrow from the gay lexicon, I am neither a top nor a bottom, but a 'side'. As an aesthetic, I alternately confess to being femme with an inner soft butch, or perhaps a femme top. (Salon) jock (US) A lesbian with masc u l i n e t e n d e n c i e s . • Lorna Dillon was not butch, but her voice was deep and her arms and legs were nearly twice the size of Al Mackey's. She wore

tennis shorts and a T-shirt and was obviously a jock. (Joseph Wambaugh) les • I reckon she's a les, you know. (New Society) lesbo, lesbie • — Relationships seem too distracting. I'd rather concentrate on my studies. — You a lesbo? (Cruel Intentions) • — One was a man, a goodlooking man at that. — Man my ass, they were lesbos. (Chester Himes) muff-diver See l.g and 4.e above. • 'She is,' said Dr Dudden,

'a sister of Lesbos.' Terry had no idea whether this euphemism was in common usage, or whether Dr Dudden had just made it up. 'You mean she's a friend of Dorothy?' 'Precisely. She's a fucking muff-diver. Or, more accurately, a non-fucking muff-diver.' (Jonathan Coe) rug-muncher (US) • I wanted to watch some TV. Hard to do when your best friend's wrapped around a naked rug-muncher on your couch. (Chasing Amy)

5. c I cottage -lavabo publico para citas homosexuales The term is British slang. It denotes a public lavatory or urinal used by male homosexuals for assignations. Tearoom is the equivalent American term.

* He talks a lot about a friend who committed suicide. 'Found in a cottage, she was,' he said. "They gave her the choice of gaol or a mental home.' (Joe Orton) • One lonely night you'll say a few flattering words to some nice chap in a cottage and next you know a cow of a magistrate's giving you three months. (Peter Nichols)

RELATED TERMS: tearoom (US) It all reminds me of a pissing/cruising scene I saw

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• Habla mucho de una amiga que se suicidio. 'Fue encontrada en un lavabo publico* dijo. 'Le dieron a escoger entre la carcel o un centro psiquiairico.* • Una noche solitaria diras unas palabras aduladoras a un tipo majo en un lavabo publico y acto seguido tendras a una zorra de juez eondenandote a tres meses.

in the Washington Square tearoom in New York City. This toilet was so filthy and so full of activity, it took my breath away.

These guys did not have a shy bone in their bodies. Tougher than shit, too. (Greg Nott)

ambisextrous -bisexual

• Her privacy is invaded by Nikki — an ambisextrous hustler, hussy, hedonist, needleuser, fibber and people-surfer ... and having, you know, a fine pair of jugs. When not flogging off poor Rosa's belongings, Nikki is servicing all comers, even the chap who has come to service the washing machine, (David Profumo) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Su privacidad es invadida por Nikki — una prostituta bisexual, puta, hedonista, enganchada a la aguja, mentirosa y surfista de gente... que tiene, sabes, un buen par de melones. Cuando no se esti haciendo con las cosas de la pobre Rosa, Nikki esta dando servicio a cualquiera, incluso al tipo que vino a arreglar la lavadora. El Ingles Prohibido

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» Who is copying the grisly murders outlined in the best selling novel Tenebrael Find out in Dario Argento's audacious psycho thriller, an ambisextrous Freudian nightmare highlighting designer slaughter, futuristic dementia and icy suspense. (Bradford Film Festival publicity)

RELATED TERMS: AC-DC Euphemistic. • You can also tell Time Magazine you're bisexual, be AC-DC in the international edition. (Kate Millet) bi Abbreviation of bisexual. • Some were gay, many apparently bi, and a few so hard that they would have been given a wide berth in a Gorbals pub. (Listener) bi-guy I'm looking for a kinky bi-guy to wank with, and maybe more. I get off on almost anything bizarre, extreme, kinky or depraved (however I am NOT interested in anything involving children or under-age per-

5. e

sons). (Gay Universe) gender-bender Used of a person, especially a pop-singer, who deliberately affects an androgynous appearance. • While it wouldn't be long before the term 'gender bender' would come to mean cuddly camp or flinty androgyny, Prince wore eyeliner and bikinis with an inyour-face masculine swagger that clearly stemmed neither from sexual confusion nor fashionable artifice. (Salon) swing both ways • As for the mystery that still surrounded Robin Aseltine's death, the police had picked up and questioned sev-

eral former boy and girl friends, Robin having been found to swing both ways. (J.G. Vermandel) switch-hitter (US) • Austin Powers began to look like a switch-hitter in the final scene of 'The Spy Who Shagged Me', when he got into bed with his look-alike clone and the lovely Felicity Shagwell. (Salon) • Switch hitter: How slick 'Jerry Maguire' ads sell Tom Cruise to both sexes. (Salon headline) versatile Euphemistic. • — Dougal was probably pansy. — I don't think so, he's got a girl somewhere. — Might be versatile. (Muriel Spark)

drag queen -travesti

* Like Valerie, I too was once a young drag queen in love with Audrey Hepburn. I was drawn to her more than to any other figure in Hollywood. 'Funny Face', where she plays a drab, boyish creature who's transformed into a supermodel, was the only film for me. (Salon) • It may seem a stretch to imagine a 6-foot-7 drag queen as the celebrity spokesperson for an Internet software company, but hey, this is 1999, (Janelle Brown) » President Clinton mixes with drag queens and Matthew Shepard's mom at a big New York gay pride bash. (New York Times)

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esta copiando los espantosos asesinatos de la novela de exito Tenebmel Enterate en el psyco-thriller audaz de Dario Argento, una pesadilla Freudiana bisexual que destaca la matanza de diseno, la demencia futuristica, y el suspenso gelido.

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• Como Valerie, yo tambien fui una joven drag queen enamorada de Audrey Hepburn. Me senti atraido por ella mas que por ningtin otro personaje de Hollywood. 'Funny face', donde hace el papel de una criatura del tipo nina apagada que se transforma en una super modelo, era mi pelicula preferida. • Puede parecer increible el imaginar a una drag queen de 205 centimetros como portavoz de una empresa de internet de software, pero, oye, estamos en 1999. • El Presidente Clinton se mezcla con drag queens y con la madre de Matthew Shepard en una gran fiesta en Nueva York para celebrar el orgullo gay. EDITORIAL STANLEY

SYNONYMS: trannie • Almodovar gathered with his ensemble of actors — three women and one trannie, who, between the four of them, had just about every angle of

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feminine beauty and allure covered — to answer questions from the audience. (Guardian) • British judges ruled in July that the National Health will cover hormone treatments for transsexuals and also that trannies can stay in

the British army in non-combat positions. (Salon) TV Abbreviation of transvestite. • We get a lot of TVs in and a few of the leather boys of course. (The Magazine)

kinky -pervertido

• King Farouk was a bit kinky. Right? They're there humping and bumping... the chick's about to come... he whacks her on the forehead with a ball-peen hammer. (David Mamet) • I kept my socks on, nothing else. 'I've drawn you looking like a beautiful teenager,' P. Procktor said. 'You'll get a lot of kinky letters after this, I'm sure.' (Joe Orton) • *Are you ever going to wash that tee-shirt of yours?' Willes said. 'You've been wearing it for ages.' 'I let the sweat collect,' I said, 'and then when I pick someone up it gives them a kinky thrill.' (Joe Orton) • She tells me the show in Mexico isn't gonna be some ordinary fuck movie between me and some boy. She said it was gonna be something real kinky where I could get hurt. (Joseph Wambaugh)

RELATED TERMS: fladge, flage Flagellation as a means of sexual gratification. • It's not that de Sade was more violent than other libertine aristocrats, for fladge and sodomy were common tastes. (Whip) • I have some damned odd fantasies when it comes to quiet halfhours with sex. Flage, and all that. (J.I.M. Stewart) flash To expose one's genitals for sexual gratification. • You wonder what kind of perverted, diseased minds these men EDITORIAL STANLEY

• El Rey Farouk era un poco retorcido, verdad? Ahi estan, dale que te pego, la tia esta a punto de correrse... el la da en la frente con un martillo pequeno. • Me quede con los calcetines puestos, nada mas. 'Te he descrito como si fueras una adolescente preciosa,' dijo P. Procktor. 'Recibiras muchas cartas cachondas despues de esto, sin duda.' • ' Alguna vez vas a lavar esa camiseta tuya?' dijo Willes. 'La llevas puesta desde hace siglos.' 'Dejo que se acumule el sudor,' dije, 'asi cuando liguo con alguien les pone cachondas.' • Me dice que el espectaculo de Mexico no va a ser la tipica pelicula donde folio con algun chico. Ella dice que va a ser algo muy retorcido donde me podrian hacer dano.

have. Once or twice men have exposed themselves to me... you know, f l a s h i n g . . . and I know it's nothing but it's made me feel sick for days afterwards. (E.A. Whitehead) • Come to think of it, he was a bit of a flasher... used to sit around the house with his flies open and if he c a u g h t you looking, it gave him a big kick. (E.A. Whitehead) nonce (UK) Prison slang for a person convicted of a sexual offence, especially child-molesting. • Just to think what some of

the nonces on their wing had done sickened him... Jack Lynn had no notion that this tremendous anger related to the fear deep inside him that he might be no different basically from the sex offender, or child molester. (G.F. Newman) perv, perve Corruption of pervert. • Why don't you go and watch some other place die? They've got corpses by the riverfull in Bangla Desh. Why not go there? You're a pack of perves. (Robert Stone) scarfing (UK) Auto-asphyxiaEl Ingles Prohibido

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tion for sexual stimulation. • He was found only partially clothed, bound, and with a plastic bag over his head, circum-

stances which not unnaturally led to suspicion of foul play. The autopsy, however, established beyond doubt that he had died

accidentally, while engaging in the practice k n o w n as scarfing. (Ballymena Times)

Abbreviation of both prostitute and professional. • — And was she a pro? — At this point, we don't know. Pro, semi-pro, Betty Coed from College, regular young broad, it's anybody's ballgame, (David Mamet) • 'She was rubbing her thighs up and down in a very bold way. What d'you suppose would've happened if I'd followed her off the bus?' 'She'd've charged you three quid, I expect,' Kenneth said. 'I've never seen a more obvious pro on a number 19 bus before.' (Joe Orton) • Hey, Hank! Man, I really caught a head job today! Jesus Christ, she really ate me up! And young too! But she was really a pro! (Charles Bukowski)

• — Era una profesional? — En este momento, no tenemos ni idea. Profesional, medio-profesional, tia cachonda de colegio mayor, una joven eualquiera, quien sabe a estas alturas. • Se estaba frotando los muslos de una forma muy descarada. Que crees que hubiera pasado si la hubiese seguido al bajarse del autobus?' 'Te hubria cobrado tres libras, me imagino,' dijo Kenneth. 'Jamas he visto a una profesional mas descarada en un autobus mumero 19.' • Eh, Hank! Vaya mamada que me han hecho hoy! Dios, se me ha comido entero! i Y era joven! Pero era realmente una profesional !

to the little woman and his bank examiners. (Casino) hooker (US) • The Aios-stricken on the game (UK) • I knew he hooker, knowing that she's never thought I was on the game. Somehad a chance in the world, wants how that thought turned me right to take her clients down with her off. (E.A. Whitehead) • Betty's on by giving them her disease. the game, isn't she? Has she got (New York Times) • Every you at it too? (Tony Parker) hooker I ever speak to tells me professional girl (US) • It's not it beats the hell out of cheating. She's a hooker. It's not waitressing. Waitressing's got to like I'm having a love affair. See, be the worst fucking job in the you don't feel for a professional world. (Deconstructing Harry) girl the way you do for your wife. hustler • Who didn't want Gin- (Deconstructing Harry) ger? She was one of the best- prosty • The best relationship I known, best-liked and most re- ever had with a woman was with spected hustlers in town. Smart a prosty I met in Hamburg. I hustlers like her could keep a couldn't speak a word of German guy awake for two or three days and she couldn't speak a word of before sending him home broke English. (E.A. Whitehead) RELATED TERMS:

