Arrow Book of Funny Poems

p\RROW i BOOK

k.

OF

Collected by

ELEANOR CLYMER

Digitized by tine Internet Arciiive in

2009

littp://www.arcliive.org/details/arrowbookoffunnyOOclym

ARROW BOOK OF

Finn/ Poems Collected by Illustrated

ELEANOR CLYMER by Doug Anderson

BOOK SERVICES

SCHOLASTIC

Published by Scholastic Book Services, a division of Scholastic Magazines,

Inc.,

New

York,

N. Y.

To

JODY

Copyright

©

1961

by Scholastic Magazines,

Inc.

All

rights

reserved.

The poems in this anthology are covered by separate copyright, as shown on pages 95 and 96. All possible care has been taken to trace the ownership of every selection included

and to make full acknowledgment for its use. If any errors have accidentally occurred, they will be corrected in subsequent editions, provided notification

is sent to the publisher. Permission to reprint these poems in any form, including public reading, must be obtained JFrom the copyright holders.

September 1966

5th printing Printed in the U.S.A.

CONTENTS Animals

— Dear

and Queer

5

Birds and beasts that never In the jungle, farm or zoo. Also quite a few that do.

Limericks

A

— Numerous and Humorous who

poet

Said,

33

discontented of verse I've invented.

felt

Five lines has

Songs

...

"A new kind

Two And

grew

I

short

hope

— Cheery

my

song, long,

and three I

may

never repent

it."

and Teary

43

Sing a song of army woes, farmers' cows in June.

Or

Want something even

daflSer?

Try another tune!

People

— Brainy and Zany Some of these folks Anywhere on land

57 you'll

never see

or sea.

—

Others are not too far away In fact, you meet them every day.

Rhymes

— Assorted

Thoughts

Oft in nonsense There does lie. More good sense Than meets the eye!

85

DEAR AND QUEER

Grizzly Bear

you ever, ever, ever meet a grizzly bear. You must never, never, never ask him where If

He

is

going,

Or what he For

if

you

is

doing;

ever, ever, dare

To stop a grizzly bear. You will never meet another

{(%A,

grizzly bear.

Eletelephony

Once

there

Who

tried to use the telephant

No! no!

Who

I

was an elephant,

mean an elephone

tried to use the telephone

(Dear me! I am not certain quite That even now I've got it right. Howe'er it was, he got his trunk Entangled in the telephunk; The more he tried to get it free, The louder buzzed the telephee ( I fear I'd better drop the song Of elephop and telephong!

—Lauba

E. Richards

The codfish lays ten thousand The homely hen lays one. The codfish never cackles To tell you what she's done.

And

so

we

eggs,

scorn the codfish,

While the hmnble hen we prize. only goes to show you That it pays to advertise.

Which

—Anon.

The Octopus Tell me,

O

Octopus,

Is those things I

marvel

If I

begs.

arms, or

at thee,

were thou,

I

is

they legs?

Octopus;

I'd call

me

Us.

—Ogden

Barnyard Cogitations

Behold the duck. It

does not cluck.

A

cluck

It

it

lacks.

quacks.

It is specially

Of a puddle

When It

it

fond

or pond.

dines or sups.

bottoms ups.

Let's think of eggs.

They have no legs. Chickens come from eggs But they have

The

legs.

plot thickens;

Eggs come from chickens. But have no legs under 'em.

What

a conundrimi!

—Ogden

Nash

Nash

Habits of the Hippopotamus'

The hippopotamus

And huge

of

is

strong

head and broad of

The hmbs on which he

rolls

bustle;

along

Are big with hippopotomuscle.

He

does not greatly care for sweets

Like ice cream, apple pie, or custard, to flavor what he eats

But takes

A

little

hippopotomustard.

The hippopotamus is true To all his principles, and

He

always

The

He

tries his

just;

best to do

things one hippopotomust.

never rides in trucks or trams,

In taxicabs or omnibuses.

And so keeps out of traflBc jams And other hippopotomusses.

—Arthur

6

Guiterman

I

I

Sometimes Think

sometimes think

I'd rather

crow

And be a rooster than to roost And be a crow. But I duimo.

A

he can roost also, Which don't seem fair when crows can't crow. Which may help some. Still I dunno. rooster

Crows should be glad

Nobody

of one thing, though;

thinks of eating crow.

While roosters they are good enough For anyone unless they're tough. There are

tough old roosters, though. And anyway a crow can't crow. So mebby roosters stand more show. It looks that way. But I dunno. lots of

—^Anon,

The

Tickle

"Who's that tickling "Me," said a small

my

Rhyme back?" said the wall.

Caterpillar. "I'm learning

To

crawl."

—Ian 9

Serraillier

—— The Gamers Complaint "Canary-birds feed on sugar and seed, Parrots have crackers to crunch;

And

as for the poodles, they tell

Have chickens and cream

me

the noodles

for their lunch.

But there's never a question About MY digestion Anything does for me! "Cats, you're aware, can repose in a chair.

Chickens can roost upon rails; Puppies are able to sleep in a stable. And oysters can slumber in pails.

But no one supposes A poor camel dozes Any place does for me!

—— — "Lambs are enclosed where it's never exposed. Coops are constructed for hens; Kittens are treated to houses well heated.

And

pigs are protected

by pens.

But a camel comes handy Whenever it's sandy Anywhere does for me! "People would laugh

you rode a giraffe, of an ox; ride on a rabbit. if

Or mounted the back It's

nobody's habit to

Or

try to bestraddle a fox.

But as for a camel, he's Ridden by families Any load does for me!

"A snake

is

as

round

as a hole in the ground.

And weasels are wavy and sleek; And no alhgator could ever be straighter Than

lizards that live in a creek,

But a camel's all lumpy And bumpy and humpy ANY shape does for me!"

—Charles

Edwaed Cabeyl

The

Little Turtle

There was a

little turtle.

He He swam in a puddle. He climbed on the rocks. lived in a box.

He snapped at a mosquito. He snapped at a flea. He snapped at a minnow. And he snapped at me. He He He

caught the mosquito. caught the flea. caught the minnow. But he didn't catch me. -Vachel Lindsay

The Frog

What

a strange bird the frog are.

When he sit he stand almost; When he jump he fly almost; When he talk he cry almost; He ain't got no sense hardly. He ain't got no tail hardly, either. He sit on what he ain't got almost.

—Anon. 12

The Answers did the world begin and how?"

"When

asked a lamb, a goat, a cow.

I

"What's

about and why?"

asked a hog as he walked by.

I

"Where I

it all

whole thing end and when?"

will the

asked a duck, a goose, a hen.

And

A

I

copied

all

the answers too,

quack, a honk, an oink, a moo.

—Robert

The

Ostrich

Is

a

Clairmont

Silly Bird

The ostrich is a silly bird. With scarcely any mind.

He often runs so very fast, He leaves himself behind. And when he gets there, has And hang about till night.

to stand

Without a blessed thing to do Until he comes in sight.

—Mary l.*^

E.

Wilkens Freeman

Was

There Once

a Puffin

Oh, there once was a Puffin Just the shape of a muffin, And he hved on an island In the bright

blue sea!

He

ate

little fishes,

That were most delicious. And he had them for supper And he

had them for tea.

But

He

this

poor

little Puffin.

couldn't play nothin',

For he hadn't anybody

To play

with at

all.

So he sat on his island, And he cried for awhile, and

He felt And he

very lonely.

felt

very small.

14

Then along came

And

they said, "If

You can have

tlie fishes.

you wishes,

us for playmates.

Instead of for tea!"

So they now play together. In all sorts of weather,

And

the Puffin eats pancakes.

Like you

and like

me.

—Florence

Page Jaques

Partners

There was an ox, there was a flea; She was as small as small can be, And he was large, but gentle he; He ploughed, while on his ear sat

A

little

bird looked on.

Quoth

she.

he:

you doing, my little flea?" She said: "We plough the fields. You That is our job the ox and me."

"What

are

see.

—

—J.\IME 15

CaSTIEI.LO

That Cat

The

comes

cat that

to

my window

sill

When the moon looks cold and the night He comes in a frenzied state alone With a

And And

that stands like a pine tree cone,

tail

says: "I I

think

My whiskers I

I

have finished my evening lark, can hear a hound dog bark.

are froze 'nd stuck to

do wish you'd git up and let That cat gits in.

But

if

is still-

me

my chin, in."

in the solitude of the night

He doesn't appear to be feeling right, And rises and stretches and seeks the floor, And some remote corner he would explore. And doesn't feel satisfied just because There's no good spot for to sharpen his claws.

And meows and Beyond the

least

canters uneasy about

shadow

of

That cat gits

any doubt

out.

—Ben King 16

—— The Reason

The reason

for the Pelican

for the

peHcan

Is dijfficult to see;

His beak

Than

clearly larger

is

there's

any need to be.

It's

not to bail a boat with

He

doesn't

own

a boat.

Yet everywhere he takes himself

He

has that beak to

It's

not to keep his wife in

His wife has got one,

tote.

too.

It's

not a scoop for eating soup.

It's

not an extra shoe.

It isn't

And It's

quite for anything.

yet you realize

really quite a splendid

In quite a splendid

size.

—^JOHN KC,.^))

17

beak

ClAKDI

Bees, Bothered by Bold Bears, Behave Badly

"Your honey or your life!" says the bold burglar bear, As he climbs up the tree where the bees have their lair. "Burglars! Burglars!"

"Sharpen up your

The

hum. brothers! Tighten up yoi

tree begins to

stings,

wings, brothers!

"Beat the alarm on the big brass drum!

"Watch

yourself, bear, for

here

we come!"

Then the big black bees buzz out from their lair, With sharp stings ready zoom down on the bear. "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Don't be so rough!" He slithers down the tree, squalling, "Hey,

let ir

be!" Bawling,

"Keep your old honey. Horrid "I'm going home, for

sticky stuff!

I've

had enough!"

—Walter

18

R.

Broo

Ants, Although Admirable,

Are Awfully Aggravating

The busy ant works hard all day

And never stops to rest or play. He carries things ten times his size. And never grumbles, whines or cries. And even climbing flower stalks. He always runs, he never walks. He loves his work, he never tires. And never puffs, pants or perspires. Yet though I

am

I

praise his boundless

—Walter

Song

Week

for Thrift

As soon As a squirrel Has gathered Its

A

bin

full,

hunter

Stands ready

To pepper Its skin full

— Mildred

vim

not really fond of him.

Weston

R. Brooks

The

The Is I

firefly's

Firefly

flame

something for which science has no name. can think of nothing eerier

Than

flying

around with an unidentified glow on a

person's posteerier.

— Ogden

The Unfortunate

Nash

Giraffe

There was once a giraffe who said, "What Do I want with my tea strong or hot? For my throat's such a length

The

And

is

tea loses

its

cold ere

it

strength,

reaches the spot."

—Oliver

20

Herfobd

The

Sloth

In moving slow he has no Peer. You ask him something in his ear;

He

thinks about

And

for a Year;

Word down (unUke a bird)

then, before he says a

There, upside

He

it

will assimie that

you have Heard

A

most Ex-as-per-at-ing Lug. But should you call his manner Smug, He'll sigh and give his Branch a Hug;

Then Still

off

again to Sleep he goes;

swaying gently by

his Toes,

And you must know he knows he knows.

—Theodore

21

Roethke

The Hippopotamus I shoot the

With

Hippopotamus

bullets

made

of platinum,

Because if I use leaden ones His hide is sure to flatten 'em.

—HiLAIRE

BeLLOC

The Purple Cow I

never saw a Purple Cow, I

But

never hope to see one. I

I'd

can

tell

rather

you, anyhow, see than

be one! -Gelett Buegess

After Reading Mr. Burgess

I

never saw a Purple Cow, I

never hope to see one;

But from the milk we're getting now. There certainly must be one.

—^Anon. 22

— Undersea

Beneath the waters Green and cool The mermaids keep

A

swimming

school.

The oysters trot; The lobsters prance; The dolphins come To join the dance. But the

Who

jellyfish

are rather small

Can't seem to learn

The

steps at

all.

— Maechette

Chute

The Flea

And

bounding You cannot tell the he from she. The sexes look alike, you see; But she can tell and so can he. here's the happy,

—Roland 23

flea

Young

The Duck and Said the

Duck

"Good Over the

gracious!

As

My

if

I

I

how you hop

and the water you never would stop!

too.

a bore in this nasty pond,

long to go out in the world beyond;

wish

I

could hop like you,"

Said the

Duck

"Please give

Said the "I

to the Kangaroo,

fields,

life is

And

the Kangaroo

me

to the

Kangaroo.

a ride on your back,"

Duck

Kangaroo: and say nothing but 'Quack'

to the

would sit quite still, The whole of the long day through;

And we'd go Over

to the Dee,

and the

Jelly

Bo Lee,

the land, and over the sea.

Please take

Said the

me for a ride!

Duck

oh, do,"

to the Kangaroo.

Said the Kangaroo to the Duck, "This requires some

Perhaps, on the whole,

And Which Your

little reflection. it

might bring

me

luck;

there seems but one objection; is, if you'll let me speak so bold,

feet are unpleasantly

wet and

cold.

And would probably give me the rooMatiz," said the Kangaroo.

24

Said the Duck, "As I

I sat

on the

rocks,

have thought over that completely;

And I bought four pairs of worsted Which fit my web-feet neatly;

socks.