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tart • — Like anything else? — Aye, I'd like a nice fat tart with a wobbly jelly-roll and a mind like a Cairo sewer. That'd be favourite. (John McGrath) • I've slept with every class of tart from Siberians to Polynesians, had them all, no bother at all. I don't need a wife — I hire one by the hour. (John McGrath) working girl (US) • I went into this with my eyes open, you know. I knew the bottom could drop out at any time. I'm a working girl, right? You don't think I'm gonna go into a situation like this if I don't think I'm gonna get covered on the back end. (Casino)

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5. h

trick -putero, putanero

Both a noun and a verb, i.e. either a prostitute's client or (of a prostitute) to have sexual intercourse with a client. * Her skirt was the only piece of clothing on her body. The only reason it was still on her body was that the trick had said he liked it better when they 'hiked them up'. It reminded him of when he was a kid in the drive-in movies during the '50s. (Joseph Wambaugh) » The whore was leafing through her trick book with quivering lip and shaking hands. There were numbers of good tricks to look for, bad tricks to avoid. (Joseph Wambaugh) • — And you only saw him twice? — Twice. And I never tricked with him. He never asked for it. (Joseph Wambaugh)

• Su falda era la unica prenda sobre su cuerpo. Launicaarazon por la cual aun la llevaba puesta era porcpe el tipo dijo que le gustaba mas caando 'se las subian'. Le recordaba cuando era un crio en las cines al aire libre de los anos 50. • La puta estaba hojeando su agenda mientras su labio se estremecfa y le temblaban las manos. Estaban los numeros de los tipos buenos a quien buscar, y los de los tipos malos a quienes evitar. • — Y solo le vistes dos veces? — Dos veces. Y nunea me lo tire. Nunca lo pidi6.

SYNONYMS:

always thought I was, but I'm not. And I'm not a sucker. (CaJohn • You're teary-eyed, huh? sino) • Two male prostitutes were You're upset? You're a good ac- duking it out over the favors of a tress, you know that? Good customer in a white Jaguar... The fuckin' actress. You can fuckin' John in the Jag noticed the blackget that pity out of people. I'm and-white and said adios, roaring not a John, you understand? You away. (Joseph Wambaugh)

5. i

short-timer (US) Originally a person due to leave military service shortly. • Bangkok. Girlie bars galore, packed with strippers and pimps and whores and the shorttimers who made it all possible. (James Laffan)

whorehouse -burdel, casa de putas

• You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Scoop. The fucking Communists don't believe in God, and wherever they come to power, what's the first thing they do? Kill the priests, rape the nuns, and turn the churches into whorehouses. (Charley Rosen) • The city has become famous for its licentiousness, as a gambling den, a whorehouse, a place of bawdy songs and wild, loud music. (Salman Rushdie) • Ricky! You're an international businessman. Tell us, in your opinion, where are the best whorehouses in the world? Other than San Francisco? (Hank Hyena) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• No sabes de que cono estas hablando, Scoop. Los jodidos comunistas no creen en Dios, y dondequiera que llegan al poder, £que es la primera cosa que hacen? Matar a los curas, violar a las monjas, y convertir las iglesias en prostibulos. • La ciudad se ha hecho famosa por su libertinaje, como un centro del juego, un burdel, un lugar de canciones obscenas y musica alta y salvaje. . Ricky! Tu eres un empresario internacional. Dinos, en tu opinion, donde estan los mejores burdeles en el mundo? Aparte de San Francisco? El Ingles Prohibido

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« And your father would go down to a tavern where he would get drunk with some other drinking machines. Then all the drinking machines would go to a whorehouse and rent some fucking machines. And then you father would drag himself home to become an apologizing machine. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.)

SYNONYMS: cat house • Let's do it tonight... Get us some chippies. You know we can. And if we don't, he knows a cat house, it fulla cats. (David Rabe) • Instead of a man of the cloth, we'd pledged our devotion in the presence of a guy

15. j

named Norm whose uniform had big collars and more fringe than all the curtains in a Nevada cathouse. (Mary Elizabeth Williams) knocking-shop • I do understand that an introduction — or dating, or whatever the term of the day is — agency is not the

same as a knocking shop, but all this 'refained' gentility sits strangely with the actual business of getting bodies together. Perhaps it would be easier to control if a knocking shop were all it was, but what everyone wants these days is not sex, but relationships. (Guardian)

pimp -chulo

* A small number of women told us they had several 'boyfriends' who would 'help them out with a bill in exchange for 'going out'. Others admitted to 'selling sex* or 'selling ass'. When we pressed them, we found that the women used these terms to distinguish their activities froan those of 'professionals* — women who worked for a pimp and solicited on a daily basis, (Kathryn Edtn)

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• Y tu padre se iba a una taberna donde se emborrachaba junto con otras maquinas bebedoras. Y despues, todas las maquinas bebedoras se iban a un prostibulo y alquilaban maquinas folladoras. Y despues, tu padre volvia arrastrandose a casa para convertirse en una miquina de pedir perdon.

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. Un numero redueido de mujeres nos dijeron que tenfan varies 'novios' que les 'ayudaban' con un billete a cambio de 'salir', Otras admitieron que 'vendian sexo' o 'vendian su eulo'. Cuando insistimos, nos enteramos que las mujeres usaban estos terminos para distinguir sus actividades de las de las 'profesionales' — mujeres que trabajaban para un chulo y que hacian la calle a diario.

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EXERCISE 5.1 In each of the following lists, all the words are synonymous except one. Spot the odd man out and explain why the word in question is misplaced. 1. (a) on the game (b) trick (c) pimp (d) cat house (e) John (f) tearoom 2. (a) butch (b) jock (c) gender-bender (d) rug-muncher (e) diesel (f) lesbo 3. (a) be ambisextrous (b) be a switch-hitter (c) flash (d) be versatile (e) swing both ways (f) be AC-DC 4. (a) bum boy (b) poof (c) queen (d) fudgepacker (e) fag-hag (f) ponce 5. (a) bulldyke (b) working girl (c) pro (d) tart (e) hustler (f) hooker 6. (a) nonce (b) swish (c) perve (d) fladge (e) scarf (f) flash

EXERCISE 5.2 Here are some less common idiomatic and slang terms related to sexual proclivities. Try to identify the subject to which each group of terms refers. 1. an academy, bag-shanty, band box, beauty parlour, beaver base, birdcage, cake shop, cat flat, fish market, fuckery, garden house, ladies' college, leaping house, nunnery, riding academy, sporting house 2. an Amy-John, boon dagger, beaver eater, carpet muncher, fairy lady, fem, fluff, Jasper, lesbyterian, Margie, ruffle, Sappho, sergeant, tribadist, tootsie, wolf

3. an apron squire, ass peddler, 5. an Alice, angel, auntie, blow button broker, crack salesboy, bun duster, buttercup, man, fishmonger, honey man, broken wrist, brown-hatter, missionary, prosser, runner, cream puff, daffodil, ducky, stable boss, tout Ethel, flit, gobbler, himmer, 4. a bachelor's wife, bimmy, lisper, lily, Mary Ann, meat bobtail, business girl, butthound, mince, mattress peddler, common sewer, communcher, pink pants, panty pany girl, crack salesperson, waist, powder puff, punk, cruiser, guinea hen, hat-rack, pillow biter, quince, rear adhay-bag, lease-piece, livemiral, rear gunner, stock, mattress, merry-legs, rimadonna, receiver, sissy, moonlighter, overnight bag, three-dollar bill, undercover piece of trade, raspberry tart, man sales lady, zook

EXERCISE 5.3 Translate the following sentences into English. 1. Quieres utilizarme para cada toda cosa estrafalaria y cachonda que se te ocurra. 2. Otras mujeres trabajaban para un chulo y hacian la calle a diario. 3. Las mujeres se desmayaban cuando le veian en la pantalla, pero en realidad Hudson era marica. 4. Voy a dejar en vergiienza las putas de Times Square con todos los tios que me como ahora. 5. Patricia era una ninfomana, nunca tenia suficiente. 6. Hay que tener mucho cuidado con las marimachos, si no, te daran de hostias. 7. La ciudad se ha hecho famosa por sus burdeles. 8. El tipo era bisexual... quiero decir que jodia con hombres y mujeres y le jodian hombres y mujeres. 9. El analisis me ha convertido en una ninfomana, con sexo en el seso. 10. Se sentia tan cachondo que decidio tomarse el resto del dia libre y quizas encontrar una puta de treinta dolares. 11. Danny habia salido del armario y habia proclamado que era maricon. 12. La mayoria de los chulos procuran no espachurrar la cara. Pegan en la mejilla, junto a la mandibula, evitando EDITORIAL STANLEY

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los ojos y la boca. 13. La puta esta echando un vistazo a su agenda. 14. Por que te refieres a ti misma como una marimacho? 15. Que es la primera cosa que hacen? Matar a los curas, violar a las monjas, y convertir las iglesias en prostibulos. 16. Sally tenia una casita y alli lo pasabamos bien, jodiendo y comiendo. Me alimentaba bien y me debilitaba al mismo tiempo. Nunca tenia suficiente. Sally era una ninfomana. 17. Jack se lo hace con travestis. Algunos de ellos tienen mejor aspecto que muchas mujeres. 18. Dice que quiere hacer algo muy retorcido. 19. Es maricon entonces? No se si he conocido algun maricon antes. 20. Dicen que lo de las marimachos en la seccion de cartas de Penthouse esta escritopor tios.

EXERCISE 5.4 (A New York cabby, Travis, describes his working routine. Later he converses with a child prostitute, Iris.) I work the whole city, up, down, don't make no difference to me — does to some. Some won't take spooks — hell, don't make no difference to me... They're all animals anyway. All the animals come out at night: whores, skunkpussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. Each night when I return the cab to the garage I have to clean the come off the back seat. Some nights I clean off the blood.

IRIS: God, you are so square. TRAVIS: Hey, I'm not square, you're the one's square. You're full of shit, man. What are you talking about? You walk out with those fucking creeps and low-lifes and degenerates out on the streets and you sell your little pussy for nothing, man? For some low-life pimp who stands in the hall? And I'm square? You're the one's square, man. I don't go screwing with a bunch of killers and junkies like you do. You call that hip? What world are you from? From the film Taxi Driver, written by Paul Schrader Using what you have learned in this chapter and in the preceding exercises and what you can guess from the context, find words or phrases in the above passage corresponding to these descriptions: 1. An offensive term for a black person. 2. A word which means prostitute. 3. A familiar term for a sodomite. 4. Two words used to refer derogatorily to male homosexuals. 5. A word for semen. 6. An expression which means: mistaken, seriously ill-informed. 7. An adjective which has no precise meaning but is used simply for emphasis. 8. A word which means vagina. 9. A word which refers to a man who lives off the earnings of a prostitute. 10. A verb meaning to have sexual intercourse.

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6. UNPLEASANT PEOPLE, THINGS, PLACES, ETC. 6. a

bastard -cabron, hijo puta

• I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. (Pattori) • Sharon was on top form. 'Bastards!' she was already yelling by 8.35, pouring three-quarters of a glass of Kir Roy ale straight down her throat. 'Stupid, smug, arrogant, manipulative, self-indulgent bastards.' (Helen Fielding) • Al Mackey had to hit the brakes as the freeway motorists slowed to ogle some poor bastard getting a speeding ticket. Better him than me! (Joseph Wambaugh) • That bastard Moss had the ear of the chief of police and every other idiot who didn't know him well! (Joseph Wambaugh)

• Quiero que recuerdes que ningtin bastardo gand una guerra al morir por su pais. La gano consiguiendo que otro bastardo imbecil muriese por su pals. • Sharon estaba en forma. Ya estaba gritando 'jbastardos!' a las 8.35, mientras bebia de un trago un vaso casi lleno de Kir Royale. 'Bastardos estupidos, petulantes, arrogantes, manipuladores y autoindulgentes.' • Al Mackey tuvo que frenar en seco cuando la patrulla de la autopista redujo para poner una multa por exceso de velocidad a un pobre bastardo. Mejor el que yo! • Ese eabrdn de Moss tenia al jefe de policfa y a cualquier otro idiota que no le conociera bien metidos en el bote!