And, to keep out the cold, I've brought a cloak, And every day a cigar I'll smoke; All to follow

Love

my own

dear true

of a Kangaroo."

Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready, All in the moonlight pale;

But

to balance

And

me well,

dear Duck,

quite at the end of

sit

steady.

my tail."

So away they went with a hop and a bound; And they hopped the whole world three times round.

And who so happy, oh! who, As the Duck and the Kangaroo.

—Edward Leab

25

— The

Snail's

Dream

A

snail who had a way, it seems, Of dreaming very curious dreams, Once dreamt he was youll never The Lightning Limited Express.

—

guess!

— Oliver

Herford

The Panther

The panther

Hke a leopard. Except it hasn't been peppered, Should you behold a panther crouch. Prepare to say Ouch. Better yet,

is

if

called

by a panther,

Don't anther.

— Ogden

Nash

—— Ode

My tail But

is

it's

In length

to the Pig:

not impressive elegant and neat. it's

not excessive

I can't cinrl it

But

it's

His Tail

round

my feet

awfully expressive,

And its weight is not excessive. And I don't think it's conceit, Or

foolishly possessive

If I state

with some aggressiveit's the final master touch

ness that

That makes a pig complete.

—Walter R.

Twinkle, Twinkle,

Little

Brooks

Bat!

Twinkle, twinkle, Httle bat!

How

I

wonder what you're

at?

Up

above the world you fly. Like a tea-tray in the sky.

—Lewis

27

Carroll

envy you, oh lightning bug, You worry not a bit. For when you see a traffic cop You know your tailhght's Ht. I

-Anon.

To a Centipede and His Hundred Legs

A

centipede was happy quite.

Until a frog in fun Said, "Pray,

which leg comes

after

which?"

This raised her mind to such a pitch.

She lay distracted Considering

in the ditch,

how to run.

—Anon. 28

Diet of Robins

To

say that woiins are edible

Will seem to you incredible.

For you to eat a measuring worm, take more courage and determ

Would

ination that to take a dive

i

nto a clump of poison ivy.

Yet robins eat them every day;

They smack their beaks and shout Hooray! They gobble them with joy and pride And do not seem upset inside.

The moral here

is

plain to see:

What pleases you does not please me; What pleases me to you is hateful. And for this fact we should be grateful.

—Walter R.

Brooks

Reply from a Robin

are edible may seem to you incredible, most emphatically assert That hardly any dishes are more filling or deliciouser Than angleworms pulled freshly from the dirt.

To say that worms

And

yet

I

—Walter 29

R. Brooks

—

Bed-Time Story

Once

there

was a spaniel

By the name And a pig,

And

of Daniel,

a pussy,

Gussie

She chased a mouse, Klaus;

And

a squirrel,

Errol,

And

a white she-bear,

Claire,

30

And

a Scotch

lion,

Ian,

And

a very fierce shark,

Mark. You'll agree,

They were

my

dear.

rather a queer

Assortment

Of temperament and deportment.

And

yet.

My pet. In spite of their diversities.

And

perversities

Both zoological

And

ideological.

They

gathered together

all

when

One

day,

Was

especially frightful,

It

the weather

and decided

wasn't safe to stay divided

Any

longer, and that they should. For their common good, (Rather than risk another calamity) Try amity.

And

that's the

way

there began to

Plan they christened

"And did they "I'll tell

live

you the

a

UNITED FAUNA.

happily ever

rest

dawn

after.

Daddy?"

tomorrow. Good night, dear."

— Melville 31

Cane

The

— —Python

Principal Part of a

The principal part of a python As anyone plainly can see Is

the part that begins in the middle

And

goes both ways indefinitely.

The trouble Whether it's

no one can

is,

tail, sir,

tell

you

or nose

simply begins in the middle And grows and grows and grows. It

I

If

think the python might like

it

someone who knows could decide

When

he wriggles along through the jungle Which end is getting the ride. doing the pushing Wherever the python goes? Is it tail that is

Or does

tail just

hang there

While he wriggles along on

resting his nose?

Don't you think the python might like If someone who knows would decide

When

it

he wriggles along through the jungle

Which end

is

getting the ride?

»•

32

NUMEROUS AND HUMOROUS

There was an old

Who

man

Two

owls and a hen

Four

larks

Have

with a beard,

said, "It is just as I feared!

and a wren,

all built their

nests in

my

beard!'

—Edward 33

Leab

woman named

There was a young

Whose speed was much She

set out

Bright,

faster than hght,

one day

In a relative way,

And

returned on the previous night. -Axon.

There was a young

man from Quebec,

Who

snow

was buried

When they He rephed,

in

said,

"Yes,

But they don't

to his neck.

"Are you friz?" I is.

call this

cold in Quebec."

—Anon.

There was a young maid who Can't If I

I

said,

my ear with my my mind to

look in

give

I'm sure

"Why

eye?

it,

I

can do

You never can

it.

tell till

you

try."

-Anon.

34

There was a young fanner of Leeds Who swallowed six packets of seeds. soon came to pass He was covered with grass,

It

And he

couldn't

sit

down

for the weeds.

—^Anon.

An

epicure, dining at Crewe,

Found

quite a large

mouse

in his stew.

Said the waiter, "Don't shout,

Or wave it about. Or the rest will be wanting

one, too!"

—^Anon.

There once was a boy of Baghdad,

An inquisitive sort of He said, "I will see If

a lad.

a sting has a bee."

And he

very soon found that

it

had.

-Anon.

35

There was once a young lady of Ryde Who ate a green apple and died; The apple fermented Inside the lamented,

And made

cider inside her inside. -Anon.

There was a young lady of Niger Who smiled as she rode on a tiger; They returned from the ride

With the lady

And

inside,

the smile on the face of the tiger.

—Anon.

A

cheerful old bear at the zoo

Could always

find something to do.

When it bored him to go On a walk to and fro, He reversed it, and walked fro and to.

—Anon. 36

man so He never knew when he was He went to a party. And ate just as hearty

There was a young

As

if

benighted, sHghted.

he'd been really invited.

—Anon.

There was a young man of St. Bees Who was stung on the arm by a wasp. When they asked, "Does it hurt?"

He But

I

replied, "No,

thought

it

all

doesn't,

the time 'twas a hornet."

—^W.

S.

Gilbert

There was a young man of Devizes Whose ears were of different sizes; The one that was small Was of no use at all. But the other won several prizes.

—^Anon. 37

There was a young man of Heme Bay, Who was making explosives one day; But he dropped his cigar

gunpowder jar. There ivas a young man In the

of

Heme

Bay.

—Anon.

There was a young

man

of

Bengal

Who

went to a fancy-dress ball. He went just for fun Dressed up as a bun, And a dog ate him up in the

hall.