SYNONYMS: We can use any number of terms of abuse to describe people we find unpleasant or contemptible. The following words can all be applied to men. Used derogatorily, most of them have no particular significance. In a few cases, however, there may be reference to specific kinds of behaviour. When this is so, it is indicated in the text. arsehole, asshole • Both of you assholes knock it the fuck off and calm down! (Reservoir Dogs) • Half of them are nasty skanks who wouldn't be shit if they weren't surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. (Swingers) • 'Lerner,' Madge said, 'is a senile Viennese asshole And he's a lech.' (Robert Stone) • To Hicks' utter astonishment, Eddie slapped him twice across the face. 'You nickel and dime asshole — don't you dare threaten me with violence.' (Robert Stone) bleeder (UK) • I don't know what in the world I shall do when EDITORIAL STANLEY

you've all gone. Perhaps, in the Dean's eyes, I shall 'quieten down'. Fuck the bleeder. (Philip Larkin) bugger • A timid, quaking little bugger who lived in constant fear of going broke some day — the 18th of March perhaps, or the 25th of May precisely. (Henry Miller) • When I said that Oxford people were clever but mediocre, I meant the dons, dear boy, not the undergraduates. The dons are the dreariest set of buggers it's ever been my lot to meet. (Philip Larkin) • You crafty bugger. Fancy not letting on. (John McGrath) bullshit artist • I had known Bunny for several years now, and I knew that his only connec-

tion to the record company executives whose names he dropped with annoying regularity was in his capacity as their weekly supplier of weed. But I didn't dare tell Big K that Bunny was a bullshit artist. I assumed he would learn the truth in his own time. (Douglas Century) chickenshit • When the two policemen got to the wounded suspect and stood over him, he yelled in panic and shock, 'You shot me in the back, you chickenshit!' (Joseph Wambaugh) cock-knocker • He started it! Fucking cock-knocker! He's lucky I didn't put my pen through his thorax! (Chasing Amy) cocksucker • He insulted Billy. El Ingles Prohibido

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And then I walked over to him politely and he tells me to go fuck myself. Then he called me a faggot. So what do you think I do? I threw that cocksucker out. (Casino) • Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little Communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? (Full Metal Jacket) • He had his pockets full of human finger bones. He ate his victims, the cocksucker. (Robert Stone) cunt • There was a sympathetic article about Kingsley in the latest 'Cambridge Review', which surprised me as I normally regard them as a pack of Cambridge cunts obsessed with Ted and Pound and so forth. (Philip Larkin) • Apparently the anthology is the right length, which is good, but there are howls at the omission of certain parties, principally McDiarmid or however the cunt spells his name. (Philip Larkin) • 'They're a right parcel of fuckin' cunts, thon boys.' He looked uneasily at the officer. 'If you'll excuse that class of talk, sir.' (Shaun Herron) • 'Well,' I said, 'I think all Americans are cunts.' (Joe Orton) • You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson... I'm talking to you, shithead... You just cost me six thousand dollars. (David Mamet) dickhead • If there is one thing in this world that I hate, it is an unlocked footlocker ... If it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world. (Full Metal Jacket) • Each one of these counts hold twenty-five-to-life... Twentyfive fucking years, pal. Bye-bye, dickhead. See you in Attica. (GoodFellas) dipshit • He got up from his chair, walked to the door, and gently edged one of the curtains 62

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aside. 'What the fuck are those dipshits doing out there?' (William Gibson) dork • — Y o u guys look like... what do they look like, Jimmie? — Dorks. They look like a couple of dorks. (Pulp Fiction) douche bag • That motherfucker, he's every kind of douche bag from full to empty. (Joseph Wambaugh) fink • Why do I have to shtup her, O.K.? Why am I the one to shtup her all the time? I can do to her no more, you fink! My legs are chapped. (Lenny Bruce) fuck • You're one sick fuck, Fink. (Barton Fink) • 'You stupid fuck,' Danskin said, 'people always say that to writers. Now he thinks you're an asshole.' (Robert Stone) • Now, don't get smart with me, Bob, don't get smart with me, you young fuck, we've been sweating blood all day on this. (David Mamet) • 'Ya fuck, ya!' yelled Father Willie. 'Ya dirty slant-eyed heathen godless little fuck, ya!' (Joseph Wambaugh) fucker • I'm comin' outta here, and any fucker I see out there, I'm gonna kill him ... and any fucker takes a shot at me, I ain't just gonna kill him, but I'm gonna kill his wife and all his friends and burn his fuckin' house, you hear? (Unforgiven) • I couldn't think of a fuckin' thing to say. I froze. The little fucker looked at me like I was a dummy. (Robert Stone) • When he kissed her neck, she shifted to give him a wasted smile. 'You're a funny little fucker,' she said. (Robert Stone) fuckface • Her favourite line of English prose is a masterpiece: 'Fuck my pussy, Fuckface, till I faint.' (Philip Roth) fuckhead • What was he? Some back-country fuckhead with a stethoscope. (Stephen King)

fuckwit • Tell him to bugger off from me. Emotional fuckwit. (Helen Fielding) get, git (UK) • Where's that Flynn? He's gone as well, has he? Cheeky twit. I'll thump that get one of these days. Thinks he can get away with poxy murder — well he poxy can't. (John McGrath) • Whilst I fucked Dave, Tills pulled himself off. Also, and I remember thinking, 'Kinky Irish Catholic get', he kept smacking my buttocks. (Joe Orton) gobshite • And who the hell do you reckon to be your mates? If you imagine for one minute that either of those two rotten gobshites will think any the better of you, you're dreaming. (John McGrath) jagoff • Why don't you take that fuckin' pen and shove it up your ass, you fuckin' jagoff? (Casino) • I come into the fuckin' office today, I get humiliated by some jagoff cop. (David Mamet) jerk, jerk-off (US) • You fuckin' moron, I'll be filling out paper work for the next two months because of you, you fuckin' jerk-off. (Casino) mother (US) Short for motherfucker. • — I wish he was a broad. It's so much easier to tail a broad. — Broad or not, he's one tough mother to tail. (Joseph Wambaugh) • You're on my list, mother! I'm going to get you, you dirty mother! You rotten bastard! Cocksucker! (Charles Bukowski) motherfucker (US) • Get this through you head, you Jew motherfucker, you. You only exist out here because of me! That's the only reason! ... You're fuckin' warned! Don't ever go over my fuckin' head again! You motherfucker, you! (Casino) • AK-47, the very best there is. When you absolutely, positively, gotta kill every motherfucker in EDITORIAL STANLEY

the room, accept no substitute. (Jackie Brown) numbnuts (US) • What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?!! D i d n ' t Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?!! (Full Metal Jacket) pissant (US) A despicable or insignificant person. • Yeah, I was the Kid. It got so that every pissant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must've killed more men than Cecil B. De Mille. (Blazing Saddles) • Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a pissant like you. (Good Will Hunting) piss artist A loud-mouthed fool. • Things are so bad in the English soccer squad that several commentators are, apparently without irony, recommending the recall of the Piss Artist Formerly Known As Gazza for the Poland match. (Guardian) • I imagine decades of piss-artistry can't help leaving their mark on the character. (Kingsley Amis) prat (UK) • 'I mean, it's nothing. It's just some girl who's stupid enough to let me shag her for a couple of weeks.' 'What?' exploded Sharon, beginning to turn pink. 'That's the most repulsive thing I've ever heard anyone say about a woman. Arrogant little prat!' (Helen Fielding) prick • How dare you try to lay a guilt trip on me about it! Who the fuck do you think you are, you judgmental prick! (Chasing Amy) • Then you're going to go off to Stanford, you're going to marry some rich prick who your parents will approve of. (Good Will Hunting) putz • I can't really believe that Leila would do this. After all, she's an artist, a heroine, a feminist. Why would she let this putz abuse her? (Erica Jong) • 'You EDITORIAL STANLEY

nasty little putz' the voice said, full of contempt and revulsion, 'you're enough to make anyone puke!' (William Styron) S.O.B., s.o.b. (US) Short for son of a bitch. • I couldn't have called him an s.o.b. — I didn't know he was one. At the time. (John F. Kennedy) • The S.O.B., he hates my father... You want to know why the S.O.B. hates my father? You want me to tell you? All right... I will now tell you why the S.O.B. hates my father. (Edward Albee) schmuck • Look, I'm not asking for the world — I just don't see why I should get any less out of life than some schmuck like Oogie Pringle or Henry Aldrich. (Philip Roth) • Did you think you were a second Irvine Vibert, you schmuck? (Robert Stone) • Danskin, what a schmuck you are, what a contemptible idiot, what a fucking fool. (Robert Stone) scrote • Scrotes! That's what all people are: ignorant filthy disgusting ugly worthless scrotes! Scrotes! (Joseph Wambaugh) • He believed implicitly that if you ever backed down even for a moment in dealing with assholes and scrotes the entire structure of American law enforcement would crash to the ground. (Joseph Wambaugh) scumbag • Captain Woofer said to send him a pair of grungy, ugly, filthy, hairy, disgusting, creepy scumbags who would fit in with the run-of-the-mill Hollywood street folks. (Joseph Wambaugh) • Were you born a fat slimy scumbag, you piece of shit, Private Pyle? Or did you have to work on it? (Full Metal Jacket) • Long Beach Mike isn't your amigo, he's a fuckin' scumbag. The piece of shit is selling out his real amigos, that's how much

of a good fuckin' guy he is. (Reservoir Dogs) shagbag • John Heath-Stubbs is reading some of my poems at a meeting of shagbags in London next Friday. (Philip Larkin) shit • Much of the play's lack of success must be put down to the theme and to the undoubted fact that the general public are, where plays are concerned, ignorant shits. (Joe Orton) 'You're too young to remember a bloody old fool and by the bye frightful shit called Bevan Hopkin who called the police in at a Renoir exhibition at the Trevor Knudsen — in 1953, not 1903. (Kingsley Amis) shitbag • When will these sodding loudmouthed cunting shitstuffed pisswashed sons of poxed-up bitches learn that there is something greater than literaturel A bastard who can bastard well write bastard shit like that bastard well ought to be bastard well stuffed with broken glass, the bastard. 'For he taught as one having authority, not like the shitbags and tossbottles'. (Philip Larkin) shithead • You know what is free enterprise? ... The freedom of the Individual to embark on Any Fucking Course that he sees fit in order to secure his honest chance to make a profit ... The country's founded on this ... Without this we're just savage shitheads in the wilderness. (David Mamet) • You shithead, you don't fuck with us, I'll kick your fuckin' head in. (David Mamet) slag (UK) • As sentence was announced, the dead boy's father shouted: 'I hope you rot in it, you slag.' (Daily Telegraph) sod (UK) • How kind of you to send me (your book about) Arthur Wellard, and what a sod I am not to have written earlier. (Philip Larkin) El Ingles Prohibido

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son of a bitch • I had to admire this fuckin' guy. He was one of the toughest Irishmen I ever met. This son of a bitch was tough. (Casino) tosser (UK) • — Which living person do you most admire? — No one really — they're all tossers. (Guardian) • I've really enjoyed the people we've worked with on the whole, and that's rare. You normally come out of a production saying 'I'm glad to see the back of that bunch of tossers', but this wasn't like that at all. (Guardian) turd • Cutthroats and scumbags were coming out of the woodwork ... these guys were world class turds. And I'm sorry, but they got what they deserved. (Desperado) • All the freshmen