—Anon.

A

housewife called out with a frown,

When

surprised

by some

callers

from town,

"In a minute or less

—

on a dress But she slipped on the I'll

slip

stairs

and came down. -Anon.

38

There was a young fellow of Perth, Who was born on the day of his birth;

He was married, they say. On his wife's wedding day, And he died when he quitted

the earth.

—Anon.

A

maiden caught stealing a dahlia. Said, "Oh, you shan't tell on me, shahha?" But the florist was hot.

And he

said,

They'll send

"Like as not

you

to

jail,

you bad gaWia.'

—Anon.

There was a young fellow named Hall,

Who

fell in

the spring in the

fall;

'Twould have been a sad thing If he had died in the spring, But he didn't ^he died in the fall.

—

—^Anon. 39

The

bottle of

Was

perfume that WiUie sent

highly displeasing to Millicent;

Her thanks were so cold, They quarrelled, I'm told, Through that silly scent Willy

sent Millicent. -Anon.

There was an old man of Tarentum, Who gnashed his false teeth till he bent 'em.

When

they asked him the cost

Of what he had

He

lost.

replied, "I can't say, for I rent 'em."

—Anon.

A

sleeper from the

Amazon

Put nighties of his gra'mazon

The reason that He was too fat To get his own pajamazon.

—Anon. 40

I

wish that

my room

much

I don't so

had a

floor;

care for a door.

But this walking around Without touching the ground Is getting to be quite a bore!

—Gelett

Burgess

There was an old man of Blackheath, Who sat on his set of false teeth. Said he, with a

start,

"O Lord,

my

I've bitten

bless

heart!

myself underneath!"

—Anon.

A

flea

Were

and a

fly in

a flue

imprisoned, so what could they do?

Said the

fly,

Said the

flea,

"Let us "Let us

flee," fly,"

So they flew through a flaw in the

flue.

—^Anon.

41

A mouse

in

her room

woke Miss Dowd,

She was frightened and screamed very loud, Then a happy thought hit her

To She

scare

sat

up

oflF

in

the critter,

bed and meowed.

One day

—Anon.

went out to the Zoo, For I wanted to see the old Gnu, But the old Gnu was dead I

And the new Gnu they said Was too new a new Gnu to view.

—Anon.

As a beauty I am not a star, There are others more handsome, by But my face I don't mind it For I am behind it,

far.

—

It's

the people in front get the

jar!

—Anthony 42

Euwer

CHEERY AND TEARY

The Animal

Fair

I went to the animal fair, The birds and the beasts were there. The big baboon, by the hght of the moon, Was combing his auburn hair. The monkey, he got drunk,

And

on the elephant's trunk. The elephant sneezed and fell on his knees. And what became of the monk, the monk? sat

-Anon.

43

Clementine

In a cavern, in a canyon

Excavating for a mine,

Dwelt a miner,

And

his

forty-niner,

daughter Clementine.

Light she was and like a

And

her shoes were

fairy,

number

nine,

Herring boxes, without topses Sandals were for Clementine.

Drove she ducklings to the water. Every morning, just at nine. Hit her foot against a sphnter, Fell into the foaming brine.

Ruby

above the water, Blowing bubbles soft and fine, Alas for me! I was no swimmer, So

lips

I lost

my

Clementine.

Oh, my darling, oh, my darling, Oh, my darling Clementine, You are lost and gone forever. Dreadful sorry, Clementine.

—Anon.

44

Oh! Susanna! I

come from Alabama, with my banjo on my knee;

I'm going to Louisiana, It

rained

The sun

all

my

night the day

so hot

I

true love for to see.

I left,

the weather

was so dry; you cry.

froze to death. Susanna, don't

Oh! Susanna! Don't you cry for me; I've come from Alabama with my banjo on

my

knee.

had a dream the other night when everything was still; thought I saw Susanna a-coming down the hill. The buckwheat cake was in her mouth, the tear was in

I I

her eye; Says

I,

"I'm coming from the South, Susanna, don't you

cry.

Oh! Susanna! Don't you cry for me; For I've come from Alabama with my banjo on

my knee.

—Stephen

C. Foster

45

— The Duke

of

Plaza-Toro

In enterprise of martial kind,

when

there

was any

fight-

ing,

He

led his regiment from behind

(

he found

it

less excit-

ing).

But when away fore,

regiment ran, his place was at the

his

Oh

That celebrated, cultivated. Underrated nobleman.

The Duke In the

first

of Plaza-Toro!

and foremost

You always found

flight, ha, ha!

that knight, ha, ha!

That celebrated, cultivated, Underrated nobleman,

The Duke

When,

to

of Plaza-Toro!

evade destruction's hand, to hide they

all

pro-

he

did.

ceeded,

No He

soldier in that gallant

band hid

half as well as

lay concealed throughout the war,

and

so preserved

his gore. Oh! That unaffected, undetected, well-connected warrior.

The Duke

of Plaza-Toro!

In every doughty deed, ha, ha!

He

always took the lead, ha, ha!

That unaffected, undetected, well-connected warrior,

The Duke

of Plaza-Toro!

46

when

told that they

would

all

be shot unless they

left

the service.

That hero hesitated

He

not, so

sent his resignation

in,

marvelous his nerve the

first

is.

of all his corps,

Oh!

That very knowing, overflowing, easygoing Paladin, The Duke of Plaza-Toro!

To men

of grosser clay, ha, ha!

He

always showed the way, ha, ha! That very knowing, overflowing, easygoing Paladin,

The Duke

of Plaza-Toro!

47

—^W.

S.

Gilbert

Down

in

Arkansas

Farmer Jones he had a hen,

Down

in Arkansas.

Sold that hen to

Down From

my

Brother Ben,

in Arkansas.

made

a pair of pants he

a nest,

Told that hen to do her best. And she hatched out a coat and

Down

Ben and me we had

Down About

vest,

in Arkansas.

a cow,

in Arkansas.

that

cow we had

a row,

Down in Arkansas. "Now half that cow is To

fix it

I killed

mine," Ben up how hard I tried. my half and his half died,

Down I

had a

I

in Arkansas.

gal

Down

and her name was

Lil,

in Arkansas.

loved that gal and

Down

cried.

I

love her

still,

in Arkansas.

Her eyes were blue and her hair was She was so cross-eyed for a fact,

When she cried the tears Down in Arkansas.

48

ran

down

black.

her back,

— Had a funny weddin' down our way, Down in Arkansas. A man named Oats and a gal named Hay,

Down

in Arkansas.

And

as they went down the aisle you The organ played in a minor key, Oh what will the harvest be?

Down

in Arkansas.

They

see.

—Anon.

Strolled the Lanes Together

They strolled the lanes together. The sky was studded with stars;

He walked her to the pasture gate And lifted for her the bars. She raised her brown eyes to him There was nothing between them now; For he was the farmer's hired man,

And

she a Jersey cow.

—Anon. 49

Poor Old Lady

Poor old lady, she swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Poor old lady,

I

think she'll die.

Poor old lady, she swallowed a spider. It squirmed and wriggled and turned inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Poor old lady,

I

think she'll die.

Poor old lady, she swallowed a bird. How absurd! She swallowed a biid.

She swallowed the bird to catch the spider, She swallowed the spider to catch the fly, I don't know why she swallowed a fly.

Poor old lady,

I

think she'll die.

50

Poor old lady, she swallowed a cat. Think of that! She swallowed a cat.

She swallowed the cat to catch the bird, She swallowed the bird to catch the spider, She swallowed the spider to catch the fly, I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Poor old lady,

I

think she'll die.

Poor old lady, she swallowed a dog. She went the whole hog when she swallowed the dog.

She swallowed the dog to catch the cat. She swallowed the cat to catch the bird. She swallowed the bird to catch the spider. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I

don't

know why

Poor old lady,

I

she swallowed a

fly.

think she'll die.

Poor old lady, she swallowed a cow. I don't know how she swallowed a cow.

She swallowed a cow to catch the dog. She swallowed the dog to catch the cat. She swallowed the cat to catch the bird. She swallowed the bird to catch the spider. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Poor old lady, I think she'll die. Poor old ladv, she swallowed a horse. She died, of course.

51

—Anon.

Gee, But

I

Want

to

The coffee that they They say is mighty It's

good

And

it

Go Home^

give us, fine,

and bruises. Hke iodine.

for cuts tastes

want no more of army Gee, but I want to go home!

I

don't

The crackers that they They say are mighty One fell off a table,

And

give us. fine.

killed a pal of mine.

want no more of army Gee, but I want to go home! I

life,

don't

life.

The clothes that they give us, They say are mighty fine. Me and my buddy Can both fit into mine. want no more of army Gee, but I want to go home! I don't

52

life.

They

treat us all like

And make They

give us

And I

don't

monkeys.

us stand in line, fifty dollars

a

week

take back forty-nine.

want no more of army I want to go home!

life,

Gee, but

The girls at the service club, They say are mighty fine, Most are over eighty

And

the rest are under nine.

want no more of army Gee, but I want to go home! I

don't

life,

—Anon.

53

The Walloping Window Blind

A

capital ship for an ocean trip

Was The Walloping Window Blind; No gale that blew dismayed her crew Or troubled the captain's mind. The man at the wheel was taught to Contempt for the wildest blow.

And

it

often appeared,

That he'd been

in his

when

feel

the weather

had

cleared,

bunk below.

The boatswain's mate was very

sedate.

Yet fond of amusement, too;

And he played hopscotch with

the starboard watch

While the captain tickled the crew. And the gunner we had was apparently mad. For he sat on the after-rail,

And

fired salutes

with the captain's boots.

In the teeth of the booming gale.

The captain

And

On

sat in a

commodore's

hat,

dined, in a royal way,

toasted pigs and pickles and figs

And gummery bread, each day. But the cook was Dutch, and behaved For the food that he gave the crew

Was

as such;

mmiber of tons of hot-cross buns. Chopped up with sugar and glue. a

54

And we

all felt

ill

as mariners will,

On a diet that's cheap and rude; And we shivered and shook as we dipped

the cook

In a tub of his gluesome food.

Then

nautical pride

And we

we

laid aside,

cast the vessel ashore

On the GuUiby Isles, where the Poohpooh And the Anagazanders roar. Composed

smiles.

was that favored land, And trimmed with cinnamon straws; And pink and blue was the pleasing hue Of the Tickletoeteaser's claws. of sand

And we sat on the edge of a sandy ledge And shot at the whistling bee; And the Binnacle bats wore waterproof hats As they danced

On rubagub

We

fed,

in the sounding sea.

bark, from

till

we

all

Uncommonly shrunk

Came by from

dawn

to dark,

had grown

—when a Chinese junk

the torriby zone.

She was stubby and square, but we didn't much care. And we cheerily put to sea; And we left the crew of the junk to chew The bark of the rubagub tree. —Charles Edward Carryl

55

Went

to the river, couldn't get across,

an old gray hoss,

Paid

five dollars for

Hoss

wouldn't pull so I traded for a bull. traded for a dollar.

Bull wouldn't holler so

I

Dollar wouldn't pass so

I

Grass wouldn't grow so

Hoe wouldn't

dig so

I

Pig wouldn't squeal so

Wheel wouldn't run

threw

I

it

on the

grass.

traded for a hoe.

traded for a pig. I

traded for a wheel.

so I traded for a gun.

Gun

wouldn't shoot so I traded for a boot. Boot wouldn't fit so I thought I'd better quit. So I quit.

—Anon.

Mules

On

mules we find two legs behind, And two we find before, We stand behind before we find What the two behind be for.

When

we're behind the two behind

We find what these be for. So stand before the two behind, Behind the two before.

—Anon.

56

BRAINY AND ZANY

Thoughts on Talkers

Some people

talk in a telephone

And some people talk in a hall; Some people talk in a whisper, And some people talk in a drawl; And some people talk-and-talk-and-talk-and-talk-andtalk

And

never say anything at

all.

—Walter 57

R.

Brooks

Antonio

a

Antonio, Antonio,

Was tired of living alonio. He thought he would woo Miss Lissamy Lou, Miss Lissamy Lucy Molonio. Antonio, Antonio,

Rode

off

on his polo-ponio.

He found

the fair

maid

In a bowery shade, A-sitting

and knitting

alonio.

Antonio, Antonio,

you will be my ownio, love you true. And I'll buy for you,

Said, "If I'll

An

icery creamery conio!"

"Oh, nonio, Antonio! You're far too bleak and bonio!

And

all

You

singular

Is that

^.

that

you

I

wish.

fish.

will quickly begonio.'

Antonio, Antonio,

He

uttered a dismal moanio;

Then ran

and hid (Or I'm told that he did) off

In the Antarctical Zonio. -Laura E. Richards

58

Grandpa Dropped His Glasses

Grandpa dropped

once

his glasses

In a pot of dye,

And when he put them on He saw a purple sky.

again

Purple birds were rising up From a purple hill,

Men were

grinding purple cider

At a purple

mill.

Purple Adeline was playing

With

a purple doll,

Little purple dragonflies

Were crawling up the wall. And at the supper table

He

got crazy as a loon

From

eating purple apple dumplings

With a purple spoon.

—Leroy

A

doctor

fell in

And broke

Jackson

a deep well

his collar bone.

The Moral: Doctor, mind

And

F.

the sick

leave the well alone.