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are odious little turds indistinguishable from Harris. (Philip Larkin) • I can drop the little turd off the Capitol Records Building, you want me to. (Joseph Wambaugh) • It's all right when little turds and turdettes, especially the latter, go on about exciting breakthroughs in advertisements and arts pages. (Kingsley Amis) twat • When I got back home, Kenneth H. was in a rage. He'd written in large letters on the wall, 'JOE ORTON is A SPINELESS TWAT'. (Joe Orton) • The editor liked them, but the paper's coolly scathing stars had decided the band were a bunch of public-school twats f l i r t i n g touristically with black Americanisms. (Guardian)

arselicker -lameculos

• The feuds do not end with his political opponents. Many have been with former friends. 'Kusturica is the greatest traitor to Bosnia,' one told me. Another said he was a 'war criminal, a Chetnik arselicker, a puppet of Milosevic... It makes me puke to think of him.' (Guardian) • Cracking good news about the election, what? I can hardly believe we've got that little shit and his team of arselicking crooks out of the way. (Philip Larkin) • I lose touch instantaneously with that asslicking little boy who runs home after school with his A's in his hand, the over-earnest innocent endlessly in search of... his mother's approbation. (Philip Roth)

RELATED TERMS: brown-nose • Nobody promotes an invisible employee. Start to attend meetings. Sound positive. 64

wanker (UK) • I went to Zimbabwe with my wanker boyfriend. (Naked) • As I lay I tried to block out the screams. I had enough problems without having to listen to that w h i n i g wanker. His screams were beginning to annoy me. They were interrupting my thoughts. They were increasing my fear. (Ken Lukowiak) • Well, fuck me. If it isn't one of our glorious leaders. I wonder what the fuck this mentally retarded wanker wants. (Ken Lukowiak) whoresmelt, hoor's melt (Irish) • But it was of Parnell that he spoke most: 'A king,' he called him, 'A hero who would have freed Ireland,' but for the opposition of the black-hearted 'hoors' melts'. (Sean O'Callaghan)

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• Las disputas no acaban con su oposici6n politica. Muchos han sido antiguos amigos. 'Kusturica es el mayor traidor de Bosnia,' me dijo uno. Otro dijo que era 'un criminal de guerra, un lameculos de Chetniks, una marioneta de Milosevic... Me dan ganas de vomitar al pensar en e1.' • Noticias cojonudas acerca de las elecciones, verdad? Casi no me puedo creer que hayamos conseguido quitar del medio a ese mierda y a su equipo de chorizos lameculos. • Pierdo contacto momentaneamente con ese chiquillo lameculos que corre a casa a la salida de la escuela con la cartilla en la mano, el pequeno inocente excesivamente serio, interminablemente consagrado a la btisqueda de,.. la aprobacion de su madre.

Exude confidence. Never brown-nose, though. Suckersup inevitably end up being an e m b a r r a s s m e n t to all concerned and you may pick the

wrong boss to toady around. (Guardian) • We could argue about whether a Supreme Court clerkship is evidence of brilliance or j u s t consummate EDITORIAL STANLEY

brown-nosing. (Salon) kiss somebody's ass • — He did that to me once. He tried to starve me. — I don't care. I'm not kissing his ass. I'll quit or starve, anything. (Charles Bukowski) • Now and then I made some bad blunders, and if it weren't that I had learned how to kiss the boss's ass, I would have been fired, that's certain. (Henry Miller) • This is the

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reality... you're not going to get your ass kissed here, because both me and Walt think you suck. (Chasing Amy) suck somebody's ass • How he would have hated being a lieutenant and sitting at a desk and sucking some captain's ass. (Joseph Wambaugh) • After sucking the boss's ass for a whole week — it's the thing to

do here — I managed to land Peckover's job. (Henry Miller) suck up to somebody • You shouldn't suck up to that woman. She's got a dirty mind. Half the mothers in America, with their precious big pussies and their precious little daughters, half the mothers in America have dirty minds. Tell her to shove it. (Charles Bukowski)

bitch -zorra, lagarta

• There is not one loyal bone in that bitch's body. (David Mamet) • You haven't been straight with me ever since I met you! You never loved me in the first place! I need eyes in the back of my fuckin' head with you, you fuckin* bitch! (Casino) • He thinks we are the Bitch Queens from Hell — which is a misapprehension because, although we have discovered our Inner Bitches, we have not yet unlocked them. (Helen Fielding) • Wouldn't she often have to go to the John, and start unzipping her jeans in front of Al as she walked out of the room? She was just that kind of bitch, all right? (Joseph Wambaugh) • That last bitch he married never even saw to it that he had decent underwear. (Joseph Wambaugh) • If that loudmouth bitch was my old lady I'd kick her in the cunt. (Joseph Wambaugh)

• No hay un solo hueso del que te puedas fiar en el cuerpo de esa zorra. • jNo has sido honesta conmigo desde que te conoci! Jamis me quisistes! Contigo, necesito ojos en la nuca, jputa zorra! • Cree que somos las Putas Reinas del Infierno; lo cual es un malentendido porque, pese a que ya hemos descubierto a la puta que llevamos dentro, todavia no las hemos liberado. • No tenia que ir con frecuencia al bano y se empezaba a bajarse la cremallera de los vaqueros delante de Al al salir de la habitacidn? Era ese tipo de zorra, de acuerdo? • La ultima zorra con la que se caso ni siquiera se preoeupd de que tuviera calzoncillos decentes. • Si esa puta bocazas fuera mi vieja, le daria una patada en el cono.

SYNONYMS: These are some of the more common abusive terms applied to women. As with the deprecatory terms used of men, these only rarely have a specific meaning over and above their value as insults. bag • 'And you do realise Middlemarch was originally a book, Bridget, don't you, not a soap?' I hate Perpetua when she gets like this. Stupid old fartarse bag. (Helen Fielding) cooze (US) • Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's about some cooze who's a reguEDITORIAL STANLEY

lar fuck machine. I'm talking, morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. (Reservoir Dogs) cow (UK) • Kenneth sniffed and his nose appeared to be about a foot long. ' Silly cow your agent, isn't she? Don't you think so?

That Peggy Ramsay? Silly cow.' (Joe Orton) • Jean's a right little cow, isn't she? (E.A. Whitehead) cunt • Beth Kramer's an aggressive, tight-assed, busybody cunt, and it's none of her fucking business how I speak to my son. (Deconstructing Harry) • I just had to kill Linda, Mr Vale, that El Ingles Prohibido

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— that cunt just got what she deserved. (Primal Fear) • Somehow I feel sorry as hell for her and yet I don't give a damn. A cunt who can play as she does ought to have better sense than be tripped up by every guy with a big putz who happens to come along. (Henry Miller) • And your friend, Joan... that cunt was born in a car crash. (David Mamet) moo (UK) • The receptionist said, 'Well, I've nothing on my conscience.' She went into the dispensary with the coffee. 'Silly moo,' Leonie said. (Joe Orton) • Some specced-up babe asked me if I didn't feel insignificant alongside those writers who've had illness and death inflicted upon them. Of course, I feel insignificant, you fucking moo. Even a crashing dung brain like Jeremy Clarkson

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could tell you that a sense of insignificance might just be linked to suicidal tendencies. (Guardian) skank (US) • I spend half the night trying to talk to some girl whose eyes are darting around to see if there's someone more important she should be talking to... Some fuckin' skank who is half the woman my girlfriend is. (Swingers) slag (UK) • You tell people — well, men — your story and it's stored away and used against you. One said to me in a row: 'You are nothing but a slag and an easy lay and not even a good one for all the practice you've had.' (Guardian) slut • If you didn't want to go out with me anymore, why didn't you just say so? Instead you pussyfoot around and see that slut behind my back! (Clerks) • You

prick! You bastard! You sonofabitch! You think you're dealing with some old slut? Look at me: thirty-one! You think 'cause you're hung you can get away with this crap? (James Leo Herlihy) • You remember the slut roamed into Sears and had the baby in the rest room? She cut the cord with her fingernails and just dumped the little toad in the trash and left it for the janitor to find next day. (Joseph Wambaugh) twat • I can't even give you the time of day without getting the look: oh shit, here comes another dumb and stupid remark out of that brainless twat. I say, 'It's five to seven,' and you think, 'How fucking dumb can she be!' Well, I'm not brainless, and I'm not a twat either, just because I didn't go to fucking Harvard! (Philip Roth)

bummer -conazo, latazo

Slang, but neither obscene nor offensive. The word may be used of any bad experience, occasion, situation or place. Originally an unpleasant or depressing experience with LSD or other narcotic. • — As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. — Bummer. (The Big Lebowski) We read of Saul that 'when he stood among the people, he was higher than any of the people from his shoulders and upward.' As a king, Saul turned out to be a bummer; but never mind, he sure was tall. (Tom Ferrell) • For Deadheads, the death of Jerry Garcia last week was one big bummer, man. (New York Times) • The adolescent does away with the concreteness and complexity of his experience, and substitutes instead his own primitive abstractions. Everything is 'groovy' or 'a bummer.' (Anatole Broyard)

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• — Como puedes ver, es una nota de rescate. Enviada por cobardes. Hombres incapaces de tener exito en un campo de juego igualado. Hombres que no firmarian con sus nombres, Debiles. — Que rollo. • Leimos acerca de Saul que 'cuando estaba entre los suyos, era mas alto que cualquiera, les sacaba la cabeza.' Como rey, Saul resulto ser un enano; pero es igual, si que era alto. • Para los seguidores del grupo musical Los Deadheads, la muerte de Jerry Garcia la semana pasada fue un mazazo, colega. • El adolescente se deshace de lo especifico y complejo de su experieneia, y lo sustituye por sus propias abstracciones primitivas. Todo es 'dabuten' o 'un cofiazo'.