—Anon. 59

—

—

Old Quin Queeribus

Old Quin Queeribus—

He loved his garden so, He wouldn't have a rake

A

around,

shovel or a hoe.

For each potato's eyes he bought Fine spectacles of gold,

And

mufflers for the corn, to keep

Its ears

On

from getting

cold.

every head of lettuce green

What do you think of that? And every head of cabbage, too. He tied a garden hat. Old Quin Queeribus

He loved his garden so. He couldn't eat his growing He only let them grow!

—Nancy

60

things.

Byrd Turner

The Optimist

The

optimist

fell

ten stories,

each window bar

And at He shouted "Doing

to the folks inside:

all

right so far!"

—Anon.

\&i Queen's Song

Nobody ever tells me; Nobody lets me know. Wars are fought and groceries bought And people come and go, But what is the use of being a Queen To sit in a marble hall If

nobody

tells

Any-thing at I

want

to

know

you anything, anything, all?

all

the gossip

That all the courtiers know, ^ Who had a fight and stayed out all night And who has a brand new beau. But you sit on a throne and you're all alone And if anyone comes to call They simply won't tell you anything, anything, Any-thing at all.

—Walter 61

R.

Brooks

—— — Father William

"You are

old,

"And your

And

man

said,

become very white;

yet you incessantly stand on your head

Do you "In

Father William," the young

hair has

my

think at your age,

it is

right?"

youth," Father William replied to his son,

"I feared

it

might injure the brain;

But now that I'm perfectly sure I do it again and again."

I

have none.

Why,

"You are

old," said the youth, "as I

And have grown most uncommonly

mentioned before.

fat.

Yet you turned a back somersault in at the door Pray,

"In

what

my

the reason of that?"

youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,

"I kept all

By

is

my

limbs very supple

the use of this ointment

Allow

me

to sell

—one

you a couple?"

^\o^v^ r>A^^>#%-(^?>^

62

shilling the

box

— "You are

—

old," said the youth,

"and your jaws are too

weak For anything tougher than

suet;

Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak Pray,

how

my

"In

did you

manage

to

do

it?"

youth," said his father, "I took to the law.

And argued each case with my wife; And the muscular strength which it gave Has

lasted the rest of

my

to

my jaw

life."

"You are

old," said the youth; "one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose What made you so awfully clever?"

"I

have answered three questions, and that

Said his father, "don't give yourself

Do you Be

off,

think or

I'll

I

can

listen all

day

is

enough,"

airs!

to such stuff?

kick you downstairs.

—Lewis 63

Carroll

The Hazards

A

green

On

chemist

little

a green

of Science

little

day

Mixed some green

little

In a green

little

way.

The green

little

grasses

Now

tenderly

wave

O'er the green

Green

little

chemicals

little

chemist's

grave.

—Anon.

The Ingenious

A

little

Went

old

man

Old

Little

Man

of the sea

out in a boat for a

sail:

The water came in Almost up to his chin And he had nothing with which But

this little old

Just

drew out

And

a hole with

man

to bail.

of the sea

his jackknife so stout, its

blade

In the bottom he made,

So that

all

of the water ran out.

—John 64

Bennett

The Daughter

of the Farrier

The daughter

of the famer Could find no one to marry Because she said She would not wed

A man who The

could not carry her.

foolish girl

And had

her.

was wrong enough,

to wait quite long enough;

For as she sat She grew so fat That nobody was strong enough!

—^Anon.

The Perfect Reactionary

was sitting in my chair I knew the bottom wasn't there, Nor legs nor back, but I just sat.

As

I

Ignoring

little

things like that.

—Hughes 65

Mearns

Daddy

Fell into the

Pond

Everyone grumbled. The sky was gray. We had nothing to do and nothing to say. We were nearing the end of a dismal day, And there seemed to be nothing beyond,

THEN Daddy

fell into

the pond!

And everyone's face grew merry and bright, And Timothy danced for sheer delight. "Give me the camera, quick, oh quick! He's crawling out of the duckweed." Click!

Then the gardener suddenly slapped

his knee.

And doubled up, shaking silently. And the ducks all quacked as if they were daft And it sounded as if the old drake laughed. Oh, there wasn't a thing that didn't respond

WHEN Daddy

fell into

the pond!

—Alfred

66

Noyes

—

To

the Terrestrial Globe

By a

Miserable Wretch

Roll on, thou ball, roll on!

Through pathless realms

of space

Roll on!

What What What What

though I'm in a sorry case? though I cannot meet my bills? though I suffer toothache's ills? though I swallow countless pills? Never you mind! Roll on!

Roll on, thou ball, roll on!

Through

seas of inky air

Roll on! It's

true I've got no shirts to wear;

It's

true

It's

true

my butcher's bill my prospects all

But don't

let that unsettle

is

due;

look blue you.

Never you mind! Roll on! [It rolls on.]

—W. 67

S.

Gilbert

The Revolving Door

This

is

the horrible tale of Paul

MacGregor James D. Cuthbert

Hall,

Who

day

left his

To go In

home one

to work,

manner

winter's

and on way was strange and weird his

that

Mysteriously disappeared.

He left no clue, he left no trace, He seemed to vanish into space.

Now

listen to the fate of

Paul

MacGregor James D. Cuthbert

He

Hall.

worked, did James, as shipping clerk

For Parkinson, McBaine & Burke, in their store on North Broadway Sold dry goods in a retail way.

Who And

at the entrance to their store

There was a large revolving door Through which passed all who went to work For Parkinson, McBaine & Burke. 68

upon

this day,

accursed of

fate,

MacGregor James, arriving late Dashed headlong madly toward the

store,

And plmiged in through the spinning door. Around about it twirled and whirled And Paul was twisted, curled and hurled, And mashed, and crashed, and dashed and bashed. As round and round it spun and flashed. At times it nearly stopped, and then It

straightway started up again.

"I fear that

I'll

be

late for

work.

Parkinson, McBaine & Burke Will be distressed and grieved," thought Paul

And

MacGregor James D. Cuthbert

Hall.

He raised his voice in frantic cry, And tried to hail the passers-by. He tried in vain to call a cop. But

still

And And

so

the door refused to stop.

he spins and whirls about,

struggles

madly

to get out.

While friends, heartbroken, search for Paul MacGregor James D. Cuthbert Hall.

—Newman

69

Levy

— Rub-a-dub-dub, Three men in a tub, And how do you think they got there?

The butcher, the baker, The candlestick maker, They all jumped out of a rotten potater 'Twas enough to make a man stare!

—Anon.

Anna Elise, she jumped with surprise; The surprise was so quick, it played her a trick; The trick was so rare, she jumped in a chair; The chair was so frail, she jumped in a pail; The pail was so wet, she jimiped in a net; The net was so small, she jumped on the ball; The ball was so round, she jumped on the ground;

And

ever since she's been turning around.