EDITORIAL STANLEY

SYNONYMS: The following words, which we have already seen applied to people, can also be used to describe or address the unpleasantly non-human: objects, events, experiences, concepts, problems, etc. bastard • The only thing wrong with the present is the bastard doesn't exist. Because the present is the future ... It's a constant process of coming into being and passing away. (Naked) • I poked the aching tooth. 'Bastard.' It made it worse. The pain made me fall to my knees. I pulled my mouth to a tap and swilled it with cold water. 'You fucking bastard.' (Ken Lukowiak)

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clap

bitch • It was rough terrain and the going was hard. From the map it was obvious that the last few miles were going to be a bitch. (James Laffan) bugger • I think I could've probably managed to convince them if I hadn't had this bugger of a toothache. I had to clench my jaws every time it throbbed. (John Ogilby) fucker • Here's the really mental fuckin' thing, when we were on the boat goin' down and

comin' back again, we were earnin' more fucking money than when we were on the Islands running around and blowin' away the fuckin' Argies. I mean, you know, how the fuck do they work that fucker out? (Ken Lukowiak) motherfucker • He shows Marino a long, ugly scratch on his arm. He says: 'Can you fucking believe that? Look at this motherfucker'. (Casino)

-gonorrea

From Old French clapoir, a venereal bubo or swelling. • Do you know he has a drippy faucet?... I happen to know that in Hollywood patrol right now the clap's as common as a head cold. (Joseph Wambaugh) • Barbers — cutters of beards — were a traditional male enclave. And, going back to the Norman barber-surgeon, they specialised in male requirements and ailments: prophylactics and clap. "Will there be anything else, sir?' the hairdresser would delicately inquire, as he brushed the clippings off your shoulders. (Guardian) * Mrs Schekner, you got the clap. Little discharge, dear. Tell you what, we're gonna give you a little, ah, vitamin-booster, a little penicillin. (Lenny Bruce) * I can say this now, hand on heart, honest to God and hope to catch the clap if I'm lying. (Ken Lukowiak)

RELATED TERMS: a dose • Any venereal infection. • She's riddled with pox. I know EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Sabes que ha pillado una infeccion venerea?... Se, de hecho, que ahora mismo en la patrulla de Hollywood la infeccion venerea es tan conun como el catarro. • Los barberos — los que cortaban las barbas — eran tradicionalmente hombres. Y, regresando a los barberos-cirujanos normandos, se especializaban en los requisites y las dolencias masculinas; profilacticos e infecciones venereas. 'Alguna cosa mas, senor?' solia preguntar el peluquero con delicadeza, mientras te cepillaba el pelo de los hombros. • Seflora Schekner, tiene usted una enfermedad venerea. No hay duda, querida. Mire, le vamos a dar una pequena... ayuda vitaminica, un poco de penicilina. • Esto lo puedo deck ahora, con el corazdn en la mano, lo juro por Dios y que contraiga una infeccion venerea si miento.

four blokes who've copped a dose from her. (Bill Turner) • Don't Give A Dose To The One You Love Most. (New York

Daily News) crabs An infestation of crab lice in the pubic area. • — I haven't fucked anybody else! I got it El Ingles Prohibido

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from YOU! You're a carrier, a disease ridden slut! — What? — The crabs, the crabs, you gave me the C R A B S ! (Charles Bukowski) • I happen to know he's practically raising crabs. A steno works Hollywood nightwatch told me. He has them in his armpits even. (Joseph Wambaugh) jack (Austr.) Rhyming slang of jack in the box and pox. • Got malaria, beriberi, malnutrition and probably a dose of jack. (Martin Medcalf)

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pox (UK) • No clap, no chancres, no syphilis: I have never suffered from pox of any description. I always take extreme care not to. (John McGrath) • Hey, your gums are rotting. Bloody hell, he's got syphilitic teeth. Look at that. Look, it's true, isn't it? Here — how do you manage to catch pox there then — you dirty bastard (John McGrath) • How're you liking being fifty? Rotten decade for me... Thirties and forties were

all right. As for the sixties, well, 'Yer can't get pox, Inside a wooden box.' (Philip Larkin) syph, siph, siff Abbreviation of syphilis, but sometimes, as in the first example, used in a wider sense. • Being a full man in macho white Atlanta includes making fun of the AIDS Ball. 'Let's Riff for Syph!' Wolfe writes. (Salon) • Why don't you tell us about that time you got siff from your nigger maid? (Charles Willingham)

crud -porquena

In Middle English the word meant 'coagulated milk', later it was used to describe dried semen. Now it denotes any substance perceived as loathsome — vomit, pus, slime, etc. — or, figuratively, anything which is markedly inferior.

• Let's clean him up. Featherstone, do something, will you? Get some of the crud off him, before it hardens. (John McGrath) . Mr. Le Coze said the non-stick cookware was wonderful for cooking fish. So I bought my first pan. And it was good, for a very short while. Then it started to accumulate blackened crud.(Guardian) • Trashy tourist attractions ('acres of modern crud', as Horwitz puts it) are a blot on the contemporary South's landscape. (New York Times) » — What if she's carrying a disease?—You're such a fucking asshole. — What? Oh, it's not possible that she's all crudded up? ... That bitch could be a bigger fucking germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak! (Chasing Amy) • I burst into a fit of coughing. Half strangling on the goo and crud of threescore daily Camels, I was surprised that I was coherent at all. (William Styron)

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• Vamos a limpiarle. Featherstone, haz algo, quieres? Limpiale esa mierda, antes de que se endurezca. • El senor Le Coze dijo que las sartenes de teflon eran maravillosas para cocinar pescado. Asi que compr6 mi primera sarten. Y estuvo bien, durante un tiempo muy corto. Despues empez6 a acumular mierda ennegrecida. • Atracciones deplorables para turistas ('acres de mierda moderna', segun Horwitz) son un manchon sobre el paisaje contempordneo del sur. • — Que pasa si esta infectada? — Eres un puto gilipollas. — Que Ah, no es posible que este llena de mierda? ... Esa zorra podria ser una puta granja de germenes may ores que el mono ese en Estallidol • Empece a toser violentamente. Medio ahogandome con toda la mierda de treinta y tantos Camels diarios, me sorprendid que fuera en lo mas minimo coherente.

EDITORIAL STANLEY

SYNONYMS: dreck • Underworld is among other things a witty and dramatic meditation on excreta, voidance, leavings, garbage, junk, slag, dreck. (Martin Amis) • He is being pestered by an aspiring author of science fiction dreck named Milo Levi-Nathan. (Martin Amis) glop (US) • Plates, floors, even the pockets of our corduroy jackets were soon encrusted with a white glop that could have afforded archaeologists a lifetime of exploration. (Pico Iyer)

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gook • The old woman wiped a string of gook off her arm and, grabbing the doctor's surgical scissors, clipped the umbilical cord herself. (Aimee Bender) • We are ankle-deep in Mr. Clinton's own character-gook. We are trapped in his own sick decision to risk the Presidency for back-office sex with a subordinate. (New York Times) grot • Ministers reel off triumphant statistics about employment, hospital lists, the minimum wage and family benefits. But voters who are out of work or in low-paid exploitative jobs,

living in grot, and surrounded by evidence of greed and massive social disparity, don't care for statistics much. (Guardian) gunge (UK) • Ventilation ducts are not cleaned. There is all sorts of gunge in them, including dead pigeons, which affects people's circulation rates. (Guardian) gunk • Defaced by time, pigeon gunk and insensitive landlords eager to remove potential liabilities, New York's once abundant crop of architectural stonework has suffered countless indignities. (Andrew Jacobs)

cruddy -asqueroso

The adjective from crud, meaning nasty, disgusting, loathsome, repellent. • Prostitution, pornography, drugs —Dublin's fair city is looking pretty cruddy in 'The Good Life', John Brady's latest novel. The polluted canal where a prostitute's beaten body is washed up bears witness to the city's degradation. (New York Times) •* I can sit in a diner or a cruddy little restaurant halfway across the country, and there will be people in the booth next to me, and because I'm a woman of a certain age they'll say anything as if no one were there. People will say absolutely outrageous, incredible things. (E. Annie Proulx)

SYNONYMS: grotty • He used to live on acid and Mars bars in a grotty squat. Now he sips bubbly with Madonna (Guardian) icky • — He ate you out? Did you like it? — Well... I don't know — it was weird. At first it felt icky, then it felt kind of EDITORIAL STANLEY

• La prostitucion, la pornografia, las drogas — la bella ciudad de Dublin se ve bastante llena de mierda en 'La buena vida', la ultima novela de John Brady. El canal contaminado donde aparece el cuerpo machacado de una prostituta es testigo de la degradacidn de la ciudad. • Puedo estar sentada en un cafe o en un restaurante de mierda a medio camino del otro lado del pais, y habra gente en la mesa a mi lado, y porque soy una mujer de una cierta edad dirain cualquier cosa como si no estuviera. La gente dira cosas ultrajantes, cosas increfbles.

okay. (Cruel Intentions') scuzzy • With more and more people working from home or buying books and clothes on the internet rather than schlepping to the high street, we are becoming increasingly home-based. But this doesn't mean we're hanging out in scuzzy old tracksuits. We're more likely to be

padding around in a little lattecoloured cashmere sweater and fleece drawstring trousers. (Guardian) yucky • And kids have a natural reluctance to think about their parents' sex lives. Any question you answer will probably conjure up images of you nude and passionate — yuck. El Ingles Prohibido

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(Salon) • He came bounding into the room and straight away did a Barry Manilow, that ever-so-

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yucky trick of finding an enthusiastic stranger in the audience and pointing a finger and saying

'Hi!', thus exuding a warmth that does not, in cold fact, exist. (Guardian)

arsehole of the earth, etc -el culo del mundo

The terms in this section refer to places perceived as disagreeable or of markedly inferior quality.

• Well, sir, I'm 8,000 miles from home, in a place that has already proved itself to be the arsehole of the earth. Four of my friends are dead, I'm up to my neck in shit, mud and water... How the fuck do you think I feel, shit for brains? (Ken Lukowiak) • Just the thing for a bloody rainy chilly afternoon in this arsehole of East Riding. (Philip Larkin) • 'Why would anybody in his right mind go to Midland City?' the driver wanted to know. 'Midland City is the asshole of the universe'. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.)

SYNONYMS: shithole • Which one of you fuckers owns this shithole? You there, fat man, speak up. (Unforgiveh) • 'This place? The cleanest?' said John Young, 62, who runs a flower stall outside the Mander Shopping Centre. 'No, you got on the wrong train, mate. You want Winchester or Warminster. This is Wol-

• Bueno, senor, estoy a 8.000 millas de casa, en un lugar que ya ha demostrado ser el culo del mundo. Cuatro de mis amigos estan muertos, estoy hasta el cuello de mierda, barro y agua... Como cono crees que me siento, gilipollas? • Justo lo que hace falta en una jodida tarde fria y mojada en este culo del mundo de East Riding. • ' A quien, en su sano juicio, se le puede ocurrir ir a Midland City?' — quiso saber el camionero. 'Midland City es el culo del mundo.'

verhampton. It's a shithole.' (Guardian) dump • She's a housewife... And she comes in, and she looks around, and she puts her groceries down, and she says, 'What a dump!' (Edward Albee) • — Get your clothes on and let's blow this dump. — Where to? — Anywhere. Nell's. The garbage scow. Connecticut. (Erica Jong) hole • Yesterday they were

fighting again, but it's quiet today. I'm ready to go back, bombs and all. It's better than this hole. (Guardian) pisshole • Come on, Billy. She isn't going to come. Let's get out of this pisshole and back down to the boozer. (John Ogilby) sewer • I hate it! I hate New York! I don't ever want to go back to that sewer! (Philip Roth)

it sucks -es una mierda (US) The verb suck is used intransitively to denote anything unpleasant, distasteful, rebarbative or worthless. The expression is sometimes expanded to it sucks like an Electrolux, referring to an early vacuum cleaner.