—Anon.

The

Difference

'Twixt optimist and pessimist

The difference is droll: The optimist sees the doughnut; The pessimist sees the hole.

—^Anon. 70

The

Blind

Men

and the Elephant

men of Hindostan, To learning much inclined, It

was

six

Who

went to see the elephant, (Though all of them were blind); That each by observation Might satisfy his mind.

The

approached the elephant. And happening to fall Against his broad and sturdy side. At once began to bawl, "Bless me, it seems the elephant Is

first

very like a wall." 71

The

second, feeling of his tusk,

Cried, "Ho!

What have we

here

So very round and smooth and sharp?

To me

mighty clear This wonder of an elephant Is

'tis

very like a spear."

The

third

approached the animal.

And happening

to take

The squirming trunk within Then boldly up and spake; "I see," Is

his hands.

quoth he, "the elephant

very like a snake."

The fourth

And

felt

stretched out his eager hand about the knee,

"What most

mighty beast is like Is mighty plain," quoth he; " 'Tis clear enough the elephant Is

this

very like a tree."

72

The

fifth

who chanced

to

touch the ear

"Even the blindest man

Said,

Can tell what this resembles most; Deny the fact who can, This marvel of an elephant Is

very like a fan."

The sixth no sooner had begun About the beast to grope Than, seizing on the swinging That fell within his scope,

tail

"I see," cried he, "the elephant Is

very like a rope."

And

so these

men

of Hindostan

Disputed loud and long.

Each

of his

own

opinion

Exceeding stiff and strong. Though each was partly in the And all were in the wrong!

right.

-John Godfrey Saxe

73

The Akond

Who

or

of

Swat

why, or which, or what. Is

Is

he

tall

Does he

the

Akond

of

SWAT?

or short, or dark or fair? sit

on a

stool or a sofa or chair, or

SQUAT,

The Akond he wise or foolish, young or old? Does he drink his soup and his coffee

of

Swat?

Is

cold, or

The Akond

HOT, of

Swat?

Does he wear a turban, a fez, or a hat? Does he sleep on a mattress, a bed, or a mat, or a COT, The Akond of Swat?

When

he writes a copy in round-hand size, cross his T's and finish liis I's with a

Does he

DOT,

The Akond

74

of

Swat?

Do

his

Or do

him extremely well? whenever they can, rebel, or PLOT, At the Akond of Swat?

people they,

like

he catches them then, either old or young. Does he have them chopped in pieces or hung, or SHOT, The Akond of Swat? If

To amuse

his

mind do

his

Pictures, or anyone's last

people show him

new poem,

WHAT,

or

For the Akond of Swat? At night

Do

if

he suddenly screams and wakes.

they bring him only a few small cakes, or a

LOT,

For the Akond of Swat?

Does he wear a white

And

tie it

neat in a

tie

bow

when he

dines with friends,

with ends, or a

KNOT,

The Akond

of Swat?

Does he teach his subjects to roast and bake? Does he sail about on an inland lake, in a YACHT, The Akond of Swat? Someone, or nobody, knows I wot Who or which or why or what Is the

Akond of Swat!

—Edward Leab

75

Bones

Said Mr. Smith, "I really cannot Tell you, Dr. Jones,

The most I

think

peculiar pain I'm in it's

in

my

bones."

Said Dr. Jones, "Oh, Mr. Smith, That's nothing. Without doubt

We have It is to

He

a simple cure for that; take

them

laid forthwith

out."

poor Mr. Smith

Close-clamped upon the

table,

And, cold as stone, took out As fast as he was able.

And Smith

said,

his

bones

"Thank you, thank

you, thank you."

And wished him a good day; And with his parcel 'neath his ann He slowly moved away.

—Walter

76

de la

Mabe

A

Tragic Story

There lived a sage in days of yore, And he a handsome pigtail wore; And wondered much, and sorrowed more. Because it hung behind him.

He mused upon this curious case, And swore he'd change the pigtail's And have it hanging at his face,

place,

Not dangling there behind him. Says he, "The mystery I've found 111 turn me round" he turned him round,

—

But

still it

hung behind him.

Then round and round, and out and All

day the puzzled sage did

In vain

The

—

it

in.

spin;

mattered not a pin hung behind him.

pigtail

And right and left, and roundabout. And up and down and in and out. He turned; but still the pigtail stout Hung steadily behind him. And though his And though he

eflForts

twist

never slack,

and

twirl

and

tack,

Alas! Still faithful to his back.

The

pigtail

hangs behind him.

—Adelbert von Translated by

Chamisso

William Makepeace Thackeray 77.

Arithmetic

Arithmetic

is

where numbers

fly

Uke pigeons in and out

of your head.

you how many you lose or win if you know how many you had before you lost or won.

Arithmetic

Arithmetic

—or

tells

is

seven eleven

five six

all

bundle of

good children go

to

heaven

sticks.

numbers you squeeze from your head to your hand to your pencil to your paper till you get

Arithmetic

is

the answer.

where the answer is right and everything and you can look out of the window and see the blue sky or the answer is wrong and you have to start all over and try again and see how it comes

Arithmetic is

is

nice

—

out this time. If

you take a number and double it and double it again and then double it a few more times, the number gets bigger and bigger and goes higher and higher and only arithmetic can tell you what the number is when you decide to quit doubling. 78

Arithmetic

is

where you have

to multiply

—and

you

carry the multiplication table in your head and

hope you won't

lose

it.

If

you have two animal crackers, one good and one bad, and you eat one and a striped zebra with streaks all over him eats the other, how many animal crackers will you have if somebody offers you five six seven and you say No no no and you say Nay nay nay and you say Nix nix nix?

If

you ask your mother for one fried egg for breakfast and she gives you two fried eggs and you eat both of them, who is better in arithmetic, you or your mother?

—Carl

79

Sandburg

To

{Encountered the

a

Human

in

Museum

of Natural History

It's

hard to think,

Albeit true,

That without flesh I'd be hke you.

And harder still To think, old pal, That one of these Fine days I shall.

—Richard

Armour

80

Skeleton

Jonathan Bing Does Arithmetic

When Jonathan Bing was young, they He slipped his school and ran away; Sat in the

And never

now

meadow and

say.

twiddled his thumbs

learnt spelling or

grammar

or sums.

you tell him, "Add one to two," "Explain what you mean," he'll answer you, "Do you mean 2-morrow or that's 2 bad? And what sort of 1 do you want me to add? So

if

"For there's

1 that

was

first

when

the race was

1,

( For he ran 2 fast for the rest to run ) But if 2 had 1 when the race was through, I'd say yoiu* answer was 1 by 2."