• We're going to spend half the night driving around the hills looking for one party and then leaving 'cause it sucks. Then we're going to look for this other party you heard about. But, Trent, all the parties and bars, they all suck. (Swingers) 70

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• Vamos a pasarnos la mitad de la noche conduciendo por las colinas buscando una fiesta y luego marchandonos porque es una mierda. Entonces vamos a ir a buscar esta otra fiesta que te han comentado. Pero, Trent, todas las fiestas y los bares, son una mierda. EDITORIAL STANLEY

« Just remember one thing: it can't get any worse, it can only get better. I mean, high school is the bottom. Being a teenager sucks. But that's the point, surviving it is the whole point. (Pump Up the Volume) * Emmie, I hate my life. My life sucks. I am totally fucked. Or not fucked. I am in such pain. (Erica Jong)

RELATED TERMS: gross, gross out (US) Gross is the adjective and means disgusting. The verb to gross out means to disgust or to be disgusted. • I ain't in favor of kiddy porn, you understand. Makes me wanna barf. Some of those little girls and boys, eight, nine years old. I had some tricks once, they had to

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• Solo acuerdate de una cosa; no puede empeorar, solo puede mejorar. Es decir, el instituto es lo peor. Ser un adolescente es una mierda. Pero de eso se trata, de sobrevivir, eso es preeisamente de lo que se trata. • Emmie, odio mi vida. Mi vida es una mierda. Estoy completamente jodida. Bueno, jodida no. Estoy dolorida.

see that stuff before I could make them come off. I almost grossed out. I never take a trick a second time if he makes me watch kiddy porn. (Joseph Wambaugh) • -I'm serious, he just yanked it out and showed it to me. You know, like the President did to that woman. — Gross. — It wasn't gross. It was kind of cool. (American Beauty) • — I bet he's got a big dick. —

You are so grossing me out. (American Beauty) be the pits (US) To be the most loathsome place or situation imaginable. • Asked what new Davis Cup captain John McEnroe might have been saying after a performance like his first two sets today, Sampras replied: 'You're playing like the pits of the world.' (New York Times)

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EXERCISE

6.1

In each of the following lists, all the words are synonymous except one. Spot the odd man out and explain why the word in question is misplaced. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

(a) (a) (a) (a) (a) (a) (a)

cow (b) cunt (c) bummer (d) bag (e) slut (f) slag asshole (b) cocksucker (c) dipshit (d) brown-nose (e) fuckhead (f) fucker bastard (b) bitch (c) fucker (d) motherfucker (e) bugger (f) slut piss artist (b) prick (c) shithole (d) gobshite (e) jerk-off (f) schmuck scumbag (b) shit (c) tosser (d) scrote (e) bitch (f) twat pox (b) pisshole (c) jack (d) clap (e) a dose (f) syph slag (b) grot (c) gook (d) grunge (e) dreck (f) crud

EXERCISE 6.2 Here are some less common idiomatic and slang terms related to unpleasantness. Try to identify the subject to which each group of terms refers. 1. active citizens, crotch crickets, gentlemen's companions, neighbours to the south, pants rabbits, seam squirrels 2. yuck, schmutz, ook, scunge, scuzz 3. coachman on the box, French gout, Irish mutton, Ladies' fever, lifelong friend, Neapolitan bone ache, Old Joe, Spanish needle, the old dog 4. eurner, gleet, glim, haircut, Lulu, morning drop, stank cock, strain

EXERCISE 6.3 Translate the following sentences into English. 1. Que...? Reconoces que lo hiciste a proposito, cacho cabron? 2. Limpiar este homo es muy jodido. 3. Lo siento, tienes una infeccion venerea. 4. No hay un solo hueso del que te puedas fiar en el cuerpo de esa zorra. 5. Estuvo bien, durante algun tiempo. Despues empezo a acumular mierda ennegrecida. 6. jEstas en mi lista, cabron! Te voy a romper el culo! 7. A quien se le puede ocurrir ir alli? Es el culo del mundo. 8. Mi idea era la de vagar por ahi sin hacer nada, esquivando siempre al patron y evitando a los lameculos que podian chivarse. 9. Quiero que recuerdes que ningun bastardo gano una guerra al morir por su pais. 10. Que pasa si esta infectada? Es posible que este llena de mierda. 11. Esta mierda de pintura no hay quien la quite. 12. El instituto es lo peor. Ser un adolescente es una mierda. 13. La ultima zorra con la que se caso ni siquiera se preocupo de que tuviera calzoncillos decentes. 14. Se especializaban en los requisitos y las dolencias masculinas: profilacticos e infecciones venereas. 15. ;Tu no me mereces, zorra! jBueno, se acabo! Fuera! 16. Es un lameculos, nada mas. Me dan ganas de vomitar al pensar en el. 17. La prostitucion, la pornografia, las drogas — la ciudad se ve llena de mierda. 18. Maldicion! No podia volver sin el recibo firmado! Los cabrones siempre pedian firmas para todo. 19. Odio la vida que llevo. Mi vida es una mierda. Estoy completamente jodida. 20. Una botella de whisky — justo lo que hace falta en una jodida tarde Ma y mojada en este culo del mundo. 72

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EXERCISE 6.4 Scandinavian Splatch gives a whole new meaning to the expression 'dirty movie'. The opening scene sets the tone. It shows a couple of Swedish nurses in immaculate uniforms pouring buckets of fudge-coloured gook over each other's heads. This means they have to go and get cleaned up, so, big surprise, soon we find them frolicking naked in the tub together. Only thing is, the tub isn't full of water but of some nameless yellow gunk, possibly semimelted butter. There's an outdoor mud scene too. Whatever happens, the characters, if they can be called that, always get wet and messy in their dressy clothes first, then proceed to nudity while being gunged at every stage. Blue goo is poured over their bodies, pink goo is poured over their bodies, diesel oil is poured over their bodies, and on and on. Whenever the pace seems to be slacking, yucky viscous dreck descends from on high. Meanwhile female masturbation provides an important thematic counterpoint. A redheaded model gets messy in her clothes with a large bowl of multi-coloured, pudding-consistency glop, rubbing it into her outfit, then into herself. She gets cleaned up, changes into lingerie, then creams herself off all over again, this time with the aid of some tan-coloured cake-mix and a dildo. Another scene involves two girls, one of whom spoons white gunge into the other's wide-open beaver and then licks it out. Male characters likewise pour variegated syrups and creams and globs of unidentifiable glop over their standing schlongs, a measure that proves irresistible to the hungry nurses, models and museum tour guides. Perhaps it all has some kind of ecological significance. In short, if you like to see nice clothes being ruined, good food being wasted, and well-endowed bodies being licked and sucked and fondled and fucked, Scandinavian Splatch is the one for you. From a review in Tenedor by Gabriella T. Oldfield Using what you have learned in this chapter and in the preceding exercises and what you can guess from the context, find words or phrases in the above passage corresponding to these descriptions: 1. Six synonyms for disgusting semi-liquid substances. 2. One term for a disgusting semi-liquid substance used (unusually) as a verb. 3. An adjective meaning disgusting. 4. A phrasal verb meaning to masturbate, used especially of a woman. 5. A noun meaning an object shaped like an erect penis used for sexual stimulation. 6. A slang word for vagina. 7. A slang word for penis. 8. A verb meaning to do the sex act with someone.

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7: INCOMPETENCE, INFERIOR QUALITY 7. a

fuck up -cagar, cagada, capullo

As a verb, it means to make a serious mistake; to spoil or to ruin. As a noun, it means the mistake itself, the situation resulting from the mistake, or a totally incompetent person.

• I fucked up, Frankie. I fucked up good this time. Should never have started with this fuckin* broad. I'm in a bad fuckin' spot here. You know that? Bad fuckin' spot. (Casino) » What you're hired for is to help us — does that seem clear to you? To help us. Not to fuck us up...to help men who are going out there to try to earn a living. You fairy. You company man... (David Mamet) • They fuck you up, your mum and dad; They may not mean to, but they do. (Philip Larkin) • What are rockets? I mean, they're just big metal pricks! You know, I mean, the bastards aren't satisfied with fuckin' the earth up — they gotta fuck space and all. (Naked) • Spud had done well. I was proud of him. He fucked up good and proper. (Trainspotting) • I hate doing the dishes. It fucks up my nails. (GoodFellas) • This was his nightmare. The dodgiest scam in a lifetime of dodgy scams being perpetrated with three of the most useless and unreliable fuck-ups in town. (Trainspotting) • That was about as fucked up a come-on as I ever sat still for,' she told him. (Robert Stone) » They say the world is coming to an end. They say that's why it's so fucked up. (Robert Stone)

SYNONYMS: balls up Both a verb and a noun. • This evening I painted the sight of the garden from the dining room window in water colours. This started all right in a vicar'sdaughter way but finished as rather a balls up. (Philip Larkin) banjax A verb only. • Last year's copyright infringement 74

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• La jodf, Frankie. La jodf de verdad esta vez. Nunca debf de empezar con esta puta zorra. Estoy francamente jodido. Lo sabes? Francamente jodido. • Se te contratd para ayudarnos - esti claro? Para ayudarnos. No para jodernos... para ayudar a hombres que van a salir a intentar ganarse la vida. Maricdn, Funcionario... Te joden, tu madre y tu padre; Puede que no sea su intencidn, pero lo hacen. • Que son los cohetes? Digo yo que, jsdlo son grandes penes metalicos! Ya sabes, esos bastardos no se contentan con joder la tierra tienen que joder el espacio. • Spud habia hecho bien. Estaba orgulloso de e1. La jodi6 como Dios manda. • Odio lavar los platos. Me jode las unas. • Esto era su pesadilla. La movida mas jodida en toda una vida de movidas jodidas iba a ser perpetrada por tres de los colgados mas intitiles y menos de fiar de todo el pueblo, • 'Eso es el intento de ligar mas jodido que jam£s he visto,' le dijo. • Dicen que el mundo va llegando a su fin. Dicen que por eso estd tan jodido.

action against The Full Monty by playwrights Stephen Sinclair and Anthony McCarten was at least partially banjaxed by defence attorney Bert Fields declaring 'it's a shame to try to hurt a wonderful film like this, even if you think it was stolen'. (Guardian) bollix, bollox A verb, sometimes followed by up. • Gore did not

boast to anyone, off the record or not, about being a model for Oliver in Love Story. A Tennessee newspaper first noted the Love Story connection, which the New York Times proceeded to bollix up. (Salon) • But the trouble with traveling like a backpacker is that you've got to make difficult choices about lodgings, sightseeing and transportation at every EDITORIAL STANLEY

step along the way — which would bollix me up. Once I've cobbled my trip together and set off, I try to cut loose and enjoy. (New York Times) bugger up • If you take your eyes off the ball for even a fraction of a second, you'll bugger up the approach shot, and then you have absolutely no chance of making the volley you want. (Roy Logan) cock up A verb and a noun. • He is a piece of slimy refuse, incapable of carrying out the simplest murder without cocking it up. (Peter Cook) • I no longer associate Spring with

daffodils and fresh-mown grass and the prospect of cricket; it is what I endure for hours on end when there has been yet another cock-up over my mobile phone account. (Guardian) make a balls of something • Mrs Thatcher made a terrible balls of trying to bring the government down, but I still think she's all right. (Philip Larkin) make a hen's arse of something (Irish) • With a useless wanker like that it hardly matters what job you give him. You just know he's going to make a hen's arse of it. (James Laffan) screw up • I mean that doctors

and professional men are the most arrogant and incompetent witnesses at any criminal proceedings and that they'll screw up your case for sure. (Joseph Wambaugh) • Cecile attempts the A minor scale, fucking up badly. Kathryn enters and shudders in silence. Cecile tries again and once again screws up. (Cruel Intentions) sod up • The last four months have been fucked up by poor Monica getting shingles... It is a particularly nasty sort — herpes ophthalmicus — has sodded up her left eye so that she sees double. (Philip Larkin)

7. b | fuck about (around) -perder el tiempo, joder To behave foolishly, especially in a time-wasting or distracting way. • Look, will you stop fuckin' about? If you're gonna stick the boot in, will you get on with it? (Naked) « Will you stop fuckin' about and fidgetin' in my peripherals — I'm trying to concentrate. . thought, 'Wow! Clearly this is the result of some fantastic thinking.' But sadly it wasn't so. Called upon to explain or defend themselves, they couldn't. They were just fucking around, basically — which I thought was a waste of time. (Guardian)

SYNONYMS: arse about • I remember with envy the evenings we used to have about a year ago: certain percentage of creative arsingabout. (Philip Larkin) • Why Mrs Thatcher is arsing round China now I can't imagine, except that it's a well to keep an eye on all these foreigners. (Philip Larkin) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Mira, deja de joderla por ahi. Si vas a darme de hostias, hazlo de una vez. • Podrias dejar de joder por ahi y estarte quieto en mis cercanfas — estoy intentando concentrarme. • Pensd, ' lncrefble! Claramente, este es el resultado de algun proceso de pensamiento fantlstico.' Pero, por desgracia, no fue asi. Al pedirles una explicacion o que se defendiesen, no pudieron. S61o estaban haciendo el gilipollas, basicamente — lo cual, pense que era una perdida de tiempo,

bugger about (UK) • Just pack it in! Stop it! Stop buggering about! Will you keep still?! (Naked) • Let's not bugger around being polite. (John Wainwright) fart about • A man, he walks in here, well-dressed ... comes into a junkshop looking for coins. He farts a r o u n d , he picks up this, he farts around, he picks up that. (David Mamet) • We got a big prob-

lem w e ' r e t r y i n g to solve. Now, would you like to sit down and help us solve it, or do you two want to piss fart around? (Reservoir Dogs) • I fart about at College, drink little, read rather too much... (Philip Larkin) piddle about • Where on earth does the time go? I seem to just piss it away, piddling about doing everything and nothing. El Ingles Prohibido

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(Arnold Littledale) piss about • I piss about spending money, doing housework, tossing myself off (to put it crudely), and listening to Those

Awful Blaring Jazz Things. (Philip Larkin) play silly buggers (UK) • I ' m sure none of this had anything to do with the supposed threat

to our privacy. It was our Godgiven right to play silly buggers that was threatened, and the nation responded magnificently. (Keith Waterhouse)

7. c I snafu -metedura de pata, cagada Originally a US services' term, formed from the first letters of 'situation normal, all fucked up' (or, in a politer version 'all fouled up'), the word can be used as either noun or verb. Related, less common terms are: fubar ('fucked up beyond all recognition'), fubb ('fucked up beyond belief), fumtu ('fucked up more than usual'), janfu ('joint army-navy fuck-up'), sapfu ('surpassing all previous fuck-ups'), and tarfu ('things are really fucked up'). As the examples demonstrate, snafu is now a completely respectable word. It is usually employed as a noun but also increasingly as a verb.

• Bill Gates said that small businesses and any organisation using older computer systems could still face bug-related problems in the weeks ahead. 'There are lots of snafus that we haven't seen yet. There is still a little bit of a mess there that will have to be cleaned up.' (Guardian) • Every now and then something snafus and there is one hell of a mess. (John Grady) • My arrangements seemed snafued. I guess the lines got crossed. (G. Markstein) • The Turkish barbed wire was hard to cut. Watches had not been synchronized. And the Turks were up above the beach, firing down at anything that moved. Snafu is what we nowadays call such a shambles. (New York Times) • Yesterday's events appeared to be a largescale public relations snafu. (New York Times) • What was it about the Second World War that moved the troops to constant verbal subversion and contempt... devising SNAFU, with its offspring TARFU, FUBAR, and the perhaps less satisfying FUBB? It was not just the danger and fear... It was the conviction that optimistic publicity and euphemism had rendered their experience so falsely that it would never be readily communicable. (Atlantic Monthly) 76

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• Bill Gates dijo que las pequenas empresas y cualquier organizacion que este usando un sistema de ordenador viejo podria tener problemas con virus en las pr6ximas semanas. 'Hay muchas meteduras de pata que aun no hernos visto. Aum hay un pequeno desmadre que habrfi que arreglar.' • De vez en cuando, alguien la caga y hay un jodido desmadre. • Han metido la pata con mis planes. Supongo que hubo un cruce de lineas • El alambre de puas turco era diffcil de cortar. Los relojes no habian sido sincronizados. Y los turcos estaban en la playa, disparando a todo el que se moviera. 'Una cagada' asi es como hoy en dia llamamos a semejante desastre. • Los acontecimientos de ayer parece que fueron una cagada de relaciones ptiblicas a gran escala. • Que es lo que durante la segunda guerra mundial llevo a las tropas a la constante subversi6n verbal y al desprecio... creando la palabra "cagada", con su prole TARFU, FUBAR y quizas el menos satisfactorio FUBB? Era la conviccidn de que la publicidad optimista y el eufemismo habian dado una imagen tan falsa de su experiencia que nunca se podrfa comunicar con facilidad.

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7. d

half-arsed, half-assed -muy poco brillante

The word has three basic meanings: of low quality, bad, inferior, unsatisfactory; incompetent; foolish, stupid. • Do you mean to tell me that while you have zero problem with me sleeping with half the women in New York city, you have some sort of half-assed mealy-mouthed objection to pubescent antics that took place almost ten years ago? What the fuck is your problem? (Chasing Amy) • I've got no reason to believe that if he found himself in the mayor's chair he wouldn't continue to extrude half-arsed ideas. (Guardian) • We were just an ordinary vanful of people pressed together tightly in the darkness, laughing at some half-assed joke, rumbling home from a party on a steamy summer night. (Douglas Century)

7. e

ineffectual,

• Me quieres decir que mientras que no te importa que me haya acostado con la mitad de las mujeres de Nueva York, tienes algiin tipo de objecidn mal expuesta y patetica a travesuras propias de adolescentes que ocurrieron hace casi diez anos? Cual es tu jodido problema? • No tengo motivos para creer que si se encontrara en la silla del alcalde, no continuaria patrocinando ideas de mierda. • S61o eramos un grupo ordinario de gente que viajaba en una furgoneta, apretujados en la oscuridad, riendonos de chistes idiotas, camino de casa despues de una fiesta en una calida noche de verano.

shitty -de mierda

Depending on the context, the word can have a wide range of meanings: insignificant; of poor quality; tedious and unpleasant; futile; malicious, nasty; unwell.

• Another thing he will make sure of, he says, is that his kids know how privileged they are. 'They won't grow up in a shitty council house with no money, but they'll have a pretty good idea what it's like, because I've been there.' (Guardian) • I didn't say I wasn't gonna do it, I just remarked on how shitty the situation is! (Reservoir Dogs) • You want to go back to your shitty little existence? Go ahead, leave. There's the door. No one's stopping you. (Swimming With Sharks) • You're so obsessed with making everything seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante. And badly, I might add. I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. (Clerks) EDITORIAL STANLEY

• De otra cosa que se asegurara, dice, es de que sus hijos sepan lo privilegiados que son. 'No se criaran en una mierda de vivienda de proteccion oficial sin dinero pero tendran una idea de lo que es eso, porque ya me toc6 a mi.' • No dije que no lo iba a hacer. S61o mencione lo jodida que esta situacion! • Quieres regresar a tu pequena jodida existencia? Adelante, marchate. Ahi tienes la puerta. Nadie te lo impide. • Estas tan obsesionado con hacer que todo parezca mucho mas epico, mucho mas importante de lo que es. !Jesus!, trabajas en una tienducha, Dante. Y de mala manera, anadirfa. Yo trabajo en un video club de mierda, y tambien de rnala manera. El Ingles Prohibido

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SYNONYMS: chickenshit Cowardly; petty, insignificant. • The choice was made and there was nothing to be had from chickenshit speculation. The roshis were right: the mind is a monkey. (Robert Stone) • Please can I go home now? Craven, chickenshit, and bourgeois. (Robert Stone) • We ain't got much these days. Couple chickenshit domestic shootings. Want some help? (Joseph Wambaugh) crap • Man will cease to exist. Just like the dinosaurs passed into extinction, the same thing'll happen to us. We're not fuckin' important. We're just a crap idea. (Naked) crappy • Did George Hartley read a crappy little poem I was silly enough to let him have years ago? I bet it fell as flat as a flounder. (Philip Larkin) • When I was in my teens I used to read all those crappy magazines about how to find Mr Right and how to make him yours for life. Shit! Every penny I had went on clothes and make-up. I really swallowed all that crap. (E.A. Whitehead) • He didn't seem to reali/e the sheer crappiness of his argument. (Jonathan Coe) crummy Originally, infested with body lice, lousy. Now the

7.a

word, like lousy, has come to mean: bad, of inferior quality, shoddy; insignificant, trifling, paltry. • — What does that get me? — Maybe it gets you put to sleep. Or maybe you get to live your crummy little life. (Robert Stone) • I pass my life in crummy, totally pointless infidelities... would-be infidelities. (Edward Albee) lousy • Life here is still lousy, due to my inability to live it. (Philip Larkin) • Watched various lousy programmes on the TV until 7:30. (Joe Orton) • — Do you dig karate, Al? — Can't say as I do, Herman. Actually, I'm in lousy shape. (Joseph Wambaugh) piss-poor, piss poor • You've all heard about the Law of the Six Ps: proper preparation prevents piss-poor performance. Well, it applies in every field. (Gus Blackburn) • I have gone through all that stuff to find stories for my books and a lot of it is poorly written, just piss poor. (Howard Sounes) • Europe is a piss-poor place for music. (Rolling Stone) pissy • Dull non-day today, following a pissy evening attending the annual dinner of the Hull Magic Circle. (Philip Larkin) raggedy-ass • I realized the reason for the baroque church, the grand church in the poverty neighborhood. A raggedy-ass

guy won't go into a raggedy-ass temple: 'I live in a shithouse — whadda I gotta go in one faw?' (Lenny Bruce) • She think she be gittin the house and the car because this old man wif a brain like pigfeet made some kind of raggedy ass agreement she think is a legal will. (Joseph Wambaugh) shit, shite • I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the fucking low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite state of affairs. (Trainspotting) • He worked for a while at Milliron's, and in various small factories in the garment district, 'shit jobs' where he connived to waste as much time as possible. (Howard Sounes) shit-eating • What kind of question is that! What kind of shiteating remark is that supposed to be! Are you another heartless bastard too? (Philip Roth) • And that shit-eating grin of yours day after day cool as a cucumber, butter wouldn't melt in your mouth, would it... (William Styron)

bullshit -sandeces, gilipolleces

The word can be used as a verb, a noun, or an adjective. As a noun, it means; nonsense, pretentious talk, deceitful absurdities, baloney. As a verb: to talk foolishly or pretentiously, or with a view to deceiving the listener.

. Banky's not known for believing misinformation. He's got a pretty good bullshit detector. (Chasing Amy) 78

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• A Banky no se le conoce por aceptar informacion falsa. Tiene un estupendo detector de chorradas. EDITORIAL STANLEY

• — But, Your Honor, she is of age, after all, a consenting adult... — Don't bullshit me with legalisms, Portnoy. You knew right from wrong. (Philip Roth) • Please, let us not bullshit one another about 'love' and its duration. (Philip Roth) • Put yourself in our place. Would you kiss a leper? What the hell are you gonna get outta that? Awright? That's a lotta bullshit — you try to kiss them and they fall apart. (Lenny Bruce) • Rehabilitated? That's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because, to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit. (The Shawshank Redemption) • Tiffany Charles was a sucker for younglooking older guys like this, or else for big sweaty animals that socked it to you and no bullshitting around. (Joseph Wambaugh)

• — Pero, Senoria, ella es mayor de edad, despues de todo, una adulta que consiente... — No me vengas con gilipolleces legales, Portnoy. Ya sabes distinguir lo que esta bien de lo que esta mal. • Por favor, no nos andemos con tonterias sobre el 'amor' y su duracion. • Ponte en nuestro lugar. Besarias a un leproso? Que' cono vas a conseguir con eso? De acuerdo? Es un montdn de mierda — intentas besarles y se caen a cachos. • Rehabilitado? Eso es s61o una jodida palabra, Asi que adelante y pon el sello en tu formulario, ninato, y deja de hacerme perder el tiempo. Porque, a decir verdad, me importa una mierda. • A Tiffany Charles le perdian los tipos mayores como este que aparentaban ser mas jovenes, o sino los animales grandes y sudorosos que te la pegaban y no de cona.