"Oh Jonathan Bing, you haven't the trick Of doing a sum in arithmetic." "Oh give me a chance, just one more try," Says Jonathan Bing with a tear in his eye.

"Very well, Jonathan, try once more. a hundred and seventy-four." "A hundred, and seventy-four," says he,

Add up

—

"Why

that's a great

age for a person to be!"

—Beatrice

81

Curtis

Brown

My!

He

rocked the boat,

Did Ezra Shank; These bubbles mark o o o o o o o

where Ezra

sank.

—Axon-.

Horse

The

&

Rider

rider

Is fat

As that ( Or wider (

) '

In torso

Of course The horse Is more so

—Wey

(

Robinson

82

The

As

Little

Man Who Wasn't

There

was going up the stair met a man who wasn't there!

I

I

He I

wasn't there again today! wish,

I

wish he'd stay away!

—Hughes

Mearns

The Modern Hiawatha

He

killed the noble Mudjokivis,

With the skin he made him mittens, Made them with the fur side inside, Made them with the skin side outside. He, to get the warm side inside, Put the inside skin side outside; He, to get the cold side outside,

warm side why he put

Put the That's

Why he Why he

fur side inside.

the fur side inside.

put the skin side outside. turned them inside outside.

—George A.

83

Stroxg

Logical English

I said,

And

"This horse,

sir,

you shoe?"

will

soon the horse was shod.

sir, will you do?" dod! was deed And soon the

I said,

"This deed,

I said,

"This

At once the I said,

And

stick, sir, will

stick

"This coat,

you break?'

he broke. sir,

will

you make?"

soon the coat he moke!

—Anon.

What

a Coincidence!

most peculiar But something we should praise, That almost all our famous men I

think

it

Were born on

holidays.

—Anon.

84

ASSORTED THOUGHTS

Song

Pop

of the Pop-Bottlers

bottles pop-bottles

In pop shops;

The

pop-bottles

Pop

bottles

Poor Pop drops.

When Pop

drops pop-bottles.

Pop-bottles plop! Pop-bottle-tops topple!

Pop mops

slop!

Stop! Pop'll drop bottle! Stop, Pop, stop!

When Pop

bottles pop-bottles.

Pop-bottles pop!

—Morris

Bishop

85

— Ode

O

O Pole, O

Pole,

to the

North Pole

glorious Pole!

To you I sing this song. Where bedtime comes but once Since the nights are Yes, the nights are six

And

six

months

long.

my

long,

dears,

the days are the same, you see.

So breakfast and supper each

And

a year,

months

last

a week.

dinner sometimes three.

and lunch, and we sometimes munch Occasional snacks between Such mountains of candies and cakes and pies Have never before been seen.

Then

there's tea

Let the wild winds howl about the Pole Let the snowflakes swirl and swoop; We're snug and warm and safe from harm

And We'll

they're bringing in the soup.

sit

at the table as long as we're able,

We'll rise and stretch, and then. Since there's nothing to do but gobble and chew.

We'll

sit

right

down

again.

We'll tuck our napkins under our chins

To keep our

waistcoats neat,

And then we'll eat and eat and eat And eat and eat and eat.

—^Walter 86

R. Brooks

The Onion *

'Tis

very sad," the onion said.

And heaved

a Httle sigh. I

have

making people

cry."

'The only faculty Is

—C.

C.

Wabd

The Months

January snov^, February flowy, March blowy; April showery, May flowery, June bowery; July

moppy, August croppy, September poppy;

October breezy, November wheezy, December freezy. -Richard B. Sheridan

never dare to walk across A bridge I could not see.

I'd

For quite afraid of I fear that I

falling

oflF

should be!

—Gelett 87

Burgess

stately Verse

Mary goes far out to sea, By wayward breezes fanned, can you tell me? I'd like to know

If

—

where would Maryland?

Just

If

Tenny went high up

And

in air

looked o'er land and

lea,

Looked here and there and everywhere, Pray what would Tennessee? I

looked out of the

Saw Orry on

window and

the lawn;

He's not there now, and Just

Two

who

can

tell

where has Oregon?

girls

were quarreling one day tools, and so

With garden I said,

And

A

"My

dears, let

Mary

rake

just let Idaho."

mine lived in a flat With half a dozen boys; When he fell ill I asked him why. friend of

He An

said: "I'm Illinois."

English lady had a steed.

She called him 'Ighland Bay. She rode for exercise, and thus

Rhode

Island every day. -Anon.

88

Routine

No

matter what

Some

we

A poet puts To wash

and who, must do:

are

duties everyone

aside his wreath

his face

And even Earls Must comb their

and brush

his teeth.

curls.

And even Kings Have underthings.

—Arthub 89

Gutterman

Otherwise

There must be magic, Otherwise,

How

could day turn to night?

And how

could sailboats,

Otherwise,

Go sailing out of sight? And how could peanuts. Otherwise,

Be covered up

so tight? -AiLEEN Fisher

The Microbes

Two

microbes sat on a pantry shelf

And watched, with

expressions

pained,

The milkmaid's

And both "Our

stunts;

said at once,

relations are going to

be

strained."

— Anon. 90

The wind

riz

And

then

it

The

rain friz

And

then

blew,

it

snew.

Spring has sprung,

The grass has riz. I wonder where The flowers is. Spring has sprung. Fall has feU,

Winter's here

And

it's

cold as heck.

—^Anon.

Peas I

eat

my

peas with honey,

done it all my life. makes them taste quite funny, But it keeps them on the knife. I've

It

—^Anon. 91

I'm glad the sky is painted blue; And the earth is painted green;

And All

such a

lot of nice fresh air

sandwiched

in

between.

—Anon. Song I

A

of the

think that

Open Road

I shall

never see

billboard lovely as a tree.

Indeed, unless the billboards I'll never see a tree at all.

—Ogden

92

fall

Nash

EpiTAWS Gone But Not Forgotten This troubled world

The

flu is at

And many

Who

is

sighing now.

the door;

folks are

dying

now

never died before.

—Anon.

93

On

Moore

Leslie

Here lies what's left Of Leslie Moore No Les

No

more.

On

a Dentist

Stranger, approach this spot with gravity:

John Brown

is filling

On

his last cavity.

John Bun

Here lies John Bun; He was killed by a gun. His name was not Bun, but Wood; But Wood would not rhyme with gun, and Bun would.

Here

lies

the

body

of Jonathan

Pound,

Who was lost at sea and never found.

—Anon. Beneath this stone a lump of clay Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who

too early in the

Took

off his

month

of

May,

winter flannels.

—Anon. 94

/^

BOOK SERVICES NEW YORK

SCHOLASTIC

There

was

Who

a

young

never

felt

Then he took At

the

poems

a

lad

A^

W@®||^

from Bombay

merry or gay.

good look

in this

book

And he laughed for the rest

of the dayl