SYNONYMS: The following terms are synonyms for bullshit used as a noun and as an interjection. Only shit can be used in this context as a verb. ballocks, bollocks • — 'Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker.' What do you think of that? — It's a load of bollocks. (Naked) • Had a fearful weekend judging the Arvon Poetry Competition... To think that someone is going to get FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS for some utter ballocks makes me want to do damage. (Philip Larkin) • For God's sake, don't talk ballocks, Johnson. (Joyce Cary) balls • Ah, beauty, beauty! What is truth? Balls. What is love? Shite. What is God? Bugger. (Philip Larkin) • Have you read this stuff? 'The Zionist conspiracy, the worldwide Jewish EDITORIAL STANLEY

plot'. This is a lot of anti-Semitic balls is w h a t this is. (Alan Beretta) cobblers (UK) • All the guff about mutual respect between police and criminals was just a load of old cobblers. (G.F. Newman) crap • — What do you believe in then? — Well, I believe in the soul. The cock. The pussy ... High fiber. Good Scotch. That the novels of "Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. (Bull Durham) • An army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a lot of crap. (Patton) • What a bunch of crap, huh? (David Mamet)

dung • Don't ever go to see any film Myriam recommends. You'll wind up wasting an evening watching a load of artyfarty dung. (John Ogilby) horsedung • Men, the stuff we heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, was a lot of horsedung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. (Patton) horseshit • — We're going to get respect by any means necessary. — Ah, c'mon, that's a bunch of horseshit! (Chasing Amy) • — I think that's very interesting how they use the Dufy Blue with so many other El Ingles Prohibido

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pastels. — That sounds like a lotta Commie horseshit to me. (Lenny Bruce) • How'd I ever get mixed up in this happy horseshit? (Robert Stone) • Have just started the third of three Agatha Christie paperbacks, the

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first two of which were horseshit. (Philip Larkin) • You are now dealing in the cheapest kind of New York-liberal, hypocritical horseshit! (William Styron) shit, shite • Soul is the music people understand ... it sticks its

neck out and says it straight from the heart. Sure there's a lot of different music you can get off on but soul is more than that. It grabs you by the bollocks and lifts you above the shite. (The Commitments)

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EXERCISE

7.1

In each of the following lists, all the words are synonymous except one. Spot the odd man out and explain why the word in question is misplaced. 1. 2. 3. 4.

(a) piss about (b) fart about (c) shit about (d) bugger about (e) arse about (f) fuck about (a) crappy (b) crummy (c) lousy (d) piss-poor (e) horseshit (f) raggedy-ass (a) chickenshit (b) cobblers (c) bullshit (d) crap (e) balls (f) horsedung (a) fuck up (b) bugger up (c) cock up (d) balls up (e) screw up (f) piss-up

EXERCISE 7.2 Complete the following sentences by choosing the appropriate words in a, b, c, d, or e. In each case, only one answer is possible. 1. The script was stupid, the acting was terrible, and the direction was non-existent. In short, it was one of the films I've ever seen. (a) crappiest (b) fartiest (c) fuckedest (d) most buggered (e) most piddled 2. They have some kind of plan to go to China during the summer, but they still haven't the least idea of how they're going to finance the trip. (a) shit-kicking (b) shit-stirring

(c) horsedung

(d) pissed-off

(e) half-assed

3. Harry is totally incompetent. It doesn't matter what you ask him to do, you can be sure he'll (a) fuck it out

(b) fuck it off

(c) fuck it over

4. Listen, all I want you to do is to tell me the facts. Don't (a) ballocks (b) cobblers (c) dung 5. You'll never pass this exam if you go on get down to work.

(d) fuck it up

(e) fuck it in

me, just tell me the truth.

(d) crap (e) bullshit and wasting time. Sooner or later, you have to

(a) ballsing up (b) fucking about (c) cocking away (d) farting over

(e) snafuing

EXERCISE 7,3 Translate the following sentences into English. 1. Trato de pegarmela con no se que excusas. 2. De vez en cuando, alguien la caga y hay un jodido desmadre. 3. Mira, deja de joder por ahi. Si vas a hacerlo, hazlo de una vez. 4. Mis hijos no se criaran en una mierda de vivienda de proteccion oficial. 5. La cago con la organizacion. 6. Trabaja en un video club de mierda. 7. Los acontecimientos de ayer parecieron ser un desastre de relaciones publicas a gran escala. 8. — Dice que es rico. —jQue cono a a ser rico ese! 9. Los numeros estan todos mal. 10. Trato de pegarmela con no se que excusas. 11. Tiene algun tipo de objecion patetica a las travesuras de adolescentes que ocurrieron hace casi diez anos. 12. Por favor, no nos andemos con tonterias sobre este asunto. 13. [Esta vez intenta no cagarla! 14. No me vengas con sandeces! 15. No dije que no lo iba a hacer. Solo mencionaba lo jodida que esta la situacion! 16. Dicen que el mundo va llegando a su fin. Dicen que por eso esta tan jodido. 17. Era una pelicula de mierda. 18. Su decision nos jodio las vacaciones. 19. Quieres regresar a tu pequena jodida existencia? Adelante. Ahf tienes la puerta. Nadie te lo impide. 20. No era el resultado de algun proceso de pensamiento fantastico. Solo estaban haciendo el gilipollas, basicamente. EDITORIAL STANLEY

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EXERCISE 7.4 (Joe tells a joke involving several national stereotypes. In modern American jokes people of Polish descent are remarkable for their stupidity.) JOE: So they're talkin' about how they get their wives off, and the French guys says: (in a bad French accent) 'All I gotta do is take my pinky and tickle my Fifi's little oo-la-la and she rises a foot off the bed.' So the dago says: (in a good Brooklyn accent) That's nothin'. When I take the tip of my tongue and wiggle it against my Mary Louise's little fun pimple, she rises two feet off da bed.' Then our friend from Poland says: (in dumb voice) 'You guys ain't no cocksmen. When I get through fuckin' my Sophie, I wipe my dick on the curtains and you know what? She hits the roof!' Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ain't that a masterpiece? Stupid fuckin' Polack, wipes his dick on the drapes. From the screenplay of Reservoir Dogs by Quentin Tarantino Using what you have learned in this chapter and in the preceding exercises and what you can guess from the context, find words or phrases in the above passage corresponding to these descriptions: 1. A phrasal verb meaning: to bring someone to orgasm. 2. An offensive term for a Spaniard or LatinAmerican. 3. A slang term for the clitoris. 4. A word designating a man regarded and evaluated as a sex partner. 5. A verb meaning to have sexual intercourse with someone. 6. A slang term for the penis. 7. An adjective with no precise meaning, used strictly for emphasis. 8. An offensive term for a person of Polish descent.

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8: EMPHASIS 8.a

fuck - a la mierda!

This is by far the strongest of the swearwords listed in this section, words which, if taken literally, include wishing a person or thing to eternal damnation (damn, goddamn, to hell with) and mentally subjecting the person or thing to an act of rape (fuck, screw, shag) or sodomy (sod, bugger). In practice, of course, such words are not primarily intended as vehicles of precise meaning but rather as expressions of emphatic annoyance, indignation, rejection, surprise, etc. •Hove the F-word. I never tire of it. Fve been told it's unladylike, and I'm sure that's true, but what the heck — nothing says it better. Maybe the best thing about it is its manifold use: Front the essential 'Fuck you!' to the relatively genteel 'Well, fuck me!' You don't have to be a sailor to revel in this word. (Amy Wallace) If I walk away from this, he thought, I'll be an old man — all ghosts and hangovers and mellow recollections. Fuck it, he thought, this is the one. This is the one to ride till it crashes. (Robert Stone) — Ah fuck it. — Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! (The Big Lebowski) Fuck me, who cares if we're not nice — we're necessary. That's more important. (Robert McLiam Wilson) « — Suppose any of the neighbours were to look out and see them. — Oh, fuck the neighbours! (Francis King) At eleven o'clock it was all settled; they were going to run away, to Borneo. Fuck the husband! She never loved him anyway. (Henry Mller) Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. The place got hit by lightning, huh? Fuck you, pay me. (GoodFellas)

SYNONYMS: damn, God damn, goddamn • During that time I went to a EDITORIAL STANLEY

• Me encanta la palabra 'joder'. Nunca me canso de ella. Me ban dicho que no est5 bien que lo diga una senorita, y seguro que es cierto, pero que mas da - nada lo expresa tan bien. Quizas lo mejor de todo sean sus multiples usos: Desde el esencial' Joclete!' hasta el relativamente suave 'Pues, jddeme!' No hace falta ser un marinero para disfrutar de esta palabra. • Si me alejo de esto, penso, me sentire viejo — todo serin fantasmas y resacas y recuerdos dulces. Que se joda, pensd, este es el que cuenta, Este es el que hay que montar hasta que se estrelle. • — Ah, que se joda. — Bien! Que se joda. EJsa es tu respuesta! Tattialo en tu frente! Tu respuesta a todo! • jQue se odanS, a quien le importa si no somos amables — somos necesarios. Eso es m£s importante. • — Suponte que algunos de los vecinos se asomaran y les vieran. — {Que se jodan los vecinos! A las once, ya estaba todo decidido; se iban a escapar a Borneo. jQue se joda el marido! De todos modos, nunca le habia amado. El negocio va mal? ddete, pagame. Tuviestes un incendio? Jodete, pagame. Cayo un rayo sobre el local, eh? Jodete, pagame.

meeting of radicals... Michael Gold made a speech and kept repeating: 'Stick to your class, damn it, stick to your class.'

(Katherine Anne Porter) • The voice was a man's, and it was laced with authority. 'Get back here, God damn it!' (James El Ingles Prohibido

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Carrol) • You unspeakable creep! You wretched swine! God damn you to hell forever for betraying me behind my back, you whom I trusted like the best friend I ever had! (William Styron) bugger (UK) • Oh, bugger it. I'm going to give up. Had enough. (Kingsley Amis) • I'll be buggered if I can understand how it could have been anything else. (Samuel Beckett) screw • I stood in the hallway for a beat, the familiar feeling of dread washing over me. Screw

8. b

this. I put my books in my locker and went home. (David Obst) • 'Don't shout, there might be keepers.' 'Screw the keepers,' he cried. (Roald Dahl) shag • —Well, smart arse, in lieu of money what are we going to pay the rent with? — Shag the rent, I have other things to worry about. (Tony Carlin) sod (UK) • Oh, sod it, I am going to go shopping. (Helen Fielding) • 'I'd rather be at home,' said the chief cameraman, 'and sod the overtime.'

(John Wain) to hell with • I spend long hours slumped in front of the TV... watching sport and old films. Nothing else: to hell with news or politics. (Philip Larkin) • Being a fiery young woman, a feminist who believed she was w i t h i n her rights to dance with whoever she liked, however she wanted, Linda told him to fuck off. They were finished. To hell with B u k o w s k i ! (Howard Sounes)

fucking -de mierda, punetero

The word is used adjectivally or adverbially, intensifying an adjective. In many cases it has no particular significance and is used simply for emphasis or to balance the rhythm of a phrase. Otherwise, the adjective means wretched, rotten, accursed; the adverb means extremely, very.

• Now this kid, this kid was great. They used to call him Spitshine Tommy. I swear to God. Oh, he'd make your shoes look like fucking mirrors. Excuse my language. (GoodFellas) • — You shot him in the foot, Tommy. — He's fucking fine. All right, so he got shot in the foot! What is it, a big fucking deal? — He needs a fucking doctor. (GoodFellas) • 'If I beat up on you... I'd be within my rights', he told her. 'You can't deal with people in this outrageous fucking manner.' (Robert Stone) • He comes in here like I'm his fucking doorman. (David Mamet) • You listen carefully! You ever fuckin' touch her again, you ever do anything like that again, I'll fuckin' kill you. Pure and simple. Do you hear me? Pure and fuckin' simple, I'll fuckin' kill you, you bitch. (Casino)

SYNONYMS: bleeding (UK) • I should like to say how much I admire your fight against the bleeding army. 84

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• Este crio, este crfo era genial. Le llamaban limpia-escupitajos Tommy. Lo juro por Dios. Oh, hacia que tus zapatos parecieran jodidos espejos. Disculpa mi lenguaje. • — Le disparaste en el pie, Tommy. — Joder, estd bien. Vale, jle dispararon en el pie